Speaker 1: Are you leaving on? You wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim, and give us.
Speaker 2: Time and a termino and gay.
Speaker 3: We want to send you off in style.
Speaker 1: Do you wanna welcome you back home? Tell us all
Speaker 1: about it? We scared her? Was it fine? Malcorn?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do with Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need
Speaker 3: a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgareth.
Speaker 4: I swear it's me, even though I sound like a
Speaker 4: dusty cowboy.
Speaker 5: You sound like a cold commercial. If you audition for
Speaker 5: a cold commercial right now, you get it?
Speaker 4: Oh coffee aching stuffy had fever.
Speaker 3: I wish I could rest medisone?
Speaker 5: Thank you, mister Fairfield, Thank you Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: Yes, that was a great performance. Could you do it
Speaker 1: again and just dial it down a little bit?
Speaker 6: Oh oh god, how's that perfect?
Speaker 1: Thank you?
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: We'll call your man the agent manager.
Speaker 3: I am a free agent.
Speaker 1: Oh I take my own calls on baseball only or
Speaker 1: all comedy as well.
Speaker 3: I just alt comedy.
Speaker 1: I just love comedy.
Speaker 4: I was up late, and I guess I was screaming
Speaker 4: and forgot.
Speaker 3: I don't know why I.
Speaker 4: Sounded like Nick Nolty a joke by Martha Kelly, who's.
Speaker 3: Going to be our guest?
Speaker 1: Oh nice, you burn up a little harmitial as an intro.
Speaker 3: Well, I knew she wasn't going to do it. She
Speaker 3: said when I moved.
Speaker 4: Her joke was when I moved to Texas, I saw
Speaker 4: myself becoming a new person. I just didn't realize that
Speaker 4: person might be Nick Nolan because she.
Speaker 3: Said she was drinking and smoking a lot.
Speaker 4: Since I moved to oscon Al, I've been doing is
Speaker 4: drinking and smoking.
Speaker 3: That's what I ruined the joke.
Speaker 5: It's such a good joke either way, you can't ruin
Speaker 5: that joke.
Speaker 4: I'm so excited for her to be in the car.
Speaker 4: Within we can talk about her while she's here.
Speaker 1: Okay, right, everybody, get your orders ready? Oh yes, yes,
Speaker 1: tro cold brew.
Speaker 4: We'll be back in a minute. Right now, we're going
Speaker 4: to order Starbucks. Oh sure, I interat we interrupted each other.
Speaker 1: Where'd you get the sunglasses?
Speaker 3: Amazon?
Speaker 1: Amazing?
Speaker 3: They really put me in a good mood when wearing them.
Speaker 3: Don't wear them more.
Speaker 5: Maybe let's use them when we need them, like on
Speaker 5: who wants to be a millionaire?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 1: Don't burn them up early?
Speaker 3: Your phone and glass?
Speaker 1: It makes me feel like there's a friend on the
Speaker 1: phone wearing these glasses.
Speaker 3: Do people drink coffee?
Speaker 1: That's okay? Can I get a Venti iced coffee? What
Speaker 1: do you want?
Speaker 5: I'll have Grandee ice coffee, nothing in it, and also sorry,
Speaker 5: Grande iced coffee, Stephen vent.
Speaker 3: I'll do Grande Vanila ice okay, first.
Speaker 1: Day of the summer and a Grande Vanilla latte iceed?
Speaker 3: Please?
Speaker 4: Is there anything in those ice coffees?
Speaker 1: No? But they're both clean.
Speaker 2: Maybe else?
Speaker 1: That's all? Okay? Why are you mad at me? It
Speaker 1: always goes wrong?
Speaker 3: What happened to us?
Speaker 1: There's one guy that works here that I'm pretty sure
Speaker 1: doesn't like.
Speaker 3: Me, really, just by his voice, the voice.
Speaker 5: The vibe when I get up to the window every time,
Speaker 5: I feel coldness.
Speaker 4: Sometimes though, in a drive through situation, once you're in
Speaker 4: front of them and you see their face and all
Speaker 4: balance is out because he sounds like a jerk, and
Speaker 4: then you see him and he's like, hey, happy face.
Speaker 3: True, that's true.
Speaker 5: But I've gone through this once before with this guy
Speaker 5: and it didn't happen that way.
Speaker 1: It felt like I owed him fifty dollars.
Speaker 3: Huh. I don't like it when people treat you like
Speaker 3: you owe money.
Speaker 1: It could be my projection. You know. I've been listening
Speaker 1: to a lot of you know, Ram Das has a podcast.
Speaker 3: I'm going I'm going to listen to it.
Speaker 5: There's a podcast called be Here Now, and it's just
Speaker 5: all his old speeches from the seventies to like through
Speaker 5: the two thousands or nineties or whatever. And it's so
Speaker 5: good because all it is is like, yeah, everyone's just
Speaker 5: tripping out and thinking everything's real and nothing's real. Oh,
Speaker 5: it's like a thousand different ways of saying that.
Speaker 1: It's very cool.
Speaker 3: I want Yeah, would that Would it make me feel good?
Speaker 3: Or would I start to feel like life it's worthless? No?
Speaker 5: No, you feel good because it's that the point of
Speaker 5: life is not to suffer.
Speaker 1: Your going to suffer, that's automatic.
Speaker 5: The point of life is letting go and trying to
Speaker 5: cause less negative shit in the world and instead help.
Speaker 3: But at the same time reminding me I will suffer.
Speaker 1: Well, that's inevitable. I don't have to be reminded because
Speaker 1: it's probably already had should.
Speaker 3: Not always be thinking that anyway.
Speaker 1: No, it's just gonna happen. You don't have to think
Speaker 1: that happens.
Speaker 3: But right when I wake up is what I should
Speaker 3: be thinking.
Speaker 1: Now, Okay, you already are.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm suffering.
Speaker 1: Now you're suffering, and the goal is to try to stop.
Speaker 3: Are other people suffering at my hands?
Speaker 5: Stephen's suffering because of this conversation, that's for sure.
Speaker 1: Let's happy glass them.
Speaker 3: These are literally rose colored lenses.
Speaker 1: They're bright red lenses. They are so nice to look
Speaker 1: through the sky.
Speaker 4: Is I mean, I don't want to describe my acid
Speaker 4: trip right now, but these glasses are It's it's a.
Speaker 3: Excuse me, really love it?
Speaker 1: Excuse me? While I kissed the sky? Can I have
Speaker 1: my son? My? O? What is it about these?
Speaker 5: They make the the sky is lavender? It turns the
Speaker 5: sky lavender and everything else pink? Yeah, and then your
Speaker 5: whole like it feels like the same feeling as eating
Speaker 5: with sobby.
Speaker 1: Can I have my purse?
Speaker 3: So I need that?
Speaker 5: It's it's the Starbucks card. Oh, yes, that our friend
Speaker 5: gave us. And I believe Pittsburgh. But now I can't remember.
Speaker 4: So last night, I uh went to a I was
Speaker 4: invited to a house party, okay, and I knew nothing
Speaker 4: about it. My friend just said, yeah, there's food, and
Speaker 4: it's in the hills behind UCB. And so it was
Speaker 4: this just beautiful house with a pool and a bunch
Speaker 4: of people. I just knew two people there, my buddy Chadwick,
Speaker 4: who used to put on shows and we're pretty close.
Speaker 3: But I didn't know anyone else there.
Speaker 4: And then gradually throughout the night everyone was a beautiful person.
Speaker 4: I'm like, I guess it was my first reminder of
Speaker 4: what it's like to be in a Hollywood party, but
Speaker 4: they were my age.
Speaker 3: Just everyone was gorgeous.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and everyone hi, no, that's okay. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: how much are all music? Cards?
Speaker 3: And everyone at this party was super friendly.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, I'm gonna start over. I will thank you. Look,
Speaker 1: you knew I was driving through the whole time.
Speaker 3: I'd forgot. I give you the total in that card.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you, coffee, thank you. That one's mine, right,
Speaker 1: I'll put that on the door. Then oh, everyone gets
Speaker 1: a straw, thank you, that's yours. Stephen, thank you. Color
Speaker 1: not even close. Hong Kong. Okay, sorry you were out.
Speaker 1: The beautiful people were at the party I was. It
Speaker 1: was clearly not a comedy party.
Speaker 4: It wasn't, although some people knew about comedy. And the
Speaker 4: guy that lived there had done some commercial acting, and
Speaker 4: I recognized him as a Mazarro looking who's that actor
Speaker 4: that was in company of men?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: The guy with Aaron a beautiful face.
Speaker 4: Aaron beautiful face. So he was a beautiful man, buddy.
Speaker 4: It was just like, I get uncomfortable when everyone around
Speaker 4: me is like a model and a model. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: then I get even more uncomfortable when they're coming up.
Speaker 4: I might okay, scientology is happening or something, because everyone
Speaker 4: was saying, hey, how were you?
Speaker 3: They were all being really nice and welcoming.
Speaker 4: To me, and then everyone watching, No friendly people, beautiful people.
Speaker 4: Numbers are dwindling. No, it's getting down to a musical
Speaker 4: chair situation. Are they going to lay down a tarpause
Speaker 4: it's going to be an orgy?
Speaker 1: Is this another one of your orgy mistakes?
Speaker 4: Am I going to be asked to leave when said
Speaker 4: or just starts? Which happened at a lobster bake. It
Speaker 4: turned into an orgy. I didn't want to see anyone naked,
Speaker 4: but I did. My feelings were hurt when because I
Speaker 4: was alone, I didn't have a partner to share.
Speaker 3: I was asked to leave. Yes, but I'm like, can
Speaker 3: I watch just as a scientist?
Speaker 5: You know, unless you put this clinique jack Jon, I
Speaker 5: have a clipboard?
Speaker 3: May I watch your organ please?
Speaker 5: May I just comment and tap the pen against my
Speaker 5: mouth every once in a while.
Speaker 4: So these women were going, can I getting your contact
Speaker 4: your Instagram?
Speaker 3: Or I'm like, okay, maybe it's a networking thing.
Speaker 4: I don't I'm too old for Why is this woman
Speaker 4: asking for my information? I finally just asked a girl there,
Speaker 4: I'm like, why is everyone here beautiful?
Speaker 1: What is this?
Speaker 4: And she said, oh, we were sent here by a
Speaker 4: millionaire matchmaker. They were at a party to meet rich men,
Speaker 4: and they were confusing me.
Speaker 3: For a rich man.
Speaker 1: What, yes, are you serious?
Speaker 3: Happened?
Speaker 1: Chris? You have to call all of these women, call
Speaker 1: them all.
Speaker 3: It would sounds expensive.
Speaker 1: But look, what they want at the end of the
Speaker 1: day is security and love. It doesn't mean dollar dollar
Speaker 1: dollar bills. It doesn't have to.
Speaker 4: Once once I heard millionaire matchmaker, I was like, okay,
Speaker 4: I don't buy it. And then and then someone said, yes,
Speaker 4: that guy was on the Bachelor, this guy, there's a scene,
Speaker 4: there's a reality slash.
Speaker 3: Let's marry rich people.
Speaker 4: I'm not saying it's a prostitution or anything, of course not.
Speaker 3: It's like, hey, let's all put these people in the
Speaker 3: same place.
Speaker 5: Sure, it's fine. Yes, you're not calling the cops or
Speaker 5: being an arc.
Speaker 3: No at all.
Speaker 4: But it was I'm really I'm glad that I have
Speaker 4: that story and that I've told it.
Speaker 1: Chris, you have to call those women. You have to
Speaker 1: get in contact and say, hey, I know that you think,
Speaker 1: you think you know what you need. But I'm Chris Fairbanks,
Speaker 1: and I'm here to say, you know what are you wrap?
Speaker 1: They're your white wrap.
Speaker 3: That you like to do, and I'm here to.
Speaker 1: Say I'm in love with you in a major way.
Speaker 1: Isn't that what you want? At the end of the day,
Speaker 1: that was good.
Speaker 4: You had a girl, though, and then all of a
Speaker 4: sudden it didn't run. Oh I don't want to be
Speaker 4: a stickler.
Speaker 5: Look, I was doing more of Bobby Brown into flood
Speaker 5: wrap right right place the word girl in.
Speaker 3: All right, it's your prerogative to do so.
Speaker 1: Look, she's your TENDERNI you know it. I know it.
Speaker 1: Did you ever say that, yes is a song and
Speaker 1: put it on and get sued It'll be worth it. Yes,
Speaker 1: you don't know that song.
Speaker 3: I hate that word.
Speaker 1: Sorry, we have this, Sorry, we have a cat and
Speaker 1: a pause for gas for gas. I love that all
Speaker 1: of a sudden that we were surrounded by baby skateboarders.
Speaker 1: Yea favorite.
Speaker 3: Look at that.
Speaker 4: It reminds me. That's why I love that mid nineties
Speaker 4: movie so much. It's just my That's what I did.
Speaker 4: I would go with my friends and we'd skate at
Speaker 4: gas stations.
Speaker 1: Because it's a little bump.
Speaker 4: Also because the curbs always had metal on the edges
Speaker 4: so you could grind on it. Oh okay, and those
Speaker 4: kids and then Stephen was taking their picture, and it's
Speaker 4: so you're like, a, yeah, so Stephen was taking the
Speaker 4: pictures of those skater kids.
Speaker 3: Can I help you with them? Mike? I think you're good.
Speaker 3: When that was the best that was ended, Mike Lapel,
Speaker 3: I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: One handed Lapel snatch. Okay, but you were saying they
Speaker 1: were actually good.
Speaker 3: It's just it's no, no, they were. They were just
Speaker 3: cute kids.
Speaker 4: And I'm nostalgic, but once Steven's taking a photo of him,
Speaker 4: I understand why he felt uncomfortable in that against me,
Speaker 4: because you're not supposed to.
Speaker 1: It's okay if I do it, though, because I'm like
Speaker 1: the old gal guests.
Speaker 4: I was at the Venice skate park a few years
Speaker 4: ago and some guy with a nice camera was just
Speaker 4: taking pictures of kids skateboarding, which is harmless enough, but
Speaker 4: he was hiding the camera under a jacket ew and
Speaker 4: he was just taking pictures of a couple young kids. Yes,
Speaker 4: so I kind of noticed it was happening and I
Speaker 4: but it wasn't registering. Then all of a sudden, one
Speaker 4: of the dads of one of the kids got in
Speaker 4: this guy's face and I think he grabbed the camera
Speaker 4: and threw it down. There was like an altercation good
Speaker 4: and I was like, actually, I think I interrupted and
Speaker 4: I was like, I think, actually, this guy was just
Speaker 4: taking photos of skateboarding. I don't think it was in
Speaker 4: a creepy way. And the guy was from France or something.
Speaker 4: He didn't speak English, the photographer guy, so it was
Speaker 4: a how convenient And then the dad was like oh
Speaker 4: and then it I don't know, I don't know if
Speaker 4: he was.
Speaker 3: Reacting appropriately. Appropriately he was or not.
Speaker 5: He probably was, because if the camera was not under
Speaker 5: a jacket, it would be a different story. And if
Speaker 5: the guy was like, I'm doing this thing, is it okay?
Speaker 1: You can't just go take pictures of jar.
Speaker 4: I couldn't tell. How much did I tell you about
Speaker 4: the I'm in Austin. Some guy pulled up. I was skateboarding.
Speaker 4: It's some guy in a classic white window liss Van
Speaker 4: so I thought he's a delivery man or something. He
Speaker 4: pulled over and said, hey, man, I am doing a
Speaker 4: photo book about different athletes and there and it's like
Speaker 4: a body book.
Speaker 3: I can I see your abs?
Speaker 1: No, I'm like, how old were you?
Speaker 3: I was in my mid twenties. I'm like I don't sure.
Speaker 4: And I pulled up my shirt and he took a
Speaker 4: picture and then he just kind of smiled and I
Speaker 4: was like hey, and they drove off.
Speaker 3: So he got a free he had.
Speaker 1: He got a freebie.
Speaker 4: He's a he's a ab snapshot bandit and the jokes
Speaker 4: on him.
Speaker 3: I never in my life have I had abs. So
Speaker 3: he was like probably kind of disappointment.
Speaker 4: He's like, that's a skateboarder's mid section that seems a
Speaker 4: little swishy.
Speaker 2: Do But you're like, yeah, okay, wait a seconds, just.
Speaker 1: Like an eight second delay.
Speaker 4: He smiled a little like that. I'm not writing a book.
Speaker 4: Look at these and have parked in a field somewhere.
Speaker 1: That's the thing about That's the thing about perves. They
Speaker 1: always give themselves away.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they can't help but snicker and laugh, yeah, and
Speaker 5: be creeps.
Speaker 4: And curl their lip and have their their brows sweat
Speaker 4: a little.
Speaker 5: Yeah, collect children in a cage underneath the city.
Speaker 4: Oohat children, and then take pictures of about a gas station.
Speaker 1: Sorry, Stephen, but you're reported to the police. It's such
Speaker 1: a setup.
Speaker 5: I was like, Stephen, casually do this favor for me.
Speaker 5: It's podcasts related. Therefore you have to.
Speaker 3: Say, yeah, yes, yes, next thing I know.
Speaker 1: Now I got the goods on you, Stephen. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: got to watch it. In this town.
Speaker 4: Uh, they are not gonna like you specifically in the
Speaker 4: big House.
Speaker 3: You're gonna have to give a lot of a lot
Speaker 3: of your desserts away.
Speaker 5: I feel like Stephen would be just like Paddington do
Speaker 5: too in the Big House, where he would go in
Speaker 5: and you'd be so worried for him, But then he'd
Speaker 5: start recording everybody's podcast and he would become like the
Speaker 5: jailhouse Accountant where he's actually beloved.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, he'd have the first behind the prison scenes
Speaker 4: HBO podcast.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know there is one jail talk it is.
Speaker 1: There is one from fucking San Quentin and it's amazing.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, yes.
Speaker 5: Shit, Stephen, what's it called. We've talked about it on
Speaker 5: my favorite murder. It's really good.
Speaker 1: It's it's god damn it. I can't fucking remember anything
Speaker 1: or I have to stop eating sugar.
Speaker 3: Is that? Do you think it's sugar?
Speaker 5: It is absolutely. When I eat sugar and carbs, it's
Speaker 5: like fog brain. I can't think of anything. It's so
Speaker 5: bad for your brain.
Speaker 3: Really, yeah, it is the name of the podcast.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, thank you. That's an interesting name. It makes
Speaker 4: me want to listen.
Speaker 1: You should because it's it's it's inmate hosted and then
Speaker 1: inmate stories of either how they got there or what
Speaker 1: they're doing or whatever.
Speaker 5: But it's amazing. It's really eye opening. And I think
Speaker 5: it's co produced. I want to say it's co produced,
Speaker 5: like by wondering.
Speaker 2: I'm not.
Speaker 1: I can't remember, but let's not get into more information.
Speaker 1: I guess yes.
Speaker 3: The list of possible information, either.
Speaker 1: Produced by Wondery or any other place. There is me
Speaker 1: own radiotopia, and.
Speaker 4: I think I am as interested in prison situations as
Speaker 4: you are in murders.
Speaker 3: I watch all of the documentary.
Speaker 1: Is that true?
Speaker 4: There's an HBO one lock up ro This guy became
Speaker 4: a racist murderer in prison. He was put in jail.
Speaker 4: I can't remember what for attempting to kill someone, and
Speaker 4: then he became a terrible person in prison. It was
Speaker 4: just about the criminal he became behind bars, right.
Speaker 1: Was it a white supremacist thing or was it a.
Speaker 3: CPS blood stick? It was a white supremacist thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I think that's very common because you have to join
Speaker 5: your group to stay alone.
Speaker 4: I've in prison and my friend in Austin Vegas, James
Speaker 4: was from Las Vegas and he was in a lot
Speaker 4: of punk bands and he was in a band with
Speaker 4: a guy from dri He was in that scene Jardimbeciles. Yes,
Speaker 4: the drummer was a drummer in his band and this
Speaker 4: guy was one of his friends.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: And he was like and now he's a empty person
Speaker 4: in prison.
Speaker 1: That sucks shit.
Speaker 3: And the prison made him that way.
Speaker 4: It's yes, and maybe he also had avoid to fill
Speaker 4: perhaps brain that it was yearning for evil could have been.
Speaker 1: Or he just didn't think it through. That's this That's
Speaker 1: the one that I feel like people never it's like, oh,
Speaker 1: but you get what you deserve or whatever.
Speaker 5: But it's like, but there's people in situations where they
Speaker 5: don't go, but I'm going to send myself to a
Speaker 5: living hell. They go, I have to get this thing done.
Speaker 5: I have to do something about my drugs or yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: my money or whatever. Revenge like it's thinking through is never.
Speaker 1: A big part of it.
Speaker 4: I want to be on one of those shows where
Speaker 4: I'm like an ex military guy and I yelled at
Speaker 4: him and I just yell at the prisoners and you didn't.
Speaker 3: Think it through. You kind of think things through.
Speaker 1: Man, it's an ex military guy and or my mom
Speaker 1: just think it through. Karen, think it through. I don't
Speaker 1: know who that character is.
Speaker 4: I don't know, but I want to see her played
Speaker 4: by Maria Bamford on something Think it Through.
Speaker 1: There's a little Canadian accent in there. Oh what you
Speaker 1: think it through?
Speaker 3: Where you have you been traveling? Yes? And live? What
Speaker 3: cities have you been doing. Get so excited because you
Speaker 3: get to go to actual cities.
Speaker 1: I know we've been to Let's see these last two
Speaker 1: weeks that were back to back, which made it a
Speaker 1: little a little hard. Was is this my exit?
Speaker 3: It is, it's helping, it is kind.
Speaker 1: Of was Pittsburgh, two Knights in Pittsburgh, Cincinnati and Napolis.
Speaker 1: Then we came home for three days.
Speaker 5: And then we went out to Kansas City, Kansas City,
Speaker 5: Devoye and.
Speaker 3: Omaha Boo wow.
Speaker 4: And when you went to Kansas City, here's a few
Speaker 4: things I realized the many you get there. If you
Speaker 4: have sprint, which I do, and I'm going to stop
Speaker 4: very soon.
Speaker 3: I'll tell you about that afterwards.
Speaker 1: I'd love to hear about your phone bill.
Speaker 4: People know they've Yesterday they called me and said, your
Speaker 4: your new iPhone's arriving, and then last week your iPad
Speaker 4: is arriving.
Speaker 3: Someone has been buying shit, buying shit through my.
Speaker 4: Account and it's because I applied for that fake apartment.
Speaker 3: Oh right, yes, I've been having.
Speaker 4: Problems yees, identity theft. Anyway, Right when you get to
Speaker 4: Kansas City, though, they're like, welcome to Kansas City, and
Speaker 4: our city's free internet, like free WiFi.
Speaker 1: Is that true? Yeah, Oh, I didn't even notice.
Speaker 4: They just have WiFi in the city. That's so everyone
Speaker 4: with Sprint. It's because I guess Sprint is based there.
Speaker 4: And then also that's really smart I did. I did
Speaker 4: shows and I was wandering around. I didn't know anyone,
Speaker 4: and people were so friendly. These guys who I thought
Speaker 4: were going to rough me up were like, hey, you
Speaker 4: knew to town, and I'm like, oh boy, hey guys.
Speaker 4: And then they're like, would you like to go to
Speaker 4: this underground after hour jazz club. And I went with
Speaker 4: these strangers and watched jazz till like four in the morning,
Speaker 4: and it was the best jaz I couldn't believe. I've
Speaker 4: never been a jazz man. You know, I'm not a
Speaker 4: jazz That's true. I do know that I'm not a
Speaker 4: jazz singer. No, I don't.
Speaker 3: My mom liked frenetic, flippy too jazz and it made
Speaker 3: me nervous.
Speaker 1: It's nerve wrecking.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like la Howard Kramer says, it makes you want
Speaker 4: to go run errands, go to the bank, wash my clothes.
Speaker 4: I don't know that's how that's his jo. I do
Speaker 4: other people's jokes now, other people's go that's the.
Speaker 1: Best way to hear jokes.
Speaker 5: Yes, other people interpreting it's me jazz style appreciating.
Speaker 4: But it was the best I've never seen jazz like that.
Speaker 4: It was And apparently there's that. That's part of the
Speaker 4: history of Kansas City. Is there's a New Orleans jazz thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're big. They have their own big jazz jazz
Speaker 1: barbecue justin Timberlake.
Speaker 4: Did you go to the jazz I want to say
Speaker 4: it was called the Green Door something.
Speaker 1: We didn't go anywhere. We went to a sports bar
Speaker 1: the night we got there because it was the closest
Speaker 1: thing to the hotel.
Speaker 3: Where you're way deep into sports.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, whether it's basketball or football, I don't
Speaker 5: I don't even give a fuck.
Speaker 3: Actually, sports people do give a fuck.
Speaker 1: Oh they do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're into it.
Speaker 4: Yeah they really give fucksy that's all they do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, me too, so much. And what it was
Speaker 1: was I like TV on super loud while I eat salad.
Speaker 1: And that's what happens at a sports bar, the loudest TV.
Speaker 4: It is important for me on Thanksgiving to have football
Speaker 4: playing in the background. Yes, it is a festive It
Speaker 4: adds to the festivities.
Speaker 5: Yeah, if I went to my father's house and there
Speaker 5: wasn't a sport on the television in the background of
Speaker 5: some kind, it's.
Speaker 3: Very bad feeling.
Speaker 1: That's something's very off.
Speaker 5: But we had a great time, and just speaking of
Speaker 5: how cool and nice people are.
Speaker 1: A couple nights in a row, Vince was like, we
Speaker 1: got it. You guys got to stop talking to people.
Speaker 1: We have to move these meet and greets along. Because
Speaker 1: usually people walk up, they say Hi, They'll say like,
Speaker 1: here's a book I want you to read, or here's
Speaker 1: the thing I want you to know.
Speaker 5: It's like mostly like a one minute, two minute exchange.
Speaker 5: Sometimes people be I just want to tell you the story,
Speaker 5: and then they'll tell some amazing thing. But for the
Speaker 5: most part, it's pretty fast. We were going so slow
Speaker 5: in all those cities the last couple of weekends that
Speaker 5: it's like, dude, you guys there, like one one night,
Speaker 5: the parking structure across the street was closing.
Speaker 1: We took so long, and they're like, we have to
Speaker 1: move people up in the line who are part across
Speaker 1: the street.
Speaker 3: You guys have to stop talking.
Speaker 1: Because every person was like lovely and lovely to talk
Speaker 1: to and like interesting and had something good to say.
Speaker 4: Hey, your people are some of They are coming to
Speaker 4: my shows now and they're the sweetest.
Speaker 3: I love it. I love talking to your fans and
Speaker 3: our fans. Yeah, they were your, a lot of them.
Speaker 3: I know when they come up to me.
Speaker 4: I can tell sometimes I'm like, you like my favorite
Speaker 4: murder first, and now you know who I am and
Speaker 4: you like me.
Speaker 3: It makes me feel good.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's well there they started ass MFM listeners. But
Speaker 5: then I think for a lot of them, they realize, oh,
Speaker 5: there's this whole world of stuff like this that I
Speaker 5: can like.
Speaker 1: That's for me when they haven't really been exposed to
Speaker 1: any of that before. Yeah, it's a little more underground.
Speaker 5: So they're genuinely enthusiastic to find things that they really like.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I will talk for hours after shows too. These women
Speaker 4: were at my show and everyone left and I'm just
Speaker 4: standing in a parking lot because they wanted to talk.
Speaker 3: It was fun.
Speaker 1: Yes, there was a girl actually looked weird.
Speaker 3: I'm not weird.
Speaker 1: No, no, I'm not weird, and you're not.
Speaker 3: I'm not weird. We're not weird.
Speaker 1: None of us are fucking weird.
Speaker 3: Some people out there are weird care.
Speaker 5: There's definitely weirdos out there. It's not any of us
Speaker 5: that we're talking about right now. Non there's car There
Speaker 5: was a girl, a woman i should say, who was
Speaker 5: in the meet and greet in Omaha, the last city
Speaker 5: we were just in and we met her, and she
Speaker 5: was really funny, nervous talking, and then once she got talking,
Speaker 5: she had like a list she was reading off of
Speaker 5: she's the things she want us to know, and one
Speaker 5: of them was she wants Chris Fairbanks to.
Speaker 1: Be her husband. And I was like, I will definitely
Speaker 1: let him.
Speaker 5: It was really cute and hilarious and like she just
Speaker 5: had her list of things of like this is what
Speaker 5: MFM means to me? Now, I'm I'm meant to do
Speaker 5: you need a ride? And she had all her things.
Speaker 4: I've announced already that I'm a terrible husband. Oh okay,
Speaker 4: I've never been.
Speaker 1: But you don't believe in yourself.
Speaker 4: Oh shit, I'm I'm my attention span, you know, like
Speaker 4: I bailed mint sentence right here.
Speaker 1: Sure, Well it's.
Speaker 3: An example of who I am in a relationship. I
Speaker 3: can't even make it to the period.
Speaker 1: Well, you're gonna have to get used to some periods.
Speaker 3: Oh, are we here?
Speaker 1: No, it's that it's the other way. But I couldn't
Speaker 1: like go all the way across in the left, gotcha,
Speaker 1: So I'm making a U turn.
Speaker 3: I will tell her we are here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're very close. Oh and now we get to
Speaker 1: drive around beautiful. Uh you know this area I'm at Washington,
Speaker 1: let's call it. They look at more skateboard boys.
Speaker 3: There are more skater boys. I'm taking more pictures.
Speaker 1: They're everywhere. There's like flowers in the springtime.
Speaker 3: I used to be like you guys.
Speaker 4: My hair was like he wishes he had straight hair
Speaker 4: so he could have bangs. But it's kind of curly,
Speaker 4: so it just has a big old fluf.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's push it across.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's weird. It's weird what we're doing. We're gonna
Speaker 3: good up, guys.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was o leaves leaves swelling spring the middle.
Speaker 4: I wasn't ready. I mean, the weather's great, but I
Speaker 4: was having winter fever. I like snow and I like snowboarding,
Speaker 4: and now it's beautiful out and I feel like I
Speaker 4: missed out on a season.
Speaker 3: I'm the only one that doesn't want spring this from I.
Speaker 1: Have to say that.
Speaker 5: I'm like you where I like the rain a lot,
Speaker 5: and I'm sad if it's a rainy night.
Speaker 1: You can see in my life. But oh is this?
Speaker 1: Did she rent some cute house?
Speaker 3: Now it's I'm it's on the other side.
Speaker 1: It's what a curious.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's being a curious little monster.
Speaker 5: How am I supposed to get across cute those are
Speaker 5: for vacancy.
Speaker 3: This is nice.
Speaker 4: Oh, someone's giving away antique. Someone got vic anteaking, it's
Speaker 4: an estate style. Someone got murdered. Come on, Eagle Rock,
Speaker 4: Come on you guys. It is the coolest name of
Speaker 4: a part of town.
Speaker 3: Eagle Rock.
Speaker 4: Come on, those two things together unbelievably rock and roll.
Speaker 4: I want there to be a mascot that is the
Speaker 4: rock Eagle.
Speaker 1: I think there is a rock that looks like an eagle,
Speaker 1: and that's why they named it that.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, yes, let's go visit it.
Speaker 1: We'll have to ask Martha all about it. I must
Speaker 1: have Margaret. I don't know why I.
Speaker 3: Used to call her Martin Martin. I really did, and
Speaker 3: I was thinking about that today. Okay, yay, we made it.
Speaker 1: We did, And we're only thirty minutes late.
Speaker 3: That's a nice place.
Speaker 1: I like it.
Speaker 3: Oh are we super late? It's so hard to work. Hey,
Speaker 3: at least we're not at the damn airport.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's waited at home, which is great news.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm sure we we if you were attached at all.
Speaker 4: So, I think people sometimes, like my mental breakdowns at
Speaker 4: the airport's at my expense.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 1: You can't just do that to yourself for other people's entertainment.
Speaker 3: Oh it is Martha, look at her. Oh oh hello Martha.
Speaker 1: Oh you can throw that. Yeah back Stevens my friend.
Speaker 1: Hey good, how are you good?
Speaker 3: Goodness?
Speaker 1: Here?
Speaker 3: Here, grasp my hand. Martha and I are old friends.
Speaker 3: Did you know that?
Speaker 1: I did.
Speaker 5: I bet we're going to hear some Austin stories ship
Speaker 5: Howard and Laura style.
Speaker 4: Let's talk about the baggy jeans we bore as We
Speaker 4: can't armadillos on the train tracks.
Speaker 3: I never. I just watched the intro to that show.
Speaker 1: I never.
Speaker 3: I know there was an armadillo on the train track.
Speaker 1: I have to if it's happening in Texas. Martha, how
Speaker 1: are you?
Speaker 3: Martha?
Speaker 1: I'm good.
Speaker 2: I saw us last night and I'm upset about it.
Speaker 2: But other than that, I'm pretty good.
Speaker 1: It's scary, you really bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and also I don't totally understand it.
Speaker 1: Well that's even Yeah, that's scarier.
Speaker 3: I saw your tweet the day before that you were
Speaker 3: going to see it, and you were pre scared.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 2: Clenched all the like, my hands and fists and recoiling
Speaker 2: in my seat the whole movie.
Speaker 1: So a lot of tension. Yeah, there's a lot of.
Speaker 2: Who's gonna pop out from behind this next thing and
Speaker 2: whatever is happened it?
Speaker 1: Spoiler alert?
Speaker 3: Is there a lot of popping? There's a lot of
Speaker 3: popping of a sudden startling. Well, there is a.
Speaker 1: Lot of startling.
Speaker 2: And that's maybe the biggest theme in the movie is
Speaker 2: You're gonna get startled.
Speaker 1: Isn't that the motto of the movie. It's pretty you're
Speaker 1: gonna get You're gonna get startled.
Speaker 4: Way I want to see it, Yeah, like getting scared,
Speaker 4: And that was when I watched that Hereditary movie. I
Speaker 4: liked how they didn't have any jumpy all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: like the ring surprise.
Speaker 3: The scary thing is leaping in your face.
Speaker 1: No, that one was realistic, which was even scarier.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like in the background, you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 4: Oh you're seeing what I'm seeing it it's hidden.
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh, I don't think I can watch that, you I.
Speaker 1: It sounds intense. It is terry upsetting.
Speaker 4: And I'm not suggesting you should watch it because it's
Speaker 4: kind of a bummer.
Speaker 1: Yes, and it's no good. It's great in a bad way.
Speaker 3: It's great in a sad, scary way.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: When I was walking to my car last night after
Speaker 2: the movie, I started thinking.
Speaker 1: How do we know for sure that we're not all dead?
Speaker 1: And in hell, we don't.
Speaker 3: There's no way to prove it.
Speaker 1: So that that's why I don't think.
Speaker 2: I should see scary movies, because that sounds reasonable in
Speaker 2: my head after.
Speaker 1: A scary movie. Yeah.
Speaker 4: When I was little, hell was a thing that I
Speaker 4: was scared of. The devil was a thing I was
Speaker 4: scared of. I didn't have religious parents, but I thought,
Speaker 4: at any point, the devil will enter and possess me
Speaker 4: and I won't have control over it. And I am
Speaker 4: a grown up now and I don't think that. So
Speaker 4: when you watch a movie that brings that back, it
Speaker 4: doesn't feel good.
Speaker 1: You know, there's so much Ninety six percent of the
Speaker 1: ocean is unexplored. The devil could be down there.
Speaker 3: The devil is a phosphorus riddled glowfish.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't know. With horn hands, it could be anywhere.
Speaker 5: Anything's possible, and there's nothing that lets you know that
Speaker 5: more than a horror a horror movie.
Speaker 2: But I have a proposition, what if in the ocean
Speaker 2: there are pockets of it that are like with little
Speaker 2: things that are cute like the lorax, really sweet, cute,
Speaker 2: wise creatures that are just avoiding us because they've seen
Speaker 2: what we're capable of, right.
Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, they call those dolphins.
Speaker 3: And they're tired of getting boat props to the back.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're sick of all of it. I don't blame them, Horda,
Speaker 1: How have you are you guys still shooting?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're about we're almost well, we're actually we're only
Speaker 2: a little bit into the second block, so we're not quite.
Speaker 1: How way through? How many blocks are there? Four? Three? Oh?
Speaker 3: Like each act? What are blocks?
Speaker 2: But I guess they just they use that to mean
Speaker 2: each section of shooting and then separated by a week
Speaker 2: of hiatus, like a school semester kind of Yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: did you get good grades last semester? Yeah?
Speaker 3: How'd you do? Is the show getting good grades?
Speaker 2: Well? I that I cannot answer. There's not enough people
Speaker 2: watching to get a good sample.
Speaker 1: We got to get those numbers up.
Speaker 2: We've got to somehow figure out how to trick people
Speaker 2: into watching this show, and I don't know how to
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 3: I love that it is the best, It's a lot
Speaker 3: of people just aren't smart enough for it.
Speaker 4: I think I'm afraid I'm going to have to say
Speaker 4: that sounds like I'm talking down to people.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it is intimidating. I mean, it's Baker's Field, clowning,
Speaker 1: it's all the stuff that really intimidates people.
Speaker 3: I love it. I love that show. You guys are
Speaker 3: the coolest for working on it.
Speaker 2: We should take the Ornie Adams philosophy of you know what,
Speaker 2: they're scared of us. That's why they're not That's why
Speaker 2: they don't like get They're scared of how good it is.
Speaker 3: That's right.
Speaker 1: It is scary when something is of such high quality.
Speaker 4: Do you guys think it's weird that Ornie Adams just
Speaker 4: it's still a comic that's like around and you see
Speaker 4: him all the time.
Speaker 1: I don't know who he is.
Speaker 4: He was like the villain in the so Yes, he
Speaker 4: was like the villain in the comedian movie.
Speaker 1: Oh, I never watched that. I don't care about comedians.
Speaker 1: I think they're fucking boring.
Speaker 3: You love them?
Speaker 1: I want them to shut up.
Speaker 3: You want to kiss all the comedians?
Speaker 2: I do.
Speaker 1: Why are they so funny?
Speaker 3: I knew I'd make you admit it. You want to
Speaker 3: french all the clowns?
Speaker 1: Well, you haven't gotten to episode eight yet, have you, Martha?
Speaker 3: No, we will.
Speaker 2: We shoot everything out of order, so like they just
Speaker 2: block they book a location and shoot every scene from
Speaker 2: every episode that's at that location.
Speaker 1: What Yeah, oh wow, that's hard.
Speaker 4: Like so everything that takes place in a desert situation,
Speaker 4: we shoot this week this week.
Speaker 3: And you're all in the math with the story. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so are you saying lines? And you're like, I don't
Speaker 3: even know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: Right now because the nice, the brilliant thing about the
Speaker 2: way the my character's written is that it doesn't require
Speaker 2: any actual acting. So it doesn't it doesn't matter what
Speaker 2: order we shooting or what's happening.
Speaker 1: Is anything that's right?
Speaker 3: You get to just be Martha.
Speaker 1: Huh. But what but when you are acting, what are
Speaker 1: the little secrets that you take on stage with you? Martha? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What are your acting secrets?
Speaker 3: One like Dustin Hoffman used to punch his own face?
Speaker 1: Yeah did he really?
Speaker 3: I don't know. He's very method though.
Speaker 5: In The Marathon Man, Dustin Hoffman stayed up for like
Speaker 5: three days in a row with no sleep, and he
Speaker 5: jogged constantly and he didn't eat, and he was all
Speaker 5: screwed up.
Speaker 1: And then he showed up on set and he was
Speaker 1: all like, you know, he was all.
Speaker 5: Screwed up, and Laurence Olivier looked at him and said,
Speaker 5: why don't you try acting?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I've heard that.
Speaker 1: My dad tells that story, so does mine. That's really
Speaker 1: it's the best.
Speaker 3: Yeah, our dad's got the gym's got to get together.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're gonna party. But Martha, like, when you're standing
Speaker 1: for all the young actors listening and there are so
Speaker 1: many yes, when you're standing there and they go roll them,
Speaker 1: what do you do to like keep it together and
Speaker 1: deliver your comedy?
Speaker 3: Pretend you're on James lift In right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, my secrets are I'll just spoiler alert they're
Speaker 2: dumb and boring, okay, and there's zero evidence that they were.
Speaker 1: But here's what I do.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: I always know my lines before we start plant. That
Speaker 2: is my only real solid contribution to any project, as
Speaker 2: I know my lines.
Speaker 1: When I get there.
Speaker 2: M h.
Speaker 3: It's an important.
Speaker 2: And and then I'm sorry to say this part because
Speaker 2: it's gonna ruffle some feathers, but I actually pray right
Speaker 2: before the camera roll.
Speaker 1: It's okay, just who do you pray? To Martha. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: I just I think of it as a as a
Speaker 2: energy force, not a deity, and I just ask for
Speaker 2: whatever is out there to be with me so that
Speaker 2: whatever I'm supposed to do in the scene will come
Speaker 2: out naturally, because I really don't ever know what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: I still don't.
Speaker 2: This character on Baskets is very close to what I'm
Speaker 2: like in real life, and I still.
Speaker 1: Don't know how to do that character. Well, that's the
Speaker 1: hardest one to do. How can you How can you
Speaker 1: observe yourself well enough to play yourself? That's hard. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: But it seems to me like people who can create
Speaker 2: a believable person nothing like them are doing, are doing
Speaker 2: a lot more work than what I ever do.
Speaker 1: But it's with Zach and John.
Speaker 3: And what if you were closing in your your hospitals.
Speaker 3: I do it too. I talk to a spirit deity.
Speaker 2: I mean, it can't hurt, That's how I look at it.
Speaker 2: It also can't always help, but it can't hurt.
Speaker 3: I can talk to a.
Speaker 4: Vague cloud or whatever I'm thinking of and not believe
Speaker 4: in the devil and be scared of devils.
Speaker 1: We also pray before we do live shows.
Speaker 5: Because we just do the it's basically the same thing
Speaker 5: of whatever we've just been talking about or whatever's going on,
Speaker 5: we just didn't know that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we hold hands, fold your hands and say we'd
Speaker 3: get them.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Or if we're just if we were just talking about
Speaker 5: Gail King, then we're like, Gail be with us tonight,
Speaker 5: if you were ever with us at all. Yeah, that
Speaker 5: kind of stuff, and it helps. It's like weirdly centering
Speaker 5: of like, yeah, whatever this is, we don't know, we
Speaker 5: kind of can't control it, so let's do this thing.
Speaker 4: And when I'm remember back in Austin Martha we did
Speaker 4: that weird skeet, that hyper Jackson chamber. Yeah, and it
Speaker 4: was it was stressful. There was a lot of stuff
Speaker 4: going on. We did these live shows and we would
Speaker 4: show these videos that we did and I we would
Speaker 4: all be nervous and Lee Eddie, who's the best, would
Speaker 4: grab my.
Speaker 3: Hand and we'd have a little prayer. Oh and I'm like,
Speaker 3: oh that did feel good.
Speaker 1: Skateboarders I love.
Speaker 3: This is the most religious episode we've ever had. There's
Speaker 3: more skateboarders.
Speaker 1: They're everywhere.
Speaker 4: We've been dangerously taking photos of young skater boys Martha.
Speaker 1: Well, are you going to post them anywhere? You should
Speaker 1: join our painterst Martha. I think you'd like it, and
Speaker 1: I'm excited.
Speaker 4: Love, young men, we are all going to jail every
Speaker 4: time this comes up this episode, I get uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: Wait, but I interrupted you, Martha, because you were talking
Speaker 1: about Zach and Kreisel. What were you going to say?
Speaker 2: Well, but before that, real quick, I love when I'm
Speaker 2: doing stand up before the show starts, to make the
Speaker 2: other comics on the show if there's three, if it's
Speaker 2: a three person show, if it's like ten people, I
Speaker 2: don't harass everyone, sure, but if it's three of us,
Speaker 2: I love to make everyone uncomfortable by saying, do you
Speaker 2: guys want to do a good luck handpile?
Speaker 1: And then we all pile our hands, one on top
Speaker 1: of the other. The we did it whatever good luck
Speaker 1: handpil No was did you do that on your no
Speaker 1: refunds allowed? What was it? You didn't know that?
Speaker 2: It was called no refunds tour which we ended up
Speaker 2: giving refunds on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yes it was, but you said clearly no refunds
Speaker 1: and we lied.
Speaker 2: But wait, before we go any further, look at this
Speaker 2: father and son on the bus bench right to your right.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? The love that those two globs,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what they are.
Speaker 4: It's fatherhood dot com and it has a father and
Speaker 4: son booger and since he doesn't have arms in the
Speaker 4: baseball bat they're playing with us just shoved into his
Speaker 4: gelatinous bot.
Speaker 1: That's right. He has to hold it with his abdomen,
Speaker 1: with the gel of his abdomen. He has to hold
Speaker 1: that baseball bat.
Speaker 3: I don't design billboards well on acid.
Speaker 2: Or is that the best father son billboard we've ever seen?
Speaker 3: It could be the.
Speaker 1: Transcending all cultures, all boundaries.
Speaker 4: We used to do the handstack at the beginning of
Speaker 4: our improv shows and we would say we're gonna suck.
Speaker 3: But it still worked.
Speaker 2: Sure, it's fun, and I think we might have done
Speaker 2: it a little on no refunds, which just.
Speaker 1: It was.
Speaker 2: It was a very poorly planned tour, and I was
Speaker 2: the one who planned it, and then also the one
Speaker 2: who canceled the shows that had not sold tickets, more
Speaker 2: out of a desire not to be demoralized than the
Speaker 2: money we would have lost, because it wouldn't have been
Speaker 2: We were like, we went from Texas to North Carolina
Speaker 2: and back, and so we had to drive back anyway,
Speaker 2: so it wouldn't have been a ton of money to
Speaker 2: still do that shows.
Speaker 1: But I was like, I cannot. In New Orleans. Our
Speaker 1: show there were.
Speaker 2: Ten people and they were all angry at all of.
Speaker 1: Us the whole show because they were drunk.
Speaker 2: I think they had been barked in by the door guy. Oh,
Speaker 2: and they just were not whatever. We all four of
Speaker 2: us were very different and they were.
Speaker 3: Like, no, thank you who was on these comedy concerts
Speaker 3: that show?
Speaker 2: While the all the shows were me, Avery Moore and
Speaker 2: Pat Dean.
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, they're the best.
Speaker 1: They're delightful.
Speaker 3: Avery has a tattoo on her arm that says, iri,
Speaker 3: what does she mean? She's gotten joke tattoos.
Speaker 1: She's so funny. I love them and uh.
Speaker 2: But then that show there was a there was a
Speaker 2: New Orleans comic who I can't remember his name now,
Speaker 2: but he was great and they hated all of us. Wow,
Speaker 2: And after that I almost was like, let's just go home.
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't have stitutiveness when it comes to really anything
Speaker 2: of the slightest discouragement, like we should go home.
Speaker 3: I know that about you. And I love it, and
Speaker 3: I'm I'm just happy that you're doing stand up again.
Speaker 3: It's great. Are you enjoying it?
Speaker 1: I do love it.
Speaker 2: I want to write new stuff. That's my favorite thing
Speaker 2: to share.
Speaker 4: It feels good to have new jokes and try them
Speaker 4: and they work and then you that's there's nothing more
Speaker 4: productive feeling.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it seems like there are some I haven't
Speaker 2: done very money, but it seems like there's some fun
Speaker 2: places to do stand up in La nowadays.
Speaker 1: I think there are you. Are you done the Lab?
Speaker 1: I think I saw you at the Lab the last
Speaker 1: time I saw you just had it.
Speaker 2: I think I did you and April show at the
Speaker 2: Lab one time. That's right, like a year ago.
Speaker 1: Long ago was longer than that.
Speaker 3: But yeah, let's do shows, Martha. I wanted to be
Speaker 3: on comedy. It'll be like the old days.
Speaker 1: I do too.
Speaker 3: It'll be like the early two thousands. I like it.
Speaker 3: I like it too.
Speaker 1: That'd be we'd be a good combination of a show.
Speaker 2: You guys, guys, I'm I'm not kidding. I'm where do
Speaker 2: I sign?
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, let's we'll call it two headliners in the middle.
Speaker 1: I'll be the middle.
Speaker 3: Are you going to do stand up too.
Speaker 1: That makes me excited too, Yeah, because I need to
Speaker 1: do it again. I did it my first show and
Speaker 1: I just cobbled together whatever jokes I could remember. I
Speaker 1: literally didn't know I was supposed to do. It was
Speaker 1: a goddamn comedy jam, and I.
Speaker 3: Thought, oh, you did do it? Your voice? Did you
Speaker 3: got sick? Well?
Speaker 1: I was hoping I would get sick because I was
Speaker 1: getting so scared to do it. Of course, and then
Speaker 1: when I told josh Adammeiers that I thought I was
Speaker 1: getting sick, he was like, that's okay, I'll sing with you.
Speaker 5: He was not letting me get out of it then, right,
Speaker 5: So so I ended up doing it. But then once
Speaker 5: I got there, only then did I find out that I.
Speaker 1: Was also to do a set. So I was texting
Speaker 1: Lucy Cooperman, going, can you remember any jokes of.
Speaker 3: Mine that's so funny?
Speaker 1: And my sister. My sister's like the last timeside you
Speaker 1: stand up was nineteen ninety eight, talking I.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't know either. I'd be like someone trying to get
Speaker 3: into the bathroom ling the door. That's a ten second joke,
Speaker 3: and then do your hay ride bit that you don't Remember.
Speaker 1: There's no way my jokes aren't like they're not written
Speaker 1: to be remembered.
Speaker 4: I can I can tell as many Martha Kelly jokes
Speaker 4: as I can tell like Mitch Edberg jokes.
Speaker 1: Oh you have a herd set memoriz.
Speaker 3: It's just no, it's jokes. You don't even tell anymore.
Speaker 4: But when we started everyone's jokes at that time, I mean,
Speaker 4: give me one.
Speaker 1: Let's hear them. Oh no, I did killing Mark to
Speaker 1: kill you said it? Now you have to do it.
Speaker 3: I already did that one. I did your Nick Nolty joke.
Speaker 1: Okah, that was a good one.
Speaker 4: I'm going to do it better this time. When I
Speaker 4: moved to Texas, I saw myself becoming a new person.
Speaker 4: But all I've been doing well here is drinking and smoking.
Speaker 4: I didn't realize that person would be Nick Nulty.
Speaker 1: Is that how it goes is very much in the
Speaker 1: ball park.
Speaker 3: I think I told it better before.
Speaker 1: It was definitely tighter before and easier to track.
Speaker 4: And Martha was in traffic and the guy looked over
Speaker 4: and he honked or said, hey, can I get your
Speaker 4: phone number?
Speaker 3: But all he could see was your face.
Speaker 4: And then maybe we should go out sometime he asked
Speaker 4: you out from his car, and then you said, I
Speaker 4: have a better idea. How about I meet you naked
Speaker 4: in a shallow grave if you just pushed me in.
Speaker 3: Is that, Martha, you did good?
Speaker 2: That is a true story. Except for the comeback. All
Speaker 2: of my early jokes were real things that happened where
Speaker 2: I pretended I had a good comeback at the time.
Speaker 3: SAME's the best.
Speaker 1: We are from the same school of comedy.
Speaker 5: And the one time I did is set the only
Speaker 5: time I've ever done a set of the comedy at
Speaker 5: the Laugh Factory.
Speaker 1: I was so nervous to do it. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is gonna be terrible.
Speaker 5: And I got up and the first joke was okay,
Speaker 5: And then my second joke was a true story of
Speaker 5: this time. I went to the corner store in San
Speaker 5: Francisco and I was super stoned, and the guy that
Speaker 5: worked there.
Speaker 1: Goes anything you want to day for free, Jeeps, Coke, Kandy,
Speaker 1: Sickness magazines, and he was listing all the shit off
Speaker 1: that for free, and this really happened.
Speaker 5: And then of course I did something that was like
Speaker 5: the comeback, which I of course did not say in
Speaker 5: real time.
Speaker 1: And when I did that, joke at the Laugh Factory,
Speaker 1: some guy, huge sounding guy in the back goes bullshit
Speaker 1: like really loud, really, and I go, you're right, sir,
Speaker 1: and walked off the.
Speaker 5: Stakes and I left my set to jokes in and
Speaker 5: was like, I fucking hate this place and I hate
Speaker 5: stand up commed bullshit.
Speaker 3: Bullshit. I was made up that last part to evoke
Speaker 3: the emotion of laughter.
Speaker 2: That is insane. Why do people go like that go
Speaker 2: to comedy shows?
Speaker 1: I was always assuming it was another comedian.
Speaker 3: That makes me. Some might there every once in a while,
Speaker 3: and I don't see it as much. But there was
Speaker 3: a Texas there.
Speaker 4: There was a whole thing where there'd be some guy
Speaker 4: with his arms crossed, and Cap City had called him
Speaker 4: and given him free tickets, and they're like, well, I
Speaker 4: guess I'll stop yelling at my wife and kids and
Speaker 4: go that's damn free comedy show. They better not try
Speaker 4: and make me laugh. It's like the last person that
Speaker 4: should be there sitting up front. They put him up front. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: and he just jiggles his leg, tapping his leg with
Speaker 4: his arms crossed, staring like he wants to kill you.
Speaker 3: And that's who. That's who. You'll learn to tell jokes
Speaker 3: in front of Yeah, in the.
Speaker 1: Early days, that's how it was. It's rough.
Speaker 2: I love that before Daniel Tosh was famous, he was
Speaker 2: at cap City and some with that kind of attitude
Speaker 2: said something that wasn't like a mean heckle, but it
Speaker 2: was just like, I'm gonna be a smart ass and
Speaker 2: this He.
Speaker 1: Didn't have any like footing.
Speaker 2: He was a pretty new headliner at the time, and
Speaker 2: he just goes, yeah, you gotta get out. I'm not
Speaker 2: continuing the show until you get out, and you would not,
Speaker 2: and then they had to leave. I was like that,
Speaker 2: I wish I could. I wish I had that kind
Speaker 2: of balls. Yeah, I loved him for I love anytime
Speaker 2: a comic fights with a heckler and wins, including fistfights.
Speaker 1: I've seen what about the one where the guy smashes
Speaker 1: the guitar over the guy's head.
Speaker 2: Okay, that guy, I'm not on his side because it
Speaker 2: seemed like he was insane.
Speaker 1: It seemed like it was about something else for him.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys saw him coming at me in the
Speaker 1: crowd just goes no, dude, No, we did not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but one time I saw a guy in the
Speaker 2: audience throw a drink at Gary Goleman at the improv.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, And then I started fist fighting. And I've
Speaker 2: I already liked Gary Goleman, but.
Speaker 1: That made me loyal to him for life. I've never
Speaker 1: met up.
Speaker 4: If Gary Goleman came at me with his banana hands
Speaker 4: curled up into fists and started swinging, I would.
Speaker 3: He's a big person.
Speaker 1: He's big, right, he is big, But funny.
Speaker 2: The thing about guys like the one he fought is
Speaker 2: that they will heckle guide comedians who are not big
Speaker 2: and can't really physically defend themselves. And it's just like
Speaker 2: the jocks in high school picking on the smart guys. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so to see a comic rise up. And I don't
Speaker 2: really like violence. I ran and hid in the bathroom
Speaker 2: when I saw them violence.
Speaker 1: I really do.
Speaker 4: Do you remember, Martha, When I at the belvide room,
Speaker 4: I threw a cup of ice on this table of
Speaker 4: guys that wouldn't stop talking, and it and my cup
Speaker 4: hit their glasses and their drinks fell. I was really
Speaker 4: they were being terrible, And then I went outside to
Speaker 4: talk to them and they were a couple. They were,
Speaker 4: And then I felt really weird because all of a sudden.
Speaker 4: I felt like I was in a but they wanted
Speaker 4: to get in a fight with me as a couple.
Speaker 1: Sure, can you imagine being in that situation anyone in
Speaker 1: this car?
Speaker 3: And so we made up and then we went to
Speaker 3: Love Joyce.
Speaker 1: You didn't let us answer because I can.
Speaker 3: And then I hung out with them a little.
Speaker 1: Friends.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, we ended up being friends. And it started
Speaker 4: with throwing a glass of ice at them.
Speaker 1: Well that was unsatisfying because I want violence and ultra violence.
Speaker 3: I couldn't cry me.
Speaker 4: And they ended up being my friends, but I didn't
Speaker 4: really like them because they were still the people that hadckled.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 5: What I like about comedy these days is that you
Speaker 5: can actually find people that want to watch you specifically.
Speaker 5: It's not the thing it used to be, where it
Speaker 5: was like go to a room where people have gathered
Speaker 5: for their own reasons and some of them have nothing
Speaker 5: to do with comedy.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: And often it's like I'm on a date and I
Speaker 1: want to get fucked up. Yeah it's a birthday party
Speaker 1: or bachelorette party or something horrifying. It's anti comedy, I did.
Speaker 4: Or people that work together, yes, when they're like, oh,
Speaker 4: I sit across from you, and we see each other
Speaker 4: every day.
Speaker 3: But let's be let's not know how to act at
Speaker 3: Let's all.
Speaker 4: Go to a comedy show together and look at each
Speaker 4: other for approval after each.
Speaker 1: Joke and decide we're better than these people.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's the worst.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I hate all those people. They're the worst, and
Speaker 1: yet we're here to entertain them.
Speaker 4: Remember I did a show once and they made me
Speaker 4: dress like their boss. It was like around Christmas time.
Speaker 3: Can you put on his jacket? And just he had
Speaker 3: a catchphrase, and I'm like, yes, sure, I'll do an
Speaker 3: impression of your boss.
Speaker 1: The boss had a catch phrase.
Speaker 3: Yes they were these are some things. He says, Well,
Speaker 3: you may roast him a little bit. And I was
Speaker 3: new it to comedy and I'm like, okay, I will
Speaker 3: do that. And I put on his jacket and I.
Speaker 4: Put my hand in the pocket, and in his pocket
Speaker 4: there was a pair of underwear, ew women's underwear. And
Speaker 4: his real wife was at the show, and she knew
Speaker 4: right away that it was like some secretaries under when
Speaker 4: reached in and that I was holding underwear, and she's like, you,
Speaker 4: son of a bitch, And they had like altercation and
Speaker 4: the boss left and everyone. I ruined the night and
Speaker 4: it was not my idea.
Speaker 1: I disagree. You didn't put those underwear in there. He did.
Speaker 1: It was panties in his pocket. That's crazy, literally.
Speaker 4: And everyone knew and they're like, oh, he's back at
Speaker 4: it again. Our boss is putting panties in his pocket.
Speaker 1: What's his motto? I am a huge sex addict? Is
Speaker 1: that the line they gave you today? Panties please? What's
Speaker 1: the motto was?
Speaker 3: Bro It didn't make any sense until they were in
Speaker 3: my hands?
Speaker 1: Oh god it he loves panties. Panties.
Speaker 3: We hate that word. Let's keep saying it. Anties.
Speaker 2: That's crazy.
Speaker 5: No, you since these your days in Austin comedy coming up,
Speaker 5: you're now in movies.
Speaker 1: Let's name some of the movies you've been in lately.
Speaker 2: That'll be easy because they're hardly been nunny.
Speaker 1: Name them.
Speaker 2: I've been in a total of four movies, very little,
Speaker 2: tiny parts.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: One was Spider Man hum Coming.
Speaker 3: Yeah that was a while ago.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was the summer of twenty sixteen.
Speaker 1: Was one it shot?
Speaker 3: Okay, that wasn't that long.
Speaker 1: It was almost three years ago. Yeah. Oh what else?
Speaker 2: A movie called Infinity Baby where Iman one scene.
Speaker 1: Who directed it? Bob By bayer Byerton, Byington.
Speaker 3: Bugy Bobby Byington.
Speaker 2: Bobby the Director, Bob Robert Bobby barr Byreton.
Speaker 1: Bob Bobby, Bob Bobbinson, Big Bob, Big Bugby bar Big Bopper, Robertson.
Speaker 4: Mister Bob Doblina, Mister Bob Dobelina, Bob Bob, Bob Bganna Fanna.
Speaker 3: Bob Bob Bob Bob Bob Fun. He's a he certainly
Speaker 3: is of I do like that words infinity baby together.
Speaker 3: Sure that that is one that will grow up? Yeah?
Speaker 1: It is. Yeah, that's fun.
Speaker 2: It's actually a bunch of babies that won't grow up,
Speaker 2: but a failed experiment.
Speaker 3: Did you act with a bunch of babies? Did you
Speaker 3: get to be.
Speaker 1: Certainly, I didn't get to. Babies are some of my
Speaker 1: favorite people, and I did not get to add to
Speaker 1: any babies. But it was fun. It was with Karen Colkin. Yes,
Speaker 1: he's amazing. He was very nice and normal.
Speaker 2: I always would expect any former child actor to be bonkers.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but he was very uh normal, dudes, So did
Speaker 1: you watch him in succession? Sorry interrupt, I haven't seen that.
Speaker 1: It's great and he's incredible in it.
Speaker 4: He's so good, he's incredible and dangerous lives of altar
Speaker 4: boys too.
Speaker 5: He's just a great I think the Colkin children knew
Speaker 5: what they were doing when it came to acting.
Speaker 1: Yes, all of them.
Speaker 3: The key is leaving them at home alone, that's right,
Speaker 3: and not parenting them.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 5: You go on a vacation, leave them be Oh, check
Speaker 5: out this fucking sweet ass film.
Speaker 1: Were you in this?
Speaker 3: Mar on getting it?
Speaker 1: Do you know.
Speaker 5: Certain, ma'am that we have the star of Big Bobby
Speaker 5: Boverton's lip last film?
Speaker 3: Guys, you're gonna want to yell cut here, cut let
Speaker 3: Martha in.
Speaker 2: That's actually how every scene I've been in in a
Speaker 2: movie was just someone pulling over it and I ran over.
Speaker 1: And got the camera, but fully memorized the script. Any
Speaker 1: script gone into a costume real quick. Delivered that line,
Speaker 1: jumped in.
Speaker 3: We were you in after Infinity? Baby? There's two more movies?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 3: Wait?
Speaker 1: Are there? Maybe there's only one? Wait?
Speaker 2: Oh, one hasn't come out yet, and I don't know
Speaker 2: what the title will be. And my character's name, I
Speaker 2: think was caseworker.
Speaker 4: I was on a show called Single Parents and my
Speaker 4: character's name was Man, and I was cut from the episode.
Speaker 2: That's the thing I might be cut from the movie
Speaker 2: hasn't come out. And I know that's a common thing
Speaker 2: where that you if you're not one of the leads,
Speaker 2: you can your entire storyline or scenes or whatever.
Speaker 1: Can get cut out of anything.
Speaker 5: And the more like, just because you filmed it doesn't
Speaker 5: mean it's happening right, And oftentimes people will go and
Speaker 5: have a whole experience and do like start writing stand
Speaker 5: up bits about how they're in this movie, and then
Speaker 5: when the movie comes out, they're not in them and
Speaker 5: they didn't know.
Speaker 4: Everyone keeps trying to watch Jack Frost to pick me
Speaker 4: out as a snowboarder, and they're showing me pictures.
Speaker 3: As it's you. I can't.
Speaker 4: I don't remember who I was. I just know I
Speaker 4: was there and the camera was I was in the
Speaker 4: background snowboarding.
Speaker 3: I'm not a liar.
Speaker 1: Well, but it doesn't seem like you have proof I was.
Speaker 3: I'm not in the credits, but I was on camera.
Speaker 3: The camera was aimed at my general direction. Me too.
Speaker 3: Oft in the distance. They were making a.
Speaker 4: Movie and I was snowboarding that day, and I have
Speaker 4: to be on camera at some point. Okay, you've beat
Speaker 4: it out of me. I'm not sure if I'm in
Speaker 4: the movie.
Speaker 5: Technically it looks it seems like we're gonna have to
Speaker 5: have a screening of Jack Frost.
Speaker 4: There is a film, a two thousand and four animated
Speaker 4: film called.
Speaker 3: Oh God, what is it called? It's it's birds, Delivery
Speaker 3: bird Rio, It's delivery it storks, I can't remember.
Speaker 1: Well, then it's called Delivery Birds.
Speaker 4: Allegiant Valiant. There's a movie called Valiant, and I am
Speaker 4: a voice in it. According to IMDb.
Speaker 3: Oh and I looked. I don't know where who this
Speaker 3: Chris Fairbanks is.
Speaker 4: It's not Chris Fairbanks, the English actor actor, or Christopher Fairbanks, a.
Speaker 3: Local actor who goes by Christopher it is.
Speaker 4: It is given to me. I so I pretend that
Speaker 4: I was in it. And I even have a line
Speaker 4: in the movie that I've made up.
Speaker 3: I've never seen the movie. But do you guys want
Speaker 3: to hear my line?
Speaker 1: Yes? Yes, all deliver it? What kind of bird was that?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I never watched the movie. I don't
Speaker 3: know who I am in it.
Speaker 2: But it's about birds that deliver stuff.
Speaker 4: It's the cover is birds with aviator like goggles on
Speaker 4: their house.
Speaker 1: Oh like top Gun for birds.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it is like top Gun. The logo is
Speaker 3: keep orders.
Speaker 1: It's a girl.
Speaker 4: Oh well, yeah, I've been really I like how many
Speaker 4: skateboarder girls there are now, and they're getting really good
Speaker 4: and it's fun to watch.
Speaker 2: And my niece knows how to skateboard. Really, she's she
Speaker 2: started when she was like seven and she's twelve now.
Speaker 2: I don't think that she's very passionate about it.
Speaker 1: But she does know how to do it.
Speaker 3: That's so cool.
Speaker 4: I like that Michelle Balloon is having heard her little
Speaker 4: daughter do skateboarding too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3: I was going to say her name, but we don't
Speaker 3: want to only show pictures of children reveal their identities.
Speaker 3: Oh that's weird.
Speaker 2: In trouble now, I think we're fine. The law will
Speaker 2: never catch us.
Speaker 3: We are Monnie and Clyde of comedy.
Speaker 5: We'll just fucking edited out if they catch us. Exactly,
Speaker 5: that never happened. I'm sorry, it's not an interest of ours.
Speaker 5: Looks like a little snip Snipperoo happened?
Speaker 3: Copper?
Speaker 1: You fool wrong tree? What else, Martha? What else is
Speaker 1: going on in your private life?
Speaker 3: Yeah, private, deepest dark as secrets.
Speaker 2: I'm on year four of saying that I'm going to
Speaker 2: try online dating and not try it, so that's exciting.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Can I tell you an anecdote. I just got
Speaker 1: an email that said, well, come.
Speaker 5: Back to Bumble, we miss you, and I was like,
Speaker 5: I've never been on Bumble, And then I remembered one
Speaker 5: night after April Orchardson and I talked about it for
Speaker 5: a really long time and it truly was literally two
Speaker 5: thirty in the morning I signed up for Bumble, but
Speaker 5: I had I may have.
Speaker 3: Told the story on this podcast. I don't think you have, okay.
Speaker 5: I When I signed up for Facebook, originally I entered
Speaker 5: that my age was one hundred and eleven. So on
Speaker 5: Bumble they take all your information from Facebook and I
Speaker 5: couldn't change my age, so they were only sending me
Speaker 5: mine that were over eighty.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's because they really had me as
Speaker 1: being a hundred and a lot.
Speaker 2: That sounds fun, and they wouldn't let they won't let
Speaker 2: you change.
Speaker 1: Well, I had to go back on to Facebook to
Speaker 1: change my age.
Speaker 5: It was this whole thing that once I started the
Speaker 5: because then when I went on Facebook to change my
Speaker 5: age and make it accurate. All these people started sending
Speaker 5: me messages of like, you're back on Facebook, da da da,
Speaker 5: like all the people that I used to talk to
Speaker 5: and hang out with because I'd been off Facebook for
Speaker 5: since twenty eleven or something.
Speaker 3: Right, I noticed when you got back on, but that was.
Speaker 1: Purely just to try to make my age accurate for Mumble.
Speaker 5: Then I was like, why am I doing any of this.
Speaker 5: There's no fucking way I'm ever actually using.
Speaker 3: Part of you wanted to stop being elderly.
Speaker 1: It's true, a big part of you. There's so much
Speaker 1: of that. That was my whole attitude. And all the
Speaker 1: digital shit started or I was like, yeah, I'm one
Speaker 1: hundred and eleven and this is I'm definitely into tulips
Speaker 1: or whatever, Like I would sign up for shit that
Speaker 1: I had nothing to do with me.
Speaker 5: It was like, you will never catch me, You will
Speaker 5: never know who I really am the internet. And then
Speaker 5: I screwed myself basically.
Speaker 1: But I don't even know.
Speaker 2: If bumble is the desirable because isn't like a Sadie
Speaker 2: Hawkins dance where it has to ask the guy out.
Speaker 1: Right, which I would never do.
Speaker 4: I would never do that I've been on it and
Speaker 4: I've never met a real human but I have had
Speaker 4: or maybe I have, but I have. It's usually a
Speaker 4: woman saying hi or whatever it's like, and then you
Speaker 4: go and it's never like you have to come.
Speaker 3: Up with a witty thing.
Speaker 4: It's like, Okay, you got me, Hello, you caught me.
Speaker 4: Usually it's a back and forth on there, right, well,
Speaker 4: you seem nice. Let's never talk for me ever. Again,
Speaker 4: that's usually what happens.
Speaker 1: Because I wonder.
Speaker 5: I feel like there's some people know, there's some there's
Speaker 5: a code of some kind, there's some kind of thing
Speaker 5: where like I don't know, then you're supposed to know,
Speaker 5: or saying.
Speaker 1: Well I don't know it, yeah, I don't need it.
Speaker 3: Maybe there's a maybe we could google that. We'll look
Speaker 3: at codes bumble code online.
Speaker 1: If you wear a green kerchief, that means that you
Speaker 1: like money.
Speaker 3: If you hang a necktie on the doorknob, that means
Speaker 3: you have a roommate that.
Speaker 1: You're that you're messaging on bumble.
Speaker 5: Well, Martha, if you could go on a digital dating app,
Speaker 5: what would the best one for you be?
Speaker 2: I think that for people for women my age, I'm
Speaker 2: fifty one.
Speaker 1: And very sheltered, it's a beautiful house.
Speaker 2: Probably probably match dot com because that's what I think.
Speaker 2: Where one of my comedian friends who did online dating
Speaker 2: and met someone and they love each other, was like,
Speaker 2: it's it.
Speaker 1: You have to go through a lot of terrible experiences.
Speaker 2: But the benefit of online dating is, especially for women
Speaker 2: comics like me and this friend, you know up front
Speaker 2: whether you're flirting or not, Like it isn't just hang
Speaker 2: out with a guy that you think is cute and
Speaker 2: then find out you guys aren't flirting. It's just platonic, right,
Speaker 2: Like that happens to women comics pretty regularly or I
Speaker 2: don't know, but some of us. And so if you
Speaker 2: do online dating and at least you know that the
Speaker 2: guy that you're interacting with is interested in boning.
Speaker 3: Yeah that's right.
Speaker 1: There's not some weird girlfriend reveal in month four, right
Speaker 1: that always fucking happens.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It gets rid of that awkward obstacle of what are
Speaker 3: we doing? Right?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I know, someone's like, oh, I thought you just wanted
Speaker 1: to spend time with me and drive me around while
Speaker 1: I had a relationship that I didn't mention to you.
Speaker 5: I thought that's what you wanted in this right, and
Speaker 5: great riffing and matches like normal.
Speaker 4: It's been around a long time. The one isn't the
Speaker 4: harmony You have to be religious? Are they wanted?
Speaker 1: Kind of yeah, I think so. And farmers only you
Speaker 1: have to be a farmer.
Speaker 2: I mean that as appealing, except for I don't think
Speaker 2: people should use animals and farming, although I do drink milk,
Speaker 2: So what am I talking about?
Speaker 1: You don't think animals should be used in the dating
Speaker 1: world in any way?
Speaker 3: What I mean?
Speaker 1: Of course, a nice horse drong carriage is a very No,
Speaker 1: I don't an anti farm animal exploitation.
Speaker 3: Well, they even if they they already are doing it
Speaker 3: for a living.
Speaker 4: They got a fine love even though they don't have
Speaker 4: admirable animal jobs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they can find it with someone who's not
Speaker 2: gonna look at their cows and be depressed about it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't even go to a rodeo find
Speaker 2: I hear you fine?
Speaker 4: And it's funny how Instagram videos have made me more
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm just gonna eat fishes and chickens because
Speaker 4: I haven't seen a lot of cute chicken videos.
Speaker 3: Sorry, sorry, chickens.
Speaker 1: Chickens are kind of the worst. They're little bit nuts.
Speaker 1: I had to raise chickens.
Speaker 5: Sorry, Martha, because I'm sure this is upsetting, but I
Speaker 5: had to raise I'm going to be the counter and
Speaker 5: I don't want to fight with you, but in this
Speaker 5: I will. I had to raise chickens growing up, and
Speaker 5: they do not give love, nor do they receive it.
Speaker 5: And I know there's lots of gifts with children hugging chickens, right,
Speaker 5: but those chickens don't fucking know what's going on.
Speaker 1: Seconds later they get packed right in the It's true,
Speaker 1: or shared these shit on your jeans. Somehow chickens aren't
Speaker 1: there for you emotionally. Let's not pretend they are. But
Speaker 1: I will. I'll say this what I just recently saw
Speaker 1: the Peta ad where it's a cow that's very buxom.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and.
Speaker 5: She's nursing an old man, right. And then Pete's thing
Speaker 5: was this doesn't look right to you, does it? You
Speaker 5: shouldn't be drinking milk. What do you think about that?
Speaker 3: It's hit a photoshopped pictures or did they actually capture
Speaker 3: this moment?
Speaker 1: Who is that man? I want to know his name?
Speaker 1: It looks like Joe Biden.
Speaker 2: I thought that was part of the whole Look what
Speaker 2: to creep Joe Biden is that just came out this week?
Speaker 1: Martha, you have to write a joke about that. Please,
Speaker 1: I will, please, will try.
Speaker 3: It's considerate reason.
Speaker 2: I mean, I understand the reasoning behind don't drink another
Speaker 2: animal's mother's milk. However, if you could have a humanely
Speaker 2: treated dairy cow, they don't give a ship what you
Speaker 2: do with their milk.
Speaker 1: You're producing it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, sure.
Speaker 1: And if you grew up drinking whole milk like it
Speaker 1: was water. Yeah, and add into the mix the fact.
Speaker 2: That food was the only consistent comfort you received as
Speaker 2: a child.
Speaker 1: You're goddamn right. I'm not giving up. I thought you
Speaker 1: were talking about me, but you're talking about you.
Speaker 3: Perfect.
Speaker 1: I will never never right. All the cows I grew
Speaker 1: up with were very humanely treated.
Speaker 5: It was all free range because they were It was
Speaker 5: just small town farms and branches, so like there was
Speaker 5: no it wasn't corporate dairy system.
Speaker 1: It was a very organic but just by chance organic
Speaker 1: dairy system. So that's that's all the dairy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, As I was when I was a kid, our
Speaker 4: day care, early school, I think I was like five
Speaker 4: or six. But we went on a tour of the
Speaker 4: Dale's Dairy and it was a family that milked cows
Speaker 4: with their hands, yep. And they had all burned. They
Speaker 4: had all been in a fire. They had been burned.
Speaker 4: There was a lot of the that's how I remember.
Speaker 4: I was a kid, but there they had burned. And
Speaker 4: then later in life, there that industry. You couldn't just
Speaker 4: be in mon Caught dairy and I went into Random
Speaker 4: movie and they owned a video store.
Speaker 3: One day. They went from milk and cows to milking
Speaker 3: the movie business.
Speaker 1: That's good though. They kept it light. They stayed they
Speaker 1: stayed light on their feet.
Speaker 4: Well, the kid, I remember a kid working there, and
Speaker 4: then he was an adult and I'm like, did you
Speaker 4: used to work at Dale's Dairy And he's like, yeah,
Speaker 4: that was my family's dairy. Wow, I'm sorry, it's not
Speaker 4: a dairy anymore.
Speaker 3: It was.
Speaker 4: I remember being there though, and there's no cows that
Speaker 4: were saying. It was just like, yep, it's like you described, Martha.
Speaker 4: It was old timey early eighties.
Speaker 3: Dairy farm.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No one's getting slaughtered. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I wish, I wish there was a way to turn
Speaker 2: back our population explode and Turn Back Time. Share one
Speaker 2: time on Brendan Walsh's podcast. For some reason we started
Speaker 2: singing shares if I could Turn Back Time and it
Speaker 2: was still one of my happiest memories of my whole life.
Speaker 1: Did they ever get sued by Share? Because that's.
Speaker 3: On the Bone Zone. I do know they had to
Speaker 3: pull some songs off.
Speaker 1: Is that true?
Speaker 4: They just played music and someone said, hey, you can't
Speaker 4: do that. I know Brendan had a story about that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't.
Speaker 3: It might be this, It might be the Share episode
Speaker 3: with Martha.
Speaker 2: If you maybe it was because it was the Bone Zone.
Speaker 2: If you did, hypothetically a podcast about Alvin and the Chipmunks,
Speaker 2: could you legally use a sample of one of their
Speaker 2: cover songs?
Speaker 1: No, because it would be topical day and date, so
Speaker 1: you could justify it's not just random usage. I don't
Speaker 1: know what any of that means. I'm just talking to
Speaker 1: music Clearence, Martha.
Speaker 3: I don't know what.
Speaker 4: As a real life fan of the Chipmunk franchise, can
Speaker 4: you give some of the listeners the actual names.
Speaker 3: Of the movies?
Speaker 2: I'm it's it would be my honor. The first one
Speaker 2: is just Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: The second one is the Squeakwell, and that's where we
Speaker 2: meet the chip Uts. And I honestly didn't think I
Speaker 2: was gonna like the chip Beuts. I thought it was
Speaker 2: down that they made three female mirror female partners to
Speaker 2: the chipmunks.
Speaker 1: But they're adorable kind of, but it's like g rated
Speaker 1: little kid stuff. Is the Alvin what's the Alvin version?
Speaker 1: Female version of Alvin's name Brittany.
Speaker 3: She likes.
Speaker 2: She is very good at singing and dancing like Britney Spears.
Speaker 2: She does happen to think that she's very pretty, but
Speaker 2: in her defense, she is. And then she loves her sisters.
Speaker 2: That's one of the themes is all the chipmunks and
Speaker 2: chip Bets love their families. And then Simon's counterpart is.
Speaker 3: Oh no, how could this happen?
Speaker 1: Oh no, Simon, is it a smart one she is?
Speaker 1: She wears, Oh my god, I want that.
Speaker 3: It's not a real horse. It's it No, I thought
Speaker 3: it was a horse amount to dump off a room.
Speaker 3: I've had enough.
Speaker 1: I'm driving down there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we have to see that horse.
Speaker 1: Lady calm down. Oh my god, that lady was swerving
Speaker 1: back and forth like this behind me. Oh wow, because
Speaker 1: I slowed down slightly to look at a horse. You
Speaker 1: old horror.
Speaker 4: Horse.
Speaker 1: Horse horse, Stephen, Will you take a picture of this horse?
Speaker 3: If we get what's it was? Is road? Is there road? Wait?
Speaker 1: I have to look up Simon's yes. Please, it's gonna
Speaker 1: break my heart.
Speaker 4: I'm going to reveal that I only know there's there's
Speaker 4: a Chipmunks movie called Chipmunks Road Chip, right, the road Chip.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like they go in a road chip.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but what Jeanette. That's Simon's counterpart is Janet. She
Speaker 2: wears glasses, she's a little bit clumsy. And then my
Speaker 2: favorite Theodore is my favorite Chipmunk.
Speaker 1: His counterpart Eleanor.
Speaker 3: Here's this horse. It's way back there.
Speaker 1: Ship.
Speaker 3: Can we do with more? We can't do one movie?
Speaker 2: Not here, but we know around and Eleanor is the
Speaker 2: little round Theodore.
Speaker 1: They eat together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so cute.
Speaker 1: Good lord, I can't stand it. Who are some of
Speaker 1: the human actors in these movies? Jason is in them?
Speaker 1: Real quick. The fourth one's called the Road Chip. So wait.
Speaker 1: The third one is chip Wrecked. Are they on a
Speaker 1: desert island?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: And the one my only criticism is the the ship
Speaker 2: that they're on doesn't actually wreck. They get into a
Speaker 2: hang gliding incident and end up stranded on a desert.
Speaker 1: There's actually no ship element too. Well, they're on a
Speaker 1: cruise ship, but the ship doesn't run.
Speaker 2: But you can't rhyme anything from Chipmunks with hang gliding.
Speaker 3: It's a lot like the word orange.
Speaker 1: It's like, but they created the problem themselves. They pointed
Speaker 1: themselves into the in that corner.
Speaker 2: That is a theme in all the movies is they
Speaker 2: created the problems themselves.
Speaker 1: Usually Alvin is that the That's right, He's a real disturber.
Speaker 3: Did you guys know that.
Speaker 4: I mean, as a kid, I had a wall dedicated
Speaker 4: to Jason Lee.
Speaker 3: As skateboard skateboarding.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I had like magazine pictures and he was at
Speaker 4: the top of his skateboarding career. When all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: it just said, oh, he's taking acting classes, and we
Speaker 4: were like, like that was in a skateboarding magazine. He's
Speaker 4: retired to become an actor. And then all of a sudden,
Speaker 4: like Chasing Amien.
Speaker 1: Because he has the best face. He just genuinely has
Speaker 1: the best face.
Speaker 2: Is no is.
Speaker 1: Was Chasing Amy his first boog role.
Speaker 3: I think it was mal Rats movie I've never seen.
Speaker 3: Not good.
Speaker 1: None of those movies are good.
Speaker 4: It's weird because I remember I did a scene from
Speaker 4: Chasing Amy in my acting class and had I had
Speaker 4: a kissing scene with.
Speaker 1: A with a with a boy, Oh how to go?
Speaker 3: It was great. He had braces.
Speaker 2: I don't remember that from Chasing Amy.
Speaker 4: Well, there's a there's a scene where Ben Afflec is like,
Speaker 4: you're gay, you have to deal with it, and he
Speaker 4: kisses him.
Speaker 3: And I did that scene in my acting class, and
Speaker 3: is you guys know me, I don't care. I'm like,
Speaker 3: I was a little nervous, but I went for it.
Speaker 1: No, you're a really modern and or an actor at heart.
Speaker 1: But in the movie, Ben Affleck was telling Jason Lee
Speaker 1: that he was.
Speaker 4: Gay, uh yeah, or that he should come out and
Speaker 4: he'd be happy and he'd be less grumpy all the time,
Speaker 4: and unless I don't remember them.
Speaker 1: But that's not the plot of the movie, right, No,
Speaker 1: it's just a sub plot.
Speaker 2: Okay, he's just always Jason Lee is trying to break
Speaker 2: up Ben at fluck right, Okay, Joey Heatherton, Lauren Adams,
Speaker 2: Joey then oh right, and then he's like, wait a minute.
Speaker 2: This isn't because you don't like her, It's because you're
Speaker 2: in love with me. You're gay?
Speaker 1: Right? And was that true? It was? I think so?
Speaker 2: It was?
Speaker 4: Yeah, awesome, he went out on a limb. Imagine being wrong.
Speaker 4: It's like, Wow, you're full of yourself. You just don't
Speaker 4: like your girlfriend. I don't have the hots for you.
Speaker 4: You're not You're not Ben a Flack yet, but.
Speaker 1: Ben a flack. First of all, we're saying it wrong,
Speaker 1: but flack flack.
Speaker 5: He always reminded me of a guy you'd meet at
Speaker 5: a speech meet competition who would be nice to you
Speaker 5: so that he could figure out a way to mentally
Speaker 5: mind fuck you and beat you.
Speaker 1: It's in like the humorous interpretation category.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 1: I find him frat boy suspicious to the point of
Speaker 1: being almost scary anyone else. I feel like what.
Speaker 2: I've heard the I'm always on the hunt for showman's
Speaker 2: gossip and rarely get any. But the few things I've
Speaker 2: heard or maybe just seen on magazines is that maybe he's.
Speaker 1: A little bit of a juror. I mean, wasn't there
Speaker 1: a thing where he like I guess.
Speaker 2: When you're that like handsome movie star square jaw guy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you have to, you have to be portrayed as a
Speaker 2: good guy in real life.
Speaker 1: But maybe he is a little bit of a me
Speaker 1: too type of guy. Yeah, I think. Well, I don't
Speaker 1: know how you could avoid being an asshole unless you
Speaker 1: had a like early childhood tragedy or something, if.
Speaker 3: You had like a Superman chin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like immediate those guys.
Speaker 5: The first movie, him and Matt Damon wrote Want to
Speaker 5: Fucking Oscar and set them on the perfect right Hollywood
Speaker 5: track permanently, no matter.
Speaker 1: Right. But Matt Damon has like a humanity chill West.
Speaker 3: He's short, is he Yeah, sure, he's like five to two.
Speaker 1: But he has smile. He's kind of like he's got
Speaker 1: a humanity chill. Where's Ben Affleck? Seems like he's trying
Speaker 1: to foreclose on your home because he's tall.
Speaker 3: Because it's all about you, guys.
Speaker 1: It's height and dead eyes.
Speaker 3: When on my phone, I.
Speaker 4: Have my number recorded as Ben Affleck, So when I
Speaker 4: text myself an idea or or anything, it looks like
Speaker 4: it's coming from Ben Affleck, and I might show someone
Speaker 4: I'm like Ben Afflex sent me dumb joke about birds
Speaker 4: again and people believe it and they're like, you know him.
Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, he's always look at this. He's always
Speaker 4: texting me joke ideas and when I call myself, you know,
Speaker 4: it comes.
Speaker 3: Up its number. It makes me feel like I know
Speaker 3: the guy, and the version I know is he does
Speaker 3: weird me two things.
Speaker 1: Okay, the guy in my phone, the made up, the
Speaker 1: purely fictional been offlecking.
Speaker 3: Her phone, some of the jokes he sends me.
Speaker 4: Our question At best, it's like, where is this coming from, Martha?
Speaker 5: Who's the most famous person you've met now that you
Speaker 5: are a TV and film star?
Speaker 3: Great question?
Speaker 1: Thank you I met that you want to talk about?
Speaker 3: Sorry, yeah you want to talk about it?
Speaker 2: Clearly, I don't know a lot to say am about him,
Speaker 2: but he was very very sweet to me in the
Speaker 2: limited time I interacted with him. Adam Driver, oh one
Speaker 2: the movie that hasn't come out that I might be
Speaker 2: cut out of where my character was name case worker,
Speaker 2: but he just was. But he was very like, like,
Speaker 2: you know, when you guys were talking about Dustin Hoffman,
Speaker 2: all the stuff he did to get into character. I've
Speaker 2: never felt my heart was in a job. Any job
Speaker 2: is enough to do that kind of stuff, Nor do
Speaker 2: I ever want to like be that dedicated to anything.
Speaker 3: Anything at that level.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I agree, not.
Speaker 2: To the point of staying up for three days straight
Speaker 2: and like not bathing or whatever he did.
Speaker 1: And but Adam Driver seems like one of.
Speaker 2: Those method actors who has the ability to tune out
Speaker 2: everything and concentrate really hard on on whatever character he's doing.
Speaker 2: So I don't think I would ever be able to
Speaker 2: do that, and certainly if I don't put any effort
Speaker 2: into it all.
Speaker 1: But I admire people who can do that.
Speaker 2: But so he he would, he would be in his
Speaker 2: own world and like kind of tune out everyone.
Speaker 1: But then if you interacted with him, he was very sweet,
Speaker 1: and he's tall, He's super tall, and he has a
Speaker 1: long waist and a long face and a long jacket.
Speaker 1: That's exciting. So he actually talked to you like a
Speaker 1: person and was just kind of chill. Yeah, but he
Speaker 1: didn't talk.
Speaker 2: So a lot of the main thing I love about
Speaker 2: acting job is all the time you spend with all
Speaker 2: the other cast and crew hanging out and talking all day,
Speaker 2: and he didn't.
Speaker 1: Really do that. He was very focused. But like.
Speaker 2: The second day, I think I only had I only
Speaker 2: worked three days, so the second day of shooting, I
Speaker 2: was just like, I owe him an apology. I should
Speaker 2: have not taken the job. I'm doing a terrible job.
Speaker 2: And so between setups, I said, because I really felt like.
Speaker 1: He deserves to be with someone who actually can act.
Speaker 2: And no, I apologize to him because he also that
Speaker 2: day he kept getting frustrated with himself if he didn't
Speaker 2: do a take he thought was good, and I was like, who,
Speaker 2: why is he being subjected to this actor with him?
Speaker 2: And so I apologize to him between setups and he
Speaker 2: was like, no, you're you know, he's really sweet and
Speaker 2: like he so he was sweet to people if he
Speaker 2: talked to you, but he just didn't initiate much interaction
Speaker 2: because he was focusing on acting. Is like Louie and
Speaker 2: Zach and all of the great guest actors that come on.
Speaker 2: Everyone just wants to joke around and hang out, you know,
Speaker 2: and it's really fun.
Speaker 3: Sound fun.
Speaker 1: I bet it's the best I've never in that well,
Speaker 1: I guess it's only two years, three years, three years,
Speaker 1: three years since I worked on that show. I've never
Speaker 1: had the chance to go be there when they're shooting,
Speaker 1: and it's heartbreaking. I wondered that I've never I've never
Speaker 1: been on set. I really want to.
Speaker 3: Where does the shooting take place? Where is it all over?
Speaker 3: Where do you go?
Speaker 2: Yeah, like this coming week we have a couple of
Speaker 2: days in Pico Rivera and then a couple of days
Speaker 2: in Silmar. There's lots of like Santa Clarita, that a
Speaker 2: lot of valley stuff. There's gonna be stuff like we
Speaker 2: calabasas they were in last week, just kind of all
Speaker 2: over the valley.
Speaker 3: All these places I've never been that I've been wanting
Speaker 3: to go to.
Speaker 2: It's kind of fun that the locations that I like
Speaker 2: before Baskets, there were a bunch of neat places in
Speaker 2: southern California.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know we're there.
Speaker 3: So that's kind of fun where all of a sudden
Speaker 3: you're just around horses.
Speaker 1: And Yeah, there was one little town.
Speaker 2: Kind of like on the way to Ventura, but in
Speaker 2: the mountains, so kind of off any of the major
Speaker 2: highways and it's just a little town in the mountains
Speaker 2: and there's this little winding road in and out of it,
Speaker 2: and it was so cool and I didn't even know
Speaker 2: it was there. It's where they shot this stuff. When
Speaker 2: he jumps on the train in season one.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, so that stuff is really fun.
Speaker 4: Will you please share with our listeners the time you
Speaker 4: tried to befriend a horse and the horse did it
Speaker 4: turn on you?
Speaker 3: Will you want to tell that story? And will you?
Speaker 1: I will?
Speaker 2: Yeah. I just there was a horse near where I
Speaker 2: lived in East Austin in twenty twelve, and it was
Speaker 2: when Buddy was sick and dying, a dog that was my.
Speaker 4: Dog for a little while, and it was always Buddy
Speaker 4: was always your dog, but I fostered Buddy for a while.
Speaker 2: I feel like he was definitely both our dogs.
Speaker 1: Ye, And so the day I found out he was.
Speaker 2: This horse, we just would walk by and she was
Speaker 2: always alone in this pasture and would walk the length
Speaker 2: of her fence when we would walk by, and I
Speaker 2: just thought she was lonely. So I started petting her,
Speaker 2: and then I started bringing your carrots and apples. And
Speaker 2: then the day I found out Buddy only had a
Speaker 2: few weeks to live, that he had this fast moving cancer,
Speaker 2: stopped to give her carrots and an apple, and she
Speaker 2: put her head over the fence and pushed her forehead
Speaker 2: against my forehead and just stood there. That's the best
Speaker 2: and so I don't know anything about horses, and I
Speaker 2: just thought that we were friends and had to because
Speaker 2: if you have a connection with a dog, once you
Speaker 2: have that there, they want you to be around them
Speaker 2: all the time and close to They want you to
Speaker 2: hug and pet them.
Speaker 4: You assume horses and dogs maybe because they have similar
Speaker 4: body type.
Speaker 1: They do have four legs both of them, and tails. Yeah, and.
Speaker 3: Been big dogs to me.
Speaker 2: Well, when after Buddy died one day, I just thought,
Speaker 2: I bet she would like it if I was on
Speaker 2: the other side of the fence petting her, and so
Speaker 2: I climbed in and she immediately.
Speaker 1: Tried to tell me, this is now what you wanted.
Speaker 3: What stopping?
Speaker 2: Well, she started, she kind of she kind of trotted
Speaker 2: over towards me, like she trotted away when I climbed over,
Speaker 2: and then came back. And so I walked next to her,
Speaker 2: petting her, going it's okay, it's okay, And then she
Speaker 2: turned her back feet towards me, and it popped into
Speaker 2: my head like this is what they do sometimes when
Speaker 2: they kick people. So I jumped kind of out of
Speaker 2: the way, and then she whirled around and stood up
Speaker 2: on her hind legs and went Cran's horse like Iamug's crane, the.
Speaker 3: Black Stallion when they put on a cruise ship.
Speaker 1: Yes, something like that. She reared up with her her
Speaker 1: front legs waned or winned, winned, thank you.
Speaker 2: And then I ran behind a tree and she chased me.
Speaker 3: That's when I remember, And didn't people drive by or something?
Speaker 2: Her owners who didn't stop and do anything. They drove by,
Speaker 2: and I didn't know who they were. I just saw
Speaker 2: people driving by as I was hiding behind a tree
Speaker 2: and she was at the tree trying to get me.
Speaker 3: Why wouldn't they be concern that a person was in there.
Speaker 1: I still don't know.
Speaker 3: They didn't see you.
Speaker 1: Maybe No, they saw me because.
Speaker 2: I waved and they waved back, and I waved because
Speaker 2: of that thing where you don't want people to know
Speaker 2: that you need help because you're.
Speaker 1: Embarrassed, so like you mean, my whole life.
Speaker 2: They slowed down, and I was like, this is embarrassing.
Speaker 2: So I just raised a hand like, hey, I'm fine,
Speaker 2: even though I wasn't.
Speaker 4: You'd rather not be embarrassed and potentially be saved from
Speaker 4: a dangerous horse killer.
Speaker 1: Yes, And then they waved back. They'd slow a little.
Speaker 1: They waved back and kept driving.
Speaker 2: And then a few days later I met them and
Speaker 2: they were like, yeah, we saw you the other day.
Speaker 3: I was like, what, why didn't you do something about it?
Speaker 1: I needed you.
Speaker 2: I had to run from like that tree to behind
Speaker 2: her little shed, to behind another tree, working my way
Speaker 2: towards the fence, and then ran to the fence and
Speaker 2: thought I could hop up, you know, like run out
Speaker 2: of a chain link fence and land a little bit
Speaker 2: off the ground.
Speaker 1: But I didn't, and then I ripped my jeans climbing
Speaker 1: over it.
Speaker 3: Oh God.
Speaker 2: And then I told her because she chased me to
Speaker 2: the fence, and I said, we're not friends anymore.
Speaker 1: In English, You're not nice.
Speaker 3: How did she take that?
Speaker 1: She didn't seem to care.
Speaker 2: But then I went back to being a friend because
Speaker 2: I felt mad, for there's no one there.
Speaker 3: The relationship with a horse has ups and downs.
Speaker 1: Have been a problem horse too.
Speaker 2: Maybe that is why no one was in her pastors
Speaker 2: because she wasn't very nice.
Speaker 3: Did you ever feel like putting peanut butter in the
Speaker 3: horse's mouth? And then later doing some voiceover.
Speaker 1: Going like I'm sorry, Martha, I just I don't know
Speaker 1: how to do it right.
Speaker 3: Oh, sometimes my teeth is getting the way.
Speaker 1: Wait, Martha, have you ever seen that? What's one of
Speaker 1: my favorite gifts, and it's the horse that somebody put
Speaker 1: a stuffed horse into the horse's like area and it
Speaker 1: goes up and kicks it with it. I love it
Speaker 1: so much.
Speaker 5: I'm picturing that you tried to make friends with that horse,
Speaker 5: because that's my favorite gift, maybe of all time.
Speaker 1: I have to look it up again because it is
Speaker 1: so good. It's so funny and painful.
Speaker 2: It seems like the horse is like, oh, is this
Speaker 2: a friend of Fuck you stuffed animals and.
Speaker 1: Fuck you human being that put this stuffed animal here? Yeah,
Speaker 1: who do you think I am?
Speaker 4: I just saw one the other day of an owl,
Speaker 4: like people have owls his pets and certain strange houses
Speaker 4: and this.
Speaker 1: Harry Potter's house, this Sorcerer Child's house.
Speaker 4: That's a giant owl, and they just put a little
Speaker 4: rabbit behind it had little rabbit ears, and they all
Speaker 4: started running towards it, and his wings were up like
Speaker 4: he was gonna fly off with it, but then he
Speaker 4: saw it was a stuffed animal, and he just was
Speaker 4: like staring at it all confused, like that's not a
Speaker 4: real rabbit. Why did you make me get into hunter
Speaker 4: most Yeah, it was embarrassed, so he waved off. He
Speaker 4: waved at some horse owners embarrassedment, just out of shame.
Speaker 4: We've probably done a long episode recD.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I was actually trying to find Martha's street, but
Speaker 1: now I can't remember which one it is. It's the
Speaker 1: one if you go left and then pass the light.
Speaker 3: Do you guys care about that little dog on that
Speaker 3: wall being a show dog like a little diamond catwalk.
Speaker 3: That's a little model dog on a catwalk.
Speaker 1: Seen it before me.
Speaker 3: It's a doggy cat. Watch Are you sure you don't
Speaker 3: want to glance over? Doggy cat does show's over?
Speaker 2: My neighbor on the other side of the duplex has
Speaker 2: a Corgie and she is everything you would want.
Speaker 3: Big body, tiny legs and.
Speaker 1: Big body tiny legs.
Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of.
Speaker 2: Instructions about what other people should be doing.
Speaker 1: Oh real bossy, very bossy. Yeah, because they're royals. I
Speaker 1: love it. Here we go, well I get hit by
Speaker 1: a car we don't know.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, they are going for it. Thank you for
Speaker 4: existing and being terrible.
Speaker 1: Not even adjusting slightly. So yeah, two more.
Speaker 4: We might as well take you right to your door, right,
Speaker 4: we can't quit an episode mid block.
Speaker 1: No, that would be bad.
Speaker 3: Let's do it right up right up to the bitter
Speaker 3: and it's gonna get better now.
Speaker 1: Martha, do you have anything that you want to plug,
Speaker 1: that you that you'd like to discuss, that you want
Speaker 1: to confront us about anything at all?
Speaker 3: Amends or do you want to apologize for.
Speaker 1: What you've done to us?
Speaker 3: Dream?
Speaker 1: Sorry.
Speaker 2: This is the fourth podcast I've done since moving out here,
Speaker 2: and it's been a path of destruction. One of them
Speaker 2: they I did over a month ago, So it's the
Speaker 2: street after this one. Okay, I did over a month
Speaker 2: ago and they still haven't released it, and I can
Speaker 2: only assume it's because it was even worse.
Speaker 1: Than I remember.
Speaker 3: Impossible, no way, your comedy is pretty bad.
Speaker 1: They all feel bad though.
Speaker 4: There are people and I've seen it. I've known Martha
Speaker 4: a long time. We kind of started stand up together
Speaker 4: in a way, don't you think, or whatever.
Speaker 3: We dabbled.
Speaker 1: We met, we really knew.
Speaker 3: I've seen people not get Martha, and I want I've
Speaker 3: wanted who was the.
Speaker 4: It was like the Cajun comic that yeah, you had
Speaker 4: a rough set, and he's like, hey, everyone just take
Speaker 4: your hands and just wipe the sweat off your brow and.
Speaker 3: Just know that thank God, that's over or what he said,
Speaker 3: and you go apologie. I was going to fight that guy.
Speaker 3: You gotta go to apology. Did he apologize?
Speaker 2: No, he never spoke to me between any of the
Speaker 2: rest of the shows we did that week. That was
Speaker 2: in the terrible That All Club in San Antonio, but
Speaker 2: I think has closed.
Speaker 3: I know that was a capsity Matt Bearden was. I
Speaker 3: remember it vividly.
Speaker 4: Oh, and I was like that guy is and he
Speaker 4: was like had won his wife had won the lottery
Speaker 4: or something, and he is a millionaire.
Speaker 1: There was some bad I remember meeting a guy who
Speaker 1: came the one week I headlined in Houston at the
Speaker 1: old Lapstop, and I don't know why the guy headlined me.
Speaker 1: I was like a solid middle and part rabbit and
Speaker 1: that There's.
Speaker 3: One VHS in the green room and it was Girls
Speaker 3: Guitar Club. Yeah, and I watched it and I'm like
Speaker 3: that she's funny. Maybe one day I'll have a podcast.
Speaker 3: I've said that I didn't know what a podcast was.
Speaker 5: But while I was at that, after the show, every
Speaker 5: night you'd have to go out and drink in the
Speaker 5: bar and I was standing there one night and there
Speaker 5: was a guy that walked on and he's like, yeah,
Speaker 5: you're all right, and I'm like, oh, thanks, and he goes, yeah,
Speaker 5: I'm a balloon comic and he was fucking serious.
Speaker 1: I laughed in his face. I was like, are you
Speaker 1: kidding me? Like, but he meant it.
Speaker 5: He was just like the balloon comics here, I may
Speaker 5: or may not be giving you my approval. And I
Speaker 5: just had that like moment where he pulled all the
Speaker 5: way back so it was like the United States, then
Speaker 5: it was in the Northern Hemisphere, and then I would
Speaker 5: have outer space where I was just like, Wow, this
Speaker 5: is the dumbest job I could have ever tried to do,
Speaker 5: and now I'm fucking stuck.
Speaker 1: In it, and this is my job. These assholes are
Speaker 1: my peers, and this is these are the people I'm
Speaker 1: going to be hearing from for the rest of my life.
Speaker 3: Anyone in this car ever seen a balloon comedy show?
Speaker 1: I did saying a balloon comic like I'm a balloon comic,
Speaker 1: like I'm a political comic.
Speaker 3: It's a genre of comedy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's you're saying you're a clown. That's crazy. I'm angry.
Speaker 3: I tell you jokes as I make poodles for children
Speaker 3: at the parties.
Speaker 1: And I'm the one who knows that you're not that
Speaker 1: good at comedy. Okay, well then that's so be it.
Speaker 3: Well you know who is good at comedy, Martha Kelly.
Speaker 1: Guys, thank you for having me on your podcast so much.
Speaker 3: You're doing it and you're nothing to play. You don't
Speaker 3: are you going to doing?
Speaker 2: I'm doing but I don't remember the dates, So what's
Speaker 2: the point you look it up?
Speaker 1: Do you have a website? Not want I would want
Speaker 1: anyone to look at it.
Speaker 2: I have a word Press site that I haven't updated
Speaker 2: in a year and it's embarrassing. Word press it Martha
Speaker 2: dot gov, Martha Kelly dot gov. And then and then
Speaker 2: my Twitter handles Martha Kelly three. That's the one where
Speaker 2: I yell at people on the internet every single day.
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 1: I live for it. Well, thanks you, guys, thank you
Speaker 1: for being with us. Yes, Martha meant the world that
Speaker 1: you would do it at so last minute we made
Speaker 1: this appreciated. We love you, Martha.
Speaker 3: I mean you've been listening to do you Need to Ride?
Speaker 1: D Y N A R? Are you leaving you wanna
Speaker 1: way back? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't
Speaker 1: matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and
Speaker 1: a Tourmano and Gabe. We want to send you off instead,
Speaker 1: we want to welcome you back home. Tell us all
Speaker 1: about it. We scared or was it fine? Melbourne?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need
Speaker 3: With Karen and Chriss