Speaker 1: Anyway. Oh great, because as soon as you said I'm ready,
Speaker 1: I hit record. Um. So I'm excited about this midweek
Speaker 1: mom chat because I'm here as one of my besties
Speaker 1: for the Rusty Free Landing. Hey, so we've been quarantining.
Speaker 1: We are zoom interviewing right now, and life is just weird.
Speaker 1: We're both new moms. Breathe Lundin. It's kind of the
Speaker 1: o G of our closest friend group who got pregnant
Speaker 1: and had a baby first. So and she's also like
Speaker 1: I call her like a little Jackie. Oh, super responsible
Speaker 1: and organized and knows all the things, and so she
Speaker 1: kind of leads away on what we should be doing
Speaker 1: and how things are going with our baby. I looked
Speaker 1: to you for a lot of advice. Well, I looked
Speaker 1: to you. I don't know everything. Oh you do anything.
Speaker 1: I just love. I like to figure it out, Like
Speaker 1: what's gonna work for me? How ill have you figured
Speaker 1: things out? Um? I just like a lot of the Internet,
Speaker 1: a lot of blogs. Um. But when I find something
Speaker 1: I love, you know it because I can't as stop
Speaker 1: talking about it, Like I should be paid by a
Speaker 1: lot of people to talk about their products, because once
Speaker 1: I love it, I love it. So tell me the
Speaker 1: things that you found that you just love. I love
Speaker 1: taking care of babies. Oh that that site, it's a website. Yes.
Speaker 1: I looked to her for everything if I just need
Speaker 1: like a pick me up, or if I'm gonna go somewhere,
Speaker 1: like she kind of helps me. This is like mom related, meaning, Um,
Speaker 1: I just kind of always looked to her. Um. She's
Speaker 1: just such a calming person and she's fun and she
Speaker 1: just makes it. She helps bring me, helps to me
Speaker 1: realize that it's gonna be. Okay, isn't that what we
Speaker 1: all need have realized as a new mom and someone
Speaker 1: who has anxiety, which is myself. Yes, okay, so you
Speaker 1: have anxiety to have. Becoming a new mom just made
Speaker 1: me have even more anxiety than I've ever had, because, ay,
Speaker 1: this love is bigger than anything you've ever known. But
Speaker 1: you were solely responsible for this child, and I just
Speaker 1: got overwhelmed because I didn't know what to do. I
Speaker 1: didn't know who to follow it and know who to
Speaker 1: listen to it, didn't know what was right. Ever, some
Speaker 1: people are doing this, other people during this. Some people
Speaker 1: swear by this. Other people say don't do that, And
Speaker 1: it's like if you doubt yourself already, which I do.
Speaker 1: It's like how do I even know what to what
Speaker 1: to do, what to do and who to follow? So
Speaker 1: I love that you found someone that spoke to you,
Speaker 1: which is taking care of babies. And it's C A
Speaker 1: r A Babies. Yeah right, she's from Arizona. But I
Speaker 1: found her because you know, it's like some I believe
Speaker 1: in seeing signs like me too, Like it just it
Speaker 1: felt right. And I remember I was going I had
Speaker 1: already found like a couple of months before. But this
Speaker 1: was when Poppy was six months and it was Labor
Speaker 1: Day weekend and we were going to go to Christ's
Speaker 1: friend's house to watch the Auburn game. And I was like,
Speaker 1: the game starts to eight thirty. I can't take my baby.
Speaker 1: She has to go to bed, she has to go
Speaker 1: to just do that. Like I'm just not going to go.
Speaker 1: And my mom and dad were in town, my brother
Speaker 1: and his wife had just come in from California, and
Speaker 1: we were all going to go, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going. I can't go. And her post came
Speaker 1: up like right on time and said, you cannot put
Speaker 1: your life on hold because of your baby, And I
Speaker 1: just I always wanted to be the mom that was
Speaker 1: like all right, let's go, and then here I was
Speaker 1: six months in and I'm like, like can do it.
Speaker 1: I can't do it. I can't do it because I
Speaker 1: just was so consumed and like I don't even know
Speaker 1: what like looking back, like I know it's like the
Speaker 1: new mom feelings, but I don't even know why. Like
Speaker 1: my baby is gonna sleep, it's gonna be okay. But
Speaker 1: I was so worried about like getting her off scheduled
Speaker 1: because I've just gotten her on his schedule and it
Speaker 1: just it's just it's just too much. But taking care
Speaker 1: of baby, she's just like you can't you have to
Speaker 1: go out and have fun with your friends. You have
Speaker 1: to go out with your family because that fuels you.
Speaker 1: Like you have to find like what keeps me going
Speaker 1: as a person, because I can't be the mom I
Speaker 1: want to be. I can't find me as a person.
Speaker 1: That is crucial business that you just dropped right there.
Speaker 1: You if you lose yourself completely as a mom, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's be real. We're going to lose ourselves on some
Speaker 1: level when we become moms. It happens. But if you
Speaker 1: it's almost like a rebirth, maybe not losing in oneself.
Speaker 1: It's a rebirthing of like you, this baby is born
Speaker 1: into the world, and they say this, the same day
Speaker 1: your baby is born is the same day a mom
Speaker 1: is born, you know, so we're both being born. Um
Speaker 1: me myself. I can't lose that, right, You can't lose
Speaker 1: who you are because if you do, then you're just
Speaker 1: gonna spot not you, anyone with a spiral and you
Speaker 1: you've gotta you've gotta keep a sliver of yourself in there, right,
Speaker 1: And I think it takes finding a long I mean,
Speaker 1: it took me probably like ten nine nine, ten eleven
Speaker 1: months and to finally realize, like what was fueling me? Like,
Speaker 1: of course I love seeing our friends and I love
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, I am a working mom. I
Speaker 1: like going to work, like using my brain. Not to
Speaker 1: say that non working moms don't use the brain, because
Speaker 1: we all do, but like I like getting out of
Speaker 1: the house and going to do something. You like the
Speaker 1: working mentality, You like that feeling in your brain. I
Speaker 1: like that feeling too. Some people don't need that or
Speaker 1: create that, but I also created that working feeling. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I also live for routine, and so I like m hmm.
Speaker 1: I want to be more flexible and not something taking
Speaker 1: care of baby says. She says flexible routines, not rigid schedules.
Speaker 1: But before probably I was very not rigid, like from
Speaker 1: nine to ten. We you know, on a good example,
Speaker 1: like with before baby, but like we dinner at six,
Speaker 1: like's not I'm not that kind of rigid, but I'm rigid.
Speaker 1: Like I map out my day. What does that do
Speaker 1: for you when you haven't mapped out? I like to
Speaker 1: make lists and I like to check things off my list,
Speaker 1: very type a um, but it just helps me kind
Speaker 1: of like manage my day to know that I can
Speaker 1: get all my things done. But since being in quarantine,
Speaker 1: I'm realized. I I love to have a clean house.
Speaker 1: I love to do my little things like I like
Speaker 1: piddling around. But I'm realizing I could I could stay home.
Speaker 1: Not no yet stay at home mom, because I was
Speaker 1: just telling you my baby is still going to our
Speaker 1: nanny share. But I'm getting to like be in my
Speaker 1: home again and find myself like I painted the other night,
Speaker 1: getting to find those things that like make me me again.
Speaker 1: I always thought my me thing was going to be
Speaker 1: my job, and I'm realizing since not going there every day,
Speaker 1: that I like working and I'm still working from home,
Speaker 1: but my job is not that demanding right now. Just
Speaker 1: with everything going on in the world, I'm getting to
Speaker 1: find more things that fuel me and I'm noticing it's
Speaker 1: not my job like I always thought it was going
Speaker 1: to be. If that makes any sense. It makes a
Speaker 1: lot of sense, because there's no way we could ever
Speaker 1: fully define who we are because we keep evolving, you know,
Speaker 1: And I think, I think that it's so awesome, Like
Speaker 1: you my sister's type, and I interviewed her for one
Speaker 1: of my last podcasts, and it was so fun to
Speaker 1: talk to her because our brains are so similar and
Speaker 1: then we're so different and being a type, she said,
Speaker 1: she's kind of the same thing that you're talking about
Speaker 1: is she's realizing that she's she lets go of a
Speaker 1: lot of things now that maybe she wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: because she realizes that they aren't necessarily essential, but then
Speaker 1: she like really kills it on the things that are.
Speaker 1: So I don't know, I mean, I think that I
Speaker 1: totally agree with you and the fact that we think
Speaker 1: sometimes that we're so wrapped up in a box. Like
Speaker 1: I've done that So many times I get to the
Speaker 1: point in my life where I'm like, Yep, this is
Speaker 1: who I am, this is what I love, da da das.
Speaker 1: I've reached my spiritual peak. I'm so connected to God,
Speaker 1: I'm like all these things I'm killing. And then I
Speaker 1: get hit with a whole new like level of stuff
Speaker 1: that I have to that I have to level up
Speaker 1: to and change and like evolve into. And it always
Speaker 1: like shakes me up a bit. But then it always
Speaker 1: reminds me, Oh, why am I trying to define myself?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think it's I think we put
Speaker 1: this pressure on ourself to like figure out why we're here.
Speaker 1: So that's a good, that's a good. Why, Like what's
Speaker 1: my purpose? Us? Like I always wanted a job that
Speaker 1: I always wanted. My my dad was always said, you
Speaker 1: don't live to work, you work to live. Yeah, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: so you you have to make money so that you
Speaker 1: can live your life, so you don't your job doesn't
Speaker 1: have to fulfill you. And I just kind of always
Speaker 1: disagreed with that. I always thought, no, like, I want
Speaker 1: my job to fulfill me. So my very first job
Speaker 1: in Nashville was in social work, and I realized about
Speaker 1: a year in I just can't do that, even though
Speaker 1: it was like where my heart was, but I couldn't
Speaker 1: make that my money making, like how I paid my bills.
Speaker 1: How did you realize that I was crying all the
Speaker 1: time all the time, and then to add that on
Speaker 1: job of it it was not good where you just overwhelmed,
Speaker 1: But what what was making you cry? I couldn't fix
Speaker 1: them and help them in every way that they absolutely
Speaker 1: needed and needed my help. So do you carry that
Speaker 1: as a burden, Like would you know that something needs
Speaker 1: your help and you have become aware of it and
Speaker 1: you're such a do or do you feel like it
Speaker 1: is in your responsibility to save everything that you have
Speaker 1: seen like with your eyes. I would like to that's
Speaker 1: a lot of responsibility, it is, And I would say
Speaker 1: in the last year since since having Poppy, I've been
Speaker 1: able to in my lack of sleep. I don't know
Speaker 1: how I came to this. I just think in the
Speaker 1: first year of life for a baby, I was looking
Speaker 1: at her the other day like she has changed so much,
Speaker 1: and I think as women and Dad's too, we changed
Speaker 1: so much along with them that I just in this
Speaker 1: last year I just was thinking like I don't. I
Speaker 1: can only do so much, you know, like I need
Speaker 1: to prioritize my time so that I can be with
Speaker 1: her and I can be with my family, But I
Speaker 1: know I still want to help others, So I just
Speaker 1: have to pick and choose how I need to do that,
Speaker 1: and just know that it's not always going to turn
Speaker 1: out exactly how I want or I'm not gonna be
Speaker 1: able to do as much as I think I should.
Speaker 1: But if I can do a little, maybe that's like
Speaker 1: a trickle effect. You know, maybe someone else will see
Speaker 1: me doing this and so they'll pick up or Poppy
Speaker 1: will see me doing this and she'll want to help
Speaker 1: later on, and then we can help people later on
Speaker 1: together or something, you know. Just m how do you decide?
Speaker 1: How do you decide where you want to help? Now
Speaker 1: that you have decided, and I agree with you, you
Speaker 1: have to choose like where you're drawn, where your heart
Speaker 1: is called, because there's no way we can do everything,
Speaker 1: like it's just not humanly possible. So I feel the
Speaker 1: same as you is I have to really listen to
Speaker 1: my heart and be like, where am I truly being called?
Speaker 1: And where the doors opening for me to walk through
Speaker 1: to help. How do you know when it's time when
Speaker 1: you need to walk through a door and when you
Speaker 1: when that's what you want to commit to. Oh, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like I walked through a lot
Speaker 1: of closed doors. So look are you? Is it your
Speaker 1: head hurt for banging your head against the door. I
Speaker 1: mean there's something's easy, Like I, you know, as much
Speaker 1: as I want to go out and help our community
Speaker 1: right now, my it's not as easy as it used
Speaker 1: to be. Like I can't just yeah, I just in
Speaker 1: order for me to go even go out to dinner
Speaker 1: with my friends, like it's a whole process of like
Speaker 1: getting a babysitter, ready for the ready for her or
Speaker 1: this or that, Like it's just a lot of things.
Speaker 1: Which there's my anxiety again, like just go it's gonna
Speaker 1: be okay, right. I think lately it's just been my friends,
Speaker 1: like I just feel drawn to them to be Like
Speaker 1: Amanda is pregnant, Like how can I be there to
Speaker 1: help her? How can I help, you know, some of
Speaker 1: her anxieties or just following her lead because not everybody.
Speaker 1: Everyone always tells you once you have a baby or
Speaker 1: once you're pregnant, you're gonna hear everyone's birth story, Like
Speaker 1: you don't have to tell everybody your birth story, Like
Speaker 1: just wait for someone to ask you about the birth story,
Speaker 1: you know, library that's so true. I felt like I
Speaker 1: had to tell every single person my birth story. I
Speaker 1: did a whole podcast on my birth story. I needed
Speaker 1: to explain why I made the decisions that I made,
Speaker 1: how it all went down, how it all like, like
Speaker 1: everybody even cared. I mean I just thought they all did.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's a big, big experience that we have,
Speaker 1: and so it should be told. But with some for me,
Speaker 1: I just try to be really conscious that especially for
Speaker 1: someone a friend that's about to go through it, like
Speaker 1: what does she want to hear? Like there are things
Speaker 1: that I will be sure to tell everybody because I
Speaker 1: feel like some people didn't tell me some of these
Speaker 1: things that you need to know. Okay, well you need
Speaker 1: to tell us that that's what we need to know
Speaker 1: on this podcast. What are those things like when as
Speaker 1: it relates to what you said, there's some things that
Speaker 1: everyone needs to know, like what are they like for
Speaker 1: the birthing process, Like the first time they measure your service,
Speaker 1: it hurts. I mean, how come no one told you that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: That no, I never got measured because wait, you're talking
Speaker 1: about when you're in labor. No, like your thirty six
Speaker 1: week appointment or yeah yeah, oh my god, no one
Speaker 1: ever tells you that. Yeah, like, be prepared for that
Speaker 1: because that hurts. Yeah, like um, the epidural. I know
Speaker 1: you didn't have the epidural. With epidural hurts, I mean
Speaker 1: your mutters from other things. Now I'm on and I'm
Speaker 1: on the spot. I know the more will come to
Speaker 1: me as you have the things that you have. Well,
Speaker 1: there's one that I know you probably don't want to share,
Speaker 1: but no, I'm not going to share it because now
Speaker 1: give me a hint. Uh oh, So my birth story
Speaker 1: if everybody's dying, dear, never in my life, and I
Speaker 1: had high blood pressure ever in my life. I got
Speaker 1: very swollen to day gave birth. I waged almost eighty
Speaker 1: pounds more than I normally weigh. And Bree, everyone has
Speaker 1: to note, Bree is this little tiny thing. You've always
Speaker 1: just been a string being. You look like you got
Speaker 1: stung by a bee and it swelled you up. Like
Speaker 1: you looked so swollen. It was it was it was
Speaker 1: painful to look at you. It was insane. I couldn't
Speaker 1: walk down the stairs, but like I was sipping on glass, yeah,
Speaker 1: because it was just so much water. But after I
Speaker 1: gave birth, I was induced because my blood pressure was
Speaker 1: growing up. At thirty seven weeks, um, my sir, my
Speaker 1: blood pressure was still high. My uterus wasn't contracting, and
Speaker 1: I was internally bleeding, so they had to give me magnesium,
Speaker 1: which in me go to the bathroom all over myself
Speaker 1: for like a few days. It was awful and I've
Speaker 1: never passed gas in front of my husband. So was
Speaker 1: sprayings lavender's ray. So bring some lavender's bray. Bring some
Speaker 1: lavender spray. Yeah, that's good to know. For the hospital.
Speaker 1: Bring a big, big comforter for your husband, yeah, because
Speaker 1: that couch is not comfortable. But also sheets and extra
Speaker 1: pillows and blankets. It's just too much to bring one
Speaker 1: big comforter. Yeah that's true. A power strip. Oh that's smart.
Speaker 1: I just thought that one. Yeah that's a good one. Okay,
Speaker 1: but you're going back to I totally side tracked to you.
Speaker 1: This is what I get in trouble for with all
Speaker 1: my listeners were like, Caroline, your guest is telling a
Speaker 1: great story, and then you rabbit trail them off somewhere,
Speaker 1: and I want to hear what they were taking a
Speaker 1: rabbit trail because my brain is I'm nervous, so my
Speaker 1: brain is like jumping all over the place, and I
Speaker 1: brethe was like, what are we gonna talk about? Can
Speaker 1: you give me a brief about this? I've never really
Speaker 1: done a podcast before. I might brief. It's gonna be fine.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have like this great conversation. Well, that's the
Speaker 1: thing that's what's so cool about this podcast is it's
Speaker 1: honestly there's all types of people, but a lot of
Speaker 1: the people on who listen are women. A lot of
Speaker 1: them are moms, a lot of them are new moms,
Speaker 1: and so it's literally like we're all just sort of
Speaker 1: like sharing information and helping each other that on how
Speaker 1: to navigate this thing of life as a woman, as
Speaker 1: a career woman, as a new mom, living away from
Speaker 1: your family, like all these things that we go through,
Speaker 1: feeling alone, feeling not good enough, having anxiety, all that stuff,
Speaker 1: Like those are the things that we all want to
Speaker 1: talk about because we want support. You know, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean at least I do. I do too, because I
Speaker 1: I know you just talked about mom guilt on here,
Speaker 1: but it's such a real thing, and I feel like
Speaker 1: it's even more than just mom guilt. I think it's
Speaker 1: like it's motherhood because I just entered this new phase
Speaker 1: of motherhood and it makes me feel guilty that I'm
Speaker 1: not there for my friends as much. What is the
Speaker 1: new face? It's just say, it's just like this whole
Speaker 1: new phase of guilt that we're doing. Oh yeah, Like
Speaker 1: I think being a mother like brings it on because
Speaker 1: you no longer can be selfish, like it's solely about
Speaker 1: someone else and so then and it's about this perfect
Speaker 1: little human being. But also you're not able to then
Speaker 1: be you can even be there for yourself, So it's
Speaker 1: really hard to be there for someone else, which is
Speaker 1: my love language is I want to be there for
Speaker 1: other people, Like I was telling you right when you
Speaker 1: had Sunny, Like I we talked on the phone so
Speaker 1: much while you were pregnant, and then you had her,
Speaker 1: and my baby is like finally up and crawling and
Speaker 1: moving everywhere, and I feel like I couldn't really even
Speaker 1: be there for you as a new mom because I
Speaker 1: am dealing with all my my new mom this, if
Speaker 1: that makes sense. So I think it's the guilt of like, okay,
Speaker 1: of a lot of things, like even like with your
Speaker 1: husband or with your parents or just I think as women,
Speaker 1: we put that pressure on ourselves. But I think this
Speaker 1: in this new day and age, which is awesome, is
Speaker 1: that we're all kind of realizing, even though we still
Speaker 1: have the guilt, that you're feeling it too. I'm feeling
Speaker 1: it too. Can we just all agree that it's okay? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm not mad at you for it. You don't,
Speaker 1: don't be mad with me for it, like just honestly,
Speaker 1: it will It relieves me that you say that, I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't want you to have mom guilt, but that
Speaker 1: you say, like I feel guilty for not getting to
Speaker 1: be there for you, because that relieves me. Because I
Speaker 1: can't be there for anyone either, I mean literally learn.
Speaker 1: I am trying, and I'm trying to do more like
Speaker 1: phone calls here and there, especially now that we're all
Speaker 1: on quarantine. Like I'm trying to like zoom with some
Speaker 1: friends and like set up some fun zoom dates and
Speaker 1: like try to like call friends to catch up. But
Speaker 1: like when you have a baby that you're chasing around
Speaker 1: all day or feeding or doing whatever, or throw working
Speaker 1: on top of it. Oh my god, how And then
Speaker 1: you're trying to be a good wife, take care of
Speaker 1: your house, you want to catch up with your siblings
Speaker 1: and your parents, and then if you have to hit
Speaker 1: a family and then all of a sudden, you're trying
Speaker 1: to Like I used to go to so many parties
Speaker 1: and all sorts of stuff and advance, I'll go out
Speaker 1: all the time. Now I'm like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: can't go anywhere. No, I can't. And I mean I
Speaker 1: think that this quarantine. I think it's terrible what's happening
Speaker 1: in the world. But I think for that reason, like
Speaker 1: zoom has always been here. Yeah, we just need to
Speaker 1: utilize it more, Like had I even thought about it.
Speaker 1: I know there's space time, but FaceTime still hard because it's, yeah,
Speaker 1: like you have your phone and the second I pulled
Speaker 1: the phone out probably is like trying to grab it,
Speaker 1: like it's I'm almost like, all right, I gotta go,
Speaker 1: Like if she hangs up on you, was sorry, like
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna put it down. But I feel like
Speaker 1: if I had had zoom, even though we did, we
Speaker 1: just didn't realize it. Like back when Sonny was two
Speaker 1: months or three months, like we would have been able
Speaker 1: to do this like you how many times a day
Speaker 1: and I'm pumping or I'm feeding, Like why couldn't we
Speaker 1: have been like sitting here together, Like well, I think
Speaker 1: that's what I think. That's what's great about the quarantine
Speaker 1: Also is we're realizing that we can't connect via all
Speaker 1: the incredible um social whatever this is called the Way platform. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like zoom, Like this is great, Like and I feel
Speaker 1: so filled up after I have this conversation with you
Speaker 1: because I'm like, Okay, I really got to talk to
Speaker 1: my friend free. But we didn't have to like stop
Speaker 1: our lives and leave everything and like drive thirty is
Speaker 1: there thirty months back? Unload load all that. You know,
Speaker 1: it's just a process. You can stop on here, have
Speaker 1: a great conversation to hop up. Yeah not just say
Speaker 1: I cannot wait to just load all up now? And
Speaker 1: I don't mind. I guess you know, least we can
Speaker 1: still connect. So something I really love about you, agree,
Speaker 1: is I struggle with letting my hair down like I
Speaker 1: struggle with letting loose. And something I love so much
Speaker 1: about you, especially seeing you as a mom, is you
Speaker 1: are so responsible and organized and so informed and smart
Speaker 1: and fun and all of that when it comes to
Speaker 1: being a mom and a friend. But you were able
Speaker 1: to have fun and let your hair down, and like
Speaker 1: we turn, you have an alter ego. We all call
Speaker 1: you Dolly when you're like having a good time. How
Speaker 1: do you do that? Like how can you? How can
Speaker 1: you be so responsible and awesome and then like be
Speaker 1: so free spirited because I just struggle with that and
Speaker 1: I want to be more free spirited when the chance
Speaker 1: is there. I mean, I guess I, like we said,
Speaker 1: I've always had anxieties of like just getting ready for anything. Um,
Speaker 1: but I always decided when I was pregnant that my
Speaker 1: anxieties are not my baby's anxieties. So I was gonna
Speaker 1: always take that away from her because she does not
Speaker 1: need to feel bad. So even though it's stressful to
Speaker 1: be a mom, I and making sure that I'm doing
Speaker 1: the things I need to for her, but when it
Speaker 1: comes to her when I'm with her, I just can.
Speaker 1: I've just decided it's it's a mental game. Even though
Speaker 1: I see like the things in the background that I
Speaker 1: need to go do, it's not she doesn't need to
Speaker 1: feel that. Yeah, well, I do clean a lot with poppy,
Speaker 1: Like the other day she had to wipe in her
Speaker 1: hand and she was wiping before and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, she's a cleaner, probably because I clean
Speaker 1: a lot of rother her. I guess for her, I'm
Speaker 1: not showing my anxieties of like, yes, it's like why
Speaker 1: isn't she sleep? Me? Why is she's sleeping? I'm just like, hey, maybe,
Speaker 1: like you know, just more like sweet, even though inside
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, I need you to go
Speaker 1: to sleep. I need you to go to sleep. I
Speaker 1: think it's the same when it comes to my friends
Speaker 1: that like I literally just loved my entire life over here.
Speaker 1: So when I'm here, I'm gonna be here right and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get to talk to you because everyone's wondering,
Speaker 1: like how are you doing? Like what's been going on?
Speaker 1: Like how's it being a mom? Like what like what
Speaker 1: she have to be say? So obviously you're talking about it,
Speaker 1: but I don't, and I'm going to talk about it
Speaker 1: unless we just decided we're not gonna talk about kids
Speaker 1: at night, which hasn't happened. But like, I'm with my friends,
Speaker 1: so I just want to be with my friends. You know,
Speaker 1: it's I don't get to see you very often, so
Speaker 1: if I can just let it be, then I'll feel
Speaker 1: I'll be filled up with that. Also, I worked really
Speaker 1: hard to get there. I need to enjoy it and
Speaker 1: just let the girl come out. So you said two
Speaker 1: things I'm picking up. It sounds to me like being
Speaker 1: present is really important to you. And it also sounds
Speaker 1: to me like you've done some intentional thinking on parenting,
Speaker 1: like observing yourself and observing how you want to parent.
Speaker 1: So tell me about all that, like being present, and
Speaker 1: then what you how you want to parent, how you
Speaker 1: want to parent, how how you've chosen to parents. I
Speaker 1: just want to be somebody. I'm super close to my
Speaker 1: mom and dad and they're the best. They are the best.
Speaker 1: I still feel like I can turn to them and
Speaker 1: be pretty open with them. I want as much as
Speaker 1: like being a mom first and a teacher and a
Speaker 1: guider is most important, But I want to always be
Speaker 1: Poppy's friend, like I want her. Like just the other day,
Speaker 1: this is so weird. I was eating cottage cheese and
Speaker 1: she wants them, so I gave her some and she
Speaker 1: would loved it, and I was like, I just hope
Speaker 1: one day like she's having a hard time, and cottage
Speaker 1: cheese is our thing and we just get a tube
Speaker 1: cottage cheese and just eat it. And she just talks
Speaker 1: to me like cheese of all the things, and Catalina,
Speaker 1: I learned it from Andrea. I just hope that we
Speaker 1: could just always have our cottage cheese together. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm so serious. I just wanted to be I want
Speaker 1: to just be her friend while being a teacher and
Speaker 1: a guiter and a leader first, because you will still
Speaker 1: I don't want. You're not gonna get in trouble if
Speaker 1: you talk to me, but there might be repercussions like
Speaker 1: and steps afterwards. I guess I just I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just want. I don't know how I came to that.
Speaker 1: I just I guess I just did. And I being
Speaker 1: present is part of that because I need to. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be distracted when I'm with her, even
Speaker 1: though it's it's hard. And I saw this meme one
Speaker 1: day and it was like a mom like playing on
Speaker 1: the ground with her kids, says a good mom, and
Speaker 1: then the other mom is sitting on the couch on
Speaker 1: her phone and it says still a good mom, Like
Speaker 1: we can still be a good month and have our
Speaker 1: good days and our bad days, but mostly if I
Speaker 1: can just try and be intentional about my time with her,
Speaker 1: or if she's trying to get my attention and I
Speaker 1: happen to be zoned out looking at the TV or
Speaker 1: my phone or something in that moment, if she's trying
Speaker 1: to get my attention, like acknowledging that she's trying to
Speaker 1: get my attention right, and say like you're right, like here,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm back now, like I needed a moment, and
Speaker 1: clearly you needed a moment because you were fine playing
Speaker 1: by yourself for a second, but now here I am,
Speaker 1: And I just hope we have that, which she's older too,
Speaker 1: to say, like mom, I need you for a sec
Speaker 1: and like here I am. Get the cottage sheese, girl,
Speaker 1: let's talk about it. I mean, I didn't even know
Speaker 1: people bought cottage cheese anymore. Gosh. So everybody says that
Speaker 1: probably looks like Chris, but I think she looks like
Speaker 1: me too. Oh she has my eating habits. She likes pickles,
Speaker 1: she likes alive, she likes cottage cheese. The girl off
Speaker 1: her my own heart? What if you love most about
Speaker 1: becoming a new one I've loved seeing who she is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I really think, you know, those first few months, Like
Speaker 1: it's not that I didn't love her, because I obviously did.
Speaker 1: I carried her and I birthed her. But it's hard
Speaker 1: because they're just like I'm just there, you know, and
Speaker 1: totally rampant, like trying to figure it out, trying to
Speaker 1: dress your body hurts, crying baby, you're never sleeping. You
Speaker 1: hate your husband for a second, at least Michael hated
Speaker 1: me too for a minute. You gotta reset, yep. I
Speaker 1: mean everything's upside down everything, and they're also not giving
Speaker 1: anything to you. So as soon as she started like
Speaker 1: smiling because of certain noise, or she started noticing things
Speaker 1: in our house, or like I remember when we first
Speaker 1: brought her home, we gave her a tour. I walked
Speaker 1: around and gave her a tour of the house. And
Speaker 1: then like maybe a few months later, I started seeing
Speaker 1: her like notic things in our house. So I gave
Speaker 1: her another mind. So it's like she didn't see a
Speaker 1: single thing. She still doesn't see single things. I had
Speaker 1: like a mixer out on the counter last night, and
Speaker 1: she looked over at it, like what is like you
Speaker 1: don't know so many things. It's just so fun to
Speaker 1: see or pick up on those things each and every day,
Speaker 1: because every day it's different. Like she started rubbing her
Speaker 1: hands together, and so I started putting lotion on them
Speaker 1: and she rubs it together. It's like, how did this?
Speaker 1: How did this happen? You know, like she's a human
Speaker 1: being and she's she's our a little person, and I
Speaker 1: just love seeing her experience the world totally. What's copy
Speaker 1: me clean, wipe, what's been? Um? And I'd expected harder
Speaker 1: thing to deal with that you maybe didn't know was
Speaker 1: coming your way as a name mom um, so many
Speaker 1: hard things. Um. I'd say it's a couple of different
Speaker 1: things that kind of relate, like the routine. Like I
Speaker 1: love routine, but in the beginning I just couldn't mentally
Speaker 1: get there to like figure out the routine. So like
Speaker 1: four months in when I finally figured out how to
Speaker 1: sleep train that it matters. I didn't get it before.
Speaker 1: I that was life changing because babies need sleep just
Speaker 1: like we need sleep. So I guess finally figuring out
Speaker 1: like that that that was that that was important and
Speaker 1: then how to do it was helpful. And that's taking
Speaker 1: care of babies and months on call is similar. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I like merged the two um. But then like the
Speaker 1: routine of life, like we have a dog. We we
Speaker 1: both work out of the home, and it's like getting
Speaker 1: us ready, getting Buck the dog secure for the day,
Speaker 1: then taking copy to the nanny share, then getting to work,
Speaker 1: and like do we have all of these things? It's
Speaker 1: like it's just always something and I kind of knew.
Speaker 1: I knew I was gonna be. I mean, you add
Speaker 1: a human being to your house, like you're going to
Speaker 1: buy more food, You're gonna have more parents to runder
Speaker 1: and have all those things. But it's just so so
Speaker 1: much mental load. I think it's probably it's like I
Speaker 1: knew it was coming, but it's a lot harder than
Speaker 1: I thought it was. And I've always told you it
Speaker 1: was like if you want to call me figure out
Speaker 1: how can I go to the grocery store with this
Speaker 1: new baby, Like, call me and we'll figure out like
Speaker 1: a mental load like the which is why we need
Speaker 1: to do zoom more so I can just see your
Speaker 1: face and just be able to like pour out my
Speaker 1: feelings and then you just say I hear you, I
Speaker 1: see you. You're a good mom, and that sometimes it's
Speaker 1: all we need. But it's just like all this stuff
Speaker 1: in our head and like all my two does, just
Speaker 1: sometimes just spilling it out I can just be such
Speaker 1: a release. I don't know if I answered your question,
Speaker 1: but yes, And it also reminded me. Do you know
Speaker 1: what I love of so much about you? Like you
Speaker 1: just reminded me. You are that friend of mine who
Speaker 1: I trust so much because you're so responsible. You do
Speaker 1: all of the research that you need to do to
Speaker 1: come up with a great decision your present. You're a
Speaker 1: great person, mom, friend, wife, all of it. You like
Speaker 1: really kick ass at life. And so you I love
Speaker 1: when I talk to you because you always reassure me
Speaker 1: that I'm a good mom. You always say that, you
Speaker 1: say your baby, your rules. You're the mom, you know
Speaker 1: what's best, like you all you're the mama. But you
Speaker 1: always have such a certainty that I'm doing it right
Speaker 1: for me, just like you're doing it right for you,
Speaker 1: Just like like you are so certain that all the
Speaker 1: mamas are capable and are doing it right. And it's
Speaker 1: always so nice to hear that because I get overwhelmed
Speaker 1: with everything. But you're always like you're doing great, You're
Speaker 1: doing perfect and you're so good at like having that
Speaker 1: reassurance because you're right getting to talk to a friend
Speaker 1: who's in the same situational life, just be able to
Speaker 1: spill my ship that day of what I'm going through
Speaker 1: and you being like I get it. And sometimes you've
Speaker 1: even told me you're like I don't really have an
Speaker 1: answer for you, but it's okay, or like like I've
Speaker 1: been in that situation, I'm not there anymore, but it'll
Speaker 1: get better, or like it changes. It's an Evana flow,
Speaker 1: like you're just very honest about the whole thing, and
Speaker 1: it's so nice. It's refreshing to be able to have
Speaker 1: those conversations, which leads me to how important our girlfriends
Speaker 1: to you and like new mama friends, Like how I
Speaker 1: know we can't always get together, but how important has
Speaker 1: that been for you to have? Like women important, so
Speaker 1: so so important. I feel lucky that Chris's sisters are
Speaker 1: two of my best friends. Oh god, and they live
Speaker 1: up the street from now, which is amazing, so nice.
Speaker 1: They have older kids, one has one Poppy's age, so
Speaker 1: they've been through all this before me. So you might
Speaker 1: think I have it together, but I don't. I'm really
Speaker 1: just calling them all the time. There are a lot
Speaker 1: of my research good research, yeah, um, but it's so
Speaker 1: important to have, you know, release, to just like Paul
Speaker 1: and have a wine day like Andrea she you sometimes.
Speaker 1: Like one day I think I called her. I was like,
Speaker 1: can you just want to come over? Chris is out
Speaker 1: of town and I just need to drink some wine
Speaker 1: and cry, and She's like, I'm there. I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't even know what I want to cry about,
Speaker 1: Like I'm just gonna want to. I just kind of
Speaker 1: feel like it read but like that's another great thing.
Speaker 1: Just getting to the point where I've become a mom.
Speaker 1: I'm starting to realize I just spent so much pressure
Speaker 1: on myself to hold it all together and be so perfect,
Speaker 1: and if I've had feelings or if I like I
Speaker 1: was flying off the rails or whatever at certain points
Speaker 1: that I was failing. But I'm realizing we all have
Speaker 1: moments where we need to cry and we don't know why,
Speaker 1: and then maybe we figure out why we're crying when
Speaker 1: we're crying, or maybe we never will. Who cares, but cry?
Speaker 1: It just feels good to cry. Yeah, let me cry.
Speaker 1: You know my doctor, are we have the same doctor? Yes,
Speaker 1: but she was saying, and I'm the thirty one. Um.
Speaker 1: I went to her recently and I was just saying,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm having all these anxieties and why does it
Speaker 1: being a new mom do this to you? And she's like,
Speaker 1: being a new mom definitely does it to you. But
Speaker 1: it's also your age. She's like, being in your thirties
Speaker 1: and forties, Like, it's just your body is completely changing
Speaker 1: and you're going to be feeling a lot different emotions.
Speaker 1: So it's it's normal to like have high anxiety, even
Speaker 1: though in our heads were like, this is not a
Speaker 1: rational it's not rational, like we should not be feeling
Speaker 1: like this, but we literally can't control it. So what
Speaker 1: what does she say is changing in our thirties? What changes? Then?
Speaker 1: It's just hormones. Our hormones are actually changing, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: so it's like there's a chemical balance, it's changing in
Speaker 1: our body. Yeah. She said that she just turned was
Speaker 1: in her forties, and she said that her breasts were hurting,
Speaker 1: like she was growing rest for the first time. Like
Speaker 1: bodies are remarkable things that mess with us sometimes for
Speaker 1: good and bad. Yeah, but I think it's giving. I
Speaker 1: gotta give yourself the grace to feel those things. What
Speaker 1: has surprised you about yourself as a new mom in
Speaker 1: a good way? I say that I can put away
Speaker 1: my my own feelings of anxieties when I'm around her,
Speaker 1: like I don't want to. Sometimes I'm like, I get
Speaker 1: annoyed at Chris and like Chris in front of her.
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, I can't do that in front
Speaker 1: of her, even though I do think it's good. This
Speaker 1: is a sidetrack. I was listening to something the other day,
Speaker 1: like I do think it's good to, um, have conflict
Speaker 1: in front of your kids, but then solvent in front
Speaker 1: of your kids too, because the kids can't grow up
Speaker 1: thinking that we have perfect marriages and no one fights
Speaker 1: because we do, but we also and resolve things. But
Speaker 1: I'm if I'm stressed about something like that has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with her, and I'm just holding her like
Speaker 1: she like I don't need to just get annoyed in
Speaker 1: front of her, or like, um, I don't know, I
Speaker 1: kind of want a rabbit hole with that. But I
Speaker 1: guess my biggest thing is that I can just side
Speaker 1: and put put away my anxieties that because they're not hers.
Speaker 1: That's very sure and big, like that's hard to separate
Speaker 1: like that, Well, it's it's a lot of work. I mean,
Speaker 1: I because I am in high anxiety person. So throughout
Speaker 1: my whole pregnancy, I decided that I cannot I can't
Speaker 1: control it. I can't or even if I can't control it,
Speaker 1: like it just I can't put that on her. And
Speaker 1: you're able to let that go then, I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess it depends on what I'm letting go. There's some
Speaker 1: things like I I'm still gonna have those feelings that
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna like I only have an hour with
Speaker 1: her for an hour and a half when she gets
Speaker 1: home from the nanny, So like I am just deal
Speaker 1: with maybe it was a work thing, or maybe it
Speaker 1: was a conversation need to have with Chris or something
Speaker 1: we're planning or something. I can just deal with that
Speaker 1: one when she's not around. Let me just be here
Speaker 1: with her instead of like waste all my time. I
Speaker 1: love that's a working progress because I am like I
Speaker 1: get her, I sit her down, and I like to
Speaker 1: sit with her while she eats her food in her
Speaker 1: high chair. And then as soon as I see her
Speaker 1: start wrapping up, I like get up and I quickly
Speaker 1: put all the things away and do this and wipe
Speaker 1: this and wipe that, and it's like I could just
Speaker 1: let that be just right, I know, And sometimes I don't.
Speaker 1: I have that same and saying we're just wanting everything
Speaker 1: to be perfectly in its spot. It just gives you
Speaker 1: some sort of like having that kind of control, I
Speaker 1: guess makes me feel peaceful because I also do have
Speaker 1: a running list in my head of everything that's needs
Speaker 1: to be done, and I know when everything is out
Speaker 1: of order, what needs to be put up, what's not done,
Speaker 1: the dishes unloaded? Are they not doing you to change
Speaker 1: the washer in the dryer? Like like I just like
Speaker 1: I have a constant running list of what's not in
Speaker 1: its place. Yeah, I know, And it's a blessing and
Speaker 1: a curse because then everything is always in its place.
Speaker 1: But then also sometimes you're missing the moment because you're
Speaker 1: so worried to get it back to perfect when actually
Speaker 1: you have everything perfect because you want to be able
Speaker 1: to have a life and live in it, you know,
Speaker 1: But it's a catch you here. I struggle with that also. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I I've noticed that, like it's not her her toys,
Speaker 1: and I don't know if you're doing this, but like
Speaker 1: we just set up the basement like with just toys
Speaker 1: and it's really nice, Like because in our living room
Speaker 1: we have toys too, but every night I put all
Speaker 1: those toys away. I don't want to see them because
Speaker 1: it's just like I want to sit on the couch,
Speaker 1: have a glass of wine, watch show and not be
Speaker 1: like pure chaos around me. But the basement, it's like
Speaker 1: literally in twelve hours, when she gets stub, we're gonna
Speaker 1: be playing again. So it's at first was kind of weird,
Speaker 1: and I would still try and clean it up in
Speaker 1: the beginning, And now I'm realizing, like the basic could
Speaker 1: just be the area for the kids do not have
Speaker 1: to be put up unless I'm trying to teach her
Speaker 1: to like put away your toys. We're not quite there yet,
Speaker 1: so I like having a designated area. Yeah that's not
Speaker 1: always applicable to everybody, but I guess for me, it
Speaker 1: was something, and maybe it's a small step that. Okay,
Speaker 1: in Monday through Friday, we don't have to pick up
Speaker 1: or no mean that's a lot of days. Saturday Sunday
Speaker 1: we don't have to pick up the kid's room. We
Speaker 1: can just play play by play. But then during the
Speaker 1: week we have more of a schedule. We put away
Speaker 1: our toys, we take a bath, we drink our bottle.
Speaker 1: You know, it may be more of a mhm, a routine,
Speaker 1: I guess, but those for me anyway, that's just a
Speaker 1: small step to kind of like letting go some of
Speaker 1: the like chaos that's happening around me. It doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be I don't have to be so crazy about
Speaker 1: like right. I love that. It's figuring out boundaries that
Speaker 1: work for you so you can My sister is gosh,
Speaker 1: my sistered off so many pieces of wisdom. She told
Speaker 1: me something like she's like full of wisdom. She is.
Speaker 1: She's like there's a time to clean and a time
Speaker 1: to mess or something like that. I don't know how
Speaker 1: she described it, but that's what I gathered. She's like,
Speaker 1: sometimes you can actually do yourself a disservice by like
Speaker 1: getting everything already put up that like then it gets
Speaker 1: messed up again, you have to redo it again. Like
Speaker 1: sometimes it's better things just can be for a while,
Speaker 1: if there isn't really a reason to have it, to
Speaker 1: to not have it, if there's no real reason to
Speaker 1: hurry to get everything put back. Sometimes if you can
Speaker 1: just let it breathe for a while. Then you don't
Speaker 1: have to end up doing something twice two. It's such
Speaker 1: a good point because I was just I moved because
Speaker 1: the I realized that my face look still does I
Speaker 1: think it's beause these curtains have the blackout thing behind
Speaker 1: the pink curtains, and it was like making me with purple.
Speaker 1: I okay, purple is one of my favorite colors. I
Speaker 1: love it. Um. I was just the it was just
Speaker 1: this morning, I was wiping down the counter in our counters.
Speaker 1: You can it's not a big deal, but this is
Speaker 1: one thing that doesn't always bother me. Like you can
Speaker 1: see the streaks in the counter when you wipe them
Speaker 1: if you don't use a certain spray. And I was like,
Speaker 1: how in the world are we going to add more
Speaker 1: children that are using this kitchen to our life. It's like, one,
Speaker 1: she's barely mobile and I'm always cleaning the kitchen. How
Speaker 1: are we going to do that? And I think that's
Speaker 1: the perfect point, that just let it be because you
Speaker 1: just made breakfast and you know, yes, put away the dishes,
Speaker 1: but like, don't feel like I have to go get
Speaker 1: the oatmeil off the counter. At that moment when literally
Speaker 1: in an hour and a half, I'm going to come
Speaker 1: back in the kitchen and make a snack or something
Speaker 1: like yeah, yeah, tell us that's kind of mabi a
Speaker 1: remedial like takeaway. But it's for me that that's helpful. No,
Speaker 1: it was helpful for me too. It's like Caroline, like,
Speaker 1: you don't have to get everything perfect all the time,
Speaker 1: like just let it be, breathe, be in the moment
Speaker 1: when you can, and no, it's all going to be
Speaker 1: there to pick up later and our designated time, like
Speaker 1: do it in the evening or do it like at
Speaker 1: lunch or something. I don't know, but I agree. I
Speaker 1: like that, And I like how you your whole pregnancy
Speaker 1: and your whole being a mom, you have been making
Speaker 1: these intentional choices. I think it's so awesome and I
Speaker 1: think it's so important as moms that we do take
Speaker 1: the time to figure out what kind of mom do
Speaker 1: we want to be? What does our life look like?
Speaker 1: Are we a working mom? Are we stay at home mom?
Speaker 1: How do we find those little windows in our day
Speaker 1: to be fully present with our children when we're there?
Speaker 1: You know, it's like take get the time to actually
Speaker 1: be intentional about it leads to success, and then I
Speaker 1: think that helps ease the mom guilt because we know
Speaker 1: for our particular circumstances, we're doing the very best that
Speaker 1: we can and we showed up for ourselves and our
Speaker 1: child the best that we could with our circumstances. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's what I feel. I think that's great. I also
Speaker 1: knowing that it can change to giving yourself the grace
Speaker 1: to say that, you know what, that didn't work for
Speaker 1: us last year, so we're gonna do something different. Where
Speaker 1: I didn't like that yesterday, so tomorrow I didn't like
Speaker 1: that today Tomorrow we're going to do something different. Like
Speaker 1: you know, having some some stability is good, but knowing
Speaker 1: that if you want to change it, you can because
Speaker 1: you're the mom, You're the mom of yours. What is
Speaker 1: success for you? And not just like in career, but
Speaker 1: what is success in life for you? With think when
Speaker 1: we're older and our kids are out of the house,
Speaker 1: they want to come home, that they want to come
Speaker 1: spend time with us, spend time with their cousins, spend time.
Speaker 1: Now I'm going to cry. I'm gonna cry. Is that
Speaker 1: they are They're not like, get me out of here,
Speaker 1: you know, and she might say that sometimes, you know,
Speaker 1: but I think that when she's or thirty or thirty
Speaker 1: one like me, like I want to go spend time
Speaker 1: with my mom and dad. I get excited when they
Speaker 1: come here. I love when Christmas parents come here and
Speaker 1: we go see them, like I want. I want our
Speaker 1: family to remain a close knit group. That's really would
Speaker 1: be successful. Oh hey that what about you, gosh? I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, that to me, like as far as the
Speaker 1: heart strings and family, for sure, that's the best way
Speaker 1: I've heard it ever true that your family wants to
Speaker 1: be with you, that they want to share, that your
Speaker 1: kids want to share, and there want their lives to
Speaker 1: be mingled with yours always. Like I totally agree with you.
Speaker 1: I want Sending to always want to have me around.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to, like ever be the kind
Speaker 1: of mom that she dreads being around. Like you said,
Speaker 1: I want to guide her and always be the parent.
Speaker 1: But I want her to know she can talk to me,
Speaker 1: to be honest with me, and I'm open to whatever
Speaker 1: she needs to talk about, like she can. We can.
Speaker 1: We can talk about anything, you know, like, and I
Speaker 1: support your decisions, and I just want her to want
Speaker 1: to be with me. Michael like, yeah, totally, that's how
Speaker 1: I feel. That would be a success, family success, career success.
Speaker 1: I mean, I want this podcast to keep growing and
Speaker 1: it's going to eventually turn into some sort of like
Speaker 1: talk show or show or something. I don't know. And honestly,
Speaker 1: I'm one of those weird people who would just love
Speaker 1: to be on an awesome lifestyle reality show. I mean
Speaker 1: I always have. I love reality so because it's so
Speaker 1: real and you your show would be super interesting. I
Speaker 1: mean I just I just like, I like following people's
Speaker 1: lives and I'm totally cool to share mine. So I
Speaker 1: just feel like, if you're gonna have a job, why
Speaker 1: not do that? Yeah, just be get paid to live.
Speaker 1: Just live and it's like spotlight awesome people and people's
Speaker 1: stories and do some things and open up your mind.
Speaker 1: I mean, if that's a job that's available and I
Speaker 1: could qualify for an application, I'm gonna try to get
Speaker 1: it one day. So that's not also so you need
Speaker 1: to have someone start. I'm still mean you, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: just need to follow myself around. I would watch your
Speaker 1: show what's your ultimate dream job? Ultimate? Um? So I
Speaker 1: have like so many hobbies that I are things that
Speaker 1: bring me joy and they're all creative. But then so
Speaker 1: many people will say you should you should do that,
Speaker 1: or you should um like that organizing thing or like
Speaker 1: my help my mom designer house when someone it comes.
Speaker 1: When it becomes a job, I don't want to do
Speaker 1: it as much. Interesting, Yeah, so like I want to.
Speaker 1: So my ultimate job would be to have the freedom
Speaker 1: to like dabble in a bunch of things. Yeah, um
Speaker 1: is organizing and designing kind of that I don't think. See,
Speaker 1: I like organizing my own house or helping my friends
Speaker 1: do their things, But um, I think just I don't
Speaker 1: know that to me, it's a hobby. So I think
Speaker 1: like my ultimate dream job would be, like I have,
Speaker 1: I guess such a thrill from like being in the
Speaker 1: legislature and like lobbying bills. So I wish I could
Speaker 1: be like a a big time lobbyist for like children
Speaker 1: and moms or something. You would crush at that, Brie,
Speaker 1: We'll see maybe one day. Well you're already working in
Speaker 1: the office. I mean you're all been there. You know
Speaker 1: all the things you knew. You knew when wine was
Speaker 1: gonna be sold at the grocery stores on say or
Speaker 1: anybody else did. That was a big piece of import
Speaker 1: was important. Okay, So I'm gonna wrap up two questions left.
Speaker 1: What is love? What is love mean to you? Love
Speaker 1: is being there for your people and understanding that life
Speaker 1: ebbs and flows, like we were saying, and that sometimes
Speaker 1: I might be their extra for you and you might
Speaker 1: not be able to show up for me, but that's
Speaker 1: going to change one day. And it's just so being there.
Speaker 1: So my mom says, she says, it's never equal at
Speaker 1: the same time, and I love that, but you always
Speaker 1: are there, Yeah, And knowing that you're gonna be going
Speaker 1: through a hard time when I'm going through a great
Speaker 1: time or I'm gonna be going through a great you know,
Speaker 1: vice versa. But just knowing that I can be just
Speaker 1: as happy for you even if I'm not in an
Speaker 1: okay place. So I don't want anyone to ever not
Speaker 1: share something with me because they might it might upset
Speaker 1: me or something, you know, just when you and I
Speaker 1: had that happened to us in the beginning. We were
Speaker 1: on the pregnancy we're on the pregnancy journey, and I
Speaker 1: was like six months in to trying and not having
Speaker 1: any luck getting pregnant and I had early miscarried at
Speaker 1: that point, and yeah, you had gotten pregnant right away,
Speaker 1: and like somehow I like was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: don't even tell me you're pregnant right now, because I
Speaker 1: was having to melt down. And then you're like, uh,
Speaker 1: I know that was I was not planning on telling you.
Speaker 1: I was like four weeks or six weeks something, and
Speaker 1: I just from early on, I was like, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna put any anxiety on my baby, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to lie about my baby. But I also knew
Speaker 1: it was a hard time for you. So I remember
Speaker 1: that feeling, being like you're like, don't even tell me
Speaker 1: you're pregnant. I was like, and then we go went swilight.
Speaker 1: I was we both went into the bathroom. We were
Speaker 1: at a friend's um, what was it, a friend's birthday
Speaker 1: the shower. There's wedding shower, wedding shower. So we went
Speaker 1: into the bathroom. We both cried, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for your promise. I'm just sad for me,
Speaker 1: and You're like no, but but it's so I get that,
Speaker 1: like that is the thing, and it is like that's
Speaker 1: just life. Sometimes you're going to be in a great
Speaker 1: place and I'm going to be in the lowest place.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I'm gonna be in a great place and
Speaker 1: You're gonna be the lowest place. And that is what
Speaker 1: friendship and being there for someone is right and knowing
Speaker 1: that it's not always going to be equal at the
Speaker 1: same time. But if you can match up, say you
Speaker 1: both hit a spot where you're killing it and living
Speaker 1: life at the same time, you should ride that wave
Speaker 1: because that's good. By wine on Sundays and drink it.
Speaker 1: I love that breath. What's the best advice you've ever gotten? Oh?
Speaker 1: Are you frozen? No, I'm just holding that still. I'm
Speaker 1: very intently listening way for this advice that's not coming.
Speaker 1: Maybe she's frozen. I don't have to say this question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for a breath. You better give it to me.
Speaker 1: I mean, you don't have to give me any I don't.
Speaker 1: This will leave me to my next question, which is
Speaker 1: my final question, leave your light, which is what I
Speaker 1: end every interview with. What do you want people to know?
Speaker 1: Just that's it very broad. It could be whatever it
Speaker 1: just comes to your mind. What do you want? I
Speaker 1: don't know that will help their lives. Um find find
Speaker 1: your people and invest in them, care for them, love them,
Speaker 1: and they I pray they do the same. And if
Speaker 1: they don't, then they're not the right people. So keep looking.
Speaker 1: You're're gonna run into people that aren't always there for you.
Speaker 1: But I mean, I always remember this. When Chris asked
Speaker 1: my dad to marry me, he said that Breed loves
Speaker 1: her people so deeply. In An example he gave was
Speaker 1: that if I thought Chris was talking about about my
Speaker 1: brother one time, and I was like, what, I don't
Speaker 1: talk about my brother, and he just like he just
Speaker 1: loved that. You know, m people will care for you
Speaker 1: if you care for them. Yeah, and my they might
Speaker 1: not always show it in the same way. And I
Speaker 1: think that's something that everyone struggles with. It's like, why
Speaker 1: didn't they do that for me? I did that for them,
Speaker 1: but they they'll show their love in another way. So
Speaker 1: just find your your group, your dog or whatever and
Speaker 1: love them and they'll I pray they love you back.
Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. Why is it more
Speaker 1: important than ever? Like why do we need people? Like
Speaker 1: why is that? Why is that your number one? I
Speaker 1: mean I think that's all the number one? But like
Speaker 1: you so fiercely know that. How do you know that
Speaker 1: that we need these people in our lives are groups?
Speaker 1: Because I I learned from you. I've learned so much
Speaker 1: from you just talking with you and just right now
Speaker 1: the last hour, and I've been talking with you for
Speaker 1: ten years, and I continue to learn from you, and
Speaker 1: hopefully you're learning from me. And I'm learning from Chris,
Speaker 1: and I'm Poppies learning from me, and I'm learning from
Speaker 1: her like this is new human being. And I learned
Speaker 1: from her every day like we our old governor, and
Speaker 1: Governor has them he always be a lifelong learner. That
Speaker 1: is some good advice. And I used until just this moment,
Speaker 1: I always thought that meant like continue to go to
Speaker 1: school and read and this and that. But I think
Speaker 1: it can be interpreted in the way you want. It
Speaker 1: can be like how to treat people like cawdo cook
Speaker 1: or something, just like the word a skill or a
Speaker 1: how to be a good friend or how to be
Speaker 1: a good friend to you, like I need to know
Speaker 1: how to love Caroline, just like I need to know
Speaker 1: how to love coffee. And so I'm always learning that
Speaker 1: and I think that you're always learning from me, and
Speaker 1: I'm always learning from you. So we need people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: look around and we're realizing that not in the best way,
Speaker 1: but literally one person can affect the whole world, and
Speaker 1: we're all affected by one thing. Yeah, at the moment,
Speaker 1: it's not not the greatest thing. But think about if
Speaker 1: love spread the way the coronavirus did. Oh wow, that's
Speaker 1: a good point about how like great the world would be.
Speaker 1: What if everyone just caught the virus of love and
Speaker 1: only saw the best in people and only did wonderful
Speaker 1: things for each other and didn't try to harm each
Speaker 1: other and said felt did everything they could to like
Speaker 1: bless the world, build themselves, so build other people's up,
Speaker 1: use their talents, see other talents. Gosh, wow, what if
Speaker 1: we all lived like that? That's that would be amazing.
Speaker 1: If a virus can spread this quickly. Let mean, it
Speaker 1: could spread that quickly with love if we all caught it.
Speaker 1: M hmm. Yeah, wow, that's really really beautiful, Bree. What's
Speaker 1: the better game? What's the best thing that you? I
Speaker 1: know there's so many sad with Corona, but the coronavirus
Speaker 1: in quarantine, But what's one blessing that's come out of
Speaker 1: this for you? Um? I would I do like being home,
Speaker 1: and so I think being able to be home and
Speaker 1: be with people I chose to spend my life with
Speaker 1: and and and still enjoying it. Yeah, I mean it's
Speaker 1: it's hard, and don't we all just want to go
Speaker 1: out and go do something, But knowing that we're saving
Speaker 1: the world by staying home is pretty great. Um. And
Speaker 1: then just being intentional with zoom calls or more face times.
Speaker 1: You know, you're having to really pick up and be
Speaker 1: a friend by checking in on people, and you're actually
Speaker 1: having to go a little extra mile, like like physically
Speaker 1: picking up the phone. You're right, yeah, Okay, last question
Speaker 1: they're gonna wrap up. How do you deal with your anxiety?
Speaker 1: When you catch a big wave of anxiety, what do
Speaker 1: you do to get out of it and to bring
Speaker 1: peace back to your brain? I it really helps for
Speaker 1: me to like write some things down, like like I'm
Speaker 1: a list maker, so like what can make this better?
Speaker 1: Like am I my stressed and have anxiety about like this? Recently,
Speaker 1: Poppy was going to switch from formula to whole milk,
Speaker 1: and I was like, she's never gonna drop the bottle.
Speaker 1: She's always going to drink from a bottle and she's
Speaker 1: this never I don't know what to do, and I'm
Speaker 1: texting all my friends like how do you do it?
Speaker 1: Like what's type cup do you get? Because I've got
Speaker 1: five and she doesn't like any of them. Like it
Speaker 1: just was a big, big thing, but I just wrote
Speaker 1: down a plan. I was like, Okay, on this day,
Speaker 1: I'm going to put two ounces of whole milk, and
Speaker 1: on this a I'm gonna put four ounces. And I
Speaker 1: just wrote it down to like help see that. It's
Speaker 1: just a process as opposed to one on one big,
Speaker 1: one big task to get done. And I think I
Speaker 1: can do that for a lot of areas of life,
Speaker 1: Like if we're going on a trip and I have
Speaker 1: a ton to do, I just kind of like map
Speaker 1: it out, like when we were talking in the beginning,
Speaker 1: Like I like to put things in order of how
Speaker 1: I'm going to get things done so that I make
Speaker 1: sure I get them. And then also it's not just
Speaker 1: like a whole like big mental dumpload onto a piece
Speaker 1: of paper and it's like a hundred different things to
Speaker 1: do and they don't necessarily relate. They're kind of like
Speaker 1: categorized by like Okay, this is what I need to do.
Speaker 1: For the diaper bag, or this is what I need
Speaker 1: to do for me to pack or for buck to
Speaker 1: you know, go somewhere, or Yes, a lot of lists.
Speaker 1: I need to be better about, like doing that for
Speaker 1: life things though, like like if I I'm going to
Speaker 1: look for a new job, I'm not looking for a
Speaker 1: new job, hopefully my boss doesn't listen to this, but
Speaker 1: if I was going to, like what is it that
Speaker 1: makes me happy in my job? Or what do I
Speaker 1: necessarily what do I have to have in my job?
Speaker 1: And and what are your best skills that you bring
Speaker 1: to the job. Yeah, writing it down to stay instead
Speaker 1: of like I gotta find a new job, It is
Speaker 1: narrowing it down and writing it down helps you to
Speaker 1: see what you're actually dealing with. Yes, I love that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: writing stuff down for me helps too, because then it's
Speaker 1: like I don't just have like the circulating spiral spinning
Speaker 1: in my head of things that I feel like I
Speaker 1: have to like think so hard about to remember, so
Speaker 1: don't fall out of my brain becau Like it's to
Speaker 1: write them down and then there they are and I
Speaker 1: can just let my brain relax. Yeah, but you are
Speaker 1: so good about writing. You always have writing notes in
Speaker 1: your film, which I love. Yeah, I think I write
Speaker 1: so many two dos in my phone and I should
Speaker 1: start writing more of like little inspirational like things to
Speaker 1: pick up on because you know I'm going to be
Speaker 1: back in that list and I still like see something encouraging.
Speaker 1: I think you're the most encouraging Breed. I love you
Speaker 1: so much, and thank you so much for joining me
Speaker 1: on my podcasts. This is so fun. It wasn't so bad, wasn't. No.
Speaker 1: I'm still nervous, but I think you're Christed. I love you.
Speaker 1: I love you so much. Don't hang out. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna okay, right,