1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:04,359 Speaker 1: It's time, ladies and gentlemen. She is the beautiful shirless 2 00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: straw bear. Thank you Jr. Alright subject, how do I 3 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:11,880 Speaker 1: compete with his mama? Here's Stephen Shirley. I've been with 4 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:15,960 Speaker 1: my husband for thirty years. He's a great father and 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: a great son to his mother, but he falls short 6 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:21,840 Speaker 1: on being a good husband. When I met him, I 7 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,120 Speaker 1: thought that if a man treats his mother like a queen, 8 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:27,000 Speaker 1: he will be a great husband. But after all of 9 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: these years, I think that I may be living with 10 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,599 Speaker 1: a mama's boy. Don't get me wrong. I love my 11 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: mother in law and we get along very well, but 12 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: my husband has always put her as number one over me. 13 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: When my husband gets off work, he calls his mama 14 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,840 Speaker 1: before he calls me. He stops by her house three 15 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,440 Speaker 1: or four times a week to take her trash out. 16 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:51,800 Speaker 1: He puts gas in her car pace part of her mortgage, 17 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 1: and after we go to early service at church, he 18 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,480 Speaker 1: goes back to church to save a parking space for 19 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: her because she attends the second sir. This the list 20 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: goes on and on. I thought I was supposed to 21 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:09,199 Speaker 1: be his queen. I've expressed my feelings to him numerous times, 22 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 1: and I end up looking and feeling like I'm just 23 00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:15,480 Speaker 1: a nagging wife. He didn't want to plan to do 24 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 1: anything special for a twenty fifth wedding anniversary, and he 25 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: didn't do anything special for my fiftieth birthday. I'm only 26 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: asking to be treated like his queen at least once 27 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 1: a month. Is that too much to ask? The last 28 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:30,399 Speaker 1: vacation the two of us had was back in two 29 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: thousand two. Steven Shirley, Am I being selfish? How can 30 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 1: I compete with his mama? Please help? It sounds like 31 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,120 Speaker 1: you know, of course, yes, he's a mama's boy. It 32 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,000 Speaker 1: took you all that time to figure that out. You've 33 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:45,680 Speaker 1: been married to him for thirty years. Yes, without a doubt, 34 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 1: he's a mama's boy. But you can take on some 35 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 1: of this responsibility yourself. I mean, you know, the last 36 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: vacation the two of you had, you say, was back 37 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: in two thousand two. Why don't have you planned anything? 38 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,960 Speaker 1: Have you planned a vacation and said, honey, you know 39 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: I picked out a play let's go here. Well he 40 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,760 Speaker 1: might take his mom Is that what you're thinking? Well, anyway, 41 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:07,640 Speaker 1: you can do some things on your own if you 42 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,480 Speaker 1: want to do things. Okay. Uh, this has to stop though. 43 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 1: I mean, you did marry a mama's boy. It sounds like, uh, 44 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 1: in in this particular marriage, you're just an afterthought. You know, 45 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: you're very low on the totem pole here. Um, how 46 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: how dare he not celebrate your twenty fifth anniversary in 47 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 1: a special way? Uh? I don't even know how you 48 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,320 Speaker 1: let him get away with not doing anything special for 49 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 1: you on your fiftieth birthday? Really? Uh, you get along 50 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 1: really well with his mom. I think it's because she 51 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,520 Speaker 1: she knows her position, she knows it's secure with her son. 52 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 1: She she knows she's number one in his life. So 53 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 1: of course she's gonna get along with you. Why not. 54 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,600 Speaker 1: She doesn't have any reason not to. She's secure. Uh. 55 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: You know, I just think you say, well, I'll back 56 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,079 Speaker 1: up here. You say you've expressed how you feel to him, 57 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,080 Speaker 1: but it has fallen on death fears. He's not trying 58 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 1: to hear you. So I just say, you have to 59 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 1: put some sort of action behind those words. You gotta 60 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 1: make some changes in how you deal with this little 61 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: mama's boy, and then you can get different results, some 62 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,640 Speaker 1: of the results that you want, but you can take 63 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: some of this on your own and plan some things 64 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:20,720 Speaker 1: and just say we're going, Steve, all right, here we go. 65 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: How do I compete with his mama? Shirley has made 66 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: a lot of good points in her response, and I 67 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: take my hat off to my sister, but y'all know 68 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 1: that my job is to provide the ignorant side of things, Sir, 69 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 1: make me proud, and I'm I'm I'm just gonna, you know, 70 00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:47,480 Speaker 1: be honest with y'all. I know, Shirley, we're saying that 71 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: that the woman has a responsibility in all this, but 72 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: let's be real, it ain't her job to turn this 73 00:03:55,200 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: boy into a man. Okay, So now let's just gone 74 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: and deal with this. Here we go. I've been with 75 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 1: my husband for thirty years. He's a great father and 76 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: a great son to his mother. But he fell short 77 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,600 Speaker 1: and being a good husband. Your thirty years of this, 78 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: we're just not getting the letter we started get a 79 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: letter back in two thogarss down. Yes, yes, so now 80 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,880 Speaker 1: that's what I'm surprised that. When I met him, I thought, 81 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: if a man treats his mother like a queen, he 82 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 1: would be a great husband. Well, sometimes if a man 83 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:46,480 Speaker 1: treats his mother like the queen didn't. That means he 84 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:51,559 Speaker 1: ain't got no time for another queen, and that would 85 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 1: be you. He don't have time for you, he got 86 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,840 Speaker 1: one queen. You know what about Thus, that's a scripture 87 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: that says a man case serve two masters, where his 88 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 1: mama is his master. You ain't all right, But after 89 00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 1: all these years, I think that I may be living 90 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 1: with a mama's boy. Don't get me wrong. I love 91 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: my mother in law and we get along really well. 92 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: But my husband has always put her as number one 93 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 1: over me. Okay, you're saying something real cute, real real, 94 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: real real long um, you're saying something key Hill. You said, 95 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,280 Speaker 1: I think I may be living with a mama's boy. 96 00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. I love my mother law. Whoa, 97 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: whoa whoa. See you didn't stay on that one long enough. 98 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 1: I may be living with a mama's boy. Here's the 99 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:56,559 Speaker 1: rule I created. He can't be her boy and your 100 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:01,119 Speaker 1: man at the same time. That's right. One more time, Steve, 101 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,359 Speaker 1: he can't be her boy and your man at the 102 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 1: same time. See, and that is the problem. You do 103 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: have a mama's boy. Now. I love my mother and 104 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: we get along really well. But what the hell again, 105 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 1: I have a solution for that line right there. You'll 106 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: get it when we come back. Come on, Steve, let's 107 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: go with part two of your response to today's Strawberry letter. 108 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,920 Speaker 1: How do I compete with his mama? Well, I've been 109 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 1: married thirty years to his mama's boy. Now, you figured 110 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 1: if a man treat his mother like a queen, that 111 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:41,240 Speaker 1: he would do the same for his wife. Well, the 112 00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,919 Speaker 1: problem is, you gotta treat your mother. Well. See, it 113 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: ain't your job to treat your mother like a queen. 114 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: It's her husband's job to treat her like a queen. 115 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 1: You gotta treat her like your mother, gotta honor her 116 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,279 Speaker 1: and respect her. Then you marry somebody and you treat 117 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:01,120 Speaker 1: them like a queen, and it ain't the kid's job 118 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,120 Speaker 1: to treat it like the queen. They got honor in 119 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,920 Speaker 1: respect him. But your husband took on the queen road 120 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 1: and he can't handle one queen. She is. Now. I 121 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 1: love my mother in law, We get along really well, 122 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: but my husband has always put her number one over me. 123 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: When my husband gets off work, he calls his mama 124 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 1: before he calls me. That's a mama's boy, man, I'll 125 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 1: be damn my mama. Off now, Mama, I'm off? Can 126 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 1: I can I go home and see my wife? Cause 127 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: I go somewhere after school. You bring your ass over here? 128 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: Herman something? At least he stops about her house three 129 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 1: or four times a week to take her trash out? 130 00:07:50,480 --> 00:08:00,760 Speaker 1: What is this for throwing away? What? You big? Now? 131 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 1: She big? Because this woman creating trash four times a week? 132 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 1: She big now. Also, he puts gas in her car, 133 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 1: paid for part of her mortgage. And as we go 134 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,840 Speaker 1: to early service at church, he goes back to church 135 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 1: to save a Parkerts part for her because she attends second. 136 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:26,320 Speaker 1: See all this, she big? She can't get up for 137 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,120 Speaker 1: the early service. He gotta go back up there and 138 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 1: save her pockets while close to the door. That's so 139 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 1: her big an can wildly into the church. I'm just 140 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,800 Speaker 1: telling you what, Shelley. You don't see this in the letter. 141 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: That's what I'm here for, paying part of her mortgage. 142 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,319 Speaker 1: The list goes on and on. I thought I was 143 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,920 Speaker 1: supposed to be his queen. I've expressed my feelings to 144 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 1: him numerous times. I end up looking at feeling like 145 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: I'm just a nagging wife. He don't plan do anything 146 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:59,599 Speaker 1: specialified anniversary. That's cause it was coincide with something is 147 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,200 Speaker 1: mama wanted to do. And he didn't do anything on 148 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: my fiftieth birthday because he was at his mama's. I 149 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:09,120 Speaker 1: was taking the trash. I'm gonna ask him to be 150 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 1: treated like a queen at least once a month. Is 151 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 1: that too much? Hell, it ain't enough. If all you 152 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: see yourself is getting treated right once a month, he 153 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: can skip that. That's twelve times a year. You're gonna 154 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:24,080 Speaker 1: get treated right? Lady, lady, you need to raise your standards. 155 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,319 Speaker 1: Last vacation the two of us having back in two 156 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,719 Speaker 1: thousand two, Shirley and Steve am being selfish. How can 157 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:33,160 Speaker 1: I compete with his mama? Well, here's the answer. How 158 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:36,320 Speaker 1: can I compete with his mama? Here's what I think? 159 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 1: You should move in with his mama. What then you 160 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 1: can get what she gets his mama? Here, come over 161 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: your house? Three? All right, See, we gotta get out 162 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,679 Speaker 1: of here. You email, email us or Instagram. That's your 163 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,840 Speaker 1: thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter. At my Girls, Shirley, please 164 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,480 Speaker 1: don't forget to join me today for the Strawberry Letter 165 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:08,240 Speaker 1: Live After Show on Facebook. At one thirty pm Eastern Time, 166 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.