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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and welcome to stuff I never

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Speaker 1: told your production of I Heart Media and how that

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Speaker 1: works listeners. Here we are at the end of our

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Speaker 1: mini series slash like full blown series and of on

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Speaker 1: Trauma UM and yes, thanks to Samantha for being with

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Speaker 1: me on this journey. Thanks guys for let me be

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Speaker 1: part of it. Yeah, it's been Um, it's been a lot.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot. Yeah. We talked about grooming, what trauma

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Speaker 1: looks like, how it feels bad, coping good, coping, the

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Speaker 1: literal cost of coming forward, rape kits, trauma form training,

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Speaker 1: we did therapy on air. We talked about empathy. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's been quite the journey. And so for our final episode,

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Speaker 1: we're going to talk about becoming a survivor what that

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Speaker 1: can look like. Because while Samantha and I are in

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Speaker 1: different stages, we are both in this overall phase and

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Speaker 1: for listeners out there in different phases, we do want

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Speaker 1: you to know that things get better. As cliche as

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Speaker 1: it sounds, as I know someone who's heard that and

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Speaker 1: you're thinking, no, never, it does, It passes. It's just

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Speaker 1: every day it's another day behind you. Yeah, and it,

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Speaker 1: like we've said many many times, it is not a

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Speaker 1: straight line. UM trigger warnings for this episode sexual assaults, abuse,

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Speaker 1: and substance abuse. I don't think, yeah, but we should

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Speaker 1: add in their UM a little bit conversation about rape

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Speaker 1: and domestic violence. Okay, UM, So I want to ask you, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: what does it mean being a survivor? Well, I think, honestly,

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Speaker 1: for me, being a survivor is that I'm fixed or

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Speaker 1: that I'm completely helled. Um, is that I know I've

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Speaker 1: claimed my trauma and I'm able to recognize it more

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Speaker 1: and more and able to use coping skills when I need,

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Speaker 1: and knowing when I need community help me through. So

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Speaker 1: I think overall, surviving means uh, just knowing where I'm

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Speaker 1: at and still claiming myself because a part of the trauma,

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Speaker 1: part of the abuse is um, someone takes away your

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Speaker 1: humanity or takes away your safety. And so when I

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Speaker 1: feel like I I understand where I've been and it's

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Speaker 1: not that I'm okay, it's not that I'm fixed again,

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Speaker 1: but it's that I can recognize who I am and

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Speaker 1: I'm not defined by the trauma and I'm not defined

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Speaker 1: by what someone did to me. But I'm more of okay.

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Speaker 1: This is a part of my life, and I can

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Speaker 1: recognize when the bad things happen, and I can I

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Speaker 1: also use these bad things for better Yeah. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: that was lovely. UM. And I do want to say

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Speaker 1: before I go into mind that I read some folks

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Speaker 1: prefer not to be called a survivor at all, um,

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Speaker 1: to like move past that stage completely. And it's all

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Speaker 1: about giving you control of your narrative because you've lost

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Speaker 1: control at one point in your life. And for me,

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I've learned through doing this,

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Speaker 1: because I'm actually very new to this whole thing, um,

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Speaker 1: being able to recognize things, and because I feel like

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Speaker 1: before a lot of things were happening that were out

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Speaker 1: of my control and I thought they were in my control,

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Speaker 1: but they weren't. So part of becoming a survivor to

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Speaker 1: me is seeing those things for what they are and

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Speaker 1: being able to to recognize them and control them. And UM,

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Speaker 1: being open about it about my experiences in the really

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Speaker 1: confusing way that I feel about a lot of them,

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Speaker 1: UM hopefully make others who have gone through similar things

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Speaker 1: feel less alone or feel like there is I don't.

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Speaker 1: It's so strange because UM, so many of you have

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Speaker 1: written in and it's been wonderful. UM. And just knowing

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Speaker 1: that people do connect to things that you feel are

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Speaker 1: very isolated or specific to you. UM. Yeah, and that

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Speaker 1: healing isn't easy, but it is possible to have a

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Speaker 1: fulfilling life that is not defined by your traumatic experiences. UM.

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Speaker 1: It's being able to recognize what stems from your trauma

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Speaker 1: and deal with it in a healthy in a healthy way.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I don't, sometimes I do, but I try, And

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Speaker 1: my average is better now than it was, I will say. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And as we've gone through this series, UM, I like

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Speaker 1: twelve thirteen episodes and now probably more than that, you've

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Speaker 1: heard a lot of voices and we wanted to include

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Speaker 1: some of their thoughts on this question to show you

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Speaker 1: some different ways that becoming a survivor can look UM.

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Speaker 1: And also as you're listening to this, remember you don't

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Speaker 1: owe anyone anything. UM. You're going to hear examples of

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Speaker 1: what people have done, what they do, but we encourage

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Speaker 1: you not to feel guilty that you're not doing more, UM,

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Speaker 1: because these things that we're going to talk about aren't

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Speaker 1: for everybody. Everyday acts of courage to right and in

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Speaker 1: general being a survivor. Once again is reclaiming yourself and

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Speaker 1: reclaiming your strength and reclaiming even the weaknesses and the vulnerability.

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Speaker 1: So it's not about all the actions. And I know

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Speaker 1: if you listen to myut therapy, I seem to like

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Speaker 1: harp on that, but that's my own thing. Don't don't

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Speaker 1: wear that, but it does. It is also recogniza that

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Speaker 1: I have a community once again. Andy and I bonded

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Speaker 1: over this pretty deeply, I think. I mean, I know,

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Speaker 1: like last week we had a moment of be like,

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Speaker 1: I love you and I loves everything we're doing right now. Um,

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Speaker 1: so well, I mean just saying that in itself is

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Speaker 1: an amazing connection. So it's not about what you've done,

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Speaker 1: It's about how you claimed it and who you are. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and um, kind of going off of that, I honestly

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Speaker 1: was really embarrassed about what I talked about my therapy session.

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Speaker 1: So I love that so many people wrote in We're

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Speaker 1: like I feel this. It's things like that. It can

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Speaker 1: be something as quote heavy quotes small as that. Um.

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Speaker 1: A part of it too can be defining what justice

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Speaker 1: looks like for you, and that's come up in several

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Speaker 1: of our interviews. It might be a civil case versus

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Speaker 1: a criminal case. It can look several different ways, right,

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Speaker 1: And I think it's very important today with a tone

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Speaker 1: of the social climate, that we look at how it's

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Speaker 1: become a fight for those who identify as female, I mean,

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Speaker 1: with the me too era and with the people who

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Speaker 1: are speaking out and being more active justice can be

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Speaker 1: seen as um win or who define themselves as females

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Speaker 1: taking back their story and moving forward with being there

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Speaker 1: for one another and learning to be an advocate in

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Speaker 1: an ally for each other. And I think it's a

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Speaker 1: really important remind you guys. I know there's been some

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Speaker 1: questions like how does this relate to feminism. The fact

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Speaker 1: of the matter is, when we look at the overall art,

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Speaker 1: people don't believe women. We men sometimes don't believe women.

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Speaker 1: And part of the reason we wanted to do this

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Speaker 1: and we wanted to talk about this is because first

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Speaker 1: and foremost, we don't It should never go out of light.

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Speaker 1: It should always be at the forefront and conversation. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you and I talked about the fact that's just two

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Speaker 1: new recent cases where the perpetrators got off probably pretty

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Speaker 1: much good free um and it's not that they didn't

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Speaker 1: believe that women they just didn't feel like it was

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Speaker 1: bad enough. Taking someone's dignity is not bad enough to

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Speaker 1: serve time, which is absurd and injustice. But the problem,

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Speaker 1: the overall arc is this is where we learned to

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Speaker 1: become friends and each other's allies. And the fact is

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Speaker 1: we should believe women and that's the overall and how

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Speaker 1: do we go forward in healing? M hm. Yeah. For

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Speaker 1: a lot of survivors, advocacy is a big part of

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Speaker 1: surviving and we've been kind of touching on that a

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Speaker 1: lot too. Um, whether it's talking about your experience on

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Speaker 1: a podcast. Maybe, um, are going into social work, I

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Speaker 1: don't recommend it, maybe, or activism, all of the above.

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Speaker 1: There are so many ways to advocate UM. Sexual assault

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Speaker 1: counselor instituting trauma and formed training, victim advocacy, providing or

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Speaker 1: creating resources, educating, donating, volunteering at a nonprofit, giving a

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Speaker 1: space for survivors to share their stories, or an art

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Speaker 1: project that raises awareness. Right. Um, Actually, I was gonna

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Speaker 1: jump in because I know we're about to talk about artists,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't want to throw in something that one

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Speaker 1: of our listeners sent me citizen Instagram message about a

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Speaker 1: woman named Rachel Elizbeth Cargol, which she is an activist.

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Speaker 1: She's a phenomenal writer. She is a powerhouse essentially, and

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Speaker 1: she created a go fund me um called Therapy for

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Speaker 1: Black Women and Girls. And I think it's fantastic just

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Speaker 1: to kind of give off her story. UM, she was

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Speaker 1: talking about having the privilege of getting access to healthcare, UM,

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Speaker 1: and that her belief is that black women and girls

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Speaker 1: desert of access to healing and the planet Earth needs

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Speaker 1: the ripples that will form from their healing. UM. And

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Speaker 1: for her birthday, she did this whole go fund me

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Speaker 1: um and if you are interested a Black women who

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Speaker 1: have not been able to pay for the therapy sessions,

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Speaker 1: you can click on Therapy Support fund apparently that's on

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Speaker 1: the go fund me page and it again we go

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Speaker 1: funding pages Therapy for Black Women and Girls and they

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Speaker 1: raise a lot of money, which is fantastic and I'm

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Speaker 1: really sad that it takes a Go fund Me page

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Speaker 1: to get there, um, but it's phenomenal that a community

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Speaker 1: comes together and if you guys want to have a

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Speaker 1: conversation about therapean black women, that could be a whole

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Speaker 1: other session. And I think it's really important that we

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Speaker 1: do talk about that eventually, But I just love that

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Speaker 1: this woman, who is a powerhouse and herself, used her

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Speaker 1: name and notoriety to do something big. Yeah, that's that's amazing. UM.

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Speaker 1: A couple of episodes ago, you heard some from artists

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Speaker 1: and activists Jessica Caldis, and she spoke a lot about

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Speaker 1: healthy coping, but a lot of what she said had

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Speaker 1: to do with what being a survivor can look like,

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Speaker 1: in particular through helping pass laws or through advocating around that. UM.

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Speaker 1: And this is one of the biggest things that you

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Speaker 1: can do pushing for change in your local area, UM,

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Speaker 1: or your state or your federal but local is UM.

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Speaker 1: I think it's often forgotten. And she told us about

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Speaker 1: how she got involved and what it looks like. I

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Speaker 1: am a practicing artist here in Atlanta, and UM what

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Speaker 1: that means is that I make work UM in the

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Speaker 1: studio and also in public spaces, and I show it

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Speaker 1: all over the city and theoretically the world. But UM,

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Speaker 1: for me, what that also means is because UM, a

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Speaker 1: lot of the work I'm making is dealing with various

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Speaker 1: social issues. So I'm trying to tie that sort of

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Speaker 1: visual language to actionable change, and so a lot of

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Speaker 1: my practice includes policy work and advocacy in the communities,

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Speaker 1: UM that are affected by the issues I'm kind of

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Speaker 1: talking about so UM. After a couple of years of

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Speaker 1: primarily working with domestic violence, I found myself like really

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Speaker 1: trying to spread out and talk about other things. And

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Speaker 1: right around this same time was when Athena's Warehouse asked

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Speaker 1: me to speak at that movie UM. And I was

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Speaker 1: asked to speak because of the work I did around

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Speaker 1: domestic violence, and I think it was just assumed that

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Speaker 1: I would know something about sexual assault, which was what

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Speaker 1: this movie specifically spoke. And I don't think that the

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Speaker 1: organizer knew that I was a survivor myself, I had

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Speaker 1: at some point shared the fact that I was a

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Speaker 1: survivor and UM, and it was honestly the first time

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Speaker 1: I had shared publicly in any kind of forum that

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Speaker 1: I had had been raped. And I can't remember even

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Speaker 1: how much I shared. I like, honestly don't remember that

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Speaker 1: much about the moment. I just was like and I

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Speaker 1: remember backing off a little bit UM from it at

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Speaker 1: that at that time. UM. But as a result, the

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Speaker 1: organizer knew that I was a survivor and a couple

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Speaker 1: of years later, she was working on a bill in

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Speaker 1: the Georgia General Assembly and the bill was um the Moniker.

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Speaker 1: The name for the bill was called the rape Kit Bill.

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Speaker 1: It was just the H seven, that's it. And basically

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Speaker 1: the bill was being stalled for no really good reason

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Speaker 1: because it had bipartisan support and they needed someone who

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Speaker 1: was willing to speak as a survivor um to the

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Speaker 1: to the need for the bill. So the same person

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Speaker 1: But actually prior to that, she and I wrote an

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Speaker 1: so um, and then I got published in the a GC,

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Speaker 1: and then we passed the rape Kit Bill, and which

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Speaker 1: then it's just been a continued process. I worked on

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Speaker 1: other bills that affect sexual assault survivors, I've made other work,

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Speaker 1: been sort of it's just become a part of the

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Speaker 1: way I functioned in the world. The year following UM,

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Speaker 1: the rape Kit Bill UM in two thousand and seventeen

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Speaker 1: bill was proposed. It was h B fifty one and UM.

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Speaker 1: It essentially was a mandatory reporting bill for sex sho

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Speaker 1: assault survivors on college campuses UM and it was much

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Speaker 1: trickier than the rape Kit Bill. Like, honestly, the rape

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Speaker 1: Kit Bill was work, but it was it had Bipatterson's support.

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Speaker 1: Everyone understands what rape kits are and are supposed to do.

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Speaker 1: They understand why they should be processed and why them

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Speaker 1: languishing and like a storage unit is like inappropriate. That's

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Speaker 1: not difficult, but mandatory reporting is so much trickier, right.

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Speaker 1: I remember just remembering this bill because everybody was like,

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Speaker 1: it sounds great, exactly, don't you want to go talk

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Speaker 1: to the police that this is a better thing. We're

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Speaker 1: going to prosecute more this way, right, But yeah, And

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Speaker 1: that that's the thing is it sounds really good, especially

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Speaker 1: to folks who haven't experienced trauma or don't really understand

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Speaker 1: how sexual assault works or looks in the real world.

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Speaker 1: And so it was this thing where we learned about

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Speaker 1: the bill before it even really like got like moving. UM.

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Speaker 1: So I was working with a team of women. UM.

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Speaker 1: I was actually a part of the Georgia Women's Policy

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Speaker 1: Institute through the y w c A that year, and

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Speaker 1: so we were already aware of the fact that this

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Speaker 1: bill was going to come forward, and so we were prepared,

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Speaker 1: we were ready to go, and we ended up working

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Speaker 1: But what it meant is that we had to be

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Speaker 1: tracking this bill from the beginning, UM. And we had

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Speaker 1: to testify against it multiple like every time it was

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Speaker 1: like taken to another level. We had to testify against

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Speaker 1: it so many times. So when you say testify, you

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Speaker 1: mean it can give you a personal experience to try

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Speaker 1: to counter. Yeah, basically, the bills moved through committees, right,

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Speaker 1: you know, they have to have a hearing, and usually

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Speaker 1: the hearings are open to public comment um and so um,

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Speaker 1: and usually it's like anybody can comment, but there was

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Speaker 1: so much media and weirdness around this bill that they

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Speaker 1: limited it. Every every hearing was limited. So um. But

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Speaker 1: because I was working with this group that was kind

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Speaker 1: to testify like I think four times against the bill.

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Speaker 1: And so it literally you go into room, there's this

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Speaker 1: panel of legislators, often most of whom are old white men,

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Speaker 1: and you're sitting in front of them, and you're telling

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Speaker 1: them the story of why they should not pass this bill.

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Speaker 1: And so what we're trying to explain, often in less

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Speaker 1: than three minutes, is why mandatory reporting isn't as good

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Speaker 1: as it sounds. And that's really difficult, especially if you're

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Speaker 1: an old white man man who trusts the criminal justice system.

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Speaker 1: So so it's like, you know, trying to explain that

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Speaker 1: mandatory reporting has statistically been proven to actually reduce the

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Speaker 1: rates of reporting of like victims coming forward and telling

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Speaker 1: their stories so that they can get help. Um, that's

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Speaker 1: something that people just don't believe, even though it's true,

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Speaker 1: you know, trying to explain that many people might fear

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Speaker 1: going to the police because of past experiences, or because

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Speaker 1: of their personal identity, or because of the circumstances of

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Speaker 1: when they might have been assaulted. Um. Annie and I

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Speaker 1: also go into a lot of statistics again about why

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Speaker 1: people don't want to come forward, and even when they

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Speaker 1: do come forward, how much trauma it causes. And I'm

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Speaker 1: guessing for you to have to testify and repeatedly have

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Speaker 1: to advocate for yourself in this manner, it's traumatic. Um.

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Speaker 1: In some ways, I mean I thought it would be

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Speaker 1: more traumatic than it was UM to be to be honest,

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Speaker 1: In some ways, it was really empowering because I felt UM,

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Speaker 1: because I felt really confident, like I had, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I had an incredible support team behind me, and that

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Speaker 1: really helped. Like if I had been there like on

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Speaker 1: my own, I probably wouldn't would have been a very

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Speaker 1: different story. But I was there with this group of

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Speaker 1: people who believed in what I had to say, and like,

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Speaker 1: we're support there to support me, and we're very much

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Speaker 1: like if you need to get out of there, you

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Speaker 1: get out of there. Um. But then at the same time,

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Speaker 1: like you give your like two and a half three

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Speaker 1: minute testimony, and then these these men ask you questions

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Speaker 1: that are super obtuse and often like I hope they

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Speaker 1: don't know, like but often like sort of victim blamey

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Speaker 1: or a little shamy, you know, like like kind of

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Speaker 1: like tapping into all those things that victims are completely

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Speaker 1: scared of or worried about if they are going to

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Speaker 1: tell their story. Right, one of the proponents of the

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Speaker 1: bill kept talking about false reporting and how all of

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Speaker 1: these boys we're being accused falsely and they were they

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Speaker 1: needed a fair shake and uh and you know, like

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Speaker 1: I someone one of them got the legislators asked me

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Speaker 1: about that, and I was like, well, it's you know,

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Speaker 1: it's pretty much reported like six percent, but often really

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Speaker 1: probably even less of reported rapes are false. And you know,

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Speaker 1: then trying to explain that just because someone's not convicted

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Speaker 1: of rape doesn't mean they didn't do it. Um, there's

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Speaker 1: like all these nuances that people don't get. And then

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Speaker 1: literally the follow up question was, well, don't you worry

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Speaker 1: about these boys who are falsely accused, and I just

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Speaker 1: and I you know, it's like not the I mean,

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Speaker 1: I I think I understand the question, but I also

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Speaker 1: am like, but why aren't you worried about all of

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Speaker 1: the people we know who are like getting assaulted and

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Speaker 1: can't do anything about it or are too scared to

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Speaker 1: do anything about it. You know, like, that's a fact

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Speaker 1: because the criminal punishments in the criminal cases have a

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Speaker 1: higher up standard of proof and burden and thus have

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Speaker 1: serious and like much more far reaching consequences, whereas civil cases,

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Speaker 1: the burden of proof, the standards for like you know,

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Speaker 1: getting those winning those cases is very different. But but

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Speaker 1: that's because the the sort of the end game of

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Speaker 1: those cases also serves different purpose purposes. It's often like

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Speaker 1: by financial or protection or sort of like these other

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Speaker 1: wrap around things, right, And Um, the easiest way to

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Speaker 1: sort of explain the fact that we have like a

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Speaker 1: campus system that has a lower burden of proof. Um,

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Speaker 1: first is this criminal system that should not be a

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Speaker 1: requirement by any means is because they will will always

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Speaker 1: do different things. You know, students need to be able

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Speaker 1: to say this is the right course of action action

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Speaker 1: for me and for survivors That's huge because to say

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Speaker 1: to a survivor, you have to do this thing to

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Speaker 1: get help or else you don't get anything, is like

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Speaker 1: a complete like continue like victimization, Like you're you're continuing

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Speaker 1: to take away their agency and re traumatizing them. And

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Speaker 1: literally the whole thing of rape is like like stealing

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Speaker 1: someone's agency. So doing that is pretty bad. So it's

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Speaker 1: like making sure that survivors have options that fit their

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Speaker 1: needs and where they are in terms of like dealing

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Speaker 1: with their own trauma, like is so vital. So having

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Speaker 1: a campus system that is different, has a different burden, approve,

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Speaker 1: has different outcomes to protect the student's education. Like that's

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Speaker 1: so important and it's very you know, some people might

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Speaker 1: do that. Some people might be like, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: go to the police and get this guy arrested. Some

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Speaker 1: people might be like I need both. Some people like

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Speaker 1: I don't need either, And that's the only person who

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Speaker 1: needs to make that decision is the survivor. It was

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Speaker 1: partly like making artwork and like doing all these healthy

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Speaker 1: things and then like doing advocacy work that ended up

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Speaker 1: really helping me get to a more positive space and

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Speaker 1: like a more like a greater ability to handle what

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Speaker 1: had happened to me. So that's one thing or one

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Speaker 1: avenue being a survivor can look like. UM a part

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Speaker 1: of what it can look like. We have some more

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Speaker 1: for you listeners, but first we have a quick break

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Speaker 1: for a word from our sponsor, m and we're back,

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Speaker 1: Thank you, sponsor. Another part of surviving is learning to

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Speaker 1: let go, or if you can't let go, at the

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Speaker 1: very least, recognize a lot of the guilt and self

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Speaker 1: blame and negative thoughts that come with the surviving of

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Speaker 1: a sexual assault. UM. Women are already more likely to

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Speaker 1: have negative self image and body image issues in general,

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Speaker 1: and going through something dramatic like we discussed in our

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Speaker 1: episode Unhealthy coping can amplify those thoughts or create them.

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Speaker 1: In our Good Coping episode, you also heard from Michelle

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Speaker 1: and Kenya of Outdoor Journal Tour and We Have to Heal,

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Speaker 1: and Michelle said something that really resonated and can be

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Speaker 1: a piece of healing. I think one of my favorite

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Speaker 1: UM is the body apology UM. I know again, as women,

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Speaker 1: I feel like we have like these standards that we

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Speaker 1: feel like we have to live up to or how

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Speaker 1: we should look, and we're not even as always just physically,

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Speaker 1: but you know sometimes we're um, you know, wanting to

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Speaker 1: be more or whatever, and you know, it's just an

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Speaker 1: apology to your body because look at all of the

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Speaker 1: things that your body has done for you, all the

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Speaker 1: places that your body has taken you. You know. But

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Speaker 1: that's probably one of my favorites because it's something that's

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Speaker 1: very um at least prevalent for me in my life.

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Speaker 1: So just stopping for a moment and pausing and you know,

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Speaker 1: apologizing for you know, calling myself fat or you know,

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Speaker 1: giving myself a hard time for this or for that,

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Speaker 1: or you know, wishing I could run faster, hike longer,

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Speaker 1: or whatever, and just apologizing for those things and being

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Speaker 1: grateful for everything that it does for me. This is

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Speaker 1: something I'm working really hard on showing myself some compassion.

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Speaker 1: I have treated my my body and myself without care,

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Speaker 1: without compassion for years, and I've really punished it, and

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Speaker 1: I'm trying hard to change that. And again with my

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Speaker 1: therapy sessition, I think it's fairly evident I struggle with

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Speaker 1: being accepted and wanted and body issues as an obvious

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Speaker 1: insecurity and hearing Michelle speak about apologizing to your body

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Speaker 1: with such a beautiful sentiment. I literally had to stop

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Speaker 1: bar and be like, oh my gosh, I love that.

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Speaker 1: And according to an article relating to women's self esteem,

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Speaker 1: it is very heavily linked that those with low self

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Speaker 1: esteem will more likely be able to be groomed as

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Speaker 1: well as likely being able to leave an abusive situation.

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Speaker 1: Um and we know, according to the dust studies that

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Speaker 1: they've completed, that that overt of women would stay they

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Speaker 1: have low self esteem, which is honestly a lot lower

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Speaker 1: than I thought, because most of the women I meet

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Speaker 1: are like, yeah, I don't like this about myself. But

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Speaker 1: in that of women that actually are a part of

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Speaker 1: this opt out of important events because the way they look,

432
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 1: and I know I did too, Like I think I

433
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 1: went and missed the funeral because I felt so bad

434
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,600
Speaker 1: about myself. Of course, depression in itself was that, but

435
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 1: that was my excuse that I was not fit to

436
00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 1: go out and be around people. And you know, I

437
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,959
Speaker 1: feel as I'm getting older and learning from my trauma,

438
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,600
Speaker 1: become more aware of the dangers of my insecurities of

439
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 1: my body. And again not to say I've resolved it,

440
00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,720
Speaker 1: because I still wear a lot of black and I

441
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 1: love my cartagans that cover everything. But I mean, we

442
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: struggle with it every day, and it is important to

443
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:16,920
Speaker 1: note things like respecting your body, apologizing for being the

444
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,200
Speaker 1: abusive to your own body. Um, she kind of stays.

445
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:24,040
Speaker 1: And the fact is it does affect um how you

446
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 1: live your life, and it does affect whether or not

447
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,800
Speaker 1: you can have the strength to leave a bad situation.

448
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 1: And something else to keep in mind that we've said

449
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 1: and it's worth repeating, is that some days will be

450
00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:40,639
Speaker 1: better than others. Um. Advocating itself can be traumatizing or

451
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 1: at the very least difficult, it can be discouraging. But

452
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,040
Speaker 1: knowing that and allowing for it, and allowing yourself to

453
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,679
Speaker 1: set boundaries and to keep yourself care in mind, it's

454
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 1: a really big part of this. In a rape Kit episode,

455
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,679
Speaker 1: you heard from rape Kit researcher Renee Shelby and we

456
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: asked her how she coped some days you're just like,

457
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: I don't want to think about this is I don't

458
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:05,120
Speaker 1: want to do this. I'm gonna you know, do you

459
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,919
Speaker 1: do anything else? Like I will watch a dumb movie,

460
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:16,679
Speaker 1: I will go get a massage at ritual bodywork, Uh,

461
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: you know, just any or clean my house like, there's

462
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 1: just some days where I have to completely block it out.

463
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,160
Speaker 1: I don't know. But when you hear those stories too,

464
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,479
Speaker 1: like Swanna hall story, you know, I read that and

465
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: I just get so infuriated that I'm like, what can

466
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 1: I do? Because this is just so unjust and no

467
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 1: one should have to go through this that it kind

468
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:41,480
Speaker 1: of puts a fire in me where I'm like, you know,

469
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,080
Speaker 1: I can, If I can handle it, I should. I

470
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,400
Speaker 1: should do it. Nothing compared to what she went through.

471
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,120
Speaker 1: I can only imagine what that feels like. Like you've

472
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 1: been saying, Samantha, community is a big part of this too,

473
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,000
Speaker 1: and time that's a key part of healing. Telling someone,

474
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:01,960
Speaker 1: trusting someone with your story is powerful. Rebecca, whose story

475
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:04,119
Speaker 1: you heard in our episode around rape kits, she spoke

476
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:08,120
Speaker 1: to this, I think that just space away from it. Um.

477
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,119
Speaker 1: You know, it is very helpful and has always been

478
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,120
Speaker 1: very helpful for me. UM. I think beyond that, sharing

479
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:17,480
Speaker 1: my story with close friends of mine and family members

480
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:22,439
Speaker 1: has been completely invaluable because I um, I think and

481
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 1: of course now with me too, it's a little more

482
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 1: it's out there. You know, Hopefully people more people recognize

483
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 1: how many people that sexual assault and rape has affected UM.

484
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 1: But I think prior to you know, prior to that,

485
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,680
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, you know, you are supposed to feel

486
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 1: ashamed and you're supposed to not tell anyone, and that

487
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 1: feeling of being alone is so um it just it's

488
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 1: just horrible because you feel so ashamed because you're like,

489
00:27:49,320 --> 00:27:51,879
Speaker 1: oh God, no one else has gone through this, you know.

490
00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:53,919
Speaker 1: And so for the longest time, it was good for

491
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 1: me because I was like, cool, my parents know that

492
00:27:56,600 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: this happened to me, and like they love me anyway,

493
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,119
Speaker 1: you know. And UM, I think just knowing that like

494
00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:09,960
Speaker 1: that didn't define, um, anything beyond beyond what happened, it

495
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,359
Speaker 1: was very helpful for me. I also, I'm a very

496
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 1: creative person, so I'm I'm the type that like I

497
00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,920
Speaker 1: have to write things down, I have to like get

498
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,520
Speaker 1: things out, um. And like I wrote a play about

499
00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,840
Speaker 1: my experience, and that was very helpful because I was

500
00:28:22,880 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 1: able to kind of process my trauma that way. UM.

501
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: And I co wrote it with a very good friend

502
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,159
Speaker 1: of mine who also knows that that happened to me,

503
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 1: So that was very helpful because she also was like, oh, wow,

504
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:36,439
Speaker 1: this is really like messed up that all this happened

505
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 1: to you, you know, UM, And I think just talking

506
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 1: about it for me has been very helpful. Um. Now

507
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: that's that. I don't think that's helpful for everyone and

508
00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: everyone's experience, um, but for my personal experience, just feeling

509
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: like I can talk about it is um more than anything. Uh,

510
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,960
Speaker 1: it just is encouraging to me and it has helped

511
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:01,040
Speaker 1: me process the trauma a little more. Um. I don't

512
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 1: ever really feel triggered by the me too thing. If anything,

513
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: I feel like it's it's a little more. It makes

514
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,440
Speaker 1: me feel a little more empowered and like I have

515
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: a little more agency because it's not just a single voice. Yeah.

516
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 1: If you're like I think they use that coup already,

517
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure you're right, but it's worth repeating to Yeah,

518
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: I absolutely agree. I know it's a difficult listen, but

519
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 1: it's so important of this incident and research really just

520
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 1: blew me away, honestly, and I wish people who continue

521
00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 1: to doubt why this movement is important would actually listen. Yeah. Yeah.

522
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: One thing a lot of you have written in about

523
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: is what to do if your significant other or friend

524
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: or family members somebody you care about is a survivor.

525
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: How to be supportive, and I know that this can

526
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 1: be difficult. I've been on both sides. Honestly, the biggest

527
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: thing is open minded listening, offering support and not to

528
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 1: tute our own horn, but but kind of this thing

529
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 1: educated finding resources. UM. A lot of times we feel

530
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 1: that we have to do something for that other person

531
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: to make things better. I understand that feeling completely, but

532
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 1: that can be a way of making it about you

533
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 1: if you're not careful. UM. Not always, but really listening

534
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: is often enough and for the times it's not. To

535
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 1: have a plan for how best to help. Of course,

536
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: if you suspect or no self harm or suicidal ideation,

537
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 1: is that play, that's a different story, requiring professional help. Um.

538
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 1: But another thing you need to keep your own mental

539
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 1: health and mind too. It's okay to set boundaries. UM.

540
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,680
Speaker 1: There's someone in my life that I had to do

541
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 1: that with and I felt really guilty about it at first,

542
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 1: but in the long run it was better for our relationship,

543
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 1: right And honestly, to be so support To be an

544
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 1: ally is to be there even if when they don't

545
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: want you to be there, just letting them know you are.

546
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 1: They're checking in on them. Like I said, before just

547
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: sitting with them. That can be enough and above all

548
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: else and once again, believe them, believe us. That's more

549
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: than you know that that opens a huge door when

550
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 1: someone says I believe you. Yeah, Um, I I get

551
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 1: from our discourse, our public discourse. UM, it's hard to

552
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: explain fully how frightening it is that you will tell

553
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 1: someone something and they won't believe you. And it's this

554
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: thing that is so traumatic. UM. So yeah, it's really

555
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: value we traumatizes as a person honestly to not be believed,

556
00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 1: has the self doubt of like oh man, maybe they're right. Yeah,

557
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:37,080
Speaker 1: And it's just so simple just listen, just believe. We

558
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 1: have a little bit more in this episode. UM, but

559
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 1: first we're going to pause for a quick break word

560
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: from our sponsor m HM, and we're back, Thank you sponsor.

561
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: And one thing we wanted to include at this the

562
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 1: end of this pick many serious thing, Like we said,

563
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 1: so many, so many of you have written in with

564
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: amazing things and it's been we can't even express how

565
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 1: much we'd appreciated love um seeing the tweets and seeing

566
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:20,719
Speaker 1: the Instagram messages about how they related or have they

567
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: been able to use this as a way of empowering them.

568
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:26,400
Speaker 1: One listener sent in about how she was able to

569
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 1: talk to her workers to take out a picture about

570
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 1: for an example of rape, because she would wanted to

571
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 1: talk about the different types of trauma, which was awesome.

572
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,720
Speaker 1: And then another woman I love, she had a string

573
00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: of tweets about how she had an issue with an

574
00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 1: office worker and I'm feeling empowered and then feeling her doubt.

575
00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: It was just a beautiful um and just knowing that

576
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,479
Speaker 1: she was able to stand up once again, if you're listening,

577
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: that's amazing. Just being able to face your perpetrator and

578
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 1: not write down but even if you did, still okay,

579
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: because you were able to face them, and then you

580
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 1: will be You were able to pass that, you were

581
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 1: able to opie on that, and that's beautiful and that

582
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 1: takes a lot of strength. I know this because I

583
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 1: remember UM just having a moment with which I had

584
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 1: an incident and um elementary school and the dude was around,

585
00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:14,960
Speaker 1: and dude, UM, it's still around, and every time I

586
00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: see him, I just wanted to throw up, honestly, But

587
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 1: the fact is I've survived it. I see him, and

588
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: I've moved on and I've continued my life and that's

589
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 1: a way that I've won. And I did also get

590
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 1: a story, UM. And I had kind of reached out

591
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,920
Speaker 1: to a few people to share their stories, and this

592
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 1: woman sent one who UM her story is amazing and

593
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 1: and just to kind of kind of go around. And

594
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: she experienced both domestic violence and she had gone through

595
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: rape at a younger age. UM. And she talks about

596
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: going through therapy off and on from eighteen and she's

597
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 1: in our thirties now, UM. And apparently she's been doing

598
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 1: m d R, which she said has resolved UM her trauma,

599
00:33:56,320 --> 00:33:58,480
Speaker 1: as the impact had been pretty hard on her life

600
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 1: and it started to bother her. So I'm just going

601
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,200
Speaker 1: to kind of go into our story. So when I

602
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 1: say my or me, this is her perspective. UM. My

603
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,800
Speaker 1: trauma started to negatarily impact my life when I realized

604
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: I was having problems forming close relationships with people. I

605
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 1: realized I couldn't effectively communicate my knees or wants. I

606
00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:18,080
Speaker 1: was angry and would start physical altercations over nothing. I

607
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 1: was displaying traumas responses to everyday situations, like hiding when

608
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: someone would raise her voice, or dissociate when someone crossed

609
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 1: the boundary I had established. UM. I was having panic

610
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,839
Speaker 1: attacks and other mental health issues, and I started having

611
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 1: flashbacks um and and the events would stop her in

612
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 1: our tracks or me and our Tracks. I did e

613
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: MDR after one of the sessions, and my life had changed.

614
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 1: The weight of my trauma was gone. Trauma survived. Us

615
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 1: go through nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, nights with no one

616
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 1: believes you, so you lie about it till you doubt yourself,

617
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 1: mental health issues, substance abuse issues, you try to kill yourself,

618
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 1: constant emotional pain and anger. Um And then she goes

619
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,840
Speaker 1: into talking about how she was a domestic violence victim

620
00:34:56,880 --> 00:35:00,160
Speaker 1: as well. UM And she talks about let me where

621
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 1: I knew it. I was a prisoner. I wasn't allowed

622
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,800
Speaker 1: to go anywhere. Everything was my fault. It was emotional abuse,

623
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:07,840
Speaker 1: then verbal abuse before it became physical abuse. I stopped

624
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:11,280
Speaker 1: going to see my family, UM. I stopped going to school.

625
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: I didn't have any friends, and I had no control

626
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 1: of my body, my hair, my anything. UM. I had

627
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 1: no freedom. I don't remember coping. I remember crying a

628
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:22,319
Speaker 1: lot and feeling very lonely and empty. I survived the

629
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 1: situation by reading it sounds funny but I read a lot.

630
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 1: I was allowed to read because I couldn't pick up

631
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:29,279
Speaker 1: anything to watch, but I had to sit with him

632
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 1: while he watched TV. So I read, and that's how

633
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: I coped. I still read as long as his he

634
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 1: as long as he was happy, we were happy. I

635
00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 1: had to move through another country to get away from him.

636
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:41,680
Speaker 1: I thought he was going to kill me. Um. It's

637
00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 1: hard to give advice because my advice is always get out.

638
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,160
Speaker 1: But when you're in the situation, you can't see. But

639
00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:48,799
Speaker 1: if you're trying to cope with trauma, get out and

640
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,600
Speaker 1: get help, see a professional. You're not alone and you

641
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 1: don't have to go through it alone. Relief is out

642
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: there and you're capable of peace, which that's absolutely correct.

643
00:35:57,719 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 1: And her story is so heartbreaking, and I've heard um

644
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,479
Speaker 1: things like that way it's just, oh my gosh, how

645
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:07,840
Speaker 1: did you go through this? And I love that, you know,

646
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 1: reading was something that she was using to cope, because

647
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 1: there is a way, even in the midst of things

648
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: that you do to cope. I think you and I

649
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 1: talked about you know, you talked about the door, and

650
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: for me, allied a lot and made up things. Um

651
00:36:21,200 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 1: Or you just ignored it would we talk about again,

652
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 1: and her her um ability to be able to tell

653
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,080
Speaker 1: the story is beautiful in itself. And and thank you

654
00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 1: Renee her name is Renee is well. Thank you for

655
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,520
Speaker 1: sharing that with us because it's very vulnerable and open,

656
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 1: and there's so many other stories that people have shared

657
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 1: with us that that are necessary, not wanting us to

658
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:42,840
Speaker 1: talk about it. But it gave me so much encouragement.

659
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,080
Speaker 1: When I read these peoples, I always started crying. I

660
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: was like, that's wine. I'm fine, this is beautiful. I

661
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:52,719
Speaker 1: love these people. Yeah, and we we can appreciate the

662
00:36:53,120 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 1: strength encourage it takes to write that out and to

663
00:36:55,239 --> 00:37:00,120
Speaker 1: send it to sign. So really we we value you.

664
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,799
Speaker 1: It's so much and we are glad that you have

665
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:06,520
Speaker 1: trusted and sent those in we UM. There are two

666
00:37:06,560 --> 00:37:10,120
Speaker 1: that we did want to include um. One is from

667
00:37:10,160 --> 00:37:13,200
Speaker 1: Aaron who wrote, I just listened to your bonus episode

668
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 1: on rape Kits and I wanted to share resources for

669
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,480
Speaker 1: any of your listeners in the Washington, D c. Area.

670
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:21,319
Speaker 1: I work for a nonprofit called DC Forensic Nurse Examiners,

671
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: and we provide seven three sixty care to adult and

672
00:37:25,239 --> 00:37:31,080
Speaker 1: adolescent survivors of sexual assault. You hero and You're a hero.

673
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: Listeners can access our services by calling the DC Victim

674
00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:39,760
Speaker 1: hotline eight four Help DC. We respond to the hospital

675
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: within one hour and provide trauma and formed care and

676
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 1: evidence collection f y I Washington, d C also has

677
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 1: an online kit tracking database so that survivors can log

678
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,640
Speaker 1: onto a website with their own private tracking number to

679
00:37:50,640 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 1: see exactly where the kit is in the process. We're

680
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,400
Speaker 1: really proud of it and just thought i'd share. You

681
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 1: should be proud of it. That's all that is phenomenal.

682
00:37:57,760 --> 00:38:00,040
Speaker 1: I really wish every state could adopt something like that

683
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 1: because that is amazing. Yeah. Um, Teresa wrote in response

684
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:08,800
Speaker 1: to the story we shared about the woman in Alaska. UM,

685
00:38:08,840 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: listening to the podcast this morning, I was excited to

686
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 1: hear you talking about Alaska. We're so often forgotten about

687
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:16,280
Speaker 1: up here, even though the case you mentioned is disgusting. Sorry,

688
00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:19,879
Speaker 1: I like Alaska. Yes. When the news first came out

689
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,239
Speaker 1: about the case, it wasn't immediately clear to the public

690
00:38:22,280 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 1: at large that what was clearly sexual assault was technically

691
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,600
Speaker 1: not a crime at all. Once it became clear that

692
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 1: such a vile act wasn't even a crime, it was

693
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: a little clear why the judge had ruled the way

694
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,800
Speaker 1: he had, but we all know that judges have discretion

695
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 1: and that if he had wanted to, he could absolutely

696
00:38:38,719 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 1: have sentenced the perpetrator more appropriately. What you may or

697
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:46,360
Speaker 1: may not know, but I'm sure you won't be surprised

698
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: either way, is that the purpose was a white man.

699
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 1: In the victim was an Alaska Native woman, one of

700
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,319
Speaker 1: the most sexually abused populations in the country. I have

701
00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 1: good news, though, I had the pleasure of helping to

702
00:38:56,440 --> 00:39:00,960
Speaker 1: vote that judge out of power. Alaska historically basically never

703
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 1: asked judges, but this one is gone. In addition, the

704
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 1: Senate is working on making it a crime to do

705
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 1: what clearly should have been illegal all along. So please

706
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 1: rejoice with me over this small victory and keep up

707
00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 1: all the hard work. Yes, and I will say after

708
00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 1: when we were researching, I read that soon after and

709
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,479
Speaker 1: was so excited. I mean, just the whole thing about

710
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 1: them being angry, starting a group together and just going

711
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: in and advocating for their government, for their local government,

712
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:28,680
Speaker 1: saying that we're not going to take this. This is bs,

713
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 1: We're gonna call this out. And the power of angry

714
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 1: women is beautiful. Honestly, one of the best things I've

715
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 1: ever seen, and I love that we can show when

716
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,839
Speaker 1: we come together and if you push us. I think

717
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,520
Speaker 1: that's what we've been talking about, the futurist female. This

718
00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:44,360
Speaker 1: is what we're talking about when we say the futurist

719
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 1: female coming together and making a change. It's gorgeous. It

720
00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 1: is it is, UM. So those are that's that's one

721
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 1: way of helping advocate survivors. UM, if you're a survivor

722
00:39:57,520 --> 00:40:01,319
Speaker 1: or not voting, Yes, that's big way of advocating. As

723
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:06,800
Speaker 1: we can see. Yes, but it can look so many different,

724
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 1: so many different ways. And as we come to the

725
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:12,839
Speaker 1: end of this episode and to the end of our

726
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:17,160
Speaker 1: mini series that we started in December, I think yes,

727
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 1: the baby was born in December. I don't know we

728
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,880
Speaker 1: even talked about it before, but we finally finalized it

729
00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:24,160
Speaker 1: in December. I made it a thing that yeah, we're

730
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,280
Speaker 1: gonna do this, yes, and we recorded the first episode

731
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:30,319
Speaker 1: in January. UM. It's been a lot of work and

732
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 1: often sometimes painful, UM difficult and scary. Being this vulnerable

733
00:40:38,719 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 1: is scary, very scary, But it has also been rewarding

734
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: hearing from your listeners you know more about me than

735
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: pretty much anyone, so we congratulate. I'm sorry, UM, and

736
00:40:54,719 --> 00:40:57,320
Speaker 1: it's been really valuable for me personally. I have learned

737
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 1: a lot. I feel like I'm at the beginning of

738
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: this journey of becoming a true survivor and I have

739
00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 1: so much work to do, but I think that I

740
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,239
Speaker 1: have the tools now more than ever to do it.

741
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 1: It's literally changed my life. Yeah. UM. For those of

742
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 1: you that are listening that are survivors, wherever you are

743
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,799
Speaker 1: on your journey, we hope that we've given you some

744
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 1: examples of things getting better, UM, and we encourage you

745
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,400
Speaker 1: to be compassionate and in all of yourself when and

746
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:28,760
Speaker 1: where you can find those victorious, kind moments for yourself.

747
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 1: And I also want to thank you all who have

748
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,160
Speaker 1: stuck with us. I know this was different and something

749
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 1: I think it's so important to show that we're not alone.

750
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,439
Speaker 1: And I love reading comments about being able to stand

751
00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:41,960
Speaker 1: up with women for your own situation and it's hard, Honestly,

752
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,319
Speaker 1: I can't always say it gets easier. The mere fact

753
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: that you did took around to listen has been such

754
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,440
Speaker 1: an amazing thing to me and Annie, I want you

755
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: to know that I appreciate so much that you became

756
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: a part of this journey and allowed me to be

757
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:54,560
Speaker 1: a part of this journey as well. Is that you

758
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 1: are willing to be as open as you are because

759
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 1: I know it's hard, and I know for you who

760
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:03,279
Speaker 1: um and you've said you've not told many people to

761
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 1: share on this level, especially something that personal. Not only

762
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:13,680
Speaker 1: is it frightening, but it is um heroic in my mind. UM,

763
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:15,480
Speaker 1: And I love you well, you know I'm gonna see

764
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 1: it on air. I love you so much, And I

765
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:20,280
Speaker 1: feel like we've wanted so much because you are willing,

766
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: more willing than most, especially in this field, in this

767
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 1: in this era, and in this type of conversation, to

768
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 1: actually let it all be and research it. And I

769
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:32,480
Speaker 1: know you've been triggered sometimes and I know you've had

770
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 1: some episodes sometimes, but your strength and your ability to

771
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 1: move on has been beautiful. Oh. I love you. And

772
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 1: to all those who identified female and have gone through

773
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,640
Speaker 1: trauma and understand the depth of where this can take you,

774
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 1: thank you for who you are. Um. You're stronger than

775
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 1: you know. And just again, facing a perpetrator or being

776
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,960
Speaker 1: able to continue a life that takes straight and yet

777
00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 1: this should reach out to more than just one gender

778
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 1: um trauma is a disease and that's Dr Jane said.

779
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,399
Speaker 1: It is infectious and it takes a community to cover.

780
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 1: And again you're not alone and we see you. Yeah yeah, um.

781
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:13,719
Speaker 1: And it's funny because we've done all these episodes and

782
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:15,799
Speaker 1: I still feel like we could have talked about this

783
00:43:15,880 --> 00:43:18,240
Speaker 1: or it could There's so many things. They are specific

784
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:21,600
Speaker 1: and with intersectional feminism in mind, there are so many

785
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: things we need to work on and improve for everyone.

786
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:28,040
Speaker 1: And also I feel like I end all my episodes

787
00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: of this we should be moving towards preventions, like societal

788
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:35,560
Speaker 1: things that are in place systemic that we need to

789
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 1: work conting tiny things just the mindset alone. As we

790
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,000
Speaker 1: talked about about jurors. We need to talk about that

791
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 1: in itself. But anyway, that's what we're working towards it

792
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,800
Speaker 1: and any you know, there's a lot of discussions we

793
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,600
Speaker 1: haven't talked about. I can always be back just saying

794
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 1: you know, I have some time on my calendars, just

795
00:43:57,440 --> 00:44:01,120
Speaker 1: put it out there, yes, and we Well, we'll be

796
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: hearing from you again, I'm pretty sure, yes, um. But

797
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 1: in the meantime, we would love to hear from you listeners.

798
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:12,799
Speaker 1: If you have any resources or any stories you'd like

799
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 1: to share, please send them our way. UM, I do

800
00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:18,600
Speaker 1: have some news, So I was gonna say when you

801
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 1: do some these these help us to they do you

802
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 1: don't know this therapeutic to see how many people are

803
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: encouraging us for those who have reached out and took

804
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 1: their chance of reaching out. We do read these and

805
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,600
Speaker 1: we love them and thank you keep coming. Oh yeah,

806
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:33,080
Speaker 1: I mean thank you everybody who just like wrote in

807
00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: and said that was greaty like those comments you don't

808
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 1: know about, because yes, can you imagine you put it

809
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:43,279
Speaker 1: an episode out of your therapy so about low self

810
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: esteem and you're like, oh god, what everyone, I'm not

811
00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,160
Speaker 1: gonna lie. I had a panic attack when my release.

812
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna have to sit here and

813
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:55,919
Speaker 1: watch this show for hours and not move. Yes, so

814
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 1: very much appreciated. But the news is, oh yeah, there

815
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 1: is a new email address, and don't panic. I'm sure

816
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 1: so many of you were panicking. Um, if you email

817
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: the old email, it will still get to us. Um,

818
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,319
Speaker 1: but the new email is all right, here we go.

819
00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 1: Stuff media mom stuff at I heart media dot com.

820
00:45:17,239 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 1: So easy stuff media mom stuff at I heart media

821
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 1: dot com. Are you doing woman, I did. That's what

822
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 1: I'm here for. I'm trying to show my value here,

823
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: cople of. It's so simple, so easy. I repeated it

824
00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:35,400
Speaker 1: back without any kind of Oh, you got me pumped.

825
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:38,239
Speaker 1: I'm ready, all right, you pumpting, I gotta I got

826
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: that out without Adie prompting. There we go to that um.

827
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 1: You can also find us on social media on Twitter

828
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:47,839
Speaker 1: at moms a podcast and on Instagram at stuff Mom

829
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 1: Never Told You. Thanks as always to you, Samantha, Thank

830
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:54,760
Speaker 1: you guys, I love you all. Thanks as always also

831
00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:57,840
Speaker 1: to our superproducer Andrew Howard. I love you too, Andrew,

832
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 1: And thanks to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told

833
00:46:01,719 --> 00:46:03,959
Speaker 1: You the production of I Heart Radio's How Stuff Works.

834
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 1: For more podcast from I Heart Radio, visit the I

835
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,480
Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to

836
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:14,640
Speaker 1: your favorite shows. Goodbye, the curtain blows it