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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for a Black Girls podcasts, a

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Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the

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Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

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Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. To get more information,

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Speaker 1: visit the website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com.

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Speaker 1: And while I hope you love listening to and learning

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Speaker 1: from the podcast, it is not meant to be a

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Speaker 1: substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional.

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Speaker 1: Hey y'all, Happy New year. Thanks so much for joining

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Speaker 1: me for session eighty nine of the Therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: Girls podcast. It feels like it's been a minute since

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Speaker 1: we've chatted, but I definitely enjoyed my time off and

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Speaker 1: feel refreshed for twenty nineteen. In our last session, we

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Speaker 1: talked all about making goals for the new year, and

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Speaker 1: I'm sure that many of you have made goals related

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Speaker 1: to your health and taking better care of your body,

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Speaker 1: so I thought it was only right to have our

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Speaker 1: first session this year be all about how you can

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Speaker 1: have a more InSync relationship with your body. Our guest

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Speaker 1: today is Ivy Felicia, who is known as the Body

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Speaker 1: Relationship Coach. Ivy is a certified holistic wellness coach and

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Speaker 1: body image expert who resides in the Washington, d C.

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Speaker 1: Metro area. She helps women feel confident in their skin

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Speaker 1: and at peace with their body at any size, shape,

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Speaker 1: or stage of life. Her specialized approach to holistic wellness

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Speaker 1: and self care teaches women to release external standards of

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Speaker 1: worth by strengthening the internal connection with their body and

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Speaker 1: fortifying love for themselves. Ivy and I chatted about some

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Speaker 1: of the issues that get in the way of us

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Speaker 1: being at peace with our bodies, some of the cultural

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Speaker 1: pieces that are important when we're discussing black women's bodies,

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Speaker 1: tips for helping you to focus more on health than wait,

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Speaker 1: the way that diet culture pervades our society, and of course,

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Speaker 1: she shares all of her favorite resources in case you

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Speaker 1: want to dig in more. If you hear something that

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Speaker 1: really resonates with you while listening, please make sure to

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Speaker 1: share it with us on social media using the hashtag

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Speaker 1: tv G in session. Here's our conversation. Thank you so

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Speaker 1: much for joining us today, Ivy. Thank you for having me,

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Speaker 1: Dr Joy. I'm so excited to be here. Yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: excited to chat with you as well. And I love

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Speaker 1: your platform because it's all about accepting the bodies that

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Speaker 1: we have, right, And so I want to kind of

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Speaker 1: just start by kind of getting some of your thoughts

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Speaker 1: about what kinds of things do you think get in

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Speaker 1: the way of us actually accept thing and loving our

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Speaker 1: bodies as they are. Oh wow, my favorite question. Let's

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Speaker 1: just got from the beginning. Yeah, So as soon as

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Speaker 1: you ask that question, the first thing that popped into

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Speaker 1: my head with the media, because especially you know today

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Speaker 1: where everything so visual. You know, we're constantly consuming visual content,

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Speaker 1: and I think that we don't really understand the impact

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Speaker 1: of how seeing all these images constantly and consistently all

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Speaker 1: day feed into how we feel about ourselves and our body.

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Speaker 1: And so, what are some of the messages that you

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Speaker 1: think that we are kind of getting from the media

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Speaker 1: that's out there. Well, definitely perfection. We're definitely getting that

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Speaker 1: message of perfection. You know, we constantly see people who

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Speaker 1: we follow or we are, who we consider to be

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Speaker 1: inspirational or maybe we aspire to be like them, or

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Speaker 1: or we just find interesting. And when we see those

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Speaker 1: people constantly changing their look or changing their body. I

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Speaker 1: think we don't pay attention to the fact that that

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Speaker 1: sort of subconsciously becomes a part of, you know, how

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Speaker 1: we look at ourselves. If you expose yourself to that enough,

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Speaker 1: sometimes it becomes a part of your belief system without

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Speaker 1: you even realizing. So definitely perfection in the area of

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Speaker 1: body of aesthetics, but also when it comes to health

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Speaker 1: and well being. You know, as an American culture, we

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Speaker 1: are obsessed with sort of like avoiding death through perfection

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Speaker 1: of health. That we're always focused on health. And but

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Speaker 1: the ironic thing is that America is also sort of

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Speaker 1: obsessed with the consumption of food. We have sort of

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Speaker 1: this like the psychotomy of two different messages that we're getting,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes we don't realize that it puts us under

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Speaker 1: this feeling of pressure and drives to yeah, consume, consume, consume,

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Speaker 1: but also you start to feel guilty about that consumption

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Speaker 1: and the way it shows up in your body. Yeah. So,

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Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know that I had ever thought

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Speaker 1: about the obsession with health that we have and like

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Speaker 1: this whole fear of dying. Yeah, I don't know that

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Speaker 1: I had ever really kind of thought about it in

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Speaker 1: that way. But you're right. I mean, and of course

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Speaker 1: you know we want to take good care of ourselves.

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Speaker 1: I mean, our body is a right important But but

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Speaker 1: because you know, we don't do really well talking about death,

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Speaker 1: we're always you know, trying to avoid it and it

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Speaker 1: makes us really anxious. We don't think about like the

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Speaker 1: kinds of things that we may be subconsciously consuming because

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Speaker 1: of our fear of like talking about it. Yeah. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And like you said, I'm all for whellness. That's part

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Speaker 1: of what I do, right, So I believe in taking

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Speaker 1: care of our bodies. But like you said, we sort

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Speaker 1: of have this anxiety around health because we're inundated with

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Speaker 1: messages about extreme exercise and you know, organic and this

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Speaker 1: and that, and we're always getting these messages about sort

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Speaker 1: of putting our health, taking it to the next level.

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Speaker 1: Always we're not really satisfied with what we do. We

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Speaker 1: always feel like we're not doing enough, and then that

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Speaker 1: sort of translates into this message of we are not enough. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and we definitely have talked about that several times on

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Speaker 1: the podcast, like this whole idea of being enough and

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Speaker 1: is there ever aligned at which you're going to be

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Speaker 1: okay with your efforts? Right, right, So I wonder, I mean,

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Speaker 1: do you think that there is a way that you

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Speaker 1: can kind of be an active participant in like social

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Speaker 1: media and our media today in a way that doesn't

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Speaker 1: allow you to kind of be absorbing, like unhealthy messages

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Speaker 1: about your body. Sure, it's something that I talked about often,

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Speaker 1: and that question comes up often to One of the

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Speaker 1: things that I always recommend is that you curate your timeline.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes that's hard to do with the way that

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Speaker 1: social media is now because you can follow people, but

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Speaker 1: you know, things kind of still show up in your

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Speaker 1: timeline that don't necessarily align with your efforts. But you

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Speaker 1: can really go through your timeline and do what's called

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Speaker 1: the purge and and take out people who are sort

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Speaker 1: of making you feel bad about yourself. And the first

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Speaker 1: thing I say is adding people who look like you.

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Speaker 1: And most of the time, as humans, we tend to

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Speaker 1: do the opposite, right. We follow people that we want

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Speaker 1: to look like that they don't look anything like, and

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Speaker 1: so then we're constantly seeing because we think it's motivating. Right,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to follow this person, this is going to

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Speaker 1: be my body goals, or we get into relationship goes,

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Speaker 1: all these other things, and so we're constantly feeding those

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Speaker 1: images to ourselves and then we're unhappy all the time

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Speaker 1: and we wonder why. Right. So it's a lot more

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Speaker 1: healthy for your body image if you follow people who

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Speaker 1: have a body type similar to you, you know, following

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Speaker 1: other black women who look like you, or other women

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Speaker 1: of color who look like you. Even maybe some women

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Speaker 1: who are challenged by the same things that you are,

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Speaker 1: if you have a chronic illness, or maybe you're differently

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Speaker 1: able when it comes to to your body, different things

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Speaker 1: maybe that you're living with. It actually helps you to

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Speaker 1: follow people who are going through the same experiences because

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Speaker 1: it helps to create compassion by following those people rather

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Speaker 1: than following people who are the exact opposite of you.

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Speaker 1: That's a great point. Ivan. So what are some of

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Speaker 1: the ways that you think black women in particular or

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Speaker 1: challenged by accepting our bodies? Oh? Wow, Well, I feel

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Speaker 1: like it kind of comes back to what we were

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Speaker 1: saying before, is that, you know, we're always kind of

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Speaker 1: fed this message of you're you're not enough, and just

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Speaker 1: how we are naturally as black women, we're sort of

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Speaker 1: taught that everything about us that's natural is wrong. Right, So,

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Speaker 1: you know, our hair, our skin tone, the shape of

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Speaker 1: our bodies, our features on our face. So it's a

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Speaker 1: lot to constantly get those messages that the way you

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Speaker 1: are born, like the way you came into the world

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Speaker 1: is wrong, which is another way of sort of getting

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Speaker 1: these subconscious messages that you need to change or you're

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Speaker 1: not enough. And so I think that it really helps

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Speaker 1: to again going back to following people who look like

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Speaker 1: you naturally look like you, just so you can learn

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Speaker 1: how to start accepting yourself just as you are. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: And I often think it is an interesting, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: and there's always lots of conversations around like the features

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Speaker 1: and things that are typical of black women become popular

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Speaker 1: of course when they are not on black women, Um,

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Speaker 1: and how that also sets up an interesting I think

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Speaker 1: tension for black women because it's like I'm not appreciated

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Speaker 1: for what I look like, but if somebody else looks

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Speaker 1: like this, then they are appreciated, right, Yeah, So I

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Speaker 1: think it kind of leaves us sometimes in a place

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Speaker 1: of not being quite sure how to feel about our bodies. Absolutely, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: and that's why sort of, um, if we can kind

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Speaker 1: of get that concept that we've already we already have

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Speaker 1: that magic, right, And I know it's kind of clichade

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Speaker 1: who say black or magic, but we really do and

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Speaker 1: we see that in the way. It's just like you

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Speaker 1: say that other cultures and other people are are trying

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Speaker 1: to emulate who we are, so that self acceptance and

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Speaker 1: self love can start at home with you know, accepting

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Speaker 1: ourselves and also accepting other sisters, you know when we

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Speaker 1: see them, you know, being okay with complimenting them and

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Speaker 1: receiving compliments back to Yeah, So we are recording this

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Speaker 1: interview in December, but it will be out in January,

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Speaker 1: so there will be lots of talking there already is

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Speaker 1: around like New Year's resolutions, and you know, for some

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Speaker 1: people that always include something about like trying to lose

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Speaker 1: weight or health. What kinds of tempts do you have

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Speaker 1: for people who you know, want to maybe do some

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Speaker 1: things to be healthier or feel more accepting of their body,

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Speaker 1: but want to do it in a way that's actually

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Speaker 1: going to be effective. So I actually a coach wellness

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Speaker 1: and health, and I like to refer to wellness because

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Speaker 1: health has so someone's trauma around it for so many people.

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Speaker 1: I like to approach monness from a weight neutral perspective

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Speaker 1: and not being that you don't have to use the scale, uh,

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Speaker 1: take measures, your size, of your genes, like all these

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Speaker 1: other things to monitor whether you're healthy or not, because

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Speaker 1: it's not actually a direct correlation to health your body size,

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Speaker 1: and so it's actually much better to focus on your

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Speaker 1: well being by doing what you know works for you

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Speaker 1: as as far as your body and not necessarily aspired

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Speaker 1: to be a certain size or weight or anything like that.

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Speaker 1: So that can look like, you know, when you're eating

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Speaker 1: or when you're practicing your body movement, doing things that

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Speaker 1: you enjoy and things that you love, and not necessarily

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Speaker 1: being obsessed with whether or not it's going to burn

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Speaker 1: off x amount of calories or fit. You know, if

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Speaker 1: you've done it for two weeks and nothing has changed

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Speaker 1: on the scale, that can be very disheartening and very stressful,

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Speaker 1: and then that can actually lead to us actually feeling

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Speaker 1: more anxiety about our body image in our relationship with

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Speaker 1: our bodies. So if we approach it from a place

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Speaker 1: of compassion, practicing wellness because you know, it's good for us,

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Speaker 1: that makes us feel good, It helps us to thrive,

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Speaker 1: It helps us to be better, you know, wise, mothers, sisters,

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Speaker 1: business owners all of those things rather than focusing on

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Speaker 1: this again, this idea of perfection around how you look. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I know your whole platform is about, you know, making

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Speaker 1: sure that you're approaching this from a holistic kind of

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Speaker 1: a place. So can you say more about that? Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: because wellness is not just physical. Again, that's marketed to

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Speaker 1: us from society. That whole obsession with health is just

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Speaker 1: about physical, right, what you eat and exercise, and we

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Speaker 1: forget about all the other components. So I believe that

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Speaker 1: wellness is mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual, and a lot

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Speaker 1: of times, um, we neglect the other parts, right, we

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Speaker 1: just focus on um, the physical, and we forget about

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Speaker 1: our mental and emotional well being. And of course you

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Speaker 1: know this a platform like this, we're focusing on our

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Speaker 1: mental well being, but a lot of times we don't

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Speaker 1: pay attention to those things. I really truly believe that

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Speaker 1: all the facets of wellness, of holistic wellness, are interdependent. So,

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Speaker 1: for an example, how you are feeling physically will affect

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Speaker 1: your emotional and mental well being over time, and vice versa.

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Speaker 1: You know, if you're feeling stressed, anxiety, lots of fear,

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Speaker 1: those things will show up in your physical well being.

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Speaker 1: So what holistic wellness is is learning how to take

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Speaker 1: care of all of you as a woman, and not

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Speaker 1: just the things that are aesthetically pleasing to society, right,

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Speaker 1: because we're not just here to be aesthetically pleasing to others.

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Speaker 1: We're actually here to rife as whole being. Yeah. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: And I do think, I mean, I agree with you

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Speaker 1: that all of those domains are dependent on one another.

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Speaker 1: I mean because in a previous episode when we talk

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Speaker 1: to Lisa Savage about emotional eating, right and how that

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Speaker 1: can be connected, Um, you know to your emotions. Of

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Speaker 1: course you're stressed and so you're like snacking more, you know,

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Speaker 1: doing those kinds of things. So it really is important

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Speaker 1: to be paying attention to all of those areas of

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Speaker 1: our lives. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, And I think that the

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Speaker 1: more you realize that you can pay attention to the

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Speaker 1: different components of wellness, it actually becomes a little bit

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Speaker 1: easier because you don't put so much weight on one thing.

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Speaker 1: You know, if you know that you're practicing self care,

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Speaker 1: if you know that you're you know, you're taking care

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Speaker 1: of reath and keeping up with your therapists or you know,

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Speaker 1: journaling or what are ever, the other things are that

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Speaker 1: help you take care of your emotional, mental, spiritual well

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Speaker 1: being and not just your physical. You might feel a

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Speaker 1: little bit more successful. But if you're only focused thing

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Speaker 1: on oh what did I eat today or did I

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Speaker 1: run to to UM two miles today, you know, you

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Speaker 1: might not feel successful because you're only focusing on two things.

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Speaker 1: So this kind of broadens the scope of how you

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Speaker 1: can take care of yourself. Yeah, so I the earlier

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Speaker 1: you also mentioned, UM, just the idea that there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of trauma around health. UM, and I've seen you

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Speaker 1: talk about before and others about just some of the

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Speaker 1: challenges that people have in finding like medical professionals who

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Speaker 1: are sensitive and understand some of the challenges that you

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Speaker 1: may be coming in with. Can you say more about that,

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Speaker 1: and like any tips that you may have for finding

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Speaker 1: like a medical professional who is sensitive to understanding that

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Speaker 1: health is at every size and you know who will

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Speaker 1: be able to work with you in a way that's compassionate. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I really love this question because I actually find that

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Speaker 1: this comes up a lot UM and working with larger

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Speaker 1: body women of color. Unfortunately, a lot of women are

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Speaker 1: avoiding going to the doctors and avoiding getting the care

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Speaker 1: that they need because they do have sort of this

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Speaker 1: anxiety or trauma. And so sometimes that can show up

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Speaker 1: as you know, you go to a doctor and they

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Speaker 1: immediately body shamed you, or they only focus on your

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Speaker 1: side and your weight and they don't do thorough testing

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Speaker 1: and thorough treatment of you as a as a whole

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Speaker 1: person right there, only focused on your weight, and so

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Speaker 1: that kind of makes you feel anxious or maybe body shame,

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Speaker 1: and then you're avoiding the doctors because you don't want

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Speaker 1: to have sort of that negative interaction. So what I

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Speaker 1: would recommend is if you do it have those experiences,

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Speaker 1: the first thing you can do is of course switch providers,

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Speaker 1: you know, if that's possible, because it's not going to

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Speaker 1: be beneficial for you to continue going to a provider

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Speaker 1: that you don't feel comfortable with. Because again, wellness is

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Speaker 1: not just your physical health. So if you're going to

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Speaker 1: a provider that it's harming your mental or emotional well being,

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Speaker 1: then that's not healthy for you. What I recommend is

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Speaker 1: sort of interviewing your your medical providers, you know, talking

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Speaker 1: to them about the things that you know about yourself.

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Speaker 1: If you have certain health challenges, um, maybe that's around

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Speaker 1: how you feel about your size, or maybe you have

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Speaker 1: a chronic illness or UM, different things that you struggle with,

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Speaker 1: you know, go to a provider and say, these are

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Speaker 1: the things that I live with. You know, are you knowledgeable?

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Speaker 1: Are you comfortable with working with me around these different things?

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Speaker 1: And and most of the time they'll they don't answer

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Speaker 1: you and tell you yes or no. And then choosing

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Speaker 1: a provider based on those things, not just because they

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Speaker 1: showed up on your health insurance list or whatever, but

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Speaker 1: really advocating for yourself. And that's one of the things

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Speaker 1: I try to help women at particularly women of size

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Speaker 1: and women who live with chronic illness. I try to

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Speaker 1: help them learn how to advocate for themselves when it

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Speaker 1: comes to their wellness, because you do deserve to be

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Speaker 1: treated with dignity and respect and not an important part

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Speaker 1: of wellness. Yeah, it always sends me to hear these

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Speaker 1: stories abeys about like how many people have had like

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Speaker 1: traumatic experiences in the space that was supposed to be healing,

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Speaker 1: in the space that you know, you were supposed to

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Speaker 1: be taken care of um. And I'm always shocked by

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Speaker 1: like how many physicians like will continue to kind of

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Speaker 1: preach this idea about like losing weight and diet, even

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Speaker 1: though there's so much research that supports that diets never work. Um,

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Speaker 1: you know, so I'm just thinking there has to be

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Speaker 1: a better way for people, for physicians and medical professionals

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Speaker 1: that kind of get on board with the idea of

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Speaker 1: helping people to maybe make changes in their lives in

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Speaker 1: a way that's not shaming. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, and especially

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Speaker 1: like you're saying, if it's making people, you know, I

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Speaker 1: feel anxiety to the point where they're not going to

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Speaker 1: the doctor at all, because then that's sort of like

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Speaker 1: a self fulfilling prophecy where now you do have bad

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Speaker 1: poor health because you're not going to the doctors and

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Speaker 1: getting treatment, or you're not you know, staying up to

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Speaker 1: date on your hast or knowing maybe things that you

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Speaker 1: could have caught earlier because you're avoiding the doctor. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: definitely practice advocating for yourself. And if you can't do it,

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Speaker 1: because some some people just don't have that ability to

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Speaker 1: speak up, or maybe it's too much hurt or trauma

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Speaker 1: around it, then find a professional or a friend or

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Speaker 1: someone who can help you. You know, I've recommended to

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Speaker 1: people before take someone to the doctor with you that

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Speaker 1: you trust. You know, that can sort of be your

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Speaker 1: backbone when you go into the doctor's office. Sometimes it

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Speaker 1: helps not to go by yourself. Yeah, So you had

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Speaker 1: a recent post I mean that I absolutely loved about. Um,

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Speaker 1: how many before and after pictures are you going to

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Speaker 1: have to take before you okay with your now? Because really,

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Speaker 1: when it boils down to it, like that's all we have,

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Speaker 1: Like you may have goals and all of this stuff,

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Speaker 1: but all you have is the body that you currently have.

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Speaker 1: And so I know a lot of what you talked

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Speaker 1: about also is body peace. Can you talk more about

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Speaker 1: what that looks like in like some strategies for people

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Speaker 1: to become more compassionate and okay with their bodies. Yeah. Absolutely. So.

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Speaker 1: When I first started out working with people around body image,

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Speaker 1: I used to use the terminology body love, and body

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Speaker 1: love became like really trendy over over time because it

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Speaker 1: sounds good, right, oh, love your body. Um, But what

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Speaker 1: I found from clients that I was working with and

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Speaker 1: sort of getting feedback was that they were actually, you know,

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Speaker 1: women were feeling just as much pressure to love their

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Speaker 1: bodies as they did to be skinny. So it's sort

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Speaker 1: of like, Okay, there's all this pressure that I've got

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Speaker 1: to be beautiful and skinny and you know, esthetically desirable

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Speaker 1: and all of those things. And now I go to

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Speaker 1: body positivity and they're pressuring me to love my body.

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Speaker 1: But what happens to those of us who don't love

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Speaker 1: our bodies, you know who we just sort of feel

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Speaker 1: okay with our body, or maybe we don't love our

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Speaker 1: nose or hair or heights or skin tone or whatever.

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Speaker 1: And so that is where I introduced the concept of

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Speaker 1: body peace, which is sort of telling women that it's

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Speaker 1: okay if you don't love your body. What body piece

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Speaker 1: means is that you can just move into a state

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Speaker 1: of neutrality where you're not sort of waging war against

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Speaker 1: your body or trying to change it, or feeling all

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Speaker 1: of this shame and negative energy around it, and you're

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Speaker 1: not feeling this pressure to be perfect either, but you're

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Speaker 1: just accepting yourself as you are and learning practices to

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Speaker 1: sort of help you be in that space of neutrality

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Speaker 1: where when you look in the mirror, you say, you know,

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Speaker 1: I I accept who I am even if I don't

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Speaker 1: love it. I'm okay with who I am. And the

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Speaker 1: reason that's important is because again the mental and emotional

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Speaker 1: effects of constantly waging war on ourselves by trying to

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Speaker 1: be perfect or trying to make ourselves love our body

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Speaker 1: when we don't. Got you, are there other like tips

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Speaker 1: that would help, like other exercises that maybe you suggest

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Speaker 1: for some of your clients to kind of get more

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Speaker 1: okay with feeling okay about the Yeah, the first thing

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Speaker 1: I tell people is learning how to tune out external

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Speaker 1: definitions of beauty. So learning to tune out you know, society,

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Speaker 1: maybe friends and family or potential partner people, your data,

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Speaker 1: all those different messages that we get from external sources

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Speaker 1: about what we should look like, and gradually learning how

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Speaker 1: to turn almost like a radio where you're turning down

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Speaker 1: the dial on those external messages. And then if you

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Speaker 1: think about turning up the dial on your internal voice,

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Speaker 1: which is learning how to tune into yourself, right, So

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Speaker 1: not paying so much attention to what society says you

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Speaker 1: should look like or other people say you should look like,

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Speaker 1: and learning to tune more into yourself and create a

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Speaker 1: connection with your body from a space of compassion and acceptance.

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Speaker 1: And when you get to that place, you're not sort

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Speaker 1: of constantly at war with your body because society is

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Speaker 1: always going to be changing the standards of what beauty

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Speaker 1: is right, so you're always better be sort of let

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Speaker 1: around by this proverbial carrot of perfection. But if you

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Speaker 1: learn to tune into yourself and say, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm okay with myself, I'm okay with with you know,

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Speaker 1: being at peace, I'm okay with not changing myself, and

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Speaker 1: then when you're focused on those messages more, that helps

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Speaker 1: you get to a space of body peace. So that

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Speaker 1: is quite a word you have spoken iavy around the

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Speaker 1: idea that like there's always a new thing we should

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Speaker 1: look like, be like you know all of this, because

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Speaker 1: it just kind of makes me think about like the

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Speaker 1: whole idea around our hair. Right like years ago all

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Speaker 1: of our hair was expected to be straight, and now

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Speaker 1: you know, more people are natural, and so it's like, okay,

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Speaker 1: you have to be natural now, but only one kind

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Speaker 1: of natural is okay. And you know, so you're right,

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Speaker 1: like the finish line is always moving, and so if

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Speaker 1: you're always like running behind this like line that's all

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Speaker 1: it is changing, you're gonna exhaust yourself. M hmm. And

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Speaker 1: a lot of times I work work when I work

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Speaker 1: with clients. The first thing they tell me is I

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Speaker 1: don't know, And I like to help empower women and

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Speaker 1: tell them you do know. You do know what feels

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Speaker 1: good for you. Now. You might have been not tuned

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Speaker 1: into that for a really long time, and it might

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Speaker 1: take you a while to work on turning down those

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Speaker 1: external messages before you can get to that space of

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Speaker 1: really hearing your inner voice. But it's there, and you

433
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,880
Speaker 1: do know. You know what lights you up, what makes

434
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 1: you feel good when you wear your hair a certain way,

435
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,719
Speaker 1: or when you dress a certain way, or when you

436
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: maybe practice yoga or when you journal. You know, all

437
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,679
Speaker 1: these different practices that make you feel good. Start taking

438
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:46,000
Speaker 1: an inventory of what lights you up and focus on

439
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 1: those things more and focus on those external messages left it. So,

440
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 1: I mean, can you talk a little bit about what

441
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,159
Speaker 1: are some of the ways that diet culture kind of

442
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:02,399
Speaker 1: pervades our society without us even knowing? Oh wow, in

443
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: this short interview, Well, I mean, diet culture, it's just

444
00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:14,200
Speaker 1: it's all it's all around us, right. So it's definitely

445
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 1: the idea of of not being enough or being too much.

446
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:26,159
Speaker 1: Definitely the concept of um accomplishing something quickly. Right, So

447
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 1: when you think of diet culture, they sort of send

448
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,440
Speaker 1: you this message like, you know, lose twenty five pounds

449
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: in two days. You know. Um, that that that concept.

450
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: And so even when I work with people around body peace,

451
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: you know, or learning how to work on their body image,

452
00:25:45,880 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: they want instant results. Right, So we don't realize how

453
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:52,680
Speaker 1: diet culture has sort of programmed does to feel like

454
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:57,560
Speaker 1: if we don't have results and major results in a

455
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: short amount of time, that we're failing. Right. So even

456
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: if that goes, when it comes to your career or

457
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: work or other things that you're working on, you're looking

458
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: for some sort of quick evidence or quick fix in

459
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,240
Speaker 1: order to feel like you're accomplishing something. And that sort

460
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 1: of rooted in diet culture, where we have to alter

461
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 1: ourselves in a major way quickly so that we can

462
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,639
Speaker 1: say we've accomplished something or we're doing better, and so

463
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:31,000
Speaker 1: other people can sort of praise us. And um, if

464
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:35,160
Speaker 1: you think of how that mindset kind of impact you know,

465
00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: not just your job, but maybe your relationships or your

466
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,640
Speaker 1: interactions with other or your mental well being, it's sort

467
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,760
Speaker 1: of it's always underlying. Yeah, it really is pervasive. I mean,

468
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 1: and I think you're right, in terms of like the

469
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,879
Speaker 1: whole quick fix, and we see that kind of permeating

470
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 1: through other areas of our lives, right, like people wanting

471
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: a promotion after they've been at a job like two weeks,

472
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,439
Speaker 1: or just kind of like thinking that everything will come

473
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: quickly when you know that most things in life do

474
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: not happen in that way. M It's sort of that

475
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:06,919
Speaker 1: diet pill mentality, right, if you just take these pills,

476
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 1: you don't really have to work or or you know,

477
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 1: be patient with your body or learn your body needs

478
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,880
Speaker 1: or or you know, um developed consistency. It's just take

479
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 1: these pills or you know, do X, Y and Z

480
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,720
Speaker 1: and you'll get this really fast result. Yeah, And I

481
00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:24,920
Speaker 1: think the other thing that just came to mind is

482
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:28,159
Speaker 1: that it really kind of works against you having an

483
00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,560
Speaker 1: actual relationship with your body because it's like, Okay, yeah,

484
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:33,879
Speaker 1: the numbers on the scale may go down quickly, but

485
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 1: you don't ever really get at like what may have,

486
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 1: you know, cause you to maybe be doing more emotional

487
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: eating or like what led you to this place in

488
00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:43,879
Speaker 1: your life in the first place. Like if you're just

489
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: taking some pills to lose weight quickly, what is really

490
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:51,160
Speaker 1: your relationship? Like with your body. Yeah, absolutely, And I'm

491
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 1: glad you brought that up, because another thing is that

492
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 1: we don't even think about a relationship with our body,

493
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 1: right It's sort of something to be subdued or controlled

494
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 1: or punished. You know, those are sort of the words

495
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: that we even see when well, we think about exercise

496
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 1: and health. It's like beat it into shape or where

497
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: you know, all of these things that are like sort

498
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 1: of very very abusive language when it comes to our

499
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 1: body and not very sub of view here compassionate or

500
00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:24,000
Speaker 1: loving or patient language from diet culture. So at what

501
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:27,880
Speaker 1: point do UM women typically like seek your services IVY?

502
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,640
Speaker 1: Like would would be the impetus for somebody come into

503
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 1: your website saying, hey, I think I want to work

504
00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:36,199
Speaker 1: with IVY. Uh? Well, usually if a woman UM, I

505
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 1: definitely specialize in women who are living with chronic illness

506
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 1: UM and helping them learn how to find body peace

507
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 1: while navigating the world with while living with the chronic illness.

508
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,880
Speaker 1: I also work with women of size who are sort

509
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 1: of learning how to make peace with being a woman

510
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 1: of size and finding body confidence UM and noting litigating

511
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 1: the world as in a larger body, and also women

512
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 1: of any size and shape who say, you know, like

513
00:29:03,560 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 1: I was saying earlier, that they don't want to be

514
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:12,280
Speaker 1: constantly controlled by society's definition of beauty or or acceptance,

515
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,640
Speaker 1: and they want to learn how to accept their bodies. Um,

516
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 1: any of those women would be perfect for reaching out

517
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 1: and contacting me and we can talk. Got you. So

518
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:24,880
Speaker 1: what kinds of things do you think we can all

519
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,520
Speaker 1: be doing ivan to be more respectful of people with

520
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 1: different body shape, sizes, all of those things. Well, definitely,

521
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 1: the first thing I would say is making the decision,

522
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: right because and that sounds like really simple, but sort

523
00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 1: of making the decision and making the commitment to developing

524
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:48,680
Speaker 1: a more compassion and accepting relationship with your body, because

525
00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 1: everything around us is sort of teaching us that we

526
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:54,480
Speaker 1: should be at war with our body, right, So making

527
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: that decision that I don't want to constantly be at

528
00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: odds with my body. I do want to be at peace.

529
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 1: And then once you make that decision, look at your

530
00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:07,320
Speaker 1: life and sort of things, find the things that don't

531
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 1: align with that decision. You know, um, who are you

532
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 1: surrounding yourself with? What type of media are you um consuming?

533
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 1: What type of people are you allowing to speak into

534
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,520
Speaker 1: your life, and then also what type of practices and

535
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 1: behaviors are you doing that are sort of um, you know,

536
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: abusive to your body and to yourself that aren't really

537
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 1: aligning with the ideas of body acceptance or body peace. Yeah.

538
00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 1: And I think it's also kind of going back to

539
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,240
Speaker 1: our earlier conversation about social media important to kind of

540
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,120
Speaker 1: be paying attention to, like the messages that you're sharing

541
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 1: about things on social media and some of the attacks.

542
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: I what describe it as, you know, like when we

543
00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:51,920
Speaker 1: see like a larger sized woman in the news or something,

544
00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 1: you immediately see people talking about like, well, what about

545
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 1: our health and all this stuff? Um, you know, so

546
00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:01,000
Speaker 1: everybody turns into like this researcher around like when you

547
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 1: have no idea of like what that woman's history is

548
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 1: or any of those things. So I think, you know,

549
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 1: also being mindful of like how some of that stuff

550
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 1: comes up and we just put it out there in

551
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: ways that can be really hurtful to people. Yeah. One

552
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 1: thing I recently said to someone is if you don't

553
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:20,240
Speaker 1: take anything else away from this interview, is remember this

554
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,760
Speaker 1: that you cannot tell anything about a person by looking

555
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: at their body. Nothing, right, And so most of the time,

556
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 1: like you said, we make assumption about a person's health

557
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:35,680
Speaker 1: or their well being, or maybe they're their financial status.

558
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,840
Speaker 1: We make all sorts of assumptions when we meet a

559
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 1: person when we see their body. But you really don't

560
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: know anything about a person. So the best thing you

561
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 1: can do is to put aside those assumptions and if

562
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 1: you want to get to know that person, you can.

563
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 1: But not only is it harmful to um, you know,

564
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: people who are in a marginalized body, like particularly people

565
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,640
Speaker 1: of size, or maybe a person with chronic illness or

566
00:31:58,640 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: things like that. And hows us all when we judge

567
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 1: people by that, you know, even ourselves because then we're

568
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: sort of subjected to that when we go out into

569
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 1: the world too, particularly as women of color. M hmm. Yeah.

570
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes you don't realize how you being

571
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 1: super judgment of other people really turns back on yourself

572
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: also because you're usually holding yourself to that kind of

573
00:32:20,120 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 1: a standard as well. Absolutely, absolutely, yeah. So what are

574
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 1: some of your favorite resources, Ivy? What kinds of books

575
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,360
Speaker 1: are websites and things do you find yourself kind of

576
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:35,240
Speaker 1: frequently recommending? Um? So definitely, if if you want for

577
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,560
Speaker 1: those of you who are social media savvy and you

578
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:41,719
Speaker 1: want to look up social media UM following UM Haze,

579
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: which is Health at Every Size, there's a book about

580
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:48,520
Speaker 1: about that. Actually this outwritten by Linda Bacon, and she

581
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 1: sort of debunks the myth that health and size are

582
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 1: are connected. That's really good place to start UM for

583
00:32:56,280 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: people who maybe haven't heard of that concept before, or

584
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:03,280
Speaker 1: maybe UM are sort of confused about that, that's a

585
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 1: good place to start and really good information about that. Also,

586
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 1: if you follow the hashtag no Body Shame on social media,

587
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 1: you'll find a lot of body image experts and a

588
00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 1: lot of body image activists who are doing the work

589
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 1: around helping people not to live their lives and body

590
00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,640
Speaker 1: shame or to focus on just body image and to actually,

591
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 1: you know, go deeper when it comes to your relationship

592
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,400
Speaker 1: with your body. And one book that I recommend to

593
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:35,080
Speaker 1: a lot of women UM is The Beauty Myths, which

594
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,880
Speaker 1: sort of UM talks about how society and media and

595
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: all of that UM have an impact on how we

596
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 1: feel about our bodies based on the way that we

597
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:48,200
Speaker 1: look nice. And where can people find you? Ivy, What

598
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:50,959
Speaker 1: is your website as well as any social media handles

599
00:33:50,960 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: you want to share um sure. The website is me

600
00:33:55,360 --> 00:34:00,000
Speaker 1: My Body and the Love dot com. And on Instagram,

601
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 1: I am I am I Bey Felicia, and so that's

602
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 1: f E L I C I A. So it's I

603
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,160
Speaker 1: am I be Felicia on Instagram and all of my

604
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:11,479
Speaker 1: other informations on the website perfect. Of course, we will

605
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: add all of that to the show notes. Thank you

606
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,360
Speaker 1: so much for chatting with us today, Ivy. I appreciate it.

607
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I'm so glad Ivy was

608
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 1: able to share her expertise with us today. To learn

609
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,919
Speaker 1: more about her and her new wellness program that she's

610
00:34:25,960 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: offering called Waitless Wellness, head on over to Therapy for

611
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:34,560
Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash Session eighty nine. Please make

612
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 1: sure to share your takeaways from the episode with us

613
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 1: on Twitter or in your i G stories using the

614
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 1: hashtag tv G in session, and text the episode to

615
00:34:45,280 --> 00:34:49,680
Speaker 1: two friends you think would really enjoy it. Remember that

616
00:34:49,719 --> 00:34:52,640
Speaker 1: if you're searching for a therapist in your area, check

617
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 1: out our directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com

618
00:34:56,040 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 1: slash directory. We've recently made some updates that all all

619
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: you to search the directory by zip code and insurance,

620
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:08,160
Speaker 1: and it gives you information about therapists who provide virtual therapy,

621
00:35:08,239 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 1: so if you're looking for someone, this will be a

622
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 1: great place to start. Don't forget that you can grab

623
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 1: your TVG sweatshirts, t shirts, mugs, and a copy of

624
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,359
Speaker 1: our guided break up journal all in our store at

625
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:26,239
Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash shop. This month,

626
00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 1: in the Yellow Couch Collective, which is the community design

627
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:32,960
Speaker 1: for anyone wanting to dig deeper into the topics discussed here,

628
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: we'll be reading Self Compassion by Dr Kristin Neff. So

629
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 1: if you know that you need to be a little

630
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 1: more loving and kind to yourself, join us at Therapy

631
00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash y c C to

632
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,120
Speaker 1: dig into the book and discuss ways we can practice

633
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: it more regularly in our lives. I'm sure many of

634
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 1: you watch the docuseries Surviving r Kelly this past week,

635
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 1: and I've heard your request to do an episode or

636
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 1: around the content. I just want to let you know

637
00:36:02,440 --> 00:36:04,760
Speaker 1: that I hear you, and I am working on bringing

638
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 1: you several episodes so that we can continue the important

639
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:11,960
Speaker 1: conversation of keeping black women and girls safe from abuse.

640
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:16,040
Speaker 1: So stay tuned. Thank you all so much for joining

641
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 1: me agive this week. I look forward to continue in

642
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:22,319
Speaker 1: this conversation with you all real soon Take good care,