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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I've Heeart Radio podcast.

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Speaker 1: All right, ladies, Hi do I.

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Speaker 2: Thought we're going in for something real, Like yeah, I

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Speaker 2: speed up to put it in park.

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Speaker 1: Hello, anything going on?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 1: You know what about you much?

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Speaker 2: I have a puppy. I don't want to talk about

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Speaker 2: that because it's really something. How's the training going? The

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Speaker 2: training is going great. I've never trained a puppy or

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Speaker 2: I've never had an actual trainer for a puppy. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was twenty what twenty, I don't even know for

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Speaker 2: something when I got Tyke and he was a Jack

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Speaker 2: Russell and that's like quite a feat. But this has

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Speaker 2: been interesting. I was like, we just need he needs

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Speaker 2: school because I'm at capacity. And he's actually a really

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Speaker 2: good dude. He just really loves my plants right now,

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Speaker 2: and that is a major problem in our home because

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Speaker 2: I'm a crazy plant lady and I'm like, I feel

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Speaker 2: like one of my babies is eating other babies.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so, and he's so good. Hard to remember that

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Speaker 1: they're still puppies, Like all puppies are yea in everything.

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Speaker 2: And showy and you know, loves a shoe, which we

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Speaker 2: know will not fly in our home. So we're just

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Speaker 2: but he's a good shoes. He's sleeping overnight, and they

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Speaker 2: had the heartbeat puppy, which I didn't even know I

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Speaker 2: got that for a Ranger. I didn't even know that

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Speaker 2: was a thing because I haven't had a puppy in

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Speaker 2: like twenty years. And if anybody doesn't know, it's a

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Speaker 2: little it has like almost like a build a bear

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Speaker 2: little heart beat inside of it, and it's just it's

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Speaker 2: cozy to him in his sweet little infancy. But he's

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Speaker 2: a good dude. He's supposed to have a play date

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Speaker 2: with Leo soon and he might go to daycare on Tuesdays. Lovely,

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Speaker 2: it's a little energy out.

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Speaker 1: We do daycare for the first time with Ranger when

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Speaker 1: he was a puppy, and it was great.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I'm a little I'm a little like, do I

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Speaker 2: really need to add one more thing or costs?

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Speaker 1: Let me say yes, for a time, I think it's

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Speaker 1: worth it because as puppies and energetic puppies, then they

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Speaker 1: come back tired and they're great when they get home. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I didn't really feel like taking them, and I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: it's always worth it. Now the only you don't have

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Speaker 1: another dog, So it's fine. He did bring back something

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Speaker 1: to the other dog and got my other dog sick,

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Speaker 1: even though he'd been all the things. It's like children.

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Speaker 1: It's like children. Literally, was like, why is my bulldog sick?

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Speaker 1: He's literally never been anywhere, like doesn't even hardly go

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Speaker 1: out it And he's like, well, has anyone else been

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Speaker 1: a daycare? I'm like, this is like a child. I

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Speaker 1: think he's vaccinated or she's vaccinated.

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Speaker 2: I think it's important when it's a very hyper dog too,

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Speaker 2: like when it's like Doberman's those kind of dogs like

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Speaker 2: have to be more active.

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Speaker 1: Just they just have to.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I gave you three other puppies, Like you've

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Speaker 2: got your three kids in this home. Yeah, you know

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Speaker 2: during the day, that's Leo's chill time when the kids

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Speaker 2: get home. I mean he's running all around constantly. Just okay,

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Speaker 2: because I'm sure I just forget because it's in twenty years.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, puppies are puppies. I know.

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Speaker 2: He's a sweet fan. He's a good time guys. I

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Speaker 2: have like such sad news. No, bum no, what's a

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Speaker 2: sad news? So I was so excited we put an

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Speaker 2: offer on a lake house. Oh yeah, yeah, I was,

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Speaker 2: so do you know do oh you do?

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Speaker 1: Nick told you? He just told me, yeah, well I

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Speaker 1: don't know, and neither do that.

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Speaker 2: I usually don't know, so I know, I was so excited.

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Speaker 2: I didn't tell anybody. I mean, obviously we talked about

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Speaker 2: it on here that yeah, you know, speaking about doing it.

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Speaker 2: We found like the perfect place. I mean, it had

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Speaker 2: everything I wanted of you. Again, it was so tiny,

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Speaker 2: but it was like the perfect price, and once we

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Speaker 2: put the offer in felt great about it. Drove the

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Speaker 2: kids down for the inspection, and as we like pull up,

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Speaker 2: the inspectors like ooh, no, I don't want to be

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Speaker 2: bad news, and I'm just like no, and then he's like,

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Speaker 2: but it's okay. I would still measure things because I

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Speaker 2: brought the measuring tape to like measure.

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Speaker 1: All the windows. I wanted to.

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Speaker 2: Build this like bank banquette in the if I don't

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Speaker 2: know if that's how you say it, but banquet thing

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Speaker 2: in the in the kitchen area, and you know, so

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Speaker 2: I was like measuring that. I already reached out to

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Speaker 2: like the tradesmen people to like start scheduling them and uh,

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Speaker 2: and then we got the final report. Well, they called

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Speaker 2: us that day as we were driving home, and you know,

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Speaker 2: the our realtor was like, the inspector just called because

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Speaker 2: he hadn't looked under the house yet, and so he

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Speaker 2: was just like, it would be easier if you just

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Speaker 2: light it on fire. No, that bad, that's what he said.

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Speaker 1: Shoot. So I told that to Nick. I said, well,

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Speaker 1: inspection didn't go well.

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Speaker 2: The inspector said that we should probably just light it

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Speaker 2: on fire, and uh. But then I sent it to

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Speaker 2: Nick and he said, I thought you were just being dramatic.

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Speaker 2: He goes, but you know, he's like some of the

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Speaker 2: things the people were He's like, I didn't really care

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Speaker 2: about it, he said. But the other stuff, he's like,

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Speaker 2: when it comes to like foundation and cracking of wood

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Speaker 2: and or the the what was.

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Speaker 1: That called rock?

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Speaker 2: There was wood rock, but there was it was a

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Speaker 2: crumbling and then the foundation the house was sloping a

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Speaker 2: little bit. But I'm like, yeah, I mean I noticed it. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it was like there's a little lean but like it's

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Speaker 2: an old home, you know.

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Speaker 1: What I mean. And so I you know, I talked.

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Speaker 2: It would in the living room, it would like it

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Speaker 2: would roll. But I'm like, no, it's fine, you know.

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Speaker 2: So but then there was like a few electrical things too,

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Speaker 2: but I always look at it as we can fix it, right,

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Speaker 2: And this is a part of the inspection piece where

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Speaker 2: then you go back and you negotiate a different price

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Speaker 2: because this is what it's going to be for a foundation,

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Speaker 2: and you know, so I call the real turn and

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, listen, I'm we're after an old home

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Speaker 2: because of the price, right, so we have to stay

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Speaker 2: at this price range. We're not going to find a

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Speaker 2: clean inspection on any of the places. The foundation's not

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Speaker 2: going to be great. Most of these things are on hills.

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Speaker 2: We're going to have foundation issues, so and we can't

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Speaker 2: go above this price. So we're not going to get

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Speaker 2: a new built, you know. So I'm just like, how

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Speaker 2: much would it cost to get a structural person in there?

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Speaker 2: Because I love the house so much? And he basically

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Speaker 2: was just like, I mean you could. He's like, but

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Speaker 2: he's like, it's just like you're putting lipstick on a pig.

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Speaker 2: And I'm just like, he goes, you'll find it. It's

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Speaker 2: just I just wouldn't put He's like, there's just so

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Speaker 2: much that's unknown, and he goes and in two years,

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Speaker 2: this could be a catastrophic event. So so so what

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Speaker 2: does that even mean for the property event? Like at

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Speaker 2: some point these owners are also not going to want

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Speaker 2: to set so they'll probably see the inspection and they'll

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Speaker 2: they'll have to This is the thing too. He's like

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Speaker 2: in these cases, he goes, we would like to get

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Speaker 2: the money to fix it, because a lot of times

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Speaker 2: what happened, what he thinks happened with some of the

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Speaker 2: electrical stuff is they'll they maybe made the last people

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Speaker 2: fix it, but all they did was just put little

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Speaker 2: patches on things, so they didn't actually fix it properly.

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Speaker 1: So there's so many cots.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, the inspectors like, I don't know how this house

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Speaker 2: hasn't been set on fire yet with all the electrical

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Speaker 2: coating that's so raw, and my dryers and like another

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Speaker 2: thing too, is like and in the dock, He's like

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Speaker 2: one of the wires is like, if this gets nicked

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Speaker 2: at all, you guys are electrocuted in the water, and.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, thank you, I'm.

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Speaker 2: Out, Janne traps are It's like actually, but I'm also like,

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Speaker 2: well can it be fixed?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? I still like it's.

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Speaker 2: Gonna have to go somewhere like, they're not going to

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Speaker 2: burn the actual house down, so how can we make

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Speaker 2: this a home again? Well, now, if that just isn't

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Speaker 2: metaphorical for how we operate in life. You know, the

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Speaker 2: foundation is a little cracked, but I think we can

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Speaker 2: fix it. Literally join us in real estate and relationships here.

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Speaker 1: Annoyed because if it was like a few of those

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Speaker 1: things you could fix. But when it's a lot, well

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Speaker 1: that's the thing.

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Speaker 2: Nick was like, I mean you could call a structural

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Speaker 2: He's like, the thing is is it has to be

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Speaker 2: fixed now or it will be catastrophic. So I was like, well,

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Speaker 2: then let's fix it. But again the realtor is just

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Speaker 2: like you are just he's like, this is going to

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Speaker 2: this could be a potential money pit. If it's not,

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Speaker 2: it'll be something over And I'm like, we're going to

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Speaker 2: do that. But it was just like and and so

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Speaker 2: I had a real good cry about it because I

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Speaker 2: was bought, Like I was so excited, you know, because

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Speaker 2: I have this like vision, and then hearing the kid's

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Speaker 2: laugh there and they loved it, and then having you

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Speaker 2: don't do these things often, you just don't. I don't

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Speaker 2: dream up these things and forward with it, right, I

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Speaker 2: dream a lot of things.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I never you went forward with it as

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Speaker 1: quickly as you did.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never actually put things into action in the

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Speaker 2: calllo and got me to my dream car.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm forty two years old. Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 2: So it's just like no, like I'm as I'm getting

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Speaker 2: older and my kids are getting older. I'm just I'm

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Speaker 2: wanting to do the things that I want to do

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Speaker 2: for memories and I don't want us to be electrocuted

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Speaker 2: in the water. Yeah, and you also don't want to

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Speaker 2: spend so much money just like that doesn't that takes

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Speaker 2: the joy out of owning a property when you're constantly

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Speaker 2: just happy. But that's not fun, it's not what it's

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Speaker 2: there for. But I think the hardest part was I've

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Speaker 2: never because I've never, I've never had an inspection.

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Speaker 1: Go bad like this.

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Speaker 2: You know, usually it's well then my last two have

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Speaker 2: been two builds, and then before that the things would

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Speaker 2: have been fixed. I've never had to like walk away

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Speaker 2: from a deal from something that I love to and

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Speaker 2: and so, but then having to go through and like

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Speaker 2: delete the picks.

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Speaker 1: Portion thing. But your house is waiting for you.

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Speaker 2: I always, I firmly believe in real estate, like your

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Speaker 2: house will find you.

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Speaker 1: I've always felt that way.

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Speaker 2: But the problem with me, though, is I go so like,

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Speaker 2: we're done, it's done. It wasn't meant to be like

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Speaker 2: the foundation ship everything ship, you.

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Speaker 1: Know, like I'm just so.

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Speaker 2: Then I go metaphors, My metaphors fly, Why and what

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Speaker 2: is this represent?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? I should burn it to the ground. I burn

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Speaker 1: it to the ground. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just not a great house. I cannot live

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Speaker 2: my life without a metaphor something to Yeah, something must

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Speaker 2: be metaphorically connected. Yeah, and sometimes it's just to show

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Speaker 2: you that you're willing. It's an exercise in bravery that

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Speaker 2: you were willing to take the risk and go.

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Speaker 1: And take leap. And now you can be a little

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Speaker 1: more picky. But what does it mean? Can be though,

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Speaker 1: that's the thing.

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Speaker 2: The next option is a trailer house on a for

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Speaker 2: you know, it gets slippery down there. I'm not going

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Speaker 2: to lie, did you well, we looked it down because

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Speaker 2: you know, again, we're Michigan kids. I think there's just

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Speaker 2: something when you grow up in a lake.

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Speaker 1: Town or a lake state.

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Speaker 2: We're just it is so calming to us, and so

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Speaker 2: we that's what I said.

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Speaker 1: No, But we so I you look at the smitha

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Speaker 1: like too. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And so there was one he and I sent

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Speaker 2: I go what about this one? Because I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 2: let's go back to the drawing board. What about this one?

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Speaker 2: And the guy goes, it's a trailer park. I go,

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Speaker 2: but it's got a beautiful lot, like I know, and

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Speaker 2: it's not a good couple of her boy gets hired. Deep, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's next to a really big house. And I know

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Speaker 2: it's just tricky, but I do. I just really against

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Speaker 2: trailer parks. No, that's a trailer home. It wasn't a

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Speaker 2: trailer park. It was a trailer home. He's like, it

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Speaker 2: was a trailer home that was put in this lot.

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Speaker 1: The problem is like.

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Speaker 2: A lot of that area, how much you're paying for

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Speaker 2: that's it, and that area these people have for people

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Speaker 2: that don't know that area. They had put these trailers

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Speaker 2: kind of haphazardly on these pieces of land, So you

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Speaker 2: would pay all this money and you would still have

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Speaker 2: foundation issues again, like yeah, the way that they're set

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Speaker 2: up or the land that their on's not even So

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Speaker 2: it's not you being picky, it's just that literally you

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Speaker 2: could just be asleep and it could slide away. So

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Speaker 2: that's a problem. Yeah, and then he's like, well, why

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Speaker 2: don't we revisit this one again. I'm like, cause it's

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Speaker 2: boring and it's new and it's too expensive. You're going

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Speaker 2: to find it, Cramer, And when you do, I'm just

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Speaker 2: excited for all of us that we get a lake house. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I know, that's John, It's okay. I was you breaking

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Speaker 1: up with this vision. It's all of us.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking about all of us being there because

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Speaker 2: it's so hard to get us to go to Florida.

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Speaker 2: Even I'm like, we can do a two hour drive.

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Speaker 2: Get in the car, you know. Yeah, I was so excited.

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Speaker 2: It's not over. It's not over.

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Speaker 1: It'sd Are you going to update us this week about

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Speaker 1: Julie's birthday?

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Speaker 2: Okay, so remember we were last week we were talking

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Speaker 2: about the mom group of leaving people out and having

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Speaker 2: people feeling excluded. Yes, well, this came up because Jolie

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Speaker 2: was doing her birthday list. And where it becomes tricky

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Speaker 2: is that I'm friends with some of the moms in

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Speaker 2: the neighborhood, but she doesn't want to invite some of

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Speaker 2: the girlfriends of the moms, right, and so, and here's

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Speaker 2: here's like the next situation with it two. So you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, all right, Jollie Ray, let's make your birthday list,

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Speaker 2: you know. And she makes her list, but I realize

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Speaker 2: there's a couple people that aren't on her list. So

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Speaker 2: I say, do you not want to invite so and so?

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Speaker 2: And she just love one of them. Oh you already,

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Speaker 2: you already got your invite.

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Speaker 1: No, I just mean, like first, I mean they were

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Speaker 1: on the first round.

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Speaker 2: Just means if we sit.

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Speaker 1: On a couch with you and things would get offward.

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Speaker 1: What I've learned though, don't ask. I literally think that

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Speaker 1: in my head, I actually don't care. I don't ask

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Speaker 1: the question. I actually don't care either way.

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Speaker 2: If she wasn't first of all, y'all were on the

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Speaker 2: first draft, okay, good to know she didn't want to

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Speaker 2: make a different draft. Okay, so go so this is

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Speaker 2: where yeah, So, so she makes her list, and I

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Speaker 2: then go, okay, uh, do you want to invite so

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Speaker 2: and so? Because I know the head hung out. Now

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Speaker 2: there's been a one of the girls has been I

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Speaker 2: have to walk this really careful. Of course you do.

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Speaker 2: There's been a couple issues. But and so I call

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Speaker 2: Pam and I said, hey, so this is what was

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Speaker 2: related to me that happened on the bus. And she's

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Speaker 2: just like, oh, girls, just let them work it out,

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Speaker 2: you know, don't step in.

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Speaker 1: And I said, okay.

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Speaker 2: You know, she's like, sometimes they'll go like, we don't

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Speaker 2: like this person, now we do we like this person now.

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Speaker 2: She's like, that's just the age I dealt with it

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Speaker 2: with my older Just let it kind of go. So

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Speaker 2: in that moment, So then there's and then I said,

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Speaker 2: what about this person? She goes, well, I don't really

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Speaker 2: know her that well yet, you know when we hang out,

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Speaker 2: they hang out as a group. But she's like, I'm not,

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Speaker 2: I'm not really close with her yet.

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Speaker 1: So then I go.

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Speaker 2: I go into my staff where it's like I never

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Speaker 2: want anyone to feel excluded. Having said that, though, I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to push a friendship on my daughter just

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Speaker 2: because I don't want her mom to be upset when

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Speaker 2: I Instagram that my daughter's having this birthday party, and

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Speaker 2: I'm just stuck because I'm like, I can't say you

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Speaker 2: need to invite because it's not fair if she's not

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Speaker 2: close with this person yet, or she's or maybe this

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Speaker 2: person's not being nice to her. I'm not going to

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Speaker 2: say then invite her because I don't want the moms

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Speaker 2: to be upset from seeing possibly my story.

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Speaker 1: So then I just sit there.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't know what to say, so I go, Okay,

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Speaker 2: I go. So this is how I then played it.

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Speaker 2: I go Devil's advocate Julie Ray, if you found out

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Speaker 2: that you weren't invited to their birthday party?

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Speaker 1: Would you be upset?

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Speaker 2: I said, because these two girls are going to find out,

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Speaker 2: someone will say something or it'll little be relate on

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Speaker 2: the bus. Would your feelings be hurt? She has no, Mommy,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to. I don't I don't want to

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Speaker 2: be at her birthday party. And then she goes a no, Mommy,

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Speaker 2: I don't because I don't know her that well. And

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Speaker 2: so I said okay, And then I just sat with it.

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Speaker 2: But I'm like, what do I do? Did I do

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Speaker 2: the right thing? Am I doing the right thing?

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Speaker 1: But now I'm.

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Speaker 2: Terrified for her birthday party because I don't want those

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Speaker 2: moms to be like, well, why wasn't she invited?

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Speaker 1: And why wasn't she invited?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, even though one is a very new friendship, and

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Speaker 2: then one is they've been friends, but they've been having issues.

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Speaker 1: Oh it's so tricky. Okay, So I think you handled

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Speaker 1: it right, agreed.

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Speaker 2: I do think it's a sleepover too, so that's another

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Speaker 2: thing if you don't want and there was an issue

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Speaker 2: with the last sleepover with somebody, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: So I'm just like, ah, yeah, I do think I

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Speaker 1: learned a lesson at Emmy's not this last birthday party,

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Speaker 1: but the one before that. She invited a girl who

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Speaker 1: she did want to invite, but everyone was a little

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Speaker 1: bit not very nice to her at the party. The

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Speaker 1: girl that they did the other girls, Okay, we're not

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Speaker 1: very nice to her. And so I had said something

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Speaker 1: to some of the moms that I was closer to

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Speaker 1: and did say all of them were not very even

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Speaker 1: though I wouldn't say Emmy was mean to her, but

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Speaker 1: she also didn't go out of her way to make

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Speaker 1: her feel great either. In my opinion, I was there

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Speaker 1: with them the whole time, watched it all. But their

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Speaker 1: point of view was I'm not going to force my child.

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't that they were mean, they just weren't inclusive,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But their point of view

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Speaker 1: was I'm not going to force my child to be

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Speaker 1: someone be friends with someone they don't want to be

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Speaker 1: friends with. And I was like, Okay, now they don't

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Speaker 1: want them to be mean, but they also are not.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, because I'm so like that.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, let's just include everyone, whether you want to

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Speaker 1: be friends with them or not.

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Speaker 2: And I also liked the moms, so like, that's hard

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Speaker 2: too because we're friends. So that's where it's hard, because

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Speaker 2: I'm friends with them, you know. But I also don't

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Speaker 2: want to push my friends, you know, I learn friends.

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Speaker 1: I am learning that that I pushing the moment right now.

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Speaker 2: If one sorry with again, she's not close with one,

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Speaker 2: and one just they're just having some yeah girl issues

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Speaker 2: at the moment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think pushing them has backfired on me in

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Speaker 1: the past, so I agree. But I always say exactly

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Speaker 1: what you said, how would you feel? I mean, every day,

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Speaker 1: in every situation when someone's not you know, even just

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Speaker 1: a sleepover tonight, you know, I would say, how would

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Speaker 1: you feel if so and so wasn't you know, because

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Speaker 1: and then that that's their decision at that point, I think,

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Speaker 1: and then they have to live with the repercussions of it.

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Speaker 1: If said girl starts, you know, does get upset or

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Speaker 1: gets mad at her.

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Speaker 2: I say something to the parents, I would what would

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Speaker 2: you say.

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Speaker 1: Like, hey, learning now I would what would you say? Though,

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Speaker 1: I think I would send a message before that just

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Speaker 1: says hey, this is you know, been really hard for

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Speaker 1: me because obviously we're friends. She's having a sleepover party,

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Speaker 1: so she can't have a lot of girls. That is true,

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Speaker 1: because is tense.

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Speaker 2: My lord, I don't know how for the I'm like eight,

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Speaker 2: Oh sorry, it's I have one hundred and forty dollars

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Speaker 2: for eight tenths.

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Speaker 1: So we did cap it.

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Speaker 2: I mean, now, granted I would have probably added more

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Speaker 2: if but when I went to go book the things,

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Speaker 2: I was like, damn, I'm glad you come.

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Speaker 1: Also, a sleepover with fifteen kids is also, I would say,

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Speaker 1: versus ten though, like I.

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Speaker 2: So my thing is is like she didn't want to

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Speaker 2: invite the whole because a lot of times the whole

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Speaker 2: class would be like listen, if she's doing a birthday,

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Speaker 2: pray invite all the girls. There's only one girl from

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Speaker 2: her classroom that's going because she just wants she has

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Speaker 2: so many pockets, you know, like Ramsey in Love and

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Speaker 2: you know, so that's where it becomes a little and

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Speaker 2: so many girls in the neighborhood, that's the part.

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Speaker 1: We hold. So many girls in the neighborhood, it's a lot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I do think I've said this to someone before

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Speaker 2: because and I think it might have even been one

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Speaker 2: of you two, because they are getting older and you

419
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Speaker 2: also want them to exercise and gain strength and like

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Speaker 2: knowing what they know and not second guessing themselves. So

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Speaker 2: I had had to send a note to a mom

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Speaker 2: two birthdays ago we did something for love, and I

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Speaker 2: just said I am allowing her to exercise her own

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Speaker 2: guest list and I have suggested friends and she is

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Speaker 2: ultimately the one that gets the final say. And so

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Speaker 2: this is our first round of that and I just

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Speaker 2: don't I'm sorry. If there's hurt feelings, I'm sick to

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Speaker 2: my stomach.

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Speaker 1: What would you say? I would definitely say it's a sleepover.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. We had to keep it small because that

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Speaker 1: is the truth every time, and a sleepover I always

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Speaker 1: had to put a cap. And this is hard for

433
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,639
Speaker 1: me because I know that we are friends for the

434
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,879
Speaker 1: one Unfortunately they don't know each other that well, and

435
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,239
Speaker 1: she's got friends from different pockets that, you know, so

436
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 1: we just have to we had to cap it. I'm

437
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:40,600
Speaker 1: so sorry. We will probably post stuff on social media,

438
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,080
Speaker 1: and I don't want your feelings to be hurt. I

439
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,360
Speaker 1: would just be very honest, and with the other one,

440
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:47,200
Speaker 1: I would say, you know, I know she loves her,

441
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,800
Speaker 1: but they're obviously going through something right now and she's

442
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,400
Speaker 1: just not feeling very comfortable with having her I hope

443
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,640
Speaker 1: they repair that and in the future that they can

444
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:57,239
Speaker 1: hang out more and get to be back in a

445
00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 1: great place. I love you. I'm so sorry, you know,

446
00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:01,840
Speaker 1: I just wanted to give you a heads up before

447
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,720
Speaker 1: I would appreciate that. I would appreciate that head.

448
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 2: Instead of just like saying, because obviously I'm not not

449
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 2: going to story social media and what I'm a Reagan.

450
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,679
Speaker 1: It always just makes it hit a little bit different,

451
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:16,640
Speaker 1: you just.

452
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:19,159
Speaker 2: Because it's like with Ashley, she's like, oh, seeing it

453
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:23,119
Speaker 2: on social media wasn't included, I know exactly. But also

454
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 2: they would find out anyway. So even if you didn't story,

455
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,879
Speaker 2: you don't want the girls to, but they can't be

456
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,760
Speaker 2: excited that they did something to you know, they would

457
00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 2: find out no matter what. It's so hard because I

458
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:37,679
Speaker 2: just want like, but again, why we do nothing? To

459
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 2: be honest, this is kind of why we do nothing.

460
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:41,639
Speaker 2: Like I was excited this year because it was New

461
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 2: York and I said, well, that's why I tried to

462
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,960
Speaker 2: do a trip, but nobody could get to Key West.

463
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,160
Speaker 2: You know, we tried to do the trip for everybody.

464
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 2: I still think we can I do in like a week. No,

465
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:58,440
Speaker 2: I mean not on the birthday. Birthday anyways, like let

466
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 2: them have you know, like it'll be their own little

467
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,440
Speaker 2: ten year old you know.

468
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,680
Speaker 1: I meant, yeah, I get it. And it gets hard

469
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: and it's you know, it is definitely hard when we

470
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 1: all are friends and then you have you know, like

471
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 1: as they get older and who they invite to their birthdays,

472
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 1: it just gets tricky.

473
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,720
Speaker 2: I mean, listen, what would happen if ramseyer Love wasn't

474
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 2: on the list?

475
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,159
Speaker 1: Well and Love don't ever go to each other's birthday parties?

476
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 2: Really they might now though.

477
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 1: They might now like they weren't really saying. Let's just say,

478
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 1: I mean I would have like a couple of years

479
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 1: ago when that happened, I would have loved a Hey

480
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:34,679
Speaker 1: loves having a small thing and Harlow and Jolie are

481
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,679
Speaker 1: coming Just so you know, I would have loved that.

482
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 1: I would have appreciated that. I'm not mad that you

483
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 1: did it, but I'm just trying.

484
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 2: Well, shit, I didn't even know that was an issue

485
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:45,479
Speaker 2: an issue.

486
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 1: It wasn't an issue, but being the sensitive one that

487
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 1: would have not hits as hard seeing on social media.

488
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,239
Speaker 1: I get it, Like I have an older daughter, I

489
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 1: understand it, but I do think sometimes that can just

490
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 1: still eat that a little bit. There's always, for me

491
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 1: as a sensor person, an initial and like the Tam

492
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 1: the time someone Pam had a birthday party for one

493
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 1: of them, like you're going right, I can't you know?

494
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 1: She didn't invite you And I was like, oh, you

495
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,560
Speaker 1: know right, well this was years ago, and it's just

496
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,640
Speaker 1: that initial reaction, you know, And then it's like, oh wait,

497
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 1: that totally makes sense. Like Marianne, I think it was Maria,

498
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,200
Speaker 1: Like marian and me are friends, but they're like a

499
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:23,560
Speaker 1: couple of years apart, and she's kind of like duh,

500
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But I do think sometimes

501
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,680
Speaker 1: if you're a person like me, you Kristin would probably

502
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 1: not think twice about it. I let you, guys, I

503
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: am like the you're so easy with that, And that's

504
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I just prepare for people that are

505
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 1: more like me and you just don't know. I know,

506
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 1: but I do need to hear that exactly. That's why again,

507
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: was I'm out at you. No, not in the least,

508
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,080
Speaker 1: but I like saying that, like someone like me does

509
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,760
Speaker 1: appreciate a heads up before seeing it on social media.

510
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 2: But what if our girls were having a problem and

511
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:53,960
Speaker 2: she's like, I don't want to invite rams for level.

512
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,679
Speaker 2: I'm absolutely not saying that actually happens, because again, they

513
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:59,000
Speaker 2: were would tell me.

514
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 1: I would love for you to tell me, and I'd

515
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 1: be like, oh my gosh. A I would want to

516
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 1: know if they're having issues, Like not just like if

517
00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 1: they're growing and you could easily say, hey, they're growing apart.

518
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 1: At this point, she's got all her kids at school,

519
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 1: Like I get that, you know, but A, if they

520
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:14,000
Speaker 1: were actually having issues, I would want to know so

521
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:15,159
Speaker 1: I could talk to her and be like, hey, what

522
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: are the issues here? You know, blah blah blah blah blah,

523
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 1: and then prepare her because at some point she might

524
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:22,960
Speaker 1: be around Jollie or she might be around someone and

525
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,160
Speaker 1: they may mention the birthday party. That way, I can

526
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 1: just get her little heart ready for what that disappointment

527
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 1: may be. You know, with someone like love at the time,

528
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:33,479
Speaker 1: they never really saw each other. If we all got together,

529
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 1: they would and I would could just say if it

530
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 1: was around the birthday party time, like hey, just so

531
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 1: you know, she had a little just to prepare their

532
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 1: little heart yecause their sensitive.

533
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,240
Speaker 2: Like I'm not inviting truly, but truly is a couple

534
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 2: of years, right, younger, Yeah, that doesn't make sense.

535
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,520
Speaker 1: Sarah's right, one of my best friends. Yeah, and yeah,

536
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 1: well and like when Jayce has birthday parties, right, we

537
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,359
Speaker 1: don't go to those, so we don't have a book.

538
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:53,560
Speaker 2: You know.

539
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,320
Speaker 1: Again, it all makes sense. I just think if you

540
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:59,359
Speaker 1: can put yourself in the position of someone who is

541
00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 1: a little bit more or sensitive at the time to

542
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 1: those things, it just goes a long way. Yeah, you know, Kat,

543
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 1: you're a good person.

544
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,840
Speaker 2: I'm just so I don't love those text messages are

545
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 2: sick to my stomach. But you also are good at those,

546
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 2: So don't just like you're really good. It's saying it

547
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 2: in a way that it will land and feel fair

548
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:19,640
Speaker 2: and honest and not.

549
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 1: And also you care and that's what's so sweet, you

550
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,439
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like you do think anyway, right,

551
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 1: and you do care we're between this right now. No,

552
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 1: I just think they will do it offline, and they

553
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 1: may be people that are like girl, you don't have

554
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 1: to say a thing. All good, you know, but at

555
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 1: least she covered me exactly right, right.

556
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,880
Speaker 2: I'm okay, Well that was my That was my big chat.

557
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,439
Speaker 2: Anyone got a whine about it, Mine's easy. We can

558
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:49,960
Speaker 2: move fast, okay, chin, hair, what is happening? Hair? What

559
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:50,720
Speaker 2: is happening?

560
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:51,640
Speaker 1: Didn't see that going?

561
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:52,920
Speaker 2: I know I didn't either.

562
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 1: Do I have I don't know.

563
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 2: But if you're dealing with that for years, and I

564
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 2: would tell a few years, well, I usually have one

565
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 2: in the car that I'm always it's so hard you

566
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 2: can't get it with you. You have to have a

567
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 2: micro tweezer. They have little tweezers. I keep them in

568
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 2: the car.

569
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 1: Oh, I need to have one in that you do,

570
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 1: because otherwise you just obs wow. To tell me we're

571
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 1: getting old with that. I mean, I've dealt with it

572
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,000
Speaker 1: for a long time too, too.

573
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,639
Speaker 2: But I'm just saying I wis out and about in

574
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 2: the wild for like three days and then I don't

575
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 2: use my super zoom up mirror anymore.

576
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,360
Speaker 1: Because who wants to do that?

577
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 2: Well, I just can see something coming in two weeks

578
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 2: to now, and I'm like, whatdy in? You know, like

579
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,919
Speaker 2: I'm just extracting and that just becomes because I'm just

580
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,679
Speaker 2: trying to leave my face alone. But I got in

581
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,560
Speaker 2: there the other day and I thought, do I have

582
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 2: no friends? I would have told you I do, believe

583
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 2: I can't see them? Yes, you can, you can see me.

584
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,280
Speaker 1: I never I got a black one. I've been around

585
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 1: long and I have never in my life seen your

586
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: chin because I go like this constant I've seen I've

587
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: seen you do that, and I know what you're doing.

588
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,439
Speaker 1: We're not see them. I got I think I got one.

589
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,760
Speaker 1: I would tell you if it was. It's always just

590
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: one there, one there.

591
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,240
Speaker 2: Mine, and I just feel like I took a check

592
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 2: on it and then all of the sudden it grew

593
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:01,440
Speaker 2: like I was like.

594
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 1: Overnight about five ft. Yes, why is that?

595
00:26:06,160 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 2: I don't know, And maybe it's a hormone thing, but

596
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 2: I was just like, okay, do I have no friends?

597
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,199
Speaker 2: And then also my husband does any glasses? But like

598
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 2: is he even are you paying attention to me that I.

599
00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: Have a feeling and think you see him as much

600
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 1: as we think you do.

601
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,640
Speaker 2: It's yeah, I don't think they really look closely. Because

602
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 2: Alan said something to me the other day. He goes,

603
00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 2: you have a hole in your forehead and I was like,

604
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,000
Speaker 2: that's funny. I was like, it's been there since I've

605
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 2: known you.

606
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,600
Speaker 1: I didn't notice it for a while.

607
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,680
Speaker 2: I've never noticed it, and that makes me feel sad

608
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 2: because I really feel like I pay attention.

609
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,560
Speaker 1: I remember one time you were getting your lot and

610
00:26:38,560 --> 00:26:39,919
Speaker 1: you were like, hey, you know, just make sure to

611
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,639
Speaker 1: cover the whole like that, and all the time I

612
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 1: was in your head.

613
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 2: I know, it's like exposed. Poor that just grew. What

614
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 2: a bummer right in the middle of my What a bummer.

615
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 2: I'm just here to say if you're a good friend

616
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 2: people say, is that we just need to look out

617
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:59,200
Speaker 2: for each other. There's travel sized tweezers that fit everywhere.

618
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 2: And if you have a polar aside.

619
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:02,800
Speaker 1: From now on, I'm going to be staring at y'all

620
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 1: so closely, you're not gonna make what are you doing?

621
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 1: And this one would attack you on the shoulder.

622
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 2: It was so ridiculous and I thought, no one, no

623
00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,840
Speaker 2: one cares about me, No one's checking in on me.

624
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 2: I'm growing chin hairs, and what happens when I'm old

625
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 2: and senile and I'm just bearded?

626
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 1: And it's wait, you know, oh guys, a funny whine

627
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 1: about it? Right there there?

628
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 2: It is.

629
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 1: My husband.

630
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 2: I've been married for five years, and lately we just

631
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,919
Speaker 2: feel like really good co parenting roommates. We have a

632
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 2: three year we have a three year and two year old.

633
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 2: And as much as I realize this is a phase

634
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 2: and I am not willing to give up on our marriage,

635
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,399
Speaker 2: and my husband has voice that he doesn't know what

636
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 2: he wants and doesn't know if we can find ourselves

637
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,199
Speaker 2: back to each other. He is starting to see a therapist,

638
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,560
Speaker 2: but all has all voice that he's afraid to uncover

639
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 2: that he might not want to save this marriage. To me,

640
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 2: it sounds like he has made up his mind and

641
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 2: is kind of just skating around saying it. And honestly,

642
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 2: there's a lot of things I feel like I need

643
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 2: in a relationship that I do not get from him,

644
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 2: and also wonder if we are a compatible long term. However,

645
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,920
Speaker 2: I refuse to give up on my children and only

646
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 2: see them fifty percent of the time. I would rather

647
00:28:21,160 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 2: stay in a loveless marriage and be a great cole

648
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 2: parent than lose my kids fifty percent. Does that sound crazy?

649
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 2: Is there an age we're not having your kids all

650
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 2: the time is easier? Also, Kat, how are you able

651
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,800
Speaker 2: to reconcile your marriage before getting divorced? Any tips to

652
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:36,320
Speaker 2: finding that love again?

653
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 1: There's a lot to that. Start with the part about

654
00:28:47,840 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 1: he's kind of already decided that he doesn't. I mean

655
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,040
Speaker 1: they're going to have to go. Both of them are

656
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,800
Speaker 1: going to have to go to therapy, and even if

657
00:28:55,840 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 1: they're if you're not willing to go together separately to

658
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: figure out who you know, how you feel, and if

659
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,479
Speaker 1: you want to fight for it, because I mean I

660
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: definitely felt like I wanted to leave before I did,

661
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 1: but avoided going to therapy to kind of make that decision,

662
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: and then went to therapy and then made that decision

663
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 1: and then changed my mind. So it's all a lot.

664
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:20,520
Speaker 1: I think, Oh God, this sounds bad to say this,

665
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 1: but I think the grass isn't always greener. I think

666
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 1: when you're in it and it feels like your roommates

667
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,480
Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, but I could be on my

668
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 1: own and I could do this, And while that's terrifying,

669
00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 1: that's also like exciting and like I don't have to

670
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 1: deal with somebody else, and you know all the things

671
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:42,120
Speaker 1: if you're my personality type, and then you get there

672
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 1: and you're like, like, I could have done single easy

673
00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:49,880
Speaker 1: in the sense my kids were older, so I essentially

674
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: saw them every day because we were taking someone here

675
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: and taking someone there. So she's got you. You know,

676
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 1: you've got younger kids, and that's harder and one of

677
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 1: the reasons why I waited till later to even kind

678
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: of go that that route. So when they get older,

679
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:05,720
Speaker 1: I do think it gets a little bit easier because

680
00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:07,480
Speaker 1: you're kind of forced to not really even be there

681
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:09,479
Speaker 1: fifty percent of the time. They get busy, you have

682
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: to go to sports, someone's got to take them here.

683
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:16,240
Speaker 1: You just see them more when they get older. But

684
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:17,680
Speaker 1: what was her question to me.

685
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,440
Speaker 2: How did you reconcile your marriage before getting divorced? Any

686
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 2: tips for finding that love again?

687
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:24,240
Speaker 1: You know, it was for me, it was just I

688
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 1: had to, like, I'm so bad at being vulnerable, so

689
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 1: bad at being vulnerable and had never really been and

690
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,200
Speaker 1: so I just had to, like I finally had like

691
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:36,520
Speaker 1: a vulnerable moment of Okay, I thought, this is what

692
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 1: I wanted, but this wasn't really what I wanted, and

693
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 1: I didn't really try.

694
00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 2: I think y'all needed that separation, though, too for you

695
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 2: to figure that out one hundred percent. So I would

696
00:30:44,440 --> 00:30:47,400
Speaker 2: i'd vote for before you guys file for anything, do

697
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 2: a trial separation first, because I think people in that alone,

698
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,040
Speaker 2: that time alone, go wait a minut.

699
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,959
Speaker 1: This is and what actually want. So and I go

700
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 1: back on this a lot. I'm like, I wonder if

701
00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 1: I should have told my kids, you know, I didn't

702
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 1: want to tell them we were doing a separation, which

703
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 1: we weren't intending on doing a separation, even though that's

704
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,280
Speaker 1: what it ended up being. You know, I think for

705
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 1: the older ones it was okay. For the younger one

706
00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 1: it wasn't. She still sees it as we got divorced

707
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 1: and then we got remarried, you know, like she will

708
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,440
Speaker 1: never kind of unforesee it that way no matter what

709
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:20,880
Speaker 1: I say, so I do. Looking back, I was like, man,

710
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 1: I wanted to protect them and not say this is

711
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,160
Speaker 1: a separation. Okay, well now we're getting divorced, or now

712
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: we're not, you know, but looking back, I wish we

713
00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 1: would have. I wish we would have done a true

714
00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:34,520
Speaker 1: separation to see how we felt instead of just being done.

715
00:31:34,560 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 1: I just didn't want to go through it twice, Like

716
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:37,640
Speaker 1: I didn't want to have to go through this conversation

717
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:39,960
Speaker 1: all again, you know. I didn't want to have to like, Okay,

718
00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: now we have to make our decision. But looking back,

719
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: I wish I would have done it that way. So

720
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 1: that would probably be my advice, Like you said, you know,

721
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,200
Speaker 1: maybe take a trial separation and see if it is

722
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,160
Speaker 1: what you both really want after doing some therapy. I

723
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 1: would also just.

724
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 2: Encourage you that you are in the absolute freaking thick

725
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 2: of it.

726
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 1: Thick of it three and.

727
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:03,400
Speaker 2: Two is such a very difficult time to get a

728
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 2: good read on yourself or your marriage, like, at least

729
00:32:07,040 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 2: in my experience, and I can see retrospectively, like how

730
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:14,960
Speaker 2: Preston and I grew apart and places where we didn't

731
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,680
Speaker 2: lean into each other and where both of us sought

732
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:21,920
Speaker 2: validation in different ways, and you know, like I just

733
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 2: want to speak life into this person so much and

734
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 2: into their marriage because it is hard and in my experience,

735
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 2: and I don't think this is all men I just

736
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 2: think the trying maternal instinct and be living for another

737
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,160
Speaker 2: human is so instinctual to women because we start the

738
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 2: process so early. We carry them, we mother them, we

739
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,520
Speaker 2: sleepless with them, we breastfeed them, or at least we

740
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:52,600
Speaker 2: attempt to, and so it's so in us to put

741
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 2: them first, and like it's almost easier for us to

742
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 2: put them first than it is to put a marriage first.

743
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:01,040
Speaker 2: And I think that at least in my sweet little

744
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 2: vulnerable moment of exposing some of our marriage, that was

745
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 2: hard for Preston because he wasn't my first priority any

746
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 2: I think that's hard for a lot of men, and

747
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,680
Speaker 2: if he didn't want them to not be a priority,

748
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:15,160
Speaker 2: but it was a real shock to his little ecosystem

749
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 2: that I actually wasn't sure if he even had eaten today,

750
00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:22,160
Speaker 2: but I was positive that the other two had, you know,

751
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 2: had like nutritious, wonderful meals. And like, I just want

752
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 2: to encourage you to lean in a little bit, my

753
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 2: And I'm not a therapist, so I'm just speaking from

754
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 2: my own experience. Well, I feel like people lean into

755
00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 2: our opinions, and I don't want it to be like

756
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 2: I'm right, Like I just know what we walked so intimately,

757
00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:49,080
Speaker 2: and I wish I would have had somebody speak more

758
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 2: life into my marriage. And I wish I had the

759
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 2: courage to write something like this to someone and say

760
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 2: like he's feeling this way or whatever. And Preston wasn't

761
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,000
Speaker 2: wanting to lead. But I bet if I asked him

762
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 2: in those little years, do you miss would you want

763
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 2: to live alone? I mean, I don't think he'd ever

764
00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 2: want to live alone, but I bet he had a

765
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:12,160
Speaker 2: moment where he was like, I would love someone to

766
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 2: think I'm really important for a second, you know. I mean,

767
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 2: it's a lot to so I just want to say

768
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 2: a I will pray over you and your spouse. I

769
00:34:21,200 --> 00:34:24,759
Speaker 2: will do that because I know it gets disconnected and

770
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:26,400
Speaker 2: I just want you to lean into each other. I

771
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 2: would imagine that his words are him feeling like he

772
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 2: doesn't have a It's not I'm not defending him at all.

773
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,480
Speaker 2: It's not really super handsome to me to want to leave.

774
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,600
Speaker 2: Just my little opinion, but like, also my guess is

775
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:40,840
Speaker 2: maybe that's not even what he wants. He just doesn't

776
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 2: know what else to say or how else to configure

777
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,000
Speaker 2: it in his brain. I think it's great he's going

778
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:47,919
Speaker 2: to therapy. I do too, think that's a wonderful thing.

779
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,360
Speaker 2: I hope you guys can maybe do couple therapy. But

780
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 2: I will say this, I would rather be single than

781
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 2: be in a leveless marriage. I've learned that I don't

782
00:34:55,280 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 2: want her to settle. Yeah, I know it is I

783
00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 2: don't love being away from my kids. You guys have

784
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 2: heard me say that a million times on here. But

785
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:05,240
Speaker 2: being in a loveless marriage is one of the loneliest,

786
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 2: miserable places ever. And you're not a good mom. I

787
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 2: just wasn't a good mom. I was. I was my

788
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 2: worst version trying in a loveless marriage. So yeah, I

789
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 2: don't even really want that to be an option for her,

790
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:18,600
Speaker 2: the loveless marriage. And still, you guys either figured out

791
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 2: or I just think you can figure it out. I

792
00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 2: still think you're just I think little years are so

793
00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 2: in the trenches that it is hard to see up.

794
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 2: But if you can sit for a minute, maybe reconnect her,

795
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 2: it's each other.

796
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: In therapy, I would encourage him to maybe not make

797
00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,640
Speaker 1: any drastic decisions right now in the middle of the

798
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,919
Speaker 1: young little ages, and make sure that you know it's

799
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: exactly what he wants.

800
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,480
Speaker 2: But sit together in therapy for him and having said

801
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 2: that though the young ages is easier, like Jase doesn't

802
00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:47,840
Speaker 2: remember Mike and Idy guy, right, it's true, Like it's true.

803
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,120
Speaker 2: He's just like, yeah, sometimes we'll see a video, the

804
00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:51,799
Speaker 2: ones that I haven't deleted. To Mike, he'd be like,

805
00:35:52,200 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 2: why is daddy in the house? Oh wow, yeah you know,

806
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,720
Speaker 2: And I'm like, well that we all wondered.

807
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 1: Jase.

808
00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, boo yeah, boo boom body yeah, thank you

809
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 2: for writing in. Yes, good luck girl. Let us know,

810
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:08,560
Speaker 2: keep us posted. All right, ladies, I'm going to go

811
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 2: text some moms.

812
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to go find some