WEBVTT - L.O.N.E.L.Y 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.119 Welcome to Carefully Reckless, a production of our Heart Radio 0:00:03.200 --> 0:00:16.400 and The Black Effect. And just like that, we're back 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:18.400 on an air. Welcome back to you had another Carefully 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.080 Reckless with your girl Jess. Hilarious. We're gonna jump right 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:23.760 into just fix my mess. We do not have any 0:00:23.840 --> 0:00:26.240 voice memos, so I'm just gonna be reading all right. 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:28.880 Here we go. Hey Jus, I'm a big fan. I 0:00:29.040 --> 0:00:31.000 go and see you every time you come to town. 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:33.840 I've been doing so good for myself. I'm a newly 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:39.320 licensed cosmetologist. I graduated in December within associates in cosmetology 0:00:39.320 --> 0:00:42.240 and business in two years. I currently have a full 0:00:42.240 --> 0:00:45.960 scholarship to a private university to complete my bachelor in 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:50.280 computer science this fall. I'm currently in the Army National 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.320 Guard for North Carolina. I've been in for eight years 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:56.920 and for the most part, I'm financially stable. Since January, 0:00:57.400 --> 0:01:01.080 I've picked up two part time jobs, study job, and 0:01:01.120 --> 0:01:05.120 I volunteer my time for funeral services when i'm free. Okay. 0:01:05.800 --> 0:01:08.760 I was deployed in twenty nineteen and was overseas during COVID. 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:11.680 I've really accomplished a lot in a little time. I 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.440 even ran across country with my school for two years 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:18.280 and one two championships. But lately I've been really sad, 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:22.040 like really sad. It's been almost three months since I 0:01:22.040 --> 0:01:25.040 stopped running heavily, and honestly, I thought that was my issue, 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:28.119 so I started working out and running again. I still 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:31.039 feel sad. I love to paint, and even painting doesn't 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:34.760 help me feel better. My love life sucks, and you 0:01:34.800 --> 0:01:38.760 put four says on that shit. It sucks. I have 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:42.000 no boyfriend. I'm not even talking or messaging anyone on 0:01:42.040 --> 0:01:45.399 the regular. I'm really alone. I have friends, but they're 0:01:45.400 --> 0:01:49.600 all in relationships, some married, all with kids. Though I 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:52.559 feel like I'm so different from everyone around me. I've 0:01:52.560 --> 0:01:55.760 tried talking to people, but that does mean no good. 0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:59.440 The men around here are some bitches. I'm lonely. I've 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:03.000 seen help, which saved my life after my deployment. I 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:05.840 just feel like I'm missing something and I'm hurting. I'm 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:09.760 happy with myself and I have peace within myself, but 0:02:09.800 --> 0:02:13.080 I'm just lonely. My sister have a mental illness, which 0:02:13.200 --> 0:02:16.360 played the biggest part in my life. I created a monster, 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:20.000 my alter ego because of the emotional weight it had 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:23.760 on my life. It really got bad. I've dug myself 0:02:23.840 --> 0:02:26.919 out of the hurt and anger that came with it. 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:30.639 Now that I'm accomplishing all of these things and doing 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:33.600 good for myself, I feel more and more lonely. I 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:36.520 don't want a relationship, but I need someone there for me. 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:39.760 I haven't had intercourse in months, and I just want 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:42.760 to hug. I'm not getting any of my emotional needs 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:45.760 met from anybody in my life. I love myself more 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:48.400 than anything. I have plans to take over the world, 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:52.000 but I'm missing something. I know you're a successful black woman, 0:02:52.000 --> 0:02:54.359 and I listen to you all the time. You give 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:57.800 such great advice, and you have such a huge platform. 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:00.560 Any advice on getting out of this loneliness on the 0:03:00.639 --> 0:03:04.560 journey of being successful. I'm so stuck. I'm twenty seven, 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:08.480 by the way, what twenty seven? I'm young enough to 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:11.600 take my time. But then again, I'm stepping into a 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:14.720 whole different part of womanhood. I really need to get 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:17.560 over this emotional hump, all right, So I just want 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:20.040 to apologize for the background noise. I'm actually in my home. 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:21.800 I'm getting it cleaned right now, and I have to 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:25.639 find any Indian every time I can to deliver y'all 0:03:25.639 --> 0:03:30.120 these episodes, So pardon me in parting my cleaners, but listen, 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:34.679 first and foremost, I can sympathize with you because I'm 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:36.640 not gonna say I'm going through the same thing, but 0:03:36.720 --> 0:03:38.760 I'm kind of in the same place in my life. 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:42.400 I wouldn't consider it going through something. And the only 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:45.440 reason why I say that is it's just not your time. Here. 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:49.280 I am thirty one, and I thought that there was 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.000 a time clock on my love life. I thought that 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:56.240 there was like a deadline that I had to reach 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:58.200 in order for me to get married, or a deadline 0:03:58.200 --> 0:04:00.480 to have kids, a deadline to be in love. It 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:03.640 literally is none of that. It's just not your time, 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:06.040 just like it's not my time. Now. You're twenty seven, 0:04:06.040 --> 0:04:09.720 you're still in your twenties. I think what you are 0:04:09.800 --> 0:04:12.800 probably feeling is that you're so busy because you talk 0:04:12.800 --> 0:04:14.760 about how independent you are, how you got all this 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:16.920 going on, all your accolades, or you know, you've been 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.760 in school doing this, you got this degree, you're working 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:22.840 on this degree, you love yourself and all this. I 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:26.640 think you don't even make room enough for somebody else 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:29.039 to tell you any of that, because you're that's all 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:30.599 you gave me up front. I don't know if you 0:04:30.680 --> 0:04:33.880 ever saw the movie Think Like a Man. Taraji p 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:36.719 Henson's character on There was a very strong independent woman 0:04:36.760 --> 0:04:38.799 who felt like she didn't need a man for anything. 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:42.920 She just wanted that feeling. She just wanted to be hugged, 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:46.680 she wanted to be kissed, but she still felt as if, Oh, 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:48.960 I don't need a man for anything. I don't need love. 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:52.200 I don't need I just want it. I feel that's 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:54.479 how you are. You're just a bit younger. We get 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:57.560 so caught up in what we can do for ourselves 0:04:57.600 --> 0:05:00.760 that we never really give grace to our companion or 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.480 whoever the companion may be in the future or whatever, 0:05:04.120 --> 0:05:06.400 to do the same. Now you said that you are 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:10.039 stepping into a whole different part of womanhood. Yeah, but 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:14.800 that doesn't mean that you have to have everything that 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:17.800 you think you should have just because you're stepping into 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:20.200 a whole point of womanhood. Now you said you're the 0:05:20.240 --> 0:05:23.359 loneliest one in your whole friend circle. Everybody else's in 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:27.279 relationships or they're married, they have different paths. We often 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:29.039 get caught up in what other people are doing that 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:31.599 we can't really focus on ourselves. You feel like you're 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:34.960 deserving of love because you accomplished everything else. No, you 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:38.160 may have to wait longer for love than anything else 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:40.440 because you already have everything. And then it may just 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:43.640 not be your season to love. Maybe you're supposed to 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:46.640 be so focused that you'll be distracted by love if 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:48.960 it came to you right now. You have to think 0:05:49.040 --> 0:05:52.640 positive in all aspects of your life. That's the only 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:55.239 negative in your mind. And it's not even a negative. 0:05:55.279 --> 0:05:58.600 It's just not your time. That is the only advice 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:01.480 I have for you. Your time, because it's not time. 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:03.720 It's not your time for love. Take your time doing 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:07.200 everything else. Continue to stay focused, continue to work very 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:10.000 very hard, and it'll all pay off. I don't know 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:12.200 if you are a spiritual I don't know if you're religious, 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.000 but the God that I pray to is a very 0:06:15.120 --> 0:06:17.320 very loyal god, and he's not ever going to let 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:21.800 us be lonely. You're not lonely, You're just alone. And 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:23.520 I'm not telling you how to feel. I'm just telling 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:26.719 you I know the feeling all too well. I thought 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:29.360 it was a season of loneliness for me. No, it's not. 0:06:29.440 --> 0:06:31.680 It was just that I was alone, and you have 0:06:31.720 --> 0:06:34.880 to learn how to be by yourself. If you love yourself, 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:39.000 that's what you're gonna do, you know, first, because you 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:42.640 need to turn that definition of loneliness into just being alone. 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:44.520 You just don't like being alone, but you have to 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:47.120 learn how to do that and love on yourself, so 0:06:47.160 --> 0:06:50.520 when someone finally does come to love on you, you'll 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:52.640 know how to accept it. You know, you have to 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:56.320 make certain decisions about yourself and what you'll take and 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:59.320 what you won't take, and just learn yourself. You need 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:01.360 to be taking this time to learn yourself. You still 0:07:01.680 --> 0:07:04.200 ain't your twenties. You don't even really get to know 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:06.600 who you are until you step into that thirty mark. 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:08.560 I thought I had it all figured out too when 0:07:08.560 --> 0:07:11.440 I was twenty three and twenty five and twenty six. 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:14.640 It's just because my parents raised a very mature young lady. 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:17.600 So I'm well before my time, but I still didn't 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:20.440 know everything. You're well before your time. You still don't 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:24.040 know everything. You don't know who you are going to 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.440 be as a woman in love. You just don't know. 0:07:26.920 --> 0:07:30.000 So you can't just make that decision and just say 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:32.800 I'm tired of being lonely nobody's gonna you know, I'm 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:35.680 I don't talk to anybody right now. Do you get out? 0:07:35.720 --> 0:07:37.440 It seems like you work so much that you wouldn't 0:07:37.440 --> 0:07:39.440 even be able to mix and mingle. It seems like 0:07:39.440 --> 0:07:43.640 you don't really get out for like just drinks. You don't. 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:46.200 And then have you ever gotten any advice from your 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:49.520 married friends and from your friends and relationships and from 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:53.000 the outside looking in? Are they all great and in 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:56.120 love and happy? Is every single person happy? You know 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:59.960 what I'm saying. Sometimes you could be saving yourself. Sometimes 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:03.440 it is better to hold fast and wait. It's not 0:08:03.560 --> 0:08:06.040 show time, baby, it ain't even my time. I used 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:07.480 to wake up every day like I need to have 0:08:07.600 --> 0:08:09.800 kids by thirty I need to be married by thirty two. 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:12.920 Why do we put deadlines on ourselves? I come to 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:15.400 tell you right now, I'm thirty one, and I see 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:18.080 what my thirties are gonna be Like now, I'm gonna 0:08:18.120 --> 0:08:20.640 be in movies. I'm gonna barely have time to sit down, 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:22.600 get married and have a baby. That doesn't mean it's 0:08:22.640 --> 0:08:25.720 not gonna happen. But now I noticed I'm not saying 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:27.640 the same thing that I was saying at twenty eight 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:30.520 and twenty seven that I'm saying at thirty one my 0:08:30.600 --> 0:08:33.079 deadline was pushed out. Why because it's not supposed to 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.640 be a deadline put on your life for anything. The 0:08:35.679 --> 0:08:38.400 only deadline you have is death, and we don't know 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.240 what that is. Fortunately, we don't know when that is, 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:44.200 So check back in with me. I'll let you know 0:08:44.200 --> 0:08:45.400 when I get a man. You let me know when 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:47.800 you get a man. All right, all right, I love you, 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:51.080 you young black successful woman. If you love me, you'll 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:53.440 listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:58.160 moving on. Hey, Jess, I just want to say I 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.680 love your show and hopefully you can fix my mess. 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:04.240 We're going to call this a fall from grace. Oh lord, girl, 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:06.840 you've been watching too much solid parade. Let me take 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:09.280 you back to the summer of twenty twenty, before COVID hit. 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:12.800 I was living my best life, Jess, traveling, partying on 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:16.120 the lodge with it. It's a Detroit thing, hot girls, 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:18.360 some of vibes all around. For the first time in 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:20.600 a long time, I finally felt like I found myself. 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:26.240 I was drama free, genuinely happy and abandoned. Hi, you 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:29.680 must have met unabandoned. I felt free. I was going 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:31.640 through a little breakup and my feelings were hurt, but 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:34.560 I was healing but still enjoying my life. Fast forward 0:09:34.600 --> 0:09:37.120 to twenty twenty one and COVID was on a rampage, 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:40.160 and to be honest, I worked so much that I 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.520 didn't even know what was going on until I went 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.520 to the grocery store and it was completely empty, and 0:09:45.559 --> 0:09:48.240 I was like, Damn, this's real. I was still happy 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:49.880 and doing me, but I was just in the house 0:09:49.920 --> 0:09:53.120 with it until one day I was approached by this guy. 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:56.680 We're gonna call him gossip boy. Damn, oh, Lloyd, can't 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:58.800 nothing be good about a nigga you calling gossip boy. 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:02.000 Gossip Boy came up to me and started a conversation 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:04.160 with me, and he seemed to be a cool guy, 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:06.040 so I gave him my number. We hit it off 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:08.760 pretty quickly and we started spending time together. What I 0:10:08.800 --> 0:10:10.800 like most about him is that he made me laugh 0:10:11.040 --> 0:10:13.160 and we had a pretty good vibe. He was staying 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.360 with his sister at the time, so the first time 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:18.240 we hung out was at my apartment. Justice Man gave 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:21.080 me big dick vibes, oh wow, and I was really 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:24.040 feeling him. One thing led to another and clothes started 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:27.760 coming off, and bitch, I'm excited, yeah, because I just 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:32.040 knew that he had to King Kong Man. When the 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:37.240 nigga took off his pants, my face went from translation. 0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.320 But he had a mini bear can. But I still 0:10:40.320 --> 0:10:43.360 went through with it because our genuinely liked him. After 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:45.640 that happened, he would be at my place all the 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:49.720 time and basically was moved in all shit. The first 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:51.760 red flag, I was about to say a girl. All right. 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:54.280 We worked at a factory and I pretty much stayed 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:57.360 to myself. Nobody knew me until I started talking to him, 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:00.880 and people somehow knew all of our business. I would 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:04.120 ask him, why are you running your mouth gossiping like 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.839 a bitch. Every time I would ask him, he would 0:11:06.840 --> 0:11:12.080 deny telling anybody anything. Red Flag number two. Every time 0:11:12.120 --> 0:11:14.199 we had sex, he would apologize for how small his 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:16.360 dick is in the middle of us having sex, and 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:19.760 I'm like, nigga, I'm trying to concentrate on busting shut up. 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:23.800 Red Flag number three. He always said I was going 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:26.040 to have his baby. I tried to get rid of him, 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:29.600 but he always suckered me into staying with him. By July. 0:11:30.160 --> 0:11:31.960 I was really over it, and as soon as I 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:33.840 was about to kick his ass to the curb, guess 0:11:33.880 --> 0:11:38.720 who popped up pregnant ding ding Daniel ass, Damn, Damn, 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.520 Damn and my Florida Evans voice. So I found out 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:44.400 that I was eight weeks pregnant and shit still ain't improving. 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:47.080 So one day I left work early. He stayed, so 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:49.040 I politely put his stuff on the other side of 0:11:49.040 --> 0:11:53.920 the door. Wait. I told him we should just focus 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:56.000 on cool parents and see what happens. He agreed, and 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.360 things started to get better okay, until my friend told 0:11:59.360 --> 0:12:01.760 me he was messed around with another girl at our job. 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:05.120 I didn't know because my job put me on maternity 0:12:05.160 --> 0:12:07.960 to leave early. When I confronted him about it, he 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:10.760 said he was just pimping her out and he didn't 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:14.000 care about her. We argued for weeks. I asked him 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.680 to just please leave her alone and focus on our family. 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:19.120 That bitch told me he ain't given up on this 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:22.480 opportunity for nobody. So once he said that, I blocked 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:25.800 him and just focused on me and my pregnancy. I 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:28.760 was hurt. But anyways, when I was five months pregnant, 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:30.960 I decided to move out of the state to have 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:33.720 more support from my family. I told him about it. 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:35.520 He didn't like it, but I had to do what 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.800 was best for my daughter. So one day I call 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:40.959 him because I missed him, and that's when I found 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:43.760 out that the girl he was pimping out was pregnant 0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:47.800 with his child too, and he was happy. He told 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:49.560 me he finally got what he wanted and this is 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:52.559 going to be end all be all. When I tell you, 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:55.280 that broke me, Jess, like, how could you do that 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:58.280 to me? Like I have never been betrayed like that 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:02.040 in my life. Yes, we technically weren't together, but I 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:05.439 was pregnant with your child. I wasn't out here fucking nobody. 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:08.720 I was alone and pregnant for months. I would ask 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:11.839 him to help me get some things for our daughter 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:14.240 and he would tell me his girl and his son 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:17.880 needs it more. He treated my daughter like a second option. 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:21.200 He would verbally abuse me and yeah, I popped my 0:13:21.240 --> 0:13:23.880 shit too. Yeah you from Detroit, I know. But it's 0:13:23.880 --> 0:13:28.160 different when a nigga is constantly gaslighting me. Somehow he 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:31.880 finds a way to be a victim. Oh, that manipulating shit. Girl, 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:34.880 can't stand it. It's really beyond me. Yes, I had 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:38.120 my petty moments and said fucked up things to him, 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:41.760 but he is the common denominator for everything. He blames 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:44.760 me for having another baby. I had my daughter in 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:47.200 March of twenty twenty two, and a few days later 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:49.679 I got a real bad case of COVID and pneumonia, 0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:52.320 to the point where I was incubated for three weeks 0:13:52.360 --> 0:13:55.560 and I almost died. So dealing with that trauma, being 0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:58.439 a new mom and the bullshit from him had did 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:01.040 a lot of damage to my mental health. I became 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:05.040 a depressed, alcoholic, an overall and unpleasant person to be 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:09.320 all around. I finally made the decision to cut him 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.440 off and focus on myself and my daughter. But even 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:14.200 with that, it didn't help. Every time I get drunk 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:17.160 and I'm talking about blacked out drink, I'm crying and 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:20.560 talking about my baby. Daddy hurt me. Oh God, I 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:24.160 just want to heal. I just want to be happy again. Jess, 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:26.600 can you please help me and give me some advice? 0:14:26.880 --> 0:14:30.000 Thank you, and I'm sorry for the long written message. PS. 0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:31.960 I forgot to mention that the girl he was messing 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.000 with knew about me the whole time, and she be 0:14:35.080 --> 0:14:37.760 on fuck shit with his ass. But it's okay because 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.040 when I see her or them, I'm beating the ass. 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:42.920 I love you, Jess. Also, I'm a real person, but 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:45.440 I deleted all my social media accounts, so I created 0:14:45.440 --> 0:14:48.160 this one to contact you. Okay, I totally get a girl. 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:49.840 It don't matter. I didn't even need that last part. 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:51.960 I could tell you a real person because this shit 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:54.480 is too fucking specific for you not to be a 0:14:54.520 --> 0:14:56.920 fucking real person. Hold up, hold up, I know the 0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.400 ship getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds 0:14:59.440 --> 0:15:03.200 of a commerc If you love me, you'll listen, all right, 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:07.160 First and foremost, a start from where you caught my attention. 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:09.320 All right, So you wanted it to be over, you 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:11.760 did you? You really did want it to be over 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:13.840 with him. You put a shit on the other side 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.240 of ther door. You was ready. You were fed up 0:15:16.280 --> 0:15:19.360 with it. You didn't quite tell me exactly why you 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:21.720 were fed up with it, because I know the little 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:24.720 penis cannot be the only thing, because you still hung 0:15:24.800 --> 0:15:26.560 in there. You hung in there enough to get the 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:28.640 button of and he got you pregnant. That that little 0:15:28.640 --> 0:15:31.480 bit can had some little soldiers marching through it, all 0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:34.200 right because he got your ass pregnant, big dick or not? 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:37.400 All right? But you didn't quite tell me why you 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:40.080 want it to be done. That's all you mentioned was 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:43.800 just his small penis, all right, But you had this 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:46.760 stuff outside the dough. You find out you pregnant, you 0:15:46.800 --> 0:15:50.640 still wanted them gone. It wasn't until you found out 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:52.600 that he was dealing with somebody else at the job 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:57.000 then you were hurt. Now, listen, were you hurt because 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:00.560 you didn't want him to deal with nobody else? Was 0:16:00.600 --> 0:16:02.560 it just the fact that it was somebody at the job. 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.520 Did you think that he may have been fucking with 0:16:04.560 --> 0:16:08.520 somebody else before y'all broke up or what? Because if 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:10.640 you wanted them gone that bad, why did it matter 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.280 to you so much to find out that he was 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:16.600 dealing with somebody like y'all weren't together, you know what 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:18.360 I mean. You had already put him out by then, 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.880 So I'm just curious to know. Now it could have 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:24.880 been a hormonal situation because you said you were pregnant. 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:27.080 You could have been having different feelings that would change. 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:28.320 You could have been in and out with it like 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:30.080 I want him. But then I don't want him, And 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:33.120 these could have all been blamed on your hormonal changes 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:35.520 or whatever with you being pregnant, but it seemed that 0:16:35.560 --> 0:16:37.600 you were very concreting your answer because you wanted this 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:40.480 nigger gone before you even found out that you were pregnant. 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:42.720 So that's what I'm trying to get to. But you're 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:44.960 not here to talk to me in real time about it, 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:46.920 so I want you to check back with me. Moving 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:49.560 on to a later part of the story, you said, 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:53.160 let's co parents. He was fine with that. But then, okay, 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:56.120 I'm backpedaling because that's what I'm saying. You were fine 0:16:56.280 --> 0:16:59.440 with everything until you found out about the damn girl. 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:01.840 That's why I said, were you really over him? Because 0:17:01.840 --> 0:17:03.840 sometimes we may think that we don't want a person 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:06.879 until they're gone. In other words, basically, you don't know 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:08.440 what you got until it's gone. Now, I'm not saying 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:09.880 he was the best thing that ever happened to you, 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:12.159 and or nor vice versa. I'm not saying you're the 0:17:12.200 --> 0:17:14.240 best thing to happen to him, but obviously you felt 0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:15.960 the way and you wanted him back after you found 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:18.040 out that he was with somebody else. You said, the 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:20.480 girl knew about you the whole time. Fuck her, she 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:22.240 ain't got no loyalty to you. You You ain't gonna be 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:24.040 high ass because you got a daughter to take care of. 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.240 Fuck that, fuck them, Fuck that, all right, You ain't 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:29.479 gonna be high ass because, to be honest with you, 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:32.280 her daughter or her child and your child of siblings, 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:34.600 whether you like it or not. So don't beat our ass. 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:36.600 Don't beat their ass. I made that mistake. One of 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:39.119 my baby father's other baby mothers, I beat high ass. 0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.800 We're cordial now, but I still regret doing that because 0:17:43.080 --> 0:17:45.760 I wasn't thinking about my child or her child, who 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.280 I also look at as another child of mine. You 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:51.320 know what I'm saying, and how it could potentially hurt 0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:54.000 them later, Or my son could say to his sister 0:17:54.040 --> 0:17:56.640 one day, they argument, that's my mother. Beat your mother ass. 0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:58.560 You know, did she look at me a certain way? 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:01.240 Or you know, vice versa. You just don't want to 0:18:01.280 --> 0:18:03.200 do that. You're playing a dangerous game when it comes 0:18:03.200 --> 0:18:06.720 to your children and their parent, the other parent. They're 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:09.119 not worth it anyway, all right. You moved out of town. 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:12.280 He ain't doing shit for your baby. He could be 0:18:12.320 --> 0:18:15.200 better that. You didn't want a relationship with him. He 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:17.840 could be better. I'm not justified, but he just seems 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:20.280 like he's bitter to you. You can't make a man 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:21.879 step up and do shit, So you need to go 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.919 through the courts. Because obviously y'all don't even live in 0:18:24.920 --> 0:18:26.920 the same place. You need help with their baby, So 0:18:26.960 --> 0:18:29.600 this is a good time to put them on child support. Yep, 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:33.239 this is a good time because this would be a 0:18:33.320 --> 0:18:38.639 case where the mom actually needed. You know, women put 0:18:38.640 --> 0:18:41.840 men on child support for many different reasons, but the 0:18:41.960 --> 0:18:44.320 right reason is for the child and because you can't 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:46.680 do everything on your own, and you did not make 0:18:46.920 --> 0:18:49.760 that baby girl on your own. So this is what 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:53.360 I would call a great opportunity to seek assistance through 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:56.399 the courts. Put them on child support, some type of 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:58.520 government assistance. You would need to help take care of 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:01.800 your baby. All right, I understand that you're better, but 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:04.320 you also need to heal. Like you said, you need 0:19:04.359 --> 0:19:06.600 to fucking heal. He ain't coming back, and even if 0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:09.840 the fuck he would come back, would you take him exactly? 0:19:10.119 --> 0:19:12.720 We have to ask ourselves that what could he give 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:16.240 you right now to make you happy? Another baby, love, 0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:20.720 a relationship, a cheating one back and forth, what could 0:19:20.800 --> 0:19:24.200 he do right now to make you happy? Nothing, take 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:27.480 care of your daughter, But it ain't even that for you. 0:19:27.680 --> 0:19:30.080 It's the fact that you're still bitter about what he 0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:32.639 did to you with another woman. It ain't even all 0:19:32.680 --> 0:19:34.919 about your daughter. Yes, you're damn show upset that he 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:36.760