1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,119 Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, a production of our Heart Radio 2 00:00:03,200 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: and The Black Effect. And just like that, we're back 3 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,400 Speaker 1: on an air. Welcome back to you had another Carefully 4 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:21,080 Speaker 1: Reckless with your girl Jess. Hilarious. We're gonna jump right 5 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:23,760 Speaker 1: into just fix my mess. We do not have any 6 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,240 Speaker 1: voice memos, so I'm just gonna be reading all right. 7 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 1: Here we go. Hey Jus, I'm a big fan. I 8 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 1: go and see you every time you come to town. 9 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,840 Speaker 1: I've been doing so good for myself. I'm a newly 10 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: licensed cosmetologist. I graduated in December within associates in cosmetology 11 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:42,240 Speaker 1: and business in two years. I currently have a full 12 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,960 Speaker 1: scholarship to a private university to complete my bachelor in 13 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:50,280 Speaker 1: computer science this fall. I'm currently in the Army National 14 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 1: Guard for North Carolina. I've been in for eight years 15 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,920 Speaker 1: and for the most part, I'm financially stable. Since January, 16 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 1: I've picked up two part time jobs, study job, and 17 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:05,120 Speaker 1: I volunteer my time for funeral services when i'm free. Okay. 18 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,760 Speaker 1: I was deployed in twenty nineteen and was overseas during COVID. 19 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 1: I've really accomplished a lot in a little time. I 20 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 1: even ran across country with my school for two years 21 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 1: and one two championships. But lately I've been really sad, 22 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: like really sad. It's been almost three months since I 23 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,040 Speaker 1: stopped running heavily, and honestly, I thought that was my issue, 24 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,119 Speaker 1: so I started working out and running again. I still 25 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,039 Speaker 1: feel sad. I love to paint, and even painting doesn't 26 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:34,760 Speaker 1: help me feel better. My love life sucks, and you 27 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:38,760 Speaker 1: put four says on that shit. It sucks. I have 28 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: no boyfriend. I'm not even talking or messaging anyone on 29 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,399 Speaker 1: the regular. I'm really alone. I have friends, but they're 30 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:49,600 Speaker 1: all in relationships, some married, all with kids. Though I 31 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,559 Speaker 1: feel like I'm so different from everyone around me. I've 32 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 1: tried talking to people, but that does mean no good. 33 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: The men around here are some bitches. I'm lonely. I've 34 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 1: seen help, which saved my life after my deployment. I 35 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: just feel like I'm missing something and I'm hurting. I'm 36 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 1: happy with myself and I have peace within myself, but 37 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,080 Speaker 1: I'm just lonely. My sister have a mental illness, which 38 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 1: played the biggest part in my life. I created a monster, 39 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: my alter ego because of the emotional weight it had 40 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: on my life. It really got bad. I've dug myself 41 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,919 Speaker 1: out of the hurt and anger that came with it. 42 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,639 Speaker 1: Now that I'm accomplishing all of these things and doing 43 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 1: good for myself, I feel more and more lonely. I 44 00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:36,520 Speaker 1: don't want a relationship, but I need someone there for me. 45 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: I haven't had intercourse in months, and I just want 46 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 1: to hug. I'm not getting any of my emotional needs 47 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: met from anybody in my life. I love myself more 48 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: than anything. I have plans to take over the world, 49 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,000 Speaker 1: but I'm missing something. I know you're a successful black woman, 50 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,359 Speaker 1: and I listen to you all the time. You give 51 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: such great advice, and you have such a huge platform. 52 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 1: Any advice on getting out of this loneliness on the 53 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: journey of being successful. I'm so stuck. I'm twenty seven, 54 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:08,480 Speaker 1: by the way, what twenty seven? I'm young enough to 55 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: take my time. But then again, I'm stepping into a 56 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 1: whole different part of womanhood. I really need to get 57 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 1: over this emotional hump, all right, So I just want 58 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: to apologize for the background noise. I'm actually in my home. 59 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,800 Speaker 1: I'm getting it cleaned right now, and I have to 60 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: find any Indian every time I can to deliver y'all 61 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: these episodes, So pardon me in parting my cleaners, but listen, 62 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,679 Speaker 1: first and foremost, I can sympathize with you because I'm 63 00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: not gonna say I'm going through the same thing, but 64 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: I'm kind of in the same place in my life. 65 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: I wouldn't consider it going through something. And the only 66 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: reason why I say that is it's just not your time. Here. 67 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 1: I am thirty one, and I thought that there was 68 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,000 Speaker 1: a time clock on my love life. I thought that 69 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: there was like a deadline that I had to reach 70 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: in order for me to get married, or a deadline 71 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,480 Speaker 1: to have kids, a deadline to be in love. It 72 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: literally is none of that. It's just not your time, 73 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,040 Speaker 1: just like it's not my time. Now. You're twenty seven, 74 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,720 Speaker 1: you're still in your twenties. I think what you are 75 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: probably feeling is that you're so busy because you talk 76 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 1: about how independent you are, how you got all this 77 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 1: going on, all your accolades, or you know, you've been 78 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: in school doing this, you got this degree, you're working 79 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,840 Speaker 1: on this degree, you love yourself and all this. I 80 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: think you don't even make room enough for somebody else 81 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,039 Speaker 1: to tell you any of that, because you're that's all 82 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:30,599 Speaker 1: you gave me up front. I don't know if you 83 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: ever saw the movie Think Like a Man. Taraji p 84 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,719 Speaker 1: Henson's character on There was a very strong independent woman 85 00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,799 Speaker 1: who felt like she didn't need a man for anything. 86 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 1: She just wanted that feeling. She just wanted to be hugged, 87 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: she wanted to be kissed, but she still felt as if, Oh, 88 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: I don't need a man for anything. I don't need love. 89 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 1: I don't need I just want it. I feel that's 90 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,479 Speaker 1: how you are. You're just a bit younger. We get 91 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 1: so caught up in what we can do for ourselves 92 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 1: that we never really give grace to our companion or 93 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,480 Speaker 1: whoever the companion may be in the future or whatever, 94 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 1: to do the same. Now you said that you are 95 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 1: stepping into a whole different part of womanhood. Yeah, but 96 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that you have to have everything that 97 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:17,800 Speaker 1: you think you should have just because you're stepping into 98 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 1: a whole point of womanhood. Now you said you're the 99 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:23,359 Speaker 1: loneliest one in your whole friend circle. Everybody else's in 100 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: relationships or they're married, they have different paths. We often 101 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,039 Speaker 1: get caught up in what other people are doing that 102 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: we can't really focus on ourselves. You feel like you're 103 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: deserving of love because you accomplished everything else. No, you 104 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:38,160 Speaker 1: may have to wait longer for love than anything else 105 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,440 Speaker 1: because you already have everything. And then it may just 106 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 1: not be your season to love. Maybe you're supposed to 107 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: be so focused that you'll be distracted by love if 108 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: it came to you right now. You have to think 109 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: positive in all aspects of your life. That's the only 110 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,239 Speaker 1: negative in your mind. And it's not even a negative. 111 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:58,600 Speaker 1: It's just not your time. That is the only advice 112 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,480 Speaker 1: I have for you. Your time, because it's not time. 113 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: It's not your time for love. Take your time doing 114 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: everything else. Continue to stay focused, continue to work very 115 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 1: very hard, and it'll all pay off. I don't know 116 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: if you are a spiritual I don't know if you're religious, 117 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,000 Speaker 1: but the God that I pray to is a very 118 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 1: very loyal god, and he's not ever going to let 119 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 1: us be lonely. You're not lonely, You're just alone. And 120 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 1: I'm not telling you how to feel. I'm just telling 121 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,719 Speaker 1: you I know the feeling all too well. I thought 122 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 1: it was a season of loneliness for me. No, it's not. 123 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 1: It was just that I was alone, and you have 124 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 1: to learn how to be by yourself. If you love yourself, 125 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 1: that's what you're gonna do, you know, first, because you 126 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: need to turn that definition of loneliness into just being alone. 127 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,520 Speaker 1: You just don't like being alone, but you have to 128 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,120 Speaker 1: learn how to do that and love on yourself, so 129 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 1: when someone finally does come to love on you, you'll 130 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 1: know how to accept it. You know, you have to 131 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: make certain decisions about yourself and what you'll take and 132 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,320 Speaker 1: what you won't take, and just learn yourself. You need 133 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,360 Speaker 1: to be taking this time to learn yourself. You still 134 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: ain't your twenties. You don't even really get to know 135 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 1: who you are until you step into that thirty mark. 136 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,560 Speaker 1: I thought I had it all figured out too when 137 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,440 Speaker 1: I was twenty three and twenty five and twenty six. 138 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 1: It's just because my parents raised a very mature young lady. 139 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: So I'm well before my time, but I still didn't 140 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: know everything. You're well before your time. You still don't 141 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: know everything. You don't know who you are going to 142 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 1: be as a woman in love. You just don't know. 143 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: So you can't just make that decision and just say 144 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 1: I'm tired of being lonely nobody's gonna you know, I'm 145 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,680 Speaker 1: I don't talk to anybody right now. Do you get out? 146 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 1: It seems like you work so much that you wouldn't 147 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: even be able to mix and mingle. It seems like 148 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: you don't really get out for like just drinks. You don't. 149 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 1: And then have you ever gotten any advice from your 150 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 1: married friends and from your friends and relationships and from 151 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:53,000 Speaker 1: the outside looking in? Are they all great and in 152 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,120 Speaker 1: love and happy? Is every single person happy? You know 153 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Sometimes you could be saving yourself. Sometimes 154 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 1: it is better to hold fast and wait. It's not 155 00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 1: show time, baby, it ain't even my time. I used 156 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 1: to wake up every day like I need to have 157 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 1: kids by thirty I need to be married by thirty two. 158 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 1: Why do we put deadlines on ourselves? I come to 159 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 1: tell you right now, I'm thirty one, and I see 160 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 1: what my thirties are gonna be Like now, I'm gonna 161 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 1: be in movies. I'm gonna barely have time to sit down, 162 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: get married and have a baby. That doesn't mean it's 163 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:25,720 Speaker 1: not gonna happen. But now I noticed I'm not saying 164 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 1: the same thing that I was saying at twenty eight 165 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 1: and twenty seven that I'm saying at thirty one my 166 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,079 Speaker 1: deadline was pushed out. Why because it's not supposed to 167 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,640 Speaker 1: be a deadline put on your life for anything. The 168 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 1: only deadline you have is death, and we don't know 169 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,240 Speaker 1: what that is. Fortunately, we don't know when that is, 170 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: So check back in with me. I'll let you know 171 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: when I get a man. You let me know when 172 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: you get a man. All right, all right, I love you, 173 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,080 Speaker 1: you young black successful woman. If you love me, you'll 174 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 1: listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back 175 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 1: moving on. Hey, Jess, I just want to say I 176 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,680 Speaker 1: love your show and hopefully you can fix my mess. 177 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 1: We're going to call this a fall from grace. Oh lord, girl, 178 00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 1: you've been watching too much solid parade. Let me take 179 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,280 Speaker 1: you back to the summer of twenty twenty, before COVID hit. 180 00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 1: I was living my best life, Jess, traveling, partying on 181 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 1: the lodge with it. It's a Detroit thing, hot girls, 182 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: some of vibes all around. For the first time in 183 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: a long time, I finally felt like I found myself. 184 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:26,240 Speaker 1: I was drama free, genuinely happy and abandoned. Hi, you 185 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:29,680 Speaker 1: must have met unabandoned. I felt free. I was going 186 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,640 Speaker 1: through a little breakup and my feelings were hurt, but 187 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,560 Speaker 1: I was healing but still enjoying my life. Fast forward 188 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: to twenty twenty one and COVID was on a rampage, 189 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:40,160 Speaker 1: and to be honest, I worked so much that I 190 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 1: didn't even know what was going on until I went 191 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:45,520 Speaker 1: to the grocery store and it was completely empty, and 192 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:48,240 Speaker 1: I was like, Damn, this's real. I was still happy 193 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,880 Speaker 1: and doing me, but I was just in the house 194 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: with it until one day I was approached by this guy. 195 00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,680 Speaker 1: We're gonna call him gossip boy. Damn, oh, Lloyd, can't 196 00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,800 Speaker 1: nothing be good about a nigga you calling gossip boy. 197 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 1: Gossip Boy came up to me and started a conversation 198 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: with me, and he seemed to be a cool guy, 199 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 1: so I gave him my number. We hit it off 200 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,760 Speaker 1: pretty quickly and we started spending time together. What I 201 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,800 Speaker 1: like most about him is that he made me laugh 202 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,160 Speaker 1: and we had a pretty good vibe. He was staying 203 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:15,360 Speaker 1: with his sister at the time, so the first time 204 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 1: we hung out was at my apartment. Justice Man gave 205 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:21,080 Speaker 1: me big dick vibes, oh wow, and I was really 206 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: feeling him. One thing led to another and clothes started 207 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 1: coming off, and bitch, I'm excited, yeah, because I just 208 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:32,040 Speaker 1: knew that he had to King Kong Man. When the 209 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 1: nigga took off his pants, my face went from translation. 210 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,320 Speaker 1: But he had a mini bear can. But I still 211 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: went through with it because our genuinely liked him. After 212 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,640 Speaker 1: that happened, he would be at my place all the 213 00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 1: time and basically was moved in all shit. The first 214 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 1: red flag, I was about to say a girl. All right. 215 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 1: We worked at a factory and I pretty much stayed 216 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:57,360 Speaker 1: to myself. Nobody knew me until I started talking to him, 217 00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 1: and people somehow knew all of our business. I would 218 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 1: ask him, why are you running your mouth gossiping like 219 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,839 Speaker 1: a bitch. Every time I would ask him, he would 220 00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:12,080 Speaker 1: deny telling anybody anything. Red Flag number two. Every time 221 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,199 Speaker 1: we had sex, he would apologize for how small his 222 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:16,360 Speaker 1: dick is in the middle of us having sex, and 223 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, nigga, I'm trying to concentrate on busting shut up. 224 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 1: Red Flag number three. He always said I was going 225 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 1: to have his baby. I tried to get rid of him, 226 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:29,600 Speaker 1: but he always suckered me into staying with him. By July. 227 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 1: I was really over it, and as soon as I 228 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 1: was about to kick his ass to the curb, guess 229 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: who popped up pregnant ding ding Daniel ass, Damn, Damn, 230 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,520 Speaker 1: Damn and my Florida Evans voice. So I found out 231 00:11:41,559 --> 00:11:44,400 Speaker 1: that I was eight weeks pregnant and shit still ain't improving. 232 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:47,080 Speaker 1: So one day I left work early. He stayed, so 233 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: I politely put his stuff on the other side of 234 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 1: the door. Wait. I told him we should just focus 235 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 1: on cool parents and see what happens. He agreed, and 236 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,360 Speaker 1: things started to get better okay, until my friend told 237 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: me he was messed around with another girl at our job. 238 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 1: I didn't know because my job put me on maternity 239 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 1: to leave early. When I confronted him about it, he 240 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,760 Speaker 1: said he was just pimping her out and he didn't 241 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 1: care about her. We argued for weeks. I asked him 242 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,680 Speaker 1: to just please leave her alone and focus on our family. 243 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,120 Speaker 1: That bitch told me he ain't given up on this 244 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: opportunity for nobody. So once he said that, I blocked 245 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:25,800 Speaker 1: him and just focused on me and my pregnancy. I 246 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 1: was hurt. But anyways, when I was five months pregnant, 247 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,960 Speaker 1: I decided to move out of the state to have 248 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,720 Speaker 1: more support from my family. I told him about it. 249 00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 1: He didn't like it, but I had to do what 250 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 1: was best for my daughter. So one day I call 251 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,959 Speaker 1: him because I missed him, and that's when I found 252 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 1: out that the girl he was pimping out was pregnant 253 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: with his child too, and he was happy. He told 254 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 1: me he finally got what he wanted and this is 255 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:52,559 Speaker 1: going to be end all be all. When I tell you, 256 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,280 Speaker 1: that broke me, Jess, like, how could you do that 257 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 1: to me? Like I have never been betrayed like that 258 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 1: in my life. Yes, we technically weren't together, but I 259 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:05,439 Speaker 1: was pregnant with your child. I wasn't out here fucking nobody. 260 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,720 Speaker 1: I was alone and pregnant for months. I would ask 261 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,839 Speaker 1: him to help me get some things for our daughter 262 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 1: and he would tell me his girl and his son 263 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: needs it more. He treated my daughter like a second option. 264 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 1: He would verbally abuse me and yeah, I popped my 265 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 1: shit too. Yeah you from Detroit, I know. But it's 266 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:28,160 Speaker 1: different when a nigga is constantly gaslighting me. Somehow he 267 00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 1: finds a way to be a victim. Oh, that manipulating shit. Girl, 268 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: can't stand it. It's really beyond me. Yes, I had 269 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 1: my petty moments and said fucked up things to him, 270 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:41,760 Speaker 1: but he is the common denominator for everything. He blames 271 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 1: me for having another baby. I had my daughter in 272 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 1: March of twenty twenty two, and a few days later 273 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,679 Speaker 1: I got a real bad case of COVID and pneumonia, 274 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:52,320 Speaker 1: to the point where I was incubated for three weeks 275 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 1: and I almost died. So dealing with that trauma, being 276 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,439 Speaker 1: a new mom and the bullshit from him had did 277 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,040 Speaker 1: a lot of damage to my mental health. I became 278 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 1: a depressed, alcoholic, an overall and unpleasant person to be 279 00:14:05,240 --> 00:14:09,320 Speaker 1: all around. I finally made the decision to cut him 280 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,440 Speaker 1: off and focus on myself and my daughter. But even 281 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,200 Speaker 1: with that, it didn't help. Every time I get drunk 282 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 1: and I'm talking about blacked out drink, I'm crying and 283 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 1: talking about my baby. Daddy hurt me. Oh God, I 284 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: just want to heal. I just want to be happy again. Jess, 285 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 1: can you please help me and give me some advice? 286 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,000 Speaker 1: Thank you, and I'm sorry for the long written message. PS. 287 00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:31,960 Speaker 1: I forgot to mention that the girl he was messing 288 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: with knew about me the whole time, and she be 289 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,760 Speaker 1: on fuck shit with his ass. But it's okay because 290 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,040 Speaker 1: when I see her or them, I'm beating the ass. 291 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,920 Speaker 1: I love you, Jess. Also, I'm a real person, but 292 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 1: I deleted all my social media accounts, so I created 293 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:48,160 Speaker 1: this one to contact you. Okay, I totally get a girl. 294 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,840 Speaker 1: It don't matter. I didn't even need that last part. 295 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: I could tell you a real person because this shit 296 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,480 Speaker 1: is too fucking specific for you not to be a 297 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: fucking real person. Hold up, hold up, I know the 298 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 1: ship getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds 299 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: of a commerc If you love me, you'll listen, all right, 300 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:07,160 Speaker 1: First and foremost, a start from where you caught my attention. 301 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 1: All right, So you wanted it to be over, you 302 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 1: did you? You really did want it to be over 303 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: with him. You put a shit on the other side 304 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,240 Speaker 1: of ther door. You was ready. You were fed up 305 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 1: with it. You didn't quite tell me exactly why you 306 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: were fed up with it, because I know the little 307 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,720 Speaker 1: penis cannot be the only thing, because you still hung 308 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: in there. You hung in there enough to get the 309 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 1: button of and he got you pregnant. That that little 310 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: bit can had some little soldiers marching through it, all 311 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,200 Speaker 1: right because he got your ass pregnant, big dick or not? 312 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: All right? But you didn't quite tell me why you 313 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: want it to be done. That's all you mentioned was 314 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 1: just his small penis, all right, But you had this 315 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,760 Speaker 1: stuff outside the dough. You find out you pregnant, you 316 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 1: still wanted them gone. It wasn't until you found out 317 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: that he was dealing with somebody else at the job 318 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 1: then you were hurt. Now, listen, were you hurt because 319 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: you didn't want him to deal with nobody else? Was 320 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 1: it just the fact that it was somebody at the job. 321 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: Did you think that he may have been fucking with 322 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 1: somebody else before y'all broke up or what? Because if 323 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:10,640 Speaker 1: you wanted them gone that bad, why did it matter 324 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,280 Speaker 1: to you so much to find out that he was 325 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:16,600 Speaker 1: dealing with somebody like y'all weren't together, you know what 326 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,360 Speaker 1: I mean. You had already put him out by then, 327 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: So I'm just curious to know. Now it could have 328 00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,880 Speaker 1: been a hormonal situation because you said you were pregnant. 329 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,080 Speaker 1: You could have been having different feelings that would change. 330 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,320 Speaker 1: You could have been in and out with it like 331 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: I want him. But then I don't want him, And 332 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,120 Speaker 1: these could have all been blamed on your hormonal changes 333 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: or whatever with you being pregnant, but it seemed that 334 00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,600 Speaker 1: you were very concreting your answer because you wanted this 335 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: nigger gone before you even found out that you were pregnant. 336 00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 1: So that's what I'm trying to get to. But you're 337 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 1: not here to talk to me in real time about it, 338 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,920 Speaker 1: so I want you to check back with me. Moving 339 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,560 Speaker 1: on to a later part of the story, you said, 340 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:53,160 Speaker 1: let's co parents. He was fine with that. But then, okay, 341 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:56,120 Speaker 1: I'm backpedaling because that's what I'm saying. You were fine 342 00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: with everything until you found out about the damn girl. 343 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 1: That's why I said, were you really over him? Because 344 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,840 Speaker 1: sometimes we may think that we don't want a person 345 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,879 Speaker 1: until they're gone. In other words, basically, you don't know 346 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 1: what you got until it's gone. Now, I'm not saying 347 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,880 Speaker 1: he was the best thing that ever happened to you, 348 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 1: and or nor vice versa. I'm not saying you're the 349 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,240 Speaker 1: best thing to happen to him, but obviously you felt 350 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:15,960 Speaker 1: the way and you wanted him back after you found 351 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: out that he was with somebody else. You said, the 352 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: girl knew about you the whole time. Fuck her, she 353 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,240 Speaker 1: ain't got no loyalty to you. You You ain't gonna be 354 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 1: high ass because you got a daughter to take care of. 355 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: Fuck that, fuck them, Fuck that, all right, You ain't 356 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,479 Speaker 1: gonna be high ass because, to be honest with you, 357 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 1: her daughter or her child and your child of siblings, 358 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: whether you like it or not. So don't beat our ass. 359 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: Don't beat their ass. I made that mistake. One of 360 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,119 Speaker 1: my baby father's other baby mothers, I beat high ass. 361 00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 1: We're cordial now, but I still regret doing that because 362 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: I wasn't thinking about my child or her child, who 363 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: I also look at as another child of mine. You 364 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, and how it could potentially hurt 365 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 1: them later, Or my son could say to his sister 366 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,640 Speaker 1: one day, they argument, that's my mother. Beat your mother ass. 367 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: You know, did she look at me a certain way? 368 00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:01,240 Speaker 1: Or you know, vice versa. You just don't want to 369 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,200 Speaker 1: do that. You're playing a dangerous game when it comes 370 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 1: to your children and their parent, the other parent. They're 371 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,119 Speaker 1: not worth it anyway, all right. You moved out of town. 372 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,280 Speaker 1: He ain't doing shit for your baby. He could be 373 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: better that. You didn't want a relationship with him. He 374 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: could be better. I'm not justified, but he just seems 375 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 1: like he's bitter to you. You can't make a man 376 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:21,879 Speaker 1: step up and do shit, So you need to go 377 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,919 Speaker 1: through the courts. Because obviously y'all don't even live in 378 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,920 Speaker 1: the same place. You need help with their baby, So 379 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,600 Speaker 1: this is a good time to put them on child support. Yep, 380 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:33,239 Speaker 1: this is a good time because this would be a 381 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:38,639 Speaker 1: case where the mom actually needed. You know, women put 382 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 1: men on child support for many different reasons, but the 383 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 1: right reason is for the child and because you can't 384 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:46,680 Speaker 1: do everything on your own, and you did not make 385 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 1: that baby girl on your own. So this is what 386 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,360 Speaker 1: I would call a great opportunity to seek assistance through 387 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,399 Speaker 1: the courts. Put them on child support, some type of 388 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: government assistance. You would need to help take care of 389 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 1: your baby. All right, I understand that you're better, but 390 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,320 Speaker 1: you also need to heal. Like you said, you need 391 00:19:04,359 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: to fucking heal. He ain't coming back, and even if 392 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 1: the fuck he would come back, would you take him exactly? 393 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: We have to ask ourselves that what could he give 394 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,240 Speaker 1: you right now to make you happy? Another baby, love, 395 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: a relationship, a cheating one back and forth, what could 396 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 1: he do right now to make you happy? Nothing, take 397 00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 1: care of your daughter, But it ain't even that for you. 398 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: It's the fact that you're still bitter about what he 399 00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 1: did to you with another woman. It ain't even all 400 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,919 Speaker 1: about your daughter. Yes, you're damn show upset that he 401 00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,760 Speaker 1: won't help you take care of your baby, but you're 402 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: upset with matters of the heart too, you know, more 403 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,840 Speaker 1: so what he did to you in the relationship and 404 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:45,520 Speaker 1: what he didn't do after the relationship, or you know, 405 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,880 Speaker 1: or you felt like he cheated or whatever, or just 406 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: sometimes we don't want to see the person that we 407 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,360 Speaker 1: love with someone else. We're not ready to move on, 408 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: But you need to do so, and it starts with 409 00:19:56,680 --> 00:20:00,440 Speaker 1: you just reflecting on who you are and you having 410 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:04,439 Speaker 1: to do everything by yourself and asking yourself that real question, 411 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,439 Speaker 1: that very real question, What could this nigga do for 412 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,359 Speaker 1: me right now that's gonna make me happy in my heart? 413 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,639 Speaker 1: Not the baby me. What can he do drop everything 414 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:17,040 Speaker 1: and come live here? Then he got another baby, Then 415 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 1: he still got other kids with that other girl somewhere else. 416 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,000 Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, just just just wake 417 00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,520 Speaker 1: up and think about that, because you deserve much better, 418 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 1: and you're gonna get much better because you're still young. 419 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,840 Speaker 1: You've got a lot more life to live. And so 420 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: does your baby girl. Get back to me, because if 421 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 1: you feel like nobody love you, I'm telling you I 422 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 1: love you, and that little girl loves you too. So no, 423 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: ain't nobody worth your peace and your sanity because you 424 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 1: need that to take care of your child, and you 425 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 1: need that to get past all your trauma. And that's 426 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: just what it is, is past trauma. I'm not asking 427 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: you to forget it in a sense, but in a 428 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 1: sense I am move on and forget it. Bury that 429 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,800 Speaker 1: shit because remembering ain't gonna do nothing for you but 430 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: hold you back. And just like that, we've come to 431 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,400 Speaker 1: the end of another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl. 432 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,679 Speaker 1: Just hilarious. Make sure you tune into co Parents and 433 00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:08,320 Speaker 1: Therapy every other Wednesday. Listen, y'all. My trip in Aruba 434 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,680 Speaker 1: threw me off. Y'all. I didn't deliver an episode for 435 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: Carefully Reckless. I didn't deliver co Parenting on YouTube. I 436 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:19,600 Speaker 1: didn't deliver any promotions for my Messy Vision products, my glasses, 437 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:23,040 Speaker 1: and we got new new glasses coming soon. I also 438 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: we'll be doing breakfast Club with DJ Envy and motherfucking 439 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,080 Speaker 1: Charlemagne and guard y'all listen, I'll be doing that all 440 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,439 Speaker 1: this week. If you ain't already heard, make sure you 441 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: tune into Carefully Reckless each and every Wednesday and then 442 00:21:35,280 --> 00:22:49,920 Speaker 1: my deepest pan voys. Bitch Can'tfully Reckless is a production 443 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 1: of I heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more 444 00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:57,080 Speaker 1: podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 445 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.