Speaker 1: And I invited you.
Speaker 2: Here THOUGHTA mad myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest
Speaker 2: to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And
Speaker 2: I said, no, guess your presence is presents enough. I
Speaker 2: already too much stuff. So how do you dare to
Speaker 2: survey me?
Speaker 3: Well, if you think I'm just going to let you
Speaker 3: listen to the podcast, think again. I have to remind
Speaker 3: you of the upcoming live show. It's in June June
Speaker 3: twenty sixth, seven thirty pm Dynasty Typewriter right here in
Speaker 3: Los Angeles. Or you can get the live stream. You
Speaker 3: can buy tickets or the live stream at Dynastytypewriter dot com.
Speaker 3: And you know, the live stream is great. Let's say
Speaker 3: you can't make it to Los Angeles, you don't live here,
Speaker 3: you're on the no fly list, or you know, you
Speaker 3: have a funeral that Wednesday night. You can watch it
Speaker 3: live over the internet as it unfolds, or for seven
Speaker 3: days after. I believe that's how it works. So that's
Speaker 3: a great deal. I mean, what a bargain. It's going
Speaker 3: to be an enchanting evening. You're going to have an
Speaker 3: early dinner. Maybe you go to Cassell's Hamburgers. You know,
Speaker 3: have a Pattymount. They're so delicious. There, you park, you
Speaker 3: go into the beautiful Dynasty Typewriter theater. You watch this
Speaker 3: beautiful show kind of unfold. Maybe it awakens something in you,
Speaker 3: Maybe it sets something off, nothing violent or scary, maybe sexual.
Speaker 3: The show is very sexy. Maybe it sets something off
Speaker 3: in that category. Who knows, but it does open something
Speaker 3: in you, and you know, suddenly your life path might
Speaker 3: be clear. Maybe it's not too late to go to
Speaker 3: medical school. Maybe I should forgive dad, you know, one
Speaker 3: of these things. That's that's the sort of thing you
Speaker 3: can expect to happen only in a live environment. So
Speaker 3: you've got to get a ticket at Dynasty typewriter dot
Speaker 3: com or in the live stream. That's an option. We're
Speaker 3: giving you every possible option. There are no excuses not
Speaker 3: to watch this thing. I expect you there. Wow, this
Speaker 3: is essentially two episodes of this podcast. You're getting you're
Speaker 3: getting this just rambling me talking, listening to me, just talk,
Speaker 3: and then you're going to get the rerun. It is
Speaker 3: a rerun, but it's a good one. So I mean,
Speaker 3: what a deal this episode is for you? And I'm
Speaker 3: going to kind of ease you into the episode. Now,
Speaker 3: I don't want to just throw you in Dynasty typewriter
Speaker 3: dot Com. Okay, welcome to. I said no gifts. I'm
Speaker 3: Bridger Wineger where, of course, in the backyard, I'm you know,
Speaker 3: I've said I was not going to take the backyard
Speaker 3: for granted, probably a few months ago, and then immediately
Speaker 3: started taking it for granted. And then, you know, so
Speaker 3: we're trying to return to a place of being happy
Speaker 3: in the backyard. I love it. I love being here,
Speaker 3: and I hope by the time this podcast reaches you,
Speaker 3: egg prices have stabilized. I feel like that's a big
Speaker 3: issue for all of us right now. It's got to
Speaker 3: repair itself. The birds have got a whatever is happening
Speaker 3: with them. Maybe they're healthy now or what have you.
Speaker 3: Let's try not to think about the super volcano and
Speaker 3: Wyoming for the next hour or so, and let's get
Speaker 3: into the podcast. I think today's guest is so terrific.
Speaker 3: I'm so excited to have him here. It's David Desmalchin. Hi, David,
Speaker 3: welcome to. I said no gifts.
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. Rachel.
Speaker 3: I'm happy to have you here.
Speaker 1: I love this And by the way, you doesn't look
Speaker 1: like you've taken this space for granted at all. It's gorgeous,
Speaker 1: it's lovely. I could just sit here for hours.
Speaker 3: Well, let's make this our like first five hour episode.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be. We're gonna say. I like to be
Speaker 1: the biggest in everything I do. So when I have
Speaker 1: the biggest gifts, the biggest podcast, the longest interview you've
Speaker 1: ever given, I don't care if you're in pain and
Speaker 1: misery by the end of this, I'm going to sit
Speaker 1: here as long as I feel like because it's beautiful.
Speaker 1: There's like children playing, there's birds chirping. You've really created
Speaker 1: quite a space back here.
Speaker 3: Well, I appreciate that I can take almost no credit
Speaker 3: for it, but I'm trying to maintain.
Speaker 1: This is Hollywood. Bridger, take the credit, Cake the credit.
Speaker 1: It's a good fact. Since Bridge's not taking the credit.
Speaker 1: Everyone who's listening, I'd like you to know that I've
Speaker 1: actually been the one responsible for creating this incredible space.
Speaker 3: We'd like to thank David, my contractor, for finally coming
Speaker 3: on the podcast. He's done a beautiful job with the home.
Speaker 1: He acts, he writes, he contracts. I wish I could
Speaker 1: contract My wife would think that's so hot. She loves
Speaker 1: it at what I do, But I do. I think
Speaker 1: if I could fix one thing in my home, if
Speaker 1: she would just be like, the clothes would be ripped
Speaker 1: off me. In a second. I come in so excited
Speaker 1: about the new comic book that I've written. You know,
Speaker 1: I get a very very loving and supportive pat on
Speaker 1: the back. But if I could one time fix a
Speaker 1: leaky uh. We have a leaky uh skylight that has
Speaker 1: been leaking forever. It's like your garage, is it better?
Speaker 1: Did you fix it?
Speaker 3: David? The situation with the water is I mean, I'm
Speaker 3: hearing this, hearing a leak in your home. It is
Speaker 3: setting off so many trauma along.
Speaker 1: Trigger alert, trigger alert.
Speaker 3: It's too much for me. I mean, I'm it's also
Speaker 3: comforting to know that another person has the misery of
Speaker 3: water coming in.
Speaker 1: The misery the misery. Luckily we're Angelino's, so it's a
Speaker 1: short pick of time in which then we quickly relegate
Speaker 1: it back to the backs of our minds so we
Speaker 1: don't think about it anymore. And then the next year,
Speaker 1: two years later, it comes from and go oh, I
Speaker 1: was supposed to fix that, and now I'm finally doing it,
Speaker 1: and you know how I'm doing it. How I'm going
Speaker 1: to give you the trick? Are you ready I need?
Speaker 1: Because I think you need the same trick as I
Speaker 1: have called delegation. You pay someone else?
Speaker 3: Who are you? But how do you decide on who
Speaker 3: to delicate?
Speaker 1: I'm a rule of threes guy, Okay, I believe in
Speaker 1: a rule of threes. I get three quotes and I
Speaker 1: always go with the cheapest one. Wow, And so is
Speaker 1: it necessarily the best candidate for the job?
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 1: The guy who showed up with the ladder that looked
Speaker 1: like it was duct taped together and his pregnant wife.
Speaker 1: This isn't a made up story. His pregnant wife who
Speaker 1: he was making climb the ladder up to my roof
Speaker 1: to take a look around, that's a true story. But
Speaker 1: their price quote was about one third of everyone else.
Speaker 1: So I thought, well, I do have homeowners insurance and
Speaker 1: umbrella insurance for liability. God, she doesn't look safe up there,
Speaker 1: But I'm saving so much money.
Speaker 3: Why does he have his pregnant wife doing the ladder work?
Speaker 1: You tell me, you tell me, He looked awfully busy
Speaker 1: on his phone. I was like, this is this is
Speaker 1: not my place. It's not my place. I stick to
Speaker 1: my lane. I'm upstairs writing comic books.
Speaker 3: Well, he's very active on social media, I'm sure, and
Speaker 3: trying to get those likes and so well. But that's
Speaker 3: a great trick. I mean, I have had quite a
Speaker 3: few people come through. I've kept no information they've provided,
Speaker 3: so I don't know what the quotes are. Are you
Speaker 3: getting a yelp to find them? Where are you finding
Speaker 3: these people?
Speaker 1: The second bit of advice I'm gonna give you today,
Speaker 1: and this is the second of seventeen pieces of advice.
Speaker 1: I want you to take good notes everyone who's not watching.
Speaker 1: He's got a giant feather quill pen and a large
Speaker 1: yellow roll of paper. It's like a scroll of David
Speaker 1: dust Mulchin's notes for Bridger. Number two is I'm gonna
Speaker 1: keep going back to this theme. Delegation, delegation, delegation. I
Speaker 1: have a wonderful assistant, my incredible assistant, Jennifer. Who I
Speaker 1: say jen here? I am full grown adult homeowner a
Speaker 1: leaky skylight for this isn't an exaggeration. Everyone, don't spill
Speaker 1: your coffees out there. Six years but I forget about
Speaker 1: it until the next race.
Speaker 3: It's really the rain goes away and you forget.
Speaker 1: And guess what, each time it gets worse. And so
Speaker 1: now we have a miniature pool which my children love,
Speaker 1: on the second floor of the house. Jennifer, you know
Speaker 1: I could use the Google. Sure, I'm sure I could.
Speaker 1: But I'm busy, Bridger, I am. I have coffee and
Speaker 1: comic book writing moding around the house. I'm getting I'm
Speaker 1: testing out inner tubes. There's so many cool new inner tubes.
Speaker 1: You'd be amazing tubes for what for floating in my pool?
Speaker 3: Oh? Horse, of course.
Speaker 1: And I do have a pool in the backyard. But
Speaker 1: who needs a pool in the backyard when I can
Speaker 1: have one steps away from my bedroom? So delegation, that's the.
Speaker 3: Goal of the delegation. Yeah, that's a I mean, I've
Speaker 3: got my boyfriend. Maybe it's time to shove some of
Speaker 3: this off on him.
Speaker 1: Yes, And I'm sure yelp, I'll ask Jennifer, I tell
Speaker 1: you what VI is it? YELP? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: really can't think about it.
Speaker 3: It's hard for I'm getting on yelp and I'm hard.
Speaker 3: Do we believe in yelp anymore?
Speaker 1: Do we know? Because we know that if like if
Speaker 1: I was selling hot dogs and I created a Yelp
Speaker 1: account and I had the resources to delegate let's say,
Speaker 1: ten of my employees to create fake Yelp user accounts
Speaker 1: and go on and say, because you can tell, Oh,
Speaker 1: it's so easy to tell performers. Yes, I can smell
Speaker 1: performance a mile away. I hope everyone listening cant. This
Speaker 1: is like John Waters smell a vision. I want you
Speaker 1: to lean close to your laptop or whatever listening device
Speaker 1: you're using. Can you smell the performance I'm giving today?
Speaker 1: Trust me, it's not as powerful or difference as the
Speaker 1: ones you see on Yelp. Sometimes it's desperate and you
Speaker 1: get this was the.
Speaker 3: Best hot dog.
Speaker 1: This is not my aunt's hot dog stand. I would
Speaker 1: never create a fake Yelp account to tell you how
Speaker 1: incredible the condiments. I can't stop thinking about them. We
Speaker 1: went on our anniversary to get a massage at next
Speaker 1: to this hot dog place. Sometimes the stories are so conclude,
Speaker 1: so you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Of course, Yeah, I think there was a period when
Speaker 3: he help. Maybe it must have been twenty ten. It's
Speaker 3: been years since you could get on there and be
Speaker 3: like I trust this and screened for the Truth? Did
Speaker 3: they screen for the truth? Oh?
Speaker 1: I think it was like screen forty And then who
Speaker 1: was it? Elon musk to No, was it was it
Speaker 1: Mark Zuckerberg? No, I'm just kidding. Someone took it over
Speaker 1: and realized why would we want to do that when
Speaker 1: we can monetize this thing so powerfully? Because we all
Speaker 1: know as performers. This is rule number three of David
Speaker 1: Desmalchin's notes to bridge. Your illusion is so much more
Speaker 1: fun than reality.
Speaker 3: Sometimes I love just a we love a little bit
Speaker 3: of magic, a little bit of smoke and mirrors, even
Speaker 3: if it's with a yell review of Chipotle. Oh god,
Speaker 3: you know, it's so much fun.
Speaker 1: For my anniversary, we went to Chipole, this guacamole romance.
Speaker 3: We finally rekindled that spark.
Speaker 1: I felt like the server knew me.
Speaker 3: Uh so you I mean, this leak and we'll get
Speaker 3: away from water. But I do want to just like
Speaker 3: when the rain began, was it like, let's brace ourselves,
Speaker 3: let's get a pail out.
Speaker 1: And no, no, bridger, come on you, you have to
Speaker 1: understand this has been for years and years, so it's
Speaker 1: not until and that only is making that because there's
Speaker 1: now a puddle that it seemed, and I was organizing
Speaker 1: old scripts from the attic that I had had in
Speaker 1: the giant tupperware boxes. I was trying to make space
Speaker 1: and clear things out so that I could delgat the
Speaker 1: responsibility to my assistant to pick up these heavy boxes
Speaker 1: and take to a storage unit that I don't know
Speaker 1: where it is, because why should I. She's the one
Speaker 1: who found it, and I think she found it through yelp.
Speaker 1: But the boxes were underneath where the water was coming.
Speaker 1: So what did I do? I just took some of
Speaker 1: the good don't take the good towels, David, My poor wife,
Speaker 1: she got the good towe We just had our bathroom redone.
Speaker 1: And why would you put the good towels? And what
Speaker 1: are the towels going to do when you keep throwing
Speaker 1: a towel into a pool.
Speaker 3: Good luck every towel in my house, the good towels,
Speaker 3: the bad towels. We used to dry the dog. It
Speaker 3: was every towel it exists. And now when I'm drawing
Speaker 3: myself off, I'm thinking this was used to mop up floodwater.
Speaker 3: What is happening in my life?
Speaker 1: And here this is the Hollywood way of solving this problem.
Speaker 1: As well. Besides delegation. I'll tell you a quick sidebar.
Speaker 1: I was having a really tricky time. Gosh, was this
Speaker 1: almost two years ago? Yes, my gosh, it was the
Speaker 1: August of two thousand and twenty one, so a year
Speaker 1: and a half ago. I separated from my family on
Speaker 1: it job, going through some really difficult times, a lot
Speaker 1: of stress, both personally professionally. One of the exercises that
Speaker 1: I work through in therapy is, you know, using the
Speaker 1: power of our mind to go to places that help
Speaker 1: us to regulate, get our breath, back to a place
Speaker 1: of calm, trying to get ourselves, you know, back to
Speaker 1: our present state of being. And this magic that I found.
Speaker 1: I was in the lovely little island of Malta working
Speaker 1: on a film, and I was so stressed and my
Speaker 1: physically exhausted. We were working these crazy hours in crazy schedule,
Speaker 1: and when I would ever get a little break, I
Speaker 1: bought myself a cheap little scuba mask from the not school,
Speaker 1: you know, a snorkeling thing from the little shotski shop
Speaker 1: on the way, and I would go float in the
Speaker 1: water and watch the little fishes and just get zen
Speaker 1: and present and breathe through the know of course snorkeling too,
Speaker 1: because you don't want to breathe underwater. And that's now
Speaker 1: my place I go to when I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: getting bumped out of my uh presence space. So the
Speaker 1: great thing was I walk in. There's the water trickling
Speaker 1: through the thing. There's the pool in the floor, the
Speaker 1: new floors which we just had redone by the way,
Speaker 1: beautiful floors, and I just, you know, I laid down
Speaker 1: in that pool and I floated and I didn't think
Speaker 1: about a thing. And my poor wife walked in and
Speaker 1: discovered me there and thought, he can't even.
Speaker 3: And how many snorkeling masks did you end up buying?
Speaker 1: I bought three because I thought that the first one
Speaker 1: was the right size. It was it didn't save the receipt.
Speaker 1: This was like a chosk.
Speaker 3: This was like a save the receipt in Malta.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this wasn't a hey can you look at my
Speaker 1: chase app? Because I bought that the you know, it
Speaker 1: was like okay, and it was what ten dogs? So
Speaker 1: I got another one. And I was laying by the
Speaker 1: side of the water one day, terrible mood, trying to
Speaker 1: get zent and really angry at the world, and I
Speaker 1: was just trying to do all I could to get
Speaker 1: to a good space. So laying there, and then I
Speaker 1: got fascinated by how much litter there was on this
Speaker 1: beautiful beach. So I went to clean all the litter,
Speaker 1: and I accidentally put that mask in with the litter,
Speaker 1: which I then tossed out. Third mask is now at
Speaker 1: my home in Sherman Oaks. Okay, and it's a good one.
Speaker 3: Okay, hold on to that.
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Will I mean, were you able to enjoy Malta at all?
Speaker 3: I'm so curious about maybe because of the Maltese falcon.
Speaker 3: There's some sense of mystery there, Bridger.
Speaker 1: They're flying over us right now because they knew I
Speaker 1: was about to talk about this, and TMZ has been
Speaker 1: dying to know my thoughts on Malta. They want the
Speaker 1: scoop tip four. Whenever you've got a big tip and
Speaker 1: you go on a podcast, you save it till you know.
Speaker 1: TMZ is hovering overhead.
Speaker 3: This is essentially the Madonna Sean Penn wedding all over
Speaker 3: so many helicopters circles.
Speaker 1: This is justin Bieber's junk at the hotel room window.
Speaker 1: I have basically never I didn't know anything about Malta.
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan of film noir and I love
Speaker 1: classic cinema, and so the Maltese falcon as you mentioned,
Speaker 1: is my only familiarity. I honestly, I thought it was
Speaker 1: maybe somewhere near Morocco in the Mediterranean. Didn't really know,
Speaker 1: and this is near cosa Blank, I'm not sure. So
Speaker 1: when I got the opportunity to go, we'd been filming
Speaker 1: in Berlin and then we went to Malta because it
Speaker 1: was a film that's set aboard a giant sailing vessel
Speaker 1: in the eighteen hundreds, and they have these big, beautiful
Speaker 1: pools that have been built for movies to put boats
Speaker 1: and their infinity pools, so the way that you shoot them,
Speaker 1: it looks like you're at sea, even though you're really
Speaker 1: in a safe, controlled environment where they can cause storms
Speaker 1: and it's very neat. I love movie magic, so I
Speaker 1: did have a little bit of downtime. It was one
Speaker 1: of these things, you know, the COVID stories that will
Speaker 1: tell the tales for the rest of our lives. But
Speaker 1: it was one of these where it's like in the
Speaker 1: height of COVID, so they reserve this entire hotel for
Speaker 1: just us. Wow, which was one And I did have
Speaker 1: my wife and kids with me at first, so they
Speaker 1: were having a blast because the whole staff was meant
Speaker 1: to bubble with us, so they weren't leaving and coming.
Speaker 1: Everyone was living there with this U. We're eating all
Speaker 1: of our meals together and going right to set and
Speaker 1: coming back. There's a big, beautiful pool, a big indoor
Speaker 1: heated pool. It was our place, right and it was nice.
Speaker 1: It was very nice. Apparently wasn't nice enough for some
Speaker 1: of the members of the production company who then moved
Speaker 1: into the very crowded public No, yes, tourist jammed luxury
Speaker 1: hotel right across the water. And I'll never forget standing
Speaker 1: there and like looking at me, so all this is
Speaker 1: for this nothing. And by the way, when I was
Speaker 1: laying on that beach, just you know, getting myself present.
Speaker 1: This is one of the many little nudges that I
Speaker 1: received from that experience that put me in such a
Speaker 1: wonderful mood that I had to go float with the
Speaker 1: fishes because I thought, I thought we were all supposed
Speaker 1: to be living in this bubble together. But I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe someone's wife didn't think it was nice enough, or
Speaker 1: things so then all of a sudden, God, yeah, but hey, Bridger,
Speaker 1: this is note five.
Speaker 3: This is Hollywood, this is Hollywood based.
Speaker 1: It's Hollywood, baby, So all all bets are off, All
Speaker 1: bets are COVID rules laws. They'll put the fear of
Speaker 1: God in you about one thing. Then you find out
Speaker 1: they're on their private jets, go into Austin texts for
Speaker 1: a concert. It means nothing. But this is Hollywood, baby.
Speaker 3: If someone's even mildly uncomfortable, it doesn't meet their standards suddenly.
Speaker 1: By yeah, which is why I want to be the boss.
Speaker 1: You know, I love being the employee, but it would
Speaker 1: be nice to be the boss once in a while.
Speaker 3: I mean, David, it's really interesting that you bring this up.
Speaker 3: This is, you know, kind of rule breaking behavior. Nothing
Speaker 3: applies to me. I'm in Hollywood. I'll do whatever the
Speaker 3: hell I want because this podcast is called I said
Speaker 3: no gifts. Oh, I was really looking forward to having
Speaker 3: you here today. I was really thinking we would have
Speaker 3: a good time. Thought David's such an interesting person. We're
Speaker 3: gonna have fun, We're gonna chat.
Speaker 1: I'm nervous.
Speaker 3: Well, we'll bond over our mutual leaking homes and then
Speaker 3: maybe move on. So I was a little I don't
Speaker 3: want to say upset. I was a little shaken when
Speaker 3: you pull up to my house and get out of
Speaker 3: your car and you're holding a i'll say it, a
Speaker 3: massive bag.
Speaker 1: May I ask you? Is it the biggest bag?
Speaker 2: Thing?
Speaker 3: Is the biggest bag we've ever gotten? The next guest
Speaker 3: is gonna have to buy me a car to be.
Speaker 1: So triumphant today. Everybody listening, I want you to know
Speaker 1: I haven't smiled like this since I saw the Muppet
Speaker 1: Movie in kindergarten. I am grinning so broadly right now.
Speaker 1: All of my teeth, which I just got cleaned, are
Speaker 1: really shining in the sun of this beautiful backyard oasis.
Speaker 3: We may have to circle back to the Muppet movie
Speaker 3: and dental work. I love both of those topics. But
Speaker 3: right now I'm not letting you distract me. I'm keeping
Speaker 3: my eye on the ball. It's a PJ Masks gift bag.
Speaker 3: This is clearly a gift for me.
Speaker 1: There's no question none whatsoever. I know you well, you
Speaker 1: know me extremely J Masks. It is part of the
Speaker 1: zeitgeist at the moment, and I like to tap into
Speaker 1: things like that. It's like there's pickleball, PJ masks, and
Speaker 1: I don't know a few other things that I feel
Speaker 1: like all the hip kids are into these days, Am
Speaker 1: I right?
Speaker 3: PJ masks, everybody's doing runch.
Speaker 1: Avocado toast and PJ masks.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean the truth is out. Should I open
Speaker 3: it here on the podcast?
Speaker 1: I would be very happy if you did. It's gonna
Speaker 1: be a bit of a thing I want. Can I
Speaker 1: tell a quick tale?
Speaker 3: Of course?
Speaker 1: So I'm a bit of a mama's boy. I was
Speaker 1: raised at Kansas. My mother always taught me that if
Speaker 1: you're going to the first time at someone's home, perhaps
Speaker 1: first time for a business meeting, maybe any party, you
Speaker 1: never ever ever come empty handed. And as a host
Speaker 1: of many, many, many gatherings, I'm a social butterfly, Okay.
Speaker 1: I mean our house is like it is party central.
Speaker 1: We have a pool on the second floor in case
Speaker 1: anybody listening wants to know if they should come to
Speaker 1: a party at my house. We have kids' birthday parties.
Speaker 1: I don't just do the bouncy house. I bring in
Speaker 1: the wild animal guy. I don't. We have grown up parties.
Speaker 1: I don't just bring in you know, good DJ. We
Speaker 1: get live music. I mean, I go all out. But
Speaker 1: here's the thing. I always say, hey, no, get well here.
Speaker 1: I used to always say no gifts, and then people
Speaker 1: listened sometimes and I just felt like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: disobey your order, sure, because I care, and I care
Speaker 1: more about honoring the spirit of my mother than following
Speaker 1: your my feelings then your feelings and your rules, and
Speaker 1: if boundaries must be broken, they're damn well going to
Speaker 1: be broken. Well. So, just to give you a little hint,
Speaker 1: I thought, because we're just getting to know each other,
Speaker 1: we're just forging the foundations of this leak bonded friendship,
Speaker 1: I wanted to give you a gift that kind of
Speaker 1: reflected a bit of myself. And I went to one
Speaker 1: of my favorite little nooks around the Los Angeles area
Speaker 1: that really tends to represent what I what I'm looking
Speaker 1: for and things that I care about, and kind of
Speaker 1: struck out and so I thought, well, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: put myself on a budget jay as we called it
Speaker 1: when I was a kid. Did anybody else do this
Speaker 1: Jacques Pine? No, Yeah, we called it Jackpine because we
Speaker 1: would always have stuff on layaway layway. I mean, it's June,
Speaker 1: maybe July I'm thinking about Christmas. My poor parents. What
Speaker 1: a budget. I don't know how they did it. I
Speaker 1: really don't lay Away Way.
Speaker 3: Layoway is an incredible thing that I feel like it's
Speaker 3: kind of vanished.
Speaker 1: Can I talk about the haircuts I used to get it? Jockpine,
Speaker 1: you got haircuts. They had a little bar who got
Speaker 1: a woman and a guy in the jaz Penny right
Speaker 1: near the Layaway Death. You'd go in, they'd put I
Speaker 1: mean it was straight up bowl cut. I don't know
Speaker 1: why my mom could have saved the three dollars and
Speaker 1: fifty cents. Terrible haircuts, but you could get your haircutage.
Speaker 3: I'm remembering. I'm having a sense memory of the like
Speaker 3: shampoo conditioner smell when we would go to the catalog counter.
Speaker 3: The salon was right there. God, it was like a
Speaker 3: lot of time.
Speaker 1: What a time?
Speaker 3: What a time?
Speaker 1: So anyway, so I'm gonna admit this publicly to the world.
Speaker 1: I'm I could be a cheap skate.
Speaker 3: Oh sure. So I was making my lin.
Speaker 1: I made a little pack to myself. I thought, well,
Speaker 1: I love this show. I think it'll be fun. I
Speaker 1: can talk about it to Bridger. I'm gonna say I'm
Speaker 1: gonna walk into this lovely Goodwill and I'm gonna buy
Speaker 1: the first thing I see, and that's the gift. Well,
Speaker 1: I should know myself too well by now, because I
Speaker 1: walked in. I did buy the first thing that I saw,
Speaker 1: but it was so odd and it just is so unique,
Speaker 1: and so I don't know that. I thought, well, I
Speaker 1: don't want to just show up with that. So let's
Speaker 1: see what's the second thing I see? Oh, that was
Speaker 1: a good one. Oh, let's see what the third thing
Speaker 1: is that I see? That was good? And then it
Speaker 1: just got out of control. I have a problem. I
Speaker 1: don't know when to stop. So I'd love it if
Speaker 1: you want to do this. I want it together. My
Speaker 1: dear friend Cat Bardoux, amazing makeup artists. She sculps eyebrows.
Speaker 1: She came over last night and wrapped a couple.
Speaker 3: Of gifts for me. Some packed you emptied the Goodwill.
Speaker 1: I did you mind? Is that? Okay? Can we just
Speaker 1: make a day of this? Can I say? I said,
Speaker 1: it's going to be a five hour podcast. Everybody listening.
Speaker 1: I want you to stretch. I want you to get
Speaker 1: a big glass of water. Exercises traded.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm pulling out another a wrapped gift, which is
Speaker 3: is this shining themed wrapping paper?
Speaker 1: It is? I love that film so much. It's an
Speaker 1: important film in my life. I'm sure, such a beautiful
Speaker 1: so many of ours. So yes, that is uh, that
Speaker 1: is like the carpeting right of the hotel.
Speaker 3: David is doing a beautiful job of opening.
Speaker 1: I am really jo wrapping cats. I'm not a good rapper.
Speaker 3: I'm horrible. I'm devastating.
Speaker 1: So this is one of the Goodwill discoveries that I'm
Speaker 1: very proud of because I want one, and I think
Speaker 1: it's important to give people what you want so they
Speaker 1: know you better.
Speaker 3: This looks like an item that may be unused.
Speaker 1: These are I would not give you used. Especially when
Speaker 1: you see one of the items, you'd be very disappointed.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to give you clothes from the good Will.
Speaker 1: Even though I've bought many clothing item for the good Will.
Speaker 1: I didn't have time to go get it washed, get
Speaker 1: it all done.
Speaker 3: Okay, what isn't it? Okay, So it's called so easy
Speaker 3: egg eas it never Oh, this is something that I
Speaker 3: truly want. Yeah, it's you know, a hard boiled egg.
Speaker 3: It somehow peels the egg for you.
Speaker 1: You hard boil the egg without the shell, bridger without
Speaker 1: the shell. Wait, you the crisis right now, and I
Speaker 1: know it's something that's really keeping us all up. And
Speaker 1: my dear, I'm not joking. My friend Eleana called me
Speaker 1: this point and said, I had a terrible nightmare last night.
Speaker 1: There's no eggs left in the world. And I'm not Joe.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is a real problem. We know that
Speaker 1: there's you know, egg farmers out there struggling and people
Speaker 1: want their eggs. But like I saw this and I thought,
Speaker 1: I'm still I don't care. I know eggs are coming back,
Speaker 1: they have to return, they come back. Yeah, what is
Speaker 1: the world without?
Speaker 3: You?
Speaker 1: Now have an Eggy's So how does this work?
Speaker 3: I truly cracked the egg and then dump it into ask.
Speaker 1: My assistant to look into it from I haven't gotten
Speaker 1: the full download on it yet. There's a PDF coming.
Speaker 1: Don't worry. I didn't have time to actually look into
Speaker 1: how you do this? I just buy the thing, Okay.
Speaker 3: I mean this is a if there's ever been an
Speaker 3: as scene on TV, it's the Eggies. Sounds like a sucker.
Speaker 1: You stick that little it looks like the TV guide
Speaker 1: logo on any box where's my credit card? Is this
Speaker 1: a business expense? How do I get my hands on it?
Speaker 1: It's an eggie. It's a hard world egg without the shell.
Speaker 1: It's exciting. Okay, let's keep moving.
Speaker 3: You can go ahead and dive in here.
Speaker 1: So so again, remember this was the first item I saw,
Speaker 1: and I made a commitment to myself. I said, whatever
Speaker 1: I see first, I'm buying for Bridger. And I looked
Speaker 1: at it, and I said, David, don't you don't you
Speaker 1: tiptoe away from that, don't pretend, don't avert your gaze.
Speaker 3: I mean, I got that. The what I'm squeezing here?
Speaker 3: If this is what I think it is, my god,
Speaker 3: is this adult typers?
Speaker 1: This is I don't know. I did, I don't. All
Speaker 1: I know is there. They're they're padded briefs and uh,
Speaker 1: it's quick.
Speaker 3: What's a sixteen count brand new? These have uh these
Speaker 3: are it's a sealed box. So I'll be able to
Speaker 3: use these starting today. Uh. And I will said I.
Speaker 1: Was going to give you a used gift from a
Speaker 1: good will. That is not goodwill. That's the opposite of goodwill. Bridger,
Speaker 1: to bring you the package have used PREVT prevailed brief I'm.
Speaker 3: Going to say Goodwill has marked these as tools off.
Speaker 1: I'm so embarrassed. Everyone listening just no on a pack.
Speaker 3: You should be ashamed. Mom's disgusted.
Speaker 1: I really disappointed you. Okay, let's keep going.
Speaker 3: We got to set this aside for when you know
Speaker 3: when the time will come and I'm gonna need to
Speaker 3: use the paper.
Speaker 1: What do I see?
Speaker 3: There see another as scene on TV. Let's get into it.
Speaker 1: This is really special.
Speaker 3: I'm going to have a full Thanksgiving me get ready.
Speaker 3: I've got the Potato Express microwave potato cooker, which I
Speaker 3: feel like is the most unnecessary. Can't you just throw
Speaker 3: a potato in a microwave?
Speaker 1: It's never as good? Bridger, how do you do? Made
Speaker 1: me ask, how do you do you do baked potatoes?
Speaker 3: I don't do a baked potatoes, but I've never done
Speaker 3: one in a microwave.
Speaker 1: If we know that, what a flex, Ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 1: I have to move my seat back because first of all,
Speaker 1: I meant to ask, do you do deviled eggs?
Speaker 3: I don't I do a hard boiled egg.
Speaker 1: Har Okay, you've been to say a summertime barbecue with.
Speaker 3: With a devil. I'll show up with just a huge,
Speaker 3: loose bag of hard boiled eggs, just wet as possible.
Speaker 1: I love good the jar of pickled hard boiled eggs.
Speaker 1: Can we just have you had one before? I haven't dared,
Speaker 1: but I know I'm going to do it at some
Speaker 1: point in my life.
Speaker 3: It feels like it's that's a mountain everyone should climb,
Speaker 3: everyone needs. I haven't done it before.
Speaker 1: Try anything one.
Speaker 3: There must be something to it. They're all over the nation.
Speaker 1: Well they're internationally. It's a big deal.
Speaker 3: I believe that I was.
Speaker 1: I mean, any pub establishment should go into it. Seems
Speaker 1: like in the world there's one language that everyone speaks,
Speaker 1: and it's the language of the pickled egg jar.
Speaker 3: I feel like other countries in general are just way
Speaker 3: more comfortable with pickling than the United States.
Speaker 1: Some some more comfortable with pickling than smiling or I
Speaker 1: don't know, it depends where you are in the world.
Speaker 1: Some people are more you know, kind. But I always
Speaker 1: find the pickled egg jar, and I always wonder and
Speaker 1: they never just seems like no one's touched it in
Speaker 1: a long time. But I think they last forever. They must,
Speaker 1: just like the potato Express for anyone listening who's curious.
Speaker 1: It's a timeless gift. It's something that really says I
Speaker 1: love you. If you're thinking about the I know we've
Speaker 1: got Valentines approaching. The Potato Express is we we do
Speaker 1: bake potatoes. We love a baked potato bar, but we
Speaker 1: normally would rub it in olive oil, put some kosher
Speaker 1: salt on it. If you wrap it in a luminofoil,
Speaker 1: put it in the oven and there goes in an
Speaker 1: hour of wait time with the Potato Express ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: as seen on television, you can watch your favorite show
Speaker 1: and in just four minutes you're gonna have a fresh, hot,
Speaker 1: baked potato. It's gonna taste like it came right out
Speaker 1: of the oven.
Speaker 3: Full disclosure, David is a huge investor in Potato Express.
Speaker 1: I do get kickbacks. They're listening, They're like, wait, are
Speaker 1: you going on? I said, no gifts, I said, I am.
Speaker 1: Why do you ask? They said, but what would you
Speaker 1: do for twenty five extra domars? I'll pimp your potatoes? Okay?
Speaker 3: Next, okay, I mean, let's put these aside, because there
Speaker 3: are you so many I like to cook. I actually
Speaker 3: like to cook.
Speaker 1: I don't you don't like you, and this is the
Speaker 1: reason why, because you're always afraid of burning your finger.
Speaker 3: I'm famous for being afraid of burning burning my face.
Speaker 1: I live in fear, abject terror of possibly injuring these
Speaker 1: really beautiful hands of mine. Well, never, never again, because
Speaker 1: this was my nickname in high school. This is not
Speaker 1: me hot hands, hot hands.
Speaker 3: That's happening at this goode you have cooking items that
Speaker 3: this goodwill had to offer. We're all at Is this
Speaker 3: also seen?
Speaker 1: You can easily open you can easily open a jar,
Speaker 1: you can grab anything you want, and no matter how
Speaker 1: hot it is, you're not gonna hurt those delicate fingies.
Speaker 3: Well, we'll post this instagram at some point people need
Speaker 3: to see what's happening here. But the things they're suggesting
Speaker 3: with the hot hands, it's a pair of gloves that
Speaker 3: are essentially uh to protect your hands from burning. But
Speaker 3: they're showing like someone just grabbing hot French fries off
Speaker 3: of a cookie sho Absolutely, somebody is pulling bacon straight
Speaker 3: off of the griddle.
Speaker 1: Is there a theme?
Speaker 3: And then we've got an egg.
Speaker 1: And they used Hanky's.
Speaker 3: Shell. This is this is someone who doesn't own a
Speaker 3: single other tool in their home. They don't have a spoon,
Speaker 3: they don't have a spatula.
Speaker 1: Hey, that's one way to look at it. Rule six
Speaker 1: on David's notes to the Hollywood Aspiring Podcaster is look,
Speaker 1: always be using your imagination. Always be using your imagination.
Speaker 1: Lady and gentlemen. Hot hands. It's amazing. It's heat safe
Speaker 1: cooking gloves. You can use this for reasons that they
Speaker 1: can't legally put on the bag. There are things that
Speaker 1: I know you can do with a hot hands glove
Speaker 1: that if you're listening and you're considering possibly doing some experimenting,
Speaker 1: I don't. I can't. I can't. Even there's yard work
Speaker 1: you can do with it.
Speaker 3: There's rescue a family member from a burning home.
Speaker 1: Burning home. I mean, before we get carried away with
Speaker 1: hot hands, should we go this just I had to
Speaker 1: grab because it was I mean, it looks used. It's not,
Speaker 1: I promise. And there's twelve. I mean, I guess our
Speaker 1: listeners need to know what we've.
Speaker 3: What is this thing? It's an Oreo Ultimate Dunking set,
Speaker 3: which every home should have.
Speaker 1: Every home should.
Speaker 3: If you don't have this, your life is totally a problem.
Speaker 1: I've had often. I have a jar of milk because
Speaker 1: I only buy milk by the jump. I have a
Speaker 1: mug because I only drink out a mug. And I'll
Speaker 1: have a big, big, beautiful, long plastic box of Oreo cookies.
Speaker 1: And I don't know because I've heard if you dunk
Speaker 1: Oreos and milk, it's a thing.
Speaker 3: You've heard, that's a thing.
Speaker 1: But I've never figured out how to.
Speaker 3: Go cross that bridge. I couldn't have the set. You
Speaker 3: didn't have the tongs that come with this. It's got
Speaker 3: or little. It's almost a tweezer.
Speaker 1: It's ultimate. It's an ultimate dunking set. Ladies and jem
Speaker 1: you get two glasses, you get two cookie cages. You
Speaker 1: know what a cookie cage is. By the way, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna I'm not gonna lie. Okay. I've got a
Speaker 1: incredible five year old daughter named Penny, who is just
Speaker 1: the funniest person I know. My son Arlo, also one
Speaker 1: of the most funny people I know. He's eight. We
Speaker 1: do love a cookie dick dipped. We love a cookie.
Speaker 1: We love a cookie dipped in milk.
Speaker 3: The whole other TV.
Speaker 1: A cookie dipped in milk does tend to if you
Speaker 1: leave it just a hair too long start to crumble.
Speaker 3: It may end up at the bottom of the mud cookies.
Speaker 1: And my five year old, no matter how long it's
Speaker 1: been since she's washed her hands, no matter how much
Speaker 1: playground dirt is under those nails, she's gonna just gladly
Speaker 1: reach right in to that milk, causing me to lose
Speaker 1: my appetite and kind of pale and walk away from
Speaker 1: the scene and ultimately cause major problems for my family.
Speaker 1: Of course, this is one of the leading causes of
Speaker 1: the ruptured family in America right now. Cookie dunking gone wrong.
Speaker 3: Now medical emerge with the cookie cage. What does the
Speaker 3: cookie cake? Are you putting it into the mug?
Speaker 1: You put the cookie in the cage, bridger, and then
Speaker 1: you dip it into the mug full of milk, and
Speaker 1: then you have no worries. You can lay back. First,
Speaker 1: you could listen to this whole podcast as it stretches
Speaker 1: into its seventeenth hour, and you can pull that cage
Speaker 1: out when you're darn well ready. That cookie's gonna be soaked.
Speaker 1: It's gonna have soaked up as much milk as you want.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be so and then you hold the cake
Speaker 1: above your mouth, open it and there you go.
Speaker 3: You've created a milkshake. You do you have a favorite cookie?
Speaker 1: You know? I thank you for asking.
Speaker 3: I need to know because this is a topic that's
Speaker 3: very important.
Speaker 1: Many many, many things. And I know she's going to
Speaker 1: listen to this and laugh when I say it. But
Speaker 1: it's the absolute truth. And I can hear her right
Speaker 1: now saying that's not true. I'm a philistine in my
Speaker 1: wife's eyes. I am a guy from Kansas whose favorite
Speaker 1: food is still fried chicken, and I love the deviled egg,
Speaker 1: and I love you know. I'm just I'm simple, simple man.
Speaker 1: Simple means salt of the earth. As someone would say,
Speaker 1: I I love go into your chain grocery store and
Speaker 1: getting that cheap box of the sugar cookies with the
Speaker 1: pink icing or sometimes the blue icing rum. The brand
Speaker 1: that I keep my eyes peeled for the most is
Speaker 1: loft House. Although there are some knockoff brands, there's something
Speaker 1: about it that reminds me of being a kid and
Speaker 1: making cookies with playto There's even a smell to it
Speaker 1: that kind of evokes that childhood Plato sense memory. That
Speaker 1: is that's it.
Speaker 3: I love a loft House. I mean it is maybe
Speaker 3: the softest food on the planet. You don't need teeth
Speaker 3: to chew a loft house skin.
Speaker 1: You don't. In fact, it's why it's one of the
Speaker 1: hottest selling items on the nursing home circuit today, right
Speaker 1: next to hot hands.
Speaker 3: Okay, let's get back into the bag.
Speaker 1: Bag, Let's get back in the bag.
Speaker 3: I feel like I've won a sweepsteaks here.
Speaker 1: So I've spent my life reading comic books. I love
Speaker 1: comic books. I love old comic book, write comic book,
Speaker 1: I write comic books. I love acting in comic book
Speaker 1: adaptations that go to film and television. One of my
Speaker 1: favorite things about comic books is, did you ever read
Speaker 1: comic books?
Speaker 3: I did read comic books. I'm like a casual comic
Speaker 3: book fan, I would say.
Speaker 1: Got it, I am. I was comic curious as a kid,
Speaker 1: and then I went full tilt by third, fourth, fifth grade.
Speaker 1: And I love all form of comic books, but in
Speaker 1: the vintage and classic comic books, which still hold a
Speaker 1: very special place in my heart. They used to really
Speaker 1: utilize at least three, sometimes up to five pages in advertising,
Speaker 1: and they would sell the smallest blocks of advertising and
Speaker 1: it was just filled with the most incredible stuff that
Speaker 1: just tantalized me as a child. Stuff that you'd see
Speaker 1: in the back of there, like Oh, the Magic Kit,
Speaker 1: Get Strong Overnight Kit, This Lucky Rabbit's foot will make
Speaker 1: all your wishes come true. This joy Buzzer will amuse
Speaker 1: your friends. This joke book will make people like you.
Speaker 1: They knew how to advertise to me, and every time
Speaker 1: I had an opportunity, I would try and send away
Speaker 1: for these things. These magical X ray specs that were
Speaker 1: going to come in the mail and I was going
Speaker 1: to be able to go to the pool and look
Speaker 1: through people's bathing suits. Didn't work. But one of the
Speaker 1: things that I loved that I would see in the
Speaker 1: back was an item that has never lost its I think.
Speaker 3: Oh, and this is interesting. It's a whoopig cushion. But
Speaker 3: we're not calling it a whoope cushion. We're calling it
Speaker 3: a Super Whooper cushion.
Speaker 1: This is twenty twenty three, and because there are issues
Speaker 1: with trademark, branding, etc. I'm now excited to be the
Speaker 1: spokesperson for Super Whooper. With Super Whooper, you get something
Speaker 1: so much better than any whoopie you may have made
Speaker 1: in the past. You may have made Whoopy, But you
Speaker 1: have never made Whooper?
Speaker 3: Where did the Whooper come from?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 3: How fascinating't I haven't used a Whoope cushion or Whooper.
Speaker 3: Let's be respectful here in years this is a classic.
Speaker 1: From the minds of the good folks at NASA comes
Speaker 1: Super Whooper. It's a cushion that you inflate, and then
Speaker 1: when your friend comes over to sit in the oasis,
Speaker 1: you distract them by pointing at maybe some exotic bird
Speaker 1: that's perched on a beautiful limb in your backyard. And
Speaker 1: while they're distracted, you slip the super Whooper under their posterior,
Speaker 1: allow them to sit.
Speaker 3: They're humiliated. They're absolutely humiliated. Now I have the upper
Speaker 3: hand again, I don't have to worry about them taking
Speaker 3: control of the situation.
Speaker 1: This is Hollywood.
Speaker 3: This is Hollywood.
Speaker 1: This is a tip that I think everyone listening needs
Speaker 1: to get out their pens and jot down. Always get
Speaker 1: the upper hand.
Speaker 3: Devastate people in any way you possibly can. That's all
Speaker 3: that matters.
Speaker 1: Humiliated them with flatulence. I don't listen. I did sport
Speaker 1: a lot when I was in a kid and all
Speaker 1: the way through high school. Since then, sport just kind
Speaker 1: of wasn't a part of my life. And I went
Speaker 1: to theater school right out of high school, and then
Speaker 1: I don't even really watch anymore. And one sport that
Speaker 1: I've had zero and I mean zilch interest in pursuing
Speaker 1: at all, even though it's actually not exaggerating, cost me
Speaker 1: some opportunities professionally to get to hang out with people
Speaker 1: who've invited me because I just never took the time
Speaker 1: to learn. Is golf. Oh, my son at eight decided
Speaker 1: I want to play golf, So I'm taking him on
Speaker 1: saturdays to a driving range I know nothing about. He's incredible,
Speaker 1: he's amazing. He hits the thing and it goes, and
Speaker 1: all these very serious guys along the lineup nod and
Speaker 1: he's doing good. And they'll talk to me as if
Speaker 1: you know, I know the things about the iron and
Speaker 1: the thing, and I nod and I go a huh. Well,
Speaker 1: there was a gentleman next to us. Every time he
Speaker 1: swung the club during his driving range practice time was
Speaker 1: he would expel the most unique sound from his posterior.
Speaker 1: And I just tell you this quick anecdote to let
Speaker 1: everybody know in case you thought flatulence wasn't funny anymore,
Speaker 1: you've never seen an eight year old cry with laughter.
Speaker 1: All this is the way, my son. But he tried
Speaker 1: to keep it together because he wanted to be respectful
Speaker 1: of this poor old guy next to him, who, every
Speaker 1: time he swung his club was playing the trombone.
Speaker 3: My niece is that age, essentially, and the exact I mean,
Speaker 3: it's like a miracle, the sort of humorage, it's all
Speaker 3: she wants. Where does that come from?
Speaker 1: I thought they weren't funny anymore, and guess what, they're
Speaker 1: still funny.
Speaker 3: A seven to eight year old. It's the world to them.
Speaker 1: And honestly, I was also laughing.
Speaker 3: What sports were you playing?
Speaker 1: I kind of tried everything as a kid, but the
Speaker 1: sport I excelled the most because by time I got
Speaker 1: to high school, I was doing I was running in
Speaker 1: the spring and doing track and field, but wrestling in
Speaker 1: the winter. And then my biggest sport that I was
Speaker 1: the best at was football. Wow, I was. I was
Speaker 1: a big boy by my senior year of high school.
Speaker 1: I'm about six two and I weighed like two hundred
Speaker 1: and thirty pounds while you were hitting the gym, I
Speaker 1: was very big. My older brother was a really excellent
Speaker 1: basketball player. And I had seen his past. I knew,
Speaker 1: let's go back to the Muppet movie. Okay, Kindergarten. I
Speaker 1: was sitting in the front of the theater at the
Speaker 1: Oak Park Cinemas in Kansas. I was all of three
Speaker 1: and a half four years old, and I mean that
Speaker 1: experience so transported me to another place. Watching Sweeten's run
Speaker 1: through the screen into their screening room. At the end
Speaker 1: of the film, I believed there were Muppets in the
Speaker 1: space with us. That's how powerful that experience was. That
Speaker 1: was the first seed planted. There were many many more
Speaker 1: along the way that always spoke to my heart that
Speaker 1: I thought going to Hollywood, because that's the theme of
Speaker 1: the move Road, go make a movie. Moving right along
Speaker 1: the Magic Store, I wanted to go to the Magic Store.
Speaker 1: But when you're getting Kansas, you just nothing seemed like
Speaker 1: that realistic to me. And also my mom and I
Speaker 1: didn't have a lot of money when thinking about where
Speaker 1: was I going to go to college? And so I
Speaker 1: was decent at football and it was a ticket for
Speaker 1: me to potentially get some support and help financially to go.
Speaker 1: And sure enough, by my senior year of high school,
Speaker 1: there were some nice, good schools that were interested in
Speaker 1: having me come there, and I thought I could get
Speaker 1: an English degree while I'm playing football, And then maybe
Speaker 1: I wanted my dream was to have been like the
Speaker 1: cool junior high or high school english teacher, drama teacher
Speaker 1: who then also coaches football. I thought, like, that's a
Speaker 1: path I could see forward from myself. But I had
Speaker 1: two really incredible teachers and a very very supportive mother
Speaker 1: who said because I was dipping out of football practice early,
Speaker 1: and thank God for coach Merrill, who would say to me,
Speaker 1: even though we were getting ready for the big championships,
Speaker 1: he would let me. No coach would ever do this.
Speaker 1: And this guy was not what I would consider a
Speaker 1: progressive educator in the state of Kansas. He was pretty
Speaker 1: old school, but he would let me leave, even though
Speaker 1: I was starting offensive center for his team, leave practice
Speaker 1: little early to go rehearse the fall play. How sweet
Speaker 1: it was amazing, And the teacher said to me. The
Speaker 1: drama teacher and my speech teacher both said, you got
Speaker 1: to go do this. You do acting, it's something you
Speaker 1: gotta do. And they helped me get an audition for
Speaker 1: a conservatory college program called the DePaul Theater School, as
Speaker 1: well as several others, and I not only got in,
Speaker 1: I got the scholarship that I would have needed to go.
Speaker 1: And I walked off the football field at the end
Speaker 1: of our last game, which we lost to Lawrence High,
Speaker 1: and I think they dole it from us.
Speaker 3: You're never gonna let it go, never letting it go.
Speaker 1: I kicked the door every day but then I never
Speaker 1: looked back. But but I I.
Speaker 3: Would have never guessed that you were like college football material.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean not like Division one, Division two schools,
Speaker 1: smaller colleges, but it was I was gonna I knew
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna go professional. I knew I didn't have
Speaker 1: that capability, but there were recruiters and I was definitely
Speaker 1: going to get the help I needed to get. Here's
Speaker 1: the other thing, my brother. I watched my brother play
Speaker 1: collegiate basketball, and he loved it. It was his life.
Speaker 1: It wasn't my I knew the demands of being a
Speaker 1: successful collegiate athlete was that that is your life, the job,
Speaker 1: it's a thing, and I was. I was kind of
Speaker 1: by the end of you know, I was. I wanted to.
Speaker 1: I was always like, I need to go watch what's
Speaker 1: the movie? I need to see what's the comic I
Speaker 1: need to get to. But hey, the path well here
Speaker 1: I am sitting those in the heart of Hollywood.
Speaker 3: Just absolutely ransacking a goodwill. There's more gifts. Let's get
Speaker 3: back in here.
Speaker 1: This is from my own collection, and I just wanted
Speaker 1: to share it with you because it's something we've already
Speaker 1: tipped on. But I actually have two of these, so
Speaker 1: I would never give you if I only had one.
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I would. I actually would. After this conversation, Bridge,
Speaker 1: I think we're very close. Now, I want to give
Speaker 1: you one of my from my collection of vintage classic comics.
Speaker 3: This is amazing. This is a really vintage comic, crypt
Speaker 3: of the Shadows. This is from when comics cost twenty cents.
Speaker 1: Yes it is.
Speaker 3: What year do you think this is since.
Speaker 1: In the seventies, I don't know exactly.
Speaker 3: Crypt of the Shadows.
Speaker 1: Yes, and Marvel and DC, both as we all know,
Speaker 1: are the big publishers of comics these days. They put
Speaker 1: out all manner of anthological horror comics back in the day,
Speaker 1: which featured amazing art, very scary and cool spooky stories.
Speaker 1: They always had these great shocking covers and if you
Speaker 1: go back further in time, the publishers like EC and
Speaker 1: Many and many others, Goal and Key, we're putting out
Speaker 1: these horror comics and they've just held a special place
Speaker 1: in my heart since I was a kid, and I
Speaker 1: were beautiful, and I collect them and read them whenever
Speaker 1: I'm just sitting around.
Speaker 3: Do you have a favorite comic of all time?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Of all time.
Speaker 1: My favorite comic of all time was published by d
Speaker 1: C Comics. It was a limited part of an anthological
Speaker 1: series that was called The Weird War Tales, and there
Speaker 1: was this team of monster mercenaries called the Creature Commandos.
Speaker 1: The Creature Commandos were made up of a guy named
Speaker 1: Lucky Taylor who was like a Frankenstein's Monster type GI grunt.
Speaker 1: There was a vampire named Vincent Velcrow who had a
Speaker 1: bad attitude, and you had a werewolf, you had a Gorgon,
Speaker 1: and they were kind of like the way we think
Speaker 1: of I don't know, if you know, like the suicide Squad.
Speaker 1: So like there's those disposable, bad quote unquote bad monsters
Speaker 1: that the government or whatever powerful entity you can imagine
Speaker 1: can say, well, you have to do this for us
Speaker 1: or blah blah blah. Right, So that was the setup
Speaker 1: for the Creature Commandos. It was and it was something
Speaker 1: I just I love monsters, I love superheroes. It was
Speaker 1: the marriage of all of that. But I have many
Speaker 1: I love the big monster comics are some of my
Speaker 1: favorite Werewolf by Night and Morbius. I'm a big swamp
Speaker 1: thing fan.
Speaker 3: You like a like a kind of gothic horror comic book.
Speaker 3: Look at me, you are kind of a goth.
Speaker 1: Look at me, I'm a gothic horror walking comic book.
Speaker 1: What people don't know? Who aren't seeing me? Right? I'm
Speaker 1: wearing a floating cape. It's my fans are sevent Yes,
Speaker 1: there's six people behind me that helped carry this up
Speaker 1: the hill.
Speaker 3: Vampire teeth in is your wife got into this sort
Speaker 3: of stuff?
Speaker 1: She Oh, she has the hots for goth She loves like, oh,
Speaker 1: who is that character on Daria? She loved that that
Speaker 1: guy like that looks so when she saw me, she
Speaker 1: was like, because my wife. Anyone who looks my wife
Speaker 1: up on the on the so out of my she
Speaker 1: looks like she should be the Hollywood starlet. She's not
Speaker 1: in the business at all. She's a very talented, mirrorless
Speaker 1: She owns her own business she's doing. She has all
Speaker 1: kinds of design work that she does. But yeah, she
Speaker 1: can rock a goth. She wears a nose ring, she
Speaker 1: can do the makeup. But yeah, it's it's it's interesting.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely the more of empiric. I definitely look like
Speaker 1: I might have stepped off, you know, the set of
Speaker 1: some hammer horror film. And she kind of sometimes just
Speaker 1: looks like this beautiful you know bo Derekie, I don't
Speaker 1: know Twiggy like, uh, I don't Holly homemakery, mix of
Speaker 1: all these hot things together, so fascinating the way she
Speaker 1: I just I mean it like I can't soonimes. I
Speaker 1: look at her and I still am like, thirteen years
Speaker 1: are you kidding?
Speaker 3: Law is amazing.
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Go into our home. There's a
Speaker 1: curio cabinet filled with skeletons and bones and teeth and
Speaker 1: all manner of bizarreness. And everybody always goes, oh, oh
Speaker 1: this is this is you? Or they say to her,
Speaker 1: how do you let him put on this stuff up?
Speaker 1: That's her stuff, that's her stuff, her stuff. Yeah, she's
Speaker 1: a closet goth. She yeah, interest Lee closet goth. That's her.
Speaker 1: Next business card.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, this is what I mean. It's so nice
Speaker 3: to get like a real display item. This is something
Speaker 3: that can go on the shelf with the other gifts.
Speaker 3: And I'll be using the rest of these.
Speaker 1: Gifts practically all the rest of these are gonna be U.
Speaker 3: Yes, is there anything? There is stuff?
Speaker 1: There's So As a longtime monster kid Halloween fan, my
Speaker 1: favorite film in the horror genre is a three way
Speaker 1: tie between The Exorcist.
Speaker 3: Wonderful film, Takashi Mia Kay's Audition. Oh, I've never that
Speaker 3: is probably terrifying.
Speaker 1: I've never seen one of the most terrifying films I've
Speaker 1: ever seen, and it's a masterpiece, and Toby Hooper's classic masterpiece,
Speaker 1: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Oh yeah, of course, one of
Speaker 1: the best independent films ever made. It's an incredible movie.
Speaker 1: I love Halloween. Halloween is a very important holiday to me.
Speaker 1: I love vintage decor and the old you know kind
Speaker 1: of classics you'd put up the articulated skeleton or scarecrow
Speaker 1: in your window as a kid. Well, I found this
Speaker 1: wonderful company that matches, you know, horror cinema with these
Speaker 1: old vintage Halloween decorations. So next Halloween when you're like, huh,
Speaker 1: what am I going to hang up to scare the
Speaker 1: neighborhood kiddos. I hope you'll consider this gift that you
Speaker 1: receive from David Dismlchon. It's Texas chains On Massacre.
Speaker 3: But oh my god, this is yeah kind of like
Speaker 3: retro vintage, retro design. Yeah this, and it's actually kind
Speaker 3: of terrifying. It is. It looks scary.
Speaker 1: Trick or treat studios.
Speaker 3: I love, Oh my god, trick or treat studio, So
Speaker 3: they do this for all. They do a lot.
Speaker 1: There's one they have like a hell Raiser one, They've
Speaker 1: got a I think a Freddy Krueger one, a a
Speaker 1: Nightmare and Elms I mean Friday thirteenth. But I picked
Speaker 1: this only because it's truly one of my favorite films
Speaker 1: of all time.
Speaker 3: I love what is this? What's this character's name? Leatherface?
Speaker 1: Yep, leather face.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a leather face and he's holding the chainsaw.
Speaker 3: This can go up in the window. So you I
Speaker 3: assume you decorate heavily for Halloween.
Speaker 1: Heavily.
Speaker 3: Are you doing the yard?
Speaker 1: We do the yard, we do the animatronic creatures. I
Speaker 1: do lighting effects, I have a wonderful We have a
Speaker 1: wonderful attic space. We found this really incredible old home
Speaker 1: in Sherman Oaks, and when we bought it, there's this big,
Speaker 1: you know, spacious attict. Turned out the previous owner who
Speaker 1: had grown up in the house. One family owned this
Speaker 1: house before we bought it. They built it in nineteen fifty.
Speaker 1: He had converted the house into a pot farm oh
Speaker 1: after his parents passed away, and so the attic was
Speaker 1: one of his growing spaces.
Speaker 3: Oh amazed.
Speaker 1: There's all this crazy uh like electrical wiring stuff. But
Speaker 1: it's a big space. A lot of bees that used
Speaker 1: to be there. Now I've ethically moved the bees a
Speaker 1: farm to protect her how to protect their bees. But
Speaker 1: I have this huge, huge space. Ninety percent of it
Speaker 1: is currently filled with my very well organized, boxed collection
Speaker 1: of Halloween decorations, about ten percent Christmas decorations, and then
Speaker 1: whatever the kid's art or some crap something much less important,
Speaker 1: too much less important. Yes, I love to go all
Speaker 1: out with the decorations.
Speaker 3: And are you buying new decorations every year?
Speaker 1: I always treat myself to something special every year. I
Speaker 1: used to you know, I've been doing this for a
Speaker 1: long time, so I used to it crew a lot
Speaker 1: of stuff that was just the cheaper. Now it's I
Speaker 1: try to focus it more. I want something very special.
Speaker 1: We definitely do themes. This last year's theme was Cursed Dolls.
Speaker 1: So I have an amazing friend, Autumn, who's a costume designer,
Speaker 1: and she collects all manner of creepy dolls and doll parts.
Speaker 1: When I was in Berlin, I happened to come across
Speaker 1: some spooky, old, vintage antique scary dolls, one of which
Speaker 1: we is haunted. I yeah, we did. We did the
Speaker 1: whole house. I had a gathering at one point in
Speaker 1: which I I had someone dress up as one of
Speaker 1: the dolls. But people didn't know it was someone in
Speaker 1: a costume, so they just thought it was another like
Speaker 1: a giant creepy doll, and then when they least expected it,
Speaker 1: it would jump up and come running at them. It
Speaker 1: was really fun.
Speaker 3: That's wonderful. And do you have any ideas? I mean,
Speaker 3: we're months away from Halloween.
Speaker 1: Oh it's going to be the nineteen fifties. I love
Speaker 1: a double feature, like a science fiction. So did you
Speaker 1: I didn't even I didn't even let you finish your question.
Speaker 1: It's November. First, my wife will come down and see
Speaker 1: me staring into the middle distance with this far away
Speaker 1: look in my eye, and she goes, damn it, you've
Speaker 1: already started. How did you? And I say, Babe, I
Speaker 1: started like I started even before Halloween of it all.
Speaker 1: But yes, I know next year, and I think I
Speaker 1: know the year after it.
Speaker 3: Wow, that is amazing. Right before we started, before you arrived,
Speaker 3: we were talking about trying to plan Halloween costumes in
Speaker 3: advance and how difficult that is. Okay, pushing it aside
Speaker 3: until the very last minute and then the panic.
Speaker 1: May June is a good time to start brainstorming. But
Speaker 1: it's never too late. Here's the thing, it's never ever
Speaker 1: too late. You can always be creative. And I think
Speaker 1: that it's something you shouldn't stress about. You should have
Speaker 1: fun with it. This year we wanted to do. We
Speaker 1: like to do theme costumes, sometimes group costumes. So I
Speaker 1: did you ever see the nineteen nineties version of Van
Speaker 1: Rice's Interview with the Vampire?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: And I should Okay, I feel like I would really
Speaker 3: enjoy it.
Speaker 1: It's a great film. Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Kirsten Dunst
Speaker 1: and Antonio Banderas in the film. At one point, because
Speaker 1: of bad things happening in the States where the story starts,
Speaker 1: Brad Pitt and Kirsten Dunt flee to Europe and they
Speaker 1: wind up in France because they're looking for help, and
Speaker 1: there's another coven of vampires there who run this brand
Speaker 1: theater company, and it's run by Antonio Benderis. He plays
Speaker 1: the leader of this covenant. Stephen Ray, who's an amazing actor,
Speaker 1: is kind of his Lithario henchman right hand looks a
Speaker 1: lot like the design of Long Cheney in London after midnight,
Speaker 1: if anyone's familiar with that, with the row of razor
Speaker 1: teeth in the top hat horrifying. And in this really
Speaker 1: horrifying scene, it's just so dark. The two vampires are
Speaker 1: sitting in an audience of humans watching this stage play,
Speaker 1: and the audience is uncomfortable, but no one believes it's
Speaker 1: actually real that the vampires are killing this woman on stage,
Speaker 1: which they are. This woman comes running out onto the
Speaker 1: stage in this beautiful white dress. She's blonde, she's beautiful,
Speaker 1: she looks like Bo Derek, and they the vampires rip
Speaker 1: the dress open, she's topless. They feast on her. So
Speaker 1: for our Halloween theme this year, I was the Stephen
Speaker 1: Ray character. I loved that. I did the top hat,
Speaker 1: the tuxedo, the whole vampire look. Kat who wrapped your
Speaker 1: presence today. She's a makeup truly like a makeup department
Speaker 1: head who works on big shows. She's an am amazing artist.
Speaker 1: She was Antonio Benderis. She did the full thing. It
Speaker 1: was incredible. Eve, my wife played the victim on stage.
Speaker 3: God sop.
Speaker 1: It was not for handing out the candy bowl at
Speaker 1: the trigger treaters. She put some pasties on that, you know,
Speaker 1: made it incredible. Yeah, and we and she looked at credible.
Speaker 1: And then our amazing friend Nikki Griffin showed up to
Speaker 1: our gathering and she was dressed in the Kirsten Dunst look.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: So we did a whole you know, photo shoot together.
Speaker 1: Was you amazing? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I love the idea of vampires running a theater and
Speaker 3: kind of the community theater drama of it all.
Speaker 1: I feel absolutely like I was supposed to be curly. No,
Speaker 1: I was supposed to be curly.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's incredible. I really admired that Imagine Empire is
Speaker 3: doing oklah or like music makes happen.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. What we do in the Shadows just
Speaker 1: steals Oh, I mean they are the best. They steal
Speaker 1: my heart. They have got my they are the best.
Speaker 1: It's so great. I need to see them participate in
Speaker 1: like a community.
Speaker 3: That should be the next season. You should be on that.
Speaker 3: You should be a special guest star.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to put this out to the universe.
Speaker 1: The next time I see you, I'm going to be like,
Speaker 1: thank you for saying that I should be a guest
Speaker 1: star on what we do in the Shadows. Because someone
Speaker 1: was listening to our podcast. They immediately you said, give
Speaker 1: me that creepy goth guy desk Mulchin who gives people
Speaker 1: depends as gifts to honor the spirit of his mother.
Speaker 3: Wow, this is I mean I have I mean the
Speaker 3: amount of usable gifts I've gotten here. I've had guests
Speaker 3: bring a lot of gifts before and it's essentially just
Speaker 3: they've dumped a trash can into a gift bag. Every
Speaker 3: item here is going to improve my life in a
Speaker 3: some way. I'm going to be.
Speaker 1: Grabbing deeply personal.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just making egg after egg and this little dish
Speaker 3: and scaring the neighborhood.
Speaker 1: Usable gifts. This is Note nineteen. Always come with a
Speaker 1: usable gift. And if you can't be a usable gift,
Speaker 1: I'd like to consider myself a usable gift. I wish
Speaker 1: I was more handy around the house, but yeah, you're a.
Speaker 3: Very practical item.
Speaker 1: I would say, yeah, well, I know how to do
Speaker 1: a couple of things. Well. I know how to memorize lines,
Speaker 1: show up and hit my marks, and how to write
Speaker 1: comic books.
Speaker 3: All useful skills. Thank you, and again you're really you're
Speaker 3: selling yourself short. You did contract my home. You did
Speaker 3: an excellent job. I have a few complaints. There is
Speaker 3: water pouring into one of the rooms.
Speaker 1: But this is the thing I that's not my problem.
Speaker 3: Until I see you a thirty day.
Speaker 1: You have a thirty day money back guarantee after thirty days.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. That's why we do all of our work
Speaker 1: in la in May June, because we know it's not
Speaker 1: going to until the following December or January or February.
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have found you on Yelp. This is my fault.
Speaker 1: But I have a five point rating on Yelp. Thank you,
Speaker 1: Aunt jo Anne.
Speaker 3: I think it's time to play a game.
Speaker 1: Let's play.
Speaker 3: Let's play Gift Master. We haven't played that in a while.
Speaker 3: I think you're gonna excel. I need a number between
Speaker 3: one and ten from you. Seven, Okay, I have to
Speaker 3: do some light calculating, light calculating. Meanwhile, you're gonna do
Speaker 3: whatever you want with gift you recommend promote.
Speaker 1: I am It's Dave des Mulch in time. I'm taking
Speaker 1: this moment to ask all of you kind listeners out
Speaker 1: there to go to your nearest comic shop. If you
Speaker 1: don't have a comic shop near you, get on the
Speaker 1: interwebs and look up Count Crowley coming out in comic
Speaker 1: shops on the middle of February. We're going to see
Speaker 1: Count Crowley Volume two, Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter. That is
Speaker 1: going to be in comic shops everywhere, and it'll be
Speaker 1: released in bookstores everywhere in March. So please find your
Speaker 1: way to your nearest comic shopper bookstore and purchase Count
Speaker 1: Crowley Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter. It's the graphic novel that
Speaker 1: is the compilation of all of the recent issues of
Speaker 1: my comic book.
Speaker 3: Thank you do it, absolutely do that.
Speaker 1: How did I do with that? Perfect?
Speaker 3: Really? So perfect. Can I get a grade? I would
Speaker 3: say that's a solid A. Some people kind of hedge
Speaker 3: or like and then you know that they have something,
Speaker 3: and then it's like, just say it.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding? You give me an opportunity to self promote,
Speaker 1: Just do it.
Speaker 3: The opportunities there.
Speaker 1: I've got my tap shoes, I've got my little portable spotlight.
Speaker 1: I carry a microphone. If you didn't have this microphone
Speaker 1: with me, I've got to plug in stores open. I'm
Speaker 1: at the grove every Saturday, out there shilling my latest.
Speaker 3: Picture on late night TV. Yes, you're doing it all.
Speaker 3: We're gonna play gift Master. I'm gonna name three things
Speaker 3: you can give away as gifts. Then i'm gonna name
Speaker 3: three celebrities. You're gonna tell me which celebrity you're going
Speaker 3: to give which gift.
Speaker 1: I love this game.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so let's get into it. These are the
Speaker 3: gifts you're giving away today. Number one, this is a
Speaker 3: listener suggestion, which is a kind of a rare new
Speaker 3: thing that listeners are contributing to gift Master. I support
Speaker 3: Eggy's Eggies. It's not eggies, but Eggie should be a gift.
Speaker 3: It's the key to the city, the key to the city.
Speaker 3: That's a could be a valuable gift.
Speaker 1: It's kind of a we're talking about Los Angeles. That's
Speaker 1: up to you, Okay, let's completely up to you. Marvelous.
Speaker 3: Number two military secrets, so that's that's highly confidential. We
Speaker 3: don't know what they'll do with it. And number three
Speaker 3: is a mysterious map, sterious map. Yeah, and again that's great.
Speaker 1: Good gifts are thoughtful, interesting, intensely insecure about hot hands
Speaker 1: gloves right now and depends, but that's okay, Okay.
Speaker 3: You'll be giving them two. Viola Davis incredible, Edie Falco incredible, Bono.
Speaker 1: Incredible, incredible, incredible.
Speaker 3: Three kind of legends in their own ways. So I'm
Speaker 3: curious what you're gonna do with all of this.
Speaker 1: Well, Viola Davis is one of my heroes, and personally, yeah,
Speaker 1: she is somebody I I've had the opportunity to work
Speaker 1: with a few times, because I first met her on
Speaker 1: the set of Prisoners, Villa new film, which I I'd
Speaker 1: never I mean, I'd been on one big film before that,
Speaker 1: the Dark Knight, that was a brief, you know, experience,
Speaker 1: and then when I was on Prisoners, all of a
Speaker 1: sudden I was. I was there, I was in Georgia,
Speaker 1: and it was all these movie stars, all of whom
Speaker 1: were very cool and wonderful. But I I say it
Speaker 1: was Viola Davis who was the first one that really
Speaker 1: like connected with me. And she and I were sitting
Speaker 1: in little chairs and just talking all night, and she
Speaker 1: was telling me some amazing stories, and I wish I could,
Speaker 1: off the top of my head remember where it was,
Speaker 1: what city she grew up And I believe she grew
Speaker 1: up in Rhode Island. I could be wrong about that,
Speaker 1: but I believe she grew up in Rhode Island. I'm
Speaker 1: going to go ahead and say the key to the
Speaker 1: city because I feel like the key of the city
Speaker 1: is something you give someone who's a hero, right and
Speaker 1: somebody she inspired people in many ways. I want to
Speaker 1: give Viola the key to the city of the town
Speaker 1: that she grew up in. If she hasn't already got it,
Speaker 1: she maybe she's been so you know what I'm going
Speaker 1: to say, Let's give her the key to Los Angeles.
Speaker 1: She was the key to this city because she really is.
Speaker 1: Every day, every every project she does, every time I
Speaker 1: see her speak, every way she uses her platform, I
Speaker 1: feel like she's just so inspiring.
Speaker 3: She truly does it all.
Speaker 1: I want young people to There's some people that are
Speaker 1: celebrities that are just wonderful at acting and they don't
Speaker 1: need to, you know, go beyond that. But she does.
Speaker 1: She really like props people up. I feel like she's
Speaker 1: brought a lot of amazing artists into our line of
Speaker 1: sight because she uses her platform to like promote great
Speaker 1: you know, creators. So yeah, so Viola gets the key
Speaker 1: to the city, and what.
Speaker 3: Do you have any idea what the key to the
Speaker 3: city does? Does anybody know?
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you have the key, it's it's a big
Speaker 1: gold key. It's like something you could get at party city.
Speaker 1: It's not real gold. They paint it though, to look
Speaker 1: like that. And if you want at any time, if
Speaker 1: you're one who possesses the key to the city, you
Speaker 1: go to town hall or a city hall, depending on
Speaker 1: what they like to call it. And you're a part
Speaker 1: of the country. You go to city hall. There's a
Speaker 1: room and this room is only for those who've been
Speaker 1: given the key. You go in the room, there's a
Speaker 1: secret knock. You take a key out, you put it
Speaker 1: in a lock, you open the lock inside of there
Speaker 1: there is. Basically, it's like one of those gifting suites
Speaker 1: at the Oscars. They've got hot hands, they've got Eggi's,
Speaker 1: they've got prevailed new Fit daily briefs. They've got basically
Speaker 1: anything you can dream of, and you just get it.
Speaker 1: You take it.
Speaker 3: I mean, what a power.
Speaker 1: And there's no there's no like, oh I've taken too
Speaker 1: much that I feel guilty. No, you take for it.
Speaker 1: You want four of those, they're yours.
Speaker 3: Take a lifetime supply of the Yeah, there's.
Speaker 1: An Oreo cookie dunkin kit that only the most elite
Speaker 1: are allowed. So there's what you get. I think the
Speaker 1: military secrets, which really are hard to come by anymore.
Speaker 1: Apparently I made a donation, got to go to a
Speaker 1: dinner at this really luxurious club in Florida. It was crazy,
Speaker 1: two for a dollar. I would say, did you say
Speaker 1: it was Edie falcon Falco. Yeah, Well, because she knew
Speaker 1: how to keep all the secrets on the soprano the sopranos.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, of course, she spent years learning as an actor.
Speaker 1: Because I believe she's one of those actors that doesn't
Speaker 1: just surface to it. I mean, she's another inspiration for me.
Speaker 1: Is genuinely saying this as an artist. As an actor,
Speaker 1: I've never seen that woman deliver a false note. Like
Speaker 1: she shows up and you know how much she puts
Speaker 1: into the work, and it's it's incredible. She's so great.
Speaker 1: So I think she probably spent a lot of time
Speaker 1: thinking about what it's like to be a mob boss's
Speaker 1: spouse and the secret keeping and all of that. So
Speaker 1: I feel like she's the person.
Speaker 3: That's used to it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and for Bono, gotta love Bono. Interesting sidebar, are
Speaker 1: we all on the same page here? It's like you two.
Speaker 1: Never has there been a band that goes so in
Speaker 1: and out and in and out like they do. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's been times in my life where I had every
Speaker 1: one of their CDs on the dashboard of my Chevy
Speaker 1: Celebrity driving around Kansas City. There's times when I would
Speaker 1: have hidden those CDs in a box in the farthest
Speaker 1: place under my bed, but yet they still come back.
Speaker 1: And he's a guy who's used his platform in all
Speaker 1: seriousness in a wonderful way. I would like to give
Speaker 1: him this special mystical, magical map because I know he's
Speaker 1: finally going to find his way to the place where
Speaker 1: my god, Come on, this is incredible.
Speaker 3: There the streets have no name, no name the streets.
Speaker 1: I have absolutely known that you can't find them.
Speaker 3: He's been looking, he's.
Speaker 1: Been looking a long time. Wait is that a YouTube
Speaker 1: song as well? I still a long time. So I'm
Speaker 1: found what I'm looking what I'm looking for? Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think they may be all one in the same Is
Speaker 1: that the same song? I don't know.
Speaker 3: We're really showing our you two ignorance. So this is shameful,
Speaker 3: but I mean how beautifully played. You really landed that
Speaker 3: plane in a gorgeous.
Speaker 1: Way, effortless. Really.
Speaker 3: This is the final segment of the podcast. We're in
Speaker 3: our thirty four and so we're gonna wrap.
Speaker 1: Somebody called the Guinness people.
Speaker 3: They're on their way there.
Speaker 1: They're speeding over here as we speak. They've got stop
Speaker 1: watches in hand.
Speaker 3: The driver is sweating in traffic. This is the final
Speaker 3: segment of the podcast. It's called I said no emails
Speaker 3: people write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: I mean, their circumstances are pathetic, they're desperate, they need help.
Speaker 3: I'm a charitable person. I assume you've got a little
Speaker 3: room in your heart to help, give, give and give it.
Speaker 1: Because I keep giving, and I give so much I
Speaker 1: have to just slap myself and say stop it.
Speaker 2: Stop.
Speaker 3: Well, let's answer a listener question.
Speaker 1: Let's do it this year for you, It.
Speaker 3: Says Highbridger and honorable guest. That's a nice thing to say.
Speaker 3: I could use some gift advice. A brief background, my
Speaker 3: friend of ten years and I are just patching. Ooh,
Speaker 3: are just patching up our friendship after a little misunderstanding
Speaker 3: and several months of not speaking. I really value her
Speaker 3: friendship and want a gift that says I'm sorry I've
Speaker 3: missed you, and also to celebrate her graduation. She's an
Speaker 3: excellent gift giver, and I often feel my gifts pale
Speaker 3: in comparison. It's just not my love language. And also
Speaker 3: we have quite a bit less money than she does.
Speaker 3: I often feel guilty for being on the receiving end
Speaker 3: of her generosity and not feeling like I reciprocate adequately help.
Speaker 3: She likes food, cooking, and animals, has a dog, cats,
Speaker 3: foster kittens, and a backyard of poultry. Love Hannah. Okay,
Speaker 3: so backyard of poultry, what are we talking? Do we
Speaker 3: call a live bird? Poultry.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I'm.
Speaker 3: Imagining chicken breasts everywhere.
Speaker 1: Everywhere, all the hey egg shortage Hannah's friend. This is
Speaker 1: why the podcast she was stealing her friend's eggs and
Speaker 1: not getting permission. They say there's a Hannah in.
Speaker 3: This. Woman is an egg thief. I mean, months of
Speaker 3: not speaking after a little misunderstanding.
Speaker 1: What do you think? I want to defer to you.
Speaker 1: You're the expert here. I want to hear your thoughts first.
Speaker 3: I mean, the situation is so unclear to me because
Speaker 3: we hear little misunderstanding, but then several months of not speaking,
Speaker 3: that feels like a big misunderstanding to misunderstanding.
Speaker 1: And she ran over her foot or something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we have to assume her friend was in
Speaker 3: the hospital, hospitalized for months, very possibly coma. Toast maybe
Speaker 3: that's why she just woke up. She can bear and
Speaker 3: I remember.
Speaker 1: Away from my egg heist, I accidentally ran over her
Speaker 1: foot sending her into a coma means she woke up
Speaker 1: and she does cute d amnesia.
Speaker 3: So I feel like Hannah's got a take advantage of
Speaker 3: this situation. For all we know, the friend doesn't remember
Speaker 3: what happened. She's ready a good friend would never wouldn't
Speaker 3: they a good friend behind them? Put it behind them
Speaker 3: and be ready to mend the fence. So Hannah shows
Speaker 3: up to the hospital, huge gift basket. We know the
Speaker 3: friend likes cooking and animals, so maybe there's a mix
Speaker 3: of like her favorite snacks or favorite treats, and then
Speaker 3: some sort of live animal, live animal. What sort of
Speaker 3: animal fits in a bask.
Speaker 1: Like like, like, I mean, are we talking about like
Speaker 1: a chinchilla? You can get a chinchilla these days at Petco?
Speaker 1: And I know you're the height on the funds, Hannah,
Speaker 1: but I swear I saw sale the other day. They
Speaker 1: had some chinchillas that seemed like they were on their
Speaker 1: way out. It was like buy one, get one free
Speaker 1: maybe or fifty percent off at Chinchilla. Chinchillas are cuddly.
Speaker 1: That's a good gift.
Speaker 3: When a pet goes on sale, that's pretty heartbreaking. That
Speaker 3: feels bad. But you've got to take advantage of savings.
Speaker 3: When you see that, you do.
Speaker 1: It's a tough time. We're heading into this recession. You
Speaker 1: need to save as you can get. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I mean giving someone a gift that's a pet, that's
Speaker 1: a big if you know her, well, Hannah, honestly, I
Speaker 1: mean the fact that your friend loves food. The friend
Speaker 1: friend loves does she love cooking?
Speaker 3: With cooking and food, well, they go hand in hand.
Speaker 1: I suppose I'm not gonna I don't think I'm gonna
Speaker 1: surprise anybody here when I say the eggy is truly
Speaker 1: one of the best things to give somebody who cares
Speaker 1: about cooking. If you want a hard boiled egg without
Speaker 1: the shell, which who doesn't your friend the fact that
Speaker 1: she's into poultry, she's got a backyard full of foul
Speaker 1: or you know, ron vuel mood. But now her coming
Speaker 1: out of it, you're going to brighten her spirits, fluff
Speaker 1: her feathers.
Speaker 3: And you know, every serious chef knows you've got to
Speaker 3: have an eggy in the cupboard.
Speaker 1: Eggs eggies for days. But I'm happy that you guys
Speaker 1: are you know, are talking again. I've had that happen.
Speaker 1: I've had friendships that that that were kind of on
Speaker 1: the ropes for a bit.
Speaker 3: Well, you're a you have a lot, you get into
Speaker 3: a lot of fights. You're you're a pretty contentious person. No.
Speaker 1: Twelve. Remember always win fights with friends. And if you
Speaker 1: don't make sure to get to the trades first to
Speaker 1: let them know you did.
Speaker 3: I mean the notes on this episode you have, you've impartial.
Speaker 1: Started my own podcast.
Speaker 3: I know you should be some sort of life code.
Speaker 1: I sureant to do a podcast. It's called Please Bring Gifts.
Speaker 3: And the person shows up every time empty hand, and
Speaker 3: so you desperately give advice to fill the air speak
Speaker 3: ill of them.
Speaker 1: On the public airwaves. No, I wish you luck, Hannah.
Speaker 1: I hope your friend uh I I hope you get
Speaker 1: you know, cookwar is always nice.
Speaker 3: Cook war is good. I love a good pan, a
Speaker 3: nice pot. What a you know? A meat thermometer?
Speaker 1: You're a meat thermometer is one of the very important
Speaker 1: and they're always kind of you know, they're always coming
Speaker 1: up with new bells and whistles on a meat thermometer.
Speaker 1: I think that you know the time with you is important,
Speaker 1: and if you are up for it and you want
Speaker 1: to actually put in the efforts, since you're low on funds,
Speaker 1: and show her how much you care about this friendship,
Speaker 1: maybe do the research and practice a couple of times
Speaker 1: and put together a meal from a recipe that you
Speaker 1: could prepare and have her over and make your dining
Speaker 1: room look like a little restaurant. Put the candles out,
Speaker 1: you do the whole thing. And and that says to her,
Speaker 1: you know, I love you and I miss you, and
Speaker 1: I'm glad we're friends again.
Speaker 3: Lovely, and also you're setting her up for another fight,
Speaker 3: as the friend kind of snobbily says, well, you tried
Speaker 3: your best. You tried your best, and then we're back
Speaker 3: into the cycle. The Han and her friend are probably
Speaker 3: been in for decades.
Speaker 1: And the friend says, did the recipe call for that much?
Speaker 3: Cuman, We answered that question so perfectly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, these eggs, these hard boiled eggs, have shells, and.
Speaker 3: We're just eating them straight out of you'd.
Speaker 1: Only zipped over to the good will, Hannah, you could
Speaker 1: have saved this friendship forever.
Speaker 3: I'm glad we're getting Hannah back into the toxic cycle
Speaker 3: with her friend. That's obviously what it's built on. And
Speaker 3: she can't complain. She's got to be happy, she wrote
Speaker 3: into the podcast, no complaints. David. I am so happy
Speaker 3: you could have come here. You could come here today.
Speaker 1: I could have come here and.
Speaker 3: We set up the opportunity and you you went for it.
Speaker 1: He could have He should have and guess what he did.
Speaker 3: I'm so happy. I've had such a great time with you.
Speaker 1: You're amazing, h fantastic.
Speaker 3: I've got gifts for days. I'm going to be enjoying
Speaker 3: these my life. It's a new chapter for me. It
Speaker 3: is finally I'm turning a corner.
Speaker 1: New leaves, new chapters.
Speaker 3: The leak will be gone eventually.
Speaker 1: No yelp, no yelp, No Leak's twenty twenty three.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for being thank you.
Speaker 1: Honestly, it's been a blast. I really appreciate it.
Speaker 3: Uh, listener, You've spent a good two days with us
Speaker 3: at this point, and we appreciate you hanging in there.
Speaker 3: You haven't eaten, you're dehydrated.
Speaker 1: I hope you're wearing your prevail.
Speaker 3: Yes, certainly. I hope you've strapped into that an hour one.
Speaker 3: Otherwise you're a mess. You're a disgusting mess at this point,
Speaker 3: and that doesn't feel good. We're at the end of
Speaker 3: the podcast, so you've got to move on. You've got
Speaker 3: to pull yourself back together. I love you, goodbye, I said.
Speaker 3: No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by
Speaker 3: our dear friend Analise Neilson and It's beautifully mixed by
Speaker 3: Leana Squilatchi, and we couldn't do it without our guest booker,
Speaker 3: Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course, could only come
Speaker 3: from a miracle worker, Amy Man. You must follow the
Speaker 3: show on Instagram. At I said no gifts, I don't
Speaker 3: want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to
Speaker 3: see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And
Speaker 3: don't you want to see pictures of the gifts my
Speaker 3: lie invite?
Speaker 2: Did you hear thought? I made myself perfectly clear, But
Speaker 2: you're a guess to me. You gotta come to me
Speaker 2: empty And I said, no guests, you're O presences presence
Speaker 2: enough and I already had too much stuff, So how do.
Speaker 3: You dare to survey me
Speaker 2: O