00:00:08
Speaker 1: And I invited you.

00:00:10
Speaker 2: Here THOUGHTA mad myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guess your presence is presents enough. I already too much stuff. So how do you dare to survey me?

00:00:48
Speaker 3: Well, if you think I'm just going to let you listen to the podcast, think again. I have to remind you of the upcoming live show. It's in June June twenty sixth, seven thirty pm Dynasty Typewriter right here in Los Angeles. Or you can get the live stream. You can buy tickets or the live stream at Dynastytypewriter dot com. And you know, the live stream is great. Let's say you can't make it to Los Angeles, you don't live here, you're on the no fly list, or you know, you have a funeral that Wednesday night. You can watch it live over the internet as it unfolds, or for seven days after. I believe that's how it works. So that's a great deal. I mean, what a bargain. It's going to be an enchanting evening. You're going to have an early dinner. Maybe you go to Cassell's Hamburgers. You know, have a Pattymount. They're so delicious. There, you park, you go into the beautiful Dynasty Typewriter theater. You watch this beautiful show kind of unfold. Maybe it awakens something in you, Maybe it sets something off, nothing violent or scary, maybe sexual. The show is very sexy. Maybe it sets something off in that category. Who knows, but it does open something in you, and you know, suddenly your life path might be clear. Maybe it's not too late to go to medical school. Maybe I should forgive dad, you know, one of these things. That's that's the sort of thing you can expect to happen only in a live environment. So you've got to get a ticket at Dynasty typewriter dot com or in the live stream. That's an option. We're giving you every possible option. There are no excuses not to watch this thing. I expect you there. Wow, this is essentially two episodes of this podcast. You're getting you're getting this just rambling me talking, listening to me, just talk, and then you're going to get the rerun. It is a rerun, but it's a good one. So I mean, what a deal this episode is for you? And I'm going to kind of ease you into the episode. Now, I don't want to just throw you in Dynasty typewriter dot Com. Okay, welcome to. I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Wineger where, of course, in the backyard, I'm you know, I've said I was not going to take the backyard for granted, probably a few months ago, and then immediately started taking it for granted. And then, you know, so we're trying to return to a place of being happy in the backyard. I love it. I love being here, and I hope by the time this podcast reaches you, egg prices have stabilized. I feel like that's a big issue for all of us right now. It's got to repair itself. The birds have got a whatever is happening with them. Maybe they're healthy now or what have you. Let's try not to think about the super volcano and Wyoming for the next hour or so, and let's get into the podcast. I think today's guest is so terrific. I'm so excited to have him here. It's David Desmalchin. Hi, David, welcome to. I said no gifts.

00:03:46
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. Rachel.

00:03:47
Speaker 3: I'm happy to have you here.

00:03:49
Speaker 1: I love this And by the way, you doesn't look like you've taken this space for granted at all. It's gorgeous, it's lovely. I could just sit here for hours.

00:03:57
Speaker 3: Well, let's make this our like first five hour episode.

00:04:00
Speaker 1: It's gonna be. We're gonna say. I like to be the biggest in everything I do. So when I have the biggest gifts, the biggest podcast, the longest interview you've ever given, I don't care if you're in pain and misery by the end of this, I'm going to sit here as long as I feel like because it's beautiful. There's like children playing, there's birds chirping. You've really created quite a space back here.

00:04:19
Speaker 3: Well, I appreciate that I can take almost no credit for it, but I'm trying to maintain.

00:04:24
Speaker 1: This is Hollywood. Bridger, take the credit, Cake the credit. It's a good fact. Since Bridge's not taking the credit. Everyone who's listening, I'd like you to know that I've actually been the one responsible for creating this incredible space.

00:04:36
Speaker 3: We'd like to thank David, my contractor, for finally coming on the podcast. He's done a beautiful job with the home.

00:04:41
Speaker 1: He acts, he writes, he contracts. I wish I could contract My wife would think that's so hot. She loves it at what I do, But I do. I think if I could fix one thing in my home, if she would just be like, the clothes would be ripped off me. In a second. I come in so excited about the new comic book that I've written. You know, I get a very very loving and supportive pat on the back. But if I could one time fix a leaky uh. We have a leaky uh skylight that has been leaking forever. It's like your garage, is it better? Did you fix it?

00:05:14
Speaker 3: David? The situation with the water is I mean, I'm hearing this, hearing a leak in your home. It is setting off so many trauma along.

00:05:23
Speaker 1: Trigger alert, trigger alert.

00:05:25
Speaker 3: It's too much for me. I mean, I'm it's also comforting to know that another person has the misery of water coming in.

00:05:33
Speaker 1: The misery the misery. Luckily we're Angelino's, so it's a short pick of time in which then we quickly relegate it back to the backs of our minds so we don't think about it anymore. And then the next year, two years later, it comes from and go oh, I was supposed to fix that, and now I'm finally doing it, and you know how I'm doing it. How I'm going to give you the trick? Are you ready I need? Because I think you need the same trick as I have called delegation. You pay someone else?

00:05:57
Speaker 3: Who are you? But how do you decide on who to delicate?

00:06:00
Speaker 1: I'm a rule of threes guy, Okay, I believe in a rule of threes. I get three quotes and I always go with the cheapest one. Wow, And so is it necessarily the best candidate for the job?

00:06:10
Speaker 2: Is it?

00:06:10
Speaker 1: The guy who showed up with the ladder that looked like it was duct taped together and his pregnant wife. This isn't a made up story. His pregnant wife who he was making climb the ladder up to my roof to take a look around, that's a true story. But their price quote was about one third of everyone else. So I thought, well, I do have homeowners insurance and umbrella insurance for liability. God, she doesn't look safe up there, But I'm saving so much money.

00:06:35
Speaker 3: Why does he have his pregnant wife doing the ladder work?

00:06:38
Speaker 1: You tell me, you tell me, He looked awfully busy on his phone. I was like, this is this is not my place. It's not my place. I stick to my lane. I'm upstairs writing comic books.

00:06:47
Speaker 3: Well, he's very active on social media, I'm sure, and trying to get those likes and so well. But that's a great trick. I mean, I have had quite a few people come through. I've kept no information they've provided, so I don't know what the quotes are. Are you getting a yelp to find them? Where are you finding these people?

00:07:03
Speaker 1: The second bit of advice I'm gonna give you today, and this is the second of seventeen pieces of advice. I want you to take good notes everyone who's not watching. He's got a giant feather quill pen and a large yellow roll of paper. It's like a scroll of David dust Mulchin's notes for Bridger. Number two is I'm gonna keep going back to this theme. Delegation, delegation, delegation. I have a wonderful assistant, my incredible assistant, Jennifer. Who I say jen here? I am full grown adult homeowner a leaky skylight for this isn't an exaggeration. Everyone, don't spill your coffees out there. Six years but I forget about it until the next race.

00:07:43
Speaker 3: It's really the rain goes away and you forget.

00:07:45
Speaker 1: And guess what, each time it gets worse. And so now we have a miniature pool which my children love, on the second floor of the house. Jennifer, you know I could use the Google. Sure, I'm sure I could. But I'm busy, Bridger, I am. I have coffee and comic book writing moding around the house. I'm getting I'm testing out inner tubes. There's so many cool new inner tubes. You'd be amazing tubes for what for floating in my pool?

00:08:12
Speaker 3: Oh? Horse, of course.

00:08:14
Speaker 1: And I do have a pool in the backyard. But who needs a pool in the backyard when I can have one steps away from my bedroom? So delegation, that's the.

00:08:21
Speaker 3: Goal of the delegation. Yeah, that's a I mean, I've got my boyfriend. Maybe it's time to shove some of this off on him.

00:08:28
Speaker 1: Yes, And I'm sure yelp, I'll ask Jennifer, I tell you what VI is it? YELP? I don't know. I really can't think about it.

00:08:35
Speaker 3: It's hard for I'm getting on yelp and I'm hard. Do we believe in yelp anymore?

00:08:38
Speaker 1: Do we know? Because we know that if like if I was selling hot dogs and I created a Yelp account and I had the resources to delegate let's say, ten of my employees to create fake Yelp user accounts and go on and say, because you can tell, Oh, it's so easy to tell performers. Yes, I can smell performance a mile away. I hope everyone listening cant. This is like John Waters smell a vision. I want you to lean close to your laptop or whatever listening device you're using. Can you smell the performance I'm giving today? Trust me, it's not as powerful or difference as the ones you see on Yelp. Sometimes it's desperate and you get this was the.

00:09:20
Speaker 3: Best hot dog.

00:09:22
Speaker 1: This is not my aunt's hot dog stand. I would never create a fake Yelp account to tell you how incredible the condiments. I can't stop thinking about them. We went on our anniversary to get a massage at next to this hot dog place. Sometimes the stories are so conclude, so you get what I'm saying.

00:09:41
Speaker 3: Of course, Yeah, I think there was a period when he help. Maybe it must have been twenty ten. It's been years since you could get on there and be like I trust this and screened for the Truth? Did they screen for the truth? Oh?

00:09:52
Speaker 1: I think it was like screen forty And then who was it? Elon musk to No, was it was it Mark Zuckerberg? No, I'm just kidding. Someone took it over and realized why would we want to do that when we can monetize this thing so powerfully? Because we all know as performers. This is rule number three of David Desmalchin's notes to bridge. Your illusion is so much more fun than reality.

00:10:13
Speaker 3: Sometimes I love just a we love a little bit of magic, a little bit of smoke and mirrors, even if it's with a yell review of Chipotle. Oh god, you know, it's so much fun.

00:10:23
Speaker 1: For my anniversary, we went to Chipole, this guacamole romance.

00:10:30
Speaker 3: We finally rekindled that spark.

00:10:32
Speaker 1: I felt like the server knew me.

00:10:35
Speaker 3: Uh so you I mean, this leak and we'll get away from water. But I do want to just like when the rain began, was it like, let's brace ourselves, let's get a pail out.

00:10:44
Speaker 1: And no, no, bridger, come on you, you have to understand this has been for years and years, so it's not until and that only is making that because there's now a puddle that it seemed, and I was organizing old scripts from the attic that I had had in the giant tupperware boxes. I was trying to make space and clear things out so that I could delgat the responsibility to my assistant to pick up these heavy boxes and take to a storage unit that I don't know where it is, because why should I. She's the one who found it, and I think she found it through yelp. But the boxes were underneath where the water was coming. So what did I do? I just took some of the good don't take the good towels, David, My poor wife, she got the good towe We just had our bathroom redone. And why would you put the good towels? And what are the towels going to do when you keep throwing a towel into a pool.

00:11:33
Speaker 3: Good luck every towel in my house, the good towels, the bad towels. We used to dry the dog. It was every towel it exists. And now when I'm drawing myself off, I'm thinking this was used to mop up floodwater. What is happening in my life?

00:11:47
Speaker 1: And here this is the Hollywood way of solving this problem. As well. Besides delegation. I'll tell you a quick sidebar. I was having a really tricky time. Gosh, was this almost two years ago? Yes, my gosh, it was the August of two thousand and twenty one, so a year and a half ago. I separated from my family on it job, going through some really difficult times, a lot of stress, both personally professionally. One of the exercises that I work through in therapy is, you know, using the power of our mind to go to places that help us to regulate, get our breath, back to a place of calm, trying to get ourselves, you know, back to our present state of being. And this magic that I found. I was in the lovely little island of Malta working on a film, and I was so stressed and my physically exhausted. We were working these crazy hours in crazy schedule, and when I would ever get a little break, I bought myself a cheap little scuba mask from the not school, you know, a snorkeling thing from the little shotski shop on the way, and I would go float in the water and watch the little fishes and just get zen and present and breathe through the know of course snorkeling too, because you don't want to breathe underwater. And that's now my place I go to when I feel like I'm getting bumped out of my uh presence space. So the great thing was I walk in. There's the water trickling through the thing. There's the pool in the floor, the new floors which we just had redone by the way, beautiful floors, and I just, you know, I laid down in that pool and I floated and I didn't think about a thing. And my poor wife walked in and discovered me there and thought, he can't even.

00:13:35
Speaker 3: And how many snorkeling masks did you end up buying?

00:13:38
Speaker 1: I bought three because I thought that the first one was the right size. It was it didn't save the receipt. This was like a chosk.

00:13:46
Speaker 3: This was like a save the receipt in Malta.

00:13:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, this wasn't a hey can you look at my chase app? Because I bought that the you know, it was like okay, and it was what ten dogs? So I got another one. And I was laying by the side of the water one day, terrible mood, trying to get zent and really angry at the world, and I was just trying to do all I could to get to a good space. So laying there, and then I got fascinated by how much litter there was on this beautiful beach. So I went to clean all the litter, and I accidentally put that mask in with the litter, which I then tossed out. Third mask is now at my home in Sherman Oaks. Okay, and it's a good one.

00:14:21
Speaker 3: Okay, hold on to that.

00:14:22
Speaker 1: Yeah?

00:14:23
Speaker 3: Will I mean, were you able to enjoy Malta at all? I'm so curious about maybe because of the Maltese falcon. There's some sense of mystery there, Bridger.

00:14:31
Speaker 1: They're flying over us right now because they knew I was about to talk about this, and TMZ has been dying to know my thoughts on Malta. They want the scoop tip four. Whenever you've got a big tip and you go on a podcast, you save it till you know. TMZ is hovering overhead.

00:14:47
Speaker 3: This is essentially the Madonna Sean Penn wedding all over so many helicopters circles.

00:14:53
Speaker 1: This is justin Bieber's junk at the hotel room window. I have basically never I didn't know anything about Malta. I'm a big fan of film noir and I love classic cinema, and so the Maltese falcon as you mentioned, is my only familiarity. I honestly, I thought it was maybe somewhere near Morocco in the Mediterranean. Didn't really know, and this is near cosa Blank, I'm not sure. So when I got the opportunity to go, we'd been filming in Berlin and then we went to Malta because it was a film that's set aboard a giant sailing vessel in the eighteen hundreds, and they have these big, beautiful pools that have been built for movies to put boats and their infinity pools, so the way that you shoot them, it looks like you're at sea, even though you're really in a safe, controlled environment where they can cause storms and it's very neat. I love movie magic, so I did have a little bit of downtime. It was one of these things, you know, the COVID stories that will tell the tales for the rest of our lives. But it was one of these where it's like in the height of COVID, so they reserve this entire hotel for just us. Wow, which was one And I did have my wife and kids with me at first, so they were having a blast because the whole staff was meant to bubble with us, so they weren't leaving and coming. Everyone was living there with this U. We're eating all of our meals together and going right to set and coming back. There's a big, beautiful pool, a big indoor heated pool. It was our place, right and it was nice. It was very nice. Apparently wasn't nice enough for some of the members of the production company who then moved into the very crowded public No, yes, tourist jammed luxury hotel right across the water. And I'll never forget standing there and like looking at me, so all this is for this nothing. And by the way, when I was laying on that beach, just you know, getting myself present. This is one of the many little nudges that I received from that experience that put me in such a wonderful mood that I had to go float with the fishes because I thought, I thought we were all supposed to be living in this bubble together. But I don't know, maybe someone's wife didn't think it was nice enough, or things so then all of a sudden, God, yeah, but hey, Bridger, this is note five.

00:17:03
Speaker 3: This is Hollywood, this is Hollywood based.

00:17:05
Speaker 1: It's Hollywood, baby, So all all bets are off, All bets are COVID rules laws. They'll put the fear of God in you about one thing. Then you find out they're on their private jets, go into Austin texts for a concert. It means nothing. But this is Hollywood, baby.

00:17:21
Speaker 3: If someone's even mildly uncomfortable, it doesn't meet their standards suddenly.

00:17:26
Speaker 1: By yeah, which is why I want to be the boss. You know, I love being the employee, but it would be nice to be the boss once in a while.

00:17:33
Speaker 3: I mean, David, it's really interesting that you bring this up. This is, you know, kind of rule breaking behavior. Nothing applies to me. I'm in Hollywood. I'll do whatever the hell I want because this podcast is called I said no gifts. Oh, I was really looking forward to having you here today. I was really thinking we would have a good time. Thought David's such an interesting person. We're gonna have fun, We're gonna chat.

00:17:59
Speaker 1: I'm nervous.

00:18:00
Speaker 3: Well, we'll bond over our mutual leaking homes and then maybe move on. So I was a little I don't want to say upset. I was a little shaken when you pull up to my house and get out of your car and you're holding a i'll say it, a massive bag.

00:18:21
Speaker 1: May I ask you? Is it the biggest bag?

00:18:24
Speaker 2: Thing?

00:18:25
Speaker 3: Is the biggest bag we've ever gotten? The next guest is gonna have to buy me a car to be.

00:18:30
Speaker 1: So triumphant today. Everybody listening, I want you to know I haven't smiled like this since I saw the Muppet Movie in kindergarten. I am grinning so broadly right now. All of my teeth, which I just got cleaned, are really shining in the sun of this beautiful backyard oasis.

00:18:45
Speaker 3: We may have to circle back to the Muppet movie and dental work. I love both of those topics. But right now I'm not letting you distract me. I'm keeping my eye on the ball. It's a PJ Masks gift bag. This is clearly a gift for me.

00:18:59
Speaker 1: There's no question none whatsoever. I know you well, you know me extremely J Masks. It is part of the zeitgeist at the moment, and I like to tap into things like that. It's like there's pickleball, PJ masks, and I don't know a few other things that I feel like all the hip kids are into these days, Am I right?

00:19:14
Speaker 3: PJ masks, everybody's doing runch.

00:19:16
Speaker 1: Avocado toast and PJ masks.

00:19:19
Speaker 3: Well, I mean the truth is out. Should I open it here on the podcast?

00:19:23
Speaker 1: I would be very happy if you did. It's gonna be a bit of a thing I want. Can I tell a quick tale?

00:19:28
Speaker 3: Of course?

00:19:28
Speaker 1: So I'm a bit of a mama's boy. I was raised at Kansas. My mother always taught me that if you're going to the first time at someone's home, perhaps first time for a business meeting, maybe any party, you never ever ever come empty handed. And as a host of many, many, many gatherings, I'm a social butterfly, Okay. I mean our house is like it is party central. We have a pool on the second floor in case anybody listening wants to know if they should come to a party at my house. We have kids' birthday parties. I don't just do the bouncy house. I bring in the wild animal guy. I don't. We have grown up parties. I don't just bring in you know, good DJ. We get live music. I mean, I go all out. But here's the thing. I always say, hey, no, get well here. I used to always say no gifts, and then people listened sometimes and I just felt like, I'm going to disobey your order, sure, because I care, and I care more about honoring the spirit of my mother than following your my feelings then your feelings and your rules, and if boundaries must be broken, they're damn well going to be broken. Well. So, just to give you a little hint, I thought, because we're just getting to know each other, we're just forging the foundations of this leak bonded friendship, I wanted to give you a gift that kind of reflected a bit of myself. And I went to one of my favorite little nooks around the Los Angeles area that really tends to represent what I what I'm looking for and things that I care about, and kind of struck out and so I thought, well, I'm just gonna put myself on a budget jay as we called it when I was a kid. Did anybody else do this Jacques Pine? No, Yeah, we called it Jackpine because we would always have stuff on layaway layway. I mean, it's June, maybe July I'm thinking about Christmas. My poor parents. What a budget. I don't know how they did it. I really don't lay Away Way.

00:21:29
Speaker 3: Layoway is an incredible thing that I feel like it's kind of vanished.

00:21:32
Speaker 1: Can I talk about the haircuts I used to get it? Jockpine, you got haircuts. They had a little bar who got a woman and a guy in the jaz Penny right near the Layaway Death. You'd go in, they'd put I mean it was straight up bowl cut. I don't know why my mom could have saved the three dollars and fifty cents. Terrible haircuts, but you could get your haircutage.

00:21:51
Speaker 3: I'm remembering. I'm having a sense memory of the like shampoo conditioner smell when we would go to the catalog counter. The salon was right there. God, it was like a lot of time.

00:22:00
Speaker 1: What a time?

00:22:00
Speaker 3: What a time?

00:22:02
Speaker 1: So anyway, so I'm gonna admit this publicly to the world. I'm I could be a cheap skate.

00:22:09
Speaker 3: Oh sure. So I was making my lin.

00:22:11
Speaker 1: I made a little pack to myself. I thought, well, I love this show. I think it'll be fun. I can talk about it to Bridger. I'm gonna say I'm gonna walk into this lovely Goodwill and I'm gonna buy the first thing I see, and that's the gift. Well, I should know myself too well by now, because I walked in. I did buy the first thing that I saw, but it was so odd and it just is so unique, and so I don't know that. I thought, well, I don't want to just show up with that. So let's see what's the second thing I see? Oh, that was a good one. Oh, let's see what the third thing is that I see? That was good? And then it just got out of control. I have a problem. I don't know when to stop. So I'd love it if you want to do this. I want it together. My dear friend Cat Bardoux, amazing makeup artists. She sculps eyebrows. She came over last night and wrapped a couple.

00:22:59
Speaker 3: Of gifts for me. Some packed you emptied the Goodwill.

00:23:03
Speaker 1: I did you mind? Is that? Okay? Can we just make a day of this? Can I say? I said, it's going to be a five hour podcast. Everybody listening. I want you to stretch. I want you to get a big glass of water. Exercises traded.

00:23:30
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm pulling out another a wrapped gift, which is is this shining themed wrapping paper?

00:23:34
Speaker 1: It is? I love that film so much. It's an important film in my life. I'm sure, such a beautiful so many of ours. So yes, that is uh, that is like the carpeting right of the hotel.

00:23:44
Speaker 3: David is doing a beautiful job of opening.

00:23:47
Speaker 1: I am really jo wrapping cats. I'm not a good rapper.

00:23:50
Speaker 3: I'm horrible. I'm devastating.

00:23:53
Speaker 1: So this is one of the Goodwill discoveries that I'm very proud of because I want one, and I think it's important to give people what you want so they know you better.

00:24:05
Speaker 3: This looks like an item that may be unused.

00:24:07
Speaker 1: These are I would not give you used. Especially when you see one of the items, you'd be very disappointed. I'm not going to give you clothes from the good Will. Even though I've bought many clothing item for the good Will. I didn't have time to go get it washed, get it all done.

00:24:21
Speaker 3: Okay, what isn't it? Okay, So it's called so easy egg eas it never Oh, this is something that I truly want. Yeah, it's you know, a hard boiled egg. It somehow peels the egg for you.

00:24:36
Speaker 1: You hard boil the egg without the shell, bridger without the shell. Wait, you the crisis right now, and I know it's something that's really keeping us all up. And my dear, I'm not joking. My friend Eleana called me this point and said, I had a terrible nightmare last night. There's no eggs left in the world. And I'm not Joe. I mean, this is a real problem. We know that there's you know, egg farmers out there struggling and people want their eggs. But like I saw this and I thought, I'm still I don't care. I know eggs are coming back, they have to return, they come back. Yeah, what is the world without?

00:25:06
Speaker 3: You?

00:25:06
Speaker 1: Now have an Eggy's So how does this work?

00:25:10
Speaker 3: I truly cracked the egg and then dump it into ask.

00:25:12
Speaker 1: My assistant to look into it from I haven't gotten the full download on it yet. There's a PDF coming. Don't worry. I didn't have time to actually look into how you do this? I just buy the thing, Okay.

00:25:20
Speaker 3: I mean this is a if there's ever been an as scene on TV, it's the Eggies. Sounds like a sucker.

00:25:27
Speaker 1: You stick that little it looks like the TV guide logo on any box where's my credit card? Is this a business expense? How do I get my hands on it? It's an eggie. It's a hard world egg without the shell. It's exciting. Okay, let's keep moving.

00:25:42
Speaker 3: You can go ahead and dive in here.

00:25:44
Speaker 1: So so again, remember this was the first item I saw, and I made a commitment to myself. I said, whatever I see first, I'm buying for Bridger. And I looked at it, and I said, David, don't you don't you tiptoe away from that, don't pretend, don't avert your gaze.

00:25:57
Speaker 3: I mean, I got that. The what I'm squeezing here? If this is what I think it is, my god, is this adult typers?

00:26:07
Speaker 1: This is I don't know. I did, I don't. All I know is there. They're they're padded briefs and uh, it's quick.

00:26:13
Speaker 3: What's a sixteen count brand new? These have uh these are it's a sealed box. So I'll be able to use these starting today. Uh. And I will said I.

00:26:23
Speaker 1: Was going to give you a used gift from a good will. That is not goodwill. That's the opposite of goodwill. Bridger, to bring you the package have used PREVT prevailed brief I'm.

00:26:35
Speaker 3: Going to say Goodwill has marked these as tools off.

00:26:40
Speaker 1: I'm so embarrassed. Everyone listening just no on a pack.

00:26:49
Speaker 3: You should be ashamed. Mom's disgusted.

00:26:52
Speaker 1: I really disappointed you. Okay, let's keep going.

00:26:55
Speaker 3: We got to set this aside for when you know when the time will come and I'm gonna need to use the paper.

00:27:00
Speaker 1: What do I see?

00:27:01
Speaker 3: There see another as scene on TV. Let's get into it.

00:27:05
Speaker 1: This is really special.

00:27:06
Speaker 3: I'm going to have a full Thanksgiving me get ready. I've got the Potato Express microwave potato cooker, which I feel like is the most unnecessary. Can't you just throw a potato in a microwave?

00:27:17
Speaker 1: It's never as good? Bridger, how do you do? Made me ask, how do you do you do baked potatoes?

00:27:23
Speaker 3: I don't do a baked potatoes, but I've never done one in a microwave.

00:27:25
Speaker 1: If we know that, what a flex, Ladies and gentlemen. I have to move my seat back because first of all, I meant to ask, do you do deviled eggs?

00:27:34
Speaker 3: I don't I do a hard boiled egg.

00:27:36
Speaker 1: Har Okay, you've been to say a summertime barbecue with.

00:27:40
Speaker 3: With a devil. I'll show up with just a huge, loose bag of hard boiled eggs, just wet as possible.

00:27:47
Speaker 1: I love good the jar of pickled hard boiled eggs. Can we just have you had one before? I haven't dared, but I know I'm going to do it at some point in my life.

00:27:54
Speaker 3: It feels like it's that's a mountain everyone should climb, everyone needs. I haven't done it before.

00:27:59
Speaker 1: Try anything one.

00:28:00
Speaker 3: There must be something to it. They're all over the nation.

00:28:03
Speaker 1: Well they're internationally. It's a big deal.

00:28:05
Speaker 3: I believe that I was.

00:28:05
Speaker 1: I mean, any pub establishment should go into it. Seems like in the world there's one language that everyone speaks, and it's the language of the pickled egg jar.

00:28:14
Speaker 3: I feel like other countries in general are just way more comfortable with pickling than the United States.

00:28:19
Speaker 1: Some some more comfortable with pickling than smiling or I don't know, it depends where you are in the world. Some people are more you know, kind. But I always find the pickled egg jar, and I always wonder and they never just seems like no one's touched it in a long time. But I think they last forever. They must, just like the potato Express for anyone listening who's curious. It's a timeless gift. It's something that really says I love you. If you're thinking about the I know we've got Valentines approaching. The Potato Express is we we do bake potatoes. We love a baked potato bar, but we normally would rub it in olive oil, put some kosher salt on it. If you wrap it in a luminofoil, put it in the oven and there goes in an hour of wait time with the Potato Express ladies and gentlemen, as seen on television, you can watch your favorite show and in just four minutes you're gonna have a fresh, hot, baked potato. It's gonna taste like it came right out of the oven.

00:29:12
Speaker 3: Full disclosure, David is a huge investor in Potato Express.

00:29:16
Speaker 1: I do get kickbacks. They're listening, They're like, wait, are you going on? I said, no gifts, I said, I am. Why do you ask? They said, but what would you do for twenty five extra domars? I'll pimp your potatoes? Okay?

00:29:28
Speaker 3: Next, okay, I mean, let's put these aside, because there are you so many I like to cook. I actually like to cook.

00:29:34
Speaker 1: I don't you don't like you, and this is the reason why, because you're always afraid of burning your finger.

00:29:41
Speaker 3: I'm famous for being afraid of burning burning my face.

00:29:43
Speaker 1: I live in fear, abject terror of possibly injuring these really beautiful hands of mine. Well, never, never again, because this was my nickname in high school. This is not me hot hands, hot hands.

00:29:59
Speaker 3: That's happening at this goode you have cooking items that this goodwill had to offer. We're all at Is this also seen?

00:30:07
Speaker 1: You can easily open you can easily open a jar, you can grab anything you want, and no matter how hot it is, you're not gonna hurt those delicate fingies.

00:30:17
Speaker 3: Well, we'll post this instagram at some point people need to see what's happening here. But the things they're suggesting with the hot hands, it's a pair of gloves that are essentially uh to protect your hands from burning. But they're showing like someone just grabbing hot French fries off of a cookie sho Absolutely, somebody is pulling bacon straight off of the griddle.

00:30:36
Speaker 1: Is there a theme?

00:30:37
Speaker 3: And then we've got an egg.

00:30:40
Speaker 1: And they used Hanky's.

00:30:44
Speaker 3: Shell. This is this is someone who doesn't own a single other tool in their home. They don't have a spoon, they don't have a spatula.

00:30:52
Speaker 1: Hey, that's one way to look at it. Rule six on David's notes to the Hollywood Aspiring Podcaster is look, always be using your imagination. Always be using your imagination. Lady and gentlemen. Hot hands. It's amazing. It's heat safe cooking gloves. You can use this for reasons that they can't legally put on the bag. There are things that I know you can do with a hot hands glove that if you're listening and you're considering possibly doing some experimenting, I don't. I can't. I can't. Even there's yard work you can do with it.

00:31:26
Speaker 3: There's rescue a family member from a burning home.

00:31:29
Speaker 1: Burning home. I mean, before we get carried away with hot hands, should we go this just I had to grab because it was I mean, it looks used. It's not, I promise. And there's twelve. I mean, I guess our listeners need to know what we've.

00:31:44
Speaker 3: What is this thing? It's an Oreo Ultimate Dunking set, which every home should have.

00:31:49
Speaker 1: Every home should.

00:31:50
Speaker 3: If you don't have this, your life is totally a problem.

00:31:53
Speaker 1: I've had often. I have a jar of milk because I only buy milk by the jump. I have a mug because I only drink out a mug. And I'll have a big, big, beautiful, long plastic box of Oreo cookies. And I don't know because I've heard if you dunk Oreos and milk, it's a thing.

00:32:11
Speaker 3: You've heard, that's a thing.

00:32:12
Speaker 1: But I've never figured out how to.

00:32:14
Speaker 3: Go cross that bridge. I couldn't have the set. You didn't have the tongs that come with this. It's got or little. It's almost a tweezer.

00:32:23
Speaker 1: It's ultimate. It's an ultimate dunking set. Ladies and jem you get two glasses, you get two cookie cages. You know what a cookie cage is. By the way, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie. Okay. I've got a incredible five year old daughter named Penny, who is just the funniest person I know. My son Arlo, also one of the most funny people I know. He's eight. We do love a cookie dick dipped. We love a cookie. We love a cookie dipped in milk.

00:32:55
Speaker 3: The whole other TV.

00:32:57
Speaker 1: A cookie dipped in milk does tend to if you leave it just a hair too long start to crumble.

00:33:04
Speaker 3: It may end up at the bottom of the mud cookies.

00:33:06
Speaker 1: And my five year old, no matter how long it's been since she's washed her hands, no matter how much playground dirt is under those nails, she's gonna just gladly reach right in to that milk, causing me to lose my appetite and kind of pale and walk away from the scene and ultimately cause major problems for my family. Of course, this is one of the leading causes of the ruptured family in America right now. Cookie dunking gone wrong.

00:33:33
Speaker 3: Now medical emerge with the cookie cage. What does the cookie cake? Are you putting it into the mug?

00:33:39
Speaker 1: You put the cookie in the cage, bridger, and then you dip it into the mug full of milk, and then you have no worries. You can lay back. First, you could listen to this whole podcast as it stretches into its seventeenth hour, and you can pull that cage out when you're darn well ready. That cookie's gonna be soaked. It's gonna have soaked up as much milk as you want. It's gonna be so and then you hold the cake above your mouth, open it and there you go.

00:34:02
Speaker 3: You've created a milkshake. You do you have a favorite cookie?

00:34:06
Speaker 1: You know? I thank you for asking.

00:34:08
Speaker 3: I need to know because this is a topic that's very important.

00:34:11
Speaker 1: Many many, many things. And I know she's going to listen to this and laugh when I say it. But it's the absolute truth. And I can hear her right now saying that's not true. I'm a philistine in my wife's eyes. I am a guy from Kansas whose favorite food is still fried chicken, and I love the deviled egg, and I love you know. I'm just I'm simple, simple man. Simple means salt of the earth. As someone would say, I I love go into your chain grocery store and getting that cheap box of the sugar cookies with the pink icing or sometimes the blue icing rum. The brand that I keep my eyes peeled for the most is loft House. Although there are some knockoff brands, there's something about it that reminds me of being a kid and making cookies with playto There's even a smell to it that kind of evokes that childhood Plato sense memory. That is that's it.

00:35:08
Speaker 3: I love a loft House. I mean it is maybe the softest food on the planet. You don't need teeth to chew a loft house skin.

00:35:15
Speaker 1: You don't. In fact, it's why it's one of the hottest selling items on the nursing home circuit today, right next to hot hands.

00:35:24
Speaker 3: Okay, let's get back into the bag.

00:35:25
Speaker 1: Bag, Let's get back in the bag.

00:35:27
Speaker 3: I feel like I've won a sweepsteaks here.

00:35:29
Speaker 1: So I've spent my life reading comic books. I love comic books. I love old comic book, write comic book, I write comic books. I love acting in comic book adaptations that go to film and television. One of my favorite things about comic books is, did you ever read comic books?

00:35:45
Speaker 3: I did read comic books. I'm like a casual comic book fan, I would say.

00:35:51
Speaker 1: Got it, I am. I was comic curious as a kid, and then I went full tilt by third, fourth, fifth grade. And I love all form of comic books, but in the vintage and classic comic books, which still hold a very special place in my heart. They used to really utilize at least three, sometimes up to five pages in advertising, and they would sell the smallest blocks of advertising and it was just filled with the most incredible stuff that just tantalized me as a child. Stuff that you'd see in the back of there, like Oh, the Magic Kit, Get Strong Overnight Kit, This Lucky Rabbit's foot will make all your wishes come true. This joy Buzzer will amuse your friends. This joke book will make people like you. They knew how to advertise to me, and every time I had an opportunity, I would try and send away for these things. These magical X ray specs that were going to come in the mail and I was going to be able to go to the pool and look through people's bathing suits. Didn't work. But one of the things that I loved that I would see in the back was an item that has never lost its I think.

00:36:56
Speaker 3: Oh, and this is interesting. It's a whoopig cushion. But we're not calling it a whoope cushion. We're calling it a Super Whooper cushion.

00:37:03
Speaker 1: This is twenty twenty three, and because there are issues with trademark, branding, etc. I'm now excited to be the spokesperson for Super Whooper. With Super Whooper, you get something so much better than any whoopie you may have made in the past. You may have made Whoopy, But you have never made Whooper?

00:37:20
Speaker 3: Where did the Whooper come from?

00:37:22
Speaker 2: Well?

00:37:22
Speaker 3: How fascinating't I haven't used a Whoope cushion or Whooper. Let's be respectful here in years this is a classic.

00:37:30
Speaker 1: From the minds of the good folks at NASA comes Super Whooper. It's a cushion that you inflate, and then when your friend comes over to sit in the oasis, you distract them by pointing at maybe some exotic bird that's perched on a beautiful limb in your backyard. And while they're distracted, you slip the super Whooper under their posterior, allow them to sit.

00:37:54
Speaker 3: They're humiliated. They're absolutely humiliated. Now I have the upper hand again, I don't have to worry about them taking control of the situation.

00:38:03
Speaker 1: This is Hollywood.

00:38:04
Speaker 3: This is Hollywood.

00:38:05
Speaker 1: This is a tip that I think everyone listening needs to get out their pens and jot down. Always get the upper hand.

00:38:11
Speaker 3: Devastate people in any way you possibly can. That's all that matters.

00:38:15
Speaker 1: Humiliated them with flatulence. I don't listen. I did sport a lot when I was in a kid and all the way through high school. Since then, sport just kind of wasn't a part of my life. And I went to theater school right out of high school, and then I don't even really watch anymore. And one sport that I've had zero and I mean zilch interest in pursuing at all, even though it's actually not exaggerating, cost me some opportunities professionally to get to hang out with people who've invited me because I just never took the time to learn. Is golf. Oh, my son at eight decided I want to play golf, So I'm taking him on saturdays to a driving range I know nothing about. He's incredible, he's amazing. He hits the thing and it goes, and all these very serious guys along the lineup nod and he's doing good. And they'll talk to me as if you know, I know the things about the iron and the thing, and I nod and I go a huh. Well, there was a gentleman next to us. Every time he swung the club during his driving range practice time was he would expel the most unique sound from his posterior. And I just tell you this quick anecdote to let everybody know in case you thought flatulence wasn't funny anymore, you've never seen an eight year old cry with laughter. All this is the way, my son. But he tried to keep it together because he wanted to be respectful of this poor old guy next to him, who, every time he swung his club was playing the trombone.

00:39:47
Speaker 3: My niece is that age, essentially, and the exact I mean, it's like a miracle, the sort of humorage, it's all she wants. Where does that come from?

00:39:56
Speaker 1: I thought they weren't funny anymore, and guess what, they're still funny.

00:39:59
Speaker 3: A seven to eight year old. It's the world to them.

00:40:01
Speaker 1: And honestly, I was also laughing.

00:40:07
Speaker 3: What sports were you playing?

00:40:08
Speaker 1: I kind of tried everything as a kid, but the sport I excelled the most because by time I got to high school, I was doing I was running in the spring and doing track and field, but wrestling in the winter. And then my biggest sport that I was the best at was football. Wow, I was. I was a big boy by my senior year of high school. I'm about six two and I weighed like two hundred and thirty pounds while you were hitting the gym, I was very big. My older brother was a really excellent basketball player. And I had seen his past. I knew, let's go back to the Muppet movie. Okay, Kindergarten. I was sitting in the front of the theater at the Oak Park Cinemas in Kansas. I was all of three and a half four years old, and I mean that experience so transported me to another place. Watching Sweeten's run through the screen into their screening room. At the end of the film, I believed there were Muppets in the space with us. That's how powerful that experience was. That was the first seed planted. There were many many more along the way that always spoke to my heart that I thought going to Hollywood, because that's the theme of the move Road, go make a movie. Moving right along the Magic Store, I wanted to go to the Magic Store. But when you're getting Kansas, you just nothing seemed like that realistic to me. And also my mom and I didn't have a lot of money when thinking about where was I going to go to college? And so I was decent at football and it was a ticket for me to potentially get some support and help financially to go. And sure enough, by my senior year of high school, there were some nice, good schools that were interested in having me come there, and I thought I could get an English degree while I'm playing football, And then maybe I wanted my dream was to have been like the cool junior high or high school english teacher, drama teacher who then also coaches football. I thought, like, that's a path I could see forward from myself. But I had two really incredible teachers and a very very supportive mother who said because I was dipping out of football practice early, and thank God for coach Merrill, who would say to me, even though we were getting ready for the big championships, he would let me. No coach would ever do this. And this guy was not what I would consider a progressive educator in the state of Kansas. He was pretty old school, but he would let me leave, even though I was starting offensive center for his team, leave practice little early to go rehearse the fall play. How sweet it was amazing, And the teacher said to me. The drama teacher and my speech teacher both said, you got to go do this. You do acting, it's something you gotta do. And they helped me get an audition for a conservatory college program called the DePaul Theater School, as well as several others, and I not only got in, I got the scholarship that I would have needed to go. And I walked off the football field at the end of our last game, which we lost to Lawrence High, and I think they dole it from us.

00:43:00
Speaker 3: You're never gonna let it go, never letting it go.

00:43:03
Speaker 1: I kicked the door every day but then I never looked back. But but I I.

00:43:10
Speaker 3: Would have never guessed that you were like college football material.

00:43:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean not like Division one, Division two schools, smaller colleges, but it was I was gonna I knew I wasn't gonna go professional. I knew I didn't have that capability, but there were recruiters and I was definitely going to get the help I needed to get. Here's the other thing, my brother. I watched my brother play collegiate basketball, and he loved it. It was his life. It wasn't my I knew the demands of being a successful collegiate athlete was that that is your life, the job, it's a thing, and I was. I was kind of by the end of you know, I was. I wanted to. I was always like, I need to go watch what's the movie? I need to see what's the comic I need to get to. But hey, the path well here I am sitting those in the heart of Hollywood.

00:44:00
Speaker 3: Just absolutely ransacking a goodwill. There's more gifts. Let's get back in here.

00:44:04
Speaker 1: This is from my own collection, and I just wanted to share it with you because it's something we've already tipped on. But I actually have two of these, so I would never give you if I only had one. I'm just kidding. I would. I actually would. After this conversation, Bridge, I think we're very close. Now, I want to give you one of my from my collection of vintage classic comics.

00:44:23
Speaker 3: This is amazing. This is a really vintage comic, crypt of the Shadows. This is from when comics cost twenty cents.

00:44:30
Speaker 1: Yes it is.

00:44:31
Speaker 3: What year do you think this is since.

00:44:33
Speaker 1: In the seventies, I don't know exactly.

00:44:36
Speaker 3: Crypt of the Shadows.

00:44:37
Speaker 1: Yes, and Marvel and DC, both as we all know, are the big publishers of comics these days. They put out all manner of anthological horror comics back in the day, which featured amazing art, very scary and cool spooky stories. They always had these great shocking covers and if you go back further in time, the publishers like EC and Many and many others, Goal and Key, we're putting out these horror comics and they've just held a special place in my heart since I was a kid, and I were beautiful, and I collect them and read them whenever I'm just sitting around.

00:45:09
Speaker 3: Do you have a favorite comic of all time?

00:45:12
Speaker 1: Yeah?

00:45:12
Speaker 3: Of all time.

00:45:13
Speaker 1: My favorite comic of all time was published by d C Comics. It was a limited part of an anthological series that was called The Weird War Tales, and there was this team of monster mercenaries called the Creature Commandos. The Creature Commandos were made up of a guy named Lucky Taylor who was like a Frankenstein's Monster type GI grunt. There was a vampire named Vincent Velcrow who had a bad attitude, and you had a werewolf, you had a Gorgon, and they were kind of like the way we think of I don't know, if you know, like the suicide Squad. So like there's those disposable, bad quote unquote bad monsters that the government or whatever powerful entity you can imagine can say, well, you have to do this for us or blah blah blah. Right, So that was the setup for the Creature Commandos. It was and it was something I just I love monsters, I love superheroes. It was the marriage of all of that. But I have many I love the big monster comics are some of my favorite Werewolf by Night and Morbius. I'm a big swamp thing fan.

00:46:20
Speaker 3: You like a like a kind of gothic horror comic book. Look at me, you are kind of a goth.

00:46:28
Speaker 1: Look at me, I'm a gothic horror walking comic book. What people don't know? Who aren't seeing me? Right? I'm wearing a floating cape. It's my fans are sevent Yes, there's six people behind me that helped carry this up the hill.

00:46:42
Speaker 3: Vampire teeth in is your wife got into this sort of stuff?

00:46:46
Speaker 1: She Oh, she has the hots for goth She loves like, oh, who is that character on Daria? She loved that that guy like that looks so when she saw me, she was like, because my wife. Anyone who looks my wife up on the on the so out of my she looks like she should be the Hollywood starlet. She's not in the business at all. She's a very talented, mirrorless She owns her own business she's doing. She has all kinds of design work that she does. But yeah, she can rock a goth. She wears a nose ring, she can do the makeup. But yeah, it's it's it's interesting. I'm definitely the more of empiric. I definitely look like I might have stepped off, you know, the set of some hammer horror film. And she kind of sometimes just looks like this beautiful you know bo Derekie, I don't know Twiggy like, uh, I don't Holly homemakery, mix of all these hot things together, so fascinating the way she I just I mean it like I can't soonimes. I look at her and I still am like, thirteen years are you kidding?

00:47:46
Speaker 3: Law is amazing.

00:47:48
Speaker 1: But here's the thing. Go into our home. There's a curio cabinet filled with skeletons and bones and teeth and all manner of bizarreness. And everybody always goes, oh, oh this is this is you? Or they say to her, how do you let him put on this stuff up? That's her stuff, that's her stuff, her stuff. Yeah, she's a closet goth. She yeah, interest Lee closet goth. That's her. Next business card.

00:48:14
Speaker 3: Okay, well, this is what I mean. It's so nice to get like a real display item. This is something that can go on the shelf with the other gifts. And I'll be using the rest of these.

00:48:22
Speaker 1: Gifts practically all the rest of these are gonna be U.

00:48:25
Speaker 3: Yes, is there anything? There is stuff?

00:48:27
Speaker 1: There's So As a longtime monster kid Halloween fan, my favorite film in the horror genre is a three way tie between The Exorcist.

00:48:39
Speaker 3: Wonderful film, Takashi Mia Kay's Audition. Oh, I've never that is probably terrifying.

00:48:44
Speaker 1: I've never seen one of the most terrifying films I've ever seen, and it's a masterpiece, and Toby Hooper's classic masterpiece, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Oh yeah, of course, one of the best independent films ever made. It's an incredible movie. I love Halloween. Halloween is a very important holiday to me. I love vintage decor and the old you know kind of classics you'd put up the articulated skeleton or scarecrow in your window as a kid. Well, I found this wonderful company that matches, you know, horror cinema with these old vintage Halloween decorations. So next Halloween when you're like, huh, what am I going to hang up to scare the neighborhood kiddos. I hope you'll consider this gift that you receive from David Dismlchon. It's Texas chains On Massacre.

00:49:30
Speaker 3: But oh my god, this is yeah kind of like retro vintage, retro design. Yeah this, and it's actually kind of terrifying. It is. It looks scary.

00:49:41
Speaker 1: Trick or treat studios.

00:49:43
Speaker 3: I love, Oh my god, trick or treat studio, So they do this for all. They do a lot.

00:49:48
Speaker 1: There's one they have like a hell Raiser one, They've got a I think a Freddy Krueger one, a a Nightmare and Elms I mean Friday thirteenth. But I picked this only because it's truly one of my favorite films of all time.

00:49:58
Speaker 3: I love what is this? What's this character's name? Leatherface?

00:50:03
Speaker 1: Yep, leather face.

00:50:04
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a leather face and he's holding the chainsaw. This can go up in the window. So you I assume you decorate heavily for Halloween.

00:50:11
Speaker 1: Heavily.

00:50:12
Speaker 3: Are you doing the yard?

00:50:13
Speaker 1: We do the yard, we do the animatronic creatures. I do lighting effects, I have a wonderful We have a wonderful attic space. We found this really incredible old home in Sherman Oaks, and when we bought it, there's this big, you know, spacious attict. Turned out the previous owner who had grown up in the house. One family owned this house before we bought it. They built it in nineteen fifty. He had converted the house into a pot farm oh after his parents passed away, and so the attic was one of his growing spaces.

00:50:45
Speaker 3: Oh amazed.

00:50:46
Speaker 1: There's all this crazy uh like electrical wiring stuff. But it's a big space. A lot of bees that used to be there. Now I've ethically moved the bees a farm to protect her how to protect their bees. But I have this huge, huge space. Ninety percent of it is currently filled with my very well organized, boxed collection of Halloween decorations, about ten percent Christmas decorations, and then whatever the kid's art or some crap something much less important, too much less important. Yes, I love to go all out with the decorations.

00:51:21
Speaker 3: And are you buying new decorations every year?

00:51:23
Speaker 1: I always treat myself to something special every year. I used to you know, I've been doing this for a long time, so I used to it crew a lot of stuff that was just the cheaper. Now it's I try to focus it more. I want something very special. We definitely do themes. This last year's theme was Cursed Dolls. So I have an amazing friend, Autumn, who's a costume designer, and she collects all manner of creepy dolls and doll parts. When I was in Berlin, I happened to come across some spooky, old, vintage antique scary dolls, one of which we is haunted. I yeah, we did. We did the whole house. I had a gathering at one point in which I I had someone dress up as one of the dolls. But people didn't know it was someone in a costume, so they just thought it was another like a giant creepy doll, and then when they least expected it, it would jump up and come running at them. It was really fun.

00:52:22
Speaker 3: That's wonderful. And do you have any ideas? I mean, we're months away from Halloween.

00:52:25
Speaker 1: Oh it's going to be the nineteen fifties. I love a double feature, like a science fiction. So did you I didn't even I didn't even let you finish your question. It's November. First, my wife will come down and see me staring into the middle distance with this far away look in my eye, and she goes, damn it, you've already started. How did you? And I say, Babe, I started like I started even before Halloween of it all. But yes, I know next year, and I think I know the year after it.

00:52:57
Speaker 3: Wow, that is amazing. Right before we started, before you arrived, we were talking about trying to plan Halloween costumes in advance and how difficult that is. Okay, pushing it aside until the very last minute and then the panic.

00:53:09
Speaker 1: May June is a good time to start brainstorming. But it's never too late. Here's the thing, it's never ever too late. You can always be creative. And I think that it's something you shouldn't stress about. You should have fun with it. This year we wanted to do. We like to do theme costumes, sometimes group costumes. So I did you ever see the nineteen nineties version of Van Rice's Interview with the Vampire?

00:53:35
Speaker 2: No?

00:53:35
Speaker 3: And I should Okay, I feel like I would really enjoy it.

00:53:37
Speaker 1: It's a great film. Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Kirsten Dunst and Antonio Banderas in the film. At one point, because of bad things happening in the States where the story starts, Brad Pitt and Kirsten Dunt flee to Europe and they wind up in France because they're looking for help, and there's another coven of vampires there who run this brand theater company, and it's run by Antonio Benderis. He plays the leader of this covenant. Stephen Ray, who's an amazing actor, is kind of his Lithario henchman right hand looks a lot like the design of Long Cheney in London after midnight, if anyone's familiar with that, with the row of razor teeth in the top hat horrifying. And in this really horrifying scene, it's just so dark. The two vampires are sitting in an audience of humans watching this stage play, and the audience is uncomfortable, but no one believes it's actually real that the vampires are killing this woman on stage, which they are. This woman comes running out onto the stage in this beautiful white dress. She's blonde, she's beautiful, she looks like Bo Derek, and they the vampires rip the dress open, she's topless. They feast on her. So for our Halloween theme this year, I was the Stephen Ray character. I loved that. I did the top hat, the tuxedo, the whole vampire look. Kat who wrapped your presence today. She's a makeup truly like a makeup department head who works on big shows. She's an am amazing artist. She was Antonio Benderis. She did the full thing. It was incredible. Eve, my wife played the victim on stage.

00:55:16
Speaker 3: God sop.

00:55:21
Speaker 1: It was not for handing out the candy bowl at the trigger treaters. She put some pasties on that, you know, made it incredible. Yeah, and we and she looked at credible. And then our amazing friend Nikki Griffin showed up to our gathering and she was dressed in the Kirsten Dunst look.

00:55:39
Speaker 3: Wow.

00:55:40
Speaker 1: So we did a whole you know, photo shoot together. Was you amazing? Yeah?

00:55:45
Speaker 3: Wow?

00:55:45
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:55:46
Speaker 3: I love the idea of vampires running a theater and kind of the community theater drama of it all.

00:55:51
Speaker 1: I feel absolutely like I was supposed to be curly. No, I was supposed to be curly.

00:55:55
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:55:56
Speaker 1: I love it.

00:55:57
Speaker 3: Wow, that's incredible. I really admired that Imagine Empire is doing oklah or like music makes happen.

00:56:04
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. What we do in the Shadows just steals Oh, I mean they are the best. They steal my heart. They have got my they are the best. It's so great. I need to see them participate in like a community.

00:56:18
Speaker 3: That should be the next season. You should be on that. You should be a special guest star.

00:56:22
Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to put this out to the universe. The next time I see you, I'm going to be like, thank you for saying that I should be a guest star on what we do in the Shadows. Because someone was listening to our podcast. They immediately you said, give me that creepy goth guy desk Mulchin who gives people depends as gifts to honor the spirit of his mother.

00:56:45
Speaker 3: Wow, this is I mean I have I mean the amount of usable gifts I've gotten here. I've had guests bring a lot of gifts before and it's essentially just they've dumped a trash can into a gift bag. Every item here is going to improve my life in a some way. I'm going to be.

00:57:01
Speaker 1: Grabbing deeply personal.

00:57:04
Speaker 3: Yeah, just making egg after egg and this little dish and scaring the neighborhood.

00:57:11
Speaker 1: Usable gifts. This is Note nineteen. Always come with a usable gift. And if you can't be a usable gift, I'd like to consider myself a usable gift. I wish I was more handy around the house, but yeah, you're a.

00:57:23
Speaker 3: Very practical item.

00:57:24
Speaker 1: I would say, yeah, well, I know how to do a couple of things. Well. I know how to memorize lines, show up and hit my marks, and how to write comic books.

00:57:34
Speaker 3: All useful skills. Thank you, and again you're really you're selling yourself short. You did contract my home. You did an excellent job. I have a few complaints. There is water pouring into one of the rooms.

00:57:47
Speaker 1: But this is the thing I that's not my problem.

00:57:51
Speaker 3: Until I see you a thirty day.

00:57:52
Speaker 1: You have a thirty day money back guarantee after thirty days. I'm sorry. That's why we do all of our work in la in May June, because we know it's not going to until the following December or January or February.

00:58:03
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have found you on Yelp. This is my fault.

00:58:05
Speaker 1: But I have a five point rating on Yelp. Thank you, Aunt jo Anne.

00:58:11
Speaker 3: I think it's time to play a game.

00:58:13
Speaker 1: Let's play.

00:58:13
Speaker 3: Let's play Gift Master. We haven't played that in a while. I think you're gonna excel. I need a number between one and ten from you. Seven, Okay, I have to do some light calculating, light calculating. Meanwhile, you're gonna do whatever you want with gift you recommend promote.

00:58:28
Speaker 1: I am It's Dave des Mulch in time. I'm taking this moment to ask all of you kind listeners out there to go to your nearest comic shop. If you don't have a comic shop near you, get on the interwebs and look up Count Crowley coming out in comic shops on the middle of February. We're going to see Count Crowley Volume two, Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter. That is going to be in comic shops everywhere, and it'll be released in bookstores everywhere in March. So please find your way to your nearest comic shopper bookstore and purchase Count Crowley Amateur Midnight Monster Hunter. It's the graphic novel that is the compilation of all of the recent issues of my comic book.

00:59:12
Speaker 3: Thank you do it, absolutely do that.

00:59:16
Speaker 1: How did I do with that? Perfect?

00:59:18
Speaker 3: Really? So perfect. Can I get a grade? I would say that's a solid A. Some people kind of hedge or like and then you know that they have something, and then it's like, just say it.

00:59:28
Speaker 1: Are you kidding? You give me an opportunity to self promote, Just do it.

00:59:32
Speaker 3: The opportunities there.

00:59:33
Speaker 1: I've got my tap shoes, I've got my little portable spotlight. I carry a microphone. If you didn't have this microphone with me, I've got to plug in stores open. I'm at the grove every Saturday, out there shilling my latest.

00:59:45
Speaker 3: Picture on late night TV. Yes, you're doing it all. We're gonna play gift Master. I'm gonna name three things you can give away as gifts. Then i'm gonna name three celebrities. You're gonna tell me which celebrity you're going to give which gift.

01:00:01
Speaker 1: I love this game.

01:00:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so let's get into it. These are the gifts you're giving away today. Number one, this is a listener suggestion, which is a kind of a rare new thing that listeners are contributing to gift Master. I support Eggy's Eggies. It's not eggies, but Eggie should be a gift. It's the key to the city, the key to the city. That's a could be a valuable gift.

01:00:23
Speaker 1: It's kind of a we're talking about Los Angeles. That's up to you, Okay, let's completely up to you. Marvelous.

01:00:29
Speaker 3: Number two military secrets, so that's that's highly confidential. We don't know what they'll do with it. And number three is a mysterious map, sterious map. Yeah, and again that's great.

01:00:45
Speaker 1: Good gifts are thoughtful, interesting, intensely insecure about hot hands gloves right now and depends, but that's okay, Okay.

01:00:54
Speaker 3: You'll be giving them two. Viola Davis incredible, Edie Falco incredible, Bono.

01:01:01
Speaker 1: Incredible, incredible, incredible.

01:01:03
Speaker 3: Three kind of legends in their own ways. So I'm curious what you're gonna do with all of this.

01:01:09
Speaker 1: Well, Viola Davis is one of my heroes, and personally, yeah, she is somebody I I've had the opportunity to work with a few times, because I first met her on the set of Prisoners, Villa new film, which I I'd never I mean, I'd been on one big film before that, the Dark Knight, that was a brief, you know, experience, and then when I was on Prisoners, all of a sudden I was. I was there, I was in Georgia, and it was all these movie stars, all of whom were very cool and wonderful. But I I say it was Viola Davis who was the first one that really like connected with me. And she and I were sitting in little chairs and just talking all night, and she was telling me some amazing stories, and I wish I could, off the top of my head remember where it was, what city she grew up And I believe she grew up in Rhode Island. I could be wrong about that, but I believe she grew up in Rhode Island. I'm going to go ahead and say the key to the city because I feel like the key of the city is something you give someone who's a hero, right and somebody she inspired people in many ways. I want to give Viola the key to the city of the town that she grew up in. If she hasn't already got it, she maybe she's been so you know what I'm going to say, Let's give her the key to Los Angeles. She was the key to this city because she really is. Every day, every every project she does, every time I see her speak, every way she uses her platform, I feel like she's just so inspiring.

01:02:46
Speaker 3: She truly does it all.

01:02:48
Speaker 1: I want young people to There's some people that are celebrities that are just wonderful at acting and they don't need to, you know, go beyond that. But she does. She really like props people up. I feel like she's brought a lot of amazing artists into our line of sight because she uses her platform to like promote great you know, creators. So yeah, so Viola gets the key to the city, and what.

01:03:10
Speaker 3: Do you have any idea what the key to the city does? Does anybody know?

01:03:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you have the key, it's it's a big gold key. It's like something you could get at party city. It's not real gold. They paint it though, to look like that. And if you want at any time, if you're one who possesses the key to the city, you go to town hall or a city hall, depending on what they like to call it. And you're a part of the country. You go to city hall. There's a room and this room is only for those who've been given the key. You go in the room, there's a secret knock. You take a key out, you put it in a lock, you open the lock inside of there there is. Basically, it's like one of those gifting suites at the Oscars. They've got hot hands, they've got Eggi's, they've got prevailed new Fit daily briefs. They've got basically anything you can dream of, and you just get it. You take it.

01:04:03
Speaker 3: I mean, what a power.

01:04:04
Speaker 1: And there's no there's no like, oh I've taken too much that I feel guilty. No, you take for it. You want four of those, they're yours.

01:04:11
Speaker 3: Take a lifetime supply of the Yeah, there's.

01:04:13
Speaker 1: An Oreo cookie dunkin kit that only the most elite are allowed. So there's what you get. I think the military secrets, which really are hard to come by anymore. Apparently I made a donation, got to go to a dinner at this really luxurious club in Florida. It was crazy, two for a dollar. I would say, did you say it was Edie falcon Falco. Yeah, Well, because she knew how to keep all the secrets on the soprano the sopranos. Oh yeah, of course, she spent years learning as an actor. Because I believe she's one of those actors that doesn't just surface to it. I mean, she's another inspiration for me. Is genuinely saying this as an artist. As an actor, I've never seen that woman deliver a false note. Like she shows up and you know how much she puts into the work, and it's it's incredible. She's so great. So I think she probably spent a lot of time thinking about what it's like to be a mob boss's spouse and the secret keeping and all of that. So I feel like she's the person.

01:05:17
Speaker 3: That's used to it.

01:05:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, and for Bono, gotta love Bono. Interesting sidebar, are we all on the same page here? It's like you two. Never has there been a band that goes so in and out and in and out like they do. I mean, there's been times in my life where I had every one of their CDs on the dashboard of my Chevy Celebrity driving around Kansas City. There's times when I would have hidden those CDs in a box in the farthest place under my bed, but yet they still come back. And he's a guy who's used his platform in all seriousness in a wonderful way. I would like to give him this special mystical, magical map because I know he's finally going to find his way to the place where my god, Come on, this is incredible.

01:06:04
Speaker 3: There the streets have no name, no name the streets.

01:06:08
Speaker 1: I have absolutely known that you can't find them.

01:06:11
Speaker 3: He's been looking, he's.

01:06:13
Speaker 1: Been looking a long time. Wait is that a YouTube song as well? I still a long time. So I'm found what I'm looking what I'm looking for? Yeah, I think they may be all one in the same Is that the same song? I don't know.

01:06:25
Speaker 3: We're really showing our you two ignorance. So this is shameful, but I mean how beautifully played. You really landed that plane in a gorgeous.

01:06:34
Speaker 1: Way, effortless. Really.

01:06:36
Speaker 3: This is the final segment of the podcast. We're in our thirty four and so we're gonna wrap.

01:06:42
Speaker 1: Somebody called the Guinness people.

01:06:45
Speaker 3: They're on their way there.

01:06:46
Speaker 1: They're speeding over here as we speak. They've got stop watches in hand.

01:06:49
Speaker 3: The driver is sweating in traffic. This is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I said no emails people write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. I mean, their circumstances are pathetic, they're desperate, they need help. I'm a charitable person. I assume you've got a little room in your heart to help, give, give and give it.

01:07:09
Speaker 1: Because I keep giving, and I give so much I have to just slap myself and say stop it.

01:07:15
Speaker 2: Stop.

01:07:16
Speaker 3: Well, let's answer a listener question.

01:07:18
Speaker 1: Let's do it this year for you, It.

01:07:20
Speaker 3: Says Highbridger and honorable guest. That's a nice thing to say. I could use some gift advice. A brief background, my friend of ten years and I are just patching. Ooh, are just patching up our friendship after a little misunderstanding and several months of not speaking. I really value her friendship and want a gift that says I'm sorry I've missed you, and also to celebrate her graduation. She's an excellent gift giver, and I often feel my gifts pale in comparison. It's just not my love language. And also we have quite a bit less money than she does. I often feel guilty for being on the receiving end of her generosity and not feeling like I reciprocate adequately help. She likes food, cooking, and animals, has a dog, cats, foster kittens, and a backyard of poultry. Love Hannah. Okay, so backyard of poultry, what are we talking? Do we call a live bird? Poultry.

01:08:11
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I'm.

01:08:13
Speaker 3: Imagining chicken breasts everywhere.

01:08:15
Speaker 1: Everywhere, all the hey egg shortage Hannah's friend. This is why the podcast she was stealing her friend's eggs and not getting permission. They say there's a Hannah in.

01:08:33
Speaker 3: This. Woman is an egg thief. I mean, months of not speaking after a little misunderstanding.

01:08:38
Speaker 1: What do you think? I want to defer to you. You're the expert here. I want to hear your thoughts first.

01:08:42
Speaker 3: I mean, the situation is so unclear to me because we hear little misunderstanding, but then several months of not speaking, that feels like a big misunderstanding to misunderstanding.

01:08:51
Speaker 1: And she ran over her foot or something.

01:08:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we have to assume her friend was in the hospital, hospitalized for months, very possibly coma. Toast maybe that's why she just woke up. She can bear and I remember.

01:09:06
Speaker 1: Away from my egg heist, I accidentally ran over her foot sending her into a coma means she woke up and she does cute d amnesia.

01:09:17
Speaker 3: So I feel like Hannah's got a take advantage of this situation. For all we know, the friend doesn't remember what happened. She's ready a good friend would never wouldn't they a good friend behind them? Put it behind them and be ready to mend the fence. So Hannah shows up to the hospital, huge gift basket. We know the friend likes cooking and animals, so maybe there's a mix of like her favorite snacks or favorite treats, and then some sort of live animal, live animal. What sort of animal fits in a bask.

01:09:48
Speaker 1: Like like, like, I mean, are we talking about like a chinchilla? You can get a chinchilla these days at Petco? And I know you're the height on the funds, Hannah, but I swear I saw sale the other day. They had some chinchillas that seemed like they were on their way out. It was like buy one, get one free maybe or fifty percent off at Chinchilla. Chinchillas are cuddly. That's a good gift.

01:10:11
Speaker 3: When a pet goes on sale, that's pretty heartbreaking. That feels bad. But you've got to take advantage of savings. When you see that, you do.

01:10:20
Speaker 1: It's a tough time. We're heading into this recession. You need to save as you can get. I don't know, I mean giving someone a gift that's a pet, that's a big if you know her, well, Hannah, honestly, I mean the fact that your friend loves food. The friend friend loves does she love cooking?

01:10:37
Speaker 3: With cooking and food, well, they go hand in hand.

01:10:41
Speaker 1: I suppose I'm not gonna I don't think I'm gonna surprise anybody here when I say the eggy is truly one of the best things to give somebody who cares about cooking. If you want a hard boiled egg without the shell, which who doesn't your friend the fact that she's into poultry, she's got a backyard full of foul or you know, ron vuel mood. But now her coming out of it, you're going to brighten her spirits, fluff her feathers.

01:11:05
Speaker 3: And you know, every serious chef knows you've got to have an eggy in the cupboard.

01:11:12
Speaker 1: Eggs eggies for days. But I'm happy that you guys are you know, are talking again. I've had that happen. I've had friendships that that that were kind of on the ropes for a bit.

01:11:22
Speaker 3: Well, you're a you have a lot, you get into a lot of fights. You're you're a pretty contentious person. No.

01:11:27
Speaker 1: Twelve. Remember always win fights with friends. And if you don't make sure to get to the trades first to let them know you did.

01:11:36
Speaker 3: I mean the notes on this episode you have, you've impartial.

01:11:40
Speaker 1: Started my own podcast.

01:11:41
Speaker 3: I know you should be some sort of life code.

01:11:43
Speaker 1: I sureant to do a podcast. It's called Please Bring Gifts.

01:11:46
Speaker 3: And the person shows up every time empty hand, and so you desperately give advice to fill the air speak ill of them.

01:11:55
Speaker 1: On the public airwaves. No, I wish you luck, Hannah. I hope your friend uh I I hope you get you know, cookwar is always nice.

01:12:02
Speaker 3: Cook war is good. I love a good pan, a nice pot. What a you know? A meat thermometer?

01:12:09
Speaker 1: You're a meat thermometer is one of the very important and they're always kind of you know, they're always coming up with new bells and whistles on a meat thermometer. I think that you know the time with you is important, and if you are up for it and you want to actually put in the efforts, since you're low on funds, and show her how much you care about this friendship, maybe do the research and practice a couple of times and put together a meal from a recipe that you could prepare and have her over and make your dining room look like a little restaurant. Put the candles out, you do the whole thing. And and that says to her, you know, I love you and I miss you, and I'm glad we're friends again.

01:12:49
Speaker 3: Lovely, and also you're setting her up for another fight, as the friend kind of snobbily says, well, you tried your best. You tried your best, and then we're back into the cycle. The Han and her friend are probably been in for decades.

01:13:01
Speaker 1: And the friend says, did the recipe call for that much?

01:13:04
Speaker 3: Cuman, We answered that question so perfectly.

01:13:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, these eggs, these hard boiled eggs, have shells, and.

01:13:13
Speaker 3: We're just eating them straight out of you'd.

01:13:15
Speaker 1: Only zipped over to the good will, Hannah, you could have saved this friendship forever.

01:13:21
Speaker 3: I'm glad we're getting Hannah back into the toxic cycle with her friend. That's obviously what it's built on. And she can't complain. She's got to be happy, she wrote into the podcast, no complaints. David. I am so happy you could have come here. You could come here today.

01:13:37
Speaker 1: I could have come here and.

01:13:40
Speaker 3: We set up the opportunity and you you went for it.

01:13:43
Speaker 1: He could have He should have and guess what he did.

01:13:47
Speaker 3: I'm so happy. I've had such a great time with you.

01:13:49
Speaker 1: You're amazing, h fantastic.

01:13:51
Speaker 3: I've got gifts for days. I'm going to be enjoying these my life. It's a new chapter for me. It is finally I'm turning a corner.

01:14:01
Speaker 1: New leaves, new chapters.

01:14:03
Speaker 3: The leak will be gone eventually.

01:14:04
Speaker 1: No yelp, no yelp, No Leak's twenty twenty three.

01:14:09
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for being thank you.

01:14:11
Speaker 1: Honestly, it's been a blast. I really appreciate it.

01:14:13
Speaker 3: Uh, listener, You've spent a good two days with us at this point, and we appreciate you hanging in there. You haven't eaten, you're dehydrated.

01:14:24
Speaker 1: I hope you're wearing your prevail.

01:14:25
Speaker 3: Yes, certainly. I hope you've strapped into that an hour one. Otherwise you're a mess. You're a disgusting mess at this point, and that doesn't feel good. We're at the end of the podcast, so you've got to move on. You've got to pull yourself back together. I love you, goodbye, I said. No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Neilson and It's beautifully mixed by Leana Squilatchi, and we couldn't do it without our guest booker, Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course, could only come from a miracle worker, Amy Man. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said no gifts, I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts my lie invite?

01:15:18
Speaker 2: Did you hear thought? I made myself perfectly clear, But you're a guess to me. You gotta come to me empty And I said, no guests, you're O presences presence enough and I already had too much stuff, So how do.

01:15:44
Speaker 3: You dare to survey me

01:16:00
Speaker 2: O