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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: It could be yours. Buggle up and hold on tight.

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Speaker 2: We got it for you here it is Strawberry.

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Speaker 3: Let up, all right, nephew, thank you? Subject.

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Speaker 1: Am I marrying a man or a child? Dear Stephen Shirley,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting married in eight months, and I can't help

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Speaker 1: but think that I'm marrying a little boy instead of

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Speaker 1: a man. We are both twenty six years old, and

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Speaker 1: although he handles business well in public, at home, he

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Speaker 1: doesn't help me do anything. I grew up in a

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Speaker 1: home with both of my parents, and they were partners

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Speaker 1: that helped each other do everything. My dad cooked clean,

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Speaker 1: went to all of my activities at school, and worked

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Speaker 1: a part time job so I could go to college.

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Speaker 1: My fiance was raised by his mom and his grandmom.

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Speaker 1: He was catered to his entire life. His mom even

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Speaker 1: bought most of his clothes until he and I got

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Speaker 1: engaged and I told her I could help him pick

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Speaker 1: out his clothes.

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Speaker 3: Now, luckily his mother.

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Speaker 1: His mom has great style and he was always dressed nicely.

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Speaker 1: His grandma did all of the cooking, so he can

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Speaker 1: barely make his own sandwich. His mom even joked that

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Speaker 1: if I didn't start spoiling him, they would come over

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Speaker 1: and do it for me. I told his mom that

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Speaker 1: I didn't find that funny at all. My fiance moved

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Speaker 1: in with me a few weeks ago, and that's when

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Speaker 1: I noticed how needy he is. He doesn't want to

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Speaker 1: learn how to cook, and when I asked him to

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Speaker 1: sort his clothes for the laundry, he didn't know that

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Speaker 1: whites don't go on the washer with darks. He often

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Speaker 1: talks about us having children, but I can't imagine having

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Speaker 1: to take care of children while I'm raising a grown man.

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Speaker 1: I overheard him telling his mom that I put pressure

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Speaker 1: on him to clean, cook and do this and do that.

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Speaker 1: I don't want him to think I'm nagging him, but

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Speaker 1: he needs a crash course on being the man of

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Speaker 1: the house real fast. I never thought it would be

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Speaker 1: this big of a problem. Is it best to postpone

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Speaker 1: the wedding until he grows up? Yes, yes, it is. Yes,

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Speaker 1: most definitely, you cannot marry this man.

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Speaker 3: You can't.

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Speaker 1: If you do, these same problems that you've written Steve

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Speaker 1: and I about today will be going on in the marriage.

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Speaker 1: You're talking about a man who can't even pick his

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Speaker 1: own clothes.

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Speaker 3: You said that.

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Speaker 1: I really don't see what, if anything, you guys have

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Speaker 1: in common. You were raised differently. You had both parents

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Speaker 1: who set a good example for you and him. He

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Speaker 1: was raised by his mom and by his grandmother. He

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Speaker 1: didn't have a father to teach him how to be

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Speaker 1: a man or a husband. And please don't think you

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Speaker 1: can change him, because that's not going to happen.

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Speaker 3: He is who he is.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't see a need to change. He's already complaining

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Speaker 1: to his mom about you wanting him to cook and clean,

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Speaker 1: and that's not going to stop because you got papers.

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Speaker 1: It's only going to get worse. So yes, postponing or

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Speaker 1: calling this wedding off is an excellent idea, because I

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Speaker 1: don't think you guys are a good match at all.

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Speaker 4: Steve Uh Let's go to the bottom of this letter.

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Speaker 4: The bottom of the letter says, is it best to

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Speaker 4: postpone the wedding till he grows up? Here's another part

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Speaker 4: of the letter at the bottom. I don't want him

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Speaker 4: to think I'm nagging, but he needs a crash course

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Speaker 4: on being the man of the house real fast. I

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Speaker 4: never thought it would be this big of a problem.

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Speaker 4: Is it best to postpone the wedding till he grows up? Well,

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Speaker 4: let me ask you a basic question right here, right now.

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Speaker 4: What are you marrying him for? What is the purpose

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Speaker 4: of this union?

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Speaker 5: Now?

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Speaker 4: Look, I don't tell people how to live their life.

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Speaker 4: I've done everything crazy. I don't tell people wait till

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Speaker 4: they get married because I have moved into I'm done,

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Speaker 4: tried it all. But when you move in and it

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Speaker 4: don't go right, I will refer you to something a

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Speaker 4: man told me in a premarital counseling course. He says, son,

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Speaker 4: the only thing that changes in people after they are

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Speaker 4: married is the appearance of their left hand third finger.

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Speaker 4: Everything you saw before, you gonna see after. Everything they

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Speaker 4: did before they will do after. So my question to you,

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Speaker 4: young lady, is what are you marrying him for? I

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Speaker 4: think they said they're both twenty six. Yeah, you're mature.

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Speaker 2: He's not.

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Speaker 4: You're marrying somebody. What traits did you want? And a

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Speaker 4: man that he's exhibiting to you? I don't see it

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Speaker 4: nowhere in the thing. He handles business well in public.

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Speaker 2: What did that mean? At home? He doesn't help me

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Speaker 2: do anything.

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Speaker 4: Then you talk about how you grew up in a

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Speaker 4: home with both your parents and they both split up the.

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Speaker 2: Chores and cleaned and washed.

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Speaker 4: And your dad was at all your school activities, he cooked.

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Speaker 4: You know, my fiance was raised by his mom and

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Speaker 4: his grandmam. He was catered to his entire life.

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Speaker 2: Now, this is the part I don't understand.

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Speaker 4: His mama bought most of his clothes until he and

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Speaker 4: I got engaged. Okay, now y'all twenty six and got engaged.

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Speaker 4: His mama bought his clothes up till then then you

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Speaker 4: fixed it up a little bit and said, well, his

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Speaker 4: mama got great taste. I told how I can take

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Speaker 4: care of it. Now what his mama bought his clothes

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Speaker 4: till he was twenty six. Then his grandmama did all

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Speaker 4: the cooking, so he can't even he can't even make

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Speaker 4: a sandwich.

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Speaker 2: His mama joked that if you don't start spoiling him.

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Speaker 2: They gonna come over there and do it for you.

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Speaker 2: Told her that wasn't funny to you.

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Speaker 4: Why are you marrying this boy?

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Speaker 2: Because I ain't hurt nothing, manly? He do you know

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Speaker 2: what I think it is?

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Speaker 4: I'll tell you what I think it is when we

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Speaker 4: come back.

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Speaker 1: All right, all right, Steve, we'll have part two of

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Speaker 1: your response coming up at twenty three minutes after the hour.

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Speaker 1: Today's Strawberry letter subject, am I marrying a man or

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Speaker 1: a child. We'll get back into it right after this.

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Speaker 1: You're listening Steve Harvey Morning Show.

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Speaker 1: website and Amazon. All right, come on, Steve, Let's recap

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Speaker 1: today's Strawberry letter. The subject is, am.

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Speaker 3: I marrying a man? Or a child.

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Speaker 4: And if you got to ask that question and then

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Speaker 4: write in a letter, then you already know the answer,

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Speaker 4: because if you was married a man, you wouldn't be

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Speaker 4: typing this letter. Just what why are you marrying this dude?

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Speaker 4: You know what this letter is, y'all. This letter is.

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Speaker 2: A woman who wants a husband.

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Speaker 4: And a man who needs a mother and a grandmother

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Speaker 4: and is hoping to find it in his wife. Because

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Speaker 4: this dude right here, man, his mama picked out his

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Speaker 4: clothes till he was twenty six. I've never heard that before,

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Speaker 4: and I've heard a lot of stuff, but I've never

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Speaker 4: heard a mama buy her son's clothes till he twenty six.

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Speaker 4: Then you say, well, good things. She had good taste

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Speaker 4: because he's always well dressed. Then you say he take

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Speaker 4: care of business out in public, but in private, is

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Speaker 4: something wrong with him? Well, I'll tell you what's wrong

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Speaker 4: with him. He don't do anything. You came from a

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Speaker 4: two parent home where your parents split all the responsibilities.

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Speaker 4: Your dad helped cook, clean, he was at all your

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Speaker 4: school activities. Your fiance was raised by his mom and

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Speaker 4: his grandmama. They did everything, and his grandmama cooked all

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Speaker 4: his meals. To the point where you say, your man

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Speaker 4: can't even make a sandwich. He was catered to his

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Speaker 4: entire life. And Dniel Mama told you, if you don't

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Speaker 4: start spoiling him, they gonna come over there and do

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Speaker 4: it for you. You said, I don't think that's funny

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Speaker 4: at all. They were serious. And so then here's the part.

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Speaker 4: He don't want to learn how to cook. And when

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Speaker 4: I ask him this, sawtage clothes for the launch because

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Speaker 4: they do. Oh, by the way, they've been living together

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Speaker 4: for three weeks. That's what produced this letter. He moved

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Speaker 4: in with her three weeks ago. He didn't know that

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Speaker 4: whites don't go in to wash it with dogs. Well,

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Speaker 4: that's easy. Let him do it one time and that'll

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Speaker 4: fix that.

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Speaker 3: That's right, because.

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Speaker 4: When all your draws is gray and green and they

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Speaker 4: was white, that's you. When your socks don't fit no

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Speaker 4: more you, When your blue jeans is now COOLOX member Coulos, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 4: you can fix that right there. When your T shirts

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Speaker 4: are all your T shirts that you put them on

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Speaker 4: and they show your navel, that that's when you love him.

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Speaker 2: How to wash after that.

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Speaker 4: He often talks about having children, but I can't imagine

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Speaker 4: taking care of children while I'm raising a grown man. Really,

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Speaker 4: so why are you even considering marrying him? If you're

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Speaker 4: trying to raise a grown man? And then you overheard

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Speaker 4: telling his mama that you put pressure on him to

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Speaker 4: clean and cook and do this and that. Now, I

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Speaker 4: don't want him to think I'm nagging, but he needs

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Speaker 4: a crash course on being man of the house. Okay,

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Speaker 4: and who and who finn to give it to it?

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Speaker 3: Who?

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Speaker 4: Who, young lady at gonna give him this crash course?

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Speaker 4: He done got the crash course he gonna get from

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Speaker 4: his mama and his grandmama. How you gonna get him

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Speaker 4: a crash course when you ain't never been a man? Now,

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Speaker 4: you done had a good example of it your father.

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Speaker 4: But you can't make a man be a man. I

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Speaker 4: can tell you that right now. You can take that

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Speaker 4: off your plate and of things to do. If you

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Speaker 4: meet a man, ladies and he's not a man, walk

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Speaker 4: away because there is nothing you can do to get

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Speaker 4: him to be one. A woman cannot make a man

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Speaker 4: be a man. A woman can help a man be

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Speaker 4: a better man. Okay, Okay, that's what you can do,

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Speaker 4: But you got to start with a man. Your husband

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Speaker 4: you married, married you because in hopes that you can

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Speaker 4: help him become a better man. But you married your

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Speaker 4: husband because he was already a man. Now you get

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Speaker 4: in there as a support system and try to make

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Speaker 4: him a better man. Same thing with a woman. You

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Speaker 4: marry a woman to make her a better woman.

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Speaker 2: That's man.

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Speaker 4: Y'all got to compliment each other, and they got nothing

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Speaker 4: going on right here. I don't even see why you

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Speaker 4: married his dude. They don't have nothing in comment. He

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Speaker 4: don't do nothing. He ain't got nothing in common with

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Speaker 4: your daddy, your brother. I never thought it would be

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Speaker 4: this big of a problem. Is it best to postpone

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Speaker 4: the wedding till he grows up? He's not going to

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Speaker 4: grow up. Do you know how far behind he is

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Speaker 4: right now? His mama been buying his clothes till he

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Speaker 4: twenty six. I'm just telling you right now, I've never

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Speaker 4: heard that before. I don't know no man who mama

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Speaker 4: bought their clothes till he was twenty six.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 4: I know some men that lived at their mama house

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Speaker 4: till they were thirty something, but they was never in

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Speaker 4: a real relationship. Ain't no woman signing up for that

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Speaker 4: I don't know why you would sign up for this.

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Speaker 4: You know what I think you should do. I think

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Speaker 4: you should ask him to leave your house until he

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Speaker 4: grows up. And then while he over there growing up,

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Speaker 4: you need to go find somebody that's already grown. That's

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Speaker 4: my strong suggestion to you, because you finna waste your life.

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Speaker 4: You're going to spend years of misery with this boy.

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Speaker 4: This boy right here, he don't have it. He just

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Speaker 4: don't have it. And I know it's one. I don't

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Speaker 4: have a word from him. I don't know what he's

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Speaker 4: thinking of doing. But you do everything you put in

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Speaker 4: to let he ain't doing he ain't doing nothing. I'll

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Speaker 4: leave him. Why you weaping all right?

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Speaker 1: Post your comments on today's Strawberry Strawberry Letter at Steve

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Speaker 1: Harvey fl on Instagram and Facebook, and check out the

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letter podcast on the free iHeartRadio app Free.

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Speaker 3: Never Sounded So Good. You can download it.

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Speaker 1: Today you're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show