1
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,960
Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that wants babies to feel like

2
00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:12,200
Speaker 1: real people too, So instead of only being able to

3
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:19,400
Speaker 1: drink milk and eat soft, mushy foods, he's introducing baby dentures. Yeah,

4
00:00:19,480 --> 00:00:22,000
Speaker 1: give that two month old a well done steak and

5
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:27,320
Speaker 1: call it good. With Laser Stories, the segment where we

6
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,400
Speaker 1: read weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone

7
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:32,360
Speaker 1: else does, except we've got a laser. Those other binkie

8
00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:35,440
Speaker 1: dinks just don't. This first lazer story is out of Maine.

9
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,920
Speaker 1: Eighty seven year old Marjorie Perkins was peacefully sleeping when

10
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:44,360
Speaker 1: she heard something alarming at two am. That's when she

11
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,200
Speaker 1: opened her eyes to see a seventeen year old boy

12
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:50,640
Speaker 1: who used to mow her grass standing over her. Oh

13
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:55,680
Speaker 1: my god, Cray. He had broken in and then threatened her,

14
00:00:56,040 --> 00:01:02,360
Speaker 1: saying I'm going to cut you. What the heck? Marjorie thought,

15
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:08,839
Speaker 1: If he's gonna cut, I'm gonna kick. So fight back, girl.

16
00:01:08,959 --> 00:01:15,000
Speaker 1: She started putting on her shoes. I don't want to,

17
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,880
Speaker 1: you can't, and that's when the teen intruders started to

18
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:25,760
Speaker 1: hit her. The pair got into it, with both landing

19
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:33,479
Speaker 1: some damage. The fight lasted almost ten minutes. Wow long Eventually,

20
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,200
Speaker 1: the boy grew tired. That's when Marjorie told him he

21
00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:42,960
Speaker 1: needed to get out. Yeah, but his response he was hungry.

22
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,080
Speaker 2: So he's just angry. That's what's going on with this.

23
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,040
Speaker 1: Kid doing what all grandma's do. Marjorie fed her intruder.

24
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,760
Speaker 1: She's like, that's not and that you need to eat more.

25
00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:58,560
Speaker 1: You're growing boy, Well, of course you're hungry, growing muscle.

26
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,800
Speaker 2: Wasn't even a peppermint that she just pulled out of

27
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:01,160
Speaker 2: a par.

28
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,960
Speaker 1: She gave him a box of peanut butter and honeycrackers,

29
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,800
Speaker 1: two tangerines, and a pair of Insure protein shakes.

30
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:11,600
Speaker 2: Drink this.

31
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:13,720
Speaker 1: She's like, even though I'm mad, I do need to

32
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,760
Speaker 1: ask you like diagonal.

33
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,280
Speaker 2: Cut This is good for your boat.

34
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,720
Speaker 1: And while he was eating, Marjorie was able to use

35
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,120
Speaker 1: her rotary phone to dial nine to one one, which

36
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:29,360
Speaker 1: also took five minutes. The boy left before police arrived,

37
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,560
Speaker 1: but was arrested a few blocks away. He's being held

38
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,880
Speaker 1: on two counts of burglary, criminal threatening, and assault. However,

39
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,800
Speaker 1: he did pass on the jail meal that was offered.

40
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,720
Speaker 2: He was full of Yeah, grandma's cooking.

41
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,640
Speaker 1: Good work, Grandma. This next laser stories out of Sandago

42
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,760
Speaker 1: because she doesn't have any luck on bumble hinge or Tinder.

43
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,000
Speaker 1: Twenty seven year old Emily Za Goda's going viral right

44
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:56,920
Speaker 1: now because she finally took dating into her own hands

45
00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,880
Speaker 1: literally by passing out dating resumes to men that she

46
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:01,760
Speaker 1: meets in person.

47
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,440
Speaker 2: Did that take some confidence?

48
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,640
Speaker 1: I am not going to read them? I would? Did

49
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:09,560
Speaker 1: you say, desperation?

50
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,840
Speaker 2: No confidenceefy.

51
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,240
Speaker 1: She came up with the idea because her roommates had

52
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,600
Speaker 1: decorated their apartment with photos of their favorite funny memories,

53
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,360
Speaker 1: and that gave her the idea, why not use her

54
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,520
Speaker 1: personality picks as a sort of business card or dating

55
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,280
Speaker 1: resume to help her find a guy.

56
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,040
Speaker 2: You wouldn't call a girl back if she handed to

57
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,600
Speaker 2: you one of those, Jose, I.

58
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,520
Speaker 1: Wouldn't even read it. I would laugh, and I would

59
00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,880
Speaker 1: give me your number, but I wouldn't like read through.

60
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,680
Speaker 1: As she printed hundreds of goofy funny picks that showcased

61
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,960
Speaker 1: who she really was with handwritten notes that included her hobbies, skills,

62
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,400
Speaker 1: and simple pleasures, and then pass them out in grocery stores,

63
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:52,240
Speaker 1: outside of men's bathrooms, at sporting events, at the car wash,

64
00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:56,240
Speaker 1: at home depot she just pops out there, you go,

65
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,760
Speaker 1: stereotypical men going well.

66
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:00,760
Speaker 2: I mean she knows her.

67
00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,800
Speaker 1: Crowd even went to a rock climbing gym.

68
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:07,040
Speaker 2: Okay, her would just go to the bank.

69
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, literally, she was smart. Her videos of a

70
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,840
Speaker 1: mass over four million viewers. But the real question is

71
00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,279
Speaker 1: hasn't gotten her any dates? She says, well, every guy

72
00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:21,039
Speaker 1: except for one has texted her. She's only secured one date.

73
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:27,240
Speaker 1: Of all that effort, it was I mean, I thought

74
00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:29,680
Speaker 1: that she'd get more than one date. It was with

75
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,680
Speaker 1: the guys she met at Costco. Oh, and they're planning

76
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,839
Speaker 1: to now go get Costco hot dogs together. Okay, no

77
00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:37,880
Speaker 1: word on it if anything's going to happen after that,

78
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,000
Speaker 1: But you know, I think she needs to do locations.

79
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:44,760
Speaker 1: I don't know, I like a Costco date. Yeah. Those

80
00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,240
Speaker 1: chicken bakes are pretty much serious.

81
00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:49,440
Speaker 2: Change your life.

82
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,880
Speaker 1: Your next laser story is out of greasy, cheesy world.

83
00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:54,640
Speaker 2: That's the world I want to go to.

84
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,080
Speaker 1: The population is passionate about this topic. So if you

85
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:03,400
Speaker 1: want this gig, expect competition. A job listing for a

86
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:08,080
Speaker 1: pizza influencer is going viral. What do you have to do?

87
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:11,880
Speaker 1: The salary is one hundred and ten thousand dollars a year.

88
00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,240
Speaker 1: My god, I mean, what is your job?

89
00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:15,480
Speaker 2: Trying to get people to eat pizza?

90
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,960
Speaker 1: Like the easiest job in the world. It's for a

91
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:22,280
Speaker 1: pizza delivery app called Slice and it's basically just a

92
00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,760
Speaker 1: social media marketing role and they just slapped a fun

93
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:25,359
Speaker 1: title on it.

94
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, so they're already good at social media if you

95
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,200
Speaker 2: have to outdo.

96
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,960
Speaker 1: Them, you know. The job description says you'll create videos

97
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,880
Speaker 1: and social media content, primarily for TikTok and Instagram. That

98
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:43,120
Speaker 1: quote celebrates pizza, pizzaia owners and pizza eaters. Ah, now

99
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:47,200
Speaker 1: that's cool. Your job duties will include recording, editing, and starring,

100
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:50,000
Speaker 1: and at least three pizza themed videos a week. You'll

101
00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:53,920
Speaker 1: also be interviewing pizza shop owners and running contests and giveaways.

102
00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,719
Speaker 1: Some of the perks include medical and dental, a matching

103
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,840
Speaker 1: four A one K, and a quote weekly pizza stipend.

104
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:04,200
Speaker 2: Oh pizza, I think the teenage Ninja turtles have got

105
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:04,960
Speaker 2: to start.

106
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,760
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, no, We're gonna put a link up to

107
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,680
Speaker 1: apply for that on the Brook and Jeffrey instance story,

108
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:09,680
Speaker 1: So go check that out.

109
00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,160
Speaker 2: You better get to handle the pie guy quick.

110
00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,360
Speaker 1: This next la of stories out of lions and tigers

111
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:19,120
Speaker 1: and house cats. Oh my oh, most pet owners would

112
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:22,479
Speaker 1: probably say they'd do anything for their pet. That makes sense.

113
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,839
Speaker 1: Pets become a part of our families, and if there's

114
00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:27,640
Speaker 1: anything that they need, sure, let's do what we can.

115
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:31,719
Speaker 1: But is there a limit? Like what if they needed

116
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:36,200
Speaker 1: your kidney? And you like, shut up? I will not

117
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,560
Speaker 1: shut up because in a new survey of pet owners,

118
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:43,440
Speaker 1: fifty eight percent of people say they would donate a

119
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,440
Speaker 1: kidney to save their pet if they could. Could you

120
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:47,240
Speaker 1: live without yours?

121
00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:48,560
Speaker 2: I'm sorry you have to.

122
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:49,560
Speaker 1: You have two kidneys?

123
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:54,000
Speaker 2: Don Oh my god, you were gonna do it with

124
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:54,880
Speaker 2: only having one?

125
00:06:55,120 --> 00:07:01,040
Speaker 1: Lesson but of course, god, it's a high athetical. There

126
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:06,080
Speaker 1: aren't any human to pet kidney transplants yet.

127
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:14,240
Speaker 2: I mean there's pig valve to human heart valve transplants situation.

128
00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, day, I think it'll be possible.

129
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:17,920
Speaker 2: Dated a guy with a pig heart palve.

130
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:22,600
Speaker 1: Oh of course it wasn't an actual pig, No, it's

131
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,800
Speaker 1: actually human. Eighty six percent of pet owners say they

132
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,880
Speaker 1: worry about their pets health as much or even more

133
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:35,720
Speaker 1: than their own. Costs are a concern. Nearly thirty percent

134
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,520
Speaker 1: say they would struggle to pay a veterinary bill of

135
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,000
Speaker 1: five hundred dollars or more.

136
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:42,440
Speaker 2: See I wanted, like I want to be all hard

137
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,720
Speaker 2: on this, but we paid to have acupuncturists come to

138
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:50,040
Speaker 2: our house and treat our dog every month by it

139
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:50,840
Speaker 2: really helps.

140
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,480
Speaker 1: Well, five hundred dollars, I mean, that's a lot of

141
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:56,400
Speaker 1: money for people. Speaking of five have you checked out

142
00:07:56,440 --> 00:08:01,520
Speaker 1: this guy's only fans, there's not much one private video calls.

143
00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,000
Speaker 1: I've heard. It's worth it, though, even as a handler

144
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:10,000
Speaker 1: turned him upside down for you money to find out.

145
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,600
Speaker 1: Salmon's laser stories has come to an end for the day.

146
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,720
Speaker 1: We'll do it again the same time on Wednesday, Brooke

147
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:17,960
Speaker 1: and Jeffrey in the morning,