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Speaker 1: Yes, it's Lip Server sided Antela yee.

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Speaker 2: I'm Gg Maguire, Geordie George, and I'm Annie Samuel.

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Speaker 1: Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she is back. Y'all know I

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Speaker 1: love Real Housewives and Potomac. So I'm glad to see

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Speaker 1: you back on the show on your term. Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it feels good to be back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and your energy is like everybody's like, she's so

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Speaker 1: zen like now and I'm bothered. You know what I thought? Initially,

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Speaker 1: I was like when you first go on a show,

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Speaker 1: you learn a lot, like in retrospect when you are

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Speaker 1: like I should have did this, and like, like you said,

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Speaker 1: you know, how you react is how you react, but

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Speaker 1: you have to kind of like learn how to I guess,

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Speaker 1: you know, come across the way you are.

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Speaker 2: You know. It was it was interesting because I was

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Speaker 2: so emotionally wired and I was also not as emotionally

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Speaker 2: like intelligent as I thought I was, and I had

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Speaker 2: so much on my plate that adding reality TV into

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Speaker 2: it at that time, I just didn't see it coming

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Speaker 2: and I really needed to take a step back and

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Speaker 2: just like.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, who am I Like? What is going on?

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Speaker 2: And I thought that I had such great control over

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Speaker 2: myself and my identity.

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Speaker 1: But absolutely not. I said. I always say they're gonna

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Speaker 1: put you in positions like where you normally in real

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Speaker 1: life you wouldn't be in that position, but they'll place

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Speaker 1: you here, and they're like, go yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I felt like I always had to explain myself,

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Speaker 2: like I always had something to prove, and I'm just like, no,

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Speaker 2: it didn't happen like this. It happened like that. And

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Speaker 2: I'm in a place now where I'm so rooted in

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Speaker 2: who i am after doing all the work that I've

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Speaker 2: done on myself that i don't have anything to prove

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Speaker 2: to anybody. And I'm actually standing in my transparency and

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Speaker 2: authenticity in a way that I won't allow any shame, judgment,

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Speaker 2: or guilt put me in a place where I'm shaming

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Speaker 2: myself and I'm mad at myself. It's like I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: live and I'm gonna learn, just like everybody else.

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Speaker 1: You know. I love this. You have a book coming

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Speaker 1: out January four, if that's the day after my birthday.

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Speaker 1: Just put it out there, a Catcorn book, Love Letters

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Speaker 1: from Versions of Myself, a memoir of self discovery, transformation

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Speaker 1: and healing. And you really did a deep dive into

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Speaker 1: yourself to actually write this book. So I know it

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Speaker 1: has to be nerve wracking to know the world is

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Speaker 1: going to be reading this.

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Speaker 2: It's nerve wracking, and it's also exciting because when I

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Speaker 2: tell you I spent four years writing this book, it

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Speaker 2: started out as just me journaling. So I needed an outlet.

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Speaker 2: I needed to feel like my voice could be heard.

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Speaker 2: And at the time, you know, going through a divorce

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Speaker 2: and everybody not knowing why because I made an image

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Speaker 2: that looked so great that when I finally was like,

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Speaker 2: I can't do it anymore. Even my family couldn't understand

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Speaker 2: what was going on. So I needed an outlet. I

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Speaker 2: started to journal, and at times when it felt like

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Speaker 2: really heavy, I started writing love letters to myself. Actually,

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Speaker 2: my first letter I wrote was actually to my ex husband,

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Speaker 2: and it's the letter that I wrote to him with

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Speaker 2: the intention of never giving it to him. I just

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Speaker 2: needed to get it all off my us so and

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Speaker 2: to this day never gave it to him. So I

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Speaker 2: realized how much of her release that was, and I said,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I'm gonna start writing these love letters

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Speaker 2: to me. And I would notice a few months down

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Speaker 2: the road would pass and I would go back and

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Speaker 2: read it, and it was exactly what I needed to

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Speaker 2: hear in that moment. So I just kept it going

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Speaker 2: and I was like, you know what, this can be

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Speaker 2: a book.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it is. We're going to get somewhere into that.

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Speaker 1: But first I want to talk about something that went

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Speaker 1: viral recently. Yes, okay, so you like, I'm listen because

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Speaker 1: I haven't seen you talk about this yet. Yep. But

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Speaker 1: there was some pictures of you and and you did

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Speaker 1: radio radio sisters, and I remember when you said this

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Speaker 1: was going to be a you know, you announced that

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Speaker 1: you were leaving in DCWPGC. Yep.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, so this is the last time that you

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Speaker 2: will be tapping in with me. Today is my last

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Speaker 2: day as co host on Good Morning Show. I've been

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Speaker 2: crying all morning. I decided about a month ago, and

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Speaker 2: I had a very difficult conversation with my team, my

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Speaker 2: tribe about three weeks ago, and I let them know

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Speaker 2: that I decided to officially resign as co host.

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Speaker 1: On a good morning show.

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Speaker 2: I finally just made the decision that I need to

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Speaker 2: do with best for myself and my children.

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Speaker 1: Yep. And that was a big deal. Because it was

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Speaker 1: something that you loved doing, but you wanted to focus

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Speaker 1: on family and other things and bet on yourself. And

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Speaker 1: I know how that feels too, I'm betting on yourself.

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Speaker 1: But then recently these pictures and videos and mergy of

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Speaker 1: you and your former co host Jason, and it looked

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Speaker 1: like you guys were hugged up and people were like, Oh,

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Speaker 1: he's married, what's going on here? So what was that

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Speaker 1: all about?

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Speaker 2: So first, so much and I'm an unpack it as

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Speaker 2: easily and as neatly as possible. So when I was

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Speaker 2: going through the divorce, I was separated but still living

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Speaker 2: in the same house. Jason and I were like great friends,

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Speaker 2: Like we never spent any time outside the studio, nothing

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Speaker 2: like that. As I was going through the whole divorce process,

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Speaker 2: the separation, everything like that, he was giving me this

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Speaker 2: advice that I was like, you have to have been

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Speaker 2: through something to be able to give me this type

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Speaker 2: of advice. We started to have like an amazing friendship

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Speaker 2: outside of work, and I started to learn some things

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Speaker 2: about what he was going through. So we connected on

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Speaker 2: that level. Him being separated living in the same house,

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Speaker 2: but people not knowing because obviously he's not you know,

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Speaker 2: out there like that in reality TV space. Mine was

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Speaker 2: more public and it was a friendship that was genuinely

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Speaker 2: a friendship that turned very emotionally connected and then it

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Speaker 2: turned romantic. And the reason this video is out there

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Speaker 2: right now is because my ex husband actually leaked.

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Speaker 1: At whooh yeah, my goodness.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like legit. He has been showing this video to everybody.

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Speaker 2: And the bigger question is how did he get it?

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Speaker 1: So off the cloud? The cloud?

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Speaker 2: No, he actually got it from a former friend of

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Speaker 2: mine who you know, when you go through divorce, you

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Speaker 2: lose some friends, you lose some family. It was it

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Speaker 2: blew my mind. So for whatever reason, yes, for whatever reason,

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Speaker 2: this particular former friend, we were cool and then it

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Speaker 2: was just like and she was the only person that

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Speaker 2: I was sharing this information with her and my mom,

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Speaker 2: and she ended up giving it to him and he

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Speaker 2: used it as an intimidation tactic because he did not

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Speaker 2: want me back on reality TV. He's afraid of my

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Speaker 2: book coming out, so he has been showing it. So people,

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Speaker 2: like in a reality TV world on social media, they

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Speaker 2: think they know who he is, but he's a completely

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Speaker 2: different person thanks to me. People think that he is.

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Speaker 1: What her because you know, the family life to appair

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Speaker 1: perfect than did a good job. Thank you and to

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Speaker 1: my so interesting because I feel like you've taken even

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Speaker 1: in this book. It's not like you dragged him at all.

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Speaker 1: There was a couple of truths that you have that

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Speaker 1: I feel like you expressed in a way that you

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Speaker 1: weren't blaming him for the way that things transpired. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was just he was never going to be the

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Speaker 1: person that you thought he would grow to be.

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Speaker 2: Yes, a lot of times women married potential and men

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Speaker 2: marry and want to stay the same, you know, and

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Speaker 2: it was that mixed up. And I was like, look,

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Speaker 2: it's not fair for me to keep you in this position,

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Speaker 2: like be who you are, but who you are is

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Speaker 2: just not where I want to be anymore. I'm evolved,

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Speaker 2: I'm growing. So it just got really nasty recently.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so there's a friend that's been on the show Cookie.

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Speaker 2: She and I stopped talking years ago.

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Speaker 1: Cookie listen.

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Speaker 2: And it's really interesting because it initially got leaked on

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Speaker 2: one of her very well known fake Twitter pages. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: everybody knows I can show girl. I know so much already,

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Speaker 2: so much came out, but you know what's crazy. He

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Speaker 2: tried to use that video to intimidate me from coming back,

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Speaker 2: and I got to the point where I was like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, whatever, like do what you gonna do.

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Speaker 2: So it was always like then it was like, well,

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Speaker 2: I ain't gonna do that you the mother and my child.

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Speaker 2: I ain't gonna do that the mother my children. But

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Speaker 2: then he still did it. But then he was even

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Speaker 2: intimidating the other parties, reached out on Instagram dms like

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Speaker 2: call me, I need to talk, and then threatening I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna put this out on social media. So this wasn't

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Speaker 2: a surprise.

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Speaker 1: It was just didn't know when.

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Speaker 2: But it wasn't in the video is two years years ago?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I said that's what people were saying. So

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Speaker 1: he was going through his own separation at home while

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Speaker 1: you were going through what you were going through. That

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Speaker 1: is wild. And then you left the show last year.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I quit because I so my children. Now I'm

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Speaker 2: really getting into it. My children were not dealing with

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Speaker 2: the on and off again, week on, week off living arrangements.

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Speaker 1: And they really needed me.

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Speaker 2: My children are homeschool so I was literally getting up

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Speaker 2: at three in the morning going to work and then

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Speaker 2: coming back on my week having to homeschool them, I

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Speaker 2: miss listen all of that, go to bed at like

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Speaker 2: nine o'clock at night to do it again, and I

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Speaker 2: felt like I just couldn't get ahead of the schedule.

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Speaker 2: And when I tell you, out of all the jobs

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Speaker 2: I've ever had, that was the one I did not

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Speaker 2: want to walk away from, I loved radio. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: I made the decision. And I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 2: I'm not gonna be able to do this anymore.

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Speaker 1: But you want a different time slot, baby, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I really, I really want to make it work. But

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Speaker 2: my children they're at an age where they really needed me.

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Speaker 1: And uh.

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Speaker 2: And it was funny because once again he started this

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Speaker 2: whole rumor that I got fired. I know, it's just insane,

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Speaker 2: and it's been a lot because I actually this is

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Speaker 2: the first time I'm really putting it out there, because

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Speaker 2: he has done so much in the neighborhood, in the

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Speaker 2: streets of Potomac, and anybody that lives in Potomac that

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Speaker 2: has cross paths with him knows exactly what I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Within five minutes, he will pull out his phone. My

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Speaker 2: kids even said that he has a whole folder with

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Speaker 2: screen shops and pictures of me, and at one point

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Speaker 2: it's been bad and to the point where he would

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Speaker 2: even tell me I got eyes on you.

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Speaker 1: It's you focus on it, Like, how does it go

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Speaker 1: from we were in love to like, do you hate me?

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean? Like, what is that about?

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Speaker 1: Because I and even watching Real Housewives and seeing like

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Speaker 1: we've all seen this is kind of part of the

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Speaker 1: storyline is Stacy. People are saying that she's dating him

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Speaker 1: or whatever happens, she dated him and You're like, I

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Speaker 1: don't care. You haven't been together for two years and

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Speaker 1: you really seem genuinely like I literally don't care.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, are you good with kids?

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Speaker 1: Very much.

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Speaker 2: Like she got a nine year old daughter. Okay, if

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Speaker 2: y'all dating, cool, the kids can't have a play date.

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Speaker 1: When I said, you know you're when you are honestly like,

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Speaker 1: I wish you well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I really I really do wish him well.

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Speaker 2: But I will also wish for him to leave me alone.

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Speaker 2: It's like, let me live my life. You're living your life.

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Speaker 2: You're dating and doing whatever you want to do. And

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Speaker 2: what's crazy is I'm not even dating. I'm not even

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Speaker 2: to that point yet. And honestly, the way things are

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Speaker 2: paying out even with that, it's like, I would even

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Speaker 2: hate to bring somebody into a situation where he's acting

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Speaker 2: the way he's acting and we're trying to co parent,

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Speaker 2: you know's yeah, it's.

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Speaker 1: A lot, and how is navigating co parenting? Who a lot? O?

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Speaker 2: MG, Like it's gotten even worse. And what's interesting is

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Speaker 2: I stayed pretty quiet and I tried my best not

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Speaker 2: to bash because I didn't want it to affect our

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Speaker 2: co parenting. And he got to the point where he

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Speaker 2: started saying very inappropriate things to the children. He told

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Speaker 2: the children about the video that y'all saw, He actually

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Speaker 2: described it to them, And I'm like, why are you

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Speaker 2: telling At the time they were eleven, nine and six,

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Speaker 2: why are you telling children these crazy twisting The narrative

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Speaker 2: of why the marriage ended made it like, oh, your

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Speaker 2: mam was having an affair and she was cheating.

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Speaker 1: No accountability, sir, no sense, like because you know, it's

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Speaker 1: one thing, like you took accountability for why things maybe

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Speaker 1: on your end, right, But he hasn't been able to

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Speaker 1: face the fact that you talk about the lack of affection,

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Speaker 1: the lack of intimacy. There was even one prayer in

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Speaker 1: a book where things did get physical that you described

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Speaker 1: on one occasion. Yeah, in the book that felt scary,

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Speaker 1: but witnesses were there, Yeah, to actually see him basically

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Speaker 1: lift you up by your throat. Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And it's crazy because I think what had me the

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Speaker 2: most was me rationalizing things afterward, you know, and it's like, well, well,

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Speaker 2: I did kind of it on I did kind of

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Speaker 2: instigate it, and it's just like, all right, I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: just let it go. And when you're in a marriage

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Speaker 2: and when you've seen it growing up, it's almost like yo,

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Speaker 2: like this is normal, Like okay, we'll get over it.

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Speaker 2: And that was one of the biggest things that led

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Speaker 2: me to get to that point where I was like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I can't do this anymore. When I

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Speaker 2: started to think about the fact that my children are

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Speaker 2: witnessing me have behavior that's opposite of what I preached

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Speaker 2: to them, which is self love, and they're watching me

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Speaker 2: run myself and deplete myself into the dirt, and this

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Speaker 2: is being allowed, you know. And I felt like I

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Speaker 2: just had to keep proving myself and proving myself and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, wait, but we're married, why should I have

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Speaker 2: to prove myself to a person, you know, and we're

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Speaker 2: supposed to be equal, so it was just it's just

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Speaker 2: been a very difficult situation.

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Speaker 1: But the reason why I speak out.

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Speaker 2: And I'm talking more and more about it now is

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Speaker 2: because I felt so alone going through it. I didn't

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Speaker 2: realize that there were other people that had the same

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Speaker 2: experience until I started talking more about it, and then

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Speaker 2: I would have women dm me that are like all

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Speaker 2: age groups. They're like, what you're saying, you're describing exactly

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Speaker 2: how my marriage is. I thought I was the only one,

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Speaker 2: and that was the push for me to just you know,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't keep remaining silent and protecting you know.

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Speaker 2: I feel like as black women, we're just rooted to

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Speaker 2: protect black men, but black.

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Speaker 1: Men got to step up too. We're downplaying what happened

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Speaker 1: to you so that it doesn't harm him or what

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Speaker 1: he has going on. And it's like there's even one

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Speaker 1: part where you talk about how and listen you way

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Speaker 1: for if the full book is out, so you can

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Speaker 1: read it innoc entiety, so don't worry. It's a lot

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Speaker 1: more to it. But you even talk about this scene

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Speaker 1: where you know you got into it on the show

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Speaker 1: and behind the scenes he was like, yeah, babe, you

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Speaker 1: you know you did that, and then on camera he

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Speaker 1: was like completely completely different and not having your back

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Speaker 1: in any way. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And then when so when people see me react, they're

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Speaker 2: not realizing why I'm reacting that way. They're like, oh,

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Speaker 2: you being mean, Na, Chris, Oh you're being And I'm like,

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Speaker 2: y'all don't know what just happened right before these cameras

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Speaker 2: went up, or y'all don't know what was edited out

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Speaker 2: that caused me to have that reaction. And it's like,

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Speaker 2: it's like, paint a picture as if I'm this terrible

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Speaker 2: wife if you want to. But even as of this year,

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Speaker 2: you're still running around trying to bash me, trying to

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Speaker 2: you know, you're bitter, and it's just like, dude, like,

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Speaker 2: get over it.

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Speaker 1: Did he want to get divorced when you brought it up?

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Speaker 1: Because I know you said that you would never bring

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Speaker 1: it up until the day that you were finally like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's get divorced.

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Speaker 2: He would use it as a like, as a weapon

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Speaker 2: because he didn't believe that you would.

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Speaker 1: He ain't really gonna do.

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Speaker 2: It, even up until the point that we got divorced.

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Speaker 2: He told that same friend, former friend. He told her

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Speaker 2: after the divorce was finalized, and the judge was like,

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Speaker 2: all right, you know done. He told her, Well, you

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Speaker 2: know I read that you can have like maybe like

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Speaker 2: two months after the divorce is finalized to change your mind.

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Speaker 1: And she's like she looked at him, like she's not

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Speaker 1: changing her mind, you know. So you know I wish

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Speaker 1: him well.

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Speaker 2: Like I said, at this point, you know, co parenting

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Speaker 2: has gotten so bad. I'm like, what am I protecting?

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Speaker 2: You know, It's like you want to be mad at me.

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Speaker 2: You're gonna stay mad at me. There's nothing I can

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Speaker 2: do about that. And all I need to do is

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Speaker 2: focus on my kids. That's what I've been focusing on

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Speaker 2: and doing whatever I can to support my children.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. No, listen, and thank goodness you've been doing the

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Speaker 1: work on yourself, because imagine if this would have been Monique,

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Speaker 1: you know, five years ago, what that would have been

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Speaker 1: like because of the same meanthustics that you are with

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Speaker 1: the clarity you have today, and you did go and

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Speaker 1: get therapy. Absolutely, so I want to talk about that

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Speaker 1: because all through this book it's giving I see the

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Speaker 1: last journey of what it is that you've learned on

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Speaker 1: this journey. Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yes, therapy was so important. The first thing was like,

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Speaker 2: you normalize things right when you're growing up, and then

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Speaker 2: you grow up and get married and everything is normal

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Speaker 2: because you saw it when you were a kid. I

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Speaker 2: didn't realize that I had childhood trauma. Like my therapist

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Speaker 2: was listening to me retell stories and her mouth just

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Speaker 2: dropped and she was like, that's not normal, Like how

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Speaker 2: did you feel about that in that moment, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I didn't feel anything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was regular. She was like, no, it's not.

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Speaker 2: And it was like once she started pointing out how

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Speaker 2: I was responding to the situation, she said, you have

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Speaker 2: emotionally turned off. That's why you don't feel anything. And

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Speaker 2: let me tell you when I started to let myself

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Speaker 2: feel the feelings, Oh my goodness. That was chapter six.

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Speaker 1: She's dying.

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Speaker 2: I went through it. I had to purge all. Like

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Speaker 2: people think about healing and they think it's so great

360
00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:00,239
Speaker 2: to heal, it's not because you have to revisit everything

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Speaker 2: that has traumatized you, you know, and through therapy and

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Speaker 2: through journaling, through just being outside of nature.

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Speaker 1: Ayahuasca, Oh, yes, ayahuasca. I want to ask about the.

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Speaker 2: Golden Teachers, still ecitement whatever. It's like, they really help

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Speaker 2: you to speed track the healing, but you still have

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Speaker 2: to go through the process. And that's why so many

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Speaker 2: people don't heal.

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Speaker 1: Tell me about the ayahuasca because this is something that

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Speaker 1: we said years No, no, Jordan, you haven't either, because

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Speaker 1: I want to do it, but I'm also nervous and

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Speaker 1: I know you have to have like a shaman and yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know it.

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Speaker 3: And I'm not nervous. I just haven't had the opportunity yet.

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Speaker 3: Well okay, but I wasn't able to go.

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Speaker 2: So if you go, I have a place that I

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Speaker 2: went to that I can definitely give you. I researched

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Speaker 2: for a year before I actually took the journey and

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Speaker 2: went on the trip. And where did you go? I

379
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:53,440
Speaker 2: went to Costa Rica and there there was a small group.

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Speaker 2: So I will not do the ones where it's a

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Speaker 2: bunch of people because that's a lot of energy experienced,

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Speaker 2: you know. So I did one that was very small

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Speaker 2: and intimate, and they had the shamans. The shamans weren't

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Speaker 2: people who just said, oh I love this, let me

385
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Speaker 2: just start my own practice. They've actually been rooted in

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Speaker 2: plant medicine since they it's a part of their generational line,

387
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Speaker 2: so they just were raised up in it, and I

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Speaker 2: felt very comfortable and it is amazing.

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Speaker 1: It literally is like.

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Speaker 2: The best way I can describe by aauasca is like

391
00:18:26,240 --> 00:18:29,360
Speaker 2: you're you're going through a tunnel and then you hit

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Speaker 2: a wall, and most people will try to figure out

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Speaker 2: how to get around that wall, and they might chisel

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Speaker 2: at it. Ayahuasca's gonna knock it down. So when it

395
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Speaker 2: goes into your body, it searches for your trauma blocks

396
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Speaker 2: because every time you've experienced anything traumatic, you store it

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Speaker 2: in your body somewhere. So the ayahuasca finds it and

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Speaker 2: it punches it down like with no mercy. So it's

399
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,959
Speaker 2: best for you to just say, Okay, we're in this together,

400
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,280
Speaker 2: like don't fight it, because then you're going to have

401
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:59,480
Speaker 2: a hard time. So when you are basically just like okay,

402
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 2: let's deal with it. For me, it was like I

403
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,760
Speaker 2: was watching my life on a movie screen. Like it

404
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 2: was as if I was sitting and I'm watching me

405
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,520
Speaker 2: to the point where I'm remembering things that I didn't

406
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,360
Speaker 2: even remember when I was there, things that were years ago.

407
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:16,440
Speaker 2: I can see exactly what clothes I had on, how

408
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,639
Speaker 2: my hair was like. It was incredibly intense, and it

409
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,679
Speaker 2: allowed me to push those feelings in that blockage right

410
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Speaker 2: out the way, like right away. So in the way

411
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,520
Speaker 2: that this particular company did it, they had breakdown sessions

412
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Speaker 2: where you were able to kind of talk about it.

413
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Speaker 2: They give you a chance to just kind of like

414
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Speaker 2: sit with yourself and process what you just experienced. And

415
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Speaker 2: I did like a five day so we did actually

416
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Speaker 2: like three ceremonies and it was incredible, Like for me,

417
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,399
Speaker 2: it really changed my life. It actually put me in

418
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Speaker 2: a place of gratitude for where I was going through

419
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Speaker 2: my divorce with my ex husband. Even where I felt

420
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Speaker 2: let down by him, I was grateful to him and

421
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Speaker 2: I focused on what I was grateful about. If it

422
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Speaker 2: wasn't for him, I wouldn't even be in a position

423
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Speaker 2: to even open my eyes. He pushed me to that

424
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:07,480
Speaker 2: limit to make me set those boundaries right before him.

425
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Speaker 2: I had no boundaries. So it was really it was

426
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Speaker 2: really deep.

427
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Speaker 1: It was good. I loved it. It was great for me.

428
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Speaker 1: Like I'm sold listen, It's something that I always hear about.

429
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Speaker 1: I've always wanted to do. But of course I want

430
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Speaker 1: to have a good experience. Yeah, you know what I

431
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Speaker 1: do it, but I know it's also not like a

432
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:29,879
Speaker 1: good fun experience and yeah, but I also know it

433
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Speaker 1: is life changing. They always say, yeah.

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Speaker 2: You have so many companies that are like popping up

435
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:36,359
Speaker 2: and just doing them because they had a good time

436
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,439
Speaker 2: or they are like, oh, this is a good money maker.

437
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,280
Speaker 2: So you have to just watch out and make sure

438
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,920
Speaker 2: that the ones you're going to are actual shamans who

439
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,359
Speaker 2: have been raised in plant medicine. So but yeah, but

440
00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,159
Speaker 2: it's speed tracks. You're healing, so it will put you

441
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,760
Speaker 2: on a path something that could have taken you ten

442
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,959
Speaker 2: years to process and get over. You're going to process

443
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:55,280
Speaker 2: it and it takes.

444
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 1: You ten years.

445
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:01,120
Speaker 2: To find it during the long time ago.

446
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:03,960
Speaker 1: No, yeah, and even being married for ten years. I

447
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,919
Speaker 1: think it's interesting because I always hear people say like

448
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 1: after marriage sometimes like the intimacy can be harder. I

449
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,440
Speaker 1: want to ask you, like, when you first were together,

450
00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,480
Speaker 1: do you feel like it was good and then it

451
00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:18,879
Speaker 1: got worse or was it always something that you felt

452
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,320
Speaker 1: like the intimacy wasn't where you needed it to be,

453
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:22,919
Speaker 1: but you thought you would work up to it and

454
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,439
Speaker 1: they would improve me. I thought it was going to improve. Yeah.

455
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 2: We actually it's so funny. We used to tell this

456
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:29,959
Speaker 2: story to people that were close to us. But we

457
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 2: had one of our worst arguments on our honeymoon, and

458
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 2: that was the first sign.

459
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,919
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah on our honeymoon.

460
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,400
Speaker 2: Because I don't know what type of delusion I was in,

461
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,320
Speaker 2: but I expected, all of a sudden, now we're married,

462
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 2: that he would be this like romantic person. And we

463
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,720
Speaker 2: were sitting in the Maldives and I remember I was

464
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 2: so upset with him and I was like, you're treating

465
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 2: me like I'm one of the homies, Like there's no affection,

466
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:55,439
Speaker 2: there's no like catering to me. You want me to

467
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 2: just cater to you. And we got into a bad argument.

468
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,080
Speaker 2: We sent at the dinner take money of his on

469
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 2: the honeymoon, and we were able to kind of work

470
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 2: through it. But working through it was always me having

471
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,360
Speaker 2: to just like push down my feelings right and just

472
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 2: like like all right, I guess it ain't a big deal,

473
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,520
Speaker 2: and then move past it when it really was a

474
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 2: big deal.

475
00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. My mom said, the first time you heard my

476
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 1: dad yeo was their wedding day. Wow. She was like, oh,

477
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 1: that was yeah. She was like, that was an indication

478
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 1: right there that it wasn't gonna be what I thought

479
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,159
Speaker 1: it would. Yeah, we I.

480
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 2: Ignored so many reflects.

481
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,639
Speaker 1: But you really wanted to be married? Where did that

482
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:32,200
Speaker 1: come from?

483
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,400
Speaker 2: Growing up in a household with two parents, and because

484
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 2: both of my parents they they struggled. I mean, they

485
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,760
Speaker 2: would have flat out arguments and don't if you saw

486
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 2: in the book, I detailed one and when I tell

487
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 2: you I was going to really kill your mother. Yeah,

488
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,920
Speaker 2: I really thought in my mind, because I'm young, I'm

489
00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:54,439
Speaker 2: thinking that this just happens and people get past it

490
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:58,159
Speaker 2: and they get over it. And yeah, so I always

491
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,200
Speaker 2: wanted to be married. I did go through it time

492
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,679
Speaker 2: where I was just like, I don't want to be

493
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,919
Speaker 2: married when my parents got divorced, because I just felt like,

494
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 2: if y'all been through all of that and I witnessed

495
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 2: all of that, why are y'all divorcing now? And then

496
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,719
Speaker 2: years later, here I am getting married and finding myself

497
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,040
Speaker 2: in so many of the same situations I witnessed when

498
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 2: I was growing up. Maybe not as intense, but still

499
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 2: it's like, you know, just reinventing the wheel or reliving

500
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 2: the wheel that was there interesting oh.

501
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 1: Go ahead. Do you think you would marry again?

502
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,199
Speaker 2: I would, but I don't necessarily think it has to

503
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:32,679
Speaker 2: be like married on paper the government style, like because

504
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,439
Speaker 2: after going through a divorce and realizing how much you

505
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 2: have to wait.

506
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 1: The government for the government, Yes, it's crazy.

507
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 2: And the only reason that I was able to even

508
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 2: get a divorced as quickly as I did is because

509
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,920
Speaker 2: I just was like, I wasn't fighting him, I didn't

510
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 2: even have an attorney.

511
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,080
Speaker 1: I was like, I just want to be done.

512
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 2: I was so miserable, I said, I want to be

513
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 2: done with this, like I just want my peace and

514
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 2: just let me go, leave me alone.

515
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:01,159
Speaker 1: Because divorce could be so ugly when people are the

516
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,919
Speaker 1: terms and get every teen going back and forth. And

517
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: then also to know what you deserve, because sometimes people

518
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 1: try to make it seem like, well he had this

519
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,320
Speaker 1: career and he did this, why does she deserve But

520
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: sometimes we make a lot of sacrifices. Yes, because you know,

521
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 1: raising three kids is a full time job, and master

522
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,399
Speaker 1: you paid nannies and paid yeah, you know people to

523
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:23,600
Speaker 1: do those things. How much that would end up being

524
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,240
Speaker 1: And then there's things that you wanted to do, like

525
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 1: you said you didn't want to give up radio. But

526
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,360
Speaker 1: at the same time, you're homeschooling your kids, you want

527
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: to make sure you're there three children at home. He

528
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 1: wasn't going to say, will let me you know, sacrifice?

529
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 2: No, no, and no child support, no nothing. I didn't

530
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 2: want anything. I was like, I just I wanted to

531
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 2: be I don't want to be free. I wanted to

532
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 2: be free. I really did, and I still do. It's like,

533
00:24:46,920 --> 00:24:50,040
Speaker 2: you know, now things is changing because I'm like, you know,

534
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,359
Speaker 2: we're having to modify custody, we're having to really like

535
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,120
Speaker 2: we were in court, like I'm just like, this is ridiculous.

536
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,200
Speaker 2: We're going through more now being over two years divorced

537
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,080
Speaker 2: than going through the divorce process.

538
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,440
Speaker 1: So wait, no child support? So did you get any

539
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 1: type of like what did they call it? Alimony? Yeah? Alimony.

540
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,880
Speaker 2: We had a prenup, so I was able to get

541
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 2: with the prenup a lot of which when we did

542
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 2: the prenup, it wasn't with the mindset of us having children.

543
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 2: It was like, if I didn't have children and whatever

544
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 2: I got with the prenup, oh that would have been fine.

545
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 2: I would have just walked away good. But I still

546
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,400
Speaker 2: walked away and I was just like, God will figure

547
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 2: it out. Like you're not my source. God's my source.

548
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 2: I'm going to always be good and that's what I

549
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 2: just have faith in the fact that I'm always gonna

550
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 2: be well taken care of.

551
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 1: And I've been. I left my job over a year

552
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:36,640
Speaker 1: ago and.

553
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 2: I've been good. You know, everything has been so much.

554
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:40,879
Speaker 1: I love that for a year.

555
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, listen, I'm like me and my children. Since I've

556
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:45,840
Speaker 2: been divorced, we've been to eight different countries. We still travel.

557
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 2: I don't tell them know when they ask for things,

558
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,359
Speaker 2: because they're great kids. And I loved that I don't

559
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:53,639
Speaker 2: have to like second guests, like, oh do I have

560
00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:55,320
Speaker 2: to because I need to pay these bills and say

561
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,120
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm blessed and I have more than enough

562
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 2: and I'm good. And I think some people get mad

563
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 2: at that.

564
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, what is it like now being

565
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: back on the show on Real housewiseh Potomac because it's

566
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 1: different now. You know, it's been a few seasons that

567
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 1: you've been gone. Yes, and now I did not expect this,

568
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,679
Speaker 1: you know, to have either, girl, because you have a

569
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,960
Speaker 1: abbit watcher of not just me, but the entire franchise.

570
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, and when I heard you was coming back, I

571
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 3: could not wait to see what's going to happen.

572
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,840
Speaker 2: And you know, it was so like unplanned, it was

573
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 2: very unexpected. Like literally they every year they asked me

574
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,199
Speaker 2: back and I'd be like no, even this year, I

575
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,919
Speaker 2: told them no about seven eight times. I talked to

576
00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 2: the SVP at the production company, Lorraine and I love

577
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,400
Speaker 2: and we talked and she was just like, look, I'm

578
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 2: gonna be in town next week. I don't even want

579
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 2: you to answer me. She said, don't say anything. She

580
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 2: said just think about it. And I was like, okay.

581
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,919
Speaker 2: So I listened to her. And a week later I

582
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,960
Speaker 2: was like, why am I not going back? Like what

583
00:26:58,119 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 2: is keeping me from it? I felt like I was

584
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 2: saying ain't no out of habit versus like reason. Yeah,

585
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 2: And I sat back and thought, and I was like,

586
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 2: I guess I can do it. This would be the

587
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 2: best way to see how much I've actually healed. Right,

588
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 2: But I've been so excited and even though there's like

589
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 2: drama stuff going on now, I still like I had

590
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:21,280
Speaker 2: a great time.

591
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:22,760
Speaker 1: Like a lot of the job, ain't got nothing to

592
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 1: do because it's all like your whole situation is nothing

593
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 1: compared to like Aaron went to jail, Wendy. Everybody's having issues, yes, Like, look,

594
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: I'm just going through right myself is off camera. I'm like,

595
00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:42,440
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with it. It's been, it's been.

596
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,199
Speaker 2: It's been insane, but it's also been good for me

597
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 2: because now I'm able to go back and not feel

598
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:49,879
Speaker 2: like I have to protect anybody cover things.

599
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I'm me, this is it. They're gonna

600
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 1: want you to date somebody, I'm.

601
00:27:54,240 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 2: Gonna want it, but I'm gonna just force it. Look,

602
00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 2: I ain't paying for the I ain't hiring no.

603
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,720
Speaker 3: You know, have you formed any new friendships with the

604
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,880
Speaker 3: ladies that you just met this season since you've been

605
00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:08,600
Speaker 3: filming with them.

606
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 2: I wouldn't say friendships, but I've been cool with everybody.

607
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 2: I feel like there's potential for it. I really like

608
00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 2: Tiya Is. At first, I was just like, what's her deal?

609
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:21,240
Speaker 1: You know?

610
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 2: But I wasn't really around that much like you'll see

611
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 2: me kind of in and out because I was traveling.

612
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,199
Speaker 2: I still had things that were on my schedule. I

613
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,280
Speaker 2: signed a contract and they were at my house filming

614
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 2: the next day.

615
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:37,720
Speaker 1: It was they really were actually happy to have you.

616
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:42,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a cute guy.

617
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 1: You know in the last episode.

618
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:50,240
Speaker 3: Yeah that was female drag.

619
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 2: People don't give her so fun she is, but actually

620
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 2: she she owns her stuff. Like one thing about Ashley,

621
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 2: if she's being messy, she will own that she's being messy.

622
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 1: Yes, she knows what she don't care. Yeah, because that's

623
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 1: one thing you also learned filming, and you've talked about this,

624
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,240
Speaker 1: is that you gotta do like sometimes they don't pick

625
00:29:11,320 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: up on the little things and the little conversations, but

626
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: when you do something wild, you know, that's what gets

627
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,400
Speaker 1: onto the actual episode.

628
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely, and you never know. Like filming is fun,

629
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 2: it's once they edit it and they create whatever, then

630
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 2: it's like, wait, what about when I said this?

631
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:29,440
Speaker 1: So what about that? You know?

632
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 2: But but now I look at it from a different lens,

633
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 2: and like I said, I don't have to protect anything.

634
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:38,200
Speaker 2: You know, prior when I was married. Once we're watching

635
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 2: the season if I said something that you know, he didn't.

636
00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: Like, and then it was like why you say that?

637
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 2: Why you have to say like that? And now I

638
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 2: don't don't be saying d D. So now when I

639
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 2: film the next season, I'm second guessing myself. I'm like,

640
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 2: you know, it was just like the Way to the

641
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 2: world felt like it was on me, and I couldn't

642
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 2: really be me because I was afraid that I might

643
00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:55,880
Speaker 2: say the wrong.

644
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 1: His image, because he's concerned about that. Yes, I forget

645
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 1: about the reality because that can actually help you heal too. Absolutely.

646
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,960
Speaker 1: You know, people talk about the reasons why relationships don't work,

647
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 1: and they always say one of the top reasons is finances. Adultery,

648
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:16,160
Speaker 1: of course is always up there too, you know, intimacy,

649
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: things like that, what would you say for you was

650
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 1: the top reason if you have to say, like this

651
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: was the number one reason why we couldn't connect.

652
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,280
Speaker 2: I felt like I was being used, Like I didn't

653
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 2: feel like I was really being like appreciated for what

654
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 2: I bought, what I brought to the relationship. And then

655
00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 2: he didn't feel like he was being appreciated for what

656
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 2: he brought. He looked at it as well, I'm I'm

657
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 2: paying for everything that's providing, and I'm looking at him like,

658
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 2: but you're not, like I don't even know you something

659
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,040
Speaker 2: you're not nursuring.

660
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:51,840
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's form of control too, like where people are

661
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 1: like I'm financially providing and that should be enough. Do

662
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 1: what I say. Yeah, And that was definitely the case.

663
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 2: It was like if we got into an argue, it

664
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,880
Speaker 2: would be because I'm expressing like my feelings on something

665
00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 2: and expecting that emotional covering. But it was like me

666
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 2: bringing up or expressing my feelings or what hurt my

667
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 2: feelings was like I'm being ungrateful because I pay for

668
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 2: all of this, right. So we just couldn't see eye

669
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 2: to eye. And it was a constant argument where it

670
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 2: was like, you know, he's retired, he wanted to live

671
00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:25,920
Speaker 2: life and be retired, but I'm like, but we got

672
00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 2: three kids, yeah, you know, And I'm like, and I

673
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 2: felt as though because he had played football and he

674
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 2: made this money and we were dating for half his career,

675
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 2: we didn't get married until after he retired, and it

676
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,840
Speaker 2: felt like it was always his. So I never felt

677
00:31:44,840 --> 00:31:47,800
Speaker 2: like I could actually relax and I could never just

678
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 2: like enjoy it with him. I could organize events and trips,

679
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 2: but it was like, okay, yeah, he would go along

680
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,320
Speaker 2: with it, but we weren't ever together in on it.

681
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,520
Speaker 2: Like it was like I was doing all the doing

682
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,320
Speaker 2: and he was paying for it. Ye, So and it wasn't.

683
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 1: An equal balance. It was more just you doing him

684
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 1: pay for it. Yeah, it is. It is.

685
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:15,239
Speaker 2: And when people say, like like somebody said that they

686
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,720
Speaker 2: felt as though I left the marriage because of his money,

687
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:21,240
Speaker 2: And I'm like, what sense does that make? If I

688
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 2: wanted his money, I would have stayed for the money.

689
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:27,840
Speaker 2: I would have saved out here balling out, it's like,

690
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 2: but I didn't marry your bank account. I didn't marry

691
00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,320
Speaker 2: you because of what you had. I really wanted us

692
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 2: to be a power comple I wanted us to really

693
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 2: be able to have these deep talks. And I feel

694
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 2: like a wall went up with him once we got married,

695
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 2: almost like I can't be vulnerable anymore because I have

696
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:43,840
Speaker 2: to be the man.

697
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: Do you think it bothered him to not be doing

698
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,720
Speaker 1: for playing football anymore? Absolutely, because that's part of it

699
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,200
Speaker 1: too for a lot of professional athletes. You know, He's

700
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 1: used to being celebrated in that way for that and

701
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 1: then now I'm not doing this anymore. Yeah, And I

702
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 1: know that's an adjustment for somebody to make. Also, Yeah,

703
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 1: there was a lot of I mean it was depression.

704
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 1: It was depression, Like pretty much our whole marriage, there

705
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 1: was depression and it was like towards the end is

706
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,959
Speaker 1: when he really accepted it, but by that time I

707
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 1: was done, and then it was still like yes, like

708
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:19,200
Speaker 1: I don't.

709
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 2: I tried to pull him along as much as I

710
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 2: could in every way, and it was like, there was

711
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,360
Speaker 2: nothing else I could do for you, And why am

712
00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 2: I saving you? Why am I having to fix you?

713
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 2: And I don't think that that's fair to either one

714
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 2: of us.

715
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 4: Especially feelings about he's used to being the household name

716
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 4: and that kind of shifted when you had your own

717
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,440
Speaker 4: public persona. How did he react to that?

718
00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:45,200
Speaker 2: You know, it's interesting because on the outside he was

719
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 2: always very excited about it, like, yeah, my wife, you

720
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 2: know this, that and the other.

721
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: She's a star.

722
00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:53,360
Speaker 2: But it makes me wonder if that was just what

723
00:33:53,400 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 2: you were saying. But what did you really feel? And

724
00:33:56,360 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 2: did you ever tell you he was proud of you.

725
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 2: He was saved in front of other people.

726
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 1: But not in an intimate setting. We're in a private setting.

727
00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 2: No, we barely talked towards the end, like we barely

728
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:09,120
Speaker 2: talk like when I did that second on reality show

729
00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:09,960
Speaker 2: Love and Marriage DC.

730
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,720
Speaker 1: The most the more. The most we talked was actually camera,

731
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:18,440
Speaker 1: which was terrible being married or being in a relationship

732
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:21,120
Speaker 1: and being lonelier than you would be if you were single,

733
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 1: because that is the worst. People always are you single.

734
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: You thish you that you listen, I would rather be

735
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 1: single than married and still alone and married and miserable.

736
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:32,719
Speaker 2: I have chills right now while you're saying that, because

737
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 2: you just took me back to a space where I

738
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,960
Speaker 2: remember sitting on the couch and I'm literally sitting next

739
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:40,680
Speaker 2: to him, and i am crying, and I'm like, i

740
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,479
Speaker 2: have never felt so lonely and I'm literally sitting right

741
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 2: next to you. It was like we just I was

742
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 2: trying to find different ways of connection, and I felt

743
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 2: like I was always.

744
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 1: The one trying. And then, you know.

745
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 2: I just feel like he really did the best that

746
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,520
Speaker 2: he could, you know, like I don't, I'm not. It

747
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 2: was like that was what he could gift based on

748
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 2: how he was brought up, based on the emotional connections

749
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 2: that he had with his own family and parents and

750
00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:09,720
Speaker 2: things like that, and he was doing in his mind,

751
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 2: he's doing better than what his parents did.

752
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: Did he ever do therapy or did you suggest it?

753
00:35:14,680 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 1: Or yeah, oh we did everything. We tried.

754
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:23,080
Speaker 2: We really did. We really did try. We did We've

755
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:24,800
Speaker 2: seen so many therapists, And wasn't.

756
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:26,800
Speaker 3: That something that you brought to him like maybe we

757
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 3: should talk to somebody, maybe we should seek therapy, yes,

758
00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 3: to try to work on things. And was he initially

759
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,040
Speaker 3: accepted of it because you know, black men feel like

760
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:35,920
Speaker 3: they can't tell people their business. They feel like they

761
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 3: can't sit down in front of somebody and really be open, and.

762
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: They feel like people take a side to that.

763
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, So was that something that when you brought it

764
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,480
Speaker 3: to him, did he fight kind of about it or

765
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 3: was he agreeing?

766
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 2: He didn't fight, He was like, all right, let's do

767
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 2: do it. He was always, let me tell you, he

768
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 2: was always down. Like if I brought something to him,

769
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 2: it was always like okay for the most part, but

770
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 2: it was like I was just like, okay, can you

771
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 2: make some suggestions?

772
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,839
Speaker 1: Can you put for it more effort? Right? Right?

773
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,920
Speaker 2: So yeah, so he definitely he would take part in it.

774
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 2: But that ended up being even interesting because it would

775
00:36:09,560 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: be a situation that he would he might bring up

776
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 2: in therapy something that we actually went through work through,

777
00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:17,839
Speaker 2: and I could have been the one that was wrong, right,

778
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 2: and then we would work through it, and then I

779
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 2: wouldn't do that thing anymore. And but then when we

780
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 2: go to therapy, he would bring that up. We passed that,

781
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 2: figure that out. I was like, I was like, wait,

782
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 2: did we solve it. He's like, well, yeah, I've done

783
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 2: it again.

784
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, let it go. He was like yes.

785
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 2: It was like if I bring up a current situation,

786
00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 2: you got an old one back in your back pocket

787
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 2: that you want to bring right And I'm like, no,

788
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:47,760
Speaker 2: this is worse.

789
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: When it happens. And we did that and he don't

790
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:51,799
Speaker 1: bring it back up.

791
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 3: Now.

792
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:53,640
Speaker 1: I want to ask you a couple of things about

793
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 1: the show. All right, So what are your thoughts about

794
00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: what Wendy is going through right now? Oh my goodness. First,

795
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: I know I can't talk while you weren't on the show,

796
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:04,799
Speaker 1: but it seems like you guys be connected and are

797
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,239
Speaker 1: finding your way into friendship. Yeah.

798
00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 2: First of all, any when you are on reality TV,

799
00:37:12,840 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 2: I mean, people are going to make whatever out of nothing,

800
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 2: and we don't know what her side of the story is,

801
00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 2: we don't know what Eddie's side of the story is.

802
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:24,160
Speaker 2: And just looking at the whole circus, with the whole

803
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 2: like press conference and all of the its just something

804
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 2: about it just seems really off, And I'm always a

805
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:34,640
Speaker 2: little hesitant to make any type of judgments when you

806
00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:39,359
Speaker 2: have a predominantly like black family living in a predominantly

807
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 2: like white neighborhood, because it just feels like, I'm like,

808
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 2: there's something that's missing here, you know.

809
00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:46,920
Speaker 1: I felt that when she was saying, we didn't like

810
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:49,880
Speaker 1: have fake credit cards, we just gave different names so

811
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 1: protect yeah, to get delivered to. And they were like ridiculous. Yeah,

812
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 1: so it wasn't So I can see that because sometimes

813
00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:57,880
Speaker 1: people don't want to give right right.

814
00:37:57,760 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 2: Because we I mean, when I was still living in

815
00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:03,040
Speaker 2: Poton with my ex, we would have people literally roll

816
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,279
Speaker 2: up to our house knocking on our door asking for

817
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:11,040
Speaker 2: jobs or asking for like literally so people like public

818
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:13,759
Speaker 2: knowledge exactly. So it's like, yeah, I can see why

819
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,879
Speaker 2: you would have an alias for delivery.

820
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

821
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:21,680
Speaker 2: So I feel like it sucks because there it's like

822
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 2: they're being put on public display for everybody else's judgment

823
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 2: and we still haven't heard what their signed nothing, you know,

824
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,600
Speaker 2: and like, why are y'all putting all of this? Why

825
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 2: is the state or whoever is behind this investigation? Why

826
00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:34,520
Speaker 2: are y'all feeding all of this to the public.

827
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's for them too, you know, they like

828
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 1: uh the yeah, the police department. They love press. Let's way,

829
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 1: don't get it off of me. I'm just saying now.

830
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:49,160
Speaker 1: In addition to that, of course, Karen, Yeah, and I

831
00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: know she did a sit down with Andy. Yeah, you know,

832
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:56,600
Speaker 1: also talking about that. But she's home the Grand Diamonds back,

833
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:58,200
Speaker 1: and I know you reached out to.

834
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 2: Her, right, I reached out to her or two and

835
00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:04,600
Speaker 2: I haven't talked to her since, so yeah, I've just

836
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:06,960
Speaker 2: I don't know, I haven't seen her, haven't talked to her.

837
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:07,359
Speaker 1: Really.

838
00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:09,839
Speaker 2: She reached out to me, but it wasn't like on

839
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 2: a like let's get together type of deal. It was

840
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 2: like more like, hey, girl, who you use for your microblading?

841
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 1: That's a good question, because I was like, but else,

842
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 1: that's good.

843
00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,919
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't know, I just it kind

844
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 2: of like put me in a moment of just like

845
00:39:32,560 --> 00:39:34,560
Speaker 2: I just need to take a step back. That's what

846
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 2: I've been doing lately, the opposite of what I would

847
00:39:37,560 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 2: normally do. So instead of me jumping the gun and

848
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 2: trying to dissect with the situation, means I'm just gonna

849
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,719
Speaker 2: put you on pause and just step back because I

850
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 2: don't want to put my own like feelings on something

851
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,040
Speaker 2: that maybe weren't your intention.

852
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:54,200
Speaker 1: So when I see her, i'll see her, all right.

853
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 1: I want to do one of these heartworks from your buck.

854
00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,600
Speaker 1: It's not homework, but this is us, you know. Just

855
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 1: answer some a couple of questions, all right, because of

856
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,760
Speaker 1: course you know with your letters to yourself, there's also

857
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:09,839
Speaker 1: questions that you can ask yourself. Okay, So I want

858
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 1: to ask the ladies here what are you deeply afraid of?

859
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,840
Speaker 1: And how have those fears affected your life and relationships

860
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 1: with others? Wow? Wow? Am I for you know? I'm

861
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:28,080
Speaker 1: a daredev won't give a fuck. I don't know how

862
00:40:28,120 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 1: have those fears affected your life? I remember when Gigi,

863
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 1: you used to be like, I never want to get married.

864
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:36,920
Speaker 1: That used to be definitely something, definitely something I used

865
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,719
Speaker 1: to say a lot. Yeah, I'm open to it now.

866
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 1: You're open to it now. But what do you think

867
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: is something that you're afraid of? And how has that

868
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,400
Speaker 1: affected your life and relationships with others? I think that

869
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:47,799
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of.

870
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 3: People not seeing me for who I truly am because

871
00:40:53,200 --> 00:40:56,040
Speaker 3: of the persona that I might put off with how

872
00:40:56,080 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 3: I speak like here and know on pain conversations, and

873
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,080
Speaker 3: I'm just such like a wild car that I think

874
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:03,040
Speaker 3: that people might not take me as serious as I

875
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:05,560
Speaker 3: really am because they get that wild card affector from me.

876
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,439
Speaker 3: But I'm very much serious about life. I'm a grown

877
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:09,960
Speaker 3: as forty six year old woman. I'm a mother, you know,

878
00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:13,879
Speaker 3: and I do care. I know I come off as

879
00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,200
Speaker 3: just as easy, breezy, go with the flow, but I

880
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,480
Speaker 3: have a strong foundation and I really do care a

881
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:20,799
Speaker 3: lot about my friends and my family and just things

882
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 3: that happen in life.

883
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: So I think I would say that that could be

884
00:41:24,160 --> 00:41:26,880
Speaker 1: something that you have vulnerability. Yeah, you don't want people

885
00:41:26,920 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 1: to see that, and you know and you care, but

886
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 1: maybe you don't let people know.

887
00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 3: I don't let people know as much as I probably should.

888
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 3: I kind of maybe put a guard up in every

889
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:37,200
Speaker 3: in that case, you know, Yeah, what would you say,

890
00:41:37,239 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 3: Jordie Joey.

891
00:41:41,080 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 2: Ones?

892
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 4: I think my first one is irrational, which is my

893
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 4: greatest spirit, is my dad dying, which is inevitable. But

894
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 4: I just I'm scared for what that means for me.

895
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:53,880
Speaker 4: I already lost my mom, I don't have any siblings,

896
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,680
Speaker 4: and so I just I don't know if anyone is

897
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 4: ever gonna know me and accept me and love me

898
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 4: fully than him. So I think that's a fear. And

899
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 4: I think the other fear actually comes from reality TV,

900
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 4: where you know, they don't tell you when you go

901
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,600
Speaker 4: into it what it's going to be like or how

902
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:15,319
Speaker 4: mentally it changes you.

903
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,240
Speaker 1: And sometimes I feel like I.

904
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:22,360
Speaker 4: Was almost like bullied out of my personality and so

905
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,839
Speaker 4: I'm still navigating that and I'm worried. I'm like, did

906
00:42:25,880 --> 00:42:29,120
Speaker 4: I really like kill myself off in that way?

907
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,479
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm still figuring that out.

908
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,640
Speaker 2: It does kind of it forces you to abandon yourself

909
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:36,959
Speaker 2: in some situations because you're having to like have your

910
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 2: subconscious mind on display when normally you reserve your comments

911
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 2: processing and then you'll come back it's like, no, we

912
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,799
Speaker 2: got to cut to the chase because you always.

913
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 1: Tell people think about I can't look like a punk too,

914
00:42:49,280 --> 00:42:49,760
Speaker 1: like when.

915
00:42:49,640 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 2: This airs yea thought?

916
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: You know.

917
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:59,240
Speaker 4: When you explain, right, there are certain things that aren't

918
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 4: even happening.

919
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

920
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 4: I'm saying in confessionals, but it's it's on the overlay

921
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:05,840
Speaker 4: of something else, and I'm like, that's not even what

922
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 4: I was talking about and then it makes you feel

923
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,520
Speaker 4: crazy because you're like, did I say that?

924
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 2: I don't remember saying that.

925
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 1: I don't know. Hilarious, And you know, it's funny you

926
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:24,160
Speaker 1: say that about your dad because my family was over

927
00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:26,279
Speaker 1: for the holidays and my dad is getting older, his

928
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: knees is messed up. He was walking so slow, you

929
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,319
Speaker 1: know up and I'm not used to that, you know,

930
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: So that's a real thought, like jesh, that's you know,

931
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: that's going to be a crazy thing. And then I

932
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:39,319
Speaker 1: know you how close to you when your father are

933
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: absolutely so I can't imagine that. Man, I would say,

934
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:47,439
Speaker 1: for me, what's something that I'm scared of? I think

935
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,839
Speaker 1: that a lot of times. And I was thinking about

936
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 1: this because I was looking at this article about Buddhism.

937
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:58,719
Speaker 1: It's random, but anyway about not explaining yourself in situations, right,

938
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,759
Speaker 1: and so like I know in your book you talk

939
00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 1: a lot about like and you said it on the

940
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 1: show that you know your circle is now dot people

941
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 1: around you. And there are so many people that say things,

942
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:12,839
Speaker 1: especially like when you have a public personality that's not

943
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 1: true and it's like, are you going to defend yourself

944
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 1: against everything? But sometimes I also hate the fact that

945
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 1: there's these narratives that you're not correcting, but then you

946
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: just can't correct everything, everything, all the time. It will

947
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:25,960
Speaker 1: drive you crazy. Yeah.

948
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a firm believer now that when people hear

949
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 2: story and they believe it and it's negative towards you,

950
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:35,400
Speaker 2: that's how they always felt about you. They wanted to

951
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,359
Speaker 2: be They wanted to be true so bad. And if

952
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:41,920
Speaker 2: they wanted to be true, I knew, stay over there,

953
00:44:41,960 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 2: if that's what you want for me, stay over there,

954
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:48,880
Speaker 2: come over here, asking you, I'm gonna tell it. I'm

955
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,359
Speaker 2: gonna tell my story once and I'm done. Whereas back

956
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:57,280
Speaker 2: in the day, oh my god, Like I don't.

957
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,840
Speaker 1: Even have time for that. Now, I do want to

958
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:03,800
Speaker 1: ask this, what relationship do you and Candice have or

959
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:05,960
Speaker 1: any at all? None at all, None at all, none

960
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 1: at all.

961
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just like I apologized five years ago at.

962
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 1: The reunion and it was genuine.

963
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 2: And it's funny because a clip of that popped up

964
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 2: on my reel and I was watching myself from like,

965
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:19,200
Speaker 2: you know, like I hadn't seen it in so long,

966
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 2: and it was it was like they wanted me to

967
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 2: be crying. They wanted me to be emotional, but I

968
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:26,480
Speaker 2: had already been all of that and they weren't there

969
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:29,239
Speaker 2: to see it. But I was being very genuine about

970
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,400
Speaker 2: my apology. But it was like because I wasn't crying

971
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:35,920
Speaker 2: and stuff, yeah, begging for forgiveness. Nobody wanted to believe it.

972
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:37,839
Speaker 2: But yeah, but I just looked at it as look,

973
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,759
Speaker 2: it is what it is. It happened, I apologize for it.

974
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 2: I've moved on, and I hope that she has. Everybody's

975
00:45:45,040 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 2: in a different space now. Yeah, I'm like, I don't

976
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 2: wish any bad on anybody because I realized how energy works.

977
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 2: Now I'm like, I wish you all.

978
00:45:59,280 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 1: The all of that. Man, it's interesting to see. I

979
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 1: cannot wait to finish watching this season because you know,

980
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 1: unfortunately Chris is still a character on here. They're calling

981
00:46:11,080 --> 00:46:14,439
Speaker 1: him yesterday. Yeah.

982
00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:18,600
Speaker 2: Now, let's let's ask ourselves a question. Why is his

983
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:19,839
Speaker 2: name being mentioned so much?

984
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 1: So much?

985
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 2: And then what I didn't like, and this is only

986
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,799
Speaker 2: because I know this person, so it's like the whole

987
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:28,359
Speaker 2: I don't know what y'all talking about.

988
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:29,280
Speaker 1: You know, exactly.

989
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:31,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then what I didn't like is like I

990
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 2: ain't cool with Cookie, but I was like, dang, he

991
00:46:33,440 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 2: just threw cookie under the bus. And she's been his

992
00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 2: biggest mouthpiece. He completely threw it under the bus.

993
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 1: She was riding for him.

994
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 2: And then you say, you don't know what they're talking about.

995
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 2: So I'm just like, why would.

996
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:45,719
Speaker 1: You do that to her? They've been mentioning his name

997
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 1: since episode one, wait.

998
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 2: Which is why they was probably so pressed for me

999
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 2: to come back to seron.

1000
00:46:52,400 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 3: What's up?

1001
00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:59,640
Speaker 2: Bothered like, that's the situation and her damn did we

1002
00:46:59,719 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 2: even Okay?

1003
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 1: I feel like she walked in, turned around and walked out.

1004
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:09,800
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, that that that situation is just a mess.

1005
00:47:09,840 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 1: And I you'll see you on the next episode.

1006
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 2: I give I give Stacey some wise words and I

1007
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 2: can't wait.

1008
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 1: Take he well, are you having fun? I am?

1009
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 2: Okay, Look yeah, I'm really enjoying my life right now.

1010
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 1: Ok yeah, I can.

1011
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:25,880
Speaker 3: See it on you. You look very happy, You're glowing.

1012
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:27,440
Speaker 3: You lost all his weight?

1013
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:28,960
Speaker 1: What did you do? Did you change your diet? Did

1014
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:29,359
Speaker 1: you work out?

1015
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:31,520
Speaker 2: You know what's crazy? This is my normal weight.

1016
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 1: Okay.

1017
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:34,600
Speaker 2: And every time that I've been on in the past years,

1018
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 2: I was either just I just had a baby or

1019
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:40,360
Speaker 2: I was pregnant. So nobody actually really saw me, like

1020
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 2: because I've been once high school. Like I just I

1021
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,280
Speaker 2: can't gain weight to save my life unless I'm pregnant

1022
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,799
Speaker 2: and I'm done having babies. So now be back to

1023
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 2: do some squats or find a good man to give

1024
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 2: me some happy weight.

1025
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 1: You plenty of people don't apply for that job. Okay,

1026
00:47:57,280 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 1: all right, well listen, you definitely got to come back.

1027
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,040
Speaker 1: I will. You know. We had a great time, and

1028
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: I appreciate your openness and honesty and your positive vibes

1029
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 1: and energy. Q. I appreciate you having me here. We'll

1030
00:48:06,560 --> 00:48:09,160
Speaker 1: be we'll be watching for you, girl. And don't forget

1031
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:11,800
Speaker 1: that book, Love Letters from Versions of Myself, a memoir

1032
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 1: of self discovery, transformation, and healing. January fourth. It's not

1033
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:16,839
Speaker 1: we will remind you though, no.

1034
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:19,120
Speaker 2: Word and it actually goes on pre order December seventh.

1035
00:48:19,160 --> 00:48:21,399
Speaker 1: Okay, so ordering pre order