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Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This it's a

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Speaker 1: me Cool Stratton momentarily doing a crap super Mario impression,

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Speaker 1: or Mario if you're from the East Coast. Kevin is

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Speaker 1: stuck reading every volume of Garfield, so we'll sold your

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Speaker 1: oud without him. Let's meet our alchemists, shall we? In

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Speaker 1: no particular orders. Say hello to that guy who takes

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Speaker 1: out a guitar at every party even though no one

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Speaker 1: wants him to. Joey Greer, Joey, what bullshit song will

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Speaker 1: you play as everyone else tries to socialize? It's actually

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Speaker 1: an original. It's called Streamline, but it's off of Wonderland

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Speaker 1: from Oasis, so it's their melody, their lyrics, but it's

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Speaker 1: my song. I'd asked to hear some, but I don't

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Speaker 1: want to. Next up, he left his Carney life to

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Speaker 1: pursue improvised podcasting. Craig Kakowski. Craig, what do you miss

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Speaker 1: most about the Big Top? Well? I miss uh miss

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Speaker 1: having all my fingers, that's fair. Did you lose them

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Speaker 1: in podcasting? Yeah? Yeah, I had them all when I

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Speaker 1: left the Carnal and then Paul taking two of my thumbs,

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Speaker 1: all of them. He's the only one that EMC Hammer

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Speaker 1: would allow to touch this. Chris Alvarado, Chris, have you

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Speaker 1: ever owned parachute pants? And why aren't you wearing some

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Speaker 1: right now? I have? They're not in fashion currently. That

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Speaker 1: all makes sense. And finally, this guy knows a thing

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Speaker 1: or two about soup. James he need he need? Do

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Speaker 1: you go New England or Manhattan? When faced with the

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Speaker 1: chowder choice, Oh my god, obviously it's the New England.

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Speaker 1: I want the cream based thing. I like potato soup,

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Speaker 1: I like leak soup. I like clam chowder with a

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Speaker 1: cream based I kind of figured I was hitting the

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Speaker 1: nail on the head there with the yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: who wants clam chowder with ketchup? That's the opposite, That's

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Speaker 1: the other option. How many oyster crackers enough to make

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Speaker 1: a thick like a stew or think like a like

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Speaker 1: a lot a porch? Yeah, that's actually that is the

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Speaker 1: exact consistency I'm looking for. I got to do. You know,

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Speaker 1: true soupconnoissers don't ever use always to correct that. Really, ship,

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Speaker 1: Before we get started with their first scene, we'd like

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Speaker 1: to invite you to become a v I P member

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Speaker 1: to our new Patreon page. Bonus episodes not available to

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Speaker 1: non members. There's a phone number just for v i

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Speaker 1: p s where you can leave a message being a

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Speaker 1: question or request or whatever, and we'll reply at our

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Speaker 1: new regular video Q and A is with the Alchemists

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Speaker 1: at Kevin's Place, which are only available to v i

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Speaker 1: p s. All kinds of cool ship. So please join

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Speaker 1: our super core fans by going to Patreon dot com

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Speaker 1: slash alchemy this. That's Patreon dot com slash alchemy this.

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Speaker 1: All today's scene suggestions were gathered from our listeners emails.

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Speaker 1: If you'd like to submit yours, please write to the

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Speaker 1: podcast at your name here at alchemy this dot com.

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Speaker 1: That's your name here at alchemy this dot com. You

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Speaker 1: can always ond one email you know what to do

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Speaker 1: in stereo see number one. Hey Alchemists, my name is

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Speaker 1: Chris McCollum and I'm from Detroit, Michigan. Hey, shout out

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Speaker 1: to Michigan and Alchemists. There you go. Found the show.

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Speaker 1: During a commercial break from How Stuff Works, I show

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Speaker 1: all my friends the show, specifically the crime scene at

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Speaker 1: Turla's Diner. My scene suggestion a group of inmates are

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Speaker 1: going to attempt to break out of prison. Maybe a

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Speaker 1: guard is in on it. Maybe they share what landed

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Speaker 1: them in the big house. Do what you want. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure it'll be comedy regardless. Thanks Alchemists. Christ McColl um, James,

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Speaker 1: he needs number one fan. Damn, Chris, Damn. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I think I'm out. I think I'm out.

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Speaker 1: It feels weird. That doesn't feel right as a vibe

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Speaker 1: in the What the hell am I gonna do with

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Speaker 1: this hole? We dog? Well, you guys can go. I

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Speaker 1: think I'm just gonna hang back. You're hanging back. You're

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Speaker 1: gonna snitch on a goddamn snitch and we cut his

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Speaker 1: tongue out. If all right, okay, wait, hold on, hold on,

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Speaker 1: you guys, just go and ow I can maybe throw

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Speaker 1: them off your scent. This is a four man plan.

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Speaker 1: You're out. We're gonna have to make it a three

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Speaker 1: man plan. I don't like change in plan. I know

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Speaker 1: you don't. I just honestly, I'll be honest. I don't

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Speaker 1: like you as people give a funk. We're trying to

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Speaker 1: get the funk out of this isn't the friends, but

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Speaker 1: part of the plan is going out to that cabin

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Speaker 1: out in the woods and laying low for a while,

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Speaker 1: and frankly, the conversation will be boring. Look, we're only

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Speaker 1: gonna we're gonna spend two weeks, maybe three weeks stops.

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Speaker 1: Conversation is boring? What are you talking about? I just mean, like,

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Speaker 1: we get it. You know a lot about like the

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Speaker 1: Almanac and stuff. So what so you think that's born?

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Speaker 1: Information is born? That information? It's all information. He knows

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Speaker 1: so much about the alman it's insane. I know where

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Speaker 1: it was printed, how it was printed, who printed it? Now?

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Speaker 1: And now so do why? Yeah? Great, and you're for it.

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Speaker 1: I mean that may be the case. But two to

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Speaker 1: three weeks Okay, then you start a conversation. All right,

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Speaker 1: no problem, okay, Um, it's hard this way. Wow, it's

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Speaker 1: hard this way. You know I watched this what what

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Speaker 1: pages the world series winners on to it? Oh Man?

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Speaker 1: Right there? That really gets you. He knows so much

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Speaker 1: about the Almanac. I know where it was printed, how

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Speaker 1: it was who. I'm just saying, like our crimes that

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Speaker 1: got us here to begin with, like kind of separate us.

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Speaker 1: You three are violent criminals, allegedly, as you always say

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Speaker 1: that because I instant prepare for self check, shelf checks

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Speaker 1: all the way. I can see it. You can see

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Speaker 1: it here, he comes here, comes, he comes here, right,

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Speaker 1: that convicts against the wall. Hands up there. It's just

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Speaker 1: four guys in one self. We know the trail. Four

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Speaker 1: guys in one just hanging out here. We got space limitation,

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Speaker 1: budget cutbacks. It's not my fault. Don't don't get me

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Speaker 1: like that guy. All right, let's see if you got

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Speaker 1: any contrabanding here as your wife doing mull rather well,

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Speaker 1: thanks for good covered from that fall. Okay, that's good. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: because that's because you can get U an infection, you know,

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Speaker 1: like lying in bed for that long. That's right. That's right,

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Speaker 1: she's up. We're doing some general re ham on her knees.

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Speaker 1: So it's good. Thanks for asking. McClusky. Just a hypothetical,

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Speaker 1: as you're searching us and touching us and I'll cough

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Speaker 1: there for you, like what like, like, what's the protocol

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Speaker 1: if like I don't know, like watch yourself, you know,

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Speaker 1: like what like would you want the protocol making friends? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: what's the protocol of making friends? From making friends? You know,

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Speaker 1: there's no protocol from making friends. There's protocol from making enemies.

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Speaker 1: Around here, you know that. I guess what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: You're you're friendly. I mean, frankly, you feel like you're

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Speaker 1: one of us. I mean, you treat us with respects

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Speaker 1: and we appreciate that, right right, right right. And when

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Speaker 1: I hear that your your wife taking a fall and

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Speaker 1: recovering it warmps my heart. My wife never recovered from

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Speaker 1: her fault. Yeah, big infection, big infection. But you murdered

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Speaker 1: your wife. No, I didn't know. I didn't allegedly allegedly.

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Speaker 1: I guess what I'm asking is, mclusky, are you fulfilled

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Speaker 1: with this job? Huh? You know I never really thought

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Speaker 1: about that, you know, I do. I come down here,

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Speaker 1: I try to do the best to try to make

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Speaker 1: this a nice environment for all of us, you know,

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Speaker 1: because why I make it unpleasant? No? Right, no, no,

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Speaker 1: you know, but you know what I think about it,

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Speaker 1: And I had aspirations for other things before I got

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Speaker 1: into realization. Come on, go on, Well, you know I

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Speaker 1: was writing this one man show. I want to take

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Speaker 1: the Broadway. You know. You know what I bet would

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Speaker 1: help with the writing process is some seclusion, you know,

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Speaker 1: being away from it all and doing you mean me

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Speaker 1: and like work out the kinks. Of it and solitary. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: well yeah something or or or just you know, not

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Speaker 1: without the clutter of like you know, your her wife

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Speaker 1: and stuff. I'm sure that's taken away from the creative process.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it, guys, what what we're getting out

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Speaker 1: of here? To what? We can trust him? We can

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Speaker 1: rust him. He's a good guy. You're a good guy.

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Speaker 1: Come with us? When you say getting out of here?

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Speaker 1: What's what do you? What are you? What are you doing? What?

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Speaker 1: We're going to spend two weeks maybe three weeks tops?

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Speaker 1: You know that cabin is just outside of the prison yard.

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Speaker 1: We all see it. It's clear to see that. You

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Speaker 1: can see it right there right there. Yeah, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: see the cab We know the cabins. You guys, listen,

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Speaker 1: it's nice, it's furnished. Jones has a rope up his

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Speaker 1: butt right now. He's a good guy. Wow, this is

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Speaker 1: a This just got a lot of girth to it.

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Speaker 1: How did you get it out there? Yeah? Okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: then look what what what? What I'm trying to ask

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Speaker 1: you personally is will you come with us? Because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to go with just these guys. I'm the

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Speaker 1: wading on the water on the water on the A

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Speaker 1: lot of these a lot of these press sners don't

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Speaker 1: really like you. They don't want to like them. I'm

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Speaker 1: the war I know, but you are. Do something. Let's

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Speaker 1: get cookies and milk to all the inmates and then

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Speaker 1: take them away right before they eat and drinking. Hear antagonized.

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Speaker 1: Think the prisoners, warden, what are they gonna do there

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Speaker 1: in cages? On the warden listening? They're still human being

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Speaker 1: some of these people you work for me? Of course,

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Speaker 1: then you need to shut the funk up? Okay, Okay,

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Speaker 1: number two, no shoes on the carpet. How many times?

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Speaker 1: I mean, warden, you have a ten am inspection of

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Speaker 1: the cells to um inspection? Okay, do you have to

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Speaker 1: sing everything? Let's let's push it. Huh, let's push it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you really have to do the inspection of the cells?

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Speaker 1: Do I at some point to a cell right now?

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Speaker 1: It's getting a little out of hand. What if there's

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Speaker 1: a fire? It's look, the one is gonna be handy minute.

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Speaker 1: And I don't like that guy either, just because he

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Speaker 1: played Tony one time in West Side legendation. I've never

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Speaker 1: seen the tape. I I mean, you've seen a playbill

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Speaker 1: for it, but he talks about it all the time,

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Speaker 1: and he said, you know, you should have gone the

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Speaker 1: Broadway McCloskey. But no, no, you're just the help. He

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Speaker 1: calls me the help. One man show. Characters are autobiographical.

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Speaker 1: It's both things, with all the different characters from my life.

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Speaker 1: But it's a two of the force. It is the force.

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Speaker 1: I believe it. I believe it. What do you say?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like just to stick one

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Speaker 1: over on him. I kind of want to help you

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Speaker 1: guys get out of here. What's the name of the

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Speaker 1: guy who was in um? He was in What the

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Speaker 1: Boy Here? Bill something or something? He was in the Goddamnit.

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Speaker 1: He did the William Shakespeare, Bill Irwin, Bill, Bill Clinton.

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Speaker 1: He held the Oscars like a whole bunch of times,

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Speaker 1: Billy Crystal. He did a woman's show. He didn't want to.

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Speaker 1: Did you see it? Yeah? Yeah, seven hundred Sundays about Baseball? No, No,

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Speaker 1: not that one, not that one, not that one. There

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Speaker 1: wasn't one. Weird and black face right, No, that was

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Speaker 1: a mistaken I really think you need to take this

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Speaker 1: a little more seriously. Must do you work for me?

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Speaker 1: Then you need to understand that i'd take things seriously

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Speaker 1: from the top one two three. If you know that,

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Speaker 1: you let me saying first, what Warden, the guards are

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Speaker 1: complaining that that you're you're not paying them over time

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Speaker 1: and you're making them work uh a hundred hours a week.

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Speaker 1: They stepped it up, they'd get a position on the cast.

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Speaker 1: Ever since Jeffrey EPs didn't, we've been having a lot

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Speaker 1: of eyes on us, okay, and you need to take

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Speaker 1: this seriously because people are getting in trouble. Warden, Snap,

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Speaker 1: Jeffrey Epstein killed himself. Listen, you know that true. You

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Speaker 1: know that that's not true. I know that I know

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Speaker 1: that we did it. If you don't want to come

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Speaker 1: with us, at least don't tell on us. Jesus man,

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Speaker 1: do you think that I hate the thing? I can

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Speaker 1: just leave so I can meet you guys bad. But

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Speaker 1: the main thing is that I should find a way

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Speaker 1: to do diversion to cover for you. Maybe I can

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Speaker 1: get the ward down here and make him watch my

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Speaker 1: woman show. But I don't know. I don't want you

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Speaker 1: to be with us. I think I'm out. What do

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Speaker 1: you mean, hotel, I'll just tell the word, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: cut cut his tongue. Alright, don't okay, Jeff would have

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Speaker 1: been in Jeff, Jeff, Jeff be it Jeff. Alright, alright, alright,

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Speaker 1: you're right. I'll do it for Jelly Crystal. Do we

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Speaker 1: say that already? Yes? Alright, alright, tell you what you guys,

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Speaker 1: sneak out your tunnel here. He's gonna come down to

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Speaker 1: this sell momentarily, and I will be here and I

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Speaker 1: will keep him busy. All right, break legs, Oh, thank you,

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Speaker 1: break legs. Everyone. Al Right, So this is the first sell.

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Speaker 1: That's the second. So that's the third sell. And that

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Speaker 1: took a little more than that. Why do I have

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Speaker 1: to do this? I know what it looks like. I've

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Speaker 1: seen pictures of cells. It's maintaining like if you don't look,

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Speaker 1: then then they will think that no one's going to

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Speaker 1: look in the just it keeps everybody honest. If you

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Speaker 1: look at everybody, just to look at everyone. That's the

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Speaker 1: only way to check this off. I have to look

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Speaker 1: at everyone's self, everyone more honest. And now we're in

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Speaker 1: cell block. This is officer charge of this. I know. Hello,

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Speaker 1: hello the gentlemen. I think we're just talking about my

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Speaker 1: Broadway show. Do you remember that it's a really good

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Speaker 1: show that you had me printing you. Thank you. Look

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Speaker 1: at this, officer, McClusky, a playbill of my Broadway show.

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Speaker 1: That's terrific. Why don't you look at the playbill I

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Speaker 1: coved into the wall over here on my solo show

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Speaker 1: that I'm about to show you select scenes. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: and actually unfolded. Oh my god, this is detailed. Well

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Speaker 1: let's see mcsky. Here we go. Turn off your cell phones.

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Speaker 1: Please don't have the going off during the production signal

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Speaker 1: in here anyway before were going on the whole the tunnel.

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Speaker 1: I mean, what do you mean that we're already down,

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Speaker 1: locked down here. I want to watch this now here.

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Speaker 1: We should support mcclutsky, will support him by doing the

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Speaker 1: damn thing because he's doing this person seats. You know

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Speaker 1: that it's a diversion. He's got guys have to watch

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Speaker 1: him in a cell. It's fine, okay, that's forced audience

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Speaker 1: for Christles. I just I wish him the best of lucky.

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Speaker 1: Great to me to come on. Let's just like the

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Speaker 1: warden's a tough laugh. Sometimes you gotta get the last

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Speaker 1: you come on. Stupid idiots, do not go up there

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Speaker 1: and watch it. We're in the hole, we're escaping. What

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Speaker 1: is the name of that movie that um avatar? No no, no,

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Speaker 1: no no, it's with no no, no, no words. Yonkers

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Speaker 1: nineteen sixty three. Boy, oh boy, I should love to

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Speaker 1: play t ball with all my friends. Stickballs. We called

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Speaker 1: it out there. Okay, pitch it in, Willie, pitch it in.

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Speaker 1: I would shout and Willie would stand me. Doubt he's

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Speaker 1: toss in that ball. It's a whole run over the

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Speaker 1: sub way. Oh man. But my father, he was hod,

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Speaker 1: he was hard. I don't lock everything you up to McCluskey.

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Speaker 1: He called me McCluskey, even though we all had the

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Speaker 1: last name McCluskey. I mean, what is that can get

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Speaker 1: a popcorn and the cook? Yeah, I had to leave

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Speaker 1: it in the first act. That just wasn't hitting, you know,

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Speaker 1: just wasn't hitting. We we just have prison food here. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: let me get some popcorn. Make it just theaters changed,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I'll go back for the

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Speaker 1: second act. It's gonna be intermission. I'll just kind of

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Speaker 1: mingling with everybody. I don't even know. I left the

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Speaker 1: scorns unpopped. Well then pop it. It came from a cant.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you can put him in solitary, but

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Speaker 1: he's not a prisoner. Will give a damn all right,

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. You know, McCluskey going out there doing

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Speaker 1: a one man show just pisces me off. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's like I'm the warden. I was on Broadway. That

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Speaker 1: was a great first act, great first act. The house

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Speaker 1: is really loving it. Um, you might have noticed there

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Speaker 1: was an empty seat the warden. He had to use

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Speaker 1: the restaurant three minutes, Thank you three he had to

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Speaker 1: use the in the middle of my show. Well, it's

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Speaker 1: probably an emergency. But but he's coming back, so bringing home.

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Speaker 1: Oh I sure will, Okay, goddamn right, I will. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to sund And then why don't we have

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Speaker 1: an open bar. Why is that not a thing? Well,

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Speaker 1: because the prisoners are not supposed to be drinking, sir,

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Speaker 1: Oh but I can't have a drink. You can have

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Speaker 1: a drink in your office. Then let's have an open

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Speaker 1: more down here for cuts. Then get some LCO. Here's

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Speaker 1: thirty dollars, go get some alcohol. Come back. I mean

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Speaker 1: the prisoners have probably made some moonshine or something. Well,

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Speaker 1: then get that. I don't pay them thirty dollars. Why

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Speaker 1: do I have to think of everything? I wouldn't drink it, sir,

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Speaker 1: Oh why not? Do you think I'm a little bit boy? Drink?

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Speaker 1: Flashing lights, flashing lights, flashing lights flashing. It looks like

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Speaker 1: second act starting flashing. I'll take my seat, and it

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Speaker 1: looks like to drink. It was that night that my

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Speaker 1: father was killed by Mickey Mantle. Bullshit, I'm sorry, bullshit,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh wait, what you heck on

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Speaker 1: my show one really Want? I don't know? Said that? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you said it, and I'm gonna say this. You would

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Speaker 1: make a lousy Tony. Oh come on, you would make

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Speaker 1: a terrible Tony. I was Tony. You would not Tony.

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Speaker 1: I was right. We have this play bill that shows

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Speaker 1: that you clearly no. Look, you crossed out your role

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Speaker 1: of baby John, and you wrote in Tony the same thing.

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Speaker 1: Baby John grows up to Tony. He does not. He's

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Speaker 1: told he's Freddy. It's like four lines. Baby John's one

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Speaker 1: of the lesser jets. Thank you, thank you, yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: Now listen. If you think that you I'm not supporting you.

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Speaker 1: What has happened to mutiny? What is happening. That's right,

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Speaker 1: it makes rise up set. You are a jet all

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Speaker 1: the way from your first I don't know the worst.

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Speaker 1: Hold on, he didn't play Tony, he didn't play Tony.

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Speaker 1: Wait wait, twite twaite on the war Marian, Maria, Maria,

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Speaker 1: that's Mario the West Side story. Wow, this cabin is nice.

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Speaker 1: I hope McCluskey is doing okay, All right, let's let's

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Speaker 1: hear it. Let's start a conversation. Well only just got here.

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Speaker 1: I know, I know that we got time start a conversation.

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Speaker 1: Did you know that the that the Almanac chapter and

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Speaker 1: that's our first say C number two. Hello, alchemists. My

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Speaker 1: name is Joseph. I'm a recently transplant to the DC area,

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Speaker 1: and I'm working as an intern among thousands of other insurns.

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Speaker 1: My name, Your name is Joey. Were really really taking aback?

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Speaker 1: I find myself audibly laughing on the busy subway as

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Speaker 1: I spent my time between stops listening to the alchemy

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Speaker 1: that is this. But I digress. My suggestion to you

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Speaker 1: is to create a scenario based on the old joke blank,

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Speaker 1: a blank and a blank walk into a bar. I'm

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Speaker 1: just curious to see what you all come up with,

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Speaker 1: and with hope I will one day find myself in

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Speaker 1: a city where you all will be performing, so I

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Speaker 1: can join my laughter on others. Keep up the accident work.

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Speaker 1: Joseph the same name as Joey. There you get another beer? Yes? Father,

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Speaker 1: what would you like to drink? Just another beer? Um? Man,

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Speaker 1: come on, okay, father, don't call me that right now?

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Speaker 1: Just just call me then. Just take your the collar

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Speaker 1: off because it's uh. I can't. I'm very deeply religious

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Speaker 1: and with that collar, I want to call you father.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. And here's a PBR PBO whatever said?

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Speaker 1: Any beer? Good? Are you okay? You need somebody to

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Speaker 1: talk to? That's funny. It's just that I've talk to you.

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Speaker 1: Don't you want to do a confession? No, I'm asking

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Speaker 1: you if you want to do a confession. I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: Confession Does that sound better? It does sound better. Quack

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Speaker 1: quack quack quick, look at that duck hanging a beer? Please? Sure?

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Speaker 1: What would you like? I'll have what he's having? Quack quack.

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Speaker 1: There you go. Um, if you want, we can wait

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Speaker 1: for the duck to leave so we have privacy. I'm

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Speaker 1: not asking you to share your problems with the whole bar.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to. I never I never offered to

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Speaker 1: do that. You know what the problem with women is?

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Speaker 1: I sure do. Why don't you tell me? They don't

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Speaker 1: get us? Am I right? They don't get I'm selling, man,

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Speaker 1: I'm selling. Yeah. Yeah, that was a tight one by

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Speaker 1: a long face, my friend. Fuck you, fuck you man.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I get that every place. I WoT. I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: What can I get you to give me a schlitz

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Speaker 1: and some oats? Okay, Luke, I'm so sorry to do this,

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Speaker 1: but we're gonna have to shut your bar down. What well,

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Speaker 1: there's animals shooting and pissing all over the place, not

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Speaker 1: just a health hazer. We can't have them to say

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Speaker 1: it's a bar. What's the difference the other day? I

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Speaker 1: I was, I was a secret shopper. I was in

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Speaker 1: that corner booth. I remember you, well, I guess I

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Speaker 1: wasn't a secret shopper that I didn't know you were

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Speaker 1: a secret shopper. I just remember you being there. Look,

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Speaker 1: I was at your bar and a priest, a duck

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Speaker 1: and a horse walked into your bar. And do you

380
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Speaker 1: know what happened next? I mean, I was there. See.

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Speaker 1: The problem is is that they say they understand quack quack,

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Speaker 1: but they don't don't not at all. You're right, You're right, friend, right? Father?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm settlement. I'm selivan. So I don't. You

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Speaker 1: don't talk to women. I talked to women. But I mean,

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Speaker 1: what you're just discussing here, it just seems to be

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Speaker 1: a personal issue. So what's your issue? My issue? What more?

387
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,159
Speaker 1: My issue is everyone comes to me looking for their

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Speaker 1: goddamn help, and I'm just another human being. And guess what,

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Speaker 1: I guess what. I don't have all the goddamn answers.

390
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Speaker 1: I don't have all the answers. Is there a heaven?

391
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Speaker 1: I don't know? Is there a hell? Probably? Listen? Listen, listen, listen, listen.

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Speaker 1: My institution is sucked up. Okay, I rolled the dice

393
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Speaker 1: on this thing I thought was gonna work out for me.

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Speaker 1: I was wrong. Who's wrong? People are flawed. People are flawed.

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Speaker 1: People can fix it. People can fix it problem. And

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Speaker 1: we get this man's father, and we got to make

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Speaker 1: sure that one by what you to have another beer?

398
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Speaker 1: Or should I just get you your bill? Fuck you? Oh?

399
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 1: So that? I mean that was the problem. It was

400
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 1: just low steaks humor. Well, I was high stakes characters.

401
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 1: I don't think you understand this. As a bartender, I'm

402
00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:21,920
Speaker 1: just trying to take everybody's bad day and make it

403
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Speaker 1: go away. That that's fine, that's fine, But understand there's

404
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Speaker 1: feces and urine. Yeah there was is. I mean, it's

405
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Speaker 1: only I've cleaned it and it has come back again.

406
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,239
Speaker 1: Those are regulars regardless. That's like what would be if

407
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 1: there was another, I mean another it comes in. You

408
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 1: have to get some music going in the bar to

409
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Speaker 1: ever since that ten inch pianist quit listen, It's the

410
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Speaker 1: thing is that sometimes the music's in the way the conversation.

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Speaker 1: If they want to go clubbing, they can go clubbing,

412
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Speaker 1: but our bar is known for good conversations. What a

413
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Speaker 1: draw a ten inch pianist? I mean, how many other

414
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Speaker 1: musicians are that tiny quack? Father? Um, this woman is

415
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: making eyes at you, just saying okay, well well great.

416
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 1: I mean it seems like you're throwing it all the way.

417
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 1: So you know, I could introduce you. She's she's nice.

418
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: I'm sure she's fine. It's the duck and the horse

419
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:18,119
Speaker 1: that hate women. I I don't I know you you

420
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 1: say that you're you never women. The whole conversation, the

421
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,200
Speaker 1: whole conversation was about how you were just disenfranchised with

422
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,480
Speaker 1: the other gender because they rejected you because you're not

423
00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,120
Speaker 1: their space sheets. Man. You understand that they're not. You're

424
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 1: not there. Funny, all right, I won't introduce you to

425
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,159
Speaker 1: you've made it pretty clear you don't like women. You

426
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:43,040
Speaker 1: know what the I'm totally I love people in a

427
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,520
Speaker 1: bar brandishing a firearm, and what's wrong with that I've

428
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:51,720
Speaker 1: made I've taken a lot of liberties and quack, Oh

429
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: my god, oh my god, it's just a duck, and fine,

430
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:59,360
Speaker 1: just shut up, holy shit, let's eat it. But we're

431
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: gonna have to right father now, we're never going to

432
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 1: talk about this again. And you're gonna eat some d

433
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:10,159
Speaker 1: that whole time I was in that corner booth. You

434
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,879
Speaker 1: killed a duck and ate it. It does a lot

435
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:18,600
Speaker 1: of people. That's a normal thing. I'm sorry, Luke, I'm sorry.

436
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,359
Speaker 1: We're gonna have to revoke your bar stack. No. You

437
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 1: know how hard it is to get a license. We

438
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 1: know where the city board. Look. I'm sorry, Luke, who's wrong?

439
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 1: I cook it, but I don't know what's wrong. I

440
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,159
Speaker 1: just want any of the outs anymore. You keep I

441
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: had some beech jerkey out there, and he ate some

442
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,159
Speaker 1: of that. I don't know what's happening. What's wrong with

443
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,880
Speaker 1: that horse? I don't know. I think it might be carniferous.

444
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: Now look, well, why don't you ask him? He is

445
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,640
Speaker 1: a talking horse of broke that kind of subjects with him. Look,

446
00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 1: this is, this is I don't know what's going on.

447
00:24:58,320 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 1: A lot of the ducks, A lot of the bunnies

448
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,200
Speaker 1: have a miss and on the farm. They usually go

449
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 1: into his barn and they talk it up and it

450
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 1: seems very comfortable. And but that just I've been finding

451
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,600
Speaker 1: bones and tufts of the hair in his stall. Think

452
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:13,399
Speaker 1: horses gun carnivorous, That's what I'm saying. Look, we got

453
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 1: a lot of talking animals, that's Jim, I know that,

454
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 1: But this one's scaring me. Every time I walk by,

455
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 1: he licks his chops and understand that we don't walk by.

456
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 1: How I have to do use the restroom? You wanted

457
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:27,239
Speaker 1: that guy to him out house. He's got a big

458
00:25:27,359 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 1: race this weekend. Hey can I borrow on an MP

459
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:34,320
Speaker 1: three player? Yeah? Sure, here you going? Thank you, Jim.

460
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just nervous. Maybe maybe getting this talking

461
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: farm with's a bad idea. You get, you gotta get

462
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,080
Speaker 1: an iPod two rather than just a generic imp the

463
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:47,400
Speaker 1: same thing they all upload. It's the same, the designers

464
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 1: superior and the Oh it's not it's not at all.

465
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:56,800
Speaker 1: Horse he gonna eat you, Horse, he gonna eat Okay,

466
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: what the hell? What the hell the piggy said this?

467
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 1: The god damn bath what the hell you? I'm gonna

468
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 1: go market. You need anything? Uh no, no, no thanks.

469
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 1: Do you think these animals are gonna rebel against us? No, Jim, goddamn,

470
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 1: I don't know. Oh, that'll be a thirteen fifty. That's

471
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: a lot of bacon cash, man, I know I'll got

472
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 1: hold on me go my Fennie Packham. Can you not

473
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: reach it? Or little you get you over it for me? Yeah?

474
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 1: Oh come on, man, you got just like loose condoms

475
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:40,480
Speaker 1: in there with that funk. I'm not gonna dig around

476
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 1: and get my funk on. Come on, miss sick, you're

477
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: such a fucking pigment. Get my fun No, no, no, no, no, no, okay.

478
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,640
Speaker 1: I don't know what this has to do with your case,

479
00:26:53,800 --> 00:26:59,159
Speaker 1: but well it's pretty important. Because the thing is is

480
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:06,400
Speaker 1: I was set up that that horse is basically dynamic, demonic, dynamic.

481
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 1: You know, I'm just saying that it was a little

482
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,439
Speaker 1: out of my control. I think that it was him

483
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,200
Speaker 1: that made me like, we're shutting down your bar. A

484
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 1: lot of people love this place. It's coming to me

485
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: for a dynamic possession. Yeah, this is the right place,

486
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: father Patrick. Guess Okay, so could you please possess me dynamically?

487
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: What could you possess you? Yes? You want me a priest.

488
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 1: I want the powers to come along with being a dynamic.

489
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: So you want a dynamic spirit to come into you. Well,

490
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,200
Speaker 1: if I could get the powers without that, sure, but

491
00:27:45,320 --> 00:27:50,640
Speaker 1: I think that I'm a priest. Yeah, I expel dynamic possessions. Yeah,

492
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna throw up. I expel those spirits. Sure obviously,

493
00:27:56,920 --> 00:27:58,680
Speaker 1: if you can do that, then the opposite would be

494
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 1: just as easy. And so do I You just bend over?

495
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 1: What do I do? Yeah? Bendor? Okay, Okay, how do

496
00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: you feel? I feel awkward? I feel like I should

497
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,960
Speaker 1: have just let you tell me what else you want

498
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,359
Speaker 1: to do. I just want the powers. I just want powers,

499
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,400
Speaker 1: because how about you want parts? I'm open the closet

500
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 1: one of my friends. You know what, Actually, I'll just

501
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:30,840
Speaker 1: let's just stand back the closet. Listen. So how did

502
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: you get in here? Again? Malpractice? It was not practice

503
00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 1: malpractice for a priest. It was an adult I'll say that,

504
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 1: al I hooked up with a guy and adult guys contentially,

505
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 1: and uh, and then it kind of blew up my face.

506
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: Well we're busting out of here if you're in Yeah,

507
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:54,440
Speaker 1: I am totally. I really like this. I'm totally used

508
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 1: to patterns and rhythms of life, you know, so I

509
00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,880
Speaker 1: like this. I don't like to you like being here

510
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: in prison? Like like being in prison. I like being

511
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 1: in prison. I don't. I don't believe in an afterlife.

512
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 1: Kind of resigned those kind of beliefs. So what does you?

513
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: And Epstein have been talking a lot in the prison yard. Yeah,

514
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 1: he's uh, he's a really fucked up guy. He's a

515
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 1: really scary fucked up guy. Father. Is this your almanac? Uh?

516
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 1: That is uh? That is mine? Yea, what's what? What

517
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 1: is up? My man? I just just wanted to thumb

518
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 1: through and look for some world facts and stuff. Yeah, actually,

519
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: you know I got it from that guy over there.

520
00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:30,560
Speaker 1: Uh and uh, so do not say that I snagged it,

521
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 1: but Epstein wanted to kind of go through. I don't

522
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,200
Speaker 1: know why I'm hanging out with him. I gotta be honest.

523
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 1: Hey man, it's me Jeff, Look at me. There you go.

524
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 1: I've been thinking a lot. Man. You and I are

525
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: a lot of like you know, we both go, we

526
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:49,920
Speaker 1: both follow a certain god. Should we be going back

527
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: to ourselves? Or hey? Look at me, Look at Tonight's

528
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,680
Speaker 1: gonna be a big night for me. It's great, nice,

529
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: gonna be a big You used to be a priest,

530
00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: right you know I used to be, so I can

531
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 1: confess you right, well, I'm not anymore. So it's kind

532
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 1: of just you talked to the person. I don't have

533
00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: any superpowers anymore. Hey do you like me? Huh too?

534
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,320
Speaker 1: Are we friends? I feel like you get me. Uh

535
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:18,280
Speaker 1: whatever happens to me tonight, I just know I told

536
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,520
Speaker 1: you so. Okay, uh okay. I just one last thing.

537
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 1: He's a here's a jello cup. I oh that's for you, man.

538
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: I give gifts to my friends school. Looks like there's

539
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,960
Speaker 1: a syringe Pierson on the top. But I you know what,

540
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: I'm gonna give this back as I'll hold it. I'll

541
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: hold it. Uh uh okay, okay, I'll help you find peace. Okay, okay,

542
00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: ilp you find holy shit, Holy sh it. Hey guys, guys, guys,

543
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: what's up? What I was? I was just an Epstein's

544
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 1: cell and first off, creepy vibes. I've done a lot

545
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: of dynamic possessions and like all that stuff. And he

546
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 1: this guy is creepy all right, and uh and and

547
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 1: and I don't know who. I'm not his friend. I

548
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 1: don't who spreading those rumors, all right, Like I'm just

549
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 1: not I'm just not his friend. Okay, but gave me

550
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,400
Speaker 1: this jello cup and uh, I don't know if you

551
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,160
Speaker 1: guys want to eat it or something that, but I'm

552
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:10,520
Speaker 1: not gonna eat I mean either, I mean neither. Anyway,

553
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 1: what are y'all doing? I just gotta get a palate cleanser.

554
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 1: So what what is up? Oh? I have to come

555
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: in the wrong place. You're a horse? Yeah? I want

556
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 1: on to tear eat a lot of people and all

557
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 1: the people ship. Then I got fun this pig who's

558
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 1: getting this funk on? What? And then all I know

559
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 1: is these ages grab me up and I'm here. They

560
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:40,160
Speaker 1: didn't shoot you. No, it's wild. What did you do again?

561
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:48,480
Speaker 1: Ate a bunch of alleged Thanks for coming to this

562
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 1: open mic everybody. Um, so I'm gonna work on some

563
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: jokes I have here, all right, so uh yeah that's fair. Um.

564
00:31:55,200 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: So a priest, a duck, and a horse walk into

565
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: a bar. Okay. The priests like, it's like, well, I mean,

566
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:06,240
Speaker 1: it's just suspend disbelief. And you know, the priest is

567
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,440
Speaker 1: like shitty, you know what I mean? For we don't

568
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 1: we don't, we don't know exactly why. And then tell me, man,

569
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 1: tell and the duck is got you know, he's got

570
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: problems with women. But it's like, well, he's a duck,

571
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. And then there be a rabbi. Yeah,

572
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: well this is an open mic, so I will write

573
00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 1: that down. Maybe the bartenders jewish? Oh okay, okay, yeah, okay,

574
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:33,040
Speaker 1: can I say Jewish stuff if I'm not Jewish? What? Okay?

575
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 1: This is going well? Um cool? I got the light. Um,

576
00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:39,760
Speaker 1: thank you for helping me workshop this piece. All right. Hey,

577
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: let's give it up for Hector. I did a good job.

578
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:46,040
Speaker 1: Thank you, all right. Next time I was thinking like, hey,

579
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: get off man, you had your time. Yeah, okay, all right,

580
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:52,520
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here. I have

581
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 1: my talking dog here, and my talking dog will now

582
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: perform for you. What's on top of the house roof? Uh? What? Uh?

583
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 1: What goes on a tree? Roof? Park? Idiot? Who was

584
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:16,560
Speaker 1: the greatest baseball player of all time? What? Mickey Mantle?

585
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 1: You piece of ship? Mickey Mantle is a murderer? Mickey

586
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,560
Speaker 1: man kill McClusky. Who is this guy? Get him up?

587
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 1: Stair him off here? Man? You idiot? Hey, guys, I

588
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 1: don't know what the funk that was, but a good

589
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 1: luck coming to my open mic ever again? Look yeah, look,

590
00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: I gotta keep this running. Pig your up. Hey, man

591
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:48,760
Speaker 1: and women are different. That's true. That's true. Then then

592
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 1: be like as my real control. Yeah, that's true. He's

593
00:33:54,840 --> 00:34:01,200
Speaker 1: leaving a trail of condoms women be like shopping? I

594
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 1: get that. Well, what else is going on? You can't

595
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 1: turn that book? Somebody half them turning? Will here? Scene three, Hi, alchemists,

596
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:27,040
Speaker 1: my scene suggestion. A group of Saturday nineteens makes some

597
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 1: prank phone calls. Please keep doing what you're doing. You

598
00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:31,839
Speaker 1: bring a lot of laughter to my life and many

599
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: many others. All the best. Charlie from Minneapolis. PS James,

600
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:39,839
Speaker 1: please sign my flesh light. Okay, Well, first of all,

601
00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:43,800
Speaker 1: I don't offer that that service anymore. Please stop sending

602
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 1: them to my house. I keep them from myself afterwards.

603
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:51,040
Speaker 1: Oh god, they're not dirty. They're used, are you? I'm

604
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 1: not sure. Don't send them to me anymore? To send them?

605
00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 1: Send them? Who's on the phone? Who is this? Answer me?

606
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:04,439
Speaker 1: It's your dad. My dad was dead forty years ago.

607
00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:11,320
Speaker 1: That was great. That man good good burned him in.

608
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 1: Do you want anything? Yeah, all right, I'll bring him down.

609
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it was so good. You know what

610
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 1: we should do? What you should call the government? Oh

611
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:31,480
Speaker 1: my god, call the government? Hello government? Um? Hey, um?

612
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 1: What's going on with the impeachment? Hearing bloody west? Um.

613
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 1: There's a lot of ups and downs right now. I

614
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:50,279
Speaker 1: can't really figure what does the pizza taste? Good? So good? Rick?

615
00:35:50,320 --> 00:35:53,080
Speaker 1: Who's on the phone? Just some more people asking about

616
00:35:53,080 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: the impeachment. That's not their business, that's classified. Well, they

617
00:35:56,719 --> 00:35:58,680
Speaker 1: knew the direct line, so I assumed they knew the

618
00:35:58,760 --> 00:36:02,200
Speaker 1: direct line. Anybody wants this number, can a bit. We

619
00:36:02,239 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 1: should go out there. What is going on? Some people

620
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: are getting the classified information and they're calling direct I

621
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,040
Speaker 1: think that's run information about what about impeachment hearing these

622
00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:13,759
Speaker 1: public hearings, Well, those are classified. We can't let anyone know.

623
00:36:14,080 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: We can't let anyone know. We tell the public what

624
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: we hear, and they hear that, but that's classified information.

625
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 1: Now we gotta do everything we can to clamp this

626
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:22,800
Speaker 1: up because it's a class of I say, we go

627
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: out in the truck. The truck it is take the

628
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:29,000
Speaker 1: truck out there. It's big business if we take the truck. Yeah,

629
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,919
Speaker 1: So before we do that, let's just all uh, let's

630
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: go around and just say how our day was well. Uh.

631
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: Linda told me that she wants to bring a third

632
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 1: person into the bedroom. And she says it's a watch

633
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:46,440
Speaker 1: or like make sure everything safe. What I mean to

634
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:50,320
Speaker 1: join in on our sex? But she's saying it's joined in.

635
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,680
Speaker 1: What I mean, like move leg. I think he's talking

636
00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 1: about threesome. But it doesn't feel like it's for me.

637
00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:00,879
Speaker 1: It feels like it's more for her. Is it another person? Yeah?

638
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 1: The persons kind of genital ring ring. Hold on, Hello, Hello,

639
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 1: I'm having trouble watching the impeachment hearings again. The government. Right,

640
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,800
Speaker 1: those are classified. They should you should not be turning

641
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 1: them on. Do not turn on the radio, and do

642
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 1: not turn on television to I think I have suspend

643
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 1: on suspends should not be playing this. Uh, this is

644
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:31,520
Speaker 1: just turn it off. Trying to playing reruns right now. Cheez,

645
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: they're playing the water games. They're playing the water game hearings. Well,

646
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:39,800
Speaker 1: those are unclassified, so you can continue watching that stuff. Okay,

647
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:44,759
Speaker 1: good for you. And Mr Nixon did funnel money from

648
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: the Republican National Committee to his own re election campaign,

649
00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 1: so that that's that's what happened. I want to thank

650
00:37:53,640 --> 00:37:55,880
Speaker 1: you very much for being a great American. Thank you,

651
00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 1: and for for testifying today. Thank you. And now I

652
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 1: turn it over to my esteemed colleague from across the aisle. Hey, uh,

653
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: sounds good to me. Did you just wake up? Sounds

654
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: good to me? So I guess America one tonight, America

655
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 1: wins forever. This is your time, Senator, and we are out.

656
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 1: That felt good, everybody, really good work. Everybody should Why

657
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,279
Speaker 1: are you asking me to that felt good? Okay, that

658
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 1: felt good? Huh what do you say? Kids? Here's some

659
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 1: hot dogs wrapped up in bagel bites? Why did you

660
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,200
Speaker 1: combine two foods. Mom, I wanted to do something exciting

661
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 1: for Saturday night, Sarah, Sarah, Connie, I'll be upstairs to second.

662
00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 1: What the hell is this bagel bites and hot dogs?

663
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:47,240
Speaker 1: It's little tiny hot dogs are poisoning the kids healthy,

664
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: healthy diet. Bagels are healthy. Bagels. Hot dogs are naughty? Wow? Hello, Hey,

665
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 1: this is the government you called earlier. Yeah, how's the

666
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 1: Peach days? Listen? Can I hang out with you guys today? Um,

667
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: I'm going through some issues over here at the like

668
00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:16,040
Speaker 1: and you know this number, so I imagine you are

669
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: up there. Do you like bagel bites wrapped hot dogs

670
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 1: wrapped in bagel bites? What is going on? Two different foods?

671
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 1: I know, it's just that's what we have. Yeah, it'll

672
00:39:25,880 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 1: do which. I have your address here, alright, one to

673
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 1: five sex Clancy Avenue. I'll be there a little bit, thanks, guys. Okay, Sarah, look,

674
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:34,439
Speaker 1: I I gotta take some time away from my so okay,

675
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 1: come on please. These are just basically saucy picks and

676
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 1: a blanket. It's it's it's like I get it's but

677
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 1: that's a croissant cover. Look, please to don't leave me

678
00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 1: with these kids. I care about you, and I love

679
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 1: you as a friend. Number one, I always love you

680
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 1: as a friend. We're married the father, and I think

681
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: being friends with who you're married with is a really

682
00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 1: big deal. It is is Look, I'll bring these carrots

683
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:01,880
Speaker 1: down stairs. Here, these these your fresh, already peeled cut carrots. Off.

684
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: I love what you're doing. I love the effort you're

685
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 1: putting in now, but I gotta take some time for me,

686
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 1: and that time might be a couple of decades. What

687
00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:10,919
Speaker 1: at that time also might be a new family. Here's

688
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 1: a new family. Yeah, so I I love you as

689
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:16,360
Speaker 1: a friend. You're a good friend of me. Hold on,

690
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,319
Speaker 1: what if I said that we could have that new

691
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 1: family with our family? Would all be a bigger, happier

692
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 1: fair Sarah, I wish that was a case with I'm sorry, mom?

693
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:27,960
Speaker 1: Why why are you sobbing? I'm not sobbing. I've got

694
00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 1: a bad cold and it's okay. Dad kind of sucks.

695
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:37,359
Speaker 1: We all know it. Really. Yeah, so I'm the cool mom. Yeah,

696
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,520
Speaker 1: you're cool. You have met new foods that we don't need.

697
00:40:39,840 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 1: Thank you. Well, you're dad left. This is the best

698
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 1: house to visit. Yeah, well, you're pretty much part of

699
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: this family. Okay, thank you. You'll meet somebody else. I mean,

700
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: the government's coming soon. So your government is coming over. Sorry,

701
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 1: I should have checked to you first, but you're in

702
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 1: the middle of getting broken up with you can't have

703
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 1: a government here. Hey, Jude, you sorry to call you

704
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 1: so late. Yeah, that's it's wondering if maybe you could

705
00:41:01,840 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 1: sign a warrant for me. Sure, whatever you want, warrant

706
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: for friendship. I don't need to know what it is.

707
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Thanks so much. So how do you

708
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 1: why do we do this? You like like I just

709
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 1: got a standard warrant for him. Okay, I'll leave it.

710
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,399
Speaker 1: I'll put my signature and you can. I'll just leave it. Blake,

711
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:20,960
Speaker 1: you can fill in there. Hey, Judge, what are we

712
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:26,600
Speaker 1: doing tonight? You know what? Whatever you want? Whatever I want?

713
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:32,040
Speaker 1: Huh yeah, how aboudy bend over? Okay, all right, judge

714
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 1: my sentences. Whatever I want. Okay, I want to make

715
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:41,279
Speaker 1: it realistic. Okay, uh freeway trash pick up for six

716
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 1: months sold? Sweet? I killed four guys. Hell open up.

717
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 1: My name is Jim. I'm with the government. My kids

718
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 1: told me you were coming. Here's my warrant. Oh, I

719
00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 1: can enter the premises. Now where are these kids, friendship? Well,

720
00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 1: they're in the basement. You're beautiful, not gonna what you are? Beautiful. No,

721
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:06,800
Speaker 1: I'm a government man, so I can only tell the

722
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 1: what I have to say, the truth. You have to

723
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:10,960
Speaker 1: say the truth. You don't just have to say nice things.

724
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no no. As a matter of fact,

725
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 1: a lot of my job is saying bad things. All right,

726
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 1: the boys are in the basement, and you know what,

727
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to cook up a healthy snack like carrots

728
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 1: and celery. No thanks, Do you have anything odd? And

729
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 1: shouldn't maybe shouldn't go together? What if I said that

730
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 1: I could make a taco croissade. It's like a taco

731
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 1: but instead of a shall it to croissade? You just

732
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:40,040
Speaker 1: got more beautiful? God, go downstairs, Go downstairs. Hey, bellas good.

733
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: He'll phone me at the mouth, a little dirty fucker.

734
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,560
Speaker 1: We're making so many calls. We're about to call Dominoes.

735
00:42:48,600 --> 00:42:50,360
Speaker 1: You want to call? Oh wow, that sounds like a

736
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 1: lot of fun. You know I need this right now?

737
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:57,359
Speaker 1: I need this? Ye okay, Dominoes Russell Road. Hey, can

738
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: I get um to medium pizzas Pepperoni? I'll keep my

739
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 1: card Okay, that's going great, guys, this this is going great.

740
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:09,320
Speaker 1: Um okay, so my now this is on Clancy Yeah, Clancy,

741
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,440
Speaker 1: Chris okay, and uh so my members four to four,

742
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:17,800
Speaker 1: six to two, expression one Okay, that's not enough digits

743
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:22,600
Speaker 1: to be a credit card? Got him? I feel so.

744
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,320
Speaker 1: Hey Clayton, we're gonna have to let you go from Demos.

745
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 1: What that's that's how many calls are people calling it

746
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,799
Speaker 1: up with you? Look, I'm getting cranked, Clayton. I'm sorry,

747
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 1: this is this is hurting Demos. Look, I'm sorry that

748
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 1: we're making the pizzas before the sale is complete. But

749
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:41,680
Speaker 1: you know my staff loves to make pizza. Clayton, I

750
00:43:42,120 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 1: I don't want to do this, but you gotta go.

751
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:49,080
Speaker 1: You're under arrest. I'm under arrest. You're under arrest. Shouldn't

752
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:52,120
Speaker 1: this at least go before the county board. I'm sorry, Clayton.

753
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 1: I don't make the rules. You're under RUSS. You're going

754
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:57,280
Speaker 1: to jail. Long time Clayton, bad news. The really lexic daisical,

755
00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:01,080
Speaker 1: easy going judges off tonight. No, this guy is real

756
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:08,879
Speaker 1: tough shit, real tough. What do we have here? Hey? Guys?

757
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 1: Can we make uh? Can we make one more call. Yeah,

758
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,320
Speaker 1: all right? Can you can you call my wife Linda?

759
00:44:16,239 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 1: Linda very very funny? Wow? Um sure, I mean we

760
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 1: don't know her number. Do you want to just start

761
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 1: randomly down like until we get her? No, I can

762
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:27,040
Speaker 1: just give it to you and okay, take some of

763
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,800
Speaker 1: the fun out of it. Maybe, uh, I don't know.

764
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:34,400
Speaker 1: Maybe feel test the waters with her, see how she's

765
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,719
Speaker 1: feeling about her relationship with me. You're sad, yeah, but

766
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 1: came here me good? All right? Scott resident Chet speaking

767
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:52,399
Speaker 1: hello something? This is this is Chet speaking hello Chet.

768
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:56,439
Speaker 1: Who is it? Who's on the phone. I don't know, babe.

769
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 1: I'll be right back so much. I love you too,

770
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:05,480
Speaker 1: chet Chet. This is Jim with the government, Linda's husband. Oh,

771
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:09,600
Speaker 1: I was just making love of your wife? Is your

772
00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 1: is your refrigerator? Running Man Classic? It's actually your refrigerator.

773
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 1: I can't do this and I'm stocked it full of

774
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 1: Trader Joe's. I can't do this. I can't break it

775
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:32,160
Speaker 1: cross coming down? What do I do? What I say? Okay,

776
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fucking murder you. Oh my god. Some of

777
00:45:44,239 --> 00:45:48,879
Speaker 1: those his wife his wife's lover. What? Oh? These are good?

778
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,760
Speaker 1: These are delicious. Give me that phone? What Star sixty

779
00:45:52,880 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 1: nine Prescott Residents chet speaking? Yeah, well this who's chat chat?

780
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:04,880
Speaker 1: Are you Linda? Uh? This is chat I'm making love

781
00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 1: to Linda currently. I guess I'm confused. I thought that

782
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 1: you were going to join us me. Really, I was

783
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 1: under the impression that you were the wife of you

784
00:46:15,719 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 1: know what, dominoes. I love Dominoes. Just call upstairs. Hold

785
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:24,640
Speaker 1: on one second, where are you going? I just gotta

786
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 1: go upstairs to finish this phone calls accorded phone? Why

787
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 1: don't I'm just kidding when when I shout down to

788
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 1: hang up the phone, you guys, hang up the phone.

789
00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use my upstairs phone. Okay, okay, I'll be upstairs. Okay,

790
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 1: hold on one don't don't hang up the phone, honey.

791
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:44,279
Speaker 1: I have warned me. This is a wild night. Yeah,

792
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: I mean doesn't even doesn't get us crazy the government.

793
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:49,839
Speaker 1: This is crazy than anything happened to the government. Hang

794
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:57,160
Speaker 1: up the phone. Yeah, we're hanging it up up click click. Okay,

795
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 1: so I might not be able to come over, but

796
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: I can have phones X right now. All right, okay,

797
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:07,759
Speaker 1: you get you get me started? Oh god, hanging up No, listen.

798
00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 1: Listen to your mom. Listen to your mom. This is

799
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,680
Speaker 1: good for you. All right, I'm gonna put the phone

800
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 1: on my on my genitals. I want you to. I

801
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: want you to make loud noises to the vibrations, you know,

802
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 1: do the thing chet wow. Ah, so weird. She was

803
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 1: supposed to get him going. All right, did that work

804
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 1: for you? That worked? Okay, I'm gonna do it for

805
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:39,040
Speaker 1: you now. Okay, Hey, you guys think my uh my

806
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:42,319
Speaker 1: wife misses me. I don't know. She's always Actually another

807
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 1: guy and his mom is involved in this three phone

808
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:48,000
Speaker 1: sex thing, and I think you should move on or

809
00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 1: be celibate for a little bit. I mean, that's what's hurting.

810
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:53,200
Speaker 1: You can't hurt. You can't hurt or like, I need

811
00:47:53,239 --> 00:47:56,640
Speaker 1: a dad. Now, maybe you can raise me? No, no, no, okay,

812
00:47:56,880 --> 00:48:00,839
Speaker 1: never mind what did the president it? No? And when

813
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:04,800
Speaker 1: did he know it? The president knew everything, and he

814
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:07,080
Speaker 1: knew it from the very beginning. Oh, this is this

815
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:11,799
Speaker 1: is hard stuff. Well this is good. I'm a nonpartisan

816
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:19,320
Speaker 1: government employee. I am a five star accountant and I

817
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: have been working for every president since nineteen all right, well,

818
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 1: then I'd like to cross question what makes you feel

819
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 1: like you're so important subjective subjectively called the government again.

820
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:43,760
Speaker 1: Oh hello, Hello, this is Marvin. You've got to stop

821
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 1: calling here. This is the government. We got important things

822
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:49,759
Speaker 1: going on. I'm watching Suspend and uh there's some good

823
00:48:49,800 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 1: Watergate stuff happening. Now listen, when you say suspend, it

824
00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:54,800
Speaker 1: is like nails on a trunk board. It is c

825
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 1: span what it's You're saying it wrong. Maybe they're saying

826
00:48:59,120 --> 00:49:02,440
Speaker 1: it wrong. No, you're saying it wrong. Marvin. You're wasting

827
00:49:02,480 --> 00:49:04,839
Speaker 1: our time. This is a government. We are you gonna

828
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 1: put out some new episodes, new episodes. The new stuff

829
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 1: is classified. Well I want to see it. Will wait

830
00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:19,279
Speaker 1: seventy years? Oh my turning question? Okay, uh um, what

831
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:21,879
Speaker 1: is is it? His tournament? You were in the middle

832
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 1: of your favorite baseball team. M what is your favorite

833
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:31,839
Speaker 1: baseball Yeah, I'm going. I'm leading. I'm leading him. Umbly,

834
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:34,200
Speaker 1: you're under oath. May I remind you you are under oath.

835
00:49:34,320 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 1: I yield the remainder of my time to the Senator.

836
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 1: Thank you Baltimore, Baltimore or Orioles. And there you have it,

837
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 1: ladies and gentlemen, there you have I yield the remainder

838
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:46,359
Speaker 1: of my time to all the America to the pig,

839
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:49,840
Speaker 1: to the pig. Actually, I'm just a zimbol centator of tugging,

840
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:54,480
Speaker 1: which I recognized as the pig from Kentucky, like I'm

841
00:49:54,520 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 1: owner one. When did the president burn the tapes? And

842
00:49:59,320 --> 00:50:06,279
Speaker 1: d no, No, I think that's good. That's good. Do

843
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 1: I have to answer that? Do I have to answer that? Yeah?

844
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 1: You do? When do I get my funk on? That

845
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:13,040
Speaker 1: was a second question. When does he? When does he

846
00:50:13,120 --> 00:50:16,200
Speaker 1: get his funk on? Oh? Well, also when do you

847
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,279
Speaker 1: get your fun on? I I get my funk on

848
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:22,160
Speaker 1: every every birthday and holiday with my my wife. And

849
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 1: the president burned the tapes immediately after the indictment was made.

850
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:31,680
Speaker 1: Thank you. I think that sheds some light on things.

851
00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 1: And then my knees called him. I got him. I'll

852
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 1: hear my book. Thank you, thank you. Well, hey, it's

853
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 1: been nice hanging out with your boys or your your

854
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 1: child and his friend. Um, the snacks were delicious. Um,

855
00:50:45,239 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: could you could you give me a rand home? Mrs

856
00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 1: murmur Yeah, I have a good day. What we're by

857
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: the way, I think you climax so hard that you

858
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 1: forgot you were in your own home. You are home.

859
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 1: I want to go to your home. Chet's waiting for me,

860
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:07,399
Speaker 1: and so is Linda. I need you to watch the kid,

861
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 1: my child, your child, yours? Now? Yeah, I'll give you

862
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 1: a ride. Thanks. Hey, hey, squirt, Hey, you're coming with me?

863
00:51:21,360 --> 00:51:24,200
Speaker 1: What you're coming with us? Really? Can I bring these

864
00:51:24,239 --> 00:51:30,960
Speaker 1: Totino's pizza rolls? Hell? Yeah? And that's our show for

865
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,760
Speaker 1: real this time. Let's go ahead and beg your alchemists

866
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,200
Speaker 1: and see what they're up to. Chris Alvarado, Hey, I'm

867
00:51:37,280 --> 00:51:39,320
Speaker 1: up to so much stuff, guys, I'd love to improvise.

868
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 1: I do improv comedy everywhere. My name is at Chris

869
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:46,719
Speaker 1: Alvarado on Instagram, Sweet Joey Great at jeby Greeber on

870
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:50,240
Speaker 1: the tweets and on Instagram. Check out Goodnight my Sketch

871
00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:53,520
Speaker 1: Comedy album on Amazon, iTunes, All that Ship, Spotify. It's free.

872
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:56,200
Speaker 1: Bear supply every second and fourth Wednesday, nine o'clock at

873
00:51:56,239 --> 00:51:59,320
Speaker 1: the west Side Comedy Theater. Pretty Pretty Pony Yeah for Thursday.

874
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:03,719
Speaker 1: First Thursday Day at Westside Comedy Yeah. Greig Kakowski at

875
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 1: Kakowski on Twitter. Also follow at Orange Tucks Improv for

876
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 1: improv shows with my wife Carla, Sweet James and I

877
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 1: just love it when you guys follow me on the

878
00:52:13,280 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 1: ratings and the reviews. And I've a lot of more

879
00:52:16,440 --> 00:52:18,720
Speaker 1: five star great reviews, but I'd like to take attention

880
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 1: to one by Mr Colt forty five. I listened to

881
00:52:21,960 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 1: seventy different that's what his name is on Apple podcasts

882
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,600
Speaker 1: from Canada. I listened to seventy podcasts a week. This

883
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 1: is the first each Tuesday and Thursday that I make

884
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 1: sure I've downloaded before I work in the morning. Absolutely

885
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,879
Speaker 1: gets me going first thing in the morning, by far,

886
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:41,640
Speaker 1: and without a doubt, the funniest podcast I've found. Four

887
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:46,800
Speaker 1: out of five stars. What the what do we have

888
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:52,920
Speaker 1: to do? Mr? Come on, it's possible that it's an accident.

889
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 1: I just wanted to five stars is actually four stars. Yeah,

890
00:52:57,400 --> 00:52:59,040
Speaker 1: it's a different news. We like it. It gives us

891
00:52:59,080 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 1: something to work to our Yeah that's good, mean, funniest

892
00:53:02,040 --> 00:53:05,880
Speaker 1: like maybe he's sorry it's a drama person, you know,

893
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:07,960
Speaker 1: they like the heavier stuff. I keep coming back and

894
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:10,879
Speaker 1: seeing if it's changed, and it doesn't. I don't think

895
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:14,040
Speaker 1: they're gonna change. Maybe now think you hear that? Cult

896
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:18,080
Speaker 1: forty five get to it, Take a star away, James,

897
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:21,440
Speaker 1: don't do that. I mean, you know I'll give you.

898
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 1: Don't take stars away. Come on, stars, if we're the

899
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 1: funniest around, give us five fucking stars. WHOA don't make

900
00:53:29,680 --> 00:53:32,080
Speaker 1: me come to Canada. You know you know where, you

901
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:33,360
Speaker 1: know where he can see this and set all this

902
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:37,040
Speaker 1: San Francisco, because we're gonna be at sketch Fest. That's right.

903
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: Get tickets for that, that's right, Sunday Janum at the

904
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:43,160
Speaker 1: Gateway Theater. Go to s sketch Fest dot com. Come

905
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,360
Speaker 1: see Alchemy This live. Dare you could? I dare you

906
00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,480
Speaker 1: to come. Dare you to do it? That's for it

907
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,800
Speaker 1: for our show today, Let's thank our engineer Doug Maybe,

908
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:57,360
Speaker 1: our post sound design artist Raphael Brito. Encourage all of

909
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 1: you to write a review. Tell everyone you've ever met

910
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 1: and write to us at your name here at alchemy

911
00:54:02,320 --> 00:54:05,360
Speaker 1: this dot com. That's your name here at alchemy this

912
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:07,919
Speaker 1: dot com. Until next time,