1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,560 Speaker 1: I told my boyfriend I want to break my vegetarianism 2 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,320 Speaker 1: for a trip. Now he's furious that I wouldn't break 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: it for him, won't eat my meat. My boyfriend is 4 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:15,320 Speaker 1: upset that I consider breaking my vegetarianism during a week 5 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,639 Speaker 1: long trip to Japan. I thirty four female, have been 6 00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:22,279 Speaker 1: vegetarian for about four years. My boyfriend, thirty four male, 7 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,520 Speaker 1: is a meat lover. He's an excellent cook, and he 8 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,320 Speaker 1: loves steak and other types of meat. He's never asked 9 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: me to start eating meat. I have never asked him 10 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 1: to stop eating meat. I don't care what he eats. 11 00:00:33,080 --> 00:00:36,400 Speaker 1: It's one hundred percent his and everyone else's choice. I 12 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,199 Speaker 1: don't talk about being a vegetarian. I don't promote it, 13 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,880 Speaker 1: and I try to figure out my own food if 14 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 1: I need to, so I don't inconvenience others. Sometimes it's 15 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 1: hard to find a restaurant with a vegetarian option besides 16 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,920 Speaker 1: a side salad, so I'll do the legwork to find 17 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 1: a restaurant everyone will like. Also, this comes from Poppy 18 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:58,320 Speaker 1: Blossom ninety on the Arsasha Okay storytime sub reddit. So 19 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: my choice to be veget harrian hasn't seemed to be 20 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,640 Speaker 1: an issue or cause any big inconvenience, But maybe I 21 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: am wrong. 22 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:08,319 Speaker 2: When I went on. 23 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:10,959 Speaker 1: Vacation with my boyfriend's family for a week, his mom 24 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: revised herizotto recipe to use veggie broth instead of chicken 25 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: broth so I could eat it. I didn't ask. I 26 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,400 Speaker 1: think my boyfriend suggested it to her. I was really appreciative, 27 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:22,560 Speaker 1: so everyone seems on board. 28 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's really nice supportive. 29 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 1: When my boyfriend and I went up on vacation for 30 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,679 Speaker 1: a week, we both looked up restaurants that would have 31 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: a vegetarian option for me. We mostly ate at seafood 32 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: places because of where we were vacationing, and I managed 33 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,479 Speaker 1: to find a veggie burger or something like that at 34 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: most places, so opie's fine in the spots, my take. 35 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 1: I have a work trip to Japan coming up soon. 36 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 1: I told my boyfriend I was considering eating meat interesting 37 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: during the week so I can fully experience the culture 38 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 1: and food that means sushi, wago, rabin, things like that. Yeah, 39 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,200 Speaker 1: I'm not sure if I can actually get myself to 40 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: eat meat during the trip, because I think I'll feel 41 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 1: guilty about it. My choice to be vegetarian is because 42 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: I feel bad for how animals are raised treated farms 43 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: and the nature of how they're usually killed. I know 44 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,720 Speaker 1: I can get humanely raised meat, but I choose to 45 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: abstain altogether. I miss sushi in steak the most. But 46 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,880 Speaker 1: again I abstain. 47 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,000 Speaker 3: Is can you do that? 48 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 2: What? 49 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 3: Like, Oh, I'm gonna get one a trip. 50 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 2: You can do whatever you want to. 51 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: It's a contract with yourself, Riley, Okay, all you need 52 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: is you know. 53 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,000 Speaker 3: Of this contract with yourself, and like the universe and 54 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 3: like morals, you know how many other. 55 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:42,639 Speaker 1: People to be shaped to your will. My boyfriend's take, 56 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: He is upset that I would consider breaking vegetarianism for 57 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 1: this week long trip, but I wouldn't consider breaking vegetarianism 58 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: to have a steak with him. 59 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,480 Speaker 3: Oh wait, what steak? 60 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: Just a steak and a steak. It's a steak in general. 61 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: You know what sounds like a mistake this relationship. Oh no, 62 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,800 Speaker 1: I don't think it's not bad, but I do think 63 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: he's asking too much of you. It's like, well, this 64 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,480 Speaker 1: is you're you're always here, and also this is the 65 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 1: once in a lifetime trip to Japan. 66 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:20,519 Speaker 2: It's very different. 67 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I could see some frustration of always having to 68 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 3: pick the right restaurant where he has to find something 69 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 3: that has vegetarian options. 70 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: But that's her lifestyle, Like they're together with his like 71 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,919 Speaker 1: like together through her lifestyle. 72 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,839 Speaker 2: This is like a one time thing. 73 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 3: Can you not be a little bit upset? 74 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 2: I don't think so. 75 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 3: You don't think so. 76 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 1: I don't think it would be that upset. Okay, I 77 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,880 Speaker 1: don't think so. But I guess he is also like 78 00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: a big cooking guy, and so maybe he's like he 79 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: wants to share his. 80 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:48,680 Speaker 2: Meat with her. 81 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 3: Yep, all the meats. 82 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, all the meats, like as many as much as possible. 83 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:56,520 Speaker 3: Hey, babe, let's go check out this Wiener snitzle. Yeah, 84 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 3: she's like, no, I can't. 85 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 2: I can't. 86 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,880 Speaker 1: It's like would only take a minute, like probably literally 87 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 1: only a minute, Like we could finish so. 88 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,440 Speaker 3: Fast, won't take that long. 89 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 1: Won't take that long. Nope, I don't eat eat not 90 00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: for me, babe, not for me. But it makes him 91 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,840 Speaker 1: feel like he's not worth it. It makes him feel 92 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 1: like the trip and the coworkers I'm going on the 93 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: trip with are more important than him. I know he 94 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:22,359 Speaker 1: bonds over sharing food with people. He likes to cook 95 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,560 Speaker 1: for other people, and he's never been able to cook 96 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 1: a steak for me, and we've never been able to 97 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,159 Speaker 1: share a steak dinner together. We've gone to steakhouses before, 98 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 1: but I just eat whatever else they have. It's not 99 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,920 Speaker 1: the same as us both enjoying a steak. He's also 100 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: said that all the effort to accommodate me being vegetarian 101 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 1: seems like a waste. Now, well, she's not going to 102 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,160 Speaker 1: change or vegetarianism. It's just for a week. It's not 103 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 1: a change in her lifestyle. His mom going out of 104 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,360 Speaker 1: her way to make risotto without chicken broth, looking up 105 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,800 Speaker 1: restaurants where I can eat something beside the salad, him 106 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 1: cooking up a stirfry or other dishes and leaving them 107 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,599 Speaker 1: meat separate on the flat top grill until I serve 108 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: myself the veggies, and then after that he combines it 109 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,919 Speaker 1: all together with the meat. Things like that, me not 110 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,560 Speaker 1: being able to enjoy the best strip he's ever had 111 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,479 Speaker 1: on our vacation together, he was at the point of 112 00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:11,839 Speaker 1: tears over us not being able to eat a steak together. 113 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 3: I love steak. My favorite dinner is steak and potatoes. Yeah, 114 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 3: I don't think I would be that upset over. I'm like, 115 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,560 Speaker 3: I've never well, we have sure a steak together? 116 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,159 Speaker 2: We have Yeah, what was that? No? 117 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,560 Speaker 3: I made a steak that one night we were gonna 118 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 3: hang out and then I made it and then I 119 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,599 Speaker 3: saved it for you for later. I cooked it and 120 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:39,039 Speaker 3: you ate it later. Yeah, but I don't think that's 121 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 3: like a huge milestone. Would that be a huge milestone 122 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:43,359 Speaker 3: in your life? 123 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 2: Huge milestone? 124 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:45,839 Speaker 3: That's a huge milestone. 125 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:50,440 Speaker 1: You you you giving me that steak? Big never we'll 126 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: forget it. 127 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 2: Wow. 128 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,080 Speaker 3: So I guess he's on the same wavelength as you. 129 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,800 Speaker 2: No, No, I don't want to be lumped in. I don't. 130 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 1: But I did appreciate you you making that steak. It 131 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:01,600 Speaker 1: was delicious, It was delash, And I understand, like there 132 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 1: are people that really are like you know. Food is 133 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:07,800 Speaker 1: the window to the heart and the soul and all that. 134 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 1: So I understand it would make him feel bad that 135 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: I'd consider eating meat on the trip, but I haven't 136 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,719 Speaker 1: offered to eat a steak with him. I feel terrible 137 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,479 Speaker 1: for making him feel this way and making him feel 138 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,919 Speaker 1: less important or less worthy. I apologize for this and 139 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,600 Speaker 1: apologize for making him feel this way. I told him 140 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 1: that's not it. It's not that he's not worthy. That this 141 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: trip is probably once in a lifetime, and I'm afraid 142 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,840 Speaker 1: that if I have a steak here at home with him, 143 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:35,680 Speaker 1: I'm concerned it will become a slippery slope. I told him, 144 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: I don't want to stop being vegetarian? How do I 145 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 1: navigate that that? That's a good point, because it's like, 146 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: you know, it's willpower. It's willpower, and if you start 147 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,880 Speaker 1: compromising in your home environment, it's going to be a 148 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:52,240 Speaker 1: lot easier to keep compromising, whereas like when you're in 149 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 1: when you're in Japan, it's like a thing. You're in 150 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: a completely different environment, so you can kind of do 151 00:06:58,760 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: things that you might not. 152 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 2: Normally you at home. 153 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 3: Dude, I got a good one. Yeah, I think the 154 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:08,719 Speaker 3: I read something that the American government gave United States 155 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 3: soldiers in Vietnam and the addiction rate of those soldiers 156 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 3: that came back was like twenty five percent because they 157 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 3: were in a different environment. 158 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 2: That it was. It was it was hair. 159 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah I didn't. I didn't there was something like that. 160 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 3: But yeah, I told. 161 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 2: You that, I've told you told me this. 162 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,880 Speaker 1: I've told you this like three different times. 163 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 2: On this show. 164 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,080 Speaker 3: Okay, okay, Well, then this applies to it. 165 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 2: Didn't you read atomic habits. 166 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 3: I did not read a ptomac house. 167 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:37,160 Speaker 2: It's in atomic house. 168 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 3: It's in his own house. But when you say this 169 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 3: would apply, then she goes to a different country eats me, 170 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 3: it won't be a slippery slope whenever she gets back. 171 00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 2: Well that's what she's saying. 172 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: She's saying like, it's not going to be a slippery 173 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,240 Speaker 1: slope if I eat in Japan, but if I eat 174 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: with you at home, it is a slippery slope because 175 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: I'm creating those new habits where I live. 176 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,600 Speaker 3: So he should go with her to Japan. 177 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,000 Speaker 2: That is true. Hmm. 178 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,760 Speaker 1: If she goes to Japan and then they can enjoy 179 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: a stake together. 180 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 3: He really wanted that band. 181 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 2: He really wants that. 182 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 3: Give her that all the meat solution. 183 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 1: You're welcome, boom, But we got some edits. When he 184 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 1: told me how he felt about this, I listened, apologized 185 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: for making him feel so poorly, and validated him. I 186 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,560 Speaker 1: understand why he feels bad, and I should have thought 187 00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 1: about how this might go before I said it that 188 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: I'm considering eating meat on the trip out Loud two 189 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: during the conversation, I thanked him for telling me how 190 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: he was feeling, and thanked him for telling me how 191 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,200 Speaker 1: important that would be to him. So I offered to 192 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 1: have a steak with him, and I also let him 193 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 1: know I don't want it to become a regular thing 194 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:40,800 Speaker 1: because I prefer to stay vegetarian or mostly vegetarian. I 195 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 1: guess since having steak with him wouldn't be vegetarian, I 196 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 1: know sharing meals together is important to him, it's also 197 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: important to me. What I did not know, however, is 198 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 1: that he was so badly wanting to have a steak 199 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 1: together where I could eat it too. When he cooks meat, 200 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,560 Speaker 1: I always comment on how good it looks and smells, 201 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,319 Speaker 1: and he has said before, I wish you could taste this, 202 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 1: And hindsight, that comment from him was probably hinting at 203 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,479 Speaker 1: him wishing I'd offer. 204 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 2: To eat a steak with him. 205 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,400 Speaker 1: He hasn't asked me, Hey, can you please eat a 206 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 1: steak with me tonight? Or would you ever consider eating 207 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,880 Speaker 1: meat with me or for me? If he asked me 208 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: those questions and I said no, then I said I'm 209 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: considering eating meat in Japan. That would be a different conversation. 210 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,680 Speaker 1: I haven't rejected him in that way. But I also 211 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: haven't offered to eat steak with him either until this 212 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 1: conversation came up. 213 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:30,880 Speaker 3: Oh, that's kind of weird. 214 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 2: Why is it weird? 215 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,000 Speaker 3: He's like getting all butt hurt even though they've not 216 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,920 Speaker 3: never even talked about it. 217 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like you're just like, oh, like, could 218 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:39,560 Speaker 1: you eat steak with me too? 219 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:40,560 Speaker 3: Yeah? 220 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 2: But he's like he's never asked. 221 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 3: He's never asked. I thought he's it sounded like he's 222 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:44,600 Speaker 3: always asked. 223 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 2: No, I don't. I think I guess he didn't ask specifically. 224 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 3: Hmm. 225 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 1: I didn't know this specific thing was something he wanted 226 00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: so badly. I thought, because he eats meat as much 227 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: as he wants and we eat meals together, that he 228 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: was satisfied in this area. We never have been to 229 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 1: a vegetarian restaurant together. I try to I make my 230 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:04,000 Speaker 1: vegetarianism as small as possible. I don't want it to 231 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,560 Speaker 1: be a thing. I bring food to his house. I 232 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: get side salads or kids grilled cheese at restaurants that 233 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:12,320 Speaker 1: don't have any vegetarian options. I don't make it a 234 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 1: big deal. I completely understand why he feels bad. That's 235 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,640 Speaker 1: not what this post is about. I'm just wondering how 236 00:10:18,679 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: to best move forward. I also just told him I 237 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,960 Speaker 1: was considering eating meat on that trip without thinking about 238 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 1: it first. I didn't think about how he'd feel, he'd 239 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,840 Speaker 1: feel slighted. I didn't think about how I'd feel. I'd 240 00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,600 Speaker 1: feel guilty and anxious about the thought of actually going 241 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: through with eating meat. And if you don't want to 242 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:39,439 Speaker 1: feel guilty and anxious about not spending quality time with us, 243 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,400 Speaker 1: you should join our live every weekday through PMPST right 244 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,520 Speaker 1: here on YouTube. So make sure you're there, just have 245 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: a profile. But finally, when we talked about it, I 246 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,320 Speaker 1: brought up that I'll have to slowly incorporate meat into 247 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,360 Speaker 1: my diet leading up to us having a stake together, 248 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: to going or to going to Japan. If I choose 249 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: to eat meat on the trip, I know it's a 250 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,920 Speaker 1: thing because like you have to build up your stomach 251 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:05,880 Speaker 1: against all. Considering how anxious I feel about actually thinking 252 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 1: more about going through with eating meat, I think it's 253 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,040 Speaker 1: best for me just to not eat meat on the trip. 254 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 1: But now I still have to figure out how to 255 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: address the topic with my boyfriend, because now I know 256 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:16,520 Speaker 1: he wants me to eat a steak with him, and 257 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:20,680 Speaker 1: I offered to do that for him. So what do 258 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 1: we think? Do we think? Like Opie is the a 259 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 1: hole for this like. 260 00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:27,400 Speaker 3: And they're both of their thirties, by the way. 261 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,640 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think ops to eat anything she 262 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,559 Speaker 1: doesn't want to. I think it's a little whack that 263 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 1: he's being so adamant that she eats meat with him, 264 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 1: And I think he needs to get over it now. Commentary, 265 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: reading your post history, your boyfriend has a habit of 266 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:51,000 Speaker 1: getting upset over your personal decisions and turning it into 267 00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:56,240 Speaker 1: a slight against him. All right, we're about to get 268 00:11:56,240 --> 00:12:00,280 Speaker 1: some more context, So yes, there is a bit of 269 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:05,439 Speaker 1: a pattern. A few examples that come to mind. One 270 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:12,360 Speaker 1: we broke up temporarily a year ago. When we got 271 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 1: back together and he came over to my place for 272 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:18,720 Speaker 1: the first time, I mentioned to him that his key 273 00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: would not work because I had the locks changed. That 274 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 1: turned into a whole thing. He was so offended I 275 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 1: changed the locks after he broke up and said I 276 00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: was labeling him as scary violent. I don't remember the 277 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,440 Speaker 1: phrase he used. 278 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 2: Two. 279 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,200 Speaker 1: When seeking a therapist, I only looked for in network 280 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: therapists due to cost difference. He has an out of 281 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 1: network therapist. He is still upset at me about a 282 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 1: year later for limiting my therapist search to in network 283 00:12:49,559 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 1: only and therefore limiting the potential to find the best 284 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:57,440 Speaker 1: therapists possible due to cost when he disregarded costs, so 285 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,360 Speaker 1: I should have disregarded costs too. And three, when I 286 00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 1: broke up with him last year, we'd been dating six 287 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,160 Speaker 1: months at that time. I broke up with him over 288 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 1: the phone because I didn't feel comfortable doing it in 289 00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: person at his house or at mine. Really, I don't 290 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 1: know if he's necessarily shown violent tendencies, So yeah, I 291 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 1: feel like it would be an in person breakup at 292 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 1: this point because. 293 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 3: You could bring a friend maybe wait outside with you. 294 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 2: Yeah. 295 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: Kimberly Holly says, just because you change the locks doesn't 296 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,160 Speaker 1: mean he's violent. He just didn't need access anymore. I 297 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 1: think that's true. But I think a in person breakup 298 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 1: makes sense. 299 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 3: Well, they were together for six months still. 300 00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 2: In person breakup? Ok? 301 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, in person break Honestly, even after a month in 302 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:44,080 Speaker 1: person breakup if you're official at all. Yeah, I didn't 303 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 1: feel comfortable doing it at his house or mind. He berated, 304 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 1: me for doing this over the phone, because A, that's 305 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 1: not what people do after a month of dating, not 306 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: after six months. That's what I said, And we had 307 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,880 Speaker 1: been in talking and spending when we had been talking 308 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 1: about spending the rest of our lives to get there. 309 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: I knew he was home alone at night when I 310 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 1: called him, and I should have known he would not 311 00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,959 Speaker 1: be okay by himself after breaking up with him. Three 312 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:12,720 Speaker 1: c he threatened to end his life and blamed it 313 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 1: on me. Oh so, when he threatened to end his 314 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,400 Speaker 1: life because I broke up with him, I told him 315 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 1: that's not my responsibility. I realized that was incredibly harsh 316 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,720 Speaker 1: of me to say, and I should have said, I 317 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,240 Speaker 1: hope you don't go. I hope you don't do that, 318 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,520 Speaker 1: Please go to a hospital. And I should have called 319 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 1: his mom or a friend to help. In reality, it's 320 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 1: not my responsibility. He is still so incredibly hurt and 321 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,200 Speaker 1: angry and upset with me and will not be able 322 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,760 Speaker 1: to forgive me because I told him it's not my responsibility. 323 00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:40,920 Speaker 1: I was labeling him again as being violent because I 324 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: didn't feel comfortable doing it in person. Five When I 325 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: bring up conversations about something I need from him or 326 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,720 Speaker 1: something he said that hurt me. He lays into me 327 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,520 Speaker 1: for bringing it up at the right time. I should 328 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: have done it sooner, later, before we left, after we 329 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: got home, etc. Not bringing it up the right way. 330 00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,480 Speaker 1: I should have made it a crap sandwich with a 331 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: compliment first, then the real issue, then reassurance, et cetera. 332 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 1: He also tells me why isn't x y Z enough 333 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 1: when I ask him for something? One time, I told 334 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:14,040 Speaker 1: him it would mean a lot to me if you 335 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,440 Speaker 1: would tell me I'm beautiful, Not that he doesn't do 336 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,800 Speaker 1: that at all, but that I really value that and 337 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,440 Speaker 1: it would be a big deal for me to hear it. 338 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: A bit more, He went back through text account how 339 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,440 Speaker 1: many times he's told me that he told me he's 340 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,200 Speaker 1: referred to me as beautiful five times in the last 341 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: five months. 342 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 2: So why isn't that enough. 343 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 4: To the data I said beautiful five times? 344 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 2: Is that not enough? Wow? But the fact is just 345 00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:42,880 Speaker 2: a fact that he was like he was like flexing. 346 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,400 Speaker 2: He's like, yo, I called you beautiful once a month, 347 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 2: once a month, once a month, and you want me 348 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 2: to break up with you? Crazy? 349 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 1: I tell I tell everyone in this house that I 350 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 1: love them, like five times a day. 351 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 2: We have constant, constant. 352 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:01,440 Speaker 3: But reinforced ever tells me how pretty I am. 353 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,040 Speaker 1: Constant booty grabs dud. Yeah, but I physically show you. 354 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,920 Speaker 2: Your cakes are just so delicious that I. 355 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 1: Gotta take a nibble. Yeah, this is true. 356 00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:11,440 Speaker 3: This is true. 357 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,320 Speaker 1: Then I said, Okay, if that's enough for him, I 358 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 1: will accept that and accept what he gives me, basically 359 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 1: saying okay, you're right, that should be enough. Then he 360 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: got upset by me saying I'll accept what he gives me. 361 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 1: The conversation gets turned around on me for not communicating properly, 362 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,200 Speaker 1: and my concern is completely neglected, and it turns into 363 00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,080 Speaker 1: me feeling like I have to defend myself for what 364 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: I say, what my needs are, how I say it, 365 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:37,720 Speaker 1: when I say it, et cetera. I am tired. Man 366 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 1: sounds manipulative as f I say, break up. 367 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 2: For sure, just leave it, go on, live your life. Hey, whoa, 368 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:52,120 Speaker 2: whoa whoa? One of these things has gotten to go. Hey, 369 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 2: I got to live. You're alive? 370 00:16:54,440 --> 00:17:02,360 Speaker 1: Hey, Oh live your life. 371 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:06,159 Speaker 2: Hey. My boyfriend is convinced we aren't compatible, but he 372 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,520 Speaker 2: keeps changing his mind. So I twenty three female and 373 00:17:09,560 --> 00:17:11,919 Speaker 2: my boyfriend twenty two male have been together for almost 374 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:14,400 Speaker 2: a year now. Things were going great, and I honestly 375 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,760 Speaker 2: felt very sure of our relationship, even with our differences 376 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,480 Speaker 2: on how we were raised and how we like to 377 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:24,400 Speaker 2: spend our free time. I figured, no, Biggie, sometimes opposites attract. However, 378 00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 2: since July, there have been several times now where he 379 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 2: always sits me down or has a phone call with me, 380 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 2: either about something that is different about us, or a 381 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 2: problem that he has with me or things that I do. Note. 382 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 2: I know there's going to be concerns about one another 383 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 2: in a relationship, but I feel like it's becoming excessive 384 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,919 Speaker 2: and he gets upset over things that are minor in 385 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,919 Speaker 2: my opinion. Well, this comes from ic Mango sixty eight 386 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 2: to sixty nine from our s okay start time subreddit, 387 00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 2: and here are the concerns. First one, our lifestyles. I 388 00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,280 Speaker 2: live a very adventurous life. I do a lot of 389 00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 2: outdorectivity since my family and I have a vacation homex. 390 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:10,639 Speaker 5: Okay, okay, I'm so active because of my big money 391 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,480 Speaker 5: paths in my vacation home. 392 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:17,439 Speaker 2: Kind of slip weights there all that money caring those weights. 393 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 2: Oh man, so he was raised very secluded and has 394 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,960 Speaker 2: spent a lot of his childhood indoors, not doing a 395 00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:28,080 Speaker 2: lot of out there activities. I had brought him into 396 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,440 Speaker 2: my vacation home three times, and each time there's been 397 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,920 Speaker 2: an argument. You're brought into like a nice vacation home 398 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 2: and you want to argue. I'm like, I'm ready to kick. 399 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 1: Back, dude, I'm ready to chill. 400 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:39,680 Speaker 2: I'm chilling. 401 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,159 Speaker 1: Just going to the hot tub, right, and then go 402 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:43,679 Speaker 1: on the ice bath and then go in the hot 403 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:44,160 Speaker 1: tub again. 404 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,080 Speaker 2: It's straight dunk. 405 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:47,760 Speaker 1: It just go back and forth and back and forth. 406 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:53,439 Speaker 2: Dunk in the cookies. That that's yep. One being that 407 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 2: when we were on a jet ski, uh and he 408 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,600 Speaker 2: said it sounds lit. But Sam, you know what he said, 409 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,639 Speaker 2: you can't change me into what you want me to be. 410 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,479 Speaker 5: I'm not going to be open to wanting to go 411 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 5: out on the boat and like do stuff like this. 412 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:09,159 Speaker 2: He doesn't want it. 413 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 1: You're having this conversation on the jet ski. 414 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 2: Of course, How how could you try to change me? How, 415 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 2: Darius ain't a jet ski conversation. 416 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 3: Sounds like. 417 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 2: That's some writing on the jet skis, which at that 418 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,159 Speaker 2: point it was. Now he gets it, which at that 419 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 2: point it was his second time going, and I responded 420 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,760 Speaker 2: something along the lines of, I'm just trying to share 421 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:36,240 Speaker 2: my life with yours because I know you didn't get 422 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 2: to do this growing up, and I'm just sharing a 423 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 2: big part of my life with you, which is true. 424 00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 2: And I wasn't trying to force anything on him, and 425 00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,200 Speaker 2: just trying to share my life with him, especially since 426 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,680 Speaker 2: it's going to be easy for me to do, especially 427 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 2: since it's easy for me to do what he enjoys 428 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,680 Speaker 2: because a lot of it involves sitting around watching TV 429 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,439 Speaker 2: and playing video games, so Opie is also kind of 430 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,000 Speaker 2: in his interest as well. Dude, someone I feel like 431 00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 2: who doesn't like jet skis. 432 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,639 Speaker 1: I actually haven't gone on a jet ski in like 433 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 1: since like twenty fourteen. 434 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 3: Oh wow, no, twenty fifteen last year. 435 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 2: Maybe I've never been on a jet ski before. 436 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:18,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, I was on a jet ski. It was supposed 437 00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:19,879 Speaker 3: to be Rex and I and we were going to 438 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,280 Speaker 3: go to the lake with a bunch of his coworker 439 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,000 Speaker 3: girls and he didn't show up, so it was just 440 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:25,800 Speaker 3: me and a bunch of girls hanging out and I 441 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 3: gave him like jet ski rides. 442 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,840 Speaker 2: That's what they're being called yep kids these days. But 443 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:35,480 Speaker 2: there's also some hobbies. Hobbies. He claims several times that 444 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,360 Speaker 2: we have nothing in common, which seems like a big 445 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,359 Speaker 2: deal to him because he feels like talking about similar 446 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,320 Speaker 2: hobbies is how most people have conversations. Not true. Like 447 00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:46,679 Speaker 2: I said, I'm very outdoorsy, but I do enjoy my 448 00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 2: indoor time as well. I'm very malleable, and I do 449 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,800 Speaker 2: a lot of nerdy stuff, and I do a lot 450 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,720 Speaker 2: of what he calls rednick country. 451 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,880 Speaker 5: Everyone knows that jet skis is redneck country. 452 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:05,199 Speaker 2: Our jet ski's redneck. No, Like a door with a 453 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:09,920 Speaker 2: giant fan and balloons all taped together on a lake, 454 00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 2: Now that is redneck Activit is a thing just like 455 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:18,520 Speaker 2: Jerry rigging anything. Uh, not exactly, but you know that's 456 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 2: like that's. 457 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,400 Speaker 1: The most Florida like contraption that you've seen. 458 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:22,840 Speaker 6: Mm. 459 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:28,679 Speaker 2: Dig in there, dude, I'm digging. I'm digging deep. Well, 460 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,159 Speaker 2: there's some bad things and then some those are the 461 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 2: good things, the good things. I've definitely heard of stories 462 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:39,160 Speaker 2: of such contraptions being give me one. I'm trying. I'm 463 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,600 Speaker 2: trying to like give me one. It's like secondhand stories 464 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:45,480 Speaker 2: of other people doing, give me one. That's the inspiration. 465 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:46,720 Speaker 2: I'm trying to think. 466 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 3: I can't remember. 467 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:53,480 Speaker 2: These were all secondhand. Uh maybe like maybe like uh 468 00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 2: ATVing and someone pulling pulling you by a rope and 469 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,520 Speaker 2: you're sitting like it's almost like your you're tubing but 470 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 2: you're dirt and you have like. 471 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,320 Speaker 1: A little smart that's just smart. That's just like a 472 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:05,840 Speaker 1: great thinking. That's engineering. 473 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:09,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, basically Jerry imagine Jerry rigged version of that. That's 474 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 2: REDK Activities. Anyways, So I have told him that not 475 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,400 Speaker 2: having everything in common is normal, and you're never gonna 476 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:17,439 Speaker 2: find a person that has everything in common with you, 477 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,679 Speaker 2: but rather these are things that you can share with 478 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,199 Speaker 2: one another and possibly create new hobbies. Only issue is 479 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:27,120 Speaker 2: his hobbies include watching TV, video games, and watching wrestling 480 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:30,440 Speaker 2: and football. He likes watching stuff outside, but he doesn't 481 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 2: like doing them. He doesn't do much of the outside 482 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,480 Speaker 2: things unless me or his friends ask him to go 483 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:41,240 Speaker 2: out and do something. Relationships, This one is short. I've 484 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 2: been in a couple of relationships, but I have been 485 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 2: in a long term relationship that lasted four years. He 486 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 2: has never dated anyone past six months, and the last 487 00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:51,680 Speaker 2: he had dated before me was when he was sixteen 488 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,399 Speaker 2: doesn't count. So a lot of so a lot of 489 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 2: the things he is trying to figure out how a 490 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,240 Speaker 2: relationship works. But I do have experience. Our family dynamic, 491 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:03,400 Speaker 2: in my opinion, the worst one of all of them. 492 00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,960 Speaker 2: We have a matt, we have. We just had a 493 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,840 Speaker 2: massive three week argument over this and why, and it's 494 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,440 Speaker 2: why I'm making this post. This is a big deal here. 495 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 2: I am very blessed with the family I have. I 496 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,840 Speaker 2: have three siblings, two dogs, and two parents that love 497 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,959 Speaker 2: each other and have been married for twenty nine years. 498 00:23:19,359 --> 00:23:21,679 Speaker 2: We are all very involved with one another. We do 499 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,200 Speaker 2: a lot of activities together, eat at the dinner table, 500 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,720 Speaker 2: and we are all very close. And not just them, 501 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:29,560 Speaker 2: but I have close relationship with my extended family as well. 502 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,960 Speaker 2: And to put it simply, there's a lot of us awful. 503 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,480 Speaker 2: I'm sure he's gonna have so many problems with a 504 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:37,640 Speaker 2: healthy family dynamic. 505 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,920 Speaker 1: I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I say, 506 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,119 Speaker 1: a healthy family dynamics or gross. How are you going 507 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:45,359 Speaker 1: to mine your your your life for Reddit stories if 508 00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 1: you don't have you don't have a crazy creating content 509 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,680 Speaker 1: of our life exactly, everything's working How are we gonna 510 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:52,439 Speaker 1: get up voted? How are you gonna go on this 511 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,880 Speaker 1: show and have John read it with his sweet tongue? 512 00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 2: Come on. My boyfriend grew up with no father figure 513 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,280 Speaker 2: for most of his life since his dad was an addict, 514 00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:06,040 Speaker 2: and only being somewhat quote unquote involved after going into 515 00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 2: a coma three months after in OD. His sister is 516 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:14,280 Speaker 2: currently on the verge and needs a liver transplant after 517 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:17,919 Speaker 2: drinking it away at only twenty eight years old. 518 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 1: You've drunk away a liver at twenty eight. I mean 519 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:22,680 Speaker 1: that is impressive. 520 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:28,639 Speaker 2: God, you're getting in dedications. I mean it doesn't come easy. 521 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,640 Speaker 2: He has little to no extended family, and he has 522 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,520 Speaker 2: no close relationship with anyone in his family, and even 523 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,159 Speaker 2: his parents don't really converse with him unless it's about 524 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:41,359 Speaker 2: his job or drama. The issue with the families. This 525 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,960 Speaker 2: is how the argument occurred. I still don't see where 526 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 2: this would be a problem for him. If anything, it's like, 527 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,359 Speaker 2: oh hey, I finally have like a support systems, a 528 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:51,679 Speaker 2: familiar like support system. My family practically took him in 529 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 2: as one of their own right off the bat. Disgusting. 530 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,119 Speaker 2: How dare you they want to invite him into the 531 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,800 Speaker 2: vacation home, have him over for dinner, do activities with 532 00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:03,199 Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera. There's even been times when I 533 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,119 Speaker 2: wasn't home and he came over to my house to 534 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,760 Speaker 2: just hang out with my family. He said that he 535 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:10,080 Speaker 2: felt like he said, they felt like family to him 536 00:25:10,119 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 2: and he could be open and honest about himself. However, 537 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:18,119 Speaker 2: in August, he texts me randomly asking to talk, and 538 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 2: I call him and he throws this bombshell at me. 539 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 2: He told me over the phone that sends a lot. 540 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,919 Speaker 2: He's been thinking about it, and he feels like my 541 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:31,160 Speaker 2: family doesn't care about him. A new bombshell has entered 542 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:35,280 Speaker 2: the villa, a new bombshell that he feels like he 543 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,919 Speaker 2: can't be close with them or be himself. He feels 544 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:40,879 Speaker 2: like they don't ask him questions about himself. The conversation's 545 00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 2: changed too quick, so he feels like he can't talk 546 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,280 Speaker 2: at all, and much more along those lines, it's. 547 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,080 Speaker 1: Just because you're dumb. He can't keep up. 548 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not like the consent invites or anything else 549 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,200 Speaker 2: would give you a hint that they are. 550 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:54,520 Speaker 5: Interested in you. 551 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,120 Speaker 2: My goodness, dude, Clearly, I was confused because I thought 552 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,359 Speaker 2: We had a great relationship with him, and now he 553 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,960 Speaker 2: was essentially crapping on my family out of the blue. 554 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:05,440 Speaker 2: We had a massive talk about it, and I said 555 00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,880 Speaker 2: that if this was something that he genuinely felt, then 556 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,080 Speaker 2: I could speak to my family about the matter, because 557 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:13,399 Speaker 2: I wanted to make sure they were respecting him and 558 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,800 Speaker 2: that he's doing the same. He gave me the option 559 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 2: to choose, and so I went with my gut and 560 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,800 Speaker 2: I talked to them. They were just as confused as 561 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,120 Speaker 2: I was, and a little saddened that he felt that way. 562 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 2: I called him again and then he changed the story 563 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 2: to it's not that big of a deal. Then the 564 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 2: story changed again another day, where he went, oh, it's okay, 565 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,480 Speaker 2: I'll never be close to them, but I still respect it. 566 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 1: That's such pick me energy. It's okay, they'll never like 567 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:42,960 Speaker 1: a guy like me. 568 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:50,439 Speaker 2: Dude, it's so sad uh to maybe we'll be close 569 00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,280 Speaker 2: one day. Do I hate this vibe? I hate it. 570 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,040 Speaker 2: I'm doing a little foot thing, you know, where you're 571 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,880 Speaker 2: like drawing a little circletow. 572 00:26:58,320 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 1: That's a good maybe I always can't see it. Yeah, 573 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 1: he's doing a great foot thing. 574 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,480 Speaker 2: No free feet, actually at my feet. My girlfriend and 575 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:10,679 Speaker 2: I recently did a foot peel and my feet are 576 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:16,119 Speaker 2: not good. I need to do another one. You just 577 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,680 Speaker 2: gave free feet. I know it was an accident. You 578 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,119 Speaker 2: just gave free to do. I know they're going to 579 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,399 Speaker 2: get a screenshot of so bad. Anyways, there you go, 580 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 2: so all the way too. I didn't mean what I 581 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,199 Speaker 2: said at all, and in fact, I was putting my 582 00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:32,160 Speaker 2: family issues onto your family, and that I never had 583 00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:33,119 Speaker 2: a problem with him. 584 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:36,040 Speaker 3: Ever projecting your family issues onto another family. 585 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 2: That's tough. 586 00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,000 Speaker 3: I've never heard that before. 587 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,720 Speaker 2: I got whiplashed so many times from this conversation, and 588 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 2: I'm still wondering what was the truth he said the 589 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:47,240 Speaker 2: first conversation he didn't mean what he said, and what 590 00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 2: he says now is true. And he was just upset 591 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:51,399 Speaker 2: at me at the time and said it in the 592 00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,320 Speaker 2: heat of the moment. But it wasn't like he slipped 593 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,639 Speaker 2: up and said the wrong thing. This was a whole 594 00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:59,280 Speaker 2: conversation that he turned around and then said he didn't 595 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:01,119 Speaker 2: mean any of it. Yeah, he said, this was like 596 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,040 Speaker 2: a conversation over three weeks, so it was less of 597 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:05,960 Speaker 2: like a heat of the moment thing. And then like 598 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,360 Speaker 2: the next day he's like I'm sorry. It's like three 599 00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:10,480 Speaker 2: weeks later, he's like, yeah, I kinda. 600 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:12,760 Speaker 3: Sorry. 601 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:15,679 Speaker 4: I really didn't mean that. I mean, you know, I 602 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:19,200 Speaker 4: just make some mistakes. But I I hope you can 603 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,360 Speaker 4: forgive a guy like me, because no one ever does, 604 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:23,960 Speaker 4: no one ever, no one. 605 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 6: Ever would nice guy's always finished last, and I try 606 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,480 Speaker 6: to finish last for you, even though I always fail, 607 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:40,000 Speaker 6: even unnecessary fail it finishing, but I do it for you, babe. 608 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,960 Speaker 2: By the way, on that note, join us every weekday 609 00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,240 Speaker 2: live at three pm PSD to get content like what 610 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,120 Speaker 2: you just experienced. But let's get fail to finish with us. 611 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,959 Speaker 2: Oh God. So, I honestly could go on and on 612 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 2: about these things that he said, but I covered the 613 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 2: bigger stuff. I don't know. I've been feeling detached from 614 00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:59,000 Speaker 2: the whole relationship ever since that argument regarding my family, 615 00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,200 Speaker 2: because he said a lot of hurtful things. I just 616 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 2: feel like he's always had an issue with me, and 617 00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 2: he's always and he always says it's worth it because 618 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 2: he loves me. But at the same time, wouldn't he 619 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 2: rather want to be with someone that is more his taste. 620 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,320 Speaker 2: I just feel like he's trying to keep a relationship 621 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,160 Speaker 2: afloat and takes back a lot of what he says 622 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 2: to appease me. But if it just doesn't seem healthy. 623 00:29:21,040 --> 00:29:23,080 Speaker 2: But it just doesn't seem healthy in my opinion. I 624 00:29:23,120 --> 00:29:25,320 Speaker 2: told him yesterday that I need time to think about 625 00:29:25,320 --> 00:29:28,520 Speaker 2: everything because I'm starting to question our compatibility since he 626 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,200 Speaker 2: started to point out all these reasons why we don't mesh. Well, 627 00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,680 Speaker 2: I came on here for some comfort and hopefully to 628 00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:37,440 Speaker 2: get some help and advice on what I should do. Failed. Snap, 629 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,880 Speaker 2: am I the problem is he the problem? Are we 630 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 2: just not as compatible as we thought we were? Let 631 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,120 Speaker 2: me know. Sorry this is really long, but I needed 632 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:45,520 Speaker 2: to rant. 633 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 1: He sounds like a problem. He sounds like a big problem, 634 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 1: big old baby problem. 635 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:55,600 Speaker 2: Big huge problem. Break up. Yeah, it's it's he needs 636 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 2: some time to grow up. Yeah, it's the kind of 637 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:02,360 Speaker 2: pick me thing of he kind of keeps he does 638 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:08,920 Speaker 2: these things to elicit this is this weird pity dynamic. Yeah, dude, when. 639 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:10,640 Speaker 1: You play victim in a relationship is just like not 640 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:11,959 Speaker 1: gonna be a good relationship. 641 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,560 Speaker 2: Yeah. And and and he literally admitted like, oh I 642 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,400 Speaker 2: just invented this out of nowhere. It wasn't like actually 643 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,920 Speaker 2: they've been like really great to me. And yeah, and 644 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,920 Speaker 2: I guess at least he admitted it in the end, 645 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 2: but yeah, but it's like just being like and I'm 646 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,840 Speaker 2: not gonna stop. I'm gonna keep doing it. Yeah, Yeah, 647 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:28,880 Speaker 2: I admit it. I'm just gonna keep going. Yeah. 648 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:30,840 Speaker 1: But you know what, I'm not gonna stop what. I'm 649 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,520 Speaker 1: gonna stop Sophia from coming in here.