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Speaker 1: This week at the Parlor Live Comedy Club from Last

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Speaker 1: Comic Standing Mark normand and Arden Myron June twelfth through

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Speaker 1: the fourteenth. Tickets are available at Parlor Live dot com

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Speaker 1: or call four two five two eight nine seven thousand. Mossy, Hi,

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Speaker 1: I'm looking to hire a mover. Yep, Uh, what day

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Speaker 1: you're looking at? Any day? Really? I would like it

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Speaker 1: to be soon, um, because I'm I'm dying. Oh my god. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've come to terms with it. I just I just

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Speaker 1: tell you that because I want you to know that

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Speaker 1: it needs to be pretty quickly. I don't have too

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Speaker 1: much time. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's okay, it's

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Speaker 1: not your fault. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I just

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Speaker 1: need to, you know, get some stuff moved pretty quickly

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Speaker 1: while I get all my things in order, you know. Okay, Um, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: you know what I can isn't probably. I hope it's

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Speaker 1: not too awkward that I brought that up. Oh gosh, no,

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Speaker 1: come on, uh that could be available tomorrow morning? Oh? Perfect?

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Speaker 1: That quickly? Yeah? Yeah, okay, cool. The move shouldn't be

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Speaker 1: too hard. It's not far from my house, Okay, I guess.

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Speaker 1: I getting a little details about what exactly. I'm moving

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Speaker 1: up a couple different sized truck. Well one I bought

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Speaker 1: him ausoleum. It's just I mean, it's basically just a

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Speaker 1: big room where I'll be buried, and that's where i'd

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Speaker 1: like it to move my stuff. I've never moved anyone

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Speaker 1: into um the place where they want to be buried before.

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Speaker 1: That's that's interesting. Well, it's kind of like, you know,

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Speaker 1: the old pharaohs in Egypt, when they died, they'd be

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Speaker 1: buried with their gold so they could take it with them.

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Speaker 1: I have an ottoman that I really like. Yeah, I know,

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Speaker 1: I uh okay, well you know what. My couch is

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Speaker 1: going to be set up in there, and the funeral

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Speaker 1: director said he could stage my body on it. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to look like my living room basically in my mausoleum. Now,

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Speaker 1: forgive me, I just need a little clarification about what

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Speaker 1: that means exactly. I just want all my belongings moved

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Speaker 1: in there, and I'm gonna have the funeral director's stage

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Speaker 1: my cold, lifeless body on the couch with a remote

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Speaker 1: in hand and a bucket of popcorn and the other

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Speaker 1: kind of how I know this on Friday night, So

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Speaker 1: it's a It's always a Friday night in my mausoleum.

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Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, yeah, live life to the fullest, you know? Sorry,

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Speaker 1: go ahead, Oh I just said live life to the fullest. Yeah. Sure. Um,

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Speaker 1: Now I can't move a deceased body. Um no, I

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Speaker 1: know that. I'd never ask you to move my body

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Speaker 1: after I pass. I still don't really quite understand exactly

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Speaker 1: what it is. It's kind of a strange request. But

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Speaker 1: if I give you a thousand dollars, would you kill me?

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Speaker 1: Are you joking? Like this has got to be some

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Speaker 1: kind of a no. Hey, look, I think you can

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Speaker 1: logically call a mover and ask him to murder you.

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Speaker 1: Is this a bargaining thing? No, it's sort of bargaining.

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Speaker 1: What are you talking about bargaining? I'm a mover, all right?

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Speaker 1: You can just call up a mover and ask him

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Speaker 1: to murder you. I'm sorry, but no, I can get

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Speaker 1: you whatever weapon you normally use. I don't even know what.

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Speaker 1: Why what what do you normally use? Now? Listen, I'm

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Speaker 1: a run a business here, all right. I'm sorry about

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Speaker 1: your situation, but you are now wasting hey time. I

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Speaker 1: don't have any time to waste. Why would I want

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Speaker 1: to waste your time. My days are numbered and I

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Speaker 1: was hoping that you could help me out, but apparently

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Speaker 1: you don't care about customer service one bit. You know what, sir,

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Speaker 1: I wish you's the best. I am sorry that you're dying,

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Speaker 1: but I think you're picking a very strange way to

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Speaker 1: use the time that you have left on his planet.

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Speaker 1: Do you think it's strange of me to try to

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Speaker 1: hire a mover to kill me? Yeah? I do. I

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Speaker 1: think that's very strange. What does I think it's very

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Speaker 1: strange for you to continue to persist and maybe not

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Speaker 1: move on to someone else. Go find some crazy mother

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Speaker 1: just like yourself. What is wrong with you? What's wrong

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Speaker 1: with me? What's wrong with you? You call me and

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Speaker 1: ask me to kill you? You know what? What's wrong

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Speaker 1: with America? I can't call up a moving company in

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Speaker 1: America and getting murdered. It's ridiculous. You're the fifth company

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Speaker 1: I've called. Nobody will do it? Outrage what's wrong with Americas? No?

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Speaker 1: I can't find anybody who will kill me. You're the

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Speaker 1: fifth company I've called. Yeah, no one is going to

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Speaker 1: kill you. If you understand that, I bet you know what?

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Speaker 1: I bet your friend Brett would help me. He's a

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Speaker 1: stand up guy. I bet you he would kill me

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Speaker 1: if I asked him to wait. Because this is actually

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Speaker 1: jewel from Brook and Jewel. In the morning, I'm moving

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Speaker 1: ninety two point five doing a phone tap on you. No,

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Speaker 1: your buddy Brett set you up. He emailed us and

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Speaker 1: told us that you get a lot of strange requests

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Speaker 1: to move things. Yeah. I don't met strange though. Weak

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Speaker 1: up every morning with five, I'm saying all above you.