WEBVTT - Whisper Your Abortion Feat. Zoila Darton 0:00:01.760 --> 0:00:19.160 Bye huh bye bye sleeping out day. She's fan bowling baby, 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:23.759 okays about to lose it. 0:00:24.760 --> 0:00:28.440 The body's all by you who love me alone? Do 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:31.000 you ye digon oo baby? 0:00:31.080 --> 0:00:35.520 You guy, you'se a real one. I'm just bying. 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:40.480 Bray me ba up window lights. 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:46.480 Put that game on. They do it like baby, Welcome 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:50.280 back to God. Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila, 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:55.080 and it's Wednesday. It's actually Wenesday. Yeah, we sometimes we 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:57.280 recording ones, say we're not put on blast a few 0:00:57.280 --> 0:00:59.920 weeks ago. But you know whatever, You guys know the 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:05.200 deal for moms have time to record every fucking Wednesday. Anyway. 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:08.400 We have a special guest today. We have the beautiful, 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:19.399 talented mom, mama, entrepreneur, overall boss woman, Soila Darden. Hey, ladies, 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:23.240 I'm so happy to be here today with you boss 0:01:23.280 --> 0:01:26.920 as mama. We're excited to have you. I'm excited that 0:01:26.959 --> 0:01:30.880 you're here. I'm so happy that I know you and 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:34.200 I know exactly and we like I feel like we 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:38.520 have so many other connections in our life, but we 0:01:38.680 --> 0:01:42.319 somehow I reached out to you for that panel, but 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:44.319 we know each other through Nicole Russell, who was also 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:46.360 on our show. Did we know each other before? Though? 0:01:46.760 --> 0:01:50.120 You no? I think actually you knew Nicole. I saw 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:52.840 that you knew Nicole, and I was like, wait, yeah, yeah, 0:01:52.960 --> 0:01:55.160 I don't know. Did she connect us? She didn't. I 0:01:55.320 --> 0:01:59.120 followed you guys. I don't remember why I followed the podcast, 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:01.920 but I started following you guys, and then I followed. 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:05.200 Then I reached out to you, and then that was it. 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:08.000 But then we realized Nicole and like it was. 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:13.760 And then your friend last week knew Bruna was Yeah. 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:17.639 Everybody's connected. It's beautiful. I love it. Yeah that well, 0:02:17.639 --> 0:02:19.720 can you let us let our listeners know a little 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:22.480 bit about who you are? What you do? I know 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:25.480 you do. You dabble into any thing. I hate the 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:28.160 question what I do because I feel like I do 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:35.720 so many things. Well. I am from New York, Sydney. 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:38.120 I was born in Spain, but I've been living I 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:40.640 grew up in New York for my whole life, and 0:02:40.680 --> 0:02:43.200 I moved out here to Los Angeles a little over 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:45.680 three years ago to continue my career in the music 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:50.760 business as an artist manager and through a series of crazy, 0:02:52.160 --> 0:02:56.160 but I now say fortunate events, because the old Nie 0:02:56.200 --> 0:02:59.600 would have probably said unfortunate but fortunate events. I no 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:03.959 longer work in the music business. I am the founder 0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:07.720 of a creative agency called word. It stands for we 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:12.400 Open Real Doors, and we do just that for women 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:18.480 owned businesses brands that are interested in supporting women. And 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:22.840 we also, you know, work to create experiences and products 0:03:22.840 --> 0:03:26.480 and content to support women and their business and personal journey. 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:29.240 So it's like a lot of stuff. I've been recently 0:03:29.280 --> 0:03:31.480 saying that it's kind of like my brain out into 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:34.600 the world. I think it has a lot to do 0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:36.600 with the way that I was raised. I was raised 0:03:36.640 --> 0:03:41.080 really freely, and that was a positive and a negative 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:44.040 because like it took me a long time to discover 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:49.040 how to create routine and like be dedicated to one thing, 0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:53.080 which I still can't do. I think it's a lot 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:58.600 of us. I think it's most people, but you know, typically, 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:03.160 especially in America, parents kind of drive their children to 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.840 be to like be good at this one thing and 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:08.080 like stick to that. And my mom was such a bohemian. 0:04:08.120 --> 0:04:11.400 She's a musician and a very prolific music publisher. Marty 0:04:11.480 --> 0:04:17.000 kuebas Hi, Mom, love you. She had a really intense 0:04:17.520 --> 0:04:20.400 upbringing and like not so great relationship with her mom. 0:04:20.480 --> 0:04:22.839 So when the way that she mothered my brother and 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:25.760 me was like, here, do your thing and like I'm 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:28.359 gonna just support whatever you want to do, which is great, 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:32.320 but it didn't really teach me how to commit. And 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:36.880 I have a wild imagination, always been a really big dreamer, 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:40.560 and so when I would find something that I was 0:04:40.640 --> 0:04:43.480 interested in, I would like go full force into it. 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:47.920 And I just did that over and over and over 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:51.200 and over and over again. And so now it's really 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:54.680 cool to have a brand and you know, a business 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:58.760 where I can really express my creativity in whatever way 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:02.040 and like kind of be my own master of my universe. 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.800 That's amazing. I had no idea sharing. I didn't know 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:10.000 you were in Yeah. So my both of my parents 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.720 are musicians. They met actually living in Spain. My mom 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:16.760 is from San Francisco, and she fell in love with Spain, 0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:19.400 with Spain and Spanish, and so she's she's white, and 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:22.680 she moved out there and met both my father and 0:05:22.720 --> 0:05:26.760 my father's father and my brother was raised there until 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:28.640 he was seven, and he's seven years older than me. 0:05:28.760 --> 0:05:31.039 So by the time I was like nine months, we 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:34.400 had moved back to the US New York. We moved 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.200 first to San Francisco until I was about two, and 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:39.240 then we moved to New York. Both of my parents 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:42.360 were jazz musicians, so that was like, you know, where 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.599 you wanted to be, It's mecca. But they got there 0:05:45.640 --> 0:05:48.000 and there was no money to be had, so my 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:52.360 mom threw herself into finding work, being you know, the 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:57.640 mom and the level headed person. My father continued to 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:01.160 be a jazz musician and h know, had his own 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:07.080 thing going on. But my mom ended up working in music, 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:10.800 which was really fortunate for her as a musician, and she, 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:14.320 through a series of events, ended up owning her own 0:06:14.400 --> 0:06:19.479 music publishing company in the in the Latin world, you know, 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:25.400 working with groups like Aventura, Romeo Santos, a really prolific 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:28.840 but chata singers, like just doing really dope things. And 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:34.560 I started working with her when I was around twenty six, 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:37.320 I would say, or twenty five. I was interning at 0:06:37.360 --> 0:06:40.920 Refinery twenty nine, and like realized that financially that was 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:42.960 not gonna work, Like even if I got a full 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:44.960 time job there, they wanted to pay me like nothing, 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:50.200 and my mom really needed support on the marketing and 0:06:50.279 --> 0:06:53.400 creative side, and like bringing in talent and also just 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.279 like being kind of like a face of the company. 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:58.440 So I went in and worked with her for seven 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:01.159 and a half years and my music. And actually the 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.680 way that I met Nicole Russell, who is one of 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:06.320 our mutual friends we were talking about, is because of 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:10.520 a Women's History Month campaign that I created for my 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:15.840 Yimba music. We featured thirty three women just like paving 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:18.480 their own ways in twenty fourteen, and that's how I 0:07:18.480 --> 0:07:21.520 met Nicole. She she was one of the women and 0:07:21.760 --> 0:07:25.840 we've become, you know, sisters since then. So working with 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.480 your mom, what's that like? Because I work with my mom. 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:34.000 I always love to ask people that work with their 0:07:34.040 --> 0:07:37.080 parents because it's always I get that face a lot. Well, 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:39.680 how much time do we? Okay, I don't want to 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:43.120 do experience? I mean, did you know? It was a 0:07:43.160 --> 0:07:46.480 wonderful experience. And I still, you know, do some things 0:07:46.520 --> 0:07:49.240 for her here and there, like in my realm. She 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.800 lives in New York. So my brother also works at 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:56.680 the company Mayimba. It's a family company, and working with 0:07:56.720 --> 0:08:00.400 my family was an experience and I used to compared 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:04.400 to being in the mob because I felt like even 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:08.200 if I wanted to go. There was no way because 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.800 it's like you want to build capital for your family, 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:16.360 right and it's an obligation. Yeah, And you know, it 0:08:16.400 --> 0:08:19.560 was a great experience. And my mom is incredible, and 0:08:19.920 --> 0:08:22.920 I just I'm so in awe of her. And really 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:27.840 she's taught me everything that I know about business and 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:33.560 how to be honest, and I'm so grateful for that. 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:36.240 But working with my mom was tough because she was 0:08:36.280 --> 0:08:41.680 a single mother. We had already had a very complicated 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:46.680 relationships in terms of like mom daughter, Like sometimes I 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:49.240 felt like we were more friends. She was just working 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:53.720 so hard to make ends meet, you know, motherhood sometimes 0:08:53.760 --> 0:08:56.880 I think was a struggle for her, not in just 0:08:57.080 --> 0:09:00.400 like the emotional, but you know in the logistic day 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:03.360 to day like finding babysitters and all those things that 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:09.240 we all understand. And so when you add in working together, 0:09:10.040 --> 0:09:11.800 you know, sometimes I we'd have to have conversations and 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:13.560 I'd be like, Mom, I'm your daughter, Like I just 0:09:13.600 --> 0:09:16.160 want to be your daughter right now, like plea. It's 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:18.920 like I you know, I don't want it to be 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:22.360 a bit. I don't want to be your coworker, you know, 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:25.520 your your employee, Like I don't want that right now, 0:09:25.559 --> 0:09:29.480 Like I just need mom and daughter talk, and so 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:32.280 that was really difficult, you know. And then there's obviously 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:35.280 family dynamics, and you know, I'm kind of like the 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:38.200 wild child of the family for sure. My brother was 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:41.280 basically the man of the house, so he's very regimented. 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:44.000 He's a musician as well, very talented guitar player, and 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:48.160 so he is regimented. And I never really was. I 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:52.360 was just like fly And I've just now as I've 0:09:52.400 --> 0:09:55.520 become a mother, realized that I like kind of raised myself. 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:57.960 And that's not to say that my mom didn't raise 0:09:58.000 --> 0:10:01.920 me at all, but when I came pair or look 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:04.360 at you know, the relationships and like the things that 0:10:04.440 --> 0:10:07.000 some of my friends had in comparison to me when 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:11.320 they were growing up, like I I was, I was 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:15.000 on my own a lot, but I'm grateful for all 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:17.280 of it. It's made me who I am. Working with 0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:19.480 my mom was awesome. It was just it was a lot. 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:23.600 I got it. I totally get it. What's your son? 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:30.240 I'm an Aquarius. February twelfth, Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Nice. So 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:34.040 we ran into each other last week at this case 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:37.120 with event and our foot locker case with event. Yeah, 0:10:37.120 --> 0:10:39.040 we were watching Clueless and I saw zoil and I 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:40.920 was like, oh my god. And then towards the end 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.160 of the event, Jamila was with me and we started 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:46.800 talking and we were talking about, you know, what's going 0:10:46.840 --> 0:10:52.080 on in the world with you know, politics and all 0:10:52.160 --> 0:10:55.320 this abortion talk. And I was telling Jamila after we 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:56.880 were talking, because it was like towards the end of 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:58.360 the event, there weren't a lot of people around, but 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:01.920 we were all discussed. We were discussed abortion, and we 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:05.280 were talking about our abortions, and I told you Meal, 0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:07.640 I was like, it's so weird, Like I felt really 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:12.360 uncomfortable hearing you guys discuss it openly in public. I 0:11:12.440 --> 0:11:15.560 was like, I felt and I had to ask myself why. 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:19.000 And I think because as a society we've been so 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:23.040 shamed by abortion and talking about that, and now that 0:11:23.080 --> 0:11:26.760 I'm a mother, it feels like shameful, even more shameful 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:29.000 to talk about. But then I was like, we're but 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:32.280 then now with everything that's happening, like these new Instagram 0:11:32.360 --> 0:11:35.400 accounts opening up and really like like shout your abortion, yeah, 0:11:35.920 --> 0:11:39.160 coming into place and talking about and really just normalizing it, 0:11:39.800 --> 0:11:42.520 something has like switched in my head in just like 0:11:42.960 --> 0:11:45.640 two weeks. But I was talking to me, I was like, 0:11:46.240 --> 0:11:50.120 I feel like it's so weird that I felt not weird, 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:52.559 but I know that most people would feel uncomfortable. And 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:55.280 I was almost like looking around, like it can bring us. 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.120 We're talking about our abortions right now, should we like 0:11:58.520 --> 0:12:01.240 go in a corner and talk about it? And I'm 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:05.080 like about it, and I thought like, Okay, this needs 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:07.800 to be a topic because why do I feel this way? 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:09.959 Why do I feel this way? Why do most women 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:10.600 feel this way? 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:12.600 Because I thought about it too, and I thought in 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:15.360 the moments like, oh, well, like people can hear us, 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:17.440 and I was like, fuck it, like this we need 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:19.079 to talk about this shit. I don't care if I'm 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.480 I don't care. This is something that's that's important right now. 0:12:22.559 --> 0:12:25.000 You know, no, it is. But I couldn't help but 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.200 really check how I was feeling. And I was like, 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:31.800 do I feel comfortable at this? We've all lived in 0:12:31.840 --> 0:12:35.520 the shadows of abortion, right, Like almost every woman I 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:37.760 know has had one, and the women that I know 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:40.560 that haven't had one think it's because they're barren. Yeah, 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:43.520 you know what? Either like I could just never get pregnant, 0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:46.040 was me, Yeah, I thought I couldn't get pregnant. Yeah, 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:49.520 to get pregnant. And so I think when it comes 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:55.080 to normalizing it, we just have to continue to talk 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:57.319 about it. And I think one of the one of 0:12:57.360 --> 0:13:02.320 the really interesting things that are coming out of this 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:07.880 whole talking about abortion is how we're talking about men 0:13:07.920 --> 0:13:11.000 in relation to abortion, because when a woman has an abortion, 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:13.680 it's not just the woman that has it. The man 0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:16.920 is always not He's never been closing, he's never part 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.640 of the c and sometimes men aren't aware right that 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.360 that is a circumstance. But for me, for instance, I've 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:26.160 had to have two and it's with with my husband, 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:28.800 who is my husband now. He was my boyfriend at 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:32.640 the time, and like it was difficult for both of us, 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:36.600 you know, I think a different kind of difficulty, but 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.480 he was there too, And I think that one of 0:13:40.520 --> 0:13:43.920 the ways that we will destigmatize it is to have 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:47.600 men support us in that conversation and not just say, 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:50.280 you know, pro choice women can do whatever they want 0:13:50.320 --> 0:13:52.480 with their bodies, because yeah, that's a fucking given and 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:55.240 we're gonna that's what we want. But we need to 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:58.440 hear the stories from the men who have suffered from 0:13:58.480 --> 0:13:59.760 abortion as well. 0:14:00.040 --> 0:14:01.840 What do you mean in the sense that they wanted 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:03.600 the baby and they weren't allowed to carry it out, 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:04.320 or in the sense. 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:07.400 Of all of it, all of it, all the time, 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:09.880 all of it, like the guys that had to accompany 0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:13.600 their girlfriends and the guy you know, just all of 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:18.120 that stuff. Because this is not just a conversation about 0:14:18.440 --> 0:14:21.880 you know, because the way that like the right or 0:14:21.920 --> 0:14:25.360 the pro life people phrase it is that they essentially 0:14:25.400 --> 0:14:28.480 they say that it's about religion, but what they really 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:32.000 what they really want to say, is that it's about irresponsibility, right, 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:35.080 and that like the woman is so irresponsible for like 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:37.320 getting pregnant when she didn't want to get pregnant, Like 0:14:37.520 --> 0:14:39.760 you shouldn't kill a baby because of it. It shouldn't 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:42.640 be a form of birth control. Just fucking ridiculous, because 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:43.520 no woman. 0:14:43.400 --> 0:14:46.000 Let's be realistic, Like, no woman's just fucking and saying, 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.000 fuck it, just go to the clinic next week. 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:52.360 There's nothing fun about having an abortion, No, it is 0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:53.320 not one fun part. 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:58.280 Like so traumatizing, literally traumatizing as fuck. And the man 0:14:58.400 --> 0:15:01.560 literally comes and then and then we deal with it, 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:03.560 and then we have to deal with it, and it's cold, 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:06.440 and it's lonely and it's miserable. 0:15:06.600 --> 0:15:10.800 And I just think that we just when it really 0:15:10.840 --> 0:15:16.000 comes down to it, it's about censorship, and there shouldn't 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.400 be in There shouldn't have to be censorship about it. Like, 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:21.200 if you want to talk about your abortion, you should 0:15:21.280 --> 0:15:23.720 be able to. If you don't, you should be able 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:26.760 to keep it secret as well. But you know, why 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:28.640 are we telling people what to do with their bodies? 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:32.840 I have no fucking clue. It's like it's mind boggling 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:36.720 to me to a point where like I can't even 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:40.240 get into conversations about it because it's very upsetting. It's 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:44.960 so strange to me that this is a conversation happening 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:49.480 in twenty nineteen when we still have, you know, a 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:54.200 really high percentage of poverty, our education system is broken, 0:15:54.760 --> 0:15:59.800 we have psychotic people in the White House, we're bombing 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:03.520 on trees, you know, we're killing the planet. Yet for 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:07.800 some reason, we're regulating what a woman does and the 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:12.000 privacy of her own time with her own body. So 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:17.360 it's oppression. It's another form of oppression, and it really 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:19.840 gets me upset when I think about it. So the 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:23.280 best thing I do is donate money. I'm donating a 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:25.640 proceeds of my shirts that I sell on my website 0:16:26.080 --> 0:16:29.640 to you know, Neural pro Choice and the Yellow Yellow 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:31.640 I mean the Yellow Hammer Fund. And that's like what 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:34.120 I can do because I have a lot of shit 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:35.920 going on in my life that I need to take 0:16:35.920 --> 0:16:38.960 control of. So, like the deeper I get into a 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:43.120 topic like this, it just breaks my heart, you know, 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:45.760 So I do what I can. And I just like 0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:49.280 I pray for humanity, honestly, I pray for us all. 0:16:49.640 --> 0:16:51.480 Like I don't know what I would have like when 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:55.600 I had my abortion, Like if I couldn't have gotten it, 0:16:56.080 --> 0:16:58.440 where would you be? Who knows? I don't know what 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:02.680 to what end I would have gone went to make 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:05.520 it not happen, right, make this pregnancy not happen. Babies 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:07.919 end up in the garbage too. Yeah, no, I know 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:10.920 because the person I was pregnant by didn't even live 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:14.560 in this country. It was fun time. We were definitely 0:17:14.600 --> 0:17:17.520 not trying to get pregnant at all. Obviously, I thought 0:17:17.560 --> 0:17:21.560 I was being safe pull out method, you know, and 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:26.040 I was young. I was broke, like, like what was 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:27.560 I going to be doing with a baby with a 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:31.240 guy who doesn't even live here, like who like didn't 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:33.719 want the baby either, Like what am I supposed to do? 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:37.879 Like that was planned? Parenthood wasn't an option for me, 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:39.359 Like I don't know what I was going to what 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:42.640 I would have done. And it was the worst experience 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:45.159 I've ever gone through. It was lonely, it was, I mean, 0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:47.359 thank god I had I have amazing friends that like 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.879 came over. I took the pill, and they like came 0:17:50.920 --> 0:18:00.560 out twenty four came over. I took the pill, and 0:18:00.720 --> 0:18:03.440 you know the women that came from my friends that 0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:06.280 came over, they had all had abortions too, so like 0:18:06.359 --> 0:18:07.679 you know, they were telling me, like this is what 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:10.040 it's going to feel, like, don't worry, We're here for you. 0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:12.919 I just remember taking the pill and just waiting, you know, 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:15.400 waiting for like something something to happen, and then when 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:18.400 it did, it was the most painful thing I've ever 0:18:18.440 --> 0:18:25.080 experienced willingly, and besides childbirths. I was gonna say, but 0:18:25.119 --> 0:18:27.080 even that, I mean I had an epidural, Like there 0:18:27.080 --> 0:18:28.920 was numbing when that I've seen you got a baby 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:34.119 right right, Like this was just like totally heartbreaking and 0:18:34.119 --> 0:18:36.760 and I just can't imagine like what I would have done. 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:38.359 First of all, if I would have had a baby, 0:18:38.440 --> 0:18:43.280 like what, wow, what would I have been doing? And secondly, 0:18:43.359 --> 0:18:46.440 if I didn't, if I didn't have access to you know, 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.520 this healthcare, because abortion is healthcare. Let's be real, it 0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:52.600 is that's like, I don't know what I would have done. 0:18:52.600 --> 0:18:55.320 And I think about all the girls even but before 0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:59.600 abortion was you know, even possible, like what they were 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:01.399 doing and how they were doing it, and all the 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:06.080 people that died, you know, having abortions, having back alley abortions. 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:09.040 It's just like I can't and yeah, it's like feels 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:11.919 a candmaids still. Well, it's a form of oppression because, 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:13.680 like you said, what would you have done with your 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:16.160 life had you not been able to have the abortion? 0:19:16.720 --> 0:19:18.880 So that's what we're seeing a lot of right now, 0:19:18.960 --> 0:19:23.520 is a lot of stories of women. Actually Quinn I 0:19:23.560 --> 0:19:25.320 forgot her last name, but she's one of the co 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:28.560 founders of Looms. She just came out with her story 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:31.879 of you know, what would have happened to her? What 0:19:32.000 --> 0:19:34.480 happened to her because she was able to have an abortion. 0:19:35.119 --> 0:19:38.000 And so I think that there's a bunch of there's 0:19:38.280 --> 0:19:41.240 a few different parts to why they want to ban abortion. 0:19:41.359 --> 0:19:42.919 But I do think that the root of it is 0:19:43.000 --> 0:19:46.240 oppression because when you give, when you take away a 0:19:46.280 --> 0:19:51.639 woman's choice, you take away her freedom. And so you 0:19:51.800 --> 0:19:54.600 have sixteen year old girls or eighteen year old girls, 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:57.520 or a thirty year old woman who isn't ready to 0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:01.400 get pregnant, isn't ready to have a baby because they're 0:20:01.440 --> 0:20:03.720 not where they need to be, you know. Like and 0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:08.640 both of my abortions, I got pregnant twice on contraceptives. 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:11.679 I got pregnant once on contraceptives. I mean with the condom, 0:20:11.800 --> 0:20:12.679 Yeah I was. 0:20:12.760 --> 0:20:15.440 I was on birth control. Yeah, you know, it's ninety 0:20:15.440 --> 0:20:19.840 eight point nine percent effective, and that little percentage can happen, 0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:22.600 and we were not in the position to have a baby. 0:20:22.680 --> 0:20:25.919 My whole life would have been like different, different and 0:20:25.920 --> 0:20:28.439 not destroyed. Because you know, there are a lot of 0:20:28.520 --> 0:20:31.040 I know a lot of people who had children at 0:20:31.160 --> 0:20:34.800 very young ages, and one of them in particular, who 0:20:34.840 --> 0:20:38.720 is like an energy healer, she told me that she 0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:41.320 didn't want to have the baby. She was very, very 0:20:41.520 --> 0:20:43.480 very young. She did not want to have the baby, 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:45.080 but there was something inside of her that told her 0:20:45.080 --> 0:20:47.480 that she had to. And when we look at her life, 0:20:47.560 --> 0:20:49.520 her life would not be what it is today if 0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:53.040 it weren't for that, and that was her choice to 0:20:53.160 --> 0:20:55.800 do that. She also had the choice to not do 0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:58.480 it if she didn't want to. And like I just 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:03.840 in honest, is so mind boggling to me why we 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:07.600 would do this to women. This is a direct war 0:21:07.720 --> 0:21:12.879 on us. Like they they want to they just want 0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:15.800 to keep a I mean, we're rising up right now, 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:18.040 I know, So that's a really hard That's why. That's 0:21:18.080 --> 0:21:21.119 why I know. I did like a little research about 0:21:21.119 --> 0:21:22.879 this because I was just like, I need to know 0:21:23.000 --> 0:21:26.640 more facts about even before, like what was happening before, 0:21:27.119 --> 0:21:30.840 And it was shocking, like the statistics but before Row 0:21:30.960 --> 0:21:33.880 versus Way, it was coming out versus now, like one 0:21:33.960 --> 0:21:37.680 in six women result they resulted in death when they 0:21:37.720 --> 0:21:40.439 had one and six abortions led to death. Prior to 0:21:40.480 --> 0:21:43.280 Roe versus Way, that is so many women. 0:21:43.359 --> 0:21:46.520 There was a million unwanted pregnancies a year and the 0:21:46.760 --> 0:21:49.480 United States a million, and like thirty percent of those 0:21:49.480 --> 0:21:53.800 women were doing like self inflicted abortions would range first 0:21:53.800 --> 0:21:57.320 of all, range from like douching and sticking, like toxic 0:21:57.400 --> 0:22:01.479 things like bleach and potatic like weird things. China, there 0:22:01.520 --> 0:22:03.720 was nothing like obviously everyone knows like the coat hanger. 0:22:04.160 --> 0:22:06.080 Then it was even to the extent women were like 0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:08.920 because it was back alley asking, like cab drivers, door 0:22:08.960 --> 0:22:12.399 people getting blindfolded to hotel rooms so you could not 0:22:12.480 --> 0:22:15.719 see the person giving you the administering this fake ass abortion. 0:22:16.119 --> 0:22:19.400 Kairo practors were giving abortions people like could have no 0:22:20.040 --> 0:22:24.919 prostitutes basically no literally anybody, anybody, and like literally women 0:22:25.000 --> 0:22:27.639 are dying, bleeding out to death because they're humiliate like 0:22:27.640 --> 0:22:29.840 even after things have gone wrong, not going to the droptor. 0:22:29.640 --> 0:22:30.639 Because they humiliating. 0:22:30.680 --> 0:22:33.639 They're humiliated because a they're terminating and pregnant, they're humiliated 0:22:33.640 --> 0:22:37.679 and it's legal, right, so like they're scared they're going 0:22:37.720 --> 0:22:39.919