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Speaker 1: Bye huh bye bye sleeping out day. She's fan bowling baby,

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Speaker 1: okays about to lose it.

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Speaker 2: The body's all by you who love me alone? Do

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Speaker 2: you ye digon oo baby?

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Speaker 3: You guy, you'se a real one. I'm just bying.

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Speaker 2: Bray me ba up window lights.

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Speaker 3: Put that game on. They do it like baby, Welcome

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Speaker 3: back to God. Mom's bad Choices. I'm Erica and I'm Nila,

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Speaker 3: and it's Wednesday. It's actually Wenesday. Yeah, we sometimes we

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Speaker 3: recording ones, say we're not put on blast a few

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Speaker 3: weeks ago. But you know whatever, You guys know the

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Speaker 3: deal for moms have time to record every fucking Wednesday. Anyway.

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Speaker 3: We have a special guest today. We have the beautiful,

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Speaker 3: talented mom, mama, entrepreneur, overall boss woman, Soila Darden. Hey, ladies,

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Speaker 3: I'm so happy to be here today with you boss

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Speaker 3: as mama. We're excited to have you. I'm excited that

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Speaker 3: you're here. I'm so happy that I know you and

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Speaker 3: I know exactly and we like I feel like we

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Speaker 3: have so many other connections in our life, but we

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Speaker 3: somehow I reached out to you for that panel, but

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Speaker 3: we know each other through Nicole Russell, who was also

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Speaker 3: on our show. Did we know each other before? Though?

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Speaker 3: You no? I think actually you knew Nicole. I saw

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Speaker 3: that you knew Nicole, and I was like, wait, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I don't know. Did she connect us? She didn't. I

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Speaker 3: followed you guys. I don't remember why I followed the podcast,

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Speaker 3: but I started following you guys, and then I followed.

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Speaker 3: Then I reached out to you, and then that was it.

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Speaker 3: But then we realized Nicole and like it was.

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Speaker 4: And then your friend last week knew Bruna was Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Everybody's connected. It's beautiful. I love it. Yeah that well,

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Speaker 3: can you let us let our listeners know a little

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Speaker 3: bit about who you are? What you do? I know

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Speaker 3: you do. You dabble into any thing. I hate the

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Speaker 3: question what I do because I feel like I do

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Speaker 3: so many things. Well. I am from New York, Sydney.

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Speaker 3: I was born in Spain, but I've been living I

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Speaker 3: grew up in New York for my whole life, and

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Speaker 3: I moved out here to Los Angeles a little over

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Speaker 3: three years ago to continue my career in the music

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Speaker 3: business as an artist manager and through a series of crazy,

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Speaker 3: but I now say fortunate events, because the old Nie

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Speaker 3: would have probably said unfortunate but fortunate events. I no

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Speaker 3: longer work in the music business. I am the founder

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Speaker 3: of a creative agency called word. It stands for we

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Speaker 3: Open Real Doors, and we do just that for women

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Speaker 3: owned businesses brands that are interested in supporting women. And

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Speaker 3: we also, you know, work to create experiences and products

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Speaker 3: and content to support women and their business and personal journey.

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Speaker 3: So it's like a lot of stuff. I've been recently

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Speaker 3: saying that it's kind of like my brain out into

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Speaker 3: the world. I think it has a lot to do

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Speaker 3: with the way that I was raised. I was raised

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Speaker 3: really freely, and that was a positive and a negative

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Speaker 3: because like it took me a long time to discover

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Speaker 3: how to create routine and like be dedicated to one thing,

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Speaker 3: which I still can't do. I think it's a lot

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Speaker 3: of us. I think it's most people, but you know, typically,

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Speaker 3: especially in America, parents kind of drive their children to

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Speaker 3: be to like be good at this one thing and

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Speaker 3: like stick to that. And my mom was such a bohemian.

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Speaker 3: She's a musician and a very prolific music publisher. Marty

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Speaker 3: kuebas Hi, Mom, love you. She had a really intense

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Speaker 3: upbringing and like not so great relationship with her mom.

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Speaker 3: So when the way that she mothered my brother and

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Speaker 3: me was like, here, do your thing and like I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna just support whatever you want to do, which is great,

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Speaker 3: but it didn't really teach me how to commit. And

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Speaker 3: I have a wild imagination, always been a really big dreamer,

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Speaker 3: and so when I would find something that I was

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Speaker 3: interested in, I would like go full force into it.

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Speaker 3: And I just did that over and over and over

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Speaker 3: and over and over again. And so now it's really

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Speaker 3: cool to have a brand and you know, a business

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Speaker 3: where I can really express my creativity in whatever way

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Speaker 3: and like kind of be my own master of my universe.

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Speaker 3: That's amazing. I had no idea sharing. I didn't know

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Speaker 3: you were in Yeah. So my both of my parents

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Speaker 3: are musicians. They met actually living in Spain. My mom

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Speaker 3: is from San Francisco, and she fell in love with Spain,

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Speaker 3: with Spain and Spanish, and so she's she's white, and

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Speaker 3: she moved out there and met both my father and

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Speaker 3: my father's father and my brother was raised there until

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Speaker 3: he was seven, and he's seven years older than me.

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Speaker 3: So by the time I was like nine months, we

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Speaker 3: had moved back to the US New York. We moved

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Speaker 3: first to San Francisco until I was about two, and

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Speaker 3: then we moved to New York. Both of my parents

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Speaker 3: were jazz musicians, so that was like, you know, where

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Speaker 3: you wanted to be, It's mecca. But they got there

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Speaker 3: and there was no money to be had, so my

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Speaker 3: mom threw herself into finding work, being you know, the

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Speaker 3: mom and the level headed person. My father continued to

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Speaker 3: be a jazz musician and h know, had his own

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Speaker 3: thing going on. But my mom ended up working in music,

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Speaker 3: which was really fortunate for her as a musician, and she,

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Speaker 3: through a series of events, ended up owning her own

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Speaker 3: music publishing company in the in the Latin world, you know,

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Speaker 3: working with groups like Aventura, Romeo Santos, a really prolific

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Speaker 3: but chata singers, like just doing really dope things. And

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Speaker 3: I started working with her when I was around twenty six,

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Speaker 3: I would say, or twenty five. I was interning at

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Speaker 3: Refinery twenty nine, and like realized that financially that was

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Speaker 3: not gonna work, Like even if I got a full

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Speaker 3: time job there, they wanted to pay me like nothing,

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Speaker 3: and my mom really needed support on the marketing and

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Speaker 3: creative side, and like bringing in talent and also just

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Speaker 3: like being kind of like a face of the company.

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Speaker 3: So I went in and worked with her for seven

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Speaker 3: and a half years and my music. And actually the

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Speaker 3: way that I met Nicole Russell, who is one of

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Speaker 3: our mutual friends we were talking about, is because of

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Speaker 3: a Women's History Month campaign that I created for my

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Speaker 3: Yimba music. We featured thirty three women just like paving

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Speaker 3: their own ways in twenty fourteen, and that's how I

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Speaker 3: met Nicole. She she was one of the women and

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Speaker 3: we've become, you know, sisters since then. So working with

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Speaker 3: your mom, what's that like? Because I work with my mom.

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Speaker 3: I always love to ask people that work with their

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Speaker 3: parents because it's always I get that face a lot. Well,

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Speaker 3: how much time do we? Okay, I don't want to

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Speaker 3: do experience? I mean, did you know? It was a

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Speaker 3: wonderful experience. And I still, you know, do some things

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Speaker 3: for her here and there, like in my realm. She

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Speaker 3: lives in New York. So my brother also works at

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Speaker 3: the company Mayimba. It's a family company, and working with

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Speaker 3: my family was an experience and I used to compared

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Speaker 3: to being in the mob because I felt like even

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Speaker 3: if I wanted to go. There was no way because

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Speaker 3: it's like you want to build capital for your family,

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Speaker 3: right and it's an obligation. Yeah, And you know, it

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Speaker 3: was a great experience. And my mom is incredible, and

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Speaker 3: I just I'm so in awe of her. And really

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Speaker 3: she's taught me everything that I know about business and

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Speaker 3: how to be honest, and I'm so grateful for that.

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Speaker 3: But working with my mom was tough because she was

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Speaker 3: a single mother. We had already had a very complicated

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Speaker 3: relationships in terms of like mom daughter, Like sometimes I

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Speaker 3: felt like we were more friends. She was just working

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Speaker 3: so hard to make ends meet, you know, motherhood sometimes

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Speaker 3: I think was a struggle for her, not in just

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Speaker 3: like the emotional, but you know in the logistic day

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Speaker 3: to day like finding babysitters and all those things that

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Speaker 3: we all understand. And so when you add in working together,

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Speaker 3: you know, sometimes I we'd have to have conversations and

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Speaker 3: I'd be like, Mom, I'm your daughter, Like I just

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Speaker 3: want to be your daughter right now, like plea. It's

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Speaker 3: like I you know, I don't want it to be

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Speaker 3: a bit. I don't want to be your coworker, you know,

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Speaker 3: your your employee, Like I don't want that right now,

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Speaker 3: Like I just need mom and daughter talk, and so

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Speaker 3: that was really difficult, you know. And then there's obviously

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Speaker 3: family dynamics, and you know, I'm kind of like the

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Speaker 3: wild child of the family for sure. My brother was

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Speaker 3: basically the man of the house, so he's very regimented.

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Speaker 3: He's a musician as well, very talented guitar player, and

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Speaker 3: so he is regimented. And I never really was. I

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Speaker 3: was just like fly And I've just now as I've

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Speaker 3: become a mother, realized that I like kind of raised myself.

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Speaker 3: And that's not to say that my mom didn't raise

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Speaker 3: me at all, but when I came pair or look

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Speaker 3: at you know, the relationships and like the things that

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Speaker 3: some of my friends had in comparison to me when

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Speaker 3: they were growing up, like I I was, I was

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Speaker 3: on my own a lot, but I'm grateful for all

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Speaker 3: of it. It's made me who I am. Working with

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Speaker 3: my mom was awesome. It was just it was a lot.

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Speaker 3: I got it. I totally get it. What's your son?

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Speaker 3: I'm an Aquarius. February twelfth, Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Nice. So

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Speaker 3: we ran into each other last week at this case

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Speaker 3: with event and our foot locker case with event. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: we were watching Clueless and I saw zoil and I

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Speaker 3: was like, oh my god. And then towards the end

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Speaker 3: of the event, Jamila was with me and we started

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Speaker 3: talking and we were talking about, you know, what's going

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Speaker 3: on in the world with you know, politics and all

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Speaker 3: this abortion talk. And I was telling Jamila after we

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Speaker 3: were talking, because it was like towards the end of

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Speaker 3: the event, there weren't a lot of people around, but

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Speaker 3: we were all discussed. We were discussed abortion, and we

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Speaker 3: were talking about our abortions, and I told you Meal,

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Speaker 3: I was like, it's so weird, Like I felt really

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable hearing you guys discuss it openly in public. I

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Speaker 3: was like, I felt and I had to ask myself why.

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Speaker 3: And I think because as a society we've been so

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Speaker 3: shamed by abortion and talking about that, and now that

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Speaker 3: I'm a mother, it feels like shameful, even more shameful

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Speaker 3: to talk about. But then I was like, we're but

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Speaker 3: then now with everything that's happening, like these new Instagram

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Speaker 3: accounts opening up and really like like shout your abortion, yeah,

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Speaker 3: coming into place and talking about and really just normalizing it,

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Speaker 3: something has like switched in my head in just like

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Speaker 3: two weeks. But I was talking to me, I was like,

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Speaker 3: I feel like it's so weird that I felt not weird,

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Speaker 3: but I know that most people would feel uncomfortable. And

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Speaker 3: I was almost like looking around, like it can bring us.

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Speaker 3: We're talking about our abortions right now, should we like

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Speaker 3: go in a corner and talk about it? And I'm

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Speaker 3: like about it, and I thought like, Okay, this needs

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Speaker 3: to be a topic because why do I feel this way?

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Speaker 3: Why do I feel this way? Why do most women

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Speaker 3: feel this way?

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Speaker 4: Because I thought about it too, and I thought in

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Speaker 4: the moments like, oh, well, like people can hear us,

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Speaker 4: and I was like, fuck it, like this we need

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Speaker 4: to talk about this shit. I don't care if I'm

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Speaker 4: I don't care. This is something that's that's important right now.

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Speaker 3: You know, no, it is. But I couldn't help but

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Speaker 3: really check how I was feeling. And I was like,

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Speaker 3: do I feel comfortable at this? We've all lived in

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Speaker 3: the shadows of abortion, right, Like almost every woman I

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Speaker 3: know has had one, and the women that I know

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Speaker 3: that haven't had one think it's because they're barren. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you know what? Either like I could just never get pregnant,

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Speaker 3: was me, Yeah, I thought I couldn't get pregnant. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: to get pregnant. And so I think when it comes

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Speaker 3: to normalizing it, we just have to continue to talk

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Speaker 3: about it. And I think one of the one of

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Speaker 3: the really interesting things that are coming out of this

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Speaker 3: whole talking about abortion is how we're talking about men

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Speaker 3: in relation to abortion, because when a woman has an abortion,

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Speaker 3: it's not just the woman that has it. The man

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Speaker 3: is always not He's never been closing, he's never part

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Speaker 3: of the c and sometimes men aren't aware right that

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Speaker 3: that is a circumstance. But for me, for instance, I've

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Speaker 3: had to have two and it's with with my husband,

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Speaker 3: who is my husband now. He was my boyfriend at

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Speaker 3: the time, and like it was difficult for both of us,

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Speaker 3: you know, I think a different kind of difficulty, but

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Speaker 3: he was there too, And I think that one of

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Speaker 3: the ways that we will destigmatize it is to have

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Speaker 3: men support us in that conversation and not just say,

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Speaker 3: you know, pro choice women can do whatever they want

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Speaker 3: with their bodies, because yeah, that's a fucking given and

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Speaker 3: we're gonna that's what we want. But we need to

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Speaker 3: hear the stories from the men who have suffered from

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Speaker 3: abortion as well.

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Speaker 4: What do you mean in the sense that they wanted

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Speaker 4: the baby and they weren't allowed to carry it out,

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Speaker 4: or in the sense.

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Speaker 3: Of all of it, all of it, all the time,

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Speaker 3: all of it, like the guys that had to accompany

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Speaker 3: their girlfriends and the guy you know, just all of

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Speaker 3: that stuff. Because this is not just a conversation about

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Speaker 3: you know, because the way that like the right or

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Speaker 3: the pro life people phrase it is that they essentially

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Speaker 3: they say that it's about religion, but what they really

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Speaker 3: what they really want to say, is that it's about irresponsibility, right,

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Speaker 3: and that like the woman is so irresponsible for like

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Speaker 3: getting pregnant when she didn't want to get pregnant, Like

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Speaker 3: you shouldn't kill a baby because of it. It shouldn't

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Speaker 3: be a form of birth control. Just fucking ridiculous, because

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Speaker 3: no woman.

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Speaker 4: Let's be realistic, Like, no woman's just fucking and saying,

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Speaker 4: fuck it, just go to the clinic next week.

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Speaker 3: There's nothing fun about having an abortion, No, it is

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Speaker 3: not one fun part.

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Speaker 4: Like so traumatizing, literally traumatizing as fuck. And the man

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Speaker 4: literally comes and then and then we deal with it,

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Speaker 4: and then we have to deal with it, and it's cold,

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Speaker 4: and it's lonely and it's miserable.

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Speaker 3: And I just think that we just when it really

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Speaker 3: comes down to it, it's about censorship, and there shouldn't

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Speaker 3: be in There shouldn't have to be censorship about it. Like,

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Speaker 3: if you want to talk about your abortion, you should

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Speaker 3: be able to. If you don't, you should be able

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Speaker 3: to keep it secret as well. But you know, why

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Speaker 3: are we telling people what to do with their bodies?

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Speaker 3: I have no fucking clue. It's like it's mind boggling

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Speaker 3: to me to a point where like I can't even

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Speaker 3: get into conversations about it because it's very upsetting. It's

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Speaker 3: so strange to me that this is a conversation happening

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Speaker 3: in twenty nineteen when we still have, you know, a

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Speaker 3: really high percentage of poverty, our education system is broken,

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Speaker 3: we have psychotic people in the White House, we're bombing

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Speaker 3: on trees, you know, we're killing the planet. Yet for

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Speaker 3: some reason, we're regulating what a woman does and the

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Speaker 3: privacy of her own time with her own body. So

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Speaker 3: it's oppression. It's another form of oppression, and it really

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Speaker 3: gets me upset when I think about it. So the

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Speaker 3: best thing I do is donate money. I'm donating a

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Speaker 3: proceeds of my shirts that I sell on my website

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Speaker 3: to you know, Neural pro Choice and the Yellow Yellow

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Speaker 3: I mean the Yellow Hammer Fund. And that's like what

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Speaker 3: I can do because I have a lot of shit

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Speaker 3: going on in my life that I need to take

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Speaker 3: control of. So, like the deeper I get into a

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Speaker 3: topic like this, it just breaks my heart, you know,

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Speaker 3: So I do what I can. And I just like

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Speaker 3: I pray for humanity, honestly, I pray for us all.

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Speaker 3: Like I don't know what I would have like when

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Speaker 3: I had my abortion, Like if I couldn't have gotten it,

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Speaker 3: where would you be? Who knows? I don't know what

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Speaker 3: to what end I would have gone went to make

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Speaker 3: it not happen, right, make this pregnancy not happen. Babies

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Speaker 3: end up in the garbage too. Yeah, no, I know

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Speaker 3: because the person I was pregnant by didn't even live

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Speaker 3: in this country. It was fun time. We were definitely

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Speaker 3: not trying to get pregnant at all. Obviously, I thought

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Speaker 3: I was being safe pull out method, you know, and

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Speaker 3: I was young. I was broke, like, like what was

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Speaker 3: I going to be doing with a baby with a

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Speaker 3: guy who doesn't even live here, like who like didn't

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Speaker 3: want the baby either, Like what am I supposed to do?

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Speaker 3: Like that was planned? Parenthood wasn't an option for me,

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Speaker 3: Like I don't know what I was going to what

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Speaker 3: I would have done. And it was the worst experience

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Speaker 3: I've ever gone through. It was lonely, it was, I mean,

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Speaker 3: thank god I had I have amazing friends that like

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Speaker 3: came over. I took the pill, and they like came

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Speaker 3: out twenty four came over. I took the pill, and

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Speaker 3: you know the women that came from my friends that

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Speaker 3: came over, they had all had abortions too, so like

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Speaker 3: you know, they were telling me, like this is what

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Speaker 3: it's going to feel, like, don't worry, We're here for you.

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Speaker 3: I just remember taking the pill and just waiting, you know,

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Speaker 3: waiting for like something something to happen, and then when

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Speaker 3: it did, it was the most painful thing I've ever

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Speaker 3: experienced willingly, and besides childbirths. I was gonna say, but

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Speaker 3: even that, I mean I had an epidural, Like there

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Speaker 3: was numbing when that I've seen you got a baby

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Speaker 3: right right, Like this was just like totally heartbreaking and

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Speaker 3: and I just can't imagine like what I would have done.

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Speaker 3: First of all, if I would have had a baby,

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Speaker 3: like what, wow, what would I have been doing? And secondly,

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Speaker 3: if I didn't, if I didn't have access to you know,

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Speaker 3: this healthcare, because abortion is healthcare. Let's be real, it

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Speaker 3: is that's like, I don't know what I would have done.

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Speaker 3: And I think about all the girls even but before

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Speaker 3: abortion was you know, even possible, like what they were

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Speaker 3: doing and how they were doing it, and all the

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Speaker 3: people that died, you know, having abortions, having back alley abortions.

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Speaker 3: It's just like I can't and yeah, it's like feels

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Speaker 3: a candmaids still. Well, it's a form of oppression because,

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Speaker 3: like you said, what would you have done with your

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Speaker 3: life had you not been able to have the abortion?

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Speaker 3: So that's what we're seeing a lot of right now,

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Speaker 3: is a lot of stories of women. Actually Quinn I

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Speaker 3: forgot her last name, but she's one of the co

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Speaker 3: founders of Looms. She just came out with her story

341
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Speaker 3: of you know, what would have happened to her? What

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Speaker 3: happened to her because she was able to have an abortion.

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Speaker 3: And so I think that there's a bunch of there's

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Speaker 3: a few different parts to why they want to ban abortion.

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Speaker 3: But I do think that the root of it is

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Speaker 3: oppression because when you give, when you take away a

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Speaker 3: woman's choice, you take away her freedom. And so you

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Speaker 3: have sixteen year old girls or eighteen year old girls,

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Speaker 3: or a thirty year old woman who isn't ready to

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Speaker 3: get pregnant, isn't ready to have a baby because they're

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Speaker 3: not where they need to be, you know. Like and

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Speaker 3: both of my abortions, I got pregnant twice on contraceptives.

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Speaker 4: I got pregnant once on contraceptives. I mean with the condom,

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Speaker 4: Yeah I was.

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Speaker 3: I was on birth control. Yeah, you know, it's ninety

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Speaker 3: eight point nine percent effective, and that little percentage can happen,

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Speaker 3: and we were not in the position to have a baby.

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Speaker 3: My whole life would have been like different, different and

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Speaker 3: not destroyed. Because you know, there are a lot of

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Speaker 3: I know a lot of people who had children at

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Speaker 3: very young ages, and one of them in particular, who

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Speaker 3: is like an energy healer, she told me that she

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Speaker 3: didn't want to have the baby. She was very, very

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Speaker 3: very young. She did not want to have the baby,

365
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Speaker 3: but there was something inside of her that told her

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Speaker 3: that she had to. And when we look at her life,

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Speaker 3: her life would not be what it is today if

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Speaker 3: it weren't for that, and that was her choice to

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Speaker 3: do that. She also had the choice to not do

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Speaker 3: it if she didn't want to. And like I just

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Speaker 3: in honest, is so mind boggling to me why we

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Speaker 3: would do this to women. This is a direct war

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Speaker 3: on us. Like they they want to they just want

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Speaker 3: to keep a I mean, we're rising up right now,

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Speaker 3: I know, So that's a really hard That's why. That's

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Speaker 3: why I know. I did like a little research about

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Speaker 3: this because I was just like, I need to know

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Speaker 3: more facts about even before, like what was happening before,

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Speaker 3: And it was shocking, like the statistics but before Row

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Speaker 3: versus Way, it was coming out versus now, like one

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Speaker 3: in six women result they resulted in death when they

382
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Speaker 3: had one and six abortions led to death. Prior to

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Speaker 3: Roe versus Way, that is so many women.

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Speaker 4: There was a million unwanted pregnancies a year and the

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Speaker 4: United States a million, and like thirty percent of those

386
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Speaker 4: women were doing like self inflicted abortions would range first

387
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Speaker 4: of all, range from like douching and sticking, like toxic

388
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Speaker 4: things like bleach and potatic like weird things. China, there

389
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Speaker 4: was nothing like obviously everyone knows like the coat hanger.

390
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Speaker 4: Then it was even to the extent women were like

391
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Speaker 4: because it was back alley asking, like cab drivers, door

392
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Speaker 4: people getting blindfolded to hotel rooms so you could not

393
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Speaker 4: see the person giving you the administering this fake ass abortion.

394
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Speaker 4: Kairo practors were giving abortions people like could have no

395
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Speaker 4: prostitutes basically no literally anybody, anybody, and like literally women

396
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Speaker 4: are dying, bleeding out to death because they're humiliate like

397
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Speaker 4: even after things have gone wrong, not going to the droptor.

398
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Speaker 3: Because they humiliating.

399
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Speaker 4: They're humiliated because a they're terminating and pregnant, they're humiliated

400
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Speaker 4: and it's legal, right, so like they're scared they're going

401
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,919
Speaker 4: to get in trouble, you know, for doing something to

402
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Speaker 4: their body versus versus the statistics about when when it

403
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:48,040
Speaker 4: finally passed and we've been having safe abortions for all

404
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Speaker 4: these years, it's like ninety nine point nine percent safe.

405
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Speaker 3: Abortions and we're actually at our lowest rates since Yeah,

406
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Speaker 3: I saw that and they were just yeah, that was

407
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Speaker 3: my biggest question when this came up.

408
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Speaker 4: I was like, all this shit is going on in

409
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Speaker 4: the world, like global warming, like the fucking.

410
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Speaker 3: Prison systems fucked up. There's a lot of shit happening

411
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Speaker 3: to who the fuck what old fuck is back there?

412
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Speaker 3: Like I know what we need to focus on.

413
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Speaker 4: Let's overturn this shit that's been in place for one

414
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Speaker 4: hundred years, not even one hundred years.

415
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Speaker 3: But like even in Alabama, like when they voted in Alabama,

416
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Speaker 3: it was all men, it was one woman. She's seventy

417
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Speaker 3: five years old. She wrote the bill. Hasn't been able

418
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Speaker 3: to she wrote the bill, Judge k she wrote the

419
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Speaker 3: bill a fucking cut and hasn't been able to bear children.

420
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Speaker 3: And I don't know forty years, Like I want to

421
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Speaker 3: know who hurt her, That's what I wanted. Well, no,

422
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Speaker 3: probably to do that to other women and make that

423
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:47,919
Speaker 3: part of your legacy, like what happened to you? What

424
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 3: happened to you? And the fact that most of these politicians,

425
00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:59,679
Speaker 3: guaranteed have God, had their mistresses getting abortions, had their

426
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,959
Speaker 3: kids scant abortions that maybe had fun one weekend, like

427
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,760
Speaker 3: they've they've used abortion, but when it was when it

428
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,680
Speaker 3: was when it was personal to them and they needed

429
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Speaker 3: it first of all, Like the statistics of like one

430
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:10,840
Speaker 3: in four women have had an abortion. First of all,

431
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,120
Speaker 3: there's three of us sitting here right now.

432
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 4: We've had all three of us have had abortions. Yeah,

433
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 4: I mean I've had yeah, And I'm just like that statistic.

434
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 4: It might be it might be higher because, like you said, exactly.

435
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,919
Speaker 3: Well, you have to be telling the truth. You have

436
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 3: to be telling if you're if you're taking a survey,

437
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 3: and a lot of women don't tell the truth because

438
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 3: they're ashamed. Even in the.

439
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 4: Doctor when you go to the doctor, like particularly planned parenthood,

440
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,239
Speaker 4: and they ask you this to me felt like the

441
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 4: most like I don't know, like invasive question like how

442
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,919
Speaker 4: many live births have how many how many times they

443
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 4: been pregnant?

444
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 3: How many live births have you had?

445
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,119
Speaker 4: And like being being like I've had one life birth,

446
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 4: I've had X amount of abortions.

447
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 3: It just always seems so demeaning, Like.

448
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 4: I always felt like, fun, are you gonna really ask this?

449
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 4: I know it's on the chart, bitch, I already wrote it.

450
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,360
Speaker 3: Down right, like come on now, but you know.

451
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,439
Speaker 4: Like like again, like men in no capacity experience this

452
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 4: shame or experience this like the struggle that exists if

453
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,679
Speaker 4: you have an unwanted pregnancy, like in college, Like my

454
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,159
Speaker 4: freshman I had a abortion, like my freshman year in

455
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:12,440
Speaker 4: high school and my freshman year of college.

456
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:16,199
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you were a baby, could you imagine?

457
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was fifteen, I turned sixteen. I waited really

458
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 4: long because I didn't want to tell my parents. I

459
00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 4: went to Catholic school, and it was in the handbook.

460
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 4: This was in the handbook, like, this was not allowed.

461
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,240
Speaker 4: I had my best friend take me because she was

462
00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:28,680
Speaker 4: the only one.

463
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:28,920
Speaker 3: With the car.

464
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 4: I lied to my parents, and my school was calling

465
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,520
Speaker 4: my parents that say I wasn't in school yet. So

466
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,080
Speaker 4: by the time I got out of the abortion, they

467
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,520
Speaker 4: they knew what was that. They had to pick me up.

468
00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 4: But that guy like unfortunately bus his heart, Like I

469
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 4: saw him homeless on the street, like on drugs. He

470
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,199
Speaker 4: had some issues Like that has nothing to do with that.

471
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 4: But this other guy in college.

472
00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 3: But it does, though. Imagine that is the father of

473
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:53,440
Speaker 3: your child and he.

474
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,120
Speaker 4: Were because you were a child, right, he had issues

475
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 4: whatever college comes. I was messing with some older guy,

476
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,840
Speaker 4: some fake ass Muslim in Philly who already had her

477
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,920
Speaker 4: four kids. Four baby mom got pregnant on a fucking

478
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,719
Speaker 4: column and was like, look, you know, he's like, well,

479
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 4: I don't believe in abortion.

480
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 3: Stop answering his phone literally call my brother.

481
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,400
Speaker 4: I don't believe you know I'm Muslim. I' nigga, I'm

482
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 4: not Muslim. Okay, you're not gonna be number five. And

483
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,440
Speaker 4: at the time I was in Georgia. So we don't

484
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 4: even realize growing up in California we have had so

485
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,159
Speaker 4: much access because even that time, when I was in

486
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,360
Speaker 4: high school and playing parenthood, I didn't have to tell

487
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,280
Speaker 4: my parents. They don't tell your parents if you don't

488
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,879
Speaker 4: you request, which is one godsend because there's parents that

489
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:33,880
Speaker 4: would make their kids have.

490
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,680
Speaker 3: Like keep babies, or they'll kick you out or they'll

491
00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:37,200
Speaker 3: kick you out.

492
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 4: So when I moved to Georgia, that shit is not

493
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 4: free in Georgia here, you I mean, I went through

494
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,800
Speaker 4: Great Lens to get that free abortion, like stood in

495
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,160
Speaker 4: lines and all these weird offices to get this paper

496
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 4: or whatever. But in college I remember like having to

497
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 4: get a credit card, borrowing some money from some friends,

498
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,840
Speaker 4: putting up to six hundred dollars on this probably the

499
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:56,239
Speaker 4: limit of the credit card was six hundred dollars, and

500
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,359
Speaker 4: like going through Great Lens because this guy was just

501
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 4: like what click, you know, And I'm like, imagine if

502
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,639
Speaker 4: I would have two kids prior to Luna, you know

503
00:27:04,760 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 4: that's crazy. And the and again that guy also the

504
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 4: Muslim is in jail and I have a friend he

505
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 4: is and I'm a.

506
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 3: Friend with a baby by him.

507
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:18,480
Speaker 4: But it's just like men are not even included in

508
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 4: this equation, Like how is this even?

509
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 3: You were there too when it went down all this

510
00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 3: like meme or something safe. If we're gonna out put

511
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 3: an outlaw abortion, that we need to outlaw you coming

512
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,720
Speaker 3: period because because they're like baby, you're disposing your babies.

513
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 3: You know, I think the next wave is going to

514
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:37,040
Speaker 3: be women co parenting babies. They're gonna go to sperm

515
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 3: to sporm sperm donors and being like, hey, you're my

516
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 3: best girl, Like I don't even want to fuck with

517
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:44,520
Speaker 3: a dude. Like let's just I would hear.

518
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 4: My friends have discussed like everything is in work off

519
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:48,560
Speaker 4: at the time a certain age which all move in together.

520
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 4: We're gonna be happy. You're gonna have like a little

521
00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 4: colony house. Well it will exchange time a time. The

522
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:56,280
Speaker 4: baby saying you know, if you want to date, that's great.

523
00:27:56,320 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 3: But really make it arch is any don't even me

524
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,440
Speaker 3: do no, But it's real. It's a real conversation, you know.

525
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,960
Speaker 3: Like and I think back to my two abortions that

526
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:13,560
Speaker 3: I had with you know, my now husband, and I

527
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 3: never even really like talk to him about how those

528
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 3: abortions made him feel. But I'm of sure he was

529
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 3: afraid as I was. And it's like, these are the

530
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 3: we need to hear these stories from men because these

531
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,720
Speaker 3: motherfuckers that are making these laws, you know, they need

532
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,720
Speaker 3: some other kind of pushback because they're not gonna listen

533
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,560
Speaker 3: to us. They're not gonna listen to us. Like women,

534
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 3: we are such a threat to these people right now,

535
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,280
Speaker 3: to these men right now, and unfortunately, we have a

536
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 3: lot of white ladies who are siding with them. And

537
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 3: I'm like, y'all need to stop choosing your fucking race

538
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 3: over your gender. Like even statistically like the abortion rates more,

539
00:28:56,160 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 3: it's actually more white women than any other any other demographic.

540
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 3: And I read that, and they would, you know, the

541
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 3: media and the way that the stories are being told,

542
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,880
Speaker 3: and you know this narrative that we've created about you know,

543
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 3: Latinas have too many babies and black women and their

544
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 3: unfathered children and all this bullshit would have us think

545
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,480
Speaker 3: about ourselves, about our own people, that we're the ones

546
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 3: out here causing all of this ruckus, when actually it's

547
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 3: not even about us, right, Like the numbers are not

548
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 3: about us, and it's like, I don't know what's gonna happen.

549
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 3: I really don't. I like to live in positivity. But

550
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,880
Speaker 3: I recently saw Rachel Cargo speak and somebody asked her,

551
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 3: like about the impending doom that like hangs over our heads,

552
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 3: and how does she feel about it, you know, as

553
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:51,120
Speaker 3: somebody that is as you know, she is fighting racism.

554
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,080
Speaker 3: She was like, listen, I just live my life the

555
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 3: best way that I can. I do my work. She's like,

556
00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 3: but honestly, I am not optimistic.

557
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 2: And.

558
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 3: I feel her about everything or this talk about this

559
00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:09,960
Speaker 3: country and like our issues right right, I mean they're

560
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 3: not Like she's not optimistic that they are going to

561
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 3: get better anytime soon, and that well definitely not under

562
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 3: not with who's in office right now. I mean, but

563
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,400
Speaker 3: it's also on a local level, like this is the

564
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:28,520
Speaker 3: thing that people are forgetting to to take into account. Alabama,

565
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:32,720
Speaker 3: those people voted forty actually forty six percent of white

566
00:30:32,720 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 3: women in Alabama or I think it's actually higher than

567
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:41,959
Speaker 3: that voted for a white male pedophile over a black

568
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 3: man oh to be in office. Yes, and that man

569
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 3: is who helped pioneer the push of this overturning. And

570
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:56,000
Speaker 3: so when we're talking about government, we're also talking about

571
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,520
Speaker 3: local government, like what are we doing on the ground floor,

572
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 3: because yeah, cheetoh and chief can do his things. But like,

573
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, the United States governs

574
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 3: as fifty separate sorry fifty like fifty separate. It's fifty

575
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:13,240
Speaker 3: separate states with fifty different fifty separate laws. Like each

576
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 3: state is allowed to do what they want, and as

577
00:31:16,360 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 3: that's why you are abel to have what we have

578
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,400
Speaker 3: in California. We're able to have what we have in

579
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 3: New York because we're educated, we are open minded for

580
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 3: the most part, like we want change and we want

581
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:29,959
Speaker 3: we don't mind other people doing well. But in some

582
00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 3: of these other states, I feel sad for my sisters

583
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 3: out there because like that's where they live. They are

584
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 3: simply being punished based on the fact that they happen

585
00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 3: to live in this state. I literally brought it up.

586
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 4: You want to ask me why it's my favorite daddy

587
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 4: about this outrage.

588
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know, like why I've ben live in Alabama.

589
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, because people live there, you can just get

590
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 3: up and play. I mean, fucker, you don't have.

591
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:58,600
Speaker 4: The means because they were born there.

592
00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 3: That's how they know. I don't know it does. So

593
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 3: everyone's gonna move out like people. I mean, it's just crazy.

594
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 3: I mean, and it's it's what's even more crazy is

595
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 3: that the states that have these like higher bands or

596
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 3: like higher bigger laws against abortion, they have higher rates

597
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:20,479
Speaker 3: of death with women, very low education rates, very I mean,

598
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 3: it's obvious they're not that smart. The maternal mertality rate

599
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 3: is just higher because because people don't want to have

600
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,040
Speaker 3: these babies, you know what I mean. And they're still

601
00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 3: trying to figure it out. And was it going to

602
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 3: take like if Roe versus Way were to get overturned,

603
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,120
Speaker 3: we're going to have to go out of the country

604
00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,920
Speaker 3: to get abortions, Like well, they're making it illegal. They're

605
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,840
Speaker 3: saying if they find out that you went somewhere, you

606
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 3: would be imprisoned. And they're giving doctors life in ninety

607
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:47,960
Speaker 3: nine years. And it's and also and no exception in

608
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 3: rape and insects I can't. It's they think that they

609
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 3: have my my rapist spape, that's God's plan for you.

610
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 3: I've never even understand that because I'm not like a

611
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:02,600
Speaker 3: huge God believer, But like if this is your you know,

612
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 3: your master and your person, you know, your your being,

613
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 3: your spiritual being, Like why do you think that he

614
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:11,440
Speaker 3: wants to put you through pain? Ye suffering? That's not God,

615
00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 3: That's not what God does. And so when these people

616
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 3: hide behind religion, it really it just flabbercasts me. I

617
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 3: mean front of.

618
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 4: Our religion and politics have never gone together, Like this

619
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 4: is not a Christian country, Like this is like it

620
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 4: I know, but.

621
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:29,520
Speaker 3: It founded by the Puritans. Girl, I know, but like

622
00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 3: how can you like I don't.

623
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 4: I'm so over the like the religious bullshit, because let's

624
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:36,680
Speaker 4: be real, like you're doing this for you have you

625
00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:37,960
Speaker 4: have different reasons?

626
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 3: Like if you're about God and you're about like the love,

627
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 3: the so propaganda, it's so so propaganda to control people,

628
00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 3: you know, and keep them fearful of something. You know,

629
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 3: if you're fearful of God, and this is what I

630
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 3: tell you, God is going to do to you. And

631
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 3: if you don't do X, Y and Z, yes, I mean,

632
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 3: and we could get into real conversations about you know,

633
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 3: like medieval times and when this stuff like really started

634
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 3: to home into you know, what we would now call mainstream.

635
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 3: Back then, I mean, it was just control, mind control.

636
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,759
Speaker 3: And oh, because that's another crazy thing. I read that,

637
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,880
Speaker 3: Like in the mid nineteenth century.

638
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,320
Speaker 4: It was legal, it was perfectly legal, It was promoted

639
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,920
Speaker 4: because the contraceptives weren't that effective. And then when there

640
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 4: was this evangelical spread that sweep over the United States,

641
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,959
Speaker 4: then this whole thing went into like yim.

642
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,760
Speaker 3: Because it gave women agency over their bodies. They didn't

643
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:32,480
Speaker 3: have to become a mother and just be a mom,

644
00:34:31,680 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 3: right because also back then, if you were a mom,

645
00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:36,799
Speaker 3: that was it. You were not working. There was no

646
00:34:36,840 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 3: way to do both. You couldn't work and be a mom.

647
00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:42,799
Speaker 3: So like, and I think still to this day, obviously

648
00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,280
Speaker 3: things are changing and women are more empowered and finding

649
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 3: balance and understand that they can do both, but there's

650
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:52,359
Speaker 3: still a huge group of women that don't feel that way.

651
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 3: And by taking away these these rights, there are a

652
00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:59,399
Speaker 3: lot of them will just be moms. They won't ever

653
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,080
Speaker 3: pursue their they won't they don't think that that's an option.

654
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:05,000
Speaker 3: And they don't have the means to, like, they don't

655
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 3: have a floor, I can't they can't get a nanny.

656
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:08,960
Speaker 3: They can't get a nanny for the few hours and

657
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 3: you can go do what the fuck you need to know,

658
00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:14,600
Speaker 3: you know, like those things, those options don't exist for them.

659
00:35:14,719 --> 00:35:17,800
Speaker 3: This is this is the abortion bands. It's just oppression.

660
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 3: It's impression of women. It's a war on women. And

661
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:27,919
Speaker 3: that's why I'm so scared. It's a It's a war

662
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 3: on women, for sure. It is. Because the thing is

663
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,760
Speaker 3: is that they don't care what happens to us after

664
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:36,120
Speaker 3: the babies are born. They don't care what happens to

665
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 3: our babies after they're born. Ye, they're gonna go a

666
00:35:37,960 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 3: lot of some of these babies are gonna go into adoptions.

667
00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:42,399
Speaker 3: It's like, if you're really about people, Like, if you're

668
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,439
Speaker 3: really about helping people, why aren't you trying to fix

669
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 3: our education system? Why don't you want to fix our environment?

670
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 3: Because if we don't have a planet, who gives a

671
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 3: fuck if you can have an abortion or not. You know,

672
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 3: So it's like it just doesn't add up. And the

673
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 3: only thing I can think of is that this is

674
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 3: a war on women. I agree, And that's why, you know,

675
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 3: I really have become the type of person that I probably,

676
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 3: like a few years ago, would have hated. But I

677
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 3: try to live in like pure joy and gratitude and

678
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 3: peace for like what I do have, what I can accomplish,

679
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,720
Speaker 3: the beautiful, the beauty that is in my life, because

680
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:34,120
Speaker 3: you know, Toronto Burke said it best, Your existence is resistance.

681
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 3: Like just existing in my life and living and doing

682
00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 3: the things that I love and being with the people

683
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 3: that I love and creating with people that inspire me

684
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,960
Speaker 3: and having access to that and being able to access

685
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 3: to the higher part of my brain and vibrate on

686
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:55,440
Speaker 3: a higher frequency is the only thing that's going to

687
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 3: keep me sane, because if if I allow myself to

688
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 3: be consumed in the things that I can't control, I'll die,

689
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 3: you know. So I'm like, I've just become this like

690
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 3: huge advocate for finding the joy in your life in

691
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 3: whichever way that comes to you. You know, whether it's

692
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 3: like buying fresh flowers or if it's like fucking reading

693
00:37:22,160 --> 00:37:25,280
Speaker 3: or like talking shit, whatever it is that like makes

694
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 3: you feel like you are at peace, Like, do that

695
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 3: because there are forces out there that want to destroy

696
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:36,080
Speaker 3: us and so just living in your joy and living

697
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:39,440
Speaker 3: in your purpose. That is a fight in itself. Absolutely,

698
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,719
Speaker 3: It really is more than ever now because there's so

699
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,200
Speaker 3: many distractions and there's so many things to make you

700
00:37:45,239 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 3: feel less than constantly, and you don't have to because

701
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:53,760
Speaker 3: everything that you like, everything that we need is inside

702
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 3: of us. It just takes a really long time. It

703
00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:02,319
Speaker 3: takes a lot of different experiences and people and deep, deep,

704
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:07,000
Speaker 3: deep diving to understand how to access that power. And like,

705
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:08,839
Speaker 3: I'm not somebody. I'm not going to say that I've

706
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 3: accessed it fully because that's not true. But I'm getting

707
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 3: there and it feels good, and I feel like the

708
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 3: more I can access my power, the more I can

709
00:38:18,239 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 3: help other people that are powerless.

710
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,440
Speaker 4: And you align when you're in power of yourself, when

711
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 4: you're in this space, you align with people you're supposed to,

712
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 4: you know, like when you're living in your like in

713
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 4: your truth and your purpose and you're and you're happy,

714
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:34,320
Speaker 4: then suddenly everything the universe, you know, conspires in your favor.

715
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,920
Speaker 4: And I think we don't realize, like this is a

716
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 4: grand time to be a woman, to be a woman

717
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 4: of color, but like the community that we build by

718
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 4: by having the conversation in a fucking foot locker party

719
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 4: saying I've had X amount of abortions and creating this

720
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:53,239
Speaker 4: conversation and being honest about it, and you know, just

721
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:56,680
Speaker 4: having that conversation is like shifting er because thought process

722
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:57,319
Speaker 4: on how you know.

723
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,400
Speaker 3: And maybe the woman in the corner who heard is.

724
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 4: That didn't even know us is shifting and feeling and

725
00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,680
Speaker 4: or the guy, you know, the man and he's like, damn,

726
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:07,160
Speaker 4: this is this is important and just this podcast that

727
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 4: maybe you know, whoever many people are, you know, just

728
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 4: this stories, like our stories, our experiences as women are valid.

729
00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:16,719
Speaker 4: We've been put to be shamed for so long for

730
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 4: things that are normal things, for everything, for everything.

731
00:39:20,239 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 3: You work too hard, you're you're you're a housewife, like

732
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:26,320
Speaker 3: you know, Oh she's too fit, she's too fait, I

733
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,399
Speaker 3: don't want kids. Yeah. It's like everything that we do

734
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 3: is is like the opposite of what we should. Yeah,

735
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:36,880
Speaker 3: you're too sexual, Like that's sexual enough, So like what

736
00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:39,479
Speaker 3: do you want from us? Yeah? And so I think,

737
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:41,359
Speaker 3: you know, and this is the thing that got these

738
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 3: people that are now you know, feeling emboldened in their power.

739
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 3: That's what got them there in the first place. And

740
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 3: that's one thing that they did, right, They all talked

741
00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:51,160
Speaker 3: about it, they were loud about it, and it turned

742
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,759
Speaker 3: the other racist person to the right to feel like,

743
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,680
Speaker 3: oh we're out here. Yeah, I'm a join on your

744
00:39:56,880 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 3: on your carriage. So for us, the people that are

745
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 3: trying to to live in our truth and want peace

746
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,439
Speaker 3: and want love and want visibility and all these things,

747
00:40:05,480 --> 00:40:07,920
Speaker 3: the best thing that we can do is be loud

748
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 3: in that and take up space in that so that

749
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,719
Speaker 3: we can bring, you know, more of our sisters, more

750
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,799
Speaker 3: of our brothers that like feel the same way that

751
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,759
Speaker 3: we do, and we can build this energy field, you know,

752
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 3: and that will vibrate out to those other states where

753
00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:26,960
Speaker 3: this shitty, these horrible things are happening because those people

754
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 3: like they've they've been asleep because they've had no choice, right,

755
00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 3: you know, that's the environment that they were bred in.

756
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:39,840
Speaker 3: And so but from struggle and pain comes beauty, you know,

757
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,759
Speaker 3: and you have to find how to get that. So

758
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 3: and now we have the Internet, so they can see,

759
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:48,359
Speaker 3: you know, girls who maybe felt powerless can see can

760
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:52,319
Speaker 3: relate to somebody in California, can relate to somebody in Tolsa, Oklahoma,

761
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:54,719
Speaker 3: and be like, oh, if she can do it, I

762
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 3: can do it too. You know. Beyonce even said it

763
00:40:57,200 --> 00:41:00,239
Speaker 3: in Homecoming. She's like, I just want people to see

764
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 3: what I've done because if my country asks can do it,

765
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 3: they can too. And so that's why I truly believe

766
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 3: like living fully in your joy is like one of

767
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:15,279
Speaker 3: the most powerful things that we can do. And I

768
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 3: was program I'm a New Yorker, you know, I was

769
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 3: programmed to be like bit please, like cynical as fuck,

770
00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:25,839
Speaker 3: you know, like yeah, like like you know, New York

771
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 3: We're like we thrive off of how much we can

772
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 3: beat ourselves up, like how much did you get done today?

773
00:41:31,840 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 3: And now I you know, I just I can't live

774
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 3: like that. I want to live in peace and enjoy,

775
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 3: and I want to radiate that so that other people

776
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 3: can be attracted to my field. And there's gonna be

777
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:43,480
Speaker 3: some people that are gonna be like the old of

778
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:45,400
Speaker 3: me and be like, ah, she's so annoying with her

779
00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:49,399
Speaker 3: positive let me tell you, the day will come where

780
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:53,440
Speaker 3: they will have to face those truths you know about

781
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 3: them and look deep into why they're like that, because

782
00:41:56,719 --> 00:41:59,640
Speaker 3: it happened to me, you know, I had to understand

783
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,959
Speaker 3: why I was so negative and why I always looked

784
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:05,560
Speaker 3: for like the shitty things in life. We're programmed to

785
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 3: do so and annoyed by other people's happiness. Yes, yes,

786
00:42:09,440 --> 00:42:11,239
Speaker 3: because you don't you feel like you don't have any

787
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:13,879
Speaker 3: which is bullshit, you know. I was, well, you think

788
00:42:13,880 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 3: it's you think they're not being genuine, Like no one's

789
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 3: that fucking happy kind the fucked it you know, and

790
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:22,920
Speaker 3: sometimes they're not being genuine in it, are you know?

791
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 3: Jada Pinkett. I saw her at the Red Table talk

792
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 3: and she was talking about gratitude, which is something that

793
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:31,120
Speaker 3: I've been I was telling you Miila earlier today, like

794
00:42:31,239 --> 00:42:34,880
Speaker 3: I do a gratitude journal every single morning. Well I

795
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:36,960
Speaker 3: try to, you know, I list three things that I'm

796
00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:39,800
Speaker 3: grateful for after I meditate, and it's changed my life.

797
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 3: And she said it. She was like, even in this

798
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 3: home and you know they're the Smiths, like they have

799
00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:48,520
Speaker 3: an abundance of anything that they need. She was like,

800
00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:52,560
Speaker 3: there are moments where we feel empty and there's a void.

801
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:55,160
Speaker 3: And what I've had to teach Willow is we're gonna

802
00:42:55,160 --> 00:42:58,759
Speaker 3: sit down and we're gonna fill that void with gratitude

803
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 3: because we always have something to be grateful for, Like

804
00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 3: even if it's a fucking roof over your head, clean sheets,

805
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 3: clean water, that is something, you know, a conversation you

806
00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:13,279
Speaker 3: have with your friend, a flower you saw on the street, Like,

807
00:43:13,320 --> 00:43:16,800
Speaker 3: there are so many things that you can find joy

808
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:24,040
Speaker 3: in anything. Taste coffee, man, legs. Yeah, you know, no, seriously,

809
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:26,399
Speaker 3: you can go right, you can go wherever you want.

810
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:28,359
Speaker 3: Your legs will take you where you want to go.

811
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 3: And of course there are circumstances where it's desolate and

812
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,480
Speaker 3: life is really hard. But I've been to some of

813
00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 3: the more impoverished communities in the world. You know, my

814
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 3: mom has done a lot of work in the Dominican Republic,

815
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:49,720
Speaker 3: and like we've done, we've met, and there's always joy.

816
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:56,759
Speaker 3: There's always joy. Like people could be living in nothing, Goanada,

817
00:43:56,960 --> 00:44:00,520
Speaker 3: and there's always joy somehow, whether it's through music that

818
00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:03,719
Speaker 3: you could literally make with your hand, or like a

819
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:06,840
Speaker 3: conversation that you had with your friend, like your grandmother,

820
00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 3: like whatever. And so in this modern day, how are

821
00:44:11,640 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 3: we how are we not able to see the clear

822
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:19,480
Speaker 3: the clarity that is was already within us, right, so

823
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,680
Speaker 3: I just didn't I try to I try to work

824
00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 3: on that. That's like that's like what saved me. That's amazing.

825
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:29,400
Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like even hearing it is a

826
00:44:29,440 --> 00:44:31,880
Speaker 3: reminder to myself. I mean I always try to do

827
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 3: that as well. But even this morning, I woke up

828
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 3: and I woke up and I haven't been meditating. I

829
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 3: used to meditate every day. I've been falling off, but

830
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 3: this morning, I think it's a lot of it is

831
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:42,560
Speaker 3: because either me and I re wake up at the

832
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 3: same time. Sometimes I'll try to meditate with her, but

833
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 3: she's like, looks over and said, are we done? She's like,

834
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 3: you have me to sit still for how long? Like

835
00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 3: just ten minutes. But I woke up and I was like, Okay,

836
00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:57,160
Speaker 3: I know I don't have time to meditate, but I'm

837
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 3: gonna like sit here and go through a list of

838
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,480
Speaker 3: all the things I'm great for in my head. And

839
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 3: I did that, and I just I woke up and

840
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 3: I woke her up, and I just felt immediately like

841
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:07,719
Speaker 3: might to start my day. I feel amazing, you know,

842
00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:10,520
Speaker 3: And I'm not grateful for material things. I'm grateful for

843
00:45:10,680 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 3: the people in my life that I'm able to wake

844
00:45:12,880 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 3: that I'm able to share, you know, a conversation with

845
00:45:15,280 --> 00:45:17,680
Speaker 3: you this morning that you know, I have a beautiful,

846
00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 3: healthy child in the other room that I'm gonna wake

847
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 3: up and get dressed and experience her joy. Because a

848
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:26,360
Speaker 3: child's joy is so pure, so pure. And you know

849
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 3: how old is Dakota. He is about to be sixteen months?

850
00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Yeah, just being able to experience that

851
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 3: daily is such a reminder of like all this other

852
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,919
Speaker 3: shit doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I mean it does

853
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,439
Speaker 3: in ways, Like we're talking about aborshit and our rites,

854
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 3: and we want our children to be okay, and that's

855
00:45:45,800 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 3: what that's really like what I fight for, you know.

856
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,840
Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, presently, at this moment,

857
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 3: like what are we grateful for?

858
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 4: You know?

859
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,399
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of times you lose sight

860
00:45:56,400 --> 00:46:00,840
Speaker 3: of that, and it's really important for your mental health, sustainability,

861
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 3: even physical health if you remind yourself of those things. Yeah,

862
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 3: we're programmed to tune into what's missing, and we have

863
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,279
Speaker 3: to reprogram ourselves to turn into to tune into what

864
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:19,600
Speaker 3: we actually have. Yeah, it's like everything I'm learning that now.

865
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,640
Speaker 3: It takes time. I mean, shit, I'm thirty one, I'm

866
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:25,200
Speaker 3: gonna be thirty two this year, and I feel like

867
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:30,320
Speaker 3: I'm just really understanding my happiness and what makes me happy.

868
00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 3: And like you know, when you're a kid, you think,

869
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:35,879
Speaker 3: oh my god, twenty five or so old, you should

870
00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:38,359
Speaker 3: have it all figured out. That no, And to those

871
00:46:38,360 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 3: women that are listening right now, because I know we

872
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 3: have people that listen from teenage, like at like late

873
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 3: teens to you know, forty plus, but like for those

874
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:49,760
Speaker 3: young women that are in their twenties, like, it's okay

875
00:46:49,760 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 3: if you don't have it figured out. I didn't, you didn't.

876
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 3: It doesn't find it, it doesn't define it. I don't really

877
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:57,799
Speaker 3: have to figure out right now. I told you. I

878
00:46:57,920 --> 00:46:59,759
Speaker 3: just I'm always flying by the seat of my pants.

879
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,400
Speaker 3: I'm thirty four years old. I had to restart a career.

880
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 3: Like it's it's hard, it's never going to be easy,

881
00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 3: but you have everything that you need to survive in.

882
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:12,400
Speaker 4: And you know, right, and yeah, and you have to

883
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:15,040
Speaker 4: go back to the basics. But it's like basic, basic

884
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 4: things that you should be grateful for because that always

885
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,480
Speaker 4: really is the most important thing. And like at every

886
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 4: in every stage in our lives, for us all we're

887
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 4: constantly growing hopefully, and like there's no number, there's no

888
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:28,920
Speaker 4: age where it's supposed to be perfect or shit's supposed

889
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 4: to be right, Like even in the conversation of abortion,

890
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 4: I think a lot of times it's it's way easier

891
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:36,440
Speaker 4: to discuss an abortion when I was in ninth grade

892
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:38,360
Speaker 4: or an abortion in my freshman year of college. But

893
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,759
Speaker 4: it's not as easy to discuss like you know, I

894
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:42,880
Speaker 4: was with my husband, you know, and you know, and

895
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:46,399
Speaker 4: now you have that a baby. It's it's always even

896
00:47:46,440 --> 00:47:49,320
Speaker 4: for me, like having an abortion after having a baby,

897
00:47:49,360 --> 00:47:52,239
Speaker 4: Like these are things that because.

898
00:47:51,960 --> 00:47:55,880
Speaker 3: Of the age or the like the the the.

899
00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:57,120
Speaker 4: Pressures that I feel like I'm supposed to be at

900
00:47:57,120 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 4: a certain pace or we're supposed to my shit together.

901
00:47:58,600 --> 00:47:59,439
Speaker 3: I'm not supposed to I'm.

902
00:47:59,280 --> 00:48:03,960
Speaker 4: An abortion after thirty that's crazy. I'm an irresponsible, fucking

903
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 4: weight olt, Like that's your choice right right right, And

904
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:10,719
Speaker 4: it's like there's just so many things put on us

905
00:48:10,880 --> 00:48:13,800
Speaker 4: that we're like it's literally taken until this point to

906
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 4: start realizing it and dismantling it.

907
00:48:16,320 --> 00:48:19,960
Speaker 3: Well, people create these age like these like markers in age, right,

908
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,480
Speaker 3: like Okay, by this age, you're supposed to have this

909
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:24,839
Speaker 3: and by this age, okay, graduate college of twenty three,

910
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 3: twenty four, then by twenty six, you probably have like

911
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 3: hopefully you have like a really great job and you're

912
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:31,360
Speaker 3: working towards your dream job. And then by thirty, you know,

913
00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 3: in a stable relationshiship, you're starting to get someone seriously's

914
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 3: potentially gonna be your husband. Now you're talking babies around

915
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,920
Speaker 3: twenty eight, hopefully you have them before you know, and

916
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:45,839
Speaker 3: then yeah, like Lord Jesus ring, I gotta be big,

917
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 3: he has to be like we have to have place.

918
00:48:47,200 --> 00:48:48,920
Speaker 4: I gotta have a FEMA shit together, like fuck, and

919
00:48:48,960 --> 00:48:52,439
Speaker 4: we don't have all thirty thousand followers plus these it's

920
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 4: too much.

921
00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 3: And what is that even based on based on the

922
00:48:56,520 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 3: system that was built on now you to buy into

923
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 3: at certain points of your certain by the patriarchy, you know,

924
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 3: like the all of this stuff was built by the man.

925
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:10,000
Speaker 3: You know, how does your husband feel about all of

926
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:13,760
Speaker 3: your you know, your opinions and your does he support

927
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 3: all He has no choice but to listen. My husband

928
00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 3: has experienced extreme growth. We've been together since we were

929
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,759
Speaker 3: twenty two years old, twelve years celebrating five years of

930
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:32,399
Speaker 3: marriage in September. Oh, thank you. And you know we

931
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 3: were raised so differently, I mean just literal black and white,

932
00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:40,800
Speaker 3: like he's white. I'm mixed. I'm black. I'm black and

933
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:45,440
Speaker 3: Jewish and Latina like all these things. And so our

934
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:49,279
Speaker 3: experiences in life just are so different. And the things

935
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 3: that we had to worry about are so different. Whereas

936
00:49:52,719 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 3: I had to worry about everything and he had to

937
00:49:55,560 --> 00:50:01,759
Speaker 3: worry about like almost nothing, economics, economically speaking, you know,

938
00:50:01,920 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 3: like he had a leg up as opposed to me.

939
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,840
Speaker 3: Who you know, my mom was a musician and bohemian

940
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,160
Speaker 3: and like you know, worked really hard to make ends

941
00:50:10,239 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 3: me and thankfully she got out of that. But like,

942
00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:16,840
Speaker 3: we're just so different, and so the things that I

943
00:50:17,000 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 3: get riled up about and that matter to me are

944
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 3: I was built to be that way. My mom marched

945
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,920
Speaker 3: in the civil rights movement, you know, in San Francisco,

946
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:32,240
Speaker 3: and like she she's like, you know, always been super political.

947
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:34,359
Speaker 3: So that was just a part of me when we

948
00:50:34,400 --> 00:50:36,920
Speaker 3: got together. You know, my husband was kind of like

949
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:38,880
Speaker 3: a derelict. I mean, we were both derelics in our

950
00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:40,799
Speaker 3: own way, but like I was always very much like

951
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:44,879
Speaker 3: I had my goals and over time, I remember there

952
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:50,359
Speaker 3: was a specific moment, and I think it was when

953
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:56,959
Speaker 3: all the girls went missing in Nigeria. And I brought

954
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 3: it up to him and he didn't know what I

955
00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:05,319
Speaker 3: was talking about. Yo, I went buck wise. We were

956
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,000
Speaker 3: in d C. I remember, it's all coming back to me.

957
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 3: We were in DC. We had just had dinner and

958
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:13,880
Speaker 3: we were walking and we were talking and he didn't know.

959
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:19,040
Speaker 3: And We're in the nation's capital, and I'm like this, motherfucker.

960
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:22,520
Speaker 3: I'm like, what do you do with your time? How

961
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:24,279
Speaker 3: do you not know about this? It's been all over

962
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:27,440
Speaker 3: the news. And I got so angry with him for

963
00:51:27,560 --> 00:51:32,279
Speaker 3: not caring about humanity and not arming himself with information

964
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:35,719
Speaker 3: because the man that I'm gonna be with needs to

965
00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 3: be aware. And I really think he took that to heart,

966
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:41,160
Speaker 3: because not to say that he's like, you know, up

967
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:45,319
Speaker 3: on everything all the time, but he definitely listens to

968
00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:48,239
Speaker 3: me more and wants to know, you know, what's going on,

969
00:51:48,360 --> 00:51:50,799
Speaker 3: and he's happy to have me as a teacher when

970
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:53,560
Speaker 3: it comes to, you know, anything in politics or just

971
00:51:53,640 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 3: like culture stuff that is not relating to things that

972
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:59,520
Speaker 3: he likes, which is like actual art, like he's an artist,

973
00:51:59,600 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 3: you know, street culture and like baseball music, like those

974
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 3: are his things. And so we have a lot of

975
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:13,440
Speaker 3: discussions and I think One of the more recent discussions

976
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,760
Speaker 3: we did have that was kind of like eye opening

977
00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 3: for him was about how we were going to raise

978
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:28,759
Speaker 3: Dakota and speaking towards sexuality and how men's relationship with women.

979
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:33,520
Speaker 3: And I told him, you know, it's like right after

980
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:36,440
Speaker 3: me too was happening. And I told him, I was like,

981
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:42,799
Speaker 3: you know, for for this to change, we need to

982
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 3: reprogram how we raise our boys. And he didn't really

983
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,239
Speaker 3: understand what I meant by that. He was like, he

984
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:50,920
Speaker 3: was like, what do you mean? And then I gave

985
00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:53,480
Speaker 3: him an example. I was like, you know, when a

986
00:52:53,520 --> 00:52:55,960
Speaker 3: little boy hits a girl, we say he does it

987
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:59,960
Speaker 3: because he likes her. That's not it. And I remember

988
00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:04,640
Speaker 3: him looking at me and being like, oh, I'm like yeah,

989
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 3: I'm like that's so messed up. And so it's those

990
00:53:09,200 --> 00:53:12,239
Speaker 3: conversations that we're having, you know, and sometimes it gets

991
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:15,560
Speaker 3: really heated, and I feel bad because I expect him

992
00:53:15,600 --> 00:53:18,000
Speaker 3: to know things that he doesn't know. But I'm always

993
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,799
Speaker 3: working on him. I'm always I'm always gonna do it,

994
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,319
Speaker 3: especially when it comes to anything that's race related, you know,

995
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:28,040
Speaker 3: because he doesn't live my experience and it's annoying to

996
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 3: have to teach people. But he's my husband. I love him,

997
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:32,440
Speaker 3: and he's the father of my child, and I want

998
00:53:32,480 --> 00:53:36,839
Speaker 3: to make sure that whatever needs I need to be

999
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 3: that need of mind that needs to be met, like

1000
00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 3: he needs to know that they need to be met.

1001
00:53:41,120 --> 00:53:43,399
Speaker 3: And so if I'm not talking about it, like how

1002
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 3: do I expect him? You know, because not everybody lives

1003
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:47,840
Speaker 3: in our experience, and like this is I think a

1004
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,120
Speaker 3: conversation that we need to be having in general, like

1005
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 3: proximity is real, but with our friends too that are

1006
00:53:52,960 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 3: not people that are not women, are men, but just

1007
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 3: in general, the way that we approach these conversations with people. Yes,

1008
00:53:57,960 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 3: there are some people that don't deserve the fucking time

1009
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:03,680
Speaker 3: and day, but like in terms of race, gender, all

1010
00:54:03,719 --> 00:54:05,960
Speaker 3: that stuff, like it's about proximity. If you were not

1011
00:54:06,200 --> 00:54:10,399
Speaker 3: brought up in a home that talked about this, it's

1012
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:13,520
Speaker 3: really difficult to reprogram your mind to see other sides

1013
00:54:13,560 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 3: of things. And so you know, that's just how it

1014
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:21,799
Speaker 3: works with us. We talk a lot, and sometimes I

1015
00:54:21,920 --> 00:54:24,759
Speaker 3: just babble and he just sits there. But for the

1016
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 3: most part, he's receptive and he's understanding, and you know,

1017
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 3: it makes me feel very confident for the way that

1018
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 3: we're going to raise our child because I want to

1019
00:54:36,000 --> 00:54:38,120
Speaker 3: have a home where these things are talked about, because

1020
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 3: that's why I am the way I am, because my

1021
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 3: mom talked about this kind of stuff with me from

1022
00:54:42,719 --> 00:54:44,479
Speaker 3: when I was a kid, and you know those moments

1023
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:46,440
Speaker 3: where were like, oh, Mom, like this is so embarrassing,

1024
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:49,239
Speaker 3: like don't talk about sex. But like it does make

1025
00:54:49,280 --> 00:54:52,960
Speaker 3: a difference, and we need to normalize these conversations and

1026
00:54:53,080 --> 00:54:55,280
Speaker 3: have them with our spouses, have them with our friends,

1027
00:54:55,400 --> 00:55:00,920
Speaker 3: or not be afraid of potential conflict. Also learning how

1028
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:05,080
Speaker 3: to speak in a way that is not off putting. Yeah,

1029
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 3: and it makes them want to sit down with you,

1030
00:55:07,680 --> 00:55:08,520
Speaker 3: sit at the table with you.

1031
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:10,840
Speaker 4: So angry.

1032
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 3: Well, that's what I'm That's what I'm starting to because

1033
00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:17,360
Speaker 3: it's proximity. Like if they're not used to having these conversations,

1034
00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:20,320
Speaker 3: like it can get really scary, it can feel attacky.

1035
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:24,239
Speaker 3: I recently had a situation with my mother in law,

1036
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,880
Speaker 3: and you know, it was like we had it. I

1037
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:29,440
Speaker 3: had to break things down for her, and it was

1038
00:55:29,560 --> 00:55:32,560
Speaker 3: very difficult for me because I also looked at her

1039
00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 3: as like somebody that I assumed would know all of

1040
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:36,880
Speaker 3: these things, and she didn't know any of these things,

1041
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 3: and I was like, how the fuck do you not

1042
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 3: know this? Like a just because when I think of

1043
00:55:42,800 --> 00:55:47,920
Speaker 3: like interracial relationships, I've never been in one, but not

1044
00:55:48,040 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 3: because I like shy away from them. I just first

1045
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,840
Speaker 3: of all, white men don't generally hit on me, or

1046
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:57,280
Speaker 3: maybe I don't notice for really, yeah, maybe I don't notice.

1047
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,759
Speaker 3: And also there's been that excite I think that's where

1048
00:56:01,800 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 3: it started, and now it's to the point where now

1049
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 3: I'm just like, well, I like what I like. And

1050
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 3: also I don't want to I don't want to have

1051
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 3: to have that conversation, which is not fair either, like

1052
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:10,960
Speaker 3: I don't want to have I don't want to have

1053
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,640
Speaker 3: to explain the races to you. I don't want to

1054
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:16,320
Speaker 3: explain my outrage. I don't want you to get annoyed

1055
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 3: by my outrage and then you get annoyed by you.

1056
00:56:18,800 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 3: But then I also didn't even think about like, Okay,

1057
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:25,200
Speaker 3: it's not even just him, but then he has a

1058
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:29,920
Speaker 3: whole family that i'd have to true but they might

1059
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 3: be uncomfortable. But when you want but but you can't

1060
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,239
Speaker 3: help me love and like and if you have a

1061
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:39,479
Speaker 3: partner that wants will if you and wants to know

1062
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:42,839
Speaker 3: who you are, what your experience is, especially now having

1063
00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:45,800
Speaker 3: a baby that you know, maybe maybe to the world

1064
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:50,960
Speaker 3: might not look like he's black or yeah. But like

1065
00:56:51,239 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 3: sometimes people feel like when they have those babies, they

1066
00:56:53,120 --> 00:56:54,839
Speaker 3: don't have to have those conversations with them because they're

1067
00:56:54,840 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 3: gonna have all you're his mom MPAs too, and they

1068
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:04,840
Speaker 3: all know. I don't take this. I don't take this lightly.

1069
00:57:05,160 --> 00:57:07,640
Speaker 3: It's very important to me because you guys have been

1070
00:57:07,640 --> 00:57:10,279
Speaker 3: together for so long, have you experienced like a lot

1071
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 3: of judgment in your relationship? You know what, No, people

1072
00:57:14,680 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 3: think we're a beautiful couple and that's awesome. Also, Zach

1073
00:57:19,640 --> 00:57:23,520
Speaker 3: is kind of ambiguously like racially ambiguous in his looks.

1074
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:26,120
Speaker 3: Sometimes depending on what he's wearing, he can look very

1075
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:28,800
Speaker 3: white like a Kennedy, but he can but he's you know,

1076
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:31,200
Speaker 3: because I looked at him before, like he's from the

1077
00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 3: Lower East Side. He grew up around like his best

1078
00:57:33,560 --> 00:57:37,160
Speaker 3: friends are all people of color, like you know he was.

1079
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 3: He's an artist. He's a graphic designer. He grot graffiti

1080
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:43,000
Speaker 3: like it's like not. So he can look Puerto Rican

1081
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 3: sometimes or he can look Latino sometimes. And he's part Sicilian,

1082
00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 3: so there's definitely like some other blood in there, but

1083
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 3: for the most part, no, But what I have experienced

1084
00:57:52,560 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 3: personally with him, I'll give you one example. It's so

1085
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 3: sad that that I feel this way, but at moments

1086
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 3: he validates me depending on where I am, Like I

1087
00:58:06,360 --> 00:58:09,600
Speaker 3: feel validated by having him next to me, and that

1088
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 3: is something that like, if you're in a white space,

1089
00:58:12,480 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 3: that's so crazy.

1090
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 4: I think that's the first woman I know who's with

1091
00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 4: like a black woman, who's with a non black man,

1092
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 4: who said.

1093
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 3: That because it isn't and I'm not I and you know,

1094
00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,800
Speaker 3: you guys know me, like I can work a room,

1095
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:28,080
Speaker 3: like I can be anywhere. But there have been situations

1096
00:58:28,080 --> 00:58:31,520
Speaker 3: where I've been like, holy shit, like thank God, you

1097
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:33,720
Speaker 3: know Zach is here. There was one such one, one

1098
00:58:33,760 --> 00:58:36,280
Speaker 3: moment in particular, my brother got married in Martha's Vineyard.

1099
00:58:36,320 --> 00:58:38,640
Speaker 3: And when you go to Martha's Vineyard there you fly,

1100
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 3: you know, from Boston or we were flying in from

1101
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:45,400
Speaker 3: New York on these tiny planes, and you know, Martha's

1102
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:48,080
Speaker 3: Vineyard is a white town other than Oaks Bluff, which

1103
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 3: is actually the first it's one of the first places

1104
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 3: in the United States where black people were actually allowed

1105
00:58:53,880 --> 00:58:56,840
Speaker 3: to own property. Wowow, I didn't even realize, yes, because

1106
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:00,640
Speaker 3: this is like this is a I know you've seen

1107
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:05,280
Speaker 3: The Inkwell. The Inkwell is about Martha's Vineyard. That's what

1108
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:09,720
Speaker 3: the movie The Inkwell is about Martha's Vineyard because so

1109
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 3: that what's now called Oak's Bluff is where all of

1110
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 3: the nannies and like how and like and like Butler's

1111
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 3: and stuff would live. And the people that, you know,

1112
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:25,360
Speaker 3: the white people that lived there, they wanted their staff

1113
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:28,520
Speaker 3: to feel honorable, so they you know, and like I

1114
00:59:28,520 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 3: think there was also like some kind of policies. Like

1115
00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,400
Speaker 3: it was just like there's like a really deep history.

1116
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:36,760
Speaker 3: I'm not super familiar with it, but yeah, so there

1117
00:59:36,800 --> 00:59:40,120
Speaker 3: are a ton of black people on Martha's Vineyard, but

1118
00:59:40,240 --> 00:59:46,080
Speaker 3: there were none on this flight. So I got on

1119
00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:49,600
Speaker 3: and Zach I don't remember why he got on after me.

1120
00:59:49,720 --> 00:59:56,080
Speaker 3: So I'm sitting there and I'm like it was like

1121
00:59:56,400 --> 00:59:59,640
Speaker 3: really intense. I really wanted him to get on the

1122
00:59:59,680 --> 01:00:02,840
Speaker 3: plane and sit next to me, because whether they were

1123
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 3: or not, I could feel the eyes on me. And

1124
01:00:06,680 --> 01:00:08,920
Speaker 3: you know, I'm a mixed kid. I've always been confused

1125
01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 3: about where the fuck I fit in, like always, and uh,

1126
01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:16,200
Speaker 3: it was just a really intense experience. And there's been

1127
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:18,280
Speaker 3: other moments like where we're walking on the street and

1128
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:20,760
Speaker 3: Zach does this thing where he walks like four, you know,

1129
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 3: six feet ahead of me and drives me insane. I've

1130
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:28,400
Speaker 3: been literally asking him for twelve years to stop. Yeah, taller,

1131
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:31,520
Speaker 3: his legs are longer, and I'm like, I need you

1132
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 3: to be next to me, especially now we have our kid,

1133
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:35,920
Speaker 3: Like if he has a stroller, I'm like, I look

1134
01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:38,320
Speaker 3: like the crazy, like black lady behind you, like trying

1135
01:00:38,320 --> 01:00:40,560
Speaker 3: to catch up. And you know, maybe that's just my

1136
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:44,000
Speaker 3: own internalized racism that I've had to deal with, you know,

1137
01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:46,400
Speaker 3: but like those are real things.

1138
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:50,479
Speaker 4: That ship is real, that internalized racism where it's.

1139
01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 3: Like no one else is feeling by you. But sometimes

1140
01:00:53,800 --> 01:00:56,280
Speaker 3: it's sometimes it's not just you, you know, but sometimes

1141
01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,000
Speaker 3: it is, and sometimes it is there. There was a

1142
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:02,640
Speaker 3: time when we were up eight Zach's father, who I

1143
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:05,160
Speaker 3: love so much. They're him and his step They're amazing.

1144
01:01:05,160 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 3: I me and I love Zach Stanley. They're incredible. But

1145
01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:10,120
Speaker 3: they have a house upstate, and so you know, it's

1146
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:14,000
Speaker 3: like a small upstate town, all white people, and we

1147
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 3: were at a diner, eating and everything kept coming except

1148
01:01:18,480 --> 01:01:21,920
Speaker 3: for mine. And the whole time I'm sitting there, like

1149
01:01:21,920 --> 01:01:24,680
Speaker 3: like water, I'm talking like, like everybody got water except

1150
01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 3: for me. Yeah, and I'm like and then it would

1151
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:30,240
Speaker 3: come later, and then like the food, everybody's food would

1152
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:31,919
Speaker 3: come and then mine would come last. And I never

1153
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 3: get my food last. Zach is actually the one who

1154
01:01:33,600 --> 01:01:35,800
Speaker 3: always gets his food last. The whole time I was

1155
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:38,280
Speaker 3: sitting there, all I could think about was that they

1156
01:01:38,280 --> 01:01:43,000
Speaker 3: were racist, and maybe they weren't. We have literally grown

1157
01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:45,240
Speaker 3: in this world where like my second week of college,

1158
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:47,200
Speaker 3: I was making out with a white dudent and somebody

1159
01:01:47,240 --> 01:01:49,960
Speaker 3: scream nigger lover out the window. Oh my god, you know,

1160
01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:53,040
Speaker 3: and I'm from New York. I haven't really experienced that

1161
01:01:53,160 --> 01:01:55,800
Speaker 3: at that time. I was eighteen, you know, in University

1162
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:58,320
Speaker 3: of Delaware, like oh, two and a half hours away

1163
01:01:58,360 --> 01:02:02,240
Speaker 3: from New York. It's not far. It's tiny, it's right there,

1164
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:05,680
Speaker 3: but far enough for you know, somebody to drive down

1165
01:02:05,680 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 3: Main Street every Sunday with a Confederate flag, you know,

1166
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:12,360
Speaker 3: waving from their truck, because that would happen. And so,

1167
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:15,400
Speaker 3: you know, we just I just know what's out there,

1168
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:19,720
Speaker 3: and it's really hard. And the thing is is, like

1169
01:02:21,800 --> 01:02:24,480
Speaker 3: Kanye said it best, even when I'm in a bend,

1170
01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:27,040
Speaker 3: I'm still a nigga in a coop. Like, no matter

1171
01:02:27,120 --> 01:02:31,880
Speaker 3: how hard we fucking work, people still assume that you

1172
01:02:31,960 --> 01:02:34,680
Speaker 3: are what they want you to be. And that goes

1173
01:02:34,720 --> 01:02:37,200
Speaker 3: for everybody. It's not necessarily only a race thing, but

1174
01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:39,840
Speaker 3: we definitely experience it more like I've been in the

1175
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:43,720
Speaker 3: park before and everybody thinks I'm Dakota's nanny. Nobody thinks

1176
01:02:43,720 --> 01:02:46,760
Speaker 3: I'm his mother, And then you know, some white, well

1177
01:02:46,800 --> 01:02:48,440
Speaker 3: meaning white ladies will be like, oh, it's because you

1178
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:51,240
Speaker 3: just you look so young, and I'm like, is that way?

1179
01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:55,400
Speaker 3: Oh God, I'm worrying a huge engagement ring, Like really,

1180
01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:59,360
Speaker 3: that's what you think? You just didn't like scan me properly.

1181
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:02,440
Speaker 3: You do you look like a woman. Yeah, I'm a

1182
01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:07,080
Speaker 3: grown ass woman, a woman, So you know, it's but

1183
01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:12,960
Speaker 3: what's really interesting for me now is that because i'm

1184
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:16,080
Speaker 3: you know, my father is Panamanian and Jamaican and my

1185
01:03:16,160 --> 01:03:20,240
Speaker 3: mother is like Eastern European Chew German, Polish, Russian, and

1186
01:03:20,560 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 3: you know, she did her best to kind of inspire

1187
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:28,720
Speaker 3: me to lean into who I am culturally. But unless

1188
01:03:28,720 --> 01:03:31,440
Speaker 3: you're surrounded by it. It's hard. Like I don't know

1189
01:03:31,480 --> 01:03:34,680
Speaker 3: anything about my Jamaican family because my grandfather came over

1190
01:03:35,000 --> 01:03:37,240
Speaker 3: from a grill to Panama to build a canal. He

1191
01:03:37,280 --> 01:03:40,440
Speaker 3: never went back. My grandmother and clothes it a day,

1192
01:03:40,480 --> 01:03:42,640
Speaker 3: So I don't even know anything about like my black,

1193
01:03:42,640 --> 01:03:47,720
Speaker 3: black Jamaican side. But I have just now, in my

1194
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:51,760
Speaker 3: mid thirties, started to really see myself fully as a

1195
01:03:51,800 --> 01:03:54,280
Speaker 3: black woman, not just as a Latina, not as a

1196
01:03:54,320 --> 01:03:58,800
Speaker 3: mixed kid or you know, a jew, which is another

1197
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:00,760
Speaker 3: thing I used to hide behind because I felt like

1198
01:04:00,800 --> 01:04:04,680
Speaker 3: it validated me to white people. I'm like, nah, I'm black.

1199
01:04:04,800 --> 01:04:08,800
Speaker 3: I'm proud, it's great, you know, and I'm I am

1200
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:12,240
Speaker 3: happy that I can be this woman now for my son,

1201
01:04:13,320 --> 01:04:16,600
Speaker 3: you know, and hopefully for if I have another kid,

1202
01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:19,080
Speaker 3: you know, whatever he or she comes out like like

1203
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 3: I want to be this, this confident in who I am,

1204
01:04:23,640 --> 01:04:26,880
Speaker 3: because then they can't break me, right, and I don't

1205
01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:28,880
Speaker 3: think they'll be able to break my kids either if

1206
01:04:28,880 --> 01:04:33,560
Speaker 3: they see it in me. So well, what an incredible mom? Like,

1207
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:36,400
Speaker 3: how lucky are your kids? You're an incredible woman yours too,

1208
01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:40,600
Speaker 3: all of us? I mean, dank you. Yeah, I mean,

1209
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,520
Speaker 3: I'm just so happy that you share your knowledge with

1210
01:04:43,520 --> 01:04:46,760
Speaker 3: our listeners. And yeah, you're an incredible woman. So I'm happy.

1211
01:04:46,880 --> 01:04:51,240
Speaker 3: Thank you. I'm really happy to You're a great way

1212
01:04:51,320 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 3: to spend my two I only have two days that

1213
01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:56,160
Speaker 3: I get to work outside the house, so this is

1214
01:04:56,160 --> 01:04:59,040
Speaker 3: like a perfect way to start it. I thank you.

1215
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:02,760
Speaker 3: I'm so rapful. And it only took thirty five minutes.

1216
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:09,959
Speaker 3: It's not the valley's not that far. Good time. Yeah,

1217
01:05:10,000 --> 01:05:11,919
Speaker 3: like even now you leave, you'll probably you'll be okay

1218
01:05:11,960 --> 01:05:14,360
Speaker 3: to go in a wee hose. Yeah, I'm just so

1219
01:05:14,800 --> 01:05:17,320
Speaker 3: happy that you came. Thank you. Can you tell our

1220
01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:20,760
Speaker 3: listeners where they can find your podcast? Yes? Please? Well,

1221
01:05:21,440 --> 01:05:24,000
Speaker 3: I just started my own podcast. It's called The Women

1222
01:05:24,080 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 3: I Know, and I think you might have to. You

1223
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:29,760
Speaker 3: might hear these ladies on it. It's very new. We

1224
01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:32,560
Speaker 3: only have a few episodes. But you can find that

1225
01:05:32,840 --> 01:05:38,000
Speaker 3: on my website, which is word dot Agency, no dot com,

1226
01:05:38,040 --> 01:05:40,760
Speaker 3: just word dot Agency. And there's a bunch of stuff

1227
01:05:40,800 --> 01:05:42,800
Speaker 3: on there. How do you do that? I know, it's

1228
01:05:42,840 --> 01:05:45,840
Speaker 3: like that I bought a dot agency. I didn't have

1229
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:48,560
Speaker 3: dot com. It was taken, so that's what I did. Okay,

1230
01:05:49,480 --> 01:05:53,320
Speaker 3: And that's also my company Instagram word Dot Agency, and

1231
01:05:53,320 --> 01:05:56,560
Speaker 3: then my personal Instagram account is Zoila z o I

1232
01:05:56,720 --> 01:06:00,280
Speaker 3: l A dar N d A r t o N

1233
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:04,600
Speaker 3: and yeah, come find me. I'm always like talking some

1234
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:08,040
Speaker 3: shit and trying to be cute. And also I'm always

1235
01:06:08,080 --> 01:06:11,720
Speaker 3: like connecting women and connecting moms. I live for it.

1236
01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:16,400
Speaker 4: Really like the resource woman like I like Zazoela asked

1237
01:06:16,440 --> 01:06:17,120
Speaker 4: me to come on a panel.

1238
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:19,760
Speaker 3: I was like me, you want people, I'm gonna talk?

1239
01:06:19,800 --> 01:06:21,920
Speaker 3: What am I gonna talk about? Like? And now I'm like,

1240
01:06:22,320 --> 01:06:23,800
Speaker 3: oh my god. Now I'm in a place now where

1241
01:06:23,800 --> 01:06:25,760
Speaker 3: I'm like, let's just everyone. We need all need to talk.

1242
01:06:27,560 --> 01:06:30,439
Speaker 3: The more you talk, you really lie that that part

1243
01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:32,040
Speaker 3: of me too, And I'm so grateful of that to

1244
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:34,200
Speaker 3: know you and be able to, you know, be embraced

1245
01:06:34,200 --> 01:06:37,920
Speaker 3: by you and being included in the things that you're doing,

1246
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:42,000
Speaker 3: meet other women community and I love that. I love it.

1247
01:06:42,280 --> 01:06:44,160
Speaker 3: I love it so much, especially because you know me

1248
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:48,000
Speaker 3: and Jimmy la A on this this unexpected journey of

1249
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:52,320
Speaker 3: like I mean, I've always obviously, like I think when

1250
01:06:52,360 --> 01:06:54,800
Speaker 3: I was young, like I was always kind of like

1251
01:06:55,000 --> 01:06:56,960
Speaker 3: I always felt like I didn't have like a huge

1252
01:06:57,000 --> 01:07:00,000
Speaker 3: connection to like women. I always was kind of like

1253
01:07:01,200 --> 01:07:04,000
Speaker 3: felt I think growing up, you know, as moms and

1254
01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:06,240
Speaker 3: as women, we think they were protecting our girls by saying, oh,

1255
01:07:06,240 --> 01:07:08,200
Speaker 3: they don't like you because they're jealous of you. And

1256
01:07:08,240 --> 01:07:09,960
Speaker 3: so I was always felt like I was in a competition.

1257
01:07:10,240 --> 01:07:12,600
Speaker 3: You're looking at me confused, but no, I'm laughing. I'm

1258
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:16,880
Speaker 3: not looking. And I feel like I'm in a space

1259
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:18,800
Speaker 3: now and it's taking me until my late twenties and

1260
01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:21,960
Speaker 3: thirties to really be like, no, this is not a competition.

1261
01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:25,240
Speaker 3: We're all in this together. And I feel so glad

1262
01:07:25,240 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 3: that I'm on this journey of like empowerment and being

1263
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:30,120
Speaker 3: able to empower the women that we that listen to us,

1264
01:07:30,160 --> 01:07:33,480
Speaker 3: and honestly, they empower me Mela as well as too.

1265
01:07:33,520 --> 01:07:35,600
Speaker 3: It's a it's not a one way street. We create

1266
01:07:35,680 --> 01:07:38,880
Speaker 3: out of necessity. Yeah, and so anyway, I'm so grateful

1267
01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:42,360
Speaker 3: that I met you along the way same year. I

1268
01:07:42,400 --> 01:07:46,480
Speaker 3: love you, ladies, love you, Thank you for having me here. Yes, okay, guys,

1269
01:07:46,880 --> 01:07:48,600
Speaker 3: We'll see you guys next week. Make sure to follow

1270
01:07:48,680 --> 01:07:53,120
Speaker 3: us at Good Moms Underscore Bad Choices. We have new

1271
01:07:53,160 --> 01:07:57,120
Speaker 3: merch on our website www dot Goodmoms, Bad Choices, dot

1272
01:07:57,120 --> 01:07:59,680
Speaker 3: Com and.

1273
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:05,400
Speaker 2: I got Window Nighties.

1274
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:10,400
Speaker 3: Should put that game on I'm doing it. I get Baby.

1275
01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:19,120
Speaker 2: Nineties Break, I got Window Nighting. I'm some ship. Put

1276
01:08:19,160 --> 01:08:20,360
Speaker 2: that game on us.

1277
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:26,720
Speaker 3: Baby nineties rat me.

1278
01:08:27,680 --> 01:08:28,040
Speaker 2: I got