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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi, oh everyone.

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Speaker 2: This is our first episode that we're recording since the election.

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Speaker 1: So that didn't really go the way we wanted it to.

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Speaker 2: No, it did not come and people are very, very down,

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Speaker 2: and I have have been sifting through my dms with

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Speaker 2: lots of messages of fear and defeat and people who

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Speaker 2: want to give up, and that's kind of just what

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Speaker 2: they want, you know, they want us to give up.

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Speaker 2: So while we have to lick our wounds and realize

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Speaker 2: that this didn't go our way and all of the

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Speaker 2: reasons it didn't go our way, I think one of

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Speaker 2: the most important things to remember is to activate and

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Speaker 2: to actually turn and channel that anger and that rage

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Speaker 2: into something powerful, like we did in twenty sixteen when

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Speaker 2: this happened, and when we had the Midterns two years later.

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Speaker 2: It was because so many people activated and organized and

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Speaker 2: got involved. And while that may feel like a big,

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Speaker 2: you know, hopeless idea, it matters and it makes a difference.

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Speaker 2: And it's been proven time and time again to make

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Speaker 2: a difference. Getting involved in politics, getting involved with local groups,

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Speaker 2: support groups if you need a support group, instruction like

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Speaker 2: places like ACLU who are constantly fighting legal battles and

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Speaker 2: have been preparing to fight legal battles against this administration.

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Speaker 2: That's one good source. But we are going to do

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Speaker 2: We have many episodes. Now we're going to do a

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Speaker 2: miniso that will come out tomorrow with all sorts of

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Speaker 2: resources for you guys, so that you can actually join

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Speaker 2: a group, donate to a group, go and volunteer for

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Speaker 2: these group all of the groups that are fighting for

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Speaker 2: LGBTQ rights that we are very well aware of, human rights,

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Speaker 2: immigrants rights, all of these groups that are here doing

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Speaker 2: work on the ground. We are going to put together

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Speaker 2: a big list of places that are reliable and have

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Speaker 2: avenues for you to actually get involved and start making

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Speaker 2: a difference. Because we can't just lie down and take

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Speaker 2: it and just say, well, they're going to do what

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Speaker 2: they're going to do. There are ways to delay what

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Speaker 2: doing what they want to do. There are ways to

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Speaker 2: get involved, and there are good things that have come

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Speaker 2: out of the election.

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Speaker 1: Even though this feels very very dark. I'm with you.

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Speaker 2: I just spent the whole weekend doing stand up which

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Speaker 2: thank god I had to do that because it served.

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Speaker 1: As not only a reprieve for hopefully my audience.

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Speaker 2: But for me I mean, it made me forget about

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Speaker 2: all of this for at least an hour. And I'm

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Speaker 2: with you. I understand how dark it is and how

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Speaker 2: it can feel hopeless, but that energy doesn't get us anywhere.

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Speaker 2: Hopelessness and giving up and defeatism doesn't get us anywhere.

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Speaker 1: So we really have to work.

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Speaker 2: Together in community, knowing that there is half of this

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Speaker 2: country that feels the same way we do. There is

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Speaker 2: half this country that wants to protect all of these rights,

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Speaker 2: and probably more than half. You know, a lot of

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Speaker 2: people just voted because of their They voted because of

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Speaker 2: their pocketbooks, and some people are voting for their fucking lives.

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Speaker 2: So it would be nice if everyone was on board

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Speaker 2: with humanity. But clearly with all this divisiveness and the

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Speaker 2: ugliness of Elon Musk and his whatever he did with

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Speaker 2: Russia for this election, Like, I don't even want to

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Speaker 2: go down that rabbit hole because I don't like, I mean,

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Speaker 2: you go online if you even mention it. I mean,

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Speaker 2: there's so many conspiracy.

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Speaker 1: Theories out there.

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Speaker 2: It's just so gross and uneducated and stupid.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and the algorithms are so dangerous.

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Speaker 1: Sense.

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Speaker 3: It's like I've seen people that I love who are brilliant,

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Speaker 3: who are discerning, who are politically savvy, and even they

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Speaker 3: are getting like sucked down these weird YouTube rabbit holes.

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, where are you getting this rhetoric from?

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Speaker 2: I know, and it's they're everywhere. It's permeating everywhere. And

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Speaker 2: that's Russia for sure, because that's what they and that's

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Speaker 2: what Elon Musk did you know when he bought Twitter,

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Speaker 2: that was with this intention to do this, which is

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Speaker 2: exactly you know, he was victorious. So it's like we

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Speaker 2: have to you know, we have to not lie down and.

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Speaker 3: Let this roll over on us.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know what the answers are.

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Speaker 2: I feel everyone's pain, and I've responded to probably thousands

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Speaker 2: of dms, but I will continue to go through them

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Speaker 2: and respond to more, just trying to convey some sort

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Speaker 2: of comfort and understanding that we can't be paralyzed by this.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I saw so many people saying, you know, this week,

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Speaker 3: we're going to take our time to more and we're

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Speaker 3: going to take our time to wallow, and like next

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Speaker 3: week we get up and we start fighting. And I

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Speaker 3: think like we've taken our time and now we get brave,

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Speaker 3: you know, we start getting active too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And if you're in Texas and you're feeling lonely

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Speaker 2: and dispirited, I will be coming through there this week

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Speaker 2: to Austin, Houston, Dallas, going to sugar Land Friday, Saturday, Sunday, actually,

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Speaker 2: so I'll see you guys there and I'll pump you

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Speaker 2: up for the night and and we'll just take it

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Speaker 2: one day at a time, you know. But just remember,

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Speaker 2: whoever you are and however hopeless you feel, you are

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Speaker 2: not alone. There are so many millions of people that

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Speaker 2: are feeling the same way you are. So I would

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Speaker 2: really encourage people who are feeling very insulated or insular

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Speaker 2: like and they don't have community around them, I would

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Speaker 2: really encourage you to join support groups. Go online, look

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Speaker 2: for LGBTQ support groups, look for people who are worried

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Speaker 2: about their family members being deported. There are support groups

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Speaker 2: for everything, and I would really encourage you to try

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Speaker 2: and find a group like that, you know, to seek

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Speaker 2: out support. And now we have an interview with one

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Speaker 2: of the only celebrities I don't think I've ever met

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Speaker 2: in my entire life, and not the only one, but

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Speaker 2: one of them who I would have thought I had

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Speaker 2: met before, but I haven't, and she's been in so

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Speaker 2: many of my childhood memory making core memory movies like Mermaids.

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Speaker 2: You probably know are most recently from Yellowjackets. Please welcome

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Speaker 2: Christina Ricci. Hi, Christina Ricci.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I'm really excited to be here.

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Speaker 5: I've been such a fan of yours and we've never

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Speaker 5: I've never community.

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Speaker 2: Yet, I said earlier. I'm like, I don't think i've

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Speaker 2: met you, But then again, I don't remember, because sometimes

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Speaker 2: I've interviewed somebody and completely forgotten. Yeah, you have no

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Speaker 2: reason for.

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Speaker 5: Do people get really upset when you've interviewed them.

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Speaker 2: I forgot. Typically it's not a great it's not a

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Speaker 2: great look. But I'd rather be honest. And I mean,

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Speaker 2: I've been to you like fifty thousand people.

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Speaker 1: It's true.

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Speaker 4: I mean, it's justifying to understanding.

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Speaker 2: But now as I'm looking at your face, I'm like, oh,

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Speaker 2: because obviously I've known you for as long as everybody

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Speaker 2: else in this world has. I'm older than you, I'm

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Speaker 2: five years older than you, and so I grew up

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Speaker 2: with you, and so you are a familiar face to me.

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Speaker 2: But as I'm looking at you in person, I realize.

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Speaker 1: I've never met you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we haven't met No.

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Speaker 2: But first of all, this is the most exciting part, well,

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Speaker 2: not the most exciting part, but one of the most

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Speaker 2: exciting part is that Christina is here today because she

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Speaker 2: is releasing a tarot card collection, which is very unexpected

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Speaker 2: but also kind of right on track for your brand.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's weird for me too, because I love Taro.

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Speaker 4: I've always thought it was.

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Speaker 5: I'm not one of those people who like fully buys

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Speaker 5: into anything, really like, I don't really believe in anything,

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Speaker 5: So I don't believe in the like mystical aspects of this,

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Speaker 5: but I really love it for like self expiration, it

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Speaker 5: postes lots of questions, So it's a funny thing for

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Speaker 5: me to put out because you would think, like I'm

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Speaker 5: putting out a tarot deck, I must believe in fate, which.

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Speaker 4: Yes, and I really don't.

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Speaker 5: I believe more like we're totally in control of ourselves.

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Speaker 5: If we ask ourselves the right questions, we can you know,

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Speaker 5: see situations fully and understand where we're going. And that's

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Speaker 5: really what Tara is. You know.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad you said that pre amble because sometimes

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Speaker 2: when people think you were talking about tarot cards.

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Speaker 1: They think you're like out to lunch.

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Speaker 4: Yes, I used to Barley Nobles.

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Speaker 5: I would ask for the crazy Lady section when I

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Speaker 5: was going to get my you know, birthday book. Remember,

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Speaker 5: you'd have to like immediately go find out what his

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Speaker 5: birthday was.

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Speaker 4: And they're like, you gotta get the birthday book.

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Speaker 2: And then you start by by the way, when you

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Speaker 2: go to the birthday book and you look at the

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Speaker 2: guy that you're dating, and you look at you, and

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Speaker 2: then you go to any random guy, any other birthday,

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Speaker 2: and it also aligns like they never once said this

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Speaker 2: is a bad match.

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Speaker 4: There's always too many.

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Speaker 1: There are a few, but.

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Speaker 2: I think this tarot I'm looking through the tarot cards now,

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Speaker 2: now did you design these?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 5: So it was so my husband and I came up

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Speaker 5: with this idea and he's the creative director.

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Speaker 4: Well here's the idea. The idea basically is that they're

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Speaker 4: all me just like.

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Speaker 5: An individual has a million different facets and potentialities and

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Speaker 5: versions of themselves. So my husband's creative directing it. And

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Speaker 5: we found this amazing artist, Felipe Flores, and he did

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Speaker 5: all the artwork and came up like all the cards

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Speaker 5: have little like two sentenced stories, backstories for the characters

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Speaker 5: that then are metaphors for the theme or question that's

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Speaker 5: being posed.

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Speaker 2: This is very good for Christmas, you guys. This is

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Speaker 2: good for your family Christmas.

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Speaker 5: So west em One too with a collectible set that

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Speaker 5: comes with like a tray and a muss smudging thing

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Speaker 5: and candles smudging.

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Speaker 1: What kind of smudging that we're talking about.

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Speaker 3: I had to smudge your house.

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Speaker 1: Energy just smudge my house once a week. It's called

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Speaker 1: Cat Full of Spiders.

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Speaker 2: It's a tarot deck with a guidebook, you guys, and

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Speaker 2: it's from Christian to Ricci because you know what, I

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Speaker 2: was looking at your history of all of the movies

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Speaker 2: that you've ever been in, and most of them are

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Speaker 2: pretty scary, like most of them, well not scary, but

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Speaker 2: you are.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you play spooky like that's kind of You're.

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Speaker 5: The ones that have stood out. I've made a lot

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Speaker 5: of ones and nobody ever paid anything.

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Speaker 4: I mean, there was not scary.

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Speaker 2: Well like Mermaid wasn't scary, that was not but a

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Speaker 2: lot of your roles are spooky scary, and I was like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's interesting for a woman.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, you know, I've always been somebody who

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Speaker 5: I just like, can't be normal.

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Speaker 4: So I can't be in romantic comedies.

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Speaker 1: Why do you think you can't be normal?

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Speaker 5: If I say I love you on camera, it's not believable.

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Speaker 5: It is not you don't believe me for a second.

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Speaker 5: I also can't be in horror films where I have

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Speaker 5: to be afraid, Like I don't. I'm not convincingly fearful.

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Speaker 4: Even though I spend my life in fear. For some reason,

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Speaker 4: I can't convey that on screen.

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Speaker 1: So do you know that though?

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Speaker 2: Have you tried to get scared on cass?

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Speaker 4: I've done horror.

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Speaker 5: I remember I did this one and I went to

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Speaker 5: see it with my boyfriend at the time, and he

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Speaker 5: was just like very I don't know, wasn't it a

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Speaker 5: lot there?

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Speaker 4: But he was like, wow, you should never do a

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Speaker 4: horror movie again. And I was like, no, you're right.

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Speaker 5: He's like, you just seemed like you didn't really care

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Speaker 5: about anything.

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Speaker 2: That's pretty funny, what a great review. You're like, thank

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Speaker 2: you for coming with me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I I guess I brought my apathy to that performance.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but I mean at some point you would. I mean,

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Speaker 2: it's not like you can hit a home run every

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Speaker 2: single movie or job that you get. It's like a doctor.

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Speaker 2: Doctor's not hitting it out of the park every single time.

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Speaker 4: I'm unfortunately unfortunately it's true.

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Speaker 5: That is so true, And I'm really glad you said that,

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Speaker 5: because I think it's fine to admit that you weren't

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Speaker 5: very good in certain things. Yeah, it's also it's always

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Speaker 5: so horrified and I'm like, no, I'm terrible in that movie.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad you like it, but I'm not good, right,

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Speaker 4: That's okay. Because I was twelve.

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Speaker 2: My friend has a number one movie that's on Netflix

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Speaker 2: right now, and she's like, oh, I put the least

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Speaker 2: amount of effort into this movie, and I didn't.

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Speaker 1: Even like my perform, not the least amount of effort.

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Speaker 2: She said. I was very dissatisfied with the outcome, and

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Speaker 2: it ends up being the biggest movie I've ever done.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, there you go.

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Speaker 4: You never know it's gonna hit.

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Speaker 2: But it's so true, though, because I can relate to

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Speaker 2: that because I in my work experiences, even though I'm

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Speaker 2: not an actress per se, I have done not per se.

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Speaker 2: I'm not I know why I'm saying it that way,

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Speaker 2: but we're all actresses exactly. I have definitely performed at

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Speaker 2: higher levels and lower levels depending on what the fuck

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Speaker 2: is going on in my life and how grounded I am.

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Speaker 2: And I would imagine with your career that's about what. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean, you've been acting since you.

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Speaker 4: Were a five, no, seven, oh well so.

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Speaker 3: Much older song.

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Speaker 5: But it is my first movie till I was nine,

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Speaker 5: so I never know whether it's seven or nine, so

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Speaker 5: in that area.

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Speaker 2: So at some point along the way between seven and

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Speaker 2: forty five, I'm sure that you were not batting a

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Speaker 2: thousand every single time.

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Speaker 5: Uhuh No, it's been a rough road, so occasionally the

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Speaker 5: performances have suffered your great.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's to be expected.

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Speaker 2: And I think this is a very refreshing conversation actually

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Speaker 2: to be having about acting, because some people take acting

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Speaker 2: very seriously and the idea that.

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Speaker 5: You can never have made mistakes or you're not talented

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Speaker 5: because you once made a bad choice, or you know

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Speaker 5: what I mean, right, or there are things that like

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Speaker 5: I think it's okay for me as an actress to

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Speaker 5: be like I can't do romance, Like I just can't, right, right, right.

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Speaker 5: I think it's fine, but I've I've had things. But

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Speaker 5: a lot of people react as though you're like, oh no,

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Speaker 5: don't bash yourself, or you're not allowed to be self critical,

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Speaker 5: Like we're not allowed to be self critical anymore, and

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Speaker 5: one's always so worried about ourselves.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, exactly, I know.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, that's not happy fire, I'm being objective.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So was there ever a point in your career where

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Speaker 2: you had a lull where you didn't know if you

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Speaker 2: were going to continue acting? Yes, so I just can't

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Speaker 2: doing something for that many years that's your whole life,

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Speaker 2: Yeah it is, Yes, I like, you never wanted to

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Speaker 2: be a secretary or anything I did.

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Speaker 5: I wanted to be all those stereotypical things that actresses

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Speaker 5: want to be, a therapist or interior decorator, so I like,

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Speaker 5: you know, tooy around with those things. And then when

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Speaker 5: I went to high school, I was sort of like,

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Speaker 5: I already have this thing, and if I just do

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Speaker 5: this thing, I don't have to do any more homework.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so I'll never have to study again, so le'tll

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Speaker 4: just do this.

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Speaker 5: My end of my twenties, I really wasn't working very much,

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Speaker 5: and then I did a TV show pan Am, and

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Speaker 5: then when that was canceled, I really didn't work very

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Speaker 5: I mean I worked, but not the level I wanted

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Speaker 5: to work at.

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Speaker 1: And so were you able to afford to like live financially?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: I thought I was able to support myself, but by

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Speaker 5: doing things that like, you know, I like watching Lifetime movies.

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Speaker 5: I don't really want to be in them, right, but

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Speaker 5: you know that is one way that I supported myself

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Speaker 5: during that lull, and.

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Speaker 4: There's you know, there are other things.

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Speaker 5: Well.

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Speaker 2: It's also nice also be able to come out of

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Speaker 2: that low and now look back and be like wow,

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Speaker 2: because some people would have too much pride to do

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Speaker 2: something like that. Oh not that Lifetime is the bottom

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Speaker 2: of the barrel, because I also enjoy watching Lifetime movies.

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Speaker 1: I mean that's what.

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Speaker 2: Dreams in bed were made of. You know, like Sunday

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Speaker 2: days before we had all of these streamers, that's what

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Speaker 2: you did on a Sunday was watch one Lifetime movie

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Speaker 2: after another.

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Speaker 1: But I hear you about not wanting to be in.

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Speaker 3: Them, you know, ye, not your hurt's desire.

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Speaker 5: No, no, no, So But then this TV show I'm

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Speaker 5: on now, yellow Jackets, really changed that for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Of course, huge hit Yellow Jackets, which is on

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Speaker 2: Showtime with Melanie Lynsky.

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Speaker 1: I mean you have such a great cast.

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Speaker 4: Yes, anybody's so incredible.

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Speaker 1: That's the other thing.

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Speaker 2: You've worked with so many incredible women, from Winona Rider

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Speaker 2: to Share to this whole cast of Yellow Jackets. Talk

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Speaker 2: to me about that those relationships, Like, is there someone

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Speaker 2: who's had a huge impact on you that you only

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Speaker 2: spend a short amount of time with.

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Speaker 5: Well, I think that all of the women I worked

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Speaker 5: with when I was very young, you know, Like my

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Speaker 5: first movie was with Share, my second movie was with

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Speaker 5: Angelica Houston. I worked with Ellen Burston in between those movies, Like,

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Speaker 5: I worked with a lot of older women at the

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Speaker 5: time that were just so self possessed and powerful without

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Speaker 5: being dickheads and smart and just educated me in so

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Speaker 5: many ways. And I think that that was really helpful

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Speaker 5: for me to see as a little girl.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, because it sometimes I think when you have

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Speaker 2: experiences with people like that that are like huge, kind

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Speaker 2: of almost figureheads, it's not even about them necessarily teaching you.

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Speaker 2: It's about watching them do their thing exactly and learning

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Speaker 2: from them, right. Yeah, because Share is such a force,

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Speaker 2: and I think I heard you talk about her once

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Speaker 2: that she was like kind of you know took care

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Speaker 2: of you on set since you were such a young kid.

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Speaker 5: She would hide me in the back of her trailer

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Speaker 5: when they had production meetings because she didn't want me

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Speaker 5: to ever feel like I didn't know what was happening,

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Speaker 5: and it made me feel nervous.

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Speaker 2: Oh wow.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So, and she was like, I know they're not going

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Speaker 5: to like going to think I'm crazy if I want

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Speaker 5: you to be in the production meeting, So you just

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Speaker 5: sit in the back so you can hear what's going on.

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Speaker 3: Oh that's very cool.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: And there was also I didn't realize it at the time,

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Speaker 5: but we were well I did realize this.

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Speaker 4: We were changing.

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Speaker 5: The director was being replaced, and one of the reasons

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Speaker 5: he was replaced was because he really didn't like my performance.

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Speaker 5: And I think that she was afraid that somehow I

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Speaker 5: would hear that, like some little bit of that, and

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Speaker 5: then turn it into something bigger. So she wanted me

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Speaker 5: to hear the actual production meetings.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yah.

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Speaker 2: So when you have a career that that is this long,

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Speaker 2: right and successful, even though you've had some lows, which

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Speaker 2: is to be expected. I don't know anybody who hasn't.

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Speaker 2: What is your relationship to your work and to your career.

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Speaker 5: Well, it took me a really long time to consider

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Speaker 5: myself an artist, really, not until I was in my thirties.

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Speaker 5: Uh yeah, like late thirties, like after all the opportunities

386
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Speaker 5: had passed, and I was like, I was an artist

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Speaker 5: I never appreciated.

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Speaker 7: You know.

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Speaker 5: That was when I really came to terms of it

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Speaker 5: and finally accepted myself.

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Speaker 4: But I feel very strongly now about my work, whereas

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Speaker 4: in the past I didn't.

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Speaker 1: Really.

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Speaker 5: I had a very sort of nihilistic attitude towards many things,

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Speaker 5: and one of them was my work. But now I

396
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Speaker 5: feel very connected. I feel very passionate about it. I

397
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Speaker 5: feel very protective of it. And I think I used

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Speaker 5: to view all that stuff as someone being pretentious, and

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Speaker 5: so as I've gotten older, I've gotten more comfortable with like,

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Speaker 5: that's not pretentious. It's just somebody who you know, is

401
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Speaker 5: treating their talent or skill the way it should be treated.

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Speaker 2: It's kind of how you feel when you're in a

403
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Speaker 2: situation when it's mostly like male dominated, like in most

404
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Speaker 2: every industry basically, and you want to be like the

405
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Speaker 2: girl that gets along with everybody, you know. Like I've

406
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Speaker 2: had that experience where I want to be the girl

407
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Speaker 2: that's like the cool girl. But you don't realize in

408
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Speaker 2: doing that, you're sublimating what you need. And then you're

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Speaker 2: also sublimating the women around you because you're trying to

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Speaker 2: make in real with the guy. I'm not talking about

411
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Speaker 2: you right now, I'm talking about me with the guys,

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Speaker 2: so that you're not the problem.

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Speaker 1: You're not difficult, you're fun. You get the joke. You

414
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Speaker 1: know you guys can be dirty around me.

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Speaker 2: I get it, I get it, And you don't realize

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Speaker 2: how damaging that is until you are older.

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Speaker 1: And realize that that's false.

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Speaker 2: You're basically feeding into this whole male domination by acting

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Speaker 2: like that instead of congregating with the women. Yeah, so

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Speaker 2: I would imagine that's how you feel about like how

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Speaker 2: many people feel about their craft too. It's like what

422
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Speaker 2: makes you a strong actor? Like you saying that you

423
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Speaker 2: thought that was pretentious is actually empowering, right to know

424
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Speaker 2: what your skill set is, yes.

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Speaker 5: And standing up for yourself and you know, being able

426
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Speaker 5: to come and say, you know, I do my best

427
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Speaker 5: work when this is what I need, but also like

428
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Speaker 5: being willing to reciprocate that for other people. And yeah,

429
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Speaker 5: and what I've noticed too, is like the more you

430
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Speaker 5: stand up for yourself, it inspires people around to sort

431
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Speaker 5: of set their boundaries and their needs, which is kind

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Speaker 5: of put in line with what you're saying as well.

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Speaker 5: You know, it's beneficial to everybody.

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Speaker 2: Because it's like you've saw the example of people like

435
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Speaker 2: Sharon Ellen Burston, Angelica Houston, and then you want to

436
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:08,600
Speaker 2: set that example also for the younger people that you're

437
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Speaker 2: going to be working with.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's easier for other people to stand up

439
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,200
Speaker 5: for themselves when someone else is doing it right next

440
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 5: to them, you know what I mean. When especially on

441
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Speaker 5: a cast with many actors, like if one actor agrees

442
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,720
Speaker 5: to like sit on the side of the road in between.

443
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,680
Speaker 4: Setups, then everybody has to sit on the side of

444
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:25,920
Speaker 4: the road, you know what I mean.

445
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,840
Speaker 5: But like, the more people stand up and say like, no, actually,

446
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 5: I'm going to go to my negotiated place to sit

447
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:35,240
Speaker 5: down until you're ready for you know, the more other

448
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,159
Speaker 5: people stand up for themselves, the more everybody can't know.

449
00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,439
Speaker 2: Okay, and you're a mom, that's right, you have two children,

450
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 2: I do.

451
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,879
Speaker 4: I have a ten year old and a two Oh wow,

452
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:47,040
Speaker 4: she's almost three years old.

453
00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 1: Okay, and so how is that being a mother? It's good.

454
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 4: I mean, I love being a mother.

455
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,560
Speaker 5: I love my kids, but I think, just like most mothers,

456
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,640
Speaker 5: sometimes it's absolutely awful.

457
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:00,760
Speaker 2: What are the awful It's.

458
00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:04,880
Speaker 5: Just like fighting with your kid to do homework, school,

459
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 5: anything school related to a nightmak's.

460
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,399
Speaker 2: Worse in these towns than it is everywhere else in

461
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,280
Speaker 2: the world. New York and LA like, for school is

462
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:17,400
Speaker 2: a nightmare on multiple levels for children and the work,

463
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:21,240
Speaker 2: but also because of the parrying to get into schools

464
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:24,639
Speaker 2: and having to like, you know, basically submitted like a.

465
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:26,679
Speaker 3: College admission time.

466
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:30,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're when you're six months pregnant, it's really scary.

467
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:31,479
Speaker 4: Stuff is scary.

468
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:35,320
Speaker 5: And then when you have a child that turns into

469
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 5: like a wolverine feral creature anytime you're like, do your

470
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:41,600
Speaker 5: thirty minutes of reading, Wow, and that's your ten year old,

471
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:46,200
Speaker 5: Like it's yeah, it's that partly don't enjoy.

472
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,160
Speaker 4: But there's lots of fun stuff too.

473
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, obviously, obviously I just always like to focus on

474
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 2: the negative.

475
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 4: I did do, though, and then I end up sounding

476
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:55,800
Speaker 4: like such a jerk.

477
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,040
Speaker 2: No, no, okay, well tell us your favorite parts too,

478
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 2: So we don't only have that in the interview.

479
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 4: Of being a mother. Mom like what, they're very snugly.

480
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,280
Speaker 1: It's snugly, but think about them all.

481
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 2: I want you to, like think about a moment that

482
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,760
Speaker 2: really made you go, oh my god, Like this is magic.

483
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:12,960
Speaker 4: I think.

484
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 5: Well, I spend a lot of time with my son

485
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,960
Speaker 5: and we travel together, and the last couple of flights

486
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 5: we've taken, Like, he's just it's it's just fun to see.

487
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,760
Speaker 4: Them learn and grow.

488
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:25,439
Speaker 5: And like now the way he travels is exactly the

489
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 5: way I travel. I like he knows everything and like

490
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,960
Speaker 5: how even to ask for things and how we do

491
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 5: it and where we line up and how early we

492
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 5: need to be at the gate because mommy's crazy, and.

493
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,200
Speaker 4: It's just it's just really it's just fun to see it.

494
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 5: You know.

495
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, And have you been married or is that Yeah?

496
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 4: I've been married twice. This is my I'm on my

497
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 4: second marriage.

498
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,800
Speaker 2: Oh you're on your second marriage. Well, congratulations, so exciting.

499
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,040
Speaker 4: I got through that first one.

500
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 3: That's great.

501
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 4: That's a practice marriage exactly exactly.

502
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 1: And how did you two meet?

503
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,359
Speaker 5: Well, he has been doing hair in for fashion for

504
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,080
Speaker 5: god like twenty years and I met him on a

505
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 5: photo shoot, but I was still married, so I didn't

506
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:09,600
Speaker 5: really meet him until after I was separated, like two

507
00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:10,160
Speaker 5: years later.

508
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: And did you get married when you were young your

509
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 1: first marriage?

510
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 4: No, I was thirty one.

511
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 2: Oh okay, so you know, well it's not his day

512
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 2: because you have your son from that, So there you go.

513
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,560
Speaker 2: That's your net gain. Yes, yes, right, did you find

514
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 2: I mean I wonder what it's like because you weren't

515
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:29,399
Speaker 2: married to a famous person, right, So what did you

516
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,680
Speaker 2: feel like? How did you feel about that dynamic when

517
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:33,600
Speaker 2: one person is famous and the other person is it?

518
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 4: I mean, it's not great all the time, you know.

519
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,600
Speaker 2: I wonder what it would be like though to I

520
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 2: mean two famous people? Is that better or is that worse?

521
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 6: I don't know.

522
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 5: I have never dated anyone famous. Yeah, so I don't know. Yeah,

523
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:46,800
Speaker 5: I don't know.

524
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:47,679
Speaker 1: I don't.

525
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 5: You know, it's it's weird, like people defer to you

526
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,040
Speaker 5: a lot of times, don't acknowledge the other person totally.

527
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,359
Speaker 4: Things like that that just aren't nice.

528
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: You become a plus one, yeah, person becomes a.

529
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,439
Speaker 5: Plus one, and you know, I'm not comfortable with that,

530
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 5: but you know, it's just human nature.

531
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:07,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is human nature. And some people are okay

532
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,399
Speaker 2: in that role? You know, that's saying there's a gardener

533
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,400
Speaker 2: and there's a flower. Like, there's a flower and there's

534
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 2: a gardener. I love that because like I want to

535
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:15,440
Speaker 2: be the flower and I want my person to be

536
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:20,560
Speaker 2: the gardener. Yes, I'd like to, but that sometimes you

537
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:22,760
Speaker 2: have two flowers and you're like, where's the fucking gardener?

538
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,440
Speaker 4: Now there's no water, just like.

539
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 1: And that's a really hard I think, Yeah, dynamic.

540
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:29,640
Speaker 4: I can't even imagine.

541
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,880
Speaker 2: And do you think it keeps you more grounded because

542
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 2: you seem fairly normal and this short time we've spent together,

543
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 2: you seem fairly normal.

544
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 5: You know.

545
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,640
Speaker 4: I don't actually like attention.

546
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,959
Speaker 2: I don't like attention, and I just find that interesting

547
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 2: when actors say that.

548
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,639
Speaker 5: I know it's weird. I don't like my picture taken.

549
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:47,639
Speaker 5: I don't like attention. I love being in like the

550
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,080
Speaker 5: outside of the room and watching people. I'm not overly friendly,

551
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 5: but my husband is like incredibly like carrious and warm

552
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 5: and takes.

553
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 4: Care of everyone in the room.

554
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,959
Speaker 5: So it really works with Mark because even if somebody

555
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,119
Speaker 5: would were to treat us as me with a plus

556
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 5: one and he's my plus one, well, the plus one's

557
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 5: the only one talking to you, so you know, so

558
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 5: he actually becomes the guest.

559
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,439
Speaker 4: You know, great, it works.

560
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:16,040
Speaker 2: That's cute.

561
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,080
Speaker 1: And who what about your so your daughter's too with Mark?

562
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 4: Right?

563
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,400
Speaker 1: And what's her personality?

564
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,440
Speaker 4: Like, she's amazing.

565
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 2: She looks exactly like you. I would imagine you have

566
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 2: very strong, dominant features.

567
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 4: She looks a lot like me. I think we have

568
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:30,119
Speaker 4: the same eyes.

569
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 5: And then my son has my eyes but they're bright blue,

570
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,160
Speaker 5: which is pretty amazing. He's really quite gorgeous. And she's

571
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 5: so beautiful and adorable. But she's like a feral creature

572
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,679
Speaker 5: and she's very she has a lot of boundaries and

573
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 5: she's very strong. And I was like, my son was

574
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,160
Speaker 5: just like attached to me, needed me all the time.

575
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 5: And you have to ask her permission to kiss.

576
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,359
Speaker 4: Her, like Cleo, Momy's gonna kiss you good bye now,

577
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 4: and she's like, no, Mommy, not today.

578
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 1: That's funny.

579
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 2: I was actual this trigger treating thing for my nieces

580
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 2: and refews on. My assistant Karen has a daughter, Willow,

581
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:07,439
Speaker 2: who's three, and she kisses everyone on the lips. Everyone

582
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 2: was like, you have to meet Willow, She'll kiss you

583
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:11,119
Speaker 2: on the lips. I'm like, I'm coming over. I want

584
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,679
Speaker 2: to kiss on the lips from a little fat nugget.

585
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 2: She's such a nugget. And of course I didn't get one,

586
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:17,960
Speaker 2: you know, but I was like, what are you guys

587
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,159
Speaker 2: going to do when you send her to school?

588
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 1: She can't just go around kissing everybody on the lips

589
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 1: like she'll grow.

590
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,800
Speaker 4: But when I'm like to learn about.

591
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,320
Speaker 2: Strangers, I kiss everybody on the lips. But I like

592
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:31,320
Speaker 2: having boundaries at three. That's pretty funny.

593
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's amazing. She just she will say no.

594
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 5: She will say no touching right now, please, And I

595
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,760
Speaker 5: need some space. Wow, I frustrated.

596
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 4: I need some space.

597
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 5: And then I'm like, okay, cool, go take your space.

598
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:50,520
Speaker 5: And yeah, she's just very willful, very strong. She's big,

599
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:54,080
Speaker 5: very tall, which is surprising because I'm not very tall.

600
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,199
Speaker 5: But yeah, she's she has like a cat like personality.

601
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 5: So when she finally does that completely melt just is

602
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 5: all over you. It feels really good because you feel

603
00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 5: like it's really based on something.

604
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, like with cats.

605
00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:09,840
Speaker 2: That's an interesting way to describe your relationship with your daughter.

606
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:10,879
Speaker 1: I think that's intriguing.

607
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 5: I have a lot of respect for her.

608
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 2: That's great.

609
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 1: I have respect her too, just a.

610
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 5: You also respect her. She really commands a lot of respects.

611
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 2: Okay, so we're gonna take a break and we'll be

612
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 2: right back with Christina Ricci. And we're back with Christina Ricci.

613
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 5: Well.

614
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:40,280
Speaker 3: Our first email comes from Rebecca. She says, Dear Chelsea,

615
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 3: I'm a twenty eight year old codependent millennial who was

616
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 3: in a controlling relationship. I finally sought professional help, and

617
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 3: therapy and medicine helped me begin healing. In my journey

618
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,239
Speaker 3: of healing, rediscovery and homecoming, I met a man who

619
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:56,000
Speaker 3: helped me become a better version of myself. We met

620
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 3: a little over a year ago and have been together

621
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,639
Speaker 3: ever since. It's the partnership I want in my life.

622
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 3: He supported me when I'm down, held me when I'm anxious,

623
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 3: took care of me when I'm sick, and motivates me

624
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 3: to want to be a better and higher version of myself. However,

625
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:11,640
Speaker 3: he feels that I have not been honest with him

626
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,880
Speaker 3: about my body count. It's like the number of people

627
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 3: you've slept with.

628
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:15,240
Speaker 4: Wow.

629
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and he.

630
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:16,600
Speaker 4: Doesn't like that.

631
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,880
Speaker 5: I'm surprised, but I knew his body count. But I'm

632
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,720
Speaker 5: just surprised he's upset about this, right, seems so trivial.

633
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 6: If he's so as.

634
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 3: Great, Yeah it's not over fifteen, but it's more than eight.

635
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 4: Oh, for God's sakes.

636
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,400
Speaker 3: The only it's the only contentious point in our relationship

637
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 3: and the only thing we argue about. I fear this

638
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:33,600
Speaker 3: will never be resolved.

639
00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,720
Speaker 1: That is so stupid. I mean, this is so stupid.

640
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

641
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:40,200
Speaker 4: You're fine.

642
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 1: I do you have a time.

643
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,359
Speaker 2: I tried to count how many people I've had sex with,

644
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,160
Speaker 2: you know, when you're in your twenties, and you're like one, two,

645
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,400
Speaker 2: and then I can't even And then three days later

646
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 2: you were like, I remember three more guys I had?

647
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,959
Speaker 4: Like I had? I actually wrote them down at one

648
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,360
Speaker 4: point and then found the list and was adding.

649
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 2: To it forget.

650
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, as you remember, and now do you have

651
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:00,639
Speaker 1: more counters? Absolutely?

652
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 2: But it should be limit. I mean, who gives a

653
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:04,600
Speaker 2: shit how many people anyone had sex with?

654
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,400
Speaker 1: Agreed, The more the merrier, as far as I'm concerned.

655
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,359
Speaker 3: Right, And she says, you know, she doesn't want to

656
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,439
Speaker 3: keep arguing about this, but you know, one of the

657
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 3: qualities he wants in a girl someone with a lower

658
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 3: body count.

659
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:16,399
Speaker 5: Maybe he needs to do some work on himself and

660
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:17,280
Speaker 5: his insecurities.

661
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:18,399
Speaker 4: I think that's true.

662
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 2: You can't.

663
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 1: This is the beginning of it.

664
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,119
Speaker 2: Like that is it somebody who's hiding their jealousy and

665
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,440
Speaker 2: they're hiding their controlling like behavior, and that is going

666
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 2: to come out because anyone who cares what you did

667
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 2: in your past before you met them, Like, everyone has

668
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,360
Speaker 2: had sex with lots of people. Some people have had

669
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,679
Speaker 2: sex with fewer people. But that can't be a stipulation.

670
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:39,840
Speaker 2: So if the answer is above the number he feels

671
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 2: comfortable with, then what then you're broken up? What does

672
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 2: he want her to do?

673
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's no way changes exactly.

674
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 4: But so but he thinks she's lying.

675
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, he thinks it's more than what she's saying.

676
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 2: I would just say that this is a harbinger of

677
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 2: things to come, not a good sign.

678
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you're seeing these little controlling things come out

679
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 3: now and you were previously in a controlling relationship, that

680
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 3: should be a big red flag that maybe this is

681
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 3: more of a controlling relationship than he's let on.

682
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 2: Like you said, absolutely, because I had a relationship with

683
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 2: somebody who tried to pretend like he wasn't controlling, that

684
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:14,880
Speaker 2: wasn't Oh I love the way you are. I love

685
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:17,040
Speaker 2: that you're so free, I love that you ski topless.

686
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 2: Blah blah blah. Guess what he didn't like any of

687
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 2: those things that I didn't come out until about seven

688
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,239
Speaker 2: months into our relationship, and I was like, oh, you

689
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 2: were pretending that you were okay with my personality, and

690
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 2: you're not okay with my personality. So yeah, I would

691
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,160
Speaker 2: just say that's that doesn't look good. That's a big

692
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:32,800
Speaker 2: red flag.

693
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 3: Yeah. His deal breaker should be your deal break.

694
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 2: Because it's judgment also, and you're not why are you

695
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 2: judging the person that you are in love with? Like,

696
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 2: why would you judge them?

697
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 3: It has no impact on your current relationship.

698
00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 4: No, it has no impact at all.

699
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 3: Yeah right, so goodbye guy.

700
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 4: Yeah the whistle and get out of there.

701
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, your emotional whistle.

702
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 4: Emotionally unsafe whistle.

703
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 5: Oh I wanted to one really badly. I could be

704
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 5: in any situation just like and then like my protective

705
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 5: troll like come out from somewhere and be like, oh,

706
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 5: what have you done again?

707
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 4: Like pick me up and take me to.

708
00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 2: Side, Like I feel emotionally unsafe, right, now.

709
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 3: Well, our next question comes from Dolly, and she'll a

710
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 3: Dolly parton.

711
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: Didn't we try to get Dolly on the podcast?

712
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 5: Did?

713
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 3: And we're still trying.

714
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: She better come on, Dolly, come please? Oh look at

715
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: this cutie.

716
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, Dolly, says dear Chelsea. I've been listening to the

717
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 3: pod since the beginning. I feel excited to finally have

718
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,280
Speaker 3: an issue that I feel is worthy of input. My

719
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 3: brother in law and sister in law are both thirty six.

720
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 3: Let's call them Victor and Kathy. They've been married for

721
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 3: almost ten years and have two kids in elementary school.

722
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 3: My husband and I have been marginally privy to their

723
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 3: ongoing fights, tit for tat, jabs, revenge spending, and recurring

724
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 3: threats of divorce over the last five years. My husband

725
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 3: is a decent relationship with his brother, and I do

726
00:30:50,200 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 3: with my sister in law Kathy, but there's always a

727
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 3: feeling of walking on eggshells around them. Through the years,

728
00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 3: I've encouraged couples therapy, individual therapy, and given a book

729
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 3: on building a healthy marriage. Even had conversations encouraging them

730
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 3: to reflect on what this relationship is doing to their children.

731
00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 3: It always seems like things get a little bit better,

732
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:10,160
Speaker 3: and then no work is invested into the relationship. She

733
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 3: can tell us a little bit more about this, but

734
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 3: recently there was a situation where they got in a

735
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 3: fight late at night, Kathy left Victor also left the

736
00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 3: kids at home, and now Kathy's gotten into therapy. It

737
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 3: just feels like a vicious cycle where things get better

738
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:26,680
Speaker 3: and then the fights keep escalating. I'm at a loss

739
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 3: because I feel I can no longer act as a

740
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 3: blissfully ignorant bystander, knowing the negative impact their relationship has

741
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 3: on each other and their kids. How do I encourage

742
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 3: them to invest time into bettering their marriage or maybe

743
00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 3: better yet calling it quits. Dolly, Hi there, Hello, Hi,

744
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:43,080
Speaker 3: Hi Dolly.

745
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: This is our special guest, Christina Ricci today.

746
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 3: Hi.

747
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 7: Oh my gosh, how cool?

748
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 2: I know, right?

749
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 1: Okay, So she just started going to therapy.

750
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,880
Speaker 7: She was supposed to this week, and I haven't heard

751
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,880
Speaker 7: any progress on that, so I'm not sure if that

752
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 7: has actually been or not.

753
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 1: But so, what kind of like, how do these fights escalate?

754
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 2: What happens? They scream and yell.

755
00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 7: What I've seen is it's more like passive aggressive comments,

756
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 7: and then it sort of escalates into them talking poorly

757
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 7: about each other in front of the kids, in front

758
00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 7: of other people. And then it's always alcohol involved too,

759
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:25,040
Speaker 7: so you know that always kind of escalates emotions and

760
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 7: people aren't acting like their best selves. And yeah, I mean,

761
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 7: it just really depends on the situation of what triggers them.

762
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 7: It's not like one thing necessarily right.

763
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:40,320
Speaker 2: And what Have you ever had a conversation with your

764
00:32:40,320 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 2: sister in law?

765
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 7: I have, Yeah, and it always kind of gets cut

766
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 7: short in a way. It's like a sensitive subject and

767
00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 7: if I try to bring it up, it will be

768
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 7: shut down pretty quick. So that's also a sticking point

769
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 7: because it doesn't feel like she's really receptive to anything

770
00:32:58,920 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 7: that I have to say.

771
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 2: Well, she's probably not because they're stuck in this kind

772
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 2: of like bad cycle of behavior. So they're probably not

773
00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 2: very open to hearing any criticism about it because they're

774
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 2: both just kind of like swimming, you know, trying to

775
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 2: stay afloat. So what are you and your husband thinking

776
00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 2: about doing? Has he spoken to his brother?

777
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, we both have talked to the same gender partner,

778
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:26,320
Speaker 7: you know, spouse. But yeah, we've really encouraged therapy and

779
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:32,040
Speaker 7: going individually and as a couple, and it just has

780
00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,840
Speaker 7: always met with like, we don't have time the kids this,

781
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 7: and then we offer to watch the kids and there's

782
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 7: like no follow up for them asking for help either.

783
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 6: So I don't know.

784
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:46,960
Speaker 7: I feel like at a loss of not really knowing

785
00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 7: what to do because I feel that we've both encouraged

786
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,400
Speaker 7: what we think they should do.

787
00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 2: I just think you can't make somebody force people to

788
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,720
Speaker 2: like go work on their marriage. It's nice that you

789
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 2: care and that you're thinking about them and you're observing it.

790
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,080
Speaker 2: The only thing you can really do is have like

791
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 2: a meaningful conversation that is very pointed to say, listen,

792
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,400
Speaker 2: I see that you're like are you happy? Do you

793
00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,080
Speaker 2: feel happy in this relationship? Like I want to know,

794
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 2: because if you do feel happy, then fine, then that's it.

795
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 2: From what I'm seeing, it just feels really damaging for

796
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,040
Speaker 2: you guys to be talking about each other in front

797
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 2: of the kids, and there just seems to be a

798
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 2: lot of fighting, and I just feel like it doesn't

799
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 2: have to be this way. Not that she should leave him,

800
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 2: but they should at least try to work together towards

801
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 2: a more common ground where they can get along in

802
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:37,040
Speaker 2: a nicer way and be more pleasant to be around.

803
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,240
Speaker 2: But beyond that, I just don't think that it's anyone's

804
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 2: place to be. Like, Okay, you guys, it's time to

805
00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 2: get divorced, or it's time to whatever. You can only

806
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:50,600
Speaker 2: be whatever your tactic has been up till now should

807
00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:56,080
Speaker 2: probably flip because that hasn't yielded any result, right, and so, so,

808
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,799
Speaker 2: how would you describe the tactic that you've used thus far?

809
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 7: Pretty conflict averse or anti confrontation. So it's more just

810
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 7: conversations if it comes up naturally with her, and then

811
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:14,399
Speaker 7: I'll give my thoughts on things, but I'm not ever

812
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,600
Speaker 7: the one that's driving the conversation, if that makes sense,

813
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:20,280
Speaker 7: But it's always kind of lingering back there.

814
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 6: When the next fide doesn't happen.

815
00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:25,200
Speaker 2: Would you describe their behavior towards each other as like abusive?

816
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 7: I mean, I haven't seen it, but from their personal

817
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:33,240
Speaker 7: accounts of things, yes, there is some abusive like verbal abuse,

818
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 7: some physical intimidation, some yeah of that other stuff going

819
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,120
Speaker 7: on too. So that's also why I feel like a

820
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 7: push against like I need to do something because of

821
00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:48,160
Speaker 7: the kids, and like it's impacting their whole household. How

822
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 7: old are the kids their elementary age.

823
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really bad for them.

824
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,120
Speaker 5: I mean, if anything, I would say, just really be

825
00:35:55,239 --> 00:35:58,839
Speaker 5: there for those kids, you know. But I think having

826
00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:01,839
Speaker 5: an honest conversation with the parents about what this sort

827
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 5: of stuff actually does to children's brains, right, how negatively

828
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:10,839
Speaker 5: it affects them, Like it can change a child's brain

829
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 5: and development, and.

830
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:14,080
Speaker 3: In what kind of partner they choose.

831
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, it.

832
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 5: Has incredibly negative impacts. Fighting in front of children and

833
00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:23,799
Speaker 5: if it's abusive in nature, then they could already have

834
00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 5: PTSD and you know what I mean, like really be traumatized.

835
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 5: So I think that's the conversation to have. Like, you, guys,

836
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,880
Speaker 5: you're grown ups. You get to make all your choices,

837
00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:35,959
Speaker 5: but there's two little kids here who have no say,

838
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,520
Speaker 5: and you're supposed to protect them. So they have to

839
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 5: do something about if I would think that they would

840
00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 5: do something about their marriage based on their concern for

841
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 5: their children, Right.

842
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 2: Is there any scenario that you could imagine where you

843
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,800
Speaker 2: and your husband sit down with him and his wife

844
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 2: together and have this kind of conversation.

845
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 7: I think so, yeah, because.

846
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 1: Maybe that's a different tact that's serious.

847
00:36:58,680 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 2: You know, if you're sitting down and you're like, listen,

848
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 2: we're here because we're seeing the impact of your relationship

849
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 2: and the impact it's having on the children, and we

850
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 2: want to support you in whatever way we can. But

851
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:12,040
Speaker 2: there is a discussion to be had and all the

852
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:14,880
Speaker 2: things that Christina's talking about, like there's all these books

853
00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:15,839
Speaker 2: to support I mean.

854
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:16,720
Speaker 4: The deal research.

855
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,440
Speaker 2: Bring some facts exactly, and bring some and be like,

856
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,920
Speaker 2: you know, this has such a deleterious impact on kids'

857
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:25,160
Speaker 2: brains growing up with that, And you know, you might

858
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 2: not think of anything because you guys are used to

859
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 2: talking to each other like this, But then you're creating

860
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 2: a situation where your kid grows up thinking that's the

861
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:33,480
Speaker 2: way you talk to other people, and then they're going

862
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 2: to find themselves in a similar relationship or it could

863
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:38,879
Speaker 2: have an even more serious impact on them.

864
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 5: You know.

865
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:42,239
Speaker 1: I think you like you show up armed with stuff.

866
00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 2: And and in the most loving way obviously to be

867
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 2: there for them, But you should make it all about

868
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:50,320
Speaker 2: the kids, so that it's that's the focus.

869
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 1: Then they have they're both motivated to do something right.

870
00:37:53,280 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, they can be heroes instead of being to blame.

871
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 3: Right, you know, right, And one thing that might be

872
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 3: a little bit less confrontational for you or feel a

873
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:03,600
Speaker 3: little less confrontational is to ask questions like, is this

874
00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 3: how you guys want to be behaving in front of

875
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 3: your kids? You guys don't want to be fighting, do you?

876
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 3: And another thing is I think people think and a

877
00:38:10,760 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 3: lot of times it doesn't, but people think that like

878
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 3: couples counseling doesn't really do a lot. But when you

879
00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 3: get a good counselor and you're really like in it

880
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 3: to win it, they give you tools to actually like

881
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 3: disrupt these fights.

882
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:22,960
Speaker 5: You know.

883
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 3: For example, when Brad and I were first married, we

884
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 3: went to a couple's counselor for like two years, and

885
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 3: it was great because it gave us these tools, like,

886
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 3: for example, if you're kind of arguing about the same

887
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,400
Speaker 3: thing for more than like half an hour, you just stop,

888
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 3: especially late at night, especially if you've been drinking. So

889
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,080
Speaker 3: it's like actual practical tools that they can get to

890
00:38:41,560 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 3: like disrupt these patterns that they've developed.

891
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 5: And if they shouldn't be together, a couple's therapist will

892
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,799
Speaker 5: help them become more comfortable with the idea of separating.

893
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:55,400
Speaker 2: Right, And I think you should like present you present

894
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:59,360
Speaker 2: yourselves as a support system, like we're, you know, in essence,

895
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 2: the closest people to you because we're related to you,

896
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 2: so we want to help you. We want to be

897
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:05,719
Speaker 2: here for you. We would hope you would do the

898
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:09,399
Speaker 2: same thing for us. And this isn't a judgment, it's

899
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 2: just it's a little you know, dysfunctional. So like, do

900
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 2: you want to help yourselves, because we want to help you.

901
00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:17,400
Speaker 2: We want to help take care of the kids. So

902
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 2: you guys can have time to go to a couple's

903
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 2: counselor or spend more time alone together and go on

904
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:24,759
Speaker 2: date nights. Present it as that you know you're their

905
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:27,279
Speaker 2: best ally and that you're there to help them.

906
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, for sure, Yeah, thank you.

907
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 1: Your husband will be down with that, right.

908
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,319
Speaker 7: Oh definitely. We're on the same page of everything, so

909
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 7: it will be an easy set.

910
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 2: And you know, there is a chance it'll all blow

911
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 2: up in your face because they're not going to want

912
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:40,520
Speaker 2: to hear the truth, but you have to be prepared

913
00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:40,759
Speaker 2: for that.

914
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I guess that's also why I'm cautious, because

915
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:49,480
Speaker 7: I value the relationship that we have. But yeah, I

916
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 7: think that it's worthy.

917
00:39:50,880 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 2: I think so too.

918
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 1: I think it is very worthy.

919
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 2: What I find to be very disgrestling or I find

920
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 2: myself very annoyed by is when people do not.

921
00:39:58,480 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 1: I'm an interloper.

922
00:39:59,719 --> 00:40:01,799
Speaker 2: I like to get involved in people's problems and it

923
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 2: doesn't always go well, believe me. But it takes a

924
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:08,280
Speaker 2: lot to say something to somebody that is uncomfortable, especially

925
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 2: when you're a conflict averse like it an. It's an effort.

926
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:15,560
Speaker 2: It's not like you enjoy telling people, Hi, this is

927
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:19,040
Speaker 2: unhealthy and this dynamic is unhealthy. No one likes that.

928
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,960
Speaker 2: I don't get off on that, nor to you. But

929
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 2: it's when you have concern for someone and they're like yeah,

930
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:27,759
Speaker 2: and especially when there are children involved, there's no better

931
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:28,720
Speaker 2: reason to get involved.

932
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, you wouldn't be doing it unless you love them

933
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:33,719
Speaker 3: really deeply, and that's obviously where this is coming from.

934
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:34,799
Speaker 6: Yeah.

935
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,359
Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, you want to follow up with us. If

936
00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 3: you guys have this conversation, I'll let us know how

937
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:40,879
Speaker 3: it goes, for sure.

938
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 7: I will.

939
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,279
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, best of luck, dollly bye, Dolly, thanks for

940
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 2: calling it.

941
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 6: Thank you.

942
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:46,919
Speaker 4: Well.

943
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:49,280
Speaker 2: That was very she was sweet.

944
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I know. I hope that all kind of work.

945
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:53,560
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just so interesting because sometimes are you

946
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 2: are you an interloper at all.

947
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,680
Speaker 1: Do you get involved with like if.

948
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 5: I know, but I don't really have I have a few. Well,

949
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:09,279
Speaker 5: actually I have a few, very few close friendships where

950
00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 5: I would, but I have in the past been like

951
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,080
Speaker 5: yeah with certain girlfriends.

952
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,479
Speaker 1: Time to cool it or get your shit together.

953
00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's very difficult.

954
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 2: It is very difficult. Yeah, especially if somebody would can't

955
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 2: hear anything you're saying. Yes, you know, but most people can't.

956
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 2: In my experience, most people are like, oh my god,

957
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 2: thank you so much. And when people have interfered in

958
00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 2: my life and told me like, hey, you're a little

959
00:41:34,040 --> 00:41:36,520
Speaker 2: bit off the rails right now, I have never been

960
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:37,040
Speaker 2: more grateful.

961
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,399
Speaker 1: And I love it I experienced. Yes, feedback means people

962
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: care about you, exactly. Yeah, it's take it.

963
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,960
Speaker 2: It's so it's effortful to actually have that uncomfortable conversation.

964
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,080
Speaker 1: So you have to know it's coming from love.

965
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 2: It's not like people want to like, what would be

966
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 2: the motivation otherwise.

967
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:57,400
Speaker 3: Right, right, exactly. Well, our next question comes from Beth.

968
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,359
Speaker 3: She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm at thirty three year old

969
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:03,040
Speaker 3: female that is sick of my familial bullshit. I'm a

970
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:04,759
Speaker 3: middle child of four, and we grew up in a

971
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,919
Speaker 3: church cult and were raised by emotionally neglectful parents, one

972
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 3: with alcoholism and the other a shopaholic. I was the

973
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,320
Speaker 3: happy child who has all turned out so well for people. Yes,

974
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:17,360
Speaker 3: Elias right always is a good story. I was the

975
00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 3: happy child who was always eager to please and stay

976
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:22,400
Speaker 3: out of trouble. As I left home, I met the

977
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 3: man I called my husband of eleven years. From the

978
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 3: moment my family met my spouse, they've been nothing but unsupportive.

979
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:30,799
Speaker 3: They judged him for his looks, for his wealth, and

980
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,320
Speaker 3: god knows what else made their minds deem him unfit

981
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 3: for me. It's caused contention with my siblings, and I

982
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,440
Speaker 3: had to come to Jesus moment with my parents eight

983
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 3: years ago when my therapist suggested I write a letter

984
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,839
Speaker 3: to discuss the hurt my parents caused me and how

985
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 3: I wanted to reconcile and move forward. This was not

986
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 3: only thrown in my face, but has ruined their relationship

987
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 3: ever since. Slowly, I've realized over the years that my

988
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 3: family is just kind of a bunch of assholes. So

989
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,440
Speaker 3: my question is, when you feel like you've done what

990
00:42:57,480 --> 00:42:59,480
Speaker 3: you can to have a relationship with your family. But

991
00:42:59,520 --> 00:43:01,840
Speaker 3: it hurts too much. When is it time to move on?

992
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 3: Thank you? Beth, Hi, Hi, hi hi.

993
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:09,080
Speaker 2: Look at you your standing while you're sitting, and you're alive,

994
00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:11,120
Speaker 2: and you survived a cult.

995
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:11,839
Speaker 1: Look at you.

996
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 6: I did it was you know, a lot of speaking

997
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:19,080
Speaker 6: in tongues and weekend retreats for church. But here we

998
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 6: are a blessed non believer.

999
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 1: Christina just said she was born into a mini cult.

1000
00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, but mine had no religious not mine, my father's,

1001
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 5: not my faults, had no religious affiliations. It was pure

1002
00:43:35,160 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 5: therapy based therapy. It was called the Center for Emotional

1003
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:40,880
Speaker 5: re Education, and it started with he had a primal

1004
00:43:40,920 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 5: scream therapy group that then became his Wow, hecolytes.

1005
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 2: But why does it that doesn't sound I mean, cults

1006
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:51,239
Speaker 2: have a very negative connotation. They're not positive.

1007
00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:55,480
Speaker 5: Really, No, because yeah, because the whole one person wanting

1008
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:59,560
Speaker 5: to control everybody else is right, doesn't always want normal impulse. No,

1009
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 5: So that's usually a man healthy, yes, usually genuinely nefarious, not.

1010
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:08,000
Speaker 1: A man who's having sex with everyone. Yeah.

1011
00:44:08,040 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 6: Probably.

1012
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,880
Speaker 2: I'm of the notion I think when you have exhausted

1013
00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:15,680
Speaker 2: all possibilities, like I understand families, family. I'm very close

1014
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 2: to my family. I think highly of remaining trying as

1015
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 2: hard as you can to be close with your family.

1016
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:25,879
Speaker 2: But when you're dealing with that situation, it's so irrational,

1017
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:30,000
Speaker 2: you know. And I'm a fan of just saying enough

1018
00:44:30,080 --> 00:44:32,320
Speaker 2: is enough and moving on so that you can enjoy

1019
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 2: yourself and enjoy your life and be happy with your partner.

1020
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I hadn't seen my father since I was fifteen

1021
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:42,480
Speaker 5: when he died. I was like thirty eight for context,

1022
00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 5: But mus you died, Yeah, and don't I don't speak

1023
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,840
Speaker 5: to one of my siblings, And it is you know,

1024
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:51,359
Speaker 5: you do have. I've experienced a lot of guilts over

1025
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 5: the years about it. But at the same time, it's

1026
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,920
Speaker 5: those are negative influences on me. They were toxic. It

1027
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 5: was not healthy for me. So you need to protect yourself.

1028
00:45:04,080 --> 00:45:07,600
Speaker 2: You do. And like the idea, like the toxicity that

1029
00:45:07,640 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 2: these people have, like the impact it has on you

1030
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:14,120
Speaker 2: is really never Like you can't overstate that enough that

1031
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,319
Speaker 2: the impact that having that kind of negativity around you

1032
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 2: will yield in your life. You really you're choosing, like

1033
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:23,279
Speaker 2: this is your opportunity. You didn't get to choose whether

1034
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 2: or not you were born into a cult. Now you

1035
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 2: get to choose what your future is going to look like,

1036
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,160
Speaker 2: and so you have every right to just say enough

1037
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 2: is enough. Do you have other brothers and sisters that

1038
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 2: you do talk to?

1039
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:34,480
Speaker 1: How many siblings do you have?

1040
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:37,799
Speaker 5: I have three siblings, and I'm really close with my

1041
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 5: sister and my oldest brother, and then I'm close with

1042
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:44,840
Speaker 5: my mother. But you know, my father was a crazy person,

1043
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:50,439
Speaker 5: and unfortunately one of my brothers was. You know, it's

1044
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 5: not his fault because he was an abusive situation, but

1045
00:45:53,480 --> 00:45:57,560
Speaker 5: it resulted in behavior that was not safe for the

1046
00:45:57,600 --> 00:45:59,319
Speaker 5: other children around, right, and.

1047
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 2: When it's a big and when that happens, then there

1048
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 2: is it doesn't of course, it's no one's fault of

1049
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 2: the circumstances they're born into. But that kid doesn't mean

1050
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 2: that you're allowed to be around them like that. You

1051
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 2: have to allow yourself to you know, allow them to

1052
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:12,799
Speaker 2: be around you or what have you.

1053
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's just so many outside opinions, and I was

1054
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:18,839
Speaker 6: just so curious to hear thoughts from you gals of

1055
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,160
Speaker 6: you know what that looks like? Of you know, well,

1056
00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 6: you should be thankful your parents are alive. And it's like, well,

1057
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:27,080
Speaker 6: when everything they say is a judgmental comment or something

1058
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:30,759
Speaker 6: you know coming at you that isn't loving and accepting.

1059
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 6: Should I You know, I don't think so. With my

1060
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,320
Speaker 6: own maternal mother, it's it's never been accepting and loving.

1061
00:46:37,600 --> 00:46:38,720
Speaker 6: There's always been judgment.

1062
00:46:39,440 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 5: Yeah. I mean, you get to choose now as an adult,

1063
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 5: how you want to be treated and who you want

1064
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:47,719
Speaker 5: around you. And families should be held in almost the

1065
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 5: same standards as friends, you know. If they don't, Yeah,

1066
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 5: if you don't enhance each other's lives, then what's the point.

1067
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 5: We can all feel bad enough on our own.

1068
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 6: Why are you in it exactly?

1069
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 4: Don't need like an extra person to make you feel worse.

1070
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:04,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's just something that's always felt, Like, you know,

1071
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 6: it's a guilt that I haven't been able to let

1072
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 6: go of of. Well, they're alive and they're there, so

1073
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:12,200
Speaker 6: why don't you keep trying. We'll both parties have to try,

1074
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,680
Speaker 6: and it's just been such a hard thing to try

1075
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 6: to let go of of. Yeah, they're alive, but they're

1076
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 6: just kind of shitty. It's just not healthy.

1077
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:23,839
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think one thing I would encourage you to do, Like,

1078
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 3: if you are making this decision to go no contact,

1079
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 3: like for forever or for an extended period of time

1080
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,960
Speaker 3: is to maybe this is through meditation, maybe this is

1081
00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 3: through therapy, but find a way for yourself to sort

1082
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 3: of release some negativity around it.

1083
00:47:38,320 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 4: And the guilts.

1084
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 5: The guilt can be a real killer, you know, like

1085
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:43,440
Speaker 5: it's it's I used to wake up in the middle

1086
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:43,879
Speaker 5: of the night.

1087
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 6: That's my biggest problem is the guilt. Because right now

1088
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 6: I'm doing so well on my mental health space, but

1089
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,600
Speaker 6: when I'm not, that guilt seeps back in and it's like,

1090
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 6: you know, you're a bad daughter, You're a bad child,

1091
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:58,239
Speaker 6: you know, whatever the case, and it's like, but no,

1092
00:47:58,560 --> 00:47:58,880
Speaker 6: I'm not.

1093
00:47:59,360 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 5: I think the more you do I don't know, just

1094
00:48:01,480 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 5: from personal experience, the more I did work on feeling

1095
00:48:04,040 --> 00:48:07,560
Speaker 5: like I was the most important person to myself, you know,

1096
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 5: then you feel less guilt or viewing yourself as your

1097
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 5: own child in a way, you're protecting you, you know,

1098
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:19,720
Speaker 5: you little you from things you couldn't protect yourself from before.

1099
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:22,840
Speaker 5: Just there are different ways that you'll learn in therapy

1100
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:26,560
Speaker 5: to view the situation or from doing research or reading

1101
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 5: that will help you feel less guilty.

1102
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, I think the guilt is a big

1103
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,480
Speaker 2: thing for everybody because you can always go back to that.

1104
00:48:33,560 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 1: But I love what she just said.

1105
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 2: Christina just said about acting like it's your own child, Like,

1106
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 2: would you allow your child to be treated this way?

1107
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 2: Would you allow your child to be in a relationship

1108
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,640
Speaker 2: where they're constantly being judged and made to feel bad,

1109
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 2: and then the partner, the person that they chose, is

1110
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:51,400
Speaker 2: also you know, being judged. No, you're setting yourself up

1111
00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 2: for just all sorts of negativity and guilt patterns. Like

1112
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 2: part of the reason why you feel guilty is because

1113
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:00,960
Speaker 2: of the manipulation, you know, and so you really do

1114
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:02,960
Speaker 2: want to do work to get rid of that guilt,

1115
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 2: Like you're you're empowering yourself by saying no more. It's

1116
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 2: like talking to an abuser. I mean, if the relationship

1117
00:49:09,360 --> 00:49:12,440
Speaker 2: isn't feeding you, it's doing something else. So what's the

1118
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:14,400
Speaker 2: opposite of feeding you, It's taking from.

1119
00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 6: You, right exactly. Yeah. The biggest revelation I had this

1120
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:20,080
Speaker 6: year was I have a couple family members who have

1121
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:22,120
Speaker 6: had children, and you know, they're getting to an age

1122
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,360
Speaker 6: where now I had those memories as a child, and

1123
00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 6: my mom said to me, and I'm like, I would

1124
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 6: never say that to my nephew and my niece ever

1125
00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:31,680
Speaker 6: and my own mother, you know, and dad did that,

1126
00:49:31,719 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 6: and it's like, I would never do that, you know,

1127
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:36,840
Speaker 6: as their aunt who loves them. Why would you?

1128
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:37,160
Speaker 1: Ever?

1129
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 6: It's are your.

1130
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:39,439
Speaker 2: Parents still in the cult?

1131
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: Did you say?

1132
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 2: Or are they out of it?

1133
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,279
Speaker 6: No? But they're still avid Christians and love to use

1134
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:45,800
Speaker 6: that guilt against.

1135
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:47,719
Speaker 2: You, which is stupid. Yeah.

1136
00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:52,040
Speaker 1: All religion, you know, like just it's insane. Is the

1137
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:55,399
Speaker 1: root of all discord in our world? You know, yes,

1138
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,240
Speaker 1: it all comes down to religion.

1139
00:49:57,040 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 6: Like yeah, And what's crazy is so yes, they're avid Christians,

1140
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:03,840
Speaker 6: but so were my in laws, the most loving and

1141
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 6: accepting humans who know I don't believe in God, but

1142
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 6: couldn't care less, you.

1143
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:11,279
Speaker 2: Know, with them, Go be with them, you know, that's

1144
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:12,879
Speaker 2: where the light is. Go towards the light.

1145
00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:14,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm swimming towards it.

1146
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,240
Speaker 2: Okay, great, you can swim, walk, you know, rollerblade however

1147
00:50:18,280 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 2: you want to get whatever? Yeah, yeah, girl, get after it. Well,

1148
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:25,040
Speaker 2: that's good. I'm glad. Do you feel better now?

1149
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 6: My only question, I guess would be because right now

1150
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:30,840
Speaker 6: I am so good mentally what I've worked on throughout

1151
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,359
Speaker 6: this year. When I am in my darkest places, in

1152
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:36,440
Speaker 6: my depression and anxiety, and that guilt comes in. You know,

1153
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 6: what would be your biggest advice there to try to

1154
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:41,759
Speaker 6: talk myself out of that. That's where I struggle the most,

1155
00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:43,520
Speaker 6: is when I'm not doing okay mentally.

1156
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,239
Speaker 2: Well, that's where everyone struggles the most, and so well,

1157
00:50:47,440 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 2: you know a good example of this is that book

1158
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 2: Letting Go. You should pick up that.

1159
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 6: I just started listening to it.

1160
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:53,840
Speaker 2: You did, Oh yeah.

1161
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:54,160
Speaker 1: Then there you go.

1162
00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:57,359
Speaker 2: It's there's a whole section about guilt and it's really

1163
00:50:57,440 --> 00:51:00,879
Speaker 2: quite beautiful. And I actually tried this the other night.

1164
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 2: I was stoned. So I just want to put that

1165
00:51:02,800 --> 00:51:04,720
Speaker 2: out there because that helps me get to a little

1166
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,799
Speaker 2: like more of a meditative place when I'm trying to

1167
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:10,319
Speaker 2: be in touch with myself. But I had I was

1168
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,799
Speaker 2: having all these kind of like negative emotions and I

1169
00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:14,520
Speaker 2: hadn't for a couple of weeks. I was feeling pretty

1170
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,480
Speaker 2: high and vibing pretty high, right, and I had read

1171
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 2: Letting Go, and I just just.

1172
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 1: Set me straight.

1173
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 2: I read it every couple of years. It's this book

1174
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 2: by David Hawkings. Have you ever heard of it?

1175
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 4: I have?

1176
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 2: Okay, And I was sitting there and I was like, okay,

1177
00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 2: the negative feelings you can't repress or suppress. You have

1178
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:32,480
Speaker 2: to acknowledge, and guilt is one of those feelings. So

1179
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 2: you acknowledge that it's there, and you kind of think

1180
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:36,359
Speaker 2: about where it is in your body. You know, when

1181
00:51:36,400 --> 00:51:39,880
Speaker 2: you're feeling anxious or uneasy, it's usually in your stomach,

1182
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:41,839
Speaker 2: or it can be in your chest, and sometimes it's

1183
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 2: in your head, right, like you feel pressure.

1184
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 1: And so I.

1185
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,640
Speaker 2: Remember I was lying in bed, I smoked a little bowl,

1186
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:49,680
Speaker 2: and I was like, I wonder where these feelings are

1187
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:52,360
Speaker 2: coming from. What is the motion behind it? Just like

1188
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 2: the book says like am I feeling insecure? Am I

1189
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 2: feeling fearful? Do I feel scarcity? Like where is this

1190
00:51:57,680 --> 00:51:59,959
Speaker 2: coming from? And I was like, don't try to figure

1191
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 2: out what it is, just acknowledge that the feeling is there.

1192
00:52:03,160 --> 00:52:06,160
Speaker 2: And it was a very spiritual experience I had every

1193
00:52:06,280 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 2: I felt it in my stomach and then it started

1194
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 2: to move and I was like, it's okay, it's okay,

1195
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 2: just let it be here and it's going to disappear.

1196
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 2: So you're acknowledging it. You're not denying it right or

1197
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 2: repressing or suppressing it. And then I felt it kind

1198
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:20,800
Speaker 2: of move up through my chest and it was really heavy,

1199
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:24,239
Speaker 2: and I felt it go through my throat and then

1200
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 2: it was gone. And that's what this book talks about.

1201
00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 2: And I've never been able to accomplish that. I'm always like, oh, okay,

1202
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 2: how do you let go of these emotions that aren't

1203
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 2: serving you? You know, because it's not serving you. Guilt

1204
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,440
Speaker 2: it never serves anybody. And I woke up in the

1205
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:40,680
Speaker 2: morning and I just felt like so much lighter than

1206
00:52:40,719 --> 00:52:43,120
Speaker 2: I had the day before, and I was back on track.

1207
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,040
Speaker 2: So when you get to that part about guilt in

1208
00:52:46,120 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 2: this book, listen to it over and over and over

1209
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:53,399
Speaker 2: again until you understand how it's just not of use

1210
00:52:53,440 --> 00:52:56,440
Speaker 2: to you, and practice that. Like it's good to acknowledge

1211
00:52:56,480 --> 00:52:59,359
Speaker 2: where you feel something in your body because then you're

1212
00:52:59,400 --> 00:53:01,799
Speaker 2: not running from it. And when you run from it

1213
00:53:01,840 --> 00:53:04,719
Speaker 2: is when it keeps coming back because you're not facing it.

1214
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:07,320
Speaker 5: And you make terrible choices, right, And I didn't behavior

1215
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 5: just leave it to let me tell you.

1216
00:53:09,239 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so you seem awesome and you seem, you know,

1217
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:16,000
Speaker 2: like a beautiful person, and I don't want you to

1218
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 2: feel like, you know, hampered by your family or this

1219
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 2: obligation to them. You know they've worn out there welcome

1220
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,040
Speaker 2: and you don't have to write them off forever. But

1221
00:53:24,200 --> 00:53:26,759
Speaker 2: when they want to come around in a loving, positive way,

1222
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 2: then you will welcome them with open arms.

1223
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:32,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, that makes complete sense. I'm looking forward to that chapter,

1224
00:53:32,360 --> 00:53:34,200
Speaker 6: just a couple of chapters in not there yet.

1225
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,680
Speaker 2: Okay, good, you'll see what I'm talking about.

1226
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 6: That's wonderful.

1227
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:39,399
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you so much, Beth.

1228
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 6: Thanks everyone, have a good day.

1229
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 2: Do you guys have any idea what I'm talking about

1230
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:45,600
Speaker 2: when I say that you.

1231
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:48,319
Speaker 5: Describing, I had no idea that you could, that you

1232
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:51,279
Speaker 5: would ever be able to have that experience in such

1233
00:53:51,280 --> 00:53:54,640
Speaker 5: a tangible way. I mean, neither felt like letting things

1234
00:53:54,680 --> 00:53:56,880
Speaker 5: go to me is always felt like a metaphor yea,

1235
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:57,480
Speaker 5: not just like.

1236
00:53:57,520 --> 00:54:00,200
Speaker 2: It right right, but it is book. They tell you

1237
00:54:00,239 --> 00:54:02,319
Speaker 2: exactly what to do, like you know, to sit with

1238
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:06,120
Speaker 2: these feelings that are uncomfortable and then surrender like Okay,

1239
00:54:06,239 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 2: I feel I feel envy or whatever the feeling, because but.

1240
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:13,720
Speaker 5: Do you engage with thoughts like do you like delve

1241
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 5: in and you're like, great, so I feel envious. I'm

1242
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 5: going to really experience how jealous I am of.

1243
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 1: No, No, it's not like I feel envy.

1244
00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:24,360
Speaker 2: I accept it. It's here, Okay, okay, it's here, like

1245
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:27,279
Speaker 2: I'm not in denial because you know, sometimes if I

1246
00:54:27,360 --> 00:54:30,120
Speaker 2: felt envy in the past, I would go I'd push

1247
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 2: it away, like oh no, no, I just don't like

1248
00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 2: that person. It's like, no, no, you're envious. You don't

1249
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:37,040
Speaker 2: not like this person, You're.

1250
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:37,480
Speaker 1: Just being you know.

1251
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:41,240
Speaker 2: I would just just completely ignore what's behind all those thoughts.

1252
00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 2: So that was a pretty metaphysical thing that happened to

1253
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 2: me the other night, and I was like, oh, and

1254
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:49,440
Speaker 2: it's a constant, like you don't just surrender that and

1255
00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 2: then the feeling is gone forever. It can come back

1256
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:53,760
Speaker 2: and then you have to do the same thing again.

1257
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:56,440
Speaker 2: But now I know that I actually felt it, like

1258
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:57,600
Speaker 2: moved through my system.

1259
00:54:57,719 --> 00:54:59,040
Speaker 4: That's crazy. I want to try that.

1260
00:54:59,160 --> 00:54:59,399
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1261
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:01,759
Speaker 3: It's like the min body connection, like when you when

1262
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,120
Speaker 3: you start to be able to feel okay, I have

1263
00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,759
Speaker 3: this emotion, but where is it physically? And then you

1264
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 3: realize like, oh yeah, it's in my stomach or it's here,

1265
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 3: or it's here, it's here, and then you kind of

1266
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:11,839
Speaker 3: process it a little bit more.

1267
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:15,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well all right, we got to share that today.

1268
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:17,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, let's take a quick break and we'll do

1269
00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:19,640
Speaker 3: a little QUICKI sister drama.

1270
00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:20,600
Speaker 1: Oh I love it.

1271
00:55:20,640 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna take a break and we're going to

1272
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:24,000
Speaker 2: come back and wrap up with Christina Riccie.

1273
00:55:28,239 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 1: And we're back.

1274
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:33,640
Speaker 3: We are back. So our last email comes from Missy.

1275
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:37,480
Speaker 3: Her subject line is my sister got pregnant to compete

1276
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:41,319
Speaker 3: with me here, Chelsea, I've had a long history of

1277
00:55:41,360 --> 00:55:44,480
Speaker 3: my two years older sister trying to take every milestone

1278
00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:46,520
Speaker 3: in my life and turn it into a traumatic event

1279
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:49,360
Speaker 3: in her life. When I got engaged years ago, she

1280
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 3: faked a cry for help suicide attempt. I've always had

1281
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 3: her back, despite her obvious hatred of me. She's married

1282
00:55:55,920 --> 00:55:58,160
Speaker 3: now with a four year old son, and she's told everyone,

1283
00:55:58,280 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 3: friends and family that she is done have kids. My

1284
00:56:01,239 --> 00:56:03,120
Speaker 3: husband and I have been trying for about a year,

1285
00:56:03,280 --> 00:56:07,200
Speaker 3: started fertility treatments two months ago, and I've purposely kept

1286
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 3: this a secret from my sister. Long story short, my

1287
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 3: mom spilled the beans to her and I get a

1288
00:56:12,200 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 3: call from my sister five weeks later telling me she's

1289
00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:17,719
Speaker 3: four weeks pregnant. Way too early to tell anyone. Let alone,

1290
00:56:17,760 --> 00:56:20,560
Speaker 3: you're infertile, sister, like she couldn't wait to tell me

1291
00:56:20,600 --> 00:56:23,200
Speaker 3: and my husband. I can't wrap my mind around why

1292
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 3: she would secretly try at the same time as me,

1293
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:29,120
Speaker 3: if it wasn't out of competition. I know this sounds crazy,

1294
00:56:29,160 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 3: but all of my friends that have known her past

1295
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:33,680
Speaker 3: behavior are not shocked at all by this. I'm struggling

1296
00:56:33,760 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 3: to deal and now I'm being alienated from my family.

1297
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 3: I can't, for the life of me, understand why my

1298
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:40,960
Speaker 3: sister would want me to feel this hurt? Am I

1299
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:46,280
Speaker 3: wrong for being angry? Missy complicated?

1300
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:47,439
Speaker 1: What do you think?

1301
00:56:54,200 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 2: It's a tricky want?

1302
00:56:55,080 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 5: It's tricky because I do think that a lot of

1303
00:56:58,120 --> 00:56:59,200
Speaker 5: this has to do with.

1304
00:56:59,400 --> 00:57:01,399
Speaker 4: Perspective, you know what I mean?

1305
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:06,120
Speaker 5: Well, like she's it outside of in another context.

1306
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: All of this could just be coincidence, yeah.

1307
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 5: And like people living their lives and things happening at

1308
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:18,120
Speaker 5: unfortunate times. But if you're a person who's been in

1309
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:21,120
Speaker 5: the relationship and knows that it's more loaded than that,

1310
00:57:21,440 --> 00:57:25,760
Speaker 5: then there's that element too. But I think in situations

1311
00:57:25,800 --> 00:57:27,360
Speaker 5: like this, I always feel like the only power I

1312
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 5: have is to not is to choose to not.

1313
00:57:29,680 --> 00:57:30,520
Speaker 4: Be affected by it.

1314
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, like, why does it lessen your pregnancy any to

1315
00:57:33,960 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 5: have someone else get pregnant?

1316
00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:38,720
Speaker 2: Also, yeah, I would say that you're you're actively being

1317
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 2: You're part of the problem because of your reaction to

1318
00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 2: your sister. And if if your sister really is doing

1319
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 2: these things to get a rise out of you, or

1320
00:57:47,200 --> 00:57:50,439
Speaker 2: that is part of her agenda, it's working. So you

1321
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 2: actually have to like retreat and actually figure out that

1322
00:57:55,400 --> 00:57:58,680
Speaker 2: your life doesn't have to be impacted so negatively by her.

1323
00:57:58,720 --> 00:58:00,320
Speaker 2: And I know that you're probably going, but you don't

1324
00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 2: understand what she's done, all the things she's done to me.

1325
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:06,560
Speaker 2: Yet I believe you that your sister's done a lot

1326
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 2: of things to you, and you feel like she's undercutting

1327
00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:12,600
Speaker 2: you and stealing your thunder, But your behavior is as

1328
00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 2: responsible for this dynamic as hers, Like your reaction to

1329
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:19,480
Speaker 2: this is exactly what she's looking for. If everything you

1330
00:58:19,520 --> 00:58:22,240
Speaker 2: say is true and your motivations are what you think,

1331
00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:24,120
Speaker 2: she is trying to get a rise out of you,

1332
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 2: and she does want to compete with you, So you

1333
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 2: have to withdraw from that, and you have to do

1334
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:32,560
Speaker 2: that with a lot of work on yourself with your therapist,

1335
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 2: because you can't change her. But you can change yourself

1336
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:37,520
Speaker 2: and you can change the way that you respond to her.

1337
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:41,120
Speaker 2: And her baby is not your baby. That's a totally

1338
00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 2: separate situation. Your marriage is different from her marriage. You're

1339
00:58:44,840 --> 00:58:47,280
Speaker 2: going to have your sister unfortunately for a long time,

1340
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:50,040
Speaker 2: So you better figure out a better way to cope

1341
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:53,919
Speaker 2: with this. And what if you thought of it and thought,

1342
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:57,240
Speaker 2: oh my god, how wonderful that my sister got pregnant. Well,

1343
00:58:57,280 --> 00:59:00,360
Speaker 2: how fun we can raise our kids together. What if

1344
00:59:00,360 --> 00:59:03,560
Speaker 2: you just like turn the table so far on the

1345
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 2: situation that you create a completely different reality between you

1346
00:59:07,120 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 2: and your sister.

1347
00:59:08,120 --> 00:59:10,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think especially since you are going through

1348
00:59:10,720 --> 00:59:14,800
Speaker 3: fertility stuff, like it makes everything feel so much more heightened.

1349
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, just in general, this is a very difficult time. Yeah,

1350
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:21,200
Speaker 2: we're dealing with this a major election, We're dealing with

1351
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 2: women's rights being rolled back. You're dealing with that IVF,

1352
00:59:24,920 --> 00:59:27,640
Speaker 2: which is a total dipsy doodle on your brain, chemistry

1353
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 2: and everything. So you have to also just like sometimes

1354
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 2: take your emotions out of the situation and look at

1355
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:36,960
Speaker 2: the situation like you're not involved in it. And I'm

1356
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 2: not saying any of the stuff you're saying is untrue,

1357
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:40,960
Speaker 2: but you have to find a better way to deal

1358
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:43,760
Speaker 2: with this, because otherwise this is just a cycle that

1359
00:59:43,800 --> 00:59:44,520
Speaker 2: will continue.

1360
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:48,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I also feel like she may be doing stuff

1361
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:51,120
Speaker 3: to intentionally hurtful, But there's also a world in which

1362
00:59:51,720 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 3: it's possible that she's just so self involved and like thoughtless,

1363
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:58,120
Speaker 3: that she doesn't think about how it's impacting you at all,

1364
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 3: and the result is the same hurt and everything, and

1365
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:03,040
Speaker 3: the what you need to do as far as like

1366
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 3: freeing yourself from this is the same. But she may

1367
01:00:06,040 --> 01:00:10,520
Speaker 3: also just be like not thinking about anybody but herself, right, yeah, yeah, right.

1368
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, on that note, Christina, how would you rate

1369
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:14,720
Speaker 2: your advice giving today?

1370
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 4: I mean, I think I'm not bad. I need to

1371
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:18,280
Speaker 4: learn a few more words.

1372
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 5: I need to increase my vocabulary and perhaps my confidence,

1373
01:00:25,280 --> 01:00:25,960
Speaker 5: but I think.

1374
01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:28,840
Speaker 2: I did Okay, Actually I would give you an a.

1375
01:00:29,360 --> 01:00:32,240
Speaker 4: But I do think that we should make emotionally unsafe whistles.

1376
01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:35,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, well maybe that's what we'll name this episode, emotionally

1377
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:36,520
Speaker 2: unsafe whistles.

1378
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,080
Speaker 1: That's not a bad idea. Do you have a whistle?

1379
01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:39,760
Speaker 5: No?

1380
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 4: I don't.

1381
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:41,960
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to get your I'm going to get that.

1382
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:47,640
Speaker 2: Such my next offering to oh yes, a great holiday present,

1383
01:00:47,760 --> 01:00:49,200
Speaker 2: great Valentine's Day present.

1384
01:00:49,320 --> 01:00:51,080
Speaker 1: Great all of the things that are coming up.

1385
01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 2: It's cat full of Spiders, Tarot deck and guidebook Christina

1386
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:57,800
Speaker 2: Reachie's Personal Guidebooks. So this is going to be really

1387
01:00:57,880 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 2: fun for your family members and your friends and all

1388
01:01:00,960 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 2: of the things that we have coming up in the world.

1389
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:05,480
Speaker 2: So please get yourself a copy. I'm going to take

1390
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:07,480
Speaker 2: this to Whistler and play this with my friends. Not

1391
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 2: that you play tarot cards.

1392
01:01:08,960 --> 01:01:11,320
Speaker 5: I say that to you sometimes I keep making my son,

1393
01:01:11,680 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 5: ten year old son sit through readings.

1394
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 1: What is your BITI so what is your favorite like

1395
01:01:16,760 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 1: thing to add?

1396
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:19,120
Speaker 2: Like when do you go to tarot cards when you

1397
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 2: have a question about your life? Do you go?

1398
01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:24,760
Speaker 5: I have trouble focusing in on the issue at hand

1399
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:27,640
Speaker 5: many times in my life, So sometimes I'll just kind

1400
01:01:27,680 --> 01:01:32,040
Speaker 5: of shuffle and draw a card, and that theme or

1401
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:37,640
Speaker 5: question allows me to like approach whatever sort of confusion

1402
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:40,560
Speaker 5: I'm going through from a different perspective, like just the

1403
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:43,960
Speaker 5: idea that like, sometimes you're asking yourselves the wrong questions

1404
01:01:44,760 --> 01:01:47,600
Speaker 5: and so this is a way of bringing in different

1405
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:50,440
Speaker 5: questions and ideas to what you're going through. So a

1406
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 5: lot of times I'll draw a card and just be like, well,

1407
01:01:52,640 --> 01:01:54,160
Speaker 5: how does that relate to what I'm going through? And

1408
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:59,200
Speaker 5: does that give me insight? And you know, okay, yeah.

1409
01:01:58,720 --> 01:01:59,680
Speaker 2: Okay, well great.

1410
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 1: I love it. You were so fun.

1411
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 2: I love me.

1412
01:02:02,360 --> 01:02:04,480
Speaker 4: He was really happy to be on. I've been a

1413
01:02:04,560 --> 01:02:05,320
Speaker 4: huge hand of your so.

1414
01:02:05,440 --> 01:02:08,040
Speaker 1: Oh my god, why weren't you ever on Chelsea lately?

1415
01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 5: I don't know why wasn't I I was during my drive,

1416
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:12,280
Speaker 5: I was during my dry spell when I couldn't get

1417
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 5: couldn't get it.

1418
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:18,000
Speaker 1: You're like that has been you could have at least

1419
01:02:18,040 --> 01:02:21,840
Speaker 1: been on the round table. All right, thank you, Christina.

1420
01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:25,360
Speaker 2: We'll see you next week. Okay, guys, stand up shows

1421
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,600
Speaker 2: that I have coming up, I am going to Texas

1422
01:02:28,760 --> 01:02:29,400
Speaker 2: this weekend.

1423
01:02:29,480 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to Houston.

1424
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 2: I'm going to Austin, Houston and then Sugarland, Texas. Then

1425
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:39,360
Speaker 2: I have my Specials taping in Montclair, New Jersey. Those

1426
01:02:39,360 --> 01:02:42,120
Speaker 2: are all sold out. I have San Diego on eleven

1427
01:02:42,160 --> 01:02:43,800
Speaker 2: twenty nine that has tickets available.

1428
01:02:43,920 --> 01:02:44,080
Speaker 1: Oh.

1429
01:02:44,120 --> 01:02:48,040
Speaker 2: I'm coming to Vegas on November thirtieth, right after Thanksgiving,

1430
01:02:48,400 --> 01:02:50,320
Speaker 2: and there are tickets available for that. And then I'll

1431
01:02:50,320 --> 01:02:55,200
Speaker 2: be in Des Moines, Iowa December fifth, December sixth is Omaha,

1432
01:02:55,560 --> 01:02:58,960
Speaker 2: and then December twenty eighth, I'm coming to New Orleans

1433
01:02:59,120 --> 01:03:01,080
Speaker 2: right before New Years, and then I'll be in Atlanta,

1434
01:03:01,120 --> 01:03:02,800
Speaker 2: Georgia on December twenty ninth.

1435
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:05,200
Speaker 1: And those are the rest of my stand updates for

1436
01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:08,560
Speaker 1: this year. It's over New Tour New Year.

1437
01:03:09,520 --> 01:03:11,920
Speaker 3: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email

1438
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:14,800
Speaker 3: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be

1439
01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 3: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

1440
01:03:17,880 --> 01:03:21,520
Speaker 3: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and

1441
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:23,960
Speaker 3: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot

1442
01:03:24,040 --> 01:03:28,080
Speaker 3: com