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Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,

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Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about

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Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. Okay, So,

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Speaker 1: with the end of the year rapidly approaching, I think

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Speaker 1: we need to check in on our mental health.

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Speaker 2: This time of the.

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Speaker 1: Year is always so chaotic. There's the traveling. If you're

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Speaker 1: traveling with all the delays and the noise and the

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Speaker 1: people of it all, and the kids are out of.

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Speaker 2: School, I don't know about you.

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Speaker 1: Mine just eat all day long, like I cannot seem

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Speaker 1: to spend enough money at the grocery store to feed

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Speaker 1: this family. Maybe do you have family in town? Because

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Speaker 1: my mom is coming the memester she is going to

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Speaker 1: be here. She will be wanting to chat.

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Speaker 2: That I know.

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Speaker 1: And you know end of your work deadlines. They're shopping.

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Speaker 1: There's the deadline of the shopping. If you don't get

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Speaker 1: all the shopping done and the wrapping done by the day,

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Speaker 1: then you suck like you failed Christmas somehow. It's a

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Speaker 1: lot of pressure and how do you know what to

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Speaker 1: get people? That takes some serious thinking. Then if you

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Speaker 1: are a real overachiever, like show Off, you decide to

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Speaker 1: host a holiday party. It is truly insane. And you

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Speaker 1: know what, Usually the first thing we stop doing when

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Speaker 1: we are busy is carving out time to check in

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Speaker 1: on ourselves, Like take.

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Speaker 2: A hot second to check in and assess.

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Speaker 1: How are we doing mentally today.

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Speaker 2: I've got two great.

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Speaker 1: Guests joining me for this conversation. First up, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to bring in my bestie and our resident therapist here

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Speaker 1: on the pod help me. Welcome back Adele to the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hi, Jenny, you're so pretty.

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Speaker 3: You're so pretty.

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Speaker 1: Okay, first off, how are you doing right now? Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: was a lot.

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Speaker 2: It's the end of the year.

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Speaker 1: Are things in your life starting to get crazy or what?

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Speaker 3: Well? Yes and no.

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Speaker 4: Because I live in kind of a resort town, everybody

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Speaker 4: wants to come visit us, so we have we literally

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Speaker 4: tell people start booking our house if you want to

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Speaker 4: come visit, because it books up.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I couldn't get a booking. The in was all full.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, we'll find you something. But yeah, I think

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Speaker 4: you missed all the holiday spots. Oh no, we're talking

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Speaker 4: about a good holiday spot still for you. Yeah, it's

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Speaker 4: been a lot of people coming to visit. Both of

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Speaker 4: our families right around Thanksgiving. All four of our parents

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Speaker 4: are still alive, so lots of elderly stuff coming up

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Speaker 4: and feelings coming up. Oh yeah, familiar.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and we are. It's funny.

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Speaker 4: I don't consider other of us overachievers, but definitely we

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Speaker 4: do like to host. We feel like, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 4: Jen's a really good cook, and I like to do

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Speaker 4: the table and the house and the all the things.

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Speaker 4: And I'm exhausted already.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I was saying earlier, at the end of the

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Speaker 1: year gets so chaotic for a bunch of reasons. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but I want to impress you for a second with

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Speaker 1: some stats.

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Speaker 2: Ooh okay.

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Speaker 1: In twenty fourteen, NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness,

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Speaker 1: found that sixty four percent of people with mental illness

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Speaker 1: say the holidays make their conditions worse.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And when I say mental illness, am I talking about

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Speaker 1: like depression anxiety?

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Speaker 2: Do those call of it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, they do.

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Speaker 4: Okay, right, And that's I'm glad you've said that, because

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Speaker 4: a lot of people think mental illness has to be

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Speaker 4: I don't want to say that depression and anxiety aren't serious,

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Speaker 4: but they're a little bit more garden variety and a

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Speaker 4: lot more people have both of those or one of those,

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Speaker 4: but it's not severe mental illness. It can be depression,

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Speaker 4: it can be anxiety, it can be addiction.

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Speaker 1: In twenty twenty one, a survey showed that three and

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Speaker 1: five Americans feel their mental health is negatively impacted by

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Speaker 1: the holidays. Now, I know this is twenty fourteen and

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty one. I'm sure these numbers are bigger now

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Speaker 1: because life just seems to get more and more chaotic

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Speaker 1: as it goes on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I would guess I think you're right.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think it probably those numbers are even

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Speaker 4: higher now, you know, for two main reasons, post pandemic

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Speaker 4: and us being more isolated than we were before the pandemic,

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Speaker 4: and also with the divisiveness still with post election and

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Speaker 4: politics and family members who don't align politically, so that

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Speaker 4: stressor is an added stressor now more than usual.

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Speaker 1: Right, And just like how much eggs cost, Like everything

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Speaker 1: is so expensive now that is stressful for so many people.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, and inflation has gone up as it

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Speaker 4: does every year, but yeah, I mean just kitchen table

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Speaker 4: stuff is stressful. And then the holidays, like what you

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Speaker 4: were describing, I was listening to talk about how you

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Speaker 4: do the holidays, and I thought, even you, who's done

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Speaker 4: so much personal work, who has grown so much, when

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Speaker 4: you were in your twenties, you were doing it the

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Speaker 4: same way you're doing it in your fifties.

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Speaker 3: You're like, when I heard you say what to get everyone,

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Speaker 3: I thought, oh, Jen, oh no.

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Speaker 2: No, it's not.

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Speaker 1: You know, I am an overachiever when it comes to

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Speaker 1: the holidays.

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Speaker 2: I admit that, you guys, And yeah, it's a lot.

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Speaker 1: I have all three of my girls home, and every

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Speaker 1: time that I'm the happiest I'm I've ever been when

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Speaker 1: they're all home. But my house literally just looks like

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Speaker 1: a bomb went off inside of it. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I just have to kind of like change gears and

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Speaker 1: be okay with that for that period of time because

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Speaker 1: normally I'm a little more neat and tidy orderly.

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Speaker 3: But the thing is, that's what the holidays are supposed

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Speaker 3: to look like.

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Speaker 4: We have to kind of like we have to move

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Speaker 4: our mindset into the reality and not the fantasy, you know,

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Speaker 4: like the Martha Stewart fantasy you can.

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Speaker 1: Do that you are a fantasy is so good, I know,

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Speaker 1: I know, but it's magazine that's for a photo shoot, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And when I think of you, I think of

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Speaker 4: you as making beautiful things besides beautiful children. You make

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Speaker 4: beautiful food, you make a beautiful home, You make beautiful

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Speaker 4: crafty things, even in your messy house, and that's what's

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Speaker 4: so beautiful about it. So we have to move into

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Speaker 4: what the reality is, which is and I'm the same.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, my house is perfection right now because guests

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Speaker 4: are coming and I know the minute people come in,

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Speaker 4: they're going to be putting like cans of soda down,

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Speaker 4: and I'm like, I have to get myself into that place.

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Speaker 2: So we have to switch gears.

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Speaker 4: I'm here to make them happy, comfortable, have a great experience.

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Speaker 4: And that's part of being a great host is the

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Speaker 4: messiness of it all and actually feeling great about the

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Speaker 4: gift of giving your beautiful home to people and letting

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Speaker 4: them relax in it.

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Speaker 3: Right, we don't want people to be uptight in our homes.

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Speaker 2: No, I want people to feel comfortable. So yeah, why do.

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Speaker 1: You think it's important for us to still carve out

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Speaker 1: time for our mental health? Like, why do you think

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Speaker 1: it's almost more important for us to carve out some

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Speaker 1: time for ourselves and for our mental health during the holidays.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think you said it with those statistics right there.

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Speaker 4: Are you know, it's an added pressure because we're not

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Speaker 4: just in our regular routine right either we're traveling or

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Speaker 4: we're receiving and hosting, and the stress levels are higher

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Speaker 4: because of our expectations. And I was thinking about that

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Speaker 4: today and the holidays today, and I thought, as we've

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Speaker 4: talked about a lot over the years, expectations breed a

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Speaker 4: lot of let down and resentment and feeling like failures.

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Speaker 4: And I think we might be doing it a little

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Speaker 4: bit wrong that when we have traditions, right we have,

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Speaker 4: We've had the same traditions year after year. Hopefully if

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Speaker 4: that's what you want, if that's what's important to you

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Speaker 4: for your family, and if you have these traditions, you're

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Speaker 4: already re expecting so much for what's coming. You want

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Speaker 4: it to go this way and this way and this

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Speaker 4: way and this way. And I think so we set ourselves.

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Speaker 3: Up for sure, so your anxiety.

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Speaker 1: Just the traditions themselves are setting us up for disappointment

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Speaker 1: and stress.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And and suddenly today I went, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: I think we're kind of doing it wrong. First of all,

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Speaker 4: traditions are wonderful and we want to have them right,

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Speaker 4: like whatever you know, food traditions, or how we come

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Speaker 4: together and maybe do Christmas Morning or we do Honik

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Speaker 4: or whatever. But if we if we say, oh, but

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Speaker 4: we do this every year, we do it this way

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Speaker 4: every year, and if it goes slightly askew.

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Speaker 3: Or a skance, I don't know what the right word is.

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Speaker 3: I think because of.

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Speaker 4: Scance, then we suddenly feel like we did it wrong,

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Speaker 4: and so we're setting ourselves up. And so I think

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Speaker 4: our mental health if we can pre plan a little bit,

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Speaker 4: like however, it goes as long as connections they're having

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Speaker 4: a moment with this person or that person, seeing my

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Speaker 4: daughters experience this thing, this moment that they always have

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Speaker 4: at Christmas, then those are small winds, not the.

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Speaker 3: Big huge It goes exactly this way.

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Speaker 4: These traditions have to go exactly this way, but just

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Speaker 4: the small connections.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I like this.

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Speaker 1: I was going to ask you in a minute, like

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Speaker 1: what are some helpful little things that our listeners can

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Speaker 1: do to help them prioritize their mental health during the time,

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Speaker 1: even if they try to use the excuse that there

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Speaker 1: isn't enough time. There's always enough time, but these are

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Speaker 1: that's that's a great, simple little thing. So you're saying

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Speaker 1: to break it down, break out your the what you

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Speaker 1: want as far as small wins, like specific things that

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Speaker 1: you want to see happen.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Like if you look over and you see Fiona

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Speaker 4: and Luca having a moment and you're moved, You're like,

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Speaker 4: oh my gosh, I'm so glad Luca's home and like

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Speaker 4: they're connecting right now, that is that could be I

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Speaker 4: just got chill saying it because they feel like that

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Speaker 4: could be the greatest moment of your Christmas holiday with

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Speaker 4: your family.

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Speaker 3: Just small little wins.

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Speaker 2: I know, Okay, I like this.

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Speaker 1: What's another example of another small win?

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Speaker 4: Well that so that backs up to your question around

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Speaker 4: mental health, which is that is how we address our

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Speaker 4: mental health is to pre plan and think ahead about

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Speaker 4: small winds. Think about let's if a tradition doesn't go

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Speaker 4: exactly as we need it to go, maybe it's supposed

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Speaker 4: to shift a little bit.

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Speaker 3: They change over time.

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Speaker 4: Right, people get sick sometimes and can't come and be

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Speaker 4: with us, or we can't go somewhere. So another small

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Speaker 4: wind could be you finally, mastered that one dish She've

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Speaker 4: been trying every year, you know, and it came out

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Speaker 4: prettier than you thought it was going too. Or your

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Speaker 4: mom felt good this time, she didn't. She didn't feel

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Speaker 4: under the weather or weak, or you know, or that

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Speaker 4: your mom is there. Your mom coming to your house

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Speaker 4: for the holidays is an entire win, it is.

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Speaker 2: That's true, right, Yeah, even though she talks my ear off. No,

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Speaker 2: I love it. I love it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, those are good. I love that because I think

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Speaker 1: it's so important. I want to ask you this question, though,

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Speaker 1: I think there continues to be a misconception sometimes that

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Speaker 1: making time for ourselves is selfish. Can we just unpack that?

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Speaker 1: Why do people think that?

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Speaker 2: Do you think?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: I hear that a lot, and I heard it a

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Speaker 4: lot in session with clients, Like there was always we

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Speaker 4: always had ended up having a talk about the difference

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Speaker 4: between selfish versus self care.

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Speaker 3: And what does that look like?

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Speaker 4: And you know, because if I think of myself and

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Speaker 4: I take care of myself and I take time for myself,

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Speaker 4: isn't that selfish? And I would say, the things you

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Speaker 4: want to watch for and the differences between selfish and

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Speaker 4: self care are that selfish is self serving, right, You're

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Speaker 4: serving yourself. You're thinking of yourself first and at the

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Speaker 4: exclusion of other people, right, at the exclusion of loved ones.

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Speaker 3: So if there's.

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Speaker 1: So, wait, if so, if I'm taking a bath, if

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Speaker 1: I choose to go take a bath to take care

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Speaker 1: of myself while everybody else is like, you know, wondering

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Speaker 1: what's for dinner?

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Speaker 2: Is that selfish? Am I being selfish?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 4: I don't think so, because you're taking care of yourself

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Speaker 4: and you're not hurting anyone, right, and you're not you're

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Speaker 4: not taking a bath for five hours and nobody gets fed.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm just kidding.

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Speaker 4: So a version of like selfish bath would be, you know,

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Speaker 4: thinking about I don't know when a bath would ever

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Speaker 4: be selfish.

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Speaker 3: I don't know where I'm going to go.

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Speaker 4: With that, but I think if let's say everyone has

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Speaker 4: decided the night before, okay, we're all going to have

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Speaker 4: breakfast together tomorrow morning at nine, if you know I

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Speaker 4: need some quiet time by myself before that, then you're

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Speaker 4: taking care of yourself and you're taking a bath, You're

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Speaker 4: taking a walk, you're taking the dogs for a walk,

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Speaker 4: you're doing you're meditating, you're spending time with Dave privately

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Speaker 4: before you have the breakfast at nine. But if at

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Speaker 4: nine you're like, I'm going to take a bath, right,

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Speaker 4: and now everybody's waiting for you for an hour, that

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Speaker 4: borders on more selfish, Right, you're not sort of thinking

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Speaker 4: of the collective experience. Now, if you're having severe anxiety

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Speaker 4: at nine am, when it's time to sit down for breakfast,

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Speaker 4: you also get to say, hey, guys, go ahead without me.

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Speaker 4: I need you know, you might privately say to someone

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Speaker 4: I'm having some anxiety. I'm going to take a bath,

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Speaker 4: please don't worry about me, and breakfast is ready or whatever.

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Speaker 1: Oh, you know, it's so weird when you just said

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Speaker 1: about that. You just said, maybe you get anxiety and

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Speaker 1: you have to excuse yourself. I got anxiety, Like maybe

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Speaker 1: it's just the word anxiety now that gives me anxiety.

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Speaker 4: Well, what happened in that moment when I said, what

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Speaker 4: were you thinking about?

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Speaker 2: Nothing?

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Speaker 1: I was listening to you, and I was like, in

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Speaker 1: the word anxiety gave me anxiety? Like, uh, my heart

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Speaker 1: started skipping beats.

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Speaker 3: Interesting?

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Speaker 2: Interest interesting?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So as long as you are not not thinking

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Speaker 1: of the whole of the other people in your life.

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Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I mean you can.

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Speaker 4: It's kind of tricky because you get to take care

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Speaker 4: of yourself at any given moment. You get to set

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Speaker 4: a boundary, you get to remove yourself if you feel unsafe,

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Speaker 4: right or you feel like I am my mental state

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Speaker 4: is in need of quiet and space.

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Speaker 3: Just across the board.

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Speaker 4: But if you are, if you've disappeared for eight hours

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Speaker 4: and it's just because you don't want to be with

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Speaker 4: everybody and they're kind of counting on you to do

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Speaker 4: things at a minimum, if you don't communicate, I.

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Speaker 3: Would say that's selfish.

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Speaker 4: But if you say, hey, guys, I'm having a hard day,

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Speaker 4: and can you take care of yourselves because they all

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Speaker 4: look to you to take care of them, that's self care, right.

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Speaker 4: So it's almost like self care plus communication gives additional

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Speaker 4: permission for self care. But selfish would be just like

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Speaker 4: peace out and not talking to anybody, right, and you know,

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Speaker 4: or taking up kind of psychic space.

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Speaker 3: Right. Let's say the whole.

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Speaker 4: Family's together and you are having another Let's say you're

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Speaker 4: feeling blue. Let's say you're grieving, right because you've lost

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Speaker 4: somebody and the holidays are really hard for you. You

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Speaker 4: may say communicate to everybody. I'm going to take a

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Speaker 4: little time for myself. I'm going to go reflect on

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Speaker 4: my dad and take a little walk and just say

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Speaker 4: a little prayer or whatever.

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Speaker 3: That is self care.

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Speaker 4: If you're sitting in the group and sort of taking

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Speaker 4: up a lot of psychic space, I would maybe say

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Speaker 4: that's a little selfish.

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Speaker 1: Right, because it can bring the vibe down. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: you don't want to do that to everybody.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and you want to be considerate of others. But

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Speaker 4: also again, I want to make sure everybody understands that

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Speaker 4: if you need something, you need space, you need time,

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Speaker 4: you need to care for yourself, take it. If no

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Speaker 4: one is giving you space, take space.

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Speaker 3: Right. It's not other people's job to give you space.

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Speaker 3: You need to take it.

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Speaker 4: But communication is a really essential element to self care.

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Speaker 2: I like that.

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Speaker 1: That's something we haven't really talked about, that, that importance

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Speaker 1: of communicating.

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Speaker 2: You know, I suck at that.

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Speaker 3: I do.

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Speaker 2: Here's what happens with me.

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Speaker 1: I am better, But it's like a constant thing, be

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Speaker 1: thinking something in my mind. I'm communicating in here.

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Speaker 3: Uh huh with you yourself and you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, my mouth doesn't say anything, So nobody outside of here,

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Speaker 1: here's my communication.

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Speaker 2: But I'm fully in communication with somebody.

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Speaker 4: You have your own little private neighborhood in your head,

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Speaker 4: but it's not a great neighborhood.

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Speaker 2: Ah damn my neighbors.

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Speaker 1: Oh man, Okay, So I'm gonna I'm gonna work. I'm

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Speaker 1: always working on something. I'm gonna work on communicating my

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Speaker 1: needs a little more clearly.

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Speaker 3: Or just what's going on with you. Be transparent, you guys.

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Speaker 4: It might seem like you might say to Dave, I

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Speaker 4: know that I'm kind of a little quiet right now.

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Speaker 3: Let me tell you more.

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Speaker 2: Like on edge.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's mine. That's my thing for sure in

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Speaker 4: my family.

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Speaker 1: And so like if everybody's like needing, wanting, causing disrupt yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can get a little edgy.

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Speaker 4: I can get a little edgy. And my wife can

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Speaker 4: feel it. And so I am still practicing and still

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Speaker 4: learning to be able to say to her, I'm a

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Speaker 4: little on edge. You might be feeling it. So I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: If I'm on edge, like my two elderly parents, it's

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Speaker 4: kind of like stressing me out. And you know, can

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Speaker 4: we take a walk or can I go lie down

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Speaker 4: for five minutes?

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Speaker 3: Can you like manage the scene? And I'll be back.

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Speaker 1: You know, what I love here is that you still

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Speaker 1: have things that challenges.

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Speaker 3: Of course I do.

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Speaker 2: Are you normal, Oh you are okay. Yes, you.

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Speaker 1: Touch on something really briefly, but you were talking about

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Speaker 1: some really good points, some interesting stuff, and we're going

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Speaker 1: to talk about this a little bit more with my

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Speaker 1: next guest from amend Treatment, so stay tuned for that.

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Speaker 1: But I want to circle back on something you were

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Speaker 1: talking about briefly that during the holidays, there's the natural

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Speaker 1: feeling that can come up of grief memories of the

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Speaker 1: people that we've lost. Yes, we're no longer able to

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Speaker 1: make memories with them. It can be overwhelming for people.

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Speaker 1: I know, my mind can definitely go down that road.

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Speaker 1: And I do think it's a good thing to think

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Speaker 1: about the people that we've lost and relive their memories

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Speaker 1: and just you know, spend some time remembering them, honoring them.

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Speaker 1: But that can start to get a little dicey if

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Speaker 1: we spend too much time there. Yeah, for someone that's

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Speaker 1: struggling with grief this holiday season, what are some things

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Speaker 1: that they can do to work through those feelings, because

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Speaker 1: I know that, Yeah, like I said, it can get

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Speaker 1: a little dicey.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And grief is tricky because you cannot prescribe it.

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Speaker 3: You just can't. You can't plan it.

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Speaker 4: You never know, right, it's not linear, right, it's kind

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Speaker 4: of all over the place. And like we were talking

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Speaker 4: about traditions earlier, imagine that traditions year after year are

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Speaker 4: going to bring up memories. And those memories if that

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Speaker 4: person is no longer here, can cause a lot of sadness,

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Speaker 4: a lot of missing, a lot of loss, and a

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Speaker 4: lot of grief.

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Speaker 3: And you know, I.

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Speaker 4: Would I would say twofold, I would say two things.

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Speaker 4: Let it be right, I mean, simply let it be

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Speaker 4: and honor it and use the.

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Speaker 3: Tools we've been talking about to hold your heart, you know.

401
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Speaker 4: And if that means taking a walk, if that means crying,

402
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Speaker 4: if that means coming up with a.

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Speaker 3: Little tradition, I like. I like the idea.

404
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Speaker 4: The second part of this that I was going to

405
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Speaker 4: say is coming up with a new tradition about the

406
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Speaker 4: person you've lost, the person that's died, So so keeping

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Speaker 4: them alive in a in a new tradition way, right,

408
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Speaker 4: It could be an ornament on a tree, it could

409
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Speaker 4: be bringing them up like we kind of do. My grandmother,

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Speaker 4: so my mom's mom was a huge Christmas person and

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Speaker 4: made me a huge Christmas person and I miss her

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Speaker 4: so much every Christmas. I miss her all the time,

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Speaker 4: but at Christmas, I am. I'm talking about her every meal.

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Speaker 4: I wear her jewelry. I have a few of her

415
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Speaker 4: pieces and like a like an emerald Christmas tree and

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Speaker 4: like a diamond ring, and I bling it out with

417
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Speaker 4: my grandma's jewelry every Christmas, you know, things like that.

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Speaker 4: I have her ornaments, and so just bringing them into

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Speaker 4: the traditions and creating new ones, you know that you

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Speaker 4: can do each year to remember them.

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Speaker 1: I like that too. Yeah, I need to do that.

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Speaker 1: I need to do that because I sometimes feel like

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Speaker 1: if I just keep missing them in the quiet parts

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Speaker 1: of my mind, it'll go away quicker.

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Speaker 2: Instead of like.

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Speaker 1: Letting it be like you said, and creating a new

427
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Speaker 1: tradition which includes them in the holiday.

428
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Speaker 4: Yeah, like your dad, did he have a favorite Christmas tradition?

429
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Speaker 4: Did he have a favorite drink or food at Christmas time?

430
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Speaker 4: Or did he like to say a toast or a prayer?

431
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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I can just remember him sitting there and just my

433
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Speaker 1: dad wasn't a talker, you know, kind of like him

434
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Speaker 1: he would just sit there quietly and so happy just

435
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Speaker 1: watching the girls, you know, unwrap their presents and play

436
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:39,840
Speaker 1: with them.

437
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Speaker 4: Those are the small winds, right. I can see him

438
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Speaker 4: sitting back at meals right. And the way he enjoyed

439
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 4: being a host was taking it in. Take a moment

440
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Speaker 4: and take take in this holiday like your dad would.

441
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Speaker 2: That's so good. I don't want to do that.

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Speaker 1: What about if you're a single parent, Because raising the

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Speaker 1: three girls, there were a lot of times when I

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Speaker 1: was on my own, Peter was on location or you know,

445
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,720
Speaker 1: working whatever, and there were times when I felt like

446
00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 1: a single parent. I mean I never really truly was

447
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: at that point.

448
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 2: But it's hard.

449
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: It's hard, and I set myself up for disaster, like,

450
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,119
Speaker 1: you know, buying too many things and then had to

451
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 1: be the same amount for each girl and then having

452
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:38,080
Speaker 1: to wrap them.

453
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 2: Did you okay, do you guys do this?

454
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 1: Do you wrap your presents and put them under the

455
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 1: tree for Christmas morning? Like you keep them away and

456
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 1: then you put them out on Christmas night?

457
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 4: No? I start putting them out day after Thanksgiving up. Yeah,

458
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:54,479
Speaker 4: that's I mean. In my family, the tradition was everything

459
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,440
Speaker 4: was wrapped and we each got one big present that

460
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 4: Santa left that was unwrapped, so you know, you'd wake

461
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,720
Speaker 4: up in the morning and they'd be like, whatever unwrapped,

462
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,159
Speaker 4: the exciting, whatever the thing you really wanted was.

463
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:07,800
Speaker 2: And it's that's a problem.

464
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,640
Speaker 1: I've set myself up for failure because i just did

465
00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,160
Speaker 1: it the wrong way. With the girls, Santa brings them

466
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,840
Speaker 1: a pile of presents, and you know, it's a lot,

467
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 1: it's a lot. Santa's very stressed.

468
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 4: Well, let me say something about something my mom did

469
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 4: that I really appreciated. Several years ago. She talked to

470
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 4: us and said, we're going to change the traditions. I

471
00:24:29,840 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 4: want to set you up for your expectations because we

472
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:37,119
Speaker 4: always did like a big present, you know, and she

473
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 4: you know, as we got older, I think she realized, like,

474
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 4: let we need to think of others right and be

475
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,840
Speaker 4: more modest in our spending and things like that. And

476
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 4: she so she told us she had a talk with

477
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,479
Speaker 4: us before Christmas. I'd say, when we were in our twenties,

478
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 4: like around where your girls are now, and she said,

479
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 4: let's let's give each other. You know, we do one

480
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,520
Speaker 4: we do one tradition, which is we do a donation

481
00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 4: to something for each other, which is a really nice

482
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 4: new tradition. Again, trying to change it a little bit

483
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 4: and don't expect like the big president anymore.

484
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,439
Speaker 3: We're doing small things that I know you would like.

485
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 3: And I have to tell you, like.

486
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 4: Maybe when I was like twenty two, twenty three, I

487
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,240
Speaker 4: was like aw and then and we've been doing it

488
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 4: now ever since, and I'm so grateful and I love it.

489
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 4: But I'm also grateful that she told us this is

490
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,560
Speaker 4: how we're going to do it now. Okay, great guys communication.

491
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:36,680
Speaker 1: I did this, Okay, I maybe last year or the

492
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 1: year before, I did this very thing that you're describing,

493
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 1: and it didn't work. And I'll tell you why I

494
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:46,560
Speaker 1: didn't work. It didn't work because I didn't stick with it.

495
00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 4: That would have been my guest that you told them

496
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,719
Speaker 4: and then you didn't stick with it, and then you

497
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,399
Speaker 4: over did because I remember, like whenever I'm with you

498
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 4: and you're buying like a birthday present for someone or

499
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 4: a holiday present for someone.

500
00:25:58,040 --> 00:25:59,359
Speaker 3: You're like, is this a nut?

501
00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,639
Speaker 4: You've already got things for someone like a friend, and

502
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 4: then you're like, I feel like I need one more thing.

503
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:07,239
Speaker 4: So you you if you set a boundary, if you

504
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 4: communicate to your kids. And you set a boundary and

505
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 4: then you don't stick with it, You're sending a message

506
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 4: to them that my boundaries don't mean anything.

507
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

508
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, they kind of already know that, but uh yeah wow.

509
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,000
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I'm gonna try harder. Look look at me,

510
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 2: I'm learning so much.

511
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 4: Change the traditions, but be transparent about them so that

512
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 4: expectations are lower or different.

513
00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 1: So any kind of parents, single parent, co parents, any

514
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 1: kind of parent can change the tradition if it needs

515
00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 1: to be changed.

516
00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 4: Yes, And I think single parents should be a little

517
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 4: easier on themselves. I mean, I am not a parent,

518
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 4: and I'm not a single parent, but I would say

519
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:50,080
Speaker 4: that I'm a big fan of chosen families. Right, So

520
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 4: create what you need. Right, If you're a single parent

521
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 4: and you're struggling and you need help, ask for help

522
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,160
Speaker 4: and pull those aunties in, pull those you know other

523
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,719
Speaker 4: mamas in and create a new chosen family where you

524
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:04,919
Speaker 4: have help and new traditions.

525
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,879
Speaker 1: Okay, well stay by the phone because it might be

526
00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,919
Speaker 1: pulling in. Okay, one more question. What are your thoughts

527
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 1: on New Year's resolutions? Do you think that goal setting

528
00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: is a good thing for your mental health or that

529
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 1: kind of goal setting, like a New Year's resolution, where

530
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:27,400
Speaker 1: you're like, I'm going to get healthy this year.

531
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 2: This is going to be my ear.

532
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 1: Do you think that is putting too much pressure or

533
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: like unrealistic expectations on ourselves by doing a like a

534
00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 1: New Years I love this question.

535
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,400
Speaker 4: First of all, you probably know this about me by now,

536
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 4: but I never think of things in terms of good

537
00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 4: and bad, right and wrong.

538
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:43,400
Speaker 3: Right.

539
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 4: Anytime you do that, that's called black and white thinking. Right, So,

540
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 4: anytime you do that, really, is this good or is

541
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,800
Speaker 4: this bad? I'm going to stop you and say, maybe

542
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 4: it's both, and maybe it's neither. Right, it's let's just

543
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,959
Speaker 4: sort of analyze it. We don't have to decide if

544
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 4: it's good or bad for me. I've never done New

545
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 4: Year's resolutions. Probably when I was younger, I did a few,

546
00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 4: and then I didn't feel good, and so I pay

547
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 4: I kind of checked in, and I was like, I

548
00:28:15,320 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 4: don't feel good about this set up, and so I stopped.

549
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 4: In my twenties, I stopped doing New Year's resolutions. That

550
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 4: being said, it might work for somebody else. That might

551
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,679
Speaker 4: be the way that they motivate themselves to you and

552
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 4: I motivate very differently. I'm a softer, like everything's okay,

553
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,000
Speaker 4: whatever you want to do, be gentle on yourself, and

554
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 4: you're kind of you know, the way that you motivate

555
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 4: to exercise and move your body is very different than

556
00:28:39,480 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 4: the way I do. I mean, you're a lot fitter

557
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 4: than I am because of it. But I don't want

558
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 4: to do that to myself.

559
00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know.

560
00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: I know I'm more I'm more of a tough love

561
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:51,239
Speaker 1: kind of.

562
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 2: I have a tough.

563
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 4: Lover and I'm a gentle kinder, gentler kinder.

564
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, ever, you're gonna get mad at me.

565
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 2: I know you're better than me, but it's not.

566
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: Better, worse, good, bad, Yeah yeah, yeah, right, yeah. I

567
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,960
Speaker 1: think that when I do set, I mean I've done that.

568
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 1: I don't even know how many times. This is going

569
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 1: to be the year that I stop eating salt and

570
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 1: get really fit and take great care of myself. And then,

571
00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 1: you know, week two rolls around in January and maybe

572
00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 1: I don't make the right food choice for a minute

573
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,880
Speaker 1: and I feel like a failure and I get down

574
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:37,560
Speaker 1: on myself, and that just I feel that that just

575
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,479
Speaker 1: you know, ruins the whole notion of goal setting.

576
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean hard and fast goals don't make a

577
00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:50,320
Speaker 4: lot of sense to me. You know, if anything, when

578
00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 4: I hear you say that, would I would want to

579
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:56,200
Speaker 4: change that to this is the year I know I'm

580
00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 4: good enough and accept the amount I exercise and the

581
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,640
Speaker 4: amount of salt I eat and the amount of health

582
00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 4: I have.

583
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 3: Like that would be a lovely resolution for you.

584
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 2: Ooh, I like that.

585
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: This year I'm going to be good enough.

586
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 2: That's a good resolution. What's another one like that?

587
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,239
Speaker 3: This year I am going to accept what is?

588
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 2: Okay, those are good ones.

589
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:26,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, this year I am going to be a better communicator.

590
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 3: I love that.

591
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 2: But what happens when I'm not?

592
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 3: Yeah?

593
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 4: Well, see, so when you say better, I think you

594
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 4: could say this year, I am going to notice when

595
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 4: I communicate well and be happy with myself in those moments,

596
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 4: because you do communicate well sometimes.

597
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 3: Yeah. So, so it's not about being a better one.

598
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 4: It's about I am a good communicator at times, and

599
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:54,960
Speaker 4: when I am, I'm going to.

600
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,680
Speaker 3: Like give myself a high five.

601
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: Okay, these are so do I'm doing this. This is

602
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 1: going to be the best year ever. Twenty twenty five, lookout,

603
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: Day Alive, Thank you Adele for joining me. You always

604
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,880
Speaker 1: bring the best insights because I'm so smart and funny

605
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:13,360
Speaker 1: and pretty.

606
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:16,479
Speaker 4: Ah, thank you for having me. I love doing this

607
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 4: with you. Your show is so great and so fun.

608
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 4: And thank you again for having me, and happy holidays.

609
00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,040
Speaker 1: I want to continue this conversation about prioritizing our mental

610
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: health and talk about an incredible place that I recently

611
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,719
Speaker 1: learned about. It's a place that you can go if

612
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:44,200
Speaker 1: you're needing something more than traditional weekly therapy. So I

613
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,640
Speaker 1: want to bring in Shier Rabibo, a clinical director at

614
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 1: Amen Treatment in Malibu, to talk more about the importance

615
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 1: of treatment for mental health. I've been to the facilities,

616
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 1: so I know firsthand how incredible this place is. Shira,

617
00:31:58,320 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 1: thank you for joining us.

618
00:31:59,440 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 5: Thank you.

619
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 1: When people hear mental health treatment, I don't think they

620
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 1: necessarily understand what a facility can offer them. Can you

621
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:10,920
Speaker 1: kind of explain what typical things people might be struggling

622
00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,320
Speaker 1: with that could really benefit from going to a place

623
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:15,760
Speaker 1: like a mend Yeah.

624
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 5: So I think when people hear residential treatment or inpatient treatment,

625
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 5: there is this larger view of it, right, like they

626
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,080
Speaker 5: might think it has to be you know, you're in

627
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 5: critical condition it's so severe, I can't get out of bed.

628
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:32,479
Speaker 5: And so amend is really more so for the everyday person,

629
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 5: right Like, while we can certainly handle major depressive disorder

630
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:42,400
Speaker 5: or PTSD or generalized anxiety disorder, it is for the

631
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 5: everyday person that can't get out of bed right or

632
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 5: is struggling through their day, struggling through work. So it

633
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:52,560
Speaker 5: really is a place where your friend would go or

634
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,920
Speaker 5: your mother, right like, anyone that you would know that's

635
00:32:54,920 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 5: struggling with a mental health condition.

636
00:32:59,120 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 1: Your facilities in Malibu offer a minimum thirty days stay.

637
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 1: What benefits and progress are people able to see when

638
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 1: they do a stay like this versus say something like

639
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,720
Speaker 1: a weekly at home once a week kind of therapy thing.

640
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 5: Yeah, so at home, right like, you're seeing your therapist

641
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 5: maybe once twice a week, you know, for fifty minutes.

642
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 5: And so the thirty days stay in a treatment center

643
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:28,239
Speaker 5: offers the whole clinical team to observe and assess and

644
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 5: work together to really better understand what's going on for you.

645
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 5: It has expedited results, right because you're working every day

646
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 5: on yourself and you're prioritizing yourself. It creates this routine.

647
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 5: So a lot of clients will come to us and say,

648
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 5: I struggle to go to the gym, and that's something

649
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:47,920
Speaker 5: that I really want to do for myself. And we

650
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 5: have that staff available to our clients to be able

651
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,440
Speaker 5: to push them and make sure that they're checking off

652
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 5: everything on their list that they want to accomplish. So

653
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 5: it's that and it's a place to hear outside of

654
00:34:01,960 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 5: what you're struggling with, right, like whether that's family or

655
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 5: your home environment. It's a really serene environment that allows

656
00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 5: you to do work alone, you know, with the people

657
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 5: who are going to support you.

658
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: Like I said, I've been to the facilities in Malibu

659
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 1: and you just nailed it.

660
00:34:21,920 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 2: It's so serene. I wanted to move in. I'm not kidding.

661
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: Oh, it just looks so relaxing in like such a

662
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: beautiful place to have that space too, and that time

663
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:41,920
Speaker 1: to really dive deep into myself, like I really wanted it.

664
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: I'm needing it, I think.

665
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:44,959
Speaker 2: In my life too.

666
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, walk our listeners through what a typical day might

667
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:53,760
Speaker 1: be like at the facility. Are they working one on

668
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 1: one mostly with a therapist?

669
00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 2: Are they in nature? Are they in group settings?

670
00:34:58,960 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 3: Like?

671
00:34:59,200 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 2: What is it?

672
00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:01,399
Speaker 3: Yeah?

673
00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,960
Speaker 5: So every day is a little different, but a general

674
00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 5: day typically, you know, you wake up and there's breakfast

675
00:35:07,680 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 5: out for you. If you've had nightmares or struggle to

676
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 5: get out of bed, there's staff to support you with

677
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 5: that too, So you would start with breakfast and then meeting,

678
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,440
Speaker 5: you know, with your therapist if you need to, meeting

679
00:35:20,480 --> 00:35:23,319
Speaker 5: with a clinical assistant who can support you moving through

680
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 5: your day. But we typically start our clinical day at

681
00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 5: eight thirty am and it starts with a process group,

682
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 5: so you're really processing your evening the day before and

683
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:36,840
Speaker 5: understanding like this is this is what I want to

684
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:38,799
Speaker 5: set forward for the day, this is how I want

685
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 5: to start my day. And that's with all of the

686
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 5: other clients as well. So you're in group therapy and

687
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 5: then you'll move into an individual session with your therapist,

688
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 5: and you will have a team of three therapists, so

689
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:57,000
Speaker 5: a primary therapist, a secondary therapist, and a family therapist.

690
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 5: And you'll have sessions at least five times a week

691
00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 5: with your therapist, and there are about four to five

692
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:07,919
Speaker 5: groups each day as well, so you'll move from one

693
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:12,120
Speaker 5: group to therapy, to lunch to another group, and then

694
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:16,280
Speaker 5: you'll have some downtime to work on journaling or therapy

695
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:21,120
Speaker 5: assignments or maybe you're going to serve therapy whatever that

696
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 5: may be next, and then you'll move into more groups

697
00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 5: and another process group at the end of the day,

698
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 5: and then we always have some type of sematic group

699
00:36:32,080 --> 00:36:33,680
Speaker 5: in the evening before bedtime.

700
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 1: I was going to ask you about that because I

701
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: know that unlike other treatment programs and then integrate somatic experience. Yeah,

702
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 1: can you explain to our listeners what that is?

703
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 5: Absolutely so, Sematic experiencing is a therapeutic approach. It was

704
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:54,920
Speaker 5: created by Peter Levine in nineteen seventy and he really

705
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 5: made an effort to show that therapy is not just

706
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 5: for your psychological stressors, right, because trauma integrates into your

707
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 5: body and so oftentimes physical symptoms come from that.

708
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 3: Right.

709
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:11,960
Speaker 5: We have a lot of clients with stomach pain or headaches,

710
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 5: and maybe that's actually from the cognitive stressors or the

711
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:20,560
Speaker 5: trauma that you've been through, and so sematic experiencing helps

712
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,640
Speaker 5: you take that and learn how to work with the

713
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 5: somatic feelings like the aches and pains, and better explain

714
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 5: that to your brain, so that you're not just talking

715
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 5: about those somatic symptoms, right, you're learning how to process

716
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 5: those just as much as you're learning how to process

717
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 5: your thoughts and your judgments too.

718
00:37:41,040 --> 00:37:45,840
Speaker 1: Wow, that sounds super beneficial. I think people are talking

719
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:51,520
Speaker 1: about their mental health more openly these days, which is incredible,

720
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,240
Speaker 1: but I know there are still a lot of people

721
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: out there who are silently struggling. What are some signs

722
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:03,839
Speaker 1: that someone might be struggling with their mental health that

723
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:05,920
Speaker 1: we shouldn't be ignoring.

724
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, when someone's world starts to get smaller, that's always

725
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 5: a huge indicator for me. So whether they're isolating in

726
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 5: their room, or maybe they're lashing out at their loved

727
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:21,479
Speaker 5: ones and they're kind of pushing everyone away from them,

728
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,760
Speaker 5: or maybe they're anxious to leave their house or anxious

729
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 5: to go to the grocery store, That to me is

730
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:31,919
Speaker 5: a huge indicator of Okay, something's not quite right right,

731
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:35,600
Speaker 5: Like they may need some support there. And maybe another

732
00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:39,880
Speaker 5: sign is not following their goals, you know, and trying

733
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 5: to achieve their goals that they had set forth or

734
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 5: they shared with a friend or a loved one. Those

735
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,000
Speaker 5: are just a few that I would be mindful of.

736
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 1: Choosing to prioritize your mental health is probably the ultimate

737
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: I'd choose me decision. You can make How can we

738
00:38:56,760 --> 00:39:00,640
Speaker 1: explain to our friends who might not be part prioritizing

739
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,400
Speaker 1: their mental health that it's so important, it's such an

740
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 1: important thing to do, and it is not selfish.

741
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 5: It's one of my favorite questions I think when I

742
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,239
Speaker 5: think about therapy and mental health, I think about the

743
00:39:13,280 --> 00:39:17,000
Speaker 5: reasons why we engage in it, right, And the term

744
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 5: selfish pops up so often. Yet our world is about

745
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:26,280
Speaker 5: the people we love and building relationships. And if I'm

746
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 5: not filling my cup, how am I supposed to support

747
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 5: others around me? Right? So taking care of your mental

748
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 5: health also supports the people you love, you know, and

749
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 5: so I think that our world is belonging empathy, validation,

750
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:44,759
Speaker 5: and in order to give that to others and ourselves,

751
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:48,160
Speaker 5: we have to take care of ourselves. So really thinking about,

752
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 5: like what do I need in order to give to

753
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:51,440
Speaker 5: other people too?

754
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 1: That's such a good way to ask yourself that question,

755
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 1: what do I need in order to of my best

756
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: for other people? I like that if someone who's listening

757
00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:10,080
Speaker 1: has a loved one or a friend that they think

758
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 1: needs more one on help, like amend offers, do you

759
00:40:15,320 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: have any advice on how they can approach that subject

760
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: with someone or bring that up.

761
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:26,399
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't be afraid to ask the hard questions, right,

762
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:29,480
Speaker 5: And I think sitting down with them and asking if

763
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:33,560
Speaker 5: they've noticed a change. Chances are that they know they're

764
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,600
Speaker 5: not feeling good and they don't know what to do

765
00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:39,359
Speaker 5: about it. Right, So sharing with them what you've observed

766
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,640
Speaker 5: and asking them if they know how to get out

767
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:46,239
Speaker 5: of this rut. And then I believe coming in with

768
00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 5: support or different treatment centers or therapists to say, like,

769
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 5: these people do know how to help you, right, Like,

770
00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,799
Speaker 5: what's the thread of trying this? You know, because you're

771
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,800
Speaker 5: already not feeling good right now?

772
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:03,440
Speaker 1: Right? What is one preconceived notion about treatment that you

773
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 1: want people to stop using or overgeneralizing that.

774
00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 5: I think we started with this, right, that you have

775
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:16,359
Speaker 5: to have a serious or severe mental illness in order

776
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:20,839
Speaker 5: to seek support. Right, we can use this as a

777
00:41:20,880 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 5: tool for us to just grow as people, right, Like,

778
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,040
Speaker 5: we don't just show up one day and we know everything.

779
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 5: And so you know, if you're able to take thirty

780
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,560
Speaker 5: days to feel better to work on yourself, like that's

781
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 5: a reason to come to treatment, right, to really just

782
00:41:36,719 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 5: dig into why you're here and what you want to

783
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:40,200
Speaker 5: do with your time.

784
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:43,799
Speaker 2: I don't get it to be able to do that.

785
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: If you can carve out those thirty days and just

786
00:41:48,200 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 1: dive so deep into yourself and get to know yourself

787
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:56,520
Speaker 1: in a way like that, it has profound benefits in

788
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: just the other I don't know how many other days,

789
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 1: the other eleven months, let's say that of the year. Yes,

790
00:42:05,640 --> 00:42:10,120
Speaker 1: that was so important mm hm Okay, lastly, before I

791
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 1: let you go, Shira, what was your last I choose

792
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 1: me moment?

793
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 3: Hm?

794
00:42:16,719 --> 00:42:19,200
Speaker 5: Yesterday I had a lot of work to do, and

795
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:22,960
Speaker 5: instead I decided to take my dog for a hike.

796
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:28,360
Speaker 5: And I needed that time to really recoup and rejuvenate.

797
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:32,320
Speaker 5: And I could have pushed through, but that just wasn't.

798
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 5: It wasn't what would have been best in that moment.

799
00:42:34,840 --> 00:42:37,279
Speaker 2: So I think that's I'm sure your dog was happy

800
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 2: about that.

801
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:39,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, he didn't mind it.

802
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 2: I love that.

803
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,880
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for shining a light on this

804
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: and telling us about this incredible facility. And I think

805
00:42:47,719 --> 00:42:49,240
Speaker 1: this is going to be good for a lot of people.

806
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:52,680
Speaker 5: Absolutely, thank you so much for your time. I appreciate it.

807
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:58,399
Speaker 1: Thanks, You're good to see you again too. I want

808
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:02,839
Speaker 1: to thank both Adele end Shira for giving us some

809
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:07,240
Speaker 1: great information today and insight into why it's so important

810
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,439
Speaker 1: to prioritize our mental health, not just around the holidays,

811
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:14,880
Speaker 1: but every day as we continue to choose ourselves each week,

812
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:18,719
Speaker 1: I want you this week to take some time to

813
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:23,680
Speaker 1: do your own sort of mental health checklist. When was

814
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:25,760
Speaker 1: the last time you sat down and you really thought

815
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:30,239
Speaker 1: about how you're feeling? Try it this week. One night

816
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 1: after work or when your kids are in bed and

817
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 1: you have a little quiet time, just sit down and

818
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,399
Speaker 1: go through some of those questions that we talked about

819
00:43:38,440 --> 00:43:43,319
Speaker 1: earlier with Adele. You know what can be your small wins.

820
00:43:43,840 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 1: What is a different way to sort of frame a

821
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:51,600
Speaker 1: new Year's resolution that will work better for you? How

822
00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:56,840
Speaker 1: can you incorporate some traditions into what's already happening in

823
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:59,879
Speaker 1: your house? How do you incorporate some traditions that might

824
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:02,839
Speaker 1: be a little bit less stressful for you? We said

825
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: in this episode you should be asking yourself and keep

826
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 1: reminding yourself that it is not selfish to prioritize your

827
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 1: mental health. Thanks for listening to I Choose Me. Are

828
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:18,160
Speaker 1: you following the show because I really want you to,

829
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:22,000
Speaker 1: so make sure you open up whatever platform you're listening

830
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 1: on right now, and go to the show page and

831
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:26,759
Speaker 1: hit follow because that would mean so much to me.

832
00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,759
Speaker 1: You can check out all our social links in our

833
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:33,040
Speaker 1: show notes and make sure to use the hashtag I

834
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:36,399
Speaker 1: choose Me. I will be right here next week. I

835
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:38,319
Speaker 1: hope you choose to be here too,