WEBVTT - Why Weekend Self Sabotage Is ‘A Thing’ (And What To Do About It) (Outweigh) 0:00:00.440 --> 0:00:04.520 I won't let my body out be outwait everything that 0:00:04.640 --> 0:00:08.080 I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change. 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:12.480 I'm learning to love who I am. A You'm strong, 0:00:12.880 --> 0:00:16.560 I feel free, I know every part of me it 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:24.040 is beautiful and then will always out way if you 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:26.720 feel it with your hands and be here, She'll some 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:29.840 love to the food. I get there, say God, day 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:36.680 Ana did you and die out way? Happy Saturday, out Wigh. 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:39.400 I'm Leanne Ellington and I'm a friend of Amy's and 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:42.760 the author and creator of Stressless Eating, and I'm back 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:45.680 again as the resident guest host for a few episodes 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:47.800 of Outwagh, which we started doing a few weeks ago. 0:00:48.000 --> 0:00:50.800 So if you miss those, definitely go back and check 0:00:50.840 --> 0:00:53.680 those out. And we're gonna just keep this train rolling 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:58.040 with this week's episode all about how or why weekend 0:00:58.080 --> 0:01:01.920 self sabotage is a thing and what to do about it. 0:01:01.960 --> 0:01:05.080 So let's go ahead and dive on in. So, for 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:07.920 the first thirty years of my life, my relationship with 0:01:07.959 --> 0:01:12.600 food had two modes. There was on or there was off. Okay, 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:15.160 there was no middle ground for me. I was either 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:17.840 walking around day in, day out as what I call 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:21.920 my inner food police, so you know, micromanaging every morsel 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:25.640 of food I ate or thought about eating, controlling myself, 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:30.200 restricting myself, punishing myself and persuading myself not to eat 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:33.680 certain things because they were air quotes bad or not healthy. 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:37.520 And of course this was paired with obsession and harsh 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:42.319 judgments and all of that shame, blame, guilt, the comparison itis, 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:45.480 the perfectionism. I could go on and on. So there 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.320 was that side of me, my inner food police side, 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:52.400 and then there was my alter ego, my inner rebel 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:55.920 or also known as my inner glutton, and when she 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.760 was in charge, it was all out care free abandonment, 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:02.480 eating whatever I could get my hands on, you know, 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:06.040 gluttonously over stuffing my face and binging on the weekends, 0:02:06.120 --> 0:02:09.000 and just utter lack of care of my body or 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:11.600 what I ate, how I moved, and just my health 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:14.560 in general, but also feeling like I had to kind 0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:16.760 of you know, get it all in over the weekend 0:02:17.000 --> 0:02:21.040 before I went back into my inner police mode on Monday. 0:02:21.680 --> 0:02:24.680 And this was my life for nearly thirty years, so 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:28.080 bouncing from one extreme to the other. So I would 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:31.119 diet and restrict until I couldn't possibly take it anymore, 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:35.120 and then I would totally let myself go, and this 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.680 more or less off the rails behavior would continue until 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:42.240 I either you know, just felt like crap physically or 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:45.000 all of that guilt and shame seeped in, and then 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:48.960 back into police mode I would go. There was no 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:51.960 middle ground, only two ends of the same switch. I 0:02:52.080 --> 0:02:55.440 was either on or I was off. And this caused 0:02:55.440 --> 0:02:58.160 me to live on that up and down all or 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:01.880 nothing results roller coaster that I'm always talking about with 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:05.680 my clients, and the reality is it's a prison, and 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:09.160 one that I didn't have a clue how to escape from. 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:12.160 Not to mention that the world was throwing more diets 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:14.840 at me, you know, more on and off switches and 0:03:14.919 --> 0:03:18.880 more of that definition of insanity. So the day came 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:22.360 that I did eventually hit my version of that enough 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:25.400 is enough point, and I realized that if I didn't 0:03:25.480 --> 0:03:28.680 change my strategy and change the stories around food and 0:03:28.720 --> 0:03:31.200 my body that were keeping me stuck, this is how 0:03:31.200 --> 0:03:35.400 it would always be. And honestly, that is the part 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:38.520 that genuinely scared the crap out of me. Right, It 0:03:38.600 --> 0:03:41.400 wasn't the way it was that it was that mental prison, 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:44.120 and that is when I knew that I had to 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:47.400 set out and change it, because for me, I had 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:50.680 to get sick of all the dieting and restricting and 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:54.280 constantly playing food police. And I had to get sick 0:03:54.320 --> 0:03:57.000 of all the judging and shaming, an emotion that was 0:03:57.000 --> 0:04:00.240 coming alongside food for me. And I had to get 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:02.480 sick of hating what I had to do and who 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:04.440 I had to be and how I had to feel 0:04:04.480 --> 0:04:07.040 to get the body that I always, you know, thought 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:10.200 I wanted, even though that was an illusion as well, right, 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:14.720 but it was exhausting and I was the opposite of free. 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:18.280 So if you are still stuck on that on again 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:21.320 off again roller coaster with food or your body or 0:04:21.320 --> 0:04:23.960 your emotions, I'm here to, first of all, just give 0:04:24.000 --> 0:04:26.840 you so much love and so much compassion and so 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:30.800 much grace. There is nothing wrong with you. You are 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:34.280 not weak willed or a self sabotager or destined to 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:36.440 stay this way forever, even if it feels like it. 0:04:37.160 --> 0:04:40.640 You simply learned it, just like I learned it, and 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:43.440 just like my clients learned it. But I'm also here 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:46.080 to tell you and encourage you that there is a 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:48.720 better way, and you can unlearn it and you don't 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:51.960 have to live like this. But also, and I'm just being, 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:54.240 you know, really real with you, because that's how we 0:04:54.360 --> 0:04:57.800 roll on out. Weigh you'll never earn back your freedom 0:04:57.960 --> 0:05:01.080 and never break free from the prison if you're living 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:06.240 in a world of control, especially around food, because control 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.560 is the opposite of freedom. Now, I want to just 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:12.560 slow down and say that again, because honestly, it felt 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:15.200 a bit counterintuitive to me the first time I heard 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:20.279 it that control is the opposite of freedom and dieting, well, 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:23.600 it's it's simply a form of control and it's not freedom. 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:26.839 So before we get into all of that, I believe 0:05:26.880 --> 0:05:30.560 that first it's important to understand why we do what 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:33.480 we do and just have a heightened awareness of it 0:05:33.520 --> 0:05:36.240 so we can, you know, first and foremost, just relinquish 0:05:36.320 --> 0:05:38.200 any shame about it, because again, there's nothing to be 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:41.240 ashamed of. It's just something that you learn, but also 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:44.360 to help you go move forward and not stay stuck. 0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:47.679 So why do we do it? Why do we feel 0:05:47.720 --> 0:05:50.120 gung ho one minute and then the next minute we 0:05:50.200 --> 0:05:53.240 feel totally out of control? And why do we, as 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:55.640 one of my clients described it, feel like we have 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:59.400 this Jeckyl hide personality where one minute we are this 0:05:59.560 --> 0:06:03.039 hyperd disciplined version of ourselves and one minute we feel 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.560 like our own inner rebel is like she's off her 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:07.560 leash to be honest, and we're just going along for 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:10.599 the ride. Right. So here's the thing, the way I 0:06:10.760 --> 0:06:13.839 see it, we all have our own individual cause and 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:17.280 effect cycle for that cycle, for the overeating, and then 0:06:17.520 --> 0:06:19.839 the control or I say control in air quotes. But 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:22.320 what I'm going to do is this, I'm simply just 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:25.360 going to share the three most common cause and effect 0:06:25.480 --> 0:06:27.919 cycles that were coming up for me in my life 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:30.560 and the most common ones I see with my clients, 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:34.360 and honestly, I truly believe they really do just have 0:06:34.440 --> 0:06:36.880 to be addressed if you ever want to be free 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:40.800 of the vicious cycle. So the first cause and effect 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:44.960 is the diet mentality. So whenever we're playing the game 0:06:45.000 --> 0:06:50.320 of eat less, move more, or the game of control restriction, deprivation, obsession, 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:53.720 or the game of you know, air quotes, can can't 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:56.680 have that, or should shouldn't eat that? Or good bad, 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:00.240 right wrong foods, it's only a matter of time before 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:02.560 we can't take it any longer and stray from the 0:07:02.560 --> 0:07:07.239 plan and overeat, but again, it's not your fault. Even 0:07:07.279 --> 0:07:11.440 the most disciplined and strong willed woman can't win that 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:14.880 when you're playing a losing game. And this is where 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:17.760 I want to remind you of the weight of the weight. 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:20.640 And I've talked about it on almost every episode of 0:07:20.640 --> 0:07:24.040 Outweigh and Full Disclosure. Most likely we'll talk about it 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:27.480 on future episodes because it's so important. So when I 0:07:27.520 --> 0:07:30.480 say the weight of the weight, what I mean is 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:32.920 that the weight on your body isn't the real weight. 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:36.240 The real weight is all this other stuff that you've 0:07:36.240 --> 0:07:39.320 been carrying around with you, and that's the real weight 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:43.160 that needs to be ditched. That is the weight that's 0:07:43.240 --> 0:07:46.880 truly weighing you down and keeping you on that up 0:07:46.880 --> 0:07:49.560 and down roller coaster or keeping you either all in 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.200 or all out and leaving you to deal with that 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:56.200 dreaded bounce back effect that comes alongside the diet mentality. 0:07:56.800 --> 0:07:59.440 So there's four weight of the weights that I teach 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:02.200 my clients specifically, But the first weight of the weight 0:08:02.320 --> 0:08:04.520 is the one I want to talk about today because 0:08:04.560 --> 0:08:11.560 it addresses this specifically. It's the weight of the restriction, deprivation, punishment, persuasion, 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:16.040 and stress that typically comes alongside food, and it does 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:20.360 not have to. It's optional because food is not the problem, 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:23.640 and food is not some enemy that needs to be 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:27.040 fought against, even if it feels like it. The diet 0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:29.840 mentality is the enemy. If there is one right, and 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:33.040 the diet mentality is the problem, it's that all or nothing, 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:36.520 black and white up down on off roller coaster that 0:08:36.840 --> 0:08:40.800 is causing and perpetuating the problem because you can't ever 0:08:40.840 --> 0:08:43.320 get off it, or if you do get off of it, 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.640 you become terrified that you'll go gain weight or go 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.640 off your version of the deep end. Either way, you 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:52.840 feel or you end up in this feeling that you're 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:55.840 kind of like a slave to it, like you're its hostage, 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:58.520 and it controls your life more than you do. So 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:01.920 the truth is this is the real weight, and this 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:05.800 just perpetuates your struggle with food and your body. And 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:09.720 for honest, it actually makes things worse because as it's 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:12.320 really stressful. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:14.240 to figure out that living like this it puts this 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:17.960 new type of stress on our already stressful lives. But 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:21.319 I would even go as far as say it's fattening. 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:24.480 And here's what I mean. So I call this the 0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:26.880 tail of two cookies, and I want to show you 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:29.520 what happens when you take the same cookie, but you 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:33.640 have two very different sets of thoughts about the same cookie. 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:36.160 Hence the tail of two cookies. So let's look at 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:43.920 the first example. So if I eat a cookie and 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:47.320 I'm in that binge restrict cycle or I'm in you know, 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:50.800 the drama of eating a cookie because I'm feeling guilty 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:53.240 because I think it's air quotes bad, or because i 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:56.880 feel like I'm doing something wrong, or I'm simply eliciting 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.920 any other air quotes negative emotions. And I say air 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:02.160 quotes because obviously we're not. You can't see me putting 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:05.000 them up. But there's no real negative emotions. They just 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:07.440 are emotions, but they don't always feel good. So that's 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.319 what I mean. But when you're in this place, when 0:10:10.360 --> 0:10:14.280 you're in that stressful you know downward spiral. Not only 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:17.440 does this stimulate the fight or flight sympathetic branch of 0:10:17.480 --> 0:10:20.720 your nervous system, but it creates this ripple effect and 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:25.160 a downward spiral on every system of systems in your body. 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:29.680 So hormones, respiratory, digestive, even down to all the metabolic processes, 0:10:30.120 --> 0:10:32.720 and of course it's more complex than this. I'm definitely 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:36.960 oversimplifying it, but you get the gist. Not surprisingly, though, 0:10:37.200 --> 0:10:41.480 this is going to create what's called negative neuro associations 0:10:41.600 --> 0:10:45.600 around not just food but eating in general, all because 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:49.520 of what was going through my mind when I ate it. Okay, 0:10:50.200 --> 0:10:52.120 but on the flip side, let's take a look at 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:54.840 the other cookie. If I eat a cookie and I 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:58.480 give myself permission to just experience the positive emotions right, 0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:01.880 things like joy and play and just plain peace, like 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:05.840 there's no worry or drama around that cookie, this unlocks 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:10.120 the relaxation of my parasympathetic nervous system, and it's like 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:12.440 giving every system in my body an upgrade, and it 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:17.280 creates this ongoing positive ripple effect metabolically, so every system 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:20.240 of systems in the body will affect positively or be 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:24.520 affected positively because of that ripple effect. Plus we talked 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:27.960 about those neuro associations that come alongside food. This is 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:31.560 going to create positive neuro associations around not just the 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:34.360 cookie and not just food, but eating in general, all 0:11:34.400 --> 0:11:37.160 because of what was going through my mind when I 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:41.160 ate it. So, in other words, it's not the cookie. 0:11:41.520 --> 0:11:44.559 It's your thoughts about the cookie. Right, I'll say that again. 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:47.200 It's not the cookie, it's not the food. It's not 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:50.000 your body. It's your thoughts about the cookie, the food, 0:11:50.040 --> 0:11:52.360 the body. And this isn't just the case when it 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:56.640 comes to food. Who you're being and how you're feeling before, during, 0:11:56.679 --> 0:12:00.000 after anything is what's going to make the biggest difference, 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:03.080 because how you feel matters. And this is a topic 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:05.320 we could get geeky about, and we won't today. But 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:08.640 bottom line, you know, stress and guilt and overwhelm and 0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:10.480 just when you generally feel like crap, and we all 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:14.000 have our own recipe for that, it elicits this threat 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:17.560 or stress response in our nervous system. But your body 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:21.280 also has a relaxation response that cascades when you feel 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:24.280 good or when you just don't feel bad, to be honest, 0:12:24.679 --> 0:12:28.440 during any experience. So again, it's not food that's the problem. 0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:31.240 It's your thoughts about the food that are causing so 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:34.840 much of the effects that you're dealing with, including either 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:37.400 gaining weight or not being able to lose it. So 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:41.720 it's a brain and nervous system problem, not a food problem. 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:45.560 But here's another reason that trying to restrict and control 0:12:45.600 --> 0:12:48.880 food and the diet mentality in general is the cause 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:51.640 and effect problem here, because if I told you not 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:53.680 to think about the color blue, okay, just roll with 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.840 me for a second. Don't think about blue, don't think 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:00.960 about blue paint, or a blue sky or a blue basketball. 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:05.160 Just don't think about the color blue period. Now, how 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:08.640 did that work for you? Right? We as humans, especially women, 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:12.640 if we're told that we can't have, do, or consume something, 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:15.200 it is all we think about it. We want it 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:18.360 even more, we think about it even more. And every 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:22.040 woman I've ever met that struggles with overeating or emotional eating, 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:25.440 she's so sick of thinking about food, and I have 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.679 a feeling you are too. But when you're part of 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:32.000 that all or nothing, black white on off mindset, it 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:34.880 forces you to think about and assess over food and 0:13:35.320 --> 0:13:38.959 that's no way to live. And that's why weekends feel 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:42.160 like such a trigger because there's only so much willpower 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:45.080 at your disposal after a week of trying to air quotes, 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.240 be good or abstain from your favorite foods, or just 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:51.440 feeling hungry all the time, So it's only natural that 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:55.080 you might feel out of control on the weekends. But 0:13:55.679 --> 0:13:58.840 if you're not already sold on this idea, here's one 0:13:58.880 --> 0:14:02.079 more reason that trying to restrict and control food and 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:06.680 just the diet mentality in general is the problem. And honestly, 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:09.079 it's the only reason that really matters in my opinion, 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:13.280 and that's that it doesn't work. It's not even solving 0:14:13.480 --> 0:14:17.160 the problem. In fact, it's perpetuating it and making it worse. 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:20.200 And here's why. You know your brain it is this 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:24.800 beautiful pattern making machine that really it's designed to just 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:28.320 get good at whatever it practices. So, you know, skills, 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:30.680 the more we practice them, they're supposed to get easier 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:34.040 the more we practice them. So if I'm learning Spanish, technically, 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:36.160 the more I speak it, the better I get. Or 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:38.640 if I'm trying to learn the ukulele, right, the more 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:41.800 I play, the better I should get. But then why 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:45.320 with weight loss and dieting do we get worse at 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:48.720 it the more we practice it? While dieting and weight 0:14:48.760 --> 0:14:52.320 loss get harder because they are working against the brain, 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:56.200 they're causing all of those negative neuro associations. And here's 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.280 what you need to know about your brain. It's super simple. 0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:03.240 Your brain will never get good at something that causes 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:06.600 its stress or something that it outright hates. And that's 0:15:06.680 --> 0:15:10.480 why restricting yourself and depriving yourself and trying to eliminate 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:14.720 entire food groups, your brain will never adopt that long term, 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:19.120 and it's bound to just rebound the other way, particularly 0:15:19.200 --> 0:15:21.880 on the weekends if you're experiencing that, if that's what 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:23.640 you're trying to get it to do the other four 0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:26.160 or five days of the week. And so yeah, even 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:29.960 though technically control and restriction and punishment and persuasion can 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:33.520 be used as tools when they're used strategically, but for 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:36.880 most women they've become, you know, massive weapons of resistance. 0:15:36.960 --> 0:15:40.600 And that's because you know, controlling yourself and micromanaging your 0:15:40.640 --> 0:15:44.840 food and take and obsessing or restricting yourself, depriving yourself, 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:49.080 trying to eliminate entire food groups, or punishing yourself, whether 0:15:49.160 --> 0:15:51.680 that's you know, starving yourself because you ate something that 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:55.280 you deemed naughty or feeling the incessant desire to go 0:15:55.320 --> 0:15:58.840 burn off what you ate with exercise, or you know, 0:15:58.920 --> 0:16:01.880 persuading yourself, whether that's to eat or not eat something, 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:04.440 or trying to force or convince yourself to stick with 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:07.720 something that's making you miserable. These are all things that 0:16:07.760 --> 0:16:11.640 are the opposite of freedom, and this is what perpetuates 0:16:11.680 --> 0:16:14.320 that weekend self sabotage and the emotional eating and the 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:18.040 all or nothing diet mentality. Especially during the weekends and 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:21.840 holidays and evening on the couch or whenever, you're more 0:16:21.880 --> 0:16:25.680 susceptible to overeating or feeling like a self sabotager. So 0:16:25.960 --> 0:16:28.840 that's reason number one and really the main reason that 0:16:28.880 --> 0:16:31.000 I wanted to get across. But there's a couple other 0:16:31.080 --> 0:16:33.240 factors that also come into place, so I wanted to 0:16:33.240 --> 0:16:36.120 take a look at those two. So the next reason 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:38.400 this happens, and unfortunately it's one of the things that 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:42.320 most health experts aren't talking about. A lot of women 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:47.840 have a very emotional or stressful relationship with food. So 0:16:48.000 --> 0:16:51.360 for me, I started using sugar as my numbing device 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:54.960 and boredom killer and security blanket from a very young age. 0:16:55.000 --> 0:16:57.840 It was always there for me and when I needed it, 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:00.280 I could depend on it. So as an at all, 0:17:00.400 --> 0:17:03.600 I brought that relationship with me. Only food then became 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:06.560 my boyfriend when I was lonely, or my source of 0:17:06.600 --> 0:17:09.360 relaxation when I had a hard day or felt stressed, 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:12.400 or my comfort when I didn't feel like doing something 0:17:12.560 --> 0:17:15.879 or feeling what I was feeling, or let's be honest, 0:17:15.920 --> 0:17:17.800 when I didn't even know what I was feeling or 0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:20.440 not feeling because I was so numbed out. But when 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:24.399 you have an emotional relationship with food, it doesn't matter 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.920 what logical plan you have about what you're going to eat, 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:31.280 because your emotions will eventually win. And I mean, sure, 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:34.679 you can motivate or persuade yourself not to eat certain things, 0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:39.000 but until you unwire that emotional relationship with food that's 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:42.760 occurring in your brain. Notice I didn't say just the mind. 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:45.879 It's in your brain, and you go fire and wire 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:49.720 a new relationship with food, emotions will always win out 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:52.879 in the long run. And again it's not your fault. 0:17:52.880 --> 0:17:55.239 There's nothing wrong with you if you do have an 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:58.399 emotional relationship with food. It's a brain thing and a 0:17:58.440 --> 0:18:02.240 connection that got created somewhere along the lines that can 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:06.480 be rewired anytime. You know, you are never too old, 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.080 too young, too lost, too far gone to fill in 0:18:09.119 --> 0:18:13.040 the blank to go create that brain change. But again, 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:16.920 this is the real way. And so if food does 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:19.119 stress you out, or maybe it bums you out or 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:22.280 just kind of weighs you down. Food is not the 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:25.040 problem if it's you know, your source of comfort when 0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:27.760 you're sad or lonely or strussed or bored and you're 0:18:27.840 --> 0:18:30.240 using it to fill a void. Again, there's absolutely no 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:33.640 shame in that whatsoever. But that's the problem that needs 0:18:33.680 --> 0:18:37.560 to be addressed, not the food itself. It's your relationship 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:41.880 with food and who you're being around food that's the problem. Right, 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:45.119 And here's one thing that we can count on. Food. 0:18:45.240 --> 0:18:47.480 It's not going away, right, It's not like we can 0:18:47.600 --> 0:18:50.920 just abstain from it. And temptation is not going away. 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:54.679 And family gatherings and holidays and nights out on the 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:57.720 town and tired nights at home on the couch, the 0:18:57.760 --> 0:19:01.840 times when statistically most people te to mindlessly eat or 0:19:01.880 --> 0:19:04.960 stress eat or binge eat or emotionally eat, they aren't 0:19:05.000 --> 0:19:08.160 going away either. In fact, you know, we can count 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.760 on the fact that food will always be a part 0:19:10.760 --> 0:19:13.879 of our lives. So the way I see it, yeah, 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:16.679 we can ignore that and just you know, hope that 0:19:16.800 --> 0:19:20.880 willpower and discipline magically appear to counter all the restriction 0:19:20.960 --> 0:19:24.639 and control or you know, a you can prepare yourself 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:27.440 to better handle those situations when they do come, and 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:30.679 be little by little prevent them from happening in the future. 0:19:30.760 --> 0:19:34.000 Because this is the real weight in your mind, body, 0:19:34.040 --> 0:19:37.399 and brain. And that brings us perfectly into the third 0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:40.359 and final reason of why we sabotage or just kind 0:19:40.400 --> 0:19:48.520 of rebound on the weekends. That brings us perfectly into 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:51.800 the third and final reason of why we sabotage or 0:19:51.840 --> 0:19:54.679 just kind of rebound on the weekends. And again, this 0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:58.240 one might sound counterintuitive, but it's that we haven't ever 0:19:58.400 --> 0:20:02.679 fully committed to transforming our relationship with food. So just 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:05.280 hear me out. This is the conversation that I had 0:20:05.280 --> 0:20:08.240 to eventually have with myself, and this is the conversation 0:20:08.320 --> 0:20:09.919 I have to have with every single one of my 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:13.320 clients before we start working together, because it's make or break, 0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:15.679 And so I always ask them, you know, are you 0:20:15.800 --> 0:20:18.760 at that point where you're ready to heal this and 0:20:18.800 --> 0:20:22.160 you're committed to actually solving this no more band aids, 0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:26.320 as in, are you radically committed to not just losing 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:29.000 weight and putting that at the forefront, but to healing 0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:32.040 this struggle for good, addressing it from the root, and 0:20:32.200 --> 0:20:36.040 ending the struggle that's causing the problem, or is this 0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:40.960 just something you're interested in, Because there is a huge difference, 0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:45.600 a massive difference between being interested in something versus being 0:20:45.800 --> 0:20:49.000 one thousand percent committed to something right not to mention 0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:51.479 the other distinction in there, there's a very big difference 0:20:51.520 --> 0:20:54.439 between committing to lose weight versus committing to healing what 0:20:54.640 --> 0:20:58.560 is slowly killing you. So for me, my enough is 0:20:58.680 --> 0:21:01.920 enough point came when I realized I just I couldn't 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:04.439 and I wasn't willing to live another day living with 0:21:04.520 --> 0:21:07.240 all the stress and obsession and emotion that was coming 0:21:07.240 --> 0:21:10.560 alongside food for me. Because it might sound dramatic to 0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:13.080 somebody that's never struggled with the demons of living in 0:21:13.119 --> 0:21:15.040 a food and body prison, but you know, for all 0:21:15.080 --> 0:21:17.719 of you listening to this podcast, I know you get it. 0:21:18.280 --> 0:21:20.800 But all this stuff that we're talking about today, it 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:25.240 was genuinely ruining my life. And I felt awful about myself. 0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:28.119 I was outright, you know, self hateful, and all of 0:21:28.160 --> 0:21:30.680 the shame and judgment and self criticism I felt from 0:21:30.760 --> 0:21:34.080 it just spilled out into every other area of my life. 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:37.120 And that's when I realized that I couldn't just dabble 0:21:37.240 --> 0:21:40.760 in fixing the problem. I had to get committed, as 0:21:40.800 --> 0:21:43.840 in my internal dialogue had to shift from I want 0:21:43.880 --> 0:21:47.320 to or i'd like to to I'm doing this like 0:21:47.359 --> 0:21:50.439 I'm flippin gonna address my struggles with food once and 0:21:50.480 --> 0:21:53.520 for all, address my struggles with myself emotionally, you know, 0:21:53.520 --> 0:21:55.920 because it was so much more than food. But learn 0:21:55.960 --> 0:21:58.040 a way of thinking and being that I can actually 0:21:58.080 --> 0:22:01.480 live with easily and happily, and just release myself from 0:22:01.480 --> 0:22:03.879 this prison that I've been living in for decades. And 0:22:04.080 --> 0:22:06.879 for me, it's when the conversation shifted from it's not 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:09.840 a matter of if, it's a matter of when, because 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:13.520 this is happening, and so again, this looks so different 0:22:13.560 --> 0:22:15.760