Speaker 1: Look man, oh I see you? Why why look over there?
Speaker 1: How is that? M yes, let's yeah, sing dong. Last
Speaker 1: Culture resays Paul. Can you believe the fog would come
Speaker 1: out of the abyss? Hey? Yeah, guys, we have a shirt.
Speaker 1: Okay you guys. UM give it up for our straight
Speaker 1: mail producers for thinking about them taking the fog machine. Yeah,
Speaker 1: throwing out the production value. They understand us fundamentally as um.
Speaker 1: We hold on model this shirt. We have someone who's
Speaker 1: rocking that. I don't think so many Last cultures this
Speaker 1: God Blast. Are they on sale? We're telling them. I
Speaker 1: think we're selling them today. Get your own for how much?
Speaker 1: It's okay, jeezy, didn't I know they're super cheap. Um, guys,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming. Thanks for coming. This
Speaker 1: is so exciting. This is part of the Brooklyn Podcast
Speaker 1: Festival podcast who Knew? Who Knew? I have a crush
Speaker 1: on another podcast. Yeah you were telling me about this.
Speaker 1: I developed a crush today on Pod Save America. So late.
Speaker 1: I literally before we did this podcast, I'd never listened
Speaker 1: to any podcasts, um, but so today I was like
Speaker 1: I actually fell into a wormhole. I fell into like
Speaker 1: one of those like Harvey Weinstein wormholes where I just
Speaker 1: I honestly was watching a lot of Ronan Pharao bits. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I have developed a crush on Ronan Pharaoh. What
Speaker 1: a lovely little elf. Um, and I love him. And
Speaker 1: so I told Bowen I love him, and then off
Speaker 1: this fog. This is the insane kind of love. I
Speaker 1: feel like I'm like on the Jungle Cruise and Walt
Speaker 1: Disney World. Um, I love Ronan. And so I approached
Speaker 1: Bone with that information and I said, yeah, you better
Speaker 1: rock the hat and yeah, and what about okay, and
Speaker 1: then what did you say to So? I said, I
Speaker 1: think I love Ronan Farrell. I think I will marry him.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, his long term BF is
Speaker 1: one of the hosts of Pots of America John Lovett.
Speaker 1: And I said that won't do at all. And then
Speaker 1: I thought, I didn't know that Ronan Farrell was gay. Yeah, see,
Speaker 1: And then but I don't think he's out though, Okay,
Speaker 1: so is he one of those gays? Is he one
Speaker 1: of those gays? One of the journalist gays that's like
Speaker 1: Anderson Cooper, That's like, I can't be the story, so
Speaker 1: I can't, you know, come out. I have to have
Speaker 1: like interpreted, who are what is this impression? It? Actually
Speaker 1: it's kind of like a Ryan Murphy then, yeah, journalist
Speaker 1: Ryan Murphy. I'm gonna call star Jessica Parker as a
Speaker 1: giraffe and something. U so you love love it? I
Speaker 1: love them both. Now it's I'm fully in love with
Speaker 1: a couple. And also the other parts of American guys
Speaker 1: are hot to favrow the other John know who's the
Speaker 1: hot the V two shit, Um so guys, three of them.
Speaker 1: I mean, welcome Matt to the pots of America. Train
Speaker 1: hasn't been. There was another iteration of it called keeping
Speaker 1: its six. Well they should have kept in that's their
Speaker 1: first mistake. They were on a different network, and then
Speaker 1: they developed their own college Crooked Media. All right, it's
Speaker 1: a little of culture number four. You gotta keep the
Speaker 1: same name. Who here listens to the podcast? Thank you? Um,
Speaker 1: this is so exciting. We're doing another iteration of our
Speaker 1: classic fifty comedian I don't think so honey show. Now
Speaker 1: we've just come off of a very tumultuous, acrimonious time.
Speaker 1: For it was tumultuous for me, it was fucking great
Speaker 1: because I actually won cultuar so apau for me. So
Speaker 1: we did, was we pad ten of our own comedian
Speaker 1: teams against each other in their own I don't think so.
Speaker 1: Honey's Um I was roundly um ridiculed. Um uh, even
Speaker 1: even with my narrative that I pushed, which was I
Speaker 1: am an immigrant. I've come so far. People America didn't
Speaker 1: respond to that. And no, I think America will always
Speaker 1: respond to talent. Yeah, um, America will always respond to talent.
Speaker 1: That's atle of culture number sixty four. America will always
Speaker 1: respond to talent. Um, Kelly Clarkson. But you know, I
Speaker 1: can I conceded I were purple, Um, you were purple. No,
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I'm making a Hillary Jack. Okay, So you guys,
Speaker 1: we're just gonna we're just gonna talk about a few
Speaker 1: pertinent pop culture things up top. Why not? Why not? Um?
Speaker 1: I love this year's Oscar race already. Um, it's so fun.
Speaker 1: It's the year of the Steadfast Mother, huge years. You've
Speaker 1: got fucking um what's her face? Well, Frances Oh yes,
Speaker 1: Francis mcdormand's three Billboards, three Billboards and ebbing this outside Ebbs. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1: Also Ladybird Mom, Ladybird momcal Queen Laurie Metcalf. You've got
Speaker 1: Alison Janny, Alison Janny now their steadfast mom with a
Speaker 1: parrot on her shoulder. What is the what is her
Speaker 1: character's name? Lavanna Lavanna? And it's a gag because the
Speaker 1: whole like, for a large portion of the movie, she's
Speaker 1: in an oxygen mask with a parrot on her shoulder,
Speaker 1: and she's chain smoke game and she's for real, that's
Speaker 1: really Tanya Harding's mom had a parent on the shoulder,
Speaker 1: oxygen mask and a cigarette. I can't make that's a
Speaker 1: bad bitch, a steadfast mother. Guys, Hollywood, huge, huge, huge
Speaker 1: Hollywood moment. Moms are having a huge Hollywood moment. I
Speaker 1: do about moms and tactically that made no sense. Um, well,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I I never get to really see
Speaker 1: the films because they cost money. Uh huh. But if
Speaker 1: there was one film I had to see, what would
Speaker 1: it be? Ladybird? Ladybird is great. Ladybird is so good,
Speaker 1: and um you know, like I guess there's like not
Speaker 1: a single person of color and Sacramento, but um, like
Speaker 1: it's a great movie. It's a great fucking movie. Even
Speaker 1: like you know, like I like Greta. I like gretatists. Fine,
Speaker 1: I don't remember a single fucking thing from Mtress America
Speaker 1: at all. Um. It was black and white. No that No,
Speaker 1: that that was Francis h um and zero point zero
Speaker 1: zero of for a movie. But this one, it's so good.
Speaker 1: It's so good. I cried twice. You cried two times.
Speaker 1: Cried two times, and they both times had to do
Speaker 1: with Lori. Oh, Matt Calf, Oh my god, she'll win
Speaker 1: an oscar. Maybe the car scene, that the drive the
Speaker 1: car scene, we know they know. Well, now it's a spoiler. No,
Speaker 1: it comes out. It's gonna make you cry. This guy's devastated,
Speaker 1: don't worry. Hands in the air, mouth open devastation. One
Speaker 1: time at a show, I spoiled the ending of Up
Speaker 1: in the Air. Oh, this was crazy. In college. He
Speaker 1: just ran out in his improv scene and fucking spoiled
Speaker 1: Up in the Air and the whole Yeah, what do
Speaker 1: you say? Vera spoiler alert for Up in the Air?
Speaker 1: Ver Vera Farmiga has a family at the end, she's married,
Speaker 1: so it's ruling the rule of culture number fifty. Vera Farmiga.
Speaker 1: She's not calcling up, that's all um. Oh my God,
Speaker 1: what else do you ruin that movie? Wait? Um, we're
Speaker 1: about we're about to ruin something else for everybody in
Speaker 1: the room. And he's so classic. Okay, So we got
Speaker 1: into a real fucking fight. We both cried on the
Speaker 1: phone because I ruined the song that they were lip
Speaker 1: sinking too and the RuPaul's Drag Race Season nine finale.
Speaker 1: We cried on the phone fighting because you stop you.
Speaker 1: I also I have this. You literally spoiled that, um
Speaker 1: so emotional, spoiled a good one. I spoiled bitch the
Speaker 1: other song, which was it's not right but it's okay. Yes,
Speaker 1: I almost said no about it's supposed to be here,
Speaker 1: which was not right. So anyway, what what lied? Right? Joel? Um, note,
Speaker 1: we have we have to break something to everybody. We
Speaker 1: have to break something to everybody is taking this, Joel
Speaker 1: told us this Lost culture Istas can now exclusively report
Speaker 1: not good that Haley Steinfeld voted for Trump. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Haley Steinfeld talking openly on the set
Speaker 1: of Pitch Perfect three about how she voted for Trump.
Speaker 1: Isn't that? And you know why? You know, I one
Speaker 1: word calabasas she's as she's a fucking California, fucking Republican.
Speaker 1: And I will say this, you know what song I
Speaker 1: fully get my life to. You can't anymore, you know,
Speaker 1: separate when I don't know anybody else, Separate yourself from
Speaker 1: the artist. No. But also, why wouldn't she come out
Speaker 1: and say that song was about masturbation because she's a
Speaker 1: fucking idiot. Trump. Look, Trump's masturbate two. That's actually a
Speaker 1: rule of culture number forty six. Trump's masturbas just for everybody, um, everybody.
Speaker 1: For clarity, when maddiceing plural Trump's he means Trump voters, Trumps.
Speaker 1: It's his shorthand. That's very confusing. I was just in
Speaker 1: Wisconsin and I came face to face with the Trump.
Speaker 1: But he was nice. It was so crazy. So some
Speaker 1: Trumps are actually really nice. They can intercept at the
Speaker 1: same So, okay, let's get into this, let's get into politics.
Speaker 1: This pot save America. Yeah, okay, what's up? What's up?
Speaker 1: A lot of Trumps also hate Paul Ryan. I'm not
Speaker 1: some of this is news to me because because Trump
Speaker 1: is like doing his whole like dick measuring thing with
Speaker 1: Paul and with Mitch. You know. Well, anyway, that was
Speaker 1: just that surprised me. So um yeah, lots going on
Speaker 1: for you, guys. It's good for you. Okay, I will
Speaker 1: continue to do this. So this is this is I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey love. That means if I don't
Speaker 1: like what I see, you'll get spray. No no, no,
Speaker 1: no, no no no no no, you guys, we aren't living
Speaker 1: in this new age of um. I did not think
Speaker 1: about this this way. Consent and different as long as
Speaker 1: the if the audience consents to being sprayed with the
Speaker 1: fucking water gun like you, guy's got his mouth open.
Speaker 1: I guess he wants to catch it off up. Okay,
Speaker 1: make some noise if you would, if you're okay with
Speaker 1: being sprayed with water. Okay, now make fast the bitch.
Speaker 1: Make some noise. If you're not okay with being sprayed
Speaker 1: with water. He's just gonna get a real bad um alright,
Speaker 1: So listen, guys, I don't think so honey live. Let's
Speaker 1: explain what the pill is happening. So fifty comics are
Speaker 1: about to get up here on this stage. Fifty fucking
Speaker 1: amazing comics. This is gonna be so cool. They're all
Speaker 1: gonna take one minute to rail against culture. I don't
Speaker 1: think so Honey is a part of our podcast. We
Speaker 1: Love It's where you You just you find that thing
Speaker 1: that's pissing you off in the pop culture lex A
Speaker 1: Cone and you just you you go for and yes, wow,
Speaker 1: that was eloquent um. And we're gonna bring up fifty
Speaker 1: people in groups of five. They're gonna be amazing. We're
Speaker 1: gonna be awarding our famous Lost Cultural estas Icon Award
Speaker 1: to a very special recipient. You will you'll all be
Speaker 1: very very pleased to know who it is. Going to
Speaker 1: have that person come to stay. But before before we
Speaker 1: get going with the show, we just want to talk
Speaker 1: to her old friends. She's done, she's she's been on
Speaker 1: the show every time we've done this live, just to
Speaker 1: catch up with us. We can't believe she's here. She's
Speaker 1: so generous person saying that whenever we have this show,
Speaker 1: she just ends up being in town, in town, and
Speaker 1: she's by coastal and God bless her. Um, please welcome
Speaker 1: Oscar nominated actress. Yeah, I believe. What do you know
Speaker 1: her from? Matt Oh, the kids are all right, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna say what I was about to say. No,
Speaker 1: I have to say it now. So today on the
Speaker 1: other day on the Porns. Oh no, there was a
Speaker 1: scene from all right when Mark Ruffalo and Julianne Moore
Speaker 1: are doing it, and I think so, honey, Mark Ruffalo,
Speaker 1: I think we're gonna talk about how when a Net
Speaker 1: Benning and Julianne Moore watched the gay porn together. I
Speaker 1: love that Ruffalo baby. Okay, alright, but guys, um, she's
Speaker 1: she's a Hollywood legend. Please welcome to the stage. On
Speaker 1: Net Benning a NATS. So you look amazing? What is
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm just wrapped. You're just just wrapped. I'm
Speaker 1: just wrapped. Well, this is radio, right, so I don't
Speaker 1: really have to get gussied up with, right, right, right,
Speaker 1: you know it's audio. There's people, but you know, no
Speaker 1: no cameras, right, no, there's no cameras. Um, and that
Speaker 1: are you you're you're not averse to cameras, are you?
Speaker 1: I mean, this is this is part of the business
Speaker 1: for you, being photographed, being seen, being on display. Yeah. Absolutely.
Speaker 1: You have to get comfortable. Yeah, you know because the camera,
Speaker 1: right is that Yes, there's a it's a mirror. Yes,
Speaker 1: So if you're not comfortable with you know, what's in
Speaker 1: the mirror. Good luck Rightwood, Hollywood, Um, what are you
Speaker 1: in town for? In it? Oh? It's kind of funny this. Um,
Speaker 1: this is a sweater, right, Yeah, it's a j Cruz
Speaker 1: sweater yea, and my the you know, we have someone
Speaker 1: who does who does the wash, right, so they put
Speaker 1: this in and they shouldn't have so it's kind of
Speaker 1: you know, balled up. But I use those kind of
Speaker 1: ruined cashmir scarves. So I'm here replacing this ruined sweater
Speaker 1: because there's a week right with Jake Crew, there's a
Speaker 1: week we do a sale and if you can get
Speaker 1: in there right before Thanksgiving, I mean, it's really kind
Speaker 1: of amazing they do they do they do their sale
Speaker 1: before Thanksgiving. Yeah, it's sort of secret. You know you
Speaker 1: can there's some buyers I know, and they tell you
Speaker 1: just for discounted prices, so you know, people just incorporate
Speaker 1: at Jay Crew like buyers. Amazing career. Yeah, you've had
Speaker 1: amazing you know, I don't want to have you out here.
Speaker 1: This is so amazing and rare that we get you. Um,
Speaker 1: special's really special. So you know you mentioned your career.
Speaker 1: You've been in this business a long time, so Bowen
Speaker 1: mentioned you know, we alluded to before, things that are
Speaker 1: going on. I just wondered if we could get some
Speaker 1: reaction from you, you know, obviously a respected veteran of
Speaker 1: the Hollywood film industry, Like, just some reaction from you
Speaker 1: on what's going on and what we can do in
Speaker 1: the future, you know, yeah, better for the future, playing
Speaker 1: for that. Well, so many this year stories from women,
Speaker 1: female driven stories, which who's in charge? Men? Men? Right,
Speaker 1: So that should change. That's actually that was actual the
Speaker 1: diplomatic answer. That's a really good answer. Wow, Now you've
Speaker 1: I believe you've worked you've worked with Harvey before and
Speaker 1: I have. Yeah, I think you've done some merrimax, you
Speaker 1: know pictures. A lot of people have worked with Harvey
Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah, what was your what was your experience
Speaker 1: working for him? You know, he is the money man
Speaker 1: and I'm an artist, so I tried to keep my
Speaker 1: distance from right, you know, the money. I just yeah,
Speaker 1: I do the work, yes, you know, because I show
Speaker 1: up on time. I do. Yes, it should be about
Speaker 1: the work, I agree. And then when you know you
Speaker 1: have terrible, really bad stuff happening. Yeah, right, right, talk
Speaker 1: about the stuff, talk about let's elaborate on the stuff.
Speaker 1: But there's a definite Have you been to Los Angeles
Speaker 1: in the last maybe two months thirty two months? No
Speaker 1: to two months to two months? We haven't. No, I
Speaker 1: can't say that. There's a definite kind of palpable thing
Speaker 1: in the air. Yeah, sort of. You know, people look
Speaker 1: kind of tenuous to you know, tiptoe Wow, everyone's tiptoeing.
Speaker 1: Everywhere you go down, everyone's just tiptoeing. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: understand what you're saying. In the drought so no one's driving, right,
Speaker 1: and the drought so no one's driving. Yeah that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, um, okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm nats. Thank you so much for why you're
Speaker 1: holding the micup as I forget I have it. Oh
Speaker 1: that's crazy because I did Shakespeare a few months years ago,
Speaker 1: and they do the law here. Oh, they do the talking.
Speaker 1: I'm used to talking up at my forehead. You're talking
Speaker 1: and bringing that. Where is that? You did? What's your experire?
Speaker 1: Play King Lear with the inimitable John Lithgow, John and
Speaker 1: Love John Leftgow? Yes, Yes, I played role. You played
Speaker 1: What's really a dream? Now? And I this has been
Speaker 1: very edifying And I got a nuts And what's your
Speaker 1: favorite wine? The winter here is dry? It's the coast,
Speaker 1: but it's still dresses. What's your favorite wine? If you
Speaker 1: could say, I've been really into these wines from Portugal
Speaker 1: that I know you're laughing because like Portugal, what why
Speaker 1: wine there? No, But if you think about it, the
Speaker 1: Loire Valley right in front. I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: been the Loire Valley in the last I haven't been
Speaker 1: to the Yes, the great wines there anyway, Yes, it's
Speaker 1: kind of in the same parallel. Oh, great there and
Speaker 1: then Portugals over there. Yes, well, depending on where I'm
Speaker 1: looking this way, but the audience would be that way, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so it's over there right right right? Do you know what?
Speaker 1: This is? Thrilling? Um? But I feel that while you're here,
Speaker 1: we should we should actually have you do what we
Speaker 1: how do you do the last two times, which is
Speaker 1: would you perform the national anthem of I don't think so, honey. Yes,
Speaker 1: this is a really amazing performer, so I just don't
Speaker 1: want to lose that opportunity. It's the national anthem of laws,
Speaker 1: culture rest us. We are not a nation, but we
Speaker 1: have an anthem shirt candidate. Um, all right, so I
Speaker 1: guess we should we should ask everyone to rise, Please rise, um,
Speaker 1: please rise for the anthem. Good to see you remove
Speaker 1: all hats. When you feel there are things in this
Speaker 1: world that you hate. When you feel are things you
Speaker 1: don't like, when you need to speak out and you
Speaker 1: need to shout, you must say whatever you like exactly.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. I don't think so, child.
Speaker 1: I don't think so Start to the bitch. Yes, I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey. I don't think so child. I
Speaker 1: don't think so bitch. Thank you, everybody have some respect
Speaker 1: that stunning is there? I wonder is there anything else?
Speaker 1: Is there anything else in that that you wanted to
Speaker 1: to say or do? Oh? Oh, oh my god? What's
Speaker 1: just in terms of recent events in my career, where
Speaker 1: it's been versus where it is now versus who's been
Speaker 1: kind of a long right the train? So let's just
Speaker 1: have a word for a former coach star. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: will sell this house today. Oh WHOA will tell this
Speaker 1: house today? Give it up for everybody? Wow? All right,
Speaker 1: So I believe it's time to get started here. But
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Love you guys, ready alright,
Speaker 1: so listen, I think as the winner of culture, I
Speaker 1: get to determine who goes first out of the two
Speaker 1: of us bone and I have to tell you your
Speaker 1: ass is gonna go first. But when, Yeah, did you
Speaker 1: prepare something? Or am I going to dive into this
Speaker 1: here bull that we carved? This is the troll bowl.
Speaker 1: Everyone has the option of preparing and I don't think
Speaker 1: it's money topic. We're diving into this troll bull, bitch,
Speaker 1: and this is randomly selected picks here. What do you
Speaker 1: want to do? So Trouble has topics that are hard
Speaker 1: to go negative on their universally beloved things, institutions, people, concepts,
Speaker 1: but designed to humiliate, are performed. You have to go negative,
Speaker 1: and so I think to demo the trouble, I will
Speaker 1: pick from the troll alright, bitch, go take your space,
Speaker 1: give it time already, do your phone. All right, So
Speaker 1: I'm picking. I'm picking one. I wrote all these and
Speaker 1: I'm very happy to okay, I have a good topic
Speaker 1: for you. Bowen, bowen yangs. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: The ladies of Broadway, your time starts now. I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey, the ladies of Broadway. There are enough
Speaker 1: of you. There's no fucking shortage of rolls. Fuck. Barbara
Speaker 1: Cook's death was the best thing that ever happened to
Speaker 1: thea at her bitch. Look, I don't want the Philip
Speaker 1: Assues of the world just walking in being like, yes,
Speaker 1: I'll do this Roman Hamilton's, and then this Roman Emily,
Speaker 1: and then just cash out and spend the rest of
Speaker 1: my life in the fucking mal dives were the second
Speaker 1: way people go. I don't think so many the ladies
Speaker 1: of Broadway. Look, stop invading spaces that were meant for
Speaker 1: queer people. Fuck you, I don't need to see another
Speaker 1: walking in And the second time I've I've used that phrasing.
Speaker 1: Um God, there was a reason why in Shakespeare's day
Speaker 1: all the rules were play inside man. Fuck y'all. I
Speaker 1: don't think the Broadway bohen Yang arguing for her less
Speaker 1: women on the state, none of that. I meant, none
Speaker 1: of that. Oh my god, you're a piece of ship. Okay,
Speaker 1: Now this is Matt Rodgers is. I don't think, Sony,
Speaker 1: what are you gonna do? You have one? This is
Speaker 1: pre selected? You know what? I had a pre selected one,
Speaker 1: and it would it would be on theme of that.
Speaker 1: So should I do it? I'm gonna do it. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do do it anyway. This is Matt Rodgers is
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey, and his time starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. People who say they don't
Speaker 1: like Lea Michelle, fuck yourself. I watched her interview on
Speaker 1: Chelsea Today, Chelsea Handler, and I like her. She's a
Speaker 1: real last pitch. You know what she said, which I
Speaker 1: cannot do a show. She doesn't like Thanksgiving. She don't
Speaker 1: like the food. Fucking I don't think so honey Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Any meat that I have
Speaker 1: to put gravy on in order to literally swallow, I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey. I think so honey, Liam Michelle
Speaker 1: for giving that, I don't think so honey. People who
Speaker 1: don't like Lea Michelle, you funked up your chance with
Speaker 1: John Graff, You queer. If you are trying to get
Speaker 1: to John Graff, you have to be able to go
Speaker 1: to the beach with Liam Michelle. Honestly, if you can't
Speaker 1: sit next to Leah Michelle on the beach, listen her
Speaker 1: talk about herself for fifteen minutes, just relax. Fuck you.
Speaker 1: Lia Michelle can send like a motherfucker. I fucking threw
Speaker 1: my back out on the B sixty one, listening to
Speaker 1: Lia Michelle's pop album five Seconds, Liam Michelle is firs
Speaker 1: you all lovely. Fuck you people who don't like Lia Michelle.
Speaker 1: That's one minute, wow, biting, biting, specificity. I love it.
Speaker 1: She's talented girl, She's a talented girl. Cannonballs. Somebody said
Speaker 1: to me one time, somebody goes. I was at a
Speaker 1: party with Liam Michelle and she was asking people for drugs.
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, fun, that's fine. Drugs at a party, cool, Yeah,
Speaker 1: fucking burn the wish wanted to do drugs at a party.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Yeah, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1: And Thanksgivings my favorite holiday. But the fuck you? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I was I was gonna agree and say
Speaker 1: it's some you know, conventions of it are what are
Speaker 1: not necessary? Turkey? You like turkey? Okay, everyone relaxed. Turkey's
Speaker 1: fine and grady is unnecessary lubricant and it's delicious. So
Speaker 1: it's actually rule of culture number seven, Turkey gravy isn't
Speaker 1: necessary lubricant. All right, let's get this ship started. Yes,
Speaker 1: oh god one, everyone please welcome to the stage. Peggy
Speaker 1: Leary back Barry Beth, what you come at? George Sammers,
Speaker 1: Marie Fausta Washing, Oh my god, the hot groo. Come on,
Speaker 1: I mean they're all they're all hot. Let's not stop enough. Peggy.
Speaker 1: Peggy's up first, Give it up for Peggy, Hilaria, every
Speaker 1: put that out on if you wish, Peggy, is this
Speaker 1: gonna be a pre selected I don't think so. Maney
Speaker 1: do you want to draw from the troll ball? Look,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to take down a love person. Do
Speaker 1: my own thing, all right, this is Peggy Oliers. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, Honey. Time starts now. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Girls who only like tall man go fight yourself. What
Speaker 1: are you a roller coaster? You have a hype minum? Up? God,
Speaker 1: have your short guy. He is in it to win it.
Speaker 1: I'm a tall last bitch. He comes right here. I
Speaker 1: don't even kiss this fucking face because all you man,
Speaker 1: don't brush your teeth enough. Sec the titties. That's all
Speaker 1: I want. Also, when you're out in colored with when
Speaker 1: you're with them, you're just saying like this, this is
Speaker 1: he is loving that. Okay, listen. I like to be
Speaker 1: a dominant bitch outside the bedroom. So I like a
Speaker 1: short guy around and then in the bedroom. Those short
Speaker 1: men they get in deep, they fucking get excited. Ladies,
Speaker 1: you like a talk he's boring as funk? What is
Speaker 1: he like missionary? Oh? Is he into sports? Will funk yourself,
Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen. Fucking love me some short man. I'll
Speaker 1: be over by the bar. You can buy me a shot.
Speaker 1: Coming to the stage, very bad, bron this look this, look, look,
Speaker 1: this is all right. I'm doing pre selected, pre selected.
Speaker 1: Here we go, Mary Beth Brown, your time starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. People tell me who I
Speaker 1: have resting bitch face. I don't have resting bitch face
Speaker 1: because I'm never resting bitch. Why do you think I'm
Speaker 1: always wearing workout clothes because I am always on. I
Speaker 1: burned calories just by being me, honey. Should you the
Speaker 1: honor made the privilege to catch me sitting still between
Speaker 1: working out, writing, performing, and posting to my Instagram story.
Speaker 1: I want nothing but admiration from you, honey. This week,
Speaker 1: for the very third time, I was sitting in the
Speaker 1: show waiting for my turn, and the comic on stage
Speaker 1: stopped in the middle of their set to tell me
Speaker 1: that I looked pissed off. Shame on you if you
Speaker 1: think I was just sitting there looking pissed off when
Speaker 1: I was actually mentally crafting the perfect text to send
Speaker 1: to the guy who is currently ghosting me. Okay, because
Speaker 1: I waste no time. As I said, I am always
Speaker 1: on and much like gender, sexuality and time resting, bitch
Speaker 1: face is a constract. Honey, struck the landing. I love that.
Speaker 1: Come on, come on, what is the deal? It will
Speaker 1: be pre selected. This is George Russ. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: As time starts now, I don't think so, honey. The
Speaker 1: moth live storytelling of that? What are we doing? Live
Speaker 1: storytelling is not a genre? Okay? Oh, you think your
Speaker 1: story about losing your virginity at prom in the back
Speaker 1: of a Honda Civic fits into some larger narrative about
Speaker 1: the human condition, then why am I bored? I don't
Speaker 1: think so, honey. Why are you reading your diary in
Speaker 1: front of an audience in the back of an independent bookstore.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Hannah Horvath dropping out of the
Speaker 1: I R. Writer workshop to go to the Moth. In
Speaker 1: the television show Girls, created by Lena Dunham, who I
Speaker 1: do not have the time to get into what doesn't
Speaker 1: deserve it. Have fun living in upstate New York with
Speaker 1: your son groverban five second and that's one that I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey, your son Grover bitch. Everyone get
Speaker 1: fucking ready, Marie thousand, Yes, you better tie around your
Speaker 1: ways around? Yes, Marie? What do we think about this bowl? What?
Speaker 1: What do we think? What are we what are we doing?
Speaker 1: You putting salads in there? No? No, I am going
Speaker 1: to do something pre selected because I feel like you
Speaker 1: guys need to hear this. Okay, this is Marie fousands.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Time starts now. I don't
Speaker 1: think so. Anne Hathaway, you're boring, bland beige. They gave
Speaker 1: you Catwoman. If Missionary Style was a person, it would
Speaker 1: be Anne Hathaway. God, how do we go from Michelle
Speaker 1: Fippe is crazy ass? To Halle Berry you can't keep
Speaker 1: a man ass? To pan a thirty seconds princess story
Speaker 1: was cute. I don't have anything bad to say about that.
Speaker 1: The Devil wears proud of didn't need you, Anne Hathaway.
Speaker 1: Stanley TOUCHI gave you a makeover and you still look
Speaker 1: the same. Ain't enough banging in the wild to make
Speaker 1: you interested. She got a pixie cut and she still
Speaker 1: looked terrible. I feel like, what do you and that
Speaker 1: she was in the mis rock She yeah, she sung
Speaker 1: that little sad song, but she died. She got like
Speaker 1: chlamydia and died in like the birthday thinks, So, honey, Ye,
Speaker 1: closing out the screw be amazing. Sindy Washington, the luck
Speaker 1: the lucks, come on, come on, let us know keep it.
Speaker 1: She was hating on all of this. Alright, Wait, well,
Speaker 1: don't get into the pants real quick and a shoe.
Speaker 1: I came here, I came here for y'all. Alright, is
Speaker 1: it going to be pre selected or from the troll
Speaker 1: ball preselected? Okay, this is Sydney Washington's I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Her time starts now. I don't think so, honey. Leonardo DiCaprio,
Speaker 1: we don't owe you ship for Titanic. You're not all that.
Speaker 1: Your face is all right, and your body is block.
Speaker 1: God worked on your face, but he was real lazy
Speaker 1: on that body. You're telling me everybody in Hollywood has
Speaker 1: apps except you. That's why they put you in the reference.
Speaker 1: They're like put a code on this dude. Thirty seconds.
Speaker 1: Who the hell does he think he is being on
Speaker 1: yachts with models who are tents. Meanwhile, he's a two,
Speaker 1: he's too You know what he looks like. He looks
Speaker 1: like lunchables. That's when he looks sicked. I don't even
Speaker 1: care if he as an oscar? Who care his acting ability?
Speaker 1: It's all right. You know who's amazing? Viola Davis, fine seconds.
Speaker 1: You know Meryl Streep. You know what those bitches have?
Speaker 1: Abbs honey. Leonardo DiCaprio call up for everybody in this group,
Speaker 1: Peggy Ole, Mary Pepperon, George Ever, Maray Folson, and Sydney Washington.
Speaker 1: Leo is a too to no apps inside, guys, let's
Speaker 1: welcome the next group. Yes, everyone, please welcome. Anna Royceman, Yes,
Speaker 1: Sean Braylon come on, Molly gaby On, Sam Reyes and
Speaker 1: Miss Kelsey Bailey. Yeah, first up, An roy come on. Yes,
Speaker 1: we are we doing trouble or are we doing topic?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do a pre selected come on, and I wear?
Speaker 1: Can I wear the first to wear of the night? Yes?
Speaker 1: Looking good, it's so good, so good, it looks amazing.
Speaker 1: And now time starts now Okay, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Pigtails on adult women, Okay, hear me out. Okay, first
Speaker 1: of all, if you're over the age of eight, you're done. Okay,
Speaker 1: you don't need to wear pigtails anymore, all right, are you?
Speaker 1: Unless you're being Dorothy for Halloween? Right, or if you're like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, fucking Pippi long Stocking. Okay. Other than that,
Speaker 1: adult women should not wear pigtails. What do we want
Speaker 1: men to think? Like, it's okay to funk us six
Speaker 1: year old Oh my god, thirty second, we have enough
Speaker 1: of those guys already. Why give them more? Okay, I'm
Speaker 1: all for the ponytail wears, many fucking ponytails as you
Speaker 1: want in your life. But if you're over eight, stop
Speaker 1: wearing pigtails. Now. Here's the thing. Miley Cyrus made. What
Speaker 1: those like buns kind of cute, the pigtail buns. They're fine,
Speaker 1: They're okay, she's Miley Cyrus, that's fine, But honestly, like
Speaker 1: Harley Quinn was a fucking character, Okay, she's not a
Speaker 1: real woman. That's one minute. No pigtails. I don't wise
Speaker 1: that everybody coming to them like Mr John pray Law
Speaker 1: John Pray, Hi, John, John high handsome. What do we
Speaker 1: think about when we think about I don't think sonny,
Speaker 1: We think trouble, We think I have a priest select Okay,
Speaker 1: I know people prepared. This is Johns. I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: This is my truth, this is the truth. His time
Speaker 1: starts now. I don't think so, honey, Atheist, I'm coming
Speaker 1: for you. What to come? An? They show that's right. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that I believe in a higher power.
Speaker 1: Oh my God, excuse me for believing in love. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. People who want to call the
Speaker 1: god the universe, get the hell out of here. The
Speaker 1: universe doesn't care about you. It is a void. There
Speaker 1: are asteroids flying out through spaces, black holes sucking up light.
Speaker 1: The only thing that cares about you is a higher being. Baby,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. People who want to bring
Speaker 1: everybody down and think that they're so intellectual and smart, Hello,
Speaker 1: you have no idea how things were, So it's not
Speaker 1: too hard to say I believe in a god. If
Speaker 1: I thank you, baby, and listen, all of you agnostics,
Speaker 1: I'm okay with you. But just know that if you
Speaker 1: turn atheists I'm coming for you. Fuck rail up, He's
Speaker 1: coming for you. Atheists. Everyone. It is time for Molly Gabe.
Speaker 1: You're better fucking get ready, Molly. What's it gonna be
Speaker 1: a pre selected or trollball? I'm going for the trollball, Baby,
Speaker 1: I'll pick, I'll pay, I'll pick, I'll Here we go, Oh,
Speaker 1: here we go, Here we go, Molly Gaby. Your troll
Speaker 1: ball topic is the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The time starts now.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Marvel cinemat yours. Guess what. I
Speaker 1: don't like the Marvel cinemat at universe. You know what,
Speaker 1: I don't feel positively about UNI. I'm assuming that's somehow
Speaker 1: different from the dcall. I'm gonna say Batman is bad
Speaker 1: and Justice League is confusing? Where the second? Oh ship, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just gonna get really real. Whoa hey, I've never
Speaker 1: seen a cartoon in my life. That's right. Second, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I was popular in high school. I don't know how
Speaker 1: I became a comedy. Second, I was literally prom queen
Speaker 1: my game brand. Molly gave oh god, the hat that's symbolic.
Speaker 1: And now Sam Reese, yes, oh my god, yes, come on, yes,
Speaker 1: there you go. Now, Sam, are we doing a pre
Speaker 1: slect the topic or are we going into the troll bowl?
Speaker 1: Were pre select the right wear your shoes? This is
Speaker 1: Sam Ray says, I don't think so many time starts. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Honey boy walking down the sidewalk
Speaker 1: reading a big gass book. What are you doing? Put
Speaker 1: the book away? What do you think you are, Belle?
Speaker 1: You are not odd, You're rude. Okay, I put the
Speaker 1: book down there. A third is seven thousand of us
Speaker 1: walking down the fucking sidewalk every day. Our assholes are
Speaker 1: literally touching, and you're reading a fucking book. I saw
Speaker 1: what you did. You knocked into a lady and you
Speaker 1: gave her elbow a little paper cut. And you know
Speaker 1: what you did. You whisper apologized and kept reading. Okay,
Speaker 1: And I have to tell you that whisper apologizing is
Speaker 1: reserved for women in the sales section of an anthropology.
Speaker 1: That's what we do, and we bump into each other.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, bitch, if you don't put that book away,
Speaker 1: Harry Potter in the chamber of my asshole are coming
Speaker 1: for you. That's one minute, Samoris, Sam Race, you're not odd,
Speaker 1: your rude you're not Belle. Everyone giving up Kelsey Bello,
Speaker 1: Kelsey's wearing it. Kelsey is going to be pre selected
Speaker 1: or trouble. I'll be doing pre selected, thank you very
Speaker 1: very much. Kelsey Bailey's I don't think so, honey. Time
Speaker 1: starts now. I don't think so, honey. Two in one shampoo.
Speaker 1: That's right. I'm up here. I'm taking down big shampoo. Okay,
Speaker 1: who do you think you are? I have spent thirty
Speaker 1: years trying to figure this ship out, and you're trying
Speaker 1: to come up when we have a dollop of fucking
Speaker 1: Frederick Kai, Come and tell me that I know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing. Okay, let's said, what are you trying to do?
Speaker 1: Save me time? I'm trying to be a professional improviser
Speaker 1: as a career thirty seconds of all the time in
Speaker 1: the fucking world. I don't have people knocking down my
Speaker 1: door telling me I have to take a shower in
Speaker 1: one minute because I booked. What that's gonna a gay
Speaker 1: man or straight woman who only hangs out with gay
Speaker 1: men in the year. We all have a process. Okay.
Speaker 1: I am serving you Italian, Irish, Pennsylvania, Dutch realness on
Speaker 1: this head. Okay, and who are you to erase my narrative? Okay,
Speaker 1: I think two and one shampoo is part of the
Speaker 1: patriarchy and I will not stand for it on my head.
Speaker 1: And that's one. Everyone coming up for this grove. That
Speaker 1: a Roismann, Praillly Gaby, every Kelsey Bailey have some respect. Unbelievable,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. And one were boers out here. Guys,
Speaker 1: welcome the next group, Lulu Cross. It's Ben Kling, Come on,
Speaker 1: it's tearing angle hard Gen Keith and Dwayne Parks. Yes,
Speaker 1: decadence from all legends. Everyone coming in out with the beers. Alright,
Speaker 1: so it is time for Lulu Crouse. Let's go. Yes,
Speaker 1: this look, I love it. I love it, selected, pre selected.
Speaker 1: There you go. This is Lulu Cross. I don't think
Speaker 1: so honey. Her time starts now. I don't think so honey.
Speaker 1: About savory combinations of yogurt. I don't ever want to
Speaker 1: be faced with the option of pairing plain Greek yogurt
Speaker 1: with savory condiments like balsamic vinegar or olive oil, or
Speaker 1: heirloom tomatoes or basil or is that todd or I
Speaker 1: am not walking into a flagship Chobani location or anything
Speaker 1: other than a fucking sweet treat of yogurt with collectible
Speaker 1: mangoes and chocolate flakes and tiles of honey. And to
Speaker 1: every single person who's ordered a plain yogurt mixed with
Speaker 1: sundried tomatoes and chickpeap spread, fuck you and ma'am, I
Speaker 1: see that you've ordered an Excel of yogurt, and that's
Speaker 1: only to make your hand look smaller for your picture
Speaker 1: with it. No one's eating an Excel portion of yogurt.
Speaker 1: No one should be eating an Excel portion of yogurt.
Speaker 1: No one should beating excel portion of yogurt that's mixed
Speaker 1: with olive topana. I don't think so, honey, savor combinations
Speaker 1: of yogurt and that one, Oh my god, there was
Speaker 1: something so gracefully restrained. It was just like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: hot lulacross. Guys, welcome to the stage. Bend cling him, ben, Hi,
Speaker 1: how's it going? Hi? Hi? Going to be pre selected
Speaker 1: or trouble pre selected? Okay, okay, that this has been klings.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. His time starts now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. People who say I'm a little
Speaker 1: bit o c D. I don't like it when the
Speaker 1: teacher doesn't erase the whole board. I'm a little bit
Speaker 1: o c D. I organized my apps by color. I'm
Speaker 1: a little bit o c D. Oh, I absolutely have
Speaker 1: to wash my hands after I take a ship. I'm
Speaker 1: kind of O c D. You know, obsessive and compulsive
Speaker 1: are already words. You don't have to say. I'm a
Speaker 1: little bit o c D. The D is a superlative.
Speaker 1: That's like sticking your finger in lukewarm water and sing
Speaker 1: it's a little bit boiling. You need to earn your D.
Speaker 1: There are there's you know, the handwatching Mara bad sure,
Speaker 1: but then there's also that you can't keep a roommate
Speaker 1: may badge, and the literally can't skip any songs on
Speaker 1: shuffle because you've personified songs and feel like if you
Speaker 1: skip them, you're sending them to song hell Mara bade,
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Seconds and you know, while we're up here,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. People who say, oh, small
Speaker 1: spaces make me claustrophobic, they make you anxious. Claustrophobia is
Speaker 1: what that's called. Five seconds. I don't think so, honey. Also,
Speaker 1: pe who, I don't have anything left. I literally have
Speaker 1: a c D. And that's all I thought. If you
Speaker 1: literally had no c D, you have to earn your
Speaker 1: date to earn your D rule number seven of culture.
Speaker 1: You have to earn your guys. Please welcome to the stage.
Speaker 1: Tear at angle. Okay, God, here we go with the
Speaker 1: reductress sweatshirts. Yeah, okay, what do we think are we doing? There?
Speaker 1: We doing reselected, relected. This is taran ingle hearts. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Her time starts now, yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Cruises I don't think so. I
Speaker 1: hate them so much. I've never been on one, but
Speaker 1: they make me so mad because they're just big c
Speaker 1: jails with WiFi and you can't just get off a
Speaker 1: cruise whenever you want. You literally can't leave. It's a nightmare,
Speaker 1: and it's supposed to be a vacation. It's like saying, oh,
Speaker 1: I want all the family friendly fun of Disneyland, but
Speaker 1: I wanted in the middle of the ocean, where the
Speaker 1: only way I can leave is if I kill myself.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Cruises, no, thank you. Also, they're
Speaker 1: too expensive. I don't want to pay eight thousand dollars
Speaker 1: to write a form of transport that we have technologically
Speaker 1: advanced beyond. Shouldn't still be writing ships. It's like pack
Speaker 1: two hundred dollars to take a ship in a wheelbarrow.
Speaker 1: Thank you, honey. Also of women die on cruises. Even
Speaker 1: if your single end on land, your husband will throw
Speaker 1: you overboard and say you went missing. No, thank you,
Speaker 1: I'm not dying. You can't make me. Fuck you cruises.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that's time. You can't make me. Everyone
Speaker 1: is time for jen Keep Jan, yes, Jan Jan, the
Speaker 1: winner of last I don't think so, honey, raffle, And
Speaker 1: here she is making her amazing return. Come on, Jenn
Speaker 1: is gonna be selected or trollball pre selected? This is Jenks.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. Her time starts now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Where where I'm sorry, where are
Speaker 1: the lesbians on the Lost Culture East this podcast? I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. In the time that has taken
Speaker 1: to have every alum that is hammer Cats adjacent, we've
Speaker 1: had I don't know, maybe three, maybe three? Have you
Speaker 1: heard of Sydney Washington, Emma Willman, Morgan Miller, I don't know,
Speaker 1: Ellen Degenerous, Color, Reggie Rocket, Francine Frensky. These are all options, guys,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep rattling off. I don't know, Kendall Jenner.
Speaker 1: We're waiting, Kendall, we are waiting Bone and mat I
Speaker 1: kid give you some tips about where to find him.
Speaker 1: And that's one minute. Oh my god, should be so shame.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think we have to accept
Speaker 1: that because you know, we were taking a task. We
Speaker 1: will address this on the podcast. No, guys, give it
Speaker 1: up for jen Kee and welcome Dwayne Parking and see Perkins. Dwayne,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, oh oh fashion fashion guys. Let's just
Speaker 1: take let's just take it in bit. Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: when the hood pops up, is it going to be
Speaker 1: pre selected or trollball? Okay, because his Dwayne Perkins is
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey, his time starts now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. White gazet your trash, crash, trash, trash, trash,
Speaker 1: the culture, trash, the club's offbeat, the oppression, barely bitch.
Speaker 1: White gays are like straight white men, just wrapped in legs,
Speaker 1: sassy tweets, RuPaul drag racing, glittery gentrification. It does differ.
Speaker 1: An entire group of people thought that a witty reference
Speaker 1: about Karry Coon was a personality. Fifteen seconds. Bears, trash, twinks,
Speaker 1: trash otters, trash Republicans, your parents five seconds. White Gates
Speaker 1: are trash and blogging garbage bags, which are black like
Speaker 1: the culture that they appropriate in an unseasoned fashion. At Perkins,
Speaker 1: you know what, loved it, loved it, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: and you have to you have to accept. So see
Speaker 1: that was the That was also the curse of Anne Hathaway,
Speaker 1: who was a gay brother. She has a white gay
Speaker 1: brother and she is haunting the space. And guys, give
Speaker 1: it up for this group. Paren Anglehart, Jen Cap Perkins. Unbelievable.
Speaker 1: Let's get this next group up here. Everyone please welcome
Speaker 1: Gabby Hornets, Emily All God, Rusher go BLOOHI, Gordon, Josh, Daniel.
Speaker 1: Can I tell you this is the group we call
Speaker 1: the Vocalistas. This is all singers. Are all singers, guys,
Speaker 1: all right? First, they got the notes, they got the notes.
Speaker 1: This is Gabby Hornet, Yes, okay, Sean bre Yeah, put
Speaker 1: it on, put it on, put it on. Important cultural
Speaker 1: moment when the Spice Girls said that Gabby, yeah, is
Speaker 1: it gonna be pre selected or trollball? Okay? And here
Speaker 1: we go, Gabby Hornets, I don't think so, honey. His
Speaker 1: time starts now. I don't think so, honey. People who
Speaker 1: disrespect Michelle Williams from Destiny's Child just don't think so honey. Okay,
Speaker 1: she is at one third of the iconic girl group
Speaker 1: Destiny's Child, and she deserves our respect, every last one
Speaker 1: of us. Okay, is she perfect? No? Did she bounced
Speaker 1: out of that Super Bowl chap door like teeter around? Yes?
Speaker 1: Did she fall on stage? And Kelly Michelle kept going, maybe,
Speaker 1: yes she did. There's video footage, but that's okay. She's
Speaker 1: an icon, Okay. And when will your faith do what
Speaker 1: she's done? When will your faith go head to head
Speaker 1: in a rift battle with Beyonce and the Bridge of Survivor?
Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about? Who? No, your faith
Speaker 1: could never And honestly, she is she You know what?
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it with your hashtag poor Michelle.
Speaker 1: I don't think so many poor Michelle rich, Michelle, multifaceted Michelle,
Speaker 1: Birth of Time Michelle. So honey, if you appreciate Mistell Williams,
Speaker 1: the one and only miss, I don't think so honey.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm not hearing it, not spirrified it.
Speaker 1: I can't say, you know, when Jesus say yes, nobody
Speaker 1: can say no. Oh my god, guys, please give it
Speaker 1: up for Emily. All god, Emily, did you see me
Speaker 1: bash my tooth on the mic? Oh? Yes, thing? Um, yes,
Speaker 1: pre selected Okay, they can't prepare is Emily? All Gods,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. Her time starts now. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't think, so honey. Soup I said it. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: This bowl of motion is supposed to be a full meal.
Speaker 1: I don't beck and think so. Last I check soup
Speaker 1: was a liquid. It's like a worse water. Okay, It's
Speaker 1: like mud after a rain storm. It's like jeez, man,
Speaker 1: And just like jeez, it's completely fucking useless to me.
Speaker 1: I can think, so honey, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: hear it with those people there. Oh, but soup warms
Speaker 1: me in the colder months. First of all, call it winter, okay,
Speaker 1: term it has worked for centuries, and I don't want
Speaker 1: to get hear it about cold soups. Okay. Guess bacco
Speaker 1: can suck mynd dick. Okay. And I can say that
Speaker 1: because I know her. I don't know her soup is
Speaker 1: not exciting. Soup is dull and I hated. I don't
Speaker 1: think so honey, soup god, and I have to reveal
Speaker 1: soup is in the trouble. Fression is as freshielievable. Give
Speaker 1: it up. We're a guy A come on, guya ga
Speaker 1: ga tell us, yes, fashion, yes, tell us about whether
Speaker 1: you're going to do a topic or the trouble. I
Speaker 1: am going to do a preselective Okay, this is guya.
Speaker 1: I don't think so hony. Her time starts now. I
Speaker 1: don't think so honey. People who don't spend every day
Speaker 1: being sad about the cancelation of cash Cab. Let me
Speaker 1: tell you the things that make up a great TV show, Okay,
Speaker 1: A quirky but lovable central character, a backdrop of New
Speaker 1: York City. Uh, you know, someone's root for without having
Speaker 1: to hear some fucking sob story about how they had
Speaker 1: to drop out of college to help their dying mother
Speaker 1: or something whatever, Ashley, everybody's life is hard anyway. Okay,
Speaker 1: So it also not just talking about cash Cab New York.
Speaker 1: Also Catch up Chicago, because you know what that has
Speaker 1: a woman cab drivers really important to have representation on TV.
Speaker 1: If you're telling me you'd rather watch Game of Thrones, Like,
Speaker 1: what did you ever learn from that show? How to
Speaker 1: touch butts with your brother? Cash guy was canceled in
Speaker 1: twelve and you know what happened? Elect your president and
Speaker 1: you don't happen after that, everybody got stupid. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that was like when your best friend tells you a
Speaker 1: crushing secret. I didn't realize it got canceled. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I didn't even know this guy was gagged. This guy
Speaker 1: he broke his heart broke. I watched the break. Okay, O,
Speaker 1: my god, Welcome to the stage, Ali Garden class the honey,
Speaker 1: Oh they're they're new. I'm really thank you so much
Speaker 1: for Ali calls. I don't think so, honey. Not people
Speaker 1: noticing your boots. No, that's not what did the priests.
Speaker 1: It is pre select Gordon. I don't think her time
Speaker 1: starts now. Okay, I don't think so, honey. Real little
Speaker 1: kids playing kid roles and Broadway musicals. If I pay
Speaker 1: two hundred and fifty dollars for a premium Broadway ticket
Speaker 1: and I get to my seat and I sit down,
Speaker 1: and I opened the playbelt, and I see the headshot
Speaker 1: of a little fucking kid. I'm a lot like fucking Firstly,
Speaker 1: because the only difference between a little kid and somebody
Speaker 1: like me and a Broadway musical is they're allowed to
Speaker 1: pay me less money, so why don't they do it?
Speaker 1: Second Secondly is because if there's a kid who has
Speaker 1: a lead in a Broadway musical, it's not really one kid.
Speaker 1: It's like three or four kids all sharing the role,
Speaker 1: and there's always one kid who's really fucking good, and
Speaker 1: lots of the kids all really suck, but you're not
Speaker 1: allowed to say it because their kids, and that would
Speaker 1: be rude. I don't think so, honey. Also, every little
Speaker 1: kid who knows how to sing, even the best kid
Speaker 1: who knows how to sing, knows that they are a
Speaker 1: little kid who knows how to sing, and they all
Speaker 1: sing with the same smug look of self satisfaction on
Speaker 1: five sectors, much like the woman at your office who
Speaker 1: was always bragging about being good at karaoke. I don't
Speaker 1: think so. Yes, yes, yes, oh that was that was
Speaker 1: amongst the amongst the best, most of the best, best,
Speaker 1: breathless guys. Please give it up, Josh Daniel. Look at
Speaker 1: this jacket. The jacket will give me life for the
Speaker 1: rest of my days. My god, this is the only
Speaker 1: thing that I didn't buy for this podcast taping. Everything
Speaker 1: else is purchased you, the viewing audience. Yes, podcast, a
Speaker 1: visual media podcast, our visual Josh. I'll be doing a
Speaker 1: pre selected topic. We're doing a trollball topic. We're doing
Speaker 1: pre selective okay, Josh Daniel. I don't think so many
Speaker 1: time starts now, I don't think so, honey. Artisanal singing, yes,
Speaker 1: artisanal singing. You know what I'm talking about. I'm looking
Speaker 1: at you, you Indi Zoe Deschanel, bitches with your amorphous
Speaker 1: vowels and your vocal fry, and you're like I, I
Speaker 1: like bitch. I did not go thirty dollars into crippling
Speaker 1: student loan debt to compellingly played Jack and into the
Speaker 1: woods and win a Lori Beachman Award for Vocal Excellence.
Speaker 1: To listen to your bitch ass Nebulous Schwai said, I
Speaker 1: think so, Hattie. And there's always women of color underrepresented
Speaker 1: in this community, but this is the one community in
Speaker 1: which they're underrepresented for a good reason, because they give
Speaker 1: me a full belt. That's right, white girls, I'm looking
Speaker 1: at us, and everyone's on trial. So release your da
Speaker 1: sing from your puss, lift your soft palette like you're
Speaker 1: sing my bantu in d and funk artistmas singing. Fuck it.
Speaker 1: I don't think so. Yeah. Oh my god, Grace Vanderwall,
Speaker 1: fuck Grace. Oh my god, you guys fucking this group.
Speaker 1: Give it up right now, Gabby hor Emily Old, Ali,
Speaker 1: Josh Daniel, Oh my god, the Vocalistas came for it. Guys.
Speaker 1: This is gonna be the last group of the first half.
Speaker 1: So give it up for Ryan Haydy, give it up
Speaker 1: for Yoni Litton, give it up for Brandis Canal, Joe Ki,
Speaker 1: Kim Booster. Oh my god, the fashions these boys, all right,
Speaker 1: so it's time Ryan, Yes, connect with each other. Connect.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, family here, this is fine, Oh my
Speaker 1: god podcast our official guys. I'm gonna say half the
Speaker 1: group is gay, half the group is straight. You guys
Speaker 1: figure it out. Okay, right, Ryan, you go up to
Speaker 1: the lady, Okay, Sonny, Ryan Haydy here we go. Alright,
Speaker 1: So Ryan, talk to me about whether we're doing a
Speaker 1: pre slighter topic or a trouble time topic. Um, Matt,
Speaker 1: we tonight, we all of us here. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: we're going to do a troll. Wow, how did it
Speaker 1: feel special? It's very special. Okay, here we go. I'm
Speaker 1: picking it out. No, it can't be this. It's literally soup.
Speaker 1: It can't it can't be that because we already had.
Speaker 1: This is the first one. I love soups. So I
Speaker 1: made a soup that turned into a pasta. Have you
Speaker 1: ever had that? No? I did it. That's amazing. That
Speaker 1: sounds good, right, it was really good. I want to
Speaker 1: talk about that at the intermission. Ryan Haney, your I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Topic is and this is good
Speaker 1: little League and your time starts now. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: little League, I don't think so. Giving boys real hope
Speaker 1: about making it in the big league. It's not a
Speaker 1: baseball game. You got some drunk gass dad up there
Speaker 1: throwing softballs and you're cracking out of the park, and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you think you own the world.
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. That's leading to what we
Speaker 1: call toxic masculinity. I don't think so, honey. Letting some
Speaker 1: sixteen year old get up on the mound and smoke
Speaker 1: a bunch of eight year olds with a fastball. We
Speaker 1: don't need to see that. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: little League on ESPN seconds. There are real sports we
Speaker 1: could be watching. There are grown ass people who are
Speaker 1: at the top of their athletic game currently competing, and
Speaker 1: I don't need to see Bobby like bobbling in field.
Speaker 1: Fly That's okay, And now it is time for you Loton,
Speaker 1: come on you. Yes, Madam Bowen, I just want to
Speaker 1: say I'm such a big fans that I made my
Speaker 1: own had put it on. Yes, I tried to make
Speaker 1: the feather as big as possible. My god, this is beautiful.
Speaker 1: Thank you? You like my hand? Yes, it's literally such
Speaker 1: a guy. It's so good. All right? So are we doing?
Speaker 1: I love that it has a fucking strap? All right?
Speaker 1: All right? Are we doing? I have a wild jaw.
Speaker 1: Are we doing a pre selected topic or trouball topic?
Speaker 1: You know what? I want the people to decide, you
Speaker 1: know what they'll say, trouble, trouble the den of the ball.
Speaker 1: Bets say, Kenny also did the same thing in the
Speaker 1: first show, but shout out bet to Kenny, and they also, alright,
Speaker 1: not ready, We're going to dive in. And you're topic
Speaker 1: is oh god, okay, you know, I don't think the
Speaker 1: money topic is the word sassy, okay, and you only
Speaker 1: I don't think some honey on the word sassy starts now,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey, the words sassy, that's like homophobic, right, yes,
Speaker 1: it's like what the fuck are you trying to imply?
Speaker 1: Just saying like mean, I don't know what the fox
Speaker 1: sassy is. I don't even know what the fox sassy is.
Speaker 1: I honestly do not know what the fox sassy is?
Speaker 1: What does it mean having attitude? Fuck shaming that you
Speaker 1: should have attitude? Yes, you you want to defend, and
Speaker 1: if that correlates to being sassy, then you know what?
Speaker 1: Be sassy? Own it? Fox fuck making? You know what
Speaker 1: fun words representing things? You know what describing words? Second,
Speaker 1: don't be fucking words be it. That's what I have
Speaker 1: to say. Live your life, do what you want to do.
Speaker 1: Don't let a word describe five seconds, what the funk
Speaker 1: you are? I honestly don't know what says he iss. Wow.
Speaker 1: The only way to be woke is to not know
Speaker 1: what words means. That's what we've learned. God blessed you. Right,
Speaker 1: So here we go. Stay from l A. It's Brendon now, yes, yes, today, yes, Hello?
Speaker 1: Is it going to be pre selected or trouble um
Speaker 1: pre selected? Okay, this is Brendan's canals. I don't think
Speaker 1: so honey has starts. So now I live in l
Speaker 1: A and New Yorkers traveling, I don't think so honey. Okay,
Speaker 1: all of you, I'm coming for you. First of all,
Speaker 1: stop complaining about driving. Okay, everybody fucking does it. The
Speaker 1: subway is not that great. I gotta push notification about
Speaker 1: it today that it's breaking down. Okay, at least in
Speaker 1: a car. If you sit and ship, it's yours and
Speaker 1: you're sad, but it's fine. Okay. Second, who cares about pizza?
Speaker 1: All right, I'm from l A. I haven't had gluten
Speaker 1: in five fucking years. Okay. If I eat cheese, my
Speaker 1: insights will explode. Today I woke up, had to scoop
Speaker 1: a collage and powder a little bit of cheese seeds
Speaker 1: and three and a half grands of cocaine. Alright, fuck
Speaker 1: you New York. Oh. And also here's something stop saying
Speaker 1: I'll move to l A when my career demands it. You,
Speaker 1: we don't care if you're they're or not. You know,
Speaker 1: what nobody wants to read? Your script about a girl
Speaker 1: who moves from Bushwick to flat Bush moved, l A
Speaker 1: make a script about somebody who moves from West Hollywood
Speaker 1: to super Lay And that's one man town down beautiful
Speaker 1: god blast ignore, that's Brendon's Canalal guys, that is oh
Speaker 1: my god, I mean yeah. And now the Simon Cowell
Speaker 1: of culture please welcome Joel Kim boost Yes, oh okay,
Speaker 1: And it's Doc Martin's and his jumps you what's it
Speaker 1: gonna be? Do you think? Okay? Um, I'm scared, but
Speaker 1: I'm a student of the form and I think to
Speaker 1: be really good, you gotta go with the trollball. But I,
Speaker 1: like Yoni don't know a lot of words, so we'll see. Also,
Speaker 1: Matt fully did spoil the drag Race finale for me
Speaker 1: as well. Um, I won't accept all right, here we go, Okay,
Speaker 1: Joel you're I don't think so, honey. Topic is the
Speaker 1: incredible Kate Bland chat and Joel Kim boosters. I don't
Speaker 1: think so many times starts now, I don't think so, honey.
Speaker 1: Kate blanch checked break some color to that goddamn pale
Speaker 1: ass face. I don't think so, honey. You are a
Speaker 1: low rent Meryl Street at Bell showing up in a
Speaker 1: Marvel movie. I don't think so, honey. Who is that
Speaker 1: for the nerds who grew up loving notes on a scandal?
Speaker 1: I don't think so, honey. We didn't need you there.
Speaker 1: Go back to the street prestige dramas where you belong. Okay. Second,
Speaker 1: I don't think so, Colladry, I'll showing up in a
Speaker 1: Lord of the Rings movie to talk down to those
Speaker 1: hobbits like they don't know that the Ring is already
Speaker 1: a big deal. Okay, you could resist the Ring. You
Speaker 1: with your flowing blonde locks. I don't think so, honey,
Speaker 1: with your arian looks, and you're amazing acting style, I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. Kay Planchet, you're done after the
Speaker 1: form Booster. If you're really good, you gotta go for it.
Speaker 1: Everyone give it up for this group. Ryan Hey, Brandon Skin,
Speaker 1: Joel Kim Booster. Now al right, before, yes, come on,
Speaker 1: before we close out this first half, we are pleased
Speaker 1: to award our lost culture rest Us Icon Award. Yes,
Speaker 1: the winner of culture War. I mean, he just won't
Speaker 1: go away, bitch. So he's already a two time recipient
Speaker 1: of this award, but for a third time tonight, what
Speaker 1: oh my god, for a third time tonight we are
Speaker 1: honoring his contributions to the forum. Please welcome to the
Speaker 1: stage and rise for Mr Patty. Alright, sit down, sit down.
Speaker 1: I just want to say, um, awards are so silly,
Speaker 1: and titles are so silly. Words aren't silly? Microphone stage
Speaker 1: is all of this is silly. I don't need fame
Speaker 1: or want it. Okay, And with that patch, do you
Speaker 1: have acted a topic? This smoke is out of this unbelievable?
Speaker 1: Do I? Because I want to say that this is
Speaker 1: the first time I've ever worn chumbre. This can't be
Speaker 1: the first, but I'm having an experience on it where
Speaker 1: I thought I looked amazing, and then I took a
Speaker 1: pick and I was like, I didn't love the way
Speaker 1: it hung, but I love I was. I was specifically
Speaker 1: talking about you in this miss Oh No, I know,
Speaker 1: but I'm talking about I ever want to see. Okay,
Speaker 1: um wait, I feel like this might affect kind of
Speaker 1: my ability to connect with Yeah, okay, so all right,
Speaker 1: so let's just banterer for a bit. As the smoke
Speaker 1: clears up, I have to But like everybody see Pat, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: looking looks I look amazing at someone's here. It's time, Pat,
Speaker 1: Is it going to be pre selected or trouble? I
Speaker 1: know that I've never done trouble, and so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: just to continue having never done trouble. Um, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to do a pre slected topic perfect. And you
Speaker 1: would please just to lead by example as an Icon
Speaker 1: Award winner and wear that absolutely because you're the only
Speaker 1: person we're going to specifically request to wear No, and
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to not wear it. What a good
Speaker 1: choice to put it on like the way you did backwards.
Speaker 1: First of all, then you'rever acknowledging that everything I do
Speaker 1: on stage it's a choice. Um. A lot of people
Speaker 1: forget that. All right, So Cat, you're the Icon Award
Speaker 1: winner for a third time, the winner of coulch War.
Speaker 1: And by the way, we're gonna get you that hundred
Speaker 1: dollar Venmo cash prize real soon, whenever you're ready. Whenever
Speaker 1: you're ready, it's just gonna come into installments because that's
Speaker 1: the way, that's how it contractually. I don't care because
Speaker 1: I'm rich. But whenever you can get object to Pat
Speaker 1: Regan and his I don't think so honey. Time starts now, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't think so honey. People who when you tell
Speaker 1: them you're tired but you feel like you got sleep,
Speaker 1: they say, well, maybe you're getting too much sleep. I
Speaker 1: don't think so, honey. I think so bit Like who's
Speaker 1: getting too much sleep? It's seen. This is a world
Speaker 1: of horrors. You can sleep for twenty four hours straight
Speaker 1: and nap in between, and you will not be getting
Speaker 1: too much sleep. And I'm coming to you in a
Speaker 1: moment of ownerable ability and you're giving me this gas
Speaker 1: lighting bullshit like, yeah, I'm feeling very, very tired, maybe
Speaker 1: I should sleep last. Thank you. You're a victim blamer
Speaker 1: and you're an asshole, and you're making me feel fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: So what you can have a little like iota it
Speaker 1: was a periority with your goddamn pseudo medicine bullshit. That's
Speaker 1: not a thing. Like if you sleep, then you become
Speaker 1: less tired. That's how sleep work. I know everyone's tired.
Speaker 1: I have made this choice to come to you because
Speaker 1: I'm specifically tired. I'm trying to connect with you over that,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna make me feel like a goddamn learned
Speaker 1: to villain. I don't think so, honey, I don't think
Speaker 1: so many people who when you say I'm tired but
Speaker 1: I've been getting sleep, they say, well, maybe you're getting
Speaker 1: too my good man, give it up for time. Kind
Speaker 1: of want to five executive time, guys, We are now
Speaker 1: gonna take a pre five minute intermission and we'll see
Speaker 1: about Gotta drink and tip your tenders fire forever. This
Speaker 1: has been a Forever Dog production, executive produced by Brett Bohum,
Speaker 1: Joe Cilio, and Alex Ramsey. For more original podcasts, please
Speaker 1: visit Forever Dog Podcasts dot com and subscribe to our
Speaker 1: shows on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 1: Keep up with the latest Forever Dog news by following
Speaker 1: us on Twitter and Instagram at Forever Dog Team, and
Speaker 1: liking our page on Facebook.