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Speaker 1: Hey, this is jonnas is Sam your og Okay Storytime

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Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

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Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 3: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 3: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 2: I catfished my stalker to make her stop, but everyone

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Speaker 2: says I'm the worst.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It might be morally wrong.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Years ago, my partner and I split up. We've been

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Speaker 2: together five years already, but we weren't happy, arguing a lot,

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Speaker 2: drinking a lot, and being very nasty towards each other.

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Speaker 2: It was bad after we split because we were both

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Speaker 2: very broken people. We put ourselves on dating sites and

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Speaker 2: spoke to some other people because that's how you heal,

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Speaker 2: but we could never get each other out of our minds. Eventually,

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Speaker 2: something brought us back together. We sat down, talked about

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Speaker 2: what was wrong, and decided try and fix it. By

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Speaker 2: the way, this comes from Expensive Secret three one two,

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Speaker 2: and if you want to spend your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay Storytime supparate where this story

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Speaker 2: is from. This is one of our own I'm.

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Speaker 3: Riley, I'm Carly, and I'm Dakota, and we're here to

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Speaker 3: give a good advice goofully, but sometimes we don't have

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Speaker 3: all the answers, so oh if you have any thoughts

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Speaker 3: or questions or advise, please put it down in the comments.

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Speaker 3: As Op says, we both took ourselves off the dating

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Speaker 3: sites and talked about what we had done in the

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Speaker 3: period that we've been apart. One of the women on

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Speaker 3: the side he never met continued to talk to him,

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Speaker 3: and because I'm not an insecure person, I was okay

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Speaker 3: with it. He told her we were back together and

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Speaker 3: he was just being friendly. I saw the messages. I

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Speaker 3: trusted him, and I'm not threatened by other people. He

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Speaker 3: never hid it from me.

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Speaker 2: I get that a lot of people would be upset

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Speaker 2: about it, but I'm just not one of them. After

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Speaker 2: about two or three weeks of her texting him every

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Speaker 2: single day, he told me that she was starting to

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Speaker 2: get a bit much, getting annoyed when he never responded,

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Speaker 2: asking about a relationship and being very full on. He

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Speaker 2: said he wasn't comfortable with her anymore and how it

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Speaker 2: was going, so he told her he wasn't going to

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Speaker 2: be responding anymore and worshed her well. The next week,

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Speaker 2: she continued to text him. He received a message containing

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Speaker 2: tickets for a band he loved, saying to take me

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Speaker 2: have a great time and that she's been thinking of him.

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Speaker 2: This to me, flew all kinds of red flag, so

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Speaker 2: I decided to step in. I sent her a text

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Speaker 2: telling her that it was inappropriate and that she needed

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Speaker 2: to respect his wishes and back off, and that I

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Speaker 2: understood how she possibly felt, but should move on. It

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Speaker 2: didn't go down well. She took offense to me messaging,

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Speaker 2: and what ensued after that was just pure madness. She

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Speaker 2: did not stop messaging him and said she chose the

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Speaker 2: message to me. Every single day she would send me

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Speaker 2: abuse threats, calling me names, telling me he loved her,

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Speaker 2: that he was cheating on me with her. She told

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Speaker 2: me she was following me and watching me, always commenting

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Speaker 2: on my appearance. Every account I blocked, a new one appeared.

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Speaker 2: I was fat, ugly, unlovable, a doormat in a toxic relationship.

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Speaker 2: None of it bothered me. Ignore, block, repeat, But that's

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Speaker 2: how it went for a long time. He was water off,

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Speaker 2: ducks back to me. So we just carried on and

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Speaker 2: lived our lives years past. We had a baby, we

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Speaker 2: were happy, We lived a normal life apart from every weekend,

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Speaker 2: I was still getting harassed by a complete stranger. He

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Speaker 2: got to the stage where she started mentioning our child.

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Speaker 2: Now she'd come to our house, so we called the police. Yoks.

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Speaker 2: We gave them all the messages, her name and contact details,

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Speaker 2: and they went to issue her with caution. When they

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Speaker 2: came back, they told us she lived with her fiance

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Speaker 2: and two teenage boys, and that her behavior was very

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Speaker 2: out of the ordinary for someone with her life. So

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Speaker 2: I did some digging, and the entire time she'd been

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Speaker 2: pestering me on a dating site. She had a fiance

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Speaker 2: fifteen years and two kids.

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Speaker 5: God, and she was on a dating app.

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Speaker 2: This is why we should throw some water on the internet.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes burn the internet alive. We don't need it anymore.

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Speaker 5: We don't except for Okay, let's.

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Speaker 2: All gather at the town square at noon and we

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Speaker 2: can read stories together. How about that, the old fashioned.

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Speaker 4: Way tell us the stories.

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Speaker 1: We'll just live.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll have like a little tip jar at the front,

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Speaker 2: and you guys can just throw stuff in there, get

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Speaker 2: to say whatever. I thought it would all stop now

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Speaker 2: that the police were involved, but then't. We had maybe

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Speaker 2: three weeks apiece, and then I got a message from

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Speaker 2: her directly telling me how miserable my life was and

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Speaker 2: how amazing hers was, and all the usual name calling.

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Speaker 2: So I sent her a message telling her that she

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Speaker 2: needed to stop and go be with your fiance and

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Speaker 2: leave us alone. She didn't know that we knew about

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Speaker 2: her life, and it sent her spiraling. She started copying

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Speaker 2: everything we did. I'm an Instagram blogger and have a

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Speaker 2: very successful page. She found my friends, family, work, and

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Speaker 2: endorse companies on there, started contacting them, spreading lies and

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Speaker 2: telling them how my partner was cheating with her slandering

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Speaker 2: my name and threatening me with the police. She made

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Speaker 2: out everything she was doing was actually the other way around.

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Speaker 2: This was this tip my partner over the edge. He

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Speaker 2: unblocked her number, called her. She didn't answer, but she

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Speaker 2: messaged him, telling him how much she loved him, that

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Speaker 2: she missed him, that she wanted them to be together,

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Speaker 2: and to call her back when she was alone. He

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Speaker 2: told her that he would be filing another police report

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Speaker 2: and she needed to leave his family alone. He blocked

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Speaker 2: her number again and we were hoping that she might stop.

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Speaker 2: The Next night, a knock on the door the police.

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Speaker 2: An anonymous report had been filed that I was being

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Speaker 2: domestically mistreated by him. I lost my ever loving mind.

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Speaker 2: I went to show them the messages she had been sending,

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Speaker 2: and she had sent me one saying that I needed

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Speaker 2: to make a stand and report the abuse, that he

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Speaker 2: didn't love me if he hurt me, and not to

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Speaker 2: stand for it. I was furious. The police believed us completely,

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Speaker 2: and they said they would issue her a second warning.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we're.

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Speaker 5: Beyond warnings at this point. Can we not get the

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Speaker 5: full restraining order yet?

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Speaker 2: What is happening? This is crazy? Ew gross. After that night,

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Speaker 2: I was exhausted. I'd had to put up with this

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Speaker 2: for nearly four years. Oh my god, she could have

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Speaker 2: graduated college by now. Dude, you are a you have

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Speaker 2: an undergraduate and being stocked Yeah, congrasso crazy, Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: I just needed it to stop. So I decided to

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Speaker 2: do something that I've never done before. I took some

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Speaker 2: photos off a friend I told him and I made

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Speaker 2: up an account pretending to be him. I spent a

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Speaker 2: week establishing set account to make it look genuine, and

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Speaker 2: then I added her. I liked a few of her posts,

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Speaker 2: commented on some stuff. It didn't take long for her

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Speaker 2: to DM the account being nice. After a matter of days,

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Speaker 2: she started asking personal questions. I played her along, being nice,

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Speaker 2: playing into her compliments to the point she carefully felt

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Speaker 2: comfortable because she talked all about her life. Okay, and

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Speaker 2: this is where you start writing your movie.

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Speaker 5: Op this moment you're reading the script.

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Speaker 2: Oh, this is beautiful. She told me how she was

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Speaker 2: in a relationship but resented him because he ignored her.

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Speaker 2: She loved him but wasn't in love with him. She

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Speaker 2: stayed for the kids, that she was really insecure. A

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Speaker 2: click for me. It all made sense. She was miserable

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Speaker 2: in her life and herself because I wasn't. She was projecting.

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Speaker 2: The clarity that it gave me was profound. It didn't

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Speaker 2: annoy me anymore. Felt sorry for her now, I just

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Speaker 2: needed it to stop. I carried on listening to her,

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Speaker 2: playing along till one day she re entered my own

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Speaker 2: personal DMS by how she'll never leave me alone until

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Speaker 2: I realized that my boyfriend doesn't love me. I'm ugly

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Speaker 2: and he loved her blah blah blah blah blah. And

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Speaker 2: then to the Catfish DM, she sent a photo. It

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Speaker 2: was a photo of her and a bra and underwear

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Speaker 2: in front of a mirror.

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Speaker 4: Ooh oh what was what.

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Speaker 2: People have to do here? She told this man she

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Speaker 2: was attracted to him and wanted to meet him for

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Speaker 2: some extramarital activities.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, get me.

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Speaker 2: Out, go to this location. Boom swat team arrested for

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Speaker 2: what stalking?

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Speaker 1: The thing is like?

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Speaker 5: The cops have done nothing to help this so far?

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Speaker 2: Oh yes they They gave him two warnings, two wrists

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Speaker 2: slaps Carly.

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Speaker 4: How good does that work?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Some like what it just irritated her?

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Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, it.

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Speaker 2: Made it do worse.

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Speaker 1: Oh.

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Speaker 2: A few more photos followed after I didn't need to

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Speaker 2: see with sentences. No engage, woman should be messaging someone.

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Speaker 4: Else, not engaged. She's married, No, she's engaged.

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Speaker 2: I thought she's married for fifteen years, fiance of fifteen years.

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Speaker 2: Mm eo, I know.

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Speaker 1: Fiance for fifteen years.

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Speaker 2: Where we do it at that point? Yeah, she said

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Speaker 2: she was off to work and to think about what

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Speaker 2: she wanted. So I shut it down. I saved the

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Speaker 2: entire conversation, shut down the page. After a day myself

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Speaker 2: being me again, I opened up my socials to a

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Speaker 2: barrage of abuse. She was none the wiser about what

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Speaker 2: I'd done, but it was all directed at me and

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Speaker 2: my kids.

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Speaker 5: Oh no, she's a blackmail he Ooh probably so.

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Speaker 2: So I did the one thing that I knew would

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Speaker 2: make it stop. I sent her the photos of everything

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Speaker 2: I had done. I told her that I felt sorry

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Speaker 2: for her, that she needed to address her shoes and

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Speaker 2: be a better person fiance and mother, or I would

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Speaker 2: print it all out and send it to her partner.

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Speaker 2: Expecting her to hyper implode and bracing myself. She sent

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Speaker 2: me one message telling me I was a loser, that

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Speaker 2: she would always be better than me, she felt sorry

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Speaker 2: for me, that he loved me. I was fake. I

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Speaker 2: wanted to be her. I was jealous of her, and

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Speaker 2: that was that.

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Speaker 1: I mean, did this go well?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: I'm like the morality of like, was it right to

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Speaker 5: basically catfish her and then blackmail her back with it?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 5: Like, I don't think that was your best plan of attack?

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Speaker 5: Is it maybe possibly gonna work better than what the

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Speaker 5: cops are barely doing to help?

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Speaker 1: I mean maybe, Like.

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Speaker 5: I know, they really won't step in until something happens.

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Speaker 1: Usually, Yeah, she's kind.

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Speaker 4: Of like, are you just gonna wait for that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: It's kind of like Okay, you took it into your

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Speaker 5: own hands.

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Speaker 4: Yeah cool.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know. It didn't really seem like that. Help.

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Speaker 2: This one was crazy and she should be an Alaskan

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Speaker 2: fishermen for six months to experience. Yeah, aloneiness being on

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Speaker 2: the boat catching fish in Alaska.

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Speaker 1: Maybe she'll love it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she just needs to go somewhere. So oh, he continues,

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Speaker 2: I've not heard a single thing from her since she

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Speaker 2: deleted all her fake accounts. She deleted all real social

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Speaker 2: media accounts. She's gone. It's been a while now. It's

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Speaker 2: been so nice being stock her free. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if it's for good though. I'm not a mean person,

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Speaker 2: but after everything she tried to do to me and

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Speaker 2: my family, I literally wouldn't think twice. I recently told

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Speaker 2: a few people my story, and when I did, and

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Speaker 2: it didn't go the way I expected, people said I

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Speaker 2: was worse than her because I led her on and

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Speaker 2: should be ashamed. But I just needed to stop. I

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Speaker 2: needed my life normal and pestumate free. She got two

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Speaker 2: police cautions and still never stopped. What more was there

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Speaker 2: to do? She clearly had issues and didn't care. So

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Speaker 2: I just want to know in this whole situation. Am

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Speaker 2: I the A hole? I think you could have reached

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Speaker 2: down to the fiance way sooner than getting all these spicy.

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Speaker 5: She'd never reached out to the fiance though, She's just

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Speaker 5: got the black mail to potentially reach out to the fiance.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you could have said, hey, this person won't

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Speaker 2: stop pestering me and is saying she lost my husband, like.

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Speaker 5: The fiance does kind of deserve to know that. I mean,

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Speaker 5: out of all of it, whether you were the a

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Speaker 5: hole or not, she was obviously the biggest scariest one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I don't think that you necessarily were the A hole.

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Speaker 5: I just think you did something that wasn't always considered

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Speaker 5: like morally correct. But yeah, my boyfriend is still not

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Speaker 5: over his ex and I'm getting.

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Speaker 4: Tired of it.

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Speaker 1: It's time. Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I'm twenty five female and my best friend, Jill twenty

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Speaker 5: four female, has been dating this guy, Jack male twenty

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Speaker 5: six for about seven months. About six months ago, Jack

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Speaker 5: introduced me to his roommate Tom male twenty seven. By

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Speaker 5: the way, this comes from Throwaway Sympathy h And if

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Speaker 5: you want us to make your own stories, go to

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Speaker 5: the r slash Okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 1: I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and.

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Speaker 4: We're here to give good advice.

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Speaker 5: Goofily, But we don't have all the answers. We only

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Speaker 5: know what we'd do. So let us know what you

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Speaker 5: would do in the comments, and Opie says Tom is

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Speaker 5: literally the hottest dude I've ever seen in my life.

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Speaker 1: Eck bottle hot, movie star hot.

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Speaker 5: He could probably get any girl he wants. And on

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Speaker 5: top of that, he's smart, funny, driven, and sweet, like

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Speaker 5: the total package. Honestly, he's intimidating.

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Speaker 1: Af Let's see this Tom, there he is.

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Speaker 5: The four of us started hanging out a lot, and

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Speaker 5: about a month later Tom and I started dating.

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Speaker 3: Oooooooo.

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Speaker 5: I can't even explain the butterflies I get. Then, one night,

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Speaker 5: at the beginning of our relationship, after too much wine,

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Speaker 5: we started talking about x's. I was not ready for

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Speaker 5: what he's say said yo oh. He told me he

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Speaker 5: had an ex who was basically the one that got away.

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Speaker 5: They met in Nashville years ago, instant sparks, and he

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Speaker 5: straight up told me she was the most exotic, gorgeous,

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Speaker 5: shoes smart girl he ever met. He also said it

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Speaker 5: was the best spicy sleep of his life.

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Speaker 1: He got a breakup with him, no joke, like break up.

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Speaker 5: Get out of there, Like, why would he say that

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Speaker 5: to me to make me jealous? They tried long distance,

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Speaker 5: but it fell apart. He blamed the distance. What really

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Speaker 5: got me is that even after they broke up, they

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Speaker 5: kept coming back to each other between other partners, like

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Speaker 5: vacations in Mexico and stuff. He said he used to

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Speaker 5: think they'd end up together. I couldn't believe he actually

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Speaker 5: said that to me. He says, they just text every

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Speaker 5: now and then now and he hasn't seen her in

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Speaker 5: a year. He swears it's over and he's over her now.

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Speaker 1: He's not over her now, He's not he's not over

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Speaker 1: her now stuff, Because if he was over her, he

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Speaker 1: wouldn't be saying she was the best person I've ever

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Speaker 1: been with.

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Speaker 5: That just like to me, screams like okay, well then,

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Speaker 5: like I'm clearly just not the person for you, yeah,

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Speaker 5: because if you found that person, I would be hotter,

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Speaker 5: cooler and better than this person.

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Speaker 1: You can't get exactly exactly.

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Speaker 5: I played it cool, but inside I was spiraling. I

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Speaker 5: didn't sleep for like two nights, and obviously I stalked

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Speaker 5: your socials don't judge. She's gorgeous, fun life, tons of friends,

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Speaker 5: always out doing cool stuff, basically like the girl version

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Speaker 5: of him. I've gotten obsessed watching for signs she had

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Speaker 5: a new boyfriend. But nope, nothing. My boyfriend isn't anywhere

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Speaker 5: in her socials, although that's not surprising since he has

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Speaker 5: a strict no social media policy. Then about a month

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Speaker 5: into me and him dating, he just stopped answering me. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: not even reading my texts. I thought he lost his phone,

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Speaker 5: but Jill said nope, he was home with his phone.

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Speaker 5: I called, emailed, texted ten times. No response. Finally Jill

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Speaker 5: asked him what was up, and he just said he

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Speaker 5: needed a breather. No fight, no reason, just space. Then

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Speaker 5: a week later he called me like, nothing happened. Girl.

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Speaker 1: If you stay with this man, if you.

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Speaker 6: Don't talk to someone for a week, you're broken up.

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Speaker 6: Broken a month into the relationship month, you're broken up.

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Speaker 5: I would give it less than a week. If I

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Speaker 5: don't hear from you in like three days.

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Speaker 1: After a mon relationship, I'm like, I think we're broken up.

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Speaker 5: I need like sign a life at least just like

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Speaker 5: a hey still need space, talk to you tomorrow, Okay.

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Speaker 4: You're alive.

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Speaker 1: No, I've been ghosted before after like seeing someone for

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Speaker 1: a month and yeah, after a couple of days, you're like, okay,

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Speaker 1: that's yeah. They ghost they weren't done. Yeah, that's it.

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Speaker 1: And then they came back a month later to be like,

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Speaker 1: are ever ghosting? And I'm like, oh, you're still gone.

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Speaker 1: I didn't respond to that. I'm like, what do you

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Speaker 1: that's over? It was a month.

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Speaker 5: I asked if I did something wrong and he was like, nope,

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Speaker 5: just oh I am and he wouldn't talk about it.

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Speaker 5: Since then, he's done it multiple times, just ghosts me

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Speaker 5: for days, sometimes a week or so, then comes back

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Speaker 5: like everything's normal. When I get upset, he tells me

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Speaker 5: not to be so insecure and that the more clingy

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Speaker 5: I get.

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Speaker 4: The more space he needs.

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Speaker 5: Once, Jill even asked him if he was like this

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Speaker 5: with the perfect X our nickname for her, and he

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Speaker 5: admitted he was, but she was super chill about it.

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Speaker 1: He liked that she.

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Speaker 5: Was confident and independent and would give him space without

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Speaker 5: texting more than once pew.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, this.

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Speaker 5: Keeps happening and it's driving me crazy.

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Speaker 1: Girl.

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Speaker 5: I know he's not cheating, he's not dating you. Jill

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Speaker 5: sees him every day, but it only lives me that

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Speaker 5: sometimes I can hang out with them all and sometimes

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Speaker 5: I can't. I don't handle space well at all. It

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Speaker 5: makes me panic more. Me and my friends are obsessed

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00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,800
Speaker 5: with the stories on here, and we always joke about

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00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,240
Speaker 5: starting a podcast where we read them out. About a

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00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,080
Speaker 5: month ago, I actually wrote this whole thing about my boyfriend,

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Speaker 5: but I didn't post because I got too anxious and

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Speaker 5: low KI didn't want to hear the answers. But now

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00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,400
Speaker 5: things have gotten way worse, and I really wish I

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Speaker 5: had posted. I want to accept this is who he is,

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Speaker 5: but I don't know if I can. I've already fallen

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Speaker 5: for him hard, but I'm afraid to tell him. I

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00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,679
Speaker 5: feel like I'm losing my mind. Has anyone had a

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Speaker 5: boyfriend that randomly ghosts you for days or weeks.

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Speaker 4: At a time.

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Speaker 5: Does this have anything to do with the Perfect X?

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Speaker 5: Would he ghost her this much? Should I end things?

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Speaker 5: If he keeps ghosting?

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Speaker 1: Should end things now? If you have a partner who

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Speaker 1: is ghosting you, they're not your partner. We should not

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Speaker 1: be dating them. No.

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Speaker 5: At this point, it sounds like you've been ghosted more

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Speaker 5: times than you're considering yourself to be in this relationship

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Speaker 5: I a longer period of time personally.

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Speaker 1: What you ghost me? You're God, yeah, that's it. But

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Speaker 1: your ghost me? You're literally like, this is gonna sound

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Speaker 1: I'm only saying because it works with ghost But you're

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Speaker 1: passed away to me. You've ghosted me. Yeah, we can't

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Speaker 1: be together. You've left and he's done this multiple times

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Speaker 1: to you.

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Speaker 4: Oh insane.

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Speaker 5: I can't imagine ringing up with this once, let alone.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's what I'm saying. I'm like, I wouldn't put

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Speaker 1: up with this once. And it doesn't really matter if

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00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:11,320
Speaker 1: he's going back to his ex, if it's about you,

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00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,480
Speaker 1: if it's you know, if he's seeing someone else, entirely,

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Speaker 1: none of that matters. The only thing that matters is

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Speaker 1: that he ghosted you, at least once for a week. Edit.

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Speaker 5: Jack told Jill that Tom was the one who had

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Speaker 5: been stringing the X around this whole time. Jack said

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Speaker 5: that Tom never got over her. He always blamed the distance,

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Speaker 5: But it wasn't the ex who ended things. It was Tom.

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Speaker 4: It's so confusing.

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Speaker 1: We have an update.

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Speaker 5: Okay, So, first off, thanks to everyone who commented or

401
00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:44,760
Speaker 5: DMed me. I honestly didn't expect so many people to

402
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:47,160
Speaker 5: reach out. A lot of you said stuff I really

403
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,480
Speaker 5: didn't want to hear ouch loel, but reading it all

404
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,240
Speaker 5: actually made me stop and think instead of just pretending

405
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:54,200
Speaker 5: everything's fine.

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Speaker 4: So here's the brutal update.

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Speaker 5: A couple weeks ago, I ran into one of Tom's

408
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Speaker 5: friends and his girlfriend at Starbucks. The girlfriend, Melissa, was like,

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Speaker 5: are you going to the beach house? And I was like,

410
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,479
Speaker 5: what beach house? The friend got all awkward and they

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00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,439
Speaker 5: left quickly. Later I asked Tom about it, and he

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00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 5: just shrugged, said, a few times a year, the guys

413
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 5: all go stay at this beach house together. I asked

414
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 5: if I was invited, and he said, nah, just the guys.

415
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,840
Speaker 5: But I had literally just been asked about it by Melissa.

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00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 5: He said it was only because she's friends with the

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Speaker 5: host's girlfriend. Then I asked where the beach house even

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00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:33,440
Speaker 5: was and yep, turns out it's in the same city

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Speaker 5: where the perfect ex lives.

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Speaker 4: Girl wore she wasn't gonna be there.

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00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,119
Speaker 1: Girl, Now we need to have some self respect here. Like,

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00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 1: if this was further along in the relationship and it

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00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,360
Speaker 1: started happening, I'd be like.

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00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's really so.

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00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,480
Speaker 5: I also keep rereading this is not early on You're month.

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00:19:49,359 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 1: And this started happening a month into it. Yeah, it's like,

427
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,359
Speaker 1: this starts happening a month into it. We need to

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Speaker 1: have that self respect and not stay.

429
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Speaker 3: But it's like, what if he's like so had Pitt

430
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:02,439
Speaker 3: and George Clooney and Bill scars Guard and Antonio Banderas

431
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:03,560
Speaker 3: all rolled in.

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00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 1: Okay, well it's it's your hottest people.

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Speaker 5: Before he left, I DMed Melissa, probably a bad idea,

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00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,000
Speaker 5: I know, told her don't tell Tom, but I was

435
00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,840
Speaker 5: nervous about him running into the X and I hope

436
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 5: she'd be a girl's girl about it. She was actually

437
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 5: super sweet and promised she'd let me know. I asked

438
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:29,040
Speaker 5: if she even knew who the perfect X was and

439
00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:32,440
Speaker 5: she was just like, oh yes, which like okay. While

440
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,919
Speaker 5: he was gone, I tried to be chill, only texted

441
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,040
Speaker 5: him a couple times a day, good morning, good night,

442
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,439
Speaker 5: trying to do the whole give space thing stop. Still,

443
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 5: I was low key stalking everybody's socials, his friends, the girls,

444
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:49,720
Speaker 5: the ex Lol. Nothing weird came up. He didn't respond

445
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 5: to any of my texts, but I understood that he

446
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 5: was with his guys, so I was okay with it.

447
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 5: I can't imagine being so uninterested in my partner. Yeah

448
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 5: that I don't want to talk to them at least

449
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:07,040
Speaker 5: a little bit, even if I'm on like a girl's

450
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,600
Speaker 5: night if I was away for a week. Yeah, to

451
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 5: be talking to keuts absolutely. Sunday, I thought I was

452
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,200
Speaker 5: being cute by surprising him with dinner at his place

453
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,280
Speaker 5: after his long drive. But when he walked in looking pissed,

454
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 5: said he out a migraine and went to bed, bad vibes.

455
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,640
Speaker 1: Oh Pie, you cannot be this oblivious.

456
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 5: I DMed Melissa and she said nope, X wasn't there.

457
00:21:33,359 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 5: Next day, he texted me an apology, said he was

458
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 5: skipping class, which he never does, and invited me to

459
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,760
Speaker 5: watch a movie. We were cuddling on the couch when

460
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 5: he got some notification on his phone. Then boom, bad

461
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 5: mood again. Wouldn't say what it was, just went back

462
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:53,159
Speaker 5: to bed. I'm not an idiot, Obviously something happened. I

463
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:56,439
Speaker 5: DMed Melissa again and she suggested we meet at Starbucks.

464
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,280
Speaker 5: She swore me not to say anything because her boyfriend

465
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 5: would get mad. She caused drama, but she admitted she

466
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 5: kind of left out some important details before. Apparently one

467
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 5: of the guys on the trip told Tom that he'd

468
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 5: been dating the perfect X for a few months. Melissa

469
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 5: said Tom didn't take it well and it caused a

470
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,400
Speaker 5: whole drama thing all weekend. She swore no one saw

471
00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:21,719
Speaker 5: the X, but yeah, she was the topic of conversation

472
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:26,040
Speaker 5: basically the whole trip. I literally broke down sobbing in Starbucks.

473
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,560
Speaker 5: Melissa was so nice but didn't know what to do.

474
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,199
Speaker 5: I had to call Jill to come meet us to

475
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:33,879
Speaker 5: help get me home. I felt like I was gonna puke.

476
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 5: His crappy mood has been all about her.

477
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 1: The same advice I've been giving you the whole time.

478
00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:41,240
Speaker 1: Break up.

479
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:44,000
Speaker 6: If you do not break up after this, this is

480
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 6: the most worthless relationship.

481
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 1: Like there's nothing here to say.

482
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 5: No one is like hot enough to ignore all of this.

483
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 1: He's not into you.

484
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,560
Speaker 5: He's not into you.

485
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,680
Speaker 1: Sorry. I have to give you the hard truth because

486
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 1: you don't deserve this. You deserve much better, to be clear, Yeah,

487
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 1: this isn't about the ex being hotter than you. That

488
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 1: we don't know if that's true. This is his opinion.

489
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:08,840
Speaker 1: This isn't about like you know you having done something

490
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:13,880
Speaker 1: wrong or texting him too much. He is a bad boyfriend, terrible,

491
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: He sucks, and you don't deserve to have to put

492
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,880
Speaker 1: up with dating this guy. So leave him.

493
00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 5: You're not even really dating this guy, you're dating him.

494
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:22,480
Speaker 1: Ah.

495
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,159
Speaker 5: Melissa even told me Tom and the ex had this

496
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,439
Speaker 5: super messy history where he wanted her but would panic

497
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 5: and pull away. Then when they weren't together, he compared

498
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 5: everyone else to her. So yeah, I've read all your comments.

499
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,480
Speaker 5: I know I'm more into him than he is into me.

500
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 5: But when it's good, it's so good, and I don't

501
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,679
Speaker 5: know how to just throw that away. Part of me

502
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 5: thinks maybe now that the ex has moved on, he'll

503
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 5: finally get over it too, Like, if he's gonna move

504
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 5: on with someone, why not me?

505
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:54,000
Speaker 1: Girl, Please have some self respect.

506
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know. Half the time, I feel like

507
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,160
Speaker 5: a fool for waiting around for him. The other half,

508
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 5: I'm like, maybe if I stay patient and show him

509
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:06,040
Speaker 5: I'm independent and chill, he'll realize I'm the right one. Ugh.

510
00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:08,199
Speaker 5: Jill wants me to talk to him, but I know

511
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 5: he won't want to. I think maybe I just wait

512
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 5: this one out while he heals what to do. At

513
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 5: the end of that.

514
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,439
Speaker 7: Story, my flatmate's boyfriend crashed in our home. Now I'm

515
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 7: forced to move out.

516
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,400
Speaker 1: Get out of my house.

517
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,119
Speaker 7: My flatmate message to me the day before that she

518
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,520
Speaker 7: was due to arrive back home from holiday to let

519
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 7: me know that her boyfriend would be coming back to

520
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 7: live with us for two months, and that he would

521
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:33,919
Speaker 7: be finding a job while he lived with us. He

522
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,360
Speaker 7: had moved overseas to live and work for a year,

523
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,920
Speaker 7: and then if things didn't work out in the other country,

524
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 7: he would probably move back with her. By the way,

525
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:44,159
Speaker 7: this comes from Dancing Pineapple four and if you want

526
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,200
Speaker 7: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash. Okay,

527
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 7: story time is Separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia,

528
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,480
Speaker 7: I'm Riley, and we're here to give good advice goofily,

529
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 7: but we don't have all the answers. We're only gonna

530
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,520
Speaker 7: guess what we would do in this situation. But let

531
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 7: us know what you would do in the commons down below.

532
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 7: So uh Op says, I was really pissed off because

533
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 7: she let me know less than twenty four hours before

534
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,600
Speaker 7: that he would be living with us. She didn't ask either.

535
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,880
Speaker 7: She just let me know it was happening. I said

536
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 7: I wasn't okay with it, and was really clear that

537
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 7: this is completely unfair on me and disrespectful. Our house

538
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,199
Speaker 7: is quite small and I didn't agree to live with

539
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 7: three people in a small two bedroom house, let alone

540
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 7: a couple. She said sorry, but that she would do

541
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,919
Speaker 7: what she could to make sure that I wasn't inconvenienced.

542
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:33,280
Speaker 1: Well, that would be by not having him come over. Yeah,

543
00:25:33,359 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 1: that would be he can't move in. That would be

544
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 1: the least inconveniencing thing. Yeah, I just don't do it

545
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,680
Speaker 1: at all. Yeah, that is so crazy.

546
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 7: I let her know that if this was happening, he

547
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,280
Speaker 7: had to pay his share. I wasn't happy and told

548
00:25:46,320 --> 00:25:48,480
Speaker 7: her that I wouldn't be around much. We used to

549
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,640
Speaker 7: spend a lot of time together hanging out and watching

550
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,080
Speaker 7: similar TV shows. I let her know that I wouldn't

551
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 7: do that anymore and instead would just do my own

552
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 7: thing in my room or stay out of the house.

553
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 7: She said that she agreed with me, and that she

554
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,120
Speaker 7: would talk to him when I got home after work.

555
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 7: They were both there like nothing was wrong. When her

556
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 7: and I finally got to talk on her own, I

557
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,679
Speaker 7: repeated everything I had said. She agreed with everything and

558
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 7: let me know that it was only for two months, hopefully.

559
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 7: I asked if he was moving back permanently, because if so,

560
00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,359
Speaker 7: I would move out. I didn't want to be living

561
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 7: in limbo. She said that he wasn't and she didn't

562
00:26:21,080 --> 00:26:23,479
Speaker 7: want to change her life when he would leave. I

563
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,520
Speaker 7: asked if she was sure, because he was here for

564
00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 7: two months and I seemingly had no choice in this,

565
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 7: So what if he decided to say, then what happens

566
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 7: to me? She said she spoke with him and that

567
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 7: he was really depressed that things didn't work out how

568
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 7: he thought it would in the other country. She didn't

569
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:42,439
Speaker 7: want to push him or upset him. I let her

570
00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:45,400
Speaker 7: know I still wasn't happy about this situation. She agreed,

571
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 7: and then nothing happened. I told her I wouldn't hang

572
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 7: out much, that I was annoyed, and that I didn't

573
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 7: want to get so frustrated I'd end up saying hurtful

574
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 7: things because I felt stuck and unhappy. I thought about it,

575
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 7: and even though it had only been a week, I

576
00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,080
Speaker 7: was still really uncomfortable about it.

577
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,480
Speaker 1: So I decided to tell her that.

578
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 7: I wanted to move out or he needed to find

579
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 7: somewhere else to say, for the two months, because I

580
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,240
Speaker 7: didn't want to be uncomfortable in my own house. I

581
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:10,520
Speaker 7: felt bad because I knew i'd put her in a

582
00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 7: crappy situation. I mean, she kind of put herself in

583
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,440
Speaker 7: a crappy situation. This is just consequences.

584
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

585
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 7: She obviously hadn't spoken to him about all of this,

586
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 7: or if she had, they were both pretending that everything

587
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 7: was fine, which made my feelings about this seem very dismissed. Also,

588
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 7: if he did move back overseas after two months, she'd

589
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 7: then be stuck with the least that she probably couldn't

590
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 7: afford on her own. But I didn't want to be

591
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 7: living for two months in a situation that I never

592
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,439
Speaker 7: agreed to, and then possibly at the end of it

593
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 7: having to find a new place. Anyway, and we do

594
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 7: have some comments, but not want to hear your comments

595
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 7: before we get into those.

596
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 1: Huh, I think. I mean again, I think you should

597
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 1: have gone through like the landlord and said, like, this

598
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 1: is not part of the least you can miss bah.

599
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 7: Yeah, if it comes to the point where you need

600
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 7: to move out, yeah, well.

601
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: That's not fair. I think it's saying, like, hey, we

602
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,199
Speaker 1: agreed to live together. I did not agree to live

603
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:02,800
Speaker 1: with another person. Yeah, our least did not agree to

604
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:06,440
Speaker 1: have three people in it. Right, he's not on the lease,

605
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: so we can't live here.

606
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,000
Speaker 7: Yeah, and like I can't trust him to pay that

607
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 7: money if he's not on it too, I mean he's

608
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,640
Speaker 7: not he's not liable for any of that. Yeah, exactly,

609
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:19,439
Speaker 7: And like, just tell me about things in the future.

610
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:23,199
Speaker 7: This is big, is big, Yep, it is big, But

611
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,520
Speaker 7: we do have some comments. Comment number one says, not

612
00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 7: the a hole. It is not okay for her to

613
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 7: unilaterally decide things like this when you are roommates. What

614
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,920
Speaker 7: she has done is constructive eviction. She has changed the

615
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 7: terms of your rental situation so drastically that it no

616
00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:43,640
Speaker 7: longer resembles your original agreement. You have not put her

617
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 7: in any situation. She has put you in one, and

618
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 7: you leaving is a natural consequence of her actions. Yep,

619
00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 7: do not place any blame on yourself and do not

620
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 7: accept any from her. Someone else responds exactly this, And

621
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 7: what I'd wonder is what their lease says, unless soon

622
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 7: to be ex roomy is the homeowner letting a room

623
00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 7: to Ope. I'm not a lawyer, but I can't imagine

624
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 7: many ways there aren't least violations. And making a unilateral

625
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 7: decision to move in another person for a few months, Yep,

626
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,440
Speaker 7: it's a great It's sad that it's come to Ope

627
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:19,280
Speaker 7: caring enough about Roomy's feelings to worry about moving out

628
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:22,560
Speaker 7: a consequence of Roumy's actions. But Rumy didn't care enough

629
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 7: beyond boyfriend's feelings to care about Ope's with him moving in.

630
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 1: And we do have an update. But yeah, I agree, Yeah,

631
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 1: I think that was well said. I agree, and that's

632
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 1: what I was saying. So, yeah, I have no other

633
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 1: thoughts than check your lease. Yeah, exactly, check check your lease.

634
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 7: If you need to. Yeah, I think I think it.

635
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:46,440
Speaker 7: That is honestly a good point. Though It's like if

636
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 7: if her reasoning was that, you know, the boyfriend was

637
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 7: all depressed that this didn't work out, then it's like, well,

638
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 7: what about me being depressed when he's in here and

639
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,800
Speaker 7: I have to stay in my room because I don't

640
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 7: like the situation? Yeah, but we do update. So I

641
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:04,719
Speaker 7: ended up being able to organize moving out. Okay, I

642
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 7: gave her a month's notice, and I'm being removed from

643
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:10,680
Speaker 7: the lease and moving elsewhere. It's been incredibly uncomfortable, and

644
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 7: I think in the end I didn't deal with it well.

645
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,440
Speaker 7: This was all happening just before Christmas, which was crappy.

646
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:17,480
Speaker 1: I spoke with her.

647
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 7: Again and was firm. She let me know that she

648
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 7: understood that he would be leaving for a week before

649
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 7: coming back for a short time and then leaving again.

650
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 7: I thought this would be okay, but he never ended

651
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 7: up leaving. Ah, of course, yeah, yeah, so he would

652
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 7: be leaving.

653
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.

654
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,160
Speaker 7: Suddenly it was Christmas Eve and she was cooking the

655
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 7: three of us at Christmas dinner while I was at work.

656
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 7: I felt awful because I was still mad and annoyed

657
00:30:41,160 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 7: that she once again seemed to lie to me. Yet

658
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,960
Speaker 7: I couldn't be angry that he was still there because

659
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 7: it was Christmas and she was cooking a dinner. I

660
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 7: didn't want to participate and accept those nice gestures when

661
00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 7: I felt like it was all fake. My coworker convinced

662
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,240
Speaker 7: me that I had to say something. I felt horrible,

663
00:30:57,320 --> 00:31:01,280
Speaker 7: but she convinced me. Although I probably ruined my flatmates Christmas,

664
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 7: I think it needed to be said. I let her

665
00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 7: know that I was sorry, but that he never left,

666
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:08,719
Speaker 7: and since she didn't stick to what she said, I

667
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 7: would now be leaving. She canceled a dinner and wouldn't

668
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 7: speak to me when I got home. Later, she told

669
00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:16,280
Speaker 7: me that she asked him to stay because she didn't

670
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 7: want to be alone. She was upset that no one

671
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 7: considered her feelings, and that she was distressed because she

672
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 7: couldn't please both of us. She said she would rather

673
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 7: I speak with him directly instead of using her as

674
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,720
Speaker 7: a middleman. I was confused and asked if I had

675
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 7: a guess that she had a problem with, would it

676
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 7: be her responsibility to punt them out? But there is

677
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 7: a little bit more to the story. But yeah, that's

678
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 7: just a frustrating situation. It really is like you go

679
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 7: in like living with a friend, Yeah, and then it

680
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 7: just breaks down because they don't, you know, they're respectful

681
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:53,800
Speaker 7: because like, yes, like her feelings might be all she

682
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,240
Speaker 7: might be distressed in the situation, she might be getting

683
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 7: pressure from both sides, but it's also like, well.

684
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 1: There's only one pressure that actually matters.

685
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, Like you are involved, whether you like it or not,

686
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 7: Like you you brought this situation in. Maybe like take

687
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:11,920
Speaker 7: a second back away from these people. Yeah, think about

688
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 7: what you actually think is right. If the boyfriend is

689
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:16,800
Speaker 7: maybe pressuring you into like like, oh, I don't love

690
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 7: place to say I'm so depressed or whatever, then you

691
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 7: gotta stand your ground with someone you're doing it with,

692
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 7: OPI maybe you should be doing it with your boyfriend.

693
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: You're making promises that you cannot keep, Yeah, because it's

694
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: not your right to keep them exactly. But there is

695
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 1: a little bit more to the story. Yeah.

696
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 7: So I've been venting to my best friend about everything

697
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 7: that has happened, and in hindsight, that was an awful mistake.

698
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 7: She is friends with my flatmate, but she has recently

699
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 7: decided that she doesn't want to be friends with this

700
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:44,160
Speaker 7: person anymore.

701
00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: If that is how they.

702
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 7: Treat people, it's all my faults and I've tried to

703
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 7: convince her otherwise, but she won't budge.

704
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: I didn't want to move out.

705
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,120
Speaker 7: I enjoyed living with this person, but unfortunately I couldn't

706
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:56,760
Speaker 7: let the blatant disregard for the fact that it is

707
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 7: also meant to be my house go.

708
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, so next week I move out.

709
00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 7: I do feel bad about how all this went down,

710
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:07,400
Speaker 7: but I also feel relieved, and there are some comments.

711
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 1: I mean, it really really sucks that you were kind

712
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: of forced out of your place mm hmmm, when like

713
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 1: she had no right to do any of that. Yeah. However, also,

714
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 1: you know best, Like the other scenario is that you

715
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:26,960
Speaker 1: stand your ground, you convince so that she can't do this,

716
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 1: and then it's awkward for the rest of your time

717
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 1: living there. Yeah, so like this is probably the best situation,

718
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: so you don't have to live in like an awkward environment. Right, Yeah,

719
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: it still sucks. I think this it's just people pleasing tendencies.

720
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: Coming out here.

721
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 7: It might feel bad, but once you get out of there,

722
00:33:44,000 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 7: I feel like in hindsight, you'll be like, yeah, that

723
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 7: was just really crappy what she's just doing. So you're

724
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 7: doing the right thing. Don't worry about that.

725
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 1: Don't worry. But we do have some comments.

726
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 7: Comment number one says, it's nice that you're so cary,

727
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 7: but I'm concerned that it's bordering on something unhealthy for

728
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 7: you. You didn't do any anything wrong. You should have said something,

729
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 7: so you did. You have every right to vent to

730
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:07,160
Speaker 7: your best friend, so you did. It's not your responsibility

731
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 7: to talk to her boyfriend about this.

732
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 1: So you didn't.

733
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 7: Any fallout is her fault. It's not like you posted

734
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,439
Speaker 7: on social media or went around trying to get people

735
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 7: to hate her. Also, her feelings are hers to care

736
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 7: about and manage. She was a bad roommate doing that

737
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 7: to you, and whatever she feels about this is again

738
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 7: her fault. She needs to grow up Hope, He responds.

739
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 7: I agree, It's actually something I'm trying really hard to

740
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,400
Speaker 7: work on. I think many people are probably like this,

741
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 7: where they go along with what someone else wants because

742
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 7: they don't want to cause a problem.

743
00:34:37,400 --> 00:34:39,080
Speaker 1: That's how I felt anyway, but.

744
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:42,080
Speaker 7: I really wasn't okay, and even just speaking up and

745
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,040
Speaker 7: saying no was really uncomfortable, especially when she agreed that

746
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 7: I was put in a bad situation and apologized, but

747
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 7: nothing seemed to change, or she made promises and then

748
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:53,919
Speaker 7: didn't follow through. I'm not sure if she was lying

749
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,959
Speaker 7: or if it was terrible communication. It's unfortunate things turned

750
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:58,960
Speaker 7: out this way, and I hate being in this house now,

751
00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 7: but I'm glad to be and really appreciate your kind words.

752
00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:05,399
Speaker 1: And that is the end of that story. Yeah, good luck.

753
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:09,200
Speaker 1: Ope you're not better situations in the future. Hey, it's

754
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 1: Sam your og host. Here, we're gonna get back to

755
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,359
Speaker 1: the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

756
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 2: My roommates expected me to be their maid, so I

757
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 2: packed my bags.

758
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 1: You all gotta share the chores people.

759
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,919
Speaker 2: I have two roommates, a couple, Lola and Tyler. They're

760
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,960
Speaker 2: about ten to twenty years older than me, respectively. In

761
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,960
Speaker 2: our age gap never interfered with what could have been

762
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 2: a friendship. By the way, this comes from qs all

763
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 2: and if you insmit your own stories, who are the

764
00:35:35,520 --> 00:35:37,120
Speaker 2: r slash okay story tom Subreddit.

765
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 1: I'm Riley, and I'm Angie and I'm Sophia.

766
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 2: And we're here to give good advice scrufully, but we

767
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:44,799
Speaker 2: don't have all the answers. We really know what we do,

768
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:46,640
Speaker 2: so let us know what you would do in the

769
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 2: comments below. So OPI continues, I never lived away from

770
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:53,280
Speaker 2: home before and moved in with these people last minute,

771
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 2: around the same time last year. They were alternative, just

772
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 2: like I am, so I thought things would go pretty well.

773
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 2: But for my the first few months, I could overhear

774
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 2: them talking crap about me and my habits around the house,

775
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,440
Speaker 2: like the fact I accumulated too much trash or that

776
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 2: I didn't talk to them as much as they'd like.

777
00:36:12,160 --> 00:36:15,360
Speaker 2: This made me withdraw even more. This being my first

778
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:18,480
Speaker 2: time having a cool space without children, like at my

779
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:22,040
Speaker 2: family's house, I decided to have a small party for

780
00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:25,239
Speaker 2: my birthday. Tyler and Lola were very supportive and let

781
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 2: me know that they would love to attend and help

782
00:36:27,080 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 2: me set up, but they told me I should help

783
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:31,759
Speaker 2: them deep clean the house, even though I had only

784
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 2: been there for two months to prepare everything for the party.

785
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 2: Even though I knew my guests would not care if

786
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:40,760
Speaker 2: the house wasn't what Tyler and Lola expected to be perfect,

787
00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 2: it was supposed to be chill. I agreed, thinking it

788
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 2: would be just going through the art room, maybe getting

789
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,920
Speaker 2: a few chairs, sweeping and mopping the house, but they

790
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 2: never set aside of time for me to join them

791
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 2: until right before the party was starting and I was

792
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:59,359
Speaker 2: setting up decorations with my friends. According to them, they

793
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:02,480
Speaker 2: spent over sixteen hours deep cleaning the house for my

794
00:37:02,640 --> 00:37:05,719
Speaker 2: party and thought it was unfair that I didn't really

795
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:09,280
Speaker 2: help other than sweep the stairs the living room, which

796
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:14,400
Speaker 2: wasn't to their standards anyway. Sixteen hours deep.

797
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 1: Cleaning, how long were you guys awake before this party.

798
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,560
Speaker 1: It's a long topica out.

799
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,319
Speaker 2: But if you're deep cleaning, how dirty was it? They

800
00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:25,880
Speaker 2: never gave me a time to get together and clean,

801
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:28,640
Speaker 2: even though we had opposite schedules and I need a

802
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 2: guide and as to what they wanted to be done.

803
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 2: The house looked very clean to me, so I genuinely

804
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 2: had no idea what the deep clean was supposed to

805
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:39,719
Speaker 2: look like. They just took it upon themselves to do

806
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,840
Speaker 2: it and then got upset with me. After the party itself,

807
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 2: Tyler came up to me and said that they were

808
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 2: not lifting a finger to clean the house after the party.

809
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:52,319
Speaker 2: I laughed and said okay, awkwardly. After the party ended

810
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,880
Speaker 2: the next day, I took out all the trash, wipped

811
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,319
Speaker 2: out all the counters, and empty out all of the

812
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 2: leftover beers. I momped the living room and gathered all

813
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 2: of the balloons into one spot, just in case anybody

814
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:06,400
Speaker 2: wanted to play with them. I took down a majority

815
00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:10,000
Speaker 2: of the decorations that I thought couldn't just stay there

816
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 2: as a cute little memory, and was truly pleased with

817
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 2: my work, other than having way more solo cups than

818
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 2: we would need for the next few months, everything looked

819
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 2: the same as it did after what they'd done. But

820
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:24,200
Speaker 2: later they asked me to do even more cleaning without

821
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 2: specifying what they meant. So I looked at them confused

822
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:31,280
Speaker 2: and said I already did clean. That made Tyler very angry,

823
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,200
Speaker 2: and he raised his voice, saying that they had cleaned

824
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:35,880
Speaker 2: the house for sixteen hours for my party and lest

825
00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 2: I could do was to get it back to their

826
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 2: standards afterwards.

827
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:42,280
Speaker 1: But like, like, what are those standards?

828
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:45,879
Speaker 7: I feel like like you gotta teach me maybe, I mean,

829
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 7: like not in the way where she was saying like, well.

830
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:50,280
Speaker 1: Teach me how to clean.

831
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, Like if we have different standards, you have to

832
00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 7: tell me what they are. Yeah, yeah, Like tell me

833
00:38:56,120 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 7: what I'm missing. Shot point to what I'm missing and

834
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,040
Speaker 7: what you don't like being.

835
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:02,879
Speaker 2: There, don't be mad about it. Maybe Opie didn't grow

836
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 2: up where you know, the house looked a certain way,

837
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,279
Speaker 2: or like, you know, learned how to clean, right.

838
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:10,759
Speaker 7: I remember being a kid and was like, oh, my

839
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,759
Speaker 7: room is so messy, and then I like was like

840
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 7: I cleaned my room and then I like sent a

841
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 7: picture on my iPad to my friend and she was like,

842
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,520
Speaker 7: that is there's so much on the floor side, and

843
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 7: I was like, I was like, what do you mean

844
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,319
Speaker 7: you can like see it now though like the corn

845
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:27,960
Speaker 7: see there was like still like some barbies left out

846
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 7: here and there, and I was like, well, it's pretty

847
00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:30,520
Speaker 7: much clean.

848
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh, okay, okay, got it.

849
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:35,319
Speaker 2: That is so funny. Got it.

850
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

851
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 2: I looked around for anything and everything to do and

852
00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 2: found a few crumbs here and there. That was about it.

853
00:39:43,000 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 2: About a week later, I got Tyler in the living

854
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:47,360
Speaker 2: room letting all the air out of the balloons is

855
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 2: saying this should have been my job.

856
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:50,879
Speaker 1: I agree.

857
00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 2: I didn't know they didn't want to keep the balloons,

858
00:39:53,480 --> 00:39:55,799
Speaker 2: and it was never expressed to me that they wanted them.

859
00:39:55,840 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 2: Gone okay on the balloon issue. I see rope he's

860
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:00,720
Speaker 2: coming from.

861
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 1: I I do too. But the thing is that no

862
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,719
Speaker 1: one is actually like, ohp he's like, they didn't tell

863
00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,399
Speaker 1: me OPI We got to ask too. We gotta be like, hey,

864
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: you go, guys cool with these blues being left up. Yeah,

865
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 1: everyone just needs to say what they're feeling in this household.

866
00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 2: You know what, we really need your moderator, like someone

867
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 2: or mediator, someone in the middle just kind of like talking,

868
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 2: talking it out with people. I think that would help

869
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:25,960
Speaker 2: out a lot.

870
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:28,400
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe they can try the middle man.

871
00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't think it's working, Like I don't.

872
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 2: Op sees cleaning as a in a different perspective than

873
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:36,760
Speaker 2: her roommates.

874
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, true, yeah some communication. Personally, wouldn't want to

875
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:44,040
Speaker 1: live with the b Yeah.

876
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,040
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, I felt bad, but I went upstairs in

877
00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:49,880
Speaker 2: my room not thinking anything of it. So let's go

878
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:52,399
Speaker 2: by and my sister visited. Tyler is not the most

879
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 2: social adept person and likes to poke fun at people.

880
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 2: He's almost forty five, but still has that dark family

881
00:40:59,000 --> 00:41:01,439
Speaker 2: guy type of humor where he likes to get under

882
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 2: people's skin. And I could tell he was making my

883
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 2: sister uncomfortable. It started to make me angry. I snapped

884
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 2: at him and escalated to him getting very threatened to

885
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 2: throw things and screaming and me and my sister's faces,

886
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 2: even though you're half his age, oh my god.

887
00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 7: Yeah, and earlier so that he raised his voice. Yeah,

888
00:41:21,280 --> 00:41:24,399
Speaker 7: this is not a safe person to be around, not.

889
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 2: At all super super weird.

890
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:27,280
Speaker 1: My gosh.

891
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,960
Speaker 2: I felt very unsafe and wanted to leave. I knew

892
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,399
Speaker 2: I couldn't stay in that house any longer. That wasn't

893
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 2: the first time he had screamed at me. In fact,

894
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 2: it was the third, but I never expected him to

895
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 2: do it while I had guests over. What was he

896
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:42,680
Speaker 2: so upset about? You ask me being messy, but not

897
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,600
Speaker 2: messy in my own space, like smelling of cat litter

898
00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 2: or big messes. He was mad about little things, not

899
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 2: that everyone notices, like a ring on the table, a

900
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:55,880
Speaker 2: leftover receipt, or crumbs by the toaster. Those were the

901
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:58,839
Speaker 2: things he was angry about. I could admit that I'm

902
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:02,960
Speaker 2: a messy person, yea, But even when I'm cleaning, I

903
00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,520
Speaker 2: don't get upset with people for living tiny messes like that,

904
00:42:06,560 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 2: because I can understand that it's just human nature and

905
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:13,200
Speaker 2: it was never intentional malice. He was upset that after

906
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,319
Speaker 2: the three roommate meetings we had about me picking up

907
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 2: after myself, I was always very confused about what they meant.

908
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 2: But when he was screaming at me about a receipt, crumbs,

909
00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 2: and a ring on the table, I suddenly understood this

910
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 2: issue was a lot bigger than me just being messy.

911
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,520
Speaker 2: I can admit that my room looks like a tornado

912
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 2: went through it. But I can graciously say that I

913
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:37,680
Speaker 2: do not leave very big messes in communal spaces. That

914
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,440
Speaker 2: is something I would never do. I even got my

915
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: friend and my sister involved to back me up that

916
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 2: I would never do something like that on purpose and

917
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,640
Speaker 2: that it's probably not something they should be so mad about. Eventually,

918
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:51,839
Speaker 2: I felt like I was being gas lit because they

919
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 2: were making claims about things that weren't true. They said

920
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:57,880
Speaker 2: they had thrown out my leftovers and that they had

921
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 2: been there for weeks. When an actuality, I track everything

922
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 2: I eat, so that made no sense. I understand that

923
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,080
Speaker 2: I'm much younger than them, but I never asked them

924
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,919
Speaker 2: to take care of me like that. After realizing he'd

925
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:13,000
Speaker 2: be so verbally harmful, I realized I had to get

926
00:43:13,040 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 2: out of that place, because no grown man should be

927
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,640
Speaker 2: screaming at the top of his lungs in the faces

928
00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:21,400
Speaker 2: of young women, especially when one of them is really small.

929
00:43:21,880 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 2: My sister is five two. Lolo would just sit in

930
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,480
Speaker 2: the back and sometimes separate us when things got too heated,

931
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 2: but other than that, she seemed unfazed by his behavior.

932
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:36,920
Speaker 2: All these combined things made me walk on eggshells in

933
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 2: my own home. I thought these people were going to

934
00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 2: be really cool when I moved in, but I was wrong.

935
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 2: I didn't fit in their very strict standards for what's

936
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:48,799
Speaker 2: clean and escalated to the point of verbal Tyler was

937
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:51,399
Speaker 2: throwing things, screaming in my face, and putting his hands

938
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 2: too close to me, to the point where my sister

939
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,279
Speaker 2: had to get between us. I realized I needed to

940
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,800
Speaker 2: move out, and a couple of months later I finally

941
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 2: got the opportunity to start planning. My settlement check for

942
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,600
Speaker 2: my car accident was coming in and I would finally

943
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,759
Speaker 2: have enough money. A friend of mine also reached out,

944
00:44:08,239 --> 00:44:10,359
Speaker 2: and he said she would like to move in with

945
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 2: me and be my roommate.

946
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 1: All right, okay, we're finding solutions here.

947
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:18,080
Speaker 2: Someone who has seen my room in shambles and still

948
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,880
Speaker 2: wanted to live with me. It made me feel very nice.

949
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 2: My settlement check came on December fourth, and I told

950
00:44:23,800 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 2: them December first that I was going to move out.

951
00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 2: They offered for me to stay, and I declined because

952
00:44:28,719 --> 00:44:30,720
Speaker 2: I wanted to help out my friends since she needed

953
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:32,759
Speaker 2: to move too. They were very upset with me for

954
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 2: giving them such short notice. Because I do plan on

955
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,480
Speaker 2: moving in the next few weeks now that I have

956
00:44:38,520 --> 00:44:40,880
Speaker 2: the money. It was always an urgent need, but I

957
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 2: didn't want to let anybody know until I was certain

958
00:44:44,000 --> 00:44:46,800
Speaker 2: I could move, so things just would to be awkward.

959
00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 2: Now they're sending me messages about taking pictures of my

960
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:53,320
Speaker 2: room with my stuff in it for listings and scheduling

961
00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 2: people to look in my room without consulting me. They're

962
00:44:56,200 --> 00:44:59,399
Speaker 2: demanding that I have the room presentable for them without

963
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:03,120
Speaker 2: scheduling with me first. I get they need more notice,

964
00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 2: but I was generally afraid, Tyler, we get it again

965
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 2: if I said anything advice please, I understand where you

966
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 2: could be in the wrong for the short notice, But

967
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 2: if you're just gonna if the only consequence is then

968
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 2: being mad at you, totally worth it.

969
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:20,799
Speaker 7: Yeah, honestly, like if you if you can get out

970
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 7: of there as soon as possible, I think that's for the.

971
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:24,040
Speaker 1: Best if you.

972
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 7: I's totally understandable too that you were like scared of

973
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,520
Speaker 7: him getting violent again.

974
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 1: I mean, that's that's not safe at all. I think

975
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 1: in the meantime, if you how much time does she

976
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 1: have before she moves out?

977
00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:37,880
Speaker 2: A few weeks?

978
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's that's good.

979
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,200
Speaker 7: If it's possible for you to kind of like lay

980
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:46,560
Speaker 7: low and just kind of like honestly, you know, do

981
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,240
Speaker 7: I don't want to say like do what he says,

982
00:45:48,280 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 7: but if you can try to appease to them somehow,

983
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 7: just to keep your safety, yeah, that would probably be important.

984
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:58,200
Speaker 7: And then just get out as soon as possible. And

985
00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:01,480
Speaker 7: it's because of how he reacted.

986
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:05,040
Speaker 1: He doesn't deserve any good treatment from you at all. Yeah,

987
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:06,839
Speaker 1: I know that, Like I just suggested, you.

988
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:08,799
Speaker 7: Know, being nice to him and stuff, but like he

989
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:11,239
Speaker 7: doesn't deserve more of a notice.

990
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:15,440
Speaker 1: He deserves like you leaving him as as soon as possible.

991
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,040
Speaker 1: We don't have to do anything to like, you know.

992
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 2: Depending on the contract, you probably do need to give

993
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:21,880
Speaker 2: more than Yeah, month.

994
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:25,000
Speaker 7: Notice depends on the contract. I think it's usually probably

995
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 7: usually a month. But but you don't feel bad about it, yep,

996
00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 7: you know, because just gotta get out there.

997
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:34,319
Speaker 1: It's for your safety. You might have to pay longer. Yeah, true.

998
00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:38,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, we have an update update on the ale. What

999
00:46:38,880 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 2: thank you all for the helpful comments. I generally had

1000
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:43,880
Speaker 2: no idea how so much went into housekeeping.

1001
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't think he's just talking about them being

1002
00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 1: part Yeah, you're not the I mean, like there that

1003
00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 1: your roommates the ale for screaming at you, because that's

1004
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:55,640
Speaker 1: crazy for sure, but don't Yeah, you have to learn

1005
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:56,080
Speaker 1: how the clean.

1006
00:46:56,320 --> 00:46:58,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't taught. I lost my parents at a

1007
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 2: young age. I have apologie to Tyler and Lola and

1008
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 2: have been helping them in any way I can to

1009
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:06,520
Speaker 2: find a new roommate better suited for them. Even though

1010
00:47:06,520 --> 00:47:09,400
Speaker 2: I don't feel safe around Tyler. He did say I

1011
00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:12,040
Speaker 2: was on his top three roommates list, So I guess

1012
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 2: the other parts of me outshine my disgustedness. I'm moving

1013
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:19,000
Speaker 2: in with someone just as clueless as me, so it'll

1014
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,799
Speaker 2: be a better dynamic. We have planned a day off

1015
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:24,760
Speaker 2: every week to clean. I found a AI web page

1016
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 2: to make a list of stuff for both of us

1017
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 2: to do since we weren't tault nice and we both

1018
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 2: have the right attitude of being ready to improve. Thank

1019
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 2: you for everyone for being so honest. Okay, all right,

1020
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:37,720
Speaker 2: all right, that's awesome.

1021
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:38,480
Speaker 1: That's great.

1022
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 2: That is probably the best thing that you could have done.

1023
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:45,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, here's janio og Host here. We're gonna get back

1024
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:46,920
Speaker 1: to the stories, but he's a quick three minute break

1025
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,640
Speaker 1: of ass from our sponsors. I didn't pick my friend

1026
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 1: as a bridesmaid. Now she's backed out of my wedding.

1027
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,240
Speaker 8: Oh well her loss.

1028
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:58,000
Speaker 1: I twenty eight female, am getting married in over a year. Recently,

1029
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:00,720
Speaker 1: I've been putting together the bridal party with my fiance,

1030
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:04,560
Speaker 1: twenty nine Mail. He has four people that he wants

1031
00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: and therefore I will only a four. I'm okay with that,

1032
00:48:07,480 --> 00:48:10,400
Speaker 1: as I want even numbers. By the way, this comes

1033
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 1: from ill effect. And if you want to spit your

1034
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 1: own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime supparate it.

1035
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:19,040
Speaker 1: So I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and I'm Angie, and we're

1036
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: here to give good advice. Goofully. But we don't have

1037
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 1: all the answers. We only know what we do, So

1038
00:48:23,160 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 1: let us know what you would do in the comments

1039
00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:30,120
Speaker 1: and op says. However, my four I have chosen are

1040
00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:34,320
Speaker 1: from different chapters of my life middle school, high school, college,

1041
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:36,879
Speaker 1: graduate degree. I have a super close friend from middle

1042
00:48:36,880 --> 00:48:40,239
Speaker 1: school that I have known for nearly sixteen years. We

1043
00:48:40,320 --> 00:48:43,359
Speaker 1: talk almost every other day. My best friend, Grace from

1044
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 1: high school and I have been BFFs for almost eleven years.

1045
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: I go to family dinners, vacations, and holiday events with

1046
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:52,319
Speaker 1: their family. Alice from college and I have been like

1047
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:56,239
Speaker 1: family for eight years. I am her son's godmom, and

1048
00:48:56,360 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 1: my graduate friend has been my closest friend in the

1049
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,319
Speaker 1: state I live in. Context, I knew who I would

1050
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:04,200
Speaker 1: want for a long time now. This friend and I

1051
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:07,600
Speaker 1: never had a conversation in the past nine years where

1052
00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 1: I said I would have you in my party. This friend,

1053
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:13,440
Speaker 1: twenty eight female, let's call her Sarah, and I have

1054
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:16,640
Speaker 1: been friends since college. We met freshman year, but she

1055
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 1: transferred out. Sarah apparently lived thirty minutes from my hometown,

1056
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,360
Speaker 1: and I introduced her to my best friend from my

1057
00:49:23,440 --> 00:49:25,960
Speaker 1: high school, Grace twenty eight female, who is now my

1058
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:30,360
Speaker 1: mate of honor. Ever since, we have all three been friends. However,

1059
00:49:30,520 --> 00:49:33,200
Speaker 1: Sarah would get very upset if Grace and I did

1060
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 1: anything without her. Grace and I have been best friends

1061
00:49:36,200 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 1: since junior year of high school. It would be okay

1062
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,640
Speaker 1: if it was just Sarah and I doing something, or

1063
00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:44,200
Speaker 1: her and Grace doing something, But if Grace and I

1064
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:48,800
Speaker 1: did anything, we had to include her. Moreover, she mentioned

1065
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: to Grace that she thought her and Grace wouldn't be

1066
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,680
Speaker 1: in my party because I have a lot of new

1067
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 1: friends in graduate school. For more context, I moved five

1068
00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 1: states away and have not lived at home for almost

1069
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:02,920
Speaker 1: three year years. Now moving along. I met my now

1070
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:07,600
Speaker 1: fiance my sophomore year of college. She unintentionally caused issues

1071
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:10,840
Speaker 1: between him and I a few times, and by unintentionally,

1072
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 1: I mean one of those times she called me to

1073
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,479
Speaker 1: pick her up from waffle House at ten pm after

1074
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:18,319
Speaker 1: the bar and needed a ride home. She posted a

1075
00:50:18,400 --> 00:50:20,279
Speaker 1: video and it made it look like I was out

1076
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:22,520
Speaker 1: with a bunch of guys, although I placed it to

1077
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:26,960
Speaker 1: go order anyway. That got cleared up, but a mutual

1078
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,600
Speaker 1: friend told me that Sarah swore he and I would

1079
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:33,000
Speaker 1: never work out. Well, then why would you want to

1080
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 1: be one of the bride'smaids if you don't even believe

1081
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:36,520
Speaker 1: in this union?

1082
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:38,080
Speaker 2: You know why?

1083
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:39,960
Speaker 8: Because Sarah's a pick me girl.

1084
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 1: Yes, she wants to be a part of everything.

1085
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:44,040
Speaker 8: Yeah, you gross.

1086
00:50:44,880 --> 00:50:48,240
Speaker 1: She also would try to create a divide between Grace

1087
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:50,760
Speaker 1: and I over the nine years we have been friends.

1088
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:54,719
Speaker 1: For at least two years we were not friends. Yeah,

1089
00:50:54,719 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 1: that probably makes sense. Why you wouldn't have her as

1090
00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:58,480
Speaker 1: your bride'smaid If.

1091
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:01,960
Speaker 8: You're already wishy washy with your friends with somebody can't.

1092
00:51:01,719 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 1: Be my bridesman can't be my maid. However, my relationship

1093
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 1: with Sarah does not go unnoticed. It was rocky a

1094
00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:10,359
Speaker 1: lot of the time, but there are good parts too.

1095
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 1: Sarah and I are friends, and I have been there

1096
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 1: for her through her health issues and family crisis. Sarah

1097
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,040
Speaker 1: has been there for me during my mom's medical issues,

1098
00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:21,279
Speaker 1: and my other friends were two. Sarah is not a

1099
00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:24,440
Speaker 1: terrible friend, but she can be very dramatic at times,

1100
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,280
Speaker 1: causing issues with other people that I had to help navigate.

1101
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:30,840
Speaker 1: I am grateful for our friendship, but at the same time,

1102
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 1: I also feel like I have to hold her hand

1103
00:51:33,040 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 1: emotionally and walk her through right and wrong ways to react.

1104
00:51:37,560 --> 00:51:40,480
Speaker 1: This has been our whole friendship. Part of me knew

1105
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 1: that on a special day to me, she would support me,

1106
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:46,319
Speaker 1: but I was also afraid of the theatrics. During my

1107
00:51:46,440 --> 00:51:49,160
Speaker 1: sophomore year, I also met my second best friend ever,

1108
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: Alice twenty eight female. Alice and I were inseparable almost

1109
00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:57,480
Speaker 1: as Grace and I were in high school. I basically

1110
00:51:57,520 --> 00:51:59,879
Speaker 1: moved into Alice's dorms. Alice is the one who act

1111
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:03,440
Speaker 1: encouraged me to date my fiance. I was Alice's maid

1112
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:05,480
Speaker 1: of honor for her wedding, and now she will be

1113
00:52:05,520 --> 00:52:09,680
Speaker 1: the matron of honor at mine. I am her son's godmom. Anyway,

1114
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:12,839
Speaker 1: I decided on my four I was confident in who

1115
00:52:12,880 --> 00:52:14,839
Speaker 1: I wanted, but I also knew it would come at

1116
00:52:14,840 --> 00:52:17,719
Speaker 1: a price of upsetting Sarah. I sat on it for

1117
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,719
Speaker 1: days before bringing it up to her. I wanted her

1118
00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 1: to know before asking anyone, because I did not want

1119
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:26,319
Speaker 1: her to feel blindsided. In my message to her, I

1120
00:52:26,400 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 1: convey that me choosing the different chapters doesn't diminish the

1121
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,120
Speaker 1: value I have in her as a friend, or that

1122
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 1: I do not love her. I told her I was

1123
00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 1: choosing from different chapters of my life. I knew it

1124
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:40,160
Speaker 1: would upset her, but I did not think it would

1125
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:44,160
Speaker 1: be this bad. I am feeling guilty. I even told

1126
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:46,040
Speaker 1: her I never want to hurt her, but I never

1127
00:52:46,080 --> 00:52:48,600
Speaker 1: want to make her feel less important to me. I

1128
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:51,200
Speaker 1: love her as a person, but I was also protecting

1129
00:52:51,239 --> 00:52:53,800
Speaker 1: my peace. She has not talked to me in threeish

1130
00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:56,920
Speaker 1: days since the message. Am I the ahole for not

1131
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:58,839
Speaker 1: choosing her? I feel like I did the right thing,

1132
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,359
Speaker 1: but I'm just racking my self and guilt for hurting her.

1133
00:53:01,880 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 1: And there is an update, folks.

1134
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,280
Speaker 8: But what do you think I said all the time,

1135
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,399
Speaker 8: your wedding, your rules, your wedding. Yeah, it's also that's

1136
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 8: very generous of you to even go to her first

1137
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:14,880
Speaker 8: be like, hey, I already have my four picked out. Yeah,

1138
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,040
Speaker 8: I feel like you could have You're still very important

1139
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 8: to you could have sugarcoated it. There was a fifth,

1140
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:21,879
Speaker 8: you'd be the fifth. Yeah, and there's not so And

1141
00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:23,400
Speaker 8: I need you to understand.

1142
00:53:22,960 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 1: Like you're my fourth favorite friend.

1143
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:27,759
Speaker 8: Yeah, exactly, I need you to understand that.

1144
00:53:27,920 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I don't say that, but yeah, I think

1145
00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:32,799
Speaker 1: that's very reasonable. I think you get to choose who

1146
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:35,439
Speaker 1: is standing by you on a very important day.

1147
00:53:35,520 --> 00:53:38,200
Speaker 8: And she the fact that, I mean, we don't have

1148
00:53:38,239 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 8: her response yet, but we already know how she could respond.

1149
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 8: I mean, she didn't respond to you with three in

1150
00:53:42,760 --> 00:53:45,600
Speaker 8: three days. That's wild.

1151
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:46,759
Speaker 1: She should be.

1152
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,680
Speaker 8: I know it's kind of upsetting, and you know, I

1153
00:53:51,640 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 8: get it, but she should be like, Okay, it's your wedding.

1154
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 8: I support it as long as I'm there, and I

1155
00:53:57,400 --> 00:54:00,400
Speaker 8: can support you from like the sidelines, I guess, or

1156
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 8: from the back. I'm so happy to be there. She

1157
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:06,919
Speaker 8: should be doing bad as a friend Yeah.

1158
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,759
Speaker 1: Hi everyone, thank you for your comments. She got back

1159
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 1: to me this afternoon. Essentially, I have been informed she

1160
00:54:12,560 --> 00:54:15,800
Speaker 1: doesn't want to attend the bachelorette next year. She doesn't

1161
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:18,920
Speaker 1: want to attend the bridal party. She doesn't want to

1162
00:54:18,960 --> 00:54:20,920
Speaker 1: join me in getting ready. I try to offer to

1163
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:22,720
Speaker 1: get ready with us so we could still be together.

1164
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 1: I only have four spots, but was told that it

1165
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 1: was stupid to offer that but not offer her a

1166
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:30,359
Speaker 1: spot up front at the wedding. I told her I

1167
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 1: was upset she didn't want to be part of the bachelorette,

1168
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 1: even stating that two of my friends in grad school

1169
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:38,359
Speaker 1: wanted to be in the wedding, but I told them

1170
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 1: no because of limited spots, and they still want to

1171
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:44,279
Speaker 1: be part of everything else. My dad and fiance have

1172
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,319
Speaker 1: told me that they knew she would react this way,

1173
00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:48,719
Speaker 1: but I have the right to be upset that she

1174
00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 1: doesn't want really anything to do with anything. At first,

1175
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 1: I thought I missread her text saying she didn't even

1176
00:54:54,080 --> 00:54:57,760
Speaker 1: want to be a guest. That was what made me cry. However,

1177
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,839
Speaker 1: she clarified she will be in attendance about nothing else.

1178
00:55:01,080 --> 00:55:03,200
Speaker 1: She also said that I do not value her the

1179
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:05,880
Speaker 1: way she values me and that if I cared for

1180
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: her at all, I would have waited to tell her

1181
00:55:07,760 --> 00:55:10,440
Speaker 1: because she has a lot going on because her boyfriend

1182
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:13,800
Speaker 1: of three months's aunt passed away and she's upset.

1183
00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:16,439
Speaker 8: Hey see what I'm doing right.

1184
00:55:16,320 --> 00:55:18,239
Speaker 1: Now reaching beachee.

1185
00:55:19,000 --> 00:55:21,520
Speaker 8: Wow that's a far reach right there.

1186
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:26,080
Speaker 1: Wow, she's an mpath. H that's crazy, which I had

1187
00:55:26,120 --> 00:55:30,600
Speaker 1: no idea about. Why would you? It's her boyfriend's aunt of.

1188
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:33,320
Speaker 8: Three months, by the way of three months.

1189
00:55:33,600 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 1: To be clear and fair, I first knew of this

1190
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:39,040
Speaker 1: hours after I texted Sarah to let her know. I

1191
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:41,680
Speaker 1: learned through Grace of her FaceTime that evening that Sarah

1192
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:44,959
Speaker 1: was upset over her boyfriend's family. Rightfully, so I told

1193
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:48,360
Speaker 1: Sarah today that I had no idea. Again, why would you?

1194
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:51,719
Speaker 1: She then sent me a screenshot from the group chat

1195
00:55:51,719 --> 00:55:53,640
Speaker 1: with Grace and I where she did post that his

1196
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 1: aunt passed away. I didn't read it because I was

1197
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 1: in an interview that had class. So what would we

1198
00:56:00,280 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 1: have done with that? Even if she had read it?

1199
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:06,200
Speaker 1: Right like, send him you know, our best wishes, sorry,

1200
00:56:06,239 --> 00:56:10,280
Speaker 1: like I hope he's okays, yeah.

1201
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:11,239
Speaker 7: Ope, he would be like, well, how do you know

1202
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:13,399
Speaker 7: that that wasn't really hard for me to learn.

1203
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like it was actually really hard for me

1204
00:56:15,320 --> 00:56:17,360
Speaker 1: to learn that your boyfriend's aunt.

1205
00:56:18,200 --> 00:56:19,280
Speaker 8: I have to postpone the wedding.

1206
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:24,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, that evening, I set an update about future goals

1207
00:56:24,719 --> 00:56:27,240
Speaker 1: and still did not read their messages because most times

1208
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:30,840
Speaker 1: the group chats just work sucks or funny TikTok. Anytime

1209
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,759
Speaker 1: I find out something is going on, I instantly reach out,

1210
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 1: asking how she's doing and saying that I'm praying for

1211
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 1: her every single time I told her. If I was

1212
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,000
Speaker 1: more diligent in reading the text messages, I would have

1213
00:56:41,040 --> 00:56:43,719
Speaker 1: never sent the message that day, which I feel she

1214
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:47,040
Speaker 1: should know that I wouldn't just do that because I

1215
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 1: have always been careful with her emotions and supporting her

1216
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:53,160
Speaker 1: through everything, So why would I choose then to hurt

1217
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,200
Speaker 1: her more. That's what's upsetting me too.

1218
00:56:55,440 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 8: I think the funniest thing is that everybody knew Sarah

1219
00:56:58,120 --> 00:57:00,479
Speaker 8: was going to react exactly like how she's going to react.

1220
00:57:00,560 --> 00:57:02,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, They're like, yeah, we all figured that.

1221
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:06,480
Speaker 8: What happened, the fact that you want her and so

1222
00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:10,520
Speaker 8: many other things, and she's still like, no, I'm better

1223
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 8: than that. Again, great, I know you want to maintain

1224
00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:15,680
Speaker 8: that friendship, but I feel like you're putting way too

1225
00:57:15,760 --> 00:57:16,960
Speaker 8: much energy energy.

1226
00:57:16,720 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 1: Into this, too much drama.

1227
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 8: It's not worth it.

1228
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:24,720
Speaker 1: It ain't worth it. I spoke with Grace, and Grace said,

1229
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:26,640
Speaker 1: I knew you did not know about it when I

1230
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:29,400
Speaker 1: told you because of how you reacted, and usually you

1231
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:32,560
Speaker 1: text back if it's something like that. Grace is upset

1232
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:35,520
Speaker 1: that Sarah is behaving this way and doesn't understand why

1233
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 1: Sarah is using her boyfriend's situation to practically call me

1234
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:42,520
Speaker 1: a terrible friend. I see Sarah having the right to

1235
00:57:42,560 --> 00:57:45,200
Speaker 1: be upset, but I ask for some grace and forgiveness

1236
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:47,520
Speaker 1: because I'm not selfish in the sense that I would

1237
00:57:47,600 --> 00:57:50,360
Speaker 1: just tell her because she was already having our time.

1238
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 1: I would never do that. Finally, my last thought is this.

1239
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:56,720
Speaker 1: She said she assumed she would be a bridesmaid because

1240
00:57:56,760 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 1: we have been friends for years, and that the fact

1241
00:57:59,320 --> 00:58:01,960
Speaker 1: I'm not putting her upfront with everyone just shows I

1242
00:58:02,000 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 1: do not val you were. This has made me feel

1243
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 1: that it's not about being my friend, but about obtaining

1244
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:10,200
Speaker 1: the role. The worst part of the conversation is over.

1245
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:13,080
Speaker 1: I apologize for upsetting her and said that I cannot

1246
00:58:13,160 --> 00:58:16,240
Speaker 1: change how she feels, but can only apologize for making

1247
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 1: your upset. Oh my goodness, and that's the end of

1248
00:58:18,960 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 1: that story.

1249
00:58:19,440 --> 00:58:20,880
Speaker 8: Somebody called Sarah wa ambulance.

1250
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1251
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:25,160
Speaker 8: I feel like it's like, oh, she's using that the

1252
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 8: boyfriend's aren't passing away. Like when she starts crying and

1253
00:58:29,520 --> 00:58:31,280
Speaker 8: she's like, I want a piece of candy, or I

1254
00:58:31,360 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 8: want what I want what you won't give me, and

1255
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:36,080
Speaker 8: then you give to it. He's like, thanks, thank you,

1256
00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:42,320
Speaker 8: finally some recognition exactly. So, uh, sorry, Ope, I mean.

1257
00:58:42,520 --> 00:58:43,840
Speaker 1: Doesn't sound like a great friend.

1258
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:46,680
Speaker 8: No, she sounds again, so.

1259
00:58:46,720 --> 00:58:50,400
Speaker 1: Sounds like a friend. You need to maybe just slowly

1260
00:58:50,440 --> 00:58:50,880
Speaker 1: phase out.

1261
00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:53,000
Speaker 8: Yeah, I just enjoy your wedding. I mean she'll be

1262
00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 8: there and try and just ignore her. Again. You apologize,

1263
00:58:57,120 --> 00:58:59,360
Speaker 8: and I don't feel like you don't need to apologize.

1264
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:00,960
Speaker 1: For I agree, Sagreen.

1265
00:59:02,000 --> 00:59:02,439
Speaker 8: Good luck.