1 00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:22,436 Speaker 1: Pushkin. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. 2 00:00:24,036 --> 00:00:26,836 Speaker 1: These were the words uttered by Billy Bob Harold Junior, 3 00:00:27,556 --> 00:00:30,716 Speaker 1: a man whose life had been unremarkable before a fateful 4 00:00:30,716 --> 00:00:34,716 Speaker 1: event that ruined everything on June twenty eighth, nineteen ninety seven. 5 00:00:36,876 --> 00:00:40,036 Speaker 1: Before that worst thing ever event occurred, Billy Bob was 6 00:00:40,036 --> 00:00:43,596 Speaker 1: a relatively happy, middle aged Texan. He was a religious 7 00:00:43,596 --> 00:00:46,476 Speaker 1: family man who cared deeply about his parents, his wife, 8 00:00:46,476 --> 00:00:50,756 Speaker 1: barbar Jean, and their three children. Billy Bob worked at 9 00:00:50,756 --> 00:00:54,716 Speaker 1: the local home depot, stocking shelves with electrical equipment. It 10 00:00:54,796 --> 00:00:57,476 Speaker 1: wasn't the most lucrative career, but Billy Bob and his 11 00:00:57,516 --> 00:01:00,156 Speaker 1: wife found ways to make ends meet. His life, by 12 00:01:00,196 --> 00:01:04,876 Speaker 1: all accounts, was relatively blessed, but one hot summer evening, 13 00:01:05,276 --> 00:01:09,636 Speaker 1: everything changed. Within months, his marriage had fallen in apart. 14 00:01:10,316 --> 00:01:13,916 Speaker 1: His beloved Barber Jeane filed for divorce. Billy Bob tried 15 00:01:13,996 --> 00:01:17,676 Speaker 1: dating younger woman, but still felt terrible. He lost almost 16 00:01:17,756 --> 00:01:21,956 Speaker 1: fifty pounds, making him look sickly and gaunt. His children 17 00:01:21,996 --> 00:01:25,996 Speaker 1: would later say that his personality completely changed. He switched 18 00:01:26,036 --> 00:01:28,756 Speaker 1: from the happy dad they knew into a moody, depressive. 19 00:01:30,676 --> 00:01:33,476 Speaker 1: In May of nineteen ninety nine. Less than two years 20 00:01:33,516 --> 00:01:36,436 Speaker 1: after that incident, which I've not yet named, Billy Bob 21 00:01:36,476 --> 00:01:39,556 Speaker 1: couldn't take it anymore. He locked himself in his master 22 00:01:39,636 --> 00:01:45,916 Speaker 1: bedroom and took his own life. So what was that 23 00:01:45,956 --> 00:01:49,276 Speaker 1: worst thing ever occurrence, that awful event that destroyed Billy 24 00:01:49,316 --> 00:01:54,196 Speaker 1: Bob's family and his entire life. It was this Billy 25 00:01:54,276 --> 00:01:58,436 Speaker 1: Bob won the Lotto Texas Jack Bob, Welcome to the 26 00:01:58,476 --> 00:02:01,996 Speaker 1: official Lotto Texas drawing. In a split second, he was 27 00:02:02,116 --> 00:02:07,196 Speaker 1: thirty one million dollars richer. Now, that probably wasn't the 28 00:02:07,276 --> 00:02:10,356 Speaker 1: kind of worst ever event you are imagined. When we 29 00:02:10,436 --> 00:02:13,516 Speaker 1: think of tragedies, we imagine the death of a family member, 30 00:02:13,796 --> 00:02:17,596 Speaker 1: some disfiguring car crash, or total financial ruin. What Billy 31 00:02:17,676 --> 00:02:20,876 Speaker 1: Bob experience is actually something many of us yearn for. 32 00:02:21,356 --> 00:02:25,196 Speaker 1: He became a multi millionaire overnight. He was suddenly rich, 33 00:02:25,316 --> 00:02:28,716 Speaker 1: beyond his wildest dreams, wealthy enough to quit his job 34 00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:31,716 Speaker 1: and to buy whatever he and his family needed for 35 00:02:31,796 --> 00:02:35,196 Speaker 1: the rest of their lives. But the wonderful fortune he 36 00:02:35,276 --> 00:02:38,636 Speaker 1: literally prayed for is certainly didn't make him as happy 37 00:02:38,836 --> 00:02:43,116 Speaker 1: as he expected. I bet you think that wouldn't be 38 00:02:43,156 --> 00:02:45,876 Speaker 1: the case for you. Most of us are commenced that 39 00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:48,676 Speaker 1: making tons of money would feel good, But as it 40 00:02:48,716 --> 00:02:52,636 Speaker 1: turns out, we're probably wrong, and not just about money. 41 00:02:53,356 --> 00:02:55,716 Speaker 1: Research shows that we suck at predicting what will make 42 00:02:55,796 --> 00:02:59,836 Speaker 1: us happy, generally, both when we're imagining how we'll feel 43 00:02:59,836 --> 00:03:02,236 Speaker 1: when we get what we want, the good stuff like 44 00:03:02,356 --> 00:03:05,196 Speaker 1: hitting the jackpot, getting the perfect job, being accepted to 45 00:03:05,196 --> 00:03:08,516 Speaker 1: our dream school, but also when we envisioned some of 46 00:03:08,516 --> 00:03:12,636 Speaker 1: the worst events a person could possibly endure. Why are 47 00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:16,676 Speaker 1: we so bad at making these predictions? What's going wrong? 48 00:03:21,116 --> 00:03:23,236 Speaker 1: Our minds are constantly telling us what to do to 49 00:03:23,276 --> 00:03:26,236 Speaker 1: be happy. But what if our minds are wrong? What 50 00:03:26,316 --> 00:03:28,916 Speaker 1: if our minds are lying to us, leading us away 51 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:32,236 Speaker 1: from what will really make us happy. The good news 52 00:03:32,556 --> 00:03:34,996 Speaker 1: is that understanding the science of the mind can point 53 00:03:35,076 --> 00:03:38,636 Speaker 1: us all back in the right direction. You're listening to 54 00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:47,436 Speaker 1: the Happiness Lad the doctor Laurie Santos. If you have 55 00:03:47,476 --> 00:03:51,876 Speaker 1: an enemy, go buy them a lottery ticket, because on 56 00:03:51,996 --> 00:03:55,116 Speaker 1: the off chance that they win, their life is going 57 00:03:55,156 --> 00:03:58,396 Speaker 1: to be really messed up. I'm speaking with Clay Cockrell. 58 00:03:58,956 --> 00:04:01,796 Speaker 1: He knows that the misery Billy Bob experienced after winning 59 00:04:01,836 --> 00:04:05,516 Speaker 1: the lottery wasn't a one Off Clays a clinical social 60 00:04:05,516 --> 00:04:09,996 Speaker 1: worker and psychotherapist. His business address is near Columbus Circle 61 00:04:10,036 --> 00:04:12,636 Speaker 1: in New York City, but more often than not he 62 00:04:12,676 --> 00:04:14,916 Speaker 1: can be found in Central Park or on the banks 63 00:04:14,916 --> 00:04:17,516 Speaker 1: of the Hudson River. I do something unusual in that 64 00:04:17,676 --> 00:04:20,756 Speaker 1: I walk with my clients instead of meeting in an office, 65 00:04:21,076 --> 00:04:23,716 Speaker 1: walk and talk. I think better on my feet. His 66 00:04:23,876 --> 00:04:27,316 Speaker 1: methods is a psychotherapist or novel but Clay also works 67 00:04:27,316 --> 00:04:32,316 Speaker 1: with a rather particular clientele. About ten years ago, I 68 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:36,316 Speaker 1: started working with the super wealthy, people in the one 69 00:04:36,396 --> 00:04:39,436 Speaker 1: percent of the one percent, and somehow my name got 70 00:04:39,476 --> 00:04:44,316 Speaker 1: passed around this very small world as someone who doesn't 71 00:04:44,316 --> 00:04:49,196 Speaker 1: bring judgment. So if you're struggling with I can't find 72 00:04:49,196 --> 00:04:52,836 Speaker 1: a place to park my yacht, I have no judgment 73 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,716 Speaker 1: about that. I'm going to help you. Your problem is 74 00:04:54,756 --> 00:04:58,236 Speaker 1: as real as someone else's. Clay finds that providing counsel 75 00:04:58,276 --> 00:05:01,156 Speaker 1: to the richest of the rich generates a certain amount 76 00:05:01,196 --> 00:05:03,676 Speaker 1: of hostility from the other ninety nine point nine nine 77 00:05:03,756 --> 00:05:07,396 Speaker 1: percent who think the megawealthy have it pretty good being 78 00:05:07,436 --> 00:05:12,276 Speaker 1: anxious about yacht parking and play well well with most people. Honestly, 79 00:05:12,556 --> 00:05:15,716 Speaker 1: the general public when they find out what I do. 80 00:05:15,756 --> 00:05:18,796 Speaker 1: They don't have a lot of sympathy because they bought 81 00:05:18,836 --> 00:05:21,996 Speaker 1: into this idea that they have a certain amount of 82 00:05:22,036 --> 00:05:24,036 Speaker 1: problems that are related to money, and they have this 83 00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:27,076 Speaker 1: belief that if I have money, my problems will go away. 84 00:05:27,716 --> 00:05:29,636 Speaker 1: But when they find out that there's somebody out there 85 00:05:29,716 --> 00:05:32,516 Speaker 1: that has a lot of money and they still have problems, 86 00:05:32,956 --> 00:05:36,756 Speaker 1: it busts that fantasy. So this thing that they're working toward, 87 00:05:36,796 --> 00:05:38,156 Speaker 1: I just need a little bit more money is going 88 00:05:38,156 --> 00:05:41,236 Speaker 1: to solve my problems. It really challenges that belief system 89 00:05:41,836 --> 00:05:44,636 Speaker 1: claims right that most people believe they just need a 90 00:05:44,676 --> 00:05:47,716 Speaker 1: little bit more income for their troubles to end. One 91 00:05:47,756 --> 00:05:50,676 Speaker 1: study ask people how much money would you really need 92 00:05:50,716 --> 00:05:53,556 Speaker 1: to be happy? What's an income level that, if you 93 00:05:53,676 --> 00:05:57,476 Speaker 1: got it, you wouldn't need any more. People who are 94 00:05:57,476 --> 00:06:00,716 Speaker 1: currently earning thirty thousand dollars a year say they'd need 95 00:06:00,756 --> 00:06:04,116 Speaker 1: fifty k to be happier, which makes sense, But do 96 00:06:04,316 --> 00:06:07,356 Speaker 1: folks who actually earn fifty k think that was all 97 00:06:07,396 --> 00:06:11,756 Speaker 1: that's needed? Not really. People earning twice that much one 98 00:06:11,836 --> 00:06:15,316 Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars said they need a salary of two 99 00:06:15,436 --> 00:06:19,756 Speaker 1: hundred and fifty k to truly be happy. This myth. 100 00:06:20,036 --> 00:06:24,596 Speaker 1: More money equals happiness. So I just gotta get some more. 101 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:28,076 Speaker 1: I'll get there. I just gotta get some more. We've 102 00:06:28,116 --> 00:06:30,956 Speaker 1: all heard that money can't buy you happiness, but is 103 00:06:30,996 --> 00:06:35,516 Speaker 1: that really true? Two Nobel Prize winning scientists Danny Kaneman 104 00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:39,516 Speaker 1: and Angus Dan teamed up to find out. They tested 105 00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:42,876 Speaker 1: how annual salary in the US today affects three different 106 00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:45,716 Speaker 1: measures of well being. What did they find well, it 107 00:06:45,716 --> 00:06:48,556 Speaker 1: turns out the income does affect well being for people 108 00:06:48,596 --> 00:06:51,796 Speaker 1: at lower salary levels. If you earn ten or twenty 109 00:06:51,796 --> 00:06:54,516 Speaker 1: thousand dollars, then earning more will make you feel less 110 00:06:54,516 --> 00:06:58,556 Speaker 1: stressed and happier. But that effective income on well being 111 00:06:59,036 --> 00:07:02,356 Speaker 1: starts to level off, and it does so really quickly. 112 00:07:03,276 --> 00:07:06,436 Speaker 1: Based on their estimate, it is much better to earn 113 00:07:06,476 --> 00:07:09,796 Speaker 1: seventy thousand than forty thousand. Life is a lot different, 114 00:07:09,836 --> 00:07:12,636 Speaker 1: but it's not a lot different from seventy thousand to 115 00:07:12,636 --> 00:07:16,116 Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty or two fifty. Kaneman Indian found 116 00:07:16,396 --> 00:07:18,716 Speaker 1: that once you're earning an annual income of seventy five 117 00:07:18,756 --> 00:07:22,596 Speaker 1: thousand dollars, getting more doesn't help. You don't get less 118 00:07:22,636 --> 00:07:27,796 Speaker 1: stressed or happier. You're well being just flatlines even if 119 00:07:27,796 --> 00:07:31,036 Speaker 1: you double or even quadruple your salary. That's what the 120 00:07:31,116 --> 00:07:35,196 Speaker 1: data suggest, but it's definitely not what most of us believe. 121 00:07:35,676 --> 00:07:37,476 Speaker 1: When I first got out of grad school, I made 122 00:07:37,476 --> 00:07:39,876 Speaker 1: fourteen thousand dollars a year, and I was, Wow, this 123 00:07:39,956 --> 00:07:42,356 Speaker 1: is amazing. So you begin to think, Okay, there's a 124 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:45,956 Speaker 1: correlation here. More money equals a better life, and that 125 00:07:46,076 --> 00:07:49,236 Speaker 1: keeps working until you get to round seventy five eighty 126 00:07:49,236 --> 00:07:51,996 Speaker 1: thousand dollars and your basic needs are met. But you've 127 00:07:52,076 --> 00:07:55,876 Speaker 1: learned a lesson. More money incrementally is going to make 128 00:07:55,916 --> 00:07:59,676 Speaker 1: you happier and your life easier. But you start getting 129 00:07:59,716 --> 00:08:01,596 Speaker 1: more and more money and more and more money, and 130 00:08:01,996 --> 00:08:03,756 Speaker 1: it's not working like it used to. When I went 131 00:08:03,756 --> 00:08:06,036 Speaker 1: from fourteen to thirty five. I just need to work 132 00:08:06,036 --> 00:08:09,036 Speaker 1: a little harder and get up to two fifty are intuition, 133 00:08:09,316 --> 00:08:12,476 Speaker 1: more money equals more happiness means we don't realize the 134 00:08:12,516 --> 00:08:16,156 Speaker 1: host of problems that come with being incredibly rich. But 135 00:08:16,276 --> 00:08:19,516 Speaker 1: Clay has seen these problems firsthand in his many clients. 136 00:08:19,876 --> 00:08:22,436 Speaker 1: They struggle, they're not sleeping at night, they don't have 137 00:08:22,476 --> 00:08:26,796 Speaker 1: good relationships. One of the most common problems claycis is guilt. 138 00:08:27,476 --> 00:08:30,316 Speaker 1: The wealthy also buy into the idea that money brings happiness. 139 00:08:30,916 --> 00:08:34,156 Speaker 1: That cognitive dissonance of being so rich yet so sad 140 00:08:34,516 --> 00:08:37,916 Speaker 1: can pitch them into emotional turmoil. My life isn't perfect, 141 00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:41,036 Speaker 1: but it should be. I shouldn't complain. I shouldn't seek 142 00:08:41,076 --> 00:08:45,156 Speaker 1: psychotherapy to help me deal with my problems because I 143 00:08:45,236 --> 00:08:48,156 Speaker 1: really shouldn't have them. And like Billy Bob Harroll, after 144 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:51,556 Speaker 1: hitting the jackpot, the rich often struggle in their close 145 00:08:51,636 --> 00:08:54,916 Speaker 1: relations It's hard to trust because they've been burned a lot, 146 00:08:55,556 --> 00:08:59,276 Speaker 1: particularly in romantic relationships. And then you get into prenuptial 147 00:08:59,316 --> 00:09:03,556 Speaker 1: agreements and are you only getting into this relationship because 148 00:09:03,596 --> 00:09:07,156 Speaker 1: I'm going to buy you nice things? Even casual friendships 149 00:09:07,276 --> 00:09:10,356 Speaker 1: can be hard to maintain at the one percent for 150 00:09:10,396 --> 00:09:13,076 Speaker 1: a reason, there's not a lot of people out there 151 00:09:13,116 --> 00:09:15,956 Speaker 1: that have this kind of money, so a majority of 152 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:18,956 Speaker 1: the population, on a fundamental level, you're not going to 153 00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:21,836 Speaker 1: be able to relate to. There's a lot of isolation. 154 00:09:22,276 --> 00:09:24,516 Speaker 1: Are you being my friend because of my bank account? 155 00:09:24,836 --> 00:09:26,916 Speaker 1: If we go out to lunch, am I just expected 156 00:09:27,156 --> 00:09:30,476 Speaker 1: to pick up the tab? When you're talking about your weekend. 157 00:09:30,556 --> 00:09:32,876 Speaker 1: I had this one client that got to be friends 158 00:09:33,836 --> 00:09:36,756 Speaker 1: at the local gym. They were talking about their weekend 159 00:09:36,756 --> 00:09:39,116 Speaker 1: that they went out with their wives, and that weekend 160 00:09:39,116 --> 00:09:41,756 Speaker 1: he just happened to have taken his private jet to 161 00:09:41,796 --> 00:09:44,636 Speaker 1: Paris to try out this new restaurant. So how do 162 00:09:44,676 --> 00:09:47,876 Speaker 1: you talk about that without it feel like you're rubbing 163 00:09:47,916 --> 00:09:51,836 Speaker 1: your wealth in someone's face. But the biggest problem clacies 164 00:09:52,276 --> 00:09:55,196 Speaker 1: is that the rich feel trapped. For most problems we 165 00:09:55,276 --> 00:09:59,876 Speaker 1: encounter in life, they are painful but culturally acceptable solutions. 166 00:10:00,236 --> 00:10:02,516 Speaker 1: If you're in a bad relationship, you can pack your 167 00:10:02,516 --> 00:10:06,516 Speaker 1: bags and leave. You hate your job, so quit. But 168 00:10:06,596 --> 00:10:09,596 Speaker 1: if you're loaded and miserable about it, you're not going 169 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:12,596 Speaker 1: to give it away. You're too attached to it. It 170 00:10:12,636 --> 00:10:15,436 Speaker 1: gives too much freedom, so you're trapped the golden handcuffs. 171 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,636 Speaker 1: So I have a lot of people who say I 172 00:10:17,636 --> 00:10:19,956 Speaker 1: can't get rid of it because it's amazing, it's great, 173 00:10:20,516 --> 00:10:24,996 Speaker 1: but God, there's so much unhappiness and isolation and guilt 174 00:10:25,116 --> 00:10:28,636 Speaker 1: that comes along with having this. Ironically, the rich then 175 00:10:28,676 --> 00:10:31,716 Speaker 1: fall prey to the same bias we do. Maybe the 176 00:10:31,796 --> 00:10:35,116 Speaker 1: problem isn't the money, Maybe it's just that they need 177 00:10:35,196 --> 00:10:38,236 Speaker 1: a little bit more. I've worked with people who've had 178 00:10:38,276 --> 00:10:42,156 Speaker 1: fifty million dollars and they say, yeah, but I really 179 00:10:43,236 --> 00:10:45,796 Speaker 1: I can't do everything that I want. There's this wonderful 180 00:10:45,836 --> 00:10:49,196 Speaker 1: painting that it would really eat into my savings. This 181 00:10:49,276 --> 00:10:51,956 Speaker 1: one guy had five hundred million dollars but had a 182 00:10:52,036 --> 00:10:55,716 Speaker 1: sense that once I hit that billion, that's when things 183 00:10:55,796 --> 00:11:02,796 Speaker 1: really change. And you think that's crazy. You have more 184 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:08,636 Speaker 1: money than you could possibly spend. But they're searching for happiness, 185 00:11:09,116 --> 00:11:12,396 Speaker 1: and people don't believe me in and I understand it's hard. 186 00:11:12,556 --> 00:11:15,516 Speaker 1: It was hard for me to think that, But after 187 00:11:15,756 --> 00:11:18,716 Speaker 1: living in this world, working with these people, I understand 188 00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:22,076 Speaker 1: money is not going to buy you happiness. So be 189 00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:26,396 Speaker 1: careful what you wish for. Be careful what you wish for. 190 00:11:27,036 --> 00:11:29,996 Speaker 1: That's a warning many of us have heard before, but 191 00:11:30,036 --> 00:11:32,316 Speaker 1: it fits with a growing body of research showing that 192 00:11:32,396 --> 00:11:35,636 Speaker 1: nearly every amazing thing in life, from tons of money 193 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:39,716 Speaker 1: to an amazing house to the perfect grades, those things 194 00:11:39,756 --> 00:11:42,636 Speaker 1: simply won't make us as happy as we predict they will. 195 00:11:43,076 --> 00:11:45,356 Speaker 1: Almost all of us believe that we would be happy 196 00:11:45,356 --> 00:11:46,996 Speaker 1: if we could just get what we want, and the 197 00:11:47,036 --> 00:11:49,916 Speaker 1: only impediment to our happiness is that we can't always 198 00:11:49,916 --> 00:11:53,196 Speaker 1: get what we want. This is Dan Gilbert. He wrote 199 00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:56,276 Speaker 1: one of my favorite books on human psychology. It's called 200 00:11:56,476 --> 00:11:59,476 Speaker 1: Stumbling on Happiness. It turns out that when people get 201 00:11:59,476 --> 00:12:02,276 Speaker 1: exactly what they want, they're not always happy. When they 202 00:12:02,316 --> 00:12:04,956 Speaker 1: get the opposite of what they wanted, they often are. 203 00:12:05,476 --> 00:12:07,356 Speaker 1: That's a little bit of a mystery. It's kind of 204 00:12:07,396 --> 00:12:11,396 Speaker 1: mystery that attracts psychologists. This puzzle, as Dan's research over 205 00:12:11,436 --> 00:12:14,556 Speaker 1: the last two decades has shown, stems from one of 206 00:12:14,596 --> 00:12:18,836 Speaker 1: our most exceptional cognitive faculties, our unique ability to run 207 00:12:18,916 --> 00:12:22,156 Speaker 1: mental simulations of the future. This is a brand new 208 00:12:22,196 --> 00:12:24,676 Speaker 1: faculty that it's wired into the human brain. No other 209 00:12:24,716 --> 00:12:28,316 Speaker 1: animal can do anything vaguely like it. No chimpanzee has 210 00:12:28,316 --> 00:12:30,036 Speaker 1: ever thought about whether it's going to look good in 211 00:12:30,116 --> 00:12:33,876 Speaker 1: a bathing suit when it retires. But these brand new 212 00:12:33,916 --> 00:12:36,516 Speaker 1: abilities are still in beta testing. In a sense, we 213 00:12:36,596 --> 00:12:40,036 Speaker 1: have an ability you might call prospection one point z 214 00:12:40,756 --> 00:12:43,396 Speaker 1: and it's still being worked on, so it's got bugs. 215 00:12:43,996 --> 00:12:46,836 Speaker 1: One of the bugs in prospection one point zero that 216 00:12:46,916 --> 00:12:49,756 Speaker 1: ability we have to plan for the future is that 217 00:12:49,796 --> 00:12:52,796 Speaker 1: your brain can't simulate all the parts of a given event. 218 00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:56,516 Speaker 1: When you're imagining things unfolding over time, you can't imagine 219 00:12:56,516 --> 00:12:59,556 Speaker 1: them unfolding in real time, can you If you could, 220 00:12:59,556 --> 00:13:02,276 Speaker 1: then somebody would say, imagine moving to Chicago, and you'd 221 00:13:02,276 --> 00:13:04,756 Speaker 1: have to spend four months imagining moving to Chicago. That's 222 00:13:04,756 --> 00:13:07,316 Speaker 1: how long it actually takes. So one of the wonderful 223 00:13:07,396 --> 00:13:10,396 Speaker 1: things about simulation. It gives you a quick sketch and 224 00:13:10,436 --> 00:13:12,836 Speaker 1: then it runs it at hyper speed. But that's also 225 00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:15,796 Speaker 1: one of its flaws, because a quick sketch often lacks 226 00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,796 Speaker 1: important details, and when things run at hyper speed, they 227 00:13:18,916 --> 00:13:22,196 Speaker 1: run right over the details that often matter. We miss 228 00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:24,956 Speaker 1: the critical details of almost any good event we try 229 00:13:24,956 --> 00:13:27,596 Speaker 1: to simulate. But let's look in more detail at the 230 00:13:27,596 --> 00:13:31,636 Speaker 1: example we started with earlier, getting rich beyond our wildest dreams. 231 00:13:32,356 --> 00:13:35,516 Speaker 1: What kinds of details do you say lottery players miss 232 00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:38,276 Speaker 1: when they think about winning all that cash. If you 233 00:13:38,316 --> 00:13:40,396 Speaker 1: close your eyes and imagine winning the lottery, most of 234 00:13:40,516 --> 00:13:43,076 Speaker 1: us imagine ourselves in a bathtub full of money, or 235 00:13:43,116 --> 00:13:46,556 Speaker 1: on a yacht, or quitting our job, buying a big house, 236 00:13:46,636 --> 00:13:48,996 Speaker 1: all the things we can get with money. You're not 237 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:51,556 Speaker 1: thinking about all the things you're going to lose. It's 238 00:13:51,716 --> 00:13:54,476 Speaker 1: very unlikely you're going to continue all the same social 239 00:13:54,516 --> 00:13:57,916 Speaker 1: relationships you have with people who need money but don't 240 00:13:57,996 --> 00:14:01,116 Speaker 1: have any you're underestimating the number of people in relatives 241 00:14:01,116 --> 00:14:03,396 Speaker 1: that will come out of the woodwork begging you to 242 00:14:03,436 --> 00:14:06,196 Speaker 1: help them over and over. You'll fail to realize that 243 00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:08,076 Speaker 1: the social groups to which you would all like to 244 00:14:08,116 --> 00:14:09,716 Speaker 1: belong don't want to have anything to do with you 245 00:14:09,756 --> 00:14:12,756 Speaker 1: because you got your money the wrong way, and on 246 00:14:12,796 --> 00:14:16,196 Speaker 1: and on. None of that is in our mental simulation 247 00:14:16,236 --> 00:14:19,556 Speaker 1: of the future. Dan has shown there's a nasty consequence 248 00:14:19,836 --> 00:14:23,556 Speaker 1: to missing these important details. It means our emotional predictions 249 00:14:23,556 --> 00:14:26,156 Speaker 1: of how these events will feel are way off track. 250 00:14:26,436 --> 00:14:28,556 Speaker 1: Would you rather have a weekend in Paris or gum 251 00:14:28,596 --> 00:14:30,996 Speaker 1: surgery is kind of a one item IQ test, and 252 00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:34,076 Speaker 1: almost everybody gets that right. What they don't realize is 253 00:14:34,076 --> 00:14:36,636 Speaker 1: that the weekend in Paris won't be as good as 254 00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:39,636 Speaker 1: they think it will be, and the good feelings won't 255 00:14:39,716 --> 00:14:42,636 Speaker 1: last as long as they expect. The same is true, 256 00:14:42,836 --> 00:14:46,636 Speaker 1: thankfully for the gum surgery these tumors. Predictions being wrong 257 00:14:46,676 --> 00:14:49,236 Speaker 1: about how intense an event will feel and how long 258 00:14:49,276 --> 00:14:52,556 Speaker 1: will feel that way is what Dan has christened impact 259 00:14:52,596 --> 00:14:56,476 Speaker 1: by us. In one famous study, he asked young professors 260 00:14:56,516 --> 00:14:59,476 Speaker 1: at the University of Texas to forecast how they'd feel 261 00:14:59,476 --> 00:15:02,396 Speaker 1: when they got tenure, that permanent position that all new 262 00:15:02,436 --> 00:15:07,076 Speaker 1: faculty crave. Dan tested people's predictions using a seven point 263 00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:10,396 Speaker 1: happiness scale. Most professors thought they'd be really happy if 264 00:15:10,396 --> 00:15:12,716 Speaker 1: they got tenure, around a six out of seven on 265 00:15:12,716 --> 00:15:16,196 Speaker 1: that scale, But how did professors actually feel when they 266 00:15:16,236 --> 00:15:19,876 Speaker 1: heard good news? They reported only being a five out 267 00:15:19,876 --> 00:15:24,076 Speaker 1: of seven. Dan also tested what happened to professors who 268 00:15:24,196 --> 00:15:27,196 Speaker 1: got bad news. The ones who found out they didn't 269 00:15:27,196 --> 00:15:29,916 Speaker 1: get tenure. They assumed they'd be a three point four 270 00:15:29,956 --> 00:15:32,756 Speaker 1: out of seven on that happiness scale, but in reality, 271 00:15:32,956 --> 00:15:35,916 Speaker 1: actual professors who got denied tenure were only a four 272 00:15:35,956 --> 00:15:39,236 Speaker 1: point seven on average. They felt a whole point better 273 00:15:39,476 --> 00:15:43,916 Speaker 1: than anyone expected. I see a similar misprediction all the 274 00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:47,196 Speaker 1: time in my college students. At Yale, students are convinced 275 00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:49,556 Speaker 1: they'll be ecstatic if they get a good grade, and 276 00:15:49,596 --> 00:15:53,436 Speaker 1: are sure they'll feel devastated if they do badly. Psychologists 277 00:15:53,436 --> 00:15:56,156 Speaker 1: have now seen the same pattern in many walks of life. 278 00:15:56,716 --> 00:15:59,276 Speaker 1: Lovers predict they'll take a long time to recover from 279 00:15:59,276 --> 00:16:03,396 Speaker 1: a sad breakup, but bounce back far quicker. Student drivers 280 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,036 Speaker 1: believe they'll be devastated if they fail to get their license, 281 00:16:06,476 --> 00:16:09,036 Speaker 1: but arenas sad walking out of the DMV empty hand 282 00:16:09,196 --> 00:16:11,876 Speaker 1: did as they think. The same is true for job 283 00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:15,116 Speaker 1: applicants who are passed over, and even patients guessing how 284 00:16:15,116 --> 00:16:20,716 Speaker 1: they'll feel about a positive or negative HIV diagnosis. Put simply, 285 00:16:20,956 --> 00:16:23,436 Speaker 1: the good things won't be as good. The bad things 286 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:26,796 Speaker 1: won't be as bad as your mind leads you to believe. 287 00:16:27,516 --> 00:16:30,236 Speaker 1: Dan has shown that this pattern stems from yet another 288 00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:33,036 Speaker 1: way our minds lie to us. We don't notice that 289 00:16:33,116 --> 00:16:36,396 Speaker 1: we have a tendency to get used to stuff. Even 290 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:40,116 Speaker 1: when something feels amazing at first, we can't enjoy it forever. 291 00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:45,276 Speaker 1: This is a phenomenon the psychologists call hedonic adaptation. You 292 00:16:45,356 --> 00:16:48,836 Speaker 1: can't be really, really happy endlessly all the time, or 293 00:16:48,876 --> 00:16:52,316 Speaker 1: your emotional system isn't doing its job. It has to 294 00:16:52,316 --> 00:16:54,796 Speaker 1: come back to baseline so it can once again guide 295 00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:58,036 Speaker 1: you to the next good thing that you, as an organism, 296 00:16:58,036 --> 00:17:01,756 Speaker 1: ought to be doing. Hedonic adaptation means that after a while, 297 00:17:02,196 --> 00:17:04,156 Speaker 1: we tend to go back to a baseline level of 298 00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:07,396 Speaker 1: emotional satisfaction. My students are happy for a while after 299 00:17:07,396 --> 00:17:09,876 Speaker 1: getting a perfect grade. For a couple of hours, they 300 00:17:09,916 --> 00:17:12,236 Speaker 1: might be a seven out of nine, but after a 301 00:17:12,316 --> 00:17:14,756 Speaker 1: day or so they just go back to their usual 302 00:17:14,796 --> 00:17:18,276 Speaker 1: set point level of happiness. The good and bad events 303 00:17:18,636 --> 00:17:20,836 Speaker 1: don't move us up or down for as long as 304 00:17:20,876 --> 00:17:23,756 Speaker 1: we think. So, it's just a hard and fast truth 305 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:28,036 Speaker 1: that you can't stay at ten forever and ever and ever. 306 00:17:28,796 --> 00:17:31,436 Speaker 1: People mistakenly think they can. They think happiness is a 307 00:17:31,436 --> 00:17:33,116 Speaker 1: place that if they could get to it, they could 308 00:17:33,156 --> 00:17:35,916 Speaker 1: build a house and live there their entire lives. It's 309 00:17:35,956 --> 00:17:38,676 Speaker 1: only a vacation destination. It's a place you can visit 310 00:17:38,716 --> 00:17:40,756 Speaker 1: more and more often if you do the right things, 311 00:17:40,956 --> 00:17:43,676 Speaker 1: and you can stay longer and longer. But you can't 312 00:17:43,756 --> 00:17:46,516 Speaker 1: stay forever. This is an important thing to know because 313 00:17:46,556 --> 00:17:48,756 Speaker 1: people often feel that if their happiness has come back 314 00:17:48,796 --> 00:17:53,396 Speaker 1: to baseline after something wonderful has happened, something's wrong. Why 315 00:17:53,436 --> 00:17:56,556 Speaker 1: didn't this marriage, this child, this promotion give me the 316 00:17:56,636 --> 00:17:59,476 Speaker 1: eternal happiness I was seeking? Because there is no such 317 00:17:59,476 --> 00:18:02,116 Speaker 1: thing as eternal happiness, so happily ever after is just 318 00:18:02,156 --> 00:18:06,116 Speaker 1: not psychologically realizable. Happily ever after is only true if 319 00:18:06,156 --> 00:18:11,676 Speaker 1: you have three minutes to live. But this process also 320 00:18:11,756 --> 00:18:14,636 Speaker 1: has an important upside. We get used to all the 321 00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:19,156 Speaker 1: bad stuff too, that horrible breakup, the chronic illness, that 322 00:18:19,236 --> 00:18:22,996 Speaker 1: worst job with the lower salary. As we hedonically adapt 323 00:18:22,996 --> 00:18:26,356 Speaker 1: to these things, they gradually start to distress us less 324 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:31,516 Speaker 1: and less. The problem is we don't realize it, despite 325 00:18:31,556 --> 00:18:34,996 Speaker 1: the fact that two months prior I was sitting in 326 00:18:35,036 --> 00:18:37,876 Speaker 1: my bed crying my eyes out, like wishing I would die. 327 00:18:38,556 --> 00:18:42,996 Speaker 1: It just shows that like life goes on, it's not 328 00:18:43,036 --> 00:18:45,796 Speaker 1: the end of the world. The happiness lab will be 329 00:18:45,836 --> 00:18:53,756 Speaker 1: back in a moment. Basically, I remember I was on 330 00:18:53,796 --> 00:18:57,876 Speaker 1: Tinder because all these great stories got on Tinder. Raphaela 331 00:18:57,916 --> 00:19:00,316 Speaker 1: Guns is telling me how she met the man of 332 00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:06,996 Speaker 1: her dreams, a super beautiful, beautiful guy, blue eyes, full laps, 333 00:19:07,316 --> 00:19:11,036 Speaker 1: and how he changed her life forever. I really liked him, 334 00:19:11,076 --> 00:19:14,196 Speaker 1: I was so in him. After chatting with him for 335 00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:17,076 Speaker 1: a while on Tinder, Rafaela agreed to a first date, 336 00:19:17,476 --> 00:19:20,836 Speaker 1: something really low key. The couple just walked around getting 337 00:19:20,836 --> 00:19:24,236 Speaker 1: to know each other. They didn't even kiss, but things 338 00:19:24,276 --> 00:19:27,436 Speaker 1: picked up after that. We were hanging out for hours 339 00:19:27,436 --> 00:19:29,516 Speaker 1: and hours, and we decided to go back up to 340 00:19:29,596 --> 00:19:32,636 Speaker 1: my neighborhood so we could sit by the river, by 341 00:19:32,636 --> 00:19:35,476 Speaker 1: the Hudson River because it's like super pretty, just wash 342 00:19:35,516 --> 00:19:38,596 Speaker 1: the sunset over there, and we ended up having sex, 343 00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:42,356 Speaker 1: and I thought I did everything right, like I carried 344 00:19:42,396 --> 00:19:46,156 Speaker 1: condoms around in my mind. I was doing everything right. 345 00:19:46,516 --> 00:19:48,836 Speaker 1: But Rafaela was about to hear the sort of news 346 00:19:49,036 --> 00:19:52,476 Speaker 1: that nobody wants to hear. The next day, he sort 347 00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:55,756 Speaker 1: of came down with what he thought was like a 348 00:19:55,876 --> 00:19:58,196 Speaker 1: cold or something. He had like a sore throat, and 349 00:19:58,236 --> 00:20:03,076 Speaker 1: he was feeling very fatigued. And then a couple days 350 00:20:03,156 --> 00:20:05,836 Speaker 1: later I started coming down the same thing. Her beautiful 351 00:20:05,876 --> 00:20:07,716 Speaker 1: boy with the blue eyes was the first to seek 352 00:20:07,716 --> 00:20:11,956 Speaker 1: medical advice, sent a text. I went to the doctor 353 00:20:11,996 --> 00:20:13,596 Speaker 1: and they think, all this might be a sign of 354 00:20:13,636 --> 00:20:16,716 Speaker 1: herpies and so like that was a weird text message. 355 00:20:17,036 --> 00:20:18,756 Speaker 1: So I go into urgent care crying and I'm like, 356 00:20:18,796 --> 00:20:22,596 Speaker 1: I need a herpes test. Rafaela got her official diagnosis 357 00:20:22,636 --> 00:20:25,316 Speaker 1: soon after those first few days. I remember I was 358 00:20:25,316 --> 00:20:28,716 Speaker 1: just sitting in bed crying. You know, I thought my 359 00:20:28,756 --> 00:20:30,636 Speaker 1: life or I want us to die. It was the 360 00:20:30,676 --> 00:20:32,356 Speaker 1: worst thing in the world. Like, not only was I 361 00:20:32,396 --> 00:20:35,916 Speaker 1: like physically uncomfortable, but how am I going to date someone? 362 00:20:35,956 --> 00:20:38,556 Speaker 1: How's anyone going to love me? In addition to being 363 00:20:38,556 --> 00:20:41,636 Speaker 1: in physical pain with red bumps on her genitals, she 364 00:20:41,756 --> 00:20:44,836 Speaker 1: was also an emotional pain. Her dream guy dropped her 365 00:20:44,876 --> 00:20:47,596 Speaker 1: in a flash. Yeah, he was like, oh, this changed 366 00:20:47,676 --> 00:20:50,516 Speaker 1: my vibe on you. He was like very very distant. 367 00:20:50,796 --> 00:20:53,036 Speaker 1: I thought like, okay, we both have this thing, like 368 00:20:53,076 --> 00:20:55,356 Speaker 1: we can go through it together and sort of like 369 00:20:56,276 --> 00:20:58,396 Speaker 1: learn about it together and figure us out together. But 370 00:20:58,476 --> 00:21:00,916 Speaker 1: he was very much short of like in it for himself. 371 00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:05,276 Speaker 1: I felt sort of, I don't know if betrays the 372 00:21:05,316 --> 00:21:07,276 Speaker 1: white word, but that's the word was coming to my mind. 373 00:21:07,756 --> 00:21:10,436 Speaker 1: Rafaela didn't only you'd betrayed by the man who gave 374 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:14,396 Speaker 1: her herpes and disappeared. Her diagnosis also freaked out the 375 00:21:14,436 --> 00:21:16,476 Speaker 1: people closest to her. She was like one of my 376 00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:19,876 Speaker 1: oldest friends. But then when I confided in her, when 377 00:21:19,876 --> 00:21:21,436 Speaker 1: I'm like sitting on my did crying because I have 378 00:21:21,516 --> 00:21:24,276 Speaker 1: all these itchy red bumps and you know, the guys 379 00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:28,956 Speaker 1: ignoring me, now things changed. She's like, I just think, 380 00:21:29,036 --> 00:21:31,036 Speaker 1: you know, it would be better for my own sanity 381 00:21:31,116 --> 00:21:33,676 Speaker 1: if you use toilet seat covers when you were here, 382 00:21:33,716 --> 00:21:37,196 Speaker 1: and you know, if you use hand sanitize our a 383 00:21:37,196 --> 00:21:40,036 Speaker 1: lot in this and that. So that was really hurtful. 384 00:21:40,356 --> 00:21:42,996 Speaker 1: I mean, this was one of your oldest friends. Yeah, 385 00:21:43,036 --> 00:21:45,356 Speaker 1: this was someone I've known since we were in diapers 386 00:21:46,316 --> 00:21:48,036 Speaker 1: and she's not supporting you for one of them. It 387 00:21:48,036 --> 00:21:50,996 Speaker 1: sounds like one of the most scary times in my life. Yeah, 388 00:21:51,036 --> 00:21:54,196 Speaker 1: that just sounds awful. And so that was horrible. Let's 389 00:21:54,236 --> 00:21:56,596 Speaker 1: take a second to predict how you would feel in 390 00:21:56,716 --> 00:22:01,756 Speaker 1: Rafaela's situation. You contracted an incurable and highly stigmatized disease, 391 00:22:02,196 --> 00:22:04,996 Speaker 1: your romantic partner has ditched you, and some of your 392 00:22:04,996 --> 00:22:08,796 Speaker 1: oldest friends are shutting you because of what happened. Would 393 00:22:08,796 --> 00:22:11,476 Speaker 1: you just scribe all of this overall as a good thing, 394 00:22:12,076 --> 00:22:15,316 Speaker 1: as a positive change in your life, as a present 395 00:22:15,516 --> 00:22:18,996 Speaker 1: from the universe, Because that's how Rafaella sees it. She 396 00:22:19,116 --> 00:22:21,716 Speaker 1: even wrote an article for ravishly dot com which she 397 00:22:21,796 --> 00:22:25,236 Speaker 1: titled getting her pies was a gift. Some people were 398 00:22:25,276 --> 00:22:27,556 Speaker 1: like what the like how is this a gift? Like 399 00:22:28,116 --> 00:22:32,156 Speaker 1: almost angry and like all I mean, like delusional, all 400 00:22:32,156 --> 00:22:34,396 Speaker 1: these sorts of things, like how would you possibly think 401 00:22:34,396 --> 00:22:36,636 Speaker 1: that's a gift? So why is it a gift? It's 402 00:22:36,676 --> 00:22:41,396 Speaker 1: a gift because I'm more knowledgeable. It's a gift because 403 00:22:41,396 --> 00:22:44,156 Speaker 1: I've been able to write things like that article that 404 00:22:44,236 --> 00:22:48,276 Speaker 1: helps people. Raffaella says, all the fallout from her diagnosis 405 00:22:48,596 --> 00:22:51,316 Speaker 1: has given her insight into the people who really matter. 406 00:22:51,836 --> 00:22:54,476 Speaker 1: It's a strong litmus test for those who are actually 407 00:22:54,596 --> 00:22:57,196 Speaker 1: going to be there for her. If a friend can't 408 00:22:57,236 --> 00:23:02,716 Speaker 1: accept all of you works and all pun intended, they're 409 00:23:02,876 --> 00:23:05,956 Speaker 1: they're not really your friend. They're fair weather friends, you know. 410 00:23:06,516 --> 00:23:08,916 Speaker 1: But it also gave Rafaela a new filter for her 411 00:23:09,156 --> 00:23:12,076 Speaker 1: dating life. It saved her time figuring out which guys 412 00:23:12,076 --> 00:23:14,876 Speaker 1: were worth her time and which guys just didn't get it. 413 00:23:15,076 --> 00:23:17,276 Speaker 1: He said some dumb shit about, oh am, I gonna 414 00:23:17,276 --> 00:23:18,756 Speaker 1: get it if I kiss you, and I'm like, no, 415 00:23:18,796 --> 00:23:21,076 Speaker 1: it's not my vagina. Do you think you know? Would 416 00:23:21,116 --> 00:23:22,516 Speaker 1: you change anything? Would you do it? I mean it 417 00:23:22,516 --> 00:23:24,356 Speaker 1: sounds like you've learned so much from this, Like would 418 00:23:24,396 --> 00:23:26,396 Speaker 1: you keep it? Would you do it over again? I'd 419 00:23:26,436 --> 00:23:29,756 Speaker 1: keep it. First of all, as much of a dick 420 00:23:29,756 --> 00:23:32,756 Speaker 1: as he was, he was really hot, really hot, and 421 00:23:32,796 --> 00:23:36,436 Speaker 1: the sex was really good, so I don't regret that. Secondly, 422 00:23:37,556 --> 00:23:41,436 Speaker 1: it helped me in my dating life, I feel a 423 00:23:41,476 --> 00:23:44,956 Speaker 1: few months after I was diagnosed, I met my current 424 00:23:45,116 --> 00:23:47,836 Speaker 1: boyfriend who we've been together for like three years, and 425 00:23:47,876 --> 00:23:50,796 Speaker 1: I told him right away and he was fine with it. 426 00:23:51,476 --> 00:23:53,956 Speaker 1: So that was nice to know that's like, especially when 427 00:23:53,956 --> 00:23:56,556 Speaker 1: you're when you contract something like herpes, you tend to think, like, 428 00:23:56,596 --> 00:23:58,116 Speaker 1: all my life's over, no one's every gonna want to 429 00:23:58,116 --> 00:23:59,556 Speaker 1: sleep with me again, no one's every gonna want to 430 00:23:59,596 --> 00:24:01,556 Speaker 1: date me again, I'm never gonna get married, this and that. 431 00:24:02,116 --> 00:24:04,236 Speaker 1: But it was fine, and like, there are people that 432 00:24:04,316 --> 00:24:10,516 Speaker 1: have much much worse problems than little red bumps. Getting 433 00:24:10,516 --> 00:24:14,116 Speaker 1: herpies was much much better than Raphael and might have predicted. 434 00:24:14,876 --> 00:24:17,996 Speaker 1: And that kind of adaptation to adversity is something Dan 435 00:24:18,036 --> 00:24:21,316 Speaker 1: Gilbert has found over and over again. What we find 436 00:24:21,356 --> 00:24:24,076 Speaker 1: consistently is that in the face of negative events, people 437 00:24:24,116 --> 00:24:27,956 Speaker 1: don't feel as bad as they themselves expected to. Although 438 00:24:27,996 --> 00:24:30,396 Speaker 1: we're pretty bad at predicting how we'll feel after a 439 00:24:30,396 --> 00:24:34,036 Speaker 1: good event like winning the lottery, Dan has observed we're 440 00:24:34,116 --> 00:24:36,996 Speaker 1: worse at predicting how we'll feel after a bad event 441 00:24:37,556 --> 00:24:40,116 Speaker 1: losing a friend, failing to get a job, or even 442 00:24:40,196 --> 00:24:43,916 Speaker 1: getting herpies. Our impact bias is even bigger when we 443 00:24:43,956 --> 00:24:47,756 Speaker 1: make predictions about negative life circumstances, because we're prone to 444 00:24:47,796 --> 00:24:50,796 Speaker 1: overcome bad events more quickly than we think. One of 445 00:24:50,836 --> 00:24:52,996 Speaker 1: the things we fail to do when we mentally simulate 446 00:24:53,156 --> 00:24:57,196 Speaker 1: is we fail to consider adaptation. We are a remarkably 447 00:24:57,236 --> 00:25:00,156 Speaker 1: adaptive animal. We have been born and bred to pick 448 00:25:00,196 --> 00:25:03,276 Speaker 1: ourselves up by the bootstraps and soldier on. When the 449 00:25:03,356 --> 00:25:07,236 Speaker 1: going gets tough, we get going. Dan calls this capacity 450 00:25:07,276 --> 00:25:11,916 Speaker 1: to overcome adversity o psychological immune system. Just as our 451 00:25:11,996 --> 00:25:14,996 Speaker 1: physical immune system kicks in when we get sick, our 452 00:25:15,036 --> 00:25:18,316 Speaker 1: psychological immune system turns on when we're in mental distress. 453 00:25:19,156 --> 00:25:23,156 Speaker 1: And our psychological immune system works really, really well. As 454 00:25:23,156 --> 00:25:25,756 Speaker 1: soon as we start to feel bad, our mind deploys 455 00:25:25,876 --> 00:25:28,756 Speaker 1: a whole host of mental defenses. If you've ever had 456 00:25:28,756 --> 00:25:31,116 Speaker 1: a friend experience a breakup, you know, at first they're 457 00:25:31,116 --> 00:25:34,076 Speaker 1: really unhappy, and then pretty quickly they get around the rationalizing. 458 00:25:34,756 --> 00:25:36,836 Speaker 1: She was never really right for me. This is really 459 00:25:36,876 --> 00:25:39,236 Speaker 1: a chance for me to start my life over. I 460 00:25:39,236 --> 00:25:40,836 Speaker 1: don't think we had that much in common in the 461 00:25:40,876 --> 00:25:44,156 Speaker 1: first place. She didn't like my mother. When you mentally 462 00:25:44,196 --> 00:25:47,276 Speaker 1: simulate a breakup, you mentally simulate the anguish, but you 463 00:25:47,356 --> 00:25:53,116 Speaker 1: never mentally simulate the rationalizations. What's amazing about all those rationalizations, though, 464 00:25:53,636 --> 00:25:56,036 Speaker 1: is that the happiness we get from rationalizing a bad 465 00:25:56,076 --> 00:25:58,836 Speaker 1: event is just as real as the happiness we get 466 00:25:58,876 --> 00:26:02,036 Speaker 1: from something objectively good. Well, there's no doubt that when 467 00:26:02,036 --> 00:26:05,356 Speaker 1: people rationalize, everybody around them feels that they found some 468 00:26:05,396 --> 00:26:09,556 Speaker 1: sort of phony and substandard form of happiness. I don't 469 00:26:09,556 --> 00:26:11,756 Speaker 1: believe that for a minute. You know, the happiness you 470 00:26:11,796 --> 00:26:15,676 Speaker 1: get when the person you love says yes to the 471 00:26:15,716 --> 00:26:19,556 Speaker 1: marriage proposal isn't qualitatively different than the kind you produce 472 00:26:19,636 --> 00:26:23,116 Speaker 1: for yourself when she says no. There's absolutely no data 473 00:26:23,156 --> 00:26:25,316 Speaker 1: that I know of to suggest that it's an inferior 474 00:26:25,356 --> 00:26:27,636 Speaker 1: form of happiness, and indeed, in some cases, it can 475 00:26:27,676 --> 00:26:32,836 Speaker 1: be more long lasting. Raphael Is misery about contracting herpes 476 00:26:33,076 --> 00:26:36,356 Speaker 1: was very deep and very real, but her misery was 477 00:26:36,356 --> 00:26:40,076 Speaker 1: also short lived. But what about situations that are so 478 00:26:40,156 --> 00:26:43,076 Speaker 1: horrible there's no way a person can carry on normally. 479 00:26:43,796 --> 00:26:47,036 Speaker 1: What about events so profound and so awful that they 480 00:26:47,156 --> 00:26:50,876 Speaker 1: change our lives forever. After the break, we'll hear about 481 00:26:50,876 --> 00:26:54,436 Speaker 1: the true power of our psychological immune system, how it 482 00:26:54,516 --> 00:26:57,516 Speaker 1: can transform the most terrible incidents a human can endure 483 00:26:57,996 --> 00:27:02,036 Speaker 1: into a form of joy we'd never expect. Nineteen years old, 484 00:27:02,196 --> 00:27:05,356 Speaker 1: I'm in this humpy, I'm thinking I'm going to die. 485 00:27:05,836 --> 00:27:07,756 Speaker 1: It felt good to just kind of just close my 486 00:27:07,836 --> 00:27:11,356 Speaker 1: eyes and just kind of let it happen. The happiness 487 00:27:11,396 --> 00:27:16,436 Speaker 1: lab will return in a moment. I joined as an 488 00:27:16,436 --> 00:27:19,436 Speaker 1: infagrument because I wanted to. I wanted to be in 489 00:27:19,476 --> 00:27:22,676 Speaker 1: the action. Jard Martinez had just finished high school in 490 00:27:22,716 --> 00:27:25,036 Speaker 1: a small town in the south, the only son of 491 00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:29,316 Speaker 1: a single mother from El Salvador. After graduation, he decided 492 00:27:29,316 --> 00:27:31,836 Speaker 1: to enlist in the army. It was just after nine 493 00:27:31,836 --> 00:27:34,276 Speaker 1: to eleven, and he had a few predictions about how 494 00:27:34,316 --> 00:27:37,156 Speaker 1: things would go. You know, my thought process was three 495 00:27:37,236 --> 00:27:40,276 Speaker 1: years I would be in it. I would give back 496 00:27:40,316 --> 00:27:42,356 Speaker 1: to this country. It would give me an opportunity to 497 00:27:42,356 --> 00:27:44,196 Speaker 1: travel to get more discipline, it would give me an 498 00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:47,356 Speaker 1: opportunity to give money for college. And I remember one 499 00:27:47,396 --> 00:27:49,636 Speaker 1: of my sergeants, you know, one day, sitting down and 500 00:27:49,676 --> 00:27:51,356 Speaker 1: talking to me and telling me that I needed to 501 00:27:51,356 --> 00:27:53,956 Speaker 1: be prepared because we were going to be deploying sometime soon. 502 00:27:54,676 --> 00:27:57,796 Speaker 1: And my response to him was, I'm not going anywhere yet. 503 00:27:57,796 --> 00:28:00,956 Speaker 1: I just got out of basic training. Very naive of me, 504 00:28:01,276 --> 00:28:04,356 Speaker 1: and he was absolutely correct and right in the sense 505 00:28:04,396 --> 00:28:06,676 Speaker 1: of where two months later, I was on a plane 506 00:28:06,676 --> 00:28:07,996 Speaker 1: with the rest of the unit heading over to the 507 00:28:08,036 --> 00:28:11,076 Speaker 1: Beddle East go into war. Jr. Was part of the 508 00:28:11,076 --> 00:28:13,956 Speaker 1: initial invasion of Iraq in two thousand and three. It 509 00:28:14,076 --> 00:28:16,476 Speaker 1: was already a tough transition for a nineteen year old, 510 00:28:16,996 --> 00:28:21,276 Speaker 1: and within weeks tragedy struck. Here we were, you know, 511 00:28:21,996 --> 00:28:23,596 Speaker 1: a few days shy of a month of being in 512 00:28:23,636 --> 00:28:26,756 Speaker 1: Iraq and escorting the convoy through a CD car Carbala, 513 00:28:26,836 --> 00:28:28,196 Speaker 1: when the front left tire of the humvey that I 514 00:28:28,236 --> 00:28:30,836 Speaker 1: was driving run over a roadside bomb. The blast ripped 515 00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:34,876 Speaker 1: through the entire truck and everything it was carrying, the AMMO, spear, 516 00:28:34,996 --> 00:28:38,596 Speaker 1: fuel and other explosives. It was a fireball. There was 517 00:28:38,596 --> 00:28:40,596 Speaker 1: three other soldiers in the vehicle with me. They all 518 00:28:40,676 --> 00:28:42,876 Speaker 1: got thrown out of the vehicle, but I was trapped 519 00:28:42,876 --> 00:28:45,996 Speaker 1: inside and within a matter of seconds this hubby was 520 00:28:46,036 --> 00:28:49,356 Speaker 1: engulfed in flames and I was completely conscious. Jr. Was 521 00:28:49,396 --> 00:28:53,156 Speaker 1: pinned inside the burning truck for several minutes. He described 522 00:28:53,236 --> 00:28:56,196 Speaker 1: screaming as he watched the skin on his hands melting. 523 00:28:57,076 --> 00:29:00,236 Speaker 1: Eventually he was pulled from the vehicle, but the damage 524 00:29:00,276 --> 00:29:03,636 Speaker 1: was done. In addition to broken ribs and a lacerated liver, 525 00:29:04,036 --> 00:29:07,316 Speaker 1: he had third degree burns over his entire body, and 526 00:29:07,516 --> 00:29:10,396 Speaker 1: he'd been gulping flames into his life through the whole ordeal. 527 00:29:11,316 --> 00:29:14,476 Speaker 1: He was immediately metavact, first to Europe and then to 528 00:29:14,516 --> 00:29:17,596 Speaker 1: the US Army Burn Center in San Antonio, Texas. I 529 00:29:17,636 --> 00:29:21,076 Speaker 1: remember coming out of my medical induced coma three weeks 530 00:29:21,156 --> 00:29:25,956 Speaker 1: later and my doctor essentially just kind of laying out, 531 00:29:26,756 --> 00:29:29,276 Speaker 1: you know, all the cards and saying, this is the circumstance. 532 00:29:29,796 --> 00:29:32,636 Speaker 1: You can't feed yourself, you can't walk, you can't sit up, 533 00:29:32,756 --> 00:29:35,436 Speaker 1: you can't go to the bathroom by yourself. They also 534 00:29:35,476 --> 00:29:37,516 Speaker 1: told me that I would no longer be able to 535 00:29:37,876 --> 00:29:40,436 Speaker 1: remain in the United States Army, which was incredibly difficult 536 00:29:40,436 --> 00:29:43,516 Speaker 1: and challenging. When this happened. You're nineteen and you spent 537 00:29:43,636 --> 00:29:47,836 Speaker 1: like the next three years, twenty one, twenty two in 538 00:29:47,876 --> 00:29:50,076 Speaker 1: the hospital. That's amazing. Yeah, you can. Just to be clear, 539 00:29:50,116 --> 00:29:51,956 Speaker 1: how much just to get thirty four percent of my 540 00:29:51,996 --> 00:29:54,676 Speaker 1: body was burned, and the majority of that was third degree, 541 00:29:55,196 --> 00:29:58,116 Speaker 1: so it consisted of for the listeners that can't see me, 542 00:29:58,156 --> 00:30:01,036 Speaker 1: it consisted of my head, my face, my arms, my hands, 543 00:30:01,356 --> 00:30:03,716 Speaker 1: portion of my back, portion of my legs. There's no 544 00:30:03,796 --> 00:30:06,116 Speaker 1: way to really fully describe the pain unless you've been 545 00:30:06,196 --> 00:30:09,956 Speaker 1: through it. But what's incredible about being a survivor burned 546 00:30:09,996 --> 00:30:12,156 Speaker 1: patient at the time is that the part of your 547 00:30:12,156 --> 00:30:15,516 Speaker 1: body that isn't burned still hurts, because they usually use 548 00:30:15,956 --> 00:30:18,476 Speaker 1: the areas of your body that are not scarred as 549 00:30:18,756 --> 00:30:21,556 Speaker 1: skin to do skin graphs, and usually the a donor 550 00:30:21,636 --> 00:30:24,556 Speaker 1: site is more painful than the actual injury itself. But 551 00:30:24,676 --> 00:30:28,876 Speaker 1: Jr's physical pain was nothing compared to his emotional anguish. 552 00:30:28,996 --> 00:30:31,916 Speaker 1: When he enlisted, he'd been something of a local heartthrob. 553 00:30:32,316 --> 00:30:34,396 Speaker 1: You know. It's funny because growing up I always heard, 554 00:30:35,036 --> 00:30:37,836 Speaker 1: you know, from like my mom's friends, you know, all 555 00:30:37,876 --> 00:30:39,476 Speaker 1: these women, you know, would say, oh my god, he's 556 00:30:39,516 --> 00:30:41,956 Speaker 1: so cute, he's so this, he's so bad. And so 557 00:30:41,996 --> 00:30:43,836 Speaker 1: I grew up just thinking like that's what I am. 558 00:30:43,916 --> 00:30:45,716 Speaker 1: I'm you know, no one ever said he has an 559 00:30:45,716 --> 00:30:51,356 Speaker 1: amazing personality, he's funny, he's whatever, articulately nothing. It was cute. 560 00:30:52,036 --> 00:30:55,316 Speaker 1: And so suddenly I look at myself and I'm like, 561 00:30:55,396 --> 00:30:58,236 Speaker 1: that's not cute. What I see in the mirror, that's 562 00:30:58,276 --> 00:31:01,636 Speaker 1: not And that person that I see I do not recognize. 563 00:31:01,676 --> 00:31:05,316 Speaker 1: I have no relationship with that individual. The old JR. 564 00:31:05,436 --> 00:31:08,276 Speaker 1: Had died, and as you can imagine, I fell into 565 00:31:08,276 --> 00:31:12,436 Speaker 1: a deep dark play of I was depressed, I was angry. 566 00:31:12,516 --> 00:31:16,756 Speaker 1: I was resentful. I was a victim in every sense 567 00:31:17,236 --> 00:31:20,356 Speaker 1: of the word. Deep burns and thick scars over his 568 00:31:20,556 --> 00:31:24,236 Speaker 1: entire body, dozens of surgeries, and years of his young 569 00:31:24,276 --> 00:31:28,036 Speaker 1: life wasted in the hospital, plus the permanent loss of 570 00:31:28,076 --> 00:31:31,836 Speaker 1: his good looks and his military career. Those are some 571 00:31:31,876 --> 00:31:34,996 Speaker 1: of the most profound and tragic events a person can endure. 572 00:31:35,676 --> 00:31:38,476 Speaker 1: But how does gr think about all these awful events today? 573 00:31:38,956 --> 00:31:41,196 Speaker 1: I can tell you right now that what happened to 574 00:31:41,236 --> 00:31:45,476 Speaker 1: me is a blessing. That's right as a blessing, considering 575 00:31:45,516 --> 00:31:47,036 Speaker 1: the fact that I was trapped inside of a burning 576 00:31:47,076 --> 00:31:49,756 Speaker 1: truck for five minutes. I'm fortunate to only have what 577 00:31:49,836 --> 00:31:51,956 Speaker 1: I have. I have a lot of friends, and I 578 00:31:51,956 --> 00:31:55,396 Speaker 1: know a lot of people that unfortunately have missing limbs, 579 00:31:55,796 --> 00:31:59,716 Speaker 1: are you know, are more scarred, you know, or disfigured 580 00:31:59,836 --> 00:32:03,956 Speaker 1: you know, So in that sense, incredibly fortunate. It's so 581 00:32:03,996 --> 00:32:06,356 Speaker 1: cool to hear you say that you're incredibly fortunate, because again, 582 00:32:06,396 --> 00:32:08,516 Speaker 1: I think people who just heard the story, you know, 583 00:32:09,356 --> 00:32:12,796 Speaker 1: guys envy explodes. He spends a decent chunk of his 584 00:32:12,796 --> 00:32:16,116 Speaker 1: twenties in the hospital, having major, major surgeries, lose with 585 00:32:16,196 --> 00:32:18,036 Speaker 1: scars for the rest of his life, and then you're 586 00:32:18,076 --> 00:32:21,676 Speaker 1: saying I'm fortunate on the lucky one. Yeah, well I am, 587 00:32:21,716 --> 00:32:24,556 Speaker 1: because you know, I think about how I'm blessed to 588 00:32:24,596 --> 00:32:27,036 Speaker 1: have a second chance at life. I don't want to 589 00:32:27,036 --> 00:32:30,036 Speaker 1: take this second chance for granted. And JR. Did take 590 00:32:30,156 --> 00:32:33,916 Speaker 1: every opportunity that came his way. Being a badly injured 591 00:32:33,956 --> 00:32:37,476 Speaker 1: vet open doors that JR. Never dreamed of. He became 592 00:32:37,516 --> 00:32:40,236 Speaker 1: a mentor for other burn victims, which led to a 593 00:32:40,276 --> 00:32:44,236 Speaker 1: few lucrative speaking gigs. Telling his story so openly built 594 00:32:44,276 --> 00:32:47,556 Speaker 1: up Jr's confidence, so much so that when a friend 595 00:32:47,556 --> 00:32:50,396 Speaker 1: casually mentioned that Jr. Should try out for an acting job, 596 00:32:50,716 --> 00:32:55,316 Speaker 1: he decided to go for it. I became an actor 597 00:32:55,356 --> 00:32:57,956 Speaker 1: on a soap opera All my Children, and that led 598 00:32:58,476 --> 00:33:00,116 Speaker 1: Dancing with the Stars to ask me to be on 599 00:33:00,116 --> 00:33:02,876 Speaker 1: the show, and then I acted in some other's shows. 600 00:33:02,876 --> 00:33:05,116 Speaker 1: After that, I wrote a book about my life and 601 00:33:05,196 --> 00:33:07,436 Speaker 1: my mother's life and my family's life, and it became 602 00:33:07,476 --> 00:33:10,036 Speaker 1: a New York Times bestseller. I mean, People Magazine put 603 00:33:10,036 --> 00:33:13,356 Speaker 1: me on a cover because of these cars. I have 604 00:33:13,596 --> 00:33:19,196 Speaker 1: this incredible ability to get people's attention, the fifteen seconds 605 00:33:19,236 --> 00:33:22,356 Speaker 1: of curiosity, right like who is that? What happened to him? 606 00:33:22,956 --> 00:33:26,676 Speaker 1: Those fifteen seconds of curiosity that people have. It's my 607 00:33:26,916 --> 00:33:30,836 Speaker 1: job mine to take that fifteen seconds and turn it 608 00:33:30,876 --> 00:33:34,156 Speaker 1: into thirty seconds, into forty five, into sixty seconds, into 609 00:33:34,196 --> 00:33:38,956 Speaker 1: five minutes, ten minutes, a lifetime of actual, educated dialogue. 610 00:33:39,036 --> 00:33:41,676 Speaker 1: This is who I am. Everything I thought I wanted 611 00:33:41,716 --> 00:33:43,796 Speaker 1: in life. You know, I wanted to be a fresh 612 00:33:43,876 --> 00:33:46,236 Speaker 1: professional football player and have fame and have all this 613 00:33:46,436 --> 00:33:48,796 Speaker 1: money and be able to do all these things. Like 614 00:33:48,996 --> 00:33:52,676 Speaker 1: if I would have accomplished those things, would I be 615 00:33:52,916 --> 00:33:56,076 Speaker 1: as happy as I am? Now? Would you change anything? 616 00:33:56,076 --> 00:33:59,516 Speaker 1: Would you do it over differently? Now? I wouldn't change 617 00:33:59,556 --> 00:34:04,756 Speaker 1: anything mean that, But you wouldn't change like the explosion 618 00:34:04,756 --> 00:34:10,636 Speaker 1: of the scars, the surgery. You'd keep all of that. Yeah. Yeah, 619 00:34:10,876 --> 00:34:15,116 Speaker 1: Because the life I have, I mean, a beautiful wife 620 00:34:15,116 --> 00:34:18,076 Speaker 1: and a beautiful daughter, and the beautiful life that I've 621 00:34:18,076 --> 00:34:22,596 Speaker 1: created for myself. I mean, gosh, I mean, I'm blessed. 622 00:34:26,676 --> 00:34:29,756 Speaker 1: With bad events, we often don't realize that some good 623 00:34:29,796 --> 00:34:32,676 Speaker 1: can come out of them. Dan Gilbert is unsurprised that 624 00:34:32,756 --> 00:34:36,436 Speaker 1: people like JR. Seem more positive than negatives, even in 625 00:34:36,476 --> 00:34:39,716 Speaker 1: the worst of circumstances. He's seen it time and again 626 00:34:39,916 --> 00:34:43,756 Speaker 1: in his work on hedonic adaptation startlingly if you ask 627 00:34:43,836 --> 00:34:46,236 Speaker 1: people who've lost a child, which is the single worst 628 00:34:46,276 --> 00:34:49,956 Speaker 1: event that people can imagine experiencing, and indeed it is 629 00:34:49,996 --> 00:34:53,156 Speaker 1: one of the worst events people can actually experience. If 630 00:34:53,196 --> 00:34:55,756 Speaker 1: you ask people have lost a child, they never say, 631 00:34:55,836 --> 00:34:58,156 Speaker 1: g I'm glad that happened. But if you ask them 632 00:34:58,156 --> 00:34:59,996 Speaker 1: to name the good and the bad things that have 633 00:35:00,116 --> 00:35:02,756 Speaker 1: come from it, they tend to name more good than 634 00:35:02,916 --> 00:35:07,116 Speaker 1: bad things. That's a very stunning fact that we should 635 00:35:07,156 --> 00:35:09,716 Speaker 1: just sit back and marvel at the pas ability that 636 00:35:09,796 --> 00:35:12,276 Speaker 1: the worst thing in the world could happen to us 637 00:35:12,796 --> 00:35:16,316 Speaker 1: and probably more good than bad will come out of it. 638 00:35:16,836 --> 00:35:19,276 Speaker 1: There are awful events that will cause you to feel 639 00:35:19,276 --> 00:35:23,876 Speaker 1: pain and hurt and loss, but we're fighters. When push 640 00:35:23,916 --> 00:35:27,316 Speaker 1: comes to shove, we are really resilient. The problem is 641 00:35:27,836 --> 00:35:30,516 Speaker 1: we don't realize that. I think if you understand the 642 00:35:30,516 --> 00:35:33,956 Speaker 1: power of the psychological immune system, our remarkable ability to 643 00:35:34,356 --> 00:35:38,276 Speaker 1: rationalize in the face of adversity, it makes you braver. 644 00:35:38,916 --> 00:35:42,116 Speaker 1: You realize that you will make mistakes and eat will 645 00:35:42,236 --> 00:35:44,916 Speaker 1: be okay. I think there's a lesson there for all 646 00:35:44,916 --> 00:35:54,556 Speaker 1: of us. After making this episode, I've become even more 647 00:35:54,596 --> 00:35:58,276 Speaker 1: convinced about that lesson. Heatonic adaptation means the lows of 648 00:35:58,316 --> 00:36:00,436 Speaker 1: life aren't going to be as awful as you imagine, 649 00:36:01,036 --> 00:36:03,636 Speaker 1: just as the highs will be more temporary than you hope. 650 00:36:04,156 --> 00:36:06,956 Speaker 1: As a psychologist, I already knew that winning the lottery 651 00:36:06,996 --> 00:36:11,196 Speaker 1: and other great circumstances don't bring last happiness, But honestly, 652 00:36:11,756 --> 00:36:14,716 Speaker 1: I often forget about the flip side. So I'm going 653 00:36:14,716 --> 00:36:16,876 Speaker 1: to make a conscious effort to be a bit braver, 654 00:36:17,396 --> 00:36:20,556 Speaker 1: to stop worrying so much, to remember that I have 655 00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:23,956 Speaker 1: a kind of emotional superpower, one that can get me 656 00:36:23,996 --> 00:36:27,036 Speaker 1: through the worst of circumstances. And I hope you'll do 657 00:36:27,076 --> 00:36:30,396 Speaker 1: the same, because even though your mind might tell you otherwise, 658 00:36:30,916 --> 00:36:33,676 Speaker 1: joy doesn't come from everything in life working out perfectly. 659 00:36:34,276 --> 00:36:38,076 Speaker 1: It comes from adopting better habits and better behaviors. All 660 00:36:38,116 --> 00:36:41,796 Speaker 1: strategies will be discussing in coming episodes of The Happiness 661 00:36:41,876 --> 00:36:56,236 Speaker 1: Lab with me Doctor Laurie Santos. If you enjoyed the show, 662 00:36:56,356 --> 00:36:58,356 Speaker 1: I'd be super grateful if you could spread the word 663 00:36:58,516 --> 00:37:01,356 Speaker 1: by leaving a rating end a review. It really does 664 00:37:01,436 --> 00:37:04,516 Speaker 1: help other listeners find us, and don't forget to tell 665 00:37:04,556 --> 00:37:06,836 Speaker 1: your friends. If you want to learn more about the 666 00:37:06,876 --> 00:37:08,836 Speaker 1: science you heard on the show, then check out our 667 00:37:08,876 --> 00:37:11,996 Speaker 1: web site Happiness Lab dot fm. You can also sign 668 00:37:12,076 --> 00:37:16,076 Speaker 1: up for our newsletter to get exclusive content. The Happiness 669 00:37:16,156 --> 00:37:18,796 Speaker 1: Lab is co written and produced by Ryan Dilley. The 670 00:37:18,836 --> 00:37:21,596 Speaker 1: show is mixed and mastered by Evan Viola and edited 671 00:37:21,676 --> 00:37:25,636 Speaker 1: by Julia Barton, fact checking by Joseph Friedman, and our 672 00:37:25,636 --> 00:37:29,836 Speaker 1: original music was composed by Zachary Silver. Special thanks to 673 00:37:29,956 --> 00:37:35,116 Speaker 1: Mio La Belle, Carl mcgliorre Heather Faine, Maggie Taylor, Maya Kanig, 674 00:37:35,356 --> 00:37:38,276 Speaker 1: and Jacob Weisberg. The Happiness Lab is brought to you 675 00:37:38,396 --> 00:37:41,436 Speaker 1: by Pushkin Industries and me Doctor Laurie Sanders