1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hartunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and seventy seven, 11 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: which is going to be all about giving thanks. In 12 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:44,440 Speaker 1: the US at least, it is Thanksgiving weeks, so we 13 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 1: have a lot of people celebrating that. I know our 14 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:50,600 Speaker 1: Canadian listeners celebrated a few weeks ago, but we wanted 15 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 1: to take a little bit of time to reflect on 16 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: the things that we are grateful for and not so 17 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:57,880 Speaker 1: much the big things, which we are always thankful for 18 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: our health or our families for having work we enjoy, 19 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,679 Speaker 1: but the little things. Because you know, people who do 20 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:07,000 Speaker 1: start gratitude practices find that if you're going to write 21 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,240 Speaker 1: down three things you're grateful for every day. It can 22 00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 1: always be your health, your family, your career, whatever it 23 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: is that you enjoy and that makes you feel a 24 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,120 Speaker 1: little bit like this is routine. After a while, you 25 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,319 Speaker 1: want to remind yourself of the new things, the little 26 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,199 Speaker 1: things that you might not notice otherwise, and by paying 27 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,320 Speaker 1: attention to these we can create a far more optimistic, 28 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: hopeful mindset. So we are actually recording, if this sounds 29 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,199 Speaker 1: a little bit different, we're recording from a hotel room 30 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,479 Speaker 1: in the Florida Keys, Sarah and I are to gather. 31 00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:40,200 Speaker 1: We are certainly grateful for that experience, very grateful for 32 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 1: that experience. If this episode inspires you, perhaps you could 33 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: take a moment afterwards and just use it as your 34 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:49,880 Speaker 1: excuse to write down all the things that are making 35 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 1: you very grateful in this season exactly. We are definitely 36 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: grateful that this best of both worlds retreat happened. There 37 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 1: was some doubt whether it would or not, as a 38 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 1: Hurricane Nicole hit Florida right before I was flying down, 39 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 1: but it turned out we could fly around it. My 40 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:10,799 Speaker 1: plane took off and landed with no problem whatsoever. We 41 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: were warned that there would be significant turbulence, but I 42 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: was grateful that it was only moderate and intermittent, and thankfully, 43 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,920 Speaker 1: I don't think Nicole turned out to be such a 44 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,320 Speaker 1: now it was nowhere near as devastating as the earlier 45 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:25,640 Speaker 1: ones this year, so we are all grateful for that 46 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,079 Speaker 1: as well. So in this episode, we'll start by talking 47 00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 1: about Thanksgiving holiday. I mean, we both celebrate Thanksgiving, Sarah, 48 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 1: you usually celebrate with your Florida relatives, right, Yes, it 49 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,120 Speaker 1: is a very big holiday on that side of the family. 50 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 1: So I'm a little sad that I haven't gotten to 51 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:46,799 Speaker 1: spend too many Thanksgivings of my adulthood reliving the Thanksgiving 52 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,280 Speaker 1: of my childhood. But you can only have it one 53 00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: way or the other. I guess. I have brought my 54 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 1: parents down to join us in South Florida on a 55 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 1: few years running. This year, we're doing our own things, 56 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 1: so yes, we will be home for Thanksgiving. And my 57 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 1: Thanksgiving favorites as a child were my mom's crescent rolls. 58 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: I think I would have been happy just eating that 59 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving dinner. She's like laboriously would make them. I 60 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: think she usually froze them ahead of time. And Mom, 61 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,959 Speaker 1: if you are listening, we would love the recipe, so 62 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: it's like a family secret that she hasn't shared with 63 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: you yet. I don't think it's a secret. I just 64 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: don't think I've ever asked for it because I haven't 65 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,800 Speaker 1: actually made crescent rolls or anything close to crescent rolls 66 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,639 Speaker 1: in my life. But maybe it's time to start. Maybe 67 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:33,000 Speaker 1: it's time to start anyway. My favorite Thanksgiving thing now 68 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: is definitely every pie like I love them all. I 69 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 1: love the pumpkin, I love the pecan. In my family, 70 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: I actually typically make key lime pie for Thanksgiving, which 71 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: is completely untraditional, but it's also a tradition in our 72 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 1: family and everybody expects it, and I make a really 73 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 1: really good one. So Pi, I could just eat pie 74 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:53,240 Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving and be completely happy about it. I think 75 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: everyone could just eat like the buttery carbs and the 76 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 1: pie which is also buttery carbs. I really that's just 77 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:02,040 Speaker 1: what we want. Yeah, one of my favorite dishes. We 78 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: often celebrate with my side of the family for Thanksgiving, 79 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:10,440 Speaker 1: and my sister in law makes some incredible rolls, some 80 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:14,120 Speaker 1: yeast rolls that are could be buttery. But we have 81 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,840 Speaker 1: some relatives who also, in addition to me, can't eat 82 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 1: dairy products, so she makes them with shortening as far 83 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: as I know, but it was a big family secret 84 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:25,719 Speaker 1: her recipe for a while. I believe it had not 85 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: necessarily been shared with us. But when COVID hit we 86 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 1: couldn't all be together for Thanksgiving, she did a demonstration 87 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,479 Speaker 1: and taught us how to make them over zoom. So 88 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,200 Speaker 1: that was a lot of fun. Green Beans, I love 89 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: green beans. We should have the more offense, like a 90 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: vegetable I actually enjoy, So I should probably just eat 91 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 1: that every day and then I'd eat more vegetables. But 92 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 1: I don't like the castroll, Like I wouldn't want to 93 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 1: like dump a cream of whatever it is onion soup 94 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,760 Speaker 1: that people put on it. What is it that people 95 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,119 Speaker 1: do with the Yeah there's like little onion fried things. 96 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, no, there's fried onions and some 97 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:58,279 Speaker 1: cream soup based thing and I do not do that. 98 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:00,640 Speaker 1: I just like green beans as they are. And for 99 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: the turkey, I like the dark meat. I am definitely 100 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: team dark meat. I like only eat the dark meat. 101 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 1: Which was a sort of funny experience. My first Thanksgiving 102 00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 1: I spent with Michael, so we were dating. We were 103 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 1: not engaged or married yet and I went to his 104 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:22,000 Speaker 1: family to go celebrate Thanksgiving, and apparently no one in 105 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:25,080 Speaker 1: their family eats dark meat, so his mom just doesn't 106 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,360 Speaker 1: even serve it. She basically like would just throw it out. 107 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,359 Speaker 1: And so I was like after, you know, I was like, 108 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 1: it's so bizarre. There's like no dark meat being served, 109 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 1: and I've like went hunting for it later and it's 110 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 1: like in the kitchen, and so I was like, become 111 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:41,720 Speaker 1: the weird girlfriend who eats dark meat. But anyway, I 112 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 1: do enjoy it. Are you e whiter dark meat or 113 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,719 Speaker 1: you don't care? I could leave the turkey entirely. I 114 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: don't care. I would pick dark over I don't know. 115 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,640 Speaker 1: I'm not honestly. Sometimes I don't even take turkey. I 116 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,279 Speaker 1: just like take all the other stuff. I have to 117 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: save room for the pie, exactly. And if the turkey 118 00:05:57,279 --> 00:06:00,679 Speaker 1: is taking up valuable space that could have been having pie, 119 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: then maybe you haven't won. But you please let us know. 120 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: Are you team you know, white meat, dark meat, or 121 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: team no turkey, team vegan, team vegan meat, whatever it 122 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:12,360 Speaker 1: is that you are doing to celebrate Thanksgiving, please let 123 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,280 Speaker 1: us know. So moving on, we're going to start talking 124 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,120 Speaker 1: about some things that we are grateful for, and we 125 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: wanted to do this in a couple of categories. So 126 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,839 Speaker 1: starting with technology, Sarah, what are you grateful for in 127 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:26,919 Speaker 1: the realm of tech? I know what you are not 128 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:31,600 Speaker 1: grateful for? What you two of you two. There was 129 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:36,040 Speaker 1: a recent highly commented post in which I admitted that 130 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 1: that Genevieve is spending a lot of time on YouTube 131 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: and I think I need to stop it, and there 132 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 1: was just a lot of heated discussion about it, which 133 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 1: was really interesting and helpful actually to me. I do 134 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: think we are going to try to curtail it for now, 135 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,160 Speaker 1: particularly for her, because I think it's doing more negative 136 00:06:54,160 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 1: than positive. And I don't feel like I have to 137 00:06:56,520 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 1: cut screen time entirely, but that particular genre probably needs to. Yeah, 138 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 1: watch movies instead, right, Yeah, watch some movies, watch some 139 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 1: TV shows, or even play some you know, puzzle type games. 140 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,720 Speaker 1: That's fine. So anyway, that was a digression because the 141 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: things that I am grateful for. Every time Annabel texts me, 142 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 1: I'm still like, oh my god, Adam all can text 143 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: me now. Anabel doesn't even have a phone yet, but 144 00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 1: she will text me from her iPad. As I think 145 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,679 Speaker 1: I mentioned on a prior episode where I accidentally shared 146 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 1: her email address. Nobody emailed her, so you all know 147 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 1: to behave yourselves and no, it's just so lovely. I 148 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,040 Speaker 1: think it's just a nice, like new facet of our 149 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 1: relationship that I appreciate. And then the other piece of 150 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 1: technology that I really really have grown to count on 151 00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: and like is the You know, we have one of 152 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 1: the ring doorbells, as do most people these days, and 153 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 1: that's not even like our main security system. We have 154 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: other security in addition to that, but I love the ring. 155 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: I love being able to see when packages are delivered, 156 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 1: when our nanny comes in, when the kids come in, 157 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 1: Like I just like to see the comings and goings 158 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 1: in my house. And getting those alerts on my phone. 159 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,520 Speaker 1: I mean, some people may find them interruptive or intrusive. 160 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,120 Speaker 1: I don't pay that much attention to them, but I 161 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:16,120 Speaker 1: just I really like having that ability. Yeah, no, it 162 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 1: is pretty cool. I was going to say, like just 163 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:21,520 Speaker 1: having the photographic evidence in general with deliveries. I am 164 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 1: grateful for this that Amazon sends you a picture of 165 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 1: where they put your package. Now, if you live someplace 166 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 1: where it is obvious what your front door is, that 167 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,200 Speaker 1: is probably where your package would be. But in my 168 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:39,440 Speaker 1: particular house, there are a lot of fake looking door areas, 169 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,520 Speaker 1: like you know that you might leave a package or 170 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,439 Speaker 1: our garage is separate from the house, and so sometimes 171 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: the packages get left over there if people think that 172 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,960 Speaker 1: that is the house itself, even though it's pretty clearly not. 173 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 1: But sometimes that's where the packages get left. And I 174 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 1: would have absolutely no clue where some package was. I 175 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: would have to like search around everywhere. But if there's 176 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: a picture, I know, I'm like, oh, yeah, that is 177 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 1: the weird door next to the hall that nobody uses, 178 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: but somehow that got chosen as the delivery spot. So yeah, 179 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: that's great. I would say I'm also grateful for parenting 180 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 1: by text, so especially as I now have a fifteen 181 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 1: year old, a thirteen year old and eleven year old. 182 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:25,920 Speaker 1: People will often ask me questions or talk about things 183 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 1: that maybe are coming up in their lives, and you know, 184 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,480 Speaker 1: sometimes you can have that as a conversation. I'm really 185 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: grateful that my kids are willing to talk with me, 186 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: which is awesome, but sometimes you don't want to have 187 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,400 Speaker 1: a conversation, but you can have a conversation by text. 188 00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,679 Speaker 1: I know many of us may have sent text messages 189 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: sometimes when we don't want to have a conversation. It 190 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:47,400 Speaker 1: turns out kids do that too, But it allows you to, 191 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:52,680 Speaker 1: you know, share any ideas or strategies or support from afar. 192 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,960 Speaker 1: And I like that we can do that. I know 193 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: some people probably overuse it. I assume that my kids 194 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:00,000 Speaker 1: won't be asking me how to do laundry at age 195 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,120 Speaker 1: twenty five and I'll be texting them the answer. But 196 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,599 Speaker 1: you know, for now, it's really good. I hope not 197 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 1: all right. Media category, Okay, this is like I already 198 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 1: use it as my love of the week. I can't 199 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 1: stop myself, but I gotta just say Midnights because it's 200 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:19,320 Speaker 1: been on repeat. That's Taylor Swift's album that came out 201 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 1: about a month ago. Just love it. I'm so glad 202 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 1: I love it, like I'm grateful that I love it, 203 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: because when it was coming out, I was like, well, 204 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 1: what if it's not good her last ones I've really enjoyed. Well, 205 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:29,840 Speaker 1: I like this one, and I'm just I love it. 206 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,240 Speaker 1: I actually am in the process of trying to get 207 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,000 Speaker 1: tickets for the whole family to go see Taylor Swift 208 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: all together in the spring when she comes to Florida. 209 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:43,280 Speaker 1: So I'm super in it, super on it. I am 210 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:48,720 Speaker 1: grateful for Apple Music, which I'm sure there's probably some 211 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: cheaper option or better option or whatever. I'm one of 212 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: those satisfies for people that when I found a music 213 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,960 Speaker 1: option that met my needs, I stuck with it. But 214 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: it's funny to think, like my kids have no concept 215 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 1: that in the past, if you wanted to hear a song, 216 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,760 Speaker 1: you couldn't just hear the song like you either if 217 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 1: it was a new release, you know, you could go 218 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,280 Speaker 1: buy the album, or you could drive around in your 219 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,560 Speaker 1: car hoping that a radio station would play it or something. 220 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: I remember occasionally doing that as a as an older 221 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 1: teen if there was this song I really like. There's 222 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: certain like Alanis Morissette songs I probably was really into. 223 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: But now, of course, if you think of any song 224 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,199 Speaker 1: from past, present, whatever, and you're like I would like 225 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 1: to hear that song, you can then hear that song 226 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,760 Speaker 1: the vast majority of them. So I've listened to like 227 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 1: some you know, old like Indigo Girls stuff that my 228 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 1: album was destroyed, like they have scratches on them, and 229 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: I was like, I want to hear that song, Like 230 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,200 Speaker 1: I can hear that song. I can hear that song 231 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 1: right now. There's no delayed gratification whatsoever. I also love 232 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 1: Apple Music and we also use the same service. I 233 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,839 Speaker 1: think it's great. So we've done Spotify in the past, 234 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 1: but we decided to experiment with Apple since we all 235 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 1: have a lot of Apple devices and they're both good. 236 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:07,840 Speaker 1: They're both good. So my other media gratitude thing is 237 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 1: since we can stream all the music, we can also 238 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 1: stream all the TV we would like. And I just 239 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:15,200 Speaker 1: love having series that my husband and I are excited 240 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 1: to watch together. There's not that many of those actually, 241 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 1: and so the fact that there's a new White Lotus 242 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 1: that I kind of have like on the docket to 243 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,360 Speaker 1: be like our next series, and it probably only has 244 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: six or eight episodes, so it's a short term commitment, 245 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: but super excited about that. All right, Well, let's take 246 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: a quick ad break and we will be right back 247 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:47,640 Speaker 1: talking about more things that we are thankful for. Well, 248 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,680 Speaker 1: we are back. We are together in a hotel room 249 00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,200 Speaker 1: and the Florida Keys having a best of both worlds 250 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:57,360 Speaker 1: retreat where we'll be recording a couple episodes brainstorming episodes 251 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 1: for the next few months. We of course welcome listeners suggestions. 252 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,320 Speaker 1: Many of our best ideas and certainly all of our 253 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 1: questions come from people writing us, so please feel free 254 00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 1: to do that. We have our information. Always reach me 255 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:13,280 Speaker 1: via my website Laura Vandercam dot com or Elevanderkam at 256 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:17,719 Speaker 1: yahoo dot com, Sarah the shoebox at No, it's well, 257 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 1: the shoe box is your website. Yeah, then any of 258 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:22,560 Speaker 1: my emails, but you can use Sarah dot heart dot 259 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: hunger at gmail dot com might be the easiest to remember. Yeah, 260 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,360 Speaker 1: so please send us your ideas that we will definitely 261 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 1: be looking for those. So the next category, we were 262 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: talking about things we are grateful for consumables consumable Sarah, 263 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 1: you want to explain what this means? Well, I was 264 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,960 Speaker 1: just trying to come up with categories, and I don't 265 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: know things that get used up. So I decided that 266 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 1: we would actually come up with one food consumable item 267 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: and then one non edible consumable item one product per se. 268 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:55,080 Speaker 1: So I'll just go ahead. My consumable item that I'm 269 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 1: grateful for almost every day because I eat it pretty 270 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 1: much every day on this trip, sadly but normally is 271 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: a Justin's Dark Chocolate peanut butter cup. I just love these. 272 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 1: I've also enjoyed the Trader Joe's brand and the three 273 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:13,280 Speaker 1: sixty five brand mini chocolate peanut butter cups. But my 274 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,839 Speaker 1: favorite of the Justins, like the bigger ones. I like 275 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: the super dark version, which my kids say is healthy 276 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: because it has five crimbs of sugar. They're like, can 277 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: we have it? It's healthy. I'm like, fine, eat my stash, 278 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 1: let's go ahead. And then there's also a crunchy version, 279 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 1: which I've recently discovered, that has quen wat in it. 280 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,760 Speaker 1: It does not teaste like keenwa, but it like adds 281 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,360 Speaker 1: a nice little crunched to your peanut butter. It's like 282 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: puffed quenoa, right, so it's more like rice rice crispy 283 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 1: exactly exactly. So they're so good. That is my consumable Yeah, 284 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:47,240 Speaker 1: my product isn't really consumable now that I'm looking at it, 285 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:50,120 Speaker 1: but I'm just it's kind of consumable, Bill because Okay, 286 00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: I guess I wore the same pair of Chanel sunglasses 287 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 1: for like six years and they were great, But for 288 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 1: the last two of those six years, despite my attempts 289 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:59,520 Speaker 1: to get them adjusted, they just were kind of falling apart, 290 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,680 Speaker 1: and they were f only off my face, and so 291 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 1: I decided to replace them with much less expensive sunglasses 292 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,360 Speaker 1: that are sort of consumable in a way, because I 293 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,360 Speaker 1: don't expect them to last many many years. And I 294 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: got the gooder ones because I was one hundred percent 295 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 1: influenced by a podcast ad. But I really really enjoy 296 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 1: these sunglasses. I like the fact that they actually fit 297 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 1: my face really well, and they're a mirrored color. They 298 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: look slightly like ridiculous, but they block the sun really 299 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: really well. So there you go, my somewhat disposable, lower 300 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,960 Speaker 1: priced sunglasses that I'm enjoying right now. Yeah, a good 301 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,520 Speaker 1: pair of sunglasses is definitely something you're thankful for when 302 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 1: the sun is like in your face and it would 303 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 1: make the experience incredibly uncomfortable. So my consumable that I'm 304 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:48,480 Speaker 1: grateful for right now is main Root blueberry soda, and 305 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: this is like my little treat. I wind up ordering 306 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: them now from Amazon slash Whole Foods. They sell twelve packs. 307 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,160 Speaker 1: They probably sell twenty four packs too, but that seems 308 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: they're kind of pricey for soda, so it seemed a 309 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: little ridiculous to order twenty four at a time. But anyway, 310 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,800 Speaker 1: I got into this because Cousins Main Lobster has that 311 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 1: as their fountain drinks, Main Root soda, and I like 312 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,120 Speaker 1: their blueberries because blueberries is a very main thing, and 313 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,080 Speaker 1: you know, so if you're having a lobster role, it's 314 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,320 Speaker 1: nice to have a main Root blueberry soda with it. 315 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 1: And when we were this summer at the beach, there 316 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: was a restaurant version of the place. Normally we're going 317 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 1: to the food truck, but they had a restaurant there 318 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:27,240 Speaker 1: at Asbury Park, and I would order my blueberry soda 319 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 1: fountain drink and just drink it on the boardwalk and 320 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: be very happy and grateful for life. So it turned 321 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:35,160 Speaker 1: out I could recreate that experience with bottles of main 322 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 1: Root blueberry soda. So now we have those in our fridge. 323 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 1: So yay for that. My product is going to be 324 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:50,120 Speaker 1: a pharmaceutical one Nexiam and Zantac that my various reflex 325 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:53,280 Speaker 1: issues appear to be mostly under control, and I will 326 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 1: do a shout out to those lovely pharmaceutical companies for 327 00:16:57,120 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 1: making that possible. So feeling grateful for that. Yeah, all right, 328 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:05,639 Speaker 1: kid related, what do you have? Kid related? What medical disclaimer? First? 329 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,160 Speaker 1: That you should consult with your own tritle before taking 330 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,720 Speaker 1: any of those medications, and that this is not a 331 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 1: pharmaceutical endorsement. But I'm so happy that Laura has found 332 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: relief with those methosis all right, kid related, So I 333 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,439 Speaker 1: am grateful every time I drive my kids to an 334 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,719 Speaker 1: activity that's really close to our house, and just in 335 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:27,600 Speaker 1: general the fact that most of their activities are under 336 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:29,560 Speaker 1: ten minutes from our house, which I know is like 337 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:31,920 Speaker 1: depends on where you live, but I just feel really 338 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 1: lucky that that's available to us. And also very much 339 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 1: like when they express interested in activity, I look for 340 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 1: the closest option, and I've been just really lucky to 341 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 1: find great options within spitting distance, so just makes logistics 342 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:50,080 Speaker 1: a lot easier. Yay, grateful for that. So I am 343 00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:56,239 Speaker 1: grateful that Ruth made our twenty twenty photo album. So 344 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,720 Speaker 1: I know many people we want to make photo albums. 345 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:01,639 Speaker 1: Is now all our photos are on our phones or 346 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,119 Speaker 1: devices and everything, and so you don't print up many 347 00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:07,320 Speaker 1: of them, and in order to not have them only 348 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:09,080 Speaker 1: be electronics so that you can look through them, many 349 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 1: of us try to create photo albums every years, and 350 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 1: as one might imagine, you sort of get behind on occasion, 351 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:17,879 Speaker 1: and we didn't do twenty twenty, and then didn't do 352 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,920 Speaker 1: twenty twenty one, and have not done twenty twenty two yet. 353 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 1: Twenty two andy two isn't over, but you know, trust me, 354 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,359 Speaker 1: no one's done it yet. And so at some point 355 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 1: we realized that Ruth is on my same Apple account 356 00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 1: with her iPad, so she has access to my photos. 357 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:38,679 Speaker 1: So she went through, found her favorite photos from twenty twenty, 358 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:44,119 Speaker 1: uploaded those two shutterfly. Shutterfly like creates the book. You 359 00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:46,359 Speaker 1: can click something that it'll just create the book. And 360 00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: then she went in and put photo captions on many 361 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,399 Speaker 1: of them, and so all I had to do was 362 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:53,639 Speaker 1: go in and edit a little bit, although you know, 363 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:58,040 Speaker 1: her spelling was pretty good. And then we ordered multiple 364 00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:01,280 Speaker 1: copies of the twenty twenty book. So now I'm like, hey, 365 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,919 Speaker 1: this is great. I thought maybe this was something that 366 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,520 Speaker 1: was going to be a lingering task on my to 367 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 1: do list, but one of the wonderful things about older 368 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: children is they can do useful stuff right like, so 369 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,359 Speaker 1: hopefully she feels excited about doing twenty twenty one twenty 370 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 1: twenty two, and as far as I'm concerned, can do 371 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:25,400 Speaker 1: through to twenty thirty. That is amazing. Yeah, maybe I'll 372 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 1: have to mention that loudly at our house, and then 373 00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:31,159 Speaker 1: maybe I'll get a volunteer. You'll get a volunteer. Yeah, 374 00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:35,240 Speaker 1: because certain people definitely love playing with layouts and fonts 375 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:39,199 Speaker 1: and canva and any kind of similar app to that, 376 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 1: and those certain people should have their talents put to 377 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,879 Speaker 1: use in a way that is helpful for the family 378 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,400 Speaker 1: as a whole. Yeah. No, older kids are really great. 379 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,240 Speaker 1: I you know, I think about this sometimes. I know 380 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,600 Speaker 1: a lot of people like to complain about teens and 381 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: preteens and whatever, as far as I can tell, I mean, 382 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,600 Speaker 1: I'm not saying we don't have any drama or moodiness 383 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,040 Speaker 1: or whatever, but I think they're great. I like seeing 384 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,600 Speaker 1: how people grow up and what they learn how to do. 385 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 1: And the final category we want to talk about things 386 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:08,159 Speaker 1: we are grateful for is nature. So, Sarah, what are 387 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,879 Speaker 1: you grateful for in the realm of nature? I have 388 00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:14,520 Speaker 1: two pieces of gratitude. I am very grateful that hurricane season, 389 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: at least the typical hurricane season, is largely over at 390 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: this point, because we had two two day stretches of 391 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,359 Speaker 1: no school in the last two months. And I'm just 392 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,159 Speaker 1: ready to not think about hurricanes. So I'm so sorry 393 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,119 Speaker 1: for those of you who are entering snow day season. 394 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,840 Speaker 1: But this is our snow day season and it's about 395 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,000 Speaker 1: to come to an end, and I'm so excited. And 396 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,160 Speaker 1: then the other thing is that I appreciate it so much. 397 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,320 Speaker 1: Every time I go out for a run, if the 398 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:43,760 Speaker 1: temperature is under seventy, I am just so happy. And 399 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 1: hopefully I'll have more of those days in the coming months, 400 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:51,080 Speaker 1: at least, if history goes usually by December, I'll have 401 00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:54,119 Speaker 1: a lot of those days, So you can't wait. Sounds good. 402 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,400 Speaker 1: My thing I am grateful for. And the realm of 403 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:02,080 Speaker 1: nature is to have a little trail in our yard, 404 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:05,200 Speaker 1: so we have a wooded area. And when we bought 405 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: this house, there were a bunch of dead trees on 406 00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 1: the land of various places, which you know, some you 407 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,720 Speaker 1: can leave, some you can't. Some if they're dead trees 408 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,240 Speaker 1: that are still standing, like some of them need to 409 00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:18,240 Speaker 1: come down so they don't come down in a way 410 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,720 Speaker 1: that you don't wish them to come down during a storm. 411 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 1: But you know, we hired a company to chip a 412 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 1: lot of them up, and then they took a bulldozer 413 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,000 Speaker 1: and went through part of the wooded area that was 414 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:34,000 Speaker 1: just kind of brush and made a trail. So they 415 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,480 Speaker 1: put down all these woodchips, made a little trail through it. 416 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: And obviously it's not long because it's just in my yard. 417 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,199 Speaker 1: Like you're not talking like miles of trail here. But 418 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,040 Speaker 1: it's really fun to be able to walk on it. 419 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:48,200 Speaker 1: Like if I'm taking my ten minute walk before three pm, 420 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,760 Speaker 1: as I aim to move every day before three pm 421 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,960 Speaker 1: tranquility by Tuesday rule number three, I can just go 422 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:55,840 Speaker 1: take a ten minute walk and like you know, go 423 00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,120 Speaker 1: outside circle the yard. Then I get to go down 424 00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 1: the trail and back and that adds minute or two 425 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: to the experience. But it's like I'm in this deep 426 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 1: nature in a wooded trail, even though I am not. 427 00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 1: I'm in my yard. It feels more special than it 428 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,479 Speaker 1: probably is. But I think it's really cool. Love it, 429 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 1: Love it. Yeah, So these have been some things that 430 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,760 Speaker 1: we are grateful for. We'd love to hear what you 431 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 1: are grateful for as well. I guess all of these 432 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,680 Speaker 1: are kind of our love of the week this week, right, 433 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 1: this has sort of been another all Love of the 434 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 1: Week episode, but we have somewhat of a perhaps longer question. 435 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,800 Speaker 1: We wanted to get to it. I know that people 436 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 1: will have some strong feelings about as well, so we'll 437 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,439 Speaker 1: go ahead and dive into that one. We had a 438 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,359 Speaker 1: listener write to us, and we've had questions of this 439 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:40,840 Speaker 1: version before as well, that she would like to have 440 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,320 Speaker 1: a third child. They have to sort of the norm. 441 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 1: She would like a third Her partner not very excited 442 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,199 Speaker 1: about the idea. Thanks too is a good number, So 443 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 1: she wanted our advice on either how they could have 444 00:22:55,840 --> 00:23:00,280 Speaker 1: a discussion about this or otherwise make your peace with 445 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,959 Speaker 1: the family size as it is. So Sarah, you got 446 00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,119 Speaker 1: any thoughts on that? I mean, I went around in 447 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,280 Speaker 1: circles thinking about the answer to this question. I guess 448 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: the first thing I'll say is I don't have personal insight, 449 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 1: because when this person wrote to us, she kind of 450 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: implied that I took Josh on a trip where I 451 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,399 Speaker 1: then strong armed him in having it. I don't think 452 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,159 Speaker 1: she's strong hard. I think she was looking for your 453 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,680 Speaker 1: what you said on the trip, right, because you guys 454 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,159 Speaker 1: had taken a retreat together and one of your goals 455 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,600 Speaker 1: is to talk about having a third kid on that 456 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 1: Even if that is more, it wasn't so nefarious about that. 457 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,200 Speaker 1: I had just are not nefarious like that there was 458 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,640 Speaker 1: nobody was talking. Yeah, it wasn't goal directed per se. 459 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 1: I had just gotten too a place where I was 460 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,560 Speaker 1: really excited about the idea. And you know, when you 461 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,440 Speaker 1: have two young kids at home, it's hard to talk 462 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,400 Speaker 1: about anything serious or the logistics of how that might work. 463 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,280 Speaker 1: And so I never felt like we could have those conversations. 464 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: And we took a trip to all In, Texas I 465 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,320 Speaker 1: believe in like fall of must have been twenty sixteen, 466 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: which that math makes sense, and I was like, I 467 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,119 Speaker 1: really feel pulled to have another child, like do you 468 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 1: think we can do this? And it wasn't to convince 469 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,000 Speaker 1: him to do it. I think the difference with us 470 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 1: is that Josh was open to having a third he 471 00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:22,600 Speaker 1: was afraid that logistically we might not be able to 472 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,960 Speaker 1: handle it, like from a financial perspective, having the childcare 473 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,320 Speaker 1: that we felt like we needed just the chaos of 474 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 1: him working late, and would I be too stressed out 475 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,480 Speaker 1: doing things on my own. And so that trip was 476 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:37,360 Speaker 1: helpful to kind of nail down what a third kid 477 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,399 Speaker 1: might actually look like and you know, do some math 478 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,119 Speaker 1: and crunch some numbers and think about things in more detail. 479 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,160 Speaker 1: Those kind of conversations that take a lot of brain 480 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,679 Speaker 1: power and a lot of energy and a lot of 481 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,919 Speaker 1: time that we just didn't have at home. And so 482 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,120 Speaker 1: I would say it's on that trip that we solidified 483 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,320 Speaker 1: the idea that we could do it. But I don't 484 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,600 Speaker 1: feel like I was convincing him of anything other than 485 00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,680 Speaker 1: that it was feasible if he was also interested, which 486 00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:07,160 Speaker 1: he was. He comes from a family of three children. 487 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: They grew up together very with a lot of harmony 488 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,800 Speaker 1: and love, and I think he had nothing against the 489 00:25:13,840 --> 00:25:16,280 Speaker 1: idea of having a third kid. Even from the beginning, 490 00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,880 Speaker 1: and before we even started having kids, I had said 491 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,760 Speaker 1: I want three kids. Then I dialed it down to 492 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,000 Speaker 1: two because I found it so difficult in the beginning, 493 00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,600 Speaker 1: and he went along with that as well. But when 494 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: we went up to three, it wasn't that I was 495 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,480 Speaker 1: convincing someone who was like, nope, too much, like I mean, 496 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: I equate this, and I'll stop talking in a second 497 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 1: to not equate. But so my family wants a dog, 498 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:41,359 Speaker 1: the kids want a dog, Josh wants a dog. Kind 499 00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:44,000 Speaker 1: of I do not want a dog, and I know 500 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 1: that if we got a dog, that it would be 501 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 1: a lot of responsibility on me no matter what anybody 502 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 1: says right now. And by the way, please dog lovers 503 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 1: don't get mad at me. Like I could totally see 504 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,200 Speaker 1: welcoming a dog into our lives at some other point 505 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: in time. I enjoy other people's dogs, mostly when they're nice, 506 00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: enjoy other people's good dogs, But I just don't want 507 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:10,000 Speaker 1: one on my plate right now. Someone would have to 508 00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 1: like strong arm me. But that wasn't what we were 509 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,359 Speaker 1: dealing with when it came to the kid's side of things. 510 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:17,440 Speaker 1: And I guess with all that said, I think if 511 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:21,439 Speaker 1: someone really is against adding more, someone just really feels 512 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:25,120 Speaker 1: maybe like they and either party the you know, male 513 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:29,160 Speaker 1: or whichever party of this relationship feels like they just 514 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,360 Speaker 1: don't want an extra person in their lives or they 515 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:34,199 Speaker 1: just truly don't feel like they have the bandwent to 516 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,960 Speaker 1: handle it. I almost feel like the default should be 517 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,520 Speaker 1: like then just wait, like, at least don't do it 518 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: at that point when someone adamantly doesn't want it, Because 519 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 1: I do think to some extent that's like asking a 520 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 1: lot from someone I don't know. See, I can't answer 521 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,000 Speaker 1: this question. Yeah, it's a question. It's a very hard question. 522 00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's just on the practical front. 523 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:58,360 Speaker 1: If they're with any negotiation, right when you are asking 524 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:04,199 Speaker 1: someone to do something that they are not currently excited about, 525 00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:06,840 Speaker 1: it helps to give them a little bit of space 526 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:10,080 Speaker 1: about it. And so first, I mean, you want to 527 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,600 Speaker 1: make sure that your partner knows that you do truly 528 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,160 Speaker 1: want a third I mean, if maybe it's something you've 529 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,560 Speaker 1: just discussed casually and he's made comments of like, oh 530 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 1: that would be crazy, or like can't imagine, or like 531 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,960 Speaker 1: look at this other family with three kids that's going 532 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,880 Speaker 1: nuts right now, maybe that's just where you're getting this 533 00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:29,720 Speaker 1: idea for. So you want to be clear that you 534 00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,320 Speaker 1: want one and you are asking him if he would 535 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,800 Speaker 1: be open to this. Then as part of that, you say, 536 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,680 Speaker 1: you don't need to give me an answer right now. 537 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,120 Speaker 1: Why don't you think about it for some amount of time, 538 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 1: I don't know, a month, whatever it is. Let's meet 539 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,280 Speaker 1: together again in a month and we can talk it 540 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,119 Speaker 1: through again. But that way you know that he is 541 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,399 Speaker 1: at least aware that this is what you truly want 542 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,760 Speaker 1: and he needs to think about it for the next 543 00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,040 Speaker 1: month and give you an answer. You can also think 544 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:04,800 Speaker 1: about any particular objections that your partner might have, whether 545 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,159 Speaker 1: that is, you know, financial, Does he worry that you 546 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 1: will quit your job once you have three kids and 547 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,159 Speaker 1: you know your life is based on you being a 548 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:15,800 Speaker 1: two income family. I think that's a very common one 549 00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,840 Speaker 1: that people have. So that's something that you need to 550 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,000 Speaker 1: work through, like are you going to quit your job 551 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:22,840 Speaker 1: with a third kid? And if your answer is no, 552 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,119 Speaker 1: I'm actually pretty confident I will be able to manage this, 553 00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,240 Speaker 1: unless you know there's something you know, a child has 554 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,719 Speaker 1: intense special needs or something like that, which is an 555 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:35,560 Speaker 1: entirely different thing. But if you assume that it will 556 00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,240 Speaker 1: go sort of in the normal range of things and 557 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,080 Speaker 1: you're pretty sure you will be able to handle, that's 558 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 1: something you can bring up with him, Or you know, 559 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,960 Speaker 1: have you thought through what the childcare arrangements are going 560 00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,160 Speaker 1: to be? Anything else? Like your space? Do you feel 561 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,400 Speaker 1: like you have enough space anyway? Think through what these 562 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:57,240 Speaker 1: objections are likely to be, and then maybe the two 563 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,200 Speaker 1: of you can kind of work through some strategies to 564 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 1: gather and so then you know, in a month or 565 00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,920 Speaker 1: two when you have your meeting again, you'll know more 566 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 1: clearly what his opinion is on this. If it is 567 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:13,160 Speaker 1: an absolute no, then probably that's just going to have 568 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 1: to be respected. I mean, you can leave it open 569 00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:17,120 Speaker 1: so that can we discuss this again in six months. 570 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,880 Speaker 1: But if it is a very strong no and you 571 00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,240 Speaker 1: wish to continue in that relationship, that's probably going to 572 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 1: be where it is. But if he seems more open 573 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,160 Speaker 1: to it, then that's something that then maybe you can 574 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,600 Speaker 1: start moving forward with. So that would kind of be 575 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,720 Speaker 1: my suggestion there. If listeners have input for this one, 576 00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,800 Speaker 1: we would love it because obviously this is a very 577 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 1: kind of tough and sensitive question. And I do feel 578 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: for this person because I would have been I know, 579 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,440 Speaker 1: I would have been really really sad if at the 580 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:49,200 Speaker 1: time when I really wanted Genevieve, if it had been 581 00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:52,240 Speaker 1: impossible because I was the only one who wanted that, 582 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 1: it would have been really hard. Yeah. No, it is 583 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,880 Speaker 1: very hard when people want different things, different visions of 584 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,920 Speaker 1: what their family would look like. And you know, you 585 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,160 Speaker 1: may talk early in your relationship about what you want, 586 00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:06,400 Speaker 1: but people's experience then becomes different once they actually have 587 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,479 Speaker 1: the kids. I mean sometimes people are in the abject like, oh, 588 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 1: I'd love a dozen kids, and then they experience what 589 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:12,840 Speaker 1: it's like, and they're like, wow, that was a little 590 00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:16,120 Speaker 1: bit ambitious. But you know, sometimes people think they'd want 591 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:19,720 Speaker 1: just one maybe, and then they totally love the experience 592 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,320 Speaker 1: or find you know, the difficulties, you know, able to 593 00:30:22,680 --> 00:30:24,560 Speaker 1: take them in stride, and so then they wind up 594 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: having bigger families. So you never really know until you 595 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,520 Speaker 1: experience it. It's true. All right, Well, this has been 596 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:33,800 Speaker 1: best of both worlds. We've mostly been talking about giving 597 00:30:33,800 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 1: thanks our Thanksgiving favorites, the dishes we like. We've been 598 00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,200 Speaker 1: talking about little things that we are grateful for in 599 00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 1: different realms, and then answering a listener question about wanting 600 00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,200 Speaker 1: a third kid and not knowing that her partner would 601 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 1: be on board. So we will be back next week 602 00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:53,360 Speaker 1: with more on making work and life fit together. Thanks 603 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 1: for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox 604 00:30:56,440 --> 00:31:00,680 Speaker 1: dot com or at the Underscore shoe Box on Instagram, 605 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:05,000 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 606 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:08,320 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 607 00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,960 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 608 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:12,200 Speaker 1: life work together.