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Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's Cadine and guess what. We wrote a

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Speaker 1: whole last book. Listen. If there's one thing we're known for,

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Speaker 1: it's sharing, maybe even over sharing a lot of our

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Speaker 1: life with the entire world. That's right, from our social

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Speaker 1: media to our podcast. We keep it real with y'

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Speaker 1: all so that we can all learn from what we've

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Speaker 1: been through, because maybe maybe we can save you a

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Speaker 1: headache or two or three or four. As in four

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Speaker 1: whole boys. After twenty years together, twelve years of marriage,

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Speaker 1: and four kids, we've been through it all. We've loved

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Speaker 1: our way through a long distance relationship, financial instability, parenthood

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Speaker 1: and near death birthing experience, and the list goes on.

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Speaker 1: Child After much trial and error, we have learned one

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Speaker 1: essential truth. If you're looking for a healthy relationship and

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Speaker 1: a fulfilling life, you have to choose service over selfishness.

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Speaker 1: So we decided to write a book about it. Our book,

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Speaker 1: We Over Me, The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything you

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Speaker 1: Want from your relationship, discusses family, parenting, devource favorite topics,

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Speaker 1: sex and intimacy, finances, and commitment with the honesty and

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Speaker 1: raw truth y'all have always gotten from us dead as

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Speaker 1: sex and I love talking about it. But we might

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Speaker 1: not have all the answers. But what we do know

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Speaker 1: is that good love takes friendship, grace, and service, and

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Speaker 1: everybody deserves some good loving, Ain't that right? Baby? We

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Speaker 1: over me the counterintuitive approach to getting everything you want

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Speaker 1: from your relationship available now. After coaching kids for twelve

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Speaker 1: plus years at Prototype, I realized coaching your own child

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Speaker 1: is completely different. Really mm hmmm, Well listen, I know

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Speaker 1: they say ball is life, but you're gonna have a

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Speaker 1: life outside of ball if I have something to say

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Speaker 1: about it. So Hey, I'm Cadine and and we're the

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Speaker 1: ellis Is. You may know us from posting funny videos

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Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. Yes, sir,

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Speaker 1: we all. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't

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Speaker 1: want to talk about through the lens of a millennium

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Speaker 1: married couple. That adds is the term that we say

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Speaker 1: every day. So when we say dead ass, we're actually

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Speaker 1: saying facts, the truth the whole truth and nothing but

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Speaker 1: the truth. Were about to take Phillow talk to a

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Speaker 1: whole new level. Dead ass starts right now. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: take y'all back to yesterday. Yesterday, so every other day

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Speaker 1: in this house, yeah, I mean, yeah, I mean it's

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Speaker 1: it's every every other day in this house. But I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna go to a video that went viral of me

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Speaker 1: and Jackson, So just to give some people a little

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Speaker 1: bit of context around the video. The night before the video,

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Speaker 1: Jackson wanted to hang out with his friends. I said, hey,

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Speaker 1: you can either work out now and not have anything

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Speaker 1: to do tomorrow, or you can go hang out with

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Speaker 1: your friends and then coming to morning, we wake up

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Speaker 1: first thing in the morning because I have things to do.

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Speaker 1: He wanted to work out, so I said, you make

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Speaker 1: a choice, because I don't have time tomorrow. You're gonna

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Speaker 1: have to get up early before I get up, and

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Speaker 1: then we can get out work out. And he said,

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Speaker 1: no, no no, no, Dad, I want to hang out my friends.

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Speaker 1: So I wake up early in the morning, I'll get

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Speaker 1: you up and we work out. Cool. The next morning happens,

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Speaker 1: he gets to do exactly what he wants to do

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Speaker 1: tonight before the next morning comes. Next morning comes, I

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Speaker 1: wake up earlier. I set my alarm clock. He doesn't

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Speaker 1: set his alarm clock. Set my alarm clock, and I'm like, yo,

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Speaker 1: Jack's you up. He's just like my mom. Up. He

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Speaker 1: has an attitude. I already hear the attitude in his voice. Yes,

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Speaker 1: very very much, you very much you, and I say, well,

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Speaker 1: before I get out of here, you owe me an

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Speaker 1: hour of workout, so let's go. Let's let's do this.

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Speaker 1: You said you wanted to put some shots up. It's

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Speaker 1: raining outside, so we're gonna do ball handling drills and

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Speaker 1: work on change of direction. He's us fine, I can

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Speaker 1: sense the attitude, but I go downstairs. I still have

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Speaker 1: a good attitude. I'm like, listen, I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: be on him. I'm going to focused on keeping my

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Speaker 1: emotions in check. When we get downstairs, he's huffing and puffing.

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Speaker 1: We were supposed to start at nine o'clock. He doesn't

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Speaker 1: come downstairs. If you don't know me, you know that

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Speaker 1: I live by this model. To be early is to

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Speaker 1: be on time. To be on time is to be

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Speaker 1: wait to be early. To be on time, To be

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Speaker 1: on time is to be late. And to be late

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Speaker 1: is to be forgotten. He was late, but still allow.

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Speaker 1: Its like, we're gonna get this workout in because I

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Speaker 1: know it's advantageous for him to get his workout in.

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Speaker 1: Ten minutes into the workout, I'm telling him to pound

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Speaker 1: the ball right now. For people who are novices at basketball,

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Speaker 1: there's a different between pounding the ball and slamming the ball.

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Speaker 1: Pounding the ball means you stay low, you keep the

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Speaker 1: ball below your waist, your hips are down, and you

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Speaker 1: pound the ball into the ground to make sure you

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Speaker 1: have control over the basketball. The harder you pound the ball,

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Speaker 1: the faster comes back into your hand and you have

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Speaker 1: more control over it. I said, you know, Jacks, come

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Speaker 1: when I was was lazy, pound the ball. He then

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Speaker 1: stands up straight and starts slamming the ball from his

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Speaker 1: shoulder all the way down and I said, yo, yo, stop, stop,

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Speaker 1: but I deserve that, Like, like, why, what's with the attitude?

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Speaker 1: He's like no. Then he proceeds to tell me that

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Speaker 1: you know, he's tired, and I'm like, hey, well you

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Speaker 1: are tired. I get that, but you chose to get

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Speaker 1: up in the morning because last night you got to

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Speaker 1: do what you wanted to do. I gave you a choice.

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Speaker 1: You chose to do what you wanted to do. Now

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Speaker 1: you have to put the work in that you don't

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Speaker 1: want to do. He got an attitude, He finished the workout,

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Speaker 1: he cried through the workout or whatever, and the whole

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Speaker 1: time I remained calm. The reason why I'm telling you

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Speaker 1: this story is because two years prior to that, devout

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have remained calm. It would have been two options.

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Speaker 1: Number One, I would have never set my mom Jacks

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have woke up. I wouldn't to stay and started

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Speaker 1: screaming right or I would have woke him up, went

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Speaker 1: downstairs when the attitude started. I would have screamed and

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Speaker 1: then left. And I decided to change my perspective because

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Speaker 1: I started to realize that me controlling my emotions is

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Speaker 1: a bigger teacher than any words I could ever tell Jackson.

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Speaker 1: And it didn't matter how much I screamed in the

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Speaker 1: years prior. He really stopped listening to everything I said

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Speaker 1: when he watched my body language and heard the tone

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Speaker 1: of my voice. And for a long time, that's the

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Speaker 1: only way I knew how to respond, or teach or coach,

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Speaker 1: because that's what I did, and I got greatness out

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Speaker 1: of the young men and I coached and it wasn't

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Speaker 1: until I seen the tears rolled down my son's face

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Speaker 1: that I said, this is not gonna work. I'm a

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Speaker 1: singing song that me and Jackson listened to every time

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Speaker 1: we get ready to go to practice again because that

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Speaker 1: gets him in the mood. It's the hype song. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: is that whenever I take him to It's the same

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Speaker 1: thing that I passed the OX. I'm like, listen, it's

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Speaker 1: all you. I mean your word. Listen to what you

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Speaker 1: want to listen to to get hype, because I know

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Speaker 1: how it is. We're not about to work out, and

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Speaker 1: I don't want to work out. Masks needs to pull

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Speaker 1: out all the stops, right, So before y'all judge me,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest. We do not listen to the

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Speaker 1: clean version. All right. He's a levene about twelve, he's

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Speaker 1: a preteen. Pretty sure he's heard all these words before.

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Speaker 1: And we'd be playing it on Max and we'll be

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Speaker 1: bopping our head in the porch when we ride into

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Speaker 1: the gym. Are you ready to see? If you ready ready?

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Speaker 1: My PTSD started kicking. Hell yeah, my PTSD start the kicking,

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Speaker 1: so I gotta get shot the nigge out. My cars

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Speaker 1: are now. I gotta ain't no city boy because I

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Speaker 1: love my big but I don't mean and I don't

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Speaker 1: love my host. Shout out. He's always gonna be man

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Speaker 1: figure in this house from the floor. Imiss you. At

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Speaker 1: least once a week, I'll be like, damn pop, like

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Speaker 1: a random time. It to be something so completely random.

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Speaker 1: Won't even be listening to his music. But I can't

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Speaker 1: believe Papa is going shouts. We're raised. I yo, let's

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Speaker 1: take a quick break, come back in and we'll dive

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Speaker 1: into that whole conversation and then of course mom's perspective

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Speaker 1: inside of things. Child, Baby, Listen, it's gonna be us

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Speaker 1: times four up in this bitch. I'm like bracing myself

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Speaker 1: for the roller and everything. I'm about to tell you.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest with you. I have conflicting thoughts

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Speaker 1: and we'll get into it when we get back. All right,

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Speaker 1: sounds good, All right, we're back. We're back. So story time, baby,

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Speaker 1: it's funny. In the story time you said that the

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Speaker 1: reason why you took this approach with Jackson was because

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Speaker 1: this was something that you did with other young men

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Speaker 1: who you were, particularly your son's, but you've got great

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Speaker 1: results from them, so you felt like this was the

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Speaker 1: only way. But might I add that that was what

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Speaker 1: was done to you. So we think about the the

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Speaker 1: aura around coaching and what it looked like for prior

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Speaker 1: years and what it looks like now with just sensitivity

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Speaker 1: around the way in which coaches are allowed to even

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Speaker 1: speak to children, and what that looks like for you

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Speaker 1: wanting to be coach dad or not wanting to be

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Speaker 1: coach dad. And the conflict that I see within your

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Speaker 1: eyes every day every day in this house is because

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Speaker 1: we know that you have played an elite level of

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Speaker 1: sport um MVP on every team I ever played on

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Speaker 1: from college to high school football, basketball, it didn't matter,

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Speaker 1: it didn't matter. So you kind of feeling like, you

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Speaker 1: know the way, it's like, why would I not equip

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Speaker 1: my son with everything that I know? Things that I

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Speaker 1: didn't know that I had to figure out on my own.

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Speaker 1: And this is just not even sports, but just in general.

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Speaker 1: But we're talking sports today, So UM, go back to

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Speaker 1: story time and tell us about why you're so conflicted.

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Speaker 1: So the reason why I'm conflicted is because number one.

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Speaker 1: Let me be clear, I know my son is not

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Speaker 1: growing up the way I grew up, right. We grew

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Speaker 1: up completely different and we both first born children. We

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Speaker 1: both have little brothers, and I ended up having a

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Speaker 1: little sister nine years later. But I was responsible for

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Speaker 1: my little brother. He was only two and a half

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Speaker 1: years younger than me, and from the time I was

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Speaker 1: nine and we moved to Canarsi from Flatbush, it was

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Speaker 1: my responsibility to get up in the morning, help my

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Speaker 1: six year old brother make his lunch for school, help

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Speaker 1: him get his breakfast together. We walked to school together.

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Speaker 1: When school was over, I had to get him from class,

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Speaker 1: walk home, appeared after school lunch, help him with his

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Speaker 1: homework if he needed it, and be there and be

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Speaker 1: responsible when my parents didn't get home until six six thirty.

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Speaker 1: So that was my responsibility. Jackson doesn't have that responsibility.

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Speaker 1: So for me, I feel like the level of accountability

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Speaker 1: and the level of responsibility is not there because there's

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Speaker 1: no sense of urgency. So I try to manufacture that

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Speaker 1: sense of urgency by holding him to a schedule, the

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Speaker 1: similar schedule that I had to hold when I was

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Speaker 1: his age, Like things had to get done. It was

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Speaker 1: very rigid things had to get done because my parents

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Speaker 1: needed me to be there in their absence. That created

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Speaker 1: a sense of urgency for me and my whole life

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Speaker 1: that I've always been big on on time, always been

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Speaker 1: big on being on time and early. On top of that,

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Speaker 1: I couldn't fail right if I messed up in school,

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Speaker 1: it was it was. It wasn't just a wag of

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Speaker 1: the finger in the face, or you're such a disappointment.

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Speaker 1: It was just like, you don't do anything right. Like

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Speaker 1: so many times, I felt like in my life I

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Speaker 1: never did things good enough for my parents that it

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Speaker 1: built a chip on my shoulder that make me that

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Speaker 1: made me an overachiever and a workaholic. Being an overachiever

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Speaker 1: and a workaholic and being big on the detail was

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Speaker 1: being disciplined is what made me all city football player,

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Speaker 1: uh Division one football player, uh NFL athlete, and now

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Speaker 1: paid actor. I feel like it was those things that

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Speaker 1: those core values that have driven me to be great

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Speaker 1: in those things. Was that nature versus nurture? Like was

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Speaker 1: it you think it's always been in you or you

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Speaker 1: think it was more learned? Because what my conflict um

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Speaker 1: arises when I even look at myself right, Um, I'm like, damn.

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Speaker 1: My parents worked so hard to afford me all of

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Speaker 1: the opportunities they didn't have, and then some and so

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Speaker 1: much is that my mom would sometimes, I think, maybe

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Speaker 1: overhelp me in situations and not from a place of detriment,

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Speaker 1: but she probably thought like, I'm doing my daughter at

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Speaker 1: a service if I'm doing all of this extra stuff

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Speaker 1: to assist her where then when time came for me

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Speaker 1: to do it on my own, it was just like,

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Speaker 1: I don't really have to do it right now, or

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Speaker 1: my mom will help me do it then. So I

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Speaker 1: wonder if I have that, um, and I had to

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Speaker 1: kind of fend for myself a little bit more, if

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Speaker 1: it would have made me a more driven person or

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Speaker 1: made me have the work ethic that I sometimes feel

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Speaker 1: like I need but just can't find it. I think

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Speaker 1: it would have, because when I look at my brother

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Speaker 1: and I look at my sister, they're not driven like

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Speaker 1: I am. Because they had me, you know, me being

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Speaker 1: the oldest. It was help your brother do so and so, well,

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Speaker 1: your sister got this, help your sister. So I always

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Speaker 1: had this sense of urgency to help my siblings. On

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Speaker 1: top of that, I always had to prove my parents

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Speaker 1: wrong because in my eyes, growing up, my parents very

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Speaker 1: rarely praised me. My parents weren't the type of parents

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Speaker 1: that praised you for getting good grades you are supposed to.

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Speaker 1: You got a ninety, okay, so you know my parents

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Speaker 1: when my siblings, for example, my brother, my brother wasn't

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Speaker 1: an academic person. My brother passed a class, my parents praised,

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, as bad as he passed. And I'll

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Speaker 1: never forget my brother passed his regent with a sixty five,

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Speaker 1: and my my mom grabbed him and they hugged and

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. I got an eighty five in a

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Speaker 1: class and my mother was just like you got poor,

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Speaker 1: missing homework, and she was just on me. So that

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Speaker 1: what developed in me was this chip like I was

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Speaker 1: always the underdog. I was never accepted, and I used

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Speaker 1: that to approach every situation as I have to be

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Speaker 1: ten times better than everyone else or I won't be accepted.

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Speaker 1: So what I'm trying to do is try to build

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Speaker 1: that level of intensity in my kids with without like

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Speaker 1: you said, providing them with that that enabled mentality easy route.

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Speaker 1: But we live differently, like both my parents had to

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Speaker 1: work in order for us to make money. So I

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Speaker 1: had to be home. Right, it's not the same here me,

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Speaker 1: Me and Papa are here. You're here, you know, Dad

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Speaker 1: comes in and out, but I'm working. But they don't

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Speaker 1: ever have to worry. They don't ever got to get

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Speaker 1: on the city bus and have to be adults at

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Speaker 1: eight and nine years old. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: These are things that I had to do, and I

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Speaker 1: appreciate my parents because it created a beast in me

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Speaker 1: that's allowing me to be the person I am today.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm not like other millennials who blamed my

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Speaker 1: parents for everything and be like my parents fucked me

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Speaker 1: up with all this generational trauma. No, my parents created

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Speaker 1: an absolute beast. I am unyielding with my work ethic

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Speaker 1: and my belief in myself because my parents stepped back

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Speaker 1: and said, you gotta figure it out, like we gotta

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Speaker 1: go to work, bro figure it out. And them allowing

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Speaker 1: me to figure it out created someone who had a

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Speaker 1: lot of self confidence. So in me trying to step back, right,

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Speaker 1: I learned over these last couple of years that because

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Speaker 1: I'm used to controling everything, because since I was a kid,

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Speaker 1: I controlled everything, I was trying to control my son, right,

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Speaker 1: and in me trying to build a sense of urgency

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Speaker 1: and a chip on his shoulder. I wasn't stepping back

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Speaker 1: at all. I was always there, So then he became

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Speaker 1: used to me being there, and then he would be

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Speaker 1: playing in games or something that he would be looking

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Speaker 1: at who me, not be like focused on the game,

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Speaker 1: like why are you looking at me? At the same

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Speaker 1: time I'm screaming, So I'm like, why are you looking

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Speaker 1: at me while I'm screaming? And they're saying, do you

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Speaker 1: hear what I'm saying? Look at me when I'm talking

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Speaker 1: to you? Like the most confusing ship ever. You know

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Speaker 1: what it's like, look at your coach and this is

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Speaker 1: like he looks at the coach, looks at you. Then

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Speaker 1: he's just like, what who did I look at? I've

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Speaker 1: literally seen the whole thing play out. If this is

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Speaker 1: where the conflict comes in. I watched an interview with

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Speaker 1: Jayson Tatum and he talked about how his father was

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Speaker 1: never really a dad to him. His father was always

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Speaker 1: a coach, and his father used to like him him

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Speaker 1: up and call him outside of his name and tell

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Speaker 1: him he wasn't good enough, and telling me he wasn't

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Speaker 1: good at all, and he was just like he feels

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Speaker 1: like he missed. I don't having a relationship with his

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Speaker 1: father because his father was always a coach and never

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Speaker 1: done right. And my thing is, it sounds like you're complaining,

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Speaker 1: but you're now one of the top three players in

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Speaker 1: the NBA and you played in the NBA Finals last

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Speaker 1: year and you were with a hundred million dollars. So

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Speaker 1: do you think your dad cares if you you weren't

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Speaker 1: friends As father and son, he created a man that

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Speaker 1: is living in his purpose and his legacy. That's my conflict.

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Speaker 1: It's like, do I want to be my son's friend.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I want to see my son be successful,

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Speaker 1: but I don't want to ever look back on my

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Speaker 1: life and be like, then me and my son don't

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Speaker 1: have a relationship, right. I think most successful people in

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Speaker 1: so many different genres where it's not just sports but

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Speaker 1: even entertainment, like when they tell their story, they usually

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00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,880
Speaker 1: tell the story about, if not both one parent who

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00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,600
Speaker 1: was just always in their ass about something. One thing

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Speaker 1: that I fear I think that I fear with my boys,

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Speaker 1: um to your to your point is them being too

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Speaker 1: coddled and then and then being coddled producing for young

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Speaker 1: men who end up being coddled grown men and what

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Speaker 1: that's going to look like. And I say that because

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Speaker 1: they're in a unique situation unlike you or I had.

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Speaker 1: What kind of me because growing up my parents work.

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Speaker 1: My mom pretty much had a flexible schedule, but she

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Speaker 1: worked during the day and my father worked at night.

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Speaker 1: So I had one or the other parents typically home,

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Speaker 1: and if I didn't, there were grandparents to step in.

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Speaker 1: But even something as simple as when my kids, our

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Speaker 1: kids come home from school and it's like, Mom, I

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00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 1: want a bagel, Mom, I want to help juice, it's like,

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Speaker 1: go get it, go and get it, because they're so

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Speaker 1: accustomed to their grandparents stepping in, which they should be,

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Speaker 1: because you want our kids. We want our kids to

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Speaker 1: have a great relationship with their grandparents where they feel like, wow,

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Speaker 1: Mimi and Papa Nan and Papa Scoop were here for

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Speaker 1: us and they did all these different things. But it's

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Speaker 1: unique when they live with them, and it's a constant

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Speaker 1: asking of someone to do something for you, so so

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Speaker 1: many times a val and I have to intervene and

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Speaker 1: it's just like, no, let them do this on their own,

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Speaker 1: because they're fully capable of it. And if they're not

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Speaker 1: capable of it, they're going to have to learn. And

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Speaker 1: it's just like building little moments of I can't even

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Speaker 1: call it adversity, but it's just doing for themselves, which

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Speaker 1: I think will spill over into sports, little spill into

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Speaker 1: their school work and how they tend to um navigate life. Well.

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Speaker 1: There's a saying that says tough times create strong men.

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Speaker 1: Strong men create easy times. Easy times create weak men.

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Speaker 1: Weak men create tough times. There's also another saying that

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Speaker 1: it's hard to find a great man that's the son

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Speaker 1: of a great man. And if you think about the parable,

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Speaker 1: I just said, that's the reason. And I look at

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Speaker 1: the way my life is right. And my father has

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Speaker 1: been talking to us about ascensions since we were young.

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Speaker 1: Our grandfather a created my father. But there was a

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Speaker 1: ton of adversity during the time when they were growing up,

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Speaker 1: civil rights move There are a lot of things going on.

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Speaker 1: Um They first, my great my grandfather grew up during

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Speaker 1: the Depression, so he had to learn through things and

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00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:54,000
Speaker 1: had to learn how to be a factory worker. And

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Speaker 1: then my parents grew up during the Civil rights movement,

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Speaker 1: and my parents had us grow through the eighties and

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00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 1: nineties the crack epidemic, right, but now we have the pandemic.

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Speaker 1: But when I look at my family life, we've ascended

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Speaker 1: every generation to the point now where there's no hardship

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Speaker 1: for these kids. Right. I asked my son, which car

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Speaker 1: you want to take to go to practice. Cairo goes

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Speaker 1: of the Porsche. I never had that option in my life,

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00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,120
Speaker 1: all right. Like, first of all, none of meither one

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00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 1: of my parents have ever been to a practice of mine.

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00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 1: From the time I was a child up until an adult,

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00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,639
Speaker 1: my parents didn't have time to go to practice. My

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00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 1: parents were both working, and then during the weekend, my

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00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,720
Speaker 1: parents were not running us to practices. Go to practice,

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Speaker 1: get on the bus and figure it out, or they

394
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:47,000
Speaker 1: would drop us to practice and go do what they

395
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 1: had to do. Both my parents were big in the church.

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00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,840
Speaker 1: But our children, I don't only just drop them to practice.

397
00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,600
Speaker 1: I stay and watch and I end up coaching because

398
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:57,000
Speaker 1: a lot of the parents find out, oh, he was

399
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,880
Speaker 1: a professional athlete, he can help in some way, shape

400
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 1: or for him. And when it was football, it was football,

401
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:04,560
Speaker 1: and now that's basketball. They asked me to help. I

402
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,439
Speaker 1: just I don't want my sons, like you said, to

403
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 1: grow up to be coddled, entitled little humans that don't

404
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,760
Speaker 1: understand what adversity is and not reach their potential because

405
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:18,760
Speaker 1: they've never had to face adversity throughout their life. So

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00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 1: then I'm like, maybe I should be the adversity, right,

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00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,639
Speaker 1: I don't want. I don't care if my son's like me.

408
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,560
Speaker 1: It's gonna sound crazy, right. I want my sons to

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00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 1: respect me and want them to love me. They don't

410
00:21:30,480 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 1: have to like me because I'm not trying to be

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00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 1: their friends. I have friends. You're my friend, You're my

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00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 1: best friend. I have you, right, I have the whole

413
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:39,600
Speaker 1: podcast grew to be friends. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: I don't need a little adolescent, pretty adolescent person to

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Speaker 1: be my friend. I need you to be great and

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00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,200
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And that's where the conflict comes. If

417
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:51,960
Speaker 1: I create the adversity for them, then I become the

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00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 1: bad guy and then they won't understand it until later

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00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,280
Speaker 1: on in life. So a lot of times with me,

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00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:02,080
Speaker 1: from my perspective, looking at you and Jackson's relationship or

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00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,720
Speaker 1: just even looking at him as a person and even

422
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: our other boys, Um, you can tell there's something innate

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00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 1: in each child. Right, So Jackson and it's funny how

424
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:14,760
Speaker 1: kids tend to um take some of the best and

425
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 1: worst qualities of both individuals, and then you see and

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00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: it's just like them. There's so much like And you've

427
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:23,480
Speaker 1: said to me in many instances, like I can I

428
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 1: can deal with Jackson because Jackson so much like you,

429
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,399
Speaker 1: and I've been dealing with you for twenty years, so

430
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 1: it's almost like dealing with a little version of you.

431
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,960
Speaker 1: And I'm not necessarily going to say that I'm proud of.

432
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 1: Some of the tabbits that he has are ones that

433
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,320
Speaker 1: I to this day continue to struggle with as an adult.

434
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,480
Speaker 1: But what I can do as a mom because we're

435
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 1: also very purposeful about being the united front that we

436
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 1: should be for the children, so it's not going to

437
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:51,080
Speaker 1: be me versus you, at least in front of them. UM.

438
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 1: I try to make sure that I do support whatever

439
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,400
Speaker 1: it is that you are doing, or whatever you're trying

440
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 1: to implement that moment or whether the lesson. Maybe I

441
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 1: try to make sure that I back you on that.

442
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 1: But I also like to also be mom in that

443
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 1: I can be that comfort and that support system where

444
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: I can follow up with him and just say, hey,

445
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: you know what Daddy meant by X y Z, you know,

446
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: and sometimes as a child, you don't want to hear.

447
00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: You know, Daddy just wants the best for you. And

448
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: you know that's why Daddy's doing this. He doesn't want

449
00:23:20,359 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 1: to hear that. So the approach that take um maybe

450
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,880
Speaker 1: unbeknown to you because I don't always tell you about

451
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 1: every conversation Jackson I have. But what I try to

452
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: do is bring it back to me and say, Jackson, listen,

453
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,639
Speaker 1: a lot of the qualities that Daddy is referring to,

454
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 1: Mommy deals with them too, and I'm trying to overcome that.

455
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,199
Speaker 1: And here's how I'm trying to do it. So I

456
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 1: want you to help hold me accountable by if I say, yo,

457
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 1: I'm a being the gym in I'm gonna keep myself

458
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 1: accountable and do everything I'm said I want to do,

459
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: you have to call me out when I'm not doing that.

460
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:48,280
Speaker 1: So I said, can we make a deal that will

461
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,960
Speaker 1: hold each other accountable? So it's a it's a style

462
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 1: stepping that we take as parents that I think is

463
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,440
Speaker 1: necessary because some parents feel like they don't want to

464
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,479
Speaker 1: stole step with their children. When I say goals and

465
00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 1: that's it. But we take the approach where we feel

466
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 1: like our children require and they deserve to have different

467
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 1: approaches taken if some approach is not working. So I

468
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 1: like that we were able to do that and kind

469
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,120
Speaker 1: of tag team as parents. UM I do get concerned sometimes,

470
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,320
Speaker 1: like you know, he has this practice, that practice, that

471
00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: practice he is also he has coding, he has debate team,

472
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: he has so many different things because we want to

473
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 1: make sure he's well rounded. So I just never want

474
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:23,680
Speaker 1: there to be a burnout or I never want there

475
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 1: to be an resentment where he feels like, damn, the

476
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:27,560
Speaker 1: only way I can relate to Dad is in this

477
00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:31,680
Speaker 1: sports environment because that's really what he wants me to do. Um.

478
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,640
Speaker 1: So it's always a constant touch base that we take

479
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 1: with him to make sure that this is genuinely what

480
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 1: he wants to do and he's having fun right well.

481
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: I mean, the biggest thing is he doesn't play any

482
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 1: sports that he doesn't want to play. I never give

483
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: him a ball and say you're gonna play this. He

484
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 1: comes to me and say, hey, Dad, like this year,

485
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 1: I want to play football. I never talked to him

486
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,159
Speaker 1: about playing football after the running gades in Brooklyn and

487
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,200
Speaker 1: he said don't want to play football there, fine, because

488
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 1: I stopped playing football at eight and I don't want

489
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 1: to play anymo one and I end up playing in

490
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 1: the NFL, which to me was proof enough that you

491
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,800
Speaker 1: don't have to play football your whole life in order

492
00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 1: to make it to the highest level. But I will

493
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 1: say this, right, and this is um the difference between

494
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:15,000
Speaker 1: you and Jackson even having the same personality. You guys

495
00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:19,440
Speaker 1: do have the same personality. And what will save you

496
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 1: and help you with your personality or your personality trait

497
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 1: that you have to be pushed is that you married

498
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't mind pushing you, and we work together.

499
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: When you don't feel like getting up, I'm like, yo,

500
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,200
Speaker 1: get up, let's go. Jackson is going to be a man.

501
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,960
Speaker 1: He's gonna be a young man, and he can't rely

502
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 1: on a woman to be like, hey, you need to

503
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: get up and go be a man. He has to

504
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: stand up and be a man on his own so

505
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 1: he could be there for his family in the case

506
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: that his family can't, you know, can't do the things

507
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,240
Speaker 1: that they need to do. For example, say he has

508
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:54,439
Speaker 1: a wife who who can't go back to work. He

509
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 1: can't just sit back and back well, I'm gonna go

510
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 1: to work when I want to. That's not he can't

511
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 1: do that. Your wife is having children, Like somebody has

512
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,280
Speaker 1: to work while your wife is bearing children and carrying children.

513
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,920
Speaker 1: And I feel like for young boys especially, we have

514
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 1: to learn the balance right. And this is something I learned,

515
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 1: And this is gonna be key, did I. This is

516
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,320
Speaker 1: gonna be a key that I give to a lot

517
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:17,640
Speaker 1: of young men, right. Like I said, I mentored and

518
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: I coached for twelve years. I screamed, I cursed hollid um.

519
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 1: Sometimes we got physical, pushed them, like physically push them

520
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 1: like let's go, like you know the raw, let's go.

521
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 1: You push them, hype like we've been there with the kids,

522
00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: you know, make them do push ups, make them run,

523
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 1: make them do sprints. And all of our kids left

524
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 1: prototype feeling inspired, a feeling empowered, but feeling challenged. I

525
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:46,879
Speaker 1: do realize now, though, that I could be that person

526
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: to those because they could leave the gym and go

527
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,680
Speaker 1: sit in the car with their father and then vent

528
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 1: to their father how much they didn't like coach the

529
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:58,160
Speaker 1: val or they didn't have a dad in their life.

530
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 1: Because the majority of the kids that you mentor, yeah,

531
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:05,200
Speaker 1: we're single mom households, so they probably craved having that.

532
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 1: It might have been a love hate relationships. They hated

533
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:11,080
Speaker 1: coach the back like they felt like, all right, this guy,

534
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 1: I love him, but I hate him at the same time.

535
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,880
Speaker 1: T J is a prime example. We were just talking

536
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 1: to t J, and t J literally like our son,

537
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 1: and he knows that he is grown to love you

538
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,800
Speaker 1: so much over the years because he's like man, somebody

539
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: was actually really invested in me. But that's also the

540
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 1: dynamic when I looked at when I when I think

541
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: back at those times, I honestly didn't care what those

542
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: young men and young women thought of me. They weren't

543
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 1: my clients. Their parents were my clients. Their parents are

544
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 1: the one who paid for the service. When I spoke

545
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 1: to these young people, I always spoke to them and

546
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,679
Speaker 1: their parents. Asked the young people to leave, and I

547
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 1: spoke to the parents about what I required as a

548
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 1: coach from them for us as a team to get

549
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: their child to the highest level. And some people didn't

550
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,199
Speaker 1: take to it. People chose to leave something like this

551
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 1: is too intense, right. What I'm realizing now is that

552
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:01,360
Speaker 1: the fact that I could, I could like disconnect from

553
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 1: that I don't care if these children like me because

554
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 1: they're not even my client. That you can't it's not

555
00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:08,680
Speaker 1: the same disconnect. I can say as much as I want,

556
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,199
Speaker 1: I don't care how much my sons like me. But

557
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,680
Speaker 1: when I come in the house and I don't get

558
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:14,680
Speaker 1: love from my sons, if they don't hug me and stuff,

559
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, yo, what's what's up? Like it hurts,

560
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 1: It hurts, and the conflict comes its like do I

561
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:21,359
Speaker 1: want to deal with this pain now so that I

562
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 1: can raise great children? Like as much as people want

563
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:28,119
Speaker 1: to complain about LaVar Ball, complain about Michael Joe Jackson,

564
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 1: they complain about those men created great human beings, not

565
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: just young men. They created young men and young women

566
00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: through adversity, through trials, you know what I'm saying, Through

567
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: a lot of constant pressure, because the pressure is at home,

568
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 1: created greatness on the outside world. But there's one thing

569
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 1: I learned from watching the uh King Richard's story. Richard

570
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 1: was not gonna let anyone else pressure his daughters. He

571
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 1: did everything on his own terms, and he always said

572
00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:02,360
Speaker 1: to them, the minute you're not having fun, you're not

573
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,120
Speaker 1: playing anymore. If you notice I do that with Jackson.

574
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 1: Did you have fun? You have to did you have fun?

575
00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: Did you have fun? Because I will see Jackson will

576
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 1: get out of practice and his instant instinct is to

577
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,240
Speaker 1: come to you and tell him all the things that

578
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: he did well. He'll even say if I didn't have

579
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: a good practice. But it's almost like he feels like

580
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 1: he needs to touch base with you to let you

581
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 1: know how things transpired her and practice, to kind of

582
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 1: get your approval right. Um, But you know how I'll

583
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,719
Speaker 1: tell you. I realize you're doing a good job at

584
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 1: balancing as much as you're you're very hard on yourself

585
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 1: more often, and I know we constantly have touch basis

586
00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 1: about that. You say, do you think I did too much?

587
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 1: Or was I yelling too much at the game or

588
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: so we do have constant touch basis about that. But

589
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: what I can observe, um, and this just happened recently,

590
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 1: to let you know that you are doing the right

591
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: thing at least I think, is when Jackson, for example,

592
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 1: you were hollering and screaming about something after a practice,

593
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 1: he said in the car with him and Jackson. Of course,

594
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 1: you know I was feeling kind of probably beat down

595
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,880
Speaker 1: in that moment, and he came inside the house. You

596
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,920
Speaker 1: came inside the house, you went down to workout in

597
00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: the gym. He was upstairs having dinner or whatever, and

598
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 1: then he came downstairs to check on you. And most kids,

599
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,680
Speaker 1: most kids, after being you know, either scolded or reprimanded

600
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 1: or just you know, appearing getting in their ass, they

601
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 1: might just want to stay away from them, like, Yo,

602
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna have my dinner, take my shower, and

603
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:31,920
Speaker 1: go to bed. I may or may not say good night,

604
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,520
Speaker 1: like that's just it. But Jackson came out and stairs

605
00:30:34,520 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 1: to check on you and then said to you, well,

606
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 1: I won't tell the story, but you can tell. But

607
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: that's what think about it. Man. I did crying that

608
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 1: moment you did, because I was on the treadmor when

609
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:46,520
Speaker 1: he came downstairs, and he's just like, yo, you're good, bro,

610
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 1: this is good. Bro. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. Why

611
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,200
Speaker 1: And it's just then now you've seen he goes. You

612
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:56,200
Speaker 1: just seemed upset in the car, and I said I

613
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: was a little upset, and he was like, well, I

614
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: thought I had a good practice. I said, you did

615
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 1: have a good practice. I said, some of the things

616
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: that I have issues with, you have nothing to do

617
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: with basketball. You know. Some of it is just communication,

618
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,479
Speaker 1: you know, some of your life stuff. You know, how

619
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,200
Speaker 1: how are you going to communicate as as a man?

620
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: You know? Um? And he said to me, I said why,

621
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: you know what? How did you know I was upset

622
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:22,360
Speaker 1: in the car? And he was like, well, I could

623
00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 1: tell you was upset because you know, you started screaming

624
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 1: and I hate when you start cursing, right, And I said, well,

625
00:31:27,880 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 1: I didn't curse that you and he said, no, you

626
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 1: didn't curse at me, but I can tell when you

627
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: start cursing that you're upset. And he said to me,

628
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:38,400
Speaker 1: I think you can control your emotions better in that situation. Mhm.

629
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: And here's the thing. Though I didn't get upset, my

630
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 1: ego wasn't bruised. I broke down and started crying because

631
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:52,960
Speaker 1: my son is exercising emotional intelligence and he felt empowered

632
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 1: enough to tell me what he felt and what I

633
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: could do better. That made me so touched, because I'm like,

634
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:02,520
Speaker 1: no one's ever gonna be able to take advantage of

635
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:08,680
Speaker 1: my son. Oh h, you have no idea what it's

636
00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: like to send your son out to be coached or

637
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 1: trained or taught by other people, and you just don't

638
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: want anybody else to be to take advantage of your son,

639
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,720
Speaker 1: you know. And Jackson is an EmPATH, so he cares

640
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 1: a lot about other people and he always wants other

641
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:29,040
Speaker 1: people to be okay. And I never want people to

642
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 1: take advantage of any of my kids. So the fact

643
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 1: that he felt empowered to say to his father, like,

644
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 1: I think you could have controlled yourself better in that

645
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:39,360
Speaker 1: situation was just like but you know how many parents

646
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: would have taken that as disrespect, Like how do you

647
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 1: say that to me? And it just is a testimony

648
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,600
Speaker 1: to what you're doing as a father, I'm doing as

649
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: a mother, as a parent, Like that's like a for

650
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:51,360
Speaker 1: me at least, And people may not agree with that,

651
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 1: but for me, that was like a pat yourself on

652
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 1: the back kind of moment because he felt safe enough

653
00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: and he felt confident enough to come to you and say, hey, dad,

654
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 1: let's touch base after we had a disagreement. You know

655
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:06,640
Speaker 1: how many adults can't even do that ship You know

656
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 1: how many adults have disagreements and can't even muster up

657
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 1: the goal to say, you know what, I'm going to

658
00:33:12,840 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 1: confront this person and say let me touch base with

659
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,280
Speaker 1: him and see they're okay, especially when you were the

660
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,920
Speaker 1: one that was, you know, getting on him. And but

661
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 1: that just goes to show how much of an empathy

662
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:23,000
Speaker 1: is that he wants to make sure that you were

663
00:33:23,040 --> 00:33:24,760
Speaker 1: okay because he's like, man, Dad, you kind of lost

664
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:26,760
Speaker 1: it in that moment. I just wanted to make sure

665
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: that you were okay, because you know, it's no hard feelings.

666
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:31,520
Speaker 1: And he literally follows you around the rest of the

667
00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 1: night like your shadow did. He followed me around the

668
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:34,480
Speaker 1: rest of the night. You want to make sure I

669
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: was okay. But then he also, um he always does

670
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: because I did this before. We had this conversation before,

671
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 1: and he was just like it's okay, Like he was

672
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: like it's okay, like like reminding me like that you

673
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 1: don't have to be perfect. Yeah, But what that also

674
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:50,720
Speaker 1: means to me is like because I said to him,

675
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 1: I say, yo, bro, I've never been a father before.

676
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,800
Speaker 1: You're the first son. I'm gonna make mistakes. Please give

677
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:02,040
Speaker 1: me grace during this coaching, says, because I'm going to

678
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,719
Speaker 1: make mistakes and I need you to hold me accountable

679
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,320
Speaker 1: and be like your dad, like you could have definitely

680
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,280
Speaker 1: handled that better, but but like you said, feel safe

681
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 1: saying it. And and what has every coach that Jackson's

682
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:20,279
Speaker 1: had so far, even other teammates, parents, teachers always come

683
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,439
Speaker 1: to us and say, man, he is just a good kid.

684
00:34:23,680 --> 00:34:28,840
Speaker 1: He's respectful, yes, ma'am, no sir, um, you know we'll

685
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 1: take direction. Well, he just he checks out for his teammates. Um.

686
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: Just the other day, my mom said that there's these

687
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: like energy, like these sports taijastion drinks that he likes now.

688
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:41,560
Speaker 1: So I bought a case of it, but they were

689
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:42,920
Speaker 1: hard to find because it seems like a lot of

690
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: people are like in this particular drink now and I

691
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: couldn't find the case. And I found one case on Amazon.

692
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:49,799
Speaker 1: It was a little pricey, but I was like, all right,

693
00:34:49,800 --> 00:34:51,160
Speaker 1: if he really loves it, I want to get it

694
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,320
Speaker 1: because it must be something about this drink. So I

695
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,160
Speaker 1: got a case of it, put him in the fridge

696
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 1: for him, and said, yo, when you go to practice whatever,

697
00:34:57,120 --> 00:34:58,959
Speaker 1: take when and go. So him Cairo kind of started

698
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:00,879
Speaker 1: to drink a couple of it too. So my mom

699
00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:02,840
Speaker 1: says she packs his lunch for school, and she's like,

700
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: I'm not snitching, because you know made me know about snitches.

701
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 1: You don't do that here, right, So you say, well,

702
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,520
Speaker 1: I'm not snitching, but I just don't want to tell

703
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,319
Speaker 1: you a little something about what Jackson did for two

704
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: mornings in a row. So I said, what was it.

705
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: She said, his lunch box was packed, his backpack and everything.

706
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 1: And then she sees right before he's rushing out the

707
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 1: door to school that you runs into the garage and

708
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 1: he has something in this hoodie and she's just like, well,

709
00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: first of all, we don't do sneaky, So if you're

710
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 1: sneaking something while you're sneaking, so just be honest about

711
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,440
Speaker 1: what it is. So the first day he said, oh, no,

712
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: I just got a little drink my friend wanted to try.

713
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 1: So my mom was like, okay, that's fine. You know,

714
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 1: you take a drink for your friend, it's okay. Just

715
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 1: make sure that you know then allergic or anything, but

716
00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: just you know, taking it, that's okay. And then the

717
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,759
Speaker 1: next day he's taking another drink for another friend. So

718
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, Jackson would totally be the kid where if

719
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,400
Speaker 1: somebody like was at school and didn't have lunch or

720
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: didn't like the lunch, he'd be like sharing lunch with them, right.

721
00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 1: So the next day, He's given to another drink. So

722
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:58,000
Speaker 1: she said, you know, Jack's, if you keep giving what

723
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,200
Speaker 1: your drinks, you're not gonna have anymore, you know. And

724
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 1: Mom said they were hard to find and they were

725
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:03,920
Speaker 1: a little expensive and stuff, and he was just like,

726
00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:05,840
Speaker 1: it's all right, I'll go without if they can try it.

727
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:10,160
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, you know, in those moments, So

728
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 1: you and I, um, well, you were away um to

729
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 1: do the Sherry Shepherd's show, and he and I had

730
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: a lot of time to bond. So where you used

731
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:19,240
Speaker 1: to be, you know, uber dad trucking here from practice

732
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:21,719
Speaker 1: to practice and everything. I took him to get his here,

733
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,839
Speaker 1: braided took him and everything, so very similarly to what

734
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 1: you did. I use those moments in the car just

735
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 1: to talk to him too. So we were talking about

736
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 1: you know, ball and everything. We're talking about all his

737
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 1: activities that he's juggling. And I said to him, I'm like, yo,

738
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:36,960
Speaker 1: I said, you're doing a really great job balancing all

739
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,240
Speaker 1: of this. His report card just came home stellar grades

740
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 1: is overall average is like a ninety five, you know,

741
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 1: just doing so well. So I wanted to reiterate how

742
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:47,360
Speaker 1: product was of him, and just to let him know, like, listen,

743
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 1: you deserve too if you ever have, you know, a

744
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:52,399
Speaker 1: moment where you need a mental health day and you're like, yo, Mama,

745
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: this has been a lot because he's juggling so many things.

746
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: You have to let me know. And I said, concurrently

747
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,319
Speaker 1: with that, I need you to let me know if

748
00:36:59,360 --> 00:37:01,319
Speaker 1: there's something that to do more or less of as

749
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 1: a mom. And I said, you know, this is my

750
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:05,360
Speaker 1: first time. You're our first son, so much like Daddy

751
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,240
Speaker 1: has told you, you know, we don't have all the answers.

752
00:37:07,239 --> 00:37:09,120
Speaker 1: We're trying to figure things out, but we want you

753
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: to always feel comfortable, whether it's me or Dad or

754
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:12,839
Speaker 1: both of us. So you can just say, hey, Mom,

755
00:37:12,880 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 1: like you know you didn't do this or that's when

756
00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,200
Speaker 1: we talked about accountability and all that. So I just

757
00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,520
Speaker 1: love that I can have these conversations with my eleven

758
00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:22,320
Speaker 1: year old who has the spirit of an old soul,

759
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: you know, but just conducts himself so much better than

760
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: even some adults that I that I know, you know,

761
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:30,560
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of that is just innate

762
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 1: in him. I mean I don't think it's innate. I

763
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 1: think he has to be taught that I think It's

764
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 1: a lot of conversations we have. But I also think

765
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,359
Speaker 1: it's the accountability of the parents. Like even even being

766
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,439
Speaker 1: a coach slash dad, I get upset when coaches try

767
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,759
Speaker 1: to sometimes tell a dad like Dad, you need to

768
00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 1: back up. Yeah, I know, I need to back up.

769
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: But this is more than basketball for me, Like, this

770
00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:52,839
Speaker 1: is my son, and when I'm teaching my son, I'm

771
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:55,640
Speaker 1: teaching my son life skills at all time. So you're

772
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:57,680
Speaker 1: trying to win a game. I get that again, you're

773
00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,400
Speaker 1: trying to win a game, but in this moment, I

774
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 1: don't give a ship about your game or your team.

775
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,720
Speaker 1: My son has to leave from here and still exist

776
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 1: as a person in society. So a lot of times

777
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,880
Speaker 1: when you see fathers or even moms who have to

778
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:11,799
Speaker 1: play the role of coach as well, they're not just

779
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:14,759
Speaker 1: coaching their child to be the best player on that

780
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,879
Speaker 1: team in that moment for that game. They're coaching their

781
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 1: child for life. So a lot of times, and this

782
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: is where I think a lot more of the outside

783
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: world doesn't understand where the parent is coming from. I

784
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:29,280
Speaker 1: could give a ship if Jackson plays in the NBA

785
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:33,719
Speaker 1: or the NFL. I want to create a super productive

786
00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 1: human that will be successful in any facet of life

787
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: of what he chooses to do. Sports is just a

788
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:44,000
Speaker 1: vehicle to teach those lessons. So sometimes when people think

789
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:46,960
Speaker 1: parents are being overbearing because the parent wants them to

790
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:49,839
Speaker 1: play in the NBA, I don't care. Like I don't.

791
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:52,960
Speaker 1: I also speak to other parents who are doing well

792
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,399
Speaker 1: who are just like I don't care if my son

793
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,480
Speaker 1: goes and plays college, Like we have a fund where

794
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,360
Speaker 1: the college is going to be paid for. But I

795
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 1: want my son to be detail oriented. I want my

796
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: daughter to have a sense of urgency. I want my

797
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 1: child to to learn to compete and have great sportsmanship,

798
00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:11,359
Speaker 1: and you learn that through sports. And a lot of

799
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 1: times parents say trust the coach and say I'm gonna

800
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:17,880
Speaker 1: trust the coach, and just especially if they are athletes,

801
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,200
Speaker 1: I'm gonna trust the coach and trust that the coach

802
00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,799
Speaker 1: is gonna do the right thing. But as a as

803
00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:25,759
Speaker 1: a parent who's played sports at the highest level, it's

804
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 1: hardest for us to watch you be a detriment and

805
00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 1: not a benefit to our child. Right when you look

806
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,240
Speaker 1: at some of these things here facts and stats. According

807
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:38,239
Speaker 1: to a two thousand fifteen Coach Up survey, coaches said

808
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:42,080
Speaker 1: they see parents yell at their kids referees during games,

809
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 1: setting an example of poor sportsmanship for their young athletes.

810
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: That will still what that will stay with them long

811
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 1: after the game ends. I'm part of what I will

812
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:54,840
Speaker 1: do is call out of Like the last game he played,

813
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 1: that other team was traveling so much. I thought they's

814
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,719
Speaker 1: about to catch a flight. So I said, why are

815
00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,319
Speaker 1: you you not making the calls? You know and and

816
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,279
Speaker 1: and you know what the ref said. No, you gotta

817
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 1: stay what the ref said, so so people can understand

818
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:09,799
Speaker 1: why the parents get upset. The ref said to us,

819
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 1: and we weren't screaming. The ref was sort of kicking

820
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: and three other dads in this we were jumping around,

821
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 1: just like ref, man, you're not gonna call that. And

822
00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,240
Speaker 1: he's like, look, we got an hour for this game.

823
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,799
Speaker 1: If we call every call, it's gonna be we're gonna

824
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,279
Speaker 1: be here longer, and we have things we want to

825
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 1: do the playoff games later. And my thing is like, listen,

826
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:28,439
Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying, but now you're making your

827
00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 1: personal life more important than this game. You're teaching the

828
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,320
Speaker 1: other team that they can get away with stuff. Plus

829
00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 1: our treachs are starting to feel like they're being treated unfairly,

830
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,480
Speaker 1: Like how are you picking and choosing when you want

831
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:41,840
Speaker 1: to make the call against which team? Breath? Right? You

832
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:43,520
Speaker 1: know I'd be ready to fight. Let me listen. Okay,

833
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,440
Speaker 1: I'll be a row on one to these games sometime,

834
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 1: y'all because a boy this football. Now I'm starting to

835
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 1: learn more about basketball and everything I am. It's just

836
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 1: it's tough to watch sometimes because for the ref in

837
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:56,839
Speaker 1: that moment, who just thinks it's just a little leving,

838
00:40:57,360 --> 00:41:00,479
Speaker 1: leving your own game. For these kids, they that sits

839
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 1: with them. Jackson will lose a game and then come

840
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 1: home and be like, oh my god, what I do wrong? Differently,

841
00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 1: they dissect and he wants to see film and he

842
00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 1: wants to better, and which is cool because you want

843
00:41:09,600 --> 00:41:11,319
Speaker 1: him to be able to learn from whatever mistakes that

844
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,000
Speaker 1: he may not to say that he's, you know, the

845
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: star player all the time. But at the same time too,

846
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 1: it's like, how do you continue to build sportsmanship? Yes,

847
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 1: but also too we know as adults how should is

848
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,840
Speaker 1: just not always fair? Well, this is what I've learned

849
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 1: in those times. This is what I took for the

850
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:28,799
Speaker 1: last game, right, he got filed at least four times

851
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:31,399
Speaker 1: on shots. It was very clear that this is sixth

852
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 1: grade basketball. Some people have different standards of excellence for

853
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 1: sixth grade basketball, right. Some people be like, hey, it's

854
00:41:38,200 --> 00:41:40,600
Speaker 1: just fun, it's red ball. Let the kids learn. Right,

855
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 1: Jackson plays a high level of sixth grade basketball. He

856
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 1: plays AU so he's extremely skilled. I've watched other uh

857
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 1: reveries say, well, that kid is skilled. So if the

858
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 1: kid he's playing isn't as skilled to even the playing field,

859
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:55,680
Speaker 1: I'm not going to call as many calls on the

860
00:41:55,719 --> 00:41:57,960
Speaker 1: other kids. So the Jackson's looking at me like that

861
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 1: that's not a file. How they follow me. I've taught

862
00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: him to say, listen, bro, you can only control what's

863
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:08,200
Speaker 1: in your power. Control what you can control, make the

864
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:10,560
Speaker 1: shots you take. You know what I'm saying. Try not

865
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,920
Speaker 1: to touch him at all on defense. If you lose

866
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 1: a game, remember this, it's sixth grade basketball. Fact. There's

867
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,480
Speaker 1: so much more going on in the world. When you

868
00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 1: get to high school. If you lose a game, it's

869
00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: high school basketball. When you get to college, it's when

870
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 1: you play in the NBA. It's just basketball. You're not

871
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: carrying cancer. You know what I'm saying, you're not solving

872
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 1: any long term illness, you know, disease or anything. You're

873
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:38,680
Speaker 1: playing basketball. If you keep it into perspective that it's

874
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:42,120
Speaker 1: just basketball and always have fun regardless of whether you

875
00:42:42,160 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 1: win or lose, and always trying to win. Sometimes you're

876
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: just not gonna win. I'm a Warriors fan, Okay, I'm

877
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,760
Speaker 1: a Warriors fan. I love the Warriors. In two thousand

878
00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 1: and fifteen, Lebron James was the best basketball player on

879
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 1: the court during the Finals. I think he averaged thirty

880
00:42:56,680 --> 00:43:00,319
Speaker 1: five in a triple double. He let in every statistical category,

881
00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:03,080
Speaker 1: and his team lost. That doesn't take away the fact

882
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,800
Speaker 1: that he was great and it's still the greatest basketball player,

883
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,799
Speaker 1: but his team lost. I said, Jack's sometimes you're gonna

884
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 1: play phenomenal lights out and you're gonna lose. You're going

885
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,320
Speaker 1: to have to learn how to deal with those losses period.

886
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:19,160
Speaker 1: So sometimes sometimes you like I remember when Jackson started

887
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:21,920
Speaker 1: getting better at basketball, team started to win a little bit,

888
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,080
Speaker 1: he was feeling himself, and I remember saying something, I

889
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:29,560
Speaker 1: hope he loses soon if he keeps winning. Most children,

890
00:43:29,800 --> 00:43:34,000
Speaker 1: most people, once they tart to reach a certain level

891
00:43:34,080 --> 00:43:37,000
Speaker 1: of success and they feel like I've arrived. It stops

892
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 1: the work. So for me, it was like, I need

893
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 1: to take a couple of losses because in the moment

894
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,560
Speaker 1: where it counts, that may not be at your best.

895
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 1: And then what then what? Back to fact and youth

896
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 1: sports coaches say most parents play too much emphasis on

897
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 1: their child winning games. I can see that the coaches

898
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: wanting them to win too though, but winning does matter

899
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: because when child lose over and over again, they start

900
00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 1: to feel like, I don't want to do this anymore.

901
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: I'm tired of losing. Who wants to lose all the time,

902
00:44:07,239 --> 00:44:09,239
Speaker 1: no one. No one wants to lose all the time.

903
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 1: And and winning promotes a higher level of work ethic.

904
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:16,400
Speaker 1: That's what people don't understand. When you're working towards the

905
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 1: goal and you can see the benefits of the work,

906
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: you're more entitled to work. That's why I can't subscribe

907
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,160
Speaker 1: to the whole like everybody gets a trophy, everybody gets

908
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:26,200
Speaker 1: a person where nobody really wins. We're just playing for fun.

909
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:28,239
Speaker 1: There are moments when yes, you would be playing for fun,

910
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 1: but there's times when no, we're playing to win. Let's

911
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:34,160
Speaker 1: just be real about because life is a game you

912
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:35,839
Speaker 1: can't just you can't live life and be like, hey man,

913
00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 1: I'll just hate Listen. I know my mortgages do. But

914
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 1: I'm out here. I'm just float. I'm just gonna float.

915
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 1: I'm gonna living for fun, so I'm gonna get you

916
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:43,920
Speaker 1: the money when I get No, that's not how the

917
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 1: world works. No, people be living like that. But listen,

918
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: that's a lot of stress. Eighty percent of coaches say

919
00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 1: that the best way for a parent to help their

920
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 1: child play better is to not give instructions during the game.

921
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: Devout fails this every single game. Remember there was one

922
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 1: game where that I think Jackson had a bit like dolls,

923
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 1: like daddy, if I gave you twenty dollars, if you

924
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: don't say nothing the whole game to my In my defense,

925
00:45:08,239 --> 00:45:11,279
Speaker 1: i'm quiet when the coach has showed me that I

926
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:15,839
Speaker 1: can trust their instruction. If I notice that you're not

927
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 1: helping and my son looks confused and he's getting his

928
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 1: ass kicked by another team that is nowhere nearest talented

929
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:25,040
Speaker 1: as him or his team, and you don't even care

930
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 1: because you have nothing invested in these children, I'm going

931
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,120
Speaker 1: to start instruction. I'm going to start instruction from the

932
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,880
Speaker 1: parental side. I'll be with the y'all. Okay, let's sit

933
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 1: next to me again with all the say the best

934
00:45:36,480 --> 00:45:38,200
Speaker 1: way for parents to help their child is to remain

935
00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:42,120
Speaker 1: completely silent during the game. We'll see it depends Jackson.

936
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 1: Jackson has told me a couple of times he has

937
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 1: looked at me and been like this a couple of times.

938
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:50,640
Speaker 1: He's easy brother than me. He's easy brother me. But

939
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 1: there's also times in the game we'll be going on,

940
00:45:52,320 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: he'd be looking at me like he's confused, he's confused,

941
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 1: and I'm just like, this is what you know. And

942
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 1: that comes from also us as parents having discernment of

943
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,719
Speaker 1: who we're gonna allow to coach our children. That's also

944
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:04,280
Speaker 1: a fact if you don't feel like that that particular

945
00:46:04,280 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 1: team or coaches of service to your child and helping

946
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 1: them get better, do what you gotta do. Coaches say

947
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:12,879
Speaker 1: coaching their youth athlete can strain a parents relationship with

948
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:14,839
Speaker 1: their child. So this is another reason why you said

949
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:17,719
Speaker 1: you don't want to be coached on the team for

950
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:21,400
Speaker 1: this reason. Never And and I've also seen when I

951
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:25,960
Speaker 1: was watching King Richard also other parents that I've I've

952
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:31,440
Speaker 1: had some great men who have entrusted me with their

953
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 1: children because they saw the value in my teachings, and

954
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 1: when they brought their children to me, they left their

955
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 1: children and went because they trusted me. So it's important

956
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 1: to know as a parent that when you trust somebody,

957
00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 1: don't undermine their word. But constantly over talking the coach.

958
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 1: You have to say, you know what, I chose this person.

959
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:53,319
Speaker 1: I trust the person. Let me give them and that's

960
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:56,120
Speaker 1: what that's what I've been looking for. For example, with

961
00:46:56,200 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: j Cole Jay, I've known Ja since we were pret lessons,

962
00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 1: Like we grew up together in can He played basketball

963
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,760
Speaker 1: at a higher level and I did. When he comes

964
00:47:04,760 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 1: to take Jackson, it's just like, you know, I'm not

965
00:47:06,360 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 1: even going to the gym, y'all go. I don't even

966
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:10,360
Speaker 1: want to be a part of it. And the funny

967
00:47:10,360 --> 00:47:12,320
Speaker 1: thing is the other dads, like you know, Jackson plays

968
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: better when you're not here. He said, yeah, I know,

969
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:16,759
Speaker 1: when Jay's here to actually give him instruction other than

970
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,520
Speaker 1: the coach that's sitting there doing nothing. You know, for me,

971
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 1: I don't want to coach him. I'm smart enough to

972
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,879
Speaker 1: know what I don't know and know that I can't

973
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:26,440
Speaker 1: get him to the highest level the same way, and

974
00:47:26,520 --> 00:47:29,360
Speaker 1: King Richard he was like, I gotta take my girls

975
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 1: to someone else to coach them. But he that never

976
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:35,160
Speaker 1: stopped him from stopping the coach. But listen, you know tennis,

977
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:38,400
Speaker 1: you don't know my daughters. And that's one thing I

978
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:41,600
Speaker 1: took away from that movie was that he never let

979
00:47:41,640 --> 00:47:44,959
Speaker 1: those tennis pros, who told all the pros and their

980
00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:47,440
Speaker 1: knowledge of the game take away from his knowledge of

981
00:47:47,480 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 1: his daughters. And they kept saying like, well, they need

982
00:47:49,560 --> 00:47:51,440
Speaker 1: to play in this tournament. And then she was like,

983
00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 1: He's like, they're not ready and they won't do it

984
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,960
Speaker 1: because there's no cookie what cut her way to teach

985
00:47:56,000 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: any child, every child. It's like a classroom, having a

986
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 1: classroom for the students. You got your children who learned

987
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:03,279
Speaker 1: three different ways. Like nothing is cookie cut and nothing

988
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 1: is gonna work for that one person all the time.

989
00:48:06,280 --> 00:48:08,080
Speaker 1: But what I will say it is it is on

990
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:10,240
Speaker 1: the parents to kind of vet that team, vet that coach,

991
00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 1: and Okay, you're gonna vet someone who's an expert in

992
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 1: this particular field, and you should feel comfortable with whoever

993
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 1: you have, you know, giving your kid any kind of instructions.

994
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:21,920
Speaker 1: That's what we tried to do at least as parents,

995
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:24,200
Speaker 1: so to to tie it all back to where we

996
00:48:24,239 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 1: started and you even talking about the video that you

997
00:48:26,520 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 1: did with Jackson. First of all, once will make it

998
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 1: clear that as Jackson gets older, we're very particular about

999
00:48:31,360 --> 00:48:33,920
Speaker 1: how we share him what we share. So Jackson was

1000
00:48:33,960 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 1: aware that that particular video would be shared, and he

1001
00:48:39,000 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 1: said to you after the fact that he realized how

1002
00:48:41,280 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: much of a lesson that video was to so many people.

1003
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,040
Speaker 1: So whereas we had some people who were concerned about, oh,

1004
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 1: you know, you shouldn't be doing this on social media

1005
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:51,400
Speaker 1: with your kids, right, and he'll be made fun of,

1006
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 1: he actually came home and talked about two or three

1007
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:55,320
Speaker 1: kids that was just like, yo, bro, I saw the

1008
00:48:55,360 --> 00:48:57,560
Speaker 1: vigere your dad. Damn man. That was like, that was cool,

1009
00:48:57,560 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: that was touching, and then he felt like, man, I'm somebody,

1010
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:04,320
Speaker 1: and that made him feel even better about it. Heally

1011
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 1: gave you the okay for that. Always I know there's

1012
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:10,640
Speaker 1: nothing Once Jackson became I think eight, and he started

1013
00:49:10,640 --> 00:49:13,480
Speaker 1: to realize that kids in his school were watching our videos.

1014
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 1: I was like, bro, if you don't ever want to

1015
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:17,920
Speaker 1: me to post the video or something, you can let

1016
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 1: me know, and I won't post it. Remember, in the

1017
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 1: last couple of years, a lot more people have been saying,

1018
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 1: you know, I missed the kids. You know why we

1019
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:26,640
Speaker 1: don't see the kids as much. It's because every video

1020
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:28,920
Speaker 1: we record, I'm like, hey, do you want to post this?

1021
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 1: And if they're not feeling it, they just like nah.

1022
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 1: I Like, there's like I don't really want to post that,

1023
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 1: So I'm like cool. That video, in particular, it was

1024
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:38,799
Speaker 1: supposed to be a workout video because Jackson has been

1025
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:40,560
Speaker 1: getting better. He's been working on his right hand and

1026
00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,080
Speaker 1: his left hand, and also j Cole wasn't going to

1027
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:45,839
Speaker 1: be here this weekend, so I was like, yo, I'm

1028
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: gonna record these videos show Cole. So when I started

1029
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: recording and then he started acting up, I would just

1030
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:53,759
Speaker 1: started talking to him and then me having a phone

1031
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 1: in my hand for the past six years, I'm just

1032
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:58,400
Speaker 1: used to doing it. So when I'm recording, i'm recording,

1033
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:00,279
Speaker 1: I'm having the conversation bat Man Man Man bad. I

1034
00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,560
Speaker 1: get done and I'm just like, my damn. That was

1035
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:06,520
Speaker 1: That was an interesting video, mainly because I think it

1036
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:09,240
Speaker 1: was two videos before that I had posted how proud

1037
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:12,000
Speaker 1: I was of him and showing his moves and how

1038
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 1: flashy he was, and I was like, you know, there's

1039
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:16,960
Speaker 1: a lot of these au dads who only show the

1040
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:20,239
Speaker 1: glitz and glamor of their of their sons and their relationship.

1041
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: They don't show a little bit of the turmoil that

1042
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 1: goes on when the dad and the sun butt heads.

1043
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:28,239
Speaker 1: So I said, you know what, if Jackson's all right,

1044
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 1: I'm a poster. So I cut it. I put my

1045
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 1: Devoce Shroe for the end of it. I said, Jack's

1046
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:34,719
Speaker 1: take a look at this video. We watched the full

1047
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,120
Speaker 1: ten minute video. I said, how do you feel about

1048
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 1: this video? And he asked me, said what do you

1049
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 1: think people are gonna get from it? And I explained

1050
00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 1: to him, I said, you know, you watch all of

1051
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:47,080
Speaker 1: these kids. You watch Mel Mel, you watched Brownie growing up,

1052
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:48,799
Speaker 1: you watched Mike, you watched all of these kids. You

1053
00:50:48,800 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 1: watched their highlights. Have you ever seen them struggle with

1054
00:50:51,600 --> 00:50:54,360
Speaker 1: their dad go through a workout? Do you ever wonder

1055
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:56,759
Speaker 1: if they've ever had a moment in their life when

1056
00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 1: they didn't want to work out and the dad made

1057
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,560
Speaker 1: them work out? And he was like, yeah, because sometimes

1058
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:01,920
Speaker 1: I feel like, dang, if I don't want to work

1059
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:03,879
Speaker 1: out every day like them. Maybe I'm not good enough.

1060
00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:07,600
Speaker 1: Think about when he met Seth Curry recently shout out

1061
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:11,359
Speaker 1: to Seth. It was after a Hawks on Net game

1062
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:12,879
Speaker 1: and we went back and we got to see Kyrie

1063
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:14,400
Speaker 1: and in a couple of them, and you asked, Steff.

1064
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 1: You were like, I mean, Seth, you were like, how

1065
00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:17,680
Speaker 1: many shots you gotta put up? And they said five

1066
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:20,359
Speaker 1: hundred makes a day? And then I've seen Jackson, then

1067
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:22,759
Speaker 1: I gotta I have to want to do five And

1068
00:51:22,760 --> 00:51:25,040
Speaker 1: that's the key word. He says, I have to want

1069
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:26,840
Speaker 1: to do five hundred makes a day in order to

1070
00:51:26,880 --> 00:51:29,120
Speaker 1: make it to the NBA. And I explained to him,

1071
00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:31,160
Speaker 1: I said, no, he didn't say he wanted to. He

1072
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:33,239
Speaker 1: said he did, which means it was a lot of

1073
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:35,439
Speaker 1: days where he probably didn't want to. And his dad said,

1074
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:37,120
Speaker 1: you want to be great, you gotta go do these.

1075
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: And I said, I would put this out here to

1076
00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:43,080
Speaker 1: show people that even when you didn't want to, you

1077
00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 1: still completed the workout. You might have cried through it,

1078
00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 1: you might have been piste off, he was upset at me,

1079
00:51:47,840 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 1: but you finished, and which that showing people is that

1080
00:51:50,719 --> 00:51:52,680
Speaker 1: you don't always have to do something in order to

1081
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:56,600
Speaker 1: do it because it needs to be done, and he said,

1082
00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:59,719
Speaker 1: I wonder how many kids? And then he went back

1083
00:51:59,719 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 1: to cool after that, and he got a couple of

1084
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,759
Speaker 1: buddies that go the same middle school to him, and

1085
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 1: they were just like, yo, I'll be feeling the same way.

1086
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 1: My daddy tells me I have to do something and

1087
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:08,920
Speaker 1: I don't even want to do it, and then we

1088
00:52:08,920 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 1: get into arguments. But it's like you and your dad

1089
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:13,200
Speaker 1: go through that too, And they look up to Jackson,

1090
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 1: like I said. He was m VP of offensive Player

1091
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 1: of his football team best offensive played his football team

1092
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:20,600
Speaker 1: this past four He won m VP of his fifth

1093
00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:24,120
Speaker 1: grade team last year, so in their minds, Jackson is

1094
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:27,399
Speaker 1: the guy. So to hear, Jackson said he didn't feel

1095
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 1: like it and he still had to do it. They

1096
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 1: were like, okay, so when my dad makes me do it,

1097
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:33,760
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I'm not gonna make it because

1098
00:52:33,760 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it. So it's amazing. Was

1099
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:39,439
Speaker 1: excited about that. It's amazing how our children can teach

1100
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:42,640
Speaker 1: us things and inspire us. Like it almost makes me

1101
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:44,680
Speaker 1: emotional not thinking about it because I'm like ship, there's

1102
00:52:44,719 --> 00:52:47,359
Speaker 1: so many times when I don't feel like doing it.

1103
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:51,120
Speaker 1: I don't like everyone knows that I hate working out,

1104
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 1: but I love the results of it. In these days,

1105
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:54,400
Speaker 1: I don't want to do it. Like I know when

1106
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:56,400
Speaker 1: we finished recording this podcast that I was really like

1107
00:52:56,800 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 1: time trying to go to the Jim talking about it. Lord,

1108
00:52:59,200 --> 00:53:00,680
Speaker 1: you go asking me out of the the gym, But I

1109
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,319
Speaker 1: think about Jackson getting up and going to the gym.

1110
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:10,000
Speaker 1: Get you got the church rock going on yet, But

1111
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:12,400
Speaker 1: it's just like man, like I cannot let my children

1112
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:14,160
Speaker 1: down and I can't let my husband down. I can't

1113
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:16,799
Speaker 1: like at this point now, I'm doing this for like life,

1114
00:53:16,840 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 1: I'm doing this for health like vanity, like we're doing

1115
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,440
Speaker 1: trying to live long and have healthy lives with these kids.

1116
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:24,600
Speaker 1: Like you know, I'm trying to be there for every game,

1117
00:53:24,800 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 1: you know, be there for every practice, like like you know,

1118
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:28,840
Speaker 1: your parents couldn't be there for everything. My parents couldn't

1119
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 1: be there for everything. But we're trying to be there

1120
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 1: and be present. So, UM, I don't know if you

1121
00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:35,440
Speaker 1: want to enclose and share that you had to have

1122
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 1: a conversation with someone who's reached out to you. Um,

1123
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,640
Speaker 1: this is somebody who's a you know supporter reached out

1124
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:46,680
Speaker 1: about video. It was a very interesting and you know what,

1125
00:53:46,760 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: I want to use? How many listening letters we got

1126
00:53:50,640 --> 00:53:54,760
Speaker 1: to pretty much. I've been on a kick recently where

1127
00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 1: when people DM me, if the Lord says to me,

1128
00:53:57,440 --> 00:53:59,319
Speaker 1: this is someone you need to have a conversation with,

1129
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 1: tell to call you. And it was. It was a

1130
00:54:02,480 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 1: young woman. She went to a profile. She had a

1131
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 1: couple of kids. She follows us. She's said, um, we

1132
00:54:07,280 --> 00:54:10,439
Speaker 1: get it, your parents, this video needs to come down now.

1133
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 1: And I said, yo, give me a call. She said really.

1134
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,120
Speaker 1: I gave him my phone number and she called me.

1135
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: And this ain't the first person like I've done this

1136
00:54:20,640 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 1: a couple of times, a couple of debates that people

1137
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:25,040
Speaker 1: have had on social media. And I asked, I asked

1138
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:28,760
Speaker 1: her for her opinion, right, and she gave me her opinion.

1139
00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:30,799
Speaker 1: And the first thing she said was, well, when your

1140
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 1: son goes back to school and everyone's making fun of him,

1141
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 1: what are you going to say to him then? And

1142
00:54:35,360 --> 00:54:37,839
Speaker 1: I said, well, this is the first thing man, right,

1143
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 1: I'm teaching my son to move in life in a

1144
00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:45,560
Speaker 1: way where he's not concerned with other people. Think that's

1145
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:49,520
Speaker 1: number one. If every concern is what everyone else thinks.

1146
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 1: I'm already teaching him the wrong thing. That's number one.

1147
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:56,080
Speaker 1: Number two, with all due respect, right, how were your

1148
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:59,960
Speaker 1: children doing academically? She's like, what you mean? I said,

1149
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:01,360
Speaker 1: just want to know how are your How are your

1150
00:55:01,400 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 1: children doing academically? They're doing okay, I said, okay, so

1151
00:55:07,239 --> 00:55:11,200
Speaker 1: my sons are doing extremely well academically. Both of them

1152
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:15,239
Speaker 1: who are getting actual grades have plus ninety five averages

1153
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: because we require of them way more than just the

1154
00:55:19,640 --> 00:55:23,759
Speaker 1: status quo. I don't exist in a life of just

1155
00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 1: the status quo. I live in abundance because I want

1156
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:29,520
Speaker 1: to share. You know, I do things at an exceptional

1157
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:33,000
Speaker 1: level because I've always been pushed to be exceptional. Why

1158
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 1: would I listen to someone who just does stuff just

1159
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 1: to do it, without any purpose or reason? And she

1160
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 1: got quiet, and I said, I'm trying. I'm being respectful,

1161
00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:44,520
Speaker 1: but you're trying to give me advice that I didn't solicit.

1162
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:47,239
Speaker 1: I didn't ask for your advice. You're trying to give

1163
00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 1: me advice. But I want to know why would I

1164
00:55:49,080 --> 00:55:51,319
Speaker 1: listen to you? Why should I listen to you? What

1165
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:54,600
Speaker 1: have you done in your life that has been exceptional

1166
00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:57,480
Speaker 1: that I should say, I'm gonna listen to her, and

1167
00:55:57,520 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 1: if you can tell me something, I'll listen. Because I

1168
00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:05,120
Speaker 1: want my children to be exceptional, exceptional parents, exceptional husbands,

1169
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:08,560
Speaker 1: exceptional leaders, exceptional CEOs, and if they happen to be

1170
00:56:08,600 --> 00:56:12,400
Speaker 1: exceptional pro athletes, they can be exceptional pro athletes. But

1171
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:15,080
Speaker 1: the only way that's going to happen is if I

1172
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:17,680
Speaker 1: push them. And on top of that, the only way

1173
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:19,719
Speaker 1: that's going to work in this world is if I

1174
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:22,919
Speaker 1: teach them not to care what other people think. You're

1175
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:25,400
Speaker 1: telling me to take it down, because I should be

1176
00:56:25,440 --> 00:56:27,799
Speaker 1: teaching my son to care about what other people think.

1177
00:56:29,120 --> 00:56:31,800
Speaker 1: And she said, I never thought about it that way.

1178
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:33,719
Speaker 1: And I said, this, man, is why I didn't want

1179
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:36,160
Speaker 1: to have a text argument to go back and forth

1180
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:37,960
Speaker 1: in d M S, because I want you to understand

1181
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 1: my perspective. Right, I live in abundance, and I feel

1182
00:56:42,000 --> 00:56:43,840
Speaker 1: like God has only blessed my wife and not to

1183
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:46,840
Speaker 1: live in abundance because we have a responsibility to share,

1184
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 1: not just financially. Financially because we do that, but we

1185
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:52,719
Speaker 1: also have to share how we've been able to reach

1186
00:56:52,840 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: this level of success, and that means you make yourself

1187
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,520
Speaker 1: vulnerable to people and people are gonna have their own

1188
00:56:58,520 --> 00:57:02,439
Speaker 1: opinions about what you do when what you say. Quite frankly, ma'am,

1189
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:05,239
Speaker 1: I don't care what people think. I want people. I

1190
00:57:05,480 --> 00:57:08,080
Speaker 1: just want to share. And if it inspires you and

1191
00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:10,000
Speaker 1: say I never want to live like that, I at

1192
00:57:10,080 --> 00:57:13,280
Speaker 1: least inspired you to make a choice. If I inspired

1193
00:57:13,320 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 1: you to say I want to live just like that,

1194
00:57:15,080 --> 00:57:17,240
Speaker 1: I inspired you to make a choice. But it's not

1195
00:57:17,320 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: up to me to decide how you make the choice

1196
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:22,080
Speaker 1: of what I shared. The same way it's not up

1197
00:57:22,120 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 1: to you to tell me what to share. You understand

1198
00:57:26,200 --> 00:57:30,160
Speaker 1: what I'm saying that I completely as somebody who was

1199
00:57:30,240 --> 00:57:34,320
Speaker 1: raised to always think about what people think or worry

1200
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:37,080
Speaker 1: about what people have to say. It's been so refreshing

1201
00:57:37,080 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 1: to me to exist in the space that's completely opposite,

1202
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 1: where I can pick and choose what I want to share,

1203
00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:43,840
Speaker 1: and then people take it or leave it. You rock

1204
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:46,479
Speaker 1: with me or you don't. It'll make me no never mind.

1205
00:57:47,040 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 1: I at least can sleep at night knowing that I'm

1206
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:51,160
Speaker 1: living truthfully and who I am and existing in that space.

1207
00:57:51,160 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 1: And we teach our kids that that's all we can

1208
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 1: teach them, So trust me, I was in full support

1209
00:57:56,240 --> 00:57:57,840
Speaker 1: of it. And it was very interesting when you told

1210
00:57:57,840 --> 00:57:59,360
Speaker 1: me that you had that. You know, first of all,

1211
00:57:59,360 --> 00:58:03,600
Speaker 1: I was what you gave me convers she's ready to

1212
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,160
Speaker 1: go hand like why do you give your phone? That's interesting?

1213
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: No other reason though that Then I was just like this,

1214
00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 1: just like what No, Because I felt like she had

1215
00:58:11,760 --> 00:58:14,680
Speaker 1: children she could learn, and if she had something that

1216
00:58:14,720 --> 00:58:17,160
Speaker 1: she could tell me, I wanted want to learn to

1217
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,400
Speaker 1: because that's what they were never opposed to learning that.

1218
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:22,919
Speaker 1: I don't believe that's sure that my way or our

1219
00:58:23,000 --> 00:58:25,400
Speaker 1: way is the only only way. This is just the

1220
00:58:25,440 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 1: way that works for me, and I want to share it.

1221
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 1: And I try to tell people a lot of times,

1222
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,680
Speaker 1: your parenting style is very similar to the religion you

1223
00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:36,240
Speaker 1: believe in. Right, you could be Islamic, you could be Christian,

1224
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 1: you can be Jewish, you could be Buddhist. If if

1225
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:43,000
Speaker 1: your belief system and your religious beliefs lead you to

1226
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 1: a place of prosperity and peace and a greater person

1227
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 1: for humanity, I applore whatever you believe in to get

1228
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:54,520
Speaker 1: you there. Just because you choose something different than me

1229
00:58:54,680 --> 00:58:56,960
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're my enemy. It's the same thing

1230
00:58:57,000 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 1: with parenting. Your parenting style may be different than mine.

1231
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:05,200
Speaker 1: You know, my enemy, your your your sexual beliefs or

1232
00:59:05,200 --> 00:59:06,920
Speaker 1: how you want to live your lives may be different

1233
00:59:06,920 --> 00:59:11,720
Speaker 1: than mine. You I'm we're monogamous. You may be polamous.

1234
00:59:12,640 --> 00:59:15,000
Speaker 1: That's your choice, you know what I'm saying. You may

1235
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 1: believe in polyamory, you may be homosexual, you may be

1236
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 1: transit all of these different things if they lead you

1237
00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:23,400
Speaker 1: to a greater sense of humanity and it works for you,

1238
00:59:24,000 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 1: and you're not causing no harm to anyone else, that's

1239
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 1: a fact. Share do what you want to do. Can't

1240
00:59:28,720 --> 00:59:31,680
Speaker 1: afforce your beliefs on other people. The problem arises usually

1241
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,920
Speaker 1: when people don't feel comfortable living in those spaces, true absolutely,

1242
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:36,560
Speaker 1: and then they feel like they have a facade. Then

1243
00:59:36,600 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: there's regret, and then there's malice, and then there's just

1244
00:59:39,440 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 1: overall sadness. And we ain't promoting that over here. So

1245
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,360
Speaker 1: um so, yeah, that's trying to be a good little

1246
00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:48,280
Speaker 1: conversation made us both a little emotional trying to hold

1247
00:59:47,800 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 1: it cople of times. I know they do. I think

1248
00:59:50,680 --> 00:59:52,520
Speaker 1: it's because we're just so invested in trying to make

1249
00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 1: sure that we are you know, we ain't damaging these

1250
00:59:55,400 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 1: goods because sometimes I feel like they chose us for

1251
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:00,960
Speaker 1: a reason, so we're just trying to do right by them.

1252
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 1: That's that's all that is, all righty'll let's take a

1253
01:00:03,320 --> 01:00:06,080
Speaker 1: quick break. We're gonna get into some ads and then

1254
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:20,280
Speaker 1: back to some quick listener letters, so stay tuned. Okay, guys,

1255
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:23,320
Speaker 1: we're back, all right, back for some listener letters. I'll

1256
01:00:23,360 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 1: dive right in since we've been talking, y'all, he is

1257
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:28,760
Speaker 1: off today. All right, pay Cadine and de Val. First,

1258
01:00:28,800 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 1: I'm going to say how much I love you guys

1259
01:00:30,200 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 1: and everything that you guys do and stand for. Appreciate you.

1260
01:00:33,760 --> 01:00:36,360
Speaker 1: So I'm writing this for some much needed advice. So.

1261
01:00:36,400 --> 01:00:39,120
Speaker 1: I'm a single mother of two. My son is seven

1262
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:42,479
Speaker 1: and my daughter's five. I'm twenty six. I was with

1263
01:00:42,840 --> 01:00:44,880
Speaker 1: my boyfriend for six years, and he was in and

1264
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:47,880
Speaker 1: out of prison for those six years. This last time

1265
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:50,160
Speaker 1: he went, I was pregnant with my daughter, who was

1266
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 1: only met through jail visits. We're not together due to

1267
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 1: many reasons. I went through sexual abuse as a young child,

1268
01:00:56,560 --> 01:00:58,400
Speaker 1: and I feel that this has left me still to

1269
01:00:58,440 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 1: this day, very angry and I'm or unsure of who

1270
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 1: I am. It has broken me in so many ways,

1271
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,520
Speaker 1: but mostly, as I said before, angry and I don't

1272
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 1: know how to parent. Feeling the way I feel every day,

1273
01:01:09,880 --> 01:01:11,760
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm not a good parent. I don't

1274
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:14,920
Speaker 1: know what to do I find myself. I seem to

1275
01:01:14,960 --> 01:01:18,040
Speaker 1: always find myself yelling and screaming at my kids, when

1276
01:01:18,040 --> 01:01:20,400
Speaker 1: I told myself I would never do that because that's

1277
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:23,440
Speaker 1: how my mother was. I'm just so lost and so

1278
01:01:23,520 --> 01:01:26,560
Speaker 1: confused on how to heal and find out who I

1279
01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:28,840
Speaker 1: am so I can be a better mother for my children.

1280
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:31,320
Speaker 1: I want nothing more than for my kids to know

1281
01:01:31,360 --> 01:01:33,800
Speaker 1: that I love them more than anything and want nothing

1282
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:35,600
Speaker 1: but the best for them. But I feel stuck in

1283
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:37,360
Speaker 1: the dark place that I can't get out of, and

1284
01:01:37,360 --> 01:01:41,439
Speaker 1: it all comes from my childhood. I'm lost. Please help. Oh,

1285
01:01:41,600 --> 01:01:48,400
Speaker 1: since that's um, that's fairly difficult. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

1286
01:01:48,440 --> 01:01:50,480
Speaker 1: I hope you do speak with someone and find a

1287
01:01:50,480 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 1: way to heal from that, so that's not always um

1288
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:55,160
Speaker 1: a wall you put up when it comes time to

1289
01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:58,440
Speaker 1: choosing the right mate and someone to be a great

1290
01:01:58,440 --> 01:02:01,000
Speaker 1: father to your children, because you already have two beautiful children,

1291
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:04,240
Speaker 1: So hopefully you find a way to heal from those issues. Yeah,

1292
01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:06,480
Speaker 1: I think that's the root of it, UM, and what

1293
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:08,920
Speaker 1: you know. But you know, I know that sometimes therapy

1294
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:11,320
Speaker 1: can be intimidating, or it can be hard to start,

1295
01:02:11,400 --> 01:02:13,600
Speaker 1: or it could even be costly. I know we've had

1296
01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 1: a relationship with better help where people were able to

1297
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:18,600
Speaker 1: get access to UM, even just someone online that you

1298
01:02:18,640 --> 01:02:21,000
Speaker 1: can speak with. But I think you're aware that this

1299
01:02:21,040 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 1: is where the problem starts and your children shouldn't have

1300
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:25,840
Speaker 1: to bear the brunt of that. UM. You know, I

1301
01:02:25,920 --> 01:02:29,640
Speaker 1: can't say that can necessarily relate to your particular situation. However,

1302
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 1: I know wanting what it's like as apparent as we discussed,

1303
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:34,760
Speaker 1: just wanting the best for our kids, and just knowing

1304
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:37,280
Speaker 1: how to deal with the frustration that arise because trust me,

1305
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:40,440
Speaker 1: not even having been through a case of sexual abuse,

1306
01:02:40,480 --> 01:02:42,280
Speaker 1: I just know that there are days that I'm just

1307
01:02:42,320 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 1: frustrated in general, where I'm tired, and I do find

1308
01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:47,920
Speaker 1: myself wanting to lash out, and that misplaced anger on

1309
01:02:47,960 --> 01:02:50,880
Speaker 1: the children, UM can really be a way to beat

1310
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:54,439
Speaker 1: your children down. So UM, I think starting with maybe

1311
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:56,560
Speaker 1: some therapy, speaking to someone would probably be the best

1312
01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 1: way to heal s this. So also, I just feel

1313
01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:02,560
Speaker 1: like more most parents lash out of their children because

1314
01:03:02,600 --> 01:03:06,120
Speaker 1: of fatigue. You know, like we all grew up with

1315
01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 1: parents that was the generation that we grew up in. Okay,

1316
01:03:09,400 --> 01:03:12,320
Speaker 1: I get it, But a lot of times we've been

1317
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:14,600
Speaker 1: working all day, they've been asking for the same things

1318
01:03:14,640 --> 01:03:16,440
Speaker 1: over and over and over again. You've been telling them

1319
01:03:16,440 --> 01:03:18,120
Speaker 1: something over and over and over again, and then you

1320
01:03:18,120 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 1: get upset. You're tired emotionally, you're drained. And a large

1321
01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:25,680
Speaker 1: part of the reason why people lose control over their

1322
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:29,720
Speaker 1: emotions is because of fatigue. So I would say, in

1323
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:32,480
Speaker 1: order to help yourself, try to find time. And it

1324
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 1: sounds so crazy saying this, especially single moms. Try to

1325
01:03:36,200 --> 01:03:38,400
Speaker 1: find some time to lean on your village if you

1326
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,920
Speaker 1: have one, and get some rest. The more rest you

1327
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,880
Speaker 1: can get, the better you are equipped at being the

1328
01:03:43,920 --> 01:03:46,640
Speaker 1: mom they need, because now you have control over your emotions.

1329
01:03:46,840 --> 01:03:48,680
Speaker 1: We talked about this with one of the doctors that

1330
01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:50,600
Speaker 1: was on here. Sleep deprivation is one of the main

1331
01:03:50,640 --> 01:03:53,600
Speaker 1: causes of help health issues in America for men and

1332
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:58,080
Speaker 1: women of all ages, races, sex screeds religions like sleep

1333
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:00,880
Speaker 1: deprivation is a big deal because the Team No Sleep

1334
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:05,040
Speaker 1: movement that happened over these pasts like decades, but definitely

1335
01:04:05,080 --> 01:04:07,240
Speaker 1: get some sleep, and also to learn to pick your

1336
01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:09,400
Speaker 1: battles with kids, Like I think about things that used

1337
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 1: to just upset me, or things that I just learn

1338
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:15,320
Speaker 1: from seeing either with my parents or other parents that

1339
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:17,800
Speaker 1: I've grown up, Like things that should make you upset

1340
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,040
Speaker 1: or shouldn't make you upset, make you upset. For example,

1341
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:23,360
Speaker 1: your kids spills the bowl of cereal. You could lash

1342
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:25,920
Speaker 1: out as scream because you've told you kid a thousand

1343
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:28,760
Speaker 1: times stop playing and dance around the cereal and sit stilling.

1344
01:04:29,080 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 1: But kids are going to be kids, right, so they

1345
01:04:31,480 --> 01:04:33,560
Speaker 1: spilled the bowl of cereal. You could handle it too

1346
01:04:33,560 --> 01:04:36,560
Speaker 1: different ways. You can lash out and scream, or you

1347
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:38,840
Speaker 1: can spank them, or you could do whatever, or you

1348
01:04:38,880 --> 01:04:42,280
Speaker 1: can just take a breath and be like, and that's

1349
01:04:42,280 --> 01:04:43,880
Speaker 1: how you just stop playing around when you eat a cereal.

1350
01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:46,640
Speaker 1: So this is what happens. Now, what clean it up?

1351
01:04:47,920 --> 01:04:49,960
Speaker 1: Or if it's your five year old who can't quite

1352
01:04:49,960 --> 01:04:51,880
Speaker 1: clean it up, clean it up the best way you can,

1353
01:04:52,040 --> 01:04:55,440
Speaker 1: and then you go back after finish up, Like, just

1354
01:04:55,480 --> 01:04:58,600
Speaker 1: don't even waste the energy on making that a point,

1355
01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:01,960
Speaker 1: because a lot of parenting redundant. Like it's happy to

1356
01:05:02,000 --> 01:05:04,040
Speaker 1: say the same thing over and over, you know, and

1357
01:05:04,040 --> 01:05:06,120
Speaker 1: eventually they'll catch on. You know, your kids are still young.

1358
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,880
Speaker 1: But but it's also understanding that you do have children

1359
01:05:08,920 --> 01:05:12,520
Speaker 1: and they require grace because we often require our children

1360
01:05:12,560 --> 01:05:14,520
Speaker 1: to act as adults. Did not tell you that, Yeah,

1361
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:16,440
Speaker 1: you told him that one time. He's not gonna remember

1362
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:19,880
Speaker 1: he's six. We've been through that. Yeah, We've been through

1363
01:05:19,880 --> 01:05:21,840
Speaker 1: that with with the boys. Like I've told you this

1364
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:25,160
Speaker 1: so many times. Learning how to keep controlling their emotions

1365
01:05:25,280 --> 01:05:28,280
Speaker 1: is the best way to parent, because your children will

1366
01:05:28,320 --> 01:05:30,880
Speaker 1: listen to you more if they see that you're calm

1367
01:05:31,320 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 1: the minute. And I had to learn this too when

1368
01:05:33,480 --> 01:05:35,720
Speaker 1: I was in football mode and Jackson was a young kid.

1369
01:05:36,120 --> 01:05:39,480
Speaker 1: Jackson used to get so afraid of me losing my

1370
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:41,640
Speaker 1: emotions that he would use me to death. He's like

1371
01:05:41,640 --> 01:05:44,120
Speaker 1: a robot. You understand, yes, sir? You understand? Yes, sir.

1372
01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 1: You don't listen to what I'm saying. How can you

1373
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:50,080
Speaker 1: say you understand if you don't Jackson what I say?

1374
01:05:50,480 --> 01:05:57,600
Speaker 1: How didn't hear you? But but you just said yes, sir, Okay,

1375
01:05:57,600 --> 01:06:00,000
Speaker 1: my bad. I just I just it's like an autopilot.

1376
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:02,120
Speaker 1: I'm saying what you think I want to hear because

1377
01:06:02,120 --> 01:06:04,640
Speaker 1: you're afraid that I'm gonna scream. I used to do

1378
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:06,040
Speaker 1: that all the time, so I'm not. I don't even

1379
01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:08,800
Speaker 1: get upset when he does that anymore. Like in the past,

1380
01:06:08,840 --> 01:06:10,360
Speaker 1: I would be screaming. Why are you saying yes if

1381
01:06:10,360 --> 01:06:12,800
Speaker 1: you don't even know what I said? Now, it's like, listen, bro,

1382
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:15,400
Speaker 1: I know you're used to having to say what you

1383
01:06:15,400 --> 01:06:17,120
Speaker 1: think I wanted to hear to get me to stop screaming.

1384
01:06:17,120 --> 01:06:19,600
Speaker 1: I'm not even screaming. Is listen to what I'm saying

1385
01:06:19,640 --> 01:06:22,120
Speaker 1: and just respond with what you really believe or how

1386
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:25,880
Speaker 1: you really feel. This way we can navigate the situation together.

1387
01:06:27,680 --> 01:06:29,280
Speaker 1: All right, girl, Best of luck to you, and I

1388
01:06:29,320 --> 01:06:31,640
Speaker 1: hope that you find the healing that you need so

1389
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:34,000
Speaker 1: you can be the best mom for your kids. Yes, ma'am,

1390
01:06:36,320 --> 01:06:37,800
Speaker 1: first of all, if I would like to extend my

1391
01:06:37,880 --> 01:06:41,160
Speaker 1: love for you and your beautiful family. Has explanation of

1392
01:06:41,200 --> 01:06:44,680
Speaker 1: when Kingston died had me tiring you all right, so

1393
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:47,720
Speaker 1: boom they from New York. My boyfriend and I have

1394
01:06:47,880 --> 01:06:50,720
Speaker 1: been together for seven years. I moved in with him

1395
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:53,840
Speaker 1: this past September and it has been challenging recently. He

1396
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:55,640
Speaker 1: expressed to me that he does not feel like we

1397
01:06:55,680 --> 01:06:58,800
Speaker 1: are as close. When he says this, I agreed and

1398
01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:01,080
Speaker 1: took it upon myself to gear out how we can

1399
01:07:01,080 --> 01:07:03,800
Speaker 1: build that closeness. I have been trying to plan a

1400
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:06,760
Speaker 1: date night and think of things that we both enjoy doing.

1401
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:09,160
Speaker 1: It does not help that we have not had sex

1402
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:13,160
Speaker 1: in about three weeks since he came back from vacation.

1403
01:07:13,640 --> 01:07:16,760
Speaker 1: I've been feeling resentful because one he told me that

1404
01:07:17,120 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 1: we were going to be engaged by this year, and too,

1405
01:07:21,320 --> 01:07:24,760
Speaker 1: since we're not working. Oh, we're not engaged. We're not fucking, um,

1406
01:07:24,960 --> 01:07:28,880
Speaker 1: no ring, no things. Since we both agreed on not

1407
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:31,560
Speaker 1: feeling as close, I have not seen any effort from

1408
01:07:31,600 --> 01:07:33,960
Speaker 1: him to try and build our closeness. I understand that

1409
01:07:34,040 --> 01:07:37,440
Speaker 1: we have different definitions of closeness, but he hasn't explained

1410
01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:40,640
Speaker 1: what he needs from me. I made plans for this weekend,

1411
01:07:40,640 --> 01:07:44,200
Speaker 1: but it's an early event. I expressed to him that

1412
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:47,280
Speaker 1: I would like to continue the night after our event,

1413
01:07:47,520 --> 01:07:50,000
Speaker 1: but he has not taken any initiative to plan something

1414
01:07:50,040 --> 01:07:52,000
Speaker 1: we just had a conversation about with a friend of

1415
01:07:52,080 --> 01:07:55,240
Speaker 1: our plans. This past week, I have been sad and

1416
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:57,880
Speaker 1: emotionally detached because I feel like the effort to regain

1417
01:07:57,920 --> 01:08:01,480
Speaker 1: closeness is one sided. When we aren't having problems, everything

1418
01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:05,600
Speaker 1: is great. It's like the epitome of like, when we're

1419
01:08:05,640 --> 01:08:09,360
Speaker 1: not having problems, everything is great. Uh. But they sound

1420
01:08:09,400 --> 01:08:12,880
Speaker 1: like us, like arguing everything fine. They sound like us.

1421
01:08:13,480 --> 01:08:15,920
Speaker 1: We laugh, roast each other. They definitely us and are

1422
01:08:15,960 --> 01:08:19,519
Speaker 1: genuinely happy. Lately, I have been afraid because I feel

1423
01:08:19,520 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 1: like I am losing my best friend. That's the worst feeling, bro.

1424
01:08:23,960 --> 01:08:26,719
Speaker 1: And the advice would be appreciated. I accept all critiques.

1425
01:08:27,439 --> 01:08:29,200
Speaker 1: I have no critiques for y'all. I'm just only going

1426
01:08:29,240 --> 01:08:31,960
Speaker 1: to tell you all this. This feeling is normal when

1427
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:33,960
Speaker 1: you with someone for an extended period of time and

1428
01:08:34,040 --> 01:08:36,840
Speaker 1: y'all moving together, you get into a routine and you

1429
01:08:36,880 --> 01:08:41,799
Speaker 1: start to lose. We just had this conversation, yo, all right, literally,

1430
01:08:42,320 --> 01:08:46,840
Speaker 1: and this is twenty years in almost twenty and I'm

1431
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:48,800
Speaker 1: going to be extremely vulnerable and give you a man's

1432
01:08:48,800 --> 01:08:53,200
Speaker 1: perspective because she said her boyfriend. He may be speaking

1433
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:56,280
Speaker 1: about this. I'll tell you because I just told hey this.

1434
01:08:57,640 --> 01:08:59,920
Speaker 1: We were watching TV and I said, Babe, i feel

1435
01:09:00,040 --> 01:09:02,639
Speaker 1: like I'm missing a part of my life that I'm

1436
01:09:02,680 --> 01:09:04,720
Speaker 1: used to. She said, what do you mean, I said,

1437
01:09:04,760 --> 01:09:07,920
Speaker 1: when before we were dating, I had an option to

1438
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:13,120
Speaker 1: see women who found me attractive, pick which one I

1439
01:09:13,120 --> 01:09:16,240
Speaker 1: thought was attractive, and engaging whatever they wanted to engage in.

1440
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:18,320
Speaker 1: That was my choice. That was part of my life

1441
01:09:18,320 --> 01:09:21,639
Speaker 1: that existed. Women are attracted to you. You're attracted to women.

1442
01:09:21,720 --> 01:09:23,920
Speaker 1: You engage in whatever you want to engage in. Right

1443
01:09:24,400 --> 01:09:28,360
Speaker 1: then you meet someone, you become anogamous. Right that person

1444
01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:31,200
Speaker 1: in the very beginning is attracted to you. You're attracted

1445
01:09:31,240 --> 01:09:34,760
Speaker 1: to them. The newness of it is like this animalistic

1446
01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:37,160
Speaker 1: attraction when you're always on each other and you feel

1447
01:09:37,160 --> 01:09:38,559
Speaker 1: like this is my this is what I love, this

1448
01:09:38,600 --> 01:09:41,200
Speaker 1: is my best friend. And it's not even always about

1449
01:09:41,280 --> 01:09:45,360
Speaker 1: the the actual act of sex. But when Kay first

1450
01:09:45,360 --> 01:09:47,439
Speaker 1: got with me, she always wanted to sit on my lap,

1451
01:09:47,479 --> 01:09:49,400
Speaker 1: She always wanted to make out, she always wanted to

1452
01:09:49,479 --> 01:09:52,040
Speaker 1: cuddle and canoele, and she was always touching me. And

1453
01:09:52,560 --> 01:09:54,240
Speaker 1: when you get married or you've been together for a

1454
01:09:54,280 --> 01:09:57,559
Speaker 1: long time and you're watching your girlfriend or your wife

1455
01:09:57,640 --> 01:10:00,599
Speaker 1: focus on everything else because she's used to you being there,

1456
01:10:01,360 --> 01:10:04,439
Speaker 1: you're missing that As a man, and so many men

1457
01:10:04,520 --> 01:10:06,760
Speaker 1: don't speak about this, but this is the truth. If

1458
01:10:06,800 --> 01:10:09,840
Speaker 1: I wasn't in a relationship. The women who admired me

1459
01:10:09,880 --> 01:10:11,680
Speaker 1: would feel open to come over and say, hey, I

1460
01:10:11,720 --> 01:10:13,840
Speaker 1: admire you, and you can say I admire you too,

1461
01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:16,000
Speaker 1: and you'll go back and forth. But now the women

1462
01:10:16,479 --> 01:10:18,920
Speaker 1: that you're around know that you got a girl. So

1463
01:10:19,000 --> 01:10:21,120
Speaker 1: those women aren't even telling you that they admire you

1464
01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:23,280
Speaker 1: because they like, oh, you got a girl whatever. So

1465
01:10:23,360 --> 01:10:25,519
Speaker 1: now your girl's not even admiring you because they're used

1466
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:28,679
Speaker 1: to you being home. So now you're at home, like damn,

1467
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:34,200
Speaker 1: nobody is admiring me. That feels like ship after a while.

1468
01:10:34,600 --> 01:10:39,360
Speaker 1: And I think Asia Curry says something about that attention

1469
01:10:39,880 --> 01:10:41,800
Speaker 1: and they would get in on her. But it's not

1470
01:10:41,880 --> 01:10:45,800
Speaker 1: about male attention. It's about feeling wanted or desired or

1471
01:10:46,280 --> 01:10:50,920
Speaker 1: desired by the person that you want to feel desired by.

1472
01:10:50,960 --> 01:10:53,960
Speaker 1: Everybody loves that hunt and capture moments like the back

1473
01:10:53,960 --> 01:10:58,000
Speaker 1: and forth. But more importantly, though, people want to be

1474
01:10:58,040 --> 01:11:01,920
Speaker 1: desired by the one that they desire. So it's like,

1475
01:11:02,160 --> 01:11:04,760
Speaker 1: we chose to desire each other for eternity if we're

1476
01:11:04,760 --> 01:11:08,360
Speaker 1: gonna be together, and somewhere during that process you lost

1477
01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:11,640
Speaker 1: sight of that desiring. Because we have four kids, we

1478
01:11:11,760 --> 01:11:15,080
Speaker 1: have a mortgage, you have job, I have job, parents

1479
01:11:15,120 --> 01:11:17,760
Speaker 1: live with us, people are sick. No one's doing it

1480
01:11:17,800 --> 01:11:20,680
Speaker 1: on purpose, but still you have to remember that you

1481
01:11:20,720 --> 01:11:23,439
Speaker 1: know what your partner wants to be desired. And this

1482
01:11:23,520 --> 01:11:25,920
Speaker 1: is just a good message also to two men too,

1483
01:11:26,000 --> 01:11:29,040
Speaker 1: because you have a wonder why your wife may start

1484
01:11:29,080 --> 01:11:32,040
Speaker 1: to being a little funk or have an attitude sometimes

1485
01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:35,679
Speaker 1: because you haven't showed that woman that you desire her. Now.

1486
01:11:35,880 --> 01:11:39,200
Speaker 1: I'm a very very affectionate physical person. Becaudan has probably

1487
01:11:39,200 --> 01:11:42,599
Speaker 1: never gone five minutes without feeling desired because I'm gonna

1488
01:11:42,640 --> 01:11:46,200
Speaker 1: grab I'm gonna grab a boob, I'm a hugger, I'm

1489
01:11:46,200 --> 01:11:47,880
Speaker 1: a kisser, I'm gonna tell our love her. I'm a

1490
01:11:48,200 --> 01:11:50,599
Speaker 1: that's but that's for me. I'm not doing that just

1491
01:11:50,720 --> 01:11:53,360
Speaker 1: because you know, I just or she need let me

1492
01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:55,519
Speaker 1: do it. I like doing that, so for her it's

1493
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:58,040
Speaker 1: easy to feel that way. But in return, it's also

1494
01:11:58,120 --> 01:12:00,360
Speaker 1: easy for me to feel lost sometimes because I'm always

1495
01:12:00,360 --> 01:12:03,080
Speaker 1: all on her. That something. We had this conversation, I mean, like,

1496
01:12:03,080 --> 01:12:05,360
Speaker 1: when's the last time you've hugged me? Just ifout we

1497
01:12:05,439 --> 01:12:08,320
Speaker 1: hug all the time. I said, huh, when is the

1498
01:12:08,400 --> 01:12:11,800
Speaker 1: last time you've hugged me, So it's me doing the

1499
01:12:11,840 --> 01:12:14,360
Speaker 1: initiating of the hugging, not the fact that we have

1500
01:12:14,520 --> 01:12:17,559
Speaker 1: hugged several times, because it was him doing the hugging.

1501
01:12:17,960 --> 01:12:21,160
Speaker 1: And it's like, okay, I get it. And sometimes men

1502
01:12:21,280 --> 01:12:23,800
Speaker 1: don't know how to say that. So when they say

1503
01:12:23,800 --> 01:12:25,719
Speaker 1: stuff like I feel like I lost my best friend,

1504
01:12:26,240 --> 01:12:29,720
Speaker 1: it's his masculine hiding way of saying, hey baby, you

1505
01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:32,439
Speaker 1: don't notice me the whay you used to anymore, you

1506
01:12:32,439 --> 01:12:34,479
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Or we're not as close. You know,

1507
01:12:34,600 --> 01:12:37,080
Speaker 1: we're not as close as we used to be. That's

1508
01:12:37,200 --> 01:12:41,240
Speaker 1: his way of saying, hey baby, I'm still here. You know.

1509
01:12:41,439 --> 01:12:43,360
Speaker 1: It's the moving into parts. For me, it's like they

1510
01:12:43,439 --> 01:12:45,320
Speaker 1: got together seven years and it seems like the problem

1511
01:12:45,360 --> 01:12:47,080
Speaker 1: the roads when they moved in together. Now, I'm an

1512
01:12:47,080 --> 01:12:49,920
Speaker 1: advocate for moving in before you get married. I just

1513
01:12:49,960 --> 01:12:52,000
Speaker 1: think it's necessary so you can know if this this

1514
01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:54,679
Speaker 1: person that you want to exist within the space pretty

1515
01:12:54,760 --> 01:12:58,000
Speaker 1: much all the time. Right. Plus you also feel like, okay,

1516
01:12:58,000 --> 01:12:59,960
Speaker 1: if we're moving in together, was next because I'm not

1517
01:13:00,040 --> 01:13:01,960
Speaker 1: gonna be They told me she was. She was an

1518
01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:03,760
Speaker 1: advocate for moving in, but she also said I ain't

1519
01:13:03,800 --> 01:13:07,559
Speaker 1: gonna be nobody's living girlfriend, right right, living girlfriend, no

1520
01:13:07,600 --> 01:13:09,200
Speaker 1: baby mama, which is what she's saying. He told me

1521
01:13:09,200 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 1: we'd be engaged by this, So she's a little salty,

1522
01:13:11,840 --> 01:13:15,320
Speaker 1: which I get because, yeah, it's like the promise that

1523
01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:18,280
Speaker 1: you made to her to be engaged by a certain timeframe. Again,

1524
01:13:18,320 --> 01:13:20,280
Speaker 1: a lot of women function on the clock if we

1525
01:13:20,280 --> 01:13:22,040
Speaker 1: feel like time is being wasted, and you do me

1526
01:13:22,080 --> 01:13:23,880
Speaker 1: into moving in with you, and now we're not closed

1527
01:13:23,880 --> 01:13:25,040
Speaker 1: the more and day we all got a ring on

1528
01:13:25,120 --> 01:13:27,559
Speaker 1: my fingers, like what exactly are we doing here? But

1529
01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:30,120
Speaker 1: like Devil said, most men in the past, you said,

1530
01:13:30,360 --> 01:13:32,840
Speaker 1: most men have a plan. They have a plan on

1531
01:13:32,920 --> 01:13:35,240
Speaker 1: what they want to do, how they want to execute it.

1532
01:13:35,600 --> 01:13:38,360
Speaker 1: You want to particularly kind of situation when you get engaged.

1533
01:13:38,400 --> 01:13:40,400
Speaker 1: He's trying to plan all that stuff out right, So

1534
01:13:40,439 --> 01:13:42,439
Speaker 1: he may be trying to buy a little time, you know,

1535
01:13:42,520 --> 01:13:44,920
Speaker 1: before he does that at the plan that you said

1536
01:13:44,960 --> 01:13:48,080
Speaker 1: you required in order to be somebody's wife exactly. But

1537
01:13:48,120 --> 01:13:51,120
Speaker 1: I can understand why she can feel, maybe even from

1538
01:13:51,160 --> 01:13:52,960
Speaker 1: your perspective, when you feel like sometimes you're pulling and

1539
01:13:53,040 --> 01:13:55,479
Speaker 1: tugging at me for that and I'm just like, damn,

1540
01:13:55,479 --> 01:13:57,080
Speaker 1: I didn't even realize that because I have so many

1541
01:13:57,080 --> 01:13:58,880
Speaker 1: things in my brain and I'm jruggling, working, kids and

1542
01:13:58,920 --> 01:14:01,120
Speaker 1: this and that, and I feel so scattering at times

1543
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:03,400
Speaker 1: where you're just like, y'll just stop listening to the

1544
01:14:03,439 --> 01:14:07,479
Speaker 1: noise and just focus on me. And that focus alone,

1545
01:14:08,000 --> 01:14:10,679
Speaker 1: I can see the difference in our relationship when that happens,

1546
01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:14,040
Speaker 1: particularly more recently, you know, with us. So keep having

1547
01:14:14,080 --> 01:14:16,160
Speaker 1: the conversation. But I will say to a lot of

1548
01:14:16,160 --> 01:14:18,040
Speaker 1: women if listening. Of course, this is not all men.

1549
01:14:18,280 --> 01:14:20,760
Speaker 1: It's not all women, but many of the men that

1550
01:14:20,880 --> 01:14:24,280
Speaker 1: I speak to, they'll say to me without knowing how

1551
01:14:24,320 --> 01:14:26,880
Speaker 1: to say it, but their biggest gripe with the women

1552
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:29,160
Speaker 1: they live with, or their girlfriend or their wife is

1553
01:14:29,200 --> 01:14:32,920
Speaker 1: like you don't you know you know how case stills?

1554
01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:35,160
Speaker 1: Just like today. I mean last night I came in

1555
01:14:35,240 --> 01:14:38,080
Speaker 1: from being in New York. I come in, caves in

1556
01:14:38,120 --> 01:14:39,960
Speaker 1: the shower. First of all, me and Josh get to

1557
01:14:39,960 --> 01:14:41,439
Speaker 1: the house the same time, because we flew in, and

1558
01:14:41,479 --> 01:14:43,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, can you I was coming home. Why's the

1559
01:14:43,560 --> 01:14:45,479
Speaker 1: door locked? Why don't I got to go through the garage.

1560
01:14:45,479 --> 01:14:47,280
Speaker 1: I'm getting pisted right, So I come inside and caves

1561
01:14:47,280 --> 01:14:49,719
Speaker 1: in the shower open, the shower, right, I go squeeze,

1562
01:14:49,840 --> 01:14:51,280
Speaker 1: but then I go use the bathroom. I come back,

1563
01:14:51,280 --> 01:14:53,040
Speaker 1: I squeeze a boob, and she's like, why do you

1564
01:14:53,080 --> 01:14:56,639
Speaker 1: keep leaving? Right? Then when I come back in after

1565
01:14:56,640 --> 01:14:59,000
Speaker 1: getting dressed, she's putting on these tights. She put on

1566
01:14:59,000 --> 01:15:02,880
Speaker 1: this little crop top and as asked Tripling that what

1567
01:15:02,960 --> 01:15:05,439
Speaker 1: I look like you're coming home? They could probably be like,

1568
01:15:05,520 --> 01:15:08,360
Speaker 1: YO did a whole one eighty when she walked back

1569
01:15:08,360 --> 01:15:10,880
Speaker 1: out here, I looked like a hot mess. And I

1570
01:15:10,920 --> 01:15:15,559
Speaker 1: do realize that you were purposeful about making sure when

1571
01:15:15,560 --> 01:15:19,080
Speaker 1: I came in the house that you put on something,

1572
01:15:19,120 --> 01:15:21,799
Speaker 1: and I'd like to see you clean. She was whispering

1573
01:15:21,880 --> 01:15:23,639
Speaker 1: my ear when I came home, and wait till everybody

1574
01:15:23,640 --> 01:15:25,639
Speaker 1: go to sleep, and you know she went and got

1575
01:15:25,680 --> 01:15:27,760
Speaker 1: me getty this she made and got me something to drink.

1576
01:15:27,800 --> 01:15:31,000
Speaker 1: It's like those little things is a constant reminder of like, oh,

1577
01:15:31,040 --> 01:15:33,000
Speaker 1: this is the woman that wanted me when we were

1578
01:15:33,120 --> 01:15:35,760
Speaker 1: still dating. Like those are things she would do when

1579
01:15:35,800 --> 01:15:37,320
Speaker 1: we were dating, and a lot of times when you

1580
01:15:37,320 --> 01:15:38,880
Speaker 1: get married, it's like, man, this ne gonna know what

1581
01:15:38,920 --> 01:15:40,280
Speaker 1: I looked like naked. I don't go to put on

1582
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:42,479
Speaker 1: the types. I still want you to put on the type,

1583
01:15:42,520 --> 01:15:44,880
Speaker 1: but more recently about like texting, like if I had

1584
01:15:44,920 --> 01:15:46,760
Speaker 1: to run an airin or whatever, I'm texting like, hey, babe,

1585
01:15:46,760 --> 01:15:48,400
Speaker 1: I got here here you were just like yo. It's

1586
01:15:48,400 --> 01:15:50,720
Speaker 1: just like, aside from the safety, it's just a matter

1587
01:15:50,800 --> 01:15:52,320
Speaker 1: of just knowing, like damn, she thought about me to

1588
01:15:52,400 --> 01:15:54,519
Speaker 1: text me in this moment. So it's just little things

1589
01:15:54,560 --> 01:15:56,320
Speaker 1: that we're trying to do to get back to that

1590
01:15:56,400 --> 01:15:59,360
Speaker 1: boyfriend girlfriend phase that we both were differently desperately missed.

1591
01:15:59,360 --> 01:16:01,840
Speaker 1: And I think working as crazy as we didn't having

1592
01:16:01,840 --> 01:16:03,600
Speaker 1: the schedule we had last year, a lot of that

1593
01:16:03,640 --> 01:16:06,519
Speaker 1: got lost in the shuffle, and that was a challenge

1594
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:08,360
Speaker 1: for us both mentally. We're like, it doesn't make any

1595
01:16:08,400 --> 01:16:10,680
Speaker 1: sense that we're, you know, having all the success with

1596
01:16:10,680 --> 01:16:13,240
Speaker 1: our career and our kids are doing well and families

1597
01:16:13,280 --> 01:16:15,080
Speaker 1: good and all that, but you and I are not

1598
01:16:15,680 --> 01:16:17,800
Speaker 1: in unison. So and I say that to say that

1599
01:16:17,880 --> 01:16:20,599
Speaker 1: men are typically trying to say that, but it's challenging

1600
01:16:20,600 --> 01:16:23,120
Speaker 1: for us because it's not hyper masculine to say I

1601
01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:26,160
Speaker 1: missed my wife, I missed my girlfriend, I missed being

1602
01:16:26,200 --> 01:16:28,880
Speaker 1: touchy feely. That's really what they want to say, Babe,

1603
01:16:28,880 --> 01:16:30,439
Speaker 1: I miss when you used to touch me up and

1604
01:16:30,600 --> 01:16:32,760
Speaker 1: and you're annoying climbing on me. I missed that. It's

1605
01:16:32,760 --> 01:16:36,160
Speaker 1: not hypermatchingly. So sometimes t think about what they're saying, like, well,

1606
01:16:36,200 --> 01:16:38,759
Speaker 1: I know what he's saying right right between the lines

1607
01:16:39,320 --> 01:16:41,960
Speaker 1: the lines. All right, y'all, we want to hear more

1608
01:16:42,000 --> 01:16:44,360
Speaker 1: from you on the listener letter tips, so be sure

1609
01:16:44,360 --> 01:16:47,839
Speaker 1: to email us at dead as Advice at gmail dot com.

1610
01:16:47,880 --> 01:16:50,040
Speaker 1: That's D E A D A S S A d

1611
01:16:50,120 --> 01:16:53,559
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com. All right,

1612
01:16:53,640 --> 01:16:57,719
Speaker 1: moment of truth time. We're talking coaching, we're talking kids,

1613
01:16:57,920 --> 01:17:03,040
Speaker 1: we're talking parenting. UM, you know, how did our perspectives change, um,

1614
01:17:03,200 --> 01:17:05,120
Speaker 1: when it came to kids in sports, How we deal

1615
01:17:05,160 --> 01:17:07,040
Speaker 1: with our kids, all that good stuff. So you're in

1616
01:17:07,080 --> 01:17:10,120
Speaker 1: the episode what the truth? My moment of truth is this? UM,

1617
01:17:10,120 --> 01:17:13,080
Speaker 1: I was a professional athlete, and I also coached for

1618
01:17:13,120 --> 01:17:16,439
Speaker 1: a very very long time. The same methods you used

1619
01:17:16,439 --> 01:17:19,320
Speaker 1: to coach other people's children, the same methods your coaches

1620
01:17:19,439 --> 01:17:21,360
Speaker 1: used to coach you, is not the same method you

1621
01:17:21,400 --> 01:17:24,040
Speaker 1: have you can use with your children. It's just not

1622
01:17:24,080 --> 01:17:27,000
Speaker 1: the same. There's a different power dynamic there when you're

1623
01:17:27,200 --> 01:17:30,519
Speaker 1: you're coaching your own children. I like when parents coach

1624
01:17:30,600 --> 01:17:33,160
Speaker 1: their children. You just have to learn to use discernment

1625
01:17:33,240 --> 01:17:35,599
Speaker 1: when and when not to be coached, and when and

1626
01:17:35,600 --> 01:17:38,679
Speaker 1: when not to be Dad. Jackson and I have already

1627
01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:41,840
Speaker 1: made it very clear. The minute we step into this house,

1628
01:17:42,400 --> 01:17:44,439
Speaker 1: the coach had is off. I don't care how much

1629
01:17:44,439 --> 01:17:47,479
Speaker 1: I've screamed and holler and been upset. When you come

1630
01:17:47,479 --> 01:17:50,559
Speaker 1: in this house, I'm not We're not talking about that anymore.

1631
01:17:51,320 --> 01:17:53,800
Speaker 1: I'm your I'm your dad. Now let's watch the game

1632
01:17:53,840 --> 01:17:56,080
Speaker 1: and laugh and talk about other things. Let's let's not

1633
01:17:56,240 --> 01:17:59,760
Speaker 1: drag that into our personal space. Kind of like when

1634
01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:02,519
Speaker 1: you do with your significant other, leave the work life

1635
01:18:03,240 --> 01:18:07,040
Speaker 1: at work, exactly when you come home, I'm dead. I

1636
01:18:07,080 --> 01:18:09,799
Speaker 1: created a boundary that both my son and I respect,

1637
01:18:09,920 --> 01:18:12,400
Speaker 1: and I feel like it's working for us. Stay tuned,

1638
01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:16,360
Speaker 1: because he's only eleven. I have seven more years, you know,

1639
01:18:16,560 --> 01:18:19,960
Speaker 1: to to try to get this right. Not I know

1640
01:18:20,120 --> 01:18:22,120
Speaker 1: he spent more than half of the time he's going

1641
01:18:22,200 --> 01:18:26,480
Speaker 1: to spend with us here, So pray for us um

1642
01:18:26,600 --> 01:18:31,040
Speaker 1: as we as. This isn't ever evolving organism, this thing

1643
01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:33,360
Speaker 1: called life. So as things change, I am sure they

1644
01:18:33,360 --> 01:18:36,000
Speaker 1: will will keep you updated. No, for sure, I love

1645
01:18:36,040 --> 01:18:39,800
Speaker 1: that my moment of truth is much like the relationship

1646
01:18:39,880 --> 01:18:43,360
Speaker 1: between like a teacher and a parent, right, um, such

1647
01:18:43,400 --> 01:18:45,840
Speaker 1: as the coach and the parent experience. And I think

1648
01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:50,439
Speaker 1: the overarching topic that some parents and coaches, Missie, I

1649
01:18:50,479 --> 01:18:55,040
Speaker 1: had never thought about that. Imagine a teacher who has children,

1650
01:18:55,360 --> 01:18:57,200
Speaker 1: those same kids go through the same thing. Like my

1651
01:18:57,240 --> 01:18:59,360
Speaker 1: mom's a teacher, so she's always a teacher all the time,

1652
01:18:59,479 --> 01:19:01,519
Speaker 1: because the thing my dad as a coach, he's always

1653
01:19:01,520 --> 01:19:05,080
Speaker 1: a coach all the time. But yeah, but I'm just

1654
01:19:05,160 --> 01:19:07,560
Speaker 1: even speaking about the relationship that a parent and a

1655
01:19:07,640 --> 01:19:09,800
Speaker 1: teacher has, right, because there should be some sort of

1656
01:19:09,920 --> 01:19:13,400
Speaker 1: union and communication between a parent empowering their children when

1657
01:19:13,439 --> 01:19:15,439
Speaker 1: they're in the classroom and the teacher then feeling like

1658
01:19:15,520 --> 01:19:18,880
Speaker 1: they're empowered as a teacher to be the educator. Right,

1659
01:19:19,720 --> 01:19:21,920
Speaker 1: such as that with a coach and a parent, right

1660
01:19:22,040 --> 01:19:24,040
Speaker 1: the parent in trusts the coach to teach them things

1661
01:19:24,080 --> 01:19:27,439
Speaker 1: about the game. But what I think the overarching topic

1662
01:19:27,520 --> 01:19:29,240
Speaker 1: for me is when it just comes to sports, is

1663
01:19:29,280 --> 01:19:35,639
Speaker 1: that sports and coaching and um, the dynamics that exists

1664
01:19:35,640 --> 01:19:37,800
Speaker 1: in that is so much bigger than just sports. Yes,

1665
01:19:38,360 --> 01:19:43,040
Speaker 1: it's life and the lessons that you've learned, for example,

1666
01:19:43,080 --> 01:19:45,519
Speaker 1: because I wasn't big into sports growing up, right, But

1667
01:19:45,600 --> 01:19:48,040
Speaker 1: the lessons that you've learned in sports and having to

1668
01:19:48,080 --> 01:19:50,760
Speaker 1: have the discipline and the camaraderie with the team, and

1669
01:19:50,960 --> 01:19:53,240
Speaker 1: knowing how to take the direction and how to listen

1670
01:19:53,280 --> 01:19:55,960
Speaker 1: to a coach to be respectful, those are things that

1671
01:19:56,000 --> 01:20:00,040
Speaker 1: are carrying over into life. And we have to to

1672
01:20:00,160 --> 01:20:03,000
Speaker 1: stand that as parents. Is bigger than like that one game.

1673
01:20:03,479 --> 01:20:06,479
Speaker 1: It's bigger than eleven eleven year old basketball. It's bigger

1674
01:20:06,479 --> 01:20:10,439
Speaker 1: than sixth grade football. It is about teaching life lessons.

1675
01:20:10,560 --> 01:20:13,960
Speaker 1: So if the parents and the coach are in unison

1676
01:20:14,040 --> 01:20:17,080
Speaker 1: with what the objective is, then no game is going

1677
01:20:17,120 --> 01:20:18,760
Speaker 1: to be that big of a deal as long as

1678
01:20:18,800 --> 01:20:21,519
Speaker 1: the kid is learning a life lesson along the way

1679
01:20:21,800 --> 01:20:32,040
Speaker 1: or several. So that's mine. It's more like, okay, oh god, god,

1680
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:35,559
Speaker 1: we did a couple of rocks today, y'all. Um, alright, y'all.

1681
01:20:35,680 --> 01:20:38,160
Speaker 1: So be sure to follow us on social media if

1682
01:20:38,200 --> 01:20:41,360
Speaker 1: you're not already. So, we have dead as the Podcast

1683
01:20:41,439 --> 01:20:44,040
Speaker 1: on Instagram. You can find me at Cadeen I Am.

1684
01:20:44,200 --> 01:20:47,840
Speaker 1: I'm also on TikTok Now I'm taking a stab at three.

1685
01:20:47,880 --> 01:20:50,600
Speaker 1: I'm coming up to the young people's apps uh and

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01:20:50,640 --> 01:20:53,040
Speaker 1: signed up on patreons to and I am not on

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01:20:53,160 --> 01:20:55,360
Speaker 1: TikTok because I'm not trying to be with the young people.

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01:20:55,800 --> 01:20:58,800
Speaker 1: I am devout. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

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01:20:58,840 --> 01:21:01,599
Speaker 1: be sure to rate when you subscribe. If you're interested

1690
01:21:01,600 --> 01:21:05,880
Speaker 1: in watching all of the podcast in its entirety, subscribe

1691
01:21:05,920 --> 01:21:09,840
Speaker 1: to our patreon. That's the fact exclusive. Behind the scenes,

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01:21:09,920 --> 01:21:12,439
Speaker 1: We're gonna call Jackson and the CP wants to chat

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01:21:13,080 --> 01:21:17,519
Speaker 1: about it all right, see how he feels about Daddy, Coach,

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01:21:17,880 --> 01:21:22,920
Speaker 1: Coach and Daddy. Dead Ass is a production of I

1695
01:21:23,080 --> 01:21:26,160
Speaker 1: Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the Norapinia

1696
01:21:26,520 --> 01:21:29,599
Speaker 1: and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at dead

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01:21:29,640 --> 01:21:31,519
Speaker 1: as the Podcast and never miss a Thing.