Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and.
Speaker 1: Give us time and a terminol and gay a.
Speaker 2: We want to send you off InStyle.
Speaker 1: We want to welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome to Do
Speaker 2: you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks and this
Speaker 2: is Karen Kilgara. Hi, Karen, Hi Chris. It's good to
Speaker 2: see your friend. You look well.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 4: I just slapped on a bunch of makeup and then
Speaker 4: looked down and saide made myself four minutes late.
Speaker 2: So there was a little shape of your side view
Speaker 2: of your face made out of foundation on the pillow case.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I actually waited all day to take a shower.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I like to push it as an event, whether
Speaker 4: it's get up, you know, do some exercise, then shower,
Speaker 4: or just wait and hold off, let the creepy failing
Speaker 4: build and then.
Speaker 1: Take a shower in the evening.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, but if you don't you lay down a
Speaker 2: towel on that pillow, right, because you know what happens
Speaker 2: to the pillow with water.
Speaker 1: Chris, I washed my face before I go.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know what you're carrying, you know. I'm
Speaker 2: just saying, Uh, there are times and I know that
Speaker 2: it's only water that I've left on myself. When I
Speaker 2: take off my pillowcases, there's a silhouette of my face
Speaker 2: and it appears to be made of coffee.
Speaker 1: I think you need to see a dermatologists. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell you.
Speaker 2: Before you start pointing fingers, go look at your pillows.
Speaker 2: My pillows are fifteen years old. Though that's the might
Speaker 2: be here. I'm just saying, there are coffee stains on
Speaker 2: my pillow, and I rarely, if ever bring coffee to bed,
Speaker 2: so I think it's just wet heead. Oh I'm drunk. No, Hey,
Speaker 2: it's not like that time where we stumbled on the
Speaker 2: NASA station. But I went. I went golfing and it
Speaker 2: was fun and I was outside and I was breathing
Speaker 2: in the soil, and I had some white claws and
Speaker 2: I maybe ate an edible that was stronger than night.
Speaker 2: But all it's going to make is try harder to annunciate,
Speaker 2: and I think we're going to be fine.
Speaker 4: But I'm okay, Well, maybe let me take the lead
Speaker 4: and you can just relax this.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. That's you. That was my bait,
Speaker 2: and you bit it, you big old fish.
Speaker 4: Well, before we get into any more of your coffee
Speaker 4: pillowcase pillow talk, let's introduce our guests for today.
Speaker 2: I think it's time.
Speaker 4: I think it's high time, and it's very exciting. We've
Speaker 4: never had him on the show before. He is a
Speaker 4: young star comedian of today, beloved by many, very thrilled.
Speaker 2: To have him here, Very funny on Twitter, Jewel Kim
Speaker 2: Booster Ladies, Jewel Kim Booster. Hello.
Speaker 3: I didn't know that this was the kind of podcast
Speaker 3: I could. I almost ate an edible as well before this,
Speaker 3: but out of respect that I said, no, right, do
Speaker 3: it so and then it'll sort of be like a
Speaker 3: countdown clock.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 3: Before I actually, because I'm not like Chris, I could
Speaker 3: not do this well enough. But I made myself a
Speaker 3: little nauseous with a snack, and I really wanted to
Speaker 3: feel less nauseous, so I almost ate inedible, but I
Speaker 3: didn't because I respect you.
Speaker 4: So I feel like podcasting, especially these days where we're
Speaker 4: all in this awkward zoom trap where it can only.
Speaker 1: Be as good as zoom allows us to have.
Speaker 4: It be, because we can't feel our actual timing, our
Speaker 4: chemistry and pheromone. Right, we can't smell each other's pheromones,
Speaker 4: which is in the podcast.
Speaker 2: You know, I excited. I get, yeah, Chris goes with
Speaker 2: a smelling guest, But.
Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like substances could only help
Speaker 4: that situation.
Speaker 1: Really, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I don't think so for me, because I get so
Speaker 3: anxious when I get stoned and I try to do
Speaker 3: things like this and I and I admire both of
Speaker 3: you film much, and I would get I would be
Speaker 3: just so nervous the.
Speaker 2: Whole Well, now that we've talked about it a little bit,
Speaker 2: my paranoia is setting in. So we could just because
Speaker 2: lingering is that edible, and they are they are a
Speaker 2: fickle They're a fickle ingestible. It's really Chris.
Speaker 1: I'll just remind you you're a talented comedian.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 4: This is your podcast, so there's kind of no way
Speaker 4: to fuck up. And then if there is a way
Speaker 4: to fuck up. We'll just edit it out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's really Do you think I am getting throat cancer?
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm mean to tell you that that that's just
Speaker 4: don't worry about it anymore. Well, the dogs that can
Speaker 4: tell that you're about to have a seizure or cancer whatever.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're on covid. Now they have dogs that can
Speaker 3: smell covid.
Speaker 2: Oh no, really, you're kidding me. That was on the
Speaker 2: news you saw.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I actually might be making that up.
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 3: Oh I when you said swear, I read it somewhere,
Speaker 3: but I can't be sure. Now you've really put the
Speaker 3: fear of God.
Speaker 2: In everyone that listens. Google's a lot we will find
Speaker 2: out if you're right or not. But I think you
Speaker 2: are right.
Speaker 1: People who listen to this podcast know it's on them too.
Speaker 4: If they're gonna yeah, if they're gonna take anything in
Speaker 4: or pretend to learn anything from this podcast, it's on
Speaker 4: them to really make sure that that's a truth or
Speaker 4: if it's just kind of a truth in this universe.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hope people spread that around without checking though.
Speaker 3: That's my favorite kind of fact. There's you know, what's
Speaker 3: something that I literally remember reading somewhere, and I have
Speaker 3: told it to so many people, but now I can't
Speaker 3: find the original source of this factoid that I love
Speaker 3: to spread around, and I'm worried that it's not true.
Speaker 3: It's that Ted Allen, the host of Chopped on the
Speaker 3: Food Network and former Queer Eye, is married to his cousin.
Speaker 1: Wow you.
Speaker 3: And I use this as because I think, I think,
Speaker 3: and I'm I this is a this is I'm starting early,
Speaker 3: but I think that gay should be allowed to do incest,
Speaker 3: lateral incest. I think like as a form of reparations
Speaker 3: for us, we should be able to do it, and
Speaker 3: it should be everyone should have to be cool with
Speaker 3: us marrying our cousins. And I use Allen as an
Speaker 3: example of that.
Speaker 4: What bilateral incest you mean age wise? Like we're going
Speaker 4: to keep it up because.
Speaker 3: I said this in the past and people get mad
Speaker 3: at me and they're like, you know, they immediately associate
Speaker 3: incests with father sons, sure or something like that, And
Speaker 3: when there's a power imbalance, obviously, no, I don't support it.
Speaker 3: If it's just cousins relative.
Speaker 4: Stuff, that's more like a royal that's more like you
Speaker 4: guys just being a little bit you know, the House
Speaker 4: of Blank exactly. You just got to keep the bloodlines
Speaker 4: rich and fancy.
Speaker 3: And that's the thing, though, is that's not a concern
Speaker 3: in our community about the bloodline, right, and so there's
Speaker 3: really no all the all the negative connotations with cousin
Speaker 3: fucking is really not an issue in the gay community.
Speaker 2: It really is frowned upon, isn't it. Except with animals,
Speaker 2: except what dog? The more the more pure bread they are,
Speaker 2: which means the more imbread.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but breathing problems. Most sea quote unquote dogs look
Speaker 3: like they shouldn't exist. They look like they're in pain constantly,
Speaker 3: and they it's I feel bad. The only good dogs
Speaker 3: are months.
Speaker 4: Normal size but super short leg or like, yeah, the
Speaker 4: pushed in snout type of stuff where you're like, this
Speaker 4: is only hurting the.
Speaker 2: Dog and it costs five thousand dollars more.
Speaker 3: My friend has a bulldog and he had to get
Speaker 3: the dog an eye lift and a tummy tuck because.
Speaker 2: Too that.
Speaker 3: And it's like for the dog's own good though, because
Speaker 3: like the dog couldn't was like not able to really
Speaker 3: see because of the folds. And then like the stomach
Speaker 3: was something was wrong with the stomach. Actually don't know
Speaker 3: why he got the tummy tuck. Yeah, the eye thing
Speaker 3: was a real serious issue.
Speaker 2: While they were at it, did they make the dog
Speaker 2: more appealing? Like he ended up being cosmetic?
Speaker 3: I will say the eyelift really did something for a dog, just.
Speaker 2: Six pack abs on a dog.
Speaker 1: Speaking of the the of the incest concept, it made
Speaker 1: me think of did you get that idea? Perhaps? Could
Speaker 1: it be like you fell asleep?
Speaker 4: During an episode of Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
Speaker 4: where the woman is married to her own grandfather.
Speaker 3: Her step grandfather, step ground, you're kidding me?
Speaker 2: Is that Mormon? It's okay, No, it was.
Speaker 3: She's Pentecostal actually, and her grandmother requested that she that
Speaker 3: he marry one of her granddaughters.
Speaker 1: It is a step but yeah, that's a lead.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go ahead and call it a leap.
Speaker 3: And it's actually you you'd think it would be a
Speaker 3: bigger deal it is. It is a plot point on
Speaker 3: the show, but it isn't even really the main focus
Speaker 3: of the story of the show. And you'd think it
Speaker 3: would be.
Speaker 4: But it's well, I can't I can't say I watch it.
Speaker 4: I listen to a podcast where they talk about themselves
Speaker 4: watching it, which I love, so then I don't have
Speaker 4: to witness it.
Speaker 1: But apparently it's not even the weirdest thing no on.
Speaker 3: The show, which I kind of not even a little bit.
Speaker 1: I kind of respect that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot of weird shit going.
Speaker 2: On, so much walking and watching the Real Housewives assault
Speaker 2: Lake City.
Speaker 3: I mean, I recommend everybody does dip their toe in
Speaker 3: that pond, but I understand that it's not for everybody.
Speaker 3: I've also become a worse, dumber person since the pandemic
Speaker 3: has started. I stopped reading, and I only watch reality TV,
Speaker 3: and I eat subway five times a week.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so which is what they say? Is it the
Speaker 1: tunefficient subway that's not real?
Speaker 3: Apparently not. And apparently there was a yoga mat like
Speaker 3: they make their bread with like the same materials as
Speaker 3: people make yoga mats. And still I am not deterred.
Speaker 3: And it makes me sick, makes me sick to my stomach.
Speaker 3: But I also like, I just literally today made it
Speaker 3: a chicken smoothie.
Speaker 1: So what what.
Speaker 2: Did you do? You have a broken jaw? I'm looking
Speaker 2: at you and I know you don't.
Speaker 1: But did you get your jaw wired?
Speaker 2: My friend got his straw wired shut and his mom
Speaker 2: would put pizza in a blender.
Speaker 3: EWN, Now that's a that's a step too far, He's
Speaker 3: I just I just cooked up some chicken on the
Speaker 3: stove and then put it in a blender with some
Speaker 3: water and blended it up. And it's a little like soup.
Speaker 1: Oh was it just for convenience like you were in
Speaker 1: a I don't.
Speaker 3: I I am very conscious of what I eat to
Speaker 3: my own detriment, and I don't and I don't like
Speaker 3: eating anymore. I only eat Subway and chicken smoothies because
Speaker 3: I know, like what is in it, Like I know
Speaker 3: calorically and on a macro level, like what the breakdown
Speaker 3: is at Subway and what with the chicken. And I
Speaker 3: just it's so much quicker. I ate. I ate sixty
Speaker 3: grams of protein worth of chicken and sixty seconds, Joel,
Speaker 3: are one and protein per second?
Speaker 2: Are you going to be? Are you becoming a bodybuilder?
Speaker 3: I mean, I've been doing this for a couple of
Speaker 3: years now, you're in I am I am a I
Speaker 3: am a fitness person. I'm one of those people.
Speaker 2: I mean I dip my toe in that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean you were golfing.
Speaker 2: I'm wearing a bland for God's say.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we can see, we can see how athletic you are.
Speaker 2: I did not put this on for the podcast, by
Speaker 2: the way, I had it on, and now I'm saying
Speaker 2: that I wear it, and I'm embarrassed and also wea paranoid.
Speaker 2: But do you ever, Joel, it looks great. I've said
Speaker 2: this before so many times, and friends of a great
Speaker 2: do you ever wish there was just the way you
Speaker 2: have to go through to get food? I just want
Speaker 2: to pill sometimes that is a meal.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, if I could have a pill, I would, I
Speaker 3: would do it. And if even if like soilent was
Speaker 3: more like even more sort of calorically dense, I would
Speaker 3: drink soilent. But soilent is sort of useless to me.
Speaker 3: I just I hate I truly hate eating. I don't
Speaker 3: like doing it, but I don't like doing it. I
Speaker 3: don't like doing it to the extent that I have
Speaker 3: to do it to look a certain way. It's torture.
Speaker 3: And during the pandemic it's really like, for who.
Speaker 2: Right, do you not have the sense of taste? I
Speaker 2: think you have the virus.
Speaker 3: Get a dog over your Yeah, whatever I want. On
Speaker 3: Friday dinners and Saturday dinners and that's it. And those
Speaker 3: meals I enjoy because I'll eat nachos and buffalo chicken
Speaker 3: salad in.
Speaker 5: A blender, always d always dr a kebab nachos.
Speaker 4: I mean, that's a real part. It's like you're having
Speaker 4: a little party for yourself.
Speaker 2: That's fine.
Speaker 3: I deserve it after eating subway all week.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, well, I'm impressed that you blended. I mean,
Speaker 2: if you think about it, it's like making a soup
Speaker 2: or a or.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's I actually got the idea from watching Chopped,
Speaker 3: where famed cousin fucker Ted Allen because they put things
Speaker 3: in the blender there all the time.
Speaker 2: Some other famous cousin fuckers.
Speaker 3: That Allen's the only one I know of other than
Speaker 3: the royals obviously.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, of course.
Speaker 1: Well let's there's other ones.
Speaker 4: I think, Oh, well, there's the Morgan Freeman is with
Speaker 4: his granddaughter.
Speaker 3: Yeah, something like I think friend or something in that realm,
Speaker 3: Like he went to a prom. I want to say, yeah.
Speaker 2: He's just he did not go to the prom. I
Speaker 2: think he's married. P Yeah, he's a bad dance chaperone.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's tough. Didn't didn't want didn't Jerry Lee
Speaker 3: Lewis or making that name up.
Speaker 2: He married a fourteen year old.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and see that's the kind of insist I don't
Speaker 3: support sure that.
Speaker 2: Set to music.
Speaker 1: The biopics are made of.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah that That always stuck out to me, even
Speaker 2: when I was a kid. My dad told me that,
Speaker 2: and I was like, that's super wrong, right, And he's like, yes,
Speaker 2: quite a.
Speaker 1: Lot of the stuff Jerry Lee Lewis did did a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff wrong. There's a real good Did you
Speaker 1: ever watch that Mike Judges Tales from the Tour Bus?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's the best. If you haven't seen it,
Speaker 2: watch Tales from the Tour.
Speaker 4: Bus Talking hilarious And it's just basically the first season
Speaker 4: is all country stars and all how like his Mike
Speaker 4: Judges whole thing is.
Speaker 1: You know, when I was a teenager in the nineties,
Speaker 1: it was.
Speaker 4: All this rap stuff about how bad gangsters were and
Speaker 4: like they shouldn't be exposed to teenagers, blah blah blah,
Speaker 4: and He's like, and all I could think of was,
Speaker 4: does anybody know anything about country stars? And so he
Speaker 4: basically made a series where it's just they all were
Speaker 4: taking speed. They were constantly like shooting each other days, shooting.
Speaker 1: Each other, shooting other people in bars like they didn't
Speaker 1: give a fuck.
Speaker 2: And it's all animated, kind of like King of the Hill.
Speaker 2: And so it's great. They're talking all these roadies and
Speaker 2: guys that were on tour at the time, and they're
Speaker 2: like just these sweet old men and they're animated like
Speaker 2: and it's so funny.
Speaker 3: It just animated.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, to consume.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's the blended chicken of tears exact.
Speaker 2: Wait exactly.
Speaker 4: I need to go back and ask you this question
Speaker 4: when you have your subway sandwich that you allow yourself
Speaker 4: with the yoga matt bread, which I remember reading that
Speaker 4: and being like interesting and still going and eating same
Speaker 4: with them.
Speaker 1: When Doaco Bell there.
Speaker 4: Was a horsle that it was sawdust sawst their meat
Speaker 4: was sawdust.
Speaker 3: I also, do you remember that the ground beef at
Speaker 3: at Taco Bell is apparently a part horse.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's great, f I've seen the box.
Speaker 3: And I still and I was like, I don't care,
Speaker 3: like what of the horse? How is a horse different
Speaker 3: from a cow?
Speaker 2: Right? Of course? Of course, you know I'm.
Speaker 4: Going to be consistent, right, just slightly more beautiful, I mean, arguably.
Speaker 3: More objectives spiritually. Yeah, there's a spiritual difference there.
Speaker 2: Their hair makes them I eat anything with a good spirit.
Speaker 2: What is in the tuna? Then they said it's not tuna,
Speaker 2: which means it's dolphin. Or are they saying it's not
Speaker 2: even dolphin.
Speaker 4: No, they said it was just like yeah, they that
Speaker 4: it's just not necessarily food.
Speaker 1: It's definitely not tuna or fish.
Speaker 3: Sort of made in a lap vibe.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, just kind of a filler dog food style,
Speaker 4: which fill.
Speaker 3: It seems sort of more sustainable to me. I guess
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 2: It's going back to what Joel and I were talking about.
Speaker 2: They are manufacturing this food pill I want so bad.
Speaker 1: Yes, they're just taking me too long.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you get your yoga met sandwich bread toasted.
Speaker 3: Yes, I do. I think it makes it more palatable. Yes,
Speaker 3: me too, because you really sense the yoga mat when
Speaker 3: it's not in a way.
Speaker 4: That's the consistency is too familiar, when you bite down
Speaker 4: and it doesn't spring.
Speaker 1: Back that thing that it definitely does a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: They when when Subway in La and maybe everywhere did
Speaker 4: that thing where suddenly they were open till like three
Speaker 4: in the morning or something.
Speaker 1: Do you know they there's a bunch of them.
Speaker 3: That are open, you know, a game changer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what they recover from Jarret. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Well, I was going to say, I'm sort of I
Speaker 3: feel like the reverse Jarrett. I'm going there to gain weight.
Speaker 4: You're you're doing a different approach.
Speaker 2: You should do commercials where you hold up a tiny
Speaker 2: little pair of dollhouse pants.
Speaker 1: I can't fit into these anymore. Subway, You've done it
Speaker 1: for me. But there there was like so many jobs
Speaker 1: I had where like I would leave and it would
Speaker 1: be ten thirty and I would just be like, I
Speaker 1: can't eat fast food again. So Subway was this kind
Speaker 1: of in my mind. I was telling myself it was
Speaker 1: the good choice and it was open.
Speaker 3: Well, I think it's better. It's better than most fast food,
Speaker 3: even as even even though it's fake food a lot
Speaker 3: of times, apparently, I do think it is better for
Speaker 3: you than you're McDonald's.
Speaker 2: There was a Men's Health article and this was in
Speaker 2: the late nineties that I've read, and there was a
Speaker 2: list of all the fast food that from best to worst,
Speaker 2: and I hate it's because of chemical on a chemical
Speaker 2: level or whatever. Subway was down at the bottom. But
Speaker 2: I was a big Taco Bell kid, just as a kid,
Speaker 2: and that was up there, like as hey, there's not
Speaker 2: much wrong with Taco Bell. And this is after telling
Speaker 2: you about that great f beef thing and interesting before
Speaker 2: you naysay a men's health article, so you know the research.
Speaker 1: The Wall Street Journal, yactically exactly, that's big.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was high a chemical level. Taco Bell is
Speaker 3: better than Subway.
Speaker 2: And at the bottom, of course McDonald's and Burger King
Speaker 2: for sugar reasons, but because they did indicate why, and
Speaker 2: I think the preservatives.
Speaker 3: You can leave out a McDonald's burger for days, right.
Speaker 1: If not yours?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but if you see what happens to mayonnaise overnight,
Speaker 2: you're gonna swear that off for life.
Speaker 1: Wait what was say underneath Taco Bell? I mean what
Speaker 1: other options are?
Speaker 2: Even all things that made sense? I was surprised Taco
Speaker 2: Bell was up there, and the reason was the subway bell.
Speaker 3: Was it number one?
Speaker 5: Though?
Speaker 2: No it was not, but it was in the top ten.
Speaker 2: I do remember this list because I didn't know how
Speaker 2: to cook, and I was a kid.
Speaker 3: I imagine it's the kind of thing you think about
Speaker 3: every time you drive past. One of those times yes.
Speaker 4: I really I would not tonight. Number eight, maybe number four.
Speaker 4: Let's see what happens.
Speaker 2: Right now, I'm deciding that this article and men health
Speaker 2: made the biggest impression on me in my entire life,
Speaker 2: because I constantly remember that it's okay to go to
Speaker 2: Taco Bell and there is preservatives in the bread at
Speaker 2: Subway and it's a bread based thing. The bread there
Speaker 2: isn't as good as they claim, that's all.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure that they claim that many things.
Speaker 2: They say hello fresh, and I think that they're talking
Speaker 2: about the bread there.
Speaker 3: I will say I was at the Subway today and
Speaker 3: they had run out of bread, and the guy was
Speaker 3: like mad that they didn't have any more white bread.
Speaker 3: And he was like, how do you not have any
Speaker 3: white bread? And she was like, well, we make it
Speaker 3: fresh in the store. And I was like, bitch, you
Speaker 3: try and get a palette. You get a palette of
Speaker 3: an unknown substance, and you slap it on a tray
Speaker 3: and you put it in the oven. That does not
Speaker 3: mean you make it fresh than the store. But this
Speaker 3: man was a nightmare because he also came into the
Speaker 3: store and said I'm not sure what I want yet,
Speaker 3: and then he kept being like, how's the American Club,
Speaker 3: How's the Italian BMT? And it's like, don't torture these
Speaker 3: subway employees like that. They don't give a ship. Yeah,
Speaker 3: where they.
Speaker 4: Are, there are do you want them to describe it
Speaker 4: to you? It's all subjective. What do you like in sandwich?
Speaker 2: Why they're called an artist because art is subjected.
Speaker 1: It's not, It's very true, and it's not. These are sandwiches.
Speaker 4: You're not in some exotic foreign restaurant, you know what
Speaker 4: I mean. It's like have you had a salami sandwich before?
Speaker 3: And ask them what's good here?
Speaker 2: So funny, you're right. Yeah, the bread probably in its
Speaker 2: in its form, it comes out of a caulking gun
Speaker 2: or something and then it's baked to bread shape. And
Speaker 2: that's why they say in subway eat fresh, not yeah,
Speaker 2: subway eat fresh, eat fresh. And it was always about
Speaker 2: the bread.
Speaker 4: The only I bet you the bread it's baked in.
Speaker 4: It only can be baked in that in that oven.
Speaker 4: Like you couldn't steal it and take it home if
Speaker 4: you work there, because it probably doesn't bake in a
Speaker 4: real oven.
Speaker 1: It has to be in the oven that that subway has.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's like our little steel casket shaped exactly
Speaker 2: like a loaf of bread that they clamp down.
Speaker 4: But it's like this was made to bake yoga mats.
Speaker 4: So don't try.
Speaker 1: You can't just go taking this somewhere.
Speaker 2: You can taste the downward dog.
Speaker 4: What's your order at subway before we get out of
Speaker 4: this area.
Speaker 3: I either get a turkey, a twelve inch turkey on white,
Speaker 3: double turkey with provologone, yeah, and veggies, or I get
Speaker 3: if I'm really feeling crazy and feeling like I want
Speaker 3: to treat myself, I'll get an Italian BMT with turkey
Speaker 3: instead of ham double turkey.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, yeah, that sounds good. I stick with turkey
Speaker 2: there too.
Speaker 3: Turkey is the best lunch meat for you, I agree,
Speaker 3: and it's also the but it also tastes the worst,
Speaker 3: I think. Yeah, like everything that's good for.
Speaker 2: You, Yeah, right, turkey. I eat it because they have
Speaker 2: the worst personality, worse since lommies. I've been around turkeys.
Speaker 2: I've talked about this. They're assholes. I'm okay with eating them,
Speaker 2: and I know that's controversial.
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, I do think they are assholes. They're mean
Speaker 3: and they'll chase you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're dinosaurs they have. They're just gaily legs. They
Speaker 2: pinpoint that you're human and then they move in for
Speaker 2: the attack.
Speaker 4: I don't like turkeys, guys, we're all turkey sandwich at
Speaker 4: subway people.
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of nice, betiful. I think that's
Speaker 1: nice for us as brand new friends.
Speaker 3: It really brings us together.
Speaker 2: Do you feel differently about tuna now? You you'd to
Speaker 2: eat a lot of tuna when we'd have our little
Speaker 2: meetings at the one oh one Cafe, Cafe rest in peace.
Speaker 1: Do you know I know it's not sad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 4: It's the only place I actually don't like fish, and
Speaker 4: I don't really I don't really like tuna. But for
Speaker 4: some reason, they made their tuna solad was almost dry,
Speaker 4: if that makes sense, Like they put so little mayonnaise
Speaker 4: in it that they didn't become some mayonnaise problem, which
Speaker 4: is what I can't deal with, any kind of mayonnaise problem.
Speaker 4: Solid is it real mayonnaise problem?
Speaker 1: I don't like it. And I would always say to them,
Speaker 1: to the waitress.
Speaker 4: It was usually a waitress, I'd always say, can I
Speaker 4: get your tuna salad sandwich?
Speaker 1: But no mayonnaise on the bread?
Speaker 4: Because they would put extra mayonnaise on the bread on
Speaker 4: a tuna salad sandwich, where it's just like, guys, let's
Speaker 4: think it through. So then when you would bite into
Speaker 4: the bread, tuna would pop up through the holes.
Speaker 1: In the bread. And to me, that is the worst
Speaker 1: thing of all time.
Speaker 3: I wish the more recently came around to mayo. I
Speaker 3: had such an aversion to it because growing up, get this,
Speaker 3: my parents would get miracle whip and call it mayo. Oh,
Speaker 3: and they just think it's interchangeable. And I and I
Speaker 3: finally as an adult, came around and finally got used
Speaker 3: to mayo, and I was like, this is not the same,
Speaker 3: and They're like, yes, it is. It's the same, and
Speaker 3: it's and they gas lit me about miracle whip.
Speaker 2: For years in the Midwest, right, yeah, it's just everything
Speaker 2: that it has. Then the moniker of salad has miracle
Speaker 2: whip and it's that sweet sweet maynaise.
Speaker 1: Well it's so sweet, yes, bizarre.
Speaker 4: We were an anti miracle whip family, So anytime I
Speaker 4: would go to a friend's house and their mom made
Speaker 4: sandwiches with miracle whip, it would totally be like, what
Speaker 4: are you eating?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah. There was people in my neighborhood. I wasn't allowed
Speaker 2: to talk.
Speaker 1: To stay away from that family.
Speaker 2: There a miracle Whip family.
Speaker 1: Stay away.
Speaker 4: Miracle Whip or Margarine is conniber shocker when like, if
Speaker 4: it's something, that's it.
Speaker 3: The other thing they said margarine is the same as
Speaker 3: butter and it's not.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 4: Wait, are you from like Kansas, like directly in the
Speaker 4: center of Illinois?
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, so sort of, but.
Speaker 2: Just a little above it a little bit. Did you
Speaker 2: start doing stand up in Chicago?
Speaker 3: Then I did.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a great place.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree, because it is like it's all the
Speaker 3: stage time of New York, but no one's paying attention
Speaker 3: and so you can.
Speaker 2: Really think about it. It makes my favorite Canadians. I
Speaker 2: don't know how to pin there is that energy.
Speaker 3: I don't know exactly how to pinpoint it either, but
Speaker 3: it's just like it's so cheap to get drunk there
Speaker 3: and the stakes feel so low and everyone's just having fun.
Speaker 3: I would not say I got good. I don't know
Speaker 3: if I was a good comedian in Chicago. I think
Speaker 3: I only got really good in New York. But I
Speaker 3: miss my time in Chicago so much.
Speaker 2: You moved to New York first, then did you like
Speaker 2: start with Kyle Kanaan and those guys or.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, they are much older than you. I
Speaker 3: guess I'm coming up on my ten uyear started wood job,
Speaker 3: which feels like a long time now, but I still
Speaker 3: feel like a baby compared to some people that I
Speaker 3: know who are who are doing this. But yeah, and
Speaker 3: I moved to New York. I only I moved to
Speaker 3: New York after like two years of doing stand up
Speaker 3: and people said it was too soon.
Speaker 2: They always do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but this is the thing is that I moved
Speaker 3: to New York with people who were several classes above
Speaker 3: me in Chicago who wouldn't don't even know my name,
Speaker 3: and we all had to start going to the same
Speaker 3: fucking open mics. Yeah, nobody gives a shit what rooms
Speaker 3: you were doing in Chicago when you go to New York.
Speaker 3: And so we all started at the same level. And
Speaker 3: it just you know, I was and I didn't. I had,
Speaker 3: I had none of the ego.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 3: It really bruised them because suddenly they couldn't go up
Speaker 3: first at the open mic. But I was like, well
Speaker 3: I'm used to going last. Yeah, yeah, this is fine,
Speaker 3: this is my life.
Speaker 1: Yes, and also I bet that I had a very parallel.
Speaker 4: Experience where I lived in. I started in Sacramento, but
Speaker 4: I was only there for like six months. Moved to
Speaker 4: San Francisco, which was like the big in my mind,
Speaker 4: the big time, but I only lived there for two years.
Speaker 4: And then I moved to LA and everyone said it's
Speaker 4: too early, you have to come here, and you have.
Speaker 1: To blah blah blah.
Speaker 4: Well it was all dudes that were telling me that,
Speaker 4: and all these club owners in San Francisco had all
Speaker 4: these little mini fifdoms and they did all this weird
Speaker 4: manipulative shit where every time I'd go, I'd be like,
Speaker 4: fuck this, like it would be that weird, like they
Speaker 4: were kind of fucking with you, or I don't know
Speaker 4: if I'm going to put you tonight, and I'd just
Speaker 4: be like, it's not like I thought I was the
Speaker 4: best comic of all time. I just knew that was bullshit,
Speaker 4: Like that wasn't Their opinion didn't matter. So when I
Speaker 4: moved to LA, and then everyone moved to LA, and
Speaker 4: the exact same thing happened, where it was just a
Speaker 4: total reset. So the people that were like super legendary
Speaker 4: in San Francisco had to start over too, and it
Speaker 4: was kind of cool because then every there was this
Speaker 4: kind of like it almost felt like more of a
Speaker 4: creative commune vibe where everyone was just like, well, let's
Speaker 4: get our shit together and try to actually make a
Speaker 4: mark instead of you know, like getting your perfect club
Speaker 4: set down exactly how you want it, because it doesn't
Speaker 4: you had to kind of do more than that in
Speaker 4: la I think, which was cool, but in Chicago. I
Speaker 4: just wanted to share my theory about Chicago because I
Speaker 4: think there's like the bar culture helps the comedy culture,
Speaker 4: and it has such a true love for Surprisingly I
Speaker 4: lived there for a very brief time, but because of
Speaker 4: Second City and because of like you know, Steppenwolf, there
Speaker 4: is a true love of like the arts and performing
Speaker 4: and comedy specifically, and.
Speaker 3: The theater scene there too, I think feeds into that
Speaker 3: as well. Yeah, it has a really amazing storefront theater scene,
Speaker 3: which is what I originally went there to do. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I definitely think.
Speaker 1: So it was like creativity thing is in the air,
Speaker 1: and there's even though it acts like it's this you know,
Speaker 1: blue collar, I'll beat the shit out of you kind
Speaker 1: of town, it actually has the heart of an artist,
Speaker 1: so like, you know, we would go to bar shows.
Speaker 1: There was a bar show we went to and it
Speaker 1: was people reading from the like the personal ads. I
Speaker 1: can't remember what it was specifically, it was so funny
Speaker 1: and enjoyable and it was just like clearly a group
Speaker 1: that did comedy together, that were like reading these things
Speaker 1: out of the paper. That was such a funny, great
Speaker 1: idea where I was like, oh, I see how like
Speaker 1: sketch groups just pop up in this town, like comedy packs,
Speaker 1: you know, packs of stand ups to developed together.
Speaker 3: That is like it's so hard for you know what.
Speaker 3: This is the thing too, I think about Chicago and
Speaker 3: New York that I do think that LA sometimes lacks
Speaker 3: in as much as in terms of per capita, is
Speaker 3: that I do just think that there are a lot
Speaker 3: of people who are comedy nerds in both those cities
Speaker 3: who enjoy going to see stand up and those people
Speaker 3: make up so much of the audiences of the shows,
Speaker 3: whereas I do find in LA, and maybe it's just
Speaker 3: the shows that I'm doing, is that's it's made up
Speaker 3: about half of those people, and then half of people
Speaker 3: who want to be where you are at that moment.
Speaker 3: They want it, they're they're like either trying to do
Speaker 3: something adjacent to comedy or comedians or actors or influence,
Speaker 3: you know, like they're there for another reason. And it
Speaker 3: is a different energy than New York and Chicago and
Speaker 3: I'm sure even San Francisco too, and San Francisco.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I started in Austin. There was that same feeling
Speaker 2: of like there was this art community, such an appreciation
Speaker 2: for art in the nucleus of Texas, which is otherwise
Speaker 2: not what you think of when you think of art,
Speaker 2: and then the same pressure like to stay. But it
Speaker 2: was a vibey thing, like, oh, I'm waiting for Hollywood
Speaker 2: to come to Texas, and they like try and top
Speaker 2: me out a leaving and I'm like, no, I think
Speaker 2: I want to experience different kinds of audiences. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 2: but so much good art there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do get that.
Speaker 4: I mean, I haven't done stand up in a while,
Speaker 4: but that was my least favorite vibe. I was always
Speaker 4: looking for a fight in the audience. When I did
Speaker 4: stand up, I was always like, look, I hate you.
Speaker 4: I'll figure out exactly how by the end of the set.
Speaker 3: But just no, just no.
Speaker 4: I'm also not a fan of yours, Like the worst
Speaker 4: way to do stand up, but that vibe of I
Speaker 4: could be doing this better thing. It was always something
Speaker 4: I felt like I picked up on or it as
Speaker 4: because I think I was in comedy before the Internet
Speaker 4: and before the before the real big explosion, you know
Speaker 4: that how it got when it got super popular where
Speaker 4: it I did start with audiences that had no interest
Speaker 4: in doing comedy, and they were just like, I like comedy,
Speaker 4: and there was a very the line was so distinct,
Speaker 4: whereas then moving to LA and slowly but surely it
Speaker 4: was like kind of everyone could be a comedian. That
Speaker 4: was the vibe where it's like or anyone could anyone?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it was a little bit like this in
Speaker 3: New York. But this is an experience that I've had
Speaker 3: so many times in LA that is so frustrating is
Speaker 3: that like someone will come backstage and be like so
Speaker 3: and so the booker from Fallon is in the audience tonight,
Speaker 3: you know, or like there's oh did you see there's
Speaker 3: a bunch of like agents, or there's this person from
Speaker 3: this network where somebody is in the audience and it's like, well, okay,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to try this weird new bit that
Speaker 3: I want to try I'm going to do good bits
Speaker 3: now because I don't want to bomb in front of
Speaker 3: the fucking fountain.
Speaker 2: That right, you should do, and I would go always
Speaker 2: get confronted by that, and I'm like, well then I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna have fun and blow it and have a
Speaker 2: few trinks and I'm gonna like make the wrong decisions
Speaker 2: and show them how Lucy goosey I am. And that
Speaker 2: doesn't work.
Speaker 3: There was never anyone important in Chicago audiences. There was
Speaker 3: never once, yeah, yeah, anyone important in a Chicago audience,
Speaker 3: and that it was so freeing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, right, very true.
Speaker 4: That's kind of how Yeah, that's how San Francisco was
Speaker 4: a little bit, unless maybe Alice.
Speaker 1: Walker came to a show on Sanisco. San Francisco doesn't
Speaker 1: have like celebrities like that.
Speaker 4: Their celebrities are also like, you know, it's either Bobby
Speaker 4: McFerrin or you know, the weirdest like when Sharon Stone
Speaker 4: married that one rich guy. She lived there for a
Speaker 4: little while. But yeah, you couldn't really, that wasn't.
Speaker 2: Part of it. Karen, you've met Bobby McFerrin, No, don't worry,
Speaker 2: be happy.
Speaker 1: He lived in San Francisco for a long time.
Speaker 2: I love that song.
Speaker 1: I mean it's a hit. You know.
Speaker 3: The weirdest celeb in a city that I know of
Speaker 3: is you. Did you ever do the Comedy Addict in Bloomington, Indiana? Yeah,
Speaker 3: it's one of my favorite clubs. Yeah, and Jesse Eisenberg
Speaker 3: lives there with his wife in Bloomington, Indiana for some
Speaker 3: for some inexplicable reason, and he goes to all the
Speaker 3: shows at the Comedy Addicts. So, like, Jesse Eisenberg was
Speaker 3: in the audience of my show and I was like,
Speaker 3: why are you in Bloomington, Indian?
Speaker 2: That's great? The TI I worked there multiple nights. The
Speaker 2: guy that made the movie Hoosiers and then also this
Speaker 2: movie Breaking Away that I always liked with the best,
Speaker 2: Daniel Stern and Dennis Quaid. He wrote those movies and
Speaker 2: he taught film at that school and he was there
Speaker 2: every night, and he was telling us when Trump was
Speaker 2: running about because he was like married to some model lady.
Speaker 2: He was talking about Trump trying to hit on his
Speaker 2: wife and get her alan and stuff, and early on,
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, he sounds like a bad guy. I
Speaker 2: hope he doesn't become our president like early on, but
Speaker 2: he was the nicest guy and he just liked comedy.
Speaker 2: He hung out there. He was in the green room
Speaker 2: with the Other funny thing about that club is the
Speaker 2: guy that runs it. The green room is also his office.
Speaker 2: So well, you're getting ready looking at your notes before
Speaker 2: a show and he's he's like, yeah, how many people
Speaker 2: are with your party? Okay, Like he's taking those calls
Speaker 2: in the green room.
Speaker 4: Which it's funny because I both Hoosiers and Breaking Away
Speaker 4: are two of my very favorite movies, but they're not
Speaker 4: that similar.
Speaker 1: So the idea that the same guy.
Speaker 2: Blowing money. He was the best guy ever. He was
Speaker 2: super funny and I had to start asking him questions
Speaker 2: before He's like, oh, I I made some movies and
Speaker 2: now I teach film here and I'm like, what, we're
Speaker 2: the movie? And then you told me and me too.
Speaker 2: I love those two movies. Yeah, they're so good, Yeah,
Speaker 2: both of them. Breaking Away is the best.
Speaker 3: Never seen them.
Speaker 2: You gotta gotta see it. You gotta see the next
Speaker 2: time you feel an urge to watch.
Speaker 4: Kell right, But it's a true story, So even if
Speaker 4: you don't care about them.
Speaker 3: Inspirational sports movie. I can't get enough of an inspirational sports.
Speaker 4: And also Gene Hackman is the coach and he's amazing,
Speaker 4: and then fucking Barbara Hershey before when she still has
Speaker 4: real thin Like every outfit Barbara Hershey wears in this movie,
Speaker 4: because it's the fifties in Indiana is the best. How
Speaker 4: every time she walks on she'll have like like a
Speaker 4: moss green you know, mock turtleneck, short sleeve shirt is.
Speaker 1: Sweater and I'll just be like, where'd she get that?
Speaker 1: Or like a then like.
Speaker 4: A Pendleton plaid jacket in autumn colors, where I'm just like.
Speaker 1: This is the best movie. It's the best movie of
Speaker 1: all time.
Speaker 2: It's really good for wardrobe alone, why chit.
Speaker 1: For Barb's outfits alone? But then the actual story, which
Speaker 1: is the true story of this little ragtag basketball team
Speaker 1: that made it to the top. They made it to
Speaker 1: the top, no spoilers.
Speaker 3: Oh well, sorry, just said I was going to watch it.
Speaker 2: The inn Hoosiers they win at basketball.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: Now I'm going to blow the top off Mighty Ducks
Speaker 2: for everybody. They win, the kids win. Wow, I feel
Speaker 2: bad for talking about that Mighty Ducks thing.
Speaker 3: You really killed the convos.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think it was just because well again,
Speaker 2: very very drunk.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm fine, like just out of So what
Speaker 1: year did you move, Togelus.
Speaker 3: I moved to LA in twenty eighteen, Oh recently. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so it hasn't been that long. Was it twenty seventeen, No,
Speaker 3: it was twenty eighteen. It was twenty eighteen for sure.
Speaker 3: And yeah, so I I it's weird because I I've
Speaker 3: only known La, like in a very specific like I
Speaker 3: didn't struggle. I haven't struggled in La, you know. Like
Speaker 3: I came here. I came here to write on a show,
Speaker 3: and I was already like a stand up who was
Speaker 3: like like touring pretty regularly, and like felt comfortable there
Speaker 3: and like was able to live by myself here, whereas
Speaker 3: in New York every day was hell, you know, and
Speaker 3: like and and in Chicago too. I mean my first
Speaker 3: apartment in Chicago was a studio apartment for five hundred dollars,
Speaker 3: and I remember being like, I don't know if I
Speaker 3: can pay rent every month. Yeah, And now looking back
Speaker 3: on that, now that is insane. I like, but it
Speaker 3: was a real concern, and I like a big part
Speaker 3: of a big reason I started doing comedy is because
Speaker 3: the only thing I could afford to consume as entertainment
Speaker 3: was podcasts, and so I would listen to comedy podcasts
Speaker 3: and like that really inspired me to start doing comedy.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that's so, that's amazing.
Speaker 1: Would you do For a day job? In Chicago?
Speaker 3: I worked for Groupon And this was sort of the
Speaker 3: other prong of me starting comedy is I worked for
Speaker 3: Groupon for four years. Even when I lived. My first
Speaker 3: job in New York was also a company that Groupon bought.
Speaker 3: I just transferred there and was able to do that,
Speaker 3: and I worked in customer service. I started as a
Speaker 3: temp in the customer service department. I was like the
Speaker 3: seventy eighth employee of groupon.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 3: And then by the time I was I left to
Speaker 3: go move to New York, I was running three call
Speaker 3: centers in Ohio and Virginia as like a twenty four
Speaker 3: year old, and it was it was. It's just an
Speaker 3: emblematic of how stupid the company was, because like I
Speaker 3: had no business doing that, I had no qualifications, Like
Speaker 3: I was an operations manager, and I like literally was bad.
Speaker 2: I was bad at the Do you didn't have a
Speaker 2: passion for it or do you feel like if you
Speaker 2: had stayed you would be like, well, there.
Speaker 3: Were moments when I was in New York where I
Speaker 3: was like I could live comfortably doing this because I
Speaker 3: was like good at the job that I was an
Speaker 3: account manager for this restaurant group in New York, and
Speaker 3: like getting screamed at by restaurant managers I was extremely
Speaker 3: good at. And I remember like just like being like, well,
Speaker 3: maybe if all of this doesn't work out, like I
Speaker 3: could just work in startups for the rest of my
Speaker 3: life and be happy. But I'm glad that I didn't
Speaker 3: do that.
Speaker 2: Yeah too, sure, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: It's almost like you spend enough time and then you're
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, getting yelled at restaurant managers is this
Speaker 1: thing where I've like, you figure out the way to
Speaker 1: get through it and then yeah, which is like that
Speaker 1: and I think that's what happens to people in jobs.
Speaker 1: But it's like, but is that your dream?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 1: Is that how you want to spend your days.
Speaker 3: I also find that job really taught me that every
Speaker 3: single person who runs a restaurant is crazy. There is
Speaker 3: not a single well well like there's just not anyone
Speaker 3: who is stable who's doing that job, because how could
Speaker 3: you It's a job where you work like fourteen to
Speaker 3: sixteen hour days and you're like it doesn't pay super
Speaker 3: well and like you're just dealing with shit all the time.
Speaker 3: And yeah, they're all coke addicts or just nuts people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's always usually going to go out of business.
Speaker 1: I mean it's not. The average is like they in
Speaker 1: two years, they all go out of business.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 3: And now with COVID, everything is going to be a
Speaker 3: restaurant group owned. It's going to be like secretly it's
Speaker 3: going to look like an independently owned business, but it's
Speaker 3: all going to be owned by the same people who
Speaker 3: own all of gardens.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I wonder how cocaine sales are right now.
Speaker 3: Seems to be thriving. Yeah, seems to be doing well
Speaker 3: during this time.
Speaker 4: They're a resilient bunch, you know what I mean. They
Speaker 4: just they pivot. They know how to use their different talents.
Speaker 2: Just because they're sing around a room constantly.
Speaker 4: They pivot to selling cigarettes along with their coke. Yeah,
Speaker 4: don't want to make two trips. Let me do this
Speaker 4: for you. You're gonna need these.
Speaker 3: The only difference is, I will say, is that my
Speaker 3: drug dealer now won't make deliveries. You have to come
Speaker 3: to him. He refuses to he refuses to make out
Speaker 3: going calls. You have to go and visit him. That's
Speaker 3: smart and that's the only difference in in the COVID
Speaker 3: world of my drug use.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would like does he have a
Speaker 2: little sneeze guard like a plexi glass? What's his setup
Speaker 2: when you were ry?
Speaker 3: No, it's just like in his in his.
Speaker 2: Oh that's perfect.
Speaker 4: So you're gonna do you even bleep out the name
Speaker 4: of the kind of type of car, just for safety reasons,
Speaker 4: just for no drug dealer visits you at night. Let's
Speaker 4: bleep out the time.
Speaker 2: And that makes for good podcasting. When you bleep something,
Speaker 2: they're like, ooh, like they're involved in some kind of espionage.
Speaker 2: So you drive to the car and mean, yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: going to there, come to me.
Speaker 3: And then he throws it into your car window and
Speaker 3: you throw a lot of cash at him. You know,
Speaker 3: it's crazy. It's all done through Venmo now, which feels
Speaker 3: sort of like we shouldn't be doing that, but it's
Speaker 3: all done through Venmo.
Speaker 4: Do you just always put a picture of a slice
Speaker 4: of pizza underneath it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, something.
Speaker 2: Some pizza I think.
Speaker 3: I always do, like the little like Halo emoji, it's
Speaker 3: still a good person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you scroll through sometimes I do. It's the
Speaker 2: weirdest wormhole to fall down. But just because I don't
Speaker 2: know why they're there, people's reports on their Venmo purchase.
Speaker 2: It's usually Halo's and pizza you're never getting.
Speaker 3: Whenever I see whenever I see someone's like Venmo transaction
Speaker 3: and it's like tickets it's like that's drugs helper tickets
Speaker 3: for what.
Speaker 1: Ticket goods for the big concert? I don't think, so
Speaker 1: I always look at that.
Speaker 4: And because everything I do on Venmo is private because
Speaker 4: I feel self conscious where I'm like, how can nobody
Speaker 4: else feel self conscious the way I do about how
Speaker 4: they spend their money.
Speaker 3: Well, I will say there was a time when I
Speaker 3: was public because I was writing really funny Venmo captains
Speaker 3: right every time. That's what every time I would pay
Speaker 3: my friends, I would write literal paragraphs long Venmo like
Speaker 3: as long until the character limit was reached, and it
Speaker 3: would be these long stories of like I like, how
Speaker 3: dare you come after my kids in the way that
Speaker 3: you did. I'm paying you back for the clothes that
Speaker 3: they you say that they ruined, but this and like
Speaker 3: just go on and on and on, and I was
Speaker 3: really proud of or just my creative peak.
Speaker 2: Thirty five dollars for a belly button removal surgery, just
Speaker 2: have belly button removal surgery relocation.
Speaker 4: And I guess I look at that as I scroll through,
Speaker 4: I've never seen anyone like attempt to you know, like
Speaker 4: the Paradise Story. Yeah, most of the jokes are the
Speaker 4: same thing over and over, and that's so I kind
Speaker 4: of I scroll through with extreme disdain for a lack
Speaker 4: of creativity and then extreme jealousy because it's like.
Speaker 1: No one buys me any burritinos.
Speaker 4: Like at first, I think I'm really like mad of
Speaker 4: like stop trying to be funny, and then I'm like,
Speaker 4: you're just fucking jealous because look at all these people
Speaker 4: buying each other burritos.
Speaker 1: Oh god damn day long.
Speaker 2: So you've you've been scrolling through. I didn't know that
Speaker 2: everyone hit that. Of course they are, because it's provided
Speaker 2: why are you doing?
Speaker 3: You know, it's weird. Venmo keeps being lumped in. I
Speaker 3: see like all of these like we're all addicted to
Speaker 3: social media, and like I saw an image today, a meme,
Speaker 3: and it was all the social media site's logos on
Speaker 3: pills in a person's hand, and Venmo was included in that,
Speaker 3: and I was like, is ven are we including venmo
Speaker 3: as a social media Now? Yeah, I don't think I'm
Speaker 3: addicted to Venmo.
Speaker 2: I'm just I'm just do you give me money?
Speaker 3: The most useful one?
Speaker 1: I would say, Yeah, really, it's actually rent. Get in there,
Speaker 1: you get out.
Speaker 4: You don't have to do anything extra, but you can
Speaker 4: if you want. I think it's an interesting way to
Speaker 4: figure out if you feel like and I feel like
Speaker 4: in quarantine. This is the kind of stuff we spend
Speaker 4: our time doing where it's like, oh, I see that
Speaker 4: so and so has bought so and so yet another burrito.
Speaker 4: I guess they're they're hooking up on the rig, but
Speaker 4: one of them is cheap and won't spring for both.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like to write a little story.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they were. They were. They were using Venmo to
Speaker 3: docs people who are going to Portavarta. Oh really, people
Speaker 3: were just like putting like like the subscription.
Speaker 4: Flying in the face of quarantine and then shape of
Speaker 4: Porta or whatever that was that carry O'Donnell showed me
Speaker 4: that video of when the boat sang the boat I'm
Speaker 4: sorry that was funny.
Speaker 3: I'm friends of a friend with someone who was on
Speaker 3: the boat, and they were like, if you've got an
Speaker 3: hour and a half, I have a story to tell,
Speaker 3: And I was like, I will never have that much
Speaker 3: time for this story. For story, I can almost guarantee
Speaker 3: you you don't need that much time to tell the
Speaker 3: story because I know the ending, I know how I
Speaker 3: know the good part of the story.
Speaker 1: Yes, we saw the video of the good part of
Speaker 1: the story.
Speaker 2: I don't know about the Porto Biota story.
Speaker 1: Well, can you sum it up, Chris?
Speaker 2: What happened?
Speaker 3: The basically port of is like a is a destination
Speaker 3: for gay and straight people right now during the pandemic
Speaker 3: because Mexico is very very open, and so a lot
Speaker 3: of people were getting in trouble over New Year's because
Speaker 3: it was a big destination for New Years, and specifically
Speaker 3: there was like this gay account that was sort of
Speaker 3: like dosing and tattling on people who were down there
Speaker 3: via their social media posts, like would repost people's social
Speaker 3: media posts of being on vacation and be like, you know,
Speaker 3: shame them. And at one point during the New Year's weekend,
Speaker 3: of boat full of gay men capsized in Mexico. And
Speaker 3: there's footage of it, and there's footage of it. Okay,
Speaker 3: no one died, so it's fine to laugh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and no one died at the Trump rally.
Speaker 2: That was boat based, right. It's fun to watch boats sync.
Speaker 2: That's all it really is. It really really, we don't
Speaker 2: want anyone to get hurt, but a boat sinking is funny,
Speaker 2: and that's why I laughed through Titanic.
Speaker 4: It's also funny to watch people panic in situations where
Speaker 4: you think, like the one clip that I remember, it
Speaker 4: was like somebody pulling somebody else up on the boat
Speaker 4: that didn't sink, or like a breath that came to help,
Speaker 4: and the person was being so dramatic that was getting
Speaker 4: pulled up on the boat where it's just like, ah, right.
Speaker 3: Like I'm pretty sure from the footage they were pretty
Speaker 3: close to like the dock area. It wasn't like they
Speaker 3: were out in the middle of the ocean. It was
Speaker 3: a very easy swim back to shore and.
Speaker 4: Kind of gorgeous and luxurious where it's like, isn't this
Speaker 4: what you would.
Speaker 1: Down there for? Why are you screaming?
Speaker 4: It's like, I know it's like jarring that a boat
Speaker 4: would sink, but you know how to swim.
Speaker 3: I will say, I have been on so many cruises
Speaker 3: and I've it's always a fear of mine that the
Speaker 3: boat will sink. It is always, always, always a fear
Speaker 3: of mine that the boat will sink. But I I
Speaker 3: still go. And I love being on a boat. I
Speaker 3: love being on a cruise. I've been on cruises. The
Speaker 3: last the cruise before last that I went on. I
Speaker 3: work a lot of gay cruises as the comedian. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: and it's my rep My agents hate it because it
Speaker 3: pays ship, but I love it because it just feels
Speaker 3: like a free vacation. And the last one, the one
Speaker 3: before last that I went on, the jail filled up
Speaker 3: on the boat.
Speaker 2: There's a jail on the boat.
Speaker 3: There's a jail and it filled up. That's how crazy
Speaker 3: the boat was. And start taking crew members out of
Speaker 3: the out of their rooms and using the crew members'
Speaker 3: rooms as overflow jail cells.
Speaker 2: Do they ever say the phrase you're about to go
Speaker 2: to boat jail?
Speaker 3: I hope only.
Speaker 1: Do we know what the average crime to get you
Speaker 1: in boat jail?
Speaker 3: I think there was a lot of theft and a
Speaker 3: lot of domestic disputes. Okay, I think some I mean,
Speaker 3: I can't imagine any of it was drug related because
Speaker 3: everyone was like, I have a joke about it, But
Speaker 3: it is like I've never seen a community come together
Speaker 3: more heavily to just do one thing, which is smuggled
Speaker 3: drugs onto a boat. Yeah, we all, like everybody from
Speaker 3: every walk of life, every age, every every gender, every race,
Speaker 3: just came together to do this one thing, which was
Speaker 3: to sneak our drugs.
Speaker 2: And so they're getting arrest.
Speaker 3: And I don't think, but I actually don't think. And
Speaker 3: actually the last trip, the last boat that I went on,
Speaker 3: they shut they shut down the dock for a while
Speaker 3: because there was a bomb scare because one of the
Speaker 3: bomb sniffing dogs freaked out on and of course it
Speaker 3: was because we came later to find that a lesbian
Speaker 3: was trying to bring a decommissioned land mine onto the
Speaker 3: boat as a prop for the military party.
Speaker 6: What oh my god, because we come to find of course,
Speaker 6: of course the landmine bringing lesbian.
Speaker 2: Was there to be an old dog to be like, hey,
Speaker 2: I know this smell.
Speaker 5: I was in w W two, I know this smell
Speaker 5: so familiar, old lace, and the poor thing they wouldn't
Speaker 5: let her on the boat.
Speaker 3: After that, which I kind of you understand, but at
Speaker 3: the same time, I'm so sad. I was like sad
Speaker 3: for her because I was like, she was just trying
Speaker 3: to be on themes. She was trying to bring her
Speaker 3: costume to the next level.
Speaker 1: Would be hilarious.
Speaker 4: This is this is going to like you can just
Speaker 4: picture how she imagined.
Speaker 1: She was going to just.
Speaker 4: Show like, you know, like win the party basically with
Speaker 4: the best prop.
Speaker 2: And for the best prop with the most authentic history.
Speaker 1: And then she's like, in her house, thank you, I'm lucky.
Speaker 2: I'm handcuffed to a radiator. That is insane.
Speaker 3: It's awesome.
Speaker 1: We went cruises. My parents met on a cruise.
Speaker 2: My dad was a.
Speaker 1: Purser, Yes, on princess cruises.
Speaker 4: My dad was a purser and my mom was a
Speaker 4: nurse and my mom was engaged and my dad, it
Speaker 4: was the He fell in love with her the second
Speaker 4: he saw her, so he would always try to hang
Speaker 4: out with her. And then he said, hey, come on,
Speaker 4: you have to go on this double date with me
Speaker 4: because my friend is going out with this girl and
Speaker 4: they're in Hong Kong.
Speaker 1: I believe it was, and he's like, you have to
Speaker 1: go with me.
Speaker 2: Just a boat off the boat.
Speaker 1: It was like they had the weekend off or the
Speaker 1: days off or whatever, and they.
Speaker 2: Were pretty romantic. I've never heard this story.
Speaker 1: I likes it's my favorite. Yeah, so my mom used
Speaker 1: to tell the story.
Speaker 4: They go to this really fancy because all the people
Speaker 4: were really well connected because they would just go on
Speaker 4: the same loop.
Speaker 1: The cruise would always be the same. So if they
Speaker 1: were going to, you know.
Speaker 4: Whatever part of the world they were going to, they'd
Speaker 4: already been there fifteen times, so they had connections there
Speaker 4: at this really beautiful fancy restaurant in Hong Kong, and
Speaker 4: the guy that they were on the double date with,
Speaker 4: he was like super into this woman. And the woman
Speaker 4: he was with was a lunatic and she was shitface drunk,
Speaker 4: like from the beginning of the date. And so my
Speaker 4: mom didn't wasn't friends with her, like didn't know her,
Speaker 4: so kind of didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1: And my mom said she was like a character out
Speaker 1: of like she was just kind of a dippy girl
Speaker 1: that was kind of like.
Speaker 4: This, and that halfway through the dinner she passed out
Speaker 4: in her soup. She literally went she was so drunk,
Speaker 4: she went face down in her souper bowl.
Speaker 2: That happened.
Speaker 3: It happened, really gallant, this is a relationship.
Speaker 1: Immediately were like they thought it was the funniest thing
Speaker 1: in the world.
Speaker 4: But my mom was also like, who are these people
Speaker 4: that you're friends with? Like she just thought my dad
Speaker 4: hung out with total lunatics.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's the best.
Speaker 4: So we went on a for my mother's sixtieth birthday,
Speaker 4: we all went on a family cruise to Alaska because
Speaker 4: that was the one place she had never gone to.
Speaker 4: And I loved it because there was nothing I loved
Speaker 4: more because everyone on that crew, my sister and I
Speaker 4: were the youngest by far than almost anyone on the cruise.
Speaker 1: There was a couple like grandchildren that were there.
Speaker 4: With their grandparents, but other than that, everyone was like
Speaker 4: sixty five or older. And my sister and I would
Speaker 4: go for the entertainment because I was like, if there,
Speaker 4: I said to my sister, if there's a comedian, I
Speaker 4: can't watch it because it all just feel like I'm
Speaker 4: doing it and it'll hurt. It'll hurt me so about it,
Speaker 4: like I'll stress out. But they didn't have a comedian.
Speaker 4: They just had someone that hosted bingo like it was
Speaker 4: like bingo three to four, bingo four.
Speaker 1: To five or whatever. So we would just sit there and.
Speaker 4: Play bingo for as long as we possibly could, and
Speaker 4: it was my favorite favorite thing.
Speaker 1: It was so relaxing.
Speaker 3: I fucking love it. And I met a bunch of
Speaker 3: there's a bunch of people Apparently going on cruises is
Speaker 3: cheaper than hospice care, and so there are a bunch
Speaker 3: of people on these gay cruises that go cruise to cruise,
Speaker 3: uh and are planning on dying on one of the cruises.
Speaker 1: So they like just sit in their chairs on the
Speaker 1: deck and like, that's how.
Speaker 3: I want to go. If I'm going to go, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna I want to go out on the water in
Speaker 3: fucking nice right.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that since don't wait till I'm cremated.
Speaker 2: I'll just dive off at the last moment. I'll sprinkle
Speaker 2: my own asses.
Speaker 6: Just kind of get yourself to the edge and throw
Speaker 6: yourself off.
Speaker 2: Oh that's insane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there is a lot of sense. Actually.
Speaker 2: Yeah, every time I've been on a cruise, and I've
Speaker 2: been on like three of them, there is a someone
Speaker 2: always dies. There's always some horrible an elevator breakdown, or
Speaker 2: a sewage problem. It's it's kind of scary being on
Speaker 2: You're floating on a giant porta potty.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's sort of indefensible. It's really, it's an
Speaker 3: indefensible industry. It's it's awful. It really is not necessary
Speaker 3: in any way, and it is terrible for the environment.
Speaker 3: And I just can't get it.
Speaker 2: It's so fun and you pull up to some they
Speaker 2: put they park the boat right on top of a
Speaker 2: coral reef, and people that live in this town are
Speaker 2: forced to like dance or give blankets. It's like so
Speaker 2: embarrassing every time I've done it. There's like when you
Speaker 2: make these stops, it's so embarrassing to come off this
Speaker 2: cruise hip of a bunch of white people and you're
Speaker 2: in Jamaica and people are dancing and trying to sell stuff,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I don't I had fun up until
Speaker 2: the stops. There's something about the stops that bothered me, Like, hell,
Speaker 2: we're gonna let them walk around with guilt. There's a
Speaker 2: couple hours.
Speaker 3: There is there's a so there I go. The gay
Speaker 3: cruise company that I work for is Atlantis, and there's
Speaker 3: a they have a sister company that does lesbian cruises,
Speaker 3: and and and you cannot make this up, but so
Speaker 3: on the gay cruises, it's like party every night until
Speaker 3: six am, like just absolute nuts, balls to the wall,
Speaker 3: ass out. On the lesbian cruises, it's much chiller. And
Speaker 3: instead of every port that they go to, there's volunteerism
Speaker 3: instead of tourism. And one of the stops was one
Speaker 3: of the volunteerism activity was catching stray cats to bring
Speaker 3: to a nonprofit. You're staying kidding me. I'm not kidding you.
Speaker 3: And it could not be more on the nose. It's
Speaker 3: like it's like if I made that up, people would
Speaker 3: be like be less. You know, you hack that's likes
Speaker 3: running after cats in a four.
Speaker 2: Country they put the cats on the boat. There's a
Speaker 2: room of cats no.
Speaker 3: City in the city.
Speaker 2: They volunteer with the already taking cats from these village
Speaker 2: and are like room three or three.
Speaker 1: Every all night. They're freaking out. It's it's gonna be
Speaker 1: so much better when we get back.
Speaker 2: You'll see everyone's covered in flea bites. Yeah, even in
Speaker 2: most lawn they it was like a stop on a curse.
Speaker 2: It was they stopped and there was just these guys
Speaker 2: with machine guns lined up and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: let's not get off the boat. Yeah, why why is
Speaker 2: everyone have a machine gun? And then I walked past
Speaker 2: them into a neighborhood and it was was it got
Speaker 2: increasingly more normal a neighborhood. They did told me not
Speaker 2: to go down, and then I ended up these kids
Speaker 2: were just finishing a mural, uh and they were posing
Speaker 2: next to this mural. And then they called me over
Speaker 2: and I took a picture with all these kids in
Speaker 2: most lawn as if I helped paint the mural, but they.
Speaker 1: It was a white man.
Speaker 2: They were so sweet and they're like, do you want
Speaker 2: to be in the picture with us? And I was like, yes,
Speaker 2: I do, just in this photo.
Speaker 3: I want to know what their version of this story is.
Speaker 2: WoT I promise you. They were sweet and I made
Speaker 2: them laugh and we enjoyed each other and it was
Speaker 2: really a cool moment in my life. But it had
Speaker 2: I had to cross machine gun a group of machine
Speaker 2: gun men to get to them. But I don't know,
Speaker 2: it's not cool.
Speaker 4: You know, cruises are an eye opener, I think in
Speaker 4: that way, in that and the experience other cultures, other
Speaker 4: country it is funny.
Speaker 3: One of the questions that they always get asked on
Speaker 3: the Gay Cruise is like what does the crew think
Speaker 3: of all of this? Because they're an international crew and
Speaker 3: it's always and they always give this this preamble where
Speaker 3: it's like everyone on board who works on the ship
Speaker 3: knows what week it is and they're given an opportunity
Speaker 3: to opt out of this week. But most from what
Speaker 3: I've heard from working for the company is that a
Speaker 3: lot of people request to be on that week because
Speaker 3: we tip so much better than the normal weeks because
Speaker 3: it's all affluent, like mostly white games yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 4: Who are having a great time, probably high on drugs,
Speaker 4: you know, like, hey, spread the love a little bit exactly.
Speaker 3: That, yeah, and so they eat it up.
Speaker 4: They love it as opposed to like Graham and Grandpa
Speaker 4: who are complaining about every single fucking crab leg they
Speaker 4: come across and going like I need a little more
Speaker 4: at this or that, Like I'm sure.
Speaker 2: It's so funny that we're talking about with huge pupils
Speaker 2: at the end here, because that is what cruises are.
Speaker 2: It's one of the things kind of like bowling, where
Speaker 2: it's like, is that ever going to come back a
Speaker 2: bunch of floating toilets.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm on, I'm on the schedule to do one
Speaker 3: in January of twenty twenty two. Time will tell if
Speaker 3: that will if I'll still have that Yeah, yeah, but
Speaker 3: I hope, I hope I January twenty twenty two, I could,
Speaker 3: it'll be back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think things will change rapidly soon. And yeah,
Speaker 2: you can keep that date for almost a year from now.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it seemed like the cruise industry were the ones
Speaker 4: who let go.
Speaker 1: They let go last.
Speaker 4: Remember in that like the beginning of COVID, like in
Speaker 4: like April, where they're like, no, we're doing there's another
Speaker 4: cruise going out and then they had to immediately come back.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, most people got those people that were trapped
Speaker 2: on that cruise, h like beach weren't they for like
Speaker 2: over a month or something. They were just living crazy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was back when there was no central government
Speaker 4: to handle anything that was happening.
Speaker 1: Remember that so recently, h.
Speaker 3: It does feel like I just remember like the halcyon
Speaker 3: days of the early pandemic when no one knew what
Speaker 3: was really going on, and it felt like a snow day. Yes,
Speaker 3: and it just felt like my friend, my good, good friend,
Speaker 3: I just we all make fun of him for this
Speaker 3: because it's just such a funny memory now as I
Speaker 3: remember him saying on one of the first Zoom like
Speaker 3: zoom hangouts that we did was and he went, I
Speaker 3: can't believe we're gonna have to do this for two
Speaker 3: weeks and not like every month or so on our
Speaker 3: group chain. We'll just text and be like, remember when
Speaker 3: Matt said, I can't believe we have to do this
Speaker 3: for two weeks.
Speaker 2: Well, he's just in a room by himself, rocking back
Speaker 2: and forth.
Speaker 1: I hope, okay, I know, say hi to him out
Speaker 1: for us.
Speaker 4: I feel bad, like because, honestly, at the beginning, when
Speaker 4: they were like, you know, it could be till summer.
Speaker 1: I was like, sounds fucking good to me. I from
Speaker 1: day one, I was just like this.
Speaker 4: Now you are you saying, stay home, laid down on
Speaker 4: the couch, eat kind of whatever I want, and watch TV. Yeah,
Speaker 4: this is what I have been doing, only I'm the
Speaker 4: bad I've been the bad one for the last five years.
Speaker 1: Now I can do it with no guilt.
Speaker 2: One nothing is expected of me. Are you kidding me?
Speaker 2: There's no daunting voice on my shoulder telling me what
Speaker 2: I should be doing.
Speaker 3: I literally, like the week before Lockdown started was like
Speaker 3: I was I had I was like going out every
Speaker 3: like almost every weekend, traveling to like tiny towns to
Speaker 3: do stand up, and I was so tired. And I
Speaker 3: just remember saying to someone like, I just wish I
Speaker 3: could just stay home for a month, yeah, and like
Speaker 3: not have to do fun, not have to travel and
Speaker 3: not have to work and like and then it happened
Speaker 3: and I was like yes, And then it really was
Speaker 3: a monkey's paw sort of situation where I was like,
Speaker 3: I did this.
Speaker 2: I did this to it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my manifestation has ruined it for everybody.
Speaker 2: Well, we had our nice vacation. It was fun, wasn't it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And now we're podcasting over Zoom. You know we
Speaker 3: really figured it out.
Speaker 2: Look at the.
Speaker 1: Resilience, sinisters adaptation. We can do, we can do anything.
Speaker 4: That was one of the first Chris Nice talking about
Speaker 4: this because you started doing stand up on Zoom pretty soon.
Speaker 4: I did, like I waited and then did like a
Speaker 4: one of those shows where they play quiplash, like they
Speaker 4: actually play games.
Speaker 3: Ye by yourself, you can't, Yeah, I stand up.
Speaker 2: It's like I'll do the drive in. I did the
Speaker 2: Improv drive in show, which was I thought it would
Speaker 2: just be people laying on the horn. I didn't know
Speaker 2: what to think. Plus you're in Orange County, so I
Speaker 2: thought I did that one too, and it was I
Speaker 2: loved it. I did not because they were like bbbe.
Speaker 2: They were honking, like trying to mimic laughter every moment
Speaker 2: and you could. And it was, you know, two hundred
Speaker 2: cars on the roof of this parking garage. And I
Speaker 2: very quickly was like, Okay, this is an audience. Even
Speaker 2: if they're in a car right now and I can't
Speaker 2: hear them laughing, it was an audience. And I felt
Speaker 2: so good. Greg Barrett was there too, and we were
Speaker 2: just like it felt so good. And that's the most
Speaker 2: I'm still riding on that high. It was like two
Speaker 2: weeks ago.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it was when we get out of quarantine.
Speaker 4: Everything's gonna be like that. We're gonna sub eleven and
Speaker 4: then it'll just be like I'm fucking high from Oh
Speaker 4: my god. There was like a ten people in line.
Speaker 1: We all were talking. It was amazing.
Speaker 2: Imise, I'm going to talk to strangers in line. I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna be rude to anyone.
Speaker 3: That was one of Oh my god, before lockdown, when
Speaker 3: COVID was like a thing in the air, but no
Speaker 3: one was really taking it seriously in the States yet.
Speaker 3: I just remember like being like one of my big
Speaker 3: bits was like, you know, it's it's it's one of
Speaker 3: these situations where like someone in line at the checkouts
Speaker 3: like are you are you? You know, there's a type
Speaker 3: of person that loves communal like tragic events or like
Speaker 3: like the earthquake person, the earthquake neighbor who's like who
Speaker 3: desperately just wants to come and knock on your door
Speaker 3: and be like did you feel it?
Speaker 2: Yes, did you feel it?
Speaker 3: And there's always that person in the self checkout at
Speaker 3: Target who's like you can see has all the toilet
Speaker 3: paper and it's like eyes darting around looking for somebody
Speaker 3: who they can talk to about this, and like and
Speaker 3: I remember like trying to write jokes about that person,
Speaker 3: and now I'm like, well, I was the fool. I
Speaker 3: was the fool, and that person was correct. Actually, that
Speaker 3: person in the self checkout.
Speaker 2: Line, I remember, I think that is the joke right there.
Speaker 2: I think I still think that joke has legs.
Speaker 4: Don't give up, don't give I just broke walking into
Speaker 4: my local grocery store when in around that same time
Speaker 4: where it was pre quarantine post, we were really starting
Speaker 4: to hear about it. It's coming and you know whatever,
Speaker 4: but nothing official had happened, and walking down the toilet
Speaker 4: paper aisle and it was just like filled to the
Speaker 4: brim and I'm like reading something where it was just
Speaker 4: like maybe stuck up and then I was just like
Speaker 4: come on like tyrol like you dramatic and then truly
Speaker 4: like the next week it was empty.
Speaker 1: It's so insane.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what a weird It was a weird thing that
Speaker 2: I still don't understand why people thought toilet paper was well.
Speaker 2: But I'm a bedet owner, same same worried. Oh yeah
Speaker 2: it was not. I don't care. I got, if anything,
Speaker 2: I'm more green. I got a bidet in a terry
Speaker 2: cloth washcloth.
Speaker 1: I'm so European deep down. This is not gonna affect me.
Speaker 2: Uh. Well, I think we've we've Uh this is a
Speaker 2: long one, but that was so o my god, Yeah
Speaker 2: we really you're the best. It was so fun. Can
Speaker 2: I flew by?
Speaker 3: I have to say, like this is the most I
Speaker 3: have I this is the most fun I've had recording
Speaker 3: a podcast in a while, and I talked endlessly on
Speaker 3: my own podcast about how unfunny I feel doing my
Speaker 3: own podcast, and this has been the most fun.
Speaker 2: Oh thanks, that's okay. I waked over here. I was.
Speaker 4: I have to say, I was really nervous because I
Speaker 4: feel out of it in the stand up world, like
Speaker 4: I just don't.
Speaker 1: I wasn't doing it so much before.
Speaker 4: And and Chris and I used to just book people
Speaker 4: that we knew that we didn't feel like we were
Speaker 4: uh oppressing if we asked them to do so we
Speaker 4: had this same people on this podcast like five times
Speaker 4: because we're just like we know jackiecation will want to
Speaker 4: do it, as we know this person will want to
Speaker 4: do it or whatever. And so the fact that we
Speaker 4: have a booker now and then every time I had
Speaker 4: that feeling like what if they don't want to do
Speaker 4: what if?
Speaker 1: That was the nicest compliment you possibly?
Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you, and you were great that it's delightful.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Is there anything you want to plug coming up?
Speaker 2: I want.
Speaker 3: My pot is urgent Care. It's a call in advice show.
Speaker 3: And we and I we don't have guests anymore for
Speaker 3: the very reason that we you also felt like we
Speaker 3: were oppressing people that we asked to do it. It's
Speaker 3: very difficult. We had to We had to record a
Speaker 3: bunch of bonus episodes for Stitch Your Premium, and we
Speaker 3: were like, and we had guests for that, and it
Speaker 3: was every time we had to book someone and we
Speaker 3: were like, oh, who walked at us?
Speaker 2: Yeah? For real?
Speaker 1: Such a favorite?
Speaker 3: Yeah, urgent care check it out.
Speaker 2: Well, thanks for being to talk to you. Thank you've
Speaker 2: been listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 5: D y n A.
Speaker 1: I leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 1: you claim. Give us time and turning on engage. We
Speaker 1: want to send you off install. We want to welcome
Speaker 1: you back home.
Speaker 2: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared or was it fine?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: Paul the.
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen
Speaker 2: and Chris