Speaker 1: Let's get into the mike. Get my radio boys, go in. Help.
Speaker 1: I suck at dating with Dean Angler and I heart
Speaker 1: radio podcast. Who does the title? That's me? It's really good.
Speaker 1: Thank you. That's not Dean though you're not hearing Dean.
Speaker 1: You want to introduce you if you want me to
Speaker 1: do the honors? No, I mean go ahead, ladies and
Speaker 1: gentlemen sitting in for Dean this week because Dean's and
Speaker 1: Honduras give it up for Nick Vile. Hell, what's up?
Speaker 1: I guess they knew that from the description, probably before
Speaker 1: they downroably Dean's off being a better person than is.
Speaker 1: What do they do down there? Like? Did they build
Speaker 1: Instagram photos? Like, hey, we're helping the kids. It's not
Speaker 1: me Instagram. Um yeah, so yeah, help. I stuck at dating?
Speaker 1: So what does Amy do? She calls me there it
Speaker 1: is we have an opening for someone who could we
Speaker 1: host the show? Can we get to replace Dean? Well?
Speaker 1: Four times reality TV reject? Wait? Four times? The last
Speaker 1: time wasn't a reject? That's Erica by the way, being facetious?
Speaker 1: Were there four times? You know it's weird? I've what
Speaker 1: I was on other than was it Chrispaksk. I've done
Speaker 1: the show four times, and now that we have Winter
Speaker 1: Games and Paradise, there's a lot of people in Batrian
Speaker 1: Nation who have done the show multiple times but for
Speaker 1: some reason own the whole like I have been in
Speaker 1: on so many times. But you know, I think Ben
Speaker 1: has done for our shows, but no one blinks and
Speaker 1: I at that, Well he had his on that's four
Speaker 1: and it was like on a different channel. But let's
Speaker 1: be honest, same production company. So Bachelorette Season ten, Bachelorette
Speaker 1: Season eleven, Bachelor in Paradise sound great, didn't really back back.
Speaker 1: So she's like, it's a total well, actually, Bachelorette Season A,
Speaker 1: Bachelor Season twenty one, and then Dancing with the Stars.
Speaker 1: You could are your five time reality show loser. True? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you guys, you didn't lose the last one. You
Speaker 1: just there's no winning and losing, there's just love. I lost. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what's been going on with you lately? Are you sucking
Speaker 1: at dating lately? Are you're pretty good at it? We
Speaker 1: does anyone want to be good at dating? That's a
Speaker 1: weird thing. It's like, what are you really good at dating? Well,
Speaker 1: that's true, that's a good We should tell Dean that
Speaker 1: maybe you'd get better, really kill it in the dating scene.
Speaker 1: We don't want that. You're a player in that situation, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: maybe if you're good at dating, you're married, and then
Speaker 1: you still date because you're still you're married and you
Speaker 1: still date. Is that how it works? I don't think
Speaker 1: that's how it works. Okay, I thank you. Just fall
Speaker 1: in love? And so what does it mean to not
Speaker 1: sucker dating? We should have had this tuck with Dean.
Speaker 1: It means being respectful, being open, communicating. It means these things. Right,
Speaker 1: So you're saying the title of the show is Dean
Speaker 1: is not respectful, not good at community. That's kind of
Speaker 1: how it started because of Paradise. He wasn't a great
Speaker 1: communicator on Paradise and got some flak for that, some
Speaker 1: some and and and we've gotten a podcast out of it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But like sucking at dating, torn between you and Christina, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's just weird to begin with because they're from your season, right,
Speaker 1: that's why it's weird to begin with. I'm not weird.
Speaker 1: It's like a weird thing to lose loose sleepover what
Speaker 1: that's so brutal? Is it? I? Mean they seem both
Speaker 1: like fine people who people? Yeah? Are you? Are you?
Speaker 1: What's what's your current situation? I'm dating? Are you in love? No? Okay, uh,
Speaker 1: I'm always in love. You know. I love all you guys.
Speaker 1: Are you in a committed relationship? No? I don't think so. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I'm not. You know, So you're I've
Speaker 1: been dating. I've dated some people more like No, not
Speaker 1: a lot of people I've dated. Well, what about Like,
Speaker 1: could I ask about rumors that I've heard about you? No?
Speaker 1: I can't. I can't bring those up. I can't ask
Speaker 1: about like a favorite month of the year or anything
Speaker 1: like that. I have friends friends, and you've dated, and
Speaker 1: we can't talk about which go into which category? Yeah? Okay, alright, um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, you know those who can't teach kind of thing,
Speaker 1: you know. I don't know. I've been out there. You know,
Speaker 1: I've I've I've been dating. Um, what do you do
Speaker 1: on a first date? What do I do on it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What do you have like a standard thing for a
Speaker 1: first date? Like when I was single, I like to
Speaker 1: take girls to baseball games? It depends, right, I mean
Speaker 1: I think I've come I wrote some article a long
Speaker 1: time ago. I think the level of Typically, if I'm
Speaker 1: going on a date and I don't know much about
Speaker 1: the person, I like to keep it pretty um casual, um.
Speaker 1: But my level of interest in that person will reflect
Speaker 1: what I want to do on the date. And what
Speaker 1: I mean by that is if I really know nothing
Speaker 1: and when. But you mean by nothing other than the
Speaker 1: fact that I find this person attractive and I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, I maybe had a short interaction with them.
Speaker 1: I might suggest the typical coffee or drinks, right, I mean,
Speaker 1: but also it's like, um, I don't want It's like
Speaker 1: I don't know how much time I want to spend
Speaker 1: with you. And let's be honest, you don't know how
Speaker 1: much time you want to spend with me. So let's
Speaker 1: just have a cup of coffee. So there's an end
Speaker 1: of time. Yeah, uh, if there's an excitement, you know
Speaker 1: where I think either a I I've already had a
Speaker 1: little bit of time. Maybe I've I've had a short
Speaker 1: conversation with him at a night out, or we have
Speaker 1: mutual friends, or I just I really hope I like
Speaker 1: this person, I hope like me. Then maybe I'll suggest dinner.
Speaker 1: But even then I try to keep it fairly casual.
Speaker 1: I think I find it weird. Um when and when
Speaker 1: guys um try to overly oppress, oppress and end press
Speaker 1: a woman by like some fancy expensive date we're gonna
Speaker 1: take a helicopter or even just like a really fancy
Speaker 1: dinners just like, I don't know, you're trying too hard.
Speaker 1: Just keep it care right. The point is just to
Speaker 1: meet each other that's impressed. I mean, I think it's
Speaker 1: about having conversations, communicating, you know, Uh, if you're going
Speaker 1: to have dinner, I like, you know kind of places
Speaker 1: that have some energy to it, you know, that have
Speaker 1: people around it. Maybe it's like a one of those
Speaker 1: restaurants slash places you get a drink, you know, because
Speaker 1: maybe you can do a little bit of both. You're
Speaker 1: gonna have some dinner and things are going well, you
Speaker 1: close the bar down. That's nice. So there's an end
Speaker 1: time with extensions available if you want to give yourself
Speaker 1: some options, you want to you know, both to extend
Speaker 1: the night and cut it short. I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: dating is a it's a trial and error, right. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think the best sometimes the best part about dates
Speaker 1: is the fact that a lot of them don't go well,
Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of fun, you know, in the
Speaker 1: in the moment, it's kind of cringeworthy, but it makes
Speaker 1: for a good story. What's been a bad date? Give
Speaker 1: us a good story about a bad date you've been on.
Speaker 1: Doesn't have to be recent, can be any time in
Speaker 1: your whole life. I don't know. I mean, I don't
Speaker 1: have like some like horrid first date, but sometimes it's,
Speaker 1: you know, the worst kind of date. I think you
Speaker 1: just go on and I think it's kind of like
Speaker 1: a job interviewing, right in a sense. But sometimes in
Speaker 1: job interviews you always hear how yeah, that first thirty
Speaker 1: to sixty seconds. Usually they know whether they're interested in
Speaker 1: hiring hiring you now, And I think the sam goes
Speaker 1: for dating. I've never had a bad job interview. Does
Speaker 1: that mean I'm going to be good at dating? Right
Speaker 1: at this point? Right? I think if you're a good
Speaker 1: communicator and you're open with talking about yourself but not
Speaker 1: in a way that comes across is cocky or bragging,
Speaker 1: but just you're opening to have a conversation and kind
Speaker 1: of dive a little deeper, I think you know the
Speaker 1: same thing that comes with interviews. I mean it is
Speaker 1: an interview, right. But I think sometimes those dates you
Speaker 1: sit down and you're just like, yeah, this isn't going anywhere. Well,
Speaker 1: either clicks or it doesn't. Right. The worst is when
Speaker 1: you think they might think, you know, I've gone on
Speaker 1: a I went on a date once where I was
Speaker 1: pretty sure we mutually just weren't feeling it. But maybe
Speaker 1: I wasn't feeling it and she sensed that, so whatever.
Speaker 1: But she went through the whole thing, right, She's like,
Speaker 1: let's order apps her dinner, we got drinks. Then she
Speaker 1: later comes out, would you guys like to see the dessert? Minnor,
Speaker 1: She's like yes, she's really milking this. Um, And I
Speaker 1: was I wanted to be like we don't you know
Speaker 1: that one commercial where you know there there's those two
Speaker 1: people and it's just like, well, I had a nice time,
Speaker 1: I'll never see you again. They're like yeah, great, and
Speaker 1: like you wanted it to be like that. But um,
Speaker 1: that's the worst. If you know this is not happening,
Speaker 1: but it seems like she's having a nice time, or
Speaker 1: vice versa. You pick up on one like she should
Speaker 1: not have kept ordering things. You would think she picked
Speaker 1: up you said yes, let's get dinner. I'm gonna let's
Speaker 1: get nice guys. If she wants the chocolate su face,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to, but they'll take forever to make. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the waiter comes out like we have a chocolate sup,
Speaker 1: I'll have that. Yeah. So, I mean it's a fun thing.
Speaker 1: How did you get involved in the whole Bachelor world?
Speaker 1: Like where did the first idea come to you? Did
Speaker 1: somebody approach you kind of my friends sign me up? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of out there without you knowing
Speaker 1: about it. Or do they ask your permission to sign
Speaker 1: you up? Oh, they joked about signing me up, okay, whatever,
Speaker 1: and then next thing, the ABC's on the phone. The
Speaker 1: next thing you know, it's like eight months later. I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: and now you I do have regrets from every day? No,
Speaker 1: I mean not really, It's been okay, it's been great.
Speaker 1: It's it's like life. I mean, every decision or in
Speaker 1: every risk that you take, there's good and some bad
Speaker 1: things that come from not necessarily bad, but things that
Speaker 1: you have to get through or struggle with or overcome
Speaker 1: maybe hopefully learn from. So going on around a TV
Speaker 1: show is just a heightened version of life. Do you
Speaker 1: remember like when you had to call and tell your parents, Hey,
Speaker 1: by the way, I'm we're gonna be on the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: Your parents are they still in Walkershaw, Wisconsin. They are,
Speaker 1: So that's got to be an interesting phone call to make. UM.
Speaker 1: I don't really remember how My parents are great in
Speaker 1: the sense that for those who don't know, I have
Speaker 1: a lot of siblings, um, and so they just have
Speaker 1: better things to do than to worry about what what
Speaker 1: bad decisions I'm making with my life. Yeah, but if
Speaker 1: my kids gonna be on television that's either exciting or horrifying,
Speaker 1: I would have an extreme rac There was a natural curiosity.
Speaker 1: You know. I've been lucky where my parents, for better
Speaker 1: or worse, have always been confident in my UM life
Speaker 1: decision skills. They maybe that wasn't a good decision, but
Speaker 1: I'm I think they think I'm a very thoughtful person
Speaker 1: in a way the pros and cons and good at
Speaker 1: asking people's advice around me and my circle of mentors
Speaker 1: and friends. And if nothing else, whether they agreed with
Speaker 1: it or not, I think they just assumed and rightly so,
Speaker 1: that I thought it through. I wasn't um making just
Speaker 1: a decision on a whim. So you did put a
Speaker 1: lot of thought into this, because you make it sound like, oh,
Speaker 1: your friends three in there and then they called and
Speaker 1: you said, sure, it sounds like fun. Yeah. No, No,
Speaker 1: I mean I've made a lot of decisions. I was working,
Speaker 1: and um a lot of those conversations I do with
Speaker 1: my My employer at the time was very very gracious
Speaker 1: and supportive and um, you know, if it weren't for them,
Speaker 1: I never would have done it. Are you still in
Speaker 1: the software industry? Done with that? I mean, for now,
Speaker 1: I am lucky enough to have a lot of great relationships.
Speaker 1: I still keep in contact with them, and just in
Speaker 1: case everything goes terribly wrong, Um, maybe maybe I'll at
Speaker 1: that point, did you stop working like first round, Bathelorette? Second,
Speaker 1: I went right back to work after the first time,
Speaker 1: because like, no one even knew who you were yet,
Speaker 1: because it hadn't yet. Well it's interesting, you know, now
Speaker 1: I'm out here in Hollywood and being the cliche and
Speaker 1: and and and acting and you know, thankfully having some
Speaker 1: success with that. But at the time, you know, it
Speaker 1: was I I decided to go on a reality TV show,
Speaker 1: and it was very um important to me to just
Speaker 1: be um mindful of what this experience was and when
Speaker 1: it wasn't, I didn't want to like be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be a reality TV guy and next thing,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna be all over Hollywood. It's just like,
Speaker 1: now I'm gonna go do this thing. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: an interesting experience. I'm gonna go back to the job
Speaker 1: I I know and love, and I did UM. And
Speaker 1: so as soon as I got done in filming, I
Speaker 1: literally went back to work like two days later, which
Speaker 1: was probably a terrible idea, UM because it didn't end great.
Speaker 1: So like, were you just miserable being back at work too?
Speaker 1: I mean, for those who get out of that experiens,
Speaker 1: it fries your brain a little bit, messes with you. Um.
Speaker 1: But it was also in some ways good for me
Speaker 1: to just get back to normal. And so I just
Speaker 1: did that, and then you know, the rest is kind of,
Speaker 1: as they say, history, with UM me getting asked to
Speaker 1: go back on Caitlyn season because the producers kind of
Speaker 1: were found out about our pre existing kind of UM
Speaker 1: friendship if you will, and uh, they were once again supportive,
Speaker 1: but at that point I had to you know, they
Speaker 1: kind of gave me that UM open invite to come back.
Speaker 1: But um with the exception of making sure I was
Speaker 1: kind of done with all all all of this, as
Speaker 1: they would call it, Hollywood stuff. And so when I
Speaker 1: got done filming, I just kind of took a beat
Speaker 1: and looked at my options. And at that point, you know,
Speaker 1: I was given a handful of opportunities that I decided
Speaker 1: to look into because I was lucky enough to be
Speaker 1: given the blessing, blessing from my employer to take some risks.
Speaker 1: You know, most people aren't lucky enough to to have
Speaker 1: such a great employer to say, hey, um go live
Speaker 1: it up, yolo, take some risks, see what happens, and
Speaker 1: if you're follow in your face, you can always come back. UM.
Speaker 1: So since then, I obviously, you know, gone the Batch
Speaker 1: a couple more times or one of their shows, and
Speaker 1: I've been lucky enough to try new experiences and and
Speaker 1: meet a great network of people who have been supportive
Speaker 1: and helpful. And um, I started getting into acting space
Speaker 1: a little shortly before I ever went on Paradise, and
Speaker 1: obviously that took a little bit of a break before
Speaker 1: um I did The Bachelor, and and ever since, Dancing
Speaker 1: the Stars is something that's pretty much what I've been
Speaker 1: focusing on so you know, I've done a couple of shows.
Speaker 1: I've Speechless Speeches but wasn't on Ion, but it was
Speaker 1: a Vivic a Fox, which okay, that's exciting. What's the
Speaker 1: episode of Speechless? I remember being like this, actually, like
Speaker 1: I didn't know. You never know how reality start is
Speaker 1: going to be on TV. But you were good? It
Speaker 1: worked for you. I was. I was. I was playing
Speaker 1: a bad b roll actor, so kind of were you
Speaker 1: a teacher? My well, my character was an actor playing
Speaker 1: a teacher, but supposed supposed to not be good at
Speaker 1: playing a teacher. So I felt like I nailed that.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean it was very cool to perform
Speaker 1: with Mini Driver, which was really neat. And I recently
Speaker 1: filmed an episode UM of Teachers, which is on TV Land,
Speaker 1: which is a really cool kind of uh comedy about
Speaker 1: some teachers from Chicago. UM, it's about it's four women
Speaker 1: named Katie. I'll developed a show. It's a really funny,
Speaker 1: kind of snarky, you know, modern day UM take on
Speaker 1: being a elementary teacher. I play a reporter. UM. There's
Speaker 1: been some really cool cameos on it, and so I
Speaker 1: felt very lucky to do that. Um, and uh, I
Speaker 1: have some other stuff been working. I don't know if
Speaker 1: I'm able to share, so I won't. Um, so yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, listen, it's it's been really cool. It's a
Speaker 1: very tough and hard industry. Have been working hard, you know.
Speaker 1: I have coaching and take classes and do a bunch
Speaker 1: of stuff to try to get better because it's incredibly
Speaker 1: hard and in something that you know, my platform on
Speaker 1: reality TV only helps me so much and in some
Speaker 1: ways it kind of hurts as well. So we'll see. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a stingua attached to it. So um, you know,
Speaker 1: we'll see how it goes and be taking acting classes
Speaker 1: like you're serious about this next year. I've been taking
Speaker 1: acting classes for about two years now. I study every day. Um.
Speaker 1: I do other classes as well to help. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of things that go into it. It's a really
Speaker 1: hard thing. There's a reason why people say that how
Speaker 1: competitive it is. So you know, chances are off all
Speaker 1: on my face and and fail. But you know what
Speaker 1: the hell, Well, you saw Black Panther I did, speaking
Speaker 1: of acting was really did you like it? I loved it?
Speaker 1: I loved it. I saw it opening Nate. Obviously a
Speaker 1: lot of hype. UM. For the most part, I felt
Speaker 1: like it lived up to it. Um. It was got
Speaker 1: so much hype, but I saw it yesterday that it
Speaker 1: did it. It lived up to as much as one
Speaker 1: could have me being so hyped up. I thought the
Speaker 1: action scenes or so, I mean, my my, what was
Speaker 1: so cool about is as the Black Panther. The action
Speaker 1: sequences and the songs were so cool. I mean, like
Speaker 1: I was maybe some of the cooler action scenes of
Speaker 1: all the Marvel Marvel movies. I think the only downside
Speaker 1: is there weren't as many of them, like the Black
Speaker 1: Panther being the Black Panther. UM. That was one of
Speaker 1: the early only bad reviews is that he doesn't quote
Speaker 1: beat up enough bad guys. Yeah, or just like he's
Speaker 1: not being the Black Panther as much as you'd want
Speaker 1: to see. UM. But it was a lot of great performances.
Speaker 1: I really liked UM. The women roles. UM. I don't
Speaker 1: know the names of the actors. UM is one of them.
Speaker 1: She She is the one that I know off the
Speaker 1: top of my head. They did a really good job.
Speaker 1: I mean it was kind of it's kind of like
Speaker 1: I wonder woman. UM. I think the industry now is
Speaker 1: maybe it's with the success of Wonder Woman, they're doing
Speaker 1: a great job of having UM. To me, I thought,
Speaker 1: what what really made the movie and the charm of
Speaker 1: the movie is having these kind of strong female presence
Speaker 1: um that are very attractive yet very charming, and like
Speaker 1: they have these like Wonder Woman, she's very confident and
Speaker 1: strong and kicks ass, but she's also very demure, you know,
Speaker 1: And they have that kind of same sentiment in Black Panther,
Speaker 1: and I find that to be really charming part of
Speaker 1: the movie. I mean, I've always been a very attractive
Speaker 1: too strong women and personalities, but like not overly aggressive,
Speaker 1: like these aren't like the the the the women characters,
Speaker 1: they're not like hard asses or or like off putting,
Speaker 1: but they're like they're they kick ass. They kind of
Speaker 1: own it, but it's not in a way that comes
Speaker 1: across as um like they're trying too hard kind of thing.
Speaker 1: You know, there's obviously some in the movie, like the
Speaker 1: Black Panther I did a really good job because obviously
Speaker 1: you know, it's he has a black director, obviously a
Speaker 1: lot of um black UM performances, and so that was
Speaker 1: you know, people have talked about that and it was.
Speaker 1: They did a really cool job of like talking about
Speaker 1: pop culture, but not in a way that felt pushy,
Speaker 1: you know, so I thought it was really cool that way.
Speaker 1: It was just very it was cool. I don't know,
Speaker 1: is this like a really neat movie and they they
Speaker 1: I felt like they did a good job of highlighting
Speaker 1: kind of like you know, racism and things like that
Speaker 1: without it making feel like that's what the movie was about.
Speaker 1: It's very inclusive, like I'm the whitest dude on planet Earth,
Speaker 1: but like I felt, because we have actually tested them, yes,
Speaker 1: yes there's evidence, but I felt very I felt like
Speaker 1: this movie was for me just it's for everybody. It's
Speaker 1: a really uh it made everybody feel proud to just
Speaker 1: be a person, and it was really cool good way,
Speaker 1: but you kind of understood some of the points they
Speaker 1: were trying to make, but not in a way. But
Speaker 1: I think my favorite part of the movie were the
Speaker 1: female or the woman characters in the movie because I
Speaker 1: think they just like the black panther sister, his his
Speaker 1: love interest, and even the general I mean, I thought
Speaker 1: that was really cool. They did a great job where
Speaker 1: it didn't feel like they were trying too hard to
Speaker 1: do it. And I just think I thought that it
Speaker 1: made the movie really charming. Angela Bastid, Letitia Right, and
Speaker 1: Tony Career who's also on The Walking Dead. Um, they really,
Speaker 1: they really, they were all. It's destroying all the preconceived
Speaker 1: notions like Wonder Woman, Oh, no one's gonna want to
Speaker 1: watch a superhero movie with a woman in charge, and
Speaker 1: then it makes all the money and this one, no
Speaker 1: one wants to see a superhero movie with an all
Speaker 1: black calf with the women may destroying all of that.
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't, maybe I'm different that way. I just
Speaker 1: find it just makes the movie really charming. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is where it's just like
Speaker 1: you mean. And again I think it's because they they
Speaker 1: do such a great job of it's it's not like
Speaker 1: I think, So I don't know what it is. Maybe
Speaker 1: sometimes people think like, oh, if we have a woman
Speaker 1: lead who's like the the hero, she will play the
Speaker 1: like a role of I don't know, Like, what's really
Speaker 1: interesting is they still come across as feminine, and they
Speaker 1: still like they don't seem to cross the band, and
Speaker 1: they're still strong and powerful and leaders, and yet they're
Speaker 1: still women, you know, and they still have very demure
Speaker 1: qualities and I just find that attractive and it's not
Speaker 1: like in a pushy way, so between woman and woman
Speaker 1: and a black panther. I thought those were like two
Speaker 1: movies who really uh did a great job of showcasing women,
Speaker 1: um in in a way that was very attractive and
Speaker 1: not in a way that would like, you know, even
Speaker 1: if like some like Massagyist people are like, oh, I
Speaker 1: don't like. I don't know how you don't like um
Speaker 1: some of those roles that the women played, Yeah, they
Speaker 1: were really cool. Well, where she gets two emails. We
Speaker 1: do have someone coming in to talk to us about
Speaker 1: meditation and how it can help you in your relationship.
Speaker 1: Before we do that, we'll get to some of these emails.
Speaker 1: And the reason Eric is in here is because we
Speaker 1: caught some flag last week for not having a female voice.
Speaker 1: A woman called an email to say do we need
Speaker 1: a female After just talking about it, she and her
Speaker 1: boyfriend have to say they decided to take a week
Speaker 1: and figure out their relationship while she went to Europe,
Speaker 1: and then while she was in Europe, he slept with
Speaker 1: another woman. He says, we were on a break. She says, no,
Speaker 1: we were not so yeah, so they complained. So the
Speaker 1: other woman said, how dare you not have a woman
Speaker 1: way in on this? And I have to do again
Speaker 1: women's perspective is great, What does that have to do
Speaker 1: with a woman like well, because it was a Dean
Speaker 1: and Dean's buddy. If you flip the switch, like if
Speaker 1: you flip the role. I'm sure guys have I'm sure
Speaker 1: women have said I want to take a break in
Speaker 1: relationship and then maybe hooked up with the dude's it happens. Sure,
Speaker 1: But Dean and his Australian friend whose name is from
Speaker 1: Winter Games Courtney, Uh, they said that that he did
Speaker 1: that he didn't cheat. I think uh. I think the
Speaker 1: important part of maybe that story is like wait, going
Speaker 1: back to Dean, Jeez, with the two women thing, it's
Speaker 1: just hard. I mean listen and then I've read some
Speaker 1: of these emails and we'll get into them. But like
Speaker 1: a lot of it, like people are so interested in
Speaker 1: trying to define or label something what it is or isn't.
Speaker 1: I think the important part of of someone if you
Speaker 1: are in a relationship for however length of time and
Speaker 1: the other person suggests they want to break and the
Speaker 1: first thing you do is hook up with someone else.
Speaker 1: That should maybe tell you something about both the person
Speaker 1: you're with and the relationship that you have or don't have.
Speaker 1: And so whether it's cheating or not, it's probably not.
Speaker 1: It's a break up not a break yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: like you can't like also, like you've heard that you
Speaker 1: can't have your cake and eat it too, you know.
Speaker 1: So if if that person, you know, I'm assuming the
Speaker 1: person who hooked up with someone else was the one
Speaker 1: who initiated the break, it's you know it, there is
Speaker 1: a breakup or a break. Well, if I recall she
Speaker 1: she did break up with him briefly but then said
Speaker 1: you know what, no, let's not break up. Broke up
Speaker 1: with him the break but they said, you know what,
Speaker 1: let's just take I'm gonna go to Europe for this
Speaker 1: trip that I had planned. We're going to take a
Speaker 1: week to think about our relationship. So that's why he
Speaker 1: was but he saw an opening and he ran for it.
Speaker 1: Is not great. I mean again, there's so many variables
Speaker 1: that go into these stories in terms of I would
Speaker 1: also probably if I was broken up with and then
Speaker 1: said like, oh hold on, I probably like no, f you,
Speaker 1: maybe he can get whatever I want maybe it was heartbroken.
Speaker 1: I mean the other element is she wants to continue
Speaker 1: this relate sationship, but he won't admit that he cheated.
Speaker 1: And my point was, it doesn't matter you know what
Speaker 1: he did. You don't need to be cheated. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what she was saying. He won't admit it, and I
Speaker 1: don't want to move forward admitted, but he's saying, no,
Speaker 1: I didn't cheat it. And I can tell you right
Speaker 1: now that relationship is doing because if she's so obsessed
Speaker 1: with like labeling what he did, like, why does she
Speaker 1: want to do that to hold hold it over him?
Speaker 1: But she feels in her gut that she wants to
Speaker 1: make this work. I think labels just destroys it. Sounds
Speaker 1: like she's, in her gut wants to control the relationship.
Speaker 1: I mean, she wants to take a break, but not
Speaker 1: break up. She wants to go to Europe and do
Speaker 1: her thing. Why does she Why does she need to
Speaker 1: go on a break? You know, why does she have
Speaker 1: to call it in? She's going to Europe, She's not
Speaker 1: to see him, So that's a break. That's just a break.
Speaker 1: Without taking a break, you don't have to call it anything,
Speaker 1: you know, like, why do you have to call in anything?
Speaker 1: I mean, and sometimes I'm not saying that this is
Speaker 1: where her motives, but it just seems like a weird
Speaker 1: thing to do. I mean, sometimes people, and I'm not
Speaker 1: accusing this person of anything, but like sometimes it the
Speaker 1: person who maybe they want to take a break because
Speaker 1: maybe they want to do something. Maybe they's like, is
Speaker 1: it so hard to believe that? This girl is like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to Europe and I have this relationship
Speaker 1: in this guy that maybe I want to date, but
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, So I'm gonna go in a break
Speaker 1: because I don't know who I'm gonna meet in Europe.
Speaker 1: And then they go to Europe, they don't really mean anyone. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: who got dumped goes to the bars, makes that with
Speaker 1: a hot chick, hooks up with someone and it's honest
Speaker 1: about it. And she's so like piste off because basically
Speaker 1: her plan backfired. I'm not saying that's what happened, but
Speaker 1: it happens all the time in relationships. So I think
Speaker 1: sometimes we um we get I find that often in
Speaker 1: dating our relationships, we get mad at the other person
Speaker 1: we're dating for things that we're doing or we project
Speaker 1: our own insecurities and it's easier to get mad at
Speaker 1: other people who can be mad at ourselves. Um so.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying what this what you know that
Speaker 1: that's what happened, but I mean, who cares whether it's
Speaker 1: cheating you know him? You know, you move on or
Speaker 1: don't think Listen, Hey, yeah, he hooked up with someone else.
Speaker 1: So like, in the terms of that relationship, probably not
Speaker 1: a good thing. Doesn't make him a bad person. I mean, listen,
Speaker 1: he obviously didn't value that relationship enough to not hook
Speaker 1: up with someone else. Um And I think that should
Speaker 1: tell that that lady something um and she should probably
Speaker 1: move on. You know, if she's so hell bent on
Speaker 1: saving that relationship, then she should probably own you know,
Speaker 1: the role she played. And if any relationship is gonna work,
Speaker 1: I think but you know, any relationship that is gonna
Speaker 1: work is going to have two people being willing to
Speaker 1: um not be right and compromise and given and own
Speaker 1: their own mistakes as opposed to forcing other person to
Speaker 1: own theirs. Um And if if that's what's going to happen,
Speaker 1: it probably won't work out. Well, I'm trying to find
Speaker 1: the original email, but I'm coming up short. It just
Speaker 1: got real insightful. They're like, get ready people here. We
Speaker 1: got all right, Well, let's hear from Laurie. Then shall be.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend and I met on e Harmony. Had been
Speaker 1: together almost six years. I really enjoyed being with him.
Speaker 1: He makes me happy, but I've always had some questions
Speaker 1: with our relationship. I've wondered if I was settling due
Speaker 1: to my age. I'm thirty six, he's thirty five. He
Speaker 1: has some traits I don't really enjoy, but I tell myself,
Speaker 1: nobody's perfect. I need to accept his flaws. We've had
Speaker 1: some monica and off again moments and separated for a
Speaker 1: few months. Last year. When we got back together, I
Speaker 1: felt that we were stronger than ever and even discussed marriage.
Speaker 1: We went on a romantic tropical vacation together where I
Speaker 1: thought he was going to propose. He didn't. The week
Speaker 1: after vacation, I discovered he had been on plenty of
Speaker 1: fish and actively talking to other women. He went on
Speaker 1: dates with at least two women. One of the dates
Speaker 1: was five days after we returned from Paradise. After I
Speaker 1: found solid After I found solid proof this was occurring,
Speaker 1: I confronted him with it. He admitted he had been
Speaker 1: what he had been doing and took full of responsibility.
Speaker 1: Good for him. He claims that nothing physical ever happened
Speaker 1: with the other women. He's apologized numerous times and sotad
Speaker 1: that he made a mistake. Should I accept an apology
Speaker 1: and forgive him? Should I take this as a chance
Speaker 1: to venture off and see if there was something better
Speaker 1: out there for me? You know, it's interesting, Um, I
Speaker 1: I co hosted with Ben, I've done this. I've never
Speaker 1: heard of plenty of Fish until I've done this show.
Speaker 1: It was talked about on that one too, So anyways,
Speaker 1: it's another day, ap Um, this seems to be a thing.
Speaker 1: It was kind of a similar email with the plenty
Speaker 1: of Fishes, Like the guy was caught on another dating app. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, listen, this is probably this is probably is
Speaker 1: in a relationship. You you that's gonna work out? Um.
Speaker 1: You know it kind of reminds me of that that
Speaker 1: that movie He's not just not that into you? What
Speaker 1: a good movie? A reference. It's like the Bible. But yeah, continue,
Speaker 1: I mean you can usually like if you're again, if
Speaker 1: you're honest with yourself, you you can kind of I
Speaker 1: would like some of these, I'd be curious if they're
Speaker 1: on the phone, because I just a lot of these emails.
Speaker 1: I just want to ask them, Well, before I tell
Speaker 1: you what I think, what do you think? You know? Yeah,
Speaker 1: because she's got deep down she's got to know this
Speaker 1: is not the guy for her. And I think because
Speaker 1: she is thirty six, she's she's trying to make this work.
Speaker 1: And just think about dating apps And I don't have
Speaker 1: really a lot of experience with them, and I think
Speaker 1: they've become less hard to do, But it takes some
Speaker 1: dedication to fill out a profile, right, Like even like
Speaker 1: a Tinder one, you have to go through what pictures
Speaker 1: you want to right and and maybe at least a
Speaker 1: line bio. So what I'm saying is this isn't like
Speaker 1: no form of cheating is okay, right, but like we're
Speaker 1: all human. We bleed, and I suppose like if someone
Speaker 1: goes to the bar and gets drunk and hooks up,
Speaker 1: it's not okay. But like there's you know that That's
Speaker 1: why when like people commit crimes, right, whether it's robbery
Speaker 1: or murder, people get harder punishments for premeditation, you know,
Speaker 1: for like to think of to plan things to go
Speaker 1: out of the way. That because every time in a
Speaker 1: moment when you're planning something, every time you're planning to
Speaker 1: do something, there's an opportunity to not do it. You know.
Speaker 1: If you're making a plan for something, you can be like,
Speaker 1: well this requires me to do this, Well is it
Speaker 1: worth it? Do I want? You know, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: maybe it's a bad thing or a good thing. So
Speaker 1: for someone to go on a dating app and to
Speaker 1: like pick out his pictures and then like I should
Speaker 1: I put on my bile, I'm like, well, I like
Speaker 1: to travel, I'm a foodie, I'm funny, I like it
Speaker 1: when people make me laugh. I'm assuming that's what everyone's
Speaker 1: dating profile. If you're just looking for hook ups, don't
Speaker 1: reach out, you know, looking for love. And so this
Speaker 1: dude not only is going on their dates, but he's premeditating,
Speaker 1: like trying to meet other women, and he's thinking of
Speaker 1: like how to impress other women, and so he's he's
Speaker 1: really thinking this through. Um, it's not just a mistakes
Speaker 1: like you caught me looking at the girls. But listen,
Speaker 1: what can I say? I'm a red blooded mail like
Speaker 1: this guy. This guy is really you know, going out
Speaker 1: of his way to to not are about this relationship.
Speaker 1: And so you know, you know, so many variables going
Speaker 1: in these kind of emails, but also like you know
Speaker 1: a lot of just a note guys, and these emails
Speaker 1: you should require people to put their age in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she is right, but like some of them don't. But
Speaker 1: she's she's thirty six, he's thirty five. There is no
Speaker 1: excuse to you know, be figuring things out. I mean,
Speaker 1: I think after thirty you you should hopefully you like
Speaker 1: there's you're kind of in a certain in a certain
Speaker 1: way as mature as you're gonna be in a certain
Speaker 1: extent um, And so there's no excuse of like, you know,
Speaker 1: if you're twenty two, it's just like you're just figuring
Speaker 1: things out. This guy is thirty five, you're thirty six.
Speaker 1: He's probably been doing this for a while. Um, he's
Speaker 1: looking for something. Yeah, I mean again, like it sucks,
Speaker 1: but like whatever it is, and it's not okay for
Speaker 1: him to do this, but like you're not giving him
Speaker 1: what he wants her needs, and truth truthfully, don't feel
Speaker 1: bad because probably no one else ken. Um, you know,
Speaker 1: it sounds like he's not giving her what she really wants. No,
Speaker 1: she listed out the beginning. Yeah, and so here's a
Speaker 1: metaphor for you. And because this is what guys, This
Speaker 1: is what guys do. When guys are watching TV. They'll
Speaker 1: find a show they want, they'll turn it on, and
Speaker 1: then they'll minimize in the corner while they keep looking
Speaker 1: for something better to watch. Right, this is guys. This
Speaker 1: is how guys are and this is this is what
Speaker 1: he's doing to Laurie. He is modern day. This is
Speaker 1: not me. She's minimized in the corner while he's scrolling
Speaker 1: looking for somebody else that he might want a day.
Speaker 1: And again, like you know, he's she's don't be someone's
Speaker 1: comfort zone like um talking about relationships, I mean there, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean don't let don't let a guy have his
Speaker 1: kaking it too, you know, don't let the guy get
Speaker 1: the milk for free, so to speak. And and don't
Speaker 1: wait for a guy to find a better option before
Speaker 1: he moves on. She's scared to be back at square
Speaker 1: one at age thirty six, and I get that, but
Speaker 1: you deserve better, she will find. But it's the law
Speaker 1: of diminishing return, you know or not. The no, it's
Speaker 1: the the gambling fallacy where it's just like, don't put
Speaker 1: bad money on bad money, you know, like eventually you
Speaker 1: just have to like cashing your chips. You know, because
Speaker 1: if you're it doesn't matter if you're fifty or thirty
Speaker 1: six or twenty two. Um, if you're going to stay
Speaker 1: in a relationship just because you're afraid to be single, well,
Speaker 1: if you know deep down that it's not the relationship,
Speaker 1: you're only gonna waste more time because if you know,
Speaker 1: if you wait one more week, well you're a week older.
Speaker 1: You know, it becomes harder and harder. But that's a
Speaker 1: week where you could have either met someone else or
Speaker 1: just got more comfortable with being alone and being self
Speaker 1: sufficient and getting a better place to meet the right person.
Speaker 1: You know. I think sometimes half the time I think
Speaker 1: it's hard enough to meet people is because we just
Speaker 1: might not be in the right place personally to to
Speaker 1: be open to meeting someone, um and um. You know,
Speaker 1: and you also to think about it. If you want motivation,
Speaker 1: don't don't let the people you're dating give you more
Speaker 1: red flags for other people you're dating, because if you're
Speaker 1: just being honest, and when you date some one right
Speaker 1: and eventually, whether it's in a first date or fourth day,
Speaker 1: you start talking about your past relationships. And if you're
Speaker 1: dating someone who admits that they have stayed with someone
Speaker 1: while they were on other dating apps for a long
Speaker 1: period time, you start wondering, like what that person's decision
Speaker 1: making skills. I mean, you don't necessarily judge them, but
Speaker 1: like it becomes maybe a little bit of a red
Speaker 1: flag of like why were you so willing to accommodate
Speaker 1: this person and how is that going to affect this relationship?
Speaker 1: So you kind of have to I think hold you know,
Speaker 1: stop making excuses for people, um and um it sounds
Speaker 1: like it's great. Yeah, you should forgive them and then
Speaker 1: you should move on. Don't don't don't hold grudges. Don't.
Speaker 1: I think important part relationships is you know, you see
Speaker 1: it all the time, whether someone's cheated on or whatever.
Speaker 1: Don't let the things that happen to you in a relationship,
Speaker 1: you know, give you baggage or or give you, um,
Speaker 1: you know, put a bad taste in your mouth about
Speaker 1: other Don't let it give you trust issues. And if
Speaker 1: it gets like whether something happens and it gives you
Speaker 1: trust issues, it's pretty much all on you. You You can
Speaker 1: decide to not let it bother you. I mean you
Speaker 1: can learn from it, can bother you. You You can become
Speaker 1: smarter from it, You can be more aware of the
Speaker 1: red flags that happened in relationship. You can have a
Speaker 1: shorter lease for like if you someone catches you in
Speaker 1: a dating app, you just immediately break up with them.
Speaker 1: You know you you ask the way, you get better
Speaker 1: at asking the right questions. But don't just assume everyone's
Speaker 1: like that. And the more you start putting yourself in
Speaker 1: situations and the more you make exceptions for um, people
Speaker 1: like this and you know um, the more it becomes
Speaker 1: harder for people to trust in the next relationship because
Speaker 1: you're so willing to give um that person in relationship
Speaker 1: so much slack and they end up, you know, letting
Speaker 1: you down. And so the more slack you give them
Speaker 1: and they're just keep letting you down, the harder is
Speaker 1: to trust the next person. So don't let that let
Speaker 1: that happen. So the advice is accept his apology, forgive him,
Speaker 1: and then move on and then learn from it the
Speaker 1: next time. And that's good advice. Caitlin needs some advice.
Speaker 1: He's twenty two, almost twenty three, graduated college in May,
Speaker 1: moved to roch after Minnesota to be an intern to
Speaker 1: the Mayo Clinic. My prog amends in August. My final
Speaker 1: is to go back home to Denver. My ex and
Speaker 1: hour together for two years and he was supposed to
Speaker 1: move with me, but as we got closer and closer
Speaker 1: to moving day, I decided to be best for me
Speaker 1: to take a year and learned to be on my own.
Speaker 1: I lived at home through underground to save money and
Speaker 1: have never lived alone before. Six weeks before leaving, I
Speaker 1: told him I need time to grow, and I thought
Speaker 1: he needed to become more sure of himself and figure
Speaker 1: out what he wanted as well. Things were rocky. He
Speaker 1: doesn't speak my love language, words of affirmation. He wasn't
Speaker 1: great at communicating with me, never took anything I said seriously,
Speaker 1: wasn't great at planning things or even just telling me
Speaker 1: he loved me, and didn't have a great attitude about
Speaker 1: life in general. It doesn't sound like a real great situation,
Speaker 1: but anyway, you always here going back to an exces
Speaker 1: like reading the same book twice, you already know how
Speaker 1: it ends. My question is do you think XS can
Speaker 1: reconnect after time apart? Do you think he or guys
Speaker 1: in general can grow up and become more of a man.
Speaker 1: Help Caitlin, I like this email. Okay, yeah, what's your
Speaker 1: what have you ever had that gone back with an X? Sure?
Speaker 1: I mean my first my first love. We dated off
Speaker 1: and on for seven years MS light team. Okay, so
Speaker 1: just out of high school going in college. Listen, Caitlyn.
Speaker 1: She's almost twenty three. She sounds, you know, like a
Speaker 1: fairly self aware young woman. UM so, congratulations Caitlin. He
Speaker 1: seemed to be ahead of the game. She's got a
Speaker 1: lot going on, she's trying to be self aware, but
Speaker 1: she's struggling with her decision. Um a lot of there's
Speaker 1: a lot of good information in here. I think she's
Speaker 1: trying to do the right thing. She's trying to be independent.
Speaker 1: She seems to have this guy in her life that
Speaker 1: she she cares about. But again, like one of those
Speaker 1: things like if if under I wonder if Catlyn were
Speaker 1: to go back and read this email, you know, I
Speaker 1: think sometimes when you when you list things out and
Speaker 1: become more self aware of your own thoughts and intentions
Speaker 1: and feelings and so like, there's a whole paragraph on
Speaker 1: listing reasons why she doesn't think he's good for her. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, not the love language, which you know not
Speaker 1: just its seems like such a girly guy, but it's
Speaker 1: a legitimate thing. And in terms of how people communicate,
Speaker 1: how they show affection, that could be learned. If that's
Speaker 1: we're the only issue, you know, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: like this this, how this ends? I guess what is
Speaker 1: the main point of her question is like can people change? Um? Sure, um,
Speaker 1: but only to a certain degree. And I find that
Speaker 1: people really only truly changed for themselves. They never really
Speaker 1: change for other people. And I think so so often
Speaker 1: people make the mistake of um, you know, in a relationship,
Speaker 1: or they break up with someone and the like, you know,
Speaker 1: you just gotta you just don't do this for me
Speaker 1: and the guy or the girls, just like I'm so sorry, babe,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm I'm gonna do better, And they they mean, well, right,
Speaker 1: I think they probably believe that they're going to they
Speaker 1: have changed the gun to change, but they're really only
Speaker 1: doing it to to get what they want in that moment,
Speaker 1: that is to get back with that person. But everyone
Speaker 1: always kind of goes back to who they are and
Speaker 1: kind of their habits to really truly change. You really
Speaker 1: have to do it for yourself. There has to be
Speaker 1: a greater reason why you're doing it, and you really
Speaker 1: have you know something, Usually you have to hit rock
Speaker 1: bottom and you and you have to do it, not
Speaker 1: to like you have to do it not for me
Speaker 1: immediate return. If you're deciding to try to change because
Speaker 1: there's this specific thing that you want in the moment
Speaker 1: or in the short term, it only works because you
Speaker 1: get that thing, or if you don't get that thing,
Speaker 1: he's like, I didn't really want to do that anyways.
Speaker 1: You have to truly want to change for the greater
Speaker 1: good and just because you want to be a better person.
Speaker 1: So and it also like it's interesting enough, like we
Speaker 1: you know, even when you're younger, getting you made sure
Speaker 1: I think about myself and dating like I like to think.
Speaker 1: And I think most people would agree that since my
Speaker 1: early twenties, I've probably grown up a lot. I've probably
Speaker 1: matured in a lot of ways. Um guys later, but
Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter. I guess My point is a saying,
Speaker 1: like we all we all change and grow as people.
Speaker 1: Obviously I'm different in a lot of ways. Uh. In
Speaker 1: my thirties and nine my twenties I'm different a lot
Speaker 1: of ways, having you know, done the experiences that I've had. Obviously,
Speaker 1: I've had some unique relationships and in TV. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, we are who we are, you know.
Speaker 1: It's it's weird to think about, but I would be
Speaker 1: willing to bet that if and I don't ever want
Speaker 1: this to happen, but if all the girls I ever
Speaker 1: dated for an extended period of time, whether it was
Speaker 1: like my relationships that I dated for like months or years,
Speaker 1: or women I maybe have dated for a couple of months,
Speaker 1: if you got him into a room and they all
Speaker 1: just started chatting, you know, whether it was my first
Speaker 1: girlfriend eighteen or or people who have recently dated, I'd
Speaker 1: be willing to bet that there would be stories about
Speaker 1: you know, maybe there would be different stories, and some
Speaker 1: would be talked about how like I've done this, but
Speaker 1: like the preople of dating me later in life be like, well,
Speaker 1: you know, he's done this, and you would see some
Speaker 1: change and some growth in me. But I would be
Speaker 1: also willing to bet that would be like one girl
Speaker 1: would be like, you know, you know, maybe it's kind
Speaker 1: of a good guy, but he would always do this right,
Speaker 1: and they would like describe my neurotic behaviors or obsessions
Speaker 1: or like bad habits or like whatever, and then other
Speaker 1: girls would be like, yeah, he totally did that. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, Nick would do that all the time. And
Speaker 1: I think that girls the same for all of us.
Speaker 1: It's like sometimes we are who we are and and
Speaker 1: so you know, that's like it gives me because I
Speaker 1: was just thinking about this possibly of that happening. You know,
Speaker 1: like I guarantee every girl has ever dated me, there
Speaker 1: be like I bet they could list five things that
Speaker 1: with every girl, I probably did that eventually over time,
Speaker 1: probably drove them nuts or something. You know, we we
Speaker 1: just this is who we are as people, like at
Speaker 1: our core, and it's not a good or a bad thing.
Speaker 1: You know, There's are just habits that we have or
Speaker 1: personality traits that we express, or insecurities that we never
Speaker 1: really overcome, and that usually in a relationship, those things
Speaker 1: tend to come out over time and they either are
Speaker 1: something you the other person loves you for or drives
Speaker 1: the nuts, and usually it's a little bit of both.
Speaker 1: But um, this guy is probably not going to change
Speaker 1: all that much. If there's this many things early on
Speaker 1: a relationship, this is generally who he is probably is Lum.
Speaker 1: Language isn't gonna change. I mean, I think that's generally,
Speaker 1: uh my basic understanding of love languages. It's it's who
Speaker 1: we are at our core as people and how we
Speaker 1: just maybe as even as early as adolescence developed things
Speaker 1: that kind of um help us express emotion. And you're
Speaker 1: just not going to change that. And so take it
Speaker 1: for what it's worth. Is that someone who probably who Caitlin,
Speaker 1: someone early in your life that you were lucky enough
Speaker 1: to meet and he's probably a great guy, but he's
Speaker 1: probably not for you, and that's okay. Don't be disappointed.
Speaker 1: Be thankful that maybe this person taught you a little
Speaker 1: bit about yourself and may hopefully you've had some positive
Speaker 1: impact in his life. And and maybe he'll be a friend,
Speaker 1: but if not, he will be a fond memory. And um,
Speaker 1: you should probably just move on and don't waste a
Speaker 1: lot of time trying to change I'm hoping will change,
Speaker 1: because most likely you'll you'll be disappointed and if nothing else,
Speaker 1: sometimes it is timing, you know, let it go, you know,
Speaker 1: let them move on with the relationship. And if it is,
Speaker 1: you know, not to be that I believe it meant
Speaker 1: to be. But if he is going to change, it's
Speaker 1: not gonna be because of you, and if it's gonna
Speaker 1: because of himself. So maybe he needs a change without
Speaker 1: you in his life. And if you guys somehow reconnect
Speaker 1: later in life, maybe that will happen. But it's just
Speaker 1: probably almost certainly not going to happen with you in
Speaker 1: his life, would be my guest. The key line, he
Speaker 1: didn't have a great attitude about life in general. That's
Speaker 1: the one. Like. I feel like Caitlin's got a great
Speaker 1: attitude about life and she's kind of killing it. She's
Speaker 1: doing her thing. And this guy, Yeah, here's a quote
Speaker 1: I'm given a seacrest tomorrow that you might apply to
Speaker 1: this situation. No relationship is a waste of time because
Speaker 1: if they weren't what you wanted, it showed you what
Speaker 1: you needed. And I think Caitlin, that's perfect for you.
Speaker 1: And this guy, I don't think he's the right guy
Speaker 1: for you. That's so We're gonna have some guests on
Speaker 1: this show, and I'm gonna do my best to interview them.
Speaker 1: Hopefully I'm as good as Dean. We're gonna have Suki
Speaker 1: and Elizabeth Nevigrats, who are authors of Just Sit, a
Speaker 1: meditation guy, book for people who know they should but don't.
Speaker 1: So you know, we're gonna talk about meditation, how might
Speaker 1: be able to help in life and and dating. Um
Speaker 1: sounds we're talking about a little bit about anxiety. I'm
Speaker 1: generally an anxious person, so I'm I'm pretty curious about
Speaker 1: what they can share, and I've I've been interested in meditation.
Speaker 1: So so we have Suki Elizabeth, how you how your
Speaker 1: lady is doing today? Well? Thanks for thanks for joining us, Thanks,
Speaker 1: thank you for having it. So tell me tell me
Speaker 1: a little bit about you two. Are you sisters? Are
Speaker 1: your friends? Just just we are sister in law sister
Speaker 1: in laws? You know, that's that's pretty nice. It really
Speaker 1: worked out right. You know you could have could have
Speaker 1: hated each other, but instead you became not only friends,
Speaker 1: I'm assuming, but business partners and you're helping changing people's lives.
Speaker 1: That's it's pretty good. Yeah, no, it's totally worked. So
Speaker 1: who's how? Who's who married? Who? Suki married? This is
Speaker 1: Elizabeth speaking, Thank you married my brother you and things
Speaker 1: are going well. Suki, you know, will be married to
Speaker 1: me five years in June. So that's amazing. Wow. Yeah, good.
Speaker 1: It sounds like we won't have to ask the question
Speaker 1: if it don't if it doesn't work out, what you
Speaker 1: guys still be friends. I'm sure. I'm sure it's great.
Speaker 1: So you have a book, um called jes Set and
Speaker 1: it's about meditation. Why don't you Why don't you guys
Speaker 1: just kind of take the floor and and tell us
Speaker 1: a little bit about it? Um. We wrote this book
Speaker 1: because we really both of us benefited personally enormously for meditation,
Speaker 1: and and everyone we know pretty much kept telling us
Speaker 1: how much they wanted to meditate, and then would just
Speaker 1: give us laundry list of excuses and reasons why not yet,
Speaker 1: not now? Maybe at some time, maybe when the kids
Speaker 1: start school, that sort of thing. And so we um,
Speaker 1: we're looking at all what kept people from actually doing it,
Speaker 1: which is a lot and it's very similar kind of
Speaker 1: across the board, And so we thought, how can we
Speaker 1: help and how can we bring people to it um
Speaker 1: and make it a little more accessible, a little less
Speaker 1: mysterious and scary. And so that was kind of the
Speaker 1: hole just behind it. What are some of the common
Speaker 1: excuses you hear of why people don't meditate or struggle
Speaker 1: with it. If they attempted not having the time you
Speaker 1: out And then we always tell people, well, you know, um,
Speaker 1: how much how how many minutes do you spend on Facebook? Um?
Speaker 1: Were you online stopping today? You know what? If you
Speaker 1: watch on Netflix, you have time, you know it to
Speaker 1: prioritize it and also not to think that you know
Speaker 1: all I have to sit forward twenty minutes, thirty minutes,
Speaker 1: two hours in the beginning, keep it really small. If
Speaker 1: it's two minutes before you brush your cheese, five minutes
Speaker 1: before you you know, walk to the office or whatever
Speaker 1: it is, you can find sneak it in and sort
Speaker 1: of build on that momentum or do something like for
Speaker 1: someone who like thinks that they don't have a lot
Speaker 1: of time, like what would be the most basic way
Speaker 1: they could meditate? Are there different like levels of meditation?
Speaker 1: Could they if you, like, I have five minutes, Like,
Speaker 1: how could they meditate? Well, I mean what I'd like
Speaker 1: to say to people is that if you're breathing, you're
Speaker 1: halfway there. Other part of it is paying attention to
Speaker 1: your breath. So five minutes is great. That's a huge
Speaker 1: amount of time if you have five minutes every day. Um,
Speaker 1: And because it's all of it sort of adds up,
Speaker 1: bumping forward towards the practice. Um, you will benefit. Interesting, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm assuming it's a skill, because let me describe. I've
Speaker 1: tried meditating. I've done yoga at times and things like that.
Speaker 1: I'm generally an anxious person. And let me maybe describe
Speaker 1: to you what it's like for me to meditate. Where
Speaker 1: else i'll be if I'm sitting there, maybe it's in
Speaker 1: a yoga room or something and I haven't done a lot,
Speaker 1: or maybe maybe it's in my living room. You close
Speaker 1: your eyes. It's interesting, you said focusing your breath, and
Speaker 1: this is me meditating. It's like, all right, Nick, focusing
Speaker 1: your breathing, all right, don't think about anything else. It's
Speaker 1: focusing in your breath, and it's just like, all right, shoot,
Speaker 1: I'm focusing about breathing. Is that okay? Um? Wait? Did
Speaker 1: I pay my bills? Um? Wait? What's I'm still? Am
Speaker 1: I breathing? As? Am I doing this right? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm a failure of what am I doing with my life?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? I'm more anxious than I thought. But
Speaker 1: hate meditating. That that's that's me meditating. Um, that's pretty
Speaker 1: much how we all do it. That's that's um, that's
Speaker 1: what we do. We think way too much, and it's
Speaker 1: way to chatter. Our minds just chatter away constantly. And
Speaker 1: so one of the things with meditation is it's the
Speaker 1: act of noticing all that chatter. And so then what
Speaker 1: do you do You notice and that's all. You don't
Speaker 1: run away with it, You don't let it hijack you.
Speaker 1: You don't you don't give into it. You notice it,
Speaker 1: and then you get back to your breath. And sometimes
Speaker 1: you don't notice it right away. Sometimes you know it
Speaker 1: kind of runs away with itself, but then you notice
Speaker 1: it and you get back to your breath, and then
Speaker 1: two seconds later it might start up again and you
Speaker 1: notice it and you come back to your breath. And
Speaker 1: that is actually what meditation is. It's just act of
Speaker 1: noticing and letting it go without without putting anything on it.
Speaker 1: And he weighed on it, any judgment on it, um,
Speaker 1: and you'll really start noticing how you you operate. The
Speaker 1: trick is not to judge yourself. Okay, well that's probably
Speaker 1: gonna start. I do that all the time. You're a
Speaker 1: total loser. Can't even that attach, can't even breathe right,
Speaker 1: it's like I've never breathed my nose in my life. Um, well,
Speaker 1: how can this help you know, just both in life
Speaker 1: and since you know this is a show about dating,
Speaker 1: how can it? How can it help people maybe in
Speaker 1: their dating lives? Well, for starters, the better you can
Speaker 1: you can work on, the more and better you work
Speaker 1: on your relationship with yourself, you're way better off for
Speaker 1: your relationship for anybody else. And meditations great way to
Speaker 1: to kind of heal your relationship with yourself. Ah well,
Speaker 1: and also as we're paying attention to our thoughts and
Speaker 1: how as you said, treat yourself up. I'm a loser
Speaker 1: this business. You are not. It's not helpful for relationships.
Speaker 1: So when you find yourself being kinder to yourself, then
Speaker 1: you can sort of be kinder to those around you expectly.
Speaker 1: Um the pre new dating? Interesting? How long? How long
Speaker 1: have you two been meditating? Um? Over ten years? Well?
Speaker 1: How do you how do you get started? You guys
Speaker 1: do it this together or something? Or you just you
Speaker 1: both started meditating and you're like, hey, wait, you meditate?
Speaker 1: How do too? We should? You know? How did that start?
Speaker 1: Sukie actually brought me into it. She brought me I
Speaker 1: went on to retreat with her, but her, Yeah, I
Speaker 1: didn't want to go. I didn't want to go. Were
Speaker 1: you like me at first? Judging judging yourself, I thought
Speaker 1: it was gonna be so horrible and so boring, and
Speaker 1: so yeah, I was not at all looking forward. And
Speaker 1: we laughed for days. It wasn't crazy. It was really fun,
Speaker 1: which is not no one ever believed much fun it was,
Speaker 1: but it really was does your suki? Does your husband
Speaker 1: meditate with you now? Or does he meditate on his own?
Speaker 1: He does? I mean, you know he it's a big proponent. Um.
Speaker 1: I mean, he actually was the one who sent me
Speaker 1: on my first meditation retreat. Why was he like, you're
Speaker 1: just like getting on his nerves, like you need to meditate.
Speaker 1: It was a bit of that, you know, but he
Speaker 1: did come with me, but he did he actually did
Speaker 1: it like you need help, you know, this might help you.
Speaker 1: And my father had had had had passed to years
Speaker 1: prior and I was still sort of really struggling with that.
Speaker 1: And um, my father was originally told me to meditate
Speaker 1: when I was a young kid. Um, and I dropped
Speaker 1: like a hot potato when I went to start high school,
Speaker 1: and you know, um. And but when he passed, you know,
Speaker 1: going back to meditation, which was something that he taught
Speaker 1: me was a tremendous way of healing. Um and uh.
Speaker 1: And then you know, I was sort of so transformed
Speaker 1: that I really wanted to share it with that. But
Speaker 1: I really want to go back again and I still
Speaker 1: want to go find myself, so I brought her on
Speaker 1: the journey. That's really cool, I mean, and good something.
Speaker 1: You have a great relationship because I mean every time
Speaker 1: I've tried to tell our girls she needs help, that
Speaker 1: doesn't usually go very well for me. So you seem
Speaker 1: to be a very you know, thoughtful, great person, Sukie.
Speaker 1: So congratulations to you. And even in the meditation seems
Speaker 1: like it even went when even better. UM. So I get,
Speaker 1: you know, back to like, how can other than reading
Speaker 1: your book, which everyone should just do, called just set again? Um? Like,
Speaker 1: what are some of the like if they're if they're
Speaker 1: not going to go to a retreat um And unfortunately,
Speaker 1: let's say maybe they don't quite get your book yet,
Speaker 1: but like what if some of some of the people
Speaker 1: listening in what they're like, if they're naturally curious about meditation,
Speaker 1: they've maybe talked about it. Oh, that sounds like a
Speaker 1: great idea. What's not like the first step they could
Speaker 1: do as soon as they get done listening to this podcast, um,
Speaker 1: which I hope they all do. What's the first thing
Speaker 1: to do today to meditate? But depending on the person,
Speaker 1: some people could literally just sit right now and focus
Speaker 1: on their breath at a timer for two minutes and
Speaker 1: just focus on their back ah and watch as their
Speaker 1: thoughts come in and let them go. Other people, it
Speaker 1: might be more helpful to download an app. And there's
Speaker 1: a ton of apps, you know, different meditation apps that
Speaker 1: that help, especially when you when it's new, um and
Speaker 1: not say. And it's also just a helpful thing to
Speaker 1: return to every day. So um, I think it really
Speaker 1: depends on how you respond Tom, you know most things.
Speaker 1: But if you really can do it on your own,
Speaker 1: if you get a little help or their their crosses.
Speaker 1: There are of yoga studios now how meditation crosses, um,
Speaker 1: so that might help. But there's a lot of ways
Speaker 1: you can meditate in the next ten minutes. So if
Speaker 1: you you know, in the next two minutes, if you
Speaker 1: want to nainly just shut down, close your arts and
Speaker 1: focus on your breath. Okay, is there is there a
Speaker 1: trick to like letting things go? I mean, and that's
Speaker 1: a serious question because I've never been good at that,
Speaker 1: you know, I I usually things marinate and then dwell
Speaker 1: and then recycle and then do it again and again
Speaker 1: and again again again. But that's really that's really human.
Speaker 1: I mean, the mastic happens when you ask you allow
Speaker 1: yourself to observe it, so to detach some it is
Speaker 1: if you're you know, watching it, if you're it's happening
Speaker 1: to someone else that thought. Is there a trick to that?
Speaker 1: I mean, you know it's just slowing down. Let me
Speaker 1: slow it down, and you can really start watching these
Speaker 1: thoughts and then it happens on its own, um because
Speaker 1: you know, unfortunately when you're when you're in it, that's
Speaker 1: you already hijacked, right, so it's hard to get out
Speaker 1: of it, you know, and pret you start observing your
Speaker 1: thoughts and start blowing everything down to go to see
Speaker 1: how you know they're they're not. Um, you have choice
Speaker 1: in the matter that they're not, Like you don't have
Speaker 1: to identify with it. And so that's my thoughts because
Speaker 1: oh that's the thought. I could choose that thought, or
Speaker 1: I could choose this much more productive or happier thought
Speaker 1: or no thoughts or as do you ever have no thoughts?
Speaker 1: But that there's much more choice when you're when you're
Speaker 1: allowing yourself to slow down. And that's the heart. That's
Speaker 1: like the hard part in our culture, right, We're all
Speaker 1: like go go, go to that, you know, to do better.
Speaker 1: I've got this done. And multitasking, you know, allow your stuff,
Speaker 1: the poditions, your permission to sort of you know, um
Speaker 1: do one thing most which is minis moment in meditation
Speaker 1: is watch your breath and connects BacT to breath. Very cool.
Speaker 1: Imagine if if people just replaced um, reading their social
Speaker 1: media with meditating, I mean, you know, that would be
Speaker 1: our world would be so different, you know, great relationships,
Speaker 1: one can dream, just take a moment, not let not
Speaker 1: just sink deep in that black hole of the internet comments.
Speaker 1: Sorry I'm projecting here out loud. Well, hey, like, I
Speaker 1: mean that's that's really cool. I think this is really helpful.
Speaker 1: And again like for just speaking personally for me, I mean,
Speaker 1: meditating is something I've tried. Um but and I'll admit
Speaker 1: to what you ladies pointed out, probably make more excuses
Speaker 1: than actually exists, so you know, I for one, I'm gonna,
Speaker 1: you know, keep trying, um, because you know that's all
Speaker 1: you can do is keep trying. So I really think
Speaker 1: appreciate your time. And just a reminder for those Their
Speaker 1: book is just sit a meditation guide book for people
Speaker 1: who know they should but don't, and that I think
Speaker 1: that describes all of us. So thank you, ladies, Suking
Speaker 1: and Elizabeth. I really appreciate it. Um. I think you
Speaker 1: can really help people out. And thanks for joining us.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much. Keep meditating, will thanks? Ladies. Do you
Speaker 1: like okay, you sound like you're a kind of anxious person,
Speaker 1: Like no, like I have super intense anxiety and what
Speaker 1: you explain exactly. Sorry, I'm not just being like, hey,
Speaker 1: you suck, but I realized I do meditate when I'm
Speaker 1: having anxiety attacks. That's the only way to get out
Speaker 1: of that. You focus on your breathing. That's how legitimately
Speaker 1: will die count No, on the opposite, like when every
Speaker 1: time I try to meditate it just goes horribly wrong.
Speaker 1: You just go it's like it's serious, it's like what
Speaker 1: it almost lounds like it makes it worse for you.
Speaker 1: What what did you say? You're an anxious person. How
Speaker 1: does that manifest itself? Like Eric has full blown panic
Speaker 1: attacks and real bad situations. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: get full blown pan attacks. I'm a functionally functioning, UM
Speaker 1: anxious person. UM. I probably just make other people comfortable.
Speaker 1: When I'm super anxious. It's like, wow, what what do
Speaker 1: you doing? Um? I listen. I've always tried to be
Speaker 1: a reflective person, and I think sometimes I can get
Speaker 1: you into a rabbit hole. UM. I do have a
Speaker 1: bad habit of dwelling on things. UM. I repeat myself
Speaker 1: both in my head and to other people. UM, you know,
Speaker 1: and I think, yeah, and it's a and sometimes your
Speaker 1: ego gets in the way. UM, so you just kind
Speaker 1: of really think about I'm I've never been described as
Speaker 1: a care free person. UM. You know, you know the
Speaker 1: person is just like, yeah, whatever happens, you know, let's
Speaker 1: just let's just see. I don't know in my brains,
Speaker 1: and like, I have a hundred possibilities of how this
Speaker 1: can go. You know, sixty five of them aren't good,
Speaker 1: you know, but I'm amazing went on reality television. It
Speaker 1: was probably good for me. Um. It's interesting. I've been
Speaker 1: a much more of a risk taker and in my thirties,
Speaker 1: and I ever was in my twenties, which it's something
Speaker 1: I look back and when people ask me if I
Speaker 1: have regrets, if for no other reason, I think it's exciting.
Speaker 1: Like listen, I never when I grew up in Milwaukee,
Speaker 1: Wisconsin and a very conservative household. And again I was
Speaker 1: a kid with the plan so to speak, and graduated
Speaker 1: from college and accounting. Um, I had a job, went
Speaker 1: to work the next day after I graduated. You know,
Speaker 1: I thought I'd be married with kids and I was
Speaker 1: twenty five. I like had the plan so to speak.
Speaker 1: And obviously, as most people go, the plan usually doesn't
Speaker 1: work out. And I realized I'm probably like sometimes I
Speaker 1: think people maybe are you know, they have these personality
Speaker 1: traits that um or or weaknesses and shortcomings or insecurities
Speaker 1: that um define who they are, but maybe deep down
Speaker 1: that's not who they are. You know. Um, because I've
Speaker 1: as I've been willing to take bigger risks, I realized
Speaker 1: I am maybe more of a risk taker than I realized.
Speaker 1: Um that it is what makes I think me happier. Um.
Speaker 1: You know, I think sometimes we go through life wanting
Speaker 1: to do things or wish you we can do things, um,
Speaker 1: but making excuses not to do things. And then sometimes
Speaker 1: I often found um, when we do it, we realized
Speaker 1: why that wasn't really that hard. You know. Um. I
Speaker 1: always when I when I lived in Milwaukee, I never
Speaker 1: saw myself staying there, but I always I just stayed there. Um.
Speaker 1: And I you know, Chicago is very close to Milwaukee,
Speaker 1: and I always thought to myself, well, I'll just move
Speaker 1: to Chicago. I wanted, but even that, I just never
Speaker 1: did it. And then eventually I did, you know, I
Speaker 1: got a job. I just I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do this, and then I did. It was like, well,
Speaker 1: that was really easy. It was literally now different than
Speaker 1: moving down the street from Milwaukee. It's just like a
Speaker 1: slightly longer drive. And then like I woke up one
Speaker 1: morning living in Milwaukee and the next day I was
Speaker 1: living in Chicago and that was it. I was like,
Speaker 1: why did that take six years? You know, right, I
Speaker 1: moved from Milwaukee to Los Angeles. Part of me still
Speaker 1: can't believe I did that. In your mind, it seems
Speaker 1: like a big deal, but I'm thinking when you went back,
Speaker 1: but probably was just like moving r the next day.
Speaker 1: Not to downplay there's sure there's some struggles or whatever,
Speaker 1: but in life, you know if you're gonna if there's
Speaker 1: we we have these dreams or these risks, and sometimes
Speaker 1: we just get in our in our head and we
Speaker 1: think of all the reasons and fears of of why
Speaker 1: not to do them, and it just kind of Um.
Speaker 1: I've I've challenged myself to be that person who just
Speaker 1: tries to be more carefully. It takes a conscious effort
Speaker 1: for me to do that. It's it doesn't come naturally.
Speaker 1: But when I I find that, when I I forced
Speaker 1: myself to do it, Um, I look back and and
Speaker 1: and and I'm glad I had I did. And it's
Speaker 1: not usually because things worked out the way I thought
Speaker 1: they would. I don't as almost never happened for me,
Speaker 1: But um, they usually along the way, things happened that
Speaker 1: didn't expect. Um. I've met people I didn't know I
Speaker 1: would get to meet. I've I've experienced incredible things that
Speaker 1: you know, five ten years ago I never would imagined. Um,
Speaker 1: I've got to experience, and so I think I'm better
Speaker 1: for it. Um. That's not to say that I've had
Speaker 1: to sacrifice certain things. UM, But you know, do your
Speaker 1: parents show your TV appearances. Oh yeah, I'm at the point,
Speaker 1: you know, like i've if I do an interview, like,
Speaker 1: I don't think too much of it. My parents, but
Speaker 1: like I saw you on SO and so, why don't
Speaker 1: you tell me, I'm like, I don't don't man, like
Speaker 1: I don't. I stopped watching my stuff. I didn't watch
Speaker 1: any of dancing with Like, I didn't see dancing that's live,
Speaker 1: so it's a little different. But you did in DVR
Speaker 1: and watch it back. Um, I didn't. And your parents
Speaker 1: love that though, But that was Blue Carllar, Wisconsin people,
Speaker 1: salt of the earth people who, um, you know, they
Speaker 1: certainly never expected any of their kids to to do
Speaker 1: what I'm doing. Um, And I think they're happy. They're
Speaker 1: just happy for all their children as they are for me.
Speaker 1: But it is there's a level of excitement that comes
Speaker 1: with some of the did they enjoy being on TV
Speaker 1: when you would like have hometown dates? And you know,
Speaker 1: they they're they're again, they're down to earth people where
Speaker 1: they don't get too over the top about things. And
Speaker 1: I think my parents, you know, hand hand old it
Speaker 1: appropriately where they really were in the moment and it
Speaker 1: was more about me and and their son and going
Speaker 1: through the experience than thinking about the TV show. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: so I don't think that was the Neighbors and Walker
Speaker 1: show must be. For them to like come to Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Stars and be in the audience, I think
Speaker 1: that was a different experience because there was no like
Speaker 1: personal thing attached to it. I mean, you know, on
Speaker 1: the show, like on The Bat Shred, it's like, I
Speaker 1: think my son might get engaged girls sounds tell you
Speaker 1: and said, I'm gonna try to support him. But you know,
Speaker 1: like so like the thought of the show is probably
Speaker 1: when they met like all your how many of yours
Speaker 1: did they meet? Three four? They did it differently that season,
Speaker 1: right of your girls and maybe not Raymond and Vanessa.
Speaker 1: Moving on, This is from Anonymous, and you'll find out why.
Speaker 1: Two years ago I met a man that I felt
Speaker 1: an instant connection, too stronger than anything I've ever felt.
Speaker 1: I met him in person and literally felt the physical
Speaker 1: pull to him, was instantly attracted to him. I never
Speaker 1: really believe in soulmates, but that experience made me second
Speaker 1: guess that our values, our beliefs, our sense of humor,
Speaker 1: and he's just an all around good, hard working, successful guy.
Speaker 1: These are the strongest feelings I've ever felt towards anyone
Speaker 1: by far. Here's the catch. He's one of my best
Speaker 1: friend's brother and he's married. This is something I would
Speaker 1: never act on. I'm a big believer in the sanctity
Speaker 1: of marriage. I would never do anything to ruin a relationship.
Speaker 1: I love their family, and pursuing these feelings has never
Speaker 1: been an option. In fact, I feel guilty for even
Speaker 1: having these thoughts and feelings. My question is how do
Speaker 1: I apply this to dating? After having this feeling of connection,
Speaker 1: I feel myself comparing those feelings to everyone else every
Speaker 1: other relationship I have, and nothing has come closed. I'm
Speaker 1: currently kind of dating someone and I like him, but
Speaker 1: the feelings don't come close to what I've now experienced
Speaker 1: for someone else's husband. I kind of added that in
Speaker 1: is this a waste of time? Should I keep trying
Speaker 1: to find someone who draws those same feelings? Although that
Speaker 1: seems impossible that anonymous that's a tough one. I mean,
Speaker 1: she seems like she and there's there's some missing information.
Speaker 1: I'd love to talk to this person. I don't know
Speaker 1: how all they are. Doesn't sound like she they've um
Speaker 1: cross the line. I don't even know if for sure,
Speaker 1: if he is aware of this, This could be just
Speaker 1: an infatuation from a distance. Who knows. So there's a
Speaker 1: lot of unknowns here. Um, but I think if to
Speaker 1: try to maybe answer this is the best that I can.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's right, but uh, you know again,
Speaker 1: I think we also have a habit of creating things
Speaker 1: in in our mind that aren't necessarily true, and we
Speaker 1: all love what we can't have. Clearly, he's unavailable, or
Speaker 1: should be at least he's married. Um. If you want
Speaker 1: a good takeaway, try to, like re reverse engineer, Maybe
Speaker 1: you know what you like in this guy. Um, probably
Speaker 1: a lot of is and infatuation. But if you're trying
Speaker 1: to just break down what it is you like, you
Speaker 1: know the qualities that he seems to demonstrate, um, hopefully
Speaker 1: with his wife that you appreciate. Um. You know again,
Speaker 1: sometimes we have a habit of glorifying. I mean, there's
Speaker 1: I've there's someone in my life who you want to
Speaker 1: get into detail. But you know that we we had
Speaker 1: a friendship that was maybe a little bit more, but
Speaker 1: it never really went anywhere. And you know, because of
Speaker 1: crazy things in our lives, we never got together you know, UM,
Speaker 1: and so you can call it a misconnection. And this
Speaker 1: is someone who had been very special to me and
Speaker 1: and vice versa. But we never actually dated um and
Speaker 1: because one or both of you might have been UM
Speaker 1: and you know, and sometimes I think to myself about,
Speaker 1: you know, you know, what would have been like, UM,
Speaker 1: it's very easy for me to think that was the
Speaker 1: person if all things being equal, it would have worked out.
Speaker 1: But the truth is I don't really know, you know,
Speaker 1: because we never actually dated in a relationship. And I
Speaker 1: just not to say that that person isn't great or
Speaker 1: maybe it could be an amazing relationship, but it's just
Speaker 1: very easy to glorify things in our head without really
Speaker 1: knowing um. You know, because sometimes those relationships you get
Speaker 1: to pick and choose the things you like, you get
Speaker 1: to conveniently um dismiss the things that you you wouldn't
Speaker 1: like or don't you're not even aware of, like how
Speaker 1: you handle uh conflict. I mean again, that's that's usually
Speaker 1: the detriment of any relationship, right because it's you call
Speaker 1: the honeymoon phase. You like someone, you're hopefully physically attracted,
Speaker 1: you have some of the similar interest and often relationships
Speaker 1: don't work out because people don't communicate in a way
Speaker 1: during conflict, right, and so, um, this person has no
Speaker 1: idea how that how how to fight with this person
Speaker 1: or what they're like. They they they have a very
Speaker 1: high level peripheral of this person. They've been able to
Speaker 1: pick and choose some of these attractive characteristics that this
Speaker 1: person probably has. So, you know, the forden fruit probably
Speaker 1: adds that, there's the forbidden fruit, there's this, So there's
Speaker 1: a lot of things going on. So I think my
Speaker 1: advice to to this this anonymous person is don't over
Speaker 1: glorify the relationship. If you want to have a takeaway
Speaker 1: in your dating life is identify those characteristics that you
Speaker 1: find attractive in this person and try to find in
Speaker 1: another person. And that might take time. I don't know,
Speaker 1: you know, that might take five ten years, maybe it
Speaker 1: takes a week. But I wouldn't glorify this and certainly
Speaker 1: have it changed the perspective of you know, the one
Speaker 1: because he's not the one for you, because he wouldn't
Speaker 1: be married. If you know that, you really want to
Speaker 1: believe in a world where that you um that fate
Speaker 1: exists and there's a one and only. But he decided
Speaker 1: to marry someone else, but that happens to be your
Speaker 1: sister's husband kind of a friend. I don't out like that's. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not I'm not a big fan of that world.
Speaker 1: So and I'm guessing this anonymous anonymous person doesn't want
Speaker 1: to be either. So, um, do you believe in soulmates? Nick? No,
Speaker 1: that's just the most silliest. It's just ridiculous. I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's not even an attractive trade. I've talked
Speaker 1: about this before. I mean, what's more attractive to think
Speaker 1: that someone's just like made for you and that no
Speaker 1: matter what you do or don't do, any men even
Speaker 1: marries someone else, that they're supposed to be with that
Speaker 1: person and that's romantic, Or that there's a lot of
Speaker 1: people out there that you could be attracted to, and
Speaker 1: that because relationships are hard and difficult and challenging, that
Speaker 1: you have to consciously make an effort to say, this
Speaker 1: isn't easy, but I love you, and I choose to
Speaker 1: make it work with you, and I choose to like
Speaker 1: make sacrifices, and I choose to give up other things,
Speaker 1: other people, other women, because I want to make this work.
Speaker 1: Over any other relationship that could work if I invested
Speaker 1: time in that one. To me, that's more romantic and
Speaker 1: that's just the reality of things. But to assume that
Speaker 1: there's some predetermined thing, I mean, yeah, there's there's people
Speaker 1: who are you're connecting, you feel instinction with, you know,
Speaker 1: but there's a lot of people who who that can
Speaker 1: happen with, and things like timing, because yeah, that would
Speaker 1: just be in an assistant insane things happening for a
Speaker 1: reason that you guys ended up in the same room.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying fate or soul mates, but I I
Speaker 1: believes an energy and I think if you're if you
Speaker 1: keep yourself open, you you can there are good situations
Speaker 1: and bad situations that you can find yourselves and and
Speaker 1: then you just kind of read signs. And I think
Speaker 1: as we get older and we mature and we gain perspective,
Speaker 1: you get hopefully a better at at reading those situations. UM,
Speaker 1: and you know, things things tend to I always say, like,
Speaker 1: I don't believe things happen for a reason, but I
Speaker 1: do believe things have a way of working themselves out.
Speaker 1: And there's a huge difference between those two statements if
Speaker 1: you really think about it. UM, you know, over time
Speaker 1: things will work themselves out if you're open to it,
Speaker 1: if you allow it to happen, if you stop obsessing
Speaker 1: over what how you want things to be and just
Speaker 1: be opening to what things are, UM, that will work
Speaker 1: themselves out and maybe not problem almost never in the
Speaker 1: moment that you want it, um, but eventually almost always
Speaker 1: you look back and think, okay, well that I have
Speaker 1: a different opinion of what I wanted or or who
Speaker 1: I wanted to be with, um, etcetera, etcetera, and it
Speaker 1: just it tends to always work out. I mean, generally speaking,
Speaker 1: let's let's hope, all right, this is Katie, a guy
Speaker 1: from my past has come back into my life. We
Speaker 1: haven't talked to each other in five years, and he
Speaker 1: reached out last day but wanted to rekindle our friendship.
Speaker 1: We stopped talking because he and his friends really hurt
Speaker 1: me our senior year of high school, to the point
Speaker 1: where I was depressed and suicidal. I stopped talking to
Speaker 1: him because he pretended like he was my friend, but
Speaker 1: he never really was. It hurt like hell to say goodbye,
Speaker 1: but I did just to clarify we were never more
Speaker 1: than friends. I really liked him, but we didn't want
Speaker 1: to ruin our friendship because I knew we didn't have
Speaker 1: the same feelings. Fast forward to now, since we have
Speaker 1: started talking again, we become more than friends, but less
Speaker 1: than lovers. I'm a virgin and refused to let him
Speaker 1: put his name on that. I like that's a nice
Speaker 1: way of putting that. We've never been in this place before, though,
Speaker 1: so I'm still navigating the situation. He's initiated all of this,
Speaker 1: but it mostly happens when we're intoxicated. At the beginning,
Speaker 1: he even lied to me about still being together with
Speaker 1: his girlfriend. He's told me I make him nervous when
Speaker 1: I'm around. He doesn't like to hang out with me
Speaker 1: alone because he feels tempted to make a move after
Speaker 1: night's out. I've slept over at his place with him
Speaker 1: in his bed. We fooled around, but nothing more. When
Speaker 1: we're together, we act like we are in a relationship.
Speaker 1: But I'm positive I would never want a relationship with him,
Speaker 1: and I'm pretty sure he feel the same way. We
Speaker 1: just like to have each other when we need each other.
Speaker 1: I love this kid, but know that because of what
Speaker 1: happened in high school, in his history of cheating on
Speaker 1: his girlfriends, that could never be in a relationship with him. Help.
Speaker 1: I just have no idea what his take is on
Speaker 1: our relationship because it doesn't talk about stuff. Where do
Speaker 1: you think his head is with all of this? That's Katie, Katie, Katie,
Speaker 1: Katie's gonna be fine. Um, Katy sounds like a young
Speaker 1: woman who you know, probably knows more about what she
Speaker 1: wants since she realizes I think the important thing here
Speaker 1: is who gives us what he thinks about the relationship.
Speaker 1: I think think about what you want about relationship. It
Speaker 1: sounds like you know is that you know? I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if kat is really being totally honest
Speaker 1: with herself because she's saying it, but I don't know
Speaker 1: if she believes it, like I'll never I never want
Speaker 1: a relationship with this guy. I think she really wants
Speaker 1: relationship with this guy. And that's okay. You should be
Speaker 1: honest with yourself, honest with yourself about what it is. Um,
Speaker 1: because it sounds like when she removes herself from the
Speaker 1: kind of emotional side, it sounds like she can kind
Speaker 1: of point out whether this relationship is or isn't right
Speaker 1: for her, And it sounds like she knows that it's not.
Speaker 1: I mean, here's what this relationship is. And I know
Speaker 1: how I would describe it, and it would probably be
Speaker 1: how I describe a lot of these relationships and a
Speaker 1: lot of and everyone has it. This is this is
Speaker 1: a sour Patch kid relationship. What I mean by that
Speaker 1: is um, so sour Patch kids. For I think we
Speaker 1: can all agree. And if you don't like sour Patch kids,
Speaker 1: you're just like my favorite. Our Patch kids are a
Speaker 1: delicious candy. They're they're amazing, right, we we all love
Speaker 1: sour Patch kids. And but like you know, when you
Speaker 1: have sour Patch kids, like even now I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: sour Patch Kids and my mouth is solving. You know,
Speaker 1: when you have a s it's like you just you
Speaker 1: crave it and you go to the movies. You're like,
Speaker 1: do I want sour Patch kids? And you get so
Speaker 1: our Patch Kids and it's so good, or your friends
Speaker 1: haven't and you're eating sour Patch kids. But almost always
Speaker 1: we have sour Patch kids. We eat them, We indulge,
Speaker 1: we binge a little bit, and eventually it like rots
Speaker 1: the inside of her mouth. You know, that's too much sugar,
Speaker 1: and we way too much on an empty stomach, and
Speaker 1: we get like gut rot. It just doesn't make us
Speaker 1: feel good. It's it's it's amazing. It tastes so good.
Speaker 1: It gives us a fix, but it's not sustainable. You know,
Speaker 1: we can't survive on sour Patch kids. And even though
Speaker 1: we'll like get the sour Patch kids and we'll do
Speaker 1: this and won't binge, and then we'll look get sick
Speaker 1: to our stomach, so we're like, you know, our mouth
Speaker 1: is deteriorated. You're like, I can't keep doing this. And
Speaker 1: then a few days go by and you'r you go
Speaker 1: to your friend's house and they have sour Patch kids
Speaker 1: laying around. You're like, I'm gonna have some more power
Speaker 1: sour Patch kids. And you keep doing this over and
Speaker 1: over because like every time you forget, you're like reminded
Speaker 1: about how delicious the sour Patch kid is. But again,
Speaker 1: it never becomes sustainable. It never becomes the food that
Speaker 1: you can like nourish yourself on. And that's basically these relationships.
Speaker 1: Like everyone everyone has a sour Patch kid in their life.
Speaker 1: Everyone has multiple sour Patch relationships. I think it's important
Speaker 1: to identify who the sour Patch kid in your life is.
Speaker 1: We probably have all been sour Patch kids as someone else.
Speaker 1: And I think the reason we find these people were
Speaker 1: we were just like, you know, maybe it's just infatuation.
Speaker 1: They do something for us. Maybe we like spending time
Speaker 1: with them. We're willing to like accept maybe they cheat
Speaker 1: on someone like the story describes, you know, or they
Speaker 1: you know, you hang out with them, they give you
Speaker 1: this fix, but over time they do some damage to you.
Speaker 1: You know, they make you feel that good about yourself,
Speaker 1: they bring up in securities, they're they're kind of being selfish,
Speaker 1: off doing their thing, they're not committing, and over time
Speaker 1: they do these things that, as anyone would agree, aren't sustainable, right,
Speaker 1: But we do that for whatever reason, we hang on
Speaker 1: to these sour Patch kids over and over. Why because
Speaker 1: they're saking delicious and they're so good and in the
Speaker 1: moment they just like they they they serve this like
Speaker 1: instant gratification, And so I think it's just, yeah, this
Speaker 1: this person is a sour Patch kid, and um, and
Speaker 1: that's okay, and you'll probably keep pasting him because it's
Speaker 1: delicious and it feels good. Um did you come up
Speaker 1: with this? Because now I'm like, oh my god, that
Speaker 1: relationship was a Patch I was. I came up with
Speaker 1: this recently. I was giving relationships advice to this someone
Speaker 1: I was dating recently. Um, I know they're they're younger
Speaker 1: sister who's not young, who's in our dirties. So don't
Speaker 1: feel bad. Um, like this happens to everyone. And you know,
Speaker 1: we were having a good time indulging in substance and
Speaker 1: and it was just like we were talking about this
Speaker 1: and it came up and like, you know what he is,
Speaker 1: He's a sour Patch kid. Uh, but it's true. I
Speaker 1: mean that's uh, that's what we do. You know, we
Speaker 1: do it over and over and I think again, so
Speaker 1: don't beat yourself up because we all love Sour Patch kids.
Speaker 1: We just can't deny how good they are. And we
Speaker 1: know we're always going to go back and eat them. Um,
Speaker 1: but I go back and eat him within the same
Speaker 1: movie like half an hour, and I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: have so like if you want to keep it, I'm
Speaker 1: not saying get this guy out of your life, you know.
Speaker 1: And she you know this, This young lady is young.
Speaker 1: So it's fine, and you're probably gonna have more Sour
Speaker 1: Patch kids in your life. It's just going to happen.
Speaker 1: But just be honest with yourself that he is. And
Speaker 1: don't pretend that you can have a healthy diet on
Speaker 1: sour patch kids because you can't. No one can. You know,
Speaker 1: they're delicious and they're fun and they're a good time,
Speaker 1: but eventually they'll rock you on your inside. Um, I
Speaker 1: think you've just changed my life. It's like wow, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I don't know that that would uh, that
Speaker 1: would be my advice. So yeah, Victoria, my name is Vicky.
Speaker 1: I'm from Philly. I'm in love with love. I just
Speaker 1: broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago and
Speaker 1: I have three options. We need help figuring out which
Speaker 1: direction I should go in. Here's some backstory to my
Speaker 1: most recent relationship. We dated for close to one and
Speaker 1: a half years, and after my birthday last month I
Speaker 1: turned twenty seven, I started thinking about long term goals
Speaker 1: and made a decision to be a little selfish this
Speaker 1: year and take care of myself in all areas of
Speaker 1: my life. One of those decisions was to break off
Speaker 1: the relationship because he didn't believe in marriage and made
Speaker 1: it clear on multiple occasions he didn't want children. Ever.
Speaker 1: Right now, I feel like I need to take some
Speaker 1: time to figure out who I am and enjoy my
Speaker 1: own company, and stay single. What do you think I
Speaker 1: should do? One, Get back out there and find the
Speaker 1: man of my dreams, even if it means another heartbreak,
Speaker 1: to stay single for the rest of the year, and
Speaker 1: curse all men. Three stay single until my ex changes
Speaker 1: his mind on things and realizes he wants to be
Speaker 1: with me forever. For none of the above, try my
Speaker 1: luck on the Bachelor, since in the last eleven years
Speaker 1: none of the real world scenarios have worked out. Victoria,
Speaker 1: Let's let's just like just through these one by one. Uh. Again,
Speaker 1: there's a there's a theme with these emails, and I
Speaker 1: got to be certain that these people kind of know
Speaker 1: the answer, but maybe they're just curious what we think. Um,
Speaker 1: she loves love. That's an honest assessment of oneself. And
Speaker 1: I think that's pretty common. Um. But I think when
Speaker 1: you have that realization that you love love, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's okay of love love, but don't love it so
Speaker 1: much that you search for things that aren't real love
Speaker 1: and then call it love. Um. You know again, it's
Speaker 1: it sounds like she's she knows what she wants. She
Speaker 1: wants to have a family and that's it sounds like
Speaker 1: a top priority for her, and that's nothing to dismiss.
Speaker 1: So what number one? Get back out there and find
Speaker 1: the man of my dreams, even it means another heartbreak.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's funny that she's like, I just broke
Speaker 1: up with my boyfriend a few days ago, and I
Speaker 1: have a few options. I'm assuming the options are these
Speaker 1: one through four and not like four guys who are
Speaker 1: pining for her affection, but one through four, Um, listen,
Speaker 1: she of course get back out there, but like this
Speaker 1: is not like, um, get back out there in the
Speaker 1: sense that like just go live, you know, and that
Speaker 1: kind of can you know one through three or just
Speaker 1: kind of do all of the above and one through three,
Speaker 1: like like what are you gonna do? Like don't go
Speaker 1: in nine dating apps and like start hitting on a
Speaker 1: bunch of guys at bar. Just go be you know,
Speaker 1: be okay with being by yourself. Don't rush in the
Speaker 1: next relationship. But who knows, maybe the love of your
Speaker 1: life pops in your life tomorrow. I don't know, be
Speaker 1: open to it. Um, you know. I think it's how
Speaker 1: often people like define where they are get out of
Speaker 1: relationship to have heartbreak and they're like, I'm not doing
Speaker 1: anyone for whatever period of time, Like what does that
Speaker 1: even mean? A week or six months or you? Like
Speaker 1: she even says like for the rest of the year,
Speaker 1: what does that mean? Like is there a middle ground?
Speaker 1: You know, it's also a long time, but like you
Speaker 1: can't control how long you're since she wants to know
Speaker 1: if she should get back out there today or listen. Um,
Speaker 1: definitely don't curse men. I mean, again, there are good
Speaker 1: people and bad people out there are and and and
Speaker 1: a bad person for you doesn't necessarily mean they're a
Speaker 1: bad person. There might be a bad person for you.
Speaker 1: I mean, some people don't want to have kids and
Speaker 1: that just makes them not right for you. But at
Speaker 1: the point where you stay in a relationship and expect
Speaker 1: to change them, then it's not you. You know, you've
Speaker 1: got to stop blaming the people you're with for the
Speaker 1: things that you've decided to be okay with for a
Speaker 1: period of time, even though you weren't really okay with him. Um,
Speaker 1: So when you start doing that and kind of sacrificing
Speaker 1: your priorities, that's kind of on you and not the
Speaker 1: people you're with. Um, stay single, Yeah, so stay single
Speaker 1: for the rest of the year. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: it's good to be alone. I think it's good to
Speaker 1: be comfortable with being alone. I think it's good to
Speaker 1: know what you really want and maybe reassess your priorities.
Speaker 1: If you were in a relationship that you find yourself
Speaker 1: compromising the things that were most important to you, I
Speaker 1: think there's a it's important to decide why you were
Speaker 1: willing to do that. You know, maybe it's just lack
Speaker 1: of maturity. Maybe it is these prayers aren't as important
Speaker 1: to you as you maybe you thought you know, so
Speaker 1: I think reassess that at and then get back out there. Uh,
Speaker 1: stay single until my ex changes his mind. Realize yeah
Speaker 1: number three definitely, No, he's not going to change his
Speaker 1: mind again. It's also entirely possible that he might be bored,
Speaker 1: call you up and be like, yeah, I want kids,
Speaker 1: and then realize he doesn't. Again, but that's probably gonna happen.
Speaker 1: And in fact, I guaranteed that's that's like a chance
Speaker 1: of that happening. Um, but he listen, and you know,
Speaker 1: my guest is not knowing about this relationship. There's a
Speaker 1: lot more going on here than he doesn't want kids.
Speaker 1: I mean, so whatever it is, he is who he is. Um,
Speaker 1: you're seven, I'm guessing maybe he's your age or older.
Speaker 1: You know, this guy is who he is, none of
Speaker 1: the above. Try my look on the Bachelor. Well, it
Speaker 1: hasn't worked out for me, so you know, it's the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: Like it's an experience that people can find love. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it's for finding love though, you know,
Speaker 1: I like to believe it is as someone Okay, so
Speaker 1: I watched the show, Like as someone who watches the show,
Speaker 1: I have to believe at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: like they're going to stay together until they break up.
Speaker 1: What the Bacheler is is a heightened version of the world.
Speaker 1: That's all it is. And so like the world, people
Speaker 1: fall in love. You can fall in love and then
Speaker 1: like in the world, often relationships don't work out because
Speaker 1: they're hard, you know, and you, um, you don't you
Speaker 1: You go into relationship and it's escalated and it's moved
Speaker 1: forward quickly, and there's a lot about people you don't know,
Speaker 1: not necessarily bad or good, just compatibility wise, and um,
Speaker 1: it's it's a bigger risk that has you know, been
Speaker 1: great to work out for some and it's just you know,
Speaker 1: but it's interesting, Like, you know, I think about like
Speaker 1: you all, we all have we have to own our choices,
Speaker 1: we have to be economofour choices. Um. I'm single today, UM,
Speaker 1: And a lot of has to do with the fact
Speaker 1: that I chose to go on The Bachelor four times
Speaker 1: and I'm not I don't blame the Bachelor, but it
Speaker 1: was a high risk situation that could have had some
Speaker 1: great payoff when it comes in my relationship life and
Speaker 1: ended up not, you know, And that was a risk
Speaker 1: I chose to take. I don't sit there and you know,
Speaker 1: it's funny because like obviously with being own as someone
Speaker 1: who's gone the show and my dating life is something
Speaker 1: that people pay attention to, you know, like unfortunately that
Speaker 1: it comes with like um uh, some people see me
Speaker 1: as unlucky in love. Are things like I don't you know.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I also don't I own
Speaker 1: the fact that I, for the past three to four years, UM,
Speaker 1: decided to take some pretty extreme risks when it comes
Speaker 1: to my love life and it hasn't panned out. Now
Speaker 1: I own that. I don't sit there and be like
Speaker 1: what is wrong with me? Like I'm I'm pretty aware
Speaker 1: that I just took some risks. And I think in
Speaker 1: life we have to own that too, you know, we
Speaker 1: have to, like life's about choices and sacrifices and prioritize,
Speaker 1: prior prioritizing things. And sometimes we prioritize some things over another.
Speaker 1: And sometimes we again, like a lot of these emails,
Speaker 1: we stay in relationships that when we list them out
Speaker 1: or write a letter to someone else asking advice, it
Speaker 1: seems pretty clear that these relationships aren't right for us.
Speaker 1: But for whatever reason, we choose to stay in these
Speaker 1: sour patch kid relationships, um, and thinking that that something
Speaker 1: that can sustain us and make us happy and and
Speaker 1: nurture and they don't and so um, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1: So so what's our advice. It's not one or two
Speaker 1: or three or four. It's combined one and two, um,
Speaker 1: in the sense that just be just go out there,
Speaker 1: be open to you know, be comfortable with being single,
Speaker 1: reassess your relationship, reprioritize what you loved about the relationship,
Speaker 1: what you didn't want, and then just be open to
Speaker 1: meeting people. And that might happen tomorrow, and it might
Speaker 1: happen ten years from now, but hopefully when it does happen.
Speaker 1: It will be with the person that you will be
Speaker 1: lucky enough that it works out forever and whenever that
Speaker 1: forever is well. Thank you Dean for letting me be
Speaker 1: here while you are taking Instagram photos. And um, I
Speaker 1: stole all his emails, so he's going to need more. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so people, come on, I I hopefully did a okay
Speaker 1: job answering these people's questions. So Dean is gonna need
Speaker 1: more emails to help you at least talk about your
Speaker 1: love life. Um, I suck at Dating at i heeart
Speaker 1: media dot com. Thank you Tsuki and Elizabeth Novigrats, authors
Speaker 1: have just sit um talked about meditation. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try to meditate a little bit more. Um.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that will work out, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna try, because you know what, eventually, I'll figure myself out.
Speaker 1: Thanks guys, it's been fun. Never again. Follow Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio
Speaker 1: or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.