WEBVTT - #20 Viall to the Rescue

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<v Speaker 1>Let's get into the mike. Get my radio boys, go in. Help.

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<v Speaker 1>I suck at dating with Dean Angler and I heart

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<v Speaker 1>radio podcast. Who does the title? That's me? It's really good.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you. That's not Dean though you're not hearing Dean.

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<v Speaker 1>You want to introduce you if you want me to

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<v Speaker 1>do the honors? No, I mean go ahead, ladies and

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<v Speaker 1>gentlemen sitting in for Dean this week because Dean's and

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<v Speaker 1>Honduras give it up for Nick Vile. Hell, what's up?

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<v Speaker 1>I guess they knew that from the description, probably before

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<v Speaker 1>they downroably Dean's off being a better person than is.

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<v Speaker 1>What do they do down there? Like? Did they build

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram photos? Like, hey, we're helping the kids. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>me Instagram. Um yeah, so yeah, help. I stuck at dating?

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<v Speaker 1>So what does Amy do? She calls me there it

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<v Speaker 1>is we have an opening for someone who could we

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<v Speaker 1>host the show? Can we get to replace Dean? Well?

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<v Speaker 1>Four times reality TV reject? Wait? Four times? The last

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<v Speaker 1>time wasn't a reject? That's Erica by the way, being facetious?

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<v Speaker 1>Were there four times? You know it's weird? I've what

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<v Speaker 1>I was on other than was it Chrispaksk. I've done

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<v Speaker 1>the show four times, and now that we have Winter

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<v Speaker 1>Games and Paradise, there's a lot of people in Batrian

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<v Speaker 1>Nation who have done the show multiple times but for

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<v Speaker 1>some reason own the whole like I have been in

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<v Speaker 1>on so many times. But you know, I think Ben

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<v Speaker 1>has done for our shows, but no one blinks and

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<v Speaker 1>I at that, Well he had his on that's four

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<v Speaker 1>and it was like on a different channel. But let's

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<v Speaker 1>be honest, same production company. So Bachelorette Season ten, Bachelorette

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<v Speaker 1>Season eleven, Bachelor in Paradise sound great, didn't really back back.

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<v Speaker 1>So she's like, it's a total well, actually, Bachelorette Season A,

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<v Speaker 1>Bachelor Season twenty one, and then Dancing with the Stars.

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<v Speaker 1>You could are your five time reality show loser. True? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>so you guys, you didn't lose the last one. You

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<v Speaker 1>just there's no winning and losing, there's just love. I lost. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>what's been going on with you lately? Are you sucking

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<v Speaker 1>at dating lately? Are you're pretty good at it? We

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<v Speaker 1>does anyone want to be good at dating? That's a

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<v Speaker 1>weird thing. It's like, what are you really good at dating? Well,

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<v Speaker 1>that's true, that's a good We should tell Dean that

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you'd get better, really kill it in the dating scene.

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<v Speaker 1>We don't want that. You're a player in that situation, right, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe if you're good at dating, you're married, and then

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<v Speaker 1>you still date because you're still you're married and you

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<v Speaker 1>still date. Is that how it works? I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>that's how it works. Okay, I thank you. Just fall

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<v Speaker 1>in love? And so what does it mean to not

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<v Speaker 1>sucker dating? We should have had this tuck with Dean.

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<v Speaker 1>It means being respectful, being open, communicating. It means these things. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>So you're saying the title of the show is Dean

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<v Speaker 1>is not respectful, not good at community. That's kind of

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<v Speaker 1>how it started because of Paradise. He wasn't a great

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<v Speaker 1>communicator on Paradise and got some flak for that, some

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<v Speaker 1>some and and and we've gotten a podcast out of it. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>But like sucking at dating, torn between you and Christina, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>that's just weird to begin with because they're from your season, right,

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<v Speaker 1>that's why it's weird to begin with. I'm not weird.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like a weird thing to lose loose sleepover what

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<v Speaker 1>that's so brutal? Is it? I? Mean they seem both

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<v Speaker 1>like fine people who people? Yeah? Are you? Are you?

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<v Speaker 1>What's what's your current situation? I'm dating? Are you in love? No? Okay, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm always in love. You know. I love all you guys.

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<v Speaker 1>Are you in a committed relationship? No? I don't think so. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just kidding. I'm not. You know, So you're I've

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<v Speaker 1>been dating. I've dated some people more like No, not

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of people I've dated. Well, what about Like,

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<v Speaker 1>could I ask about rumors that I've heard about you? No?

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<v Speaker 1>I can't. I can't bring those up. I can't ask

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<v Speaker 1>about like a favorite month of the year or anything

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<v Speaker 1>like that. I have friends friends, and you've dated, and

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<v Speaker 1>we can't talk about which go into which category? Yeah? Okay, alright, um,

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<v Speaker 1>but yeah, you know those who can't teach kind of thing,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. I don't know. I've been out there. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>I've I've I've been dating. Um, what do you do

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<v Speaker 1>on a first date? What do I do on it? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>What do you have like a standard thing for a

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<v Speaker 1>first date? Like when I was single, I like to

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<v Speaker 1>take girls to baseball games? It depends, right, I mean

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<v Speaker 1>I think I've come I wrote some article a long

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<v Speaker 1>time ago. I think the level of Typically, if I'm

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<v Speaker 1>going on a date and I don't know much about

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<v Speaker 1>the person, I like to keep it pretty um casual, um.

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<v Speaker 1>But my level of interest in that person will reflect

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<v Speaker 1>what I want to do on the date. And what

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<v Speaker 1>I mean by that is if I really know nothing

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<v Speaker 1>and when. But you mean by nothing other than the

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<v Speaker 1>fact that I find this person attractive and I don't know,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, I maybe had a short interaction with them.

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<v Speaker 1>I might suggest the typical coffee or drinks, right, I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>but also it's like, um, I don't want It's like

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know how much time I want to spend

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<v Speaker 1>with you. And let's be honest, you don't know how

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<v Speaker 1>much time you want to spend with me. So let's

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<v Speaker 1>just have a cup of coffee. So there's an end

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<v Speaker 1>of time. Yeah, uh, if there's an excitement, you know

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<v Speaker 1>where I think either a I I've already had a

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<v Speaker 1>little bit of time. Maybe I've I've had a short

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<v Speaker 1>conversation with him at a night out, or we have

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<v Speaker 1>mutual friends, or I just I really hope I like

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<v Speaker 1>this person, I hope like me. Then maybe I'll suggest dinner.

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<v Speaker 1>But even then I try to keep it fairly casual.

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<v Speaker 1>I think I find it weird. Um when and when

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<v Speaker 1>guys um try to overly oppress, oppress and end press

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<v Speaker 1>a woman by like some fancy expensive date we're gonna

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<v Speaker 1>take a helicopter or even just like a really fancy

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<v Speaker 1>dinners just like, I don't know, you're trying too hard.

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<v Speaker 1>Just keep it care right. The point is just to

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<v Speaker 1>meet each other that's impressed. I mean, I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>about having conversations, communicating, you know, Uh, if you're going

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<v Speaker 1>to have dinner, I like, you know kind of places

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<v Speaker 1>that have some energy to it, you know, that have

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<v Speaker 1>people around it. Maybe it's like a one of those

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<v Speaker 1>restaurants slash places you get a drink, you know, because

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<v Speaker 1>maybe you can do a little bit of both. You're

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<v Speaker 1>gonna have some dinner and things are going well, you

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<v Speaker 1>close the bar down. That's nice. So there's an end

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<v Speaker 1>time with extensions available if you want to give yourself

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<v Speaker 1>some options, you want to you know, both to extend

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<v Speaker 1>the night and cut it short. I mean, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>dating is a it's a trial and error, right. I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>I think the best sometimes the best part about dates

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<v Speaker 1>is the fact that a lot of them don't go well,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, it's kind of fun, you know, in the

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<v Speaker 1>in the moment, it's kind of cringeworthy, but it makes

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<v Speaker 1>for a good story. What's been a bad date? Give

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<v Speaker 1>us a good story about a bad date you've been on.

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<v Speaker 1>Doesn't have to be recent, can be any time in

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<v Speaker 1>your whole life. I don't know. I mean, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>have like some like horrid first date, but sometimes it's,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the worst kind of date. I think you

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<v Speaker 1>just go on and I think it's kind of like

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<v Speaker 1>a job interviewing, right in a sense. But sometimes in

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<v Speaker 1>job interviews you always hear how yeah, that first thirty

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<v Speaker 1>to sixty seconds. Usually they know whether they're interested in

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<v Speaker 1>hiring hiring you now, And I think the sam goes

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<v Speaker 1>for dating. I've never had a bad job interview. Does

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<v Speaker 1>that mean I'm going to be good at dating? Right

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<v Speaker 1>at this point? Right? I think if you're a good

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<v Speaker 1>communicator and you're open with talking about yourself but not

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<v Speaker 1>in a way that comes across is cocky or bragging,

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<v Speaker 1>but just you're opening to have a conversation and kind

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<v Speaker 1>of dive a little deeper, I think you know the

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<v Speaker 1>same thing that comes with interviews. I mean it is

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<v Speaker 1>an interview, right. But I think sometimes those dates you

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<v Speaker 1>sit down and you're just like, yeah, this isn't going anywhere. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>either clicks or it doesn't. Right. The worst is when

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<v Speaker 1>you think they might think, you know, I've gone on

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<v Speaker 1>a I went on a date once where I was

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<v Speaker 1>pretty sure we mutually just weren't feeling it. But maybe

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<v Speaker 1>I wasn't feeling it and she sensed that, so whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>But she went through the whole thing, right, She's like,

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<v Speaker 1>let's order apps her dinner, we got drinks. Then she

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<v Speaker 1>later comes out, would you guys like to see the dessert? Minnor,

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<v Speaker 1>She's like yes, she's really milking this. Um, And I

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<v Speaker 1>was I wanted to be like we don't you know

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<v Speaker 1>that one commercial where you know there there's those two

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<v Speaker 1>people and it's just like, well, I had a nice time,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll never see you again. They're like yeah, great, and

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<v Speaker 1>like you wanted it to be like that. But um,

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<v Speaker 1>that's the worst. If you know this is not happening,

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<v Speaker 1>but it seems like she's having a nice time, or

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<v Speaker 1>vice versa. You pick up on one like she should

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<v Speaker 1>not have kept ordering things. You would think she picked

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<v Speaker 1>up you said yes, let's get dinner. I'm gonna let's

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<v Speaker 1>get nice guys. If she wants the chocolate su face,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not going to, but they'll take forever to make. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>the waiter comes out like we have a chocolate sup,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll have that. Yeah. So, I mean it's a fun thing.

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<v Speaker 1>How did you get involved in the whole Bachelor world?

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<v Speaker 1>Like where did the first idea come to you? Did

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<v Speaker 1>somebody approach you kind of my friends sign me up? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's kind of out there without you knowing

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<v Speaker 1>about it. Or do they ask your permission to sign

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<v Speaker 1>you up? Oh, they joked about signing me up, okay, whatever,

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<v Speaker 1>and then next thing, the ABC's on the phone. The

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<v Speaker 1>next thing you know, it's like eight months later. I think, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>and now you I do have regrets from every day? No,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean not really, It's been okay, it's been great.

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<v Speaker 1>It's it's like life. I mean, every decision or in

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<v Speaker 1>every risk that you take, there's good and some bad

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<v Speaker 1>things that come from not necessarily bad, but things that

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<v Speaker 1>you have to get through or struggle with or overcome

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<v Speaker 1>maybe hopefully learn from. So going on around a TV

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<v Speaker 1>show is just a heightened version of life. Do you

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<v Speaker 1>remember like when you had to call and tell your parents, Hey,

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<v Speaker 1>by the way, I'm we're gonna be on the Bachelor.

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<v Speaker 1>Your parents are they still in Walkershaw, Wisconsin. They are,

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<v Speaker 1>So that's got to be an interesting phone call to make. UM.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't really remember how My parents are great in

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<v Speaker 1>the sense that for those who don't know, I have

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of siblings, um, and so they just have

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<v Speaker 1>better things to do than to worry about what what

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<v Speaker 1>bad decisions I'm making with my life. Yeah, but if

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<v Speaker 1>my kids gonna be on television that's either exciting or horrifying,

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<v Speaker 1>I would have an extreme rac There was a natural curiosity.

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<v Speaker 1>You know. I've been lucky where my parents, for better

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<v Speaker 1>or worse, have always been confident in my UM life

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<v Speaker 1>decision skills. They maybe that wasn't a good decision, but

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<v Speaker 1>I'm I think they think I'm a very thoughtful person

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<v Speaker 1>in a way the pros and cons and good at

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<v Speaker 1>asking people's advice around me and my circle of mentors

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<v Speaker 1>and friends. And if nothing else, whether they agreed with

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<v Speaker 1>it or not, I think they just assumed and rightly so,

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<v Speaker 1>that I thought it through. I wasn't um making just

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<v Speaker 1>a decision on a whim. So you did put a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of thought into this, because you make it sound like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>your friends three in there and then they called and

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<v Speaker 1>you said, sure, it sounds like fun. Yeah. No, No,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean I've made a lot of decisions. I was working,

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<v Speaker 1>and um a lot of those conversations I do with

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<v Speaker 1>my My employer at the time was very very gracious

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<v Speaker 1>and supportive and um, you know, if it weren't for them,

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<v Speaker 1>I never would have done it. Are you still in

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<v Speaker 1>the software industry? Done with that? I mean, for now,

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<v Speaker 1>I am lucky enough to have a lot of great relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>I still keep in contact with them, and just in

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<v Speaker 1>case everything goes terribly wrong, Um, maybe maybe I'll at

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<v Speaker 1>that point, did you stop working like first round, Bathelorette? Second,

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<v Speaker 1>I went right back to work after the first time,

0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:13.200
<v Speaker 1>because like, no one even knew who you were yet,

0:12:13.240 --> 0:12:16.080
<v Speaker 1>because it hadn't yet. Well it's interesting, you know, now

0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:18.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm out here in Hollywood and being the cliche and

0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:22.280
<v Speaker 1>and and and acting and you know, thankfully having some

0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:24.720
<v Speaker 1>success with that. But at the time, you know, it

0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:27.640
<v Speaker 1>was I I decided to go on a reality TV show,

0:12:27.679 --> 0:12:30.719
<v Speaker 1>and it was very um important to me to just

0:12:31.240 --> 0:12:34.840
<v Speaker 1>be um mindful of what this experience was and when

0:12:34.840 --> 0:12:36.760
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't, I didn't want to like be like, oh,

0:12:36.800 --> 0:12:38.480
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna be a reality TV guy and next thing,

0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:40.240
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm gonna be all over Hollywood. It's just like,

0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:41.640
<v Speaker 1>now I'm gonna go do this thing. It's gonna be

0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:43.880
<v Speaker 1>an interesting experience. I'm gonna go back to the job

0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.719
<v Speaker 1>I I know and love, and I did UM. And

0:12:46.800 --> 0:12:48.280
<v Speaker 1>so as soon as I got done in filming, I

0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:50.480
<v Speaker 1>literally went back to work like two days later, which

0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:54.319
<v Speaker 1>was probably a terrible idea, UM because it didn't end great.

0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:57.800
<v Speaker 1>So like, were you just miserable being back at work too?

0:12:57.880 --> 0:13:00.280
<v Speaker 1>I mean, for those who get out of that experiens,

0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:04.440
<v Speaker 1>it fries your brain a little bit, messes with you. Um.

0:13:04.480 --> 0:13:06.480
<v Speaker 1>But it was also in some ways good for me

0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:08.600
<v Speaker 1>to just get back to normal. And so I just

0:13:08.640 --> 0:13:10.960
<v Speaker 1>did that, and then you know, the rest is kind of,

0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:14.240
<v Speaker 1>as they say, history, with UM me getting asked to

0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:16.600
<v Speaker 1>go back on Caitlyn season because the producers kind of

0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:20.480
<v Speaker 1>were found out about our pre existing kind of UM

0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:24.000
<v Speaker 1>friendship if you will, and uh, they were once again supportive,

0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:26.120
<v Speaker 1>but at that point I had to you know, they

0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:29.720
<v Speaker 1>kind of gave me that UM open invite to come back.

0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:33.559
<v Speaker 1>But um with the exception of making sure I was

0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:36.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of done with all all all of this, as

0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:38.400
<v Speaker 1>they would call it, Hollywood stuff. And so when I

0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:40.760
<v Speaker 1>got done filming, I just kind of took a beat

0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:43.559
<v Speaker 1>and looked at my options. And at that point, you know,

0:13:43.600 --> 0:13:47.000
<v Speaker 1>I was given a handful of opportunities that I decided

0:13:47.080 --> 0:13:50.160
<v Speaker 1>to look into because I was lucky enough to be

0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:53.640
<v Speaker 1>given the blessing, blessing from my employer to take some risks.

0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:56.000
<v Speaker 1>You know, most people aren't lucky enough to to have

0:13:56.120 --> 0:14:00.959
<v Speaker 1>such a great employer to say, hey, um go live

0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:03.400
<v Speaker 1>it up, yolo, take some risks, see what happens, and

0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:05.720
<v Speaker 1>if you're follow in your face, you can always come back. UM.

0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:10.240
<v Speaker 1>So since then, I obviously, you know, gone the Batch

0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:12.880
<v Speaker 1>a couple more times or one of their shows, and

0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:16.760
<v Speaker 1>I've been lucky enough to try new experiences and and

0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:19.080
<v Speaker 1>meet a great network of people who have been supportive

0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:24.080
<v Speaker 1>and helpful. And um, I started getting into acting space

0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:27.720
<v Speaker 1>a little shortly before I ever went on Paradise, and

0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:29.760
<v Speaker 1>obviously that took a little bit of a break before

0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:34.440
<v Speaker 1>um I did The Bachelor, and and ever since, Dancing

0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:36.080
<v Speaker 1>the Stars is something that's pretty much what I've been

0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:39.560
<v Speaker 1>focusing on so you know, I've done a couple of shows.

0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:44.040
<v Speaker 1>I've Speechless Speeches but wasn't on Ion, but it was

0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:47.840
<v Speaker 1>a Vivic a Fox, which okay, that's exciting. What's the

0:14:47.840 --> 0:14:50.240
<v Speaker 1>episode of Speechless? I remember being like this, actually, like

0:14:50.760 --> 0:14:52.720
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know. You never know how reality start is

0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:55.120
<v Speaker 1>going to be on TV. But you were good? It

0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.400
<v Speaker 1>worked for you. I was. I was. I was playing

0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:01.920
<v Speaker 1>a bad b roll actor, so kind of were you

0:15:01.960 --> 0:15:05.600
<v Speaker 1>a teacher? My well, my character was an actor playing

0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:08.840
<v Speaker 1>a teacher, but supposed supposed to not be good at

0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.160
<v Speaker 1>playing a teacher. So I felt like I nailed that.

0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:16.720
<v Speaker 1>So yeah, I mean it was very cool to perform

0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:21.120
<v Speaker 1>with Mini Driver, which was really neat. And I recently

0:15:21.160 --> 0:15:26.360
<v Speaker 1>filmed an episode UM of Teachers, which is on TV Land,

0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:30.680
<v Speaker 1>which is a really cool kind of uh comedy about

0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:35.760
<v Speaker 1>some teachers from Chicago. UM, it's about it's four women

0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:37.800
<v Speaker 1>named Katie. I'll developed a show. It's a really funny,

0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:41.080
<v Speaker 1>kind of snarky, you know, modern day UM take on

0:15:41.200 --> 0:15:45.160
<v Speaker 1>being a elementary teacher. I play a reporter. UM. There's

0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:47.320
<v Speaker 1>been some really cool cameos on it, and so I

0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:50.720
<v Speaker 1>felt very lucky to do that. Um, and uh, I

0:15:50.720 --> 0:15:52.240
<v Speaker 1>have some other stuff been working. I don't know if

0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:55.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm able to share, so I won't. Um, so yeah,

0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:57.480
<v Speaker 1>I mean, listen, it's it's been really cool. It's a

0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:02.200
<v Speaker 1>very tough and hard industry. Have been working hard, you know.

0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:05.760
<v Speaker 1>I have coaching and take classes and do a bunch

0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:08.400
<v Speaker 1>of stuff to try to get better because it's incredibly

0:16:08.440 --> 0:16:11.440
<v Speaker 1>hard and in something that you know, my platform on

0:16:11.480 --> 0:16:13.320
<v Speaker 1>reality TV only helps me so much and in some

0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:17.160
<v Speaker 1>ways it kind of hurts as well. So we'll see. Yeah,

0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:19.560
<v Speaker 1>there's a stingua attached to it. So um, you know,

0:16:19.560 --> 0:16:21.520
<v Speaker 1>we'll see how it goes and be taking acting classes

0:16:21.520 --> 0:16:23.240
<v Speaker 1>like you're serious about this next year. I've been taking

0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:27.960
<v Speaker 1>acting classes for about two years now. I study every day. Um.

0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:30.800
<v Speaker 1>I do other classes as well to help. There's a

0:16:30.840 --> 0:16:32.640
<v Speaker 1>lot of things that go into it. It's a really

0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:35.280
<v Speaker 1>hard thing. There's a reason why people say that how

0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:37.720
<v Speaker 1>competitive it is. So you know, chances are off all

0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:40.040
<v Speaker 1>on my face and and fail. But you know what

0:16:40.080 --> 0:16:44.800
<v Speaker 1>the hell, Well, you saw Black Panther I did, speaking

0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:49.520
<v Speaker 1>of acting was really did you like it? I loved it?

0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:51.360
<v Speaker 1>I loved it. I saw it opening Nate. Obviously a

0:16:51.360 --> 0:16:53.720
<v Speaker 1>lot of hype. UM. For the most part, I felt

0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:56.160
<v Speaker 1>like it lived up to it. Um. It was got

0:16:56.200 --> 0:16:59.600
<v Speaker 1>so much hype, but I saw it yesterday that it

0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.480
<v Speaker 1>did it. It lived up to as much as one

0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:03.720
<v Speaker 1>could have me being so hyped up. I thought the

0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:07.119
<v Speaker 1>action scenes or so, I mean, my my, what was

0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.240
<v Speaker 1>so cool about is as the Black Panther. The action

0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:11.560
<v Speaker 1>sequences and the songs were so cool. I mean, like

0:17:11.640 --> 0:17:14.159
<v Speaker 1>I was maybe some of the cooler action scenes of

0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:17.240
<v Speaker 1>all the Marvel Marvel movies. I think the only downside

0:17:17.280 --> 0:17:19.720
<v Speaker 1>is there weren't as many of them, like the Black

0:17:19.760 --> 0:17:22.760
<v Speaker 1>Panther being the Black Panther. UM. That was one of

0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:25.840
<v Speaker 1>the early only bad reviews is that he doesn't quote

0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:28.400
<v Speaker 1>beat up enough bad guys. Yeah, or just like he's

0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:31.200
<v Speaker 1>not being the Black Panther as much as you'd want

0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:35.240
<v Speaker 1>to see. UM. But it was a lot of great performances.

0:17:35.560 --> 0:17:40.160
<v Speaker 1>I really liked UM. The women roles. UM. I don't

0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:44.880
<v Speaker 1>know the names of the actors. UM is one of them.

0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:47.320
<v Speaker 1>She She is the one that I know off the

0:17:47.320 --> 0:17:49.160
<v Speaker 1>top of my head. They did a really good job.

0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:50.520
<v Speaker 1>I mean it was kind of it's kind of like

0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:54.199
<v Speaker 1>I wonder woman. UM. I think the industry now is

0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:56.720
<v Speaker 1>maybe it's with the success of Wonder Woman, they're doing

0:17:56.720 --> 0:18:00.280
<v Speaker 1>a great job of having UM. To me, I thought,

0:18:00.280 --> 0:18:01.960
<v Speaker 1>what what really made the movie and the charm of

0:18:01.960 --> 0:18:05.560
<v Speaker 1>the movie is having these kind of strong female presence

0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:08.439
<v Speaker 1>um that are very attractive yet very charming, and like

0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:11.879
<v Speaker 1>they have these like Wonder Woman, she's very confident and

0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:14.520
<v Speaker 1>strong and kicks ass, but she's also very demure, you know,

0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:18.080
<v Speaker 1>And they have that kind of same sentiment in Black Panther,

0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:20.960
<v Speaker 1>and I find that to be really charming part of

0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:23.000
<v Speaker 1>the movie. I mean, I've always been a very attractive

0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:27.880
<v Speaker 1>too strong women and personalities, but like not overly aggressive,

0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:30.280
<v Speaker 1>like these aren't like the the the the women characters,

0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:34.919
<v Speaker 1>they're not like hard asses or or like off putting,

0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.359
<v Speaker 1>but they're like they're they kick ass. They kind of

0:18:37.400 --> 0:18:39.600
<v Speaker 1>own it, but it's not in a way that comes

0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:43.800
<v Speaker 1>across as um like they're trying too hard kind of thing.

0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:46.720
<v Speaker 1>You know, there's obviously some in the movie, like the

0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:49.120
<v Speaker 1>Black Panther I did a really good job because obviously

0:18:49.359 --> 0:18:51.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's he has a black director, obviously a

0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:55.960
<v Speaker 1>lot of um black UM performances, and so that was

0:18:56.119 --> 0:18:58.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, people have talked about that and it was.

0:18:58.280 --> 0:19:00.720
<v Speaker 1>They did a really cool job of like talking about

0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:02.760
<v Speaker 1>pop culture, but not in a way that felt pushy,

0:19:03.000 --> 0:19:04.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, so I thought it was really cool that way.

0:19:05.080 --> 0:19:07.439
<v Speaker 1>It was just very it was cool. I don't know,

0:19:07.600 --> 0:19:09.560
<v Speaker 1>is this like a really neat movie and they they

0:19:09.640 --> 0:19:11.600
<v Speaker 1>I felt like they did a good job of highlighting

0:19:12.040 --> 0:19:14.840
<v Speaker 1>kind of like you know, racism and things like that

0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:17.359
<v Speaker 1>without it making feel like that's what the movie was about.

0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:20.000
<v Speaker 1>It's very inclusive, like I'm the whitest dude on planet Earth,

0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:22.840
<v Speaker 1>but like I felt, because we have actually tested them, yes,

0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:26.760
<v Speaker 1>yes there's evidence, but I felt very I felt like

0:19:26.800 --> 0:19:28.920
<v Speaker 1>this movie was for me just it's for everybody. It's

0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:31.679
<v Speaker 1>a really uh it made everybody feel proud to just

0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:33.960
<v Speaker 1>be a person, and it was really cool good way,

0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:35.800
<v Speaker 1>but you kind of understood some of the points they

0:19:35.800 --> 0:19:37.560
<v Speaker 1>were trying to make, but not in a way. But

0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:39.639
<v Speaker 1>I think my favorite part of the movie were the

0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:43.639
<v Speaker 1>female or the woman characters in the movie because I

0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:47.639
<v Speaker 1>think they just like the black panther sister, his his

0:19:47.720 --> 0:19:50.920
<v Speaker 1>love interest, and even the general I mean, I thought

0:19:50.920 --> 0:19:52.520
<v Speaker 1>that was really cool. They did a great job where

0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:54.919
<v Speaker 1>it didn't feel like they were trying too hard to

0:19:54.920 --> 0:19:56.359
<v Speaker 1>do it. And I just think I thought that it

0:19:56.440 --> 0:19:59.119
<v Speaker 1>made the movie really charming. Angela Bastid, Letitia Right, and

0:19:59.200 --> 0:20:03.119
<v Speaker 1>Tony Career who's also on The Walking Dead. Um, they really,

0:20:03.160 --> 0:20:06.000
<v Speaker 1>they really, they were all. It's destroying all the preconceived

0:20:06.000 --> 0:20:08.000
<v Speaker 1>notions like Wonder Woman, Oh, no one's gonna want to

0:20:08.000 --> 0:20:09.680
<v Speaker 1>watch a superhero movie with a woman in charge, and

0:20:09.720 --> 0:20:11.000
<v Speaker 1>then it makes all the money and this one, no

0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:12.679
<v Speaker 1>one wants to see a superhero movie with an all

0:20:12.720 --> 0:20:16.640
<v Speaker 1>black calf with the women may destroying all of that.

0:20:16.840 --> 0:20:18.560
<v Speaker 1>Maybe I don't, maybe I'm different that way. I just

0:20:18.600 --> 0:20:21.160
<v Speaker 1>find it just makes the movie really charming. I don't

0:20:21.160 --> 0:20:22.800
<v Speaker 1>I don't know what it is where it's just like

0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:25.400
<v Speaker 1>you mean. And again I think it's because they they

0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:29.359
<v Speaker 1>do such a great job of it's it's not like

0:20:29.480 --> 0:20:30.880
<v Speaker 1>I think, So I don't know what it is. Maybe

0:20:30.920 --> 0:20:33.119
<v Speaker 1>sometimes people think like, oh, if we have a woman

0:20:33.240 --> 0:20:36.240
<v Speaker 1>lead who's like the the hero, she will play the

0:20:36.520 --> 0:20:38.800
<v Speaker 1>like a role of I don't know, Like, what's really

0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:42.560
<v Speaker 1>interesting is they still come across as feminine, and they

0:20:42.640 --> 0:20:44.600
<v Speaker 1>still like they don't seem to cross the band, and

0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:47.840
<v Speaker 1>they're still strong and powerful and leaders, and yet they're

0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:50.359
<v Speaker 1>still women, you know, and they still have very demure

0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:53.600
<v Speaker 1>qualities and I just find that attractive and it's not

0:20:53.640 --> 0:20:55.800
<v Speaker 1>like in a pushy way, so between woman and woman

0:20:55.800 --> 0:20:57.440
<v Speaker 1>and a black panther. I thought those were like two

0:20:58.040 --> 0:21:02.760
<v Speaker 1>movies who really uh did a great job of showcasing women,

0:21:03.000 --> 0:21:06.320
<v Speaker 1>um in in a way that was very attractive and

0:21:06.560 --> 0:21:08.440
<v Speaker 1>not in a way that would like, you know, even

0:21:08.480 --> 0:21:10.480
<v Speaker 1>if like some like Massagyist people are like, oh, I

0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:15.040
<v Speaker 1>don't like. I don't know how you don't like um

0:21:15.080 --> 0:21:17.760
<v Speaker 1>some of those roles that the women played, Yeah, they

0:21:17.760 --> 0:21:20.080
<v Speaker 1>were really cool. Well, where she gets two emails. We

0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:21.600
<v Speaker 1>do have someone coming in to talk to us about

0:21:21.600 --> 0:21:24.680
<v Speaker 1>meditation and how it can help you in your relationship.

0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:27.320
<v Speaker 1>Before we do that, we'll get to some of these emails.

0:21:27.400 --> 0:21:29.240
<v Speaker 1>And the reason Eric is in here is because we

0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:31.760
<v Speaker 1>caught some flag last week for not having a female voice.

0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:35.200
<v Speaker 1>A woman called an email to say do we need

0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:38.720
<v Speaker 1>a female After just talking about it, she and her

0:21:38.720 --> 0:21:41.720
<v Speaker 1>boyfriend have to say they decided to take a week

0:21:41.760 --> 0:21:43.960
<v Speaker 1>and figure out their relationship while she went to Europe,

0:21:44.000 --> 0:21:45.879
<v Speaker 1>and then while she was in Europe, he slept with

0:21:45.920 --> 0:21:48.560
<v Speaker 1>another woman. He says, we were on a break. She says, no,

0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:52.760
<v Speaker 1>we were not so yeah, so they complained. So the

0:21:52.760 --> 0:21:54.400
<v Speaker 1>other woman said, how dare you not have a woman

0:21:54.480 --> 0:21:56.760
<v Speaker 1>way in on this? And I have to do again

0:21:56.920 --> 0:21:58.879
<v Speaker 1>women's perspective is great, What does that have to do

0:21:58.960 --> 0:22:02.160
<v Speaker 1>with a woman like well, because it was a Dean

0:22:02.400 --> 0:22:05.239
<v Speaker 1>and Dean's buddy. If you flip the switch, like if

0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:08.160
<v Speaker 1>you flip the role. I'm sure guys have I'm sure

0:22:08.680 --> 0:22:11.040
<v Speaker 1>women have said I want to take a break in

0:22:11.080 --> 0:22:15.520
<v Speaker 1>relationship and then maybe hooked up with the dude's it happens. Sure,

0:22:15.920 --> 0:22:19.399
<v Speaker 1>But Dean and his Australian friend whose name is from

0:22:19.440 --> 0:22:22.560
<v Speaker 1>Winter Games Courtney, Uh, they said that that he did

0:22:22.760 --> 0:22:26.800
<v Speaker 1>that he didn't cheat. I think uh. I think the

0:22:26.840 --> 0:22:31.000
<v Speaker 1>important part of maybe that story is like wait, going

0:22:31.040 --> 0:22:34.560
<v Speaker 1>back to Dean, Jeez, with the two women thing, it's

0:22:34.640 --> 0:22:38.560
<v Speaker 1>just hard. I mean listen and then I've read some

0:22:38.640 --> 0:22:40.800
<v Speaker 1>of these emails and we'll get into them. But like

0:22:40.880 --> 0:22:43.720
<v Speaker 1>a lot of it, like people are so interested in

0:22:43.720 --> 0:22:46.200
<v Speaker 1>trying to define or label something what it is or isn't.

0:22:46.240 --> 0:22:49.040
<v Speaker 1>I think the important part of of someone if you

0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:51.959
<v Speaker 1>are in a relationship for however length of time and

0:22:51.960 --> 0:22:54.439
<v Speaker 1>the other person suggests they want to break and the

0:22:54.520 --> 0:22:56.720
<v Speaker 1>first thing you do is hook up with someone else.

0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:00.480
<v Speaker 1>That should maybe tell you something about both the person

0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:03.200
<v Speaker 1>you're with and the relationship that you have or don't have.

0:23:03.440 --> 0:23:06.240
<v Speaker 1>And so whether it's cheating or not, it's probably not.

0:23:06.440 --> 0:23:08.680
<v Speaker 1>It's a break up not a break yeah, I mean

0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:12.320
<v Speaker 1>like you can't like also, like you've heard that you

0:23:12.359 --> 0:23:14.080
<v Speaker 1>can't have your cake and eat it too, you know.

0:23:14.320 --> 0:23:17.439
<v Speaker 1>So if if that person, you know, I'm assuming the

0:23:17.440 --> 0:23:19.600
<v Speaker 1>person who hooked up with someone else was the one

0:23:19.600 --> 0:23:22.680
<v Speaker 1>who initiated the break, it's you know it, there is

0:23:23.200 --> 0:23:26.480
<v Speaker 1>a breakup or a break. Well, if I recall she

0:23:26.480 --> 0:23:28.480
<v Speaker 1>she did break up with him briefly but then said

0:23:28.520 --> 0:23:31.840
<v Speaker 1>you know what, no, let's not break up. Broke up

0:23:31.880 --> 0:23:33.679
<v Speaker 1>with him the break but they said, you know what,

0:23:33.800 --> 0:23:35.960
<v Speaker 1>let's just take I'm gonna go to Europe for this

0:23:36.000 --> 0:23:37.840
<v Speaker 1>trip that I had planned. We're going to take a

0:23:37.840 --> 0:23:40.239
<v Speaker 1>week to think about our relationship. So that's why he

0:23:40.320 --> 0:23:43.280
<v Speaker 1>was but he saw an opening and he ran for it.

0:23:43.320 --> 0:23:45.120
<v Speaker 1>Is not great. I mean again, there's so many variables

0:23:45.119 --> 0:23:48.160
<v Speaker 1>that go into these stories in terms of I would

0:23:48.160 --> 0:23:49.800
<v Speaker 1>also probably if I was broken up with and then

0:23:49.880 --> 0:23:53.080
<v Speaker 1>said like, oh hold on, I probably like no, f you,

0:23:54.040 --> 0:23:56.879
<v Speaker 1>maybe he can get whatever I want maybe it was heartbroken.

0:23:56.960 --> 0:23:59.600
<v Speaker 1>I mean the other element is she wants to continue

0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:01.760
<v Speaker 1>this relate sationship, but he won't admit that he cheated.

0:24:01.760 --> 0:24:04.239
<v Speaker 1>And my point was, it doesn't matter you know what

0:24:04.320 --> 0:24:06.560
<v Speaker 1>he did. You don't need to be cheated. Yeah, that's

0:24:06.560 --> 0:24:08.240
<v Speaker 1>what she was saying. He won't admit it, and I

0:24:08.280 --> 0:24:11.919
<v Speaker 1>don't want to move forward admitted, but he's saying, no,

0:24:11.960 --> 0:24:14.320
<v Speaker 1>I didn't cheat it. And I can tell you right

0:24:14.359 --> 0:24:17.080
<v Speaker 1>now that relationship is doing because if she's so obsessed

0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:20.879
<v Speaker 1>with like labeling what he did, like, why does she

0:24:20.920 --> 0:24:23.080
<v Speaker 1>want to do that to hold hold it over him?

0:24:23.280 --> 0:24:24.679
<v Speaker 1>But she feels in her gut that she wants to

0:24:24.680 --> 0:24:27.080
<v Speaker 1>make this work. I think labels just destroys it. Sounds

0:24:27.160 --> 0:24:30.280
<v Speaker 1>like she's, in her gut wants to control the relationship.

0:24:30.359 --> 0:24:33.280
<v Speaker 1>I mean, she wants to take a break, but not

0:24:33.359 --> 0:24:35.199
<v Speaker 1>break up. She wants to go to Europe and do

0:24:35.280 --> 0:24:37.639
<v Speaker 1>her thing. Why does she Why does she need to

0:24:38.240 --> 0:24:40.040
<v Speaker 1>go on a break? You know, why does she have

0:24:40.080 --> 0:24:41.480
<v Speaker 1>to call it in? She's going to Europe, She's not

0:24:41.640 --> 0:24:44.639
<v Speaker 1>to see him, So that's a break. That's just a break.

0:24:44.680 --> 0:24:46.760
<v Speaker 1>Without taking a break, you don't have to call it anything,

0:24:46.800 --> 0:24:48.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, like, why do you have to call in anything?

0:24:48.920 --> 0:24:51.040
<v Speaker 1>I mean, and sometimes I'm not saying that this is

0:24:51.040 --> 0:24:54.080
<v Speaker 1>where her motives, but it just seems like a weird

0:24:54.119 --> 0:24:56.840
<v Speaker 1>thing to do. I mean, sometimes people, and I'm not

0:24:56.880 --> 0:25:00.240
<v Speaker 1>accusing this person of anything, but like sometimes it the

0:25:00.280 --> 0:25:02.520
<v Speaker 1>person who maybe they want to take a break because

0:25:02.640 --> 0:25:04.919
<v Speaker 1>maybe they want to do something. Maybe they's like, is

0:25:04.960 --> 0:25:06.840
<v Speaker 1>it so hard to believe that? This girl is like,

0:25:06.840 --> 0:25:09.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna go to Europe and I have this relationship

0:25:09.000 --> 0:25:10.480
<v Speaker 1>in this guy that maybe I want to date, but

0:25:10.520 --> 0:25:12.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm not sure, So I'm gonna go in a break

0:25:12.160 --> 0:25:13.879
<v Speaker 1>because I don't know who I'm gonna meet in Europe.

0:25:14.040 --> 0:25:16.400
<v Speaker 1>And then they go to Europe, they don't really mean anyone. Meanwhile,

0:25:17.000 --> 0:25:20.879
<v Speaker 1>who got dumped goes to the bars, makes that with

0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:23.080
<v Speaker 1>a hot chick, hooks up with someone and it's honest

0:25:23.119 --> 0:25:26.680
<v Speaker 1>about it. And she's so like piste off because basically

0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:28.960
<v Speaker 1>her plan backfired. I'm not saying that's what happened, but

0:25:29.119 --> 0:25:31.560
<v Speaker 1>it happens all the time in relationships. So I think

0:25:31.600 --> 0:25:36.480
<v Speaker 1>sometimes we um we get I find that often in

0:25:36.560 --> 0:25:39.560
<v Speaker 1>dating our relationships, we get mad at the other person

0:25:39.640 --> 0:25:42.440
<v Speaker 1>we're dating for things that we're doing or we project

0:25:42.480 --> 0:25:45.119
<v Speaker 1>our own insecurities and it's easier to get mad at

0:25:45.119 --> 0:25:48.040
<v Speaker 1>other people who can be mad at ourselves. Um so.

0:25:48.280 --> 0:25:51.640
<v Speaker 1>And I'm not saying what this what you know that

0:25:51.640 --> 0:25:54.920
<v Speaker 1>that's what happened, but I mean, who cares whether it's

0:25:55.359 --> 0:25:58.879
<v Speaker 1>cheating you know him? You know, you move on or

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:03.040
<v Speaker 1>don't think Listen, Hey, yeah, he hooked up with someone else.

0:26:03.080 --> 0:26:06.639
<v Speaker 1>So like, in the terms of that relationship, probably not

0:26:06.680 --> 0:26:10.159
<v Speaker 1>a good thing. Doesn't make him a bad person. I mean, listen,

0:26:10.160 --> 0:26:14.200
<v Speaker 1>he obviously didn't value that relationship enough to not hook

0:26:14.240 --> 0:26:16.320
<v Speaker 1>up with someone else. Um And I think that should

0:26:16.359 --> 0:26:20.399
<v Speaker 1>tell that that lady something um and she should probably

0:26:20.440 --> 0:26:23.320
<v Speaker 1>move on. You know, if she's so hell bent on

0:26:23.400 --> 0:26:27.240
<v Speaker 1>saving that relationship, then she should probably own you know,

0:26:27.480 --> 0:26:30.560
<v Speaker 1>the role she played. And if any relationship is gonna work,

0:26:30.600 --> 0:26:32.840
<v Speaker 1>I think but you know, any relationship that is gonna

0:26:32.880 --> 0:26:35.639
<v Speaker 1>work is going to have two people being willing to

0:26:36.240 --> 0:26:42.440
<v Speaker 1>um not be right and compromise and given and own

0:26:42.600 --> 0:26:46.560
<v Speaker 1>their own mistakes as opposed to forcing other person to

0:26:46.640 --> 0:26:50.040
<v Speaker 1>own theirs. Um And if if that's what's going to happen,

0:26:50.080 --> 0:26:52.080
<v Speaker 1>it probably won't work out. Well, I'm trying to find

0:26:52.080 --> 0:26:54.439
<v Speaker 1>the original email, but I'm coming up short. It just

0:26:54.600 --> 0:26:58.000
<v Speaker 1>got real insightful. They're like, get ready people here. We

0:26:58.040 --> 0:27:02.399
<v Speaker 1>got all right, Well, let's hear from Laurie. Then shall be.

0:27:02.480 --> 0:27:04.399
<v Speaker 1>My boyfriend and I met on e Harmony. Had been

0:27:04.440 --> 0:27:07.160
<v Speaker 1>together almost six years. I really enjoyed being with him.

0:27:07.160 --> 0:27:09.159
<v Speaker 1>He makes me happy, but I've always had some questions

0:27:09.160 --> 0:27:11.880
<v Speaker 1>with our relationship. I've wondered if I was settling due

0:27:11.880 --> 0:27:14.040
<v Speaker 1>to my age. I'm thirty six, he's thirty five. He

0:27:14.040 --> 0:27:17.399
<v Speaker 1>has some traits I don't really enjoy, but I tell myself,

0:27:17.400 --> 0:27:20.120
<v Speaker 1>nobody's perfect. I need to accept his flaws. We've had

0:27:20.119 --> 0:27:22.119
<v Speaker 1>some monica and off again moments and separated for a

0:27:22.119 --> 0:27:24.159
<v Speaker 1>few months. Last year. When we got back together, I

0:27:24.200 --> 0:27:26.520
<v Speaker 1>felt that we were stronger than ever and even discussed marriage.

0:27:26.960 --> 0:27:29.840
<v Speaker 1>We went on a romantic tropical vacation together where I

0:27:29.840 --> 0:27:32.560
<v Speaker 1>thought he was going to propose. He didn't. The week

0:27:32.600 --> 0:27:34.879
<v Speaker 1>after vacation, I discovered he had been on plenty of

0:27:34.920 --> 0:27:37.720
<v Speaker 1>fish and actively talking to other women. He went on

0:27:37.880 --> 0:27:41.040
<v Speaker 1>dates with at least two women. One of the dates

0:27:41.080 --> 0:27:45.359
<v Speaker 1>was five days after we returned from Paradise. After I

0:27:45.359 --> 0:27:49.480
<v Speaker 1>found solid After I found solid proof this was occurring,

0:27:49.480 --> 0:27:51.520
<v Speaker 1>I confronted him with it. He admitted he had been

0:27:51.560 --> 0:27:53.879
<v Speaker 1>what he had been doing and took full of responsibility.

0:27:54.040 --> 0:27:56.919
<v Speaker 1>Good for him. He claims that nothing physical ever happened

0:27:56.920 --> 0:27:59.280
<v Speaker 1>with the other women. He's apologized numerous times and sotad

0:27:59.280 --> 0:28:01.680
<v Speaker 1>that he made a mistake. Should I accept an apology

0:28:01.680 --> 0:28:03.480
<v Speaker 1>and forgive him? Should I take this as a chance

0:28:03.520 --> 0:28:05.200
<v Speaker 1>to venture off and see if there was something better

0:28:05.200 --> 0:28:10.159
<v Speaker 1>out there for me? You know, it's interesting, Um, I

0:28:10.359 --> 0:28:12.680
<v Speaker 1>I co hosted with Ben, I've done this. I've never

0:28:12.720 --> 0:28:15.000
<v Speaker 1>heard of plenty of Fish until I've done this show.

0:28:15.040 --> 0:28:18.640
<v Speaker 1>It was talked about on that one too, So anyways,

0:28:18.640 --> 0:28:24.960
<v Speaker 1>it's another day, ap Um, this seems to be a thing.

0:28:25.080 --> 0:28:27.640
<v Speaker 1>It was kind of a similar email with the plenty

0:28:27.680 --> 0:28:32.880
<v Speaker 1>of Fishes, Like the guy was caught on another dating app. Um,

0:28:32.920 --> 0:28:36.159
<v Speaker 1>you know, listen, this is probably this is probably is

0:28:36.200 --> 0:28:40.720
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship. You you that's gonna work out? Um.

0:28:40.800 --> 0:28:42.400
<v Speaker 1>You know it kind of reminds me of that that

0:28:42.440 --> 0:28:46.200
<v Speaker 1>that movie He's not just not that into you? What

0:28:46.320 --> 0:28:50.640
<v Speaker 1>a good movie? A reference. It's like the Bible. But yeah, continue,

0:28:50.720 --> 0:28:52.880
<v Speaker 1>I mean you can usually like if you're again, if

0:28:52.880 --> 0:28:56.600
<v Speaker 1>you're honest with yourself, you you can kind of I

0:28:56.640 --> 0:28:58.680
<v Speaker 1>would like some of these, I'd be curious if they're

0:28:58.680 --> 0:29:01.520
<v Speaker 1>on the phone, because I just a lot of these emails.

0:29:01.560 --> 0:29:04.040
<v Speaker 1>I just want to ask them, Well, before I tell

0:29:04.080 --> 0:29:06.000
<v Speaker 1>you what I think, what do you think? You know? Yeah,

0:29:06.040 --> 0:29:07.920
<v Speaker 1>because she's got deep down she's got to know this

0:29:08.000 --> 0:29:09.720
<v Speaker 1>is not the guy for her. And I think because

0:29:09.760 --> 0:29:13.000
<v Speaker 1>she is thirty six, she's she's trying to make this work.

0:29:13.200 --> 0:29:16.000
<v Speaker 1>And just think about dating apps And I don't have

0:29:16.080 --> 0:29:18.880
<v Speaker 1>really a lot of experience with them, and I think

0:29:18.880 --> 0:29:22.720
<v Speaker 1>they've become less hard to do, But it takes some

0:29:22.760 --> 0:29:25.960
<v Speaker 1>dedication to fill out a profile, right, Like even like

0:29:25.960 --> 0:29:28.440
<v Speaker 1>a Tinder one, you have to go through what pictures

0:29:28.480 --> 0:29:30.480
<v Speaker 1>you want to right and and maybe at least a

0:29:30.520 --> 0:29:34.120
<v Speaker 1>line bio. So what I'm saying is this isn't like

0:29:34.760 --> 0:29:37.360
<v Speaker 1>no form of cheating is okay, right, but like we're

0:29:37.400 --> 0:29:40.480
<v Speaker 1>all human. We bleed, and I suppose like if someone

0:29:40.560 --> 0:29:42.640
<v Speaker 1>goes to the bar and gets drunk and hooks up,

0:29:42.800 --> 0:29:45.480
<v Speaker 1>it's not okay. But like there's you know that That's

0:29:45.520 --> 0:29:48.840
<v Speaker 1>why when like people commit crimes, right, whether it's robbery

0:29:49.000 --> 0:29:53.760
<v Speaker 1>or murder, people get harder punishments for premeditation, you know,

0:29:53.920 --> 0:29:56.800
<v Speaker 1>for like to think of to plan things to go

0:29:56.880 --> 0:29:59.360
<v Speaker 1>out of the way. That because every time in a

0:29:59.400 --> 0:30:02.560
<v Speaker 1>moment when you're planning something, every time you're planning to

0:30:02.600 --> 0:30:05.520
<v Speaker 1>do something, there's an opportunity to not do it. You know.

0:30:05.640 --> 0:30:07.680
<v Speaker 1>If you're making a plan for something, you can be like,

0:30:07.720 --> 0:30:09.640
<v Speaker 1>well this requires me to do this, Well is it

0:30:09.680 --> 0:30:11.320
<v Speaker 1>worth it? Do I want? You know, whatever it is,

0:30:11.320 --> 0:30:13.240
<v Speaker 1>maybe it's a bad thing or a good thing. So

0:30:13.320 --> 0:30:15.400
<v Speaker 1>for someone to go on a dating app and to

0:30:15.480 --> 0:30:18.200
<v Speaker 1>like pick out his pictures and then like I should

0:30:18.200 --> 0:30:19.520
<v Speaker 1>I put on my bile, I'm like, well, I like

0:30:19.560 --> 0:30:23.000
<v Speaker 1>to travel, I'm a foodie, I'm funny, I like it

0:30:23.040 --> 0:30:26.240
<v Speaker 1>when people make me laugh. I'm assuming that's what everyone's

0:30:26.280 --> 0:30:28.920
<v Speaker 1>dating profile. If you're just looking for hook ups, don't

0:30:28.920 --> 0:30:32.560
<v Speaker 1>reach out, you know, looking for love. And so this

0:30:32.680 --> 0:30:36.400
<v Speaker 1>dude not only is going on their dates, but he's premeditating,

0:30:36.480 --> 0:30:39.000
<v Speaker 1>like trying to meet other women, and he's thinking of

0:30:39.080 --> 0:30:42.720
<v Speaker 1>like how to impress other women, and so he's he's

0:30:42.760 --> 0:30:46.440
<v Speaker 1>really thinking this through. Um, it's not just a mistakes

0:30:47.000 --> 0:30:51.200
<v Speaker 1>like you caught me looking at the girls. But listen,

0:30:51.240 --> 0:30:53.280
<v Speaker 1>what can I say? I'm a red blooded mail like

0:30:53.360 --> 0:30:58.080
<v Speaker 1>this guy. This guy is really you know, going out

0:30:58.120 --> 0:31:01.360
<v Speaker 1>of his way to to not are about this relationship.

0:31:01.480 --> 0:31:04.520
<v Speaker 1>And so you know, you know, so many variables going

0:31:04.560 --> 0:31:07.720
<v Speaker 1>in these kind of emails, but also like you know

0:31:07.760 --> 0:31:11.040
<v Speaker 1>a lot of just a note guys, and these emails

0:31:11.080 --> 0:31:14.240
<v Speaker 1>you should require people to put their age in. Yeah,

0:31:14.240 --> 0:31:16.320
<v Speaker 1>she is right, but like some of them don't. But

0:31:17.640 --> 0:31:20.600
<v Speaker 1>she's she's thirty six, he's thirty five. There is no

0:31:20.720 --> 0:31:23.960
<v Speaker 1>excuse to you know, be figuring things out. I mean,

0:31:24.000 --> 0:31:27.920
<v Speaker 1>I think after thirty you you should hopefully you like

0:31:27.960 --> 0:31:30.520
<v Speaker 1>there's you're kind of in a certain in a certain

0:31:30.560 --> 0:31:33.360
<v Speaker 1>way as mature as you're gonna be in a certain

0:31:33.400 --> 0:31:37.880
<v Speaker 1>extent um, And so there's no excuse of like, you know,

0:31:37.920 --> 0:31:39.720
<v Speaker 1>if you're twenty two, it's just like you're just figuring

0:31:39.720 --> 0:31:41.960
<v Speaker 1>things out. This guy is thirty five, you're thirty six.

0:31:42.760 --> 0:31:45.320
<v Speaker 1>He's probably been doing this for a while. Um, he's

0:31:45.400 --> 0:31:48.760
<v Speaker 1>looking for something. Yeah, I mean again, like it sucks,

0:31:48.800 --> 0:31:50.840
<v Speaker 1>but like whatever it is, and it's not okay for

0:31:50.920 --> 0:31:52.920
<v Speaker 1>him to do this, but like you're not giving him

0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:55.760
<v Speaker 1>what he wants her needs, and truth truthfully, don't feel

0:31:55.760 --> 0:32:00.240
<v Speaker 1>bad because probably no one else ken. Um, you know,

0:32:00.240 --> 0:32:02.720
<v Speaker 1>it sounds like he's not giving her what she really wants. No,

0:32:02.920 --> 0:32:06.320
<v Speaker 1>she listed out the beginning. Yeah, and so here's a

0:32:06.360 --> 0:32:08.440
<v Speaker 1>metaphor for you. And because this is what guys, This

0:32:08.480 --> 0:32:11.520
<v Speaker 1>is what guys do. When guys are watching TV. They'll

0:32:11.560 --> 0:32:13.000
<v Speaker 1>find a show they want, they'll turn it on, and

0:32:13.000 --> 0:32:15.120
<v Speaker 1>then they'll minimize in the corner while they keep looking

0:32:15.160 --> 0:32:17.920
<v Speaker 1>for something better to watch. Right, this is guys. This

0:32:18.000 --> 0:32:20.240
<v Speaker 1>is how guys are and this is this is what

0:32:20.320 --> 0:32:23.480
<v Speaker 1>he's doing to Laurie. He is modern day. This is

0:32:23.480 --> 0:32:26.520
<v Speaker 1>not me. She's minimized in the corner while he's scrolling

0:32:26.520 --> 0:32:28.320
<v Speaker 1>looking for somebody else that he might want a day.

0:32:28.480 --> 0:32:32.280
<v Speaker 1>And again, like you know, he's she's don't be someone's

0:32:32.280 --> 0:32:38.640
<v Speaker 1>comfort zone like um talking about relationships, I mean there, yeah,

0:32:38.680 --> 0:32:42.200
<v Speaker 1>I mean don't let don't let a guy have his

0:32:42.320 --> 0:32:44.480
<v Speaker 1>kaking it too, you know, don't let the guy get

0:32:44.480 --> 0:32:46.800
<v Speaker 1>the milk for free, so to speak. And and don't

0:32:46.800 --> 0:32:49.240
<v Speaker 1>wait for a guy to find a better option before

0:32:49.280 --> 0:32:51.000
<v Speaker 1>he moves on. She's scared to be back at square

0:32:51.040 --> 0:32:53.160
<v Speaker 1>one at age thirty six, and I get that, but

0:32:53.280 --> 0:32:56.800
<v Speaker 1>you deserve better, she will find. But it's the law

0:32:56.840 --> 0:32:59.720
<v Speaker 1>of diminishing return, you know or not. The no, it's

0:32:59.760 --> 0:33:02.440
<v Speaker 1>the the gambling fallacy where it's just like, don't put

0:33:02.480 --> 0:33:05.960
<v Speaker 1>bad money on bad money, you know, like eventually you

0:33:06.040 --> 0:33:08.400
<v Speaker 1>just have to like cashing your chips. You know, because

0:33:08.440 --> 0:33:10.440
<v Speaker 1>if you're it doesn't matter if you're fifty or thirty

0:33:10.440 --> 0:33:13.760
<v Speaker 1>six or twenty two. Um, if you're going to stay

0:33:13.760 --> 0:33:16.560
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship just because you're afraid to be single, well,

0:33:16.600 --> 0:33:18.640
<v Speaker 1>if you know deep down that it's not the relationship,

0:33:18.800 --> 0:33:20.840
<v Speaker 1>you're only gonna waste more time because if you know,

0:33:20.880 --> 0:33:23.400
<v Speaker 1>if you wait one more week, well you're a week older.

0:33:23.480 --> 0:33:26.160
<v Speaker 1>You know, it becomes harder and harder. But that's a

0:33:26.160 --> 0:33:29.160
<v Speaker 1>week where you could have either met someone else or

0:33:29.240 --> 0:33:31.960
<v Speaker 1>just got more comfortable with being alone and being self

0:33:31.960 --> 0:33:34.440
<v Speaker 1>sufficient and getting a better place to meet the right person.

0:33:34.480 --> 0:33:37.000
<v Speaker 1>You know. I think sometimes half the time I think

0:33:37.000 --> 0:33:38.600
<v Speaker 1>it's hard enough to meet people is because we just

0:33:38.680 --> 0:33:40.920
<v Speaker 1>might not be in the right place personally to to

0:33:41.000 --> 0:33:45.320
<v Speaker 1>be open to meeting someone, um and um. You know,

0:33:46.880 --> 0:33:48.840
<v Speaker 1>and you also to think about it. If you want motivation,

0:33:49.040 --> 0:33:53.040
<v Speaker 1>don't don't let the people you're dating give you more

0:33:53.120 --> 0:33:56.280
<v Speaker 1>red flags for other people you're dating, because if you're

0:33:56.360 --> 0:34:00.680
<v Speaker 1>just being honest, and when you date some one right

0:34:00.840 --> 0:34:03.440
<v Speaker 1>and eventually, whether it's in a first date or fourth day,

0:34:03.480 --> 0:34:06.400
<v Speaker 1>you start talking about your past relationships. And if you're

0:34:06.480 --> 0:34:09.600
<v Speaker 1>dating someone who admits that they have stayed with someone

0:34:09.680 --> 0:34:11.440
<v Speaker 1>while they were on other dating apps for a long

0:34:11.520 --> 0:34:14.280
<v Speaker 1>period time, you start wondering, like what that person's decision

0:34:14.280 --> 0:34:16.520
<v Speaker 1>making skills. I mean, you don't necessarily judge them, but

0:34:16.600 --> 0:34:18.640
<v Speaker 1>like it becomes maybe a little bit of a red

0:34:18.680 --> 0:34:21.279
<v Speaker 1>flag of like why were you so willing to accommodate

0:34:21.320 --> 0:34:23.719
<v Speaker 1>this person and how is that going to affect this relationship?

0:34:23.800 --> 0:34:27.520
<v Speaker 1>So you kind of have to I think hold you know,

0:34:27.920 --> 0:34:31.720
<v Speaker 1>stop making excuses for people, um and um it sounds

0:34:31.760 --> 0:34:34.319
<v Speaker 1>like it's great. Yeah, you should forgive them and then

0:34:34.360 --> 0:34:39.000
<v Speaker 1>you should move on. Don't don't don't hold grudges. Don't.

0:34:40.120 --> 0:34:42.120
<v Speaker 1>I think important part relationships is you know, you see

0:34:42.120 --> 0:34:44.040
<v Speaker 1>it all the time, whether someone's cheated on or whatever.

0:34:44.200 --> 0:34:47.239
<v Speaker 1>Don't let the things that happen to you in a relationship,

0:34:47.560 --> 0:34:51.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, give you baggage or or give you, um,

0:34:51.400 --> 0:34:53.160
<v Speaker 1>you know, put a bad taste in your mouth about

0:34:53.200 --> 0:34:54.799
<v Speaker 1>other Don't let it give you trust issues. And if

0:34:54.800 --> 0:34:56.960
<v Speaker 1>it gets like whether something happens and it gives you

0:34:56.960 --> 0:34:58.759
<v Speaker 1>trust issues, it's pretty much all on you. You You can

0:34:58.760 --> 0:35:01.200
<v Speaker 1>decide to not let it bother you. I mean you

0:35:01.200 --> 0:35:03.080
<v Speaker 1>can learn from it, can bother you. You You can become

0:35:03.120 --> 0:35:05.040
<v Speaker 1>smarter from it, You can be more aware of the

0:35:05.080 --> 0:35:08.439
<v Speaker 1>red flags that happened in relationship. You can have a

0:35:08.480 --> 0:35:10.880
<v Speaker 1>shorter lease for like if you someone catches you in

0:35:10.920 --> 0:35:12.800
<v Speaker 1>a dating app, you just immediately break up with them.

0:35:12.840 --> 0:35:15.200
<v Speaker 1>You know you you ask the way, you get better

0:35:15.200 --> 0:35:17.680
<v Speaker 1>at asking the right questions. But don't just assume everyone's

0:35:17.760 --> 0:35:20.360
<v Speaker 1>like that. And the more you start putting yourself in

0:35:20.400 --> 0:35:24.640
<v Speaker 1>situations and the more you make exceptions for um, people

0:35:24.680 --> 0:35:28.080
<v Speaker 1>like this and you know um, the more it becomes

0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:30.839
<v Speaker 1>harder for people to trust in the next relationship because

0:35:30.880 --> 0:35:34.520
<v Speaker 1>you're so willing to give um that person in relationship

0:35:34.760 --> 0:35:38.360
<v Speaker 1>so much slack and they end up, you know, letting

0:35:38.360 --> 0:35:40.520
<v Speaker 1>you down. And so the more slack you give them

0:35:40.560 --> 0:35:42.719
<v Speaker 1>and they're just keep letting you down, the harder is

0:35:42.800 --> 0:35:45.040
<v Speaker 1>to trust the next person. So don't let that let

0:35:45.080 --> 0:35:48.719
<v Speaker 1>that happen. So the advice is accept his apology, forgive him,

0:35:48.880 --> 0:35:50.320
<v Speaker 1>and then move on and then learn from it the

0:35:50.360 --> 0:35:52.960
<v Speaker 1>next time. And that's good advice. Caitlin needs some advice.

0:35:52.960 --> 0:35:56.120
<v Speaker 1>He's twenty two, almost twenty three, graduated college in May,

0:35:56.200 --> 0:35:58.080
<v Speaker 1>moved to roch after Minnesota to be an intern to

0:35:58.160 --> 0:36:01.040
<v Speaker 1>the Mayo Clinic. My prog amends in August. My final

0:36:01.120 --> 0:36:03.000
<v Speaker 1>is to go back home to Denver. My ex and

0:36:03.040 --> 0:36:04.640
<v Speaker 1>hour together for two years and he was supposed to

0:36:04.640 --> 0:36:06.240
<v Speaker 1>move with me, but as we got closer and closer

0:36:06.280 --> 0:36:07.880
<v Speaker 1>to moving day, I decided to be best for me

0:36:07.920 --> 0:36:09.640
<v Speaker 1>to take a year and learned to be on my own.

0:36:10.320 --> 0:36:12.080
<v Speaker 1>I lived at home through underground to save money and

0:36:12.080 --> 0:36:14.600
<v Speaker 1>have never lived alone before. Six weeks before leaving, I

0:36:14.600 --> 0:36:16.200
<v Speaker 1>told him I need time to grow, and I thought

0:36:16.239 --> 0:36:18.000
<v Speaker 1>he needed to become more sure of himself and figure

0:36:18.040 --> 0:36:20.799
<v Speaker 1>out what he wanted as well. Things were rocky. He

0:36:20.840 --> 0:36:24.200
<v Speaker 1>doesn't speak my love language, words of affirmation. He wasn't

0:36:24.200 --> 0:36:27.280
<v Speaker 1>great at communicating with me, never took anything I said seriously,

0:36:27.440 --> 0:36:29.680
<v Speaker 1>wasn't great at planning things or even just telling me

0:36:29.680 --> 0:36:31.439
<v Speaker 1>he loved me, and didn't have a great attitude about

0:36:31.440 --> 0:36:34.960
<v Speaker 1>life in general. It doesn't sound like a real great situation,

0:36:34.960 --> 0:36:37.359
<v Speaker 1>but anyway, you always here going back to an exces

0:36:37.520 --> 0:36:39.719
<v Speaker 1>like reading the same book twice, you already know how

0:36:39.760 --> 0:36:42.120
<v Speaker 1>it ends. My question is do you think XS can

0:36:42.160 --> 0:36:44.839
<v Speaker 1>reconnect after time apart? Do you think he or guys

0:36:44.840 --> 0:36:47.080
<v Speaker 1>in general can grow up and become more of a man.

0:36:47.160 --> 0:36:52.080
<v Speaker 1>Help Caitlin, I like this email. Okay, yeah, what's your

0:36:51.760 --> 0:36:54.120
<v Speaker 1>what have you ever had that gone back with an X? Sure?

0:36:54.920 --> 0:36:58.200
<v Speaker 1>I mean my first my first love. We dated off

0:36:58.239 --> 0:37:01.200
<v Speaker 1>and on for seven years MS light team. Okay, so

0:37:01.280 --> 0:37:03.360
<v Speaker 1>just out of high school going in college. Listen, Caitlyn.

0:37:03.440 --> 0:37:06.920
<v Speaker 1>She's almost twenty three. She sounds, you know, like a

0:37:07.560 --> 0:37:13.160
<v Speaker 1>fairly self aware young woman. UM so, congratulations Caitlin. He

0:37:13.160 --> 0:37:15.440
<v Speaker 1>seemed to be ahead of the game. She's got a

0:37:15.480 --> 0:37:18.400
<v Speaker 1>lot going on, she's trying to be self aware, but

0:37:18.480 --> 0:37:22.600
<v Speaker 1>she's struggling with her decision. Um a lot of there's

0:37:22.600 --> 0:37:24.520
<v Speaker 1>a lot of good information in here. I think she's

0:37:24.560 --> 0:37:27.319
<v Speaker 1>trying to do the right thing. She's trying to be independent.

0:37:27.480 --> 0:37:29.200
<v Speaker 1>She seems to have this guy in her life that

0:37:29.280 --> 0:37:32.480
<v Speaker 1>she she cares about. But again, like one of those

0:37:32.480 --> 0:37:34.440
<v Speaker 1>things like if if under I wonder if Catlyn were

0:37:34.440 --> 0:37:36.719
<v Speaker 1>to go back and read this email, you know, I

0:37:36.719 --> 0:37:38.520
<v Speaker 1>think sometimes when you when you list things out and

0:37:38.560 --> 0:37:41.520
<v Speaker 1>become more self aware of your own thoughts and intentions

0:37:41.520 --> 0:37:43.680
<v Speaker 1>and feelings and so like, there's a whole paragraph on

0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:48.799
<v Speaker 1>listing reasons why she doesn't think he's good for her. Um,

0:37:48.840 --> 0:37:52.080
<v Speaker 1>you know, not the love language, which you know not

0:37:52.200 --> 0:37:54.600
<v Speaker 1>just its seems like such a girly guy, but it's

0:37:54.600 --> 0:37:57.080
<v Speaker 1>a legitimate thing. And in terms of how people communicate,

0:37:57.120 --> 0:38:01.600
<v Speaker 1>how they show affection, that could be learned. If that's

0:38:01.719 --> 0:38:03.759
<v Speaker 1>we're the only issue, you know, I don't know. I

0:38:03.880 --> 0:38:06.759
<v Speaker 1>like this this, how this ends? I guess what is

0:38:06.800 --> 0:38:13.280
<v Speaker 1>the main point of her question is like can people change? Um? Sure, um,

0:38:13.320 --> 0:38:16.160
<v Speaker 1>but only to a certain degree. And I find that

0:38:16.400 --> 0:38:19.560
<v Speaker 1>people really only truly changed for themselves. They never really

0:38:19.680 --> 0:38:21.759
<v Speaker 1>change for other people. And I think so so often

0:38:21.760 --> 0:38:25.040
<v Speaker 1>people make the mistake of um, you know, in a relationship,

0:38:25.160 --> 0:38:27.120
<v Speaker 1>or they break up with someone and the like, you know,

0:38:27.160 --> 0:38:28.759
<v Speaker 1>you just gotta you just don't do this for me

0:38:28.800 --> 0:38:30.920
<v Speaker 1>and the guy or the girls, just like I'm so sorry, babe,

0:38:30.920 --> 0:38:34.799
<v Speaker 1>you know, I'm I'm gonna do better, And they they mean, well, right,

0:38:34.840 --> 0:38:38.120
<v Speaker 1>I think they probably believe that they're going to they

0:38:38.120 --> 0:38:40.720
<v Speaker 1>have changed the gun to change, but they're really only

0:38:40.760 --> 0:38:42.880
<v Speaker 1>doing it to to get what they want in that moment,

0:38:42.960 --> 0:38:45.120
<v Speaker 1>that is to get back with that person. But everyone

0:38:45.120 --> 0:38:48.680
<v Speaker 1>always kind of goes back to who they are and

0:38:48.800 --> 0:38:51.439
<v Speaker 1>kind of their habits to really truly change. You really

0:38:51.440 --> 0:38:53.360
<v Speaker 1>have to do it for yourself. There has to be

0:38:53.400 --> 0:38:55.600
<v Speaker 1>a greater reason why you're doing it, and you really

0:38:55.600 --> 0:38:57.439
<v Speaker 1>have you know something, Usually you have to hit rock

0:38:57.480 --> 0:38:59.920
<v Speaker 1>bottom and you and you have to do it, not

0:39:00.080 --> 0:39:01.960
<v Speaker 1>to like you have to do it not for me

0:39:02.000 --> 0:39:05.200
<v Speaker 1>immediate return. If you're deciding to try to change because

0:39:05.239 --> 0:39:07.880
<v Speaker 1>there's this specific thing that you want in the moment

0:39:08.080 --> 0:39:11.279
<v Speaker 1>or in the short term, it only works because you

0:39:11.360 --> 0:39:13.319
<v Speaker 1>get that thing, or if you don't get that thing,

0:39:13.320 --> 0:39:15.800
<v Speaker 1>he's like, I didn't really want to do that anyways.

0:39:15.880 --> 0:39:18.520
<v Speaker 1>You have to truly want to change for the greater

0:39:18.560 --> 0:39:21.960
<v Speaker 1>good and just because you want to be a better person.

0:39:22.040 --> 0:39:24.920
<v Speaker 1>So and it also like it's interesting enough, like we

0:39:25.680 --> 0:39:27.839
<v Speaker 1>you know, even when you're younger, getting you made sure

0:39:27.880 --> 0:39:31.240
<v Speaker 1>I think about myself and dating like I like to think.

0:39:31.280 --> 0:39:33.759
<v Speaker 1>And I think most people would agree that since my

0:39:33.800 --> 0:39:36.240
<v Speaker 1>early twenties, I've probably grown up a lot. I've probably

0:39:36.280 --> 0:39:40.520
<v Speaker 1>matured in a lot of ways. Um guys later, but

0:39:40.920 --> 0:39:42.959
<v Speaker 1>it doesn't really matter. I guess My point is a saying,

0:39:42.960 --> 0:39:45.200
<v Speaker 1>like we all we all change and grow as people.

0:39:45.520 --> 0:39:48.960
<v Speaker 1>Obviously I'm different in a lot of ways. Uh. In

0:39:49.000 --> 0:39:50.840
<v Speaker 1>my thirties and nine my twenties I'm different a lot

0:39:50.880 --> 0:39:53.880
<v Speaker 1>of ways, having you know, done the experiences that I've had. Obviously,

0:39:53.920 --> 0:39:57.839
<v Speaker 1>I've had some unique relationships and in TV. But at

0:39:57.840 --> 0:39:59.799
<v Speaker 1>the same time, we are who we are, you know.

0:40:00.920 --> 0:40:02.560
<v Speaker 1>It's it's weird to think about, but I would be

0:40:02.560 --> 0:40:05.279
<v Speaker 1>willing to bet that if and I don't ever want

0:40:05.280 --> 0:40:07.520
<v Speaker 1>this to happen, but if all the girls I ever

0:40:07.600 --> 0:40:10.400
<v Speaker 1>dated for an extended period of time, whether it was

0:40:10.440 --> 0:40:13.640
<v Speaker 1>like my relationships that I dated for like months or years,

0:40:13.800 --> 0:40:16.280
<v Speaker 1>or women I maybe have dated for a couple of months,

0:40:16.520 --> 0:40:18.920
<v Speaker 1>if you got him into a room and they all

0:40:18.960 --> 0:40:22.759
<v Speaker 1>just started chatting, you know, whether it was my first

0:40:22.760 --> 0:40:26.240
<v Speaker 1>girlfriend eighteen or or people who have recently dated, I'd

0:40:26.280 --> 0:40:28.760
<v Speaker 1>be willing to bet that there would be stories about

0:40:29.360 --> 0:40:32.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, maybe there would be different stories, and some

0:40:32.280 --> 0:40:35.000
<v Speaker 1>would be talked about how like I've done this, but

0:40:35.080 --> 0:40:37.640
<v Speaker 1>like the preople of dating me later in life be like, well,

0:40:37.840 --> 0:40:39.839
<v Speaker 1>you know, he's done this, and you would see some

0:40:39.920 --> 0:40:41.759
<v Speaker 1>change and some growth in me. But I would be

0:40:41.800 --> 0:40:44.120
<v Speaker 1>also willing to bet that would be like one girl

0:40:44.200 --> 0:40:46.600
<v Speaker 1>would be like, you know, you know, maybe it's kind

0:40:46.640 --> 0:40:49.279
<v Speaker 1>of a good guy, but he would always do this right,

0:40:49.320 --> 0:40:52.920
<v Speaker 1>and they would like describe my neurotic behaviors or obsessions

0:40:53.000 --> 0:40:56.040
<v Speaker 1>or like bad habits or like whatever, and then other

0:40:56.080 --> 0:40:59.160
<v Speaker 1>girls would be like, yeah, he totally did that. Oh

0:40:59.200 --> 0:41:01.359
<v Speaker 1>my god, Nick would do that all the time. And

0:41:01.400 --> 0:41:03.040
<v Speaker 1>I think that girls the same for all of us.

0:41:03.080 --> 0:41:05.480
<v Speaker 1>It's like sometimes we are who we are and and

0:41:06.120 --> 0:41:08.719
<v Speaker 1>so you know, that's like it gives me because I

0:41:08.760 --> 0:41:12.719
<v Speaker 1>was just thinking about this possibly of that happening. You know,

0:41:12.760 --> 0:41:16.239
<v Speaker 1>like I guarantee every girl has ever dated me, there

0:41:16.520 --> 0:41:18.560
<v Speaker 1>be like I bet they could list five things that

0:41:18.880 --> 0:41:21.200
<v Speaker 1>with every girl, I probably did that eventually over time,

0:41:21.239 --> 0:41:23.960
<v Speaker 1>probably drove them nuts or something. You know, we we

0:41:24.200 --> 0:41:26.279
<v Speaker 1>just this is who we are as people, like at

0:41:26.280 --> 0:41:28.040
<v Speaker 1>our core, and it's not a good or a bad thing.

0:41:28.280 --> 0:41:30.480
<v Speaker 1>You know, There's are just habits that we have or

0:41:30.560 --> 0:41:34.319
<v Speaker 1>personality traits that we express, or insecurities that we never

0:41:34.360 --> 0:41:37.600
<v Speaker 1>really overcome, and that usually in a relationship, those things

0:41:37.640 --> 0:41:40.160
<v Speaker 1>tend to come out over time and they either are

0:41:40.239 --> 0:41:43.000
<v Speaker 1>something you the other person loves you for or drives

0:41:43.040 --> 0:41:44.800
<v Speaker 1>the nuts, and usually it's a little bit of both.

0:41:44.840 --> 0:41:48.440
<v Speaker 1>But um, this guy is probably not going to change

0:41:48.560 --> 0:41:51.000
<v Speaker 1>all that much. If there's this many things early on

0:41:51.080 --> 0:41:54.080
<v Speaker 1>a relationship, this is generally who he is probably is Lum.

0:41:54.120 --> 0:41:56.360
<v Speaker 1>Language isn't gonna change. I mean, I think that's generally,

0:41:57.360 --> 0:42:00.160
<v Speaker 1>uh my basic understanding of love languages. It's it's who

0:42:00.200 --> 0:42:02.719
<v Speaker 1>we are at our core as people and how we

0:42:02.880 --> 0:42:06.040
<v Speaker 1>just maybe as even as early as adolescence developed things

0:42:06.040 --> 0:42:10.480
<v Speaker 1>that kind of um help us express emotion. And you're

0:42:10.520 --> 0:42:12.960
<v Speaker 1>just not going to change that. And so take it

0:42:13.000 --> 0:42:15.920
<v Speaker 1>for what it's worth. Is that someone who probably who Caitlin,

0:42:16.080 --> 0:42:17.799
<v Speaker 1>someone early in your life that you were lucky enough

0:42:17.840 --> 0:42:20.640
<v Speaker 1>to meet and he's probably a great guy, but he's

0:42:20.640 --> 0:42:23.440
<v Speaker 1>probably not for you, and that's okay. Don't be disappointed.

0:42:23.480 --> 0:42:25.480
<v Speaker 1>Be thankful that maybe this person taught you a little

0:42:25.480 --> 0:42:28.720
<v Speaker 1>bit about yourself and may hopefully you've had some positive

0:42:28.719 --> 0:42:31.160
<v Speaker 1>impact in his life. And and maybe he'll be a friend,

0:42:31.160 --> 0:42:34.640
<v Speaker 1>but if not, he will be a fond memory. And um,

0:42:34.719 --> 0:42:36.960
<v Speaker 1>you should probably just move on and don't waste a

0:42:36.960 --> 0:42:39.279
<v Speaker 1>lot of time trying to change I'm hoping will change,

0:42:39.280 --> 0:42:42.640
<v Speaker 1>because most likely you'll you'll be disappointed and if nothing else,

0:42:42.640 --> 0:42:45.680
<v Speaker 1>sometimes it is timing, you know, let it go, you know,

0:42:45.840 --> 0:42:47.719
<v Speaker 1>let them move on with the relationship. And if it is,

0:42:47.840 --> 0:42:49.480
<v Speaker 1>you know, not to be that I believe it meant

0:42:49.520 --> 0:42:51.400
<v Speaker 1>to be. But if he is going to change, it's

0:42:51.400 --> 0:42:52.919
<v Speaker 1>not gonna be because of you, and if it's gonna

0:42:52.920 --> 0:42:55.120
<v Speaker 1>because of himself. So maybe he needs a change without

0:42:55.160 --> 0:42:57.040
<v Speaker 1>you in his life. And if you guys somehow reconnect

0:42:57.120 --> 0:43:00.120
<v Speaker 1>later in life, maybe that will happen. But it's just

0:43:00.320 --> 0:43:02.560
<v Speaker 1>probably almost certainly not going to happen with you in

0:43:02.600 --> 0:43:04.560
<v Speaker 1>his life, would be my guest. The key line, he

0:43:04.600 --> 0:43:07.160
<v Speaker 1>didn't have a great attitude about life in general. That's

0:43:07.160 --> 0:43:08.600
<v Speaker 1>the one. Like. I feel like Caitlin's got a great

0:43:08.600 --> 0:43:10.920
<v Speaker 1>attitude about life and she's kind of killing it. She's

0:43:10.960 --> 0:43:13.560
<v Speaker 1>doing her thing. And this guy, Yeah, here's a quote

0:43:13.560 --> 0:43:16.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm given a seacrest tomorrow that you might apply to

0:43:16.239 --> 0:43:19.520
<v Speaker 1>this situation. No relationship is a waste of time because

0:43:19.520 --> 0:43:21.520
<v Speaker 1>if they weren't what you wanted, it showed you what

0:43:21.560 --> 0:43:24.040
<v Speaker 1>you needed. And I think Caitlin, that's perfect for you.

0:43:24.120 --> 0:43:25.960
<v Speaker 1>And this guy, I don't think he's the right guy

0:43:25.960 --> 0:43:29.239
<v Speaker 1>for you. That's so We're gonna have some guests on

0:43:29.280 --> 0:43:31.839
<v Speaker 1>this show, and I'm gonna do my best to interview them.

0:43:31.840 --> 0:43:34.560
<v Speaker 1>Hopefully I'm as good as Dean. We're gonna have Suki

0:43:34.600 --> 0:43:37.319
<v Speaker 1>and Elizabeth Nevigrats, who are authors of Just Sit, a

0:43:37.360 --> 0:43:41.040
<v Speaker 1>meditation guy, book for people who know they should but don't.

0:43:41.920 --> 0:43:44.040
<v Speaker 1>So you know, we're gonna talk about meditation, how might

0:43:44.080 --> 0:43:46.640
<v Speaker 1>be able to help in life and and dating. Um

0:43:46.719 --> 0:43:49.120
<v Speaker 1>sounds we're talking about a little bit about anxiety. I'm

0:43:49.200 --> 0:43:51.960
<v Speaker 1>generally an anxious person, so I'm I'm pretty curious about

0:43:51.960 --> 0:43:54.760
<v Speaker 1>what they can share, and I've I've been interested in meditation.

0:43:54.880 --> 0:43:57.600
<v Speaker 1>So so we have Suki Elizabeth, how you how your

0:43:57.640 --> 0:44:03.120
<v Speaker 1>lady is doing today? Well? Thanks for thanks for joining us, Thanks,

0:44:03.120 --> 0:44:05.759
<v Speaker 1>thank you for having it. So tell me tell me

0:44:05.880 --> 0:44:08.080
<v Speaker 1>a little bit about you two. Are you sisters? Are

0:44:08.080 --> 0:44:11.799
<v Speaker 1>your friends? Just just we are sister in law sister

0:44:11.840 --> 0:44:15.640
<v Speaker 1>in laws? You know, that's that's pretty nice. It really

0:44:15.640 --> 0:44:17.279
<v Speaker 1>worked out right. You know you could have could have

0:44:17.280 --> 0:44:19.520
<v Speaker 1>hated each other, but instead you became not only friends,

0:44:19.520 --> 0:44:22.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm assuming, but business partners and you're helping changing people's lives.

0:44:23.000 --> 0:44:26.920
<v Speaker 1>That's it's pretty good. Yeah, no, it's totally worked. So

0:44:27.000 --> 0:44:32.279
<v Speaker 1>who's how? Who's who married? Who? Suki married? This is

0:44:32.320 --> 0:44:37.319
<v Speaker 1>Elizabeth speaking, Thank you married my brother you and things

0:44:37.360 --> 0:44:40.600
<v Speaker 1>are going well. Suki, you know, will be married to

0:44:40.640 --> 0:44:44.160
<v Speaker 1>me five years in June. So that's amazing. Wow. Yeah, good.

0:44:44.360 --> 0:44:46.280
<v Speaker 1>It sounds like we won't have to ask the question

0:44:46.320 --> 0:44:47.799
<v Speaker 1>if it don't if it doesn't work out, what you

0:44:47.800 --> 0:44:51.959
<v Speaker 1>guys still be friends. I'm sure. I'm sure it's great.

0:44:52.040 --> 0:44:54.960
<v Speaker 1>So you have a book, um called jes Set and

0:44:54.960 --> 0:44:57.560
<v Speaker 1>it's about meditation. Why don't you Why don't you guys

0:44:57.600 --> 0:44:59.640
<v Speaker 1>just kind of take the floor and and tell us

0:44:59.640 --> 0:45:03.480
<v Speaker 1>a little bit about it? Um. We wrote this book

0:45:03.600 --> 0:45:10.040
<v Speaker 1>because we really both of us benefited personally enormously for meditation,

0:45:10.880 --> 0:45:16.239
<v Speaker 1>and and everyone we know pretty much kept telling us

0:45:16.280 --> 0:45:18.560
<v Speaker 1>how much they wanted to meditate, and then would just

0:45:18.600 --> 0:45:22.080
<v Speaker 1>give us laundry list of excuses and reasons why not yet,

0:45:22.160 --> 0:45:25.040
<v Speaker 1>not now? Maybe at some time, maybe when the kids

0:45:25.040 --> 0:45:30.120
<v Speaker 1>start school, that sort of thing. And so we um,

0:45:30.320 --> 0:45:34.200
<v Speaker 1>we're looking at all what kept people from actually doing it,

0:45:34.239 --> 0:45:36.880
<v Speaker 1>which is a lot and it's very similar kind of

0:45:36.920 --> 0:45:40.480
<v Speaker 1>across the board, And so we thought, how can we

0:45:40.719 --> 0:45:44.160
<v Speaker 1>help and how can we bring people to it um

0:45:44.200 --> 0:45:46.640
<v Speaker 1>and make it a little more accessible, a little less

0:45:46.840 --> 0:45:50.200
<v Speaker 1>mysterious and scary. And so that was kind of the

0:45:50.560 --> 0:45:52.680
<v Speaker 1>hole just behind it. What are some of the common

0:45:52.680 --> 0:45:57.040
<v Speaker 1>excuses you hear of why people don't meditate or struggle

0:45:57.080 --> 0:45:59.840
<v Speaker 1>with it. If they attempted not having the time you

0:46:00.000 --> 0:46:02.800
<v Speaker 1>out And then we always tell people, well, you know, um,

0:46:02.840 --> 0:46:06.279
<v Speaker 1>how much how how many minutes do you spend on Facebook? Um?

0:46:06.360 --> 0:46:08.520
<v Speaker 1>Were you online stopping today? You know what? If you

0:46:08.520 --> 0:46:11.120
<v Speaker 1>watch on Netflix, you have time, you know it to

0:46:11.160 --> 0:46:14.279
<v Speaker 1>prioritize it and also not to think that you know

0:46:14.520 --> 0:46:16.840
<v Speaker 1>all I have to sit forward twenty minutes, thirty minutes,

0:46:16.960 --> 0:46:20.279
<v Speaker 1>two hours in the beginning, keep it really small. If

0:46:20.280 --> 0:46:22.880
<v Speaker 1>it's two minutes before you brush your cheese, five minutes

0:46:22.960 --> 0:46:26.280
<v Speaker 1>before you you know, walk to the office or whatever

0:46:26.320 --> 0:46:28.759
<v Speaker 1>it is, you can find sneak it in and sort

0:46:28.760 --> 0:46:32.239
<v Speaker 1>of build on that momentum or do something like for

0:46:32.280 --> 0:46:33.920
<v Speaker 1>someone who like thinks that they don't have a lot

0:46:33.960 --> 0:46:37.000
<v Speaker 1>of time, like what would be the most basic way

0:46:37.040 --> 0:46:39.640
<v Speaker 1>they could meditate? Are there different like levels of meditation?

0:46:39.680 --> 0:46:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Could they if you, like, I have five minutes, Like,

0:46:42.080 --> 0:46:45.239
<v Speaker 1>how could they meditate? Well, I mean what I'd like

0:46:45.280 --> 0:46:48.200
<v Speaker 1>to say to people is that if you're breathing, you're

0:46:48.239 --> 0:46:51.279
<v Speaker 1>halfway there. Other part of it is paying attention to

0:46:51.320 --> 0:46:53.800
<v Speaker 1>your breath. So five minutes is great. That's a huge

0:46:53.800 --> 0:46:57.040
<v Speaker 1>amount of time if you have five minutes every day. Um,

0:46:57.160 --> 0:46:59.719
<v Speaker 1>And because it's all of it sort of adds up,

0:47:00.520 --> 0:47:05.480
<v Speaker 1>bumping forward towards the practice. Um, you will benefit. Interesting, Well,

0:47:05.480 --> 0:47:08.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm assuming it's a skill, because let me describe. I've

0:47:08.560 --> 0:47:11.080
<v Speaker 1>tried meditating. I've done yoga at times and things like that.

0:47:11.120 --> 0:47:13.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm generally an anxious person. And let me maybe describe

0:47:13.920 --> 0:47:16.680
<v Speaker 1>to you what it's like for me to meditate. Where

0:47:16.680 --> 0:47:18.880
<v Speaker 1>else i'll be if I'm sitting there, maybe it's in

0:47:18.920 --> 0:47:20.880
<v Speaker 1>a yoga room or something and I haven't done a lot,

0:47:20.960 --> 0:47:23.160
<v Speaker 1>or maybe maybe it's in my living room. You close

0:47:23.200 --> 0:47:25.239
<v Speaker 1>your eyes. It's interesting, you said focusing your breath, and

0:47:25.239 --> 0:47:27.240
<v Speaker 1>this is me meditating. It's like, all right, Nick, focusing

0:47:27.239 --> 0:47:29.040
<v Speaker 1>your breathing, all right, don't think about anything else. It's

0:47:29.040 --> 0:47:31.280
<v Speaker 1>focusing in your breath, and it's just like, all right, shoot,

0:47:31.320 --> 0:47:34.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm focusing about breathing. Is that okay? Um? Wait? Did

0:47:34.520 --> 0:47:38.440
<v Speaker 1>I pay my bills? Um? Wait? What's I'm still? Am

0:47:38.440 --> 0:47:40.480
<v Speaker 1>I breathing? As? Am I doing this right? Oh my god,

0:47:40.600 --> 0:47:42.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm a failure of what am I doing with my life?

0:47:43.200 --> 0:47:44.719
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god? I'm more anxious than I thought. But

0:47:46.400 --> 0:47:51.080
<v Speaker 1>hate meditating. That that's that's me meditating. Um, that's pretty

0:47:51.160 --> 0:47:55.759
<v Speaker 1>much how we all do it. That's that's um, that's

0:47:55.760 --> 0:47:58.799
<v Speaker 1>what we do. We think way too much, and it's

0:47:58.840 --> 0:48:03.640
<v Speaker 1>way to chatter. Our minds just chatter away constantly. And

0:48:03.680 --> 0:48:06.160
<v Speaker 1>so one of the things with meditation is it's the

0:48:06.239 --> 0:48:09.880
<v Speaker 1>act of noticing all that chatter. And so then what

0:48:09.960 --> 0:48:13.239
<v Speaker 1>do you do You notice and that's all. You don't

0:48:13.320 --> 0:48:16.640
<v Speaker 1>run away with it, You don't let it hijack you.

0:48:16.640 --> 0:48:19.799
<v Speaker 1>You don't you don't give into it. You notice it,

0:48:19.840 --> 0:48:22.120
<v Speaker 1>and then you get back to your breath. And sometimes

0:48:22.120 --> 0:48:24.560
<v Speaker 1>you don't notice it right away. Sometimes you know it

0:48:24.880 --> 0:48:27.720
<v Speaker 1>kind of runs away with itself, but then you notice

0:48:27.760 --> 0:48:29.560
<v Speaker 1>it and you get back to your breath, and then

0:48:30.280 --> 0:48:33.000
<v Speaker 1>two seconds later it might start up again and you

0:48:33.080 --> 0:48:35.239
<v Speaker 1>notice it and you come back to your breath. And

0:48:35.280 --> 0:48:37.680
<v Speaker 1>that is actually what meditation is. It's just act of

0:48:37.840 --> 0:48:44.000
<v Speaker 1>noticing and letting it go without without putting anything on it.

0:48:44.080 --> 0:48:47.680
<v Speaker 1>And he weighed on it, any judgment on it, um,

0:48:47.719 --> 0:48:52.000
<v Speaker 1>and you'll really start noticing how you you operate. The

0:48:52.120 --> 0:48:56.200
<v Speaker 1>trick is not to judge yourself. Okay, well that's probably

0:48:56.239 --> 0:48:58.440
<v Speaker 1>gonna start. I do that all the time. You're a

0:48:58.440 --> 0:49:01.520
<v Speaker 1>total loser. Can't even that attach, can't even breathe right,

0:49:04.600 --> 0:49:08.439
<v Speaker 1>it's like I've never breathed my nose in my life. Um, well,

0:49:08.440 --> 0:49:11.480
<v Speaker 1>how can this help you know, just both in life

0:49:11.560 --> 0:49:14.120
<v Speaker 1>and since you know this is a show about dating,

0:49:14.120 --> 0:49:15.759
<v Speaker 1>how can it? How can it help people maybe in

0:49:15.760 --> 0:49:19.239
<v Speaker 1>their dating lives? Well, for starters, the better you can

0:49:19.480 --> 0:49:21.600
<v Speaker 1>you can work on, the more and better you work

0:49:21.640 --> 0:49:25.520
<v Speaker 1>on your relationship with yourself, you're way better off for

0:49:25.719 --> 0:49:31.560
<v Speaker 1>your relationship for anybody else. And meditations great way to

0:49:31.560 --> 0:49:36.080
<v Speaker 1>to kind of heal your relationship with yourself. Ah well,

0:49:36.120 --> 0:49:38.319
<v Speaker 1>and also as we're paying attention to our thoughts and

0:49:38.360 --> 0:49:40.440
<v Speaker 1>how as you said, treat yourself up. I'm a loser

0:49:40.600 --> 0:49:44.000
<v Speaker 1>this business. You are not. It's not helpful for relationships.

0:49:44.000 --> 0:49:46.560
<v Speaker 1>So when you find yourself being kinder to yourself, then

0:49:46.600 --> 0:49:49.240
<v Speaker 1>you can sort of be kinder to those around you expectly.

0:49:49.640 --> 0:49:53.359
<v Speaker 1>Um the pre new dating? Interesting? How long? How long

0:49:53.360 --> 0:49:58.319
<v Speaker 1>have you two been meditating? Um? Over ten years? Well?

0:49:58.360 --> 0:49:59.719
<v Speaker 1>How do you how do you get started? You guys

0:49:59.719 --> 0:50:02.880
<v Speaker 1>do it this together or something? Or you just you

0:50:02.920 --> 0:50:05.200
<v Speaker 1>both started meditating and you're like, hey, wait, you meditate?

0:50:05.200 --> 0:50:07.399
<v Speaker 1>How do too? We should? You know? How did that start?

0:50:08.400 --> 0:50:12.600
<v Speaker 1>Sukie actually brought me into it. She brought me I

0:50:12.640 --> 0:50:16.920
<v Speaker 1>went on to retreat with her, but her, Yeah, I

0:50:16.960 --> 0:50:18.719
<v Speaker 1>didn't want to go. I didn't want to go. Were

0:50:18.719 --> 0:50:21.560
<v Speaker 1>you like me at first? Judging judging yourself, I thought

0:50:21.560 --> 0:50:24.120
<v Speaker 1>it was gonna be so horrible and so boring, and

0:50:24.400 --> 0:50:28.040
<v Speaker 1>so yeah, I was not at all looking forward. And

0:50:28.160 --> 0:50:31.920
<v Speaker 1>we laughed for days. It wasn't crazy. It was really fun,

0:50:32.200 --> 0:50:35.400
<v Speaker 1>which is not no one ever believed much fun it was,

0:50:35.800 --> 0:50:38.439
<v Speaker 1>but it really was does your suki? Does your husband

0:50:38.480 --> 0:50:41.040
<v Speaker 1>meditate with you now? Or does he meditate on his own?

0:50:41.760 --> 0:50:44.880
<v Speaker 1>He does? I mean, you know he it's a big proponent. Um.

0:50:44.920 --> 0:50:46.759
<v Speaker 1>I mean, he actually was the one who sent me

0:50:46.800 --> 0:50:49.719
<v Speaker 1>on my first meditation retreat. Why was he like, you're

0:50:49.760 --> 0:50:51.680
<v Speaker 1>just like getting on his nerves, like you need to meditate.

0:50:52.360 --> 0:50:54.040
<v Speaker 1>It was a bit of that, you know, but he

0:50:54.080 --> 0:50:56.000
<v Speaker 1>did come with me, but he did he actually did

0:50:56.000 --> 0:50:58.120
<v Speaker 1>it like you need help, you know, this might help you.

0:50:58.280 --> 0:51:01.200
<v Speaker 1>And my father had had had had passed to years

0:51:01.200 --> 0:51:03.120
<v Speaker 1>prior and I was still sort of really struggling with that.

0:51:03.640 --> 0:51:06.800
<v Speaker 1>And um, my father was originally told me to meditate

0:51:06.840 --> 0:51:08.759
<v Speaker 1>when I was a young kid. Um, and I dropped

0:51:08.880 --> 0:51:11.440
<v Speaker 1>like a hot potato when I went to start high school,

0:51:11.440 --> 0:51:14.279
<v Speaker 1>and you know, um. And but when he passed, you know,

0:51:14.600 --> 0:51:16.759
<v Speaker 1>going back to meditation, which was something that he taught

0:51:16.760 --> 0:51:20.680
<v Speaker 1>me was a tremendous way of healing. Um and uh.

0:51:20.920 --> 0:51:24.200
<v Speaker 1>And then you know, I was sort of so transformed

0:51:24.320 --> 0:51:25.759
<v Speaker 1>that I really wanted to share it with that. But

0:51:25.800 --> 0:51:27.399
<v Speaker 1>I really want to go back again and I still

0:51:27.400 --> 0:51:31.279
<v Speaker 1>want to go find myself, so I brought her on

0:51:31.320 --> 0:51:34.439
<v Speaker 1>the journey. That's really cool, I mean, and good something.

0:51:34.440 --> 0:51:36.359
<v Speaker 1>You have a great relationship because I mean every time

0:51:36.400 --> 0:51:38.160
<v Speaker 1>I've tried to tell our girls she needs help, that

0:51:38.200 --> 0:51:41.280
<v Speaker 1>doesn't usually go very well for me. So you seem

0:51:41.320 --> 0:51:45.720
<v Speaker 1>to be a very you know, thoughtful, great person, Sukie.

0:51:45.800 --> 0:51:48.520
<v Speaker 1>So congratulations to you. And even in the meditation seems

0:51:48.520 --> 0:51:52.040
<v Speaker 1>like it even went when even better. UM. So I get,

0:51:52.080 --> 0:51:54.560
<v Speaker 1>you know, back to like, how can other than reading

0:51:54.560 --> 0:51:58.920
<v Speaker 1>your book, which everyone should just do, called just set again? Um? Like,

0:51:59.000 --> 0:52:01.480
<v Speaker 1>what are some of the like if they're if they're

0:52:01.480 --> 0:52:04.759
<v Speaker 1>not going to go to a retreat um And unfortunately,

0:52:04.840 --> 0:52:07.040
<v Speaker 1>let's say maybe they don't quite get your book yet,

0:52:07.080 --> 0:52:08.919
<v Speaker 1>but like what if some of some of the people

0:52:09.000 --> 0:52:12.239
<v Speaker 1>listening in what they're like, if they're naturally curious about meditation,

0:52:12.360 --> 0:52:14.120
<v Speaker 1>they've maybe talked about it. Oh, that sounds like a

0:52:14.120 --> 0:52:16.040
<v Speaker 1>great idea. What's not like the first step they could

0:52:16.040 --> 0:52:18.920
<v Speaker 1>do as soon as they get done listening to this podcast, um,

0:52:18.960 --> 0:52:21.239
<v Speaker 1>which I hope they all do. What's the first thing

0:52:21.280 --> 0:52:25.480
<v Speaker 1>to do today to meditate? But depending on the person,

0:52:25.600 --> 0:52:29.760
<v Speaker 1>some people could literally just sit right now and focus

0:52:29.800 --> 0:52:32.839
<v Speaker 1>on their breath at a timer for two minutes and

0:52:33.360 --> 0:52:37.440
<v Speaker 1>just focus on their back ah and watch as their

0:52:37.480 --> 0:52:40.520
<v Speaker 1>thoughts come in and let them go. Other people, it

0:52:40.640 --> 0:52:43.759
<v Speaker 1>might be more helpful to download an app. And there's

0:52:43.760 --> 0:52:47.240
<v Speaker 1>a ton of apps, you know, different meditation apps that

0:52:47.239 --> 0:52:50.960
<v Speaker 1>that help, especially when you when it's new, um and

0:52:51.040 --> 0:52:53.759
<v Speaker 1>not say. And it's also just a helpful thing to

0:52:53.840 --> 0:52:57.919
<v Speaker 1>return to every day. So um, I think it really

0:52:57.960 --> 0:53:01.880
<v Speaker 1>depends on how you respond Tom, you know most things.

0:53:01.920 --> 0:53:04.200
<v Speaker 1>But if you really can do it on your own,

0:53:04.280 --> 0:53:07.400
<v Speaker 1>if you get a little help or their their crosses.

0:53:07.480 --> 0:53:13.400
<v Speaker 1>There are of yoga studios now how meditation crosses, um,

0:53:13.440 --> 0:53:16.279
<v Speaker 1>so that might help. But there's a lot of ways

0:53:16.280 --> 0:53:18.120
<v Speaker 1>you can meditate in the next ten minutes. So if

0:53:18.120 --> 0:53:19.560
<v Speaker 1>you you know, in the next two minutes, if you

0:53:19.560 --> 0:53:23.759
<v Speaker 1>want to nainly just shut down, close your arts and

0:53:23.840 --> 0:53:26.080
<v Speaker 1>focus on your breath. Okay, is there is there a

0:53:26.120 --> 0:53:29.160
<v Speaker 1>trick to like letting things go? I mean, and that's

0:53:29.160 --> 0:53:31.120
<v Speaker 1>a serious question because I've never been good at that,

0:53:31.400 --> 0:53:33.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, I I usually things marinate and then dwell

0:53:34.160 --> 0:53:37.440
<v Speaker 1>and then recycle and then do it again and again

0:53:37.640 --> 0:53:40.560
<v Speaker 1>and again again again. But that's really that's really human.

0:53:40.640 --> 0:53:42.799
<v Speaker 1>I mean, the mastic happens when you ask you allow

0:53:42.840 --> 0:53:45.680
<v Speaker 1>yourself to observe it, so to detach some it is

0:53:45.719 --> 0:53:47.560
<v Speaker 1>if you're you know, watching it, if you're it's happening

0:53:47.600 --> 0:53:49.919
<v Speaker 1>to someone else that thought. Is there a trick to that?

0:53:50.000 --> 0:53:54.759
<v Speaker 1>I mean, you know it's just slowing down. Let me

0:53:54.800 --> 0:53:57.399
<v Speaker 1>slow it down, and you can really start watching these

0:53:57.440 --> 0:54:02.680
<v Speaker 1>thoughts and then it happens on its own, um because

0:54:02.800 --> 0:54:05.399
<v Speaker 1>you know, unfortunately when you're when you're in it, that's

0:54:05.480 --> 0:54:08.160
<v Speaker 1>you already hijacked, right, so it's hard to get out

0:54:08.160 --> 0:54:10.839
<v Speaker 1>of it, you know, and pret you start observing your

0:54:10.880 --> 0:54:13.640
<v Speaker 1>thoughts and start blowing everything down to go to see

0:54:13.640 --> 0:54:17.400
<v Speaker 1>how you know they're they're not. Um, you have choice

0:54:17.400 --> 0:54:19.120
<v Speaker 1>in the matter that they're not, Like you don't have

0:54:19.120 --> 0:54:21.920
<v Speaker 1>to identify with it. And so that's my thoughts because

0:54:21.960 --> 0:54:24.400
<v Speaker 1>oh that's the thought. I could choose that thought, or

0:54:24.400 --> 0:54:26.840
<v Speaker 1>I could choose this much more productive or happier thought

0:54:27.000 --> 0:54:29.360
<v Speaker 1>or no thoughts or as do you ever have no thoughts?

0:54:29.400 --> 0:54:32.160
<v Speaker 1>But that there's much more choice when you're when you're

0:54:32.239 --> 0:54:35.239
<v Speaker 1>allowing yourself to slow down. And that's the heart. That's

0:54:35.239 --> 0:54:37.640
<v Speaker 1>like the hard part in our culture, right, We're all

0:54:37.680 --> 0:54:40.080
<v Speaker 1>like go go, go to that, you know, to do better.

0:54:40.120 --> 0:54:43.359
<v Speaker 1>I've got this done. And multitasking, you know, allow your stuff,

0:54:43.360 --> 0:54:46.600
<v Speaker 1>the poditions, your permission to sort of you know, um

0:54:47.120 --> 0:54:49.440
<v Speaker 1>do one thing most which is minis moment in meditation

0:54:49.520 --> 0:54:52.759
<v Speaker 1>is watch your breath and connects BacT to breath. Very cool.

0:54:53.160 --> 0:54:57.280
<v Speaker 1>Imagine if if people just replaced um, reading their social

0:54:57.320 --> 0:55:00.360
<v Speaker 1>media with meditating, I mean, you know, that would be

0:55:02.719 --> 0:55:07.719
<v Speaker 1>our world would be so different, you know, great relationships,

0:55:08.520 --> 0:55:12.920
<v Speaker 1>one can dream, just take a moment, not let not

0:55:13.040 --> 0:55:16.560
<v Speaker 1>just sink deep in that black hole of the internet comments.

0:55:18.080 --> 0:55:22.400
<v Speaker 1>Sorry I'm projecting here out loud. Well, hey, like, I

0:55:22.400 --> 0:55:24.400
<v Speaker 1>mean that's that's really cool. I think this is really helpful.

0:55:24.440 --> 0:55:27.480
<v Speaker 1>And again like for just speaking personally for me, I mean,

0:55:28.080 --> 0:55:32.120
<v Speaker 1>meditating is something I've tried. Um but and I'll admit

0:55:32.200 --> 0:55:36.480
<v Speaker 1>to what you ladies pointed out, probably make more excuses

0:55:36.920 --> 0:55:39.880
<v Speaker 1>than actually exists, so you know, I for one, I'm gonna,

0:55:39.960 --> 0:55:43.759
<v Speaker 1>you know, keep trying, um, because you know that's all

0:55:43.800 --> 0:55:45.879
<v Speaker 1>you can do is keep trying. So I really think

0:55:45.880 --> 0:55:48.680
<v Speaker 1>appreciate your time. And just a reminder for those Their

0:55:48.680 --> 0:55:51.799
<v Speaker 1>book is just sit a meditation guide book for people

0:55:51.840 --> 0:55:54.000
<v Speaker 1>who know they should but don't, and that I think

0:55:54.000 --> 0:55:56.880
<v Speaker 1>that describes all of us. So thank you, ladies, Suking

0:55:56.920 --> 0:55:59.799
<v Speaker 1>and Elizabeth. I really appreciate it. Um. I think you

0:55:59.800 --> 0:56:02.120
<v Speaker 1>can really help people out. And thanks for joining us.

0:56:02.680 --> 0:56:08.200
<v Speaker 1>Thanks so much. Keep meditating, will thanks? Ladies. Do you

0:56:08.400 --> 0:56:11.440
<v Speaker 1>like okay, you sound like you're a kind of anxious person,

0:56:12.640 --> 0:56:15.160
<v Speaker 1>Like no, like I have super intense anxiety and what

0:56:15.239 --> 0:56:18.439
<v Speaker 1>you explain exactly. Sorry, I'm not just being like, hey,

0:56:18.480 --> 0:56:23.640
<v Speaker 1>you suck, but I realized I do meditate when I'm

0:56:23.680 --> 0:56:25.719
<v Speaker 1>having anxiety attacks. That's the only way to get out

0:56:25.719 --> 0:56:29.120
<v Speaker 1>of that. You focus on your breathing. That's how legitimately

0:56:29.120 --> 0:56:32.520
<v Speaker 1>will die count No, on the opposite, like when every

0:56:32.520 --> 0:56:34.960
<v Speaker 1>time I try to meditate it just goes horribly wrong.

0:56:35.200 --> 0:56:38.120
<v Speaker 1>You just go it's like it's serious, it's like what

0:56:38.840 --> 0:56:40.319
<v Speaker 1>it almost lounds like it makes it worse for you.

0:56:40.560 --> 0:56:42.239
<v Speaker 1>What what did you say? You're an anxious person. How

0:56:42.239 --> 0:56:45.880
<v Speaker 1>does that manifest itself? Like Eric has full blown panic

0:56:45.920 --> 0:56:48.000
<v Speaker 1>attacks and real bad situations. I don't know if I

0:56:48.000 --> 0:56:51.480
<v Speaker 1>get full blown pan attacks. I'm a functionally functioning, UM

0:56:51.640 --> 0:56:55.200
<v Speaker 1>anxious person. UM. I probably just make other people comfortable.

0:56:55.200 --> 0:56:57.880
<v Speaker 1>When I'm super anxious. It's like, wow, what what do

0:56:57.960 --> 0:57:03.400
<v Speaker 1>you doing? Um? I listen. I've always tried to be

0:57:03.440 --> 0:57:05.799
<v Speaker 1>a reflective person, and I think sometimes I can get

0:57:05.800 --> 0:57:08.400
<v Speaker 1>you into a rabbit hole. UM. I do have a

0:57:08.440 --> 0:57:12.600
<v Speaker 1>bad habit of dwelling on things. UM. I repeat myself

0:57:12.640 --> 0:57:16.880
<v Speaker 1>both in my head and to other people. UM, you know,

0:57:16.960 --> 0:57:20.320
<v Speaker 1>and I think, yeah, and it's a and sometimes your

0:57:20.320 --> 0:57:22.760
<v Speaker 1>ego gets in the way. UM, so you just kind

0:57:22.760 --> 0:57:28.960
<v Speaker 1>of really think about I'm I've never been described as

0:57:29.000 --> 0:57:34.360
<v Speaker 1>a care free person. UM. You know, you know the

0:57:34.360 --> 0:57:36.880
<v Speaker 1>person is just like, yeah, whatever happens, you know, let's

0:57:36.880 --> 0:57:39.920
<v Speaker 1>just let's just see. I don't know in my brains,

0:57:39.920 --> 0:57:42.440
<v Speaker 1>and like, I have a hundred possibilities of how this

0:57:42.520 --> 0:57:45.360
<v Speaker 1>can go. You know, sixty five of them aren't good,

0:57:45.480 --> 0:57:51.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, but I'm amazing went on reality television. It

0:57:51.800 --> 0:57:54.760
<v Speaker 1>was probably good for me. Um. It's interesting. I've been

0:57:54.760 --> 0:57:58.240
<v Speaker 1>a much more of a risk taker and in my thirties,

0:57:58.280 --> 0:58:00.959
<v Speaker 1>and I ever was in my twenties, which it's something

0:58:01.000 --> 0:58:02.680
<v Speaker 1>I look back and when people ask me if I

0:58:02.720 --> 0:58:07.000
<v Speaker 1>have regrets, if for no other reason, I think it's exciting.

0:58:07.040 --> 0:58:09.760
<v Speaker 1>Like listen, I never when I grew up in Milwaukee,

0:58:09.840 --> 0:58:14.120
<v Speaker 1>Wisconsin and a very conservative household. And again I was

0:58:14.480 --> 0:58:17.560
<v Speaker 1>a kid with the plan so to speak, and graduated

0:58:17.600 --> 0:58:21.360
<v Speaker 1>from college and accounting. Um, I had a job, went

0:58:21.400 --> 0:58:24.760
<v Speaker 1>to work the next day after I graduated. You know,

0:58:25.160 --> 0:58:26.840
<v Speaker 1>I thought I'd be married with kids and I was

0:58:26.840 --> 0:58:29.440
<v Speaker 1>twenty five. I like had the plan so to speak.

0:58:29.480 --> 0:58:32.520
<v Speaker 1>And obviously, as most people go, the plan usually doesn't

0:58:32.520 --> 0:58:37.080
<v Speaker 1>work out. And I realized I'm probably like sometimes I

0:58:37.080 --> 0:58:39.680
<v Speaker 1>think people maybe are you know, they have these personality

0:58:39.680 --> 0:58:43.560
<v Speaker 1>traits that um or or weaknesses and shortcomings or insecurities

0:58:43.560 --> 0:58:46.520
<v Speaker 1>that um define who they are, but maybe deep down

0:58:46.560 --> 0:58:49.320
<v Speaker 1>that's not who they are. You know. Um, because I've

0:58:49.440 --> 0:58:52.280
<v Speaker 1>as I've been willing to take bigger risks, I realized

0:58:52.320 --> 0:58:54.440
<v Speaker 1>I am maybe more of a risk taker than I realized.

0:58:54.640 --> 0:58:58.880
<v Speaker 1>Um that it is what makes I think me happier. Um.

0:59:00.120 --> 0:59:02.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, I think sometimes we go through life wanting

0:59:02.640 --> 0:59:05.320
<v Speaker 1>to do things or wish you we can do things, um,

0:59:05.360 --> 0:59:07.840
<v Speaker 1>but making excuses not to do things. And then sometimes

0:59:07.840 --> 0:59:11.280
<v Speaker 1>I often found um, when we do it, we realized

0:59:11.280 --> 0:59:14.120
<v Speaker 1>why that wasn't really that hard. You know. Um. I

0:59:14.160 --> 0:59:18.000
<v Speaker 1>always when I when I lived in Milwaukee, I never

0:59:18.160 --> 0:59:22.240
<v Speaker 1>saw myself staying there, but I always I just stayed there. Um.

0:59:22.280 --> 0:59:24.400
<v Speaker 1>And I you know, Chicago is very close to Milwaukee,

0:59:24.480 --> 0:59:26.920
<v Speaker 1>and I always thought to myself, well, I'll just move

0:59:27.000 --> 0:59:29.439
<v Speaker 1>to Chicago. I wanted, but even that, I just never

0:59:29.480 --> 0:59:31.720
<v Speaker 1>did it. And then eventually I did, you know, I

0:59:31.720 --> 0:59:33.760
<v Speaker 1>got a job. I just I was like, I'm gonna

0:59:33.880 --> 0:59:36.320
<v Speaker 1>do this, and then I did. It was like, well,

0:59:36.360 --> 0:59:38.880
<v Speaker 1>that was really easy. It was literally now different than

0:59:39.040 --> 0:59:41.800
<v Speaker 1>moving down the street from Milwaukee. It's just like a

0:59:41.880 --> 0:59:44.960
<v Speaker 1>slightly longer drive. And then like I woke up one

0:59:45.000 --> 0:59:47.000
<v Speaker 1>morning living in Milwaukee and the next day I was

0:59:47.040 --> 0:59:48.920
<v Speaker 1>living in Chicago and that was it. I was like,

0:59:49.320 --> 0:59:51.240
<v Speaker 1>why did that take six years? You know, right, I

0:59:51.600 --> 0:59:53.760
<v Speaker 1>moved from Milwaukee to Los Angeles. Part of me still

0:59:53.800 --> 0:59:55.560
<v Speaker 1>can't believe I did that. In your mind, it seems

0:59:55.560 --> 0:59:57.160
<v Speaker 1>like a big deal, but I'm thinking when you went back,

0:59:57.200 --> 1:00:00.480
<v Speaker 1>but probably was just like moving r the next day.

1:00:00.720 --> 1:00:02.840
<v Speaker 1>Not to downplay there's sure there's some struggles or whatever,

1:00:02.880 --> 1:00:05.400
<v Speaker 1>but in life, you know if you're gonna if there's

1:00:05.880 --> 1:00:08.920
<v Speaker 1>we we have these dreams or these risks, and sometimes

1:00:08.920 --> 1:00:10.600
<v Speaker 1>we just get in our in our head and we

1:00:10.640 --> 1:00:13.280
<v Speaker 1>think of all the reasons and fears of of why

1:00:13.280 --> 1:00:15.760
<v Speaker 1>not to do them, and it just kind of Um.

1:00:15.880 --> 1:00:18.680
<v Speaker 1>I've I've challenged myself to be that person who just

1:00:19.040 --> 1:00:21.400
<v Speaker 1>tries to be more carefully. It takes a conscious effort

1:00:21.400 --> 1:00:23.440
<v Speaker 1>for me to do that. It's it doesn't come naturally.

1:00:23.880 --> 1:00:26.280
<v Speaker 1>But when I I find that, when I I forced

1:00:26.280 --> 1:00:29.600
<v Speaker 1>myself to do it, Um, I look back and and

1:00:29.600 --> 1:00:31.600
<v Speaker 1>and and I'm glad I had I did. And it's

1:00:31.600 --> 1:00:33.480
<v Speaker 1>not usually because things worked out the way I thought

1:00:33.520 --> 1:00:36.200
<v Speaker 1>they would. I don't as almost never happened for me,

1:00:36.600 --> 1:00:40.120
<v Speaker 1>But um, they usually along the way, things happened that

1:00:40.160 --> 1:00:42.960
<v Speaker 1>didn't expect. Um. I've met people I didn't know I

1:00:43.000 --> 1:00:46.760
<v Speaker 1>would get to meet. I've I've experienced incredible things that

1:00:46.840 --> 1:00:50.120
<v Speaker 1>you know, five ten years ago I never would imagined. Um,

1:00:50.160 --> 1:00:53.400
<v Speaker 1>I've got to experience, and so I think I'm better

1:00:53.440 --> 1:00:55.920
<v Speaker 1>for it. Um. That's not to say that I've had

1:00:55.960 --> 1:00:59.560
<v Speaker 1>to sacrifice certain things. UM, But you know, do your

1:00:59.560 --> 1:01:06.600
<v Speaker 1>parents show your TV appearances. Oh yeah, I'm at the point,

1:01:06.680 --> 1:01:08.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, like i've if I do an interview, like,

1:01:08.880 --> 1:01:10.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't think too much of it. My parents, but

1:01:10.280 --> 1:01:11.560
<v Speaker 1>like I saw you on SO and so, why don't

1:01:11.560 --> 1:01:13.960
<v Speaker 1>you tell me, I'm like, I don't don't man, like

1:01:14.520 --> 1:01:17.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't. I stopped watching my stuff. I didn't watch

1:01:18.040 --> 1:01:20.600
<v Speaker 1>any of dancing with Like, I didn't see dancing that's live,

1:01:20.680 --> 1:01:22.960
<v Speaker 1>so it's a little different. But you did in DVR

1:01:23.040 --> 1:01:27.720
<v Speaker 1>and watch it back. Um, I didn't. And your parents

1:01:27.800 --> 1:01:33.480
<v Speaker 1>love that though, But that was Blue Carllar, Wisconsin people,

1:01:33.720 --> 1:01:37.080
<v Speaker 1>salt of the earth people who, um, you know, they

1:01:37.120 --> 1:01:39.640
<v Speaker 1>certainly never expected any of their kids to to do

1:01:39.680 --> 1:01:42.560
<v Speaker 1>what I'm doing. Um, And I think they're happy. They're

1:01:42.560 --> 1:01:44.920
<v Speaker 1>just happy for all their children as they are for me.

1:01:45.040 --> 1:01:47.320
<v Speaker 1>But it is there's a level of excitement that comes

1:01:47.360 --> 1:01:49.479
<v Speaker 1>with some of the did they enjoy being on TV

1:01:49.840 --> 1:01:52.080
<v Speaker 1>when you would like have hometown dates? And you know,

1:01:52.440 --> 1:01:55.440
<v Speaker 1>they they're they're again, they're down to earth people where

1:01:55.480 --> 1:01:57.920
<v Speaker 1>they don't get too over the top about things. And

1:01:57.960 --> 1:02:00.200
<v Speaker 1>I think my parents, you know, hand hand old it

1:02:00.200 --> 1:02:02.560
<v Speaker 1>appropriately where they really were in the moment and it

1:02:02.640 --> 1:02:06.040
<v Speaker 1>was more about me and and their son and going

1:02:06.080 --> 1:02:11.160
<v Speaker 1>through the experience than thinking about the TV show. Um, yeah,

1:02:11.240 --> 1:02:13.040
<v Speaker 1>so I don't think that was the Neighbors and Walker

1:02:13.080 --> 1:02:16.480
<v Speaker 1>show must be. For them to like come to Dancing

1:02:16.480 --> 1:02:17.960
<v Speaker 1>with the Stars and be in the audience, I think

1:02:18.000 --> 1:02:20.080
<v Speaker 1>that was a different experience because there was no like

1:02:20.440 --> 1:02:23.680
<v Speaker 1>personal thing attached to it. I mean, you know, on

1:02:23.760 --> 1:02:25.320
<v Speaker 1>the show, like on The Bat Shred, it's like, I

1:02:25.440 --> 1:02:28.320
<v Speaker 1>think my son might get engaged girls sounds tell you

1:02:28.320 --> 1:02:30.880
<v Speaker 1>and said, I'm gonna try to support him. But you know,

1:02:30.960 --> 1:02:33.960
<v Speaker 1>like so like the thought of the show is probably

1:02:35.560 --> 1:02:37.800
<v Speaker 1>when they met like all your how many of yours

1:02:37.880 --> 1:02:41.800
<v Speaker 1>did they meet? Three four? They did it differently that season,

1:02:41.920 --> 1:02:46.560
<v Speaker 1>right of your girls and maybe not Raymond and Vanessa.

1:02:47.920 --> 1:02:52.040
<v Speaker 1>Moving on, This is from Anonymous, and you'll find out why.

1:02:52.560 --> 1:02:54.400
<v Speaker 1>Two years ago I met a man that I felt

1:02:54.400 --> 1:02:57.200
<v Speaker 1>an instant connection, too stronger than anything I've ever felt.

1:02:57.240 --> 1:02:59.640
<v Speaker 1>I met him in person and literally felt the physical

1:02:59.760 --> 1:03:02.640
<v Speaker 1>pull to him, was instantly attracted to him. I never

1:03:02.640 --> 1:03:05.560
<v Speaker 1>really believe in soulmates, but that experience made me second

1:03:05.600 --> 1:03:08.440
<v Speaker 1>guess that our values, our beliefs, our sense of humor,

1:03:09.040 --> 1:03:11.919
<v Speaker 1>and he's just an all around good, hard working, successful guy.

1:03:12.280 --> 1:03:14.560
<v Speaker 1>These are the strongest feelings I've ever felt towards anyone

1:03:14.600 --> 1:03:19.280
<v Speaker 1>by far. Here's the catch. He's one of my best

1:03:19.360 --> 1:03:24.800
<v Speaker 1>friend's brother and he's married. This is something I would

1:03:24.840 --> 1:03:27.080
<v Speaker 1>never act on. I'm a big believer in the sanctity

1:03:27.080 --> 1:03:29.600
<v Speaker 1>of marriage. I would never do anything to ruin a relationship.

1:03:29.640 --> 1:03:32.000
<v Speaker 1>I love their family, and pursuing these feelings has never

1:03:32.040 --> 1:03:34.480
<v Speaker 1>been an option. In fact, I feel guilty for even

1:03:34.560 --> 1:03:37.440
<v Speaker 1>having these thoughts and feelings. My question is how do

1:03:37.520 --> 1:03:40.760
<v Speaker 1>I apply this to dating? After having this feeling of connection,

1:03:40.800 --> 1:03:43.240
<v Speaker 1>I feel myself comparing those feelings to everyone else every

1:03:43.280 --> 1:03:46.480
<v Speaker 1>other relationship I have, and nothing has come closed. I'm

1:03:46.520 --> 1:03:48.800
<v Speaker 1>currently kind of dating someone and I like him, but

1:03:48.840 --> 1:03:51.320
<v Speaker 1>the feelings don't come close to what I've now experienced

1:03:51.360 --> 1:03:53.560
<v Speaker 1>for someone else's husband. I kind of added that in

1:03:54.560 --> 1:03:56.480
<v Speaker 1>is this a waste of time? Should I keep trying

1:03:56.520 --> 1:03:58.800
<v Speaker 1>to find someone who draws those same feelings? Although that

1:03:58.800 --> 1:04:05.480
<v Speaker 1>seems impossible that anonymous that's a tough one. I mean,

1:04:05.560 --> 1:04:09.040
<v Speaker 1>she seems like she and there's there's some missing information.

1:04:09.080 --> 1:04:11.440
<v Speaker 1>I'd love to talk to this person. I don't know

1:04:11.440 --> 1:04:17.280
<v Speaker 1>how all they are. Doesn't sound like she they've um

1:04:17.520 --> 1:04:19.800
<v Speaker 1>cross the line. I don't even know if for sure,

1:04:19.800 --> 1:04:21.760
<v Speaker 1>if he is aware of this, This could be just

1:04:22.440 --> 1:04:26.240
<v Speaker 1>an infatuation from a distance. Who knows. So there's a

1:04:26.240 --> 1:04:30.160
<v Speaker 1>lot of unknowns here. Um, but I think if to

1:04:30.200 --> 1:04:33.000
<v Speaker 1>try to maybe answer this is the best that I can.

1:04:33.200 --> 1:04:36.400
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if it's right, but uh, you know again,

1:04:36.440 --> 1:04:40.760
<v Speaker 1>I think we also have a habit of creating things

1:04:40.800 --> 1:04:44.360
<v Speaker 1>in in our mind that aren't necessarily true, and we

1:04:44.440 --> 1:04:47.680
<v Speaker 1>all love what we can't have. Clearly, he's unavailable, or

1:04:47.720 --> 1:04:52.200
<v Speaker 1>should be at least he's married. Um. If you want

1:04:52.680 --> 1:04:56.880
<v Speaker 1>a good takeaway, try to, like re reverse engineer, Maybe

1:04:57.320 --> 1:05:00.960
<v Speaker 1>you know what you like in this guy. Um, probably

1:05:01.160 --> 1:05:03.640
<v Speaker 1>a lot of is and infatuation. But if you're trying

1:05:03.680 --> 1:05:06.480
<v Speaker 1>to just break down what it is you like, you

1:05:06.520 --> 1:05:10.320
<v Speaker 1>know the qualities that he seems to demonstrate, um, hopefully

1:05:10.360 --> 1:05:16.360
<v Speaker 1>with his wife that you appreciate. Um. You know again,

1:05:16.400 --> 1:05:18.439
<v Speaker 1>sometimes we have a habit of glorifying. I mean, there's

1:05:19.240 --> 1:05:21.840
<v Speaker 1>I've there's someone in my life who you want to

1:05:21.880 --> 1:05:25.600
<v Speaker 1>get into detail. But you know that we we had

1:05:25.640 --> 1:05:28.880
<v Speaker 1>a friendship that was maybe a little bit more, but

1:05:28.960 --> 1:05:31.720
<v Speaker 1>it never really went anywhere. And you know, because of

1:05:31.880 --> 1:05:36.960
<v Speaker 1>crazy things in our lives, we never got together you know, UM,

1:05:37.040 --> 1:05:40.640
<v Speaker 1>and so you can call it a misconnection. And this

1:05:40.720 --> 1:05:44.000
<v Speaker 1>is someone who had been very special to me and

1:05:44.000 --> 1:05:47.240
<v Speaker 1>and vice versa. But we never actually dated um and

1:05:47.320 --> 1:05:50.360
<v Speaker 1>because one or both of you might have been UM

1:05:52.320 --> 1:05:57.240
<v Speaker 1>and you know, and sometimes I think to myself about,

1:05:57.640 --> 1:06:01.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, you know, what would have been like, UM,

1:06:01.640 --> 1:06:04.280
<v Speaker 1>it's very easy for me to think that was the

1:06:04.360 --> 1:06:07.400
<v Speaker 1>person if all things being equal, it would have worked out.

1:06:07.440 --> 1:06:10.000
<v Speaker 1>But the truth is I don't really know, you know,

1:06:10.120 --> 1:06:13.280
<v Speaker 1>because we never actually dated in a relationship. And I

1:06:13.360 --> 1:06:15.240
<v Speaker 1>just not to say that that person isn't great or

1:06:15.280 --> 1:06:18.160
<v Speaker 1>maybe it could be an amazing relationship, but it's just

1:06:18.400 --> 1:06:21.760
<v Speaker 1>very easy to glorify things in our head without really

1:06:21.800 --> 1:06:25.600
<v Speaker 1>knowing um. You know, because sometimes those relationships you get

1:06:25.640 --> 1:06:27.480
<v Speaker 1>to pick and choose the things you like, you get

1:06:27.520 --> 1:06:31.400
<v Speaker 1>to conveniently um dismiss the things that you you wouldn't

1:06:31.480 --> 1:06:33.640
<v Speaker 1>like or don't you're not even aware of, like how

1:06:33.680 --> 1:06:39.720
<v Speaker 1>you handle uh conflict. I mean again, that's that's usually

1:06:39.720 --> 1:06:42.400
<v Speaker 1>the detriment of any relationship, right because it's you call

1:06:42.440 --> 1:06:45.200
<v Speaker 1>the honeymoon phase. You like someone, you're hopefully physically attracted,

1:06:45.240 --> 1:06:47.800
<v Speaker 1>you have some of the similar interest and often relationships

1:06:47.840 --> 1:06:50.200
<v Speaker 1>don't work out because people don't communicate in a way

1:06:50.800 --> 1:06:54.680
<v Speaker 1>during conflict, right, and so, um, this person has no

1:06:54.800 --> 1:06:57.320
<v Speaker 1>idea how that how how to fight with this person

1:06:57.440 --> 1:07:00.000
<v Speaker 1>or what they're like. They they they have a very

1:07:00.080 --> 1:07:02.600
<v Speaker 1>high level peripheral of this person. They've been able to

1:07:02.640 --> 1:07:05.240
<v Speaker 1>pick and choose some of these attractive characteristics that this

1:07:05.280 --> 1:07:10.200
<v Speaker 1>person probably has. So, you know, the forden fruit probably

1:07:10.200 --> 1:07:12.920
<v Speaker 1>adds that, there's the forbidden fruit, there's this, So there's

1:07:12.960 --> 1:07:14.640
<v Speaker 1>a lot of things going on. So I think my

1:07:14.720 --> 1:07:19.160
<v Speaker 1>advice to to this this anonymous person is don't over

1:07:19.160 --> 1:07:21.600
<v Speaker 1>glorify the relationship. If you want to have a takeaway

1:07:21.760 --> 1:07:25.160
<v Speaker 1>in your dating life is identify those characteristics that you

1:07:25.200 --> 1:07:27.680
<v Speaker 1>find attractive in this person and try to find in

1:07:27.680 --> 1:07:30.000
<v Speaker 1>another person. And that might take time. I don't know,

1:07:30.200 --> 1:07:32.960
<v Speaker 1>you know, that might take five ten years, maybe it

1:07:33.000 --> 1:07:38.280
<v Speaker 1>takes a week. But I wouldn't glorify this and certainly

1:07:38.280 --> 1:07:41.080
<v Speaker 1>have it changed the perspective of you know, the one

1:07:41.120 --> 1:07:43.680
<v Speaker 1>because he's not the one for you, because he wouldn't

1:07:43.680 --> 1:07:49.120
<v Speaker 1>be married. If you know that, you really want to

1:07:49.120 --> 1:07:52.320
<v Speaker 1>believe in a world where that you um that fate

1:07:52.400 --> 1:07:54.280
<v Speaker 1>exists and there's a one and only. But he decided

1:07:54.320 --> 1:07:56.880
<v Speaker 1>to marry someone else, but that happens to be your

1:07:57.120 --> 1:08:01.600
<v Speaker 1>sister's husband kind of a friend. I don't out like that's. Yeah,

1:08:01.680 --> 1:08:03.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm not I'm not a big fan of that world.

1:08:04.080 --> 1:08:07.080
<v Speaker 1>So and I'm guessing this anonymous anonymous person doesn't want

1:08:07.080 --> 1:08:11.000
<v Speaker 1>to be either. So, um, do you believe in soulmates? Nick? No,

1:08:11.320 --> 1:08:15.720
<v Speaker 1>that's just the most silliest. It's just ridiculous. I don't

1:08:15.760 --> 1:08:17.880
<v Speaker 1>know if it's not even an attractive trade. I've talked

1:08:17.880 --> 1:08:20.639
<v Speaker 1>about this before. I mean, what's more attractive to think

1:08:20.680 --> 1:08:23.360
<v Speaker 1>that someone's just like made for you and that no

1:08:23.400 --> 1:08:25.400
<v Speaker 1>matter what you do or don't do, any men even

1:08:25.400 --> 1:08:27.360
<v Speaker 1>marries someone else, that they're supposed to be with that

1:08:27.439 --> 1:08:30.240
<v Speaker 1>person and that's romantic, Or that there's a lot of

1:08:30.240 --> 1:08:32.160
<v Speaker 1>people out there that you could be attracted to, and

1:08:32.200 --> 1:08:34.720
<v Speaker 1>that because relationships are hard and difficult and challenging, that

1:08:35.160 --> 1:08:38.000
<v Speaker 1>you have to consciously make an effort to say, this

1:08:38.040 --> 1:08:39.840
<v Speaker 1>isn't easy, but I love you, and I choose to

1:08:39.840 --> 1:08:41.640
<v Speaker 1>make it work with you, and I choose to like

1:08:42.240 --> 1:08:44.880
<v Speaker 1>make sacrifices, and I choose to give up other things,

1:08:44.920 --> 1:08:48.400
<v Speaker 1>other people, other women, because I want to make this work.

1:08:48.439 --> 1:08:50.639
<v Speaker 1>Over any other relationship that could work if I invested

1:08:50.680 --> 1:08:52.640
<v Speaker 1>time in that one. To me, that's more romantic and

1:08:52.640 --> 1:08:55.360
<v Speaker 1>that's just the reality of things. But to assume that

1:08:55.400 --> 1:08:58.840
<v Speaker 1>there's some predetermined thing, I mean, yeah, there's there's people

1:08:58.840 --> 1:09:01.840
<v Speaker 1>who are you're connecting, you feel instinction with, you know,

1:09:02.040 --> 1:09:04.200
<v Speaker 1>but there's a lot of people who who that can

1:09:04.240 --> 1:09:07.559
<v Speaker 1>happen with, and things like timing, because yeah, that would

1:09:07.600 --> 1:09:13.559
<v Speaker 1>just be in an assistant insane things happening for a

1:09:13.600 --> 1:09:15.479
<v Speaker 1>reason that you guys ended up in the same room.

1:09:15.560 --> 1:09:18.720
<v Speaker 1>I'm not saying fate or soul mates, but I I

1:09:18.760 --> 1:09:21.320
<v Speaker 1>believes an energy and I think if you're if you

1:09:21.920 --> 1:09:26.280
<v Speaker 1>keep yourself open, you you can there are good situations

1:09:26.280 --> 1:09:28.640
<v Speaker 1>and bad situations that you can find yourselves and and

1:09:28.680 --> 1:09:30.479
<v Speaker 1>then you just kind of read signs. And I think

1:09:30.520 --> 1:09:33.640
<v Speaker 1>as we get older and we mature and we gain perspective,

1:09:33.680 --> 1:09:38.720
<v Speaker 1>you get hopefully a better at at reading those situations. UM,

1:09:38.760 --> 1:09:41.840
<v Speaker 1>and you know, things things tend to I always say, like,

1:09:41.880 --> 1:09:43.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't believe things happen for a reason, but I

1:09:43.680 --> 1:09:45.679
<v Speaker 1>do believe things have a way of working themselves out.

1:09:45.960 --> 1:09:48.000
<v Speaker 1>And there's a huge difference between those two statements if

1:09:48.000 --> 1:09:51.360
<v Speaker 1>you really think about it. UM, you know, over time

1:09:51.439 --> 1:09:53.080
<v Speaker 1>things will work themselves out if you're open to it,

1:09:53.120 --> 1:09:55.400
<v Speaker 1>if you allow it to happen, if you stop obsessing

1:09:55.479 --> 1:09:58.960
<v Speaker 1>over what how you want things to be and just

1:09:59.040 --> 1:10:02.360
<v Speaker 1>be opening to what things are, UM, that will work

1:10:02.360 --> 1:10:04.720
<v Speaker 1>themselves out and maybe not problem almost never in the

1:10:04.760 --> 1:10:09.040
<v Speaker 1>moment that you want it, um, but eventually almost always

1:10:09.040 --> 1:10:13.439
<v Speaker 1>you look back and think, okay, well that I have

1:10:13.479 --> 1:10:15.920
<v Speaker 1>a different opinion of what I wanted or or who

1:10:15.920 --> 1:10:19.200
<v Speaker 1>I wanted to be with, um, etcetera, etcetera, and it

1:10:19.320 --> 1:10:23.880
<v Speaker 1>just it tends to always work out. I mean, generally speaking,

1:10:24.360 --> 1:10:27.720
<v Speaker 1>let's let's hope, all right, this is Katie, a guy

1:10:27.760 --> 1:10:29.360
<v Speaker 1>from my past has come back into my life. We

1:10:29.360 --> 1:10:30.880
<v Speaker 1>haven't talked to each other in five years, and he

1:10:30.920 --> 1:10:33.400
<v Speaker 1>reached out last day but wanted to rekindle our friendship.

1:10:33.760 --> 1:10:35.760
<v Speaker 1>We stopped talking because he and his friends really hurt

1:10:35.840 --> 1:10:37.439
<v Speaker 1>me our senior year of high school, to the point

1:10:37.439 --> 1:10:40.960
<v Speaker 1>where I was depressed and suicidal. I stopped talking to

1:10:41.040 --> 1:10:42.760
<v Speaker 1>him because he pretended like he was my friend, but

1:10:42.800 --> 1:10:45.160
<v Speaker 1>he never really was. It hurt like hell to say goodbye,

1:10:45.320 --> 1:10:47.760
<v Speaker 1>but I did just to clarify we were never more

1:10:47.800 --> 1:10:50.280
<v Speaker 1>than friends. I really liked him, but we didn't want

1:10:50.280 --> 1:10:52.160
<v Speaker 1>to ruin our friendship because I knew we didn't have

1:10:52.160 --> 1:10:54.960
<v Speaker 1>the same feelings. Fast forward to now, since we have

1:10:54.960 --> 1:10:57.240
<v Speaker 1>started talking again, we become more than friends, but less

1:10:57.240 --> 1:10:59.760
<v Speaker 1>than lovers. I'm a virgin and refused to let him

1:10:59.760 --> 1:11:01.720
<v Speaker 1>put his name on that. I like that's a nice

1:11:01.720 --> 1:11:04.719
<v Speaker 1>way of putting that. We've never been in this place before, though,

1:11:04.800 --> 1:11:07.519
<v Speaker 1>so I'm still navigating the situation. He's initiated all of this,

1:11:07.600 --> 1:11:10.439
<v Speaker 1>but it mostly happens when we're intoxicated. At the beginning,

1:11:10.439 --> 1:11:12.240
<v Speaker 1>he even lied to me about still being together with

1:11:12.240 --> 1:11:14.360
<v Speaker 1>his girlfriend. He's told me I make him nervous when

1:11:14.360 --> 1:11:15.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm around. He doesn't like to hang out with me

1:11:15.960 --> 1:11:18.599
<v Speaker 1>alone because he feels tempted to make a move after

1:11:18.680 --> 1:11:20.479
<v Speaker 1>night's out. I've slept over at his place with him

1:11:20.479 --> 1:11:23.439
<v Speaker 1>in his bed. We fooled around, but nothing more. When

1:11:23.479 --> 1:11:25.360
<v Speaker 1>we're together, we act like we are in a relationship.

1:11:25.360 --> 1:11:27.479
<v Speaker 1>But I'm positive I would never want a relationship with him,

1:11:27.520 --> 1:11:29.000
<v Speaker 1>and I'm pretty sure he feel the same way. We

1:11:29.120 --> 1:11:31.240
<v Speaker 1>just like to have each other when we need each other.

1:11:31.760 --> 1:11:34.400
<v Speaker 1>I love this kid, but know that because of what

1:11:34.400 --> 1:11:36.280
<v Speaker 1>happened in high school, in his history of cheating on

1:11:36.320 --> 1:11:39.080
<v Speaker 1>his girlfriends, that could never be in a relationship with him. Help.

1:11:39.160 --> 1:11:40.800
<v Speaker 1>I just have no idea what his take is on

1:11:40.840 --> 1:11:43.080
<v Speaker 1>our relationship because it doesn't talk about stuff. Where do

1:11:43.160 --> 1:11:48.639
<v Speaker 1>you think his head is with all of this? That's Katie, Katie, Katie,

1:11:48.880 --> 1:11:53.320
<v Speaker 1>Katie's gonna be fine. Um, Katy sounds like a young

1:11:53.400 --> 1:11:57.920
<v Speaker 1>woman who you know, probably knows more about what she

1:11:57.960 --> 1:12:02.200
<v Speaker 1>wants since she realizes I think the important thing here

1:12:02.280 --> 1:12:05.480
<v Speaker 1>is who gives us what he thinks about the relationship.

1:12:05.640 --> 1:12:08.400
<v Speaker 1>I think think about what you want about relationship. It

1:12:08.400 --> 1:12:10.080
<v Speaker 1>sounds like you know is that you know? I mean,

1:12:10.120 --> 1:12:11.679
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if kat is really being totally honest

1:12:11.680 --> 1:12:13.519
<v Speaker 1>with herself because she's saying it, but I don't know

1:12:13.560 --> 1:12:16.240
<v Speaker 1>if she believes it, like I'll never I never want

1:12:16.240 --> 1:12:17.920
<v Speaker 1>a relationship with this guy. I think she really wants

1:12:18.000 --> 1:12:20.680
<v Speaker 1>relationship with this guy. And that's okay. You should be

1:12:20.720 --> 1:12:24.800
<v Speaker 1>honest with yourself, honest with yourself about what it is. Um,

1:12:24.840 --> 1:12:27.880
<v Speaker 1>because it sounds like when she removes herself from the

1:12:28.000 --> 1:12:30.000
<v Speaker 1>kind of emotional side, it sounds like she can kind

1:12:30.000 --> 1:12:32.840
<v Speaker 1>of point out whether this relationship is or isn't right

1:12:32.880 --> 1:12:34.840
<v Speaker 1>for her, And it sounds like she knows that it's not.

1:12:35.040 --> 1:12:38.760
<v Speaker 1>I mean, here's what this relationship is. And I know

1:12:38.800 --> 1:12:41.200
<v Speaker 1>how I would describe it, and it would probably be

1:12:41.240 --> 1:12:43.240
<v Speaker 1>how I describe a lot of these relationships and a

1:12:43.280 --> 1:12:45.600
<v Speaker 1>lot of and everyone has it. This is this is

1:12:45.600 --> 1:12:50.920
<v Speaker 1>a sour Patch kid relationship. What I mean by that

1:12:49.720 --> 1:12:55.960
<v Speaker 1>is um, so sour Patch kids. For I think we

1:12:55.960 --> 1:12:58.120
<v Speaker 1>can all agree. And if you don't like sour Patch kids,

1:12:58.160 --> 1:13:00.720
<v Speaker 1>you're just like my favorite. Our Patch kids are a

1:13:00.760 --> 1:13:04.479
<v Speaker 1>delicious candy. They're they're amazing, right, we we all love

1:13:04.520 --> 1:13:07.360
<v Speaker 1>sour Patch kids. And but like you know, when you

1:13:07.360 --> 1:13:09.280
<v Speaker 1>have sour Patch kids, like even now I'm thinking about

1:13:09.280 --> 1:13:12.000
<v Speaker 1>sour Patch Kids and my mouth is solving. You know,

1:13:12.040 --> 1:13:13.680
<v Speaker 1>when you have a s it's like you just you

1:13:13.760 --> 1:13:15.600
<v Speaker 1>crave it and you go to the movies. You're like,

1:13:15.800 --> 1:13:17.240
<v Speaker 1>do I want sour Patch kids? And you get so

1:13:17.240 --> 1:13:19.160
<v Speaker 1>our Patch Kids and it's so good, or your friends

1:13:19.160 --> 1:13:21.960
<v Speaker 1>haven't and you're eating sour Patch kids. But almost always

1:13:22.000 --> 1:13:25.200
<v Speaker 1>we have sour Patch kids. We eat them, We indulge,

1:13:25.320 --> 1:13:28.679
<v Speaker 1>we binge a little bit, and eventually it like rots

1:13:28.720 --> 1:13:31.679
<v Speaker 1>the inside of her mouth. You know, that's too much sugar,

1:13:31.720 --> 1:13:33.600
<v Speaker 1>and we way too much on an empty stomach, and

1:13:33.680 --> 1:13:36.360
<v Speaker 1>we get like gut rot. It just doesn't make us

1:13:36.400 --> 1:13:39.320
<v Speaker 1>feel good. It's it's it's amazing. It tastes so good.

1:13:39.439 --> 1:13:42.880
<v Speaker 1>It gives us a fix, but it's not sustainable. You know,

1:13:43.280 --> 1:13:46.960
<v Speaker 1>we can't survive on sour Patch kids. And even though

1:13:47.000 --> 1:13:49.040
<v Speaker 1>we'll like get the sour Patch kids and we'll do

1:13:49.080 --> 1:13:51.360
<v Speaker 1>this and won't binge, and then we'll look get sick

1:13:51.360 --> 1:13:53.760
<v Speaker 1>to our stomach, so we're like, you know, our mouth

1:13:53.880 --> 1:13:55.960
<v Speaker 1>is deteriorated. You're like, I can't keep doing this. And

1:13:55.960 --> 1:13:58.240
<v Speaker 1>then a few days go by and you'r you go

1:13:58.280 --> 1:14:00.000
<v Speaker 1>to your friend's house and they have sour Patch kids

1:14:00.040 --> 1:14:02.719
<v Speaker 1>laying around. You're like, I'm gonna have some more power

1:14:02.960 --> 1:14:05.840
<v Speaker 1>sour Patch kids. And you keep doing this over and

1:14:05.880 --> 1:14:08.320
<v Speaker 1>over because like every time you forget, you're like reminded

1:14:08.320 --> 1:14:10.639
<v Speaker 1>about how delicious the sour Patch kid is. But again,

1:14:11.040 --> 1:14:13.920
<v Speaker 1>it never becomes sustainable. It never becomes the food that

1:14:13.960 --> 1:14:18.960
<v Speaker 1>you can like nourish yourself on. And that's basically these relationships.

1:14:18.960 --> 1:14:23.120
<v Speaker 1>Like everyone everyone has a sour Patch kid in their life.

1:14:23.160 --> 1:14:26.960
<v Speaker 1>Everyone has multiple sour Patch relationships. I think it's important

1:14:26.960 --> 1:14:29.840
<v Speaker 1>to identify who the sour Patch kid in your life is.

1:14:30.280 --> 1:14:32.599
<v Speaker 1>We probably have all been sour Patch kids as someone else.

1:14:32.760 --> 1:14:35.000
<v Speaker 1>And I think the reason we find these people were

1:14:35.680 --> 1:14:38.560
<v Speaker 1>we were just like, you know, maybe it's just infatuation.

1:14:38.600 --> 1:14:40.519
<v Speaker 1>They do something for us. Maybe we like spending time

1:14:40.520 --> 1:14:42.519
<v Speaker 1>with them. We're willing to like accept maybe they cheat

1:14:42.600 --> 1:14:45.599
<v Speaker 1>on someone like the story describes, you know, or they

1:14:46.080 --> 1:14:47.479
<v Speaker 1>you know, you hang out with them, they give you

1:14:47.479 --> 1:14:50.360
<v Speaker 1>this fix, but over time they do some damage to you.

1:14:50.360 --> 1:14:52.320
<v Speaker 1>You know, they make you feel that good about yourself,

1:14:52.360 --> 1:14:55.479
<v Speaker 1>they bring up in securities, they're they're kind of being selfish,

1:14:55.479 --> 1:14:58.240
<v Speaker 1>off doing their thing, they're not committing, and over time

1:14:58.280 --> 1:15:01.360
<v Speaker 1>they do these things that, as anyone would agree, aren't sustainable, right,

1:15:01.400 --> 1:15:03.519
<v Speaker 1>But we do that for whatever reason, we hang on

1:15:03.600 --> 1:15:06.200
<v Speaker 1>to these sour Patch kids over and over. Why because

1:15:06.240 --> 1:15:09.120
<v Speaker 1>they're saking delicious and they're so good and in the

1:15:09.200 --> 1:15:12.400
<v Speaker 1>moment they just like they they they serve this like

1:15:12.479 --> 1:15:17.800
<v Speaker 1>instant gratification, And so I think it's just, yeah, this

1:15:17.800 --> 1:15:20.600
<v Speaker 1>this person is a sour Patch kid, and um, and

1:15:20.640 --> 1:15:23.920
<v Speaker 1>that's okay, and you'll probably keep pasting him because it's

1:15:23.920 --> 1:15:27.240
<v Speaker 1>delicious and it feels good. Um did you come up

1:15:27.280 --> 1:15:28.880
<v Speaker 1>with this? Because now I'm like, oh my god, that

1:15:28.920 --> 1:15:33.000
<v Speaker 1>relationship was a Patch I was. I came up with

1:15:33.000 --> 1:15:38.320
<v Speaker 1>this recently. I was giving relationships advice to this someone

1:15:38.360 --> 1:15:43.559
<v Speaker 1>I was dating recently. Um, I know they're they're younger

1:15:43.600 --> 1:15:47.200
<v Speaker 1>sister who's not young, who's in our dirties. So don't

1:15:47.200 --> 1:15:51.200
<v Speaker 1>feel bad. Um, like this happens to everyone. And you know,

1:15:51.280 --> 1:15:55.280
<v Speaker 1>we were having a good time indulging in substance and

1:15:55.280 --> 1:15:56.840
<v Speaker 1>and it was just like we were talking about this

1:15:56.880 --> 1:15:58.360
<v Speaker 1>and it came up and like, you know what he is,

1:15:58.560 --> 1:16:02.000
<v Speaker 1>He's a sour Patch kid. Uh, but it's true. I

1:16:02.040 --> 1:16:04.600
<v Speaker 1>mean that's uh, that's what we do. You know, we

1:16:04.640 --> 1:16:06.439
<v Speaker 1>do it over and over and I think again, so

1:16:06.520 --> 1:16:09.320
<v Speaker 1>don't beat yourself up because we all love Sour Patch kids.

1:16:09.360 --> 1:16:11.400
<v Speaker 1>We just can't deny how good they are. And we

1:16:11.439 --> 1:16:14.759
<v Speaker 1>know we're always going to go back and eat them. Um,

1:16:14.800 --> 1:16:16.719
<v Speaker 1>but I go back and eat him within the same

1:16:16.760 --> 1:16:18.800
<v Speaker 1>movie like half an hour, and I'm like, oh, I

1:16:21.000 --> 1:16:22.439
<v Speaker 1>have so like if you want to keep it, I'm

1:16:22.439 --> 1:16:24.680
<v Speaker 1>not saying get this guy out of your life, you know.

1:16:25.080 --> 1:16:27.439
<v Speaker 1>And she you know this, This young lady is young.

1:16:27.520 --> 1:16:29.880
<v Speaker 1>So it's fine, and you're probably gonna have more Sour

1:16:29.920 --> 1:16:31.880
<v Speaker 1>Patch kids in your life. It's just going to happen.

1:16:32.280 --> 1:16:34.320
<v Speaker 1>But just be honest with yourself that he is. And

1:16:34.400 --> 1:16:37.640
<v Speaker 1>don't pretend that you can have a healthy diet on

1:16:38.080 --> 1:16:41.000
<v Speaker 1>sour patch kids because you can't. No one can. You know,

1:16:41.160 --> 1:16:43.519
<v Speaker 1>they're delicious and they're fun and they're a good time,

1:16:43.920 --> 1:16:47.439
<v Speaker 1>but eventually they'll rock you on your inside. Um, I

1:16:47.439 --> 1:16:54.920
<v Speaker 1>think you've just changed my life. It's like wow, Yeah,

1:16:55.040 --> 1:16:58.200
<v Speaker 1>so yeah, I don't know that that would uh, that

1:16:58.240 --> 1:17:02.560
<v Speaker 1>would be my advice. So yeah, Victoria, my name is Vicky.

1:17:02.600 --> 1:17:05.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm from Philly. I'm in love with love. I just

1:17:05.160 --> 1:17:06.760
<v Speaker 1>broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago and

1:17:06.760 --> 1:17:08.760
<v Speaker 1>I have three options. We need help figuring out which

1:17:08.800 --> 1:17:11.280
<v Speaker 1>direction I should go in. Here's some backstory to my

1:17:11.320 --> 1:17:14.680
<v Speaker 1>most recent relationship. We dated for close to one and

1:17:14.680 --> 1:17:16.760
<v Speaker 1>a half years, and after my birthday last month I

1:17:16.760 --> 1:17:19.360
<v Speaker 1>turned twenty seven, I started thinking about long term goals

1:17:19.360 --> 1:17:21.040
<v Speaker 1>and made a decision to be a little selfish this

1:17:21.120 --> 1:17:23.280
<v Speaker 1>year and take care of myself in all areas of

1:17:23.320 --> 1:17:25.559
<v Speaker 1>my life. One of those decisions was to break off

1:17:25.600 --> 1:17:27.920
<v Speaker 1>the relationship because he didn't believe in marriage and made

1:17:27.920 --> 1:17:30.439
<v Speaker 1>it clear on multiple occasions he didn't want children. Ever.

1:17:31.280 --> 1:17:32.720
<v Speaker 1>Right now, I feel like I need to take some

1:17:32.760 --> 1:17:34.519
<v Speaker 1>time to figure out who I am and enjoy my

1:17:34.520 --> 1:17:36.439
<v Speaker 1>own company, and stay single. What do you think I

1:17:36.439 --> 1:17:39.160
<v Speaker 1>should do? One, Get back out there and find the

1:17:39.160 --> 1:17:41.719
<v Speaker 1>man of my dreams, even if it means another heartbreak,

1:17:41.920 --> 1:17:44.120
<v Speaker 1>to stay single for the rest of the year, and

1:17:44.160 --> 1:17:47.439
<v Speaker 1>curse all men. Three stay single until my ex changes

1:17:47.479 --> 1:17:49.519
<v Speaker 1>his mind on things and realizes he wants to be

1:17:49.600 --> 1:17:52.479
<v Speaker 1>with me forever. For none of the above, try my

1:17:52.600 --> 1:17:54.559
<v Speaker 1>luck on the Bachelor, since in the last eleven years

1:17:54.600 --> 1:17:58.000
<v Speaker 1>none of the real world scenarios have worked out. Victoria,

1:17:58.479 --> 1:18:05.679
<v Speaker 1>Let's let's just like just through these one by one. Uh. Again,

1:18:06.479 --> 1:18:08.600
<v Speaker 1>there's a there's a theme with these emails, and I

1:18:08.640 --> 1:18:10.360
<v Speaker 1>got to be certain that these people kind of know

1:18:10.400 --> 1:18:13.840
<v Speaker 1>the answer, but maybe they're just curious what we think. Um,

1:18:13.880 --> 1:18:18.040
<v Speaker 1>she loves love. That's an honest assessment of oneself. And

1:18:18.080 --> 1:18:20.960
<v Speaker 1>I think that's pretty common. Um. But I think when

1:18:21.000 --> 1:18:22.880
<v Speaker 1>you have that realization that you love love, I mean,

1:18:22.880 --> 1:18:24.400
<v Speaker 1>it's okay of love love, but don't love it so

1:18:24.479 --> 1:18:28.200
<v Speaker 1>much that you search for things that aren't real love

1:18:28.240 --> 1:18:31.920
<v Speaker 1>and then call it love. Um. You know again, it's

1:18:31.920 --> 1:18:33.760
<v Speaker 1>it sounds like she's she knows what she wants. She

1:18:33.760 --> 1:18:35.720
<v Speaker 1>wants to have a family and that's it sounds like

1:18:35.720 --> 1:18:37.839
<v Speaker 1>a top priority for her, and that's nothing to dismiss.

1:18:38.400 --> 1:18:40.760
<v Speaker 1>So what number one? Get back out there and find

1:18:40.800 --> 1:18:44.080
<v Speaker 1>the man of my dreams, even it means another heartbreak.

1:18:44.439 --> 1:18:47.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean, it's funny that she's like, I just broke

1:18:47.080 --> 1:18:49.200
<v Speaker 1>up with my boyfriend a few days ago, and I

1:18:49.240 --> 1:18:52.479
<v Speaker 1>have a few options. I'm assuming the options are these

1:18:52.600 --> 1:18:54.599
<v Speaker 1>one through four and not like four guys who are

1:18:54.600 --> 1:18:59.719
<v Speaker 1>pining for her affection, but one through four, Um, listen,

1:18:59.800 --> 1:19:02.519
<v Speaker 1>she of course get back out there, but like this

1:19:02.560 --> 1:19:05.200
<v Speaker 1>is not like, um, get back out there in the

1:19:05.200 --> 1:19:07.200
<v Speaker 1>sense that like just go live, you know, and that

1:19:07.320 --> 1:19:11.040
<v Speaker 1>kind of can you know one through three or just

1:19:11.160 --> 1:19:13.040
<v Speaker 1>kind of do all of the above and one through three,

1:19:13.080 --> 1:19:15.400
<v Speaker 1>like like what are you gonna do? Like don't go

1:19:15.400 --> 1:19:18.040
<v Speaker 1>in nine dating apps and like start hitting on a

1:19:18.040 --> 1:19:20.080
<v Speaker 1>bunch of guys at bar. Just go be you know,

1:19:20.560 --> 1:19:23.160
<v Speaker 1>be okay with being by yourself. Don't rush in the

1:19:23.200 --> 1:19:25.320
<v Speaker 1>next relationship. But who knows, maybe the love of your

1:19:25.360 --> 1:19:28.000
<v Speaker 1>life pops in your life tomorrow. I don't know, be

1:19:28.120 --> 1:19:30.920
<v Speaker 1>open to it. Um, you know. I think it's how

1:19:31.000 --> 1:19:34.720
<v Speaker 1>often people like define where they are get out of

1:19:34.720 --> 1:19:36.639
<v Speaker 1>relationship to have heartbreak and they're like, I'm not doing

1:19:36.680 --> 1:19:39.559
<v Speaker 1>anyone for whatever period of time, Like what does that

1:19:39.600 --> 1:19:41.760
<v Speaker 1>even mean? A week or six months or you? Like

1:19:41.840 --> 1:19:43.599
<v Speaker 1>she even says like for the rest of the year,

1:19:44.320 --> 1:19:46.840
<v Speaker 1>what does that mean? Like is there a middle ground?

1:19:46.960 --> 1:19:48.920
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's also a long time, but like you

1:19:48.960 --> 1:19:50.559
<v Speaker 1>can't control how long you're since she wants to know

1:19:50.520 --> 1:19:56.200
<v Speaker 1>if she should get back out there today or listen. Um,

1:19:56.360 --> 1:20:01.080
<v Speaker 1>definitely don't curse men. I mean, again, there are good

1:20:01.120 --> 1:20:03.920
<v Speaker 1>people and bad people out there are and and and

1:20:04.080 --> 1:20:06.120
<v Speaker 1>a bad person for you doesn't necessarily mean they're a

1:20:06.160 --> 1:20:08.160
<v Speaker 1>bad person. There might be a bad person for you.

1:20:08.320 --> 1:20:10.519
<v Speaker 1>I mean, some people don't want to have kids and

1:20:10.600 --> 1:20:12.559
<v Speaker 1>that just makes them not right for you. But at

1:20:12.560 --> 1:20:14.920
<v Speaker 1>the point where you stay in a relationship and expect

1:20:14.920 --> 1:20:16.720
<v Speaker 1>to change them, then it's not you. You know, you've

1:20:16.720 --> 1:20:18.600
<v Speaker 1>got to stop blaming the people you're with for the

1:20:18.640 --> 1:20:20.760
<v Speaker 1>things that you've decided to be okay with for a

1:20:20.760 --> 1:20:23.599
<v Speaker 1>period of time, even though you weren't really okay with him. Um,

1:20:23.720 --> 1:20:26.800
<v Speaker 1>So when you start doing that and kind of sacrificing

1:20:27.120 --> 1:20:29.320
<v Speaker 1>your priorities, that's kind of on you and not the

1:20:29.360 --> 1:20:33.000
<v Speaker 1>people you're with. Um, stay single, Yeah, so stay single

1:20:33.000 --> 1:20:34.120
<v Speaker 1>for the rest of the year. I mean, I think

1:20:34.120 --> 1:20:36.240
<v Speaker 1>it's good to be alone. I think it's good to

1:20:36.280 --> 1:20:38.160
<v Speaker 1>be comfortable with being alone. I think it's good to

1:20:38.520 --> 1:20:41.440
<v Speaker 1>know what you really want and maybe reassess your priorities.

1:20:41.479 --> 1:20:43.519
<v Speaker 1>If you were in a relationship that you find yourself

1:20:43.560 --> 1:20:46.080
<v Speaker 1>compromising the things that were most important to you, I

1:20:46.120 --> 1:20:50.479
<v Speaker 1>think there's a it's important to decide why you were

1:20:50.479 --> 1:20:53.479
<v Speaker 1>willing to do that. You know, maybe it's just lack

1:20:53.520 --> 1:20:56.360
<v Speaker 1>of maturity. Maybe it is these prayers aren't as important

1:20:56.360 --> 1:20:58.200
<v Speaker 1>to you as you maybe you thought you know, so

1:20:58.280 --> 1:21:02.760
<v Speaker 1>I think reassess that at and then get back out there. Uh,

1:21:02.880 --> 1:21:07.200
<v Speaker 1>stay single until my ex changes his mind. Realize yeah

1:21:07.320 --> 1:21:09.559
<v Speaker 1>number three definitely, No, he's not going to change his

1:21:09.640 --> 1:21:13.160
<v Speaker 1>mind again. It's also entirely possible that he might be bored,

1:21:13.560 --> 1:21:16.120
<v Speaker 1>call you up and be like, yeah, I want kids,

1:21:16.160 --> 1:21:18.720
<v Speaker 1>and then realize he doesn't. Again, but that's probably gonna happen.

1:21:18.760 --> 1:21:21.519
<v Speaker 1>And in fact, I guaranteed that's that's like a chance

1:21:21.560 --> 1:21:25.880
<v Speaker 1>of that happening. Um, but he listen, and you know,

1:21:26.120 --> 1:21:28.080
<v Speaker 1>my guest is not knowing about this relationship. There's a

1:21:28.080 --> 1:21:30.080
<v Speaker 1>lot more going on here than he doesn't want kids.

1:21:30.120 --> 1:21:33.599
<v Speaker 1>I mean, so whatever it is, he is who he is. Um,

1:21:33.640 --> 1:21:36.519
<v Speaker 1>you're seven, I'm guessing maybe he's your age or older.

1:21:36.760 --> 1:21:38.640
<v Speaker 1>You know, this guy is who he is, none of

1:21:38.640 --> 1:21:41.200
<v Speaker 1>the above. Try my look on the Bachelor. Well, it

1:21:41.200 --> 1:21:45.799
<v Speaker 1>hasn't worked out for me, so you know, it's the Bachelor,

1:21:45.960 --> 1:21:48.840
<v Speaker 1>Like it's an experience that people can find love. I

1:21:48.840 --> 1:21:51.240
<v Speaker 1>don't know if it's for finding love though, you know,

1:21:51.640 --> 1:21:53.880
<v Speaker 1>I like to believe it is as someone Okay, so

1:21:53.920 --> 1:21:56.120
<v Speaker 1>I watched the show, Like as someone who watches the show,

1:21:56.479 --> 1:21:57.920
<v Speaker 1>I have to believe at the end of the day,

1:21:57.920 --> 1:22:00.000
<v Speaker 1>like they're going to stay together until they break up.

1:22:01.160 --> 1:22:03.880
<v Speaker 1>What the Bacheler is is a heightened version of the world.

1:22:04.360 --> 1:22:07.479
<v Speaker 1>That's all it is. And so like the world, people

1:22:07.600 --> 1:22:09.479
<v Speaker 1>fall in love. You can fall in love and then

1:22:09.520 --> 1:22:12.320
<v Speaker 1>like in the world, often relationships don't work out because

1:22:12.320 --> 1:22:15.960
<v Speaker 1>they're hard, you know, and you, um, you don't you

1:22:15.960 --> 1:22:18.240
<v Speaker 1>You go into relationship and it's escalated and it's moved

1:22:18.280 --> 1:22:20.479
<v Speaker 1>forward quickly, and there's a lot about people you don't know,

1:22:20.560 --> 1:22:25.080
<v Speaker 1>not necessarily bad or good, just compatibility wise, and um,

1:22:25.120 --> 1:22:28.519
<v Speaker 1>it's it's a bigger risk that has you know, been

1:22:28.560 --> 1:22:30.840
<v Speaker 1>great to work out for some and it's just you know,

1:22:32.240 --> 1:22:34.880
<v Speaker 1>but it's interesting, Like, you know, I think about like

1:22:35.160 --> 1:22:37.240
<v Speaker 1>you all, we all have we have to own our choices,

1:22:37.240 --> 1:22:42.240
<v Speaker 1>we have to be economofour choices. Um. I'm single today, UM,

1:22:42.280 --> 1:22:43.679
<v Speaker 1>And a lot of has to do with the fact

1:22:43.680 --> 1:22:45.519
<v Speaker 1>that I chose to go on The Bachelor four times

1:22:45.520 --> 1:22:47.360
<v Speaker 1>and I'm not I don't blame the Bachelor, but it

1:22:47.400 --> 1:22:50.080
<v Speaker 1>was a high risk situation that could have had some

1:22:50.160 --> 1:22:52.600
<v Speaker 1>great payoff when it comes in my relationship life and

1:22:52.760 --> 1:22:54.559
<v Speaker 1>ended up not, you know, And that was a risk

1:22:54.600 --> 1:22:57.720
<v Speaker 1>I chose to take. I don't sit there and you know,

1:22:57.720 --> 1:23:00.920
<v Speaker 1>it's funny because like obviously with being own as someone

1:23:00.960 --> 1:23:03.360
<v Speaker 1>who's gone the show and my dating life is something

1:23:03.439 --> 1:23:07.360
<v Speaker 1>that people pay attention to, you know, like unfortunately that

1:23:07.520 --> 1:23:10.880
<v Speaker 1>it comes with like um uh, some people see me

1:23:10.920 --> 1:23:13.439
<v Speaker 1>as unlucky in love. Are things like I don't you know.

1:23:13.560 --> 1:23:15.800
<v Speaker 1>But at the same time, I also don't I own

1:23:15.840 --> 1:23:20.679
<v Speaker 1>the fact that I, for the past three to four years, UM,

1:23:20.720 --> 1:23:23.559
<v Speaker 1>decided to take some pretty extreme risks when it comes

1:23:23.600 --> 1:23:25.479
<v Speaker 1>to my love life and it hasn't panned out. Now

1:23:25.520 --> 1:23:27.519
<v Speaker 1>I own that. I don't sit there and be like

1:23:27.720 --> 1:23:30.040
<v Speaker 1>what is wrong with me? Like I'm I'm pretty aware

1:23:30.120 --> 1:23:32.160
<v Speaker 1>that I just took some risks. And I think in

1:23:32.240 --> 1:23:34.840
<v Speaker 1>life we have to own that too, you know, we

1:23:34.920 --> 1:23:38.360
<v Speaker 1>have to, like life's about choices and sacrifices and prioritize,

1:23:38.640 --> 1:23:43.280
<v Speaker 1>prior prioritizing things. And sometimes we prioritize some things over another.

1:23:43.320 --> 1:23:45.559
<v Speaker 1>And sometimes we again, like a lot of these emails,

1:23:45.560 --> 1:23:47.720
<v Speaker 1>we stay in relationships that when we list them out

1:23:47.800 --> 1:23:49.960
<v Speaker 1>or write a letter to someone else asking advice, it

1:23:49.960 --> 1:23:51.960
<v Speaker 1>seems pretty clear that these relationships aren't right for us.

1:23:51.960 --> 1:23:53.960
<v Speaker 1>But for whatever reason, we choose to stay in these

1:23:53.960 --> 1:23:57.280
<v Speaker 1>sour patch kid relationships, um, and thinking that that something

1:23:57.280 --> 1:23:59.400
<v Speaker 1>that can sustain us and make us happy and and

1:23:59.560 --> 1:24:03.880
<v Speaker 1>nurture and they don't and so um, yeah, I don't know.

1:24:04.000 --> 1:24:06.120
<v Speaker 1>So so what's our advice. It's not one or two

1:24:06.200 --> 1:24:10.000
<v Speaker 1>or three or four. It's combined one and two, um,

1:24:10.080 --> 1:24:13.040
<v Speaker 1>in the sense that just be just go out there,

1:24:13.080 --> 1:24:17.479
<v Speaker 1>be open to you know, be comfortable with being single,

1:24:17.680 --> 1:24:21.000
<v Speaker 1>reassess your relationship, reprioritize what you loved about the relationship,

1:24:21.040 --> 1:24:23.000
<v Speaker 1>what you didn't want, and then just be open to

1:24:23.040 --> 1:24:25.519
<v Speaker 1>meeting people. And that might happen tomorrow, and it might

1:24:25.560 --> 1:24:28.840
<v Speaker 1>happen ten years from now, but hopefully when it does happen.

1:24:28.880 --> 1:24:30.600
<v Speaker 1>It will be with the person that you will be

1:24:30.720 --> 1:24:33.120
<v Speaker 1>lucky enough that it works out forever and whenever that

1:24:33.160 --> 1:24:36.960
<v Speaker 1>forever is well. Thank you Dean for letting me be

1:24:37.080 --> 1:24:43.960
<v Speaker 1>here while you are taking Instagram photos. And um, I

1:24:44.040 --> 1:24:47.360
<v Speaker 1>stole all his emails, so he's going to need more. Yeah,

1:24:47.400 --> 1:24:50.559
<v Speaker 1>so people, come on, I I hopefully did a okay

1:24:50.640 --> 1:24:53.320
<v Speaker 1>job answering these people's questions. So Dean is gonna need

1:24:53.640 --> 1:24:57.120
<v Speaker 1>more emails to help you at least talk about your

1:24:57.120 --> 1:24:59.559
<v Speaker 1>love life. Um, I suck at Dating at i heeart

1:24:59.640 --> 1:25:03.839
<v Speaker 1>media dot com. Thank you Tsuki and Elizabeth Novigrats, authors

1:25:03.880 --> 1:25:07.519
<v Speaker 1>have just sit um talked about meditation. Yeah. I think

1:25:07.520 --> 1:25:09.759
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna try to meditate a little bit more. Um.

1:25:09.800 --> 1:25:11.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if that will work out, but I'm

1:25:11.880 --> 1:25:15.840
<v Speaker 1>gonna try, because you know what, eventually, I'll figure myself out.

1:25:16.479 --> 1:25:22.200
<v Speaker 1>Thanks guys, it's been fun. Never again. Follow Help I

1:25:22.400 --> 1:25:25.320
<v Speaker 1>Suck at Dating with Dean Anglert on I Heart Radio

1:25:25.520 --> 1:25:28.000
<v Speaker 1>or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.