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Speaker 1: Welcome to Pretty Private with Ebine, a space where no

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Speaker 1: question is off limits and storylines become lifelines. The views

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Speaker 1: shared by our guests are meant to inform, entertain and empower.

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Speaker 1: From the laughs to the lessons, Just remember tough times

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Speaker 1: don't last, but professional home girls do enjoy the show.

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Speaker 2: What's up, y'all? Is shagarra Ebine here and I hope

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Speaker 2: all is cute. Now. Welcome back to another episode a

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Speaker 2: Pretty Private with Ebine, where storylines become lifelines bull Chow.

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Speaker 2: This week's episode is very personal. I decided to revisit

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Speaker 2: a therapy session that I recorded six years ago in

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Speaker 2: chill talk about grieving.

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Speaker 3: Your old self.

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Speaker 2: And you know, when I listen back to this conversation

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Speaker 2: with my therapist Dina, my first reaction really surprised me.

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Speaker 2: Or maybe a dinn't because I've been feeling like this

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Speaker 2: about myself for quite some time. But I felt really

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Speaker 2: disappointed in myself. You know, when I listened back to

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Speaker 2: this episode, I really heard a version of me that

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Speaker 2: was like really doing the work. I feel like she

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Speaker 2: was very intentional. I feel like she was very disciplined

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Speaker 2: when it came to her healing. I feel like she

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Speaker 2: was asking the hard questions because she really wanted to

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Speaker 2: get to the core of who she was. And I

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Speaker 2: feel like she was just a fighter. Like she just

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Speaker 2: feel like six years ago, Ebaney was just such a

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Speaker 2: like warrior, you know. And you know, slowly but surely,

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Speaker 2: like I still have my disappointment with myself because of

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Speaker 2: where I'm at now, but I feel like that disappointment

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Speaker 2: slowly turned into pride, you know. And I was just

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Speaker 2: so proud of her, and I was so proud of

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Speaker 2: how hard she fought to heal. I was proud of

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Speaker 2: her living in her truth. And I think most of all,

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Speaker 2: I was just proud of how committed she was to

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Speaker 2: becoming a better version of herself. So yeah, but right now,

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Speaker 2: because you can probably hear it in my voice, you know,

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Speaker 2: I feel more confused and lost than I have ever

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Speaker 2: in a very very long time. I was not expecting

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Speaker 2: to be in this season that I'm currently in, and

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Speaker 2: it's to the point where I'm not even sure who

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Speaker 2: I am in this season, y'all. I am. This is

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Speaker 2: the most confused I have ever been. And the irony

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Speaker 2: of all of this is I recorded the original therapy

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Speaker 2: session around the anniversary of my grandmother's passing, and six

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Speaker 2: years later, here I am again recording this episode and

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Speaker 2: March first mark the tenth anniversary of my grandmother's passing.

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Speaker 2: So wow, I just timing, is everything right?

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Speaker 3: So yeah, So I'm feeling heavy, I'm feeling very emo.

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Speaker 2: On top of I'm feeling very confused and just all

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Speaker 2: over the place child, and so much so that I

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Speaker 2: am going to start back mind set with Dina starting

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Speaker 2: this week. I hit Dina up not too long ago

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Speaker 2: and I just say.

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Speaker 3: Hey, like, I really need your.

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Speaker 2: Support right now because I'm just really having a hard

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Speaker 2: time with navigating this season and I feel like I've

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Speaker 2: been relying on other people other things to help me

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Speaker 2: get through this. But I think it's time for me

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Speaker 2: to tap back not only into God, but definitely into therapy.

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Speaker 2: So I would definitely keep y'all posted with my sessions

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Speaker 2: with her. I'm looking forward to it, and I'm looking

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Speaker 2: forward to doing the growth and getting back to my

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Speaker 2: healing journey. And also, I just refuse to let myself

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Speaker 2: just sit in this space without getting the proper help

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Speaker 2: I need to process things because a lot of things

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Speaker 2: have transpired between these past couple of months in my

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Speaker 2: life and I think I finally, I think this straw

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Speaker 2: has finally broke the camel's back. And I don't want

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Speaker 2: to keep anybody with my close friends because I know

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Speaker 2: we all have things we're going through and I feel like,

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Speaker 2: you know, I love my friends. Shout out to my community.

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Speaker 2: I feel like everyone has been there for me, pouring

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Speaker 2: into me and like reminding me of who I am.

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Speaker 2: And you know, one thing I am learning, like grief

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Speaker 2: is layered and so is growth, and sometimes healing circles

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Speaker 2: back around to test you in new ways. And my god,

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Speaker 2: have I been tested in more ways than I could

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Speaker 2: even imagine. But I also believe that this is the

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Speaker 2: beauty of the show. Right y'all tell me all the

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Speaker 2: time that this podcast has saved your life, And I

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Speaker 2: get emotional when you say that, because this podcast has

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Speaker 2: definitely saved mine, and it's doing that right now because

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Speaker 2: I am hearing this saving through the voice of my

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Speaker 2: past self, through the reminders that you're about to hear

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Speaker 2: in this episode. It's like old Ebiney is reaching out

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Speaker 2: to encourage this day and age Ebiney, and I am

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Speaker 2: just extremely thankful for that. So I'm not fully out

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Speaker 2: of this space yet, but when I am, I would

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Speaker 2: definitely share more about what's been going on in the

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Speaker 2: lessons I'm learning about myself in real time. But for now,

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Speaker 2: I hope this episode meets you wherever you are at,

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Speaker 2: because it's definitely meeting me where I'm at. So get

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Speaker 2: ready because my therapy session starts now. These last couple

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Speaker 2: of weeks, I've been like really emotional. I'm like, well,

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Speaker 2: I'm so damn emotional, Like I think one morning I

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Speaker 2: woke up and I was watching Freshest and I was

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Speaker 2: just crying. I'm like, I do you have my watching

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Speaker 2: this shit at eight o'clock.

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Speaker 3: In the morning.

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Speaker 2: And then I started putting two or twoe together and

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Speaker 2: this Sunday is the anniversary or my grandmother passer.

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Speaker 3: Oh, so I was like, oh, okay, that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: But besides that, I feel like, I don't know, I

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Speaker 2: just feel other than that in a really great space,

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Speaker 2: like I don't know, like I feel like I was

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Speaker 2: listening to this.

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Speaker 3: Interview with Big Sean right and he was just saying,

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Speaker 3: how like when you.

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Speaker 2: When you only use part of yourself, you lose the rest,

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Speaker 2: You lose touch with the rest of yourself, Okay, And

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Speaker 2: I was thinking to myself, like I feel like now

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Speaker 2: I feel so much at peace blow a lot of things,

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Speaker 2: and I feel I feel like I'm becoming more of me,

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Speaker 2: Like I feel like I see myself for the first time,

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Speaker 2: which is like it's so crazyly okay, well you like

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Speaker 2: why do you smell it? I love that. I mean

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Speaker 2: I think that sometimes going through like triumphant relationships and

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Speaker 2: disconnecting from toxicity in our lives by choice, want it

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Speaker 2: empowers us to be like, oh I did that.

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Speaker 3: The second thing.

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Speaker 2: I feel like it if you choose to like take

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Speaker 2: space from just people and like really start to be

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Speaker 2: in this place of self acceptance and journaling and like

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Speaker 2: meditating and tapping into like why do I feel like

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Speaker 2: this today?

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Speaker 3: Things like that, it starts to make you feel like, oh,

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Speaker 3: this is really the person I am.

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Speaker 2: I'm the person that gets emotional when it's close to

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Speaker 2: my grandparents, you know, my grandmother's death, And that's okay, right,

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Speaker 2: It's okay to be emotional. Know, it's okay for me

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Speaker 2: to be a person that you know, I hang out

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Speaker 2: one friends from time to time.

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Speaker 3: I enjoy that, Like.

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Speaker 2: All of this becomes self acceptance and it feels like

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Speaker 2: it starts to feel like.

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Speaker 3: There's a real me coming out. Yeah, like learning so

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Speaker 3: much about myself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I feel like I was just thinking about

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Speaker 2: like all the past relationships, friendships, jobs, opportunities, and I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I think they're even when things did work out because

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Speaker 2: I wasn't acting in my true self, Like I was

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Speaker 2: just doing it because I felt like I just needed

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Speaker 2: to do it, but I didn't really want to do it,

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Speaker 2: or I didn't really want to be in that relationship,

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Speaker 2: or I didn't really want to be friends with that person.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so if we could spend that in a very positive.

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Speaker 2: Way, because the way it's coming out now, it's like

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Speaker 2: I knew how to do these things, but I just

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Speaker 2: didn't do it. But estate I don't think I knew, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I say, how do we spend that in a different way?

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Speaker 2: Because if I would have kneel better, I would have

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Speaker 2: done better. Right, So you know, the acceptance part also

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Speaker 2: comes in right now when it's like, so when I

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Speaker 2: think of who I was back then, I had these

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Speaker 2: relationships in my life and even though they didn't work

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Speaker 2: for me, I didn't know any better. Right now, fast forward,

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Speaker 2: I've learned how to accept myself, how to let go

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Speaker 2: of relationships, how not to be afraid of letting go relationship?

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Speaker 2: And I feel really good? Right, do you see to

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Speaker 2: switch up? It's changing the narrative. Right, So if your

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Speaker 2: own narrative was one of self judgment, right.

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Speaker 3: Why am I not doing this? I could do this,

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Speaker 3: I could let people go move more that self judgment.

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Speaker 2: Your new narrative is I needed to learn some things

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Speaker 2: about me to be okay with letting go these people.

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Speaker 3: Being okay bring in a space.

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Speaker 2: Where you know, I knew that I could welcome new

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Speaker 2: friendships and new opportunities and all of that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I feel like.

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Speaker 2: Now I'm sorry, just I feel like I just see

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Speaker 2: clearer now, Like, but then I was thinking, like, damn, this.

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Speaker 3: Is thirty three years. Shit for some people say forty

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Speaker 3: something years.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, right, glass half BoatUS, it's a thirty three years,

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Speaker 2: which means I got the rest of my life that.

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Speaker 3: Actually I ensure it is right.

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Speaker 2: Some of it is also very developmental, Like people don't

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Speaker 2: really develop into this place of self acceptance, especially if

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Speaker 2: they come from family that's really brought on a lot

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Speaker 2: of trauma to them and things like that. I don't

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Speaker 2: really get to that place until like your late twenties

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Speaker 2: early thirties. Anyway, developmentally you're not in that phase where

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Speaker 2: you're accepting this is who I am, right, all right,

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Speaker 2: So a lot of it is development right, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: if we don't believe that though, I mean.

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Speaker 3: Not believe it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like, you should be doing this right, that

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Speaker 2: dominant sort. You should be in your twenties already have

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Speaker 2: your shit together.

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Speaker 3: No, you should not, right, that's the time when.

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Speaker 2: People are really trying to figure out, trying to explore

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Speaker 2: LFE living in this place of like youngest output.

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Speaker 3: But I see selfishness by leave.

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Speaker 2: That pressure really put I think me feeling like a

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Speaker 2: I had to have this, I had to do this,

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Speaker 2: I had to be with this personal webe case man

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Speaker 2: and been put so much pressure on me and then

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Speaker 2: realizing that I didn't even want that.

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Speaker 3: Oh that wasn't for me. Where do you think that

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Speaker 3: pressure came from? I don't know. I think it comes

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Speaker 3: from like I don't know. I was gonna say, maybe

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Speaker 3: it comes.

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Speaker 2: From like me not always wanted me, wanted that stability

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Speaker 2: of like having the certain things that I never had.

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Speaker 2: So the pressure of trying to like maybe fit in

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Speaker 2: into certain situations or certain relationships.

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Speaker 3: So I can be able to have what I thought

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Speaker 3: I needed at that time.

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Speaker 2: Okay, do you think that came from like societal norms?

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Speaker 3: Do you think it came from like.

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Speaker 2: The lack of like having healthy relationships or mentorships or guidance. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I definitely think when I was younger, I didn't have

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Speaker 2: a lot of resources that I do now.

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Speaker 3: And I also feel like.

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Speaker 2: When I was younger, I wasn't exposed to like being

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Speaker 2: around women where you can just really just truly be yourself.

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Speaker 2: Like I feel like when women or men just off

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Speaker 2: my experience, like I just always had to show face.

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Speaker 2: Like I feel like I was never really like allowed

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Speaker 2: to be like sad or upset or angry or like or.

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Speaker 3: Just showing emotion.

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Speaker 2: Like I always had to be like on ever, nay,

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Speaker 2: this and that, and everybody always knew me as like

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Speaker 2: being popular in college, like I came to New York

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Speaker 2: a mad friends, Like when I came to euro I

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Speaker 2: had a car that had all this stuff that I

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Speaker 2: always just been like happy, and so I feel like

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Speaker 2: I think it's so hard for like when you really

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Speaker 2: expose yourself to people, because I feel like when you

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Speaker 2: expose yourself to people, and then people really see you

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Speaker 2: who you are. It's like not only on you being vulnerable,

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Speaker 2: but that person can use that against you. Yeah. So

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Speaker 2: I think with the beginning one when you were like,

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Speaker 2: you've never really been exposed to like relationships and people

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Speaker 2: that accept you, right and also understand you're human. Right,

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Speaker 2: So like comes in as and flows. So one day

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Speaker 2: I might be up, one day I might not be up. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: but I'm still human. I feel so much better with

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Speaker 2: this pizza.

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Speaker 3: I'm still human though, right.

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Speaker 2: I think the other thing is like not being around

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Speaker 2: people that can say to you, like, minus all is stop,

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Speaker 2: you still have an A, minus the car, minus the

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Speaker 2: college degree, minus all these things. There's still this warm, kind,

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Speaker 2: compassionate person. You get to have emotions, you get to

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Speaker 2: feel broken down at times, but yeah, we still empower

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Speaker 2: you to get back up. Right, it's just that moment

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Speaker 2: that day. So I think, yeah, not being exposed to that,

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Speaker 2: I can hinder people from like being emotional, knowing that

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Speaker 2: they can't.

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Speaker 3: Express their emotions in a very safe way. So I

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Speaker 3: feel like as long as I would show emotion, the

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Speaker 3: persons might say, well.

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Speaker 2: Oh you too emotional, you too passionate. I feel like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if you're going to and it doesn't

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Speaker 2: come up like a conversation I had with somebody who

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Speaker 2: those friends with, Oh, I don't know if you want

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Speaker 2: to attack.

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Speaker 3: Me, isn't it? And I'm like, why me articuling how

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Speaker 3: I feel?

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Speaker 2: And great, I can be passionate times, but why I'm thinking,

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Speaker 2: why would you think I put my hands on you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: But I think also like and just my thoughts and

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Speaker 2: from my experience, society doesn't allow us a face to

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Speaker 2: be passionate people and to really show emotions in a

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Speaker 2: very passionate way.

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Speaker 3: Like I've had instances where.

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Speaker 2: We're black, you know, we tore loud, right, so you

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Speaker 2: know I'm passionate about something and my voice raises a

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Speaker 2: couple of level and the person would be like, why

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Speaker 2: are you yelling?

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Speaker 3: Why are you screaming? I'm like, I'm not screaming at you.

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Speaker 3: I'm passionate about this thing.

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Speaker 2: And when and when we get passionate, sometimes we get loud.

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Speaker 2: It's how we were raised, It's the households we come from.

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Speaker 3: Right, everybody is loud.

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Speaker 2: I'm not trying to be intimidated anyway, but I think

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Speaker 2: society sees, you know, emotions as an unfaced thing.

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Speaker 3: Right, when people people can be sad and you know,

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Speaker 3: vulnerable in all these things.

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Speaker 2: It is a feeling of I'm not safe, right, or

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Speaker 2: the person's not safe because they also don't want to

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Speaker 2: tap into their emotions. So when you're around people that

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Speaker 2: can be emotional, can be passionate.

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Speaker 3: You're accepted.

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Speaker 2: They like, guess girl, get into it, talk about politics,

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Speaker 2: do that. But when you're around peoples that are incapable

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Speaker 2: expressing their emotions so true and capable of tapping into

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Speaker 2: their vulnerability, right, they really get like very you know,

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Speaker 2: insula like they're like, I don't want to do that.

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Speaker 3: Why are you being like this? Don't be like that?

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Speaker 2: Right, because they're not okay with it. It's also important, why,

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Speaker 2: you know, you have to surround yourself with like mind people, right,

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Speaker 2: people that can also get passionate or at least accept

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Speaker 2: your passionate passionate side.

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Speaker 3: I agree, yeah, I agree. You feel a good now

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Speaker 3: you got your feet the YadA, I felt so much better.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, I don't know who I think got am

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Speaker 3: these days?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but i'n a really happy space, Like I think

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Speaker 2: there's also thinking about my grandmother that I'm just thinking,

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Speaker 2: like damn, like it's about to be four years and

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Speaker 2: I'm just like the time really waste for no one.

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Speaker 3: Like so I think.

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Speaker 2: Also I've just been more appreciative, but like people around me,

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Speaker 2: people time, you know, acknowledging every single person I see,

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Speaker 2: because I just I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I just feel like you just never know what people

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Speaker 3: are going through.

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Speaker 2: And I feel like I went through so much shit

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Speaker 2: and like I was the master of like showing face.

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Speaker 2: So I just feel more appreciative and more like solid

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Speaker 2: in who I am. Like I feel like, for the

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Speaker 2: first time in a while, I can look in the

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Speaker 2: mirror and I see myself, Okay, yeah right, and I'm

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Speaker 2: just like, what do you like about that?

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I just i feel like I'm seeing like I see

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Speaker 2: Evan ay, like, and it's so crazy because I've been

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Speaker 2: ebn A for thirty three years, but I feel like

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Speaker 2: as of lately or at the beginning of the year,

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Speaker 2: like I just feel like I feel confident, like I

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Speaker 2: feel solid, and I feel like a lot of the times,

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Speaker 2: the reason why I didn't do the things that I

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Speaker 2: wanted to do or go out to certain things or

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Speaker 2: like even with doing a podcast or when I first

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Speaker 2: started with the blog or doing the eyelish, like this

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Speaker 2: is all stuff I wanted to do when I was

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Speaker 2: in college. But the reason why I didn't do it

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Speaker 2: because I didn't have the confidence. And I'm when the

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Speaker 2: other people put their their disbeliefs and all this other

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Speaker 2: stuff on me and I believe it. But it was like, yo,

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Speaker 2: like you don't need confirmation from anybody, like, oh, you solid,

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Speaker 2: but you have to go through those things in order

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Speaker 2: to learn that you don't need other teopoles. You know,

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Speaker 2: you know accolades and you know empowerment. I can empower myself.

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Speaker 2: I can give myself accolades. I could be proud of

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Speaker 2: the things that I'm capable of doing.

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Speaker 3: And I I need people. It feels good to.

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Speaker 2: Have those people that are genuine and authentic around me

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Speaker 2: that can support me, but I don't need it.

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Speaker 3: And That's where I'm in now for Yeah, Like I

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Speaker 3: feel like in the beginning.

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Speaker 2: I thought I needed what Yeah, I did think that

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Speaker 2: that needed, you know, confirmation from other people. But now

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Speaker 2: I'm just like yo, like I don't need anybody's confirmation,

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Speaker 2: Like I know I'm.

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Speaker 3: Solid, I know what I'm doing is good and I'm just.

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Speaker 2: Gonna keep doing the work. Yeah, and that comes from experience.

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Speaker 2: But even you learn that it's to experience, right, from

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Speaker 2: looking from place to place, person in person to meet

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Speaker 2: your needs to be there for you, right, and the

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Speaker 2: disappointment that comes up behind it, Then you learn why

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Speaker 2: am I looking to these people? I can tap into

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Speaker 2: my own you know, my own self and say, okay,

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Speaker 2: I feel good about these things that don't do it?

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Speaker 2: I accept why nothing.

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Speaker 3: I never did that or I haven't done it since

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Speaker 3: I was probably way younger, and you didn't know how.

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Speaker 2: So we got back to that again, Right, I didn't

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Speaker 2: know how, and now I know how, and knowing how

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Speaker 2: to do it comes from learning that. Right, It's about

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Speaker 2: looking in the mirror and saying, what do I enjoy

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Speaker 2: about seeing myself? Right? I stare in this mirror, so

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Speaker 2: I just see a face. So do I see a

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Speaker 2: person who's come through hardship?

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Speaker 3: Who's you know? I'm really in that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, come through hardship really has made life, you know,

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Speaker 2: work out for me doing the things that I want

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Speaker 2: to do, enjoying the places that I'm in, good, bad

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Speaker 2: and in different. Right, the right life come the eth

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Speaker 2: and flows. So you might have some time that you

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Speaker 2: know feel like today, I feel.

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Speaker 3: Really good today, I'm very empowered. I love who's even

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Speaker 3: I look in the mirror and tomorrow might wake up

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Speaker 3: and feel totally different.

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Speaker 2: But I do recognize that I get back to feeling.

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Speaker 2: I can get back to feeling where I did yesterday. Right,

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Speaker 2: I still accept me in this slaves Okay, today it's

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Speaker 2: just not gonna be the best day. Like right, I'm

381
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Speaker 2: gonna do some self care. I'm gonna get some good

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Speaker 2: things to myself. I'm gonna surround myself with people that

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Speaker 2: could feel wellly good for me, or I'm gonna take

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Speaker 2: care myself and be in my house alone. But I

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Speaker 2: do know when I wake up the next day, I

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Speaker 2: get to have a good day again. Yeah, it just

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Speaker 2: doesn't diminish like that. What's up, y'all? It Sagar emb

388
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Speaker 2: and A here and be sure to follow me on

389
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:02,880
Speaker 2: Instagram and TikTok at pretty private podcasts, and don't forget

390
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 2: to subscribe to my YouTube channel at the Professional Homegirl.

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Speaker 2: Now let's get back to the show. I have a

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Speaker 2: lot of clients that sometimes and they get to a

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Speaker 2: really good place, they can't enjoy it because they're so

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Speaker 2: afraid that the depression in all of that is gonna

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Speaker 2: come up again, as opposed to just saying it might.

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Speaker 2: And if it does, it's okay. You get back to

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Speaker 2: this splace to get right, I just have to accept

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Speaker 2: myself and not get in that place as judgment.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and I really practice like self love. Does I

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00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:34,640
Speaker 3: feel like that's something that I didn't do.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And writing down what you're doing right now to

402
00:19:39,359 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 2: make you feel this way, it's super important.

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Speaker 3: Right. So I'm all about like creating lists. So what

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00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,879
Speaker 3: are my lists? Are comforting things, comforting foods?

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Speaker 2: Right, what are the things I can do that makes me,

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Speaker 2: you know, feel really good?

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Speaker 3: Because when that day pops up that I don't feel good,

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Speaker 3: all of that was turn the page.

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Speaker 2: All right, let me grab three or four things from

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Speaker 2: this list because I know they make me comforted.

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Speaker 3: A good slice of.

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Speaker 2: Pizza, an ash pop of coffee, a good hot bubble bath,

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Speaker 2: a nice glass of wine. Right, if I grab three

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Speaker 2: your forties things from this list, I know by the

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Speaker 2: end of the day.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna feel bad.

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Speaker 2: When you're in that place of sad and I said depression,

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Speaker 2: those things don't come up right.

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Speaker 3: You're like, what do I usually do?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: My god, what do I usually do?

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00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,359
Speaker 2: But if we have it already written down or posted

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Speaker 2: somebody in your house, you know, to just look on

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Speaker 2: it and grab those things from there. It's kind of

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Speaker 2: like a safety kit, like an emotional safety kit. You

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Speaker 2: get to go to it and say, visa the things

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Speaker 2: I would usually do that would make me.

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Speaker 3: Feel good, right, no, iron yep. And I want to

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Speaker 3: go see uh, I want to go see the photograph.

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Speaker 3: How was it? I thought it was good.

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Speaker 2: I liked it, and I think that was another like

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Speaker 2: I feel like everything I'm doing, or like everything people

433
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:51,960
Speaker 2: I talk to, I just always have like aha moments

434
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Speaker 2: because I love to go see the movie and it

435
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 2: literally does make me made me feel like it makes

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Speaker 2: me look at people without title like I'll look at

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00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,800
Speaker 2: you as my therapist, I look at you as a

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00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:05,639
Speaker 2: woman's you know, Dina and this and that, like I

439
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 2: feel like when titles kind of like cover up the

440
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,680
Speaker 2: true Vina people. And then it made me think about

441
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:15,159
Speaker 2: my parents, and I was just thinking, like, you know,

442
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, before they became my parents,

443
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 2: regardless of the experiences I had, they had their own

444
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 2: lives and it.

445
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,000
Speaker 3: Just makes me like, I don't know.

446
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 2: It just makes me just like kind of want to

447
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 2: like reach out in the system but still be open

448
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:31,280
Speaker 2: minded that I might not get the response that I

449
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 2: would like to have, but just to like, I don't know,

450
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,600
Speaker 2: cause I just want to just know more, like more

451
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 2: about dumb to help me understand why things happen within us.

452
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 3: And that's sense. That's amazing though, because when you think of.

453
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 2: When you remove the idea that they're my parents and

454
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 2: they're my family, right, they expect chase, expectations change, Right,

455
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 2: So I can see my dad for who he is

456
00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 2: right as a person, and I reck organize that. You know,

457
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:06,600
Speaker 2: he had challenges, he from parents who also gave from

458
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 2: a lot of trauma. Right, He went through life, He

459
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 2: went through drug addiction, whatever, et cetera, abuse, whatever things

460
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 2: he's going through that created who he is today. Right,

461
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 2: So just because he hasn't ondol just because he had

462
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 2: the title father. Right, we put the title on top

463
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,360
Speaker 2: of a person, we expect them to be this perfect being. Right,

464
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 2: even with therapists sometimes, right we walk in the room

465
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:31,480
Speaker 2: and we're like, that's my therapist.

466
00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,119
Speaker 3: It's supposed to be perfect work through odist stock and

467
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 3: blah blah blah.

468
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 2: Right, but when I removed that title, I get to

469
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,880
Speaker 2: have a real relationship with my therapist. We could talk about, hey,

470
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 2: our parents have been very similar, right, how I accept

471
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:46,720
Speaker 2: the MINM was this way? Maybe this will work to

472
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,399
Speaker 2: you too, Right, So it's nice to take away that

473
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 2: title and start to see people as people. Yeah, because

474
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 2: then I realized that they're fallible, they have flaws, and

475
00:22:58,119 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 2: that's okay.

476
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,840
Speaker 3: We could still have a relationship within that.

477
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:03,520
Speaker 2: If I reach out to my dad, right, say you

478
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,679
Speaker 2: reach out to your dad, and I'm reaching.

479
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,439
Speaker 3: Out to him as a person that I want to

480
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 3: know more about.

481
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 2: I changed the expectations that he should be this parent

482
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 2: that answers the phone, that's like, hey, baby girl, and

483
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 2: that's been all at you been wanting to be there

484
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,920
Speaker 2: for you, blah blah blah. But a person I can

485
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,000
Speaker 2: actually say, it's been really hard for me. Right, I've

486
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 2: been really struggling and I haven't.

487
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 3: Been able to be there for you.

488
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 2: And I know that, right, And then I get to

489
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 2: accept that and start the relationship from dead right right

490
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,200
Speaker 2: within his capability.

491
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 3: I wor Yeah, amazing word, I know I'm growing up

492
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 3: with shit, you're all growing up now, I know even

493
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 3: I think about like.

494
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 2: We when I first started, and I mean I had

495
00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,160
Speaker 2: a little mishap not too long ago when I had

496
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,640
Speaker 2: my moment and broke down and here.

497
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 3: But I don't know, I just feel like I just

498
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,399
Speaker 3: feel like a second chance. Like I don't know, Like

499
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 3: I just feel like I'm just like so thankful And

500
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 3: maybe I didn't realize my own shrink because I can't.

501
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 2: I went through so much and being so hard on myself.

502
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,840
Speaker 2: I'm just like mad people wouldn't mab to go through

503
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 2: the shit that you went through, like and still look

504
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 2: the way you can do still.

505
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 3: Carry yourself like yep.

506
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 2: So I don't know, I just feel like I'm just

507
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 2: in a very appreciative space, like I wanted to like

508
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 2: how has therapy affected you?

509
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,880
Speaker 3: Like, how has it changed you and provided this second chance?

510
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,280
Speaker 3: Feel well, I felt like with therapy when I went.

511
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 2: When I had my first therapist, I felt like I

512
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,480
Speaker 2: couldn't see I don't think she could see me, And

513
00:24:34,560 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 2: I definitely don't see her cause she was an old

514
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:41,439
Speaker 2: white woman, so I don't think that she no. But

515
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 2: representation matters because I felt like, you know, at the time,

516
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:45,560
Speaker 2: I was working at my last job.

517
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 3: I was very stressed out.

518
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: You know, people were being people were dying in the

519
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,440
Speaker 2: building because the building where I worked at was okay,

520
00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 2: in Trump Tower, So people were like this man had

521
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,399
Speaker 2: died in the building of smoke and smoke and the

522
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,879
Speaker 2: wa tnanihilation. Next thing, you know, my office was like

523
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 2: right under the man's apartment, so I got smoke coming

524
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:06,720
Speaker 2: through my bent.

525
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,840
Speaker 3: Nobody can't get me them like, yo, what's going on?

526
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:12,400
Speaker 2: Or like it'll be Like I used to come into

527
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,159
Speaker 2: work and see like big guns and stuff, and I

528
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:17,199
Speaker 2: used to try to explain to her, like the anxiety

529
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 2: I was feeling because I didn't know I had anxiety

530
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 2: until my grandmother passed away.

531
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,639
Speaker 3: But I still even know what it was. I just

532
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 3: thought that something was just weird was going on.

533
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,439
Speaker 2: So I feel like when I started coming to therapy

534
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 2: with you, I feel like I'm able to like really

535
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:36,680
Speaker 2: think about the cause of the effect that I'm experiencing

536
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,520
Speaker 2: and really like look at things from like all different angles.

537
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,359
Speaker 3: And I feel like I'm a lot Like I feel

538
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 3: like i'm a lot more.

539
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 2: I'm just able to like dig through certain things, like

540
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,439
Speaker 2: and see past certain things and even look back on

541
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 2: certain things and like put the pieces together, but out

542
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,920
Speaker 2: like getting too emotionally involved because I feel like even

543
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 2: now I haven't had an anxiety attack in a minute,

544
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:02,200
Speaker 2: but sometimes it could be. But now I'm able to

545
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 2: because like when we have, but we had that conversation

546
00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:08,639
Speaker 2: about like me panicking and always calling people over and

547
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 2: over again because I'm like panicking and I was even

548
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 2: thinking about that, and it's like, yo, like you can't

549
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 2: be like that, Like you can't live your life on edge,

550
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,400
Speaker 2: like you cause an unnecessary stress.

551
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 3: But it's sometimes not you.

552
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 2: Right. So when we're in relationships with people that don't

553
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,920
Speaker 2: understand that, I get triggered by certain things, right, right.

554
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 3: They sometimes just cause more tripper.

555
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:36,120
Speaker 2: Right. So one of the things that what my boyfriend

556
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,800
Speaker 2: is like when I sings up and you know, we

557
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,240
Speaker 2: live in very different places, and where he lives, he

558
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 2: doesn't live around a bunch of family members, right, it's

559
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 2: really just him essentially in an hour and a half

560
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,040
Speaker 2: away is where his friends and stuff lives.

561
00:26:48,080 --> 00:26:49,000
Speaker 3: So he's by myself.

562
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 2: So if I don't hear from him at a certain time,

563
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 2: sometimes I'm like, I hope it's okay. I hope everything

564
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,679
Speaker 2: he's okay. If I still don't hear from him for

565
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 2: a certain time, I'm like, okay, are a little nervous. Right.

566
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 2: He knows that he's now connected to a person that

567
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,920
Speaker 2: is a million miles away, and he kind of stays

568
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 2: on his course.

569
00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:12,120
Speaker 3: Hey, babe, I'm going to grab some food, blah blah blah.

570
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:15,439
Speaker 2: Right, it's not like he needs permission, but it's a

571
00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 2: checking in, right, because I know that this person and

572
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,320
Speaker 2: I are connected, I want.

573
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 3: Them to know I'm okay. Right if I call him,

574
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,360
Speaker 3: he's not gonna just let the phone ring. Right.

575
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,600
Speaker 2: Let's say he's on the phone with some of his employees.

576
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 2: It's gonna shoot me on texts. Babe, on the phone

577
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 2: with a few employees, We'll call you back. Right. When

578
00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 2: you deal with people who don't understand that you have triggers, like,

579
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:40,199
Speaker 2: they don't care, so they're constantly triggering you, Right, they

580
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:43,120
Speaker 2: don't care. So she gets worried when I don't call her,

581
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,880
Speaker 2: So what she gotta deal with that, and they kind

582
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:47,439
Speaker 2: of add to it, adds to it.

583
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 3: But also with therapy, it.

584
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 2: Taught me what my triggers were because I didn't know

585
00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 2: what they were, so I didn't know. Let's saying I

586
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 2: understood the effect, but I didn't know the cause of

587
00:27:58,320 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 2: the effect.

588
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 3: So now I'm able to decipher.

589
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:05,280
Speaker 2: Okay, I know now I'm acting like this because of ABCD.

590
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:08,639
Speaker 2: But even when you date and when you have friends,

591
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 2: it's great to know your triggers because you get to

592
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 2: explain that to them.

593
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 3: Is that right?

594
00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,879
Speaker 2: So me, no, my triggers. I tell my boyfriend, like,

595
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 2: I kind of get nervous when you don't. When I

596
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,399
Speaker 2: don't hear from you, right, it makes me feel like

597
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 2: anxious and that comes from my past traumas. Right, I'm

598
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,560
Speaker 2: working on that because I ain't calling you erratic, like

599
00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:27,680
Speaker 2: where you at, what's going on?

600
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,800
Speaker 3: I'm working on that, but I'm asking you to also

601
00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:32,640
Speaker 3: be mindful. And he's like, okay, cool. When you deal

602
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 3: with someone who.

603
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,199
Speaker 2: Doesn't know that trauma and know that pain, sometimes they

604
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 2: don't give a shit and they're like, I don't know, tell.

605
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 3: You I checking them with you. I'm not letting you

606
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,360
Speaker 3: know this. I'm not letting you know that, right.

607
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:45,280
Speaker 2: But when you deal with someone that you know can

608
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 2: hold space for your emotions and really really get emotional

609
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 2: support for your safety, feel it gets to say Ebane

610
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 2: I realize that, and I gotta be hard for you.

611
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 2: Always let me know how I can support you in

612
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 2: that right?

613
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:59,720
Speaker 3: Right. My boyfriend did that. We had a conversation.

614
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 2: I was it's like, this causes me anxiety, I'm working

615
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 2: on it, and he's like, how can I support you

616
00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:04,680
Speaker 2: in that?

617
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:05,080
Speaker 3: Right?

618
00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 2: I never want you to feel triggered by, you know,

619
00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 2: bringing up all stuff.

620
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 3: How can I support here?

621
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 2: So it makes you really really conscious, but it makes

622
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 2: you start to choose people that can hold space field right,

623
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 2: because if I'm having anxiety always around you, it might

624
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 2: not be me.

625
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 3: Might be what's going on with you? Right right?

626
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 2: And even though I'm tapping into my shrigerusse still might

627
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 2: be you might be telling me that this is not

628
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 2: the best situation for me, right Yeah. And even when

629
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 2: I think about, like with therapy, I also think about

630
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,719
Speaker 2: like with love, like what love means to me, and

631
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 2: not even like in a romantic way, but like in

632
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 2: a self love way, because I feel like the veriest

633
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 2: lovely to have is with yourself. And it's like, so,

634
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:45,960
Speaker 2: how can I expect somebody to love me a certain

635
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,400
Speaker 2: way when I don't love myself a certain way? And

636
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 2: that's the reason why certain things continue to happen because

637
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 2: I allow it to happen. But then I allow it

638
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: to happen because I wasn't living in a whole. Uh,

639
00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 2: I wasn't living in a whole. I was being my

640
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 2: whole self. That I was only being a part of myself. Yeah,

641
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 2: but it is the important thing that you just said,

642
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 2: is you love to yourself. Right. And once I love myself,

643
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,960
Speaker 2: I have all these expectations for myself.

644
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 1: Right.

645
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 2: I know how to you know, take myself out to dinner.

646
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 2: I know how to accept myself and come for myself.

647
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:22,160
Speaker 2: I expect that from the people that I bring into

648
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:24,920
Speaker 2: my life. Right. But when I don't love myself, how

649
00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 2: can I expect people to love me if I don't even.

650
00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:29,480
Speaker 3: Know what it looks like or it feels like.

651
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 2: Right, I haven't even conditioned myself to really feel what

652
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,719
Speaker 2: true love and acceptance and all of that is. So

653
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 2: it's important to me to do that first. Once I

654
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 2: do that, then I expect nothing less than that from

655
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:46,080
Speaker 2: other people, right, right, Acceptance, love, gratitude, kindness, genuineness, right,

656
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 2: all that that expect from other people because I give

657
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,280
Speaker 2: that to me. And if I and if you don't

658
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:54,480
Speaker 2: have that then you can't come through this stress threshold

659
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 2: because I've worked too far. This your hand, know this threshold, right,

660
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 2: you can't come through distress either, listen, no way, But

661
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 2: I mean.

662
00:31:04,760 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 3: It's the important thing, right, And some people don't want

663
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 3: to do that work. That work is hard, but it's

664
00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 3: worth it, right.

665
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,880
Speaker 2: Because then they have all these great relationships with self

666
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 2: and other people. Right.

667
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I'm growing up.

668
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:24,080
Speaker 2: You are going out and it can be hard at times,

669
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 2: like I'll never say it's easy, right, especially when you're alone.

670
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 2: Sometimes you see people in like a couple shit partnership

671
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 2: relationship and they're walking here like, oh my god, I

672
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 2: just want a person. But when you think about it,

673
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 2: do I just want a person? I really want someone

674
00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 2: that's going to meet me where I am right.

675
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 3: That's not gonna undo.

676
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 2: All the words that I've done. And that's where the

677
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 2: hard part comes in. It's just not accepting people.

678
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:49,640
Speaker 3: Friendship relationships, were waiting for the right people to come.

679
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 2: Right.

680
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 3: No, I agree, I agree. You look proud. I am proud.

681
00:31:56,120 --> 00:31:58,240
Speaker 3: I'm like, shit, I'm about to shut the tea over.

682
00:31:58,360 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 2: Yah.

683
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,840
Speaker 3: Now I'm in a good space, Like I'm happy for you.

684
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,280
Speaker 3: I'm really happy for you, right, It's a long way.

685
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 2: Yes, and it it feels good right if ye wake

686
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 2: up without feeling like anxious, stir best things like that. Yeah,

687
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 2: Like I feel like like every I just felt like

688
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 2: I felt light like for the first time, like, and

689
00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,360
Speaker 2: I mean, I had my days, so I'm like annoyed

690
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 2: as hill, I'm stressed the fuck out with something, but like,

691
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 2: for the most part, I just feel like I feel light.

692
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 3: I feel like my skin is clearing up, like I'm

693
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 3: just gonna really hippy space like and I was. It

694
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 3: was so crazy to me. I'm just like, damn, like

695
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:36,160
Speaker 3: I really didn't see myself for a very long time.

696
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 3: And the days that, you you know, feel like today

697
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 3: is gonna be a crazy yesterday.

698
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 2: Like I have these days where I have no soulter

699
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 2: And one of my best friends know about it because

700
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,120
Speaker 2: we used to work together, and I will walk in

701
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:49,960
Speaker 2: I'll be like, I'm just gonna tell you I don't

702
00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,920
Speaker 2: have a filter today, So anytime people say stuff to me,

703
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 2: they're just gonna get a crazy response.

704
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 3: The first thing that goes on the top of my head.

705
00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,720
Speaker 3: And she would be like, people would come in my

706
00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 3: office and they would say and she would just turn

707
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 3: her head and be like, oh god, I can't. I

708
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 3: knew that.

709
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,040
Speaker 2: And then that morning, when I woke up and I

710
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 2: felt it, I my first words to myself was, today

711
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,400
Speaker 2: is gonna be one of those days.

712
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 3: I accept and love myself no matter what. Right, So

713
00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 3: I could walk out there and say with people, I

714
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:20,200
Speaker 3: don't have filter today. I don't mean any harm by it.

715
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 3: It's just not gonna be one of those days. And

716
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:24,160
Speaker 3: I'm fine well out the whole day.

717
00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 2: If I don't accept myself and acknowledge that today, it's

718
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 2: gonna be one of those days. That day is filled

719
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 2: with so much self judgment, right, it's also judgment from

720
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 2: other people because I'm like, why am I like this?

721
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,800
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I said this. I said that.

722
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 2: And then at the end of the day, I'm so

723
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 2: broken down right and missed an entire day to just

724
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 2: love on myself.

725
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 3: Right. But when I wake up and I'm like, just

726
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,000
Speaker 3: gonna be one of those days, I'm ready for it.

727
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,440
Speaker 3: I'm with the shit so well right on. I'm like,

728
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 3: bring it come through this office, like we're gonna have

729
00:33:54,640 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 3: a problem.

730
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:58,200
Speaker 2: But I'm also like I need to do things that

731
00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 2: come from me today, like take a home get a

732
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 2: nice glass of wine, make a nice sinner, because whatever

733
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:07,000
Speaker 2: is happening in the realms of who I am or

734
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 2: whatever the moan and the stars, it just didn't line

735
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:13,400
Speaker 2: up for me today. That's okay, Tomorrow's gonna be.

736
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 3: A better one.

737
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I always like one thing I've been thinking

738
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 2: about because I'm just like, yo, everything you ever wanted

739
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:19,879
Speaker 2: you always.

740
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:22,319
Speaker 3: Got, may not got it when you want it. But like, yep,

741
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 3: I was just this.

742
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 2: I was just like, yo, like just be your true

743
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 2: form of yourself because things are going on like like

744
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 2: I just see things.

745
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 3: Already like moving along.

746
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,000
Speaker 2: Like I was watching this show and this woman had

747
00:34:35,040 --> 00:34:36,719
Speaker 2: like an amazing story and I was like, y'all want

748
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 2: to reach out to her to have her in the podcast,

749
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,040
Speaker 2: and so yo, I reached out to her.

750
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 3: Next thing, you know, she started liking my pictures. She's

751
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:45,640
Speaker 3: following me on Instagram. She says she's gonna hit.

752
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,880
Speaker 2: Me back up, and I'm just like, I know everything

753
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,239
Speaker 2: is like even let me manifest them by me wanting

754
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:51,560
Speaker 2: a new job. I was like, y'all, I want a

755
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 2: new job before holiday season, before Halloween comes.

756
00:34:55,000 --> 00:34:56,799
Speaker 3: I got my job, I told the twenty first.

757
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

758
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 2: So it's just like I know, like the power the tongue,

759
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,080
Speaker 2: and I know that once I like really like channel

760
00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 2: it speaker. It just keep saying over and praying over.

761
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:07,320
Speaker 2: Did I know it's going to happen. So I'm just

762
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:08,600
Speaker 2: like curl, like just.

763
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:12,319
Speaker 3: Start living your best life. Like, trust the process, right,

764
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:13,240
Speaker 3: Trust the process.

765
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 2: It's the reason why all these things are working out

766
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 2: in this way. You know when you think about the

767
00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,240
Speaker 2: journeying right. Oprah Winfrey had says something throwing a podcast

768
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 2: one time about the journey is so much more important

769
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,880
Speaker 2: then like the arrival or being on the stage. She

770
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,280
Speaker 2: was like, the journey is where you make all the mistakes.

771
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:35,160
Speaker 2: It's where you learn perseverance, is where you learn love, self, love,

772
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,760
Speaker 2: all these things, because when you get on that stage,

773
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 2: it's only moments, right, It's not all this time that

774
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: I made friends and all of these things. So trusting

775
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 2: the process, staying on the journey the one thing I

776
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,399
Speaker 2: always tell myself the journey is more important than the stage. Yeah,

777
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 2: it's more important, and I feel good in that. So

778
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 2: when things are getting rough, I'm like, it's.

779
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,279
Speaker 3: All a part of the plan, all part of the pan.

780
00:35:56,840 --> 00:35:59,120
Speaker 2: And I was even listening to her interview with Tracy

781
00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 2: Ellis Ross and Tracy, he was saying, how like it

782
00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 2: let me to go in order for me to get

783
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 2: to where I gotta go, I gotta start with where

784
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 2: I'm at.

785
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 3: And I don't know why, but that was just like, Yo,

786
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,520
Speaker 3: that is so true, Like yeah, like you really gotta

787
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 3: start you at and just keep going. Yeah, what do

788
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:15,520
Speaker 3: you think she meant by that?

789
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,719
Speaker 2: I feel like with that that statement, it's just like

790
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 2: I feel like sometimes I don't know, like I feel

791
00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,480
Speaker 2: like with me, I feel like I'm always like I

792
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 2: can't wait to get hair care. It's called destination happiness, right,

793
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:32,640
Speaker 2: So I feel like I'll be happy if I had this,

794
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:34,479
Speaker 2: I'd be happy if I was there, I'd be happy

795
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:35,919
Speaker 2: I was with that person. But it's just like y'all,

796
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, you still gotta just

797
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,800
Speaker 2: be where you at and just keep it moving, like

798
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:42,520
Speaker 2: everything you want is gonna come to you or come

799
00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:42,800
Speaker 2: to me.

800
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 3: But just accepting where I'm at, like it's not the

801
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:46,640
Speaker 3: end all, be all like.

802
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 2: And being okay where you are, right, so I'm okay

803
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:52,640
Speaker 2: and the job that I have with the friends that

804
00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 2: I have, just because I'm okay, it doesn't mean complacency, right, right,

805
00:36:57,719 --> 00:36:59,800
Speaker 2: And I think we mix that up a lot of

806
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 2: the times, and people are like, I'm content, right, I'm

807
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,600
Speaker 2: good where I'm at. Never to say that I'm never

808
00:37:05,719 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 2: gonna strive and move forward, but I'm also content here.

809
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 3: I'm happy with all the things that I have. I

810
00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,520
Speaker 3: see all the great things that are happening in my life,

811
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:14,759
Speaker 3: and I'm okay with that.

812
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 2: Right. So I start from here with being happy about

813
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 2: the content about this, being okay with my friends, my family,

814
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 2: and all of that. That just keeps be moving forward

815
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:25,919
Speaker 2: to just get more and more happiness, more and more joy.

816
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 2: It's also like manifestation, right, yo, I'm happy here, I'm

817
00:37:29,719 --> 00:37:32,800
Speaker 2: content with all this. It's exciting to wake up, go

818
00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:35,239
Speaker 2: to therapy, grab my piece, to do my thing, have

819
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 2: a good day, you know, for the day tomorrow.

820
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 3: It just brings more of that. The next day just.

821
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 2: Brings more of that, right, because I'm manifesting and building

822
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 2: this momentum around this.

823
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,880
Speaker 3: Space I'm in and all the things that are here. Right, No,

824
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 3: I agree, house, home and things like that.

825
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:55,479
Speaker 2: Gone.

826
00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 3: Oh it's good.

827
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 2: Well, I've been hanging out with a couple of friends,

828
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:03,479
Speaker 2: so yes, say hung out with one of my best friends.

829
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:05,719
Speaker 2: And this is something that he was actually my first

830
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 2: boyfriend when I moved to New York and then he

831
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,279
Speaker 2: was like the worst boyfriend I ever had. It was

832
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:14,040
Speaker 2: just so funny, and he listened to the podcast, He's

833
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 2: gonna be cracking up because I always tell him he's

834
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,960
Speaker 2: like the worst person I've ever been with, but like

835
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,320
Speaker 2: we're like the best of friends, and I think that

836
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:25,480
Speaker 2: we're so close or we became and it's so weird

837
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,880
Speaker 2: to say, I know people when I tell people like what,

838
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 2: but like I really feel like that's my brother, like

839
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 2: because I feel like my grandma was alive and I

840
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 2: used to have to run and do stuff whatever. He

841
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 2: used to always like look after my grandmother. And my

842
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,720
Speaker 2: grandma couldn't remember nobody for nothing, but she always remember

843
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,719
Speaker 2: him and me of course, so I think that's like

844
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,600
Speaker 2: because of her, we just always had this special bond

845
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,200
Speaker 2: and like him and my grandma would just like he

846
00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:51,520
Speaker 2: like they was really close. And so we were just

847
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 2: talking yesterday and he was just telling me, like it's

848
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 2: always good to have people around you that really know

849
00:38:56,680 --> 00:39:00,480
Speaker 2: you for you, and that's seeing the trajectory of your growth.

850
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 2: But certain things and people and stuff, and it was

851
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 2: just like he was like, yore, you way more patient now,

852
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,880
Speaker 2: like and he and it's just also good to have

853
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,919
Speaker 2: people to know that people are really like really fuck

854
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 2: with you, like they are believe in you and stuff,

855
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 2: and like I don't know, like he's just so near

856
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 2: and dear to me, like and not even because I

857
00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,440
Speaker 2: don't see us, like I don't not attracted tell him

858
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 2: he's not attracting to me, like you got a kid

859
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,279
Speaker 2: all this other stuff, but like it's just nice to

860
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,399
Speaker 2: be around people that just really want to see you win.

861
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they're really believe in you.

862
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:31,360
Speaker 2: And like even when I was talking to him, and

863
00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 2: I was talking about like going to therapy and stuff,

864
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 2: and it's talking about like what I think of my

865
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 2: ideal man because I been like journaling.

866
00:39:38,239 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 3: And manifesting it, and just like I feel like I

867
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:44,400
Speaker 3: don't know, like like a man is not supposed to.

868
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 2: Like just disrespect a woman, like I think women are

869
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 2: the most like sacred things on earth, Like yeah, like

870
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,760
Speaker 2: we it's like Earth and the womb is like similar

871
00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:55,480
Speaker 2: to each other's side.

872
00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 3: When I think of a man, like I don't want

873
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 3: a man to.

874
00:39:57,560 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 2: Like treat me a certain way or talk to me crazy,

875
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,880
Speaker 2: or just because he has money, or just because he

876
00:40:02,960 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 2: has the things that I may not have. But then

877
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 2: I was talking to somebody else that I was dating,

878
00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 2: that I used to date, whatever, and me and him

879
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:13,319
Speaker 2: just been you know, talk or whatever. And one thing

880
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,160
Speaker 2: he said, he was like, Yo, he said, one thing

881
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 2: you can never.

882
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 3: Say about me. He's like, yeah, I never disrespected you.

883
00:40:17,800 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 3: And I was like, Yo, that's so true.

884
00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:22,440
Speaker 2: Like and I just I don't know, I just I

885
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 2: think my idea of a man now is starting to

886
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,120
Speaker 2: come back to what I wanted, and I don't know

887
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:27,200
Speaker 2: how it got off track.

888
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,120
Speaker 3: So it's just like I never had any men in

889
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 3: my life.

890
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 2: Between my best friend and the guy I used to

891
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,239
Speaker 2: talk to, like, they never like nobody ever really just

892
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 2: disrespected me like that. I think the huge thing is

893
00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,879
Speaker 2: that you are in this place of sense of love

894
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 2: and self perceptance and like, you know, the things that

895
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 2: I want, I know that I can have. The major

896
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 2: thing is once I love myself and I love being

897
00:40:55,040 --> 00:41:01,040
Speaker 2: in this very peaceful place of acceptance and being authentic

898
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 2: with myself and genuine and all these things, right, I

899
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,360
Speaker 2: only accept that from other people.

900
00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:09,560
Speaker 3: I won't compromise that because I've done the work.

901
00:41:10,040 --> 00:41:12,560
Speaker 2: Also talking about the journey right when I when I

902
00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:15,720
Speaker 2: look back at the journey and how long it's taken

903
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 2: me to get from a place of like accepting those

904
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 2: toxic relationships, I want people to disrespect me, you know,

905
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 2: figuring out why, figuring out what my traumas are, moving forward,

906
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,880
Speaker 2: learning how to love myself, learning how to accept myself.

907
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 2: I won't go back right because that journey was long

908
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 2: and strong for me.

909
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:34,680
Speaker 3: It was a lot of work.

910
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,320
Speaker 2: So I won't go back to just accept people because

911
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,720
Speaker 2: you have money, because you have a nice bar, because

912
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 2: you have a house, right whatever, I will actually require

913
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,120
Speaker 2: you to give me more.

914
00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 3: I realized what I've given myself.

915
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 2: But it's time, right even like like it was conversation

916
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:52,839
Speaker 2: and he was just like, oh, coman, I know I'm

917
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,960
Speaker 2: anna attract a woman like I love how I look,

918
00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 2: I love my bi, I love everything about me and me.

919
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:00,840
Speaker 3: Was just talking. He's like, oh uh so perfect to

920
00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:03,359
Speaker 3: me this and that, and then I was looking to myself.

921
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 2: Like wow, like when I was with my last relationship,

922
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,520
Speaker 2: like I wasn't good enough or I could be doing

923
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,239
Speaker 2: this to my body this and and I'm just like, Yo,

924
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 2: it's just so crazy, how like you can be so

925
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,440
Speaker 2: in love with yourself, but then again you're so wrapped

926
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 2: up in a situation that it would cause you look

927
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 2: at yourself differently. Yeah, but that's all about sometimes, you know.

928
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:26,280
Speaker 2: I think we really attached to people because of the title,

929
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,759
Speaker 2: because of what they have, you know, all of these

930
00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:32,319
Speaker 2: things when we don't love ourselves right where like, oh,

931
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 2: because this person has a business, they have a house,

932
00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:36,040
Speaker 2: they have a car, they have all these sage You

933
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:36,839
Speaker 2: didn't that right?

934
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,480
Speaker 3: They add to me, I look better when I'm with them.

935
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:43,239
Speaker 3: But when I love myself and accept myself, I don't

936
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 3: have to have none of that. You don't have to

937
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:47,840
Speaker 3: have none of that. You do have to lucky and

938
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 3: respect to me and be there for me.

939
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 2: You don't have to have all these houses and cars

940
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 2: and things like that, because that doesn't make a person.

941
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 2: So now that you're seeing that, you're like, I don't

942
00:42:57,640 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 2: need to have that, right, it'd be nice to have

943
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:01,759
Speaker 2: a man and that has all these things. And of

944
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 2: course I'm gonna find a person that matches me and

945
00:43:04,239 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 2: meets me where I am. But I'm not looking at

946
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:10,560
Speaker 2: that first, right, I'm looking at the characteristics of this

947
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:15,240
Speaker 2: person and what they bring to the table internally, right first, Yeah.

948
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I like it.

949
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:21,839
Speaker 2: I like it a lot. I all right.

950
00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, it changes the game, though.

951
00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:26,760
Speaker 2: I think once you start loving on you and really

952
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:31,359
Speaker 2: accepting more in relationships, friendships, loves, relationships, once you get

953
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:34,399
Speaker 2: to that place, it changes the game, right, You really

954
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 2: start to see that life is good every single day

955
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 2: and it's getting.

956
00:43:38,360 --> 00:43:39,279
Speaker 3: Better and better or better.

957
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 2: And I don't want people in my life that don't

958
00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:44,399
Speaker 2: feel that same way, right, that's stay in this place

959
00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 2: of negative energy, that curse each other out, that yell

960
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:47,640
Speaker 2: at each.

961
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 3: Other, know a lot to each other. I don't want that,

962
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 3: all right.

963
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,759
Speaker 2: I want what I'm working for within myself internally, and

964
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,040
Speaker 2: I want that all around me, right, I an't that

965
00:43:56,160 --> 00:43:57,640
Speaker 2: to be manifested in my life.

966
00:43:58,400 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 3: Yeah.

967
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,440
Speaker 2: I think like my friendships when I was younger, like

968
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,840
Speaker 2: in my twenties early twenties, they were no good Like.

969
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,720
Speaker 3: My friendship were good. You know, it's toxic.

970
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,759
Speaker 2: We would argue, we would fight with each other, we

971
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,880
Speaker 2: get back together, be friends again. Relationships was like that

972
00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:15,760
Speaker 2: until I actually went through my own process of therapy

973
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:18,920
Speaker 2: and realized this is more trauma that you're just you know,

974
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:22,160
Speaker 2: really adding into your life the vision I recognize the

975
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,800
Speaker 2: right where first stem from. Once I healed those places

976
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 2: of just childhood trauma and things like that. Recognizing that

977
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:32,520
Speaker 2: family you know sometimes too brings on a lot of this.

978
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 2: You know, they don't treat each other well, and then

979
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 2: you think that's the norm.

980
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 3: It's not the norm, right.

981
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:40,719
Speaker 2: I started identifying what are my ideal friendships, like what

982
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 2: I real what my friendships will look like and feel like,

983
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:46,399
Speaker 2: and start manifesting that. It changed the game, right because

984
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 2: I started really being that way with myself too. Yo.

985
00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 2: It's all funny speaking of friendships, because I have best friends.

986
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 3: She was like my best friend in college.

987
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 2: She was like almost living like for almost ten years,

988
00:44:56,680 --> 00:45:00,879
Speaker 2: and we stopped talking literally roundson my girl my passed away,

989
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 2: so it'll be four years ago. So she reached out

990
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 2: to me today, not today, maybe like a couple of

991
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 2: days ago because we have a mutual best friend. They

992
00:45:09,680 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 2: knowing something for her brider shot or whatever, so of

993
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 2: course both of us gonna be there and we were

994
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 2: just talking and I was like, to me, it was

995
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:17,640
Speaker 2: just so funny, how like things.

996
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:19,120
Speaker 3: Are just working out because I'm like, I haven't talked to.

997
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:22,640
Speaker 2: This girl four years, but she was like my best friend,

998
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 2: Like we have matching tattoos, that's.

999
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,920
Speaker 3: How close we are or were. And then I was

1000
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,759
Speaker 3: just talking to it and everything felt good and I

1001
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 3: was like, honestly, girl, I was like, I don't have

1002
00:45:31,680 --> 00:45:32,239
Speaker 3: no beef with you.

1003
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:33,799
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't have any Like I said,

1004
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:36,080
Speaker 2: if you want to work on our friendship and see

1005
00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 2: where it goes, like, I'm open to that. I was like,

1006
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 2: I'm just in a different space, like I'm like, life

1007
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 2: is too short. I was like everything that happened in

1008
00:45:42,719 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 2: the past, this little be I was like, I really

1009
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 2: don't care to break anything up cause I feel like

1010
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 2: we already have numerous conversations about it, and I think

1011
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 2: that we could just agree to disagree on certain things.

1012
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 3: But I was like, if you want to just get

1013
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 3: back to like how we used to be and work

1014
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:57,759
Speaker 3: on that, I'm like, I'm cool with that.

1015
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1016
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 3: And I would be very specific, you know, with like

1017
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 3: what do I feel like I want this friendship to

1018
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:04,400
Speaker 3: look like?

1019
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:06,840
Speaker 2: All right, so I would want to be honest with

1020
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 2: each other whatever your you know, your your list says,

1021
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:14,080
Speaker 2: you know for friendships, I would really say this to

1022
00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:16,320
Speaker 2: this person and say this is my thoughts about it.

1023
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:18,400
Speaker 3: Do you think you're capable of doing that?

1024
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 2: Right?

1025
00:46:19,239 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 3: Because you could really spare yourself a lot of headache

1026
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 3: and heartache and all of that if people just know

1027
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 3: up front what are the exhortations.

1028
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,880
Speaker 2: Right. So if she's like, I'm not capable of doing that,

1029
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 2: like I had a friend told me that one time.

1030
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:35,160
Speaker 2: She was like, I'm not capable of asking you about yourself.

1031
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,800
Speaker 2: Oh wow, when I call you, I call you because

1032
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:41,239
Speaker 2: I want to talk about things that are happening for me.

1033
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 2: I don't know that I'm always gonna do that. And

1034
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:45,480
Speaker 2: I was like, well, I don't think we are a

1035
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:47,800
Speaker 2: good fit for a friendship, Like we don't have to

1036
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 2: be enemies, but I'm probably not gonna answer the phone

1037
00:46:50,719 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 2: when you fool me.

1038
00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 3: But I'm not though right, But it's good that you are.

1039
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,319
Speaker 2: You with that out there, you give people the opportunity

1040
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 2: to say expectations are really really high, or I just

1041
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:04,920
Speaker 2: don't think I'm capable I'm doing that, I'm not in

1042
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 2: that space. Great, then guess what, move over Because there

1043
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:11,840
Speaker 2: are other friends that are capable of doing that not

1044
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:14,000
Speaker 2: causeing myself any more toxic.

1045
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:17,759
Speaker 3: Energy, right or any more headaches and heartaches. Just people

1046
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:18,680
Speaker 3: are incapable.

1047
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 2: Right again, I'm taking the friendship title offer and seeing

1048
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:25,359
Speaker 2: you as a person, what are your capabilities? When she's

1049
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 2: coming in New York with her boyfriend that I know

1050
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:29,719
Speaker 2: we all went to college to the other. So she

1051
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 2: come to New York next week and she's like, oh,

1052
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:32,680
Speaker 2: if you want to go out for drinks so we

1053
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 2: can just talk. And I was like all right, yeah, yeah,

1054
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:37,759
Speaker 2: so and that would be the time that I would say,

1055
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 2: you know, I know that we had a few talks

1056
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,640
Speaker 2: and blah blah blah, and like, because I'm in this

1057
00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:45,800
Speaker 2: real different space in life where I'm really working on myself,

1058
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 2: you know, this is my expectation for friendships. All right,

1059
00:47:49,440 --> 00:47:51,640
Speaker 2: this is what I would like to see happen in

1060
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 2: my friendships. This is my need for friendships, right, or

1061
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 2: offer us to be around each other. He do you

1062
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,840
Speaker 2: think that's something that you're willing her do or be

1063
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:01,520
Speaker 2: capable of.

1064
00:48:02,640 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 3: She gets to say yes or no.

1065
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:07,439
Speaker 2: And I've had clients who's had this conversation with friends

1066
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 2: and friends are like, I can't do that. I'm not capable,

1067
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 2: And clients was like, well, good, peace out, Like I

1068
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 2: because why right, Because I'm only now sitting in this

1069
00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:21,960
Speaker 2: relationship wanting you to be something that you can't be,

1070
00:48:22,520 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 2: and it's just a possant disappointment for me. When you

1071
00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:28,280
Speaker 2: could find a friend that actually accepts you in that place,

1072
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,440
Speaker 2: and I can find a friend that actually except for

1073
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:33,400
Speaker 2: me in that place, we won't be ener bees, we

1074
00:48:33,480 --> 00:48:38,120
Speaker 2: won't part each other, all right, Doryberry and I haven't

1075
00:48:38,120 --> 00:48:41,919
Speaker 2: seen her in like a thousand years, so wow, yeah,

1076
00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:43,680
Speaker 2: it's gonna be interesting.

1077
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:46,439
Speaker 3: Very interesting. But we've been talking like almost every day.

1078
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 2: So I like it though, because I know that a

1079
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:53,920
Speaker 2: part of you, know, your last relationship was because you

1080
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 2: didn't have like real connections with a lot of people

1081
00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 2: around you. And now we kindle in these connections bring

1082
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,520
Speaker 2: and new people into your life that could really meet

1083
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 2: Emana in the face that she's in gonna give you

1084
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:08,279
Speaker 2: such a sense of community. Once you have that sense

1085
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 2: of community, you will never be wrapped in another relationship

1086
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:14,160
Speaker 2: that you know feels like it's a or can be

1087
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 2: toxic all right, because your sense of community will empower you.

1088
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:19,440
Speaker 3: They'll be here for you and support you.

1089
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:25,800
Speaker 2: Right angry Yeah, so Lucy, we will see hopefully, I

1090
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 2: dragged nobody.

1091
00:49:26,880 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 3: I'm so funny so I went out with.

1092
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:42,600
Speaker 2: Yeah. Pretty Private is a production of the Black Effect

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Speaker 2: podcast Network. For more podcasts from.

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Speaker 3: iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: App, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

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Speaker 2: Don't forget to subscribe and rate the show, and you

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Speaker 2: can connect with me on social media at Pretty Private

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Speaker 2: Podcasts