WEBVTT - Monologue: Jony Ive and OpenAI's New BS Machine

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<v Speaker 1>Zone Media. Hello, and welcome to this week's Better Offline Monologue.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm your host ed Ze Trunk, and I am going

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<v Speaker 1>a little insane. You've likely seen the news that open

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<v Speaker 1>ai is buying and that's in air quotes. By the way,

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<v Speaker 1>famed Apple designer Jony I've startup io. You may think

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm about to explain to you what this company

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<v Speaker 1>does other than build devices, or why it was acquired,

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<v Speaker 1>and I cannot tell you. Oh and by the way,

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<v Speaker 1>the air quotes of are buying it because they bought

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<v Speaker 1>the entire company in six point five billion dollars of

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<v Speaker 1>open Ai stock stock in a company that is unprofitable.

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<v Speaker 1>These aren't even real stock units. I'll get to that later.

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<v Speaker 1>By the way, Joni, I've he worked Apple. He worked

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<v Speaker 1>on designing products at the iPod, the iMac and iPhone,

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<v Speaker 1>worked closely with Steve Jobs, dined out on that for

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<v Speaker 1>many years. He left Apple in twenty nineteen. Now, this

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<v Speaker 1>announcement came in the form of a nine minute long

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<v Speaker 1>video that does not explain anything about the company. And

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<v Speaker 1>there's been some reporting, if you could call it them. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>let's quote the Wall Street Journal's Burberjean, who I generally

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<v Speaker 1>really like, but there is a piss take happening here.

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<v Speaker 1>Ortmand and I have offered a few hints at the

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<v Speaker 1>secret project they've been working on. The product will be

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<v Speaker 1>capable of being aware of the user's surroundings in life,

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<v Speaker 1>will be unobtrusive, able to rest in one's pocket and

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<v Speaker 1>on one's desk, and will be a third core device

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<v Speaker 1>a person would put on a desk after a MacBook

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<v Speaker 1>Pro and an iPhone. Now that wood and will those

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<v Speaker 1>are load bearing, by the way, I continue, though the

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<v Speaker 1>journal earlier reported that the device won't be a phone

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<v Speaker 1>and the ivan Aortmand's intent is to help ween users

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<v Speaker 1>from screens. Aortmand said that the device isn't a pair

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<v Speaker 1>of glasses and that I've have been skeptical about building

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<v Speaker 1>something to wear on the body. Ortmand and I have

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<v Speaker 1>offered details about how the collaboration grew over the past

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<v Speaker 1>few years. Eighteen months ago, open AIE vice president of

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<v Speaker 1>product Peter Wellender began working with ives team. The two

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<v Speaker 1>sides became excited about a specific device last four What

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<v Speaker 1>device is that? Who the fuck knows? Printed baby. There's

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<v Speaker 1>also a thing in this art about this effectively tripling

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<v Speaker 1>or caadrupling the value of open Ai. It's complete bullshit.

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<v Speaker 1>In fact, all of this sounds like complete bollocks to me.

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<v Speaker 1>Why are you announcing this now? What is it you're buying?

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<v Speaker 1>Who knows? The journal also claims that Aortmand believes that

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<v Speaker 1>they will ship one hundred million of these theoretical devices

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<v Speaker 1>by late twenty twenty six, the magical year when everything

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<v Speaker 1>from Agi to powerful agents are meant to work, the

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<v Speaker 1>bullshit year. I can't wait anyway. Jony I've also gets

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<v Speaker 1>to keep his independent design studio love From, which has

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<v Speaker 1>already been working with open Ai, and will, according to Bloomberg,

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<v Speaker 1>takeover design for all of open Ai, including its software,

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<v Speaker 1>and apparently Joni and Sammy initially met up to improve

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<v Speaker 1>the interface of chat GPT. When did that fucking happen?

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<v Speaker 1>Bloomberg also reports that Altman and I have yet to

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<v Speaker 1>work out a user interface for the new hardware product,

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<v Speaker 1>which is a big deal considering it's meant to be

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<v Speaker 1>out in like a year and a half. What are

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<v Speaker 1>we doing here? Why? I understand the objective reporting requires

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<v Speaker 1>you to just say to things that, but I feel

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<v Speaker 1>like I feel like at some point you have to

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<v Speaker 1>just say all of this is theoretical. It's complete wank,

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<v Speaker 1>and all signs point to this venture being a load

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<v Speaker 1>of bollocks. It's a smoke screen, a desperate moved by

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<v Speaker 1>open Ai, a desperate company. All stock deals are quite

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<v Speaker 1>common in large public corporations that are quite liquid, but

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<v Speaker 1>they have stock that has value that they can then

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<v Speaker 1>be solved right, But open Ai is neither public nor

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<v Speaker 1>a corporation. It's the for profit arm of a nonprofit

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<v Speaker 1>desperate to convert it's for profit arm into a public

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<v Speaker 1>benefit corporation. They don't have stock, they don't have stock.

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<v Speaker 1>They have these goddamn profit participation units. It's it's so silly.

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<v Speaker 1>It's all very silly. And Jony Ivan is team of

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<v Speaker 1>fifty five people. They're working on a very real thing,

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<v Speaker 1>and they were required with six point five billion dollars

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<v Speaker 1>of very real paper profit participation units and a company

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<v Speaker 1>that burns billions of dollars and has never turned any profit.

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<v Speaker 1>To be clear, the company i Owe is somehow different

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<v Speaker 1>to Love from his design firm. Fifty five people work

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<v Speaker 1>at IO I think like that many work at Love

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<v Speaker 1>from really not clear what they work on Io, though

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<v Speaker 1>no one seems to know. No one seems to have

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<v Speaker 1>a single detail other than the fact that they can't

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<v Speaker 1>tell you what they're working on, which sounds a lot

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<v Speaker 1>like they have no idea. Now. You may also wonder

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<v Speaker 1>what Joni I has been up to since he left

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<v Speaker 1>Apple in twenty nineteen. The answer is extremely vague. In

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<v Speaker 1>twenty twenty, he founded love From in twenty nineteen, the

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<v Speaker 1>design firm, and in twenty twenty they signed a non

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<v Speaker 1>specific multi year partnership to design the future of Airbnb.

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<v Speaker 1>Apple has apparently kept working with love From in some

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<v Speaker 1>way that I can really not find any information about.

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<v Speaker 1>Love From also worked on some sort of seal for

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<v Speaker 1>King Charles of England to give away to and I

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<v Speaker 1>quote recognize private sector companies that are leading the way

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<v Speaker 1>and creating sustainable markets. They also designed an entirely new

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<v Speaker 1>font for it, which does not matter in the slightest

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<v Speaker 1>to anyone, but led to some reporters writing entire stories

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<v Speaker 1>about it because John fucking Ive was involved. In twenty

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<v Speaker 1>twenty three, I've in his team redesigned Linn Sondeck's LP

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<v Speaker 1>twelve turntable in and I quote a respectful and gentle way,

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<v Speaker 1>and in twenty twenty four, he teamed up with fashion

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<v Speaker 1>brand Montclair to make an out to wear a lion,

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<v Speaker 1>and his work appears to involve some kind of magnetic

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<v Speaker 1>button that can click together different pieces, which is kind

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<v Speaker 1>of cool. I'd have loved to actually read about that,

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<v Speaker 1>but that you can't. It's just people just put what

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<v Speaker 1>he says in the thing. They don't go and find

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<v Speaker 1>the clothes I'd have actually been interested in, and that

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<v Speaker 1>can't find shit about it because no one actually holds

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<v Speaker 1>any of these people accountable. They just go, oh, it's Jony.

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<v Speaker 1>I've all listened to whatever shit he's anyway. I'm very sorry. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm very sorry, but reading about this really frustrated me.

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<v Speaker 1>And ives also working with Ferrari apparently on a new

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<v Speaker 1>electric vehicle. Can we see it? Do we know when

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<v Speaker 1>it will be released? What? Kid? What's the range? What

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<v Speaker 1>will look like? No? Done for you? None for you?

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<v Speaker 1>You silly little you, silly little freak. How dare you

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<v Speaker 1>ask Jonny I've to tell you what he's doing? So

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<v Speaker 1>in summery Since twenty nineteen, Jony I've has redesigned Airbnb

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<v Speaker 1>in some way, made a new font, made a new

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<v Speaker 1>system for putting on clothing. Made a medal for the

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<v Speaker 1>King of England to give companies that recycle, and made

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<v Speaker 1>some nonspecific contribution to creating an electric Ferrari while also

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<v Speaker 1>designing a non specific device that open Ai intends to

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<v Speaker 1>ship hundreds of millions of people. And to be clear,

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<v Speaker 1>like they are designing a product that another company run

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<v Speaker 1>by Jony i've Io will manufacture. I've has not, from

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<v Speaker 1>what I can tell, worked on the consumer electronics product

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<v Speaker 1>since he left Apple, And let's be really clear, Apple

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<v Speaker 1>has not really been cooking since Steve Jobs died, and

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<v Speaker 1>their coolest shit in recent history came after I've left,

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<v Speaker 1>specifically the new generation of M series laptops, Imax and

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<v Speaker 1>the like, but in the middle of twenty twenty four all

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<v Speaker 1>of his designers left the company, And really, I like

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<v Speaker 1>the Imax and MacBook Air is way more now and

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<v Speaker 1>I know whatever like Hindsight's twenty twenty Like I'm sure

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<v Speaker 1>like the original MacBook Air was kind of cool, but

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<v Speaker 1>it's like, how much did j Only I've actually work

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<v Speaker 1>on them, And it's actually really difficult to find out

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<v Speaker 1>what it is that Jony I've did it app or

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<v Speaker 1>other than be associated with things what you can see, however,

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<v Speaker 1>is how good Jony ive is deals getting people to

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<v Speaker 1>pay to be associated with Jony. I've the guy who

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<v Speaker 1>worked with Steve Jobs on big produgs that people like.

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<v Speaker 1>Has he built anything people like recently? Who knows? But

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<v Speaker 1>because people are lacking an object permanence, they believe i'ves

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<v Speaker 1>still got it, even if it doesn't really mean anything.

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<v Speaker 1>In any case, this deal is ridiculous. A mere week ago,

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<v Speaker 1>Sam Mortman announced that Instacart's CEO Fijisimo, who was already

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<v Speaker 1>on the open Ai board, would become the CEO of

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<v Speaker 1>Applications open Ai and is and I quote the Wall

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<v Speaker 1>Street Journal, charged with helping that the chat GPT maker

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<v Speaker 1>become a profitable global business while remaking an internal culture

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<v Speaker 1>that has been mired and executive in fighting in high

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<v Speaker 1>profile departures. Yet as part of the acquisition, Jony if

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<v Speaker 1>will take over all design and open Ai, along with

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<v Speaker 1>his team of fifty five people from io. I think

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<v Speaker 1>love from will be as well. It's just this whole

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<v Speaker 1>deal is such a fucking mess. And see when she

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<v Speaker 1>joins in the summer, will now oversee a company that

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<v Speaker 1>has fundamentally changed since she took the position, and be

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<v Speaker 1>left to deal with the fallout because her whole fucking

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<v Speaker 1>job will be to take responsibility for the mess that

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<v Speaker 1>Sam Altman's made, and ma'am, what a mess. Open Ai

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<v Speaker 1>burned five billion dollars in twenty twenty four and is

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<v Speaker 1>on course to burn over ten billion dollars this year.

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<v Speaker 1>Acquiring another company in an all stock deal at this

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<v Speaker 1>stage isn't a victory. It's a sign that something is

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<v Speaker 1>financially rotten at America's dampest ai startup. As I've discussed

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<v Speaker 1>on previous episodes, open Ai is maybe fifteen billion dollars

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<v Speaker 1>of liquidity at any given time, and has promised nineteen

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<v Speaker 1>billion dollars to complete the Stargate data centers, as well

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<v Speaker 1>as allegedly offering three billion dollars, though it's not obvious

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<v Speaker 1>if this will be in cash or stock to by

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<v Speaker 1>the coding startup windsurf. And when I say, by the way,

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<v Speaker 1>they have fifteen billion dollars of liquidity, I mean that

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<v Speaker 1>at max It's it could be way less, because that

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<v Speaker 1>is just the combination that they're funding and in and

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<v Speaker 1>out revenue, and also putting aside the fact that neither

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<v Speaker 1>I own nor open Ai have actually settled on a product.

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<v Speaker 1>Hardware is hard, research and development is expensive. Apple spends

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<v Speaker 1>tens of billions of dollars a year on it, and

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<v Speaker 1>so it's manufacturing, especially if this device is meant to

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<v Speaker 1>be smaller than the smartphone, and especially in the era

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<v Speaker 1>of tariffs, unless they assume that those will be gone

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<v Speaker 1>by them, which they won't. Worse still, the margins on

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<v Speaker 1>hardware are much lower, about ten to twenty percent, and

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<v Speaker 1>there isn't a chance in hell that using this device

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<v Speaker 1>won't require you to subscribe to chat GPT, which means

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<v Speaker 1>users will have to pay the subscription fee on top

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<v Speaker 1>of this theoretical device and also be pinging chat GPT servers,

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<v Speaker 1>which are expensive and unsustainable and up unprofitable to run.

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<v Speaker 1>Even I swear I should be able to say unprofitable

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<v Speaker 1>by now I say it enough fucking times. I should

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<v Speaker 1>also add that if there's one thing that Sam Mortman

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<v Speaker 1>has proven, it's that he's fundamentally bad at product Well.

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<v Speaker 1>Chat GPT might be popular, it's hard to say what

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<v Speaker 1>it really does, which you can get away with when

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<v Speaker 1>your free software is hoped by every media out there

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<v Speaker 1>in the world, but can't with a device that will

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<v Speaker 1>likely cost hundreds of dollars. Open Eye has also proven

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<v Speaker 1>that it's not very good at making the kind of

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<v Speaker 1>seamless and effortless product that companies like Apple are known for.

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<v Speaker 1>And let's be real, with what money are they building

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<v Speaker 1>this crap? You can't pay factories in stock In any case,

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<v Speaker 1>this is a desperate move made by open Ai to

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<v Speaker 1>try and bolster the valuation of a company that's lost

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<v Speaker 1>the plot if they ever found it. If anything, this

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<v Speaker 1>device suggests a fundamental lack in chat GPT as a product,

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<v Speaker 1>and while boosters may frame this as the next generation

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<v Speaker 1>of open Ai, it feels more like a smokescreen to

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<v Speaker 1>convince people that this company isn't washed. Members of the

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<v Speaker 1>media treat this company with suspicion and demand that they

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<v Speaker 1>actually show you something before claiming this is the biggest,

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<v Speaker 1>most hugest move in Silicon Valley history. Don't embarrass yourself

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<v Speaker 1>by humoring these twerps.