Speaker 1: The Nicky Gliser Podcast.
Speaker 2: Niki Glaser, here's Nicky.
Speaker 3: Hello here, I am welcome to the show. It's the
Speaker 3: Nicky Glazer Podcast. I'm Nicki Glazer. I'm still in Los Angeles, California.
Speaker 3: Brian Frangie is also in La not in the same
Speaker 3: place as me. Anya's here, Noah's here. It's a beautiful day,
Speaker 3: no hurricane. Nothing else to report. Really, just got a coffee.
Speaker 3: I'm reading a book that Brian got me called The
Speaker 3: Baby Decision.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Brian.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I've been wanting to hear more about.
Speaker 1: This, have you.
Speaker 3: If you look at the girls chat, I have screenshots
Speaker 3: of pages already shared that's triggering everyone.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, so only us energy?
Speaker 1: Oh really?
Speaker 3: Okay, Yeah, Curson went to a raiki healer this weekend
Speaker 3: and got and had a lot of like cool insight
Speaker 3: into that stuff.
Speaker 1: But this Baby Decision book.
Speaker 3: So, Brian, you got this book because you were also
Speaker 3: you had heard of it.
Speaker 5: Or yeah, I bought the book. I don't know why
Speaker 5: how I came up with this book. It must have
Speaker 5: been reviews or no one recommended this book to me.
Speaker 5: In fact, I think people no one mentioned this book
Speaker 5: to me. I just ever told you I was reading.
Speaker 5: People told me not to read it. They said, you
Speaker 5: read this, problems are going to happen in your life,
Speaker 5: Florida's what they said.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: I think around last year I bought that book because
Speaker 5: I was like, I don't know, I'm feeling really stressed
Speaker 5: out about this and I just want to read a
Speaker 5: book that helps me come to more confidence in my
Speaker 5: decision making.
Speaker 6: And I never read it. So book. Yeah, there's a lot.
Speaker 3: I'm like, because it says if you've been having trouble
Speaker 3: making decision, you've read all the articles.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it's so.
Speaker 3: Funny that people used to make decisions based off like
Speaker 3: an article I read in Parents Weekly when there's really
Speaker 3: a book that can help you that's this big.
Speaker 1: It's a thick book.
Speaker 3: You know, it's probably an inch thick, you guys, for
Speaker 3: those of you not watching this, And yeah, I did
Speaker 3: read articles.
Speaker 5: The person who wrote that book actually has a group
Speaker 5: that they have. They have many articles and they also
Speaker 5: bring people in and have like a workshop where they
Speaker 5: bring people in live to make this decision together. Oh wow,
Speaker 5: like a therapist sort of like a therapist that specializes
Speaker 5: in making a decision about having children.
Speaker 3: Brian told me that it was a good book because
Speaker 3: it's it's warmly empathetic and wide ranging manual. So it
Speaker 3: gives you the pros and cons, so it doesn't side
Speaker 3: with either way. Like this woman's not trying to get
Speaker 3: you to like not have a baby or to have
Speaker 3: a baby, and she just she gives you, like the
Speaker 3: beginning of it. First of all, the beginning, I could
Speaker 3: you could skip the first forty pages because it's about
Speaker 3: what you're going to expect in the book, what to
Speaker 3: expect when you're expecting reading this book, other book, every
Speaker 3: other non every gift for read stop. So yeah, and
Speaker 3: then you get to things and it's kind of asking
Speaker 3: you to do a lot of visualization of like imagine
Speaker 3: being pregnant, Imagine breastfeeding, Imagine your husband not helping at all.
Speaker 3: Imagine getting divorced and having a baby. What that will
Speaker 3: look like like, Imagine every fall. Imagine your baby is this?
Speaker 3: Imagine your baby is uh not this? It's And so
Speaker 3: I'm like, how is this book that's just page forty three?
Speaker 1: How am I?
Speaker 3: I'm asking me all the way down, I'm enjoying your screenshots.
Speaker 1: I just saw these.
Speaker 2: Can I just quickly show the YouTube viewer a Nikki
Speaker 2: Glaser's screenshot. Here's a normal It's just part of a
Speaker 2: book highlighted and then we moved that.
Speaker 1: Actually, that's it. That's totally normal because I'm minding you
Speaker 1: the whole book. I'm telling you, because I made a
Speaker 1: little sentence to read.
Speaker 2: You're getting defensive too fast what I'm saying, Guys, I love.
Speaker 1: I love this commentary. Dear God, no, youar God no?
Speaker 1: And then the other one is like, what did I
Speaker 1: say on the other.
Speaker 2: One, this one especially, did you mean this?
Speaker 3: Or well, let me agree to you those screenshots that
Speaker 3: I already did. Okay, So the first one is just
Speaker 3: the greatest. It's just makes it everything like it says
Speaker 3: everything pretty much that I've always felt. And this is
Speaker 3: what I'm boggled by is that I think most people
Speaker 3: don't ask themselves these questions at all. They don't even
Speaker 3: think about it. And that is I found is my
Speaker 3: biggest thing about that. I've been talking about the podcast
Speaker 3: where why do people want kids? And why do people
Speaker 3: have kids? I don't get it. My real problem is
Speaker 3: why don't people think about having kids a little bit
Speaker 3: more before they do it? And here's another thing, before
Speaker 3: I get started rant commenced, Okay, I don't want to
Speaker 3: hear how hard it is. I don't want to hear
Speaker 3: how it was so much harder than you thought it
Speaker 3: would be.
Speaker 1: You know why, because everything you hear is that it's
Speaker 1: harder than you Everyone says that.
Speaker 3: So imagine how hard you think it is, and then
Speaker 3: imagine it's harder than that. So does every time someone
Speaker 3: says that it exponentially grows. No, it's harder than what
Speaker 3: I imagined it would be harder. Being harder than that's
Speaker 3: that I it's always gonna be harder I do. I
Speaker 3: am You're allowed to complain. Please don't take this the
Speaker 3: wrong way that if I think you have kids, you
Speaker 3: can't say anything because you chose that. That is not
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. I complain about my life. I chose
Speaker 3: all the damn time. But don't be surprised when you're
Speaker 3: not sleeping.
Speaker 1: Don't be surprised when your nipples hurt. Don't be surprised.
Speaker 1: Don't be surprised by it. Don't I don't understand this.
Speaker 3: I think there's something really funny about the fact that
Speaker 3: literally I've been hearing since I was able to hear
Speaker 3: words and process sentences from adults that having a baby
Speaker 3: and raising kids is way harder than you think it's
Speaker 3: gonna be. Everyone's heard this their whole lives, so why
Speaker 3: are people entering into it thinking it's actually gonna be
Speaker 3: easier then the thing that no one has ever said
Speaker 3: it's easier than you think. Literally zero people, maybe Nick Cannon,
Speaker 3: but other than that, no one gets off easier with childhood.
Speaker 1: So stop this, And I just that's the thing.
Speaker 3: But I want to reiterate, if you do have kids
Speaker 3: ran over, you can complain about them all you want.
Speaker 3: In fact, my sister never complains about being a mom,
Speaker 3: and I go over and I'm like, well, you just
Speaker 3: complain a little bit because this sucks. And I want
Speaker 3: to hear you let some of this out because I
Speaker 3: know you signed because she's always like, I signed up
Speaker 3: for this, and I'm gonna go I understand that, but
Speaker 3: this is really ridiculous and it still sucks, and you
Speaker 3: can still bitch about things you signed up for, but
Speaker 3: the surprise over it or trying to get other people
Speaker 3: to feel sorry for you because you go, man, it's
Speaker 3: just way worse than I thought it would be. Not interesting.
Speaker 3: We've been hearing it since we were four, don't care.
Speaker 3: I knew what the age of four. I didn't want
Speaker 3: kids because I heard people saying that shit about me
Speaker 3: that they were raising rant over you don't.
Speaker 2: Like an interesting take or a non unique take, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I guess that's it.
Speaker 3: It's just it's the most could take ever because it's
Speaker 3: been said a million times, and I don't get people
Speaker 3: still saying it's harder than you think it would be.
Speaker 3: I guess people are probably listening to this going, well,
Speaker 3: she doesn't get that even what she imagines being hard,
Speaker 3: it's harder than that, and it's harder than the so
Speaker 3: it probably is. I probably would be a hypocrite if
Speaker 3: I had kids and say, you know what, I take
Speaker 3: it back, it is harder than I imagined it would
Speaker 3: be once I even added hardness to what I thought
Speaker 3: it would be.
Speaker 5: Well, come on, we can imagine a little bit more.
Speaker 5: I mean, just just imagine that it's harder than that.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Like when I hear about whenever I'm on a treadmill
Speaker 3: and I'm doing a workout where I kind of want
Speaker 3: to die, and usually I'm only at that level for
Speaker 3: about thirty seconds and then I take it down. I
Speaker 3: don't like force myself to do that much anymore, but
Speaker 3: when I do, I always remember the Seal team. Like
Speaker 3: the like people in the Navy Seals say that whenever
Speaker 3: you're ready to die, your body is capable of seventeen
Speaker 3: times more that seventeen times.
Speaker 1: Dam So if you think him that I was thinking
Speaker 1: about when you're working out, yeah.
Speaker 3: Because I go, I want to go, and I go,
Speaker 3: you could do this for seventeen more times, and you
Speaker 3: think you're about to pass out right now? Seventeen more, bitch,
Speaker 3: And I don't do it, but I just go. I
Speaker 3: know I'm I'm capable of more.
Speaker 5: When I have a kid, I'm gonna imagine that the
Speaker 5: kid is going to like pull out a semi automatic
Speaker 5: rifle and start shooting up the house, and he's gonna
Speaker 5: like to be give a billing acid all over the years.
Speaker 5: They might he's gonna he's gonna try to kill me
Speaker 5: every single day.
Speaker 6: And then I have the kid, and I'll be like,
Speaker 6: you know what, it's not as hard as I thought
Speaker 6: it'd be.
Speaker 1: Yes, It's like my friend Gabe.
Speaker 6: Thought he'd be shooting me. Yeah, my friend.
Speaker 3: Gabe, Kia you said a joke that he was he
Speaker 3: got like busted for dealing drugs in college and to
Speaker 3: tell his mom he got a felony, right, and he
Speaker 3: was like, he told his mom, He's like, mom, I
Speaker 3: got a.
Speaker 1: And she goes for what.
Speaker 3: He goes rape and she goes no, and he goes
Speaker 3: just kiddingdrugs, Mom, drugs And she was like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: she's happy about it now. So yeah, just make it
Speaker 3: the worst thing ever. That's what I would imagine too,
Speaker 3: is like I think this book probably is trying to
Speaker 3: get you to do that.
Speaker 1: Imagine do you still want it?
Speaker 3: If it could be it could go the horrible way.
Speaker 3: So here's the quote that I loved. So people are
Speaker 3: kind of she's lamenting in the book in the beginning
Speaker 3: on behalf of people who say, this is such a
Speaker 3: tough decision. Why is this so tough for me?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: I think people go, if it's tough, then I should
Speaker 3: just not have kids, because why is this so tough?
Speaker 1: You should just know?
Speaker 3: And I think they're also comparing themselves to women like
Speaker 3: I do, who are just I've always.
Speaker 1: Known I want to ma amana, And that really sultry
Speaker 1: tone that they say it really and you.
Speaker 3: Go, oh, because your mom wasn't really around and you
Speaker 3: had to raise your sisters.
Speaker 1: So that's probably why, because you're forced to do that's snarky, jealous.
Speaker 3: Okay, so it says, why is this decision so difficult?
Speaker 3: My clients and workshop attendees, moan, are we the wishy,
Speaker 3: washiest people on the planet?
Speaker 6: Wow, they say, moan.
Speaker 3: She says, moan, wouldn't most normal wouldn't most normal reasonable
Speaker 3: people have decided by now I answer their question with
Speaker 3: a question of my own. Do you want this job
Speaker 3: which I am about to offer you? Listen carefully. If
Speaker 3: you accept it, you will have to do it for
Speaker 3: twenty years. Before you commit. You are not allowed to
Speaker 3: try it out or even meet your boss or coworker. Consequently,
Speaker 3: you may have no idea if you will like the
Speaker 3: job or the person, nor will you know until you
Speaker 3: start if you will love or hate it. During the
Speaker 3: three months of your apprenticeship, you will endure sleepless nights,
Speaker 3: twenty four hour shifts seven days a week. Sound good
Speaker 3: so far, but wait, there's so much more. For this
Speaker 3: grueling job. You will not receive a salary. In fact,
Speaker 3: you have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to
Speaker 3: do it. Oh, and also there's no clause for quitting
Speaker 3: at least not for the first eighteen years. Are you
Speaker 3: grabbing the contract pen in hand and pulling your partner
Speaker 3: over to the desk to sign up right away? So
Speaker 3: that may sound like she's on the side of don't
Speaker 3: have kids, what she's trying to do here is not that,
Speaker 3: because she goes on to make a bunch of reasons
Speaker 3: for having kids. What she's trying to say is like,
Speaker 3: don't be mad at yourself for thinking this is a
Speaker 3: hard decision, because these are the questions.
Speaker 1: People should ask themselves, and.
Speaker 3: They don't at all, because our society just like forces
Speaker 3: kids onto people. It's just the thing you do next,
Speaker 3: And I don't think people give it that much thought.
Speaker 3: And then this is the one that I said, this
Speaker 3: one especially so it said this exercise helps you consider
Speaker 3: career sacrifices that parenthood made demand. Imagine that a colleague
Speaker 3: moves ahead of you in some way simply because you
Speaker 3: can't work as hard now that you're involved with your child.
Speaker 3: Perhaps he or she is promoted first, even though you
Speaker 3: are more qualified. How would you feel about this? How
Speaker 3: would you react? My blood started simmering when I was
Speaker 3: reading this. Well, by the end of it, I was like,
Speaker 3: one hundred percent not okay. Why Well, I was actually
Speaker 3: talking to Chris about this because we were talking about
Speaker 3: amazing female medians who are like the best in the
Speaker 3: business right now and like are on the top of
Speaker 3: their game in the same way that male comedy legends are,
Speaker 3: and we couldn't really think of many. And my answer
Speaker 3: to that was, and we could think of some, but
Speaker 3: they have fallen off working in recent times, even though
Speaker 3: they are still of working age, they just don't produce
Speaker 3: as much now. And the answer every single time, I
Speaker 3: mean I don't know them private lives, is that they
Speaker 3: had kids not too long ago. And aside from you know,
Speaker 3: Ali Wong is still producing a ton of stuff. And
Speaker 3: there are exceptions to this, Tina Fey, there's always going
Speaker 3: to be a couple where you go, Okay, I think
Speaker 3: it'll happen to Whitney. No, she's insane, she's pregnant in
Speaker 3: terms of like she's just a.
Speaker 5: What about Sarah Silverman, she doesn't have kids. Sarah Silivan
Speaker 5: is a reverse example because she kind of like uh
Speaker 5: Waned a little bit when in the time when she
Speaker 5: would have had kids, but she didn't have them.
Speaker 1: That's true. Yeah, I guess that's a good point.
Speaker 3: It could be totally a random thing that I'm seeing
Speaker 3: this causality of like kids equals less work. Because you're right, like,
Speaker 3: there's not only Sarah Silman, there's others. I can think
Speaker 3: of two that and me. I mean, my career goes
Speaker 3: in ebbs and flows, and it has nothing to do
Speaker 3: with if I'm busy with something else in my life.
Speaker 3: It's really like the business liking how toned my facial
Speaker 3: skin is probably eventually is when I'm going to lose work.
Speaker 5: Also, you just get tired. I mean you're just like,
Speaker 5: you know what, I've been busting my ass for five years.
Speaker 5: Then you kind of get into this. I'm going to
Speaker 5: slow down a little bit, just for not me.
Speaker 3: I don't think I'm ever going to do that. I
Speaker 3: don't ever want to, Like I No, I don't see
Speaker 3: that happening for me. I just and even if I
Speaker 3: had a kid, I would find a way to stay
Speaker 3: relevant because of this. But the fact that something it
Speaker 3: might you know what it would take away from me.
Speaker 3: Guitar lessons, singing lessons. Those things would be the first
Speaker 3: to go for one hundred percent, no questions asked, Like
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna have time to like noodle on the
Speaker 3: guitar when there's like a baby screaming in the next room.
Speaker 3: And yes, I could get a nanny, but I don't
Speaker 3: even feel good having like being at my house when
Speaker 3: my maid is there cleaning because I feel bad like
Speaker 3: I should be picking up because she's there. Do you
Speaker 3: ever have that when you have someone over doing a
Speaker 3: thing for you and you go, I want to leave
Speaker 3: because I don't I feel like I should be helping
Speaker 3: her sweep.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, well my cleaning lady comes, I leave for
Speaker 5: the entire day. I also, that's right her. I don't
Speaker 5: want her. I don't want to get in the way
Speaker 5: of her doing her job. I think it's more comfortable
Speaker 5: for her too, to just be like have free rein
Speaker 5: in the house and be able to, you know, knock
Speaker 5: out her blankets wherever she wants.
Speaker 3: When people used to judge hang out when I would babysit,
Speaker 3: it would sucks so much.
Speaker 1: Get the fuck out.
Speaker 3: If you're a parent that like hangs out, like listen,
Speaker 3: I would probably do it because I'd want to just
Speaker 3: work from home. You know w w f H, which
Speaker 3: we've all started saying, which I didn't get that acronym
Speaker 3: note till recently. But I would probably do it so
Speaker 3: the hypocrite, but just know that I would tell my
Speaker 3: I would tell my babysitter like, I'm not watching you
Speaker 3: do whatever you want, eat our snacks, have fun, let
Speaker 3: the kids watch TV like you'd be as like I
Speaker 3: would not be like, don't be different because I'm around.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna let you be as shitty of a babysitter
Speaker 3: as I was because I wasn't shitty. I just let
Speaker 3: the kids watch TV when they wanted, not all the time,
Speaker 3: but more than Probably the parents wanted to them too,
Speaker 3: because guess what, I was babysitting kids that parents worked
Speaker 3: in TV.
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is good for them. They're learning about
Speaker 1: your job.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 5: If I if I was a babysitter and then the
Speaker 5: parent told me what you just said, I would one
Speaker 5: think it's a trap.
Speaker 3: Well that's what everyone thinks when I tell them like
Speaker 3: I don't care if my boyfriend makes out with other girls,
Speaker 3: that's a trap. And I'm like, okay, well test me.
Speaker 3: Then let's see if it's a trap. Because you have
Speaker 3: my word on the nanny cam telling you to sit
Speaker 3: around eat my snacks. That's where I discovered seaweed sacks.
Speaker 3: They were the seaweed sacks were not around twenty five
Speaker 3: years or twenty years ago, two thousand and no, those
Speaker 3: two fifteen years ago, they were not around. But I
Speaker 3: first discovered them at the Appatos house, which is where
Speaker 3: I babysat.
Speaker 1: But I was. I was good to those kids because
Speaker 1: you know, it's the fucking Appatos and you can, you
Speaker 1: can totally. I'm to blame for how great they are
Speaker 1: and everything they do. Do they remember you? Uh maud did?
Speaker 3: I doubt Iris would because she was like four. Now
Speaker 3: she's nineteen and she's in the newest music video for
Speaker 3: the number one Billboard song right now, Olivia Robert.
Speaker 1: She's best friends with Olivia.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're so cute, Like what a girl gang.
Speaker 3: They're all so cute to put all your girlfriends in
Speaker 3: your music video when you're nineteen.
Speaker 1: Let's be dream mine.
Speaker 3: Okay, one more from this book and then we got
Speaker 3: to go because this one is crazy.
Speaker 1: This is one I wrote, Dear God, no.
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, picture this is called okay. I don't even
Speaker 3: know to give it the title picture a perfectly healthy
Speaker 3: newborn with a touch of jaundice. I had jarndice by
Speaker 3: the way, I was like incubated for a bit. His
Speaker 3: eyes and skin are slightly yellow, and like most newborns,
Speaker 3: he's covered all over with fuzzy hair. His head has
Speaker 3: been misshapened by the trip through the birth canal. Now
Speaker 3: consider the following description, and this is like indented, so
Speaker 3: it's like pulled from another piece of literature. I saw
Speaker 3: the dull yellow eye of the creature open. It breathed
Speaker 3: odd and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs. His yellow
Speaker 3: skin scarcely covered to the work of muscles and otteries beneath.
Speaker 3: His hair was of a lustrous black and flowing. Does
Speaker 3: the quote above refer to a baby, well, yes and no.
Speaker 3: It comes from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. While it supposedly describes
Speaker 3: a monster, literary critic Ellen Moore's in Literary Women insists
Speaker 3: that Shelley was really talking about the horrors of motherhood.
Speaker 3: She wrote Frankenstein during her third pregnancy at the age
Speaker 3: of eighteen, after her firstborn child had died. Pregnant women
Speaker 3: often dream about monsters. In some dreams, the monster is
Speaker 3: clearly the dreamer's baby has.
Speaker 2: Woman is trying to encourage people.
Speaker 3: No, I swear to God, there's these I'm highlighting the
Speaker 3: things that have stuck out to me to like that. Really,
Speaker 3: she's helping me make the decision. I mean, this stuff
Speaker 3: is hitting home for me. So I promise you, like
Speaker 3: Noah wants kids, Noah, this isn't Is this dissuading you?
Speaker 3: Do you give a fuck if people get promoted over you?
Speaker 1: Do you give a fuck? If your baby kind of
Speaker 1: gives you monster dreams? Do you give a fuck? If no,
Speaker 1: it's twenty years with no pay.
Speaker 4: I think at this point in my life, at this age,
Speaker 4: that stuff doesn't bother me. If I would have been
Speaker 4: like in my twenties, it definitely would have bothered me.
Speaker 1: But that's why I didn't have kids of my twenties.
Speaker 1: That's a good point.
Speaker 6: Well, that's the beauty of the book. That's how you
Speaker 6: know it's working.
Speaker 5: So you're reading the book and your highlighting passages that
Speaker 5: are against having a baby. If Noah read the book,
Speaker 5: she would find the passages that are pro baby to
Speaker 5: be more resident with.
Speaker 4: Her, right, Yes, Well, well I guess it's like we
Speaker 4: just yeah, Well, I was just gonna say, we kind
Speaker 4: of tend towards looking at like an echo chamber, where
Speaker 4: it's something that that is what we want to hear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Brand's writ in that, and that's what this is.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what this is for.
Speaker 3: Like this is trying to encourage you so you can
Speaker 3: have a great decision and have all the reasoning behind it,
Speaker 3: which has been the theme of this podcast now for
Speaker 3: like three weeks, which so many people have sent me
Speaker 3: messages by the way of like why they had kids,
Speaker 3: or why they think people have kids, or why they
Speaker 3: want kids and don't have them yet.
Speaker 1: And I have so many good dms that are like
Speaker 1: I could write a book.
Speaker 3: I think at the end of all of this, Like
Speaker 3: I think something might come of this bigger, make a
Speaker 3: movie or something about being childless, which, by the way,
Speaker 3: I bought a I think I may have talked about
Speaker 3: this before. I bought a sweatshirt that says childless because
Speaker 3: it was from and I really liked it because I
Speaker 3: want to be I'm proud that I'm childless and I
Speaker 3: don't think that's like a bad thing. But all these
Speaker 3: comments in the Instagram post for the sweatshirt, not the
Speaker 3: one I posted. I didn't post it yet, but in
Speaker 3: the ad for it, people are like, this should say
Speaker 3: child free because women who don't want kids they're free children,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, and women who are childless seem like
Speaker 3: they're like, I don't have one and I want one.
Speaker 3: Childless is supposed to be for women who want one,
Speaker 3: and I go, no, I'm childless because I don't want one. Therefore,
Speaker 3: it's not my fault that I don't have a kid.
Speaker 3: It's as if I'm barren in my brain.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 3: Like a kid could really improve my life, but I
Speaker 3: am also childless because I don't the same way some
Speaker 3: people's bodies can't have one for whatever reason. My brain
Speaker 3: can't have one. And maybe I do want one in
Speaker 3: my heart, but my brain won't let me. So isn't
Speaker 3: that am I allowed to say I'm barren in the
Speaker 3: brain a little bit?
Speaker 1: My heart needs don't fuck your brain. My heart needs
Speaker 1: to fuck my brain.
Speaker 2: Oh you said my brain doesn't, but my heart does.
Speaker 1: It feels like it needs to rape my brain because
Speaker 1: my brain doesn't want it. So okay, well, the hearts
Speaker 1: that's what it wants. The heart, what's what it wants
Speaker 1: and you can't say no. Okay, Well we'll be right
Speaker 1: back after my heart rapes my brain.
Speaker 5: If anybody has a wants to write a book called
Speaker 5: the Mattress Decision, I'll read it.
Speaker 6: Because I'm having a lot of trouble. Why don't they
Speaker 6: have a book for that? Oh?
Speaker 5: I Well, the temper pedic attack has now been thwarted, thankfully,
Speaker 5: and I was able to return my current mattress.
Speaker 6: It has not been picked up yet.
Speaker 5: And I have Now I'm now getting a new temper
Speaker 5: pedic mattress that's more basic, like a medium hybrid, that's
Speaker 5: less expensive, like a two thousand dollars less expensive.
Speaker 6: So I'm hoping that does the trick.
Speaker 5: If that doesn't work, then I'm going to begin sifting
Speaker 5: through the hundreds of dms I got from besties recommending
Speaker 5: different mattresses. All the dms almost made it more difficult
Speaker 5: to make the decision because everyone's try this mattress, this
Speaker 5: is the best mattress, Try this mattress, thiss and like
Speaker 5: I trust all of you, I trust all of you
Speaker 5: that you think that that's the best mattress, and I
Speaker 5: believe you. But I just don't know which one of
Speaker 5: those is. Insact, That's where I'm at right now. Yeah,
Speaker 5: I mean everyone, I believe I'm so I envy these
Speaker 5: people because all these besties who have found their mattress.
Speaker 5: I believe It's like if I was single and I
Speaker 5: saw people getting married and I'd envy them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is like that. I want you get Yes,
Speaker 1: we all did.
Speaker 5: I envy the people who found a mattress. That's going
Speaker 5: the last and for at least.
Speaker 3: Your wedding was triggering for many people, especially one girl
Speaker 3: who had just gotten into a fake fight with her
Speaker 3: boyfriend and was sitting in the row three that I
Speaker 3: didn't know was a fight.
Speaker 1: Did I tell you guys this, are you talking about yourself?
Speaker 1: Myself on girl's chet? Yeah? OK, yeah, this is incredible.
Speaker 1: This is fucking insane.
Speaker 3: Well, I told Brian later, so everyone here knows about it,
Speaker 3: but the listener doesn't.
Speaker 2: One of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Speaker 3: I'm headed to Brian's wedding with my boyfriend Chris, and
Speaker 3: we are walking to the wedding, and so we're getting
Speaker 3: ready in our little cabin and it's kind of frantic
Speaker 3: to get ready because we stayed in the hot tub
Speaker 3: too long and I'm blow dragging my hair and I
Speaker 3: had to like steam my dress. That is like, it's
Speaker 3: just there's a lot to do, and Chris is like
Speaker 3: slowly getting ready, and every time I turn around from
Speaker 3: blow dragging my hair, he looks like cuter and cuter,
Speaker 3: and I keep commenting on it. I'm like, you look
Speaker 3: so handsome, and he's not really giving it back. But
Speaker 3: that's fine because he's distracted with his thing and I
Speaker 3: don't look cute yet. Like I'll say the one thing
Speaker 3: about Chris convey he will not give me compliments unless
Speaker 3: it's real. Like, just because I say he looks cute,
Speaker 3: he's not gonna say it back. So I get the
Speaker 3: truth from him, and well, okay, no, it's no. I
Speaker 3: actually appreciate it because if he just said it all
Speaker 3: the time, I'd be like, oh yeah, yeah yeah. But
Speaker 3: when he says it really means a lot to me,
Speaker 3: and he says it a lot. Let me just make
Speaker 3: that very clear. He's very into the way I look
Speaker 3: and I feel it all the time. But I was
Speaker 3: feeling a little insecure this day. Probably I hadn't spray
Speaker 3: to hand in a while. I was on my period,
Speaker 3: I believe. And we're getting so I finally get dressed
Speaker 3: and I put on my like these boots and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: and I uh.
Speaker 1: We start walking.
Speaker 3: We exit the cabin right outside in the front steps,
Speaker 3: and it's there's hail everywhere because it's just hailed like
Speaker 3: fucking crazy. The ground is white. It looks like it's
Speaker 3: just all like flower petals everywhere. And I say, you
Speaker 3: look so cute. And he's stuffing his face with a
Speaker 3: donut because he's just trying to like quickly like finish
Speaker 3: eating donuts before we go the ceremonies, like a snack,
Speaker 3: like you know, donuts, and he's eating them, and I go,
Speaker 3: is it the the powderned ones? Chocolate I had bought?
Speaker 3: I think they were chocolate because I bought him for
Speaker 3: him at the gas station. Even though you can pose
Speaker 3: for me because they're too I can't stop eating them
Speaker 3: and I don't want them, but I always get them
Speaker 3: because my boyfriend kind of forgets to eat a lot.
Speaker 3: So I had these donuts. He ate them, and I
Speaker 3: said to him, and as it's leaving my mouth, I realize,
Speaker 3: don't do this. Do you ever have that where you
Speaker 3: like are talking and as it's coming out, You're like,
Speaker 3: I shouldn't even finished the sentence, but it's feeling really good,
Speaker 3: and I know it's wrong, like it it was.
Speaker 1: You know, it's like word possessions.
Speaker 3: What they say, Yeah, would you say?
Speaker 4: I call it being possessed? Like it's not me in there. Yes,
Speaker 4: I'm possessed by a demon. That's how it felt.
Speaker 1: And I said, that's like, are you gonna say I
Speaker 1: look cute? Are you going to say I look cute?
Speaker 3: And I hated myself instantly for it. So I once
Speaker 3: I realized now having looked back on this moment, let
Speaker 3: me just kind of tell you what was going through
Speaker 3: my head in that moment. I was so embarrassed of
Speaker 3: what I had just said, like asking him, because I
Speaker 3: know that whatever he gives me is not going to
Speaker 3: feel good because I've just asked for it. So I've
Speaker 3: just already defeated the purpose of what I want. I
Speaker 3: know he's gonna feel annoyed that I asked, So I'm
Speaker 3: in bear. I just know that it was the wrong
Speaker 3: thing to say, and I'm so humiliated I said it right,
Speaker 3: so desperate, not even not said the right tone, And
Speaker 3: so my mind is in a position of picturing whatever
Speaker 3: comes out of his mouth is going to be really
Speaker 3: fucking mad at me and annoyed. Because guess who's mad
Speaker 3: at me and annoyed? I am, so I now am looking.
Speaker 3: My worldview has shifted to whatever he's gonna do, he's pissed.
Speaker 3: There's no other way to interpret it. He could have
Speaker 3: smiled and been like laughed, and I would have been like,
Speaker 3: he's mad, because that's just so how I felt about
Speaker 3: myself and I realized that now. So what he decided
Speaker 3: to do in the moment was have an exaggerated, like
Speaker 3: mad response, like almost like a fake husband screaming at
Speaker 3: his wife like a joke.
Speaker 1: So he stuffed the doughnut in his mouth and it
Speaker 1: was like, I told you to look fucking great all
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 3: And it's like Bill Burr flying out of his mouth
Speaker 3: like so exaggerated it was insane, right, So he stuffs
Speaker 3: in his mouth and he goes he said. I don't
Speaker 3: remember exactly what he said, but I know it had
Speaker 3: the word fuck in it, which he never cusses at me,
Speaker 3: like it's it would be. That's an insane He's never
Speaker 3: yelled at me, like Chris doesn't yell at me, like
Speaker 3: there's no verbal abuse happening in our relationship at all
Speaker 3: over ten years and emotional once you know, no, but
Speaker 3: that was early on from both of us, light dusting
Speaker 3: in the beginning of our relationship on both sides, emotionally
Speaker 3: but verbally from the the powder doughnut. It's not powder
Speaker 3: but chocolate, but let's imagine it's spewing out in a
Speaker 3: comic fashion. It like almost hits me in the face,
Speaker 3: and he's also cussing. And from my interpretation, this is
Speaker 3: just my boyfriend has now turned into a monster. Like
Speaker 3: I you know, women talk about like this moment where
Speaker 3: they get married and suddenly their boyfriend starts hitting them
Speaker 3: or their husband is now like it comes out of
Speaker 3: nowhere where they just.
Speaker 6: You've heard these stories translucent skin and black float.
Speaker 3: Christenstein. And so I was like, oh my god, this
Speaker 3: is it. Like he's changed, Like there's maybe this weekend
Speaker 3: he got really comfortable with me never leaving him or something.
Speaker 3: Maybe I said something that gave him this like reassurance
Speaker 3: that now he can abuse me this way. And I
Speaker 3: was shook, Like I didn't say anything. I just was
Speaker 3: like I was because he screamed and then the Genra
Speaker 3: is spewing from his face in a very comedic fashion,
Speaker 3: and I am like, just but you're.
Speaker 1: Relaying it as that what I'm not seeing it. I'm comedic.
Speaker 3: I was almost because I was like, it was so ridiculous,
Speaker 3: but I'm not laughing, no, But I'm also like, that
Speaker 3: was so unlike him to like talk with his mouth
Speaker 3: open it and then scream, which he's never done, and
Speaker 3: cuss all things that I'm just like, Okay, well, this
Speaker 3: relationship's literally over. I will not be with someone who
Speaker 3: talks to me this way. And now I have to
Speaker 3: go to Brian's wedding and sit next to this person.
Speaker 3: And I'm not going to make this about me and
Speaker 3: like start crying in the bathroom or break up with
Speaker 3: my boyfriend at my friend's wedding. So I go to
Speaker 3: the wedding and we walked to it and I say.
Speaker 3: He then swallows the donut that is in his mouth,
Speaker 3: and he goes, fine, he goes, he goes seriously, Nikki,
Speaker 3: and now it's like calm down to like his normal tone,
Speaker 3: and he goes, do you think I've gone three hours
Speaker 3: in our whole relationship without telling you how good you look?
Speaker 3: And I go and I just quietly was like, I'm sorry,
Speaker 3: I know you're right, and I was just like abused woman,
Speaker 3: quiet like. But he didn't notice because he's like, we're
Speaker 3: trying to get to the wedding. He didn't notice that.
Speaker 1: I'm like.
Speaker 3: Shell shocked woman. Tone right, I'm thinking that I just
Speaker 3: want I hate him right now. I don't know who
Speaker 3: this person is. I want to get through this day
Speaker 3: and I want to leave, and it's a long road
Speaker 3: before we leave. We have a reception to sit through.
Speaker 3: I have to like smile and like it's going to
Speaker 3: be hell so god.
Speaker 1: Like spirally frozen.
Speaker 2: I think in the moment you were even like it
Speaker 2: is so out of character. It almost was like he
Speaker 2: was doing a bit. But he he was.
Speaker 3: Mouth yes, the like in a in a Homer Simpson
Speaker 3: way funny cartoon, I said, cartoonish And by the way,
Speaker 3: I do.
Speaker 6: That with Ali.
Speaker 5: Yes, sometimes I'll do something like that. I'll just pretend
Speaker 5: like we're an abusive relationship and yellow before.
Speaker 1: Yes, Chris and I have done it before.
Speaker 3: We do it in a New York accent, though usually
Speaker 3: like a Jersey accent of like.
Speaker 1: Why would you fucking do this? Johnny? Like I do
Speaker 1: that kind of thing.
Speaker 3: I am at your wedding spiraling and like crying because
Speaker 3: I see what true love looks like and it's not
Speaker 3: what I have. Clearly I thought I did, But now
Speaker 3: this boyfriend, I'm like, I will never unsee what he
Speaker 3: just did to me. There's literally nothing that will ever
Speaker 3: excuse it. You know, when you have those moments where
Speaker 3: you go nothing could There's no thing he could say
Speaker 3: that will ever make me look at him the same
Speaker 3: way again, until I finally.
Speaker 1: Days later, my god, So I talked it.
Speaker 3: Away and I was like, I'll just have to bring
Speaker 3: it up when we go to a couple therapy, right, like,
Speaker 3: I can't. This is not something I'm gonna be able
Speaker 3: to talk about on our own because he didn't even
Speaker 3: seem to really notice it. Because usually let me just
Speaker 3: also say this, if Chris and I get into an argument,
Speaker 3: which is usually never never involved screaming or yelling, we're
Speaker 3: weird for a while, Like it's just not comfortable with us.
Speaker 3: We're a little we don't touch each other, we're not
Speaker 3: like we can't really fake it around people. We used
Speaker 3: to be able to, we don't anymore, Like we more
Speaker 3: stick to like what's going on. We'll literally say to
Speaker 3: people we go to dinner with, we're like not doing
Speaker 3: well right now, Like we've said that before because we
Speaker 3: don't fake it if things aren't good, which is good,
Speaker 3: But the whole reception, everything's fine with this guy. He's
Speaker 3: touching my leg, he's putting his arm around me. This
Speaker 3: makes me think even more he's fucking crazy, like he
Speaker 3: just did something, he snapped and now he's even going
Speaker 3: off book for our fight mode, you know, like he's
Speaker 3: he's now this guy that can like yell at his
Speaker 3: wife and then just act like everything's okay. Like this
Speaker 3: guy has lost it, you know, maybe elevation, sickness.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 3: So he's really nice. The whole night, we have a
Speaker 3: good time dancing. I kind of put it out of
Speaker 3: my head. I try to have a good time dancing
Speaker 3: and having a good time the reception, But in the
Speaker 3: back of my head, I'm like, my relationship's over. This
Speaker 3: kind of sucks. This is the last night of this
Speaker 3: because I have to like it. Not it's not over,
Speaker 3: but it's like this is gonna take so long to
Speaker 3: repair the damage that was done tonight. So two days later,
Speaker 3: we're walking to into a restaurant and we're actually like
Speaker 3: arm in arm and he's like, so, I'm like starting
Speaker 3: to pack up my stuff.
Speaker 1: To move in.
Speaker 3: And I go okay, and he's like, so we're doing
Speaker 3: this right, Like you want me to move in right.
Speaker 3: I go, there's one thing I need to bring up
Speaker 3: before you move in, and he's like.
Speaker 6: Okay.
Speaker 3: And we're walking into the restaurant when we're approaching the
Speaker 3: hostess stand and I go, when you yelled at me
Speaker 3: in Colorado on the way to Brian's wedding, I just
Speaker 3: I don't know who that was, and it's I still
Speaker 3: can't get over it.
Speaker 1: And he goes, what I didn't yell at you?
Speaker 3: And I just stopped on a dime and I go,
Speaker 3: we're not doing this, and I go, We're going back
Speaker 3: outside because we're gonna start.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna start yelling.
Speaker 3: If you tried to tell me that wasn't yelling at me,
Speaker 3: like I thought, at least he would know exactly what
Speaker 3: I was talking about.
Speaker 1: Right, Like, he screamed at me and donut flew out
Speaker 1: his face.
Speaker 3: So I I go, oh, I'm being gas lit, and
Speaker 3: you're gonna tell me that wasn't yelling at me. I
Speaker 3: literally go. I looked at the hostess and I go,
Speaker 3: we'll be right back. And I took him and I
Speaker 3: swung him around because we're locked in arms, and we
Speaker 3: went back outside, and I go, you yelled at me
Speaker 3: at Brian's wedding. Now I'm yelling right. And he's like, what,
Speaker 3: I go, doughnut was spewing out of your face. And
Speaker 3: he goes, that was a joke. And I go, what
Speaker 3: He's like, that was a joke.
Speaker 1: I would never talk to you that way, like I
Speaker 1: was doing like our Dolorous bit where I go, Dolores,
Speaker 1: why'd you park that? Like I go, that's our Jersey
Speaker 1: couple bit that we haven't done in a while.
Speaker 6: But I'm like, huh, we didn't say, Dolores.
Speaker 1: No, And and like here's the truth.
Speaker 3: I think he was annoyed at my thing, which is
Speaker 3: one hundred percent valid because I was annoyed at it.
Speaker 1: And I think it was.
Speaker 3: A way to communicate and like an annoyance without committing
Speaker 3: to it really and doing a character I don't think
Speaker 3: he meant to. He did not mean to scold me
Speaker 3: or hurt me the way he did at all, because
Speaker 3: that's just not in him, but.
Speaker 1: It it was.
Speaker 3: Do you ever have that moment where you go, there's
Speaker 3: no way I'll ever forgive this person, and then they
Speaker 3: come up with the thing that is the only way
Speaker 3: you forgive them.
Speaker 1: I was it was like someone.
Speaker 3: Took off a gigantic mountain backpack, like one of the
Speaker 3: ones that goes down to your like half down your
Speaker 3: legs like that when you're climbing Everest.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, one of those. It was.
Speaker 3: I was because I was like, I put it out
Speaker 3: of my head for a little bit, because when things
Speaker 3: like that happened to me that are traumatic, either good
Speaker 3: or bad. Sometimes when I meet a famous person, I
Speaker 3: forget about it. This is a new thing that's happening
Speaker 3: to me too, where I have excitement in amnesia and
Speaker 3: I forget meeting people or having like run ins with
Speaker 3: celebrities that mean a lot to me. And then I'll
Speaker 3: meet them again and say, oh, nice to meet you,
Speaker 3: and they go, I met you. I did with Larry
Speaker 3: David I think I talked about on the show. But
Speaker 3: it's happened a couple times since then with people. But
Speaker 3: I also have amnesia for really like awful things like that,
Speaker 3: and I'll put it away until it's ready, And so
Speaker 3: I tucked it away, but man, I.
Speaker 1: Almost like cried. I was like, that was a joke.
Speaker 3: I was like, first of all, don't let jokes go
Speaker 3: until I laugh at them, Like, make sure I know
Speaker 3: it's a joke. It's so annoying because I'm a comedian
Speaker 3: and Chris is really funny and this happens to us
Speaker 3: a lot where he will make jokes and I won't
Speaker 3: know he's joking, and it's a thing that happens to
Speaker 3: me as a comedian that first of all, I can't
Speaker 3: take jokes like other people in terms of like if
Speaker 3: you make fun of me, I will take it. I'm
Speaker 3: very very sensitive, but I should be. I dole it
Speaker 3: out all the time. So there's this like obviously hypocritical.
Speaker 1: Thing about me in that way. And I also don't
Speaker 1: understand jokes.
Speaker 3: I don't think people are making jokes constantly like for me,
Speaker 3: there's a place.
Speaker 1: For jokes, and I don't. Brian did it to me yesterday.
Speaker 1: He had me going for like two minutes about it.
Speaker 1: God accept me.
Speaker 5: I kept exaggerating and exaggerating again, just waiting.
Speaker 2: For you to laugh.
Speaker 3: So this is not just Chris that has dealt with this, Like,
Speaker 3: I think it was as obvious as that Brian, what
Speaker 3: Chris had done, and that to me was not obvious
Speaker 3: at all. Like I almost hold a little autistic because
Speaker 3: nothing about that was different from the way you normally talk.
Speaker 3: Or I just couldn't. I couldn't tell the difference. So
Speaker 3: tell them what happened.
Speaker 5: To be fair, I do have a very dry delivery,
Speaker 5: and I frequently get that, like, I didn't realize you
Speaker 5: were joking, So it's not just you both.
Speaker 6: Is this the Barbie thing? Thank god you're talking about, Yes,
Speaker 6: the Barbie thing.
Speaker 5: So our other friend hasn't seen the Barbie movie yet,
Speaker 5: and she was saying that I don't want to go
Speaker 5: see it because I'm definitely gonna be let down because
Speaker 5: everyone's talking it up so much and saying how good
Speaker 5: it is and how fun it is. And then Nicky
Speaker 5: was like, it is good, it is fun, and she's like, well,
Speaker 5: now I'm not going to I'm gonna be disappointed no
Speaker 5: matter what. So then I go, well, I actually have
Speaker 5: several groups of friends who said it was the worst
Speaker 5: movie they've ever seen. They said it was too woke
Speaker 5: and too preachy and it made them physically ill to
Speaker 5: sit through the movie. And then NICKI was like, what,
Speaker 5: what the fuck? Who are these people? And I'm like, yes.
Speaker 5: Several of them got up and walked out in the
Speaker 5: middle of the film and asked for their money back,
Speaker 5: and then.
Speaker 6: She's like what what? Who are these people?
Speaker 5: They wait to the alley and started spontaneously vomiting because
Speaker 5: they were so disturbed.
Speaker 3: They would they A couple of them said they would
Speaker 3: rather eat shit than watch.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, ever again.
Speaker 5: One friend said, I would rather take a shit in
Speaker 5: my hand and eat it than watch one more second
Speaker 5: of the Barbie movie?
Speaker 1: Is this a friend I know of yours? Because I
Speaker 1: know a lot Brian and I have a lot of
Speaker 1: friends in come in, So I go, if this was
Speaker 1: Rob Stern, this sucks because I love Rob Stern and
Speaker 1: I cannot be friends with someone who talked this way
Speaker 1: about the Barbie movie, like they sound insane. And so
Speaker 1: Brian was going on and on and I everyone in
Speaker 1: the room.
Speaker 3: There was two other girls in the room. They knew
Speaker 3: he was joking, and they often don't know he's joking.
Speaker 3: They don't know Brian as well as I do. And
Speaker 3: so a lot of times I'm the one that's like
Speaker 3: he's joking, but this time I was just that's this
Speaker 3: is what the same mood I was in the other
Speaker 3: that time that happened with Chris, Like I just miss
Speaker 3: the joke and I wish I could go back because
Speaker 3: that night was kind of stolen from me.
Speaker 1: So you need to get remarried so I can. But
Speaker 1: I did.
Speaker 3: I will say that there was this moment of like
Speaker 3: thinking my relationship was over and then watching yours and
Speaker 3: I go, well, that's what I want, you know, Like
Speaker 3: it gave me like it was almost like a good
Speaker 3: timing of it where it was like, Okay, don't give up,
Speaker 3: and your whole vows were about like finding Ali when
Speaker 3: you had kind of given up, and so I was
Speaker 3: already I was already like thinking of like I have
Speaker 3: to start over now, I have to put myself back
Speaker 3: out there and hope I found someone that's more compatible
Speaker 3: for me, that doesn't yell at me. Ten years into
Speaker 3: our relationship one time, and thank god, it was a joke,
Speaker 3: and Chris was horrified that I didn't get it, like
Speaker 3: he felt really misunderstood, which is another thing in our relationship.
Speaker 1: He films up.
Speaker 3: Yes, I think probably yeah, because he just realized this
Speaker 3: whole night his girlfriend was like thinking that you were
Speaker 3: breaking up, Like he felt like he looked at the
Speaker 3: whole weekend and was having that like lashback of like,
Speaker 3: well that wasn't real. You weren't happy then, And the
Speaker 3: truth was no, I was in turmoil, you know, And
Speaker 3: so I.
Speaker 1: Think he how to get out of my apartment.
Speaker 3: And I was thinking about the summer rolls that we
Speaker 3: were about to eat, and I was like, okay, so
Speaker 3: now I know you're joking. Now just say I'm sorry
Speaker 3: you felt that way, which is my big thing. It's like,
Speaker 3: if you don't mean to hurt someone's feelings, it doesn't
Speaker 3: matter if you meant to or not.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't believe in free will.
Speaker 3: Brian certainly does, because yesterday we argued about it for
Speaker 3: literally an hour and a half in front of these
Speaker 3: two girls that we're talking about, and they honestly could
Speaker 3: file like Workmen's comp for the torture of listening to
Speaker 3: this debate. They are they were. They didn't say a
Speaker 3: word the whole time. It was I wish this debate
Speaker 3: was like for we could go out there for like,
Speaker 3: I mean, a bonus pod.
Speaker 5: I was, I, I understand you were getting you were
Speaker 5: getting frustrated. You said, you're getting frustrated. I like debating
Speaker 5: for almost like the joy of the debate me too,
Speaker 5: just to have.
Speaker 1: The philosophical because I felt like afterwards, because it did
Speaker 1: get it got a little screamy, but in a way
Speaker 1: that's like the way I scream, which is like, no, Brian,
Speaker 1: like you don't see like it wasn't like I was
Speaker 1: mad at you. There were times I was a little
Speaker 1: mad because I just felt like, why can't you get this?
Speaker 1: You're smart? But it's because that's my fault.
Speaker 3: I didn't explain it right, but because there is no
Speaker 3: like there's no argument it does there is no free will.
Speaker 3: There's like no, that's my other thing is like, right, well,
Speaker 3: it is true. It's like veganism. The two things I
Speaker 3: feel right about are veganism and no free will. Other
Speaker 3: other than that, I'm pretty much wrong about everything, including
Speaker 3: wanting to not be a mother.
Speaker 1: So but I will.
Speaker 3: Say that afterwards I felt closer to you, Like now,
Speaker 3: I feel like that is how I all.
Speaker 1: That is really how I bond with people.
Speaker 3: Because I felt like as we were arguing and it
Speaker 3: was going on for literally ninety minutes. You guys, non stop,
Speaker 3: one subject in one room. Ninety minutes, Probably wouldn't you say, Brian.
Speaker 6: Yeah, no, it was ninety minutes.
Speaker 1: It was crazy.
Speaker 3: So I felt during it at some points this is
Speaker 3: gonna this might be bad for us, because I don't
Speaker 3: I've heard before that I come on really strong and
Speaker 3: that this can push people away. But because you were
Speaker 3: engaged the whole time and didn't seem to give up,
Speaker 3: I go, let's just keep going. Let's like, I don't know,
Speaker 3: I'm not ready to give up. And so but by
Speaker 3: the end of it, I was like, I have no
Speaker 3: animosity to do or tim, I'm not carrying this around,
Speaker 3: Like God, why doesn't he get it? We did not
Speaker 3: agree on any We agreed on a couple points, but
Speaker 3: like most points, did not agree. I do not feel
Speaker 3: satisfied that I did a good job of the debate
Speaker 3: because we walked away feeling the same way.
Speaker 1: Nothing was accomplished in that way.
Speaker 3: But and two people were very annoyed to the point
Speaker 3: where they never want to be around me again.
Speaker 2: So because thinking you learned something like, neither of you
Speaker 2: are like, Okay, she had a.
Speaker 1: Good point, he had a good point, No, I don't think.
Speaker 5: So what I walked away from we found some common
Speaker 5: ground and we were searching for we were trying to
Speaker 5: search for the thing that we agree on, and mostly
Speaker 5: we're trying to starch for what is the fundamental thing
Speaker 5: we disagree on, because we don't even know really what
Speaker 5: that is.
Speaker 1: We've had it.
Speaker 6: I was searching for it.
Speaker 3: He kept saying, what's really upset me? Was like, but
Speaker 3: this doesn't matter to me. I don't care. And I go, oh,
Speaker 3: so you don't care about you thing. You've argued for
Speaker 3: ninety minutes, So you just wasted my fucking time.
Speaker 1: Like I didn't say fuck, but maybe I did. And
Speaker 1: but I so you.
Speaker 6: Fucking fucking.
Speaker 1: Vegan donut.
Speaker 3: I will say though that I I do think that
Speaker 3: debating makes me feel closer to people like I really like.
Speaker 3: And it doesn't mean that we have to agree at
Speaker 3: the end. It doesn't mean like fighting and not. It
Speaker 3: wasn't fighting. And I sound like my parents right now
Speaker 3: because my whole entire childhood, I would say stop fighting,
Speaker 3: and they'd.
Speaker 1: Go, we are arguing where not fighting? You know?
Speaker 3: Like that was always my first stand up joke I
Speaker 3: ever wrote, was in like fifth grade because my parents
Speaker 3: would say, we're not fighting.
Speaker 1: I at least thought of it.
Speaker 3: I didn't think of it like this is a stand
Speaker 3: up joke, but it was my first thing that I
Speaker 3: look back on and I go, oh, that was kind
Speaker 3: of a bit. Was my parents used to say, we're
Speaker 3: not fighting, We're having a discussion. And in my head,
Speaker 3: I was like, well, when we have discussions in my
Speaker 3: fourth class about you know where the red fern grows,
Speaker 3: missus Stiffler doesn't throw a chair and scream fuck you,
Speaker 3: ea ja or whatever. You know what I was saying,
Speaker 3: because it was like they always would say they discuss things,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, well, I think you're screaming at each
Speaker 3: other and nothing's getting resolved. So I do come from
Speaker 3: a family of screamers and debaters.
Speaker 1: But I liked it.
Speaker 4: I just wanted to So I just wanted to share
Speaker 4: something because I relate to you in the way that
Speaker 4: in my previous relationships, I used to bond with my
Speaker 4: partner through arguing, and in my household, that's how we
Speaker 4: used to show emotions towards each other. It was like
Speaker 4: through argument and there was never a resolution. But in
Speaker 4: this current relationship, we can't bond over arguing, we bond
Speaker 4: over the discussion that we have after. So now what
Speaker 4: we do is if we have a fight, we're not
Speaker 4: allowed to hug at the end. And that's like for
Speaker 4: my request because I don't wantative reinforce negative reinforcement, right,
Speaker 4: but I don't want to receive the affection because my
Speaker 4: love language is physical touch after we have a argument fight,
Speaker 4: because then my brain is like, ooh, are you a
Speaker 4: good hugging and kissing?
Speaker 1: That's interesting?
Speaker 3: Well what if it's the hugging and kissing after the result?
Speaker 3: Like does it?
Speaker 1: Can it be like we're fighting and then we discuss
Speaker 1: and then there's a hug. No, we have to walk
Speaker 1: away from it, and then we can hug it.
Speaker 7: Out smart no later It's really wow, what is like
Speaker 7: really in tune with stuff that's so smart?
Speaker 3: I will say that I'd never feel closer to someone
Speaker 3: debating romantically like I feel much closer to Brian, Like
Speaker 3: he is someone that can like really hang with me
Speaker 3: in terms of because I like debating and I don't
Speaker 3: think a lot of my girlfriends do. And I think
Speaker 3: it's a masculine trait that I have and it's nice
Speaker 3: to be able to do that with a friend and
Speaker 3: not have any ill will afterwards. I mean it could be.
Speaker 3: I mean maybe you had some. I don't want to
Speaker 3: mean to speak for both of us, but I felt
Speaker 3: like none afterwards. I felt like almost cathartic and like, oh,
Speaker 3: we just had like a bonding sash.
Speaker 6: And yeah, I mean we have to.
Speaker 5: We agreed on the We agreed on the ground rules
Speaker 5: of what we were doing intrinsically without discussing tacitly without
Speaker 5: discussing it, which is that this is a debate for fun,
Speaker 5: and if at any point one of us is truly
Speaker 5: feeling upset or attacked, then it needs to end. But
Speaker 5: that never happened. Yeah, that's what you got to go
Speaker 5: into debates like that. It was like for you know,
Speaker 5: some people do, like there is debate club, you know
Speaker 5: in school, Like some people do debate as a hobby.
Speaker 1: You'd probably it's fun. I have family.
Speaker 2: I really think I want to do it. Feel intimacy
Speaker 2: after fighting. I don't mind a debate, but I do
Speaker 2: not like an insult in that. Like, I'm good up
Speaker 2: until if there's any implication that I'm a fool or
Speaker 2: dumb or any criticism of me, I'm out I'm just
Speaker 2: like I'm done. Like I was in a debate with
Speaker 2: I'm in this group and we talk about race issues
Speaker 2: and I disagreed about something someone was saying and they
Speaker 2: were like, I'm really disappointed in you. That's like such
Speaker 2: a Basically.
Speaker 3: I kept saying to Brian, you're smarter than this. I
Speaker 3: was exactly using that. I'm sorry, Brian, if I made
Speaker 3: you feel stupid, that's a no. No, I mean, that's.
Speaker 5: That's that's not it's the fallacy that you can't use
Speaker 5: during a debate. But like I think, I think during
Speaker 5: our debate, what I really appreciated was that they were
Speaker 5: we were very self aware during the debate, where like
Speaker 5: sometimes you would say like I am feeling frustrated because
Speaker 5: I can't figure out the thing that can't get you
Speaker 5: to understand this, and I would and then at one
Speaker 5: point I was like, the thing I want to do
Speaker 5: right now is attack Sam Harris personally, but I know
Speaker 5: that that's wrong. So it's kind of like it was
Speaker 5: also self awareness that.
Speaker 1: Look at this guy. I look at this guy and
Speaker 1: he showed me a picture and I was like, that's
Speaker 1: not he was like in another picture of a guy
Speaker 1: that beautiful I go, you don't. I thought, don't start
Speaker 1: taking down Sam. He ris He's on the right side
Speaker 1: of things, man, and he's like, he's he's saying that
Speaker 1: molesters should just be able to molest because they can't
Speaker 1: help their brains. I go, he is not saying that
Speaker 1: I said that, and I'm not really It was like,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't that.
Speaker 3: He did it was it was I had a blaster
Speaker 3: Rooney doing it. And I do think I need to
Speaker 3: get into an adult debate club because of it. I
Speaker 3: don't I don't know the rules of debate, and so
Speaker 3: I should maybe explore that a little bit. But as
Speaker 3: we're talking about things that I wish were a bonus episode,
Speaker 3: I want to draw attention to something that is becoming
Speaker 3: a special thing for besties to do. If you want
Speaker 3: to get our podcast ad free, and if you want
Speaker 3: to get an extra bonus episode every month of the show,
Speaker 3: which is entitled Intrusive Thoughts, where we kind of say
Speaker 3: our most in things. That's going to be a separate
Speaker 3: secret episode called Intrusive Thoughts. You're gonna want to sign
Speaker 3: up for Big Money Players. That's the network of our podcast.
Speaker 3: In the iHeart thing, Big Money Players is Will Ferrell's
Speaker 3: podcast network. They have a new thing called the Diamond Players.
Speaker 3: Is that correct? Noah, Yeah, If you want to become
Speaker 3: a Diamond Player, you pay a little extra month. It's
Speaker 3: through Apple Podcasts, So you have to listen to your
Speaker 3: podcast through the Apple podcast app and then you go
Speaker 3: to our show, you search our show, and then there
Speaker 3: will be a button for you to subscribe to become
Speaker 3: a Diamond Player, which means you will get all of
Speaker 3: our episodes every week, twice a week with no ads,
Speaker 3: which is the best we can all agree. And then
Speaker 3: you also get a free bonus episode every month. So
Speaker 3: for a little extra dough a month, check that out.
Speaker 3: We would love for you to become a Diamond Member
Speaker 3: and you get what and you also get all the
Speaker 3: other shows on the network ad free. Oh that's right.
Speaker 3: Don't even forget about Las Calturistas, which is an amazingly
Speaker 3: award winning podcast.
Speaker 1: There's also Eric Andre's new podcast.
Speaker 3: Called I Bombed about like two comedians talking about all
Speaker 3: the times they bombed on stage. There's Poog, which is
Speaker 3: a hilarious wellness podcast hosted by Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak.
Speaker 3: That's like it's goop backwards Poog. There's tons of hilarious
Speaker 3: podcasts in that network. So if you're ever looking for
Speaker 3: a new comedy podcast, go straight to Big Money Players
Speaker 3: because they they endorse us and so they have good
Speaker 3: taste and you can just search in there and you'll
Speaker 3: find great podcasts. So become a Diamond Player. Go to
Speaker 3: our podcast in the Apple podcast app, which is where
Speaker 3: I listen to all my podcasts, and subscribe there on
Speaker 3: our show page. Just search our show and become a
Speaker 3: Diamond Player. Get free no no ad podcasts and a
Speaker 3: special bonus episode.
Speaker 1: Everyone.
Speaker 6: Can we describe what the bonus episode is.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's gonna be called Intrusive Thoughts, and it's gonna
Speaker 3: be us sharing things that we are with that we're
Speaker 3: kind of ashamed that we think.
Speaker 5: Right, you're yeah more or a lot are things that
Speaker 5: you know, we were afraid to say on the main
Speaker 5: podcast because they're a little bit like I don't know
Speaker 5: if I should be thinking this, this this thought just
Speaker 5: pop you want behind Yeah, you need to pay wall
Speaker 5: behind it that.
Speaker 3: That's that's the way I'm going to treat it too
Speaker 3: when we do when we do that podcast, I'm going
Speaker 3: to tell stories that I would never tell on the
Speaker 3: main feed because they're a little too spicy or I
Speaker 3: don't want certain people to hear them. And I know
Speaker 3: certain people won't pay for this, so I know who
Speaker 3: it will like keep out. So if you want to
Speaker 3: be a true insider of the Niklaser podcast, go subscribe.
Speaker 1: Today would be right back with more show. All right,
Speaker 1: we're back, so.
Speaker 5: We can you Can you save me a conversation or
Speaker 5: two and just tell because I know that Ali listens
Speaker 5: to Ali's mom listens to this. Can can you just tell?
Speaker 5: Explain that you had a good time at the wedding
Speaker 5: so that when they're listening to this, they're not going,
Speaker 5: I mean, you did have a good time.
Speaker 6: You enjoyed the wedding.
Speaker 1: No, I true, I loved the way.
Speaker 3: I want to be very clear that despite what was
Speaker 3: going on in my brain, I had an amazing time
Speaker 3: at the wedding. First of all, the food was the
Speaker 3: greatest wedding food I've ever had in my life. I
Speaker 3: got double plates because there was vegan plates made especially
Speaker 3: for me, and then I had the waitress go get
Speaker 3: me more. I had so many Brussels sprouts. I The
Speaker 3: music was amazing, The dancing was amazing, The company was amazing,
Speaker 3: the place, the table settings were amazing. There was these
Speaker 3: every they love national parks, Ali and Brian and so
Speaker 3: all the place sttings at the tables had these like
Speaker 3: coasters that had national parks on them. And our said
Speaker 3: Saint Louis H Gateway Arch because it's a national park.
Speaker 1: And that was our table. And we were sitting with
Speaker 1: Adam Conover.
Speaker 3: And his wife girlfriend Lisa partner Lisa Hannah Walt, who
Speaker 3: is the animator for many things including uh BoJack Horseman and.
Speaker 6: And she created Tuca and Bertie.
Speaker 3: And Tuka and Bertie starring Ali Wong who is able
Speaker 3: to you know, juggle it all and then and it
Speaker 3: was like I really did put my emotion, Like I
Speaker 3: was not hijacked that whole night by my thought process.
Speaker 3: It was there was times when I went to the
Speaker 3: bathroom and had a little bit of a moment where
Speaker 3: I would like kind of just process what I what
Speaker 3: had happened. But when I stepped back in that room,
Speaker 3: you couldn't help but forget your worries and just have
Speaker 3: a great time singing and dancing along to music and
Speaker 3: celebrating Brian and Alley which was there was. I truly,
Speaker 3: when I think back on your wedding, I'm not thinking
Speaker 3: about how I was thinking about the end of my relationship.
Speaker 3: And that's why I hadn't even told it on the
Speaker 3: podcast yet, because it's not the first thing I think
Speaker 3: about when I think about your wedding at all. It
Speaker 3: was amazing, totally matched by Anna's wedding two weeks later.
Speaker 3: I had the best wedding experience this summer ever. Great
Speaker 3: weddings and by the way, great food at Anya's wedding too.
Speaker 3: I can I just tell you what I discovered at
Speaker 3: Onion's wedding that I didn't know was delicious grilling romane.
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't get to that. Fuck what was he?
Speaker 1: Are you fucking kidding me? Was it? Never think putting
Speaker 1: olive oil and some salt and probably garlic on roman
Speaker 1: lettuce and then roasting it or whatever the fuck they
Speaker 1: did grilling it. It was so you would think like, well,
Speaker 1: that's not gonna be good.
Speaker 3: It looked like soggy lettuce, no offense, That's what it
Speaker 3: looked like it was. I went back, I ate probably
Speaker 3: half the dish.
Speaker 1: It was so fucking good.
Speaker 6: That's awesome.
Speaker 1: It was so good and the vegan I didn't know.
Speaker 2: I thought they were gonna do like some vegan stuff,
Speaker 2: but I found out, like.
Speaker 1: The viewers were amazing. Crab cakes.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I didn't know those weren't crab Those were
Speaker 2: not crab what?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't eat them. That was vegan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was vegan. It was like palm hearts.
Speaker 1: I don't know how they get grabbed. Palm so good.
Speaker 3: Speaking like I have this this calamaria that I get
Speaker 3: at Crossroads in Los Angeles, which is a vegan place,
Speaker 3: and they.
Speaker 1: Do yeah parts of palm Friday. Had you had that
Speaker 1: with me?
Speaker 2: Anya, weren't they soodus uttering right now?
Speaker 1: Me Tarter Sauce.
Speaker 2: Show guys, and that place on tour that was like
Speaker 2: vegan all vegan sushi. What is it called Planta? Oh
Speaker 2: my god? They made us crab.
Speaker 1: Cakes so good?
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 3: Can I ask you as a question, what you guys think.
Speaker 3: I am getting a food truck for a giant number
Speaker 3: of people this Friday, I think, and let's just assume
Speaker 3: most of these people aren't vegan. I am buying it though,
Speaker 3: and I'm not trying to force my ways on anyone else,
Speaker 3: Like I don't want to force people to be vegan
Speaker 3: if they don't like it.
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna get a food truck.
Speaker 3: If I were to do a vegan food truck, it
Speaker 3: would be one that like makes stuff that, like everyone
Speaker 3: agrees is fucking dope.
Speaker 1: Do you think that's too?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 3: Ugh, this girl, like, I'm giving a gift, but I'm like,
Speaker 3: I want you to have it the way I want it,
Speaker 3: or should I just get like meat and cheese, normal
Speaker 3: food because I don't care that people like that.
Speaker 1: I didn't even know the crab cakes were not real.
Speaker 2: This is a just a dilemma I had. And then
Speaker 2: I just concluded, you know what, like I'm not vegan,
Speaker 2: but a few of my good friends are. The person
Speaker 2: marrying us is. And then Matt vegan options. You thought
Speaker 2: you thought the crab cakes were not real? Yeah, like
Speaker 2: the cakes, so you thought that you would opt.
Speaker 1: For people that weren't vegan, and you did have it.
Speaker 2: But I was still like, should we have chicken? And
Speaker 2: Matt's like, Babe, people can do without meat for one
Speaker 2: meal of their lives, which is one hundred percent true,
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: But I just don't want anyone to go God.
Speaker 1: But you know what if they think that they're la
Speaker 1: people are vegan anyway and people love free food, I'm
Speaker 1: telling you.
Speaker 6: They're truck that can do both. That can't something do vegan.
Speaker 1: I don't want to.
Speaker 3: I'm kind of like, you know what, I think the
Speaker 3: one of people that don't like vegan food are cut
Speaker 3: and I would be in a place that actually is
Speaker 3: doing it right, that isn't making it like vegan like grossy.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean, Like, I know the difference.
Speaker 1: I like, I know the different vegan. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I asked a girl that's helping me to look into it,
Speaker 3: and but I was kind of so that you just
Speaker 3: confirmed what I already thought I was gonna do, which
Speaker 3: is the right thing, and and maybe someone will go
Speaker 3: you know what, I can't even tell the difference and
Speaker 3: not like I saw when I did beat Bobby Flay.
Speaker 3: My proudest moment was when a guy made a vegan cheese. Yeah,
Speaker 3: on beat Bobby Flay, a guy made I was vegan.
Speaker 3: So the whole episode had to be vegan, and everyone
Speaker 3: seemed to be very like whoa.
Speaker 1: I guess, And one.
Speaker 3: Of the judges was like this like New York, Like
Speaker 3: I like pepperoni and I'm like a pizza New York guy,
Speaker 3: and they were making Philly cheese steaks vegan, which is
Speaker 3: like a very hard thing to make vegan. In fact,
Speaker 3: the most disgusting vegan thing I've ever had was a
Speaker 3: Philly cheese steak in Philly that was vegan. It was
Speaker 3: I've never had anything disgusting vegan, and it makes my
Speaker 3: stomach charn thinking about it. Because my friend, uh, this
Speaker 3: guy that I was like kind of interested in dating,
Speaker 3: he I ordered from a vegan place and he was
Speaker 3: trying to be like he liked me, so he was like, oh,
Speaker 3: get something vegan too. I don't even eat vegan, but
Speaker 3: I'll do it. So he ordered a vegan cheese take
Speaker 3: and I was like, ew, I wouldn't get that. That
Speaker 3: seems gross but okay, and he was like, no, I
Speaker 3: think it'd be good. I'm vegan, I could do I
Speaker 3: could swig with this. And then he got it and
Speaker 3: offered me a bite, and I was like, that is disgusting,
Speaker 3: and I lost respect for him because he was kind
Speaker 3: of pretending to like it, and I was like, he's
Speaker 3: just doing that for me, and it is gross. So anyway,
Speaker 3: they made these amazing, amazing vegan Philly Cheese Stakes because
Speaker 3: they're amazing chefs, Bobby and then the other chef he
Speaker 3: was going against, and then the cool New yorka like
Speaker 3: I don't know what about this.
Speaker 1: He was Asian, by the way, I'm not even joking
Speaker 1: you he was, but he was still kind of like
Speaker 1: a little bit New York like cool, and he was
Speaker 1: like Italian Asian. I don't know how to describe it.
Speaker 6: Blenty of friends like that, who are yes.
Speaker 1: Are you this is a moment of you being fag.
Speaker 5: No, I grew up in New York and I have
Speaker 5: friends to talk like, are from I mean, it's not
Speaker 5: that's not unusual.
Speaker 1: Okay. So was it Michael Voltaggio. No, it was one
Speaker 1: of the judges.
Speaker 3: So Michael Voltaggio was the other celebrity like that was
Speaker 3: hosting it with me, and then it was one of
Speaker 3: the judges.
Speaker 1: He was Asian, but he bit into this Philly cheese
Speaker 1: steak and he was like, oh God, this is as
Speaker 1: good as.
Speaker 3: Anything I've ever had. And he was so I knew
Speaker 3: he was. He was coming into it being like, what's
Speaker 3: this going to be? And it was so awesome to
Speaker 3: see him go this is as good as any meat
Speaker 3: product I've ever had.
Speaker 1: It was so nice. And by the way, there's a name.
Speaker 1: Guess what I don't know.
Speaker 4: If you want to watch the glazier episode of Beat
Speaker 4: Bobby Flay, the next one will be September twenty first
Speaker 4: at six thirty pm, five thirty full time Sweets on
Speaker 4: the Food Network. It's a really good more errings that.
Speaker 4: Oh wow.
Speaker 3: And if you guys also want to watch F Boy Island,
Speaker 3: I should do a plug for that. It is coming
Speaker 3: out on the CW October twelfth.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited. Yes, Thursday, October twelfth. Is that the
Speaker 1: former season?
Speaker 3: No, this is season three, new season just recently, very
Speaker 3: very exciting, so much drama, so much comedy, the funniest
Speaker 3: season by far.
Speaker 2: The boys or do we know any of the boys?
Speaker 3: I can't tease any of the boys. You may or
Speaker 3: may not know people. If you watch, if you've never
Speaker 3: watched F Boy before, it doesn't matter. You can jump
Speaker 3: in the season. You don't need any prior knowledge.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: So that's the good news. And the other good news
Speaker 3: is on the CW. So this isn't You don't have
Speaker 3: to download a streamer. This is going to go straight
Speaker 3: to what's that guy? Oh, that's Pierce Pierce. Yeah, So
Speaker 3: f Boy Island on Instagram, you can go there and
Speaker 3: you can see they put up some of the guy's
Speaker 3: profiles and Pierce, we made fun of a lot that
Speaker 3: he looks like me.
Speaker 1: We he's the same style, and he does.
Speaker 3: He does resemble me, and that is flattering to me
Speaker 3: because he is a gorgeous man. And without makeup, I
Speaker 3: definitely look like Piers. Maybe with makeup, I look more
Speaker 3: like Piers. He's gorgeous. And so you'll see some guys
Speaker 3: on the f Boy Island Instagram. You can follow it
Speaker 3: there and follow along. But it is a insane season
Speaker 3: and it's really going to feel like the Bachelor Bacherette
Speaker 3: in the past in terms of like you have to
Speaker 3: wait a week to get the next episode. So it's
Speaker 3: gonna build momentum, it's going to build suspense, and you
Speaker 3: can watch it, and so can your parents, because you
Speaker 3: know your parents don't know how to work their fucking
Speaker 3: tuobi's or whatever. So just just is on normal cable.
Speaker 3: So look up CW whatever number it is on your
Speaker 3: dial and watch it live on Thursdays starting October twelfth
Speaker 3: on the CW set your DVRs now, it really mean
Speaker 3: a lot to me. Let me just say that the
Speaker 3: way ratings are right now, you guys, if twenty of
Speaker 3: you DVR this right now and watch it, never in
Speaker 3: the history of television in the you know, sixty seventy years,
Speaker 3: It's been around eighty years.
Speaker 1: I don't know how long.
Speaker 3: Your your little view of something really didn't matter because
Speaker 3: shows used to get like six million viewers because there
Speaker 3: were three networks, right, and then we go to the
Speaker 3: nineties and it was still like a big everyone was
Speaker 3: watching stream like you know, cable and TV. So you're
Speaker 3: you were just one of millions and you didn't really matter.
Speaker 3: If you skipped out something, your rating didn't help.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding you.
Speaker 3: Sixty of you watching the show could make me get
Speaker 3: another season of this. It actually your your vote matters
Speaker 3: more than ever. I'm not telling you. I'm not saying
Speaker 3: people with Nielsen boxes watch it. I'm just saying anyone
Speaker 3: watch it. I just want I know that that would
Speaker 3: make me feel special if I was a viewer, like,
Speaker 3: because I know in the past when people have been like,
Speaker 3: watch my thing, I'm like, does it really fucking matter?
Speaker 3: This actually does, because no one watches anything anymore and.
Speaker 2: Everything you have saturated watch it. Yes, But if you
Speaker 2: don't have TV, what if you only have streamers.
Speaker 3: And CW dot com and you can go you can
Speaker 3: download the CW app and stream it every week.
Speaker 1: Sure, get to find.
Speaker 6: Out if the CW is on Hulu. Yeah, it should be.
Speaker 1: I think one of those.
Speaker 5: Okay, okay, yeah, so yes, currently F Boy Island is
Speaker 5: on Hulu, but you can only watch season two, so
Speaker 5: I don't think you can watch CW live on Hulu
Speaker 5: at least that.
Speaker 3: It will probably be the next day, So Hulu the
Speaker 3: next day you can probably watch.
Speaker 1: F Boy three.
Speaker 2: Yes, and make a difference.
Speaker 1: We will.
Speaker 3: It's so fun it's so funny. There are things this
Speaker 3: season that I just couldn't believe they let me say
Speaker 3: and do, and I'm just so fucking excited about it.
Speaker 3: So please check that out. I wanted to talk about
Speaker 3: the other night I was on a show. I don't
Speaker 3: want to name names because I don't want people figure
Speaker 3: out who I'm talking about, but I do want you
Speaker 3: to probably guess. I want people to like try to
Speaker 3: figure it out, but I want to make it so
Speaker 3: it's like leaves reasonable doubt because I don't want to
Speaker 3: give any specifics. But I was on the show with
Speaker 3: some heavy hitters, right, it's pretty good show. And then
Speaker 3: the person that went on after me ran the light
Speaker 3: quite a bit. Now i'm talking to a comedian here,
Speaker 3: Brian's here. Anya, You're very familiar with how times work
Speaker 3: and how shows run. You're performing yourself, What do you
Speaker 3: think is acceptable to run the light? You know, if
Speaker 3: you think you're pretty hot, shit, what do you think
Speaker 3: is acceptable amount.
Speaker 1: Of time on the running?
Speaker 3: Okay, so if you're doing a fifteen minute set, which
Speaker 3: these are fifteen minute sets, and there's five people on
Speaker 3: the show, let's say, or six doing a fifteen minute set,
Speaker 3: you can usually get the light. The person asks you
Speaker 3: the light guy goes, when do you want the light?
Speaker 3: I always say two minutes. That means a two minute light,
Speaker 3: meaning I have two minutes before it's fifteen minutes, So
Speaker 3: I get a light at thirteen minutes. This person definitely
Speaker 3: got asked when do you want the light? Definitely saw
Speaker 3: the light because he's not a fucking idiot, and he's
Speaker 3: performed at this place before. God, I gave him a gender.
Speaker 3: I was going to keep it gender or maybe a
Speaker 3: change the gender.
Speaker 1: You don't know.
Speaker 3: I work in very mysterious ways, so this person definitely
Speaker 3: knew where the light was coming from. Is not a stranger.
Speaker 3: I know it is, and ran the light and I
Speaker 3: just want to ask you guys what you think. And
Speaker 3: by the way, I've run the light before, I'm not
Speaker 3: immune to it. Because sometimes you get the light and
Speaker 3: you're like fuck either you end you close at like
Speaker 3: you know ten seconds to go, and you're right on schedule,
Speaker 3: but your joke sucks, so you go, let me just
Speaker 3: fit in one more joke. And sometimes that joke is
Speaker 3: two minutes long because you just have to scramble and
Speaker 3: pick one.
Speaker 1: You go, fuck, I picked a two minute long joke.
Speaker 3: So sometimes you run the light two minutes, three minutes,
Speaker 3: four minutes. I start looking at my watch at three,
Speaker 3: I start getting angry. At four, what do you think
Speaker 3: is a time where you go, who the fuck do
Speaker 3: you think you are?
Speaker 1: Time?
Speaker 3: Because that's the time this person reached and I'm pissed
Speaker 3: about it, and am.
Speaker 1: I going to confirm this person? You fucking no? I
Speaker 1: won't no.
Speaker 3: At four is when I start looking and I start
Speaker 3: getting ready to text the sound guy.
Speaker 5: I think at five five minutes, it's worthy of being
Speaker 5: like you're making a mistake. But if the person does
Speaker 5: ten to fifteen minutes over the light, which is double
Speaker 5: the set, then that's fuck you. Who the fuck do
Speaker 5: you think you are?
Speaker 1: Double the set?
Speaker 3: Okay, so at fifteen at thirty minutes, you think that's
Speaker 3: who the fuck do you think you are?
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like I would if.
Speaker 5: They went five minutes over, I'd be like, bro, but
Speaker 5: I wouldn't be like fuck you. So five minutes over,
Speaker 5: like that's pretty rude, but I'm not going to say
Speaker 5: fuck you to your face. But if they doubled their
Speaker 5: set fifteen minutes, which means which what that means is
Speaker 5: there is going to be a lesser known comedian who
Speaker 5: will not get to go up.
Speaker 3: Because Brian, there isn't going to be a lesser known
Speaker 3: comedian that gets to go up less time. There's going
Speaker 3: to be better known comedians who are ahead of you
Speaker 3: on the show who you need to be a little
Speaker 3: reverential to if you ask me, and not act like
Speaker 3: such a fucking big shot just because you're making more
Speaker 3: money than us right.
Speaker 1: Now, Like it is it? Oh, Mike, it's easy to
Speaker 1: figure out.
Speaker 3: But this person ran the light eleven minutes and do
Speaker 3: you want to know why? I know exactly eleven minutes
Speaker 3: because I texted the sound guy to say. I wrote
Speaker 3: to the sound guy because the person that was going
Speaker 3: on after him I was next to and I go,
Speaker 3: this is up. This is unacceptable, and he's like, yeah,
Speaker 3: we started making fun of this guy being like, he goes,
Speaker 3: I think he thought the light was begin your set,
Speaker 3: like he thought. He goes, oh, he got a fifteen
Speaker 3: minute light or whatever. He's making fun of him, so
Speaker 3: he's like but then he starts getting annoyed because it's
Speaker 3: like it's just this person wanted to go home.
Speaker 2: In the comic that was going up, the people gave
Speaker 2: him a follow up light, like one of those like
Speaker 2: come on, the lady's just on.
Speaker 3: You flick it on and it's just on. O. It's
Speaker 3: in the back of the room. It's a red light
Speaker 3: and it's just on. So this person went eleven minutes
Speaker 3: over and I texted the sound guy. The funniest part
Speaker 3: is I text the sound guy and I go, I
Speaker 3: want to I want to read the text exchange because
Speaker 3: it's really funny because he doesn't really know me that well.
Speaker 1: This sound guy and he didn't know know.
Speaker 5: That they're missing the light. It's like sometimes the light
Speaker 5: goes on and you don't see it and you're like,
Speaker 5: oh my god, how long have I been up here for?
Speaker 5: And then you're like, I'm so sorry. That doesn't last
Speaker 5: eleven extra minutes.
Speaker 6: Though.
Speaker 2: The infuriating thing is, I bet no women do this.
Speaker 2: I bet it's final all male comedians. Women do do this.
Speaker 2: There's women who do this, but I will say I
Speaker 2: have never.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen this.
Speaker 3: But the only time I've seen this happen is one
Speaker 3: time I was working with the Sclars in Canada, the
Speaker 3: Sclore brothers and John dor who is a fucking dream
Speaker 3: of a person. John dor Dori one of the funniest
Speaker 3: people ever. His Conan with Rory Scovel is one of
Speaker 3: the best YouTube clips I ever show people. They do
Speaker 3: a duet on Conan that is like Conan says, we
Speaker 3: excellently booked two comedians tonight are booking that we fucked up,
Speaker 3: and they're just going to perform together, and so they
Speaker 3: go out and do their sets at the same time.
Speaker 3: You can't understand either of them, but they have it
Speaker 3: choreographed perfectly. It's one of the funniest things ever. So anyway,
Speaker 3: John dor went twenty five minutes over and the scolars
Speaker 3: and I were like, what is going on? This is
Speaker 3: a thirty minute scent and he's doing forty five. And
Speaker 3: at the end of it, John really was like, I'm
Speaker 3: so sorry with I don't even know what.
Speaker 1: I was thinking. Like you could tell he was shocked
Speaker 1: by it.
Speaker 3: Listen, I have gone over egregiously before, and egregiously I
Speaker 3: mean five six minutes, but it's because I'm last on
Speaker 3: the show, or I know that the show is a
Speaker 3: late show so it can run late. So I know
Speaker 3: that the person to make him go late too, so
Speaker 3: this person. So I wrote to the sound guy, hey
Speaker 3: do you have an uh?
Speaker 1: I go, I go.
Speaker 3: Please let me know how long he's been on, just
Speaker 3: for my own curiosity. He goes twenty so far I
Speaker 3: thumbed up it. I said, I want him to keep going.
Speaker 3: This is unreal, And he goes seriously because I was like,
Speaker 3: sometimes when I when they start running the light, I
Speaker 3: want to I want.
Speaker 1: Them to go like I want the.
Speaker 3: World.
Speaker 1: Yes, so this is twenty right.
Speaker 3: So now he's five over, which is to me, this
Speaker 3: is I've I told you at four minutes, I start going,
Speaker 3: I want to text the sound guy. Five minutes I'm
Speaker 3: texting the sound guy and I go, I want him
Speaker 3: to keep going. This is unreal. He goes, seriously, I
Speaker 3: said it because he came to a point where he
Speaker 3: could finish, you know, there was the end of the joke.
Speaker 3: And he puts his leg up on the stool and
Speaker 3: he starts going at it again. I go, he's not done.
Speaker 3: And then the guy, the sound guy wrote back killing
Speaker 3: and I go, oh my god, this sound guy thinks
Speaker 3: I'm saying this is unreal, like I want him to
Speaker 3: keep going, like I love this bit, and I go,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm saying all this because I'm annoyed.
Speaker 3: Unreal as in, how do comics run the light like this,
Speaker 3: especially in front of blank the person who is he's
Speaker 3: you know, going in front of who is someone who
Speaker 3: deserves a lot of respect for his business. And then
Speaker 3: we start we kept talking shit, and that's a sound
Speaker 3: guy who I will not say the name of, but
Speaker 3: uh yeah, I should I confront this person because I
Speaker 3: feel like talking. I think I want to to say something.
Speaker 3: This person would not look at me. Afterwards, we didn't
Speaker 3: talk to each other. In the green room. So this
Speaker 3: person and I did not talk to each other after
Speaker 3: the show. I just think he I think he kind
Speaker 3: of gets maybe he gets the vibe.
Speaker 1: I don't care for him very much. And do you
Speaker 1: know who it is, Brian?
Speaker 5: Yeah, you told me, Oh okay, But I don't think
Speaker 5: I don't think you should confront this person. I think
Speaker 5: that it's pointless. It's like it's the deed is done.
Speaker 5: It was just us show and in the grand scheme
Speaker 5: of things, that show means less than nothing to anybody.
Speaker 6: So maybe he'll.
Speaker 3: Keep what I'm talking about. No, he's going to keep
Speaker 3: doing it. And what I want to know is why
Speaker 3: did you do that? Why did you need to work
Speaker 3: on that bit that was perfectly worked out? That's what
Speaker 3: I kind of want to ask him, is why did
Speaker 3: you do that? Because the answer is I think I'm
Speaker 3: better than you.
Speaker 1: No, I was. I went before him. Oh I see,
Speaker 1: so I it wasn't It didn't affect me. This was
Speaker 1: not me to give a shit. Yeah, I mean everyone
Speaker 1: everyone couldn't believe it. And the person afterwards, even this.
Speaker 2: Person know.
Speaker 1: That he ran the light.
Speaker 3: That people were annoyed. No, but I'm sorry he's been
Speaker 3: in the business long enough. You know the rule of
Speaker 3: the light. You don't do eleven minutes, which is what
Speaker 3: percentage of fifteen minutes is eleven minutes an eighty percent
Speaker 3: of your set. You don't do an You don't do
Speaker 3: a one to eighty. You do one hundred percent of
Speaker 3: your set. Yeah, he gave it one hundred and eighty percent.
Speaker 3: I'll tell you that. When people say I gave this
Speaker 3: two one hundred and ten percent, he gave it one
Speaker 3: hundred and eighty percent.
Speaker 1: This guy, it just you know, I just you know
Speaker 1: what I want to do. I just want to say, why,
Speaker 1: why did you think that was okay?
Speaker 5: Maybe he was thinking that I'm crushing this audience is
Speaker 5: loving me, and you're here for me. It's the show
Speaker 5: for me to be up here longer, because this is
Speaker 5: what's a good answer.
Speaker 3: See, I would take that answer and I would say,
Speaker 3: you know what, if you if they were there for you,
Speaker 3: I could see how this would go. But how about
Speaker 3: you do the courtesy that Bill Bird did to me
Speaker 3: when he bumped me and bumped I'm saying that's usually
Speaker 3: as a negative connotation. He just got up before me
Speaker 3: and wasn't on the list, and he went over to me,
Speaker 3: which he did not need to do because he's Bill
Speaker 3: Fuckingburn He can do whatever he wants in my mind,
Speaker 3: But he went over. He found me, and he said,
Speaker 3: do you mind if I go in front of you?
Speaker 3: And he asked, unlike one other comedian that used to
Speaker 3: bump me all the time and never fucking ask who
Speaker 3: thinks he's a hot shot because he was this guy back.
Speaker 1: In the day. Now he's kind of fallen from grace.
Speaker 3: But you know why this guy would This guy probably
Speaker 3: would have done this back in the day, even when
Speaker 3: he wasn't a big deal.
Speaker 1: But I don't I don't care for it. I don't
Speaker 1: care how big you are.
Speaker 3: I don't care how much you think the audience is
Speaker 3: there for you have a little respect for the show,
Speaker 3: the run of show, for the waite staff who has
Speaker 3: to deal with these patrons for longer and reset the
Speaker 3: room in an urgent way. And also, don't don't give
Speaker 3: you know what I think he would say, probably that
Speaker 3: bit just took that long. And that's what me and
Speaker 3: my friend we're laughing about, was like, we know what
Speaker 3: it's like to get in you you pick a bit
Speaker 3: to finish up with and you go, oh shit, this
Speaker 3: is a seven minute bit, but I only have two minutes.
Speaker 1: You make edits because.
Speaker 3: You're a professional and you know your own material and
Speaker 3: you know how to make cuts. If you don't know
Speaker 3: how to do that, go back to the open MIC's bitch,
Speaker 3: you don't, you're not good enough. I have to stick
Speaker 3: to your seven minute bet exactly the way it is
Speaker 3: with your fucking dumb thirty second pauses.
Speaker 1: That no one needs.
Speaker 3: So we all are waiting a baited breat breath, all
Speaker 3: of this like performative shit.
Speaker 1: I'm pissed, and it's really say that.
Speaker 5: I've literally I've ended sets by saying, well, I can't
Speaker 5: finish the bit. I'mount of time. I guess you're gonna
Speaker 5: have to see me some other time. Goodbye, And I
Speaker 5: would leave that way that's happened before. That's cool, like,
Speaker 5: especially if you're opening up for somebody like I, like,
Speaker 5: oh my god, I realized that I'm a couple of
Speaker 5: minutes over. There's no way I can finish this bit
Speaker 5: and you're not here to see me.
Speaker 6: I'm out, or at least.
Speaker 2: If you get carry it away and you're like, god,
Speaker 2: I'm having so much fun out here in the crowd
Speaker 2: just loving it. And then well, if you go over
Speaker 2: and everyone goes over, own it, get off stage and
Speaker 2: be like, sorry, I went way over.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that. I apologize to every
Speaker 1: eleven minutes.
Speaker 5: But the key fact here is that this was the
Speaker 5: early show, and so that's not just being rude to
Speaker 5: the comedians, it's being rude to the staff because they
Speaker 5: have a very short amount of time to turn around
Speaker 5: the room for the next show, and to extend that
Speaker 5: show by even ten minutes makes their job nearly impossible.
Speaker 3: Which just stick to what your time is. You're only
Speaker 3: getting paid three hundred bucks for the spot, like do
Speaker 3: your time. Don't act like it's like, well, I need
Speaker 3: to do the time that you know I get paid for,
Speaker 3: Like we're all getting paid the same. But I will
Speaker 3: say that Mark Marin over the weekend, I went to
Speaker 3: the Country store and he was in front of me,
Speaker 3: and I was late for my next set, so I
Speaker 3: had to be on stage. And if I get on
Speaker 3: stage exactly what I'm supposed to do, I'm already late
Speaker 3: for my next set, but I already have it arranged
Speaker 3: that it's going to be okay with the next set.
Speaker 1: So Mark Marin's on stage.
Speaker 3: He starts running the light a little bit in a okay,
Speaker 3: wait two minutes over. I'm still like, what, it's fine,
Speaker 3: he's as long as he's like finishing up the bit
Speaker 3: that started before the light began, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: And it's Mark Maren.
Speaker 3: By the way, Mark Maren can do whatever he wants.
Speaker 3: He's a goat, right, and he kind of looks like
Speaker 3: a goat sometimes. So he he finishes a bit, and
Speaker 3: then it wasn't what he wanted it to be, and
Speaker 3: I could tell. And I'm in the back of the
Speaker 3: room and I'm like like, kind of looking like Mark.
Speaker 1: Please finish.
Speaker 3: I gotta make my set, And I'm texting with my
Speaker 3: next set, being like and I'm telling the girl in
Speaker 3: the booth, I'm texting that in next set, saying I'm
Speaker 3: gonna be late. But I'm also telling the girl who's
Speaker 3: running the light at this place, I can't do fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1: I have to do eight minutes.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna make miss my next set, so I'm cutting
Speaker 3: my time as Mark goes on. So then Mark goes
Speaker 3: he knows I'm next because he's bringing me up, and
Speaker 3: he goes Nikki can I do one more bit. I'm sorry,
Speaker 3: you don't care if I do one more bit. And
Speaker 3: the woman next to me has seen me panicking up
Speaker 3: unto this point. And the woman next to me is
Speaker 3: my old roommate's mother, who's a little brazen and might
Speaker 3: have had a couple of cocktails.
Speaker 1: So I go, it's fine. She goes no, she like
Speaker 1: shouts es, but it's not okay. And I got and
Speaker 1: I go, Mark.
Speaker 3: It's not it's fine, And I go God, and I
Speaker 3: lean back in my chair kind of like uh fuck,
Speaker 3: not at Mark, but because I gave him permission he asked,
Speaker 3: but more at the situation. And then Mark's friend is
Speaker 3: next to me, Tom Sharpling, a guy who's been on
Speaker 3: our podcast before. But Tom Starling came in with Mark,
Speaker 3: and I forgot Tom was sitting there. And then Tom
Speaker 3: saw me get exasperated, and I knew he was gonna
Speaker 3: tell Mark. So I go over to Tom and I go,
Speaker 3: will you please not tell Mark that I'm upset that
Speaker 3: he's running the light because I did give him permission.
Speaker 1: I'm just in my own head, and.
Speaker 3: So I will say that I do allow people to
Speaker 3: run the light when they ask or they acknowledge it,
Speaker 3: I don't care, but when you think you're hot shit,
Speaker 3: and I hope I never get to a place in
Speaker 3: my career where I think I'm such hot shit that
Speaker 3: I can treat other people worse and like I'm better
Speaker 3: than them, because to this person, you're not better than us.
Speaker 3: You aren't And the only thing that makes you feel
Speaker 3: good is to do stuff like this because you do
Speaker 3: feel so so small and you you probably should go
Speaker 3: to therapy, is my advice. And that's a podcast for
Speaker 3: this today, for this today, Thank you for being here,
Speaker 3: baby decisions, rants, relationship worries, wedding appreciation.
Speaker 1: We will see you tomorrow
Speaker 3: On the show Jobica and oh and you just go
Speaker 3: see me on tour Chicago September fifteenth, Pory, Illinois, September sixteenth,
Speaker 3: bunch of other dates at Mickey Glazer dot com