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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie and this is Riley your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay stories. I'm hosts and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from our sponsors that keep the show alive.

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Speaker 3: I rushed into marriage to leave my family, and now

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Speaker 3: I regret it.

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Speaker 4: Rush out of marriage.

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Speaker 3: I twenty one female, and my husband, twenty four male,

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Speaker 3: got married a little over a year and a half ago.

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Speaker 3: He was honestly my first real relationship. We started dating

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Speaker 3: when I was eighteen, while I was still in school.

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Speaker 3: I don't have my driver's license, so we would take

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Speaker 3: the bus to see each other every weekend. My husband

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Speaker 3: is in the Marines and we met after he joined.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Kletzi condition nine seven

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Speaker 3: six and if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay Storytime subred at. I

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Speaker 3: am Savannah, I'm Carly, and we are here to give

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Speaker 3: good advice.

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Speaker 5: Goofly.

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Speaker 3: But obviously we don't have all the answers, but we

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Speaker 3: would tell you what we would do in this situation.

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Speaker 3: We would love to know what you would do in

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Speaker 3: the comments. As OPI says, we got married about six

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Speaker 3: months after we started dating. I know extremely quick. Part

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Speaker 3: of the reason we got married so young was because

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Speaker 3: I had a pretty rough home life, and getting married

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Speaker 3: meant we could move out together so I could leave

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Speaker 3: my awful home. When my husband proposed, he said he

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Speaker 3: was planning on doing an extravagant wedding on a hiking

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Speaker 3: trail near us and was going to get me a

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Speaker 3: rose gold engagement ring and do it the following day.

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Speaker 3: That unfortunately didn't end up happening due to me explaining

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Speaker 3: to him my indecisiveness about getting married after only knowing

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Speaker 3: each other for a few months, in how underdeveloped my

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Speaker 3: career and overall life felt valid, I didn't feel one

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Speaker 3: hundred percent ready to be married. He said that us

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Speaker 3: being married doesn't have to change anything except where we're

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Speaker 3: living and what we call each other. It's an opportunity

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Speaker 3: for me to get out of my toxic household, and

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Speaker 3: he'll make it a priority to help me with my

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Speaker 3: goals like getting my license. We basically had a long

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Speaker 3: talk about it where he ended up parking in front

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Speaker 3: of a Dominoes and proposing to me in the front

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Speaker 3: seat of his twenty twenty Dodge with no ring at all.

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Speaker 3: So that's not that's not a propose. It's needless to

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Speaker 3: say it was not the proposal I always envisioned. Well, yes,

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Speaker 3: nobody envisions that. But I did end up saying yes

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Speaker 3: because I truly love him, and I also wanted to

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Speaker 3: leave my family home so badly.

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Speaker 1: I get that.

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Speaker 3: It almost felt like a double whammy because I not

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Speaker 3: only got to live with this person I genuinely wanted

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Speaker 3: a future with, but also got out of that house

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Speaker 3: all in one We eloped two months after and moved

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Speaker 3: in together a month after that. One thing I told

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Speaker 3: him the night we got engaged is that I do

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Speaker 3: really want a ring and an official proposal from him,

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Speaker 3: preferably before we got eloped, but if it's a few

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Speaker 3: months after, that's okay. It really meant a lot to

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Speaker 3: me to have a ring.

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Speaker 5: He bought me.

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Speaker 3: I sent him links to the kind of ring I

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Speaker 3: wanted and told him I didn't want anything expensive at all,

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Speaker 3: like thirty dollars rings from Target and Etsy were what

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Speaker 3: I was sending him.

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Speaker 5: Ah, a girl, you can go bigger than that.

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Speaker 3: He said he'd get it eventually, but doesn't want to

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Speaker 3: spoil the surprise by me bringing it up so often.

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Speaker 4: You guys are married.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, we're How would.

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Speaker 3: Asking about it spoil this? Like, I mean, I don't know.

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Speaker 4: They're already about to a lope or have already a loop?

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Speaker 5: They're already married. Yeah, they're already married. She's just like

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Speaker 5: I just kind of wanted a better proposal. Can you

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Speaker 5: do that?

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Speaker 4: Sure? Bad?

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Speaker 3: He knows I want a cheaper ring, but he said

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Speaker 3: he wants to get me something nice as you should.

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Speaker 3: I've been stressing how the price doesn't matter to me

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Speaker 3: at all. I just want something to commemorate our marriage,

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Speaker 3: but he states that I need to just trust him

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Speaker 3: to follow through. We got married in November of twenty

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Speaker 3: twenty three, but I have still yet to receive a

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Speaker 3: ring from him almost two years later.

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Speaker 5: Wait, how'd you get married without a ring?

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Speaker 6: Though?

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Speaker 5: Like, isn't the whole thing to put the ring?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know if these are required to be honest,

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Speaker 4: I'd never thought about it. If they're actually like, maybe

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Speaker 4: you can use something else to like symbolize it, or

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Speaker 4: just skip that part, Like it's really just they eloped,

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Speaker 4: it's really just signing the document.

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Speaker 5: That's true. They but don't you still do?

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Speaker 4: I think she still wants an engagement ring. I think

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Speaker 4: maybe she could still have a wedding ring.

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Speaker 3: Okay, they're married, but no ring, And if I'm being honest,

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Speaker 3: I held a lot of resentment towards the whole situation.

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Speaker 5: I feel like I've been.

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Speaker 3: Relatively understanding about him not giving me a ring yet

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Speaker 3: I've communicated how important it is and how inexpensive it

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Speaker 3: can be, but he still has yet to give me one,

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Speaker 3: which leaves me honestly questioning if I may be asking

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Speaker 3: for too much. That is, not asking for a thirty

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Speaker 3: dollars ring is not asking too much, not at all.

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Speaker 3: I am currently unemployed and have since dropped out of

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Speaker 3: college since we've gotten married. I still not have my license,

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Speaker 3: but I really want to get it and have been

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Speaker 3: trying to work at getting.

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Speaker 5: It for years.

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Speaker 3: My husband knows how badly I want my license and

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Speaker 3: offered to help me practice as much as possible once

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Speaker 3: we moved in together. During the first year and a

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Speaker 3: half we've been married, he'll typically promise me we'll go

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Speaker 3: out driving once he gets home from work, typically around

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Speaker 3: four pm, sometimes earlier, and sometimes later. But then he'll

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Speaker 3: come home and tell me his friends want to go

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Speaker 3: out for drinks for someone's birthday. Or he has his

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Speaker 3: own school assignments to finish, which he would typically leave

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Speaker 3: until the day was due to complete. This would often

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Speaker 3: fall on the day of the week he promised me

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Speaker 3: we'd go driving, then we don't go that evening. It

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Speaker 3: frustrates me because it makes me feel like he prioritized

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Speaker 3: so many other things over me. Yes, those things are important, education, quality,

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Speaker 3: time with friends, rest, but when he makes me a

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Speaker 3: promise and then doesn't follow through.

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Speaker 5: It leaves me feeling like this. That is a normal response.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I also am like, girl, get your license, because

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Speaker 4: what if you need to be able to drive away

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Speaker 4: from him?

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Speaker 5: That's true?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I start to get really worried, and this could

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Speaker 4: be my own like paranoid kind of thing of like,

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Speaker 4: why doesn't he want you to have something that's like

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Speaker 4: fairly involved in your own freedom? That's true, like the

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Speaker 4: freedom to be able to go places when you want

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Speaker 4: kind of Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I didn't even like think of it that way.

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Speaker 5: Your paranormals my brain paranormal. Now there's ghosts.

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Speaker 4: I've just been on high alert for this whole thing.

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Speaker 4: I gonna be so real. I'm like, I don't like this, dude.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm I don't know.

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Speaker 3: He just seems unreliable and yeah, kind of just like

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Speaker 3: he's living his life, but like you have to evolve

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Speaker 3: your life around his because you don't really have the

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Speaker 3: resources to do much if you're unemployed and can't drive anywhere.

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Speaker 4: You know, like, what do you write?

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Speaker 5: What do you do?

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Speaker 4: You're just continually getting false promises?

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Speaker 5: Yeah, like I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like he has a whole life besides you,

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Speaker 3: but he is your whole life.

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Speaker 4: Type of thing. Facts, that was good.

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Speaker 3: I mentioned this to him, and since then he has

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Speaker 3: said that he'll make more of an effort to prioritize

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Speaker 3: my practice and we'll go three times a week. He'll

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Speaker 3: keep this up for about two to three weeks before

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Speaker 3: we're back to going every blue moon. I reached out

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Speaker 3: to friends I have out here, and I've told them

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Speaker 3: about my situation. They've offered to help me. But when

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Speaker 3: I brought this idea up to my husband, he got

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Speaker 3: very upset and said it was disrespectful for me to

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Speaker 3: ask for help from others when he is right there

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Speaker 3: to help me.

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Speaker 4: Then help her. Yeah, see this is where I'm back to, Like,

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Speaker 4: why doesn't he want you to drive?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: You know your your theory's making more sense here, he said.

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Speaker 3: What I did left him feeling emasculated. Oh my God,

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Speaker 3: do help because like you won't actually help her, right,

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Speaker 3: So it likes.

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Speaker 4: You feel masculated that she goes to someone else because

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Speaker 4: you won't.

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Speaker 3: Because you literally are like, yeah, I'll do it, and

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Speaker 3: then it doesn't happen week after.

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Speaker 4: Week by your wife of two years A wedding ringing, Daude,

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Speaker 4: what I'm gonna rip into him?

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Speaker 5: More ways than one.

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Speaker 3: My husband doesn't like my family for some good reasons,

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Speaker 3: as they have done some very hurtful things in the past,

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Speaker 3: but at the end of the day, they are still

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Speaker 3: my family and I still do my best to keep

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Speaker 3: in contact with them. My husband has mentioned that he

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Speaker 3: doesn't want me to meet up with my family unless

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Speaker 3: it's only for a few hours during Christmas or New

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Speaker 3: Year's even though both our families are in the same town,

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Speaker 3: only about a ten minute drive from each other. We

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Speaker 3: have gone down to visit his family, but he refuses

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Speaker 3: to meet up with mine. I can't help but feel

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Speaker 3: like he likes the fact that I'm so distant from

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Speaker 3: my family because that means I have nowhere else and

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Speaker 3: no one else to really lean on besides him.

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Speaker 5: That's what we've been saying.

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Speaker 3: Girl, maybe my close friends as well, But my husband

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Speaker 3: has expressed how much he dislikes all of my close

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Speaker 3: friends and has refused to go on double dates with them.

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Speaker 3: This guy sounds like a nightmare. I have since made

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Speaker 3: plans to visit my hometown while my husband is away,

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Speaker 3: to practice driving with some family there that I have

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Speaker 3: recently expressed my situation to. I know he is going

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Speaker 3: to be upset that I'm reaching out to others for help,

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Speaker 3: but I don't know.

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Speaker 5: What else to do.

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Speaker 3: I've continually mentioned how important getting my driving practice in

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Speaker 3: is for me and my life goals, and he continually

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Speaker 3: puts other things above it. I don't want to hurt him,

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Speaker 3: but I want to move forward with my life as well,

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Speaker 3: and after over a year and a half of little change,

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Speaker 3: I feel like I have to take it into my

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Speaker 3: own hands. I have also, after more recent and more

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Speaker 3: alarming events, mentioned that I would like to go to

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Speaker 3: couple's therapy for him to get his own private therapist,

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Speaker 3: as I already have my own as well.

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Speaker 5: He refused and said we can figure.

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Speaker 3: All this out on our own. We don't need help.

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Speaker 3: From anyone else. He stated that I just need to

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Speaker 3: communicate better and stop thinking so pessimistically, which I will

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Speaker 3: admit I can do often at times, and we'll get

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Speaker 3: back on the right track. All of this to say,

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Speaker 3: is any of this normal and healthy in a relationship?

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Speaker 3: As I stated above, this is my first relationship, marriage, everything. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I don't know whether it's my faults that are damaging

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Speaker 3: our overall relationship or if I'm not asking for too much,

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Speaker 3: and maybe I do need to receive more from him.

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Speaker 3: I need you to leave this man while you still can, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: because I'm getting really worried.

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Speaker 4: And again maybe I'm bevernoid. Who knows.

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Speaker 5: We got the facts here.

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Speaker 4: This was your first relationship. He rushed you into it

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Speaker 4: with a plan to like already be married the next

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Speaker 4: day or some confusing thing. Doesn't get you a ring

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Speaker 4: when you want one. It's been going like two years now.

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Speaker 4: You don't have a job, so I'm assuming he has

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Speaker 4: full financial control. You don't have a license, so I'm assuming,

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Speaker 4: Like I know, you can't really get anywhere, depending what

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Speaker 4: city you live in, or you probably don't even live

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Speaker 4: in the city, and he's don't get anywhere.

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Speaker 3: He's also in school, so like he's also studying on

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Speaker 3: top of all of this. You know, but she literally

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Speaker 3: can't do anything because she can't financially support herself and

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Speaker 3: also doesn't like, can't go anywhere.

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Speaker 4: That's what I'm saying. She has no money and no

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Speaker 4: means of going.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's so stressful.

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Speaker 4: And the way that he is isolating you from family,

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Speaker 4: the way that he's isolating you from friends, the fact

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Speaker 4: that you are scared to tell him that you're going

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Speaker 4: to go to your hometown to practice driving, and he's

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Speaker 4: claiming that he's emasculated, Like this isn't good. Yeah, and

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Speaker 4: you need to extress so much. This story is like

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Speaker 4: scaring me. This is not good. Please believe.

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Speaker 3: I know that I am young, and I have a

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Speaker 3: lot to learn about what healthy love looks like. And

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure if we've just been going through a

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Speaker 3: rough patch or if these are issues that will only

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Speaker 3: worsen if we both don't take the steps to fix them.

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Speaker 3: Does this sound like a relationship that can be saved

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Speaker 3: or are we just possibly overall incompatible with each other?

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Speaker 3: And there's a comment your husband doesn't want you to drive,

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Speaker 3: doesn't want you around your family, doesn't want to be

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Speaker 3: around your friends and doesn't prioritize your goals. Does it

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Speaker 3: feel like he's trying to isolate you, because it sort

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Speaker 3: of sounds that way. You aren't working and stop going

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Speaker 3: to school, making you fully dependent on him. My advice

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Speaker 3: would be to start doing some things for yourself, keep

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Speaker 3: your plans for your family to teach you to drive,

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Speaker 3: and roll back in school. Find a job, even if

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Speaker 3: it's just a part time job. I mean, yeah, I

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Speaker 3: have to agree with that.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess that's good advice before.

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Speaker 4: Just like and I wasn't necessarily being like leave him,

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Speaker 4: leave him right now, but like, be prepared that that's

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Speaker 4: probably potentially like where it's gonna go if you start

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Speaker 4: going back against what he's wanting.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and just know that when you start working on himself,

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Speaker 3: he is going to notice and things might get worse.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he could get very upset if you start your

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Speaker 4: own things. Yeah, I still think you should, but I

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Speaker 4: think having an out and a backup is good.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

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Speaker 4: to the next one. I set up in nanny cam

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Speaker 4: and caught my husband with our nanny. No, no, my

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Speaker 4: husband forty five male and I thirty eight female, have

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Speaker 4: three children, two girls and a boy, ranging between the

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Speaker 4: ages of nine and four. Our current nanny has been

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Speaker 4: with us for nineteen months. She is twenty two years

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Speaker 4: old and is taking a gap year before commencing grad

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Speaker 4: school in the fall. She had previously babysat for one

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Speaker 4: of my close friends who also knows her family, and

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Speaker 4: came with many good recommendations. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 4: from Throwaway South Bay, San Francisco, and if you want

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Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

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Speaker 4: Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly and I'm Savannah, and we're

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Speaker 4: here to give good advice. Gooflie, But we don't have

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Speaker 4: all the answers. We only know what we would do.

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Speaker 4: Let us know what you would do in the comments,

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Speaker 4: and Opie says. Our previous nanny was in her thirties

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Speaker 4: and had been with us since my oldest child was

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Speaker 4: a few months old. But she was moving away from

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Speaker 4: Oakland in June twenty seventeen and could no longer make

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Speaker 4: the commune, which necessitated the need for someone else. When

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Speaker 4: I conducted the interview with this new girl a few

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Speaker 4: days later, she made quite an impression with my kids.

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Speaker 4: They took a liking to her almost immediately, so it

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Speaker 4: was a no brainer. Since hiring her, this girl has

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Speaker 4: practically become part of our family. She babysits almost every weekend,

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Speaker 4: spending Saturdays out with my kids and on some weekdays

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Speaker 4: depending on my schedule. She has also come along with

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Speaker 4: us on trips to Hawaii, Florida, and Mexico. I have

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Speaker 4: no complaints about the way she handles my children. They

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Speaker 4: practically love her two bits and she does a really

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Speaker 4: good job on that front. As the title suggests, However,

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Speaker 4: I have been seriously contemplating nanny cameras during these past

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Speaker 4: four days, initially sparked by a situation that transpired with

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Speaker 4: my husband last weekend. The nanny was supposed to leave

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Speaker 4: as soon as the kids were put to bed by

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Speaker 4: ten thirty and go home. This is how it has

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Speaker 4: always been, or at the very least, how I've wanted

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Speaker 4: it to be, and I expect her to follow through

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Speaker 4: with it. I plan corporate events for a living, and

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Speaker 4: Saturdays are some of the busiest days, so I'm usually

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Speaker 4: not home until midnight or even later on some occasions.

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Speaker 4: On this particular Saturday, I got home at one in

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Speaker 4: the morning and found this girl still in my house,

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Speaker 4: putting on her coat. As I opened the door to

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Speaker 4: step into my foyer. My husband had walked directly behind her,

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Speaker 4: leading from our den. It appeared that she had already

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Speaker 4: been paid and looked flustered for a minute. When I

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Speaker 4: asked what she was still doing here, she responded with

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Speaker 4: we were watching a movie. The we referring to my

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Speaker 4: husband and her. Of course, it was already so late,

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Speaker 4: and there was no way I was going to probe further,

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Speaker 4: so I put on a fake smile, told her bye,

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Speaker 4: and out she went. I immediately rolled my eyes at

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Speaker 4: my husband and began to walk up the stairs to

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Speaker 4: our bedroom without saying a word. He knew I was

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Speaker 4: angry and ran up behind me to tell me that

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Speaker 4: he couldn't just tell her to leave, and it's not

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Speaker 4: like she's a stranger in this house. My intuition told

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Speaker 4: me that something isn't quite right here, and I haven't

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Speaker 4: been able to shake those feelings off since. The next day,

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Speaker 4: I asked one of my daughters about what time they

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Speaker 4: had gone to bed. She said her younger siblings were

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Speaker 4: already in bed, but she slept later since the nanny

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Speaker 4: and her father were talking a lot and laughing, and

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Speaker 4: that she could hear them all the way upstairs until

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Speaker 4: she fell asleep. She told me that they do this

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Speaker 4: on most Saturday evenings, so obviously someone must have lost

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Speaker 4: track of time. No, I haven't asked my husband about

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Speaker 4: this yet. This is where it begins to get muddied

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Speaker 4: for me, and in part it's probably due to my

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Speaker 4: own naivety. This young lady, who was quite attractive and

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Speaker 4: full of promise, has had a crush on my husband

356
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Speaker 4: from the moment she began working for us. I overheard

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Speaker 4: her speaking to her friend on loudspeaker from the landing

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Speaker 4: above and out of sight while she was tying my

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Speaker 4: son's shoelaces at the bottom of the main stairwell. She

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Speaker 4: told her friend that she was working, and the friend

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Speaker 4: immediately responded with the one with the hot dad. She

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Speaker 4: said yes and turned off the loud speaker as soon

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Speaker 4: as one of my daughters slid down the banister. To

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Speaker 4: be honest, it didn't bother me then, and I wasn't

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Speaker 4: going to blame a young girl for having a harmless

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Speaker 4: crush on an older man that would go nowhere. I

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Speaker 4: did tell my husband about it soon afterward, and the

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Speaker 4: both of us laughed it off. However, that was a

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Speaker 4: different place and time in my life, because I have

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Speaker 4: to admit that the aforementioned incident has now turned me

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Speaker 4: into a paranoid mess within a few short days and

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Speaker 4: led me to go back and revisit all of the

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Speaker 4: photographs we had taken on our trips with this girl.

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Speaker 4: In so many of them, my husband holds her closely

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Speaker 4: around the waist and they are both spoorting mile wide smiles.

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Speaker 4: On some saturdays, she has also join my kids and

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Speaker 4: husband on day trips while I am busy with work.

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Speaker 4: I do find it amazing that my husband doesn't talk

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Speaker 4: much to her beyond small talk when I'm around, but

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Speaker 4: suddenly has a lot to say when I'm not. He

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Speaker 4: also has a habit of tipping her graciously, whereas I

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Speaker 4: stick to the predefined amount according to the number of

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Speaker 4: hours spent in retrospect. There are situations that now make

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Speaker 4: me question them and if these two are going behind

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Speaker 4: my back or if it's just my overactive imagination. Assuming

386
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Speaker 4: the worst, firing her is out of the question for now,

387
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Speaker 4: but I think installing nanny cams would help restore my

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Speaker 4: sanity and hopefully put this paranoia arrest. Opinions and advice

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00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,439
Speaker 4: would be appreciated, and we have an update. But how

390
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,840
Speaker 4: are you feeling.

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Speaker 5: That entire time?

392
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Speaker 4: I'm just like connage.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you guys know, but I work

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Speaker 3: as a living nanny.

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Speaker 7: Oh my god, I forgot, and so I like, I'm like,

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Speaker 7: oh god, but see for two men with two kids,

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Speaker 7: and yeah, I live there, and this just is I

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Speaker 7: I all, obviously I don't.

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Speaker 3: I would never find myself in this situation because they

400
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Speaker 3: are not attracted to me, which is.

401
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Speaker 4: Great, So I never have that issue.

402
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Speaker 5: But I don't know.

403
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Speaker 4: I I just me personally.

404
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:30,239
Speaker 3: It's it's part of the work, and I don't know,

405
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Speaker 3: I just would never overstep that and I would just

406
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Speaker 3: not want to, like I don't know, so weird, like

407
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Speaker 3: I don't want those kids to beat my kids.

408
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's like I don't know. Is she just not

409
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Speaker 4: thinking about like the bigger picture of anything? Like that's

410
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 4: so weird? Not op the babysitter.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like maybe also because like it's kind

412
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Speaker 3: of hard when you're young, and you know, like an

413
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Speaker 3: older man, especially an older man, is like giving you

414
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Speaker 3: you know, attention like that feels good.

415
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Speaker 5: Yeah, and plus he's paying.

416
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 3: You, and so it's like tipping me really well, yeah

417
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Speaker 3: I don't get tipped. I actually hardly get paid at all.

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Speaker 3: But but yeah, like it's uh, it's a really really

419
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Speaker 3: sticky situation of just like I don't know, in my opinion,

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Speaker 3: me being a nanny for a living and have been

421
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Speaker 3: doing it for almost three years now. Yeah, I just

422
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,919
Speaker 3: would never overstep that boundary. And if I felt like

423
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Speaker 3: it was being overstepped from the other right, I would

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Speaker 3: totally I'm a girls girl, I would totally tell on him.

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Speaker 4: We have an update to be frank. These past few

426
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Speaker 4: days have certainly pushed me to my limits and are

427
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,840
Speaker 4: definitely proving to be the most trying time of my

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Speaker 4: life thus far. I'm typing this after a morning appointment

429
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 4: with my obgyn where a full STD panel was requested,

430
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Speaker 4: and my anxiety is getting the better of me. I'm

431
00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 4: not only afraid of what those tests may reveal, but

432
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Speaker 4: the hidden cameras were also installed yesterday in various parts

433
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Speaker 4: of our home, including our guest bedroom on the ground floor,

434
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,240
Speaker 4: which is where it's been happening. I contacted a highly

435
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 4: recommended private investigator in the area, and there is something

436
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,800
Speaker 4: very final about it. Since there will be no coming

437
00:21:22,880 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 4: back from this, I will be forced to confront the

438
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,760
Speaker 4: truth for what it always has been. I don't even

439
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,320
Speaker 4: know how much longer I can keep up this everything's

440
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 4: okay routine with my husband, because there are times where

441
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:36,800
Speaker 4: I either have an urge to confront him or begin

442
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,280
Speaker 4: to get emotional. Because my mind will be racing at

443
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,360
Speaker 4: one hundred miles per hour. I have to remind myself

444
00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,760
Speaker 4: to keep composed in my responses. I have alluded to

445
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,720
Speaker 4: instances in the past where I may have overlooked the

446
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,600
Speaker 4: situation that I couldn't quite put my finger on then

447
00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 4: or didn't give much thought to, and in retrospect, the

448
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 4: pieces are beginning to fall into place. One of those

449
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 4: that immediately comes to mind is the trip that we

450
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,879
Speaker 4: had taken to Hawaii last summer for fifteen days. On

451
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,120
Speaker 4: our last day, we were due to check out at

452
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:09,440
Speaker 4: eleven am so that we could get to the airport,

453
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 4: but my husband had developed this habit on the trip

454
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:15,160
Speaker 4: where he used to leave our suite in the middle

455
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 4: of the night on most days because he apparently couldn't sleep,

456
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 4: and used to go to the bar or beach. He

457
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 4: ended up stumbling in at six am. We have three

458
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,120
Speaker 4: young kids to get ready, and I was still yet

459
00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 4: to finish up packing our bags, making sure that we

460
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:32,320
Speaker 4: didn't leave anything behind and that we could all arrive

461
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,119
Speaker 4: at the airport in one piece. This was also a

462
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 4: big part of the reason as to why the nanny

463
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 4: came along with us. But guess what, both my husband

464
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 4: and nanny ended up getting us all delayed on that

465
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,160
Speaker 4: day because they woke up late. But I know one

466
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 4: of them barely got any sleep because that person was

467
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 4: laying next to me in bed. I remember telling my husband,

468
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 4: y'all both have something in common in reference to being late,

469
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 4: but I just didn't realize just how much, and that

470
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 4: I was even being prophetic. I'm not superwoman and will

471
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,880
Speaker 4: never be twenty two again, but I do take care

472
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 4: of myself and rarely ever turn him down for spicy

473
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 4: sleep unless sick or extremely tired after a long day.

474
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 4: I would expect a grown married man to know that

475
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 4: marriage is not a one way street and it involves

476
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 4: compromises because the world doesn't revolve around any one person.

477
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 4: While he was out there climbing the corporate ladder, I

478
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,479
Speaker 4: didn't hesitate to make compromises because it was for the

479
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:31,439
Speaker 4: both of us and our family, But he obviously doesn't

480
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:34,359
Speaker 4: believe that this applies to him when the tables are turned.

481
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 4: I did all of the above and was still not

482
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,439
Speaker 4: good enough for my husband of ten years. Instead, this

483
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,680
Speaker 4: is all about him and his selfish needs and what

484
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 4: a twenty two year old who is younger than some

485
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 4: of his nieces can do for him. In the bedroom,

486
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:51,640
Speaker 4: we have another update.

487
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that I don't know. I think that

488
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 3: he's cheating, but maybe it's just a.

489
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:01,920
Speaker 5: Col Win concidence that all of this is happening, But.

490
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 3: I really really doubt it. And there's gonna be something

491
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,560
Speaker 3: on those nanny cams, and I really hope her health

492
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:11,359
Speaker 3: is okay, but I don't know. I can't wait to

493
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:12,120
Speaker 3: find out what's on.

494
00:24:12,119 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 4: Those that's find out update too. In order to know

495
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 4: for sure that this isn't all just happening inside my head,

496
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 4: I decided to take the unenviable step of having secret

497
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 4: cameras installed in various parts of our home after contacting

498
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:31,080
Speaker 4: a reputable private investigator in the Bay Area. The installation

499
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 4: happened last Monday at a predefined time when no one

500
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:36,880
Speaker 4: else was at home, as I wasn't going to risk

501
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:40,520
Speaker 4: anyone letting the cat out of the bag, even inadvertently.

502
00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 4: The nanny usually tends to babysit our three kids, who

503
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,919
Speaker 4: are nine, seven, and four, predominantly on Saturdays and the

504
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 4: odd Sunday, but very rarely during the rest of the

505
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 4: week itself unless there's an emergency. While I am out

506
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 4: busy planning and executing corporate events. My husband, who works

507
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,199
Speaker 4: during the week, spends his Saturday's running errands, pursuing his

508
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:06,160
Speaker 4: love for adventure sports, and sometimes taking the kids out afterward,

509
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 4: with the nanny tagging along. For the record, this arrangement

510
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 4: is not out of the ordinary, as this also applied

511
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 4: to our previous nanny. The schedule, however, always meant that

512
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 4: our nanny is only supposed to leave our home at

513
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 4: ten thirty pm on Saturday evenings, once the kids are

514
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 4: put to bed, as I am generally not home until

515
00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 4: midnight or even later. Sometimes I have previously detailed the

516
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:32,919
Speaker 4: event at length, whereby I arrived home later than usual,

517
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,400
Speaker 4: like at around one in the morning, only to find

518
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 4: my nanny was still home and being entertained by my

519
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:43,440
Speaker 4: husband and our den while our kids were sound asleep upstairs.

520
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 4: That was that, But my gut instinct that something isn't

521
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 4: quite right here never left my mind since then. Enter

522
00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:55,160
Speaker 4: the camera installation having taken place a few days ago.

523
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,280
Speaker 4: As much as I hated looking forward to what they

524
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 4: might reveal later on in the week, I had to

525
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:03,480
Speaker 4: know for myself if I had been lied to all along.

526
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 4: So lone behold. I arrived at home at twelve thirty

527
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:11,919
Speaker 4: midnight on Saturday, and my husband was in the den

528
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,919
Speaker 4: waiting for me. I had been out the whole evening

529
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 4: at the event, but my mind was already very much

530
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 4: an overdrive because I was equal parts anticipatory and filled

531
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 4: with dread as to what to expect when I did

532
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 4: the playback. After getting into bed and making sure that

533
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 4: my husband was already asleep, I came downstairs an hour

534
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 4: later and switched on my laptop in the study to

535
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,679
Speaker 4: watch video playback. The whole time I sat there watching

536
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 4: in the dark, I thought I was going to throw

537
00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 4: up watching every minute of what goes on inside my

538
00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:45,200
Speaker 4: own home while I'm away. I have also learned that

539
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 4: my husband is very touchy feely around my nanny and

540
00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:51,720
Speaker 4: in the presence of our kids when I am out

541
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:54,719
Speaker 4: of sight. But that's just the tip of the iceberg.

542
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:59,680
Speaker 4: At about ten forty pm that same evening, and after

543
00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:02,320
Speaker 4: come down the stairs after putting the kids to bed,

544
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,800
Speaker 4: she walks into the den where my husband is watching

545
00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,880
Speaker 4: television and drinking his scotch. Proceeds to come up from

546
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:13,320
Speaker 4: behind and kiss him on his neck.

547
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 2: Oh God, here it comes, here it comes.

548
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 4: I'm terrified it's just gonna get worse.

549
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 3: That's such a horrible feeling, like what a hit in

550
00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,960
Speaker 3: my stomach. H Apart from having to pinch myself to

551
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 3: remind myself that my husband is cheating on me, then

552
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:35,840
Speaker 3: I wasn't paranoid. His reaction totally makes my heart sink

553
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 3: every time I replay it in my mind, because.

554
00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 4: His smile was one of genuine elation. As he pulled

555
00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 4: her over and kissed her. She took a sip of

556
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 4: his drink and began to straddle him, and they made

557
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 4: out like a teenage couple. After a few minutes, he

558
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 4: leaves to go upstairs to make sure that the kids

559
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 4: were really asleep, and then return shortly thereafter. While unbuttoning

560
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 4: his shirt, they continue to make out before she wraps

561
00:28:00,520 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 4: her legs around him, heading towards our guest bedroom, which

562
00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 4: is situated further down the side passage of the den.

563
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 4: At this point, I literally threw up in the dustbin

564
00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 4: and wondered if I could stomach what was to come next.

565
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 4: As my gaze followed between the different cameras, I feel

566
00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,880
Speaker 4: like that's where we stop watching. Oh God, I feel

567
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 4: like that's enough to know that's where we stop watching.

568
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if I would be able to

569
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 3: watch he drew up girl, Yeah, I'd be so sick,

570
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 3: and I would like there would not even be a

571
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 3: second thought.

572
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 1: Yep.

573
00:28:37,280 --> 00:28:40,640
Speaker 3: I'd be like, get up, get out, don't don't speak,

574
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:45,400
Speaker 3: just just leave, just leave. We'll talk sometime, but just leave.

575
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 4: Yep. Just as I always suspected, and if video footage

576
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 4: is anything to go by, my husband has been screwing

577
00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 4: our nannie in the bedroom reserved for guests who visit.

578
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 4: Our children sometimes jump and play on that bed, which

579
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 4: absolutely petrifies me. Now, it is amazing how you can

580
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 4: dreadfully anticipate something like this in your mind, but become

581
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 4: relatively numb while watching it actually happen in front of

582
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 4: your own eyes and completely overwhelmed with disbelief. At the

583
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 4: same time, I watched my husband have spicy sleep with

584
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 4: a much younger woman on camera for almost forty minutes. Whoa,

585
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,480
Speaker 4: and every second of putting myself through that torture felt

586
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:31,520
Speaker 4: like someone was twisting a dagger into my chest. My

587
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 4: hands became uncontrollably shaky, and I could barely text my

588
00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,360
Speaker 4: best friend, who is visiting me this week, to tell

589
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 4: her that my suspicions were right all along. I am

590
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,120
Speaker 4: still contemplating as to whether or not to confront my

591
00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 4: husband right away, or better yet, catch him in the

592
00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,040
Speaker 4: act instead. No, No, I'm gonna stop right now.

593
00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 5: Giry. We know now.

594
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 4: We can just tell him to get out, or we

595
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 4: can get out. Don't ever put yourself through that. We're

596
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 4: not gonna be watching this again, Yeah, don't.

597
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 3: I would not just be like, look, I have it,

598
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 3: I got the evidence.

599
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 4: Go that's it. Yeah. Right now, I am somewhere in

600
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,360
Speaker 4: between complete shock and contempt and want to hire the

601
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,840
Speaker 4: PI who installed my cameras to do surveillance on my

602
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,120
Speaker 4: husband because I don't know what he gets up to

603
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,480
Speaker 4: during the week while at work. He told me he

604
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 4: often whinds and dies clients at fancy restaurants and sometimes

605
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 4: hangs out with his friends at the bar after work.

606
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,040
Speaker 4: I've seen some of the receipts, but how do I

607
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 4: know that these people are always who he says they

608
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 4: are and not his mistress or one of many mistresses.

609
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 4: I can't even begin to process what he possibly gets

610
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 4: up to in New York City since he frequently travels there.

611
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 4: All these questions about our life during the last decade

612
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 4: are rushing through my head. I have barely slept, and

613
00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 4: I feel nearly at that point where I could completely

614
00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 4: break down because I don't know how much longer I

615
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 4: can keep my cool around my husband. Any advice would

616
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 4: be appreciated. We have another update.

617
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,920
Speaker 7: Oh god, this is so long, but like I'm so,

618
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 7: I'm on the edge of my seat.

619
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 4: Let's just dive in. Update three. The breaking point that

620
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 4: led me to finally confront my husband in late March

621
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 4: was finding out that he had an affair with a

622
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 4: young woman from Oakland in late twenty sixteen, seeing her

623
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 4: on multiple occasions while repeatedly lying to me about his whereabouts.

624
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 4: Her boyfriend is an ex felon who has done time

625
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:28,720
Speaker 4: in San Quentin and has possible ties to gangs in

626
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 4: the Bay Area. A girlfriend divulged a series of emails

627
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 4: to me without her husband's knowledge. These showed my husband

628
00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:41,120
Speaker 4: becoming worried about being possibly blackmailed because there may be

629
00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,920
Speaker 4: electronic evidence and this guy allegedly knew and offul lot

630
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 4: about our life. My husband's inner circle were see seed

631
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 4: on these emails, and much of it reads like a

632
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 4: frat boy correspondence. They refer to my husband as equal

633
00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 4: opportunity in reference to his mistress being white and non white.

634
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 4: A few cheered him on before warning him to be careful.

635
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,680
Speaker 4: In addition to the nanny waitress and this young mother

636
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 4: that there have been rumors about my husband and a

637
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 4: young woman, including an NYU law graduate, living at one

638
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 4: of his apartments in Manhattan, as far back as twenty fifteen.

639
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 4: These are the only ones I know of.

640
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:20,880
Speaker 5: That's crazy.

641
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 4: I understand the STD test now that is like aw,

642
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,640
Speaker 4: I mean I understood it before, but like way more now.

643
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:32,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean you might you don't even know what

644
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 6: Like that's insane and like to live your life not

645
00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 6: knowing and just him acting like everything's.

646
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:44,000
Speaker 3: Fine is just crazy. I could never I would feel

647
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 3: so betrayed. I'm so sorry.

648
00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:49,920
Speaker 4: Ope, that's a horrid, terrible man. The kids were not

649
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:52,480
Speaker 4: at home the day I confronted him with evidence. He

650
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,120
Speaker 4: tried to absolve himself a blame and laid it at

651
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 4: my feet instead. Once I played back the camera footage

652
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:01,080
Speaker 4: and showed him the emails, he claimed I was denying

653
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 4: him affection and even insinuated I was having an affair.

654
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 4: That's in classic cheater move though. Yeah, he pulled our

655
00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,160
Speaker 4: wedding photo off the wall, dropped it from the stairwell,

656
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:17,920
Speaker 4: and tore it up in my face. What ah, The

657
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 4: poor little baby got caught.

658
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 3: He's literally throwing in a tantrum.

659
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 4: He's having a tantrum. You mean I can't be with

660
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 4: other women? Get you and your kids away from that up.

661
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 5: Day four.

662
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 4: It's been nearly two years since I confronted my husband

663
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 4: about his infidelity and he moved out woo. Since then,

664
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 4: he hasn't stopped pursuing women in their twenties. Prior to

665
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 4: the pandemic, my friends would see him with different women

666
00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,760
Speaker 4: at fancy restaurants or events. He'd come up to our

667
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 4: table and greet my friends while pretending like I wasn't there.

668
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 4: He lived like a frat boy. In a fancy penthouse

669
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,640
Speaker 4: while I focused on taking care of our kids, therapy

670
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 4: and work. Our then nine year old daughter directed her

671
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 4: anger at me. Our seven year old daughter tried to

672
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 4: navigate between siblings adjusting to life without dad. Around twenty

673
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:09,160
Speaker 4: four to seven, our five year old son began acting out.

674
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,680
Speaker 4: All three eventually saw a child psychologist and aren't doing

675
00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 4: much better today. I am glad you got out of there.

676
00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:17,520
Speaker 5: Girl, Yeah, thank god.

677
00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 3: I mean this guy's a mess and he brought you

678
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:25,080
Speaker 3: into the mess. Yeah, like not like that's just it's

679
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 3: so inconsiderate and so disrespectful and.

680
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:33,120
Speaker 4: Just like literally living a frat bro life out like yeah,

681
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:36,760
Speaker 4: why get married? Right? Why do you have three kids

682
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:37,840
Speaker 4: with this girl? Right?

683
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 5: And be like, oh, this is what I want? Is

684
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:40,000
Speaker 5: what I want?

685
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 3: And then all that time going behind her back just

686
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:47,799
Speaker 3: to what like cause you were denying me?

687
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 5: And she literally said like it's.

688
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,319
Speaker 4: Just a BS reason that people always pull from. It

689
00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:55,000
Speaker 4: is never actually that, it is never actually on you.

690
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 4: It is on their stupid insecurities, causing them to be

691
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,840
Speaker 4: like I'm going to go out and sleep human else

692
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:05,640
Speaker 4: because I'm just insecure, Like it's not on you, girl, Yeah,

693
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 4: And I feel like you know that though that is

694
00:35:07,640 --> 00:35:08,439
Speaker 4: all him.

695
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,840
Speaker 5: All of this is him. Do not blame yourself, opee.

696
00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:12,759
Speaker 3: I don't think that you are, but like if you

697
00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 3: ever have a doubt in your mind, it is not

698
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:16,320
Speaker 3: your fault.

699
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:17,759
Speaker 5: He's the one.

700
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:19,359
Speaker 4: That he he messed all this up.

701
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,360
Speaker 3: He had a great life with you, with the kids,

702
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 3: with everything he ever wanted. I'm guessing, like, you know whatever,

703
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:29,240
Speaker 3: and he blew it. And that's on him. You did nothing,

704
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 3: you did everything you could like and he's the one

705
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 3: who messed it up.

706
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,280
Speaker 5: So screw him. He's an idiot.

707
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,960
Speaker 4: I hate him. Yeah. I finally went on a date

708
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 4: in December twenty nineteen at a friend's urging. Three weeks ago,

709
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,200
Speaker 4: my husband tried to have spicy sleep with me. I

710
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,280
Speaker 4: came close to giving in before realizing this cannot happen.

711
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 4: My friends intervened and made the case for why it's

712
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 4: time to start afresh. I am now more open to

713
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 4: dating and putting myself out there. I still feel pity

714
00:35:58,440 --> 00:36:00,880
Speaker 4: for my husband. Part of me still loves him, but

715
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 4: it is over and that is the end of that story.

716
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 3: Well, o, p you got out of it and you

717
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,319
Speaker 3: made the best decision, and that's gonna show later on

718
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 3: in life when he's still doing the same exact thing

719
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 3: and you've gone on to bigger and better things.

720
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 4: Yep, yeah, I agree. And that's the end of this story.

721
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:23,279
Speaker 4: We're gonna go to the next one.

722
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:27,839
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and

723
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 2: we're going to get back to the stories.

724
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:32,480
Speaker 5: But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

725
00:36:33,200 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 2: My boyfriend mocked my fan fiction then judged me for

726
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 2: writing it.

727
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 1: Maybe you should put the pencil down.

728
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,640
Speaker 2: I'm a writer, a serious writer who's had her first

729
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 2: book published and a few poems that made their way

730
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 2: to the local paper.

731
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 5: All right, I make a living out of it. I

732
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:52,080
Speaker 5: also have a very secret blog where I publish fan

733
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 5: fiction under a pseudonym.

734
00:36:55,080 --> 00:36:57,799
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from BF making fun of

735
00:36:57,840 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 2: me through And if you know, submit your own star.

736
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 5: Always go to the hour slash. Okay, storytime is separate.

737
00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:05,440
Speaker 2: And I'm Angie, I'm Riley, and we're here to give

738
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:07,760
Speaker 2: good advice goofly, But we don't have all the answers.

739
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 2: We just know what we would do in this situation.

740
00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 2: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

741
00:37:12,200 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 2: So oh, Pete says I know what you're thinking, obsessed

742
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:20,319
Speaker 2: fangirl writing countless ocs, all of them, all of them,

743
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,839
Speaker 2: in love with some alter ego of myself. No, I

744
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 2: just really like exploring my favorite characters and the universes that.

745
00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:27,480
Speaker 4: They live in.

746
00:37:27,640 --> 00:37:28,400
Speaker 1: She's different.

747
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,640
Speaker 2: When I'm reading a book, playing a game, watching a movie,

748
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 2: I sometimes think what if and I write it out.

749
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,920
Speaker 2: It's been my secret for a long while now, or

750
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:42,600
Speaker 2: it used to be. My boyfriend found my blog when

751
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:45,640
Speaker 2: I forgot to clear my history on my laptop. Oh no,

752
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:47,799
Speaker 2: why is he looking through your history? First of all,

753
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 2: he's got gotta make sure you're good. He's gonna make

754
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,879
Speaker 2: sure you're not looking at anything the farious.

755
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: Good on him boo.

756
00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 2: I don't hide things from him, But clearing my history

757
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,319
Speaker 2: is a habit I picked up as a kid during

758
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:03,560
Speaker 2: my Curious about Corn phase.

759
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 5: Cool.

760
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 2: We had a family computer, and if I didn't clear

761
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 2: the history, I'd get cut.

762
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 5: He's been mocking me for it. I'm not fragile.

763
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 2: I can take a joke when I know it's not malicious.

764
00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:17,960
Speaker 2: But my boyfriend keeps laughing and making jokes about me

765
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,120
Speaker 2: being a tumbler girl, about me wanting to be with

766
00:38:21,160 --> 00:38:24,280
Speaker 2: those characters. It's gotten to the point where he's reading

767
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 2: my fix just to nitpick and make fun of them.

768
00:38:26,880 --> 00:38:28,360
Speaker 1: Oh he's actually into him now.

769
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:31,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, he's actually just interested. He's embarrassed about it.

770
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 2: I talked to him, he dismissed me. I finally snapped

771
00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 2: yesterday when he came over while I was writing for

772
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 2: the local paper. He said, writing your weird smut fan

773
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 2: fiction fangirl. He meant it as a joke, he laughed,

774
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:47,839
Speaker 2: But I was already so fed up that I told

775
00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 2: him to leave. He looked puzzled and so that he

776
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 2: was kidding, but I punted him out anyway.

777
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:55,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, someone that writes like this, I feel like you

778
00:38:55,120 --> 00:39:00,359
Speaker 1: need your safety of affirmation. Yeah, and your confidence. I mean,

779
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,399
Speaker 1: you were with that skill. So if anyone dares to, yeah,

780
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: combat it. It's very it's very sensitive. It's tough.

781
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:08,799
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean.

782
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:12,399
Speaker 2: It's it's embarrassing I feel, and like, I don't mean

783
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 2: that as an insult. I just mean that, like, like,

784
00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,799
Speaker 2: if I did that, I would be so embarrassed.

785
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:20,800
Speaker 5: I would not want you to know at all. English

786
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 5: isn't my native language.

787
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,200
Speaker 2: I started learning it when I was nine because there

788
00:39:24,239 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 2: was no one writing or reading fan fiction in my

789
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 2: particular fandom in my native language. Through fan fiction, I

790
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:32,960
Speaker 2: discovered how much I love writing. I learned English and

791
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 2: it saved my life. But I needed a job, but

792
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 2: was inexperienced in most things. But I could speak and

793
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 2: write English fluently, all thanks to writing fan fiction.

794
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 5: Boom, you hear that everyone fan fiction saves lives? Yep,

795
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:46,440
Speaker 5: it means a lot to me.

796
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,359
Speaker 2: I'm not hurt that most people think it's silly and

797
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 2: make fun of fan fiction writers.

798
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:52,320
Speaker 5: I'm hurt because the boy.

799
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 2: I love is being horrible about it, and I'm this

800
00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 2: close to breaking up. I don't deserve to be mocked

801
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:00,359
Speaker 2: for something that I like, especially when I don't judge

802
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:02,799
Speaker 2: him for the stuff that he likes. He wants to

803
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 2: come over, but he doesn't think that he's wrong and

804
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:06,759
Speaker 2: doesn't see how his behavior is hurting me.

805
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:09,279
Speaker 5: What do I do? I learned a long time ago

806
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:09,799
Speaker 5: not to.

807
00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 2: Be ashamed of doing something that brings me joy, especially

808
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 2: when times are hard enough already. But it hurts so

809
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,239
Speaker 2: much that my boyfriend thinks that I'm a loser and

810
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 2: I'm starting to see him differently.

811
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:23,919
Speaker 5: And there isn't edits. But before we get into that.

812
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:27,879
Speaker 1: What's helped me a lot to understand adult things. These

813
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 1: videos online. When it's like explaining text urns with cats cute,

814
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,280
Speaker 1: I like monkeys, We'll use monkeys. It was like explaining

815
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:40,360
Speaker 1: cat or explaining the irs with monkeys. So this monkey

816
00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 1: ten bananas and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

817
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 1: You might need to like dumb it down, well, understand it, yeah,

818
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 1: using animals. Yeah, and figure it out in your own

819
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: little way you're you know how to write, and then

820
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: he might get the gist of it.

821
00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,560
Speaker 2: This blew up in a way that I did not expect.

822
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 2: I want to answer everyone. First, let me clear some

823
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:03,560
Speaker 2: things up. I don't think my boyfriend was snooping. I

824
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:05,879
Speaker 2: always clear my history out of habit, and this time

825
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 2: I left it there. It most likely came up in

826
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,160
Speaker 2: the search bar, since he said he just found it there.

827
00:41:10,320 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 2: The problem isn't my sense of humor. When I first

828
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,600
Speaker 2: told him, I wrote fan Fix and came clean about it.

829
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:16,799
Speaker 5: I was laughing with him.

830
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:20,040
Speaker 2: Then the mockery started and for the next few days

831
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:21,799
Speaker 2: I was a crazed fangirl.

832
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:22,399
Speaker 5: In his eyes.

833
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:25,479
Speaker 2: He wouldn't let it go. That's not lacking a sense

834
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,839
Speaker 2: of humor. That's someone I love being purposefully hurtful. Even

835
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 2: though I told him to knock it off. We're currently

836
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 2: not talking. He thinks I'm being oversensitive. I'm here reading

837
00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 2: replies and read it and haven't let him come to

838
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 2: my house yet. I won't until I figure out what

839
00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,480
Speaker 2: to tell him. This is the first time I've seen

840
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:44,480
Speaker 2: my boyfriend act it this way. I wouldn't be with

841
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,240
Speaker 2: him if he had been like this from the start.

842
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:47,800
Speaker 2: This is why I'm so shocked.

843
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 5: I'm hurt. A joke or two fine, straight up mean

844
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 5: mockery noop.

845
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 2: I don't know if he got jealous or if the

846
00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 2: content of the stories bothered him. I plan on finding out.

847
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 2: There is a second edit. I'm meeting with him later today.

848
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,959
Speaker 2: We're going to talk, but again, I'm going to clear

849
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,960
Speaker 2: up any confusion. I did not punt him out completely

850
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,760
Speaker 2: out of nowhere. He wasn't confused about why I snapped

851
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,439
Speaker 2: when he started teasing. It was okay the first couple

852
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 2: of times. Then he started mocking me and reading the

853
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,719
Speaker 2: fan fis just to make fun of them. He had

854
00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 2: read parts back to me while laughing in a way

855
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:26,359
Speaker 2: that wasn't a joke or him treating me like.

856
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:29,560
Speaker 5: One of the guys. We do have an update. I

857
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:33,360
Speaker 5: want to start by clearing up some confusion. Okay, he

858
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 5: and I have teased each other before.

859
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,440
Speaker 1: I feel like we're clearing up a lot of confusion.

860
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: Just get to it, Opie, a lot of confusion in

861
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:39,959
Speaker 1: the chat.

862
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:43,120
Speaker 5: I tease my best friend and she teases me back. Stupid,

863
00:42:43,200 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 5: harmless teasing.

864
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:46,760
Speaker 2: I still have some of my earliest fits in English,

865
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 2: and my grammar was awful, really awful, with sentences like

866
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 2: and he tried to think not about her.

867
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:56,320
Speaker 5: She throws that sentence back.

868
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,320
Speaker 2: In me all the time, but it's always in good heart,

869
00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 2: always in a oh god, the crap you used to

870
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,160
Speaker 2: write and look at you now kind of way.

871
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:05,280
Speaker 1: Stop explaining yourself and get to the point.

872
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 2: I don't think that's gonna happen. This wasn't what happened

873
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 2: with my boyfriend of me. He went out of his

874
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,360
Speaker 2: way to make me feel uncomfortable and hurt. This is

875
00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:17,040
Speaker 2: why I posted for help. Someone I love was being

876
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 2: cruel out of nowhere. So for the sake of this update,

877
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 2: please keep in mind that I am in no way

878
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 2: ashamed of writing fan fix, and that my boyfriend's behavior

879
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 2: was more than strange, it was cruel. He had never

880
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,839
Speaker 2: acted that way before. I met him the day after

881
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 2: so we could talk. He was pierced because I punted

882
00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 2: him out. I was pissed because of his behavior. We

883
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 2: went to my place and I start up asked why

884
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:44,560
Speaker 2: my fix bothered himself? Okay, he kept saying that they didn't,

885
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 2: that he was just having fun.

886
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,160
Speaker 5: I explained how he made me feel. He snorted.

887
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:51,440
Speaker 2: I told him that if he wasn't going to take

888
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 2: this seriously, he could leave again and not come back.

889
00:43:54,920 --> 00:43:57,479
Speaker 2: After a while, in a brief argument about him being

890
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 2: incredulous that I was so upset set over nothing, he

891
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 2: finally told me the real reason behind his actions. Oh

892
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 2: why did it take so much effort.

893
00:44:08,320 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: To get to this, so much explaining, Okay, here's.

894
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:11,840
Speaker 5: The real reason.

895
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 1: Right?

896
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 2: He doesn't feel comfortable with me writing spicy sleep scenes.

897
00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:21,280
Speaker 1: I thought it was because he was cheating WHOA?

898
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:22,280
Speaker 5: That would be crazy.

899
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, had reminded him too much of him and the

900
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 1: girl he's been with.

901
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 5: WHOA. He's like, how'd you know? How do you know?

902
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:30,359
Speaker 5: I said those things to her?

903
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: This came out of nowhere. Even when this issue was

904
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,839
Speaker 2: discussed in the comments. I thought, nah, you would never

905
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 2: have a problem with it. He's even praised the one

906
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 2: in my book. Ha well, I asked him exactly that.

907
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 2: Why did he praise the one in my book? Why

908
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 2: did he encourage me to write more? He said he

909
00:44:48,640 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 2: hadn't stopped to think about the consequences, but when I

910
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,439
Speaker 2: wrote it in my book, he didn't know or see

911
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:57,479
Speaker 2: how many people enjoyed it. When he read the ones

912
00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:00,000
Speaker 2: in my blog, he could see how many people reblog

913
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 2: to them, the comments everything.

914
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 5: It bothered him because I was his girlfriend.

915
00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 2: Okay, so he's like, if you write these spicy scenes

916
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:13,359
Speaker 2: and then other people like him, it's like you're you're

917
00:45:13,400 --> 00:45:14,840
Speaker 2: boinking with those other people.

918
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,160
Speaker 1: You're essentially a of creator.

919
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 2: That's so crazy, though, it is so not the same,

920
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 2: or is it. I don't I would disagree.

921
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,640
Speaker 1: I think he's onto something here.

922
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:29,600
Speaker 2: I asked him what he meant by that, which is

923
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:33,759
Speaker 2: his opinion about him being uncomfortable. He said, I was

924
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,479
Speaker 2: putting myself out there by writing this stuff. I held

925
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,280
Speaker 2: back the urge to snap and calmly asked him again,

926
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:43,080
Speaker 2: what the heck he meant? He said, he knew how

927
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 2: guys think and that they were seeing how easy I was,

928
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 2: and then I'd soon be getting stalkers because and I

929
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 2: quote I like spicy Sleep like a salute.

930
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:54,920
Speaker 5: Isn't that lovely?

931
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,000
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. The thing about an online stalker is

932
00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,240
Speaker 1: you can hit the block button.

933
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:00,000
Speaker 4: Yeah.

934
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:03,360
Speaker 5: Also, I'm under a fake name. This is not me.

935
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 2: I'm talking about other people, fake characters.

936
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:09,120
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, you seem good, dude.

937
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:10,799
Speaker 2: And that's just kind of a part of it. There

938
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:14,719
Speaker 2: are so many successful authors that right smut and that's

939
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:16,839
Speaker 2: just like a normal thing that people read.

940
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 5: Now.

941
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and there is a possibility this coming true, but

942
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 1: it's a stretch man stretch and in.

943
00:46:23,560 --> 00:46:24,160
Speaker 5: Such a stretch.

944
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:28,239
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And he's calling you a salute for saying you

945
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 2: like spicy Sleep, Well, you're my boyfriend.

946
00:46:30,600 --> 00:46:32,319
Speaker 5: Do you want me to not like it?

947
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 4: Like?

948
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 5: What do you mean?

949
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,560
Speaker 1: I swear you like it, but not like like in

950
00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 1: a way where other people would like it that you

951
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:38,960
Speaker 1: like it.

952
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 5: You're like, yeah, it's so insane.

953
00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:44,520
Speaker 2: He quickly tried to fix it. He said he didn't

954
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 2: mean it like that. He meant that I write detailed

955
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 2: and explicit scenes and that might give people the wrong idea.

956
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 2: I asked him if I give him the wrong idea

957
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 2: when we have spicy sleep.

958
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 5: He just shut up.

959
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 2: I think he realized then how much of an idiot

960
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 2: he was being, because he started apologizing.

961
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:05,560
Speaker 5: I just ended it.

962
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 2: I ended the relationship and changed my blogs. You arel okay, Wow?

963
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:13,840
Speaker 5: Break up? You broke up? Wow.

964
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 2: He's been calling and calling, texting me NonStop that he's sorry.

965
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:20,839
Speaker 2: But I can't even look at him the same way

966
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:25,000
Speaker 2: even if I ever forgive him. Just no, I like

967
00:47:25,080 --> 00:47:27,760
Speaker 2: spicy sleep, so that makes me a salute. But that's

968
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 2: not a problem when I'm having spicy sleep with him.

969
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 2: I'm just heartbroken over this because it came out of nowhere.

970
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 2: Before we broke up, he said everything would be okay

971
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 2: if I just never wrote about spicy sleep.

972
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:42,239
Speaker 5: Really, no, I like it.

973
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 4: Now.

974
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 1: Is she gonna get bank if she can't do that?

975
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:47,560
Speaker 5: Literally, that's what it sells, that's what is on the market.

976
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 5: I like writing about spicy sleep. I like writing figs.

977
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 5: It pays my bills, so screw that.

978
00:47:54,560 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 2: But in his mind, if I just stopped writing kinky,

979
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:01,399
Speaker 2: spicy sleep scenes, he wouldn't feel insecure and wouldn't lash

980
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:01,839
Speaker 2: out like.

981
00:48:01,800 --> 00:48:04,640
Speaker 5: This, oh boy, which is so not gonna happen.

982
00:48:05,160 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 2: I'm glad this side of him came out, though still

983
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,000
Speaker 2: this is just so freaking sad.

984
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:13,200
Speaker 1: That would buy him for feeling, you know, insecure about it.

985
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: But sure it's way what about it was wrong?

986
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you can feel insecure about like anything

987
00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:22,880
Speaker 2: in a relationship, but you have like ninety percent of

988
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 2: that insecurity needs to be changed from yourself boom, Like,

989
00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:29,120
Speaker 2: you can't really change. You can't ask someone to change

990
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:32,160
Speaker 2: for you, and you can't wait for them to change.

991
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 1: For you, exactly exactly, So you should just leave.

992
00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 5: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

993
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 5: to the next one.

994
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,840
Speaker 1: My boyfriend called me a liar and then blocked me

995
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:43,120
Speaker 1: instead of breaking up.

996
00:48:43,600 --> 00:48:46,000
Speaker 5: Oh, let's get some burdens age to get rid of

997
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:47,440
Speaker 5: all the ghosts in here.

998
00:48:47,760 --> 00:48:51,840
Speaker 1: I twenty nine mail met someone mail thirty three earlier

999
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:54,120
Speaker 1: this year in January, while I was still in a

1000
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:57,480
Speaker 1: three year relationship that was falling apart. Things between me

1001
00:48:57,520 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 1: and my then partner were unbearable and I knew it

1002
00:49:01,040 --> 00:49:03,799
Speaker 1: was only a matter of time before it ended. This

1003
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 1: new guy appeared out of nowhere, lie charismatic, just through

1004
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:12,839
Speaker 1: social media at first, but he quickly started taking up

1005
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 1: a lot of space in my thought. By the way,

1006
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:19,200
Speaker 1: this comes from far cherry and fewness me old stories.

1007
00:49:19,280 --> 00:49:21,680
Speaker 1: You know where to go. Go there. I'm not even

1008
00:49:21,719 --> 00:49:23,719
Speaker 1: gonna play it. You already know where it is. I'm Riley,

1009
00:49:23,960 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 1: I'm Anie, and we're here give good advice. Ruefully, we

1010
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 1: don't know what we're talking about. If you got something

1011
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 1: to say, say in the comments. I want to read him.

1012
00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,840
Speaker 1: So o p says, even though he knew I was

1013
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 1: still in a relationship, he flirted with me and I

1014
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 1: didn't stop him. There was something different about him. Maybe

1015
00:49:44,520 --> 00:49:47,040
Speaker 1: it was because I already wanted to start over. I

1016
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:50,240
Speaker 1: live in Rio, and in May, while visiting my family

1017
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 1: in Saul Paulo, I decided to meet him in person

1018
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:57,839
Speaker 1: for the first time. It was intense right away, I bet.

1019
00:49:58,120 --> 00:50:01,280
Speaker 1: I mean, hey, I know how someone from South America

1020
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: told me, if they look at someone for too long,

1021
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 1: they're gonna they're gonna do it.

1022
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:06,240
Speaker 5: Like with that person.

1023
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, they keep staring at me. Go to we gotta

1024
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:09,800
Speaker 1: find a hotel.

1025
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:11,880
Speaker 5: We we gotta get a little closer.

1026
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:15,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm gonna fall in love with you. A mix

1027
00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:19,520
Speaker 1: of curiosity, desire, and that feeling that something new was

1028
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:21,000
Speaker 1: finally opening up.

1029
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 5: After being something new.

1030
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 1: Stuck for so long. Month later, in June, my previous

1031
00:50:27,200 --> 00:50:30,439
Speaker 1: relationship ended in a traumatic way. I had to make

1032
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:33,319
Speaker 1: my AX move out. We lived together and things kind

1033
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:36,360
Speaker 1: of spiraled out of control. We both were deeply hurt.

1034
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 1: It was just emotionally exhausting. Soon after that, I started

1035
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 1: a new treatment for depression and a possible bipolar disorder

1036
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 1: evaluation because in the months before the breakup I'd been

1037
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 1: acting impulsively, which made my AX feel unsafe. Now I've

1038
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 1: had to increase my antidepressant dose. I take mood stabilizers

1039
00:50:56,960 --> 00:51:00,400
Speaker 1: with him. I'm in therapy twice a week, and I

1040
00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 1: spent a good part of my income just trying to

1041
00:51:02,560 --> 00:51:05,520
Speaker 1: keep my mind steady. The new guy saw all of it.

1042
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 1: He saw my ups and downs, my exhaustion, my effort

1043
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: to function despite everything. Between May and July, I traveled

1044
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:16,240
Speaker 1: from Rio So for three more times to just see him.

1045
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 1: He was trying to get his career going, full of

1046
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:25,600
Speaker 1: creative ideas, but without much stability. He was charming, smart,

1047
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 1: and somehow seemed like he needed care. I got quickly attached,

1048
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 1: believing we were building something meaningful, a shared passion for

1049
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:39,960
Speaker 1: the arts, theater film culture brought us closer together. In August,

1050
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:42,680
Speaker 1: he traveled to another state to shoot his own short film.

1051
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 1: When he came back, even though we talked often by video,

1052
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:49,720
Speaker 1: I could since something had changed. Our conversations became more tense,

1053
00:51:50,200 --> 00:51:53,000
Speaker 1: and he started showing you signs of mistrust that hadn't

1054
00:51:53,040 --> 00:51:56,479
Speaker 1: been there before. He began noticing if I took longer

1055
00:51:56,560 --> 00:52:00,799
Speaker 1: to reply or if something seemed different. He said it

1056
00:52:00,840 --> 00:52:05,080
Speaker 1: was a concern, but it felt like suspicion. In early September,

1057
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,840
Speaker 1: I went to saal Pado to see him again. On

1058
00:52:07,880 --> 00:52:10,399
Speaker 1: the day of the trip, he started questioning how I'd

1059
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 1: picked up my medication at the public clinic, implying that

1060
00:52:14,040 --> 00:52:18,239
Speaker 1: I might be lying. Conversation, which began light, turned into

1061
00:52:18,239 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 1: an interrogation. I tried to explain, but I felt uncomfortable,

1062
00:52:22,239 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 1: like I had to justify myself for everything. Then, during

1063
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:29,120
Speaker 1: the bus ride, he decided to have a long text argument.

1064
00:52:29,480 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 1: He asked if I had wi FI, saying he wanted

1065
00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 1: to clear things up and avoid bad vibes. I said yes.

1066
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:37,440
Speaker 1: He went back and forth, saying he didn't want to

1067
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:41,000
Speaker 1: talk to avoid saying something stupid, and then changed his mind.

1068
00:52:41,239 --> 00:52:43,839
Speaker 1: Is that he needed to say it or it would

1069
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 1: eat him up. I think he cheated.

1070
00:52:46,160 --> 00:52:47,440
Speaker 5: What's it gonna be? What's it gonna be?

1071
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:48,080
Speaker 1: He jaded.

1072
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 5: If he's so suspicious that OPI is like being.

1073
00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:59,719
Speaker 2: Untruthful and being untrustworthy out of nowhere. I mean, we've

1074
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:03,880
Speaker 2: read enough stories. I know your situation isn't the same,

1075
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 2: but like it ten times out of ten. If that

1076
00:53:07,160 --> 00:53:09,839
Speaker 2: happens in these stories, it's because they're cheating, the ones

1077
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:10,720
Speaker 2: accusing our cheating.

1078
00:53:11,280 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 1: So that's when he sent a long message saying he

1079
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 1: wanted to build trust between us, but had noticed changes

1080
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:22,480
Speaker 1: in my behavior. He said I'd been more defensive lately

1081
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 1: and that made him suspicious. He mentioned that I used

1082
00:53:25,560 --> 00:53:28,640
Speaker 1: to send him spontaneous photos at the movies with my

1083
00:53:28,719 --> 00:53:31,239
Speaker 1: grandma at the clinic, and that not doing so that

1084
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 1: week made him think I was hiding something. He said

1085
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: he'd question me whenever it felt necessary, because to him,

1086
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:42,680
Speaker 1: that was honesty. He also talked about subtext that he

1087
00:53:42,719 --> 00:53:45,279
Speaker 1: could tell from my tone or choice of words when

1088
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,640
Speaker 1: something fell off. Reading that on the bus, I felt

1089
00:53:48,640 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 1: my chest tightened. I was exhausted trying to relax, and

1090
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:57,000
Speaker 1: suddenly had to write a long message. Defending myself, I answered, calmly,

1091
00:53:57,440 --> 00:54:00,960
Speaker 1: admitted I'd once told a small life about going out

1092
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:04,200
Speaker 1: apologize again, but explain that I didn't want a relationship

1093
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,319
Speaker 1: built on suspicion. I told him how much I need

1094
00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:10,279
Speaker 1: a peace and stability after everything I'd been through, and

1095
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,800
Speaker 1: that I was in treatment, still emotionally fragile, behind to

1096
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:18,960
Speaker 1: get better. Oo Op jeez, he replied, saying he understood

1097
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 1: that he was only pointing out a change in behavior

1098
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:27,640
Speaker 1: and was actually demanding anything. While Op, it's figuring out

1099
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 1: if they have bipolar, which I'm gonna tell you right now,

1100
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,320
Speaker 1: if you got bipolar, your behavior is gonna be changing

1101
00:54:34,040 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 1: moment to moment.

1102
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean it's like it.

1103
00:54:37,400 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 2: I doubt it would like change anymore now that it's diagnosed,

1104
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:43,920
Speaker 2: but it's like still, yeah, well this is something to understand.

1105
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:49,000
Speaker 1: It's a variable. Yeah, and this guy's asking you gotta change.

1106
00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 1: She got it, stopped doing it. Op's figuring out their life.

1107
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 1: They just got through something very traumatic.

1108
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:54,280
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1109
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:57,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I said before, I think it's just good

1110
00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 1: to do a little solo top I agree. He said.

1111
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:05,160
Speaker 1: The photos were just an example that he could read

1112
00:55:05,200 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 1: subtexts in my words and he wanted us to move on.

1113
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:11,320
Speaker 1: He apologized if he hurt me and said he wanted

1114
00:55:11,360 --> 00:55:13,760
Speaker 1: to have a good weekend together, and even joked about

1115
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 1: cleansing our energy. The conversation ended on a seemingly positive note, laughter,

1116
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:23,439
Speaker 1: light promises, but I arrived and felt uneasy, as if

1117
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:26,680
Speaker 1: I had tried to defend myself for something I had done.

1118
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: It was one of those talks that sound harmless but

1119
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:33,320
Speaker 1: leave a strange weight in the air. That weekend seem fine.

1120
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:36,280
Speaker 1: We went out and joyed the city, and I noticed

1121
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:40,879
Speaker 1: some distance physically and emotionally. Then on Monday night, when

1122
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:43,400
Speaker 1: I needed to leave because he lived with his roommates

1123
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 1: and couldn't host me during the week, he brought up

1124
00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:49,040
Speaker 1: jealousy again. I don't know where. He asked if I

1125
00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:52,720
Speaker 1: was seeing the friends I'd been staying with. That single

1126
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:55,920
Speaker 1: question carried every doubt and tension that had been building

1127
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 1: for weeks. I try to say calm, but he started

1128
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:02,600
Speaker 1: raising his voice and repeating past arguments that we had

1129
00:56:02,640 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 1: supposedly resolved, called me a liar, said I had omitted

1130
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 1: things or contradicted myself, things that only existed in his head.

1131
00:56:11,400 --> 00:56:16,880
Speaker 1: The moment I heard the word liar. My body froze. Jeez,

1132
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 1: pees building.

1133
00:56:19,760 --> 00:56:21,320
Speaker 2: This is just the type of person where it's like

1134
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 2: you can't even you can't even try to change their minds.

1135
00:56:25,800 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 1: My heart raised, my hand shook that same anxious feeling

1136
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:32,760
Speaker 1: of being trapped in an unsafe space. I grabbed my things,

1137
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:35,719
Speaker 1: my suitcase closed and said I couldn't have a real

1138
00:56:35,800 --> 00:56:40,319
Speaker 1: conversation in that state when all he wanted was to

1139
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:43,960
Speaker 1: be right. I said thank you genuinely for the hospitality,

1140
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 1: even though it hurt, and left no looking back. That

1141
00:56:47,160 --> 00:56:50,080
Speaker 1: same night, he texted saying he could meil me items.

1142
00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:53,520
Speaker 1: I left behind, my shampoo, soap conditioner. I left them

1143
00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:55,600
Speaker 1: in the bathroom. I replied that he could keep them.

1144
00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:59,640
Speaker 1: I didn't block him, just needed to protect myself. Next

1145
00:56:59,640 --> 00:57:05,120
Speaker 1: morning I saw I had been blocked on everything good.

1146
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:07,800
Speaker 5: Honestly, what dude.

1147
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 1: People in this generation nowadays, I'm going to block you.

1148
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 5: It's gonna be block you. And if you're gone on

1149
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:14,960
Speaker 5: the internet and gone on.

1150
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 1: Your laugh it's crazy, it is wild. It's been a

1151
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:23,120
Speaker 1: month and two weeks now he seems fine, working again,

1152
00:57:23,360 --> 00:57:27,240
Speaker 1: joined new creative projects and posting updates online. A mutual

1153
00:57:27,240 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 1: friend told me he still speaks of me kindly and

1154
00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:33,200
Speaker 1: that he's trying to get his life together in sa parole.

1155
00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:36,760
Speaker 1: I'm glad for him, but I still feel a mix

1156
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:41,440
Speaker 1: of anger and longing. Anger because I was transparent, willing,

1157
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 1: and got silence in return, because he saw me struggling

1158
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:48,080
Speaker 1: with treatment depression and all the effort I was making

1159
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:52,320
Speaker 1: just to stay afloat and still chose pride. The longing

1160
00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:54,959
Speaker 1: hurts more deep down. I know we wouldn't have worked

1161
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:58,240
Speaker 1: out unless I'd moved to a city, and love got

1162
00:57:58,280 --> 00:58:01,880
Speaker 1: lost in between mistrusts and his inability to manage his

1163
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:06,240
Speaker 1: own insecurity. Sometimes I blame myself too, because depression makes

1164
00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:10,080
Speaker 1: me feel stuck, incapable of expressing things the right way.

1165
00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:11,560
Speaker 1: I think this is for the best.

1166
00:58:12,040 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 5: I totally agree. Good cool that he's not, you know,

1167
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:18,040
Speaker 5: speaking poorly of you behind your back.

1168
00:58:18,360 --> 00:58:18,920
Speaker 1: That's nice.

1169
00:58:19,120 --> 00:58:22,400
Speaker 2: That's nice plus. Yeah, but I'm just glad that you're

1170
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:24,600
Speaker 2: out of there. That's not something you want to deal with.

1171
00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:26,840
Speaker 1: You just got out of the jail cell, No need

1172
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 1: to get into another one.

1173
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly. I mean that's this is going to turn

1174
00:58:30,840 --> 00:58:32,280
Speaker 5: intwo Oh.

1175
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:32,880
Speaker 1: You'd like that? Op?

1176
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:34,280
Speaker 5: Huh?

1177
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:38,320
Speaker 1: I bet you do. Don't like it anyways, I think

1178
00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:41,600
Speaker 1: about him every day, but differently now I don't want

1179
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,560
Speaker 1: to go back. I don't even want to talk to him.

1180
00:58:43,680 --> 00:58:45,560
Speaker 1: I just wish he had the courage to say something

1181
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:48,880
Speaker 1: anything out of our process, this type of ending, when

1182
00:58:48,920 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 1: there was no closure or clear breakup. How do I

1183
00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:56,240
Speaker 1: stop overthinking what happened and move forward without feeling the

1184
00:58:56,320 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 1: need to understand his silence. People find closures in different ways.

1185
00:59:00,960 --> 00:59:02,560
Speaker 1: I found it by moving to LA.

1186
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:04,200
Speaker 5: Yeah, that like closure.

1187
00:59:04,240 --> 00:59:06,080
Speaker 2: I feel like you always think that it's like, oh,

1188
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:09,440
Speaker 2: you need to talk about it with that person, that's closure.

1189
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:12,280
Speaker 2: It's like, I feel like that's not really the case

1190
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 2: in relationships, like in maybe familial relationships or friend relationships,

1191
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:19,479
Speaker 2: if you're gonna get closure about an argument or something

1192
00:59:19,480 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 2: like that, yeah, like you want to talk about it

1193
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:24,600
Speaker 2: because you're I'm assuming you want to keep that relationship. Yeah,

1194
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:27,400
Speaker 2: But in like a romantic relationship, when you break up

1195
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 2: and it's like a messy breakup.

1196
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:31,000
Speaker 1: It's sadly in the way of processing it.

1197
00:59:32,160 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you really do have to act like that

1198
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:38,280
Speaker 2: person isn't there, because, I mean, the problem, especially in

1199
00:59:38,280 --> 00:59:42,680
Speaker 2: this situation, it started from not even a lack of communication,

1200
00:59:42,800 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 2: but just like incompatible communication, Like you're trying to talk

1201
00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:51,080
Speaker 2: to each other and it's you're you just don't agree

1202
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:51,680
Speaker 2: with each other.

1203
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:54,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, and there's not really anything else to talk about.

1204
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:58,560
Speaker 5: You just disagree. We need to just leave it at

1205
00:59:58,560 --> 00:59:59,560
Speaker 5: that and move away.

1206
00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1207
01:00:00,280 --> 01:00:03,360
Speaker 2: If you have problems with dealing with it and moving on,

1208
01:00:03,400 --> 01:00:05,200
Speaker 2: then that's something that you have to work on yourself.

1209
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:08,360
Speaker 2: That you're not gonna nothing's gonna change by talking to

1210
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:09,440
Speaker 2: that person again, you.

1211
01:00:09,400 --> 01:00:12,480
Speaker 1: Know, exactly. Yeah, and that's the end of this story.

1212
01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:13,880
Speaker 5: We're going on to the next one.

1213
01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:17,479
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern biale. We're gonna

1214
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:20,320
Speaker 1: get back to these stories. But here's three minutes worth

1215
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:21,720
Speaker 1: of that form our sponsors.

1216
01:00:22,480 --> 01:00:26,360
Speaker 5: My ex rushed into a relationship with me, then ghosted me.

1217
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:28,200
Speaker 1: Have you ever met a Russian ghost?

1218
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:31,760
Speaker 2: Essentially, I female twenty was in a three year relationship

1219
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:33,600
Speaker 2: with a great guy, but it fizzled out and the

1220
01:00:33,640 --> 01:00:37,960
Speaker 2: sweetness wasn't there anymore. I felt completely lost without a boyfriend,

1221
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:39,320
Speaker 2: which is sad to admit.

1222
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:40,400
Speaker 1: Oh no, By the.

1223
01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 2: Way, this comes from wide Assumption twenty seven thirty two,

1224
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:45,960
Speaker 2: And if you want to submit your own stories, go

1225
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 2: to the r slash Okay, storytime supper at IT and I'm.

1226
01:00:48,960 --> 01:00:50,840
Speaker 1: Angie, I'm Riley, and we're here to.

1227
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:51,480
Speaker 5: Give good advice.

1228
01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 2: Goofly, but we don't have all the answers. We just

1229
01:00:53,520 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 2: know what we would do in this situation. So let

1230
01:00:55,480 --> 01:00:57,640
Speaker 2: us know what you would do in the comments.

1231
01:00:57,800 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 5: So op, he says.

1232
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:03,200
Speaker 2: Then, maybe two weeks after the breakup, a nice guy

1233
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:06,840
Speaker 2: mail twenty messaged me. I knew him from university and

1234
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 2: always found him very attractive, but thought he wouldn't be

1235
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:09,880
Speaker 2: interested in me.

1236
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 5: We met up with each other and it was amazing.

1237
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:16,600
Speaker 2: There was great chemistry and spicy related tension, which was

1238
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:19,840
Speaker 2: what my previous relationship was missing. I saw him a

1239
01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 2: second time, which was equally as good, and I was

1240
01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:23,240
Speaker 2: really happy.

1241
01:01:23,760 --> 01:01:24,760
Speaker 5: He admitted to me that.

1242
01:01:24,760 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 2: He had thought about me all throughout Uni and had

1243
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:30,400
Speaker 2: imagined us together. We then planned to go on a

1244
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:33,760
Speaker 2: spontaneous holiday together as summer was nearly over, though this

1245
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:36,680
Speaker 2: didn't happen. On the third time I saw him, we

1246
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:39,480
Speaker 2: spent the whole day together and couldn't keep our hands

1247
01:01:39,520 --> 01:01:40,200
Speaker 2: off each other.

1248
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:42,680
Speaker 1: Oh oh boy boy.

1249
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,919
Speaker 2: He then completely shocked me and asked if I would

1250
01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:49,720
Speaker 2: be his girlfriend. On the third date after maybe talking

1251
01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:50,840
Speaker 2: for a week and a half.

1252
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that seems reasonable.

1253
01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:56,400
Speaker 2: This caught me hugely off guard and being the people

1254
01:01:56,440 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 2: pleaser I am, I said, yeah, oh gosh, no, we

1255
01:01:59,680 --> 01:02:02,800
Speaker 2: don't say yes to being a girlfriend for people pleasing.

1256
01:02:03,200 --> 01:02:06,400
Speaker 5: Ah oh man. Remember that I.

1257
01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:09,160
Speaker 2: Had just gotten out of an extremely draining three year

1258
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:11,800
Speaker 2: relationship two weeks previously.

1259
01:02:11,480 --> 01:02:13,440
Speaker 1: And we also realized you don't know how to say

1260
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:13,960
Speaker 1: the word no.

1261
01:02:14,240 --> 01:02:14,440
Speaker 5: I know.

1262
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:17,440
Speaker 2: I moved on exceedingly fast and was shamed in multiple

1263
01:02:17,440 --> 01:02:19,640
Speaker 2: ways by others for this, so I would appreciate not

1264
01:02:19,680 --> 01:02:23,200
Speaker 2: being shamed for it, as I have too much regret. Anyway, Well,

1265
01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:27,000
Speaker 2: sorry for everything I just said, moving on. I'm not

1266
01:02:27,040 --> 01:02:29,680
Speaker 2: sure what happened, but something in me completely switched and

1267
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:32,960
Speaker 2: I became disconnected with him. I'll call him Luke, not

1268
01:02:33,080 --> 01:02:37,520
Speaker 2: his real name. Luke continued to treat me impeccably and

1269
01:02:37,640 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 2: was so kind and generous. I felt bad because I

1270
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:43,440
Speaker 2: had disconnected and become distant. I think it was because

1271
01:02:43,480 --> 01:02:46,200
Speaker 2: I obviously wasn't ready for this relationship but didn't have

1272
01:02:46,240 --> 01:02:49,120
Speaker 2: the courage to say anything. The label made it feel

1273
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:53,080
Speaker 2: far more serious. This disconnect caused us to have disagreements

1274
01:02:53,080 --> 01:02:57,360
Speaker 2: and petty arguments. Luke goes to my UNI but lives elsewhere,

1275
01:02:57,400 --> 01:02:59,440
Speaker 2: and I live in the city where our university is,

1276
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 2: so I'm always there. Luke had to go home for

1277
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 2: a week and told me to visit him, which I

1278
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:05,800
Speaker 2: gladly agreed to as I thought it would bring us

1279
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:09,200
Speaker 2: closer together. I did still really like him and wanted

1280
01:03:09,240 --> 01:03:12,760
Speaker 2: it to work. It didn't bring us closer together. The

1281
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:15,680
Speaker 2: air between us was horribly awkward and strange, which was

1282
01:03:15,720 --> 01:03:19,680
Speaker 2: mainly caused by me. I felt so horrifically bad and

1283
01:03:19,920 --> 01:03:21,840
Speaker 2: just wanted to say how I felt and asked if

1284
01:03:21,880 --> 01:03:24,240
Speaker 2: we could just take a step back, but I didn't

1285
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:25,720
Speaker 2: h It's.

1286
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:27,480
Speaker 1: Hard to take a step back when you are in

1287
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:28,280
Speaker 1: your relationship.

1288
01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:31,000
Speaker 2: Luke drove us both back to where I lived, as

1289
01:03:31,080 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 2: he had work in the UNI as well. We said

1290
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:37,000
Speaker 2: goodbye and then I completely broke down. I don't know

1291
01:03:37,040 --> 01:03:39,040
Speaker 2: what was wrong with me and just felt like such

1292
01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:41,760
Speaker 2: a bad person. The next day, he messaged me on

1293
01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:43,920
Speaker 2: Snapchat and essentially ended it.

1294
01:03:44,160 --> 01:03:44,200
Speaker 4: No.

1295
01:03:44,800 --> 01:03:48,240
Speaker 2: I was upset and also angry, so I didn't fight

1296
01:03:48,280 --> 01:03:49,320
Speaker 2: it or try to fix it.

1297
01:03:49,480 --> 01:03:52,320
Speaker 5: He broke up with you over a snap.

1298
01:03:52,640 --> 01:03:54,760
Speaker 1: If you can't find the messages, you guys didn't bring up.

1299
01:03:55,320 --> 01:03:58,120
Speaker 2: They disappear after twenty four hours or after you open them,

1300
01:03:58,160 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 2: so it's like, wait, I didn't read that. There were

1301
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:03,959
Speaker 2: two days where we didn't talk at all. Then Luke

1302
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:05,960
Speaker 2: messaged me and we sort of snapped on it back

1303
01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:06,520
Speaker 2: and forth.

1304
01:04:06,360 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 5: For a while. However, he was massively breadcrumbing me, pulling

1305
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 5: me in, and then pushing me out by not replying,

1306
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:15,960
Speaker 5: which drove me absolutely insane. So I decided to go

1307
01:04:16,000 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 5: on a dating app. Bear in mind, it had been

1308
01:04:18,520 --> 01:04:21,000
Speaker 5: maybe two weeks since it ended, and he was just

1309
01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:24,960
Speaker 5: being rude. Luke somehow immediately found out I was on

1310
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:28,120
Speaker 5: it and called me a horrible name, which I couldn't accept,

1311
01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:31,880
Speaker 5: so I left him alone, even though I had such strong.

1312
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:32,320
Speaker 4: Feelings for him.

1313
01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:35,840
Speaker 2: Then fast forward maybe a few days, I saw him

1314
01:04:35,880 --> 01:04:38,480
Speaker 2: on a night out and we were both intoxicated, so

1315
01:04:38,560 --> 01:04:40,440
Speaker 2: we made out with each other throughout the night and

1316
01:04:40,480 --> 01:04:42,200
Speaker 2: talked about things slightly.

1317
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:46,680
Speaker 5: Wow, this is not a good way to handle relationship.

1318
01:04:46,520 --> 01:04:50,440
Speaker 1: Angie Riley, He has I have a boyfriend in her life?

1319
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:53,000
Speaker 5: No, she doesn't. That's the thing.

1320
01:04:53,040 --> 01:04:55,560
Speaker 2: Some people feel like that, and it's like that's unfortunately

1321
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:59,400
Speaker 2: the only solution which you really need to do then

1322
01:04:59,600 --> 01:05:01,320
Speaker 2: if that's how you feel, is be single?

1323
01:05:01,640 --> 01:05:04,200
Speaker 1: Dude? The answer is within sign of.

1324
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:05,840
Speaker 5: You, inside you all along.

1325
01:05:07,160 --> 01:05:09,720
Speaker 2: I then saw another guy from our UNI who Luke

1326
01:05:09,840 --> 01:05:12,480
Speaker 2: knows and is friends with. This guy and I hadn't

1327
01:05:12,520 --> 01:05:14,800
Speaker 2: ever spoken before, and he came up to me and

1328
01:05:14,840 --> 01:05:15,720
Speaker 2: started chatting with me.

1329
01:05:16,160 --> 01:05:18,840
Speaker 5: I couldn't hear him and said, can we go outside.

1330
01:05:19,040 --> 01:05:21,800
Speaker 2: After maybe ten minutes outside chatting to the sky about

1331
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:24,880
Speaker 2: how much I liked Luke, I had lost sight of

1332
01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:25,800
Speaker 2: Luke completely.

1333
01:05:26,480 --> 01:05:28,320
Speaker 5: The night was ending, so my friend and I decided

1334
01:05:28,360 --> 01:05:30,680
Speaker 5: to head home. We got home and Luke had removed

1335
01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:34,960
Speaker 5: me off of everything. I was so unbelievably.

1336
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:36,320
Speaker 2: Upset and still very wasted, so I had a bad

1337
01:05:36,360 --> 01:05:38,840
Speaker 2: reaction to this. I then messaged him on WhatsApp and

1338
01:05:38,880 --> 01:05:42,040
Speaker 2: asked why he accused me of chatting up other guys

1339
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:44,120
Speaker 2: in front of him and wouldn't listen when I said

1340
01:05:44,160 --> 01:05:47,440
Speaker 2: it was literally his mate from UNI. He said he

1341
01:05:47,520 --> 01:05:50,000
Speaker 2: was hurt and that he still had feelings for me,

1342
01:05:50,440 --> 01:05:53,080
Speaker 2: and I said that I did as well.

1343
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:57,680
Speaker 1: Dude, everyone here needs to grow up. Yeah, for like

1344
01:05:57,720 --> 01:06:02,000
Speaker 1: a decade, we're all twelve year olds in this scenario.

1345
01:06:02,440 --> 01:06:04,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, he said, we should talk about it. In person

1346
01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:08,000
Speaker 2: when we weren't wasted, and I agreed. He then went

1347
01:06:08,040 --> 01:06:10,760
Speaker 2: back to bread crubbing me and leading me on. The

1348
01:06:10,880 --> 01:06:13,480
Speaker 2: reason this confused me is because during the three weeks

1349
01:06:13,480 --> 01:06:14,800
Speaker 2: that we were in a relationship, he.

1350
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:17,880
Speaker 5: Seemed completely obsessed with me. He wouldn't meet up with

1351
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:19,880
Speaker 5: me at all and just played around.

1352
01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:23,480
Speaker 2: This obviously annoyed me because I ultimately wanted to resolve

1353
01:06:23,480 --> 01:06:25,120
Speaker 2: things and see him again to see.

1354
01:06:24,920 --> 01:06:28,000
Speaker 5: If we could rebuild and retry. Fast forward, there were

1355
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:29,040
Speaker 5: more back and forth.

1356
01:06:29,320 --> 01:06:31,600
Speaker 2: I found out from a friend of a friend that

1357
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:34,000
Speaker 2: he had slept with someone else, which was obviously hard

1358
01:06:34,000 --> 01:06:36,040
Speaker 2: to hear, but I had no right to be mad.

1359
01:06:36,640 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 2: I just wanted to see him.

1360
01:06:37,800 --> 01:06:39,880
Speaker 1: So you're going through two breakups, Sopie.

1361
01:06:40,280 --> 01:06:43,640
Speaker 5: Yeah. Literally. I finally convinced him to see me.

1362
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:45,800
Speaker 2: I had just gotten a new car, so I picked

1363
01:06:45,840 --> 01:06:47,680
Speaker 2: him up to show him and we went somewhere we

1364
01:06:47,760 --> 01:06:51,960
Speaker 2: regularly went when we were together, which he suggested. We

1365
01:06:52,120 --> 01:06:54,680
Speaker 2: then went for a walk after having caught up on

1366
01:06:54,720 --> 01:06:57,680
Speaker 2: the drive there. He was very touchy and flirty, kept

1367
01:06:57,760 --> 01:07:00,400
Speaker 2: hugging me and playing around with me, and see like

1368
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:03,080
Speaker 2: his old self that I really liked. He kept staring

1369
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:03,440
Speaker 2: at me.

1370
01:07:03,520 --> 01:07:05,000
Speaker 5: And touching me and fixing my hair.

1371
01:07:05,640 --> 01:07:07,840
Speaker 2: I was so happy because I finally thought that things

1372
01:07:07,840 --> 01:07:08,840
Speaker 2: could actually turn around.

1373
01:07:08,920 --> 01:07:10,560
Speaker 1: Yep bee.

1374
01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:13,400
Speaker 2: After less than an hour, he said let's go back

1375
01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:15,760
Speaker 2: to the car. I agreed, thinking that we were going

1376
01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:18,880
Speaker 2: to do something else. He said he wanted to go home.

1377
01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:21,320
Speaker 2: I was a bit taken aback, as I thought it

1378
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:23,280
Speaker 2: was going really well, so I tried my best to

1379
01:07:23,360 --> 01:07:24,920
Speaker 2: drag it out and chat with him in the car.

1380
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:27,440
Speaker 2: There was a lot of tension again, so we were

1381
01:07:27,520 --> 01:07:30,400
Speaker 2: kind of all over each other, though no kissing, I tried.

1382
01:07:31,040 --> 01:07:34,280
Speaker 2: After some meaningless flirting and talking about nothing and playing

1383
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:39,560
Speaker 2: around with my car's infotainment system, he then snapped at me. Oh,

1384
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:41,640
Speaker 2: I forgot what he said, but it was enough for

1385
01:07:41,680 --> 01:07:44,280
Speaker 2: me to be annoyed and say let's go then in

1386
01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:48,120
Speaker 2: a witchy way. The drive back to his was completely silent,

1387
01:07:48,200 --> 01:07:50,880
Speaker 2: and I felt like crying. I held back, though. When

1388
01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:53,280
Speaker 2: we got back to his, he was back to himself,

1389
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:57,200
Speaker 2: gave me two ugs and said bye. I said, will

1390
01:07:57,240 --> 01:08:00,480
Speaker 2: you see me again, probably in a beggy way, said yes,

1391
01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:02,600
Speaker 2: got out of the car, blew me a kiss, and

1392
01:08:02,680 --> 01:08:04,160
Speaker 2: smiled and walked away.

1393
01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:07,440
Speaker 5: This happened a few days ago. I haven't heard much

1394
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:08,040
Speaker 5: from him since.

1395
01:08:08,480 --> 01:08:08,680
Speaker 4: Ah.

1396
01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:13,920
Speaker 2: My friends say I'm being completely manipulated by him. I

1397
01:08:14,080 --> 01:08:16,320
Speaker 2: feel such a draw to him, and he's all I

1398
01:08:16,320 --> 01:08:18,679
Speaker 2: think about. I miss him and he makes me laugh

1399
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:21,679
Speaker 2: like no one else. I feel no connection to any

1400
01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:24,400
Speaker 2: other boy. I've seen so many people get into this,

1401
01:08:24,520 --> 01:08:27,840
Speaker 2: and it's like, it's so easy to fall into this

1402
01:08:27,960 --> 01:08:31,360
Speaker 2: trap because he is manipulating you. You're being manipulated. It's

1403
01:08:31,439 --> 01:08:33,400
Speaker 2: kind of hard to see you when it's happening. Like

1404
01:08:33,439 --> 01:08:36,559
Speaker 2: if it was easy to see, then you wouldn't be

1405
01:08:36,680 --> 01:08:38,760
Speaker 2: manipulated because you wouldn't fall into it.

1406
01:08:38,800 --> 01:08:41,160
Speaker 1: But you like it when he rolls up the sleeves

1407
01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:45,479
Speaker 1: three fourths from his forearm. You like the way he

1408
01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:49,120
Speaker 1: flexes when he opens up that jar for you. You

1409
01:08:49,240 --> 01:08:51,840
Speaker 1: like it when he, I don't know, prayed your hair.

1410
01:08:52,439 --> 01:08:53,680
Speaker 1: I don't know, he.

1411
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:54,960
Speaker 5: Said, he's playing with her hair.

1412
01:08:56,040 --> 01:09:00,360
Speaker 2: But yeah, it's just I said a while ago, like

1413
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:05,479
Speaker 2: there's a difference between or there's like love that you

1414
01:09:05,640 --> 01:09:09,760
Speaker 2: feel and there's also love as an action, like to

1415
01:09:10,040 --> 01:09:12,479
Speaker 2: love someone. But I think a better way to describe

1416
01:09:12,479 --> 01:09:15,519
Speaker 2: it is like you can someone can.

1417
01:09:15,360 --> 01:09:19,160
Speaker 5: Feel love for you, but you don't want.

1418
01:09:19,000 --> 01:09:21,120
Speaker 2: To trust them about that you want to trust that

1419
01:09:21,160 --> 01:09:22,840
Speaker 2: they're not going to like cheat on you or something

1420
01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:24,880
Speaker 2: like that. But you don't want to trust someone when

1421
01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:26,280
Speaker 2: they say I love you.

1422
01:09:26,280 --> 01:09:28,879
Speaker 5: You want to see it backed up with their actions.

1423
01:09:28,920 --> 01:09:30,080
Speaker 5: Oh you know what I mean.

1424
01:09:30,160 --> 01:09:32,679
Speaker 2: So he might be I don't know if he's saying love,

1425
01:09:32,840 --> 01:09:35,559
Speaker 2: but he's all talk. He's saying he has these feelings

1426
01:09:35,560 --> 01:09:38,360
Speaker 2: for you. But then if he's snapping at you, and

1427
01:09:38,400 --> 01:09:41,760
Speaker 2: if he's like being tense and then switching.

1428
01:09:41,479 --> 01:09:42,679
Speaker 5: It up and being all nice.

1429
01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:46,559
Speaker 2: You do not want unpredictability because that's a very common

1430
01:09:46,600 --> 01:09:50,480
Speaker 2: thing in relationships and that's like a not a.

1431
01:09:50,240 --> 01:09:52,559
Speaker 5: Safe, healthy thing to be a part of.

1432
01:09:52,800 --> 01:09:56,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then that, like you, if he's doing all

1433
01:09:56,760 --> 01:09:59,599
Speaker 2: these things and like giving you so many mixed signals,

1434
01:10:00,200 --> 01:10:02,719
Speaker 2: talking to you for so long, like all of everything

1435
01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:05,599
Speaker 2: that he's doing that is not showing you that he

1436
01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:08,760
Speaker 2: loves you, yeah, or that he even likes you, even

1437
01:10:08,760 --> 01:10:11,400
Speaker 2: if he's saying he does, he's not backing it up.

1438
01:10:11,600 --> 01:10:13,280
Speaker 2: I don't want to be back in a relationship with

1439
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:16,000
Speaker 2: him again immediately. I just want to see him occasionally

1440
01:10:16,040 --> 01:10:18,360
Speaker 2: in chat with him and maybe rebuild and see where

1441
01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:18,800
Speaker 2: it goes.

1442
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:21,479
Speaker 5: Please give me advice if you can and be.

1443
01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:24,000
Speaker 2: Brutally honest and don't mind if it's a slap in

1444
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:26,519
Speaker 2: the face, because I do need it. Opie responds to

1445
01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:29,320
Speaker 2: a question in the comments. I disconnected from the relationship

1446
01:10:29,360 --> 01:10:32,360
Speaker 2: as I wasn't ready and he felt that, so ultimately

1447
01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:35,880
Speaker 2: he ended it, this is Opie's previous relationship. I feel

1448
01:10:35,920 --> 01:10:37,479
Speaker 2: ready to rebuild and see where.

1449
01:10:37,360 --> 01:10:39,040
Speaker 5: It goes, but I doubt he's willing.

1450
01:10:39,120 --> 01:10:43,880
Speaker 2: Oh maybe it's not about the previous relationship, and that's

1451
01:10:43,920 --> 01:10:44,800
Speaker 2: the end of that story.

1452
01:10:44,960 --> 01:10:48,880
Speaker 5: Ope, Ope, slapper and face.

1453
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:51,880
Speaker 1: Just get out of there. You don't need any of this.

1454
01:10:52,160 --> 01:10:54,519
Speaker 5: He doesn't like you, and that's the end of this story.