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Speaker 1: This is the intergalactic John. This is Alien Sam on

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Speaker 1: the International Okay Storytime podcast station, and we have some

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Speaker 1: human stories coming up, not alien, but before we make

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Speaker 1: a landing, stick around for this two minute not alien

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Speaker 1: ad break. Before we get to these interstellar stories.

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Speaker 2: My girlfriend blabbed about all our personal spicy details to

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Speaker 2: my sister ew grous. This all started last Friday night.

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Speaker 2: I had to hold myself back from singing the song.

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Speaker 2: One of my girlfriend's closest friends had just come home

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Speaker 2: from a trip abroad, so they were all going out

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Speaker 2: to celebrate. Originally they were planning a party or something,

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Speaker 2: but then they decided to go out to a restaurant

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Speaker 2: together and then go back to one of the friend's

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Speaker 2: house and watch movies or whatever crap they do.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from James j ninety five

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Speaker 2: and if you want to smit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to our slash Okay Storytime Separate. So basically it was

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Speaker 2: meant to be a girl's night out and there was

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Speaker 2: twelve of them. I think my older sister, who was

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Speaker 2: a close friend of my girlfriend and part of her

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Speaker 2: inner circle friendship group, was going along with them. It

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Speaker 2: sounded like they were going to have fun and I

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Speaker 2: wish them the best. Well, since my girlfriend was going

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Speaker 2: and my sister was going. My girlfriend was at my

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Speaker 2: house beforehand, and my sister drove her to the restaurant

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Speaker 2: where they were all meeting up. My sister was gonna

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Speaker 2: drop her off at her home afterwards and then come

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Speaker 2: back to our home. We both live with our parents.

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Speaker 2: At least that was the plan.

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Speaker 1: Oh.

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Speaker 2: They headed off around six pm, and I wasn't really

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Speaker 2: expecting Sis back until like twelve pm or one am

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Speaker 2: or something, if she didn't end up sleeping over there instead.

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Speaker 2: She came back on her own at around nine thirty

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Speaker 2: to ten, and she seemed really angry.

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Speaker 1: Ye, and in a horrible mood. You know, I'm beginning

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Speaker 1: to see you.

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Speaker 2: We asked her what happened, said she was just really

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Speaker 2: tired or not in the mood. I asked her if

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Speaker 2: she had dropped my girlfriend off at her place. She said, no,

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Speaker 2: she can take a taxi.

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Speaker 4: Oh.

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Speaker 1: It was really weird.

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Speaker 2: Because she seemed visibly angry, and I know my sister,

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Speaker 2: She's not the sort of person to easily get angry.

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Speaker 2: She was like even slamming doors and crap. The next day,

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Speaker 2: she was in a bit of a better mood, but

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Speaker 2: still kind of angry. I prodded and asked what the

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Speaker 2: matter was. She refused to talk about it. She said

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Speaker 2: it was nothing. She had just been a bit tired

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Speaker 2: the night before, maybe feeling unwell. Next day, on Sunday,

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Speaker 2: she opened up. She said, look, something happened the other

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Speaker 2: day when I was out with your girlfriend and her friends.

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Speaker 2: I said, ah, I knew it.

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Speaker 1: Ah.

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Speaker 2: She said, you won't like what you're gonna hear, but

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Speaker 2: you need to hear it.

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Speaker 3: Anyway.

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Speaker 2: My mind was like, oh, crap, is she cheating.

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Speaker 1: That's that's why I thought we were Yeah, I thought

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Speaker 1: that's why we're headed.

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Speaker 2: Maybe maybe not, It's not that was the first thought

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Speaker 2: that came to my head. She proceeded to tell me

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Speaker 2: about the entire night, how they had gone the restaurant,

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Speaker 2: all had plenty of fun, gone back home. Apparently, they

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Speaker 2: started watching a movie but didn't like it, so they

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Speaker 2: didn't finish it, and they couldn't decide on what other

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Speaker 2: movie to watch, so they started drinking and gossiping, like

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Speaker 2: started gossiping about past and current boyfriends relationships. Spicy sleep

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Speaker 2: Sis said, your girlfriend maybe was wasted a bit too

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Speaker 2: much and started revealing too much information about you, stuff

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Speaker 2: she shouldn't have. Oh, I said, what sort of stuff?

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Speaker 2: She said, you don't want to know? I said, you

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Speaker 2: can't just start telling me that, and then cut off

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Speaker 2: without telling me what she said. What did she say?

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Speaker 2: Sister said, I really didn't want to talk about this,

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Speaker 2: but you want to know, and you probably have a

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Speaker 2: rite to And she proceeded to tell me the stuff

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Speaker 2: that my semi wasted girlfriend had said about me. Apparently

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Speaker 2: she was making jokes about how when we first started dating,

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Speaker 2: I was a virgin and had no knowledge or experience

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Speaker 2: of spicy sleep, and she was mocking my inexperience lame attempts.

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Speaker 2: My girlfriend also apparently made fun of the shape of

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Speaker 2: my wiener it as a weird thing where it bends

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Speaker 2: to the side. I've never really felt self conscious about

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Speaker 2: it because I thought it was the sort of thing

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Speaker 2: that most girls wouldn't care about, and my girlfriend never

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Speaker 2: mentioned it. But now I feel incredibly self conscious. And

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Speaker 2: apparently I finished too quickly and make weird sounds when

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Speaker 2: I do. Why is she telling not only her friends

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Speaker 2: this information but also your sister? I was like, what

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Speaker 2: the f Why was she even talking about this? How

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Speaker 2: wasted was she? Apparently not even that wasted, like she'd

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Speaker 2: had a few drinks but not that many. I told

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Speaker 2: my sister, why did you have to tell me all this?

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Speaker 2: I wish you hadn't now I just feel hurt, she said,

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Speaker 2: I felt, you have a right to know your girlfriend

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Speaker 2: is saying the stuff. I just couldn't stand being in

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Speaker 2: the same room as her when she was saying it all.

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Speaker 2: That is why I was so angry and left early.

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Speaker 2: That is why I was so angry and left early.

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Speaker 2: She seemed to feel better having gotten that off her chest,

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Speaker 2: but I couldn't understand why she was so angry about it.

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Speaker 2: My girlfriend had been saying all that stuff about me

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Speaker 2: and revealing all those private details about me, and sure

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Speaker 2: I was hurt by it, but I had no idea

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Speaker 2: why she had gotten so angry from all of it.

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Speaker 2: It made no sense. Someone explained this empathy or sister

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Speaker 2: cares about you.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh.

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Speaker 2: He's like, I don't understand. She's upset on my behalf.

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Speaker 2: What our emotions.

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Speaker 1: It's like you have love but for other people.

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Speaker 2: I feel hurt, honestly, kind of dismayed, like I feel

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Speaker 2: like all this stuff my girlfriend never brought up with me,

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Speaker 2: She just jokes about in front of other people. Is

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Speaker 2: it right for me to be upset about this? Is

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Speaker 2: it right for me to be hurt? Or am I overreacting?

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Speaker 2: Was it fair for her to talk about that sort

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Speaker 2: of stuff in front of other girls, even if they

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Speaker 2: were all gossiping. Should I bring this up with her

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Speaker 2: and tell her that it really hurts me? What if

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Speaker 2: she tells me to just get over it? Or should

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Speaker 2: I just forget about it and move on because it's

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Speaker 2: no big deal, even though I feel it's a big

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Speaker 2: deal to me. Am I being too sensitive? But there's

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Speaker 2: an update. It's been a really eventful week. It's had

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Speaker 2: its ups and downs, a bit chaotic at times, but

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Speaker 2: now things have settled, I finally have time to write

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Speaker 2: this update in full. Some of you were really supportive

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Speaker 2: in the last one. Some of you a bit less so,

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Speaker 2: but that's okay. I appreciate all your advice. After I've

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Speaker 2: found out from my sister what my girlfriend had said,

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Speaker 2: I was feeling pretty down rightfully, so I felt quite

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Speaker 2: a blow to my perception of myself, Like all this

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Speaker 2: time my girlfriend had helped me in a lower esteem

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Speaker 2: than I thought she had. Did she look down at

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Speaker 2: me because I was a virgin? Did she really think

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Speaker 2: I was that bad when we were together in bed

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Speaker 2: that she thought it was worth making fun of me

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Speaker 2: to her friends? Or is that just something all girls do?

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Speaker 3: I hope not.

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Speaker 2: It is not something that all girls do. I was

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Speaker 2: feeling pretty self conscious about my wiener as well. I

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Speaker 2: never thought it was abnormal. I just thought it was

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Speaker 2: a feature of it. I didn't know it's something a

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Speaker 2: girl would ever be disturbed, but by I didn't even

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Speaker 2: know how abnormal it was. I haven't seen that many

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Speaker 2: embarrassing to say, but I looked up a few pictures online.

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Speaker 2: Who of whether whether there was anything wrong with me

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Speaker 2: or if it's any abnormal medical condition. I eventually realized

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Speaker 2: I was overreacting about the whole thing, But still my

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Speaker 2: self esteem did take a momentary blow. I realized I

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Speaker 2: had to confront my girlfriend about it, which, yeah, you do.

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Speaker 2: The more I just thought about it, the more intensely

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Speaker 2: I scrutinized myself and scrutinized my actions and behavior. The

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Speaker 2: more I began to doubt my own opinion of myself.

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Speaker 2: Was I overreacting maybe probably, But I had opened up

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Speaker 2: myself to my girlfriend in a way i'd done to

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Speaker 2: nobody else before. I had trusted her by letting her

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Speaker 2: be the first person I had ever slept with. I

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Speaker 2: felt hurt and betrayed that she'd mouth off about my

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Speaker 2: initial lack of spicy related capabilities to her friends. I mean,

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Speaker 2: everyone sucks at spicy sleep at first, right, Yeah, surely

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Speaker 2: it's not just me, it's not just you.

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Speaker 1: OK.

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Speaker 2: And even if I did, she never mentioned it. I'd

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Speaker 2: rather be able to improve and just remain a joke

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Speaker 2: for her to mock with her friends. I obviously care

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Speaker 2: for her very much. I wish she'd open up about

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Speaker 2: these things to me, not others. I was feeling really

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Speaker 2: depressed and doubtful of myself. Needless to say, my first

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Speaker 2: instinct was to wrongfully shoot the messenger. I started pest

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Speaker 2: during my sister with questions about exactly what my girlfriend

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Speaker 2: had said. She didn't want to tell me, but I

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Speaker 2: told her I needed to know exactly what it was

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Speaker 2: because I was planning to confront her about it. My

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Speaker 2: sister was uncomfortable with the whole thing, but I pressed,

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Speaker 2: and she repeated everything she had previously told me about

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Speaker 2: what my girlfriend had said. I asked my sister if

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Speaker 2: it was okay with her if when confronting my girlfriend

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Speaker 2: about it, I told my girlfriend that she was the

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Speaker 2: one who had told me. My sister sighed and relented,

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Speaker 2: figuring that the girlfriend would probably assume as much anyway.

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Speaker 2: I asked her, are you sure it's right for me

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Speaker 2: to confront her about this? Sister said yes, if you

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Speaker 2: feel that is what you need to do, but promise

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Speaker 2: you stay with her just because she's your first or

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Speaker 2: you feel obligated to. I've seen you hurt all day

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Speaker 2: because of what she said, and I don't think she

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Speaker 2: deserves you back. And then I started lashing out at

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Speaker 2: my sister and I got quite angry. I got mad

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Speaker 2: at her for telling me, saying I would have been

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Speaker 2: better off if she hadn't told me. My sister said

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Speaker 2: sorry at first and left it at that. I kept

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Speaker 2: going at it, pestering her about it and blaming it

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Speaker 2: on her. She just stayed silent and visibly frustrated, eventually

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Speaker 2: storming upstairs to her bedroom. I followed her up and

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Speaker 2: kept pestering about it. Why did you have to tell me?

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Speaker 2: Why did you even think I needed to know something

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Speaker 2: like that. It definitely pushed you far. You opened the

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Speaker 2: door and shouted back at me something along the lines of, oh,

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Speaker 2: I don't know, maybe because I love you. Did you

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Speaker 2: consider that you efing idiot f me for trying to

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Speaker 2: look out for you when she clearly has no respect

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Speaker 2: for you. But no, go run into her. She is

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Speaker 2: exactly what you deserve. Honestly, you deserve to hear that.

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Speaker 2: She called me an fing idiot numerous times and slammed

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Speaker 2: the door on my face. I tried to knock on

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Speaker 2: the door and open it, but she had locked the

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Speaker 2: door and was playing really loud music from within. She

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Speaker 2: didn't come out of her bedroom the rest of the day,

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Speaker 2: and I was feeling really bad. Yeah, I mean you should.

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Speaker 2: I felt guilty and atrocious for lashing out at her

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Speaker 2: like that. I know I was one hundred percent wrong.

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Speaker 2: I know you're gonna slice me up in the comment

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Speaker 2: section for that, and go ahead. I deserve it. I

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Speaker 2: was an idiot and a terrible person for attacking the

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Speaker 2: one person who had my back in all of this.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't thinking straight and I'd clearly hurt the person

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Speaker 2: closest to me. I decided I had to confront my

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Speaker 2: girlfriend about this. I called her the next day. She

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00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,240
Speaker 2: seemed in a good mood, happy to hear me. She

225
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Speaker 2: said I hadn't called in a while and she'd been

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Speaker 2: waiting for me to call. We met up, went for lunch,

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Speaker 2: and I kept waiting for the right time to bring

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00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:49,360
Speaker 2: it up, but I couldn't. She asked if she could

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Speaker 2: stay at my place for the afternoon before heading back home.

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Speaker 2: I said sure. Apparently our parents were having some people

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Speaker 2: over that afternoon and she didn't want to be around.

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Speaker 2: We were sitting at home and I decided to fight

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Speaker 2: finally bring up the thing. My sister was upstairs in

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Speaker 2: her bedroom listening to music quite loudly, and I figured

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Speaker 2: she wouldn't come down or anything. I said to my girlfriend, Look,

236
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,200
Speaker 2: I don't know how to bring this up, but there's

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Speaker 2: something that's really been bothering me, some stuff that you

238
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:19,320
Speaker 2: apparently said about me. I proceeded to tell her about

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00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:24,120
Speaker 2: this stuff she'd apparently said to her friends. Her response was,

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Speaker 2: that's it. I could tell something's been bothering you. Is

241
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:32,079
Speaker 2: that really it? She then proceeded to dismiss it, saying

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Speaker 2: she couldn't believe I was worked up about that. I

243
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,840
Speaker 2: told her that she knows I care deeply about what

244
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Speaker 2: she has to say about me, and I was really

245
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,559
Speaker 2: hurt by all the stuff she said, and I think

246
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,720
Speaker 2: an apology is in order.

247
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Speaker 1: She said, fine, I'm sorry.

248
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:47,040
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have said that. She said she wouldn't do

249
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,040
Speaker 2: it again, and she didn't know that it would affect

250
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Speaker 2: me so much. But then she started brushing off again,

251
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,200
Speaker 2: saying it was a silly thing to be upset about that.

252
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Speaker 2: Girls talk about that sort of stuff with each other

253
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Speaker 2: and tease their boyfriends behind their backs all the time.

254
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,240
Speaker 2: It's just being playful.

255
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Speaker 1: No they don't, No.

256
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:08,360
Speaker 2: They don't, No, they don't. I told her that it

257
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:11,960
Speaker 2: was hurtful to me. She did a sarcastic face and

258
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,200
Speaker 2: seemed to be laughing at the whole thing. Then she

259
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,200
Speaker 2: asked me how I even knew about it anyway. I said, well,

260
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,720
Speaker 2: sometimes when you say stuff about someone in front of

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Speaker 2: other people, it can likely get back to them. Her

262
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,360
Speaker 2: instant response was, it was my sister's name, wasn't it.

263
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,720
Speaker 2: I said, well, maybe you should have thought about that

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Speaker 2: before talking about someone in front of their sister.

265
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you dummy.

266
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Speaker 2: Literally, why would she not tell him she said, I

267
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,480
Speaker 2: knew it, that witch. I hate adding her around. She's

268
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,760
Speaker 2: always has to act like she's so moral and better

269
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:47,480
Speaker 2: than everyone. She is. She is better than you, for sure.

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Speaker 2: I told her, Hey, that's my sister. Don't talk about

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Speaker 2: her that way. She proceeded to go on complaining about

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Speaker 2: my sister twisting the whole situation to blame it on her,

273
00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:59,839
Speaker 2: saying that none of this would have happened and I

274
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,120
Speaker 2: would have never found out about it if my sister

275
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:06,360
Speaker 2: hadn't told me, or if you hadn't said it. I

276
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,160
Speaker 2: told her my sister was just looking out for me

277
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Speaker 2: and she shouldn't hold any blame.

278
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Speaker 3: She said, do you.

279
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,800
Speaker 2: Really believe that your sister always tries to pretend she's

280
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:18,199
Speaker 2: so moral, but she loves to create drama she enjoys

281
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,760
Speaker 2: during the pot Why else do you think she told

282
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Speaker 2: you she's.

283
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,280
Speaker 1: Trying to gaslight you.

284
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,960
Speaker 2: I told her that's not true. My sister just cared

285
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Speaker 2: about my feelings. She should stop blaming her girlfriend's response.

286
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,840
Speaker 2: If she cared about your feelings, she wouldn't have told you.

287
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,640
Speaker 2: This manipulative person.

288
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Speaker 1: Dude, so frustrating. It's like talking to a gaslighting wall.

289
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:46,080
Speaker 2: Truly, she's just it's like playing tennis with a gaslighting wall.

290
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:47,800
Speaker 2: It just bounces back at you and you're like.

291
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Speaker 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're like, can you just not be

292
00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,200
Speaker 1: tell me? She's like, no, no, no.

293
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,160
Speaker 2: Then the girlfriend started asking if my sister was around

294
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Speaker 2: at home. I said she was upstairs in her room.

295
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,040
Speaker 2: Now was probably not a good time to bring this

296
00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,680
Speaker 2: up with her, so my girlfriend and I stayed in

297
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,720
Speaker 2: the living room. Eventually, my sister came downstairs. While she

298
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,199
Speaker 2: was coming downstairs, she was calling my name, saying there

299
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,880
Speaker 2: was something important she needed to talk to me about.

300
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,480
Speaker 2: Then she saw me and my girlfriend were sitting together.

301
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,200
Speaker 2: She said, oh, I didn't know you were here. There

302
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,000
Speaker 2: was an extremely cold silence between them. There was a

303
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,520
Speaker 2: bit of chit chat, but it was very awkward. Then

304
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,040
Speaker 2: my girlfriend opened up, what do you think gives you

305
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,080
Speaker 2: the right to interfere on the relationship between me and

306
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,680
Speaker 2: my boyfriend. My sister was stunned. Oh, girl, I didn't

307
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:37,480
Speaker 2: know things were private between you and your boyfriend. Yeah,

308
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,800
Speaker 2: seemed like you were pretty willing to talk about everything

309
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,200
Speaker 2: under the sun with your friends, do you know, Sophia.

310
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,400
Speaker 2: She just stared back and didn't answer. My girlfriend said,

311
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,640
Speaker 2: don't act like you don't know what you did. I

312
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,880
Speaker 2: know you always enjoyed stirring the pot. She started telling

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00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,560
Speaker 2: her that she couldn't trust her as a friend, and

314
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,800
Speaker 2: started accusing my sister of being a horrible friend and

315
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,720
Speaker 2: that she shouldn't even go to girls' night if she

316
00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,560
Speaker 2: couldn't keep her mouth shut. I had to intervene. I

317
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,080
Speaker 2: said that's enough, but she didn't stop. It broke out

318
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:07,760
Speaker 2: into an open argument between the two of them. I

319
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,360
Speaker 2: kept trying to calm the noun. It was mostly just

320
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:14,600
Speaker 2: the girlfriend relentlessly attacking my sister. My sister's eyes swelled

321
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:17,160
Speaker 2: up with tears, and she turned to me and said,

322
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,000
Speaker 2: why don't you stand up for me? She's an fhing witch.

323
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,000
Speaker 2: Don't you hear what she's saying? Why are you even

324
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:25,040
Speaker 2: with her? At that point, the girlfriend said she couldn't

325
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,480
Speaker 2: take it anymore and had to leave. Before she left,

326
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:29,880
Speaker 2: I said I needed to speak with her. At that

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00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,040
Speaker 2: point I broke up with her.

328
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Speaker 1: Think yeah, god, yeah, thank god.

329
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,800
Speaker 4: Yeah.

330
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:37,520
Speaker 2: I didn't really give a reason. I just said I

331
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,800
Speaker 2: felt things weren't working out and it's better for everyone

332
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,680
Speaker 2: if we end our relationship. Do you need a reason dude,

333
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:46,680
Speaker 2: you had like fifty in the last hour alone. She

334
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:51,120
Speaker 2: was really hurt and didn't seem to understand why the

335
00:15:51,320 --> 00:16:01,080
Speaker 2: level of like just lack of self awareness, Yes, is insane.

336
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:05,520
Speaker 1: My brain cells are dying just hearing about this experience. Yeah,

337
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:09,640
Speaker 1: being physically in it. Yeah, woo oh my god.

338
00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:12,440
Speaker 2: She's like, I don't understand. I just fought with your sister.

339
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:15,680
Speaker 2: I argued with your sister where I verbally attacked her

340
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,400
Speaker 2: for an hour, and you want to break out with me?

341
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 3: Why?

342
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,280
Speaker 1: I don't get that? Can you tell me?

343
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:24,440
Speaker 2: I told her, because of everything that had happened recently,

344
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:27,760
Speaker 2: we should stop seeing each other, plus the enmity between

345
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,120
Speaker 2: her and my sister, and I thend be with her.

346
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:34,239
Speaker 2: After that, she was incredibly upset, but she seemed to understand.

347
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:38,160
Speaker 2: My girlfriend said, maybe we can still be friends. Why

348
00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,080
Speaker 2: would I want to be friends with no?

349
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:40,320
Speaker 1: No?

350
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:43,640
Speaker 2: I said, maybe we'll see, but we just need some

351
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:44,240
Speaker 2: time apart.

352
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:44,560
Speaker 4: Now.

353
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,120
Speaker 2: We hugged and kissed one last time, said goodbye, and

354
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,440
Speaker 2: she went on her way. My sister had disappeared. I

355
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,440
Speaker 2: figured she was back in her bedroom. I went upstairs

356
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,240
Speaker 2: and she was just sitting on her bed, listening to music.

357
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,520
Speaker 2: Staring at the ground.

358
00:16:58,640 --> 00:16:59,240
Speaker 1: Oh oh.

359
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,760
Speaker 2: I sat beside her and tried to comfort her. I

360
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,919
Speaker 2: told her, I'm sorry for everything. I told her. I

361
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,560
Speaker 2: was sorry for lashing out at her earlier or trying

362
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,960
Speaker 2: to blame things on her. I basically told her I

363
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,960
Speaker 2: was incredibly sorry for everything that had happened, and I

364
00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,360
Speaker 2: was sorry for my girlfriend's behavior towards her. Just then,

365
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:17,919
Speaker 2: she said that my girlfriend was right, that she's an

366
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,560
Speaker 2: idiot who always sticks her nose and everything trying to

367
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,960
Speaker 2: make things better, but she should have just kept her

368
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:23,480
Speaker 2: mouth shut.

369
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,640
Speaker 1: No, don't listen to her.

370
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,040
Speaker 2: She's the worst ever. I told her that she had

371
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:29,480
Speaker 2: done the right thing, that I knew she was just

372
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,760
Speaker 2: looking out for me, like any brother or sister would.

373
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,000
Speaker 2: I told her I'd broken up with my girlfriend just

374
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,080
Speaker 2: minutes earlier. She said she thought I did the right thing.

375
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,359
Speaker 2: I said I was sorry she had to endure all

376
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,640
Speaker 2: of that, and gave her a hug. Asking if there

377
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,000
Speaker 2: was anything I could do to thank her. She told

378
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,080
Speaker 2: me she just wanted to see me smile more often.

379
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,160
Speaker 1: My heart.

380
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,159
Speaker 2: Her sister is such a good sitter.

381
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:51,640
Speaker 1: Right.

382
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,600
Speaker 2: The next few days, she seemed kind of depressed and dreary,

383
00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,480
Speaker 2: not leaving the house much. She tried to put on

384
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,119
Speaker 2: a brave face and smile when she could, but I

385
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,240
Speaker 2: knew something was up. On Friday afternoon, I noticed she

386
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,720
Speaker 2: was sitting at home, eating chips and watching cartoons on

387
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:10,240
Speaker 2: TV in old, dirty clothes. It looked like she hadn't

388
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,080
Speaker 2: showered in a while and her hair was dirty. I

389
00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:16,240
Speaker 2: asked her, what was up? She said nothing. I told

390
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,800
Speaker 2: her I thought she was going to go out again

391
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 2: with her friends on Friday to a restaurant I eat

392
00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,080
Speaker 2: a girl's night, like she had the previous week. She said,

393
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,119
Speaker 2: not anymore. I said why not. She responded that her

394
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:29,520
Speaker 2: friends had officially disinvited her. I mean, you don't want

395
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:30,120
Speaker 2: to be friends with.

396
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:32,639
Speaker 1: People, Yeah, you don't. But I it's sad.

397
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:33,639
Speaker 2: It's sad to lose.

398
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, I could. I could see the initial It's like that,

399
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,240
Speaker 1: it's what she needs, you know, for, like to get

400
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 1: away from those those friends. But also just the blow

401
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,840
Speaker 1: on top of everything else. I could see you. Yeah, oh,

402
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,200
Speaker 1: just the gut punch of it, you know. Absolutely.

403
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,240
Speaker 2: My reaction was, that's horrible. How could friends do this?

404
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,960
Speaker 2: She said she didn't think they were her friends anymore.

405
00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:57,840
Speaker 2: All of the girls she had gone with last week,

406
00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,840
Speaker 2: had stopped responding to her and were ignoring her. Some

407
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,120
Speaker 2: of them had deleted her on social media and were

408
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,800
Speaker 2: basically all giving her the cold shoulder. Apparently they really

409
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,680
Speaker 2: hated the fact that she had ruined the gossip of

410
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,480
Speaker 2: their girls night, and basically all the girls in that

411
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:14,920
Speaker 2: social group followed my girlfriend's lead. So when my girlfriend

412
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,119
Speaker 2: cut my sister out of her life, they followed suit

413
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:21,280
Speaker 2: and did the same. I was shocked. I couldn't believe

414
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 2: that so called friends would do such a thing to someone,

415
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,560
Speaker 2: just completely defriend them from their life over one incident.

416
00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,880
Speaker 2: She just shrugged and didn't seem to care. I lamented

417
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,720
Speaker 2: over the fact that all of this had happened to

418
00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:35,919
Speaker 2: her just because she chose to stick up for me

419
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,800
Speaker 2: and tell me the things my girlfriend had been saying

420
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:42,800
Speaker 2: about me. My sister just shrugged in response. I told

421
00:19:42,840 --> 00:19:45,200
Speaker 2: her I'm sorry, and I felt this was partially my fault,

422
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:47,600
Speaker 2: and I said I don't understand how she can still

423
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,720
Speaker 2: not regret having told me all of this. He said,

424
00:19:49,720 --> 00:19:52,200
Speaker 2: why would I regret it? I don't care about them.

425
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 2: You mean more to me. I'll find other friends after all.

426
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 5: Ah, My hear heart. My r.

427
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 2: I told her that is an incredibly nice thing to

428
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,959
Speaker 2: say and hugged her. I sat down and asked her

429
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 2: what she was watching, but she didn't seem very interested

430
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,120
Speaker 2: in it. She said she had a lot of fun

431
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,200
Speaker 2: with them last time, and she kind of felt sad

432
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,919
Speaker 2: that they were all having fun without her while she

433
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:15,800
Speaker 2: was stuck at home.

434
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:16,159
Speaker 1: Like a loser.

435
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 2: Friday nights were sort of a thing for her, the

436
00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,880
Speaker 2: girls when they'd regularly go out, so it was understandable

437
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 2: she'd feel upset that she no longer had that and

438
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 2: she'd lost a bunch of friends. I asked her what

439
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,160
Speaker 2: restaurant they were going to. She told me they normally

440
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,000
Speaker 2: went to the same one each week. You better freakin'

441
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,960
Speaker 2: oh okay, wait, apparently it was a really fancy lace.

442
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 2: I said, screw it, she doesn't have to stay home.

443
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 2: I'll take her to somewhere even better. That's what I

444
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 2: wanted you to do, and you did it. I'm gonna

445
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:49,320
Speaker 2: go to go to a Michelin Star restaurant and post

446
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 2: about it and say me and my sists don't need

447
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,439
Speaker 2: anyone else. At first, she thought I was kidding, but

448
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:56,800
Speaker 2: I told her I was serious, And you know what,

449
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,160
Speaker 2: I'm serious about John.

450
00:20:58,119 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 1: What Sophia. The fact that you can listen to fall

451
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:01,960
Speaker 1: all episodes of stories just like this.

452
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 2: Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcast, or iHeartRadio and search

453
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,200
Speaker 2: a pokey story time. We got dressed and I drove

454
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 2: us to this new place that I hadn't been to before.

455
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 2: It was expensive, as if I spent over two hundred

456
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 2: dollars on the two of us, but it was worth

457
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:16,800
Speaker 2: it and we had a good time. I mean, you

458
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 2: owed her at least that. Yeah, the food was excellent.

459
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,520
Speaker 2: At least she wasn't feeling so down afterwards. I still

460
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 2: feel terrible over the way I initially handled it. I

461
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 2: feel ashamed over my initial misdirected anger and how I

462
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 2: was rude and careless. Honestly, I think I feel much

463
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,639
Speaker 2: better off after having broken up with a girlfriend. I

464
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,119
Speaker 2: was expecting i'd have a period right afterward where I

465
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 2: felt down and regretful about it. But the more days

466
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 2: that go by, the more sure I am that I

467
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:43,960
Speaker 2: made the right decision.

468
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:49,160
Speaker 1: Thank God. I refuse to cater to my vegetarian brother.

469
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 1: It made the family upset. Why does only one brother

470
00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 1: need catering? That's a lot of food. I feel like

471
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,600
Speaker 1: I've spilled into the twilight zone with this whole argument,

472
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 1: So tell me what's up, Internet folks. Background, I thirty

473
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,679
Speaker 1: one female, and my brother Mark, thirty five male, do

474
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,920
Speaker 1: not get along. When he was a teen, he saw

475
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,000
Speaker 1: a documentary on factory farming we all know the one,

476
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,960
Speaker 1: and decided to become a vegetarian. By the way, this

477
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,520
Speaker 1: comes from Suspicious Basil seventy eight eighty two and if

478
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:16,920
Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

479
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,639
Speaker 1: r slash Okay storytime suburn it. So he got very

480
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 1: very annoying about it, very very annoying about it quickly,

481
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: but my dad shut him down when he started trying

482
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,160
Speaker 1: to get the rest of us to be vegetarian with him.

483
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: Then he went to college and made a bunch of

484
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 1: very strange friends and went militantly vehgan.

485
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,399
Speaker 5: Oh there is a very specific subsection of vegans that

486
00:22:41,520 --> 00:22:42,280
Speaker 5: are militant.

487
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 1: It's his entire personality. I stopped talking to him after

488
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 1: he threw a fit at one of my birthday dinners

489
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 1: being at a steakhouse and spammed my messages in social

490
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:56,640
Speaker 1: media with pictures of mistreated cows. I'm sorry, Oh my god.

491
00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: My parents have been trying to repair the situation, and

492
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 1: for a while it did seem like Mark was getting better,

493
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 1: so I've been letting him back into contact gradually. Then

494
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 1: he started dating Pam, who is some kind of vegan

495
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 1: influencer oo. She is apparently moderately popular online, but I

496
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:17,560
Speaker 1: have no idea what she does exactly. I don't know

497
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 1: if Mark was trying to impress her or what. But

498
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:23,639
Speaker 1: last Thanksgiving, he insisted that my mom cook at least

499
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 1: a vegetarian meal or they wouldn't come on ethical grounds. Sorry,

500
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: my mom just wanted everyone to get along on her

501
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 1: favorite holiday, so she agreed. It was not a fun meal.

502
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,960
Speaker 1: This year, my parents have down size for retirement and

503
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,680
Speaker 1: my mom is having health problems. I bought their house

504
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,400
Speaker 1: when they moved, so my mom asked me to host

505
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:47,240
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving so it would be like usual. I told everyone

506
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 1: in the group chat so Mark and Pam could make

507
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:52,720
Speaker 1: travel arrangements, and Pam immediately started gushing about all the

508
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 1: vegan replacement recipes she could give me to replace the

509
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: traditional ones. I said, send me a main dish recipe

510
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 1: they like, and I would give it a shot. But

511
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:03,600
Speaker 1: I'm making the traditional meal otherwise, and there should be

512
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,400
Speaker 1: plenty of things that they can eat.

513
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:09,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm sorry, trying to be like every meal needs

514
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 5: to be vegan because I'll be there. That's some unilaterally

515
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 5: goofy behavior.

516
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:16,000
Speaker 1: Mark and Pam have been arguing about this with me

517
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:18,479
Speaker 1: for days, and then Mark said that if I wouldn't

518
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: make a meat free meal, they wouldn't come. Oh, here

519
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: we go stand off to meet off. This upset my mom,

520
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 1: who asked me to just make what she made last

521
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,639
Speaker 1: year to keep the peace. But I told her that

522
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,400
Speaker 1: Mark needs to get over himself and I'm not coddling him.

523
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 1: I am having turkey on Thanksgiving. My dad privately agrees

524
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 1: with me, but Mark threatening to not come is upsetting

525
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: my mom so much that he's worried it will impact

526
00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:47,480
Speaker 1: her health. That's not a big it's not a big deal.

527
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,440
Speaker 1: It's not a biggie. That's not a big it's no biggie.

528
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:55,239
Speaker 1: But also not zero chance that these might be some

529
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: of the last family holidays we have with her. My

530
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 1: mom thinks I'm putting turkey over my family, and I'm

531
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:05,120
Speaker 1: not so sure anymore. Am I the a hole?

532
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:09,120
Speaker 5: We can you know, compromise, Like, okay, we can make

533
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 5: some dishes, but all my dishes being vegan, I'm out edit.

534
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 1: WHOA this blew up? So the answers to some common

535
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,199
Speaker 1: questions here. As I said, I have already offered to

536
00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,920
Speaker 1: make sure that there is a main dish and size

537
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 1: they can eat. Mark and Pam will not show up

538
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,560
Speaker 1: if anyone else eats meat at this meal. If any

539
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 1: meat is served to anyone, they won't come. Okay, you're

540
00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 1: not coming, It's that easy. During multiple meals that day

541
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: or across days is a no go. I am a

542
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:44,000
Speaker 1: newly minted care physician and at an understaffed hospital during

543
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,719
Speaker 1: a major holiday week, and I have a limited window

544
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,320
Speaker 1: of time between shifts. I have time for one gathering,

545
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,520
Speaker 1: and I would rather not waste it being a miserable

546
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 1: one like last year. Mark and Pam can host because

547
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: they live in a van at present. Sorry Mark and

548
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 1: Pam in their doing what they what they can. I'm

549
00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,400
Speaker 1: also willing to not have them in my kitchen for hours,

550
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 1: witching about the meat in my fridge, the cook wear,

551
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,880
Speaker 1: the utensils, and whatever else they can find to complain about.

552
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:15,120
Speaker 1: The time it would take for them to come, eat,

553
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 1: socialized for a couple of hours and leave is the

554
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,480
Speaker 1: maximum I'm willing to let them be in my home,

555
00:26:21,760 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 1: although it would admittedly be interesting to watch them try

556
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: and host a family Thanksgiving out of a van.

557
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 5: You can do that, that would be you just pull

558
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 5: the van up to like a park.

559
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 1: Now, it's very unlikely that my mom is going to

560
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 1: pass away anytime soon. It's just a non zero chance.

561
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: She's understandably worried about it and is in the pessimism

562
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:43,439
Speaker 1: stage of grieving her health. She has a good prognosis,

563
00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: and most people with her condition pull through it and

564
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: live for a long time afterwards. If it is, by

565
00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:51,479
Speaker 1: some chance the last Thanksgiving. I don't think a repeat

566
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 1: of last year's Thanksgiving would do her any good either,

567
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: as everyone left that table unsatisfied and unhappy.

568
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:02,400
Speaker 5: You've justized sounds like the worst way to spend time

569
00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 5: at a table, So we have.

570
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,719
Speaker 1: A next edit. A possible situation to this that I

571
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,479
Speaker 1: came up with while talking to my partner is to

572
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 1: just work through Thanksgiving instead. The attending on shift that

573
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,000
Speaker 1: day would probably be happy to stay home, so swapping

574
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 1: wouldn't be hard. Mom would be sad about canceling, but

575
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,480
Speaker 1: she knows my job is demanding and saving, and I'm

576
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 1: saving lives so she won't be upset. Mark and Pam

577
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:29,719
Speaker 1: can punt rocks. To be honest, eating hospital turkey between

578
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:35,160
Speaker 1: emergencies sounds better than my family thanks saving right now, Dade,

579
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:37,200
Speaker 1: I've heard say that hospital food is actually really good.

580
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 1: Obie says, I'll have to turn it over some more

581
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,120
Speaker 1: and think about it. At number two, problem mostly solved

582
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 1: right here we go. Mostly. Dad finally hit a critical

583
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 1: mass and told Mark that if he doesn't get his

584
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: butt here on Thanksgiving to support Mom unconditionally, without a

585
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: single complaint or argument the entire time he was disowning

586
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,240
Speaker 1: and disinheriting him, the next time he needed money or help,

587
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: he could forget it.

588
00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 5: Mark is theoretically coming to Thanksgiving. Pam is not. Dad

589
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 5: has already ordered the turkey. The recipes Pam sent are

590
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,960
Speaker 5: ridiculously complicated, So I worked out a deal with one

591
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 5: of the nurses at work who is vegan. She is

592
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 5: going to make a couple of her favorite dishes ahead

593
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 5: of time that I can bake the day of for Mark.

594
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:26,080
Speaker 5: We'll see if he actually manages to show up. Verdict

595
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:29,560
Speaker 5: was not the a hole. We have some relevant comments.

596
00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:33,879
Speaker 5: Jdbug xd says my aunt was vegan. She brought her

597
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 5: own meals to family gatherings. Why can't they do the same,

598
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 5: not the a whole exactly, OPI says. They object to

599
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:44,959
Speaker 5: participating in anything that involves meat. They won't even go

600
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 5: to non vegetarian restaurants. They're really extreme about it. Op

601
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:54,080
Speaker 5: was called out on calling their brother weird. Opie replies,

602
00:28:54,480 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 5: I'm calling his college friends weird because they were legit weird.

603
00:29:00,040 --> 00:29:01,120
Speaker 1: Ended up joining a cult.

604
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 5: One believed in drinking urine his medicine. One had moldy

605
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 5: white people, dreads not not delicious, and one of them

606
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 5: tried to recruit me into his polycule when I was eighteen.

607
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 5: I'm contemptuous of my brother because he roundly deserves contempt.

608
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,400
Speaker 1: All right, Shakespeare, go off.

609
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 5: He's a self righteous, entitled freeloader that spends his life

610
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 5: being angry at everyone for ridiculous reasons, has barely ever

611
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 5: had a job or contributed anything to society, and blames

612
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 5: everyone else for anything bad that happens to him due

613
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:41,000
Speaker 5: to his own stupid life choices. And we have an

614
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 5: update Thanksgiving with the vegan beother update. That's how it

615
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 5: was spelled. That's how it was spelled. Oh, and the

616
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 5: next line says brother not be other. So I love

617
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:56,400
Speaker 5: how that's cleared up.

618
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 1: Thank you for me.

619
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 5: People have been asking and I'm finally out from under

620
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 5: the balls to the walls madness at work for a

621
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 5: little bit. So buckle up, folks, I have a story.

622
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 5: I go so recap. Mom is sick, wanted a nice

623
00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 5: family Thanksgiving at my house since it used to be

624
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,800
Speaker 5: the family house and their new place is small. Vegan

625
00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 5: brother and his girlfriend refused to come unless the whole

626
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 5: meal was vegan or vegetarian like, no meat allowed for anyone.

627
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 5: I'm not okay with being blackmailed over food in my

628
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 5: own home. It was upsetting my mom enough that before Thanksgiving,

629
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 5: my dad called my brother and told him that if

630
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 5: he did not show up to Thanksgiving, support my mom

631
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 5: and be pleasant to everyone without a single comment about food,

632
00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 5: he was disowned. My brother agreed to come, his girlfriend

633
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,640
Speaker 5: opted out. At the time my dad and I planned

634
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 5: the meal. I made sure there were plenty of vegetable

635
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 5: dishes available and made a deal with a vegan nurse

636
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 5: at work to make me a couple of vegan cast

637
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 5: roles that I I could bake for my brother. My

638
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 5: mom was happy and it was looking like everything was solved.

639
00:31:06,200 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 5: My brother arrived the night before Thanksgiving with his girlfriend

640
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,959
Speaker 5: after all, in their van, which they live in. This

641
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:17,640
Speaker 5: was unplanned, the girlfriend being here and their van and

642
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 5: all that, but at least they showed up. They intended

643
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 5: to camp in my yard, I told them, and absolutely not.

644
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 5: They asked if they could stay in my guest room then,

645
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 5: and I said that I had not planned for them

646
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 5: to stay there, and given their previous behavior, I thought

647
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 5: it best if they went and got a hotel room. Plus,

648
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 5: they have a large breed dog with them, and I

649
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 5: don't have a fenced yard and I don't want the

650
00:31:38,480 --> 00:31:40,720
Speaker 5: dog to be in the house. They can't afford a

651
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,239
Speaker 5: hotel room, he calls mom. The community my parents live

652
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 5: in does not allow overnight guests under fifty, so they

653
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 5: can't sleep there. I'm sorry, has no one ever heard

654
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 5: of breaking the rules? To end the debate, I pay

655
00:31:56,840 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 5: for a hotel room and a law and allow the

656
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,720
Speaker 5: dog to hang out in the garage for the night

657
00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 5: because the hotel doesn't accept pets that large that aren't

658
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 5: service animals. Thanksgiving Day, my parents come over, other family

659
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,440
Speaker 5: members and my partner come early to hang out and

660
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 5: everything is going fine. Brother and girlfriend roll up at

661
00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:20,480
Speaker 5: about eleven. They both smell strongly of the Devil's lettuce,

662
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 5: which is not legal here, which makes things awkward from

663
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 5: the start. Girlfriend comes into the kitchen to help even

664
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 5: though everything is almost done, and starts taking picks with

665
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 5: her phone without permission and telling my very southern great aunt,

666
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 5: who's been cooking since God was a child, how to

667
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,600
Speaker 5: make corn bread dressing the right way aka the vegan way.

668
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 1: That's such a funny line. Who's been kicking who's cooking

669
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:48,800
Speaker 1: since God was a child? Several bless your hearts.

670
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 5: Later, girlfriend is firmly escorted to the living room instead

671
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 5: since she's a guest. Meanwhile, my brother has cornered my partner,

672
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,040
Speaker 5: who is also in the medical field and has the

673
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 5: patients of a saint about his vaccine conspiracies, and my

674
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 5: dad is just letting it happen because at least he's

675
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 5: not talking about food. Finally, we're ready to eat. Everyone

676
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 5: is making a plate. Girlfriend asks a million questions about

677
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,479
Speaker 5: ingredients and then just gets small portions of two side dishes,

678
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:22,560
Speaker 5: not even the actual vegan dishes made by my vegan friend.

679
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 5: My brother eats all the vegetable dishes, but comments about

680
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 5: our girlfriend makes them better. I noticed girlfriend gets up

681
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:30,840
Speaker 5: to go to the bathroom a lot, and at one

682
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 5: point she's gone for a while, so I go check

683
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:36,520
Speaker 5: on her to make sure she's okay. Y'all, this woman

684
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 5: was filming a TikTok video for her channel in my bedroom.

685
00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:47,520
Speaker 1: Oops. I was speechless. She apologized, and she said I.

686
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 5: Thought this was the guest room and I just needed

687
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 5: a minute away from the smell of meat. I told

688
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 5: her to stop and go downstairs. In that sense, it's

689
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,440
Speaker 5: illegal here to record video on private property without the

690
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 5: owner's permission. If she posted anything she recorded in my house,

691
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 5: I would press charges. After we were done eating, my

692
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,319
Speaker 5: brother pulled me off to the side and told me

693
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 5: that I was a witch for threatening his girlfriend. My

694
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,440
Speaker 5: partner happened to be close enough to hear and apparently

695
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 5: told my dad. Dad asked my brother to help with

696
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 5: something outside for a minute. I don't know what was said.

697
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:24,799
Speaker 5: My brother came back in looking pissed, reminded girlfriend that they.

698
00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:26,280
Speaker 1: Needed to head back to be traffic.

699
00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:29,360
Speaker 5: Say said goodbye to mom, and they left in a hurry,

700
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 5: so much of a hurry that they forgot the dog,

701
00:34:32,560 --> 00:34:35,840
Speaker 5: who was still out in the garage, and by the

702
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 5: time my brother answered a call, he was so worked up.

703
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 5: He cussed me out and told me to just keep

704
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 5: the dog since I had to have everything my way,

705
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 5: and his girlfriend was yelling in the background when he

706
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 5: hung up. My mom either completely missed what was going

707
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 5: on or is pretending she doesn't know so we don't

708
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,000
Speaker 5: have to talk about it, but she said she had

709
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,920
Speaker 5: a good Thanksgiving and it was nice to have everyone together.

710
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 5: My dad hasn't said anything about what he told my brother,

711
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:04,799
Speaker 5: but he wants to take Mom to the beach for

712
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:07,880
Speaker 5: Christmas and asked if my partner and I wanted to

713
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:10,719
Speaker 5: go without saying anything about it to.

714
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 1: My brother and his girlfriend.

715
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 5: And by the way, you can tell your brother, tell

716
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:19,800
Speaker 5: your girlfriend, tell your parents, tell him about the full

717
00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 5: episodes with stories just like this that they can find

718
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:28,320
Speaker 5: on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and iHeart app and wherever

719
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 5: you listen to podcasts, just search Okay story Time and the.

720
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: Complete archive is in the poem of your hand. That's right.

721
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 5: My cousin checked up on girlfriend's channel and says that

722
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,200
Speaker 5: she's posted videos, but they're from the hotel. The night

723
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:47,680
Speaker 5: before and the van afterwards, so at least she has

724
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 5: the sense to be warned. I've sent messages, and so

725
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,279
Speaker 5: have my dad and partner offering to try to get

726
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:56,840
Speaker 5: the dog back to them, but so far neither of

727
00:35:56,880 --> 00:35:59,959
Speaker 5: them are talking. I don't want to take the poor

728
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,359
Speaker 5: thing to the shelter. It's not his fault and he's

729
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,720
Speaker 5: not a bad dog. He's just big and excitable. Oh

730
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 5: and we have some relevant comments here from Milo g

731
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 5: I Z. Is there a way that you can keep

732
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 5: the dog or find him a good home. I will

733
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:20,239
Speaker 5: tell brother dear that he and his girlfriend is no

734
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:24,320
Speaker 5: longer welcome at my house. Uh Op says my partner

735
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:27,880
Speaker 5: has pack bonded to the dog at this point, and

736
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,279
Speaker 5: the plan was to move here in January anyway, So

737
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 5: now we have a new dog. He seems to be

738
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,440
Speaker 5: enjoying his escape from van life so far, and that

739
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:37,359
Speaker 5: is the end of that story.

740
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

741
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 5: I was gonna say, you have a big dog, dude,

742
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:42,680
Speaker 5: you can't keep a big dog in a van and

743
00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:44,759
Speaker 5: you're poison. Tonic in the comments says, yeah, they don't

744
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 5: want a dog in a van.

745
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,080
Speaker 1: John here og host, We're gonna get back to these stories,

746
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:52,480
Speaker 1: but a quick three minute break from house from our sponsors.

747
00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 3: My girlfriend expects too much of me financially. I don't

748
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 3: think we will work.

749
00:36:57,080 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 1: Hey, what do I look like, mister monopoly man?

750
00:36:59,000 --> 00:36:59,200
Speaker 2: Are we?

751
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:00,439
Speaker 1: Hey?

752
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 3: My girlfriend and I are coming up on the one

753
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,000
Speaker 3: year mark, and that's brought with it some conversations of

754
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,400
Speaker 3: our futures and our future together. Something that came to

755
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,280
Speaker 3: light in a casual discussion was how we have completely

756
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 3: different expectations of financial and household management. How it would

757
00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,760
Speaker 3: and should work. By the way, this comes from taway

758
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,440
Speaker 3: zero two four five six three two eight, and if

759
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

760
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 3: our social Okay story times uprend it.

761
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 2: So.

762
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:26,560
Speaker 3: I think that we should be contributing equally and get

763
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 3: equal say and financial decisions. This probably wouldn't be too

764
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:33,160
Speaker 3: easy and we would both need to work hard except compromises.

765
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 3: She has a simpler plan. She should be one hundred

766
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 3: percent in control of everything. Her view would be that

767
00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:42,160
Speaker 3: I would reroute my paychecks into an account in her name,

768
00:37:42,239 --> 00:37:44,440
Speaker 3: and she would pay all bills out of that, and

769
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,839
Speaker 3: I might be given an allowance. This isn't the first

770
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,000
Speaker 3: time that she's brought this idea up it was mentioned

771
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,440
Speaker 3: very casually about six months ago. I assumed that it

772
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:53,520
Speaker 3: was some sort of joke because it was just too

773
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 3: ludicrous to believe. She's angry with me now for disagreeing

774
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 3: with this plan, because she says that we've talked about it,

775
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:01,800
Speaker 3: and because I did object to that meant I agree.

776
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,879
Speaker 3: Her point of view is that this is just how

777
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 3: marriages work in China. It's how her parents divorced acrimoniously

778
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:10,279
Speaker 3: did it, and that she can't imagine any other way.

779
00:38:10,360 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 3: My point of view is that marriage should be a

780
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,839
Speaker 3: partnership and we should be looking for a compromise as

781
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 3: equitable as possibly.

782
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 5: Pause for one second, because I don't know what acrimoniously means.

783
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:23,400
Speaker 4: Acrimonious is an adjective that is used to describe something

784
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 4: that is bitter, sharp or cauters in nature.

785
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,719
Speaker 3: I won't be giving up one hundred percent of my

786
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,960
Speaker 3: financial freedom under any circumstances. I am not Chinese, we're

787
00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 3: not in China, and she's more than happy to adopt

788
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 3: Western standards for things that suit her. I have another

789
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 3: concern that she feels that she needs to send money

790
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 3: home to support her parents in retirement. This is another

791
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,319
Speaker 3: cultural difference that I'm having trouble accepting. My parents are

792
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,680
Speaker 3: lower middle class and have worked their entire lives with

793
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 3: their eyes on retirement savings, and are now approaching retirement

794
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 3: with good pension. My girlfriend's parents, who I've not met,

795
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 3: seem to be very well off pediatric surgeon and an

796
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,840
Speaker 3: owner of a successful business. But from what my girlfriend

797
00:38:56,840 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 3: has told me, they're very far from frugal and don't

798
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 3: have any retirement plans beyond having their daughters send them

799
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 3: money in support. I'm not crazy about the idea of

800
00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 3: using our money, which should be supporting our family and future,

801
00:39:08,560 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 3: to prop up their lifestyles. Right now, we seem to

802
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 3: be at an impasse. Does anyone have experience of similar

803
00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:17,840
Speaker 3: cultural clashes who might be able to offer guidance ps

804
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:20,600
Speaker 3: some information that is probably relevant. We don't live together,

805
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,640
Speaker 3: though we spend almost all of our time together in

806
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 3: her place. She owns her house, I run a flat.

807
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,280
Speaker 3: We both work and are reasonably successful. I switched careers

808
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 3: a couple of years ago, and I'm getting out of

809
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 3: an entry level work now. I expect my salary to

810
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:35,840
Speaker 3: increase significantly over the next five years. She has reached

811
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 3: VP level in her career, but has suffered a setback

812
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,840
Speaker 3: after being driven out of one company. She's started a

813
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 3: new job at a lower pay grade, but with much

814
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:46,319
Speaker 3: better prospects. Overall, I would guess that she earns more

815
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 3: than me now and will continue to do so throughout

816
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 3: our careers unless I hit lottery level odds with a

817
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:56,200
Speaker 3: successful startup, but not by integer multiple pps. Also, we're

818
00:39:56,239 --> 00:39:58,279
Speaker 3: not in China. We live in London, UK. I'm from

819
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,760
Speaker 3: another country in northern Europe. Was was born and raised

820
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 3: in Shanghai and was sent to school in England as

821
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:06,520
Speaker 3: a teenager. Her parents and both their news spouses are

822
00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:09,600
Speaker 3: still in Shanghai, and there are some comments. A side note,

823
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,880
Speaker 3: the wife controlling all income with an allowance to the

824
00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,920
Speaker 3: husband is also a Japanese thing, probably something to do

825
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:17,400
Speaker 3: with women being in charge of the household. The supporting

826
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:19,800
Speaker 3: parents an old age thing is very much a Chinese

827
00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,000
Speaker 3: slash Asian culture thing, so much so that China relaxed

828
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 3: the one child policy partially because it was causing issues

829
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,759
Speaker 3: with caring for seniors in retirement. I strongly suspect that

830
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:32,360
Speaker 3: what you and your girlfriend have are incompatible cultural mores.

831
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 3: If you can't agree to compromise, you'd better be splitting nap.

832
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,839
Speaker 3: Some things are never going to work themselves out, and

833
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:42,240
Speaker 3: someone else responds, you were absolutely right. Whenever these threads

834
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,359
Speaker 3: come up, there are inevitably a ton of comments from

835
00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 3: people saying, screw culture. They are at inex country. She

836
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,439
Speaker 3: needs to realize that what she wants is crazy, et cetera,

837
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 3: et cetera. And I never understand that she literally has

838
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,879
Speaker 3: spent thirty years of having her cultural ideas drilled into

839
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 3: her head by family, friends, TV, the Internet, et cetera.

840
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 3: She's not crazy to want those things. They are reasonably

841
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,920
Speaker 3: things that are done where she grew up that she

842
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,279
Speaker 3: is now comfortable with, and she's not going to just

843
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 3: magically change her mind. I'm currently in a mixed relationship.

844
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:14,280
Speaker 3: I'm why my boyfriend is Chinese, and it's not always easy.

845
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 3: There are definitely things that we have in the past

846
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 3: disagreed about and some that we still do disagree about. Heck,

847
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 3: we see a therapist who specializes in Chinese cultural issues.

848
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 3: I can seep getting some compromises out of this if

849
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,959
Speaker 3: he can get his girlfriend to communicate, but I don't

850
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 3: think it will happen without him making compromises.

851
00:41:31,239 --> 00:41:31,399
Speaker 1: Too.

852
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 3: Perhaps on the money being sent home, he tries to

853
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 3: suggest that she can do that out of her own

854
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 3: free and spending money budget, or if he's concerned about

855
00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,000
Speaker 3: the money going to the right things, they only send

856
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 3: necessary gifts and pay for plane tickets to see family,

857
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,839
Speaker 3: other things that aren't wasteful. On the money management thing,

858
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 3: perhaps they have two accounts, a joint one and one

859
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 3: for him. It doesn't sound like she wants one, and

860
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 3: he gets a certain budget in his personal account for

861
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 3: his own stuff automatically from direct deposit or whatever. That's

862
00:41:58,520 --> 00:42:01,440
Speaker 3: really just a modification of the three account system that

863
00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:05,000
Speaker 3: a lot of people use successfully. Op responds, I appreciate

864
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,200
Speaker 3: the feedback, but I'd just like to point out that

865
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 3: quote she literally has spent thirty years having her cultural

866
00:42:10,280 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 3: ideas drilled into her head by family, friends, TV, the

867
00:42:12,719 --> 00:42:15,279
Speaker 3: Internet isn't strictly true. She moved to England in her

868
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 3: early teens and has lived here now for more than

869
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 3: half of her life. Her social circle is very diverse, white, Black, Asian.

870
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:23,920
Speaker 3: She has dated mostly non Chinese before me, so it's

871
00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 3: not like she has no experience or knowledge of other cultures.

872
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 3: Comment Heren number two says, question for you what handbag

873
00:42:29,960 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 3: does she carry? If she has many and uses expensive

874
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:38,320
Speaker 3: brands like Gucci, Loutan, Hermes, et cetera. Money is going

875
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 3: to always be an issue no matter how much you make.

876
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 3: So is she a PASHI. If not, then at least

877
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:47,120
Speaker 3: materialism isn't important. But she is a VP, so I

878
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,479
Speaker 3: can't doubt it. OHPI says yeah, actually that's pretty much

879
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:54,840
Speaker 3: exactly her handbag collection, a Hermes and everything.

880
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,879
Speaker 5: They brought up that she's a VP. And there's something

881
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,960
Speaker 5: I didn't say earlier. Why was she ousted from her

882
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:00,800
Speaker 5: previous company?

883
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 3: So I was wondering too. It's that like her job

884
00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:06,319
Speaker 3: now is like small, like smaller, but then.

885
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:08,120
Speaker 1: She's going to work her way up, more room to grow.

886
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,440
Speaker 3: But she's a VP. That doesn't feel like she's.

887
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:10,839
Speaker 1: Still the VP.

888
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 4: She was one and she's not one.

889
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 5: Maybe maybe I think maybe she was like whatever, that's

890
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:16,880
Speaker 5: all just a guess.

891
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 1: I just want to say.

892
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 3: She's got money. Then I would suggest the following compromise.

893
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:23,080
Speaker 3: See if she could agree in long term to keeping

894
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:26,520
Speaker 3: finances separate, but each party pays their share of household expenses.

895
00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 3: If she has expensive tastes, then you'll resent it. If

896
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 3: the money is pooled and you are more thrifty. If

897
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 3: bank accounts were separate, then she could give what she

898
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:35,840
Speaker 3: wanted to her parents without you feeling like it was

899
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 3: a different standard than with yours. Com Mutre number three says,

900
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:41,560
Speaker 3: say that maybe there are cultural reasons for it in China,

901
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 3: but that isn't the culture that you've grown up with,

902
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 3: and it's not the culture that you currently live in.

903
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,800
Speaker 3: I'm assuming you're not in China, and you think because

904
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 3: this is how it's done in China is not enough

905
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 3: of a reason say you won't do it. And she

906
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,360
Speaker 3: needs to decide if a cultural issue like this is

907
00:43:54,400 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 3: one that she's willing to lose a previously perfectly happy

908
00:43:58,040 --> 00:43:58,839
Speaker 3: relationship over.

909
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,280
Speaker 5: First of all, I doubt that that's a crazy assumption

910
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 5: to just be like, oh, yeah, your relationship just been

911
00:44:02,719 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 5: entirely perfect entirely for one year.

912
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:06,640
Speaker 1: I doubt that act. Yeah, I very much doubt that.

913
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 5: I think maybe this is like first big red flag,

914
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:11,920
Speaker 5: and there's probably a bunch of littler ones that Opie

915
00:44:11,960 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 5: never saw. I bet you his girlfriends hot successful vice

916
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 5: president girlfriend.

917
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 3: Yeah she's into you. Yeah, Okay, he's rolling with it.

918
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:24,640
Speaker 3: OHP says we're not in China. I added a ps

919
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,640
Speaker 3: to the post to clarify that every other time she's

920
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:29,320
Speaker 3: insisted on things being a certain way because it's her culture,

921
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 3: I've just gone with the flow, even if I think

922
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,320
Speaker 3: it's annoying. It's upsetting her greatly that I am pushing

923
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 3: back on this point. Her response is that she just

924
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 3: can't imagine doing things any other way. As someone responds,

925
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:43,200
Speaker 3: so compromise really isn't in her vocabulary. That's bad.

926
00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:45,600
Speaker 5: Exactly, you need to be like you need to imagine

927
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:46,800
Speaker 5: not being with me then.

928
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, Op says. It's mostly little stuff. She wants

929
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,800
Speaker 3: me to hold her handbag, umbrella, shopping bags, anything.

930
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:53,120
Speaker 2: Really.

931
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 3: I boxed at this at first, but in her words,

932
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:57,840
Speaker 3: I can't imagine carrying things when I have you to

933
00:44:57,880 --> 00:44:58,600
Speaker 3: do it for me.

934
00:44:58,840 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

935
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,080
Speaker 5: See, like I hope, what a perfect relationship, right right,

936
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 5: And this has been clearly I don't really.

937
00:45:04,719 --> 00:45:07,160
Speaker 3: Like being treated like a pack mule, but it didn't

938
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 3: seem worth having a fight over. She insists that when

939
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 3: walking down the street, I walk closer to the road

940
00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:14,720
Speaker 3: than she does as protection. I don't really care about

941
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 3: this at all, except to think it's quite silly.

942
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 1: That's not silly.

943
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 5: I do that.

944
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:18,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a thing.

945
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 1: I feel like these couple is dangerous.

946
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 3: I think Riley did that. Actually. When I met Riley,

947
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 3: I was like with a couple of my friends and

948
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 3: when we were like walking down the street, he we

949
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:29,879
Speaker 3: were like all walking, we crossed the street or something

950
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 3: like that, and he specifically went around all of us

951
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 3: and then went next to the road. It's like, it's

952
00:45:33,960 --> 00:45:36,480
Speaker 3: not going to actually do much when you think about it,

953
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 3: but it's like it's it's a nice like it's a

954
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 3: really nice gesture at the very least. And I remember

955
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 3: my mom doing that to me when I was a kid.

956
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,360
Speaker 3: I've had to insist that I don't pay for everything

957
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 3: we do as a couple. She would expect that while

958
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:49,279
Speaker 3: I'm around. She never paid for anything at all. After

959
00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:51,320
Speaker 3: a few weeks of that at the start of the relationship,

960
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 3: I had to put my foot down about splitting bills

961
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 3: more equitably. She still seems upset every time I ask

962
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:57,799
Speaker 3: her a chip in for a meal or whatever, and

963
00:45:57,840 --> 00:45:59,839
Speaker 3: I probably end up paying the majority of our ex

964
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 3: I guess about seventy percent.

965
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:03,279
Speaker 4: Pawning off date.

966
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,680
Speaker 5: She just needs to start pawning those channel bags, the

967
00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 5: channel bags, all that channels and all that Hermes and

968
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:11,040
Speaker 5: all that Lewis Vitan needs to go.

969
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:14,279
Speaker 3: You can definitely get lost of money from I don't know.

970
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 3: It's all on deepop Man.

971
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 5: People who make a lot of money are free to

972
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,280
Speaker 5: buy whatever they want with it, right, it's your money.

973
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 5: But like to unilaterally decide in a relationship, we're merging finances.

974
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 5: You maybe get an allowance, and we're sending most of

975
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,239
Speaker 5: your money to my parents, who is by the way,

976
00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 5: there are doctors and they actually don't need any of

977
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:33,600
Speaker 5: your money.

978
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, they just spend all of theirs.

979
00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:37,920
Speaker 3: Yeah. I feel like the things that he is bringing

980
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 3: up though, because those are like valid things that I

981
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,920
Speaker 3: do think they're still not supposed to be together. But honestly,

982
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,600
Speaker 3: like these little things that she's bringing up about like

983
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 3: paying for stuff and holding things and whatever, it's interesting

984
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 3: because those are like general not expectations, I guess, but

985
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 3: but yeah, expectations, like that's kind of a part of

986
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:58,360
Speaker 3: general like relationship culture. But I think a very good

987
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 3: thing to keep in mind though, is like sure it

988
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 3: would be nice, but you have to like still offer

989
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:06,160
Speaker 3: to pitch in at the very least. Anyway we do

990
00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 3: have an update. First, I'd like to thank everyone for

991
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:11,319
Speaker 3: their feedback from my previous post. It gave me a

992
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,239
Speaker 3: lot to think about about the strong cultural differences between us,

993
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:17,320
Speaker 3: and about some specific personal issues too. On sending money

994
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 3: to her parents and felial piety in general. I decided

995
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 3: that I didn't really have any claim on how she

996
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 3: spent money on her family, and the cultural institution was

997
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:27,799
Speaker 3: too deeply ingrained to try and tackle it. So long

998
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 3: as we had separate income and savings, I think it

999
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 3: makes sense for her to fulfill her duty to her

1000
00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 3: parents if she sees fit on a wife controlling all finances.

1001
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:37,439
Speaker 3: There seemed to be much less consensus as to whether

1002
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 3: or not that was normal or the done thing. In

1003
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:41,840
Speaker 3: spite of some people thinking that it might be a

1004
00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:44,719
Speaker 3: good idea, I definitely still was not on board. It

1005
00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,720
Speaker 3: also annoyed me how we were splitting bills was heavily

1006
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 3: you waited against me, but she still made me feel

1007
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:53,399
Speaker 3: guilty anytime I asked her to pay for anything. Then

1008
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 3: something that I didn't ask about but came up anyway.

1009
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:58,680
Speaker 3: It was how we shared responsibilities in the relationship. Outside

1010
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:01,560
Speaker 3: of money, she has various civic and strict ideas about

1011
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:03,799
Speaker 3: what I guess you would call chivalry, and her view

1012
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 3: men should treat the women like princesses all the time,

1013
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:10,280
Speaker 3: harry handbags, umbrellas, shopping, opening doors, walking on the right side,

1014
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:13,360
Speaker 3: paying for everything, obviously taking up as little room in

1015
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:16,440
Speaker 3: bed as possible. Also on the list of chivalrous things

1016
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,239
Speaker 3: is cooking meals and cleaning her flat. There have been

1017
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 3: a few examples of her being careless about my money.

1018
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 3: The worst was a few months ago where we were

1019
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:25,840
Speaker 3: due to take a trip to my home country. A

1020
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 3: week before. We got into a fight and she told

1021
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:30,840
Speaker 3: me to cancel our accommodation reservation. I thought this was

1022
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:32,959
Speaker 3: the first step in a breakup, which at the time

1023
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:36,920
Speaker 3: horrified me. I canceled the reservation and begged her to reconsider.

1024
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 3: After I apologize and she got over her anger, she

1025
00:48:39,440 --> 00:48:41,759
Speaker 3: was shocked to learn that we had nowhere to stay

1026
00:48:41,760 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 3: for our holiday. In the end, I booked a much

1027
00:48:43,880 --> 00:48:46,880
Speaker 3: more expensive last minute hotel on the understanding that we

1028
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 3: would split the costs. Months later, she still hasn't paid

1029
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 3: me back, and she sulks every time I bring it up.

1030
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:54,399
Speaker 3: All of this made me start to look at her

1031
00:48:54,480 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 3: and how she spent the money.

1032
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:56,439
Speaker 4: In a new light.

1033
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 3: Shout out to one of the commenters for predicting almost

1034
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 3: exactly which brands of handbags she owned. Yes, I did

1035
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 3: some research on her favorite bags and shoes and scarves,

1036
00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,720
Speaker 3: and at a guest I would say she spent about

1037
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:11,719
Speaker 3: thirty thousand pounds worth of luxury goods as she liked

1038
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:14,720
Speaker 3: to wear and carry off. I had no idea clothes

1039
00:49:14,760 --> 00:49:18,080
Speaker 3: and accessories could cost so much money. I'm not exactly

1040
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 3: anti materialist, but I was shocked by this. I figured

1041
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 3: that spending habits would have to be part of any

1042
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:25,879
Speaker 3: conversation on our futures together. I didn't want to give

1043
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 3: up on what I thought was a good relationship just yet,

1044
00:49:28,239 --> 00:49:30,239
Speaker 3: so I decided to take a risk and open up

1045
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:32,720
Speaker 3: to her about my financials. I showed her a summary

1046
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:36,960
Speaker 3: of my income, expenditure, budget, and savings. This was a mistake.

1047
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:39,839
Speaker 3: She pretty much immediately started talking about what we could

1048
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:42,680
Speaker 3: buy with my savings and saying that I wasn't earning

1049
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 3: enough money, so I should stop messing around with computers

1050
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,040
Speaker 3: and go back to working in finance, which is not

1051
00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 3: going to happen. I tried to explain to her that

1052
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:51,879
Speaker 3: I was showing her this so that she could see

1053
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 3: how I lived my life and how savings were for

1054
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:57,440
Speaker 3: the future, not so she could plan to expand her lifestyle.

1055
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 2: Now. We went on for hours back and forth.

1056
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 3: I think somebody called it in the last thread, but

1057
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:04,919
Speaker 3: she really did think what's yours is mine, and what's

1058
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:07,399
Speaker 3: mine is mine. I don't even know if she ever

1059
00:50:07,480 --> 00:50:09,600
Speaker 3: came to understand how I would have a problem with that.

1060
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:11,960
Speaker 3: It seemed so natural to her that I think she

1061
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:14,279
Speaker 3: couldn't even see my side of things. I did learn

1062
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 3: that she doesn't have any money saved at all. She

1063
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,120
Speaker 3: does earn a lot, but she feels that she has

1064
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 3: to send any money left over at the end of

1065
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:23,319
Speaker 3: the month back to her parents. That's why she lives

1066
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,480
Speaker 3: an extravagant lifestyle, buying luxury goods. If she doesn't have

1067
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,560
Speaker 3: any money, then she doesn't have to send it back.

1068
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 3: I still don't really know what financial situation her parents

1069
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:33,960
Speaker 3: are in. Her parents might not even need the money

1070
00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 3: for all I know, but they all feel that her

1071
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,360
Speaker 3: sending it has to happen. The next morning, she asked

1072
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:40,239
Speaker 3: me to move to Singapore with her. She wanted to

1073
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,520
Speaker 3: take closer to her parents and since we were planning

1074
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 3: our futures together. This pretty much blew my mind. I

1075
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:47,600
Speaker 3: was trying to figure out if there was anything left

1076
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:49,560
Speaker 3: to salvage our relationship. I'd built up a lot of

1077
00:50:49,600 --> 00:50:52,719
Speaker 3: resentment over being treated like a unique servant and being

1078
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 3: expected to hand over all my money for the privilege.

1079
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 3: She thought that was a good time for us to

1080
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 3: move to the other side of the world, so I

1081
00:50:59,360 --> 00:51:01,480
Speaker 3: told her that I was breaking up with her. At

1082
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 3: this point, I don't know if the two of us

1083
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:05,360
Speaker 3: were ever on the same page about anything, because she

1084
00:51:05,560 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 3: never saw this coming. She was distraught and didn't know

1085
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:11,319
Speaker 3: why I was unhappy, and she'd do anything to keep me.

1086
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,560
Speaker 3: I was the best thing that ever happened to her.

1087
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:15,560
Speaker 3: I fell for this for a couple of days before

1088
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:18,319
Speaker 3: she got screaming angry at me for breaking a wine

1089
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:20,799
Speaker 3: glass while I was washing dishes. I'd argue that we

1090
00:51:20,800 --> 00:51:23,719
Speaker 3: were equally at fault. She demanded that I pay for it.

1091
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 3: Holy crap, how much money can a wine glass cost

1092
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 3: and apologize for being careless. I wish I could say

1093
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:32,759
Speaker 3: I did something cool like just leave cash on the

1094
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 3: table and walk out, but I argued back and got

1095
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:38,000
Speaker 3: dragged into the whole thing. I ended up replacing the

1096
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:40,839
Speaker 3: glass and apologizing. But the next morning I gathered all

1097
00:51:40,880 --> 00:51:43,000
Speaker 3: my stuff from her place and took it home before

1098
00:51:43,040 --> 00:51:45,200
Speaker 3: she woke up. I came back later, woke her up,

1099
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:47,279
Speaker 3: and told her that we had to break up. I

1100
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 3: had already explained all the reasons why last time we talked,

1101
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 3: and I was afraid that she would manipulate me into

1102
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:55,839
Speaker 3: staying again, so I walked out right after telling her

1103
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 3: A cowardly way to do it.

1104
00:51:57,280 --> 00:51:59,759
Speaker 1: I know, no, But you know what is.

1105
00:51:59,840 --> 00:52:03,720
Speaker 3: No cowardly and is extremely brave is going to Spotify,

1106
00:52:03,760 --> 00:52:07,400
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts or iHeartRadio or whatever your favorite podcast app

1107
00:52:07,480 --> 00:52:10,920
Speaker 3: is and searching. Okay, storytime, that was last weekend. Feeling

1108
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,680
Speaker 3: pretty numb with a lot of anger and resentment underneath

1109
00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:15,719
Speaker 3: the surface. Now that I'm away from her, I see

1110
00:52:15,760 --> 00:52:17,759
Speaker 3: that she treated me really badly for pretty much the

1111
00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,400
Speaker 3: whole relationship. I'm pissed at myself for not standing up

1112
00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,279
Speaker 3: to her and her tantrums and selfishness sooner. I don't

1113
00:52:23,320 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 3: know why I let her get away with it for

1114
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:29,440
Speaker 3: so long. And a quick note, my ex's Shanghai nies

1115
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:32,360
Speaker 3: not Singaporean. She wanted to move to Singapore to be

1116
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,359
Speaker 3: close enough to visit her family but still be able

1117
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:35,800
Speaker 3: to find high paying work in her.

1118
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 4: But Senator, I'm not Chinese, I'm Singaporean.

1119
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:38,880
Speaker 1: There is a difference.

1120
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:41,720
Speaker 3: He Anyway, that's the end of that story.

1121
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,240
Speaker 1: Sam here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories.

1122
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,240
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1123
00:52:47,239 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 4: First, my fiance's dream wedding is not what I want.

1124
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:53,440
Speaker 1: I want to run away, run forest run.

1125
00:52:53,960 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 4: So for context, op is twenty eight female and their

1126
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 4: partner is thirty two miles. I've always hated almost everything

1127
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:03,480
Speaker 4: about weddings and being the center of attention at events.

1128
00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 4: I could remember several events in my childhood that cemented this,

1129
00:53:06,719 --> 00:53:08,800
Speaker 4: being forced to be a flower girl for an uncle

1130
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,040
Speaker 4: and hating it as a small child, being forced to

1131
00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:14,760
Speaker 4: have large, fancy birthday parties by my father. Parents divorced.

1132
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 4: My mom respected my wishes on this stuff, my father

1133
00:53:17,360 --> 00:53:20,760
Speaker 4: did not, and it eventually caused a huge rift, et cetera.

1134
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from wedding problem throw and

1135
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:24,880
Speaker 4: if you want some of your own stories at all,

1136
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 4: our slash okay story tumps up redd So. I did

1137
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:30,440
Speaker 4: not want to walk at graduation high school or college

1138
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:34,040
Speaker 4: for similar reasons, and my father and other family members

1139
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:37,120
Speaker 4: blew up at me, et cetera. So similar things have

1140
00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 4: been an issue in my entire life. I think I'm

1141
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,200
Speaker 4: not shy or anything was as a kid, but I

1142
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 4: am an introvert, not being keen on being the center

1143
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:48,239
Speaker 4: of attention of any particular day. I don't want my day,

1144
00:53:48,440 --> 00:53:50,479
Speaker 4: and I really hate the whole idea of a wedding

1145
00:53:50,560 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 4: spotlight on me in any way, shape or form. I

1146
00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:58,920
Speaker 4: also hate a lot of marriage slash wedding traditions, diamonds, roses, thrill, lace,

1147
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:02,320
Speaker 4: cutesy stuff all day that, like clothes, matching clothes, et cetera.

1148
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:06,280
Speaker 4: I don't enjoy planning events or attending big events. Maybe

1149
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 4: relevant when I go to weddings, I'm always polite, but

1150
00:54:09,040 --> 00:54:11,040
Speaker 4: it's a bit of a misery for me, even as

1151
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:13,879
Speaker 4: a guest. I've repeatedly turned down being a bridesmaid as

1152
00:54:13,920 --> 00:54:16,719
Speaker 4: an adult and haven't since I was twenty one, and

1153
00:54:16,760 --> 00:54:18,759
Speaker 4: don't know how to get out of it. My significant

1154
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:20,879
Speaker 4: other has been on Groon'sman three times in the past

1155
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:23,200
Speaker 4: two years, and two of those weddings I was asked

1156
00:54:23,200 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 4: to be a bridesmaid. But declined. Both of those couples

1157
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 4: were a bit unhappy with me, but I stood firm.

1158
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:30,840
Speaker 4: I think this caused some awkwardness for my fiance. My

1159
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:34,560
Speaker 4: fiance is, by no means some great romantic traditionalists, or

1160
00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:37,960
Speaker 4: hasn't been prior. He's a pretty alternative person in terms

1161
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 4: of personality. In general, we both are as to romance.

1162
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,120
Speaker 4: We don't celebrate balance on's day, anniversaries, et cetera. We

1163
00:54:44,160 --> 00:54:46,919
Speaker 4: are romantic in our own ways, like I might think

1164
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 4: of him and buy a nerdy desk toy with a

1165
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 4: cute handwritten card just because, or he might make me

1166
00:54:53,239 --> 00:54:56,520
Speaker 4: a penny of some alien planets. I love that they're

1167
00:54:56,560 --> 00:54:59,080
Speaker 4: not from this Earth. I'm sorry, but these people they

1168
00:54:59,120 --> 00:55:00,839
Speaker 4: just don't function Earth, which is good.

1169
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 3: I love them so much.

1170
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 4: Who you are?

1171
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:03,399
Speaker 1: Really?

1172
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:04,600
Speaker 4: You really like this story?

1173
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:05,479
Speaker 1: I like it.

1174
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:09,600
Speaker 4: However, somehow my fiance is now becoming the we should

1175
00:55:09,640 --> 00:55:12,319
Speaker 4: do this because everyone dies wedding guy. It started with

1176
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 4: the ring. He wanted to buy me a diamond solitaire,

1177
00:55:15,600 --> 00:55:18,000
Speaker 4: but he knows I hate diamonds, so he didn't. He

1178
00:55:18,080 --> 00:55:21,719
Speaker 4: suggested a white sapphar, but those look basically like diamonds.

1179
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:24,799
Speaker 4: He thought it was a mental block. About diamonds or

1180
00:55:24,840 --> 00:55:28,480
Speaker 4: maybe an ethics issue. I suggested a plain band and

1181
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 4: no engagement ring. He vetoed. I found a vintage jewelry

1182
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:34,200
Speaker 4: on Etsy. I was kind of funky and fun and

1183
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 4: he said, none of them look like the engagement rings. True,

1184
00:55:37,080 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 4: that's the point. I don't like engagement rings. We settled

1185
00:55:39,960 --> 00:55:42,920
Speaker 4: on a compromise, an engagement looking ring with an emerald

1186
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 4: and a semi funky band, and I didn't have to

1187
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:49,720
Speaker 4: wear it daily, especially once we got married and got bands.

1188
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 4: I really didn't like it. However, any day when I

1189
00:55:52,680 --> 00:55:55,520
Speaker 4: don't wear it, I typically get the puffy puppy dog

1190
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:57,520
Speaker 4: eyes from him. I know it bothers him. He's not

1191
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,480
Speaker 4: rude about it, but it's how he feels. H in

1192
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 4: the wedding. We've always said we would Elope, but granted

1193
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:07,200
Speaker 4: the discussions weren't serious. They were offhand comments. He made

1194
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,719
Speaker 4: them as well and admits it. But we have been

1195
00:56:09,760 --> 00:56:11,960
Speaker 4: to quite a few weddings in the past two years

1196
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:14,920
Speaker 4: for friends, and he thinks one it would be rude

1197
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:17,839
Speaker 4: to them not to have an invite to invite them

1198
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:20,760
Speaker 4: to it, and after being in wedding parties and buying

1199
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 4: so many gifts for them, it's stupid not to have

1200
00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:25,440
Speaker 4: our own, never mind that the cost of the wedding

1201
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:28,520
Speaker 4: offsets the gifts entirely. I don't get either of those

1202
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:30,880
Speaker 4: reasons at all. Then he gave me one reason I

1203
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 4: do get. He wanted his family there. Sure of course

1204
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:35,840
Speaker 4: I get that. I wouldn't mind my mom and grandparents

1205
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 4: and favorite cousins there too. There are a few people

1206
00:56:38,560 --> 00:56:40,799
Speaker 4: I can see being good to be there, and I

1207
00:56:40,920 --> 00:56:43,400
Speaker 4: know that means inviting a few we don't care for.

1208
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,600
Speaker 4: As a compromise, we figured on a small, easy affair

1209
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,799
Speaker 4: of twenty or so guests. I invited eight guests, my mom,

1210
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 4: her new husband, my grandparents, my favorite cousin, her husband,

1211
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:55,840
Speaker 4: and one friend and her boyfriend. And then my significant

1212
00:56:55,840 --> 00:56:58,360
Speaker 4: other said no, I need to invite the rest of

1213
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:01,720
Speaker 4: my family, including my father who needed to give me away,

1214
00:57:02,120 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 4: never happening, especially the latter, and be anyone who ever

1215
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:09,600
Speaker 4: invited us to their wedding, plus anyone in those friend circles.

1216
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:12,600
Speaker 4: Plus he had seventeen family members already. Basically, the only

1217
00:57:12,680 --> 00:57:15,040
Speaker 4: thing we still agree on is a child free wedding,

1218
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 4: and that there has to be Booze also wants freely

1219
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:20,120
Speaker 4: fancy stuff he wants a higher budget. He's willing to

1220
00:57:20,160 --> 00:57:22,600
Speaker 4: pay more and makes a lot more money than me. Frankly,

1221
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 4: my mom is willing to pay too, but she also

1222
00:57:25,440 --> 00:57:27,400
Speaker 4: just give me the money for a house down payment.

1223
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:29,240
Speaker 4: He wants me to wear a y or a cream

1224
00:57:29,360 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 4: dress and a nice scown slash dress, not the kind

1225
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:35,680
Speaker 4: of knee link thing I want to do, and nothing funky.

1226
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:37,720
Speaker 4: He wants to wear a suit, which I never tell

1227
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 4: him what to wear, but this is just the justification

1228
00:57:40,560 --> 00:57:43,080
Speaker 4: or my level of dress. He wants to have bridesmaids

1229
00:57:43,080 --> 00:57:45,720
Speaker 4: and groomsmen. He wants to do it up basically, and

1230
00:57:45,800 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 4: the whole prospect is shutting me down. Every single day

1231
00:57:49,080 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 4: I think of leaving the ring box, packing my stuff

1232
00:57:52,240 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 4: and just running away. I love this man, I want

1233
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 4: to marry him and spend the rest of my life

1234
00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 4: with them, but I feel so bulldozed and disrespected right now.

1235
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:02,200
Speaker 4: I live overseas for years and have actually started eyeing

1236
00:58:02,240 --> 00:58:05,280
Speaker 4: those overseas jobs again. I haven't applied to anything yet,

1237
00:58:05,280 --> 00:58:08,360
Speaker 4: but I just constantly dream of escaping this wedding every

1238
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 4: time I try to share these thoughts with my significant other.

1239
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 4: I haven't mentioned the leaving thing yet, but I have

1240
00:58:13,320 --> 00:58:15,960
Speaker 4: cried about it and mentioned how uncomfortable I am and

1241
00:58:16,040 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 4: how this isn't what I want and so forth. He

1242
00:58:18,600 --> 00:58:20,720
Speaker 4: just tells me this is what people do and let's

1243
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 4: get it through it and everything will go back to normal.

1244
00:58:22,960 --> 00:58:25,920
Speaker 4: People in real life who I've spoken to one friend,

1245
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:28,920
Speaker 4: my mother, my favorite cousin basically say yeah, it sucks,

1246
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:31,120
Speaker 4: but suck it up. You love them, don't ruin your life,

1247
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 4: but I don't know if I can do it. They

1248
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:35,680
Speaker 4: also seem to have the attitude that this is just

1249
00:58:35,720 --> 00:58:38,400
Speaker 4: what people do, which drives me affing crazy. I don't

1250
00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 4: want to live my life based on what people do.

1251
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 4: If you've ever jumped off a bridge, would you, I mean,

1252
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,800
Speaker 4: come on. We got an edit. My fiance and I've

1253
00:58:44,800 --> 00:58:47,040
Speaker 4: been together for five years, lived together for four, been

1254
00:58:47,040 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 4: a gage for two months. We met overseas and moved

1255
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:52,720
Speaker 4: back to the States together, both Americans, same culture, were

1256
00:58:52,760 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 4: white with no culture, and moved in edit. Said this

1257
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 4: in a comment, but still feels relevant in general. I

1258
00:58:57,440 --> 00:58:59,480
Speaker 4: guess I should add we basically have to get married

1259
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:02,080
Speaker 4: legally by next year, where he has to avoid making

1260
00:59:02,080 --> 00:59:05,400
Speaker 4: a big promotion overseas again that he's already in training

1261
00:59:05,440 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 4: for because it's a country, I'll find it hard to

1262
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:10,400
Speaker 4: get a work visa for this time. I wanted to

1263
00:59:10,400 --> 00:59:12,680
Speaker 4: get married before I quit my job. That puts me

1264
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:15,400
Speaker 4: in the deadline up to August, since I teach elementary

1265
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 4: school and I don't want to leave middle year. We

1266
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:20,880
Speaker 4: already have joined finances, live together and call each other

1267
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:22,160
Speaker 4: husband and wife.

1268
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:24,040
Speaker 1: Oooh man.

1269
00:59:24,440 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 3: So it really is truly just the wedding that she

1270
00:59:28,040 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 3: doesn't like. But that's just so hard because I get

1271
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 3: where everyone's mindset's coming from, and it's like just how

1272
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,720
Speaker 3: it is because they're used to it. They would expect

1273
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:38,480
Speaker 3: her to be used to it, because that's very common.

1274
00:59:38,520 --> 00:59:41,320
Speaker 3: But if she didn't even walk in her high school

1275
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:43,840
Speaker 3: and college graduations, which is like, I don't even know

1276
00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:44,880
Speaker 3: how you escaped that.

1277
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, she did it. I'm sick.

1278
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:49,960
Speaker 3: She said. It's uncomfortable, and so it's like you don't

1279
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:52,480
Speaker 3: want her to just be like suffering the day of

1280
00:59:52,520 --> 00:59:56,240
Speaker 3: her wedding, you know, So like I'm sure they can

1281
00:59:56,280 --> 00:59:59,800
Speaker 3: figure out some sort of compromise of like, Okay, well

1282
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,560
Speaker 3: he wants this big thing, she doesn't want this big thing.

1283
01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 3: You know, he'll probably be sad if he doesn't get

1284
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,000
Speaker 3: a big thing. She'll be sad if she does. So

1285
01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:09,640
Speaker 3: maybe we can find something in the middle. Maybe we

1286
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 3: can do a secret wedding in private, but then have

1287
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:13,200
Speaker 3: a bit of a party.

1288
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 4: This remove for no question before. But my question is

1289
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:18,640
Speaker 4: how do my fiance and I talk about and compromise

1290
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:21,520
Speaker 4: on this appropriately. The big ushoe seems to be I'm

1291
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:24,520
Speaker 4: really really against the redding traditions, like throwing the bouquet

1292
01:00:24,680 --> 01:00:26,680
Speaker 4: me walking down the aisle to him. We can go

1293
01:00:26,760 --> 01:00:29,520
Speaker 4: together or he can walk to me, especially with my dad,

1294
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 4: who I don't want to invite wearing white traditional dress

1295
01:00:32,840 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 4: or even hand pick dress. I just rather wear a

1296
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 4: dress I feel like wearing that day. I want to

1297
01:00:37,160 --> 01:00:40,640
Speaker 4: maybe wear my red Betsy Johnson hasn't got used though yet,

1298
01:00:40,800 --> 01:00:44,080
Speaker 4: and he flipped out having bridesmaids. I think all other

1299
01:00:44,160 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 4: wedding stuff is pretty awful too. But I'm fine with

1300
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:50,240
Speaker 4: him just picking the food, flowers, band, et cetera if

1301
01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 4: he wants it. He either doesn't like my suggestions because

1302
01:00:53,120 --> 01:00:57,000
Speaker 4: they are super non traditional. I suggested greenery instead of flowers,

1303
01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:59,800
Speaker 4: and I'm fine with just not suggesting anything. But then

1304
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 4: he says I have no opinion because my opinion is

1305
01:01:03,040 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 4: I don't like traditional flowers or whatever. I'm not against

1306
01:01:05,840 --> 01:01:08,320
Speaker 4: some compromise. I know he wants a wedding and not

1307
01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:11,440
Speaker 4: an elopement, though this is new and it seems to

1308
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:14,800
Speaker 4: be purely social pressure. As far as he can tell me,

1309
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:17,200
Speaker 4: he has no personal reason why. So I'm willing to

1310
01:01:17,240 --> 01:01:20,240
Speaker 4: compromise and do something, but not just do everything the

1311
01:01:20,320 --> 01:01:24,080
Speaker 4: way people expect. And we got a freaking updates. Thank

1312
01:01:24,120 --> 01:01:26,800
Speaker 4: you to those who understood my perspective and actually gave

1313
01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:29,600
Speaker 4: us real ways to communicate without me having to pretend

1314
01:01:29,640 --> 01:01:31,920
Speaker 4: there was anything I liked about weddings. I sat my

1315
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:34,840
Speaker 4: fiance down with a list of five deal breakers slash

1316
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:38,040
Speaker 4: no ways, as thank You Away eighty eight suggested, and

1317
01:01:38,080 --> 01:01:40,960
Speaker 4: I even use most of her suggestions from the sounds

1318
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,600
Speaker 4: of things you might like the following. Your dad is

1319
01:01:43,600 --> 01:01:46,520
Speaker 4: not invited or maybe just not walking you down the aisle.

1320
01:01:46,680 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 4: No bridesmaids, your dresses either not why or not long

1321
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:53,720
Speaker 4: slash floral link nobuk toss no more than fifty maybe

1322
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:56,120
Speaker 4: sixty guests. I realized I didn't care about the dress

1323
01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:58,440
Speaker 4: enough to make a fuss too much, and it seemed

1324
01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:01,160
Speaker 4: one of the most important aspects to him, though I

1325
01:02:01,240 --> 01:02:04,240
Speaker 4: replaced the dress one with no bride walking down the

1326
01:02:04,240 --> 01:02:06,960
Speaker 4: aisle or being given away. We'll walk in together. And

1327
01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:09,640
Speaker 4: I went with my dad not invited, as I never

1328
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:11,800
Speaker 4: have my dad at any event, but I went with

1329
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:14,560
Speaker 4: the sixty for the max amount of guests. So I

1330
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 4: told my significant other where my drop dead deal breakers were.

1331
01:02:17,760 --> 01:02:20,320
Speaker 4: I said, as for wedding traditions, I'd even do the

1332
01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:23,600
Speaker 4: smash cake in each other's faces or any non gendered

1333
01:02:23,640 --> 01:02:26,840
Speaker 4: traditions that we could both play or partner roll in,

1334
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:29,680
Speaker 4: i e. Where there's not a bride role and a

1335
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:32,000
Speaker 4: groom role, as a lot of my issues with weddings

1336
01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:34,560
Speaker 4: has to do with the gendered roles seen in them.

1337
01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:38,080
Speaker 4: I also suggested something that would alleviate issues for me,

1338
01:02:38,280 --> 01:02:42,480
Speaker 4: which was actually get married before the wedding, secretly just

1339
01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:46,320
Speaker 4: for us, so it wasn't our real wedding day. And

1340
01:02:46,480 --> 01:02:49,040
Speaker 4: I said he could pick everything else if he gives

1341
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:52,720
Speaker 4: me selections. I'd pig the things, but wouldn't necessarily pretend

1342
01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:55,600
Speaker 4: to like flowers, et cetera. He'd have to accept this

1343
01:02:55,680 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 4: one if it was just the one I hated the least,

1344
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:01,160
Speaker 4: without making me twenty questions about it. Why it was

1345
01:03:01,200 --> 01:03:04,880
Speaker 4: the best, which I couldn't honestly answer because I thought

1346
01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:07,000
Speaker 4: they were all weren't so hot, and he'd have to

1347
01:03:07,040 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 4: do most of the active planning if he didn't want

1348
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:11,400
Speaker 4: to just give it to a planner, which I suggested,

1349
01:03:11,480 --> 01:03:14,240
Speaker 4: though I'd be happy to run DEPOSITI checks, go out

1350
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:16,320
Speaker 4: go with him if he needed it. On occasion. I

1351
01:03:16,360 --> 01:03:19,000
Speaker 4: said a number of seven weekend days, not the days,

1352
01:03:19,000 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 4: but the total number between now and the wedding, and

1353
01:03:22,280 --> 01:03:24,480
Speaker 4: which he could pick to devote it to his planning,

1354
01:03:24,640 --> 01:03:26,920
Speaker 4: like if he wants to take me to taste, taste

1355
01:03:27,080 --> 01:03:29,720
Speaker 4: or something instead of just letting a planner do it

1356
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:33,400
Speaker 4: or planning himself. But that I would not talk wedding

1357
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:36,880
Speaker 4: stuff at all more than once weekly unless it was

1358
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,400
Speaker 4: as simple as, oh, we talked yesterday, but I forgot,

1359
01:03:39,480 --> 01:03:41,760
Speaker 4: we need to write a check for X. No decisions

1360
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:44,920
Speaker 4: is practical stuff on those days, so wedding planning does

1361
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,960
Speaker 4: not take over my life. I put all of this

1362
01:03:47,240 --> 01:03:50,240
Speaker 4: in a word document, basically, with a heartfelt letter at

1363
01:03:50,240 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 4: the beginning and presenting my plan in suggestion. He made

1364
01:03:53,320 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 4: notes at things he took issue with, et cetera. He

1365
01:03:55,880 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 4: took issues with this once a week, citing practical which

1366
01:03:59,080 --> 01:04:02,600
Speaker 4: I one d percent understood, and we upped that twice

1367
01:04:02,640 --> 01:04:05,080
Speaker 4: a week or now with it being unlimited in the

1368
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:07,880
Speaker 4: two weeks before the wedding itself. At first, he still

1369
01:04:07,960 --> 01:04:11,480
Speaker 4: took issue with the bridesmaids and the wedding tradition stuff,

1370
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:14,080
Speaker 4: but he seemed a little torn. He said he never

1371
01:04:14,120 --> 01:04:16,960
Speaker 4: really thought about it how gendered weddings are, and he

1372
01:04:17,000 --> 01:04:19,920
Speaker 4: could see me being totally uncomfortable with that. I told

1373
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:22,600
Speaker 4: him I never one hundred percent realized that's why I

1374
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:25,440
Speaker 4: hated being a bridesmaid, but I felt it was a

1375
01:04:25,440 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 4: big part once I had reflected on it. At the

1376
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:29,880
Speaker 4: end of the day, he decided he would have a

1377
01:04:29,920 --> 01:04:32,400
Speaker 4: best man who didn't stand with him. He has the

1378
01:04:32,480 --> 01:04:35,640
Speaker 4: friends who organize a stag party and give a toast basically,

1379
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:38,400
Speaker 4: and the friend was cool with not wearing a tux

1380
01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:40,920
Speaker 4: and just standing up and I could have no bridesmaids,

1381
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:43,360
Speaker 4: but he wanted to designate one friend to give a toast,

1382
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:45,640
Speaker 4: which I was happy to do. He still doesn't get

1383
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:48,160
Speaker 4: me not wanting my father invited, but he seems to

1384
01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:51,040
Speaker 4: respect it. His family does not and say it means

1385
01:04:51,080 --> 01:04:53,400
Speaker 4: something that she is up and keeps calling about it,

1386
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:55,160
Speaker 4: but he seems to be standing up for me on that.

1387
01:04:55,200 --> 01:04:57,280
Speaker 4: He also took issue with the number of guests, and

1388
01:04:57,400 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 4: we're still negotiating about that. This is what I need

1389
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:02,360
Speaker 4: to follow up advice on. He says, with all the

1390
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:05,560
Speaker 4: things he's conceded, he doesn't think he should have to

1391
01:05:05,600 --> 01:05:08,320
Speaker 4: cap the number of guests at all. And he's come

1392
01:05:08,360 --> 01:05:10,640
Speaker 4: back with the number of one hundred and thirty.

1393
01:05:10,880 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 5: Ooo.

1394
01:05:14,520 --> 01:05:17,120
Speaker 4: This seems way too large to me, but he said

1395
01:05:17,160 --> 01:05:20,720
Speaker 4: his parents mandated he invited about seventy people he really

1396
01:05:20,760 --> 01:05:24,240
Speaker 4: doesn't know well or want their edit the family list,

1397
01:05:24,400 --> 01:05:27,160
Speaker 4: and he obviously wants his actual friends and my family

1398
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:29,040
Speaker 4: and friends to attend as well. My number of people

1399
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 4: is twelve, including four people who are mutual friends that

1400
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 4: would be on his list if not on mine, and

1401
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:36,439
Speaker 4: they're not even my mom not included in his list

1402
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:38,160
Speaker 4: of one hundred and thirty. That's just for him. And

1403
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:40,720
Speaker 4: you know what could be just for you after this story.

1404
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:44,240
Speaker 4: If you go to your favorite podcast platform, search up Okay,

1405
01:05:44,280 --> 01:05:47,120
Speaker 4: story Time and Miss Angelina, there will be a plethora

1406
01:05:47,160 --> 01:05:49,360
Speaker 4: of stories for you that are just for you. Hand

1407
01:05:49,360 --> 01:05:53,360
Speaker 4: maybe and edits sound proof just for your boy. Wow.

1408
01:05:53,520 --> 01:05:56,000
Speaker 3: It's okay. I'll share it with everyone else too.

1409
01:05:56,080 --> 01:05:58,600
Speaker 4: He says his family is already going to be upset

1410
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:00,760
Speaker 4: enough at the lack of wedding tree editions, the fact

1411
01:06:00,800 --> 01:06:02,720
Speaker 4: that neither of us want to marry in their church.

1412
01:06:02,880 --> 01:06:04,840
Speaker 4: This is a deal breaker. But I agree, I wouldn't

1413
01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:08,360
Speaker 4: be allowed to marry there anyway, probably without meaning faith,

1414
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:11,000
Speaker 4: et cetera. That the very least we should invite the

1415
01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:15,000
Speaker 4: whole extended family their church, meaning the Catholic Church in general,

1416
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:18,080
Speaker 4: not a specific location. I was going to give him

1417
01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:21,360
Speaker 4: a compromise, one hundred, including my twelve must have if

1418
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:24,000
Speaker 4: we're doing a wedding. I mean they aren't must haves,

1419
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:26,160
Speaker 4: as I could have had zero guests, but if I'm

1420
01:06:26,160 --> 01:06:28,680
Speaker 4: doing a wedding, those twelve people need to be there. Yes,

1421
01:06:29,000 --> 01:06:32,160
Speaker 4: leaving him eighty eight slots to fill to his heart's consent?

1422
01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:35,040
Speaker 4: Does that seem fair? Are there any tips for telling

1423
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:37,520
Speaker 4: him how to negotiate with his family and not gonna

1424
01:06:37,520 --> 01:06:40,160
Speaker 4: lie his family? Seems a little overbearing, And maybe you

1425
01:06:40,160 --> 01:06:42,360
Speaker 4: should go to a wedding counseling to figure out if

1426
01:06:42,400 --> 01:06:44,240
Speaker 4: you want that in your life.

1427
01:06:44,000 --> 01:06:46,160
Speaker 3: Because I mean, yeah, a concert would probably have a

1428
01:06:46,160 --> 01:06:49,400
Speaker 3: lot of good tips and tricks on how to pay

1429
01:06:49,440 --> 01:06:51,600
Speaker 3: this stuff properly, or just being able to talk about

1430
01:06:51,640 --> 01:06:54,200
Speaker 3: it like with someone there. And then you could also

1431
01:06:54,240 --> 01:06:56,920
Speaker 3: bring up these compromises and figure something out with the

1432
01:06:56,960 --> 01:06:58,120
Speaker 3: professional that Ruth.

1433
01:06:58,520 --> 01:06:58,760
Speaker 4: Yeah,