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Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. Okay, so we are here

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Speaker 1: to talk about mental health and entrepreneurship with Scout. Sobel,

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Speaker 1: you're the best selling author of the book The Emotional Entrepreneur,

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Speaker 1: and you're the founder of Scouts Agency, which is how

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Speaker 1: we found each other because I work with you guys

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Speaker 1: so much. Y'all, bring women are kind of you get

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Speaker 1: with podcast people and bring women on. I have a

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Speaker 1: ton of your people on as my guests. They're awesome. Um,

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Speaker 1: and so your journey has really been built around being

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Speaker 1: diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of twenty, So

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Speaker 1: I want to know about that, and then we're obviously

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Speaker 1: going to talk a lot more in depth about your

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Speaker 1: businesses and how you got where you got. But I

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Speaker 1: want to start at the very beginning because I know

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Speaker 1: you said you had maybe your first episode of depression

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Speaker 1: around the age of fourteen. Is that right? And what

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Speaker 1: did that look like? So I had I always start

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Speaker 1: raised story with the fact that I had my first

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Speaker 1: oppressive episode at the age of fourteen, But if you

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Speaker 1: go back into early childhood, I remember one of my

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Speaker 1: earliest memories was experiencing anxiety for the first time, and

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Speaker 1: it totally overread my system. And I remember not wanting

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Speaker 1: to talk to anybody about it because I didn't know

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Speaker 1: what was happening to me as a kindergartener. And it

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Speaker 1: lasted for three days, and so, you know, that kind

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Speaker 1: of stemmed into some other behavioral issues around first and

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Speaker 1: second grade. So when I really looked back into my

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Speaker 1: child and I did a lot of isolation. I didn't

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Speaker 1: really want to be social, etcetera. But I really had

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Speaker 1: my first oppressive episode at the age of fourteen, and

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Speaker 1: it was very apparent I went down pretty quickly. Uh

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Speaker 1: you know, I was primed for the episode. I think

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Speaker 1: I was listening to emotional songs and writing poetry and

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Speaker 1: being like a little more you know, what's life as

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Speaker 1: I entered puberty, etcetera. But when my mother was diagnosed

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Speaker 1: with multiple sclerosis, I was a freshman in high school

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Speaker 1: and it was just kind of this perfect storm for

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Speaker 1: me to go down pretty quickly, and it was very

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Speaker 1: apparent to my friends and my family that something was

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Speaker 1: off with me. I stopped, you know, wearing cute outfits

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Speaker 1: to school, and I started wearing monochromatic sweats, which I

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Speaker 1: guess today is something that's trendy um. And you know,

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Speaker 1: I started doing things I was I think I was,

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Speaker 1: which is gonna sound strange. I was experimenting with coping

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Speaker 1: mechanisms that were destructive. So I went in or or

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Speaker 1: purge or restrict food, etcetera. I started self harming. I

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Speaker 1: started socially isolating, um, really self destructive behavior. And once

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Speaker 1: my school, which was a very small school, I found

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Speaker 1: out about the self harm, they notified my parents and

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Speaker 1: I was put into therapy at the age of fourteen.

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Speaker 1: And uh, you know, my experience with therapy in high

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Speaker 1: school was interesting. I don't think my therapist was the best.

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Speaker 1: He talked about himself for the first twenty minutes, which

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Speaker 1: I didn't know any better, and none of my friends

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Speaker 1: weren't therapy. We also have to remember this was sixteen

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Speaker 1: years ago where I talked about as much as it

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Speaker 1: is to day. And so I saw him, you know,

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Speaker 1: twice a month, sometimes every week throughout high school. And

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Speaker 1: I took a five question test that really was supposed

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Speaker 1: to determine where I was on the mental health spectrum,

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Speaker 1: and it came back that I was flirting between the

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Speaker 1: lines of chronic and clinical depression, and yet nothing was

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Speaker 1: really done about it. Um And you know, I think

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Speaker 1: it's a blessing and a curse. A lot of it

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Speaker 1: was choked at the teenage hormones, but it was also

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Speaker 1: very apparent that my inability to emotionally process and function

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Speaker 1: in high school was unlike that of my peers. So

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Speaker 1: I would have months were like it was hard for

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Speaker 1: me to go to school and finish my homework, not

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Speaker 1: out a cognitive ability, but just the fact that I

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Speaker 1: had emotional paralysis. And so nothing was super done. But

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Speaker 1: it was just kind of this thing that maybe I

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Speaker 1: grow out of it, or maybe I just had got

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Speaker 1: hit harder with puberty, whatever it might be. But once

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Speaker 1: I left for college, I started developing a sense of

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Speaker 1: paranoia where men I believed men were following me home,

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Speaker 1: were under my bed, were in my closet waiting to

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Speaker 1: come harme and kill me, and I would plan escape

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Speaker 1: roots how I was going to get out, and I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't move a finger because I was so afraid that

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Speaker 1: they would know that I was a bay. Obviously they

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Speaker 1: weren't real would know that I was awake, And so

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Speaker 1: I called my dad I remember on my balcony crying,

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Speaker 1: hysterically telling him about this because I was losing touch

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Speaker 1: with reality. And while these episodes of paranoia were happening,

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Speaker 1: there was like one person of me that knew it

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Speaker 1: wasn't real. And I knew that if that one percent left,

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Speaker 1: who knows what would have happened to me. So I

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Speaker 1: expressed fear to my father, and again it was she

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Speaker 1: just having a hard time, like leaving leaving the house,

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Speaker 1: or you know, my parents just got divorced. Maybe she's

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Speaker 1: just having a first reaction to that. But it became

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Speaker 1: very clear that something bigger was going on in my

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Speaker 1: brain that you know, the normal um, the normal response

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Speaker 1: to parents getting divorced and going to college is not

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Speaker 1: extreme paranoia. I'm losing touch with reality and so that

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Speaker 1: really put me on a more serious trajectory around my

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Speaker 1: mental health, and I started meeting with therapists and psychiatrists

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Speaker 1: and I was formally diagnosed at the age of twenty

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Speaker 1: um while I was at college, and I was on

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Speaker 1: the next flight home and dropped out of college that day.

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Speaker 1: So what's so interesting to me is, you know, you

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Speaker 1: mentioned a lot about the life circumstances happening. You had

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Speaker 1: your parents getting divorced, you were going through puberty, and

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Speaker 1: so it wasn't even really addressed that this could possibly

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Speaker 1: be something more serious because of those factors, which I

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Speaker 1: think is a very common thing. It's so confusing, like

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Speaker 1: is this this or is it that? And you know

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Speaker 1: a lot of times nowadays almost maybe we're even going

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Speaker 1: a little further the opposite way, like O we diagnosing,

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Speaker 1: you know, and it's hard to say is this just

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Speaker 1: seasonal or is this something that is a serious issue

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Speaker 1: that we need to address. So when you got that

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Speaker 1: formal diagnosis, what was that like? Did you feel a

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Speaker 1: sense of relief for maybe the first time in your

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Speaker 1: life because you have words to put with what you felt.

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Speaker 1: By the time I was diagnosed, it was very clear

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Speaker 1: to my friends and my family and to myself that

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Speaker 1: I had serious mental health problems issues in that sense. Um,

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Speaker 1: it was very clear to me that I was not

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Speaker 1: emotionally operating like my peers. It was clear that or

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Speaker 1: unclear why I couldn't do things that most people could

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Speaker 1: do and why I ended up alone in my room

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Speaker 1: crying hysterically so many times, just out of such emotional burden.

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Speaker 1: But when I was diagnosed. She said the words, we've

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Speaker 1: decided that we you know, we've come to the conclusion

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Speaker 1: that you are manic depressive. And I don't remember the

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Speaker 1: rest of that therapy session. I totally blacked and I

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Speaker 1: walked outside, and I went to my apartment where I

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Speaker 1: was living with my college roommates. And I didn't know

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Speaker 1: what she meant. I didn't know what managic depressed of was.

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Speaker 1: She probably explained it to me that I blacked out,

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Speaker 1: and I sat on the floor with my friends and

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Speaker 1: I opened my phone and I googled what is manic

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Speaker 1: depressive disorder? And it said bipolar. And in that moment,

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Speaker 1: I was so incredibly scared. You know, ten years ago,

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Speaker 1: Instagram wasn't really a thing. Ten years ago, hashtag self

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Speaker 1: care wasn't something we talked about. Mental health wasn't something

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Speaker 1: we talked about. The idea that just people go to

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Speaker 1: therapy who don't have mental illnesses wasn't talked about. And

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Speaker 1: so ten years ago, I thought I was done. I

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Speaker 1: thought I was crazy. I thought that I had something

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Speaker 1: wrong in my brain. I thought that there was no

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Speaker 1: hope for a future for me. And so in that moment,

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Speaker 1: it was really scary for all of us, just because

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Speaker 1: of the stigma and the lack of education around mental

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Speaker 1: illnesses on the Internet, it just wasn't there. Um, I

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Speaker 1: had no one that I could look to I had.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have any role models, and so I felt

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Speaker 1: very alone, and my dad got me on the next fight.

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Speaker 1: I dropped out of college and from there struggled with

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Speaker 1: I went through an outpatient program. They locked me up

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Speaker 1: on a fifty and fifty. I quit every job I

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Speaker 1: ever started, and it really was starting to look like

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Speaker 1: my life wouldn't super amount to anything, or that at

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Speaker 1: least I had a ridiculously long healing journey in order

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Speaker 1: to get me to a point where I could just

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Speaker 1: be a gelot of scooper a minimum waiting, which is

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Speaker 1: I quit. You know so well, and we have a

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Speaker 1: lot to talk about about. I love your story and

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Speaker 1: the fact that we were able to bring kind of

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Speaker 1: the rainbows and sunshine at the end, because you have

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Speaker 1: found some great success and it's been through all of

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Speaker 1: these trials or tribulations or whatever you want to call them. Um,

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine that, you know, if I'll actually appreciate

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Speaker 1: what you just shared about, because you know, I think

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Speaker 1: we we get the diagnosis, we get the awakening, we

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Speaker 1: have the moment, and then sometimes the real work actually

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Speaker 1: it starts, you know. And so a lot of people go, oh,

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Speaker 1: look at her. Now she's bib polar, but she started

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Speaker 1: this business and she now has a book, a best

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Speaker 1: selling she's a best selling author. And so the journey

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Speaker 1: to getting to where you are, what would you describe

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Speaker 1: that journey as? I years of trial and error. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: years of what society would call failures. I've never really

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Speaker 1: thought that I failed that anything I did, I did

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Speaker 1: that didn't work out. It just didn't work out. I'm

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Speaker 1: always very clear, even on the entrepreneurial side. Right, people

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Speaker 1: see Scouts Agency. First year we had a six figure

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Speaker 1: revenue of second year, second year we doubled that to

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Speaker 1: a multiple six figure revenue. And it seems quick and

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Speaker 1: it seems sudden, and it seems very successful. I've been

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Speaker 1: able to work with insane women, Pat Toddler, Rebecca mink

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Speaker 1: Off just because why Kellie Baker, Vanessa rossetto what goes

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Speaker 1: on and on um And I always like to say

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Speaker 1: this was not my first UDEO, but when I started

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Speaker 1: Scots Agency, I just remember writing in my journal. I

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Speaker 1: just want to start a business that actually makes money,

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Speaker 1: that actually financially works. That's what that was where I

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Speaker 1: was at before Scotts Agency. I said, I know, I'm

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Speaker 1: an entrepreneur, but I haven't been able to make anything

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Speaker 1: stick for the last five six years. So you know,

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Speaker 1: it takes a lot of time before you hit the

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Speaker 1: thing that really works. Um. You know, I started a

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Speaker 1: magazine at the age of two. That's when I found entrepreneurship.

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Speaker 1: It was the thing that actually took me from being

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Speaker 1: nonfunctioning and unable to kind of hold responsibility in the

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Speaker 1: world to finding my purpose and passion and a framework

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Speaker 1: that my mind could really play in. But you know,

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Speaker 1: that magazine had a three issue run, and you know,

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Speaker 1: my dad and I had a conversation. He said, listen,

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Speaker 1: if it doesn't make money, it's a hobby. And I

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Speaker 1: had to come to that moment of like, even though

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Speaker 1: we sold it in Barnes and Noble, even though Halsey

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Speaker 1: was on the cover, it was a hobby. And so

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Speaker 1: that's that's kind of always stuck with me, like how

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Speaker 1: do I make a financially viable business? And so it

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Speaker 1: took me until the age of seven or twenty eight

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Speaker 1: with Scouts Agency. Similar to my emotional my emotional journey.

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Speaker 1: You know, just two years ago I had a full

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Speaker 1: blown major breakdown and my psychiatrist and I were talking

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Speaker 1: about electric shock therapy because medication wasn't working. And while

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Speaker 1: I was functioning and could hold a career, I was

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Speaker 1: a mess inside. And so my healing journey from fourteen

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Speaker 1: I would sang until the age of twenty eight, which

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Speaker 1: I'm about to be thirty. Once I turned twenty eight

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Speaker 1: is when I started taking extreme acceptance and radical ownership

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Speaker 1: over my emotions. And now today I'm so proud that

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Speaker 1: I can stand here and say that I feel safe

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Speaker 1: in my emotions, that I don't suffer from my bipolar

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Speaker 1: disorder anymore, that it visits me and I welcome it

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Speaker 1: with open arms and really accept and embrace that part

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Speaker 1: of me. But yeah, this is what you can do.

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Speaker 1: The math what like twelve fourteen years of emotion to

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Speaker 1: work and then six years of entrepreneurship work of many

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Speaker 1: businesses and iterations of my career that failed. Well, So

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Speaker 1: what would be some of the ways, um that you

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Speaker 1: manage your disorder on day to day? Because when I

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Speaker 1: hear you talking about not keeping a job. I imagine

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Speaker 1: that being such an emotional person, like you know, I'm

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Speaker 1: an impact feeler. I'm extremely emotional and when I'm going

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Speaker 1: through something, it can take me out, it is like,

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Speaker 1: And so it's been beneficial to me in a lot

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Speaker 1: of ways to have the flexibility of working for myself

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Speaker 1: because on those days sometimes I just have to check out.

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Speaker 1: And I've gotten to better places now with like the

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Speaker 1: tools that I've put in place for myself, or like

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Speaker 1: you said, to know that I can ride certain things out.

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Speaker 1: And it's just it's just something I got to feel through,

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Speaker 1: you know. It's kind of like that. So what are

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Speaker 1: some of the practices that you do on the day

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Speaker 1: to day to keep your life more consistent as such

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Speaker 1: a high heavy feeler. Yeah, why, I totally feel you, man,

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Speaker 1: Like I feel like you become an entrepreneur and then

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Speaker 1: you work more only so you could like take a

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Speaker 1: break when you need it, you know, exactly exactly. You know,

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Speaker 1: I do a lot to take care of my mental state.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes, don't get me wrong, sometimes I tell myself,

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Speaker 1: do I really have to do all this all the

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Speaker 1: time just to be okay? And what's the alternative? You know,

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Speaker 1: not doing my routine and feeling like ship. So I

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Speaker 1: am very very strict about my sleep. I get eight

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Speaker 1: to nine hours every single night, no matter what. I

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Speaker 1: will leave the party early. I don't care about fomo.

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Speaker 1: I am out and in bed, so I'm very very

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Speaker 1: strict about that. I'm also strict about, you know, morning

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Speaker 1: and night routines. So in the morning, I don't look

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Speaker 1: at my phone for an hour to two hours. Every

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Speaker 1: single morning. The first thing I do is journal, So

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Speaker 1: I wake up part of myself a cup preppy, sit

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Speaker 1: down and just subconsciously stream of conscious journal what I

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Speaker 1: need to emotionally process or emotionally or maybe I'm just

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Speaker 1: saying I'm tired. Whatever, it's thirty minutes with me talking

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Speaker 1: to me, with me talking to me, and that really

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Speaker 1: sets my day of beautifully. I try to get movement

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Speaker 1: in every single day, and sometimes that's ten minutes pilates,

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Speaker 1: and now it's only ten to twenty minutes pilorities. I

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Speaker 1: don't go crazy, right, you know, it's just something. Just

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Speaker 1: get something in and I try to eat as healthy

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Speaker 1: as possible. Um, it's a lot of pep talks and

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Speaker 1: catching my internal speaking and so when a negative thought

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Speaker 1: or a toxic thought, and because my brain it's really

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Speaker 1: pausing and identifying it as a lie and reframing that.

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Speaker 1: It's a lot of looking around and choosing to see

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Speaker 1: a certain perspective. But other than keeping myself extremely physically healthy,

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Speaker 1: you know, I have a coach that I hired who

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Speaker 1: is on like boxer support, so I can honorbly process things.

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Speaker 1: I I send a lot of time alone, so I

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Speaker 1: need a loan time every single day. You know. All

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Speaker 1: it's really about knowing physically and biologically what works best

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Speaker 1: for me. So alone time in the morning, strict morning routine,

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Speaker 1: listening to podcasts that inspired and uplift me, not scrolling

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Speaker 1: on Instagram. You know, I fill up my cup not

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Speaker 1: by binging Netflix. I do it by going outside, taking

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Speaker 1: my shoes off every single day, spending time in nature,

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Speaker 1: all that good stuff. It's just an accumulation of small

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Speaker 1: habits that are consistent. Um. You know, I'm also very

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Speaker 1: unapologetic and really accepting of my limitations. So a friend

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Speaker 1: the other day said, hey, do you want to go

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Speaker 1: to Croatia next week? All the accommodations are paid for

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Speaker 1: it down, and I said, I'm sorry, I can't do

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Speaker 1: that because while that is a dream for someone else,

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Speaker 1: the jet lag, the spontaneity, the travel, the not being

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Speaker 1: in my routine, all of that can really flare me up.

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Speaker 1: So I'm very stressed and know what I can and

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Speaker 1: cannot do, and I don't really test the limits for

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Speaker 1: more than like a day or two. Yeah, that's actually

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Speaker 1: great advice. I mean, I don't have the diagnosis. But

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Speaker 1: as I said, I being such a heavy feeler, I

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Speaker 1: have noticed that my friends can do things and they

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Speaker 1: can operate in certain ways that I just can't. And

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Speaker 1: and honestly, I had this conversation with my boyfriend yesterday,

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Speaker 1: but today I can remember what day that was. But um,

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Speaker 1: he he can operate at a very high level of

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Speaker 1: go go go. And when I try to do that,

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Speaker 1: or even if for me, if it's like drinking alcohol

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Speaker 1: consistent days in a row or like things like that,

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Speaker 1: they greatly affect me and like I said, could take

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Speaker 1: me out where it's like I can watch other people

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Speaker 1: do it all the time. And so I convinced myself sometimes,

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Speaker 1: oh I can do this too, you know, but I can't.

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Speaker 1: And I have to give the space and the respect

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Speaker 1: to that, because with it comes you know very positive

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Speaker 1: things too, but it's very it takes a lot of discipline.

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Speaker 1: I find you and I are very similar in that respect.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, if I do more than three social things

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Speaker 1: a week, for ye, I can't do. I'm done. I like,

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Speaker 1: after be a book line, I had this whole party

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Speaker 1: at the Santa Monica proper, all my friends and my

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Speaker 1: and my grandma was like, I want to hear about it.

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Speaker 1: Called me, called me, and I said, don't talk to

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Speaker 1: me for three weeks. I don't want to hear. Oh

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Speaker 1: my mouth, I don't want to hear your ship. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to. I needed to, like two weeks, I

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Speaker 1: needed to hide from the world. And so you know,

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Speaker 1: I think maybe from hearing you speak, you've gotten kind

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Speaker 1: of a handle and an awareness on that. And so

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Speaker 1: once you test the waters too many times and it

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Speaker 1: makes you feel like shipped too many times, you just

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Speaker 1: recognize that your habits and the way you treat yourself

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Speaker 1: and the way you treat your body is so individualistic

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Speaker 1: to you, and it just serves you more to do

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Speaker 1: the things that work best for you. That's right. And

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Speaker 1: I just hear so much. I mean, I really respect

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Speaker 1: your boundary situation. You know. That's something I have to

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Speaker 1: work on, is I'm not the best at those So

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Speaker 1: this is new. Okay, good, good that I'm The best

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Speaker 1: thing my book launch did for me, truly is the

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Speaker 1: fact that I had to set boundaries where my mental

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Speaker 1: health wouldn't survive like I had to for survival, thank god,

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Speaker 1: because if I didn't, I would be like you, I'm terrible. Yeah, well,

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Speaker 1: that's good to hear it. So let's talk a little

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Speaker 1: bit about feeling safe in your emotions, because I think

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Speaker 1: that is a little bit What are a lot of it?

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Speaker 1: How you've got to this place of just being comfortable

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Speaker 1: in setting the boundaries or in taking care of yourself

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Speaker 1: because you're feeling safe within your own body. So what

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Speaker 1: would you say, Um, are just some of the ways

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Speaker 1: that you do feel safe in your emotions so that

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Speaker 1: you can thrive in your life in the way that

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Speaker 1: you're talking about. So my limiting belief my entire life,

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Speaker 1: well since I was fourteen, was that I am unsafe

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Speaker 1: in my emotions. Emotions could take things from me. They

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Speaker 1: could take college, relationships, jobs, opportunities, happy moments, trips to

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Speaker 1: Paris with my family, whatever it was. My emotions could

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Speaker 1: very swiftly just cause total havoc and destruction over my life.

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Speaker 1: And so I developed this belief that I am not

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Speaker 1: safe in my emotions, and that beliefs actually really triggered

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Speaker 1: and added added flames to the fire or whatever you say.

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Speaker 1: You know, I would feel an inkling of depression, and

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Speaker 1: then I would go into total catastrophizing mode of is

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Speaker 1: this gonna take me down? Am I gonna have to

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Speaker 1: quit my job? Am I going to go to the hospital?

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Speaker 1: Is my medication not working? Like all these things? I

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Speaker 1: would spiral because in the past I had seen my

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Speaker 1: emotions do that to my life, and so my perspective

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Speaker 1: around my emotions was that they ruined me, that they

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Speaker 1: destroyed me, that they don't allow me to function the

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Speaker 1: way my peers do, that I can't hold jobs, etcetera,

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Speaker 1: That you know, college experience has taken for me, whatever

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Speaker 1: it is. And so I had this belief for a

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Speaker 1: very long time. And then I did this meditation, and

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Speaker 1: the meditation said you're safe and something about that just

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Speaker 1: hate my body. Differently, I was like, whoa, I I've

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Speaker 1: never felt that emotionally in my body. And then I

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Speaker 1: was reading Untamed by Glenn and Doyle and this one

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Speaker 1: chapter where she says she was getting sober, I believe,

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Speaker 1: and she says that she would tell herself, I can't

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Speaker 1: do this anymore, and I just resonated so significantly because

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Speaker 1: that's what I would text my friend, who's my family,

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Speaker 1: my husband, I can't do this anymore in moments where

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Speaker 1: the emotion and the pain was too great. But then

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Speaker 1: Glenn and Doyle says that she was doing it like

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Speaker 1: ten seconds would go by, and she was she was

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Speaker 1: still doing it right, And so all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: I had a total reframed perspective shift. I was like, WHOA.

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Speaker 1: Every time I've texted my husband, I can't feel this

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Speaker 1: any longer. I continued to feel it. I continue to

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Speaker 1: bear it, and then I survived it every single time.

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Speaker 1: And so then I started playing with this concept of well,

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Speaker 1: I'm lying to myself when I say I can't take

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Speaker 1: it anymore, because I'm continuing to take it. So I

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Speaker 1: recognized in that moment that I feel unsafe in my emotions,

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Speaker 1: and so I decided to rewire my belief system to

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Speaker 1: know that I am safe in my emotions. So I

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Speaker 1: made it my wallpaper on my on my phone, I

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Speaker 1: did it the wallpaper on my computer. I wrote it

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Speaker 1: on a post it note, and I put it in

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Speaker 1: the bathroom mirror so I would see it every single day.

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Speaker 1: I would journal it. When I was anxious, I would

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Speaker 1: sit down and just I'm safe in my emotions. I

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Speaker 1: am safe in my emotions, over and over and over again.

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Speaker 1: And in that what would happen is that when I

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Speaker 1: would feel the initial feeling, the anxiety, or the depression,

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Speaker 1: the sad and missaying or whatever it was, I would say,

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Speaker 1: I'm safe in my emotions, allowing me to not go

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Speaker 1: to level two. So level one is the pain that

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Speaker 1: we have to accept that we will feel. We always,

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Speaker 1: you know, we will feel uncomfortable emotions, We will feel

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Speaker 1: painful things. But it stopped me from going to the

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Speaker 1: level two, which was the anxiety about being anxiety, the depression,

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Speaker 1: about the depression, pastrophizing about the initial feeling, which allowed

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Speaker 1: me to just feel the base emotion in a sense

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Speaker 1: of security, in a sense of groundedness, and allow it

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Speaker 1: to breathe, to express itself, to say what it had

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Speaker 1: to say. These things the emotions visit me at you

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Speaker 1: and all of us for a reason. And so once

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Speaker 1: I was able to not I guess you could say,

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Speaker 1: not gaslight my emotions with some other stuff. It just

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Speaker 1: I said, Okay, I'm anxious, and then I let it.

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Speaker 1: I let it stay for tea, I let it have

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Speaker 1: say what it had to say. I let it run

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Speaker 1: its course, knowing and feeling that I'm safe in my emotions.

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Speaker 1: And so I was able to hold both truths that

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Speaker 1: I am anxious and safe in this anxiety. And once

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Speaker 1: I was able to do that over time, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's definitely a muscle in the practice. I stopped being

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Speaker 1: afraid of them coming because I walked myself through them

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Speaker 1: every time and I had then there's so much evidence

431
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: in my mind that they don't ruin my life, that

432
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: I am safe in them, and then I can continue

433
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 1: to survive them, bear them, and not just survive, but

434
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 1: use them to really paint my life towards alignment and purpose.

435
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,600
Speaker 1: So that's kind of the trajectory I went through. I

436
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 1: love that you said to stop gaslighting yourself. How often

437
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,439
Speaker 1: do we talk try to talk ourselves out of the

438
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,159
Speaker 1: emotions that we're feeling, you know, I think that's like

439
00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 1: that's even a way of our culture now is to

440
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:31,400
Speaker 1: kind of like no no, no, no, no, that's because

441
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:35,920
Speaker 1: it's inconvenient sometimes. Oh they're totally incah, and you just

442
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 1: you try to talk yourself out of it because I

443
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,399
Speaker 1: don't have time for that right now, Anxiety don't have

444
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 1: time for you, you know, like it's that kind of

445
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 1: thing or no, no, no, no, it's fine, just for

446
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,320
Speaker 1: it to flare up again later and a lot of

447
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: times for me, I don't know if it's agree but

448
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,399
Speaker 1: if I don't accept it, get curious about it or

449
00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,639
Speaker 1: anything like that, it's going to come back full force

450
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 1: in such a worse capacity. Yeah, it's pretty magical. What

451
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 1: happens when you say I'm gonna step outside for ten minutes. Yeah,

452
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: I just give it space, say talk to it. Say okay,

453
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 1: I hear you, Anxiety, you're here. Thank you for visiting me.

454
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,119
Speaker 1: I know you're trying to keep me safe and something.

455
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: I know you have something to say to me, and

456
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:20,360
Speaker 1: so here is a safe spot. Do you're saying judgment here? Yeah,

457
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: you gotta say, and it will move through you if

458
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 1: you don't resist, and if you accept, it will move

459
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 1: through you so quickly. I love that, really, getting to

460
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: know the different feelings. I love that. Well, just an

461
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: observation I had of you just from Instagram and and

462
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,960
Speaker 1: all of the other things I read about you. You've

463
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 1: said you really love now that you feel safe in

464
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,080
Speaker 1: your emotions, and you love bringing that to other people.

465
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:44,679
Speaker 1: And I think it's one of the main things that

466
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,160
Speaker 1: I noticed you doing, is just what you're doing right now,

467
00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 1: speaking so openly about your journey and taking some of

468
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 1: the stigma out of some of this stuff, which is

469
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,720
Speaker 1: something that I do feel like our generation is a

470
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:58,399
Speaker 1: little more blessed with than maybe our parents or people

471
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 1: before us. So I want to talk to you a

472
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,320
Speaker 1: little bit about medication because I saw a post on

473
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 1: your Instagram where you said you have been med free

474
00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: for a year, um, but you didn't want to celebrate

475
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:14,800
Speaker 1: that without also celebrating what medicine had done for you.

476
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 1: And I have such a back and forth battle, you know. UM,

477
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:23,199
Speaker 1: I have been wrongly prescribed medication before when I was

478
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 1: in fact dealing with the things that I was anxious about,

479
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 1: sort of like you're saying, and just given medicine to

480
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,840
Speaker 1: kind of try to alleviate this thing. So I personally

481
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: haven't had the best experience with it, um, But I

482
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 1: listened to myself enough to know, you know, this is

483
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: not right for me right now after about a year

484
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 1: of it. And I think you said your journey, you

485
00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:45,520
Speaker 1: tried many different medicines and it what it did for

486
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 1: you was to help you get to a place of

487
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 1: being able to work through things like you are now.

488
00:25:49,920 --> 00:25:53,439
Speaker 1: Is that a good way to describe it? So a

489
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: little bit, Yeah, you didn't. There's a lot of true

490
00:25:57,160 --> 00:26:01,480
Speaker 1: points there, you know, to be quite frank, medication, Can

491
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:05,160
Speaker 1: I cuss on this podcast for it? You know, medication

492
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 1: sucked me up royally, maybe many many menutes. There were

493
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: so many medications I made that made physically sick, that

494
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 1: made me gain twenty pounds, that made me not be

495
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:19,680
Speaker 1: able to get a bed till eleven to one PM,

496
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:24,720
Speaker 1: that made me more suicidal, et cetera. Um, and then

497
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 1: I got on a medication that really helped me and

498
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: really allowed me a platform to kind of start really

499
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:36,040
Speaker 1: working on myself. And so my my field around medication

500
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,920
Speaker 1: is this is that I think we spend well one

501
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 1: there's zero shame of the game, Like, if that's what's

502
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,359
Speaker 1: right for you, you find something that works, Like don't

503
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,359
Speaker 1: don't not get help because you think it says something

504
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:51,119
Speaker 1: about you or you think there's a topical around it.

505
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:54,160
Speaker 1: It's a very personal practice. And if you're feeling any shame,

506
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,159
Speaker 1: I really invite you, and I'll and I'll release it

507
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,479
Speaker 1: from you. There is no shame in any of this um.

508
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:04,280
Speaker 1: And on top of that, I think that we really

509
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 1: place too much of an emphasis on medication because we

510
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: sit around and we wait for it to work. It

511
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,040
Speaker 1: can take two months to work, and then if that

512
00:27:13,119 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 1: doesn't work, you got to try another one. And so

513
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:17,359
Speaker 1: it could be six to eight months to a year

514
00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:20,120
Speaker 1: before you find a medication that works. And people think

515
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,760
Speaker 1: that once you find the medication that works you, your

516
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,879
Speaker 1: life is going to be better and your afficial problems

517
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: are going to be gone. And that's not the case.

518
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: So I always say, if you're going to go on medication,

519
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,639
Speaker 1: do it, but don't give it all of your energy.

520
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: It would be remiss for you to not work on

521
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,840
Speaker 1: yourself in those that you know the waiting period for

522
00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 1: it to work. Because I believe, and this is just

523
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 1: a you know, a percentage I made up in my mind.

524
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:49,080
Speaker 1: I believe eight percent of emotionally feeling good is inner work,

525
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 1: and that medication can help maybe with twenty and so

526
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: you know, placing medication as the end all be all

527
00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 1: that's going to help you. I don't think it's the

528
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: right move. I think most of the work has to

529
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 1: come from within. You have to do most of the work.

530
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,639
Speaker 1: The medication cannot cure you and and solve all of

531
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 1: your emotional problems overnight. And so in that I just

532
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 1: like to provide the reframe and perspective that medication can help,

533
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:17,440
Speaker 1: but it cannot bring you home. Yeah, do that yourself.

534
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 1: And then the second thing that I've noticed in the

535
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: psychiatric world is that you really have to be an

536
00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:29,160
Speaker 1: advocate for yourself. You know, Um, I have had experiences

537
00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 1: in psychiatrist rooms where they asked me what's wrong and

538
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,360
Speaker 1: they diagnose me of hill and I talked to them

539
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 1: for eight minutes. So you need to really find a

540
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 1: psychiatrist that looks at you a little more holistically and

541
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: really actually cares and spend time with you. And then

542
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 1: you need to ask the questions, what symptoms if I'm

543
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,840
Speaker 1: going on this medication, what symptoms are warning flags? Should

544
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,520
Speaker 1: I call you? If I experience ask about what it's

545
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 1: like to go off the medication. Something they don't talk about.

546
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: I went off for medication the right way, you know,

547
00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,320
Speaker 1: leaning off, et cetera. And unfortunately, I and through a

548
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 1: month of withdrawals where I couldn't stop crying and my

549
00:29:02,640 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: husband was traumatized because I was in such a state

550
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: of despair. And then he did research and found that

551
00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 1: some people can go through intense withdrawals. So it's really

552
00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 1: just it's not necessarily being in a place of desperation

553
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: and depression, because that's kind of the place you're in

554
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: and going into an office and having someone talk to

555
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 1: you for seven minutes and putting something in your hand.

556
00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 1: It's much more an internal check and of what am

557
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:31,920
Speaker 1: I doing to help heal myself and advocate for myself

558
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,520
Speaker 1: and take emotional responsibility. And if I believe medication right

559
00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 1: now is an avenue, I want to walk down. What

560
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 1: are the questions that I need to ask before I

561
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 1: go into that psychiatrist office that I need to get answered,

562
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 1: Because in the moment, you can be very emotional, it

563
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: can be very overwhelming, and so I really just urge

564
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,680
Speaker 1: people to ask the right questions. What are the symptoms

565
00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 1: most common with this medication, how long does it take

566
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 1: to work, what is going off of it look like etcetera,

567
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:59,440
Speaker 1: because there's a lot more that goes into this medication

568
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: than I think psychiatrists some psychiatrists can lead on with Yeah, God,

569
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,800
Speaker 1: those are great questions. I hope anyone listening that is

570
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 1: going through this takes us in with them, because it is.

571
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,239
Speaker 1: It's like what you said and what I think us

572
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 1: said to about knowing yourself, and that was sort of

573
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: how you got to getting off of the medicine too, right,

574
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:19,920
Speaker 1: Like you got to a place where you're like, I

575
00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:23,400
Speaker 1: want to do the work without this medication at this point.

576
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,320
Speaker 1: But that wasn't like initial I mean you you got

577
00:30:26,360 --> 00:30:28,719
Speaker 1: to a certain place first. Yes, I got to a

578
00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 1: certain place first. And Um, I've been on that medication

579
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:37,240
Speaker 1: forever year and had done so much tremendous good work

580
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: with my coach and really getting to that point where

581
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 1: I believed I was safe in my emotions. And I

582
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 1: decided to go off my medication a year ago. Um.

583
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 1: And you know, it's it's not something I I say publicly,

584
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,360
Speaker 1: but I'll say it here because I think maybe it

585
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,600
Speaker 1: warrants a little bit more um more backstory. I went

586
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,080
Speaker 1: off of it because I'm interested starting a family and

587
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: that was something that I believed I was ready for

588
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,200
Speaker 1: It hasn't happened for me yet, but it was something

589
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,560
Speaker 1: I really believed. Um. I wanted to be authentication to

590
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 1: start that journey, and so that was the impetus for

591
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 1: going off. But I felt comfortable embarking and getting ready

592
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:20,080
Speaker 1: to embark on that, adding to you know, creating a

593
00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: family journey, um, and being authentication because I got to

594
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 1: a place where the inner work I had done and

595
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,280
Speaker 1: the inner security I felt and the confidence I had

596
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:33,680
Speaker 1: in holding myself through my emotions was so great. Yeah,

597
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: I felt as if I was at a point where

598
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 1: it was a good time to go up. Yeah, Okay,

599
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,600
Speaker 1: I love that. So let's talk about how all this

600
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: plays into entrepreneurship, because that's obviously the name of your

601
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 1: book is The Emotional Entrepreneur. As we mentioned before, you

602
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: started your own business after going through a lot of

603
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 1: failed businesses, which I always love to hear too, because

604
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 1: we always hear about the people when they're up here,

605
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: you know, and you're like, but wait, it took all

606
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 1: of this climbing to get to this place. So let's

607
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 1: talk through how you emotionally handle entrepreneurship and working for

608
00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 1: yourself and having a business having employees. I mean, there

609
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:15,320
Speaker 1: are so many different pressures and different situations or troubles,

610
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: you say, every single day. So that's a lot to manage,

611
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 1: I would imagine when you're also trying to manage about

612
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 1: polar disorder, taking care of yourself and showing up from

613
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 1: the people in your life. So talk us through that process,

614
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,240
Speaker 1: you know, just the mindset, the roller coasters. I want

615
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: to hear all of it. I found entrepreneurship at Money Too,

616
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 1: and when I found it, this light bulb went off

617
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: in my head. I was sitting with the friends and

618
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 1: I asked her if she wanted to start a magazine

619
00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,400
Speaker 1: with me. It was just an idea that kind of

620
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: popped up into my head. And we were going to

621
00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:49,719
Speaker 1: print it a Kinko's and pass it out to our

622
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 1: friends for free, and it was going to be an

623
00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:54,760
Speaker 1: arts and crafts project. And I was at a point

624
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 1: where I had started walking a little bit more significantly

625
00:32:57,880 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 1: down my healing path and I was able to hold

626
00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: up our time job as a barista. At that time.

627
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,200
Speaker 1: I think I had enrolled in a community college class too.

628
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 1: That might have happened the next semester. But once we

629
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 1: decided that we were just gonna pass it out to

630
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 1: our friends, printed on shitty paper. I think goes um.

631
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 1: Something totally flipped in my brain. I got obsessive. I

632
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 1: got the domain name, I got the Instagram handle, and

633
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:25,360
Speaker 1: then I started researching printers and then I, you know,

634
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: within the twelve hours, had all of these appointments with

635
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,360
Speaker 1: top printers in the fifty mile radius, and then I

636
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 1: had quotes, and then I said I need to raise

637
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 1: two thousand dollars, and then I did a Kickstarter, and

638
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I'm printing a magazine at the

639
00:33:40,040 --> 00:33:43,240
Speaker 1: top quality. Ever. I passed the first one out for free,

640
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: the national distributor picked up number two, and I woke

641
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 1: up one morning to an email from Barns to Noble

642
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: asking if they could um distribute my magazine, to which

643
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: I respond, I just want to make sure your Barnes

644
00:33:56,120 --> 00:33:59,160
Speaker 1: and Noble and you're asking me to sell my magazine,

645
00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:02,160
Speaker 1: to which they said, yes, that's what we said in

646
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 1: the first email, and we had Halsey on the cover, etcetera.

647
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 1: And so all of a sudden, I went from the

648
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,399
Speaker 1: girl who could barely hold a minimum wage job part

649
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 1: time to being fully enrolled in community college, being a

650
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:21,320
Speaker 1: barista part time, and running this magazine and entrepreneurship allowed

651
00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: my mind a space to dance and play and thrive in.

652
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 1: You know, I recognized pretty early on that entrepreneurship has

653
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:33,400
Speaker 1: high highs and low lows. Bipolar disorder high highslows. So

654
00:34:33,560 --> 00:34:38,279
Speaker 1: while I recognized the emotional similarities between the two, it

655
00:34:38,320 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 1: felt very emotionally comfortable. And while I was unable to

656
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: hold responsibility for somebody else, when you're the entrepreneur, the

657
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 1: entire thing is on your shoulders. So I needed not

658
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,759
Speaker 1: less responsibility. I needed the most responsibility to show up

659
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: because I couldn't have my psychiatrist write a note and

660
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: tap out. There was no one to cover me. It

661
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 1: was me, so um that kind of pressure of like, no,

662
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,840
Speaker 1: it's you. You gotta show up. I don't care, my

663
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,720
Speaker 1: distributor doesn't care if I'm anxious. I have a deadline

664
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:12,439
Speaker 1: to me and that's it. So once I recognized that one,

665
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 1: adding that much responsibility and burden over my shoulders was

666
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:17,359
Speaker 1: the only thing that made me move forward, which you know,

667
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: take that as you will. And she had to beat

668
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:23,359
Speaker 1: was extremely emotional and I was like, oh, I can

669
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:27,360
Speaker 1: funk with this all day long. Then I recognized that,

670
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:29,840
Speaker 1: oh my god, I love it because it's emotional. But

671
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:33,839
Speaker 1: everybody tells me business isn't emotional. And I started recognizing

672
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:36,800
Speaker 1: that entrepreneurship is the biggest personal development game in the world.

673
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 1: I started, Yeah, it's I mean, I did think about that. Yes,

674
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 1: it will test you. I remember I started Scott's Agency.

675
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 1: Three months into Scotts Agency, I went to Italy with

676
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 1: my husband. It was our first big trip together abroad. Whatever.

677
00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: I land and I get an email from an angry client,

678
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 1: and my whole trip is shot. I'm done, I'm depressed,

679
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 1: I'm anxious at this, I'm at And then I get

680
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:05,160
Speaker 1: home and I laugh and I say, of course, that

681
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:11,480
Speaker 1: you had me start a customer service, client facing business

682
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,760
Speaker 1: when I am the biggest people pleaser in the world.

683
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: I said, okay, now we got to work on my

684
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:20,160
Speaker 1: people pleasing skills. So once I recognize that entrepreneurship is

685
00:36:20,239 --> 00:36:26,680
Speaker 1: just one big game of highlighting weaknesses, highlighting strengths, insecurities,

686
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: personal development, emotional roller coaster, I said, Okay, I think

687
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 1: I can I think I can do this. Yeah, you

688
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:44,760
Speaker 1: actually have more practice than most of us, probably, Yeah,

689
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:48,879
Speaker 1: And and then Kelly, I recognized that. Once I got

690
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 1: about a year in Discounts agency, I was looking around

691
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 1: at other women my age, and they weren't getting into

692
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: the game. They weren't starting their drake business. Not because

693
00:36:59,239 --> 00:37:02,760
Speaker 1: they didn't have the ucation or the resources or even

694
00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:06,800
Speaker 1: the financial means to start something. They weren't starting because

695
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 1: of fear and anxiety. Yeah, because of their emotions. Then

696
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: I really started to understand that this entire game is emotional.

697
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:20,360
Speaker 1: I love that. Why and how should every entrepreneur prior

698
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:25,319
Speaker 1: prioritize their mental health? Actually had another guest on. His

699
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,360
Speaker 1: name was John Rowa and he um He wrote a

700
00:37:28,400 --> 00:37:32,359
Speaker 1: book called How to Get Rich and Trying because when

701
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 1: he started, he built this whole tech company and um

702
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: then sold it but had immediately had a mental breakdown

703
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:42,800
Speaker 1: after because of all the intensity it took to build

704
00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:45,480
Speaker 1: the company. And so he talks about that openly, like

705
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:48,800
Speaker 1: it's very important as entrepreneurs, like that's a very common

706
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:51,839
Speaker 1: thing I think for the mental breakdown to happen, especially

707
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 1: once the intensity dies down. It's like we can go

708
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: for so long and then we just crash, you know,

709
00:37:57,520 --> 00:38:01,839
Speaker 1: the burnout. So how would you every entrepreneur should be

710
00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:06,760
Speaker 1: prioritizing their mental health. I think being very self aware

711
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 1: and allowing yourself space to take care of your mental

712
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 1: health as an entrepreneur will not only make the experience

713
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:18,600
Speaker 1: more pleasant on their end, but I really believe businesses

714
00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:22,719
Speaker 1: grow when their leaders are emotionally healthy and secure. That

715
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: everything from going into a sales call with desperate, anxious

716
00:38:26,320 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 1: energy versus secure, confident, and healthy energy can really impact

717
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 1: the revenue of your business. Um, if your mental health

718
00:38:34,719 --> 00:38:36,520
Speaker 1: is in a beautiful place, that means you're going to

719
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 1: be a better leader and created company culture that's really

720
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:42,960
Speaker 1: grounded and authentic. I think that we very often times

721
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 1: can get swept up in the toxicity of running your

722
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:50,520
Speaker 1: own business because at times there is no turn off button. Um,

723
00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:53,600
Speaker 1: it's difficult to separate your identity from your business. It

724
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:57,680
Speaker 1: becomes really you become very engrossed. And so you know,

725
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:00,319
Speaker 1: sometimes people won't take care of themselves just to take

726
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 1: care of themselves. So I always like to say, if

727
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: you take care of yourself, your business will grow. If

728
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,960
Speaker 1: you don't feel like you deserve to take care of

729
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 1: yourself just for you, just do it for your business,

730
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 1: because your business will grow and flourish. And so I

731
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 1: don't believe leaders can have sustainable, long serving businesses that

732
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,839
Speaker 1: fulfill them, fulfill their team, fulfill their customer or their

733
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 1: clients if they are not coming from a place of

734
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,400
Speaker 1: balance and rundomness, and like, think about it. Would you

735
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 1: rather get an email that's unfavorable and be totally anxious

736
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 1: for twenty four hours or would you rather get an

737
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:38,640
Speaker 1: email that's unfavorable and allow yourself to breathe, use your tools,

738
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:42,000
Speaker 1: reframe your perspective, come back to ground, and then respond

739
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:46,800
Speaker 1: and move on. Everybody wants once the ladder. And so

740
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 1: that's the type of coping mechanisms and skill sets you

741
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,880
Speaker 1: can have if you take care of your mental health. Yeah,

742
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 1: I agree with that. Well, we mentioned earlier that you

743
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:59,759
Speaker 1: have a new book out called The Emotional entrepreneurs So

744
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:02,239
Speaker 1: it's tell us about the book, talk about what you

745
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: talk about in this book. So this is that book,

746
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 1: The Emotional Entrepreneur lesson guide book for all entrepreneurs. It's

747
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: the emotional guide book for entrepreneurship. And each lesson talks

748
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:21,600
Speaker 1: about different things like limiting belief or anxiety. I'll read

749
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 1: some of the chapters because I think it kind of

750
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 1: gives a picture you know, like, lack mindset is a

751
00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 1: waste of time limiting me through your world. Uncertainty is

752
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 1: the only guarantee. Emotional independence is where it's at. Responsibility

753
00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: is scary, and you were born for it. Failure is

754
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,920
Speaker 1: what gets you closer to success. Sometimes you have to

755
00:40:42,960 --> 00:40:45,879
Speaker 1: set a higher standard. Your anxiety is trying to tell

756
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:49,359
Speaker 1: you something, um, etcetera. There's twenty five of them. And

757
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 1: so each of the mindset and emotional lessons are inspired

758
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:55,839
Speaker 1: by my healing journey with bi polar disorder that I

759
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: implement into my business that have helped me feel safe

760
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,839
Speaker 1: in my emotion and through all of this. And you

761
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:04,919
Speaker 1: can read it through straightforward, or you know, I say

762
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,839
Speaker 1: read it through straightforward and then on days when you're

763
00:41:07,880 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 1: struggling with uncertainty, around days when you're struggling with anxiety,

764
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 1: you can go back and refresh on that chapter. But

765
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 1: it it really was. Um. I suppose a book that

766
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: definitely just poured out of me, very very beautifully and easily.

767
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 1: And I'm really honored to have Jessica's Wike write the forward,

768
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:29,279
Speaker 1: for it to be endorsed by women like Rebecca Mink, goth,

769
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 1: Cat Sadler, and Laura Nevert's bostic So, um, yeah, it's

770
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:36,280
Speaker 1: something I am very proud of. I'm just so glad

771
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,960
Speaker 1: people are starting to talk about being emotional as a strength.

772
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 1: I don't know, like I feel like, especially in business,

773
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:44,920
Speaker 1: like you mentioned earlier, people are like, no, it's not

774
00:41:44,960 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 1: emotional here. We don't do emotions, and actually we inhibit ourselves.

775
00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,320
Speaker 1: I believe by not bringing emotions to the table, m

776
00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:56,160
Speaker 1: because emotions tell us. I always say my anxiety does

777
00:41:56,160 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: two things for me. One A tells me when i'm

778
00:42:00,000 --> 00:42:03,879
Speaker 1: eating my comfort zone, intuit of something greater. So if

779
00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:06,640
Speaker 1: I want to hire, if I want to expand the team,

780
00:42:06,680 --> 00:42:08,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get anxious, Like I'm going to get anxious

781
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: because it's growth, and so then I can identify, Okay,

782
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:13,359
Speaker 1: thank you anxiety. You're trying to keep me safe. You're

783
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 1: trying to eat me in my comfort zone because hiring

784
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: and scaling comes with uncertainty and risk, and you're trying

785
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: to protect me from that. So I think it's so

786
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 1: much for visiting and warning me, hey, you're you're that

787
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 1: the known circle. Um, and then I'm able to say

788
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: I really believe in myself that I'm gonna do it. Anyways,

789
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,799
Speaker 1: and I know that you have my back though, yes,

790
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 1: or it could tell me like on a sales call

791
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,840
Speaker 1: when I'm talking to a prospective client and I get anxious, Oh,

792
00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,760
Speaker 1: that client is probably not for me. And so even

793
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 1: things are out of alignment too. Yeah. And so it's

794
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,680
Speaker 1: just again about communicating with your feelings. But that's an

795
00:42:48,680 --> 00:42:52,760
Speaker 1: amazing tactic to bring to your business. It's it's incredible. Um.

796
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 1: You also have the okay sis podcast that you do

797
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 1: with a friend of yours, right, I do with my

798
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 1: sister Matt. It's just sure, Okay, I missed that part

799
00:43:01,320 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 1: of it. So what are some of the topics and

800
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:05,879
Speaker 1: guests that people can find on this podcast? So Mad

801
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,239
Speaker 1: and I interview a rad female guest twice a month,

802
00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:11,919
Speaker 1: and then twice a month we have sot episodes where

803
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:15,520
Speaker 1: we go into different topics. Um. We've had everyone on

804
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:20,920
Speaker 1: from Bachelor, reality stars and Manda Stanton's bloggers like sevon

805
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 1: Ela YouTuber's Kensy, Elizabeth Mourn, Elizabeth Taylor King, entrepreneurs, Lindsay

806
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:32,040
Speaker 1: Carter from Said Active Trinity from Gold Um. So it's

807
00:43:32,080 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: really just a place for women to come together and

808
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:37,680
Speaker 1: hear from other women and their stories your entire agency

809
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:41,839
Speaker 1: is women. Is this right? Yes, which I love obviously,

810
00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 1: And the guys, the people that you pitch are all women,

811
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:47,239
Speaker 1: and it's so great to have. I mean, I think

812
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:50,439
Speaker 1: Rebecca Minkoff came online and a couple other people from

813
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 1: your agency. Um, and I love that it's just women

814
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 1: promoting more women and women killing it in business, bringing

815
00:43:57,640 --> 00:43:59,759
Speaker 1: emotions to the table. I mean, all of it is.

816
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:04,360
Speaker 1: That's the feminine power right there. That's it. Yeah. I

817
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 1: love being in the energy of women in business. It's

818
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 1: my favorite. Yeah. Um, well, where else can people find you?

819
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:16,399
Speaker 1: You can find me on Instagram at scout Sobel. It's

820
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 1: probably the best place in my bio line of links

821
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:23,280
Speaker 1: to Scot's agency, to okay, this podcast, to my book

822
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:27,560
Speaker 1: and then you can get the Emotional Entrepreneur on Amazon amazing,

823
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,640
Speaker 1: And I'll also put that in the description of this

824
00:44:29,680 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 1: podcast if you guys are want to go check out

825
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 1: the book. I do want to end with one last question, um,

826
00:44:36,360 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 1: and this I hope that this can help anyone who's

827
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:40,680
Speaker 1: listening to follow their dreams. And I loved this question

828
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:42,879
Speaker 1: when I thought about with you, But will you tell

829
00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:47,040
Speaker 1: us how you use your mental health to fuel your dreams.

830
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:54,240
Speaker 1: I think there's two folds. I use my mental health

831
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,759
Speaker 1: to guide me, so I would we take care of her.

832
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 1: She takes care of me, and she tells me what's

833
00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 1: in alignment and what's where my purpose is, and what

834
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 1: kind of route to take. If I turn left and

835
00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:08,799
Speaker 1: it's wrong, she'll flare up and let me know to

836
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 1: turn right. So I really honor her and respect her

837
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 1: and take care of her so that when she speaks

838
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,759
Speaker 1: to me, I know she's speaking from the truth and

839
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 1: she's trying to tell me something. And then I use

840
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:25,480
Speaker 1: my mental health to feel my career because you know,

841
00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:35,080
Speaker 1: I don't have an option, um all all self destruct.

842
00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:40,840
Speaker 1: I'm not doing something that's fulfilling in an alignment and

843
00:45:40,920 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 1: my purpose. And I've been to places where you don't

844
00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:49,360
Speaker 1: know what you're going to be or how you're going

845
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:54,160
Speaker 1: to get out of something. And so I honor my

846
00:45:54,200 --> 00:46:00,800
Speaker 1: emotions because they're strong and they know a lot, they

847
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:04,840
Speaker 1: carry wisdom, and they keep me safe and they warned

848
00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:08,760
Speaker 1: me and they celebrate me. And so if I'm working

849
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,480
Speaker 1: against my mental health, I am nothing in this world.

850
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: But if I'm working with my mental health, um, well,

851
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 1: that's that's what you see today. It's beautiful. Thank you,

852
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 1: thank you, Scalt. That was I love that answer. Oh again.

853
00:46:27,040 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 1: The book is called The Emotional Entrepreneur. The podcast is

854
00:46:29,960 --> 00:46:33,320
Speaker 1: Okay sis podcast and go check scout out on Instagram.

855
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,160
Speaker 1: It's actually just a really good follow for Instagram to

856
00:46:36,360 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 1: you talk a lot about your journey just on Instagram.

857
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Speaker 1: That's something you guys are into, so go check it out. Scout.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: Thank you guys for listening. Thanks for listening to The

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Speaker 1: Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where we believe everyone

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Speaker 1: has a little velvet and a little edge. Subscribe for

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Speaker 1: more conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. Search Velvet's

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Speaker 1: Edge wherever you get your podcasts.