1 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:17,959 Speaker 1: I had my first big girl parenting moment. And my 2 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: daughter and I are in the Hamptons. I went to 3 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: a dinner party and she went to meet her friends 4 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 1: in sag Harbor. So she had a girlfriend staying with us. 5 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,280 Speaker 1: Really lovely girl, really lovely girl. And they had two 6 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 1: boys that were going to be in the Hampton it's 7 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 1: not boyfriend, just boy friends. And they met them in 8 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 1: sag Harbor as kids do, and they walk around. They 9 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: go to the yogurt store, they just walk around. They 10 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: sit on the bench, they go to the pizza place. 11 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,680 Speaker 1: It's great. And then they were like. She's like, I 12 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:43,360 Speaker 1: don't want to be here anywhere. She called me. She goes, 13 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: I want to Like, we did it. They had had 14 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:47,319 Speaker 1: dinner at a taco restaurant. Then they did it. Can 15 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 1: I bring them back to the house. Now we live 16 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: on the beach. My daughter's really proud, she's proud of 17 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: her house. She's excited. She's at an age, you know, 18 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: where they're first getting social. And she said, can I 19 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 1: bring them back to the house. My first instinct, I'm 20 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: at a dinner party that night. I was smart enough. 21 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: My driver from the city had brought Brinn out because 22 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: she was with her dads, and I made a new 23 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 1: rule that like he would be here the whole day 24 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,480 Speaker 1: because the schedule is not the same back home, not 25 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: the eaedy to be in my staffing schedule, but that 26 00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: he would be at the whole day in case she 27 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,680 Speaker 1: needed any rides, because I don't really want her to 28 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,320 Speaker 1: get into an uber, you know, even though ubers are 29 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,360 Speaker 1: safe and I've had great experiences and it's a great 30 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 1: tool that I use, I'd rather him drive her, and 31 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 1: it's also can be expensive and great. So he was around, 32 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: so I thought to myself, I said, well not alone. 33 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,960 Speaker 1: I was like I was at the dinner party. I 34 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 1: was presented with her wanting to go back to the 35 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,920 Speaker 1: house with her friends, and my first instinct was no, 36 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: Like you have a friend saying you went into sag Harbor, 37 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 1: you visited, and by the way, no would have been 38 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,800 Speaker 1: a perfectly good answer. But she's a really good kid, 39 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,559 Speaker 1: and she has to go to camp. We've never done camp. 40 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: We've never done nanny. So like she's out here with me, 41 00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: like right now, I'm doing the podcast and she's been 42 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: sitting around. We're going to go on the boat at three, 43 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,040 Speaker 1: So no one's crying for her, but like it's not 44 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: the summer of all day, every day activities and she's 45 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 1: such a good kid. And I'm like, uh, I go, no, 46 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: she said why, I said, I don't. I don't know. 47 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,640 Speaker 1: I don't have a good reason. I was at the dinner, 48 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 1: but I'm like, I don't want to deal with this 49 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 1: right now, brit, I don't know. Just go home and 50 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: go with your friend. But Mom, why, And she wasn't 51 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: being rude or antagonistic, She's like why, Like literally, why 52 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 1: I go? I don't know why. I don't have a 53 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 1: good reason why. I don't know why. I just don't 54 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: like this. I don't want to be in the stage. 55 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,640 Speaker 1: I want you to go into the stroller right now. 56 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: I don't want to deal with this. What do I do? 57 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 1: So I was like, okay, problem solver, I am. So 58 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:29,240 Speaker 1: I call Emelio, my driver who was with me. So 59 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 1: I said, okay, here's what I want you to do. 60 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: I want you to pick up the girls in sag 61 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: Harbor and the boys. And I knew that the boys 62 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: were all the way in Mantak and it's they're a problem. 63 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,959 Speaker 1: They're going to get themselves home. They knew about it. 64 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: I knew this would be a problem, but whatever, So 65 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:42,840 Speaker 1: I said, cause I don't want it to be that, 66 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:44,519 Speaker 1: like it's always me. And now my driver's gonna have 67 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: to go from Southampton all the way back to man 68 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,000 Speaker 1: Talk to bring these boys home two and a half 69 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,080 Speaker 1: hours out of his way, because I'm very respectful of 70 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:52,679 Speaker 1: everyone's time and i just don't waste people's time. And 71 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that to him, even though 72 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: he offered. So now I was like, so she said, no, 73 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 1: they're going to get to Ubers. They're fine. I said, okay. 74 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: So I sent Amelia home and I'm like, okay, take 75 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: them all home. Be cool. She wanted to go swimming. 76 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,400 Speaker 1: Let them go in the pool, and like, what time 77 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 1: do we think is reasonable? Like that this will all 78 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: get shut down. I'm gonna of course. Now my dinner 79 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: party was over for me. I took it to the 80 00:03:12,760 --> 00:03:15,360 Speaker 1: board at the dinner party and everybody. Most people said no, 81 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 1: but one parent I could tell was like, I mean, 82 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 1: who cares, what's the difference. I would do it. It's 83 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 1: the age. Whatever. So he waits while they go in 84 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 1: the pool. I come home a half hour later, I 85 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:27,079 Speaker 1: make takeitos and microwave popcorn trying to be cool. I 86 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 1: don't know why I had that cool food in my 87 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,639 Speaker 1: freezer and the pitcher of waters to make their shure. 88 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,119 Speaker 1: They're all hydrating. They're in the pool like peeked out, 89 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,280 Speaker 1: not to be like the weirdo. And just so they 90 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: were fed and went into my room and I texted 91 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: a million and I We're like, okay, let's say, like 92 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,480 Speaker 1: at ten thirty we figure out what our plan is. 93 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: Where I went to get the fuck out of here. 94 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: We're in the Hampton's it's going to take an hour 95 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 1: these kids to get home. So then I'm looking at 96 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,920 Speaker 1: him and these were like, all right, ten forty five, 97 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 1: ten forty five, let's ask like, let's make sure. And 98 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: at ten thirty, just say does everyone have their uber 99 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,080 Speaker 1: plan in order? So ten forty five, we're going to 100 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,560 Speaker 1: shut the program down. They'd been there for like two hours. 101 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: I guess like he's like, yeah, let them hang. And 102 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: I also wanted to get Amelia to the city on time. 103 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: I don't want to waste his time, and so I'm 104 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 1: trying to take care of everybody. So I know Amelia 105 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: is fairly young, my driver, and so he's like realizing, 106 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: like he was at age not that long ago, and like, 107 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:23,840 Speaker 1: you know, closer to it than I am. And so 108 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 1: I'm like, I just don't want to be on. I'm like, 109 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:26,960 Speaker 1: I want this to be a good experience for them, 110 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,080 Speaker 1: because I want the kids at my house. I would 111 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,320 Speaker 1: rather not have them walking around sag Harbor, even though 112 00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 1: it's safe quote unquote, I just don't want my kids 113 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,200 Speaker 1: walking around any ten. I want them locked in a 114 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 1: prison cell in my basement. So I was like trying 115 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,600 Speaker 1: to be cool, but not too cool. So I was like, 116 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,800 Speaker 1: all right, so then we would decided on ten forty five, 117 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:44,160 Speaker 1: and of course that meant they were working out of 118 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:46,920 Speaker 1: the pool Atoll eleven, and then we were working and 119 00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 1: then I was like in my room going to sleep. 120 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: It was silent. Amelia was working with them on what 121 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,159 Speaker 1: the Uber program was going to be home, and he 122 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: ended up there was a big music festival not far 123 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,760 Speaker 1: so he ended up having to drive them to some 124 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: where they could get an Uber and the boys ended 125 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,680 Speaker 1: up leaving like probably like eleven thirty. I mean, those 126 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 1: kids didn't get on to like twelve thirty. I mean 127 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 1: I knew they were going in the wrong direction, not 128 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: towards their house. But these kids don't listen and don't 129 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,880 Speaker 1: understand and brin the next day, I was like, right, 130 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,679 Speaker 1: they thought they were going on the way to Montak. 131 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, right, I told you this. Who cares whatever. 132 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:19,920 Speaker 1: So for those parents if their kids came home late, 133 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I don't know how to control everybody. I don't. 134 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: I wanted them out of here by ten thirty, ten 135 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 1: forty five. So I didn't want to be the cool mom. 136 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 1: You know, we're all having a rave at my house. 137 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 1: It's just like this is what went on. The game 138 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,039 Speaker 1: was moving fast and it was like full on. It 139 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,200 Speaker 1: was big girl Panny time, like there was the witching 140 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 1: hour we're getting into now. I was like, I don't 141 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,479 Speaker 1: like this part. I don't like this space. I think 142 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 1: I handled myself well. She was lovely. She cleaned up 143 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,359 Speaker 1: by the way backing out. She had a friend this weekend. 144 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:48,040 Speaker 1: And what I did ahead of the time, I did 145 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: a contract with her. So her first friend this weekend 146 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,280 Speaker 1: at this house. House is new whatever it's got the 147 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 1: new car smell, I said to her. The following I 148 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 1: emailed her, I said, Okay, you will make your bed 149 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: every morning, you will clean up after yourself, you won't 150 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 1: be leaving wet tow on the bed or on the floor. 151 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,400 Speaker 1: You'll go down to the basement if you have a 152 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 1: bunch of people, because there's like a basement like sort 153 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 1: of cabana room like versus like trapsing through. You know, 154 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,720 Speaker 1: just like just things you won't leave, like food everywhere, 155 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,720 Speaker 1: like you're gonna clean up after yourself. And she said okay, 156 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: and I go, no, no, no, like you have to like 157 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 1: sign like you have to in writing on the text 158 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 1: say yes, agreed. I'm like, because you won't get your 159 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: allowance if not. And she agreed, and she was great, 160 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,000 Speaker 1: Like it was just like a contract. But it's I 161 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 1: know it sounds crazy. You could say something, but I 162 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,640 Speaker 1: wrote it down. I mean, it wasn't a contract, it 163 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,320 Speaker 1: was a text. But the point is my I wrote one. 164 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 1: Number one this you'll make your bed every day. Number 165 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,159 Speaker 1: two you'll do this. Number three the wet towels. Things 166 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: you've experienced that you've seen, like oh, no food in 167 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 1: the bedroom, like I've seen that with like a wrappers 168 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: and everywhere, and there are sometimes aunts in the kitchen 169 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,400 Speaker 1: and I don't want I just was like making rules. 170 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 1: I made five rules. That was it. She agreed, she 171 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: didn't break one of them, like setting boundaries, being trustworthy, 172 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: but not like getting mad afterwards, like it's in their mind, 173 00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 1: Like I let her know ahead of time what the 174 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,600 Speaker 1: terms were means. It's great. Invite this friend back anytime 175 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,680 Speaker 1: you want. I'm so excited. Invite the boys over. Like 176 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: we figured it out. We have something going here. We 177 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,719 Speaker 1: started on a level of trust. I pulled on my 178 00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: big real panties, and I think I checked two good 179 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,280 Speaker 1: boxes this weekend and learned. And so I was thrilled 180 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,480 Speaker 1: with my behavior, her behavior, the boy's behavior. Shout out 181 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: to those boys, moms. Those boys were good. Brince's friend 182 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: was amazing. It was a really successful thing because like 183 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,840 Speaker 1: I'm cool, but like I'm not that cool. I'm not 184 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 1: the one who's having sixteen kids over. I'm not the 185 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 1: hockey mom with the chair with the forty seven snacks, 186 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,880 Speaker 1: you know, with a big blowhorn, cheering like I'm not 187 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:34,120 Speaker 1: every mom, I'm not everything. I'm who I am. I'm 188 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 1: doing my best. But for me, I'm grading myself an 189 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,480 Speaker 1: a plus on having you know, her friend this weekend, 190 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: which she does all the time. Like that's not a problem. 191 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,200 Speaker 1: You could have a couple of friends, but having the 192 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:49,560 Speaker 1: boys come, like, I gave myself really good grade. What 193 00:07:49,600 --> 00:08:10,200 Speaker 1: do you think first? That the answer that's the after