1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,880 Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, 2 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:10,200 Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. 3 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. 4 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:15,800 Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. 6 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,400 Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, 7 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 1: and time for fun. From figuring out childcare to mapping 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. 10 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: This is Laura. In today's episode, Sarah is going to 11 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:42,279 Speaker 1: be interviewing doctor Kelly Fraden, who is a pediatrician and 12 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: the author of Advanced Parenting. Sorry, she's a pediatrician, isn't she, Sarah, Yes, 13 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:50,239 Speaker 1: she is a general pediatrician. Yeah, and we've had her 14 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,000 Speaker 1: on the program before. Longtime listeners may remember that that 15 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 1: she had a lot of interesting things to say back 16 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: in the COVID era, which we're not completely out of, 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 1: but you know, it was more of something that was 18 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,720 Speaker 1: on the top of everyone's mind a couple of years ago, 19 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,319 Speaker 1: and she had a lot of interesting things to say 20 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 1: about that, and she also has a lot of interesting 21 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,320 Speaker 1: things to say here. So she has the author of 22 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,720 Speaker 1: a new book called Advanced Parenting. So, Sarah, maybe you 23 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: can tell us what does she mean by advanced parenting. 24 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: I know, I'm like, oh, is that when your kids, 25 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: I don't know, I'll get into high school and it's 26 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,920 Speaker 1: like more advanced. No, it is not. So what she 27 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:25,600 Speaker 1: means by that is that some kids have more complex 28 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: needs than others, particularly health needs, either physical health needs 29 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 1: or mental health needs. And so I think the title 30 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,199 Speaker 1: is just meant to reflect the fact that, yes, while 31 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 1: parenting any kid is challenging, sometimes you are handed something 32 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,959 Speaker 1: that is even more daunting, and there really isn't a 33 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: great manual for that when you have like a you know, former, 34 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: like an infant that was born very premature who gets 35 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 1: discharged from the nique, like now, what how do I 36 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,000 Speaker 1: handle all this stuff? And I know that we get 37 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: questions to that end all the time. So it's fantastic 38 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:02,800 Speaker 1: to have a more official annual from someone who has 39 00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:06,520 Speaker 1: had some experience, as we'll talk about in the interview. Yeah, awesome, 40 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,080 Speaker 1: And we want to acknowledge here we both are very 41 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,639 Speaker 1: lucky that we haven't had too much in the way 42 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,560 Speaker 1: of dealing with in terms of complex medical matters to 43 00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,639 Speaker 1: deal with with our children. And of course we are 44 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,720 Speaker 1: absolutely in awe of our listeners who are managing that 45 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,400 Speaker 1: and all that they are still managing to do with 46 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,400 Speaker 1: their life at the same time, because it is a lot. 47 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 1: But you know, even the baseline, like with when you 48 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: have a lot of kids, this stuff starts to add up. 49 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,040 Speaker 1: I mean, Sarah, what what are you managing now in 50 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: terms of regular appointments. I guess we could keep account 51 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 1: of this. Yeah, so I tried to create a list. 52 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,360 Speaker 1: I have two kids that go to the eye doctor yearly, 53 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: two kids going to the orthanonist, sometimes a lot, sometimes 54 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: less often, three kids who go to the dentist, including 55 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: one who has to go more often for an issue, 56 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 1: one ky who SE's a specialist, one kid who has 57 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: periodic blood draws, and obviously there's physicals for all three. 58 00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: So again, super lucky not to have anything all that complex. 59 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 1: And yet one, two, three, four, five, six, seventy nine, 60 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:08,200 Speaker 1: ten eleven, that's like twelve to fifteen appointments per year 61 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: even with just mostly baseline stuff. So that's interesting. Yes, yeah, Now, 62 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 1: I mean same here with five kids, we recently went 63 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: through the round of well child visits, so five well 64 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,800 Speaker 1: child visits. I wound up batching them two two one. 65 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,119 Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe I could have done three two. 66 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: I was one of the twos was a lot harder 67 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,919 Speaker 1: than the other, but that was just because it involved Henry. 68 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 1: So I think maybe in the future Henry gets his 69 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:37,360 Speaker 1: own appointment and everybody else goes together. Maybe even I 70 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 1: don't know if they'll they'll let me do that. I'm 71 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: not sure that they will, although we've been there for 72 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: a long time and always show up when we're supposed to, 73 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 1: so perhaps we might be able to get away with it. 74 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 1: But yeah, no, the dentist. We have had two kids 75 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,080 Speaker 1: in orthodontic care over the past I think at least 76 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 1: one other will be. We lucked out on the eldest, 77 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,520 Speaker 1: so Jasper had his teeth come in perfectly. Don't know 78 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 1: where that came from, but we could thank the dental 79 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 1: powers that be on that one. He does go to 80 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,720 Speaker 1: a regular eye doctor, though, for eyeglasses for nearsightedness, which 81 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 1: I assume all of the kids will have at some 82 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 1: point because they have us as parents. We have one 83 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,400 Speaker 1: specialist eye doctor I know longtime listeners know that the 84 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:23,960 Speaker 1: Ruth had multiple eye surgeries when she was little, and 85 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: we may be in for more of that, but we 86 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,040 Speaker 1: don't know. We wind up going to Johns Hopkins usually 87 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: once a year, sometimes twice a year. We'll see how 88 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,839 Speaker 1: that goes. Other kids, you know, we see specialists not 89 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,520 Speaker 1: for medical but like educational needs and such. I don't 90 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 1: know if you include that in the overall banner of stuff, 91 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:45,000 Speaker 1: but yeah, it does add up, you know, even if 92 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,240 Speaker 1: you have good systems for it. So yeah, we're really 93 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 1: glad that Kelly wrote this book, and we hope that 94 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: people will find her manual and her discussion of advanced 95 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 1: parenting to be helpful. I am so excited to welcome 96 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: to Best of Both worlds doctor Kelly Breeden, who has 97 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,800 Speaker 1: actually been on our podcast before. Kelly is a pediatrician. 98 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: She also runs the popular social media account Advice I 99 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: Give My Friends, and she's working full time, including seeing 100 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,560 Speaker 1: patients at Atria Institute. Kelly, I don't know how you 101 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: have time to do this interview, but I'm so glad 102 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:21,320 Speaker 1: you decided to say hey to our audience. Hi, thank 103 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,360 Speaker 1: you so much for having me. I'm excited to chat 104 00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: with you. So one of the reasons we are chatting 105 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 1: is because you have a book coming out. I mean 106 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:31,760 Speaker 1: there's other reasons as well. You're just a super cool 107 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: person with a lot of expertise and a unique background. 108 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,800 Speaker 1: But you also write a book called Advanced Parenting, which 109 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,479 Speaker 1: comes out. I'm not exactly sure with a relationship to 110 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 1: the one this airs, but I'll try to have it 111 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: be right around when this airs. And what tell us 112 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,760 Speaker 1: a little bit about advanced parenting and what inspired you 113 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:53,360 Speaker 1: to write this book? Yes, so, Advanced Parenting has been 114 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 1: sort of a passion project for many years. You know, 115 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: when I was a child, I had a childhood can sir, 116 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,400 Speaker 1: and I went through the whole surgeries and radiation and 117 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:08,400 Speaker 1: chemo and that whole process, and I was lucky to 118 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 1: have excellent care. But what I saw from that experience 119 00:06:13,120 --> 00:06:16,040 Speaker 1: was that it was almost harder on my mother and 120 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,760 Speaker 1: on my parents than it was on me as a child. 121 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: And I saw how the hardest parts of it weren't 122 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 1: things that even were really on the radar of the 123 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,160 Speaker 1: physicians taking care of me and our family. And then 124 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 1: sort of the trauma of going through that for my 125 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:36,840 Speaker 1: parents lasted a lot longer than the actual condition did. 126 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 1: Even when COVID hit, my parents were worried about me 127 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 1: because they were just trained to worry about me rather 128 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: than about themselves. So I guess, you know, having been 129 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:51,600 Speaker 1: through that and then being a pediatrician and a parent myself, 130 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: I just all the time was seeing parents who had 131 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 1: a child with a challenge, a new diagnosis, a learning disability, 132 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 1: were developmental difference, a mental health struggle, and just they 133 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:06,159 Speaker 1: get this information and then they're like, now, what what 134 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: do I do? How do I cope with this? How 135 00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 1: do I make a plan? How do I know if 136 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 1: I have a good plan, how do I adapt the 137 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: plan to my family? And when I looked at the 138 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,040 Speaker 1: parenting shoves, there wasn't like a good resource. So I 139 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 1: tried to create one that is awesome and remind us 140 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 1: how old your kids are? Now, Yes, I have a 141 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: five and a nine year old. So as a parent 142 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 1: and a provider, I actually so I was reading your 143 00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:36,240 Speaker 1: book and having like I kept like switching roles almost 144 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:37,800 Speaker 1: as I was reading it, because I'm like, oh, yes, 145 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: I get what she says from the provider's perspective. Oh yes, 146 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 1: I guess what she said, Like I got it on 147 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: both sides, but obviously not that many people kind of 148 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: understand the interplace. So I do think it's a really 149 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: great and unique place to come And especially with you 150 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,120 Speaker 1: having the experiences of health challenges yourself as a child, 151 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: where do you most see expectations conflict. I know that's 152 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: kind of a good jew see your question, but that's 153 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,680 Speaker 1: something that I kept thinking of again and again as 154 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 1: I was reading it, and also something I think about 155 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: in my practice as well. I think we're one of 156 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,680 Speaker 1: the most A place of a lot of tension is 157 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 1: that the follow up is allocated so little time and 158 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: bandwidth from the doctor's perspective. So for a parent, sort 159 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: of once you get the initial workup and diagnosis, you 160 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 1: get a lot of information and then you're sort of 161 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: like left on your own and when the follow ups 162 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,400 Speaker 1: come along, when the follow up question, when you have 163 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:38,240 Speaker 1: follow up questions or clarifying questions, or you're looking for 164 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,440 Speaker 1: more information or more resources for your family, you're often 165 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: not given as much time or as much space with 166 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 1: the provider and the team that you're working with. And 167 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:52,839 Speaker 1: I think that sets both the clinician and the parent 168 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: that should be like unsatisfied, because the clinician the doctors. 169 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,360 Speaker 1: They want you to have a good outcome, and having 170 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: a good outcome depends on having good follow up and 171 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,640 Speaker 1: you know, liking the plan you're on and having that 172 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 1: plan fit your family well. But there's not a lot 173 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 1: of time or resources from the medical community devoted to 174 00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:17,440 Speaker 1: answering questions later or portal messages or you know, to 175 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,599 Speaker 1: get a doctor on the phone after a visit. It 176 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,440 Speaker 1: can be challenging. So I think that is something that 177 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:27,600 Speaker 1: can be really unsatisfying for parents. Yeah, and there's not 178 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:32,680 Speaker 1: necessarily easy solutions, but there are definitely some workarounds, and 179 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 1: you provided a lot of great ideas for those in 180 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,679 Speaker 1: your book. I guess let's go a little further down 181 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 1: that path. Let's say you have a complex child and 182 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 1: you're getting your questions answered, maybe via the portal, but 183 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 1: they're not like detailed responses, or you just feel unsatisfied, 184 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 1: or you've you know, heard about some other treatment via 185 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 1: social media or something, because you're now involved in a 186 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,679 Speaker 1: community of others with a similar diagnosis, which we'll talk 187 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 1: about that as well, and you want more, but you know, 188 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: like there's a limit to what somebody is going to 189 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,680 Speaker 1: be willing to just write back to you, let's say 190 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 1: through a portal that's like a chat. So what would 191 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: you advise from the clinician side and what would you 192 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:17,839 Speaker 1: advise from the parent's side. Yes, so, as the parent, 193 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,720 Speaker 1: you definitely want to advocate for what you need and 194 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,600 Speaker 1: what your child needs, and sometimes that requires you know, 195 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 1: making an appointment or having a protected time to get 196 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: the answers that you're looking for. Coming to a visit 197 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 1: prepared with kind of like a list of questions makes 198 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: it more likely that you'll get all your concerns addressed 199 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 1: at the visit. I would also say, well, it's very 200 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 1: sweet how attached sometimes parents are to their pediatrician. Sometimes, 201 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 1: when you're starting out with a new baby and you 202 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 1: don't necessarily know that you're going to have a challenge, 203 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:57,720 Speaker 1: you might pick a pediatrician who seems like a good 204 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: fit at the time, and then later on you might 205 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:05,240 Speaker 1: find you're seeing specialists at a different hospital system and 206 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:09,200 Speaker 1: having somebody there might make more sense. So I would 207 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: say that it can sometimes make sense to shift to 208 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: a new doctor if you're finding that the practice you're 209 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:19,480 Speaker 1: with is not suiting your needs or that of your child. No, 210 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,839 Speaker 1: that totally makes sense. Let's go down that road as well. 211 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: So a question we got pretty recently on our podcast 212 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:31,520 Speaker 1: was just the logistical challenges of dealing with a child 213 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:33,839 Speaker 1: with a very complex diagnosis, like somebody who needs to 214 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 1: see multiple specialists. Maybe it's a former premature child, maybe 215 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 1: it's somebody with congenital heart disease, something where it's not 216 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: even just one doctor, it's multiple. How should parents go 217 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,679 Speaker 1: about managing the logistics, especially with our listeners when we're 218 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:52,400 Speaker 1: talking about two working parents. In many cases, it can 219 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: be a huge time commitment to try to stay organized 220 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 1: and to get all the stuff done that you need 221 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 1: to do. I think one thing I'd say is you 222 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:09,120 Speaker 1: need in many cases to have help. And obviously that's 223 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 1: depending on your resources. It may be hard to do 224 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,560 Speaker 1: if you can't, like necessarily for doubts or some of 225 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 1: the tests on your plate. That doesn't mean that you 226 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,280 Speaker 1: can't ask maybe some of your family members or neighbors 227 00:12:20,679 --> 00:12:24,360 Speaker 1: or your close friends for more support. And I think 228 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,720 Speaker 1: there's some pressure on parents to do it all when 229 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 1: it comes to their children's health, and sometimes because of 230 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,720 Speaker 1: you know, the feelings that come along with your child 231 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: having a diagnosis, you might hesitate to reach out and 232 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:41,280 Speaker 1: ask for help. But generally speaking, if you're brave enough 233 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,520 Speaker 1: to be open about what you're facing and reach out 234 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: to your community, you'll find that people are willing to 235 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 1: pitch in, whether it's you know, taking care of your 236 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 1: other kids so that you can take one child to 237 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,680 Speaker 1: an appointment, or helping with pickups and drop offs, or 238 00:12:54,679 --> 00:12:57,440 Speaker 1: picking medicine up from the pharmacy, these sorts of things. 239 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:00,120 Speaker 1: So I think that can make a big differ. And 240 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,400 Speaker 1: remembering that you don't have to be like the only 241 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:06,040 Speaker 1: one to do all this work. No, that totally makes sense. 242 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:09,360 Speaker 1: So outsourcing getting help from friends, family members, et cetera. 243 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 1: I do when a family member who knows the child well, 244 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 1: like if it's like a grandparent that stays with them 245 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,880 Speaker 1: and then they come to appointments, I love that because 246 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, good, I get to talk to the source. 247 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 1: You're the one who's actually like caring for them after school, 248 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:25,240 Speaker 1: Like this is actually very helpful. So that totally makes sense. 249 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: Is there also like ways of I mean, I don't know, 250 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:32,400 Speaker 1: like navigating, like trying to get appointments at the same time, 251 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,319 Speaker 1: or choosing a healthcare system based on some of those logistics. 252 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:39,800 Speaker 1: Have you seen different things work for different people. Definitely, 253 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 1: there are programs where they're designed to suit specific conditions, 254 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,840 Speaker 1: so there might be combined clinics with like say, if 255 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 1: you have cerebral palsy, you might be able to find 256 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 1: a rehab medicine doctor and a neurologist doing a clinic together, 257 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: so you have like one less appointment to go to 258 00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:59,880 Speaker 1: and that can be a great time saver, and it 259 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,640 Speaker 1: can also improve the quality of your care because being 260 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 1: in the same system often improves the communication that the 261 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 1: doctors have with each other and the record sharing and 262 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: lab sharing. It makes everything a lot more streamlined and 263 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:17,319 Speaker 1: takes that organizational piece off your plate as the parent 264 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 1: and caregiver for your child. You don't have to be 265 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 1: like the go between of the different doctors. So definitely, 266 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 1: trying to consolidate specialists in one institution can be smart. 267 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 1: Totally makes sense. We're going to take a very quick 268 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:32,840 Speaker 1: ad break and then I want to talk more about 269 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:49,280 Speaker 1: that consolidation when there are multiple providers. Okay, so this 270 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: was a common theme in your book as well. If 271 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 1: they're not in the same place, how do you convince 272 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 1: specialists to talk to each other when both might have 273 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 1: a conflicting view. I know I am a specialist, so 274 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 1: I'll share. What I tend to do is when I 275 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: have a parent that's like, well, I don't know if 276 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 1: ORTHO will like that. I'll be like, here's my email. 277 00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 1: Can you give this to the ORTHO or like call 278 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,320 Speaker 1: the word, like I want to talk to this. If 279 00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:13,720 Speaker 1: they're in our system grade, I can send them a 280 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,880 Speaker 1: staff message an epic that's like super easy. But if 281 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: they're not, I want to open that line of contact 282 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 1: because it's usually super helpful for me to know what 283 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 1: somebody else is thinking about a given patient. So that 284 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,440 Speaker 1: is my personal strategy, but I know that's not necessarily 285 00:15:28,440 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: going to be every provider's first instinct. So what do 286 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 1: you say when you get this? When you see parent 287 00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 1: family and as a primary care you probably do see 288 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 1: this family struggling because they've got like two specialists with 289 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: different ideas that could really benefit from some kind of gathering. Yes, 290 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:49,160 Speaker 1: I think getting the specialists either talking to each other 291 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: or both talking to the primary care doctor is essential 292 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:56,880 Speaker 1: because generally speaking, everybody is well intentioned, and so when 293 00:15:56,880 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 1: there is a disagreement nor sometimes it's because people have 294 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:05,800 Speaker 1: different data guiding their decision. So if somebody sees something 295 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 1: the other doctor doesn't. You know, it may be that 296 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: one person has a better plan than the other. And 297 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: the only way I'll do that is if you get 298 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: everybody on the same page and talking openly together. I 299 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: think sometimes parents are hesitant to ask this of their 300 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 1: care team because you know, they don't want to be 301 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 1: perceived as pushing back or disrespecting their doctors. But what 302 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,920 Speaker 1: it is is it's advocating for your child. And when 303 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,520 Speaker 1: when you kind of put it out there as like 304 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,680 Speaker 1: you're hearing mixed messages from your care team and you're 305 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: not sure what to do, I think it will be 306 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,760 Speaker 1: pretty well perceived, and I think it's a good strategy 307 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:48,440 Speaker 1: to ask. I Actually, as I'm thinking of this, I'm like, 308 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,160 Speaker 1: I wish it was more common to just be like, 309 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:53,640 Speaker 1: can we do a three way like epic like video 310 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,080 Speaker 1: appointment or something like that. That would be so cool 311 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,960 Speaker 1: in some cases that would be so so helpful. So 312 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe some for the future. How do 313 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,399 Speaker 1: parents decide what needs an appointment? And what's a quick question? 314 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 1: It is very tricky because it's also different for different practices. 315 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,760 Speaker 1: Some doctors will handle more by a portal message or 316 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 1: an email and others. Really everything has to be an appointment. 317 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,360 Speaker 1: So that gets you back to like when you're doing 318 00:17:21,359 --> 00:17:23,119 Speaker 1: your research. I think a lot of people when they 319 00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 1: when they have a diagnosis, they jump right in to 320 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:28,800 Speaker 1: learning everything about the diagnosis. But you don't want to 321 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 1: forget to learn everything about the clinic you're working with 322 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:34,680 Speaker 1: or the pharmacy you're working with. Like if there's a problem, 323 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:36,600 Speaker 1: you know, in the middle of it or on the weekend, 324 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 1: who do you call? Like if you have a follow question, 325 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,920 Speaker 1: what's the best way to handle that? You know, records 326 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:46,760 Speaker 1: and things like this. Learning those basics up front and 327 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,000 Speaker 1: when you're in the office, can safety time down the 328 00:17:49,040 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 1: road totally makes sense? All right, I want to pivot 329 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:55,280 Speaker 1: a little bit. There is a section and you talk 330 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 1: about mental health as well, since these challenges are really 331 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 1: really common, probably increasingly common in recent years, and yet 332 00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 1: navigating those pathways can sometimes be even more daunting because 333 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: you just don't know, like what requires actual help and 334 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,560 Speaker 1: which type of help, and like, you know, is this 335 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 1: just normal behavioral stuff or is it something that needs 336 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: more So if you had a parent looking for advice 337 00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:22,639 Speaker 1: on like what to do if they're wondering if their 338 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 1: kid might have let's say, anxiety or something, where would 339 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,840 Speaker 1: you tell them to start. It's a good question. So 340 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:30,560 Speaker 1: the first thing I would do is talk to the 341 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 1: other people who are part of your child's life, whether 342 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 1: it's a babysitter, a teacher, a co parent, or a 343 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:38,679 Speaker 1: close family friend who spends a lot of time a 344 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:43,359 Speaker 1: dear child, because these people can help you to see 345 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 1: is your child's mental health challenge affecting multiple parts of 346 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: their life or is it just really you know, sometimes 347 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:51,919 Speaker 1: we have kids in the morning they have trouble, or 348 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 1: at night they have trouble, and sometimes it's just at 349 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:58,119 Speaker 1: school or sometimes it's just at home. So first you 350 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 1: take stock of like where on when is the problem occurring, 351 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,920 Speaker 1: is it happening with multiple people? And then you also 352 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 1: have to think of like how big of an impact 353 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:11,600 Speaker 1: it's having on your child's life, Like is it meaning 354 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:14,400 Speaker 1: that they miss out on things that they would otherwise enjoy, 355 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 1: is it limiting your family or taking mp a lot 356 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,719 Speaker 1: of time from your day, like reassuring your child and 357 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 1: managing your child's behavioral symptoms. So when you think about 358 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,920 Speaker 1: all these things, it'll help you decide the next step forward. 359 00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:30,760 Speaker 1: Because if it is having a big impact on your child, 360 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 1: either in terms of severity or in terms of hitting 361 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: a lot of aspects of their life, You're going to 362 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,640 Speaker 1: want to get a professional involved right away, and most 363 00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:42,679 Speaker 1: people start with their pediatrician because pediatricians are more accessible 364 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 1: and can help hopefully locate a therapist or a psychiatrist. 365 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,000 Speaker 1: I mean it. Yeah, I do think sometimes people they 366 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,199 Speaker 1: skip ahead to something else or they like, and it 367 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,280 Speaker 1: can always be helpful to start because they may also 368 00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,720 Speaker 1: just know who the right people to go to for 369 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,040 Speaker 1: any given problem are or how high it needs to 370 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 1: to be escalated. So yeah, I love that. How about 371 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:07,040 Speaker 1: support for parents' mental health when they are going through 372 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:09,080 Speaker 1: so much, when they might have a kid with a 373 00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 1: scary diagnosis, or just like being overextended, even if it's 374 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: not scary but it's very, very chronic. How do you 375 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:22,320 Speaker 1: recommend that parents seek support? Yes, I think it's essential. 376 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,360 Speaker 1: I mean, we know from looking at the literature that 377 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,359 Speaker 1: parents are twice as likely to report burnout and mental 378 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:34,000 Speaker 1: health problems when their children have a chronic diagnosis, probably 379 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:36,639 Speaker 1: because the sheer amount of work on their plate and 380 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:40,320 Speaker 1: stress on their plate is increased. But what we also 381 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,240 Speaker 1: know is that a parent who is coping well with 382 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,760 Speaker 1: the stress on their plate will be able to function 383 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,919 Speaker 1: at a higher level and get the things done that 384 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:52,119 Speaker 1: they need to get done and be there for their child. 385 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:56,400 Speaker 1: So I think it can be challenging for a parent 386 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,119 Speaker 1: when they it's like, now what do I do? I 387 00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,879 Speaker 1: don't have time, I don't have energy, I don't have 388 00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,919 Speaker 1: space to deal with this. And I think one of 389 00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:05,640 Speaker 1: the best places to start is by saying no more 390 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,000 Speaker 1: or setting some more boundaries. So it could be that like, 391 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 1: you're just doing too much and something has to go 392 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 1: because you know you can't necessarily make more time for 393 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 1: yourself without getting rid of something. So I think that 394 00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:22,920 Speaker 1: is where I encourage parents to start. And I guess, 395 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 1: as we mentioned before, getting rid of something you know 396 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: might still need to get done, so you might be 397 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,119 Speaker 1: having to get creative about other ways to get it 398 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:33,600 Speaker 1: done or getting it done more efficiently. I think the 399 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,600 Speaker 1: other place to trim is to think about how you're 400 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,439 Speaker 1: spending your time. And you know, you can look at 401 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,439 Speaker 1: how you're spending all the hours of your day or 402 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:47,680 Speaker 1: and sometimes you'll be surprised by how much time can 403 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:51,680 Speaker 1: go to tasks that aren't necessarily as important and how 404 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,560 Speaker 1: little time we get to spend doing the things we 405 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 1: value the most. So I think that sort of time 406 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,919 Speaker 1: time analysis can be very helpful place to start as well. 407 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 1: How about social media, and I mean I mentioned a 408 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:07,240 Speaker 1: little earlier. I think some kind of specialty diagnosis groups 409 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:10,439 Speaker 1: can be so helpful for patients, like I love it 410 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,119 Speaker 1: for my type one diabetes patients, Like they can be like, 411 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: oh my god, there's a whole community of other people 412 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:18,359 Speaker 1: like I'm I have so many friends out there dealing 413 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,719 Speaker 1: with the same types of challenges and they share ideas 414 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,760 Speaker 1: and stuff. And then I've also seen it like sometimes 415 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,159 Speaker 1: stress people out from a provider's standpoint, maybe more than 416 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,880 Speaker 1: they have to, because maybe their child has a very 417 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,400 Speaker 1: mild version of something and then the parents have gone 418 00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:35,199 Speaker 1: down the kind of worst case scenarios and that can 419 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 1: be so hard. So as a provider and as a parent, 420 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:44,600 Speaker 1: how do you like recommend people engage with social media 421 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 1: related to complex conditions? I think it's really important that 422 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,520 Speaker 1: when you're learning the basics at the beginning, you start 423 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:56,879 Speaker 1: with the resources recommended by your doctor or the educators 424 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: involved with your child, because then those recent or will 425 00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 1: typically give you kind of a broad overview and make 426 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 1: sure you'll get like the basic information straight. You know, 427 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,280 Speaker 1: these social networks can be invaluable for some kinds of support. 428 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:16,320 Speaker 1: I think locally, if you can find good providers or 429 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,080 Speaker 1: good pharmacies, you know, those sorts of things can make 430 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,480 Speaker 1: a big difference on your day to day quality of life, 431 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 1: and it can be really validating and make you feel 432 00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:28,000 Speaker 1: less alone. But I think you have to be mindful 433 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:31,199 Speaker 1: of what you feel when you're on these groups, and 434 00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:35,640 Speaker 1: also of the fact that other people sometimes have other 435 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,480 Speaker 1: side projects they're working on. They are definitely groups where 436 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,880 Speaker 1: they'll be selling their coaching services, and maybe they're also 437 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,240 Speaker 1: like a parent who's dealing with this, but they're trying 438 00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: to be resourceful and be entrepreneurial in the things that 439 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 1: they're putting out there, so they might make you feel 440 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 1: worse about your parenting of your child so that you'll 441 00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:59,640 Speaker 1: support their company. So just to really like stop and 442 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 1: think about who you're taking advice from, because sometimes they 443 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: are valuable sources and sometimes they may be less valuable, 444 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,160 Speaker 1: And stop and think about how it is affecting your 445 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:15,200 Speaker 1: mental health, because if it's hurting more than it's helping, 446 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,439 Speaker 1: it might be time to like log off or go 447 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: spend your time elsewhere, or like take a break, like 448 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,359 Speaker 1: do an experiment, like okay, if I don't go to 449 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,120 Speaker 1: that Facebook page for a month, like is my child 450 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,840 Speaker 1: actually like missing out on anything? Are they doing any worse? 451 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,600 Speaker 1: And then sometimes if it's like no, it was just 452 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,679 Speaker 1: stressing me out, it would be time to move along. Okay, 453 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,159 Speaker 1: very interesting perspective. I like it. I think that was 454 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,280 Speaker 1: most of my book related questions. Can you tell everybody 455 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,679 Speaker 1: where and when they can find advanced Parenting, which I 456 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,479 Speaker 1: think should be just handed out in the hospital, by 457 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 1: the way, to everyone. That would be so wonderful. It's 458 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,200 Speaker 1: coming out April eleventh, and it should be in most 459 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,680 Speaker 1: major bookstores. I'm really excited and I hope people find 460 00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:00,959 Speaker 1: it to be a helpful resource. Awesome and do you 461 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:05,479 Speaker 1: have a love of the week for us? I've been 462 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:09,399 Speaker 1: reading The Thursday Night Murder Club, which is about this 463 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:13,080 Speaker 1: group of elderly people in a retirement community who are 464 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:17,679 Speaker 1: solving murderers. And there's like just lovable people and it's 465 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:23,040 Speaker 1: a nice balance of feel good and sort of murder mystery. 466 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,560 Speaker 1: So I highly recommend. I love it well. I'm going 467 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 1: to give a love of the week. Shout out to 468 00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:32,480 Speaker 1: my neighborhood book club, which has taken a long time 469 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,639 Speaker 1: to kind of get going, but I think we're in 470 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,600 Speaker 1: our fourth or fifth session now and it's just like 471 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 1: a little spot of joy on my calendar that I 472 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,760 Speaker 1: get to hang out and talk about books with some 473 00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:47,359 Speaker 1: neighborhood friends. So so nice, awesome, Kelly. It's been so 474 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,080 Speaker 1: much fun to have you on other than your book. 475 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:54,399 Speaker 1: Remind everybody where they can find you. Yes, I spend 476 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,200 Speaker 1: way too much time on Instagram at advice and give 477 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:01,040 Speaker 1: my friends, so that's probably the easiest place to find me. 478 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,720 Speaker 1: And my website is also advice I give my friends 479 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,199 Speaker 1: dot com. Love it Well, thank you so much for 480 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:10,280 Speaker 1: coming on, Kelly. Yeah, thanks for having me. Well we 481 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,800 Speaker 1: are back. Thank you so much, Sarah and Kelly for 482 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,040 Speaker 1: that informative discussion. I know a lot of people are 483 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: going to find this incredibly helpful if you are navigating 484 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:21,360 Speaker 1: complex medical or behavioral or mental issues with your children. 485 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 1: So turning a little bit from that, maybe on the 486 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:30,040 Speaker 1: more general parenting question here, a listener writes in that 487 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:34,199 Speaker 1: every once in a while, my meal planning grows stale. 488 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,399 Speaker 1: Nobody else has ever experienced that I don't know what 489 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,960 Speaker 1: this listener is writing in about Okay, she says, what 490 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,040 Speaker 1: are some of your go to meals that your kids 491 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,880 Speaker 1: will mostly eat? All right, Sarah, let's hear it again. 492 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,000 Speaker 1: I think we discussed this every six months. But it's 493 00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 1: okay because everybody still eats every day, and so we 494 00:26:50,119 --> 00:26:52,879 Speaker 1: never get tired of hearing what it is that kids 495 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 1: will actually eat. And sometimes the answers can change for 496 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 1: this kind of a question because I have kids that 497 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 1: will drift in and out more picky stages. You know. 498 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,840 Speaker 1: It's kind of funny, like I've gotten to the point 499 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:05,359 Speaker 1: where like if two out of the three like something, 500 00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:09,760 Speaker 1: I'm like great, good enough, Like that's good, but bread 501 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,840 Speaker 1: exactly or cereal or a burrito from the freezer or whatever. 502 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:18,200 Speaker 1: Taco night and taco salads almost always work. A salad 503 00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,440 Speaker 1: that has a lot of custom ingredients so that one 504 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,640 Speaker 1: can add what one likes. So I think like things 505 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,840 Speaker 1: that you assemble where you can leave out offensive parts 506 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 1: can be really really good, whether that is, you know, 507 00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:31,960 Speaker 1: an omelet bar that only has you know, you add 508 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,560 Speaker 1: it custom or a salad where you could just have lettuce, 509 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,359 Speaker 1: chicken and ranch. If that is what you want served 510 00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 1: with bread and butter, because why not sushi bowls? I mean, 511 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:43,720 Speaker 1: I know that's not that doesn't sound like something picky, 512 00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:46,280 Speaker 1: but my kids really like sushi, and so recreating that 513 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,439 Speaker 1: flavor profile with like rice, salmon, avocado, soy sauce, like 514 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:54,679 Speaker 1: those little seaweed things like they love that and often 515 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,040 Speaker 1: like a sheet pan thing that has like roasted sausages, 516 00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: broccoli and potatoes with a lot of ketch up for 517 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:03,880 Speaker 1: dipping is usually not frowned upon too much, although one 518 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 1: out of three usually objects to sausages so they can 519 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,199 Speaker 1: get something else, they can eat something else. Yeah, ketchup 520 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: is indeed the magic ingredient. We seem to go through 521 00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:16,840 Speaker 1: a lot of ketchup around here by those giant things costco. 522 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: They come in three pack, and we seem to still 523 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:21,639 Speaker 1: run out on occasion. I think there's a lot of 524 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:24,359 Speaker 1: drowning things in ketchup that may be going on here. 525 00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,439 Speaker 1: We eat a lot of pasta in our house, just 526 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,600 Speaker 1: regular old pasta. Then people can customize it. The adults 527 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:35,480 Speaker 1: generally have a more interesting sauce. Adults here, including Sam, 528 00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,840 Speaker 1: who will eat the sauce but with you know, veggies 529 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:42,080 Speaker 1: and sausage and things like that, and then other people 530 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: just have it with parmesan butter whatever else they do 531 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:50,240 Speaker 1: with them to avoid, you know, having such obnoxious ingredients 532 00:28:50,280 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 1: as actual tomato sauce touching your pasta. We have tacos 533 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,160 Speaker 1: or fajitas. It kind of depends like we'll do it 534 00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:58,960 Speaker 1: either way, I guess to mix it up a little 535 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 1: chicken tacos we just cooked chicken. People can cut up tomatoes, 536 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:07,600 Speaker 1: you know, guacamolea We get little tins of guacamole from 537 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 1: the grocery store pre made so people can put sour 538 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,480 Speaker 1: cream and cheese and have some fruit on the side. 539 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:14,560 Speaker 1: And when we do it with fahetas, we'll cook up 540 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 1: the meat with peppers and onions, but then a little 541 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 1: bit on the side of people want that differently. Breakfast 542 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 1: for dinner big around here have either waffles or pancakes 543 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,520 Speaker 1: or French toast usually have scrambled eggs and bacon. We 544 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:30,360 Speaker 1: do make your own pizza on Fridays most weeks, where 545 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:34,320 Speaker 1: we get frozen dough from Wagman's usually, and then everyone 546 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 1: can make it in their own way in the amount 547 00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,360 Speaker 1: of tomato sauce that they wish to put on it 548 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,080 Speaker 1: or not put on it, as the case may be, 549 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: and then you know they're cheese and generally not any 550 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:46,400 Speaker 1: other toppings, although Ruth has experimented with putting things like 551 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 1: strawberries on her pizza, so I guess that kicks it 552 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,880 Speaker 1: up a notch. We've been doing a lot of versions 553 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 1: of rice and chicken because this is another one that 554 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:58,000 Speaker 1: at least you have the same basic ingredients that everyone 555 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:02,480 Speaker 1: will eat more or less. So adults and other people 556 00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 1: who are willing to eat normal food can have chicken 557 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 1: and veggies with some sort of Asian sauce now sadly 558 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 1: non dairy Asian sauces, so tiki masala is off the list. 559 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,520 Speaker 1: But a roga josh is in various curries that are 560 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,800 Speaker 1: made with coconut milk, coconut coconut, yeah, anything coconut. It 561 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 1: turns out to work. And have that with rice, and 562 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: then other people can have rice and normal chicken or 563 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,480 Speaker 1: if it has to be chicken nuggets, sometimes it has 564 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 1: to be chicken nuggets that they have with the rice 565 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,480 Speaker 1: and fruits and cut of veggies or whatever. We do steak, 566 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,240 Speaker 1: hamburgers and hot dogs sometimes with French fries and fruits 567 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:41,520 Speaker 1: and veggies, and yeah, it's not that exciting, but that 568 00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:44,200 Speaker 1: at least tends to get us through seven or eight 569 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 1: days more or less, and then you're not so ridiculous 570 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,960 Speaker 1: about it. The theme seems like it's customizable. Yeah, don't 571 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,479 Speaker 1: put everything together. Yeah no, because then people get upset 572 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,320 Speaker 1: that it's been such an abomination that things are touching. 573 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:03,640 Speaker 1: I don't know. I tell myself we'll be This won't 574 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,480 Speaker 1: be forever. Presumably they'll grow up and eat normal food, 575 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:07,720 Speaker 1: or maybe they won't. I don't know, but then it 576 00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,560 Speaker 1: won't be my problem anyway. This has been best of 577 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:13,880 Speaker 1: both worlds. Sarah has been interviewing Kelly Fraden, doctor Kelly 578 00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:17,520 Speaker 1: Fraden about advanced parenting, so navigating parenting when you have 579 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,680 Speaker 1: kids who have various special needs. We will be back 580 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:23,120 Speaker 1: next week with more on making work and life fit together. 581 00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:27,960 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the 582 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:32,360 Speaker 1: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, 583 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,840 Speaker 1: and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. 584 00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:40,360 Speaker 1: This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please 585 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:43,040 Speaker 1: join us next time for more on making work and 586 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: life work together.