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Speaker 1: Hi, Katherine, Oh Hi Chelsea, Oh hello, what's up? Greetings

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Speaker 1: from Whistler. It's very white. There's a white, white winter wonderland.

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Speaker 1: Actually it's not really a winter wonderland. We've had kind

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Speaker 1: of a low snow season. Although I am heading out

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Speaker 1: today leaving for a week, and now they're expecting about

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Speaker 1: a foot of snow. So hopefully when our return will

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Speaker 1: be in better shape. Because you know, I have to

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Speaker 1: film my ski video. Oh right, your birthday, ay ski video.

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Speaker 1: So we were going to do it last week because

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Speaker 1: I had my social media team come up for a

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Speaker 1: little sabbatical. They came up here and where I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh great, I said to Ricardo and Mina, who run

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Speaker 1: the company. It's called Crispy Chicken. That's what attracted me

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Speaker 1: to it. I'm trying still trying to get them to

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Speaker 1: change the name to Krispy Chicken Nuggets, but they're not

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Speaker 1: really biting on that one. Anyway, I had them come up.

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Speaker 1: The three of them came up and we were gonna

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Speaker 1: shoot my video and I was like, how proficient are

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Speaker 1: you guys on snowboards because I will need your help.

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Speaker 1: We I mean, we got to step it up this year.

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Speaker 1: We need a drone, I need a different backdrop. I

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Speaker 1: want to ski through the trees. So we're trying to

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Speaker 1: coordinate all this, and I said, how proficient are you

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Speaker 1: and they're like, well, you know, we're not advanced or anything,

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Speaker 1: but we can both, you know, film you on snowboards.

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Speaker 1: And I would like to say that, No, they could not.

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Speaker 1: I took them out skiing. Thank god, I did not

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Speaker 1: try to film this with them. They I mean, Mina

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Speaker 1: is a little bit better, but Ricardo. I was like, Ricardo,

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Speaker 1: how often do you snowboard? He's like once a year.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, do you understand what we're dealing with here?

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Speaker 1: Someone skiing backwards and filming me or snowboarding back through

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Speaker 1: the tree or retreat. Well, I mean, I don't know

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Speaker 1: how realistic that's going to be. So we'll see if

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Speaker 1: I even conquer that, because we're gonna need a few

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Speaker 1: camera men. But I'm in Whistler, so there's tons of

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Speaker 1: people here that can film skiing for years obviously, you know,

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Speaker 1: so I just have to find the right people. Yeah. I,

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Speaker 1: by the way, love Ricardo and Mina. They're fantastic. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they're really really awesome, and we had a great time

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Speaker 1: we went to the zip lining, we went to the

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Speaker 1: BA Well, I dropped them off. I was like their

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Speaker 1: mama bear. I felt like I was shuttling my kids

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Speaker 1: around from carpool, you know. I would drop them off

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Speaker 1: at school and they picked them up three hours later.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, bye, guys. Then I dropped them off at

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Speaker 1: the grocery store so they could get all the Canadian

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Speaker 1: snacks to bring back, and then I'd picked them up

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Speaker 1: and then they'd get in the car and it just

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Speaker 1: would wreak of weed. I'm like, what is that smell? Anyway?

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Speaker 1: So that's been happening up here. Just I love having

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Speaker 1: people shuttle in and out of my little my ski chalet.

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Speaker 1: It's so fun. I know, Chelsea, can you settle a

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Speaker 1: marital argument for me? Really good? O? Yeah, I'd love to. So.

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Speaker 1: Our bedroom, we're having some work done on the garage,

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Speaker 1: was just right near our bedroom and our bad you

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Speaker 1: turning it into what are you turning into Brad's man cave? Well,

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Speaker 1: in addition to podcasting where it happens to be a

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Speaker 1: drummer and musician, So we're turning it into his music studio.

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Speaker 1: Oh music studio. Okay, that's bad in a man cave, Brad, Yeah, indeed,

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Speaker 1: he can be a lot louder in there. Meanwhile, I

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Speaker 1: just want to go out and say that my whole

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Speaker 1: life is a man cavel. I want to do is

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Speaker 1: be in my bed smoking weed and watching TV. So

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Speaker 1: I might as well have a man cave as well.

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Speaker 1: I love it. You just need a lazy boy, that's

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Speaker 1: all you need in there. But so, it smelled weirdly

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Speaker 1: like pine in our bedroom for the last couple of weeks,

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Speaker 1: and we can't figure out why. But I think it

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Speaker 1: kind of smells like weed. And in my opinion, weed

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Speaker 1: smells a little bit like pine needles. But my loving

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Speaker 1: husband thinks that that is absolutely ridiculous. It's skunky. Weed

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Speaker 1: is skunky. That's why they call it skunky weed. Right, Well,

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Speaker 1: not all weed is skunk. I mean, there's me that's

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Speaker 1: not skunky. So I think that you're right, Catherine, as usual,

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Speaker 1: that there can be a pine smell. For sure, when

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Speaker 1: I walk into my house, it is an overwhelming smell

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Speaker 1: of cannabis. My friend's daughter came over the other day

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Speaker 1: and she goes, she's seven, She goes, what's that smell?

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Speaker 1: I go, don't worry about it. You'll know when you're older. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're about to find out. But yeah, I think something

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Speaker 1: we can definitely smell like pine. Are you trying to

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Speaker 1: get rid of the smell or do you like the smell? No?

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Speaker 1: I mean it's it's a pleasant smell. But we're just like,

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Speaker 1: why suddenly does this smell like pine? We can't figure

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Speaker 1: it out. So and neither of us are stashing weed

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Speaker 1: in the bedroom. But I think it smells like weed,

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Speaker 1: And well, why don't you start stashing weed? And then

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Speaker 1: that will overwhelm the pine smell, and then that will

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Speaker 1: create more symbiosis in your perfect more symbiosis and synergy. Well,

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Speaker 1: thank you for settling that argument. And I am so

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Speaker 1: glad that I won. Brad, how do you feel about

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Speaker 1: that outcome? I'm crushed. Okay, my life is a lie. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is, by the way, is something we've been discussing

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Speaker 1: for like a decade. He's like, we doesn't smell like pine. Well,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't always smell like skunks, but in this instance,

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Speaker 1: I think it smells like weed. And it smells like

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Speaker 1: skunky weed. Oh it doesn't. You don't smell pine? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Oh I see, I see. Well it's interesting to me

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Speaker 1: that you're arguing about this, but yet the hard boiled

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Speaker 1: eggs weren't an issue for you at all. Brad Well,

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Speaker 1: I guess I gotta turn a blind eye to some Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's interesting where you pick your battles. Well, I mean

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Speaker 1: that's marriage right there. You got to pick your battles

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Speaker 1: where you can. Exactly so chealously, I wanted to ask

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Speaker 1: you some thoughts about making friends as an adult. I

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Speaker 1: find when I meet somebody that I really like and

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Speaker 1: I want to hang out with them more, I'm not

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent sure how to go about that, how

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Speaker 1: to feel out if they're as into me as I

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Speaker 1: am into them. What are your thoughts? How do you

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Speaker 1: do it? Oh? That's so funny. I mean I'm always

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Speaker 1: making friends as an adult, and you're also constantly meeting

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Speaker 1: new people. Yeah, I guess I'm lucky that way because

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Speaker 1: I'm always bouncing around to different places, so I get

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Speaker 1: to meet new people. I feel like it's a mutual connection.

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Speaker 1: When you have chemistry, it's kind of undeniable. So likely

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Speaker 1: if you're feeling something or like an attraction towards a

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Speaker 1: person that you want to just like, spend more time

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Speaker 1: with or hang out with in a non sexual way.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty easy. It's usually reciprocated. I find yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: like if someone's texting me going when are we going

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Speaker 1: to hang out, I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, I feel

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Speaker 1: the same way. So I just don't feel like who

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Speaker 1: cares about rules as an adult, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But it's not like you're a kid and you're so

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Speaker 1: self conscious and thinking about what other people think of you.

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Speaker 1: Or maybe you are self conscious, but even so, it's

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Speaker 1: good to extend invitations and broaden your horizons always, Like

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Speaker 1: that's always a good idea to make sure you're keeping

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Speaker 1: everything fresh and making new acquaintances as well as friends.

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Speaker 1: You never know what anyone's going to bring to the table.

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Speaker 1: So I always like to hang out with new people

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Speaker 1: all the time. I'm always interested in a different perspective,

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Speaker 1: you know. And I think a good thing to remember is,

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Speaker 1: like we've talked about this a lot, that all relationships

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Speaker 1: don't last forever. You know, a lot of relationships and

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Speaker 1: and a lot of new people come into your life

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Speaker 1: for a reason as well, So you should be open

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Speaker 1: to that aspect of things of like, oh, this might

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Speaker 1: be somebody that I'm supposed to know, are supposed to

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Speaker 1: be friends with, and could be somebody that you're supposed

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Speaker 1: to be friends with for the rest of your life.

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Speaker 1: So I don't think there's any shame in reaching out

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Speaker 1: and being like, hey, you want to hang out, I'm

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Speaker 1: into you or whatever. You know what's sad into you,

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Speaker 1: But you can say yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want

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Speaker 1: people to think they're walking into a thruble situation. So

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Speaker 1: that's how we caught you. That's how I feel sometimes

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Speaker 1: when couples are trying to hang out with me and

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Speaker 1: my back ut up back, it's a duck up, get

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Speaker 1: away from me. I know what you're up to. I

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Speaker 1: once had two friends come over so funny. I was

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Speaker 1: leaving Reese Witherspoon's Christmas party years ago, and my friend

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Speaker 1: and her husband drove me home and then I was like,

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Speaker 1: do you guys want to come in for a drink?

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Speaker 1: And they came in. It was actually my friend Kate

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Speaker 1: and her ex husband, and they came in and they're

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Speaker 1: sitting at my kitchen counter and I made them cocktails

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Speaker 1: and then I said, just so you guys know, we're

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Speaker 1: not hooking up, and they both looked at each other.

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Speaker 1: Like what, And I was like, I don't know what

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Speaker 1: you guys are into, but I'm not into it. And

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Speaker 1: we've been friends ever, so gosh. We had a similar

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Speaker 1: experience with a couple of friends of ours, and Brad

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Speaker 1: had been hanging out with this guy. They were in

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Speaker 1: a band together. I had met him a few times

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Speaker 1: because he bartended. We just hit it off from the

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Speaker 1: very beginning. Absolutely love this guy. We were in the

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Speaker 1: car together, the three of us, and we were going

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Speaker 1: to meet his wife, and I think I met her

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Speaker 1: once or twice, but you know, it was early stages,

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Speaker 1: and I made some joke about, oh, well, you know

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Speaker 1: this is the point where we ask you guys to

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Speaker 1: hook up with us or whatever, and he thought I

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Speaker 1: was serious and just the back seat of the car

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Speaker 1: win deadly. That's horrible, like five seconds and I was like, Matt,

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Speaker 1: I'm joking. And then he was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: Thank goodness, because I was really enjoying hanging out with

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Speaker 1: you guys, and that was about to be over. I know,

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Speaker 1: I hate having to say I'm joking, though, you know,

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Speaker 1: I know it's an la thing, like a good barometer

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Speaker 1: or measure of somebody who's worthy of hanging out with

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Speaker 1: a somebody who also knows that that's a joke. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that takes it seriously. No offense to your friend. You

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Speaker 1: a new friend, that's okay. We still are very good

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Speaker 1: friends with them to this day. That was like a

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Speaker 1: decade ago, so you know that's great advice. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much. Just to close it out, what's your go

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Speaker 1: to friend date when you're first meeting someone. Is it

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Speaker 1: let's grab dinner? Is it come over? What's your go

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Speaker 1: to I mean I recently made a new friend because

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Speaker 1: my neighbor called me. I think I talked about this.

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Speaker 1: My neighbor that I'm moved building a house next to

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Speaker 1: you got in touch with me and was like, Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited that you're moving next to me. I

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Speaker 1: want to we're going to be best friends. He's a

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Speaker 1: gay guy, obviously, and he's like, I loved to party,

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Speaker 1: I love everything you represent. I can't wait for us

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Speaker 1: to be neighbors. We're going to build a funicular behind

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Speaker 1: our houses to meet, or a zip line or whatever.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, that's so fun. And we

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Speaker 1: were trying to hang out. We couldn't make it work.

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Speaker 1: And then I was in Sundance skiing in Park City,

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Speaker 1: and he was at Sundance at the festival and then

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Speaker 1: we met. We met up there and we had a

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Speaker 1: drink together. I think a drink, A drink is a

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Speaker 1: good or a coffee, like if you're into coffee. I

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Speaker 1: don't really drink coffee. So whenever people suggest that, I'm

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Speaker 1: like whatever, that's life of meeting. Like I have business

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Speaker 1: meetings over coffee, you know, where I pretend and to

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Speaker 1: drink coffee or I have hot tea or who knows.

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Speaker 1: I never know what to get at a coffee place. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you know what, Starbucks has those not to plug anything,

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Speaker 1: but Starbucks has those like refreshers that are like lightly sweet,

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Speaker 1: they're fruity, and they have a little tina bit of caffeine.

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Speaker 1: I like those when I'm not into coffee. Oh they

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Speaker 1: have caffeine. I like anything with caffeine. Yeah, it's got

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Speaker 1: a little caffeine. I think it's like maybe as much

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Speaker 1: as a cup of tea, or maybe it is a

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Speaker 1: cup of coffee. I don't know. You can ask them

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Speaker 1: about I love Thank you for that. Thank you for

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Speaker 1: that recommendation, Catherine. That is meaningful. So how is your

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Speaker 1: house going? I was actually wondering about this morning. Who

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Speaker 1: knows what the hell's happening with my house? I can't

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Speaker 1: even This is a perfect example of my impulsivity. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to get my family out of my house, so

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Speaker 1: I had to send them a strong message. I put

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Speaker 1: the house on the market, and now I have been

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Speaker 1: homeless for two Yeah, and I've been in a rental.

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Speaker 1: So oh, I have some other sad news to announce. Actually,

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Speaker 1: oh no, okay, I haven't publicly announced it because I

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Speaker 1: don't feel like it. But Bert is no longer with us.

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Speaker 1: I know. I'm so sorry to hear that thank you,

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Speaker 1: thank you, my poor little baby. He's so sweet. But

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Speaker 1: Bernice is still with us, who knows for how long,

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Speaker 1: So I'm gonna have to get her a little companion soon. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: So my baby boy is gone. Oh, I'm so sorry

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Speaker 1: to hear a thing thank you. He was such a

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Speaker 1: sweet Oh he was so robust when I got him,

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Speaker 1: and watching him kind of fall apart or deteriorate, it

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Speaker 1: was so like, oh, it's heartbreaking. But you know what

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Speaker 1: I feel like about dogs. I just feel like you

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Speaker 1: gotta pivot that love because you give out so much

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Speaker 1: love to them, and when you lose a dog, it's

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Speaker 1: such an easy transfer of love to find another dog

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Speaker 1: and give another dog a home and then give Bernice

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Speaker 1: another little someone to torture. And so I will be

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Speaker 1: doing that. I'll be on the hunt for a new

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Speaker 1: chow guys soon, Okay, well I will. I'm sure you

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Speaker 1: work at a lot of emails about this, so I

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Speaker 1: will send things along to you, guys. But yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: so sorry. It's never easy. It's just never easy. I

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Speaker 1: know it's never easy. But you know what you have

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Speaker 1: to remember about dogs, It's like you gave them a life.

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Speaker 1: He was at rescue and he was in bad shape

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Speaker 1: when I got him, and then he was loved so hard,

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Speaker 1: yes by his birth mother bought Bell, but also by

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Speaker 1: me and all my friends. And he was just such

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Speaker 1: a lover. I mean, I've never had a dog that

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Speaker 1: would lie on me all night long. I just love that.

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Speaker 1: Oh what a good boy. Yeah, well, just snuggle Bernie

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Speaker 1: a little extra hard next time you see her. And

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Speaker 1: also I loved what Laurel and Jackson said is that

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Speaker 1: we're going to see them again one day. Well, Chelsea,

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Speaker 1: I do have a couple of updates, okay from callers

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Speaker 1: from previous episodes, So should we launch into those? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right, fantastic. This one is from our dear friend

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Speaker 1: Braden Cantelope, who was our sweet Canadian friend. He was

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Speaker 1: in his early twenty and he was like, I want

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Speaker 1: to study fashion, but I'm background friends and family and

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Speaker 1: I want to move to London. So Braden says, Hi,

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Speaker 1: h Chelsea and Catherine, I hope you're both doing well.

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Speaker 1: I'm just emailing to say, while it's been a year,

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Speaker 1: I've finally moved to London. Once my visa was sorted

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Speaker 1: in November, I booked my flights for January and here

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Speaker 1: I am. I've been here nearly a month now, moving

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Speaker 1: into my beautiful flat tomorrow. Honestly, your advice did help

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Speaker 1: give me the little kick in the ass I needed

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Speaker 1: to get over here, and boy, am I glad I did.

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Speaker 1: Thank you both for everything, Braid and Cantelope. PS. I've

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Speaker 1: had a few viewers actually messaged me on my Instagram

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Speaker 1: to see if I made the move. Most recently, someone

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Speaker 1: messaged me just the other day and said they're so

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Speaker 1: happy to see I made the move. How lovely of people.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's so sweet. I love our little community who

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Speaker 1: would have sunk it? You know what I mean? Seriously,

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Speaker 1: it's just lovely. I used to just be a bitch

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Speaker 1: on the E network, and now look at the wonderful

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Speaker 1: work we're doing. Yes, I even had a maybe love

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Speaker 1: connection the other day. Someone had listened to you know,

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Speaker 1: someone who was single and said, hey, can you send

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Speaker 1: her my Instagram? So I did. We'll see a straight

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Speaker 1: guy apparently, or at least sometimes straight. Yeah, we should

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Speaker 1: look into doing some sort of like matchmaking episode because

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Speaker 1: I really like to set people up and you know,

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Speaker 1: make people get together, force them. I love that. I

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Speaker 1: love that cool. And then our next follow up is

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Speaker 1: from Regina. She was the lesbian who was having an

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Speaker 1: affair with a married woman and she has this to say,

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Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, I had a fucking fantastic ten day trip

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Speaker 1: to South America. Remember she was about to leave. That

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Speaker 1: started the day after we chatted. While I was gone,

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Speaker 1: I had close to zero communication with my lover slash coworker,

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Speaker 1: which is of course what we both needed. When I returned,

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Speaker 1: we amicably talked and agreed that the affair, both emotional

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Speaker 1: and physical, needed to stop. She has stated a few

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Speaker 1: times that she is quote going to tell her partner

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Speaker 1: the truth when she is ready, and who the fuck

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Speaker 1: knows when that will be. I could go into more

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Speaker 1: detail for you about how she's struggling with my new

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Speaker 1: lack of emotional investment in our relationship and my refusal

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Speaker 1: to be vulnerable with her anymore. I think that's great,

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Speaker 1: but it doesn't really matter. What does matter is talking

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Speaker 1: with you was the turning point in this seemingly endless

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Speaker 1: roundabout that I couldn't stop circling. So thank you so

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Speaker 1: fucking much for that. I wanted things to change without

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Speaker 1: having to make any changes. The feedback I got from

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Speaker 1: you and Natasha was the kick in the ass I needed. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I'm writing tonight to not only give you that brief update,

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Speaker 1: but also to ask one would be a good time

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Speaker 1: for us to get together so we can start our

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Speaker 1: own affair as per your proposal. I'm vaccinated in horny,

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Speaker 1: so let me know when works best for you. Kiss.

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Speaker 1: Now I have to start sleeping with my female callers.

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Speaker 1: Such a burden, tricky. First of all, vaccinated it in

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Speaker 1: Horny tour is over. We are starting a little big

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Speaker 1: bitch tour. Yeah okay, and we just added red Rocks

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Speaker 1: Oh that's amazing. Yeah, we added Red Rocks. We added

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Speaker 1: there's a bunch of new dates that we added. So

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Speaker 1: check on Chelseahandler dot com for tickets for my new tour,

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Speaker 1: which is going to start in April. A little big bitch.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be so good. I've been writing all my

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Speaker 1: material while I'm writing a fucking book. I'm like Jesus,

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Speaker 1: I have too much to do. Too much writing. You

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Speaker 1: gotta be out there having more life experiences so you

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Speaker 1: have something to writing. I know, maybe I should sleep less,

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Speaker 1: watch Last TV and sleepless of smoke less pot. I'd

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Speaker 1: probably ben a lot more productive. But not always helps,

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Speaker 1: always help. I'm using this as downtime. Yeah, well, as

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Speaker 1: you're should. It's vacation time. But back to the matchmaking thing.

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Speaker 1: If anyone is wanting to be hooked up or match maked,

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Speaker 1: match made, anyone would be match maked, let us know

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Speaker 1: right in for that, because we will try and facilitate that.

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Speaker 1: And if you are a straight man and you are

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Speaker 1: listening and you are single, we can definitely help you

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Speaker 1: because the ratio of women to men listening to this

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Speaker 1: is very high. Yes, and right, matchmaking in the subject line,

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Speaker 1: so I know, and we'll see what we can do

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Speaker 1: for you. That's a good idea. I like that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: maybe we'll have to have a matchmaker on or somebody

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Speaker 1: who knows about relationships. We don't need a matchmaker. I

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Speaker 1: know what to do. Isn't it a mitzvah? If you

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Speaker 1: set up three couples who get married? Is it? I think? So?

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Speaker 1: I just set up a couple, one couple, a gay couple.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what's going to happen with them yet.

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Speaker 1: Or yeah, if you're a gay couple. I mean, gay

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Speaker 1: people want to be set up and they're all listening

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Speaker 1: to this, So that's that's a good idea to right

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Speaker 1: in for that. But also, you know, straight guys would

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Speaker 1: be nice to have some in the mix, unmarried straight guys,

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Speaker 1: as we learned last with your sisters. Oh yeah, unmarried. Please,

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Speaker 1: everyone who participates in this must be unmarried. We'll just

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Speaker 1: put it that way. Can you imagine? That's that's the

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Speaker 1: next headline, Chelsea Handler hooks up married woman with married man.

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Speaker 1: It's just Ashley Madison, Chelsea Madison, Chelsea, Chelsea, Christina Barcelona Chelsea.

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Speaker 1: Next up, we have a new segment that we're going

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Speaker 1: to be doing calling in back up with Better Help.

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Speaker 1: You want to tell us a little bit more about that. Yes,

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Speaker 1: So sometimes we get questions where I just don't feel

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Speaker 1: it's appropriate for me to be answering. And obviously I

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Speaker 1: joke about being a medical professional, but we know that

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Speaker 1: I'm not. I have no certification or degree. I am

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Speaker 1: just really just spouting stuff straight out of my ass.

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Speaker 1: So we are doing this thing where we have Better

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Speaker 1: Health Therapists, which you know, they're a sponsor of the podcast,

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Speaker 1: and they do great work. It's online therapy, Better Help,

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Speaker 1: it's affordable, all of it's so accessible for anybody who's

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Speaker 1: having trouble or going through something. So we decided to

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Speaker 1: work together in concert with them, and when we have

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Speaker 1: some questions that we don't feel like I could answer appropriately,

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Speaker 1: we are calling in somebody who is more skilled. And

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Speaker 1: with that, David Yaddish, licensed therapist and clinical operations manager

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Speaker 1: at Better Help, is going to join us in a

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Speaker 1: little bit great OC says dear Chelsea. I love listening

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Speaker 1: to your podcast, and I've noticed that you are a

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Speaker 1: big proponent of therapy, whether it's individual or couples therapy.

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Speaker 1: I come from Asia, where therapies very taboo, therapies looked

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Speaker 1: at as something is very wrong with you, or it's

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Speaker 1: also like how pathetic are you that you need therapy

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Speaker 1: and can't solve your own problems. I've had many issues

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Speaker 1: from my childhood, from my relationship with my mom, who

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Speaker 1: passed away when I was twenty five years old. I'm

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Speaker 1: forty three now, so my husband recommended that I do therapy.

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Speaker 1: I did it for a month or two despite my

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Speaker 1: cultural belief, and I was never able to be one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent open with the therapist. She did listen a

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Speaker 1: lot and complimented me a lot. To be honest, it

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Speaker 1: made me feel great. She then concluded that I was

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Speaker 1: totally fine and there was nothing wrong with me. Now

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Speaker 1: to my actual question, my husband and I have been

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Speaker 1: married for thirteen years, and we have a lot of differences,

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Speaker 1: simply starting with cultural differences. He's American and I'm Far

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Speaker 1: East Asia, so we come from two different spectrums of

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Speaker 1: the world culturally and geographically. We also have very different personalities. Now,

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Speaker 1: we have three amazing kids together, and we both love

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Speaker 1: our kids so much that even though we have a

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Speaker 1: lot of differences and sometimes feel like this marriage is

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Speaker 1: not working out we want to push through for the

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Speaker 1: sake of the kids. We both do agree that we

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Speaker 1: should go to therapy. However, my main fear and concern

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Speaker 1: is will therapy break our marriage? Do we have so

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Speaker 1: many issues and differences that we ignored for so many

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Speaker 1: years that we're opening a can of worms? Will therapy

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Speaker 1: make us bring up every issue and in the end

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Speaker 1: make us realize we're not right for each other? After all,

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Speaker 1: divorce is absolutely out of the question for me. I

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Speaker 1: do not want to put my kids through that. Also,

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Speaker 1: I do love my husband and I believe he loves me,

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Speaker 1: so I think there's a good foundation there and a

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Speaker 1: desire to be together. We just never had great communication.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels weird to start communication after thirteen years

423
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,720
Speaker 1: of marriage. Please advise if couples counseling is a good

424
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:03,760
Speaker 1: or bad idea for us. So let's get our therapist,

425
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: David on the line, and maybe he can speak to

426
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,119
Speaker 1: some of the cultural differences some of the years around

427
00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:13,520
Speaker 1: going to therapy. Hi David, Hello, Hi David, how are you.

428
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 1: I'm doing well? How are you guys? Great? Thank you well? David?

429
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:21,080
Speaker 1: What do you have to say about OC's letter? I

430
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,000
Speaker 1: think this is a great question and great to ask.

431
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: It's never too late to start communicating in any relationship, right,

432
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 1: But therapy could be really scary, and it's going to

433
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 1: be different for every time in your life. Every therapist

434
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,800
Speaker 1: you see. And one of the things that this writer

435
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:39,800
Speaker 1: brought up in the beginning is that cultural piece. So

436
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 1: not every therapist is going to have the same life experience,

437
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:45,920
Speaker 1: not every therapist is going to have the same anything

438
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 1: in life, right, But like we can all relate on

439
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:53,640
Speaker 1: a very human level on things about communication, fighting, what

440
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 1: it's like to just exist in this world together. So

441
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,760
Speaker 1: finding a therapist that maybe is part of the a

442
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 1: IPI community could be really helpful and help bridge that

443
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 1: gap to get one hundred percent comfortable in a therapy situation,

444
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,080
Speaker 1: because so much of the work that we do as

445
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:13,439
Speaker 1: therapists is about the relationship, right. Anybody who's been in

446
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 1: therapy can talk about if you feel comfortable with your therapist,

447
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,120
Speaker 1: it's so much easier to open up, it's so much

448
00:22:19,119 --> 00:22:22,080
Speaker 1: easier to get to those real, deep core things, and

449
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: that's really important, especially going into like couple's counseling. There's

450
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:28,800
Speaker 1: a lot of vulnerability there, right, you have to talk

451
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,840
Speaker 1: about things that aren't working, the challenges that have come

452
00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 1: over the years, and they talk about being married for

453
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,159
Speaker 1: thirteen years. I'm sure there's a lot of stuff that

454
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,959
Speaker 1: could be talked about, right. What do you think, Chelsea?

455
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 1: I think you just have to If you have a

456
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: desire to want to stay in a relationship, and your

457
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 1: partner has a desire, then you're using couple's counseling or

458
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 1: a therapist as a bridge to get there. You're in

459
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 1: listening somebody to help you maintain the relationship. So of

460
00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:59,119
Speaker 1: course it's worth it. And if you go into therapy

461
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 1: thinking you're going to find out all of these things,

462
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 1: all you're going to find out is about your differences

463
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:06,239
Speaker 1: in how people prefer to be communicated with. Those are

464
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:09,800
Speaker 1: all workable things when you have a common goal. David,

465
00:23:09,880 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 1: how important do you think it is to find a

466
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,200
Speaker 1: therapist who either has a background that's similar to you,

467
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 1: you know, whatever it is, LGBTQ, or specializes in something

468
00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 1: that you're talking about. I think it's really important. Again,

469
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 1: not every therapist is going to have those exact experiences

470
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 1: and still can relate on a number of different levels,

471
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 1: but it's really important to find someone who you can

472
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 1: relate to in that way, like you said, LGBTQ or

473
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:38,840
Speaker 1: a certain religious or cultural experience, because then it takes

474
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,480
Speaker 1: away some of that fear, some of that anxiety, some

475
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 1: of that misunderstanding in sessions, so it can be really

476
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:48,640
Speaker 1: valuable experience. I love that idea of like finding someone

477
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 1: who has the same cultural background as you or specializes

478
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,320
Speaker 1: in whatever your stuff is. I also will say, you know,

479
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:59,119
Speaker 1: as far as the worry of it's splitting you up, Chelsea,

480
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: what do you think of? That's just fear? Like that's

481
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 1: just not being educated about therapy. The idea that therapy

482
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 1: is going to split you up is ridiculous, Like it's

483
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,240
Speaker 1: the opposite is true. I mean, couples can break up

484
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 1: when they go to therapy, but that's also a good

485
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:17,159
Speaker 1: thing because you're revealing your truths about each other or

486
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,920
Speaker 1: each other's truths and your own self truths. So that's

487
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 1: unlikely when both people are interested in a solution. I

488
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,120
Speaker 1: know there was a time in my marriage early on

489
00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 1: where I didn't know if we were going to make it,

490
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 1: and we went through couples counseling, and even though I

491
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: specifically was at a point where I was like I

492
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: don't know if this is happening. I don't know if

493
00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: this is working. I remember our counselor saying to us, like,

494
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:46,400
Speaker 1: I think you have something special that is worth working on.

495
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: And I think for OC, she and her husband seem

496
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: to both have a real willingness to try, and I

497
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 1: think that's kind of half the battle in couples counseling. Yeah,

498
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,960
Speaker 1: usually as long as two people have both feet inside

499
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 1: the house like that's great, then that's that's an effort,

500
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: and that's what that speaks more than anything else that

501
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 1: is going to happen, like when you have a kind

502
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 1: of united front. But and it's totally normal to be

503
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 1: with somebody for that long and to be fucking annoyed

504
00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:17,679
Speaker 1: with each other. Yeah, yes, especially when you have some

505
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 1: cultural differences that you're like, why aren't they just getting this?

506
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: You know, this is how I operate. Thanks David for

507
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 1: joining us. Thank you. Oh see, let us know how

508
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 1: things go and report back. Yeah, oh see, you keep

509
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 1: in touch. So we're going to be doing this segment

510
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 1: calling in backup with better help from time to time,

511
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,119
Speaker 1: So feel free to write in questions with that in mind,

512
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:39,280
Speaker 1: and a big thank you to calling in backups. Sponsor

513
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,440
Speaker 1: Better Help, and of course to David Yaddish, licensed therapist

514
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 1: and clinical operations manager at Better Help. Well, Chelsea, let's

515
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 1: take a quick break and we'll be right back. Okay,

516
00:25:54,040 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 1: And we're back. We're back, We're back. Everybody. Okay, Chelsea,

517
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,479
Speaker 1: let's start with a caller today. I have Brian calling in.

518
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,240
Speaker 1: This is dear Chelsea. I'm a twenty eight year old

519
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 1: gay man. I'm shaken up and could really use your advice.

520
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: Back in November and December, I became very content with

521
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,440
Speaker 1: the idea of being single for a long time or forever.

522
00:26:16,119 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 1: But right before New Year's all that changed when I

523
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 1: met Peter. What was to be a short tender date

524
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 1: turned into a five hour rendezvous of endless conversation, and

525
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 1: I even saw him again the next day. I feel

526
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 1: like in gay culture, that's like big right. Yeah. The

527
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,159
Speaker 1: connection was unreal, and just a week later we were

528
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,600
Speaker 1: dating officially. We told each other things we've never told anyone,

529
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 1: and we just could not stop talking to each other.

530
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 1: I felt totally myself around him, and therefore I let

531
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:47,240
Speaker 1: my guard completely down and started falling in love. It

532
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 1: was long distance, but we spent every weekend of January together,

533
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:53,800
Speaker 1: and during the week we'd FaceTime every day for hours.

534
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: I met his friends, told my parents I was dating someone,

535
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 1: which I've never done, and we made many travel plans

536
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,120
Speaker 1: to see each other through at least the summer. We

537
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:05,120
Speaker 1: were both actively applying for jobs in each other's respective

538
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:07,840
Speaker 1: cities so that we didn't have to be long distance forever.

539
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,920
Speaker 1: I recently drove eight hours to spend the week with him.

540
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,720
Speaker 1: The week was wonderful and there were no signs of issues,

541
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: and the day after I made my drive back home,

542
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 1: he started texting me a little less frequently. Then he

543
00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: called me that evening and said he wanted to break

544
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 1: off the relationship. For context, he's thirty four and came

545
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:27,760
Speaker 1: out just a year ago. Shortly after he came out,

546
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:30,040
Speaker 1: he got into a six month relationship with a man

547
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:32,760
Speaker 1: which ended out of the blue. We met maybe a

548
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,440
Speaker 1: month and a half after that last breakup. His reasoning

549
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 1: for ending it with me was that he needed space

550
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 1: to be a single, openly gay man. He also cited

551
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 1: the long distance and his demanding job. I'm just at

552
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: a complete loss. We both communicated our intent that this

553
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:49,159
Speaker 1: relationship was a long term, and he just flipped the

554
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: switch completely one day. Like him, I have my own burdens,

555
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 1: but those burdens became completely eclipsed by the feelings I

556
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 1: have for him. We ended the breakup call with the

557
00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 1: possibility of getting in touch and rekindling it some point,

558
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 1: whatever that means. Chelsea, Please help me process what's going on. Brian. Hi, Brian,

559
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 1: Hi there, Hi, I'm sorry, Brian. That happened, Thank you.

560
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:15,640
Speaker 1: It happened two days ago now, so it's very very

561
00:28:15,640 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: recent and so okay, And how many months were you

562
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: guys together? Five? Did you say? Just one month? Actually? Oh? Sorry, okay,

563
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 1: so you were oh so one month? Okay. Well, the

564
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:28,760
Speaker 1: good news is it's going to take you a much

565
00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,439
Speaker 1: quicker time to get over a one month dalliance. It

566
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:35,959
Speaker 1: sounds a lot like love bombing from just hearing your

567
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: letter to be that intense that quickly. I was reading

568
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: about love bombing once because my girlfriend was going through

569
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 1: the same thing. And it's like somebody's explosively in love

570
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,040
Speaker 1: with you right just you're on your face timing all

571
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:52,840
Speaker 1: day long. You're telling you you're making future plans premature

572
00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 1: to when that's appropriate. And if you guys doing all

573
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: of that with inside of one month is a big

574
00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 1: red flak. So that's an unhealthy dynamic anyway you're you know,

575
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 1: you're supposed you can totally be into somebody that much,

576
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: But starting to make plants like that and acting like that,

577
00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: it's just it's not stable, do you know what I mean? Like,

578
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,680
Speaker 1: it's not a slow burn and a slow growth where

579
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 1: it goes like this in a regular ascent in a

580
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: healthy way. So it sounds a little bit unhealthy, which

581
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,959
Speaker 1: is why you probably feel spun out right now. The

582
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: reason for it kind of escalating that quickly was that

583
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 1: it was long distance and we just had this strong

584
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: media connection right from the get go. It had a

585
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,240
Speaker 1: conversation at the very beginning of the relationship ship saying

586
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:39,200
Speaker 1: this is long term and we're gonna see it through.

587
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 1: And we committed to that throughout the month, and just

588
00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: the other day, out of the blue, it was like

589
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 1: a switch and he said, no, I can't do this.

590
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:50,520
Speaker 1: I do understand what you're saying about love bombing though

591
00:29:50,520 --> 00:29:53,440
Speaker 1: that it seemed like it was too quick. But and

592
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:58,479
Speaker 1: in the breakup call, I tried to almost negotiate with him, saying,

593
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 1: why don't we just like blow it down instead of

594
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: just having this clean break, given that we are so

595
00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: into each other and he just wasn't really seeing my

596
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: perspective on that. Did you bring up Hey, what about

597
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:13,760
Speaker 1: everything you said and the commitment that we were making.

598
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 1: I did a little bit, because that is also part

599
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: of love bombing, making big commitments and then turning off

600
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 1: immediately like a switch. You've shower someone with love, shower

601
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 1: them with love, and then you're gone. And big promises

602
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 1: and big stuff like that. I think that Brian, it

603
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: doesn't really matter what's going on with him. It matters

604
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 1: what's going on with you. You know, because I'm talking

605
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 1: to you right now, and I understand how you're feeling.

606
00:30:37,880 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: I've been there. We've all been there. You feel like

607
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:42,120
Speaker 1: you have the rug pulled out from underneath you. But

608
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: there's a lot of advantages to the situation that I

609
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: don't think you can see yet. Ay, it was this

610
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: very short amount of time. You will get past this

611
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 1: sooner than later. I know it doesn't feel like that

612
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 1: in this moment, but after a couple of weeks, your

613
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:58,200
Speaker 1: feelings will subside. I promise you that your feelings will subside.

614
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,280
Speaker 1: You're still going to be hurt, because it's hurt full.

615
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:02,720
Speaker 1: It's not leaving it open emptied. I mean, I guess

616
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 1: you're kind of leaving it open ended, but that was

617
00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:08,400
Speaker 1: at your behalf, not his. So I think that look

618
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:11,160
Speaker 1: at his behavior for what it is and what it was.

619
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 1: You made that commitment to him, barely knowing him, getting

620
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 1: to know him long distance, and you meant it, and

621
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 1: he made that commitment and he didn't mean it right.

622
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 1: So I think that character assessment is really integral into

623
00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:28,239
Speaker 1: your healing and understanding. You don't want to be with

624
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 1: someone who says things like that and then turns around

625
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: and freaks out. Now listen if he comes back to

626
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 1: you in a couple of weeks or a couple of

627
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 1: months and says, oh my god, I'm so sorry. I

628
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,840
Speaker 1: want to do this again. Like you need to set

629
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,080
Speaker 1: some boundaries and ground rules. That's not cool what you did.

630
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 1: I was in it with you, We made a commitment.

631
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 1: I thought we were working in a unified front together,

632
00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: and then you pulled the rug out from under me.

633
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 1: I don't think you've done anything wrong. I think you're

634
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,920
Speaker 1: just going to need some time to get around it.

635
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 1: But I don't think you should have any contact with him.

636
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 1: I don't think you should reach out to him. I

637
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 1: think you should give him. I think when somebody asked

638
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 1: for space, you should give them double. Okay. Unfortunately, yesterday

639
00:32:07,160 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 1: I wrote him a letter. Okay, it's very cathartic for

640
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:12,480
Speaker 1: me give him that. It was a quick thirty minute

641
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 1: phone call with a lot of awkward pauses. I was

642
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: just totally in shock. So instead, I wrote him a

643
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,320
Speaker 1: letter like twelve hours later, and I nailed it to him,

644
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 1: explaining like how I was so hurt given the circumstances,

645
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 1: and as far as moving forward, I only want to

646
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:32,440
Speaker 1: hear from him if he's in the space that he

647
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,480
Speaker 1: wants to reach out to me. Okay. So I left

648
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 1: the possibility open. And I've spoken to some of my

649
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 1: friends about this, given them the context, and they keep

650
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 1: saying they expect him to come back at some point,

651
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: and I'm wondering if that's your take on it too.

652
00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,240
Speaker 1: You kind of alluded to that. I mean, I don't know. Yeah,

653
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:57,000
Speaker 1: there's a possibility, and I think that sometimes helps people

654
00:32:57,000 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 1: get over their healing, the idea that someone's going to

655
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:02,719
Speaker 1: come back. And that's fine, whatever you need to do

656
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 1: to move on. The important thing is like, yeah you can,

657
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: you can assume that I don't know if he's going

658
00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 1: to come back. I have no idea who this guy is,

659
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:14,440
Speaker 1: obviously so and I'm not a palm reader, but I

660
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 1: think it's it's an opportunity for you to kind of

661
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 1: restabilize now that he's out of the picture. If he

662
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 1: does come back, I want you to be have a

663
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 1: stronger sense of self and of boundaries and what's healthy

664
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:30,000
Speaker 1: and what is it if and when that does happen,

665
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:32,720
Speaker 1: and if it's not him, for the next person. It's

666
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 1: not healthy to get that crazy and that together in

667
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:39,040
Speaker 1: a month. It's understandable that you have an attraction, but

668
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 1: long distance. I've had long distance relationships, I've dated long distance.

669
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 1: It's not necessary to get like that, you know what

670
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 1: I mean. That's a build because if you start in

671
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 1: one month and you guys are on the phone however

672
00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 1: many hours a day, you're face timing all that stuff,

673
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,240
Speaker 1: that's never gonna last, and you have nowhere to go

674
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 1: from the first month, you have nowhere to climb. You know,

675
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 1: you want like a healthy long term relationship, right, is

676
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 1: that what you're after ultimately? Yes? Yeah, So I think

677
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 1: this is a lesson for you to just consider all

678
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 1: of those things and think about how you want to

679
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 1: move forward in the next relationship or if this guy

680
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:18,400
Speaker 1: does return. Yeah, I think there's a little bit of

681
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 1: guarding your heart that should happen if you do hear

682
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,479
Speaker 1: from him again. And I also think, you know, having

683
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 1: written him the letter, jives with what Chelsea was saying.

684
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:28,680
Speaker 1: You said, the door is open if you want to

685
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:32,919
Speaker 1: contact me, but I'm not gonna chase you. I also

686
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,160
Speaker 1: think when you're long distance, especially from the beginning, there's

687
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:39,760
Speaker 1: an opportunity for you to live in the fantasy of

688
00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:42,400
Speaker 1: this is going to be so amazing, it's going to

689
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 1: be great, all the amazing things. We're so in love,

690
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: but you're not dealing with the day to day of

691
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 1: like being around each other, of like the everyday annoyances

692
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 1: of you know, you came home pissed because you had

693
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:55,960
Speaker 1: a bad day of work and he's got to deal

694
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:58,720
Speaker 1: with you. You know, all of that stuff is not present,

695
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 1: and so it's very easy to only experience like the

696
00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 1: exciting part of it. Who knows if he's going to

697
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,279
Speaker 1: come back, but if he does, I think you got

698
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 1: to guard your heart a little bit. Right, I'm in shock,

699
00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 1: given that I have a tendency to not be vulnerable

700
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 1: and put up balls, and I've made a conscious effort

701
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 1: to being in this relationship to not do that. I'll

702
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: let everything go and was like totally myself around him,

703
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: and that's why it hurts so bad. Yeah, I know,

704
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:31,239
Speaker 1: I can tell you're hurting obviously, and I just want

705
00:35:31,239 --> 00:35:33,760
Speaker 1: you to remember this is a month of your life

706
00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:36,239
Speaker 1: and it seems like the biggest month of your life

707
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 1: right now. Once you get a little bit of distance

708
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:40,520
Speaker 1: from this, it's not going to be so big in

709
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,839
Speaker 1: your mind. It just won't be. And I know if

710
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 1: you want to hold onto the idea that he's coming back,

711
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:47,400
Speaker 1: that's fine too. That sometimes helps people. I've done that

712
00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 1: in the past, and to get over somebody, you know,

713
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 1: like they'll be back, they'll be back, and by the way,

714
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,480
Speaker 1: they always are. I mean for women. You know, I

715
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:56,760
Speaker 1: can't speak for gay man because it's a little bit different,

716
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 1: but you know, I just really want you to look

717
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:02,719
Speaker 1: inward and focus on yourself and you're healing and positive

718
00:36:02,800 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: vibrations for you, you know, instead of obsessing about what

719
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,640
Speaker 1: he's doing, which is sometimes you know, unavoidable. I know

720
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,280
Speaker 1: how the brain works, and you're going to be obsessing

721
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:14,279
Speaker 1: over him because you care so much about him and

722
00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 1: you are so hurt. I just think, you know, hold

723
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,879
Speaker 1: your head high. You sent him that letter and act

724
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 1: with integrity, and now you can step away from him.

725
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 1: And if and when he comes back, then it's going

726
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:26,879
Speaker 1: to be a different story. If it's like a few

727
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 1: days and he's like, I fucked up, then that obviously,

728
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 1: then okay, you're on the same page. But if it's

729
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: a couple of months that he comes back and says like, Okay,

730
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:35,319
Speaker 1: now I want to come back and be like, well,

731
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,759
Speaker 1: not so fast. We have to have some ground rules now.

732
00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 1: But I want you to think about how you can

733
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 1: be stronger and better and more grounded in every relationship

734
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,640
Speaker 1: moving forward, and focus on that skill set while you're

735
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,080
Speaker 1: going through this time. I think when you try to

736
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 1: look at yourself and you try to better yourself and

737
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 1: maybe read a book about breaking up, do you read

738
00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 1: books a little bit? Yeah? Okay. I just wanted you

739
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:02,359
Speaker 1: to keep yourself busy and just try and get through

740
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: the initial blunt force of the trauma of breaking up

741
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,319
Speaker 1: with somebody after a month, you know, And I think

742
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,600
Speaker 1: once you get past like two weeks, you're going to

743
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 1: feel a lot differently than you do feel now. You

744
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:16,359
Speaker 1: might still have the same feelings, but they won't it

745
00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:19,399
Speaker 1: won't be such a dagger in your chest. Yeah. One

746
00:37:19,440 --> 00:37:22,680
Speaker 1: thing that I keep I'm thinking about now. I keep

747
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 1: trying to theorize, like, what was going in his mind

748
00:37:26,440 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 1: this entire month and at the moment a breakup. Is

749
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 1: it just simply he got cold feet? Or is it

750
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:35,359
Speaker 1: that the entire month he was being superficial and fake.

751
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 1: I keep going back to that, but I hear what

752
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,640
Speaker 1: you're saying about I need to stop belaboring that point

753
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 1: and just move forward with my life. Yeah, and you

754
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 1: can try. And you know, I think a good exercise

755
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:51,640
Speaker 1: is sending him love in your own mind. I want

756
00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 1: to send him peace, happiness, and love anytime he comes

757
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 1: into your mind, to just give out love. You may

758
00:37:57,320 --> 00:37:59,799
Speaker 1: not get these answers. And to be quite frank with you,

759
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what his m is, what he was doing.

760
00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 1: It matters what you're doing. It doesn't matter if he

761
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:08,200
Speaker 1: was manipulating you or if he really felt it and

762
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 1: he got cold feet. I know it matters to you

763
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 1: psychologically right now, but ultimately, in the bigger scheme of things,

764
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 1: his behavior doesn't matter yours does. That's how I ended

765
00:38:18,040 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 1: the letter I sent him, saying like, I want you

766
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 1: to be happy, and I'm glad to have been on

767
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: that journey with you, even if it was just for

768
00:38:24,680 --> 00:38:27,720
Speaker 1: the short moment. That's good. I tried to like push

769
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:31,680
Speaker 1: that forward. Yeah, great, keep riding that train. That's that's

770
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,719
Speaker 1: exactly what you need to do to heal. Yeah, you

771
00:38:34,760 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 1: know there's also in your letter. You guys got close

772
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 1: enough that he opened up to you about other relationships

773
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 1: that have ended really abruptly, and I'm glad you included

774
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,440
Speaker 1: that in your letter, so that this that may just

775
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 1: be kind of how he operates, and it's kind of

776
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 1: a good thing that you guys weren't together for six

777
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 1: months or a year or engaged before he suddenly was

778
00:38:55,640 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 1: out of your life. Yeah, I agree with that. Be

779
00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: grateful that it was a month this happened and not

780
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:04,160
Speaker 1: six months, because that would have been really, really, even

781
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 1: more painful than what you're going through right now. I

782
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,759
Speaker 1: know that's unimaginable to you, but I promise you it

783
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,040
Speaker 1: would have been worse if it had. You know, sometimes

784
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:14,160
Speaker 1: in our lives, and I know I've felt this way

785
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 1: sometimes when we can't recognize the situation we're in. There's

786
00:39:18,239 --> 00:39:20,960
Speaker 1: a bigger higher power that's pulling us out of it,

787
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:24,279
Speaker 1: And I think it's helpful to sometimes look at things

788
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:27,480
Speaker 1: like that. Not everything is in your control, and sometimes

789
00:39:27,800 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: you're someone's doing you a favor and you don't even

790
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:32,640
Speaker 1: know it's a favor until much later, right. I think

791
00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 1: another point similar to that is in the beginning of

792
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 1: my letter to you, I had mentioned I had been

793
00:39:38,680 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 1: content with the idea of being single for a very

794
00:39:41,200 --> 00:39:44,160
Speaker 1: long time, and then this happened. So this kind of

795
00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 1: changes my perspective of relationships, knowing that I do have

796
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:52,400
Speaker 1: the ability to love another person business it may not

797
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:56,959
Speaker 1: be this person, but it can happen in the future. Yes, yes, absolutely,

798
00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:00,279
Speaker 1: You're not a victim. This is a good empowering situation,

799
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:02,400
Speaker 1: and I beg you to use it, you know what

800
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,920
Speaker 1: I mean, Use it to make you stronger, to make

801
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:08,239
Speaker 1: you more aware, and to be the person that is

802
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,960
Speaker 1: going to attract the person that you're looking for. And

803
00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: in order to be that person, you know what I mean,

804
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:14,760
Speaker 1: sometimes we have to do a little bit of extra

805
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 1: work and there are lessons along the way, and then

806
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you're at this like higher level

807
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:23,120
Speaker 1: of vibration, and you're attracting somebody who's really on the

808
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,839
Speaker 1: level and can see you exactly for what you are,

809
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:29,879
Speaker 1: and then you join forces and it's explosive. Yeah, don't

810
00:40:29,880 --> 00:40:33,000
Speaker 1: neglect the slow burn. I mean, when I first started

811
00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,200
Speaker 1: dating my husband, I had gotten out of a relationship

812
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 1: that was a very like tons of love bombing. It

813
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 1: wound up becoming very abusive. It was eleven months of

814
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 1: bad stuff and I, you know, single for a little while.

815
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:49,960
Speaker 1: I met Brad, and compared to what I had come from,

816
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,640
Speaker 1: this was just sort of like a very nice guy

817
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 1: who pursued me and wanted to treat me right. And

818
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:59,520
Speaker 1: there's something about it if you've gone through a relationship

819
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,360
Speaker 1: where there is a lot of love bombing, that a

820
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 1: more healthy, stable relationship can seem almost boring or a

821
00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,719
Speaker 1: lot less exciting because you don't have these extreme high

822
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 1: highs and extreme low lows. But that stability is also

823
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:17,200
Speaker 1: what a healthy relationship is built on. So don't neglect

824
00:41:17,239 --> 00:41:19,839
Speaker 1: the guys that might seem a little less exciting at

825
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,920
Speaker 1: the very beginning. So we just take that the right way, Brad,

826
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 1: But you know, it can be good for longer. Term.

827
00:41:28,200 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 1: You have to get to know somebody. When there's electricity,

828
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 1: that's great, but that's not all it takes to be

829
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:37,680
Speaker 1: in a relationship. That's just chemistry, you know, and that's

830
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 1: when you spark with someone. And sometimes you know, you

831
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,560
Speaker 1: can get carried away and it sounds like you got

832
00:41:42,600 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 1: carried away. You don't really know him. You don't know

833
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: his character, you don't know his background. You just know

834
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,879
Speaker 1: what he's told you. You know, you haven't spend enough

835
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:52,040
Speaker 1: time with him, with his family, with his friends, all

836
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 1: of those things matter, and vice versa. He has to

837
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:58,359
Speaker 1: spend time with you. It's fun and it's great, but

838
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 1: it's not healthy. How old are you, Brian, I'm thirty.

839
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 1: Oh okay, well listen, you're gonna have plenty of people.

840
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 1: You're gonna have plenty of time to get your heartbroken

841
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 1: again and break other people's hearts. So, you know, when

842
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,520
Speaker 1: you get stuck admired in it, just try and pull

843
00:42:13,560 --> 00:42:16,720
Speaker 1: yourself out and get that perspective of your entire life,

844
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 1: not just this moment, and look at your whole life

845
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,759
Speaker 1: and your past and your future, and then you're going

846
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 1: to understand that a month is nothing. I really appreciate

847
00:42:27,120 --> 00:42:30,719
Speaker 1: place outsider perspectives. Since I've been getting the comments from

848
00:42:30,719 --> 00:42:33,920
Speaker 1: my friends, it's all they're trying to support me and saying, oh,

849
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:36,080
Speaker 1: he's going to come back. It's kind of like my

850
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 1: opic type of thinking versus year giving you a more

851
00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:44,080
Speaker 1: holistic picture, which I really appreciate. Yeah, I think that's important. Well,

852
00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:46,240
Speaker 1: will you check back in with us in a few weeks, Brian,

853
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 1: I will, all right, let us know how it's going. Okay,

854
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 1: I will thank you so much. Thanks, thanks Brian, talking

855
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:59,160
Speaker 1: to you, bye bye bye. Oh what a sweetie. Oh heartbreak.

856
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 1: I know, you know. I remember meeting this fucking guy

857
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:07,000
Speaker 1: on my Space. Remember my Space? And I went out

858
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:10,920
Speaker 1: with him. Oh god, I forget how many times, but enough,

859
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:13,359
Speaker 1: you know, for a couple of months, maybe a month

860
00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,400
Speaker 1: and a half, but intense. We were into each other.

861
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:18,279
Speaker 1: Not to the degree that this guy's talking about, because

862
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:21,000
Speaker 1: I would never FaceTime that long. But I don't even

863
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 1: know about FaceTime that at that point. I don't know

864
00:43:22,719 --> 00:43:24,960
Speaker 1: if we had it because my Space. I don't even

865
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,520
Speaker 1: think we had iPhones. Zach the Yeah, I think we

866
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:30,120
Speaker 1: had the Internet. And he blew me off. He goes

867
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 1: to me, I was like in my twenties, and I

868
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:38,720
Speaker 1: was obsessed with finding out what happened. Ghosting is the worst.

869
00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:43,479
Speaker 1: Obsessed with finding out what happened? What Is it because

870
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:45,600
Speaker 1: of something I did? Is it because something I said?

871
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 1: Did I do that? Did I get too drunk? Did

872
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:53,240
Speaker 1: I whatever? Just obsessed there had to be a reason.

873
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 1: And it's like sometimes there just isn't a fucking reason.

874
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter, It doesn't matter at all. It just

875
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:02,279
Speaker 1: matters how you kind of react to those situations, and

876
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 1: when you let them envelop you and take over your mind,

877
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,919
Speaker 1: it just has such a negative impact on everything else

878
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 1: that's going on in your life at that moment. Yeah,

879
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,520
Speaker 1: it definitely does. I think he's going to be just fine.

880
00:44:13,680 --> 00:44:15,960
Speaker 1: And I'm glad that he sort of learned how to

881
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 1: be vulnerable in this situation and if he can rain

882
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 1: that into a healthy degree in his next interaction, I

883
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,560
Speaker 1: think that's perfect. That's exactly he's But he met the

884
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:28,239
Speaker 1: person who wanted to take advantage maybe of that vulnerability,

885
00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:30,319
Speaker 1: Like right at the moment he decided to like give

886
00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:32,399
Speaker 1: it all away, and you got to give it out

887
00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 1: an increments, you know, people have to earn it. I

888
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:38,400
Speaker 1: like the phrase welcome the pain you know. I like that.

889
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:41,239
Speaker 1: I read that in some book and it ran deep

890
00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 1: with me because I just it's a great way to

891
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:48,279
Speaker 1: look at a hard situation, because I feel like, you know,

892
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 1: we all go through difficult breakups and we all get

893
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:54,399
Speaker 1: our hearts broken and we all heal. Yeah, so you're

894
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 1: not some you know people think it's it's never gonna

895
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:00,320
Speaker 1: be okay again. It's gonna be okay again. You're everyone

896
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:02,440
Speaker 1: just survives this. There's not a lot of people who

897
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,640
Speaker 1: haven't been in love or haven't had their heartbroken. It

898
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,560
Speaker 1: happens a lot, and I think welcoming the pain is

899
00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:11,120
Speaker 1: a great idea to think about. Welcome it. The sooner

900
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 1: you go through it, the sooner it is out of you,

901
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,000
Speaker 1: and the sooner the next adventure is right around the corner. Yeah,

902
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 1: so welcome it, bring it in, let it run through you,

903
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 1: and then you're going to be moving on. Yeah, and

904
00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:24,320
Speaker 1: you said something like this when we were talking to

905
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,800
Speaker 1: him as well. But one of my girlfriend says, rejection

906
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:30,279
Speaker 1: is protection, and that's exactly what the situation feels like

907
00:45:30,360 --> 00:45:34,040
Speaker 1: to me. Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. Well, should

908
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:37,880
Speaker 1: we take another caller? Yeah? Hey, yeah, yeah, I like

909
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,319
Speaker 1: our one on one episodes. No, they're kind of fun. Yeah,

910
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:44,680
Speaker 1: we can really get down to business. Yes, exactly, get

911
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:52,759
Speaker 1: granuelow with people. This call is from Maggie. She says,

912
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:56,000
Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea, in the spring of twenty sixteen, I had

913
00:45:56,000 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 1: to end a toxic friendship with someone I had considered

914
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,479
Speaker 1: a best friend and full mate of six years. Let's

915
00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:05,560
Speaker 1: call her Amanda. Amanda had been exhibiting problematic, manipulative, and

916
00:46:05,600 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 1: abusive behavior towards me and others that I had been

917
00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:11,160
Speaker 1: clocking for a while and could no longer handle or

918
00:46:11,239 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 1: tolerate in my life. Ultimately, I've not regretted this decision,

919
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 1: except for genuinely missing her and the best of times

920
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 1: we had in the past. But I've completely moved on

921
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,520
Speaker 1: and I'm so happy in the friendships I have kept

922
00:46:22,560 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 1: and cultivated before and since then, things have been relatively

923
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 1: easy to navigate, minus one mild run in at an event,

924
00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,480
Speaker 1: especially since I have the positive mindset about my decision

925
00:46:32,520 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 1: and hold no hard feelings towards Amanda. I genuinely wish

926
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:39,200
Speaker 1: her the best. Until now, our mutual best friend is

927
00:46:39,239 --> 00:46:41,720
Speaker 1: getting married and we will be attending the same bridal

928
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: party events together. Now, I don't know how it can

929
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 1: be more clear to everyone that it's all good. We chill,

930
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 1: at least on my end, But the bride to be

931
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:52,520
Speaker 1: has asked me if things will be awkward and uncomfortable.

932
00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,239
Speaker 1: Of course not, is my answer, but I can see

933
00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: it's weighing on her. I can't help but think that

934
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:00,600
Speaker 1: Amanda has mentioned something or given the pression to the

935
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,600
Speaker 1: bride that things could be uncomfortable. The bride has always

936
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 1: been very conscious of not mentioning us to the other,

937
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:08,239
Speaker 1: which I have told her a few times is not

938
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:12,360
Speaker 1: necessary because I'm freakin good. To ease the bride's nerves,

939
00:47:12,440 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 1: I have offered to reach out to Amanda and say

940
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:17,200
Speaker 1: hello and gently let her know everything is good on

941
00:47:17,239 --> 00:47:19,400
Speaker 1: my end, and I look forward to enjoying the events

942
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 1: leading up to the wedding together in an amicable fashion. However,

943
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 1: I'm finding the words to be really difficult to get

944
00:47:26,280 --> 00:47:29,560
Speaker 1: down in a draft. Amanda is an incredibly sensitive and

945
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 1: intelligent person whose ability to pick apart a well meaning

946
00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:38,359
Speaker 1: message and its unsaid quote potential demeaning nature is astounding.

947
00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:41,839
Speaker 1: Her superpower is to take offense to anyone who even

948
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:45,040
Speaker 1: breathes wrong around her, and that's what worries me if

949
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: I don't choose my words ever so carefully. Instead of

950
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:50,839
Speaker 1: diffusing and creating a positive environment for the bride, things

951
00:47:50,840 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 1: will be awkward and tense because she's incapable of letting

952
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 1: go and letting these special days be about someone else.

953
00:47:57,200 --> 00:48:02,879
Speaker 1: Please help Maggie. Hi, Maggie, Hi, Chelsea, Hi, good, This

954
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:05,520
Speaker 1: is Catherine. Who you know? How are you? Yeah? I

955
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 1: got good? Thank you? How about yourself? We're good? We're good. Okay,

956
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:11,840
Speaker 1: so this is a good situation. Well, let's write this

957
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:14,680
Speaker 1: letter together. First of all, my question is what is

958
00:48:15,320 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 1: her relationship with the bride these days? Is the bride

959
00:48:18,160 --> 00:48:21,439
Speaker 1: aware of her toxicity? I don't think that she's aware.

960
00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 1: They're still fairly close friends. The bride and I think

961
00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 1: spend more time together and we're a little bit closer.

962
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 1: But the bride she's just the sweetest person, and so

963
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:34,719
Speaker 1: I think she is tolerant of a little bit more

964
00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:37,520
Speaker 1: kind of toxic behavior that this girl has showed. Yea,

965
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 1: and I was kind of snapped out of it a

966
00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:42,919
Speaker 1: few years ago, but they're still close. Okay, So when

967
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 1: did your relationship end with this woman? Twenty sixteen? Oh,

968
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,240
Speaker 1: so it's been a while. It's been a really long time,

969
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 1: so I'm very good where I'm at. There's been one

970
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 1: or two times where the ex friend has either tried

971
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,080
Speaker 1: to reach out to me through the bride or another

972
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:02,640
Speaker 1: mutual friend, maybe trying to rekindle things. But I've kind

973
00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:04,759
Speaker 1: of said, you know, enough time has passed, and I like,

974
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:08,320
Speaker 1: I'm all good. Okay, I you sound good. Listen everything

975
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 1: you wrote in that letter, you sound totally healthy and

976
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: with it. So let's just phrase how you're going to

977
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:14,880
Speaker 1: put this right. I think you just make it all

978
00:49:14,920 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: about your friends that's getting married. Yeah, this is about her.

979
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,319
Speaker 1: I want the focus to be on her. I have

980
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,239
Speaker 1: no ill will towards you, and I'm looking forward to

981
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 1: spending this time with you. I think we're all going

982
00:49:24,920 --> 00:49:27,480
Speaker 1: to have a great time. Yeah right. I think short

983
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 1: and sweet is the best way so that she can't

984
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:32,400
Speaker 1: go in and part your language. Yes, short and sweet,

985
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:35,279
Speaker 1: keep it positive, keep it about the bride. Okay, great,

986
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:37,879
Speaker 1: So what are you gonna what are you thinking about writing? Hey?

987
00:49:38,040 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 1: I hope you're doing well. I'm so happy for our friends. Yes,

988
00:49:42,719 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 1: we know that moving forward we will be seeing some

989
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:48,799
Speaker 1: of each other and just want to reach out and

990
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 1: say looking forward to having a really great time and

991
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 1: making it just about the bride, you know, and we

992
00:49:54,760 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 1: can enjoy ourselves too. Yeah, yeah, I think everything you

993
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 1: said is perfect. But don't say making it just about

994
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 1: the bride, because that implies that there's tension. So I

995
00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 1: think you should say I can't wait to celebrate her

996
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:08,839
Speaker 1: with you, and I think we're all good and I'm

997
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,359
Speaker 1: looking forward to having a great weekend and I just

998
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:13,319
Speaker 1: wanted to touch base so that you know that I'm

999
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,799
Speaker 1: coming with a heart full of love something like that,

1000
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:19,399
Speaker 1: you know, at the end like that. Yeah, I think

1001
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 1: Chelsea is right too, you know, especially because this friend

1002
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:25,680
Speaker 1: has reached out and made an attempt at rekindling a relationship.

1003
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 1: You don't have to do that, but I think Chelsea's

1004
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 1: right to be like, you know what, let's go and

1005
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 1: have a great time. It doesn't mean you have to

1006
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 1: become best friends with her again, being like, hey, we're

1007
00:50:35,520 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 1: going to have a good time together at this event.

1008
00:50:37,840 --> 00:50:39,719
Speaker 1: You know you're going to be at together. I think

1009
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: it's safe, right, So not delving too much into the

1010
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:49,760
Speaker 1: past or focusing on just keep it. That's twenty sixteen,

1011
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,600
Speaker 1: you're talking about like seven years, you know, what I mean,

1012
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 1: don't even bring it up. Just move forward because who knows. Listen,

1013
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,799
Speaker 1: she might be different too. You don't know if she's

1014
00:50:57,800 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 1: been to therapy and it has some self awareness now,

1015
00:51:00,320 --> 00:51:02,399
Speaker 1: or if she's changed. So you don't assume that she's

1016
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:05,440
Speaker 1: the same person she was. Absolutely, even if it comes

1017
00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:08,839
Speaker 1: up at the wedding, which it shouldn't, you should be like, no, no, no, no,

1018
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:11,400
Speaker 1: this is about This is about the woman that's getting married.

1019
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:14,439
Speaker 1: This is your tribute to her. You're writing this letter

1020
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:17,240
Speaker 1: because of her. You're going to have a great time

1021
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 1: and not focus on the past because of her. Just

1022
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,440
Speaker 1: be in the moment that you're in, you know, and

1023
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:25,760
Speaker 1: just spread positivity in that letter. Make it short and sweet,

1024
00:51:25,880 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: no longer than five sentences. Do you still have her

1025
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:31,400
Speaker 1: phone number? Or do you follow her on social media?

1026
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: I would have to reach out on social media. I

1027
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:36,320
Speaker 1: think back, however, many years ago, it was I probably

1028
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 1: did block her number, probably on you know, whatever social

1029
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 1: media we were using at the time. But I think

1030
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:43,840
Speaker 1: I would still be able to reach out as like

1031
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,640
Speaker 1: a DM or something. Okay, Okay, I mean, I honestly

1032
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 1: would say, like a DM or a text feels less

1033
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 1: formal than an email or something like that. So maybe

1034
00:51:52,040 --> 00:51:54,439
Speaker 1: because you're keeping it short and sweet, that might feel

1035
00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:56,800
Speaker 1: like a less pressure just to be like, hey girl,

1036
00:51:57,040 --> 00:51:59,759
Speaker 1: looking forward to celebrating our friend with you, excited to

1037
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:02,520
Speaker 1: part whatever. But I love Chelsea what you said about

1038
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:05,800
Speaker 1: like coming with a heartful of it's going to be exciting. Yeah,

1039
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:07,720
Speaker 1: you're gonna be just fine. You're in a good place.

1040
00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 1: You're a good person. And this woman, I bet has

1041
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:12,600
Speaker 1: changed a little bit. I don't think she's gonna want

1042
00:52:12,600 --> 00:52:15,320
Speaker 1: the drama, you know, I mean a lot of time

1043
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:19,200
Speaker 1: has passed, Yes, and if she does, you know what,

1044
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:21,399
Speaker 1: you have to know that you did the right thing

1045
00:52:21,640 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 1: and you can't control her behavior. So if she does

1046
00:52:24,320 --> 00:52:28,200
Speaker 1: snipe about it to someone else, okay, then she's going

1047
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 1: to do that. Yeah, just take a higher path and

1048
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:32,799
Speaker 1: then that way, there's like you haven't done any you

1049
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:35,879
Speaker 1: haven't been bad mouthing her. You're not going to that's

1050
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 1: not your game. And you're just there to celebrate your

1051
00:52:39,480 --> 00:52:43,719
Speaker 1: girlfriend and her special day. Yeah, yes, okay, great, Well,

1052
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:46,200
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Oh, thank you, it's nice to

1053
00:52:46,239 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 1: talk to you. Good luck you too. Thanks. Let us

1054
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:52,640
Speaker 1: know how it goes. Oh well, yeah, thank you both. Bye.

1055
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 1: Maggie Bye. Well. Our last caller is Farren. Farren says

1056
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: dear Chelsea. So years the hot Goss. I met a

1057
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,440
Speaker 1: guy on Hinge back in September. We had a lot

1058
00:53:04,480 --> 00:53:07,240
Speaker 1: in common and it was lovely, but I wasn't feeling

1059
00:53:07,280 --> 00:53:09,400
Speaker 1: it at the time. I told him I was not

1060
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:12,640
Speaker 1: interested in him romantically, and we decided to remain friends.

1061
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 1: We attempted to make plans a couple of times, but

1062
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:18,320
Speaker 1: never ended up hanging out. A while later, I realized

1063
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 1: I had been closing myself off to potential romantic situations

1064
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:25,520
Speaker 1: as a defense mechanism. Subconsciously, I was rejecting myself first

1065
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:28,120
Speaker 1: and taking myself out of the situation before any man

1066
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:32,680
Speaker 1: could reject me. Thanks childhood conditioning. Anyway, I see things

1067
00:53:32,680 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 1: through a different, more open hearted lens. Now in December

1068
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:38,880
Speaker 1: he reached back out. This is like two months after

1069
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 1: they had originally gone out. With this new and open mind,

1070
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:44,439
Speaker 1: I decided to meet him for coffee a few weeks ago.

1071
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:47,440
Speaker 1: I had such a fun time with him. He's easy

1072
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:50,880
Speaker 1: to talk to where both spiritual sit with plant medicine

1073
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:54,240
Speaker 1: really into evolving, and it's really meaningful to have someone

1074
00:53:54,239 --> 00:53:56,880
Speaker 1: to relate to those things about. We ended up talking

1075
00:53:56,880 --> 00:53:59,319
Speaker 1: on the phone for over an hour after the coffee hang.

1076
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 1: The problem is, now I'm sure he sees me as

1077
00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:05,560
Speaker 1: just friendship vibes because I previously told him I wasn't interested.

1078
00:54:06,040 --> 00:54:08,360
Speaker 1: Now I'm feeling interested and having the option of this

1079
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 1: getting romantic down the line, and definitely want to make

1080
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:14,320
Speaker 1: out with him. However, even though I do find him attractive,

1081
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:17,239
Speaker 1: I'm not entirely certain if I'm fully physically attracted to

1082
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:20,279
Speaker 1: him or not. If that makes sense, The question is

1083
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:22,800
Speaker 1: do I say something to him about how I'm feeling

1084
00:54:22,840 --> 00:54:24,799
Speaker 1: even though I don't know if I'm one hundred percent

1085
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,160
Speaker 1: into it or not, or just go about being friends

1086
00:54:27,200 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 1: and leave it alone. Who knows what may happen organically.

1087
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,320
Speaker 1: I love you all. This podcast is the fucking best, Chelsea.

1088
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:38,080
Speaker 1: Your new Netflix special is Bunker's hilarious. Farren, Hi, Farren, Hi,

1089
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 1: Farren Hi, thanks for having me. How are you? I'm good?

1090
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 1: How are you guys? We're good? Girl. I think you

1091
00:54:48,680 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 1: should go for it and just ask him like, this

1092
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,680
Speaker 1: is a little life situation that could turn into something great,

1093
00:54:53,800 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 1: or it could just be a blip. You're not trying

1094
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:59,120
Speaker 1: to pursue a friendship right with him. I would so

1095
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:03,840
Speaker 1: previous I would pursue men or text or try to

1096
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 1: make plans, but it was coming from a very like

1097
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 1: scarcity mindset anxiety place. And now I am really looking

1098
00:55:10,200 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 1: to be pursued, and I would continue to be friends

1099
00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:16,719
Speaker 1: with him because it's nice to be able to have

1100
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 1: these kind of deep conversations with someone and be able

1101
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:22,800
Speaker 1: to integrate with somebody who's on a spiritual path as well.

1102
00:55:23,280 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 1: I would risk it too, but I don't want to

1103
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,799
Speaker 1: be in a position where I'm doing that again, kind

1104
00:55:28,840 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 1: of pursuing, because that's not the look I want. I

1105
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:34,120
Speaker 1: don't think you are, though, I don't think you are.

1106
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:37,040
Speaker 1: You're judging yourself on your past behavior, not on your

1107
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:40,839
Speaker 1: present behavior. You don't have to be desperate about it.

1108
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 1: You have to just be upfront, like hey, I actually

1109
00:55:43,600 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 1: kind of had like a little spark, or when you

1110
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 1: go out again and you know, have a drink and

1111
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:51,120
Speaker 1: then see if that changes things, and you can say

1112
00:55:51,160 --> 00:55:53,759
Speaker 1: it in person, just like, hey, I'm feeling something. I

1113
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:55,759
Speaker 1: don't know if this is anything, but what about what

1114
00:55:55,800 --> 00:55:59,000
Speaker 1: do you think? That's not desperate, that's just being direct.

1115
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 1: So sure you know the distinction between the two because

1116
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 1: your old behavior isn't relevant to this situation. We get

1117
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 1: caught up in our past behavior instead of saying I'm

1118
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:14,120
Speaker 1: not like that anymore. Yeah. I also think there are

1119
00:56:14,280 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 1: extraordinarily few straight guys who, especially after they've expressed interest

1120
00:56:18,520 --> 00:56:21,719
Speaker 1: in a girl, are willing to hang out just as

1121
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:24,239
Speaker 1: friends if they're not eventually trying to sleep with her. Like,

1122
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:28,200
Speaker 1: I am sure he's still interested. Yeah, I am too.

1123
00:56:28,239 --> 00:56:30,760
Speaker 1: I would be shocked if he's not. And if he wasn't,

1124
00:56:30,800 --> 00:56:33,040
Speaker 1: he wouldn't be going to coffee, you know, he just wouldn't.

1125
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 1: He'd be like cool, Like just friends usually means like

1126
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 1: call'll never see you again, especially with online dating. So

1127
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:40,839
Speaker 1: I don't think you have to worry about like, oh

1128
00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:43,959
Speaker 1: now he sees me as just a friend. Now, flirt hard,

1129
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:47,239
Speaker 1: tell him you're into him. See what happens? How do

1130
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:52,520
Speaker 1: you flirt hard? Touching on the hand, touching on the arm,

1131
00:56:52,600 --> 00:56:54,439
Speaker 1: basically what I do with Chelsea when we're in person.

1132
00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:59,759
Speaker 1: I just touch her. I mean, yeah, just go. That

1133
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:03,160
Speaker 1: was such a fun conversation. I really dug it, you know,

1134
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:05,080
Speaker 1: or whatever your language is, you know what I mean?

1135
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 1: How just go? That was really fun. I was kind

1136
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:10,040
Speaker 1: of surprised by how I felt when I left there.

1137
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 1: I don't know. Are you interested even if he says no,

1138
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 1: what she's not going to If he says no, who cares? Great, Okay,

1139
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:19,560
Speaker 1: check that, and then you can be friends with him

1140
00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: if that's fine with you. But it's not a big deal.

1141
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:27,439
Speaker 1: It's a good exercise as a woman to demonstrate directness

1142
00:57:27,840 --> 00:57:30,520
Speaker 1: and in a gentle, you know, kind of sexy way.

1143
00:57:30,840 --> 00:57:33,720
Speaker 1: You can be flirty about it, and then that's your

1144
00:57:33,760 --> 00:57:36,200
Speaker 1: new thing. Say he says no, then it's like, okay, great,

1145
00:57:36,240 --> 00:57:38,320
Speaker 1: well we can still be friends, you know what I mean.

1146
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:40,560
Speaker 1: And then you can if you want, and if not,

1147
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:43,600
Speaker 1: something might happen with you, guys. And the other option

1148
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:45,360
Speaker 1: is that you know you will like him and that

1149
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:49,000
Speaker 1: you are attracted to him. It's totally normal to gain

1150
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:51,640
Speaker 1: attraction to somebody talking to them more, you know, and

1151
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:55,440
Speaker 1: having a real deep, meaningful conversation. Yeah. Yeah, And I

1152
00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:57,439
Speaker 1: know you had mentioned that he is out of town,

1153
00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 1: so you hadn't heard from him. But it's also liked vibe,

1154
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:02,680
Speaker 1: So why would he like make the next move be

1155
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:04,440
Speaker 1: the next one to be like, hey, let's go out again,

1156
00:58:04,480 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 1: maybe let's grab a cocktail that will make it a

1157
00:58:06,960 --> 00:58:11,000
Speaker 1: easier to flirt as well. We both don't drink. Oh well,

1158
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:12,200
Speaker 1: then don't grab a car. I knew you were going

1159
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:14,040
Speaker 1: to say that. I knew it when I said drink

1160
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:15,720
Speaker 1: the first time. I could sell by your face that

1161
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:18,040
Speaker 1: you don't drink. But that's okay. You don't need to drink.

1162
00:58:18,080 --> 00:58:21,960
Speaker 1: Go do whatever you do. What do you does? Go

1163
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:25,560
Speaker 1: to coffee, yoga? What are you into? Yeah? I mean

1164
00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 1: I was trying to think of like a night setting

1165
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:30,640
Speaker 1: where it could be a little bit more of a vibe,

1166
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:34,160
Speaker 1: but not a bar. We'll go listen to some live

1167
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:37,080
Speaker 1: music or something, or even if you go for a

1168
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:39,439
Speaker 1: walk with somebody for a long time. I think once

1169
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:43,800
Speaker 1: you have a substantial conversation with somebody, there's that is

1170
00:58:43,840 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 1: the definition of chemistry, right, And whether it's romantic or friendship,

1171
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 1: you already have the chemistry there between each other if

1172
00:58:50,320 --> 00:58:52,440
Speaker 1: you guys sat and talked for that long and then

1173
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:56,919
Speaker 1: called each other afterward. Yeah, you can also like wait

1174
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 1: a time or two if you're not quite ready to

1175
00:58:59,080 --> 00:59:01,439
Speaker 1: be like, hey, I'm super into wait a time or two,

1176
00:59:01,760 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 1: see if the vibe sticks and take it from there.

1177
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:07,280
Speaker 1: But I mean, if you're feeling something, pursue it. You know,

1178
00:59:07,520 --> 00:59:10,640
Speaker 1: I agree with Chelsea, like attraction grows. Yeah, don't put

1179
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 1: so much weight on this situation. This is one guy

1180
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:15,640
Speaker 1: in a sea of and this is one moment in

1181
00:59:15,640 --> 00:59:17,480
Speaker 1: your life. This is not the end all be all,

1182
00:59:17,800 --> 00:59:22,040
Speaker 1: So don't think about as such an important thing. It's not.

1183
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,360
Speaker 1: And if it's supposed to be something and it grows

1184
00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:27,800
Speaker 1: into something, then you're going to be really happy that

1185
00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:31,400
Speaker 1: you did that. Thank you for the clarity. That was awesome.

1186
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:34,440
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, okay, great, good luck and let us know

1187
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 1: what happens. Thanks so much, thank you. Okay, bye, Farren,

1188
00:59:38,600 --> 00:59:42,840
Speaker 1: happy dating. Bye, She's so cute. I know, I wish

1189
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:44,760
Speaker 1: everyone just go for it. Everyone needs to just go

1190
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:48,200
Speaker 1: for things. Take a chance, take a risk. It doesn't matter.

1191
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 1: So if somebody rejects you, who gives a shit, It's

1192
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 1: like onto the next YEP. I when I was in

1193
00:59:54,560 --> 00:59:58,560
Speaker 1: my early twenties or my late teens, I guess I

1194
00:59:58,600 --> 01:00:00,160
Speaker 1: went through up here and where I just like, I'll like,

1195
01:00:00,160 --> 01:00:01,840
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna ask out every guy that I find

1196
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:03,640
Speaker 1: is cute. Half of them turned out to be gay,

1197
01:00:03,640 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 1: which was like even better because then I made a

1198
01:00:05,600 --> 01:00:07,400
Speaker 1: bunch of friends. But I was just like, I'm just

1199
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:09,400
Speaker 1: gonna ask people out to coffee. And it was just

1200
01:00:09,680 --> 01:00:12,240
Speaker 1: so much fun just to be like, hey, I'm gonna

1201
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:15,880
Speaker 1: take control of this. It was great. Yeah. Great. Well,

1202
01:00:15,960 --> 01:00:18,400
Speaker 1: let's take a quick break, Chelsea, and we'll come back

1203
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:27,880
Speaker 1: to wrap up. Okay, and we're back back, and actually,

1204
01:00:27,920 --> 01:00:30,360
Speaker 1: I do have one other quick question. Yeah, let's do

1205
01:00:30,360 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 1: a quick question. Okay, I will give you a choice

1206
01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:34,520
Speaker 1: because I don't know if this one's a little too igy.

1207
01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 1: But there is one about skid marks. And there is

1208
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:42,120
Speaker 1: also another one about should I tell the wife if

1209
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 1: someone said something lude to me skid marks? Questions about

1210
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:50,920
Speaker 1: skid marks? Yeah, but what's the question? So her boyfriend

1211
01:00:51,000 --> 01:00:54,680
Speaker 1: is leaving skid marks everywhere? Oh god, no, do the

1212
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:57,040
Speaker 1: other one. I can't. That's the kind of what I figured.

1213
01:00:57,120 --> 01:01:02,160
Speaker 1: I was like, it's pretty gross. Oh gross. She's wondering

1214
01:01:02,200 --> 01:01:06,440
Speaker 1: if it's a deal breaker. I'm like, it's yeah, sort of, yeah,

1215
01:01:06,720 --> 01:01:11,560
Speaker 1: kind of okay, leaving them everywhere where in the kitchen,

1216
01:01:11,720 --> 01:01:14,520
Speaker 1: like where's the leaving? Don't just read it all right,

1217
01:01:14,880 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 1: but let's do the other one to close it out,

1218
01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:20,640
Speaker 1: because this is so gross. Okay, so Poppy says My

1219
01:01:20,720 --> 01:01:22,800
Speaker 1: boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship

1220
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 1: for the last three years. Thank god. We're both in

1221
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 1: our early timid thirties and are planning our future together.

1222
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:32,920
Speaker 1: He's my best friend, true partner, and biggest supporter. I

1223
01:01:32,960 --> 01:01:34,640
Speaker 1: can talk to him about anything and can be one

1224
01:01:34,680 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 1: hundred percent myself around him. But I need help navigating

1225
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:43,560
Speaker 1: a delicate situation. My boyfriend constantly leaves poops kid marks

1226
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:47,439
Speaker 1: around the house. I understand if this happens after anal play,

1227
01:01:47,520 --> 01:01:50,560
Speaker 1: but that's not around the house. What does that mean?

1228
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 1: Goes into it. It's worse than you think. No. I

1229
01:01:56,920 --> 01:01:59,560
Speaker 1: the first time it happened, it was over a year ago.

1230
01:02:00,080 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 1: I noticed a smell and saw marks on the sheets

1231
01:02:02,560 --> 01:02:04,800
Speaker 1: out of the corner of my eye. I didn't know

1232
01:02:04,840 --> 01:02:07,480
Speaker 1: what it was at first and asked, what's that. When

1233
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: he saw what it was, he got super embarrassed and

1234
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:13,680
Speaker 1: apologized profusely. I, of course was understanding. It didn't draw

1235
01:02:13,720 --> 01:02:16,920
Speaker 1: extra attention or make the situation worse. I simply changed

1236
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:19,280
Speaker 1: the sheets while he was in the bathroom cleaning himself up.

1237
01:02:19,720 --> 01:02:22,120
Speaker 1: The same thing happened during his next visit, but this

1238
01:02:22,200 --> 01:02:25,400
Speaker 1: time it got on my expensive duvet. I was grossed

1239
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 1: out and ended up buying a new one. Another time,

1240
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:29,919
Speaker 1: he got a mark on my new couch one week

1241
01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 1: after purchasing it. There are sitting naked on the couch.

1242
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,560
Speaker 1: That's what I can't get past. I'm like, he's got

1243
01:02:36,640 --> 01:02:38,680
Speaker 1: to put on some underwear. First of all, he needs

1244
01:02:38,680 --> 01:02:41,920
Speaker 1: to put on two pairs of underwear. There are now

1245
01:02:42,000 --> 01:02:45,360
Speaker 1: countless examples of this happening, and I can't take it anymore.

1246
01:02:45,760 --> 01:02:49,040
Speaker 1: The situation has started to impact our sex life. Anytime

1247
01:02:49,040 --> 01:02:52,360
Speaker 1: his crotches near my face during BJ sixty ninety sexy

1248
01:02:52,440 --> 01:02:55,360
Speaker 1: dancing during four play, I am thinking about his poop

1249
01:02:55,400 --> 01:02:59,760
Speaker 1: and get turned off. Okay, Chelsea, it is so so disturbing.

1250
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:03,520
Speaker 1: He has something's wrong. He has to go. First of all,

1251
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:07,120
Speaker 1: I learned this. There are two sphincter holes. Okay, so

1252
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:09,760
Speaker 1: I've learned this on a gay video about anal sex.

1253
01:03:10,560 --> 01:03:13,200
Speaker 1: There's some sort of medical condition for what's happening to him.

1254
01:03:13,240 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 1: He shouldn't be leaving skid marks everywhere he goes. You

1255
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:18,480
Speaker 1: have to have it honest conversation with him and nip

1256
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 1: it in the butt. This is so gross and no

1257
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:23,200
Speaker 1: one needs to deal with skid marks other than the

1258
01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:25,640
Speaker 1: person who's leaving them, you know what I mean. Of

1259
01:03:25,640 --> 01:03:28,200
Speaker 1: course it's affecting your sex life. Of course, you can't

1260
01:03:28,200 --> 01:03:30,560
Speaker 1: sixty nine somebody if you think there's ship coming out

1261
01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:33,640
Speaker 1: of their asshole. Fuck. I also want to know what

1262
01:03:33,760 --> 01:03:36,360
Speaker 1: sexy dancing has his asked near your face. I'm just

1263
01:03:36,480 --> 01:03:40,000
Speaker 1: really excited about that, So I agree. I mean, if

1264
01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:43,680
Speaker 1: you've had a conversation about like are you wiping appropriately?

1265
01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:46,920
Speaker 1: I mean you could just like leave some cottonelle wipes

1266
01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:49,080
Speaker 1: in the bathroom that might help to but you do

1267
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 1: have to talk about it. Yes, you have to tell him.

1268
01:03:51,840 --> 01:03:54,520
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if he's embarrassed. It's about fixing the

1269
01:03:54,560 --> 01:03:57,000
Speaker 1: problem because there could be like some sort of reason

1270
01:03:57,120 --> 01:03:59,320
Speaker 1: for this, and I think it there is because it's

1271
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:02,560
Speaker 1: not natural or he's not wiping properly. Yeah, but I

1272
01:04:02,600 --> 01:04:04,760
Speaker 1: feel like if he's not wiping properly, then he wouldn't

1273
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:06,760
Speaker 1: be that embarrassed. Like maybe it is like a little

1274
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 1: league medical issue. Oh you know, like maybe he's wiping fine,

1275
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:12,800
Speaker 1: but then he's got a little leak happening, so he

1276
01:04:12,840 --> 01:04:15,480
Speaker 1: should talk to his doctor for sure. Yeah. I'm not

1277
01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:20,400
Speaker 1: that kind of doctor. I don't know about assholes. Well, Poppy,

1278
01:04:20,600 --> 01:04:22,680
Speaker 1: We wish you the best of luck. And also, just like,

1279
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:26,120
Speaker 1: have your boyfriend put on underwear in your house while

1280
01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:30,480
Speaker 1: you're having sex, make him wear underwear while you're having sex.

1281
01:04:31,200 --> 01:04:34,680
Speaker 1: Maybe up a shower before four play? Yeah, to be

1282
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:38,960
Speaker 1: washing his asshole all the time. Maybe only shower sex

1283
01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:41,080
Speaker 1: from now on? Can we end on a better note

1284
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:43,680
Speaker 1: than this? Do you have another one? We can't? Chelsea?

1285
01:04:43,960 --> 01:04:49,480
Speaker 1: That was upsetting for her. I'm sorry, No, I'm so sorry. Okay, So,

1286
01:04:50,440 --> 01:04:53,520
Speaker 1: dear Chelsea, I'm a big fan here. I'm a twenty

1287
01:04:53,560 --> 01:04:56,400
Speaker 1: nine year old female working as a waitress. I waited

1288
01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:59,280
Speaker 1: recently on an older couple sixty five or seventy five

1289
01:04:59,320 --> 01:05:03,040
Speaker 1: years old, and they seem normal. But when the wife

1290
01:05:03,080 --> 01:05:06,080
Speaker 1: stepped outside to take a phone call, the husband or

1291
01:05:06,120 --> 01:05:08,120
Speaker 1: maybe he was her friend or brother, there's no way

1292
01:05:08,120 --> 01:05:11,080
Speaker 1: to know, got weird. He called me over to ask

1293
01:05:11,080 --> 01:05:14,360
Speaker 1: me a question, but then decided not to. Okay, weird

1294
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:17,240
Speaker 1: but whatever. Then he continued to stare at me as

1295
01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:20,320
Speaker 1: I was cleaning and waiting on the surrounding tables. The

1296
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:23,200
Speaker 1: wife returns, she pays, and he goes to the bathroom.

1297
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:26,160
Speaker 1: When he returned, I was at the computer putting in

1298
01:05:26,200 --> 01:05:28,760
Speaker 1: an order when he got too close for comfort and

1299
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:32,800
Speaker 1: whispered something so vulgar to me it stopped me in

1300
01:05:32,880 --> 01:05:35,680
Speaker 1: my tracks. All I could do was wave him away,

1301
01:05:35,760 --> 01:05:38,040
Speaker 1: as I'm not a confrontational person and the owner of

1302
01:05:38,040 --> 01:05:41,280
Speaker 1: the restaurant was sitting at the bar. They left shortly after.

1303
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:44,440
Speaker 1: As I was cleaning the perverts table, I noticed that

1304
01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:47,480
Speaker 1: his wife, question Mark, had filled out the receipt to

1305
01:05:47,520 --> 01:05:51,240
Speaker 1: sign up for our rewards program with her email. My

1306
01:05:51,360 --> 01:05:54,240
Speaker 1: question is should I make a fake email and contact

1307
01:05:54,280 --> 01:05:56,200
Speaker 1: her to tell her this guy as a sicko and

1308
01:05:56,280 --> 01:05:58,959
Speaker 1: as a worthless pile of trash. I know it won't

1309
01:05:58,960 --> 01:06:01,800
Speaker 1: really do anything, but god, it would feel so good.

1310
01:06:02,240 --> 01:06:04,600
Speaker 1: This type of thing hasn't happened since I was twenty,

1311
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:06,600
Speaker 1: and I always said if it happened again, I would

1312
01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:09,720
Speaker 1: ruin their day. And I bitched out again. I think

1313
01:06:09,760 --> 01:06:13,720
Speaker 1: that's the worst part. What should I do? Emily? Well,

1314
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:15,520
Speaker 1: I think it sounds like you're going to have an

1315
01:06:15,520 --> 01:06:18,640
Speaker 1: opportunity to say something to his face, and I think

1316
01:06:18,640 --> 01:06:21,680
Speaker 1: that's the move, not saying something to his wife, because

1317
01:06:22,040 --> 01:06:23,840
Speaker 1: what's the point of that. That's kind of a cop

1318
01:06:23,880 --> 01:06:28,800
Speaker 1: out too, emailing her anonymously. I mean, ay, that's inappropriate.

1319
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:30,800
Speaker 1: He can't talk to you like that. Whatever he said

1320
01:06:30,840 --> 01:06:34,080
Speaker 1: that was vulgar is not appropriate. And so I think

1321
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:36,440
Speaker 1: if they signed up for your rewards program, you're going

1322
01:06:36,480 --> 01:06:38,120
Speaker 1: to see him again, and I think you should get

1323
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:39,880
Speaker 1: it straight in your head exactly what you're going to

1324
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:42,800
Speaker 1: say the next time, and also just don't wait on

1325
01:06:42,840 --> 01:06:45,040
Speaker 1: them again. But I don't think you need to get

1326
01:06:45,040 --> 01:06:47,520
Speaker 1: involved with their marriage. I mean, he's gross, he's probably

1327
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:49,680
Speaker 1: been gross for a long time and she probably does know. No,

1328
01:06:49,880 --> 01:06:52,600
Speaker 1: that's a good point. But if it does happen again

1329
01:06:52,800 --> 01:06:55,880
Speaker 1: in person, just get something ready to say, and then

1330
01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:57,400
Speaker 1: you could say it in front of him and his

1331
01:06:57,480 --> 01:06:59,480
Speaker 1: wife if you want to, or you can say it

1332
01:06:59,520 --> 01:07:02,400
Speaker 1: to him, or you can talk to your manager about

1333
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:04,000
Speaker 1: what you're going to say, and that you don't want

1334
01:07:04,000 --> 01:07:05,720
Speaker 1: to wait on them. I know what it feels like

1335
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:07,240
Speaker 1: to cop out and not say the thing that you

1336
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:09,560
Speaker 1: want to say and defend yourself. I think you just

1337
01:07:09,600 --> 01:07:12,440
Speaker 1: have to wait for the moment to arise again, and

1338
01:07:12,480 --> 01:07:15,120
Speaker 1: it kind of sounds like it will, unfortunately, and then

1339
01:07:15,120 --> 01:07:17,640
Speaker 1: you can say something, Yeah, agreed. I would talk to

1340
01:07:17,680 --> 01:07:20,400
Speaker 1: your manager and let them know what happened, and your

1341
01:07:20,440 --> 01:07:23,280
Speaker 1: manager might say fine, then we'll ask them to leave

1342
01:07:23,320 --> 01:07:25,680
Speaker 1: next time they come. But I think there's nothing wrong

1343
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:28,320
Speaker 1: with if someone whispers something shitty in your ear, saying

1344
01:07:28,360 --> 01:07:30,520
Speaker 1: loudly to them that like, that's not appropriate and I

1345
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:32,240
Speaker 1: can't believe you said it to me, and please leave,

1346
01:07:32,920 --> 01:07:35,480
Speaker 1: even if it's your workplace. But also like giving your

1347
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:37,760
Speaker 1: manager a heads up about that ahead of time will

1348
01:07:38,200 --> 01:07:41,680
Speaker 1: probably save your ass a little bit with them. All right, well,

1349
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:46,120
Speaker 1: Chelsea Catherine, we did the Lord's work today. Yeah, God, God,

1350
01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:48,200
Speaker 1: Now I'm going to go ski and just you know,

1351
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,320
Speaker 1: just let let this all roll off my back like

1352
01:07:51,360 --> 01:07:53,560
Speaker 1: a water with duck or whatever the fuck that's saying

1353
01:07:53,720 --> 01:08:00,240
Speaker 1: is exactly water off a duck's back, exactly precisely, Doc

1354
01:08:00,320 --> 01:08:06,360
Speaker 1: Doc Bucks, Bye bye. Don't forget to watch my special

1355
01:08:06,360 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 1: on Netflix, you guys. Revolution. It's a revolution. Also, I'm

1356
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:12,840
Speaker 1: going back on tour. Everybody, I have a new tour.

1357
01:08:12,880 --> 01:08:15,479
Speaker 1: It's called a little big Bitch because I'm a little

1358
01:08:15,520 --> 01:08:18,200
Speaker 1: big bitch and I always have been. Sometimes well now

1359
01:08:18,240 --> 01:08:20,320
Speaker 1: I'm a big little bitch. No, I'm still a little

1360
01:08:20,360 --> 01:08:24,120
Speaker 1: big bitch. Whatever. Anyway, I'm going back on tour. I'm

1361
01:08:24,320 --> 01:08:26,760
Speaker 1: warming up my new one hour that I have to

1362
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:30,240
Speaker 1: create from scratch, but I have some very strong ideas.

1363
01:08:30,479 --> 01:08:33,719
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be at Zaney's Nashville March twenty nine through Sunday,

1364
01:08:33,760 --> 01:08:37,519
Speaker 1: April six, and then Irvine improv and then I have

1365
01:08:37,680 --> 01:08:43,679
Speaker 1: dates theater dates everywhere from Peoria, Illinois, Carmel, Calluma, Zoo, Spokane, Washington,

1366
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:48,000
Speaker 1: Boys Idaho, Vegas, Highland, California, Tulsa, Oklahoma, and more and

1367
01:08:48,080 --> 01:08:51,599
Speaker 1: more and more. So go to Chelseamlo dot com for tickets.

1368
01:08:52,520 --> 01:08:55,160
Speaker 1: A note on our segment calling in Backup with Better Help.

1369
01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:59,599
Speaker 1: David Yadish's input is general psychological information based on research

1370
01:08:59,640 --> 01:09:03,799
Speaker 1: and experience. It's intended to be general and informational in nature.

1371
01:09:03,960 --> 01:09:06,960
Speaker 1: It does not represent or indicate an established clinical or

1372
01:09:07,000 --> 01:09:10,920
Speaker 1: professional relationship with those inquiring for guidance. David's feedback is

1373
01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:13,400
Speaker 1: in response to a written question, and therefore there are

1374
01:09:13,479 --> 01:09:17,559
Speaker 1: likely unknown considerations given the limited context. Also, just because

1375
01:09:17,600 --> 01:09:19,719
Speaker 1: you might hear something on the show that sounds similar

1376
01:09:19,760 --> 01:09:23,720
Speaker 1: to what you're experiencing, beware of self diagnosis. Diagnosis is

1377
01:09:23,760 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 1: not required to find relief, and you'll want to find

1378
01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:29,320
Speaker 1: a qualified professional to assess and to explore diagnoses if

1379
01:09:29,320 --> 01:09:31,640
Speaker 1: that's important to you If you or your partner are

1380
01:09:31,720 --> 01:09:34,559
Speaker 1: in crisis and uncertain of whether you can maintain safety,

1381
01:09:34,720 --> 01:09:37,400
Speaker 1: please reach out for support to crisis hotlines or local

1382
01:09:37,439 --> 01:09:39,960
Speaker 1: authorities have a safety plan and that can be done

1383
01:09:39,960 --> 01:09:43,160
Speaker 1: with a therapist too, So if you'd like advice from Chelsea,

1384
01:09:43,439 --> 01:09:46,680
Speaker 1: just send us an email at Dear Chelsea podcast at

1385
01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:51,080
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartRadio,

1386
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:55,200
Speaker 1: executive produced by Nick Stuff, produced by Catherine Law, and

1387
01:09:55,439 --> 01:09:57,559
Speaker 1: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert.