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Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and

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Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together

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Speaker 1: called Defect or Defector, and we're gonna have a new

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Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this Verry podcast, which has

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Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now. It's available

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Speaker 1: every rust. Get your podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple, Go

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Speaker 1: listen right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out right now.

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Speaker 1: Go listen to see by. When it comes to the

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Speaker 1: b word, budgets, my philosophy is budgets are made to

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Speaker 1: be broken, really dead as Yes, you know what else

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Speaker 1: breaks marriages? Marriages break when you break budgets. Yes, most

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Speaker 1: marriages end because of financial issues because of that idea.

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Speaker 1: Right there, I guess I could see that dead as

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Speaker 1: dead as Okay, I'm Candy and I'm Devil and we're

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our

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Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'm making need derby most days. And one more important

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Speaker 1: thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are. We

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's

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Speaker 1: most taboo topics. Things most folks don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass is a term that we say every day. When

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Speaker 1: we say dead as, we're actually saying facts. One honey,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: We're about to take Phillow talk to a whole new level.

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Speaker 1: Dead as starts now. We had just moved back to

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Speaker 1: Brooklyn and I just got released. I wasn't making any money.

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Speaker 1: Codeine and I were like, you know, we do need

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Speaker 1: to refurnish the apartment because the apartment was terrible. Nobody

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Speaker 1: had lived there for years. So I said, listen, we

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Speaker 1: have a credit card. Okay, it's fift K on the

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Speaker 1: credit card. We can buy what we need on the

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Speaker 1: credit card and pay it back. Codine said, okay, I'll

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Speaker 1: look at some things. Three hours later, fourteen thousand, nine

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Speaker 1: hundred and seventy eight dollars was spent on the credit

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Speaker 1: car and I was like, yo, how you spend all

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Speaker 1: this money? One time? She was like, it's on the

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Speaker 1: credit card. You said that we could spend it. So

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Speaker 1: I didn't go over the limit. De Val, I didn't

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Speaker 1: go over the limit. I lost my mind and then

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Speaker 1: this is the funny thing. I said, you know, we

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Speaker 1: gotta pay this money back, right. She goes, yeah, over time.

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Speaker 1: I said, you know what, since you think it's over time,

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Speaker 1: that's your credit card now, even though it was in

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Speaker 1: my name and she CoA signed. I said, you gotta

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Speaker 1: you gotta pay that back. She's I find I'm working.

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Speaker 1: I can pay it back. Codine put the minimum on

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Speaker 1: the credit card every month, maybe like five dollars over

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Speaker 1: the minimum. Because I heard that what you're supposed to

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Speaker 1: do a little over the minimum? You know, right right,

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Speaker 1: that's what you heard. Because what hurt? Who told you that?

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Speaker 1: I did not say you put a little bit minimum.

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Speaker 1: I said, if you do not want your credit to

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Speaker 1: rob if you want to not be late, you have

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Speaker 1: to put at least a minimum. I didn't want my

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Speaker 1: credit to drop. Here's the kicker, guys. We had a

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Speaker 1: year free, a year free of no interest. So I said,

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Speaker 1: let's try to get this down under you know, and

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Speaker 1: under a year. Right, we're going into the year. I'm like, yo,

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Speaker 1: the credit cards almost done. It's almost July. With a

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Speaker 1: credit card that I go to it. Thirteen thousand, seven

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Speaker 1: hundred and eighty six dollars were able to put down

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Speaker 1: one three hundred dollars on the credit card. I felt

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Speaker 1: like I did more than that, though, And that's learned

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Speaker 1: that right there started the beginning of the separation in

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Speaker 1: our marriage a little bit, because now I feel like

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Speaker 1: I had to educate her, and she hates when I

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Speaker 1: try to educate her on anything. You know, my parents,

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Speaker 1: they took care of their finances on their own, and

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Speaker 1: they really didn't like tell me much about it. So

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Speaker 1: you had to educate me, guys, And here we are,

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Speaker 1: I mean, seventeen years later, I think as of like

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Speaker 1: two months ago, I figured it out. Yeah it took

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Speaker 1: you what nine nine years? Yeah? Yeah, she still ain't

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Speaker 1: playing off that credit card. You have that credit card.

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Speaker 1: Now I have the credit card. I said, just give

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Speaker 1: it to me, Give it to me. That the guys,

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Speaker 1: that is of my life, one of many the microcosm.

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Speaker 1: As you said with your big gass word, she takes

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Speaker 1: my money when now I'm yeah, she's a triling friend. Indeed,

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Speaker 1: now I'm well over town. That go ahead, Get damn girl,

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Speaker 1: geta hey, hey, I'll take that throw it in the bag. Heyme,

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Speaker 1: I had that was a special song. You were so

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Speaker 1: excited to do karaoke today, Yes, because you pegged that

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Speaker 1: song from early once we knew who our guest was today,

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Speaker 1: Del was like, oh, we're talking about budgets. I got

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Speaker 1: a song. I got a song. This is a perfect song.

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Speaker 1: Well I'm not a gold digger. I'm a gold digger

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Speaker 1: baby g O A L. Get it right, Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: get right? Oh do you see what I did? She

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Speaker 1: literally takes everything and twisted around absolutely to be completely

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Speaker 1: honest and transparent and to be real. Growing up in

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Speaker 1: my household, I really was not educated by my parents

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Speaker 1: per se about like, you know, finances and stuff. My

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Speaker 1: father would always say, make sure you save your money,

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Speaker 1: save your money, but I really would They never really

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Speaker 1: broke it down to me in terms of like credit

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Speaker 1: card usage or debt or you know, being able to

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Speaker 1: establish certain things to make sure that your set up

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Speaker 1: investment wise, Like that really wasn't conversations that was had

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Speaker 1: with me. And it's not that my parents weren't doing

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Speaker 1: it on the back end or you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: know why the conversation really didn't take place, but it

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Speaker 1: was just kind of like my dad was always like,

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Speaker 1: my family is taken care of. I have my investments,

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Speaker 1: I have my properties, my kids are good, and that

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Speaker 1: was really it. So it wasn't until we met that

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Speaker 1: you really had to say, all right, if we're gonna

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Speaker 1: be living together, within this relationship, and knowing that financial

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Speaker 1: stresses are one of the key contributing factors to divorce

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Speaker 1: rates or two people just not staying together, it was

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Speaker 1: necessary for us to have those conversations. And those conversations

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Speaker 1: unfortunately came by way of you know, mess ups that

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Speaker 1: we had with the finances, you know, but it's something

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Speaker 1: that we both had to kind of you had to

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Speaker 1: educate me on because I didn't know, well this this

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Speaker 1: is what's funny, right, and I really think about I

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Speaker 1: think about life, I think about my family, my dad, Right,

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Speaker 1: my father was very big on finances when he came

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Speaker 1: to me and my brother, and a lot of people

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Speaker 1: will call him cheap. He's frugal. He's frugal, he's my father.

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Speaker 1: My father graduated from high school, got his associate's degree,

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Speaker 1: started working directly as a mainframe programmer. So he doesn't

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Speaker 1: have any real formal education, but he always made a

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Speaker 1: lot of money because he was able to budget and

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Speaker 1: get things done. So then he started to make a

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Speaker 1: lot more moneys. He got older and started to move

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Speaker 1: up in the business, but he always made it a

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Speaker 1: point for me and my brother to know finances. He

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Speaker 1: put us on credit cards. He explained the details of

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Speaker 1: managing money with us. He also didn't allow what For example,

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Speaker 1: when I got a car, he bought me a car

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Speaker 1: total car called fifts. But then it was my responsibility

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Speaker 1: to put gas in the car. So now here's the change.

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Speaker 1: And this is where I noticed we also have a

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Speaker 1: little sister. He didn't educate my little sister the same

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Speaker 1: way he educated my brother and I. And this is

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Speaker 1: what's funny, how we educate our young men and our

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Speaker 1: young women differently. Because when it came to parties, my

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Speaker 1: brother and I weren't allowed to have big, lavish parties.

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Speaker 1: We have parties in the backyard. We had barbecues, we

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Speaker 1: had basement parties. When my sister had a sweet sixteen,

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Speaker 1: she had a huge sweet sixteen, my first car called

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Speaker 1: fifteen hundred dollars. My sister's first car course dollars, brand new.

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Speaker 1: So my thing is, not only did did they not

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Speaker 1: educate her the same way, but they allowed her to

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Speaker 1: live a different lifestyle right and I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: I'm a dad. I'm probably gonna try to raise my

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Speaker 1: daughter's different. Don't don't do that. Don't do that. Now

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Speaker 1: we're talking to Today's about budgets. Today, Today's about budgets.

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Speaker 1: All right, it's about budgets, all right. I'll speak hypothetically,

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Speaker 1: speak hypothetically, as long as I'm not hypothetically broke. No,

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Speaker 1: you know, hypothetically broke. But you may be pregnant hypothetically.

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Speaker 1: You may have a daughter hypothetically, so that's what's gonna happen.

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Speaker 1: But I've noticed in a lot of families, not just yours,

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Speaker 1: how we as black people educate our daughters and sons differently.

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Speaker 1: And I've seen it with my family. I see the

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Speaker 1: way my sister spends money and the way me my

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Speaker 1: brother does. And when I started dating you, listening to

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Speaker 1: some of the things you were saying about your family,

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Speaker 1: your dad is very good when it comes to money.

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Speaker 1: But you said he never talked to you about it.

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Speaker 1: He didn't know, not really. He was always just making

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Speaker 1: sure we were good. But being good, it's not necessarily

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Speaker 1: good within the confines of your household. Is being good

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Speaker 1: in terms of putting you out into the world. And

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Speaker 1: I think that that's how we we kind of set

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Speaker 1: our daughters up and our sons up for failure because ultimately,

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Speaker 1: your daughter, if she decides she wants to marry, if

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Speaker 1: she decides she wants to marry a man or be

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Speaker 1: with a man, now all the things she didn't learn,

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Speaker 1: she goes into a relationship not knowing and a guy

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Speaker 1: who has been taught this way, because this is how

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Speaker 1: it's been. If you man, you gotta do a man thing.

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Speaker 1: You're expecting your significant other to be raised the same way,

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Speaker 1: and then you realize you're not, and you're like, what

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Speaker 1: is wrong with her? I mean, and that's not every family,

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Speaker 1: but that's just what I've seen within our community of people, right,

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Speaker 1: and I mean ultimately is setting people up to be

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Speaker 1: people and individuals too, because those spending habits as individuals,

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Speaker 1: then you now come into a relationship, whether you're in

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Speaker 1: a relationship or not, you need to learn how to

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Speaker 1: budget and sustain yourself if you want to be set

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Speaker 1: up for success in terms of getting those things that

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Speaker 1: you want, whether it be a house or a condo

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Speaker 1: or a business, like being able to have the capital

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Speaker 1: to do that. Um so, so yeah, it was very

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Speaker 1: important conversations that had to be had, and they want

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Speaker 1: to do conversations. They weren't easy conversations. There was a

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Speaker 1: lot of tears, a lot of arguing, you know, a

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Speaker 1: lot of deflecting. There were times when like who's the breadwinner,

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Speaker 1: who's making more money? Does a person making more money

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Speaker 1: called the shots like then too, then that becomes an

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Speaker 1: ego thing. Definitely get compeelings about who's making more money

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Speaker 1: and who has the potential. Well, I mean that was

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Speaker 1: that was an issue for Cadine and I because when

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Speaker 1: I first retired, you know, I had brought in a

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Speaker 1: lot of capital to the family and we were both

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Speaker 1: building businesses at the time, and a lot of the

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Speaker 1: capital that we were using, we're being used to pay bills.

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Speaker 1: So for me, I felt like, this is capital that

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Speaker 1: I have earned. I do not want to just relinquish

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Speaker 1: the use of the capital that had earned to someone

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Speaker 1: who doesn't understand finances. And that became a topic of

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Speaker 1: contention for us because you felt like, well, I bring

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Speaker 1: in money too, and I always felt like, well, the

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Speaker 1: money you bring in is not sustaining the lifestyle that

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Speaker 1: you want, so we have to take a step back

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Speaker 1: and learn. So then we used to take out the

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Speaker 1: American Express, go through the itemized list, and sometimes in

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Speaker 1: hearing some of the stuff you spent, you used to

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Speaker 1: get so pissed. And I'm like, the only way you

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Speaker 1: can learn is if you realize you've been to Starbucks

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Speaker 1: thirty seven times this month and those little seven dollar Starbucks,

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Speaker 1: or thirty seven times almost three hundred dollars you spent

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Speaker 1: in a month. But then look, after that conversation, what

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Speaker 1: did I do? I bought a coffee pot and started

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Speaker 1: making my own coffee. At how you did? And the

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Speaker 1: back for that one in the back, I'll pass you

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Speaker 1: one time. I'll pass you one time because it took

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Speaker 1: us about two years? Are you for you to figure

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Speaker 1: that out? Cot? But then now look at us. I'm

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Speaker 1: brewing my own, you know, cup of jail in the morning,

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Speaker 1: and I'm on my merry way. Look, I still have

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Speaker 1: it here, and I've been Michael waving the same cup

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Speaker 1: about two or three times just to get through it. Yes,

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Speaker 1: and you know what's funny, You're welcome again. You're always

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Speaker 1: thinking yourself, You always thinking yourself? What you just make

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Speaker 1: it too easy. I'll make it too easy. You do.

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Speaker 1: Can you introduce our guests please so we start talking

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Speaker 1: about this. Please please introduce our guests please. All right,

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Speaker 1: so today, can you be really broke in bougie at

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Speaker 1: the same time you like simultaneously you are? You played yourself.

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Speaker 1: I am not queen of broke whatever. Delt I find.

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Speaker 1: I find a way, that's my thing. I find a way. Okay,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna talk to you. Tiffany the budget Nista Alice

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Speaker 1: and she's a personal find nance educator who has written

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Speaker 1: Live Richer Challenge series and has given talks all over

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Speaker 1: the country centered around financial literacy. So when I first

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Speaker 1: saw her name and I was like budget Nieta, I

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Speaker 1: was like, I don't even know if I could flex

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Speaker 1: with her because I don't even really use that word.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, all right, whatever, But Devot was

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Speaker 1: an advocate for having her on, and I'm all about

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Speaker 1: learning more, so I said, you know what's now, it's right,

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Speaker 1: I'll let you live and we can have this budget

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Speaker 1: girl on and we could saw budgets. You see how

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Speaker 1: disrespected you are. It's not the budget girl, it's the

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Speaker 1: budget Nisa. Say the whole name properly. No disrespect. Tiffany

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Speaker 1: but I'm just saying, based on our history and the

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Speaker 1: microcosm of Devo's life so far, YadA, YadA, YadA, it

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Speaker 1: just kind of made sense to have you on here

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Speaker 1: because I am open to after seventeen years, correcting the

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Speaker 1: next seventeen and years to come. Well, I appreciate that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, you're seeing the error of your ways, Thank

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Speaker 1: you and allowing growth. So I would like to take

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Speaker 1: the opportunity to welcome Tiffany the Budget Nesta to the

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Speaker 1: show budget a trip I am enjoying myself. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much for having me. So you got to hear

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Speaker 1: the little banters, you know, back and forth about what's

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Speaker 1: been going on with us, and that's just very on

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Speaker 1: the surface level. Um as about to the microcosm of

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Speaker 1: what goes on in our household when it comes to

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Speaker 1: budgeting and financing and lack thereof. Um but just tell

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Speaker 1: us a little bit about like how you became the

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Speaker 1: budget How did this become a thing for you? So

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Speaker 1: I was actually the opposite. I grew up learning about

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Speaker 1: money at home and so my dad was a CFO

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Speaker 1: and an accountant, and so we would literally have but

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Speaker 1: I'm one of five girls, and so both My parents

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Speaker 1: were born in Nigeria and I was born here in Jersey.

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Speaker 1: But I realized that had we had a brother, it

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Speaker 1: wasn't gonna be like that. It was like the biggest

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Speaker 1: blessing not to have a brother. Especially in African culture.

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Speaker 1: You put the onus on men, but girl too. They

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Speaker 1: kept trying for the culture. My mom was like, see

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Speaker 1: the way my womb was set up, We're not having

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Speaker 1: no sixth steps about the boys. So he talked about

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Speaker 1: hypothetical doors and I'm like Brett so and so um

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Speaker 1: so he really eyes, I'm gonna have to teach my

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Speaker 1: daughters the way I would have taught my sons if

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Speaker 1: I had sons. And so we would literally have weekly

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Speaker 1: family meetings and we would sit down and talk about money.

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Speaker 1: I can remember, like I think fourteen, I got my

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Speaker 1: first little side job and you have to go to

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Speaker 1: like high school, get your working papers right, and so

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Speaker 1: every pay period I used to have to sit with

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Speaker 1: him and talk to him about where my money went.

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Speaker 1: And he wanted to see receipts. And I used to

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Speaker 1: pay my sister like let me see, I don't know

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Speaker 1: what my money, let me let me even see says

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Speaker 1: like what am I gonna use. I'm like, I don't know, girl,

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Speaker 1: what this ten dollars or not? You know? So, but

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Speaker 1: what it did was it very early on, taught me

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Speaker 1: to be mindful of money. You know, I didn't grow

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Speaker 1: up with this fear about money because even if we

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Speaker 1: didn't have it, it wasn't then He wouldn't say like

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Speaker 1: we didn't we wouldn't have it. He would say, this

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Speaker 1: is where we are. He was just very factual about it.

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Speaker 1: Like I remember one year, my mom had lost her

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Speaker 1: her job. She's a nurse, she lost her job, and

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Speaker 1: he was like, so we're gonna have Christmas in February

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Speaker 1: because she was starting her new job in January. So

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Speaker 1: it wasn't I mean, I was a kid, so I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, So we literally put up the tree

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Speaker 1: in February, had our presence. So he never made it fearful,

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Speaker 1: just factual. And what he really taught me was to

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Speaker 1: tie in what was important to me as a kid

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Speaker 1: to what was important to him as an adult. So

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Speaker 1: he would put he still does this. He would put

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Speaker 1: the electric bill on the dining room table where we

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Speaker 1: all walked by, and he would show the month before

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Speaker 1: and the month now and if we saved, like if

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Speaker 1: the if the electric bill went down, he put money

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Speaker 1: in our in our fund to go for like as

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Speaker 1: a kid, I don't give a damn about the electric bill.

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Speaker 1: But but but the thing is he knew that. So

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Speaker 1: he said, but you want vacation. So it made us say, oh,

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Speaker 1: turn off the lights so we can put more money

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Speaker 1: in our vacation at exactly. And I remember, I think

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Speaker 1: my earliest earliest lesson, I was like four or five,

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Speaker 1: and I used to love to turn on the water

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Speaker 1: and like even running, I mean, and I remember short

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Speaker 1: of whooping my behind, you know, I was like, bro,

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Speaker 1: this water staying on, it's Functually. I don't know what

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Speaker 1: I was into. So when we because we were really little,

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Speaker 1: we were broken as like a family, and I can remember.

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Speaker 1: So it was summer. During the summer, we were only

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Speaker 1: allowed to get ice cream on your day. I'm the

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Speaker 1: second born, so my day was Tuesday, and so we're

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Speaker 1: all playing outside. The ice cream man came around. It's Tuesday.

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Speaker 1: I run in the house. Daddy, can I have my dollar?

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Speaker 1: It's Tuesday's my day. He was like, the waterman just

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Speaker 1: came here. I had to give him your dollar because

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Speaker 1: that's what happens every time you run the water. I

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Speaker 1: was like, I want to bring it back. You said

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Speaker 1: that you knew not having a brother was the best

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Speaker 1: thing that ever happened to you. Can you talk a

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Speaker 1: little bit about how we as a society cripple out

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Speaker 1: with women because think about the stigma. We don't educate

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Speaker 1: young girls about the value of anything because we spoil them.

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Speaker 1: Then when they go get married, all the husbands are like,

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Speaker 1: my wife don't care about money. Can you talk a

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Speaker 1: little bit about how important this is to educate young

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Speaker 1: women and everything. I like, I said, if I would

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Speaker 1: have had a brother and my dad had said this,

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Speaker 1: that it would have been his job to look after

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Speaker 1: his sisters. You know, he would have taught him everything

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Speaker 1: that he knew. I mean, I learned to mow the lawn,

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Speaker 1: I learned to change my oil. That wasn't something that

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Speaker 1: he intended to teach us, because it was his job

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Speaker 1: as the man of the household to take care of us.

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Speaker 1: And then it he no longer could, then it would

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Speaker 1: be your brother's job. We didn't have any brothers. Women

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Speaker 1: take care of the sons go out and I see

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Speaker 1: this with my brothers, I see this with my brothers

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Speaker 1: and mean we go out, we're going. My sister always

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Speaker 1: always were just there yesterday making so he's good. My

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Speaker 1: mother isn't Chicago looking after my my new niece, so

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Speaker 1: he's alone for a month. So every other day, me

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Speaker 1: and one of my sisters, it's like tag tea, Yeah

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Speaker 1: you send him, did you give him food? Did you

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Speaker 1: look in the fridge? But yes, investing. My mother calls

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Speaker 1: us her dream girls because she was like, yore, investing

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Speaker 1: in y'all was the best investment that we could have made,

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Speaker 1: because look how you take care of us. You don't

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Speaker 1: have to worry about more, You don't have to worry

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Speaker 1: about bills. We got you. My father reminds me a

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Speaker 1: lot of you that sits down with me and my brother,

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Speaker 1: and to this day it's the same. We have a communal,

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Speaker 1: a communal in our family. It's just my brother, my

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Speaker 1: father and I. My mom isn't there, my sister isn't there.

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Speaker 1: And he's like, as long as the three of us

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Speaker 1: are together, our family will want for nothing. He says

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Speaker 1: to me, you guys are my biggest investment. He doesn't

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Speaker 1: invest other things. He invested in our education. He gives

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Speaker 1: everything he gives my sister because she's the youngest, she's

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Speaker 1: a daughter. But talk a little bit about investing in

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Speaker 1: your children in this day and ageing, how important that

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Speaker 1: is it is, and it doesn't mean you have to

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Speaker 1: have money to invest in them. Really, the best sort

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Speaker 1: of investment is education, even if it's not formal. Like

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Speaker 1: I said, we would literally sit down. I can't remember

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Speaker 1: asking for a bike when I was like nine going

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Speaker 1: on ten, and my dad's saying, like, because my my

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Speaker 1: African name is Adochi and he still has an accent,

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Speaker 1: Like you know, if your parents doesn't matter how many

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Speaker 1: years they did. You're like, like, you just got you

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Speaker 1: want a bike? And that was like he was like,

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Speaker 1: you have to help me pay some bills. And I

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Speaker 1: thought he meant I had to hit the block the money.

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Speaker 1: And what he meant was he was adding up the

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Speaker 1: bills at the dining room table. He wanted me to

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Speaker 1: add them up and subtracted from what he and my

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Speaker 1: mom made. And this is me at nine, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, what does that mean? You know? And I

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Speaker 1: didn't know a mortgage that you paid for a house

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Speaker 1: over a period of time. I thought you bought it,

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Speaker 1: like like a shirt one time, and so all these

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00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,480
Speaker 1: things opened up to me and I realized, Wow, they

401
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Speaker 1: make this, they spend this on us, and this is

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Speaker 1: what's really left over for like the fun things that

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Speaker 1: I want. And so I made my first real choice

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Speaker 1: that day, and I decided not to get the little

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Speaker 1: Barbie bike I wanted. That was just my side. I

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Speaker 1: decided to get a bike that I could grow into.

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Speaker 1: And do you know, that's the only bike I ever had.

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Speaker 1: We still have that big blue you know. But but

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Speaker 1: it was critical those lessons because what it taught me

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Speaker 1: was really figuring out what did I what did I

411
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Speaker 1: really want, and how did I make my money in

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Speaker 1: alignment with that, you know? And so like I've learned

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Speaker 1: to be like you know what, Like not that there's

414
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Speaker 1: anything wrong with shoes and clothes and everything else, but

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Speaker 1: I had to ask myself what did I want out

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Speaker 1: of life and align my finances with that. Some folks

417
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,760
Speaker 1: will look at their their debit card statement, their credit

418
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Speaker 1: card statement, the don't even recognize that person. But I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you know, because who that we went through that we

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Speaker 1: went through that when we started we did. I would

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Speaker 1: I would pull out the American Express and be like hey,

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Speaker 1: let's go through all of these things. And she like,

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Speaker 1: I didn't spend that much money. And I said, let's

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Speaker 1: let's let's go through the money how it adds. And

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Speaker 1: then at the end she would be like, I didn't realize.

426
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,480
Speaker 1: And sometimes she's being tears because she'd be like, I

427
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,840
Speaker 1: waste so much money, and I'm like, no, it's not waste.

428
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,920
Speaker 1: This is you. You just have to find out how.

429
00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:14,359
Speaker 1: And and even it's not just her, sometimes it's me.

430
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,240
Speaker 1: Now we're very different because before I pull my credit

431
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 1: card out, I'll check my AMAX, I'll check my I'll

432
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 1: check my account and be like, do I really need this? Oh?

433
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,840
Speaker 1: This is good, this perfect, perfect, because I actually got

434
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,920
Speaker 1: a little gift for you. Right, these are my budgeteers,

435
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:32,480
Speaker 1: the braces, one for you you. She got two hands.

436
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 1: She's ambidextrous with the credit card, you know. So if

437
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,919
Speaker 1: you look at these budget braces, right, these are your

438
00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:43,399
Speaker 1: spending priorities in order, right, first your needs, then what

439
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 1: you love, then what you like, then when you want

440
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,880
Speaker 1: in order. So before you whip out your card, right,

441
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 1: you ask yourself or as you do, do I need it?

442
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 1: Do I love it? Or do I just like and

443
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,560
Speaker 1: want it? And so here's how you really figure out

444
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 1: this is really living a full life. Right. So my

445
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,919
Speaker 1: friends used to tease me when they were like, um,

446
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:02,359
Speaker 1: Tiffany with your little ugly car. You know you made

447
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: good money, why don't you get a better car? Used

448
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,800
Speaker 1: to drop this like ninety nine till the camera. But

449
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: I was building my business the bunch of stuff. So

450
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,359
Speaker 1: they would tease me like, girl, you don't you know,

451
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 1: you don't. You don't buy new shoes, you know. And

452
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,879
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, but this is that wasn't a

453
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: need or love for me. My business was my love.

454
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,280
Speaker 1: And now that my business makes seven figures a year,

455
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I can't. I can't hear you. But like

456
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,600
Speaker 1: I said, there's nothing wrong with your shoes. But that

457
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 1: wasn't a need or love for me, especially at that time.

458
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,680
Speaker 1: I'm sure it fluctuation and change it as life progressive,

459
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,359
Speaker 1: you know, you just go back. Your business makes seven figures, yes,

460
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 1: multi seven figures. That's what I'm talking about. That's what

461
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 1: I'm talking about. You are a black woman, your parents

462
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,680
Speaker 1: are immigrants, self made and I used to be a

463
00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 1: preschool teacher for ten years. That's what I thought I

464
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 1: was gonna do for the rest of my life be

465
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 1: a pre school teacher. But then the recession happened in

466
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,240
Speaker 1: my school, which was a nonprofit based school, closes doors,

467
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,600
Speaker 1: and I the hand, what am I gonna do? So

468
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,359
Speaker 1: I took the skills that I learned from home, and

469
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 1: you see that my parents invested in me, and I

470
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,280
Speaker 1: was like, ooh, I could teach people how to budget saving.

471
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 1: That's what I do. And so I started teaching one

472
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 1: on one and then I got hired at like the

473
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,120
Speaker 1: United Way to teach a class. I wrote it for them,

474
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: and then I started putting stuff online. You found your name,

475
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,320
Speaker 1: and then and then it started growing. I started an

476
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 1: online school called the Literature Academy. I wrote books and

477
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,719
Speaker 1: before I knew it, like, I was like wow, Like,

478
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 1: but look at what my dad. I mean, he doesn't

479
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 1: listen to this. So but he is short by five,

480
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: I was. We're all like tall, So I'm almost like

481
00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,800
Speaker 1: this one real short man. Look, and now my audience

482
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,919
Speaker 1: is nearly a million strong. Look one man investing in

483
00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,919
Speaker 1: his daughters. Look look at the many women and daughters

484
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:40,159
Speaker 1: he's affected as a result. Investing your kids, men, girls

485
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:44,240
Speaker 1: or boys. You know, it's critical. We all went to college.

486
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,480
Speaker 1: We all three of us. I was a business major

487
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 1: and have my masters in education. Very nice. So, I guess,

488
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,399
Speaker 1: giving all of the examples you've given so far, what

489
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,600
Speaker 1: are some of the major pitfalls that you see in

490
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 1: working with communities of color or just just couples in general.

491
00:22:58,119 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 1: Are there any, like in personal story about someone who's

492
00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 1: like had a major pitfall that you had to really

493
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 1: turn around? Yeah? So, I mean, well, when it comes

494
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 1: to couples in general, it's just not being on the

495
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 1: same page. And so even me, so two years married

496
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: next month, right, and so I called my husband Superman.

497
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 1: That's like his nickname. So I'm like, so when I

498
00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,160
Speaker 1: first met him, like I'm direct, Like, I was looking

499
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 1: at my credit on my on my app, just looking

500
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:21,480
Speaker 1: at it, and then I looked at him. I was like,

501
00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:24,879
Speaker 1: what's your credit score? He was like, I don't know.

502
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:26,679
Speaker 1: I was like, you know who knows credit sets? Me?

503
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:30,080
Speaker 1: He was like, and it was a six thirty hits.

504
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:33,919
Speaker 1: When I say, I'm like, oh, well, booty. And but

505
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 1: here's the thing. I had to create a safe environment

506
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,719
Speaker 1: for for it to be that and be like okay.

507
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:40,359
Speaker 1: And I was like, well, do you know why? He

508
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:41,919
Speaker 1: said no, and I was like, do you pay your

509
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: bills on time? We look, he wasn't late, and I

510
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 1: was like, he didn't have a bunch of debt. He

511
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 1: had one credit card, a secured card, which is a

512
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,479
Speaker 1: credit card where you put the security down right. So

513
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: he had one credit card is a five hundred dollar limit,

514
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 1: and there was a four fifty um four fifty balance.

515
00:23:57,880 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: He thought to himself, he didn't know. He said, I

516
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,159
Speaker 1: ran it up on purpose so I could show I

517
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: could make monthly payments. And I was like, who told

518
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:08,640
Speaker 1: you that? I know they told her. That's what It's

519
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 1: a lie. It's the lie the credit card companies put

520
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,000
Speaker 1: out there because if you leave a balance, you paid. Yeah.

521
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,280
Speaker 1: So I told him. I was like, do you have

522
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 1: the four fifty? He was like yeah. So he paid

523
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: off the fourth fifty. His credit score jumped from a

524
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:23,960
Speaker 1: six thirty to seven fifty in three months. And then

525
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 1: he put a ring on and I was like, whatnot.

526
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something, brothers know, when a when

527
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 1: a woman can upgrade you and make you see something

528
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,119
Speaker 1: in a different light. This is what I need to

529
00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 1: hold onto. And I hope vice versa for women. You

530
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,320
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. But I know for a fact

531
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: all of the brothers I know they are married. When

532
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: you look at their wives, their wives made them better

533
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,120
Speaker 1: or made them smarter, because you're that's really what you're

534
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,360
Speaker 1: you're here for. So I told him, and I realized

535
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 1: that he's not a big, big spender, but when he spends,

536
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: he spends big, like for the longest he wanted. When

537
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 1: I met him, he had like is that the only

538
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: that's the big old well he's six six, He had

539
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 1: like a big truck, you know, like and I was like,

540
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,600
Speaker 1: what's your what's your monthly payments? He was like nine hundred,

541
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:11,600
Speaker 1: nine hundred American dollars? Sorry, do you live in this trut?

542
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: Like golden eggs? And I'm gonna wear I mean, that's

543
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: a lot of money. And then on top of that,

544
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,879
Speaker 1: you're in shut insurance. I was like, bro, that's a

545
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 1: whole mortgage payment, you know. And so I told him,

546
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: you need you need to um, you need to give

547
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 1: up the truck. And he was like, nah, you know,

548
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,919
Speaker 1: I just I was like no, because if something switches

549
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:29,439
Speaker 1: at your job, you're not gonna be able to afford

550
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 1: the truck. So so he did he um um, I

551
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 1: mean he was okay. He was like a safe to spender.

552
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 1: You know, people who like they saved a thousand and

553
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:41,399
Speaker 1: they use it for something else. He wasn't like a

554
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,920
Speaker 1: saved the saver, you know, So he gave up the truck. Um.

555
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: He ended up getting like a like a like a cat,

556
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,320
Speaker 1: like a used catalok for like thirty five dollars and

557
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:52,560
Speaker 1: he paid cash for and then um. But then every

558
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,560
Speaker 1: time I saw him, he was like, dang, like I

559
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: really want my truck back. Like yo, when you next

560
00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,080
Speaker 1: time you go on your next vacation, show a trip

561
00:25:58,119 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: tip and you're coming back to a new truck in

562
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: that drive. Can I tell you to tell you something

563
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 1: honestly because k K will tell you. I'm not a

564
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:07,240
Speaker 1: big spender, but it does feel good to work for

565
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,399
Speaker 1: something and go out and get it. And even when

566
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 1: you got to pay that bill. Just know because I

567
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 1: when I turned thirty, I bought in a seven. When

568
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,680
Speaker 1: I was playing in the NFL, I had a nice car.

569
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 1: Then when we were building out business, I got rid

570
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: of my car started taking the train. So once I

571
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,320
Speaker 1: got back to a point that you want to say,

572
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: I wanted to do something for me. I had an

573
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 1: A seven my payment was nine forty nine a month,

574
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 1: and I'll know forget it because every time I looked

575
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 1: at that ninety nine, I was like, I can't believe

576
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: I spend this much money on this car. But there

577
00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: is something about working hard and having that. How do

578
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:39,120
Speaker 1: you deal with that knowing that I got one life? Well,

579
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 1: I want to budget, but you prioritize. So that's why

580
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 1: I said your needs first. So that's like food, shelter, clothing, water, Right,

581
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,680
Speaker 1: you have to take anything that sustains life. You take

582
00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:51,240
Speaker 1: care of that first obviously, right. Then your loves. So

583
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,600
Speaker 1: the loves are I always say, if you had Oprah's

584
00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 1: bank account, what would you do or what would you

585
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 1: do more of? Meaning things that actually make your life

586
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,359
Speaker 1: bet better? So meaning but it doesn't It could be

587
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: shoes for you. Your loves could be traveled, mind you,

588
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: it could be here. So I'm not saying don't, I'm saying,

589
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:10,280
Speaker 1: take the lesser things out so you could afford you know.

590
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 1: So my girlfriend used to ask me all the time

591
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 1: to go to go with them to brunch, and I

592
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 1: used to, but I hadn't been in vacation in a while.

593
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 1: And then um, and then one day I stopped going

594
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:19,840
Speaker 1: to brunch and started putting my bunch of money in

595
00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 1: an online only savings account because you get more interests

596
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 1: because they don't have bricking mortars, and it takes about

597
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,840
Speaker 1: twenty four hours to get your money back to a

598
00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:28,680
Speaker 1: regular bank where you can spend it. So it was

599
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,640
Speaker 1: like this delay of spend. Yeah, so I was like, um,

600
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 1: so I started putting my money there, and um I

601
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 1: stopped going to brunch. And then one day my my

602
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:37,600
Speaker 1: girlfriend to Wanna called me, was like, girl, we're going

603
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,159
Speaker 1: to brunch, but I know your cheap ass thet want

604
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:41,520
Speaker 1: to go. I was like, man, I'm actually in a

605
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 1: hot air balloon and Albuquerque, New Mexico, canty my tire life.

606
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 1: She was like you listen. I was like, I was,

607
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:50,359
Speaker 1: this is where my brunch money goes, by girl, And

608
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: so so you see, it wasn't that she thought I'm

609
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:54,959
Speaker 1: living less of a life because I'm not brunching. And

610
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, no, that's your idea of love and more.

611
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,240
Speaker 1: I'm living more of my idea of what my loves

612
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: are and what my more looks like. You see. Was funny.

613
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: A lot of I go through this with a lot

614
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 1: of my millennial friends right. Social media has created this

615
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:11,160
Speaker 1: idea that if you're not living like the people you

616
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,720
Speaker 1: see on so you're not living. So even if you

617
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 1: don't like doing something. For example, my young man who

618
00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:18,239
Speaker 1: just graduated from college, I have a bunch of men

619
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 1: mentor and I asked them all time, are you saving money?

620
00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:23,040
Speaker 1: And they're like, no, I've been saving a little bit,

621
00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: but you're not go out. So I'm like, what do

622
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 1: you go where? You go to strip club? You go

623
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: to club. I'm like, you don't like clubs, you don't

624
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,200
Speaker 1: like strip clubs, why do you go? Well, everybody out

625
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 1: doing it. And then I go to this Instagram and

626
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 1: you just want to take pictures doing stuff that you

627
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,479
Speaker 1: think other people want to see you do. And then

628
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 1: I have a couple of kids who just like, no,

629
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't do that. And then when you

630
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 1: see them there on vacations somewhere. Because of the recession,

631
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: I became a super hoarder of money. I didn't want

632
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 1: to spend nothing because I was so scared. I lost everything.

633
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 1: I went through foreclosure, I lost all the money by

634
00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 1: retiring to I went through the same thing. Let's played

635
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,600
Speaker 1: three years in the NFL I invest in the stock

636
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: market because everybody told me this what you do. I

637
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,960
Speaker 1: bought property because that's what everybody told me you do.

638
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: Recession came and then I got cut the same year,

639
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:09,000
Speaker 1: and so I couldn't even sit in it and let

640
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 1: it grow. So I had to take the little bit

641
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:12,200
Speaker 1: of capital I had left, and I'm like, yo, I

642
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 1: can't believe everything I work for. And people would have thought, oh,

643
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: developing broke. He probably was in the strip club buying

644
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,240
Speaker 1: change my car. No. I did everything I was supposed

645
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: to in the recession. How do people avoid that? There's

646
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: really nothing you can do with avoid making financial mistakes

647
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:28,880
Speaker 1: because you don't know everything. You know, you just have

648
00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 1: to take yourself like that exactly. And can you want

649
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: to make sure that you're not placing your money all

650
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 1: in just one place, so you know, like investing in

651
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 1: in stocks and in real estate. That's a good thing.

652
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: Having your retirement account, that's a good thing, you know.

653
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: But then you also want to have some emergency savings

654
00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:47,280
Speaker 1: so if something does hit hard, you have some backup

655
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:49,320
Speaker 1: so you don't have to dip in to your investments.

656
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 1: Because here's the thing. Let's just say you would have

657
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 1: bought a house ten years ago. Now you can'ke in

658
00:29:55,680 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 1: now you like literally, like I mean, like exactly Manhattan

659
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 1: been done. You can't afford that, right, Um, Brooklyn, Then

660
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 1: do you want this one story? Okay? So when we

661
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:13,800
Speaker 1: moved back from Michigan after he retired, we were engaged,

662
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 1: newly engaged, and it was just like, you know, the

663
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:20,080
Speaker 1: wedding versus the house situation. And at the time, you know,

664
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,560
Speaker 1: I guess I was a little spoiled in that. I

665
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 1: felt like, Okay, he was playing ball. He says he's retired,

666
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,719
Speaker 1: but he's not really retired. We can have the wedding

667
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:29,080
Speaker 1: and we'll get the house too. So I asked her,

668
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 1: I said, listen, I get a severance pay from the

669
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 1: NFL and out I'm going to retire. I have some

670
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: savings left. We have enough funds where we can buy

671
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: a property, or we can get the dream wedding, I

672
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,480
Speaker 1: asked her. And I was like, but if we do

673
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 1: go with this wedding, we're gonna have to live in

674
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 1: this apartment for a couple of years. And she said,

675
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 1: I'll take the wedding, okay. And her thought process was

676
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 1: we did own two other properties, so it's not like

677
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,800
Speaker 1: we weren't homeowners, right, so I get to see that

678
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: if we had no homes at all, But we had

679
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 1: these two other properties. So I was like, we have

680
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:58,720
Speaker 1: the investments there. We can always sell one of those

681
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,440
Speaker 1: and buy another house. And you know, so that was

682
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: my mindset. I wanted to live in that moment of

683
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:04,720
Speaker 1: give me all the things, you know, the wedding and whatnot.

684
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 1: But this one we had the opportunity. Like you said,

685
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,240
Speaker 1: two thousand nine, around the corner from my apartment, they

686
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,920
Speaker 1: had all of these gutted brownstones. They were going for

687
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 1: a quarter million dallas, quarter million dallas. All I would

688
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 1: have had she was the first time home by, she

689
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: would have put down if that were not even right. Yeah,

690
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 1: and then and right now those were going for like

691
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: what to three million millions instant million were not instant

692
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 1: because it took ten years, but still those are those

693
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 1: long term investments. And so you know, and I mean

694
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: it's okay. I mean, we don't make every move right now,

695
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 1: everybody's trying to move to New York because they can't

696
00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: afford um um New York anymore. But you know, and

697
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: so you know, everybody has so much to say about Newark,

698
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: New Jersey Drive, but like try to buy now. My

699
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:50,880
Speaker 1: husband I purchased two properties last year. It was like

700
00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,000
Speaker 1: the last kind of like Hurrah, and I was like,

701
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:56,800
Speaker 1: they we have to purchase something. Someone called me yesterday asking, hey,

702
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: I drove by your property and I looked at City Hall.

703
00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:01,920
Speaker 1: I was like, click, brother, you want them, you want

704
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,959
Speaker 1: you know. But I think this is that financial choices.

705
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: You can't make them all right, right, but if you're

706
00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: you know, but if you're still alive, you have the

707
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 1: chance to rebound. The key is getting the education because

708
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: once you know better, you can always do better when

709
00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:19,200
Speaker 1: you're ready, you know. I was negative three hundred thousand

710
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,400
Speaker 1: dollars in debt at one point. School not just it

711
00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: was school, it was credit card debt. It was my mortgage, right,

712
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 1: And so I thought to myself and I had to

713
00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 1: be I think it was like twenty nine and I

714
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 1: was like, yo, I don't. I was sleeping on my

715
00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 1: sister's couch until she was like, uh, it's been nine months.

716
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,920
Speaker 1: I'm getting birth to this baby. You need to get out,

717
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 1: and then I had to go to my parents house.

718
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 1: I remember I was turning thirty and I was in

719
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:42,360
Speaker 1: my middle school SCHMIDI in bed looking up at the

720
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 1: smith ceiling, like, damn, it's this life. I'm thirty thirties

721
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:49,080
Speaker 1: grown and I'm here, you know. And but I had

722
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: the education. My dad would always say that people could

723
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,200
Speaker 1: take away your wealth, your half ship, but they can

724
00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 1: never take away your education. And so I was activity,

725
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 1: so you know better less slowly, but surely do better.

726
00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 1: Let go back to budgeting, and let's save, let's fix

727
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 1: this credit score, and let's slowly pay down your dad.

728
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:07,880
Speaker 1: And I did, And then I invested in myself through

729
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 1: my business, and I lived frugally for a number of years.

730
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 1: Even at one point I could have paid off my

731
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: student loan day. I just paid it off last year.

732
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 1: I could have paid it off way before that. But

733
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 1: I was like, do I look, I was deferring it.

734
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,880
Speaker 1: I said, do I put this money towards student loan? Dad,

735
00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,720
Speaker 1: that's not investing because when you're investigating debt free, I

736
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 1: saw you get debt right. Or do I take this

737
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:30,240
Speaker 1: money and invested into my business. At that time it

738
00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: was six figures, and I took the money and invested

739
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: into the business. And now were then once I got

740
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 1: my seven figures, I was like boom, here's your fifty

741
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 1: two dollar salarly mad because I got it now, like

742
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 1: you know, and so just even rethinking the way we

743
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,360
Speaker 1: think about money and positioning ourselves, it's critical. I want

744
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: you to speak a little bit about because Conna and

745
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: I talked about this. We own the two properties we

746
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 1: sold them. People constantly asked us, now, why do you

747
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,000
Speaker 1: live in an apartment and you don't buy a home.

748
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: Part of the reason why we didn't buy into a

749
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: home was because, like you said, we invested in our

750
00:33:59,760 --> 00:34:02,720
Speaker 1: big business and a lot of millennials don't understand just

751
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 1: buying a home it's not a sound investment, is not

752
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: if you don't have capital. And it's not even just millennials.

753
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:09,640
Speaker 1: My father for so long it was like what the

754
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 1: hell are y'all doing? Because he's an older West Indian

755
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 1: man that needs to own his things. He owns his

756
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:17,759
Speaker 1: car that he's been driving since. I mean, he has

757
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: his home and if you're not owning something, he's totally

758
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:22,239
Speaker 1: thad and looking like what are you doing with My

759
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:24,520
Speaker 1: daughter is still renting in leasing cars? Like why he

760
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 1: asked me? He asked me, He's just like, you know, yeah,

761
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:28,880
Speaker 1: I don't know what you guys do for a living.

762
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 1: You don't own a property and you lease cars. And

763
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:34,799
Speaker 1: I had to explain to him, like, just only something

764
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: and put down down payment. And I broke it down

765
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:38,959
Speaker 1: from the buy a house for six hundred thousand dollars,

766
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,320
Speaker 1: I gotta put down You're looking at a hundred and

767
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,120
Speaker 1: twenty thou dollars cash one time. And I still have

768
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,160
Speaker 1: a mortgage of about four thousand dollars a month, which

769
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 1: is dead. And he was kind of like, but you

770
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,719
Speaker 1: own it, I said, after thirty yards, it's a long

771
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,360
Speaker 1: term and then it's only if you buy. I always

772
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 1: tell people just because you're buying a house in itself

773
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: is not an investment unless you do it wisely, meaning

774
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 1: that one you get the house at a discount. So

775
00:35:03,680 --> 00:35:06,040
Speaker 1: the house my husband I bought in a newer in

776
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: the Forest Hill section is beautiful. It was a foreclosure

777
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,040
Speaker 1: and the bank wanted um to something, but we got

778
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,239
Speaker 1: it for one eight so it's worth yeah, exactly, So

779
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:17,839
Speaker 1: it's worth about four hundred thousand, so we are So

780
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 1: that was an investment, right? Or is your mortgage rentable?

781
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 1: Meaning you get a house and let's just say, if

782
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:26,200
Speaker 1: you look around in the neighborhood. The camps say, this

783
00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:30,000
Speaker 1: house can rent for your mortgage and your P and

784
00:35:30,080 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 1: I if you have it and your insurance and all

785
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,879
Speaker 1: that stuff. It's two thousand, so that means if ship

786
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,359
Speaker 1: gets tight, that means that you could rent it out

787
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: for and your mortgage is two thousand. So those are

788
00:35:40,920 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: the two ways that if you're gonna buy a property

789
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,839
Speaker 1: to keep that if not. Like my husband, he lives

790
00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,759
Speaker 1: where we live is where he works really close. So

791
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 1: I was like, you don't have to You don't have to,

792
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:53,680
Speaker 1: um uh to buy a car if you don't want to, baby,

793
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:55,600
Speaker 1: we cant least because it makes sense because you're not

794
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,600
Speaker 1: gonna do a lot of driving. You could you explain, really,

795
00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:00,959
Speaker 1: patri center, Um, what's the PNE Just so I'm sorry.

796
00:36:01,040 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 1: P m I is private mortgage insurance. So typically if

797
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 1: you don't put down at least twenty percent down in

798
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 1: your house, they're going to charge you in insurance because

799
00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,000
Speaker 1: they feel like you don't have enough skin in the game,

800
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: so they're gonna it's like anywhere, it's like about one

801
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:16,439
Speaker 1: half percent to one percent of the value of the loan.

802
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,399
Speaker 1: So if you bought a house for a hundred thousand

803
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 1: dollars your p and if it's one percent, it's an

804
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 1: extra thousand dollars. Just go on. Now, there are some

805
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 1: ways that you can kind of get around it, you know,

806
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,239
Speaker 1: but ideally, if you like, really, if you don't put

807
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: down twenty percent, that's what you're looking at. And so

808
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,080
Speaker 1: that's just And sometimes they won't even let you, like,

809
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 1: let's just say you finally work up to getting like

810
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,880
Speaker 1: equity in your house. Sometimes PM you can't get get

811
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 1: rid of you here for the life of the loan.

812
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,760
Speaker 1: That is crazy. I think people don't they don't heed

813
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 1: enough and and tell them realize that every choice matters,

814
00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:50,200
Speaker 1: Like a choice I made when I was ten. That

815
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,879
Speaker 1: bike is still in the garage. Like, it's not just

816
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 1: a shoe. It's not just where you get your hair cut,

817
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,839
Speaker 1: it's not just where you live, it's everything. It all

818
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 1: adds up, is it is your life adding up to

819
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 1: what you wanted to be when it comes to finances,

820
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:06,840
Speaker 1: How do we foster more open communication with a spouse,

821
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,240
Speaker 1: for example, or even just with a parent child relationship.

822
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 1: But that was a struggle. Yeah, it was just like

823
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,360
Speaker 1: trying not to offend but trying to also be transparent.

824
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:16,480
Speaker 1: And also trying to make a plan. The first thing

825
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 1: that CASE always say to me because funny you said,

826
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: the parent child situation cause to say to me all

827
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: the time, I'm not your child. I'm talking to my

828
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,399
Speaker 1: husband and that, you know, For me, it was hard

829
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I'm trying to educate you. I'm not

830
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,680
Speaker 1: trying to belittle you. How do you created to me?

831
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: I feel kind because I felt like, why are you

832
00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:33,360
Speaker 1: attacking me as if I'm not contributing to this household?

833
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 1: At the time it was not as much as you,

834
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,799
Speaker 1: but I'm still contributing, you know, So what are your

835
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: what's your tips for people who trying to have those conversations.

836
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:41,840
Speaker 1: So it was hard because I definitely was a bully,

837
00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: like this is what we've been to do, because I

838
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 1: know Betther taught me my husband like before you got here, bro,

839
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 1: like I was running things, so you're not running things

840
00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: like say that everybody's not a budget, needs to do

841
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:57,239
Speaker 1: what you want to do over there. I'm gonna do

842
00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,200
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna do over here. And I realized, Okay,

843
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: this is this bull leading trying to get him over

844
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:03,799
Speaker 1: to my side is not working, and so what work

845
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,920
Speaker 1: was I had to find a common denominator. So before

846
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:09,320
Speaker 1: my had um, I met my husband. He has he

847
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,359
Speaker 1: has a daughter, she's nine, Supergirl, that's what I call her.

848
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:15,160
Speaker 1: So I realized that that was a common denominator that

849
00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:18,080
Speaker 1: if I wanted him to save I could say something like, Wow,

850
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: you spent two thousand dollars for Supergirl on for Christmas.

851
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:23,680
Speaker 1: That's dope. You know she's a lucky little girl. Did

852
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:26,080
Speaker 1: you also put two thousand dollars in her savings account?

853
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:29,239
Speaker 1: No father is ever gonna say, well, the presidents are worried.

854
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,359
Speaker 1: He was like, you know what, I will. So every

855
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:33,279
Speaker 1: time I wanted him to make a good financial choice,

856
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 1: I started going through, well, why don't we put this

857
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 1: in Supergirl's account? Why don't we do this for super Why?

858
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: And so after a while he got used to good

859
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 1: financial habits as related to her. You know, my husband

860
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:47,600
Speaker 1: didn't really wasn't fully on board. We've been together six

861
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 1: years total until last year because every time I went

862
00:38:50,719 --> 00:38:52,920
Speaker 1: on a business trip, I was always like, please, don't

863
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:54,319
Speaker 1: want me come home to a new truck in that drive,

864
00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 1: you know. But last year when the house came up

865
00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:59,759
Speaker 1: and the bank was like, we only want cash as

866
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,360
Speaker 1: a do eighty thou dollars and we only want cash,

867
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,239
Speaker 1: like that, said you, I mean. And it was a

868
00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:07,719
Speaker 1: beautiful home from the nineteen twenties in the Forest Hill section,

869
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 1: which is like the rich Carlton of Newark, and we

870
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: wanted to buy there before. And I was just like, dang.

871
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,399
Speaker 1: He was like, dangn won eighty cash, babe, I guess

872
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:15,680
Speaker 1: we ain't getting the I'm like, do you even look

873
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:18,399
Speaker 1: at the bank accounts? And he was like no, he's

874
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,959
Speaker 1: just deposits his money and I automate the bill paid,

875
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 1: so he doesn't see, you know. And so I was like, bro,

876
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: we we have that. He's like, we don't want eighty.

877
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, we got a lot more than one. Look

878
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:32,359
Speaker 1: at it. Yeah, he probably trusts you at this point

879
00:39:32,360 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: and he's probably look at my bill, but it's joint

880
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,800
Speaker 1: and so we we created a system because I believe

881
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 1: couples should have joint and separate money. So our system

882
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 1: is that so his So for him, he was like

883
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 1: he was adamant that I want to pay the bills,

884
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 1: you know. And I was like, He's like, I know,

885
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,400
Speaker 1: everybody probably thinks you pay the bills because you make

886
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 1: more than me but I want to pay the bills,

887
00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 1: and I said, okay, So we have a a separate

888
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:57,880
Speaker 1: bills account where um he like, his money is separated

889
00:39:57,920 --> 00:39:59,360
Speaker 1: from his like where he works. He works for the

890
00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 1: city money lands and the bill's account. Then some of

891
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 1: his money lands and his personal savings, and then some

892
00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 1: lands to our our Jordan saving, but very little lands

893
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,520
Speaker 1: to the joint saving because my money is to go

894
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: for investing in saving. So the money that I make

895
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:16,120
Speaker 1: goes into savings and goes into investment. The money that

896
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 1: he makes goes into our bills. But even so I

897
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:21,440
Speaker 1: still have personal savings and so does he. So that

898
00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 1: means that similar So when you have new Jordan's or whatever,

899
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:28,520
Speaker 1: I'm not I know it wasn't build money. I might

900
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: not like it, but I'm like, I mean, I mean,

901
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:32,799
Speaker 1: what you're gonna do exactly because that's his money. So

902
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,320
Speaker 1: having that kind of autonomy with your money, like absolutely

903
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,640
Speaker 1: it allows people to be free and buy what they want,

904
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:41,160
Speaker 1: knowing that it's not negatively affecting the family's goals. Can

905
00:40:41,200 --> 00:40:43,400
Speaker 1: we talk a little bit about how weddings were supposed

906
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:46,760
Speaker 1: to be utilized when they first started, well in the beginning,

907
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 1: first and foremost, we can't. I'll be miss if I

908
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 1: don't say this. Women were considered property, which is why

909
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:54,960
Speaker 1: even the idea of marriage is still so far fetched.

910
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,320
Speaker 1: But women were considered the property. And if you're marrying

911
00:40:57,320 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: your daughter off, that was property. You had to bring something. Yes,

912
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 1: we do that Nigerian. My um not not my husband

913
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:07,279
Speaker 1: because he's American, but my sister she married Nigerian. God.

914
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,239
Speaker 1: He had to bring the dowry. He had to bring

915
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 1: all this stuff to be like basically like they still

916
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,759
Speaker 1: ceremoniously to be like I can afford your daughter. Here

917
00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 1: is literally made a list of all that I need this,

918
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 1: I need this, I need this, I need this. Yeah,

919
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,359
Speaker 1: and so I was like, bro, we're not doing that.

920
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 1: But you know what's funny, people don't understand that that's

921
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:27,319
Speaker 1: what weddings were. Weddings were a financial decision and it

922
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,799
Speaker 1: was a way to help the family grow together. Nowadays,

923
00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 1: people just see weddings as a party. So you want

924
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 1: to have this eight hundred person party, but no one

925
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: keep bringing the spring they like. And so my sister

926
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:48,399
Speaker 1: made like thirty thou dollars at her wedding. I can't

927
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 1: hypothetically say you can have a baby, but you can

928
00:41:50,880 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 1: hypothetically your life Nigerian in cultures, Indian weddings, Jewish weddings,

929
00:42:03,520 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 1: Italian weddings, and Nigerian weddings. I've been at these weddings

930
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:11,359
Speaker 1: where the host weddings they always brought stuff, guests always brought.

931
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:15,160
Speaker 1: It was always you paid for your plate and and

932
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: what happens in this culture culture, I'm going to the

933
00:42:18,680 --> 00:42:21,399
Speaker 1: wedding to drink. Oh, and they can throw a good party.

934
00:42:21,440 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 1: They can afford to throw a good party, so that's

935
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:26,200
Speaker 1: their business. And so I didn't I didn't want even

936
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 1: though I knew all that my sister had a big wedding.

937
00:42:28,080 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 1: My other sister had a medium size, which is like

938
00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 1: two hundred people. That's a medium sized wedding for us.

939
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:33,400
Speaker 1: We really are small for my mother, and she's like,

940
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:38,319
Speaker 1: that's it. I was like so like, So I was like,

941
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 1: I didn't want that so much. Their horror, they didn't

942
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 1: know how much I was making um and so I

943
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:45,320
Speaker 1: I We're gonna go to just to the piece. And

944
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 1: a girlfriend of mine had this really cute soul food

945
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:49,759
Speaker 1: restaurant and she shut it down for us. My mother

946
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: was like, this is where you're going to Maddie, do

947
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,280
Speaker 1: you need money. I'm like, ma'am, I make seven figures

948
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,239
Speaker 1: because you only have choices. You could be a doctor, lawyer, pharmacist,

949
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 1: or drug deal everything else there so the dealing Like

950
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 1: I just I'm a teacher. They want they want the prestigious,

951
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:15,239
Speaker 1: and they're coming my father every day. Don't know what

952
00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 1: He's like, y'all be on your phone all day. He

953
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:21,200
Speaker 1: thinks it's some sort of like on his phone and

954
00:43:21,239 --> 00:43:23,200
Speaker 1: his laptop all day. That's not work. He doesn't clock

955
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 1: in nine, seven to three. He's not Wealth can be

956
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 1: grown in so many we have access to the for

957
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,840
Speaker 1: the ability to grow wealth. And I'm telling you, but

958
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 1: even still in America, there's an access crisis, especially for

959
00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:38,439
Speaker 1: women and especially for people of color, meaning that there

960
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 1: are there is this information, but it's behind the door

961
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 1: with no door knob on the at and only someone

962
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:48,000
Speaker 1: from the inside can open the door. And so I

963
00:43:48,040 --> 00:43:49,880
Speaker 1: consider myself a door. I'm like, I want to be

964
00:43:49,920 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 1: the sojourn the truth, Harriet Tubman of money. You know,

965
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:57,799
Speaker 1: it's to take what I learned. You're hired, and then

966
00:43:57,800 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 1: like I don't even do one on one because I

967
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,879
Speaker 1: tell people that's too I have online classes for free.

968
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 1: I have this thing called the Literature Challenge, which is

969
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 1: totally free every single year where in our fifth year,

970
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,839
Speaker 1: and all of them are online and they're free. I've

971
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:11,600
Speaker 1: got my Literature Academy, which is the next level. So

972
00:44:11,719 --> 00:44:14,840
Speaker 1: not just basic budgeting and and um and saving and stuff.

973
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: It's investing in real estate, it's retirement, it's starting a business,

974
00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: is writing a book. All of these next level classes

975
00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 1: taught by the friends that helped me to do all

976
00:44:22,840 --> 00:44:25,480
Speaker 1: these things. And so that's in the Literature Academy. That's

977
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: a month. That's it, you know. And then I'm I

978
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 1: do at most people, I ain't paying hunters on me

979
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 1: that she could just tell me that, And honestly, I

980
00:44:35,239 --> 00:44:39,160
Speaker 1: think that's what's wrong a lot. It's changing though America. No,

981
00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:43,759
Speaker 1: we'll spend money on the things that don't read any benefits.

982
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: But then a lot of times when when people ask

983
00:44:46,080 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: to be paid for their knowledge, people don't want to pay.

984
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 1: And I've seen that with and and and people say, oh,

985
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 1: that's black people, that's a lot of people. That's just

986
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,520
Speaker 1: a lot of people. Do happen, and sometimes people need

987
00:44:56,560 --> 00:44:58,440
Speaker 1: to be That's why I have I would say eight

988
00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:00,359
Speaker 1: percent of what I do, I give a way for

989
00:45:00,360 --> 00:45:03,319
Speaker 1: free because it's it is my legacy I want to

990
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 1: leave behind, is that people are better because I was here.

991
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 1: Education is key, is key, because once you know better,

992
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:14,280
Speaker 1: you can do better. Absolutely, it's knowledge. To me, it's knowledge, access,

993
00:45:14,280 --> 00:45:15,840
Speaker 1: and community. Those are the three. It's so funny. I

994
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,359
Speaker 1: was going to ask one of the top three things

995
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 1: that you would like to give us takeaway. You said

996
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:23,680
Speaker 1: it right there. One more time to ask learning something

997
00:45:26,920 --> 00:45:29,799
Speaker 1: right there again, You're welcome, be glad that I am

998
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 1: sitting here, very engaged in this conversation, taking away the

999
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 1: gems and putting them in my podcast. So it's education, knowledge, access,

1000
00:45:38,040 --> 00:45:40,399
Speaker 1: community community. So now it's because when you know better,

1001
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:42,960
Speaker 1: you do better because you just can't do what you

1002
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 1: don't know. So you have to engage in knowledge, whether

1003
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 1: that's YouTube videos, whether that's books, maybe it's the literature challenge,

1004
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:51,680
Speaker 1: maybe it's my academy, maybe it's maybe it's a conference.

1005
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:53,719
Speaker 1: You know, whatever it is, you have to you have

1006
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: to actively seek knowledge. So that's one right, and then

1007
00:45:57,160 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 1: access access is something that someone else has to grant you.

1008
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 1: So that means you have to make connections with folks.

1009
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,960
Speaker 1: You know, networking, putting yourself to an environment where you

1010
00:46:06,960 --> 00:46:10,080
Speaker 1: know you're you're gonna meet new people. Um. Facebook groups,

1011
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:12,239
Speaker 1: there's like great Facebook groups about for money. I have

1012
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: one called dream Catchers where it's like four hundred thousand

1013
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:21,759
Speaker 1: women all of them. And then community community. We work

1014
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 1: best in community. Think about when you work out, think

1015
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,320
Speaker 1: about when you're trying something new, when you have somebody

1016
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:30,399
Speaker 1: there beside you. It normalizes the process going through. Yeah,

1017
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: the community, Yeah, it normalizes the process. They push you forward,

1018
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: they introduce you to new people. I feel like I

1019
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 1: found me a new best friend. Whatever you want to

1020
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:49,160
Speaker 1: have to read some books, business lunch on the budget,

1021
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,760
Speaker 1: But honestly, I love I love to see people excited

1022
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 1: about talking about money and not get afraid about it.

1023
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 1: Just like like Developed likes to say, like one thing

1024
00:46:59,320 --> 00:47:02,800
Speaker 1: we don't know is what we don't know? Yeah, we

1025
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 1: we are. Really this is very insightful. I mean, so

1026
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:07,800
Speaker 1: we normally will do our listener letters on our own,

1027
00:47:07,880 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 1: but it just so happens that one of our listener

1028
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:12,440
Speaker 1: letters it kind of coincided with the topic today. So

1029
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 1: we're like, you know what, let's have the budget needs

1030
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:16,080
Speaker 1: to answer this question? Do we need to take a

1031
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:18,919
Speaker 1: quick break and get into some ads, but we will

1032
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 1: be right back with a budget needs to who's going

1033
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 1: to be helping to answer some of these listener letters.

1034
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 1: This for the record, there it is a win for

1035
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: the ages. Tiger Woods is one of our most inspiring

1036
00:47:41,200 --> 00:47:45,400
Speaker 1: sports icons. In his story, it comes with many chapters.

1037
00:47:45,960 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 1: I am deeply sorry from my irresponsible and selfish behavior,

1038
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:58,600
Speaker 1: but here it is the return to glory. This is

1039
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:02,279
Speaker 1: All American, a new series from Stitcher hosted by me

1040
00:48:02,800 --> 00:48:05,400
Speaker 1: Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger Wis doesn't know who he

1041
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:09,479
Speaker 1: is in the history of golf, no question in my mind.

1042
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:13,839
Speaker 1: And this season, with the help of journalist Albert Chen,

1043
00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:18,600
Speaker 1: we're asking what if the story of Tiger Woods that

1044
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:23,880
Speaker 1: the media has been telling, what if it's been completely wrong?

1045
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,760
Speaker 1: All American Tiger is out now Listen and Stitcher, Apple

1046
00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:34,279
Speaker 1: Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. So we're gonna go

1047
00:48:34,320 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: into listener letters now, folks, um, which is one of

1048
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:39,279
Speaker 1: our favorite times where we get to hear from you

1049
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 1: all and what's on your mind? Um, And you can

1050
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:43,520
Speaker 1: probably get some advice today. So do val you want

1051
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:45,319
Speaker 1: to ahead and read that? Yes? The first one says,

1052
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:46,759
Speaker 1: I want to start off by saying, I love y'all,

1053
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:48,879
Speaker 1: and I think y'alla uplifting everyone by letting us in

1054
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,880
Speaker 1: just a little bit about your personal life and being wrong. Well,

1055
00:48:51,880 --> 00:48:55,400
Speaker 1: thank you, But my issue right now is with my

1056
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:58,200
Speaker 1: boyfriend going on almost six years. We have two girls,

1057
00:48:58,239 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 1: one is three and our newest edition is three months.

1058
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:03,919
Speaker 1: Our life hasn't been easy. We both fault, were both

1059
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:06,520
Speaker 1: fault in a lot with things, but we're working on

1060
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: ourselves now for a better future for our girls. We're

1061
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:10,960
Speaker 1: both turning twenty five, and I want to be married

1062
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,440
Speaker 1: because I know that the only I only want him

1063
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:15,600
Speaker 1: and no one else, and that we only want each other.

1064
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 1: We've been through, all that we've been through is like

1065
00:49:18,239 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 1: I want to really feel that's the long last question

1066
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 1: that we're one. But he says that we want to

1067
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 1: wait for the right time quote unquote money issues, But

1068
00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: I'm telling him I just want his last name. I

1069
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 1: don't care about the materialistic things. No, we're not financially stable,

1070
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:35,160
Speaker 1: but why can't we get married? Why can't we get

1071
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 1: married and established instead of waiting until things are right

1072
00:49:38,160 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 1: or spend however much money we can spend to just

1073
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:43,200
Speaker 1: be married. This has been an ongoing argument and advice

1074
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 1: from y'all can help us. I mean, I think that

1075
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:50,160
Speaker 1: you would agree right that for men women just like

1076
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:52,120
Speaker 1: I just want to get married. For men, you're like,

1077
00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:53,840
Speaker 1: I want to be able to take care of my wife.

1078
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:56,040
Speaker 1: So I can understand. I don't think he doesn't want

1079
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 1: to marry you. You know. I think that he's looking

1080
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 1: at it like marriage means I am saying to the

1081
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 1: world I got her and the responsible and so he

1082
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,040
Speaker 1: is struggling with that. So I don't think and you

1083
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:09,879
Speaker 1: don't want to undo that there's nothing wrong with that.

1084
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 1: So instead I would put all this time and effort

1085
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:15,960
Speaker 1: into let's get right, you know, for real, let's get right.

1086
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 1: Let's get our finances together. It's it. Is it a

1087
00:50:18,440 --> 00:50:22,279
Speaker 1: debt issue, is it your credit score? Is it savings?

1088
00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 1: Let's sit down and start with pen and pad and

1089
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:28,200
Speaker 1: write down. You know, here are the challenges we're facing

1090
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,480
Speaker 1: with our finances, and this is what we're gonna work on. First.

1091
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 1: Let's get our budget together, you know. And there are

1092
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 1: a ton of free resources, Like for real, I'm not

1093
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 1: even just pushing, but that's the reason why I the

1094
00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:41,400
Speaker 1: literature challenge is completely free, No gotcha? Gotcha. It is

1095
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:44,160
Speaker 1: my gift back to my community because so much we

1096
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:46,839
Speaker 1: have been left out of that conversation and it's made

1097
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:48,839
Speaker 1: to be so hard and complicated. I don't the way

1098
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:50,600
Speaker 1: I'm talking nowt is the way I talk in the

1099
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,800
Speaker 1: in the challenge. So sign up together. I've had couples

1100
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:56,200
Speaker 1: sign up for one of the literature challenges, and you

1101
00:50:56,200 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: can choose the fundamentals the credit edition, the savings edition,

1102
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 1: the net worth of this in the homebind edition, and

1103
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:05,000
Speaker 1: work through it together and make it your goal that

1104
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 1: once we have this much said and our debt is

1105
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 1: to this amount, you don't have to be debt for you,

1106
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,440
Speaker 1: our credit scores are this, then we're gonna get married.

1107
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:13,839
Speaker 1: So set the goals according to that. So that way

1108
00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:16,279
Speaker 1: he feels comfortable and you feel comfortable knowing that you're

1109
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 1: working towards the same thing. There's there's something you touched on,

1110
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:21,319
Speaker 1: and I think that in our community we really don't

1111
00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:24,279
Speaker 1: speak on enough. And it's what's expected of a man

1112
00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 1: and a woman when you go into this thing called marriage. Right,

1113
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 1: it's not just about getting the last name, because she says,

1114
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:30,640
Speaker 1: I just want his last name. I don't care about

1115
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:32,479
Speaker 1: the material things but it's not just the last name,

1116
00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:37,719
Speaker 1: the first thing, the extremely young. So so often now

1117
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:39,359
Speaker 1: people feel like, oh, if I'm not where I want

1118
00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 1: to be at five, I'm failing. And they say thirties

1119
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,719
Speaker 1: a new twenty, but realistically, thirty is the new twenty.

1120
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:46,759
Speaker 1: To be able to do the things you want to

1121
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 1: do in life now, it takes education, it takes time, experience.

1122
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,280
Speaker 1: You know, back in the day, you graduate from high school,

1123
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,400
Speaker 1: you meet somebody, you get married. That happens when you're twenty.

1124
00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:58,879
Speaker 1: It doesn't happen like that. Secondly, when you're a man

1125
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:02,560
Speaker 1: trying to get trying to prepare to be married, that

1126
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:06,600
Speaker 1: idea of I have her is a lot and I

1127
00:52:06,600 --> 00:52:08,799
Speaker 1: don't think a lot of women understand that. When you

1128
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:10,720
Speaker 1: go to a woman and say, will you be my wife?

1129
00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:13,520
Speaker 1: Not that your property anymore, but I want to be

1130
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 1: able to protect and provide. My father told me that

1131
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,720
Speaker 1: my father's I don't care how much money your mom makes,

1132
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,360
Speaker 1: I don't care how much your wife makes. You have

1133
00:52:21,440 --> 00:52:24,000
Speaker 1: to pay the bills. And I was just kind of like, okay,

1134
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: he said, what if your wife has children in the side,

1135
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to work anymore. You can't depend on

1136
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: her to go to work and raise the kids and

1137
00:52:30,160 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 1: have babies. That's on you. You can't have children. You

1138
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 1: have to be able to protect and provide for your family.

1139
00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 1: So for a lot of women, they don't understand, like

1140
00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 1: why is he not ready? If you don't feel like

1141
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:42,879
Speaker 1: you can secure and take care of a family, that's

1142
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,160
Speaker 1: the daunting task for a man. And I think if

1143
00:52:45,200 --> 00:52:47,040
Speaker 1: she hears that from people saying, it's not that he

1144
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:49,239
Speaker 1: don't love you, but that's what he's thinking about. And

1145
00:52:49,239 --> 00:52:51,880
Speaker 1: the fact that they're young. But like you said, if

1146
00:52:51,920 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 1: they put them finances together and they build, it will

1147
00:52:55,200 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 1: be a lot easier for him to make that decision.

1148
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,440
Speaker 1: It was like, hey, we're working together. We're no longer

1149
00:52:59,520 --> 00:53:01,719
Speaker 1: in debt. Definitely some time, the Superman said, he said,

1150
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 1: I want you to be able to walk away from

1151
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:04,359
Speaker 1: the budget. And he said, you if you want to.

1152
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:06,840
Speaker 1: He said, so, whatever house you we buy, I have

1153
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:09,080
Speaker 1: to be able for that mortgage. I don't care. I

1154
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:10,920
Speaker 1: mean if it's a it's a one bedroom, oh well

1155
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:13,440
Speaker 1: that's what we're getting. And I respected that and I said, okay,

1156
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:15,759
Speaker 1: you know, because he's right, I want to be able

1157
00:53:15,800 --> 00:53:17,719
Speaker 1: to know that you got me, no matter what because

1158
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 1: my dad always had us, you know, like I was

1159
00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:22,040
Speaker 1: never one of those girls and we dated. When guys

1160
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:23,960
Speaker 1: would be like, you know, you know what you I'm like,

1161
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:27,160
Speaker 1: I'm actually good. Thanks for rel you know, like my

1162
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 1: daddy got me so okay, I remember we like back

1163
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 1: at it. They remember path Finders used to be like

1164
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:35,760
Speaker 1: the jam. We had a brand new path finder in college.

1165
00:53:36,160 --> 00:53:38,080
Speaker 1: Dudes was like, oh, that's you. I'm like, you know,

1166
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:40,440
Speaker 1: that's me and Randie and my daddy got this for me,

1167
00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:42,960
Speaker 1: you know, because I didn't need and that's what you

1168
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:44,680
Speaker 1: wanted to. You don't want your children to have to

1169
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:47,440
Speaker 1: look outside of themselves for for things that like, no,

1170
00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 1: I got me, you know, I got me. As long

1171
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 1: as you got you together will be stronger. But I

1172
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:54,640
Speaker 1: understand the need for a man to provide, and I

1173
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: think we do have to understand that. I mean, we

1174
00:53:56,360 --> 00:53:58,560
Speaker 1: are entering into an age now where women's rights are

1175
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:02,000
Speaker 1: huge and women empowerment huge, but also there are certain

1176
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 1: things that as a man you want you just want

1177
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 1: to do for your your woman. It's not that you're

1178
00:54:06,560 --> 00:54:10,200
Speaker 1: trying to her, You're not trying to oppress her. It's just, man,

1179
00:54:10,280 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 1: I want to I want to take care of my girl?

1180
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:13,560
Speaker 1: Can I just take care of my girl? And we

1181
00:54:13,640 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 1: have to find that balance to where you're not being controlling,

1182
00:54:16,200 --> 00:54:18,799
Speaker 1: you're not oppressive, but you're still letting her know like yo.

1183
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:23,640
Speaker 1: I got you together absolutely, and we talked about generational wealth,

1184
00:54:23,719 --> 00:54:25,479
Speaker 1: legacy and things like that. What you're trying to build

1185
00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:27,440
Speaker 1: for you know, your family and your children and stuff.

1186
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:29,600
Speaker 1: So our second question, which we might as well keep

1187
00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,200
Speaker 1: you in on it um it says, help me out.

1188
00:54:32,280 --> 00:54:34,600
Speaker 1: Can you give us three key steps to building a

1189
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:36,799
Speaker 1: family legacy, or at least where to start? I have

1190
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:40,200
Speaker 1: an idea. My man has ideas everywhere, but I have

1191
00:54:40,280 --> 00:54:42,759
Speaker 1: an action plan and he doesn't. I'm a teacher of

1192
00:54:42,800 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 1: five years and he has yet to keep a job

1193
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:48,319
Speaker 1: for a year. Part of me is annoyed he isn't

1194
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 1: further in life, but the other part wants to give

1195
00:54:51,080 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 1: him space to grow into the man he wants to be.

1196
00:54:54,120 --> 00:54:58,480
Speaker 1: Three key steps to identify that family legacy? Where to start? Maybe?

1197
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:01,879
Speaker 1: So identify what? What? What What does that look like? How

1198
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:03,359
Speaker 1: what you know what I mean like? When you are

1199
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:06,600
Speaker 1: no longer here? What do you want? What do you

1200
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 1: want people to say? Or how do you want people

1201
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 1: to be changed as a results. So one identifying what what?

1202
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:14,840
Speaker 1: What is that? Exactly a family mission statement? So like

1203
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 1: I look at my parents and they give money um

1204
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 1: to my cousins in them in Nigeria. Right, But when

1205
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:22,839
Speaker 1: when I went, I was um the first time when

1206
00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 1: I was twenty one, and I was so shocked for

1207
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 1: someone to be like, oh we see the see the

1208
00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 1: electricity and the church. Your parents did that. Oh we

1209
00:55:29,000 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 1: see the school here, your parents did that up until then.

1210
00:55:31,880 --> 00:55:33,320
Speaker 1: I remember when I was like in high school, my

1211
00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:35,920
Speaker 1: dad asked me five dollars. I was like why and

1212
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:38,000
Speaker 1: he was like, it's for the village and I was like,

1213
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 1: that seems like a lot of money. He wanted to

1214
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:42,480
Speaker 1: build a fresh water well. People were still walking two

1215
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 1: miles to the stream, and you know who walks to stream? Girls?

1216
00:55:45,960 --> 00:55:47,400
Speaker 1: And you know what, girls go back and forth to

1217
00:55:47,400 --> 00:55:50,280
Speaker 1: the stream. They don't go to school. So we built

1218
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:52,799
Speaker 1: this stream and this this well like that they could

1219
00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:55,560
Speaker 1: get fresh water from. That means one girls can go

1220
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:58,360
Speaker 1: to school and two usually people charge you for that

1221
00:55:58,440 --> 00:56:01,719
Speaker 1: fresh water. Now, don't that go back to what we

1222
00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:04,760
Speaker 1: were talking about about how it's not important to educate

1223
00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:08,279
Speaker 1: young girls because it's like the same thing. It's very

1224
00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:10,879
Speaker 1: common country. They don't need to learn because I'm gonna

1225
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:13,600
Speaker 1: marry you off. Anyway. Your very value is in the

1226
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:16,200
Speaker 1: dowry you can bring to the family. But man, their

1227
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 1: value is what they can earn, you know, and so

1228
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 1: changing that. But now look at the legacy that that's

1229
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,839
Speaker 1: been left behind. So as a result, so I say,

1230
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,799
Speaker 1: first identifying what is our family mission statement, what do

1231
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 1: we want to do exactly? And then to start really

1232
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:33,480
Speaker 1: figuring out, you know, what steps can we take now.

1233
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,840
Speaker 1: I mean, everybody wants to make these big, grandiose like things,

1234
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:39,400
Speaker 1: but that you don't have to necessarily do that, you know.

1235
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 1: I call my husband Mr Rogers of the neighborhood because

1236
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:44,200
Speaker 1: on Fridays he like buys pizza for the kids. We

1237
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:46,520
Speaker 1: live in like what I call our new house where

1238
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:48,320
Speaker 1: we're renovating, so it's done in like a week or so.

1239
00:56:48,440 --> 00:56:50,839
Speaker 1: But where we live now is where he lived, which

1240
00:56:50,840 --> 00:56:57,040
Speaker 1: I call the halfway hood. Like this side like yeah,

1241
00:56:57,280 --> 00:56:59,000
Speaker 1: and then this side it's like downsound, but we live

1242
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,239
Speaker 1: in the halfway hood, right, So like it's all these

1243
00:57:01,320 --> 00:57:03,840
Speaker 1: kids that you know, and so they're always playing outside

1244
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 1: and so they know that like they like he teaches

1245
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:08,359
Speaker 1: them telling him his name is King and they really

1246
00:57:08,360 --> 00:57:13,359
Speaker 1: believe it. Hi King. I'm like, yeah, they buy him

1247
00:57:13,360 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 1: pizza on Fridays when I first seeds to come over

1248
00:57:15,280 --> 00:57:17,560
Speaker 1: at the doorbell ring all the time, kids with their bikes,

1249
00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:20,480
Speaker 1: Mrs Dress so I can get the bike pump, Mrs Dress,

1250
00:57:20,560 --> 00:57:22,800
Speaker 1: I can get some Apple songs. Mr Drells said, I mean,

1251
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,440
Speaker 1: why I'm saying his name or whatever, But you know,

1252
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:28,200
Speaker 1: but I thought, now, that's a legacy he he doesn't

1253
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:33,280
Speaker 1: impression he's making on this. So I want you to

1254
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:36,520
Speaker 1: identify what things can you do currently without the strong

1255
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 1: financial base to start building legacy. Now is the pizza

1256
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,200
Speaker 1: for the kids? Is it looking after you know, an

1257
00:57:42,200 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: elderly woman in your neighborhood, what does that look like now?

1258
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:48,080
Speaker 1: And then then third thing is really starting to write

1259
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:49,560
Speaker 1: down what does it look like in the future and

1260
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:51,760
Speaker 1: what what steps do you have to take? So planning

1261
00:57:51,840 --> 00:57:54,480
Speaker 1: is everything. I always start with writing stuff down, like

1262
00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 1: identifying what what do I want? What what action do

1263
00:57:57,640 --> 00:57:59,560
Speaker 1: I have to take? And what's the next best step?

1264
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:02,400
Speaker 1: What do I want? What action do I have to tape?

1265
00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 1: And right now, what is the next best step? Is

1266
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 1: it a Google search? A phone call, is it, you know,

1267
00:58:07,320 --> 00:58:09,840
Speaker 1: withdraw from my bank to help out somebody's kids? What

1268
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:11,919
Speaker 1: does the next best step? Op actually has a book

1269
00:58:11,960 --> 00:58:14,320
Speaker 1: I think called The Next Best Step. And we get

1270
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,600
Speaker 1: so wrapped up and figuring out how to go from

1271
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:19,240
Speaker 1: New York all the way to California that we don't

1272
00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 1: realize that if we were getting the car and turn

1273
00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 1: on the lights, you see that the headlights shine like

1274
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 1: I don't know, let's like say fifty ft in front

1275
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 1: of you, right, and you're like, dang, I can't see

1276
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,960
Speaker 1: all the California. I'm not going because I can't see

1277
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:33,400
Speaker 1: the whole way. But when you close that fifty gap

1278
00:58:33,480 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 1: the next and you only knew that, like, don't win

1279
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 1: that the next step? You know, you close that gap

1280
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:41,760
Speaker 1: next fifty ft and before you know you're in California.

1281
00:58:41,960 --> 00:58:46,000
Speaker 1: Take the next best step? That was? That was that

1282
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 1: was so dope? That did I take the next best

1283
00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 1: steps when we leave here? But it's very necessary, you

1284
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:00,600
Speaker 1: know what. We can't answer though. She's said that she

1285
00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:02,400
Speaker 1: has a ton of ideas and she's an action She

1286
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:05,840
Speaker 1: puts things into action, and he's not, like, how do

1287
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 1: you deal with that? This is funny because Kadin and

1288
00:59:08,360 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 1: I are the opposite, right. I put things into action,

1289
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:16,280
Speaker 1: But she's an organizer. Sometimes when you have someone who

1290
00:59:16,360 --> 00:59:19,320
Speaker 1: is not like you but has a different part of

1291
00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:22,080
Speaker 1: the puzzle, that can make you, guys both better, you

1292
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 1: work better together, you know. And I think she has

1293
00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 1: to realize that maybe since he's just not exactly like you,

1294
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:30,360
Speaker 1: that may not be a bad thing. You put the action.

1295
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:34,640
Speaker 1: You said he has ideas put his ideas are just

1296
00:59:34,720 --> 00:59:36,880
Speaker 1: not good with coming up with ideas and having the plan.

1297
00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,280
Speaker 1: But once they know the plan, they can execute it.

1298
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 1: That happened with you and your brother, even with him

1299
00:59:42,320 --> 00:59:45,240
Speaker 1: and his brother. De Val was like the mastermind behind it,

1300
00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:46,840
Speaker 1: and his brother was like, well, I can't come up

1301
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:49,720
Speaker 1: with no programs and ideas, but tell me what to do.

1302
00:59:49,880 --> 00:59:53,360
Speaker 1: He's on time, he's early and able to build a

1303
00:59:53,440 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 1: huge business. You and I are exactly the same way.

1304
00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:58,520
Speaker 1: I come up with ideas. I'm horrible at planning my

1305
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:03,000
Speaker 1: organizational skills. There's a bunch of me to everywhere. But

1306
01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 1: if it wasn't for this woman right here, who can say, listen,

1307
01:00:05,120 --> 01:00:07,360
Speaker 1: let's take this brain, let's put on the laptop, let's

1308
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:09,680
Speaker 1: get everything in order, and then we can execute. So

1309
01:00:09,760 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 1: sometimes don't look at your partner and say what they're

1310
01:00:12,000 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 1: not doing. Let's look at my partner and see how

1311
01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:16,040
Speaker 1: could I help them do what they want to do?

1312
01:00:16,480 --> 01:00:18,520
Speaker 1: And then it'll be with suprocated as you grow together.

1313
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:21,200
Speaker 1: So that's how we can help them out a little bit. Absolutely,

1314
01:00:21,840 --> 01:00:23,080
Speaker 1: you want to investing you for you don't want to

1315
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 1: look and be like this guy over here. People can

1316
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:29,960
Speaker 1: feel that absolutely value in all types of people. So

1317
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:31,640
Speaker 1: what you're saying, and then I used to be like

1318
01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:32,960
Speaker 1: this when I was like, well the way I do

1319
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:37,880
Speaker 1: it is just better. But I'm like, what lesson am

1320
01:00:37,920 --> 01:00:40,160
Speaker 1: I really sending? You know what I mean? Because what

1321
01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 1: I'm saying is I'm better than you? And then how

1322
01:00:42,800 --> 01:00:47,200
Speaker 1: is someone supposed to respond to that and grow your love? Respond?

1323
01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:54,320
Speaker 1: We had an argument about three days ago probably or yes,

1324
01:00:54,760 --> 01:00:59,440
Speaker 1: you know, how do you deal with that? Because what's

1325
01:00:59,440 --> 01:01:03,760
Speaker 1: your sign area? Libra? Yeah? And so yeah, I'm always

1326
01:01:03,760 --> 01:01:05,840
Speaker 1: you know, And it's hard because I do think I'm

1327
01:01:05,880 --> 01:01:08,640
Speaker 1: always right. You know, I'm not gonna like so do

1328
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,960
Speaker 1: I but I just do because I try to for

1329
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 1: everybody else. You know, what I learned is that there

1330
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:19,600
Speaker 1: are more than one ways to be right and so,

1331
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:21,880
Speaker 1: and I found that I had this bad mistake where

1332
01:01:21,880 --> 01:01:23,040
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you do this, and you might do

1333
01:01:23,080 --> 01:01:26,200
Speaker 1: this that that. Like, so my husband will say something like, oh, babe,

1334
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:28,880
Speaker 1: we should um, we should paint this wall yellow. Let's

1335
01:01:28,880 --> 01:01:32,280
Speaker 1: just say. And I'm like, no, let's and every somebody else.

1336
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 1: My girlfriend be like, oh, you don't be cute yellow.

1337
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:37,040
Speaker 1: You know what, girl? Yellow is a girl idea. He's like,

1338
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,160
Speaker 1: so I have to that's a Really. What I'm really

1339
01:01:41,160 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 1: not doing is I'm not valuing what he brings to

1340
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:45,480
Speaker 1: the table. And so what I try to do daily

1341
01:01:45,800 --> 01:01:50,360
Speaker 1: is ask myself, you know, um, how how what's what's

1342
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 1: awesome and amazing about him that's different than me, you know,

1343
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:56,480
Speaker 1: Like I mean everybody where we live like it's so

1344
01:01:56,600 --> 01:01:59,440
Speaker 1: respectful and like even the block boys because of him,

1345
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:01,000
Speaker 1: I don't beak. I'm one of those like I just

1346
01:02:01,040 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 1: go in the house. I don't always say nothing. But

1347
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:04,920
Speaker 1: literally one day, like at night, this this man is

1348
01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:06,480
Speaker 1: banging on the door. I want the door. I'm like,

1349
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:09,240
Speaker 1: what's one of these bark boys doing outside? Um? Miss you? Um,

1350
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:10,720
Speaker 1: you left your lights on in the car. I just

1351
01:02:10,720 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 1: didn't want you have dead battery. That's all for him,

1352
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:15,520
Speaker 1: you know, and he was right. I was like work

1353
01:02:15,520 --> 01:02:17,480
Speaker 1: because he probably have been like, oh well, I a

1354
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 1: dead battery. Just accepting and acknowledging the magic that everyone

1355
01:02:23,840 --> 01:02:26,760
Speaker 1: brings to the table, and knowing that we couldn't be

1356
01:02:26,880 --> 01:02:29,840
Speaker 1: magical together if we were exactly the same. That what

1357
01:02:29,880 --> 01:02:32,320
Speaker 1: he does and what I do makes us better. So

1358
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:34,840
Speaker 1: one year, your husband, I'm sure he's just not feeling

1359
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:37,840
Speaker 1: good about himself. You know, what can you do to

1360
01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:39,960
Speaker 1: to help fill him? You know what can you do

1361
01:02:40,040 --> 01:02:45,120
Speaker 1: to say you know what? You know? Glasses have fully Yes,

1362
01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:47,439
Speaker 1: when I started dating my husband, I was like, because

1363
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:49,200
Speaker 1: I have a college degree, I've got my masters, and

1364
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:52,040
Speaker 1: I was like, we'll put out the door at all times,

1365
01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:54,360
Speaker 1: just so you know, I could always you know, you

1366
01:02:54,400 --> 01:02:57,560
Speaker 1: don't make it feel like, yeah, definitely feel like it

1367
01:02:57,600 --> 01:03:00,240
Speaker 1: wasn't good. We have that. We have that issue dealing

1368
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:02,240
Speaker 1: with women of color because I think women of color

1369
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 1: are the second most educated people in the country behind

1370
01:03:05,000 --> 01:03:08,080
Speaker 1: white men. So black men often feel like you always

1371
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:10,480
Speaker 1: have to prove to me that you're doing better, and

1372
01:03:10,480 --> 01:03:12,640
Speaker 1: that's something that happens a lot in our relationships. You

1373
01:03:12,640 --> 01:03:14,040
Speaker 1: have to work on that. So finally I had to

1374
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:16,880
Speaker 1: say Tiffany, like you have one foot out the door

1375
01:03:16,880 --> 01:03:19,560
Speaker 1: at all times. How do you expect to build a

1376
01:03:19,560 --> 01:03:21,040
Speaker 1: home together when you're not even all the way in

1377
01:03:21,080 --> 01:03:25,240
Speaker 1: the house that you're in now, you know? And that's

1378
01:03:25,360 --> 01:03:27,479
Speaker 1: that that does feel like, that's something that does feel

1379
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:30,160
Speaker 1: like we usually at the end of the episode, like

1380
01:03:30,160 --> 01:03:33,240
Speaker 1: a moment of truth take away from the entire episode,

1381
01:03:33,240 --> 01:03:35,520
Speaker 1: and man, I have so many but what you said,

1382
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:38,960
Speaker 1: just that committed, fully committed to each other, to other,

1383
01:03:39,040 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 1: that is that is the moment of truth being fully committed,

1384
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:46,200
Speaker 1: a jointment of truth. I like Jaden Wilson something that

1385
01:03:46,240 --> 01:03:48,400
Speaker 1: thought was so powerful. I remember saying, that's gonna be

1386
01:03:48,520 --> 01:03:51,080
Speaker 1: us that he said. Someone asked how did they last

1387
01:03:51,200 --> 01:03:53,680
Speaker 1: all through the ups and downs? She They both said

1388
01:03:53,720 --> 01:03:56,440
Speaker 1: that once they decided, they took divorce off the table.

1389
01:03:56,520 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 1: It's not an option. It's not We don't no matter

1390
01:03:59,600 --> 01:04:02,440
Speaker 1: what happens. Divorce is not even an option. I don't

1391
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:04,600
Speaker 1: care what happens, they said. Once they took that off

1392
01:04:04,600 --> 01:04:06,320
Speaker 1: the table. It could be we we sleep in different

1393
01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 1: houses for a year. It could be that like right now,

1394
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:11,600
Speaker 1: I'm a zimbabwe for six months, whatever else we have

1395
01:04:11,680 --> 01:04:14,320
Speaker 1: to do. But divorces. It's not there's nothing, We're not

1396
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,960
Speaker 1: doing that. And so once they did that, it forced

1397
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:19,840
Speaker 1: them to find a solution that was not divorced. And

1398
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:22,400
Speaker 1: I remember telling, um, you know Superman, that that like,

1399
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 1: you know what, let's take that off the table. That

1400
01:04:24,880 --> 01:04:26,640
Speaker 1: like not that we ever, because there's only been two years,

1401
01:04:26,640 --> 01:04:28,800
Speaker 1: but I wanted to take that off the table. So

1402
01:04:28,840 --> 01:04:30,880
Speaker 1: we'll be forced that no matter what happens, to deal

1403
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:33,439
Speaker 1: with it and figure it out. I love that so much.

1404
01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:38,800
Speaker 1: I have nothing else to add. Tiffany, Yes, blessing. Can

1405
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:40,160
Speaker 1: you just tell us really quick what's the name of

1406
01:04:40,160 --> 01:04:43,600
Speaker 1: your podcast? So Brown Ambition is myself and my friend Mandy.

1407
01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:46,800
Speaker 1: We talked about money, career, and just life in this

1408
01:04:46,840 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 1: brown skin and where can people find you? And finally

1409
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:51,120
Speaker 1: your your goodies and all your gyms. Where can we

1410
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:53,280
Speaker 1: find that? So you can find me on social I

1411
01:04:53,360 --> 01:04:57,800
Speaker 1: am the Budget needs to everywhere Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube,

1412
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 1: and you can find me at The Budget needs to

1413
01:05:00,120 --> 01:05:02,480
Speaker 1: dot com if you need a ton of freebees because

1414
01:05:02,480 --> 01:05:03,840
Speaker 1: you just really want to get on track, and I've

1415
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:07,720
Speaker 1: got the five classes that's rich or Challenge dot com.

1416
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:09,560
Speaker 1: But if you're ready to level up and to work

1417
01:05:09,600 --> 01:05:11,440
Speaker 1: with the people who work with me. You can go

1418
01:05:11,560 --> 01:05:15,080
Speaker 1: to join l are a dot com. That's the Literature Academy.

1419
01:05:15,120 --> 01:05:18,160
Speaker 1: That's where I'm gonna be in school. There you go.

1420
01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:23,760
Speaker 1: I'm about to grab your phone on every platform notifications

1421
01:05:23,840 --> 01:05:25,680
Speaker 1: on so you can be aware. I'm gonna do it

1422
01:05:25,680 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 1: too because I know what I don't know and I

1423
01:05:27,240 --> 01:05:31,160
Speaker 1: don't know everything. Thank you. We appreciate thank you so

1424
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:33,600
Speaker 1: much for coming in from Newark because we know Jersey

1425
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:35,600
Speaker 1: and so comes to me. I was like, I look,

1426
01:05:35,680 --> 01:05:39,360
Speaker 1: I was like, what am I going to way? I

1427
01:05:39,360 --> 01:05:42,360
Speaker 1: appreciate you and listeners out there. If you want to

1428
01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:44,880
Speaker 1: be featured as one of our listener letters, email us

1429
01:05:44,960 --> 01:05:48,240
Speaker 1: at dead As Advice at gmail dot com. That's dead

1430
01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:51,320
Speaker 1: Ass Advice at gmail dot com, and be sure to

1431
01:05:51,320 --> 01:05:54,120
Speaker 1: follow us on social media. That's I Am Devout and

1432
01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:57,520
Speaker 1: Cadine I Am. And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,

1433
01:05:57,520 --> 01:06:03,240
Speaker 1: be sure to rate and subscribe absolutely dead Ass. Dead

1434
01:06:03,280 --> 01:06:06,240
Speaker 1: Ass is a production of Stitcher. Is produced by T Square,

1435
01:06:06,280 --> 01:06:10,680
Speaker 1: Stephanie Karauke and Dinora Opinion. Our executive producer as Chris Manning,

1436
01:06:10,720 --> 01:06:12,360
Speaker 1: and we'd like to give a special thanks to our

1437
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:17,120
Speaker 1: recording engineer Jared O'Connell, our sound designer Brendan Burns and

1438
01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:29,080
Speaker 1: studio manager Ashley Warren. We'll back. I'm Drew McCarry and

1439
01:06:29,080 --> 01:06:31,360
Speaker 1: I'm David Roth. We have a podcast scoring on right

1440
01:06:31,400 --> 01:06:33,720
Speaker 1: now as part of the stitchen Net. We're called Substraction

1441
01:06:33,960 --> 01:06:38,680
Speaker 1: that's available everywhere. Get a podcast at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple Go.

1442
01:06:38,880 --> 01:06:41,120
Speaker 1: Listen right now to the Distraction, right now, it's out.

1443
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:41,880
Speaker 1: Do it please,