Speaker 1: Are you leaving a you wanta way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 1: you claim.
Speaker 2: Give us time and a GERMANO and gave me a
Speaker 2: We want to send you off instide. We wanna welcome
Speaker 2: you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about it. We scared her?
Speaker 3: Was it fine? Now?
Speaker 4: Porn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 3: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do your need ride?
Speaker 5: Dam with Karen and Chris?
Speaker 3: Welcome? Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks,
Speaker 3: this is kar we are Every time I say that,
Speaker 3: there's there's laughter and it makes them feel good.
Speaker 2: You hope it because it's like you're trying to be
Speaker 2: a newscaster and your official voice is really like a muppet.
Speaker 3: I know what you're gonna say, I sound like a muppet.
Speaker 1: It was absolutely was not going to say that.
Speaker 3: You kind of sound like a muppet right there.
Speaker 1: See see how much that hurts me. Never hurt you
Speaker 1: that way.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry a minute, we were just okay, we were
Speaker 3: just friends. Here we are going to West possibly on
Speaker 3: Wilshire in Korea Town, going to pick up Jordan Morris
Speaker 3: of Jordan Jesse Go. We're both very excited.
Speaker 1: He's our first two Peter.
Speaker 3: Is he our first two peter person? Yeah, Jordan Morris
Speaker 3: has two penises. He's a two Peter. It's okay. At
Speaker 3: the beginning of the podcast, I have dumb jokes, and
Speaker 3: then by the end or sometimes after we're done recording,
Speaker 3: my jokes are perfect.
Speaker 2: Wait will you do a similar joke? But back into
Speaker 2: your professional newscaster boys.
Speaker 3: Jordan Morris, of course our first to Peter. That is
Speaker 3: someone with two peters, that peters being Penis is he
Speaker 3: is a two pianist man, our first guest with two
Speaker 3: Jenna Daniel. It's not in the middle, it's on each
Speaker 3: hip like six shooters. He's like a cowboy when he urinates.
Speaker 3: Jordan Mortis, Mortis take two. Jordan Morris, one of our
Speaker 3: first two peters that, of course, being a man with
Speaker 3: two peters Peters being Penie, each one on each hip
Speaker 3: like six shooters. He's a cowboy at the urinal Jordan Morris,
Speaker 3: thank you, thank you great? Oh again, Well, you know
Speaker 3: third times.
Speaker 2: Medio, that's what they say in the ring time right
Speaker 2: before the fourth and fifth time.
Speaker 3: Oh, I mean, there's plenty to say about this uh
Speaker 3: guy and hurting girls feelings? But did you see the
Speaker 3: episode where he got or here? I'm sorry you don't
Speaker 3: watch podcasts or radio you listen?
Speaker 1: You do?
Speaker 3: Uh? And I need to start listening to the navigation
Speaker 3: which keeps telling us to go west on Welsh.
Speaker 1: This is western Welsher.
Speaker 3: We're doing great.
Speaker 1: Oh, I see that wasn't corrective.
Speaker 3: Yes, reinforced, reinforcative.
Speaker 6: Uh. Uh.
Speaker 3: Daniel Daniel Stern, you know him from Home Alone? Well
Speaker 3: ignore that I said that name because I meant Howard Stern.
Speaker 3: Daniel Stern of course famous for the cross your eyes
Speaker 3: when you get hitting the nuts school of acting.
Speaker 1: But before that, he was one of my favorite films,
Speaker 1: Breaking Away.
Speaker 3: Even hits. He practiced nuts during a bike race in
Speaker 3: that and crossed his eyes. He goes home and then
Speaker 3: he crosses his eyes and then he gets euphoric and
Speaker 3: then he faints and uh and Dennis Quaid picked him
Speaker 3: up and is that true? And uh? And Tom Tom
Speaker 3: Dooley played a father and that was like, boy, he
Speaker 3: takes it in the nuts a lot.
Speaker 2: What about the part where Tom Dewley says the kid
Speaker 2: is crying and he goes, what happened you lose your wallet?
Speaker 1: That's the best dad comedy ever.
Speaker 3: I love dad comedy anyway. Uh, Howard Stern was really
Speaker 3: mad at Uhura for something. He said that radio was
Speaker 3: dead basically, which you know, terrestrial radio is less popular
Speaker 3: except for like a couple instances, one of them being
Speaker 3: Howard Stern. So he was so him him talking shit
Speaker 3: about podcasts and the amount of money you can't make
Speaker 3: and the amount of people you can't reach. It was
Speaker 3: so fun to listen to. I encourage you anyone to
Speaker 3: just google that Howard Stern episode where he's talking badly
Speaker 3: about podcasts.
Speaker 1: That's funny.
Speaker 3: He's like, podcast, here's how you get into broadcast journal
Speaker 3: or broadcast entertainment. You find a local market radio. Like
Speaker 3: he immediately goes back to the eighties and insists that
Speaker 3: things are still the same way. And he's so angry
Speaker 3: at Ari. And it had nothing to do with him.
Speaker 3: Did Ari being mean to that girl?
Speaker 1: Oh? Did he say it in his special or on
Speaker 1: his own podcast? Like why would?
Speaker 3: It was on a Joe Rogan episode his podcast?
Speaker 1: Oh okay?
Speaker 3: And uh, Howard Stern heard it, and Daniel Sharon crossed
Speaker 3: his eyes and I looked at them all sternly.
Speaker 1: And then.
Speaker 3: I had a teacher in high school named mister Stern
Speaker 3: who thought he was the coolest, and his friend was
Speaker 3: the local sheriff, and they look the same. I realized,
Speaker 3: this story is not going to go anywhere.
Speaker 1: So strike to tell it. Now, tell it in the
Speaker 1: professional broadcaster voice.
Speaker 3: When I was in high school, I had a cheacher
Speaker 3: Montana history, mister Stern, not Howard Or's Daniel. Damn it,
Speaker 3: even in this voice. I'm stupid. Anyway, he hung out
Speaker 3: with the sheriff. I went on a date with his daughter,
Speaker 3: and he scared me because I don't like guns. Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm excited to pick up Jordan Morris.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is gonna be good. Now we are. I
Speaker 1: made us run late.
Speaker 3: It's okay.
Speaker 2: So this is gonna be weirdly fast. It's gonna be
Speaker 2: a fast one kind of right.
Speaker 3: It's like gonna be a mini podcast, not necessarily fast,
Speaker 3: because we talked like like.
Speaker 1: The guy from all those commercials in the eighties.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, remember remember fdic Oh yeah, micro Machine's only
Speaker 3: from gloop.
Speaker 1: Yeah that guy.
Speaker 2: It was like that in Super Super Old Ladies eating Hamburgers.
Speaker 2: That was the highest comedy in nineteen eighty two Golden era.
Speaker 3: Oh, just them having dementia about beef.
Speaker 2: Standing in a weird other other world, some blank strange
Speaker 2: fast food world that only has a red rope.
Speaker 1: Has that commercial bummed me out every.
Speaker 3: Time I saw it too. Don't abuse the elderly to
Speaker 3: cell your meat.
Speaker 2: And don't yeah, and don't abuse dementia. Where's the be
Speaker 2: Just that's a confused old lady that needs meds.
Speaker 3: Yeah, who's fucking hungry?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: She's and she is starving. Do you know how long
Speaker 3: old people have to go not eating for them to
Speaker 3: get hungry? A long time?
Speaker 1: Is that true?
Speaker 3: So when an old yeah, they eat like little birds.
Speaker 1: Now, how about water? Do they take a lot of water?
Speaker 3: You know, I've said this to all my elderly friends
Speaker 3: I hang out. I'm a rotary group, and I hang
Speaker 3: out with these women and they never high rate.
Speaker 1: They do not.
Speaker 3: They never are drinking enough water. Yeah, they're taking nips
Speaker 3: off their vodka's flask.
Speaker 1: Yeah that the gin's are flowing.
Speaker 3: No, God, like a fucking wrap video minus the juice.
Speaker 1: What if? Oh, I guess that.
Speaker 2: I wonder if jin after that song actually got popular
Speaker 2: because gin is horrifying to drink.
Speaker 3: It is, and it makes you act unpredictable. Yeah, because
Speaker 3: what gin does is it poisons your body with juniper venom. Yeah,
Speaker 3: which seems fun at like eight pm, come four o'clock,
Speaker 3: naked in the street, screaming at a parking meter, you
Speaker 3: wish you had none of it.
Speaker 1: And the next day, the next day like.
Speaker 2: Those everyone's why I I am reminded of how much
Speaker 2: time I used to spend hungover, which was constantly and
Speaker 2: like a gin hangover where you're just like shaky and
Speaker 2: you feel like you don't know if the world is real,
Speaker 2: like that kind of hangover where you've been stripped of
Speaker 2: your humanity.
Speaker 1: Do you ever have those?
Speaker 2: Just no, no, no, I would mix and worry and
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, you know what it was.
Speaker 3: And I'm not trying to get you back on the
Speaker 3: bottle again. But it's the sugar, it's the juice that
Speaker 3: you're mixing with the gin. I think, Yeah, that makes
Speaker 3: you feel that way.
Speaker 1: You're saying, if I go to straight spirits.
Speaker 3: Raight, no, not in your mouth, to funnel it in
Speaker 3: your less it's less social.
Speaker 1: So I have to join a sorority. You're saying, to.
Speaker 3: Party at our adult, high octane comedy parties. Oh thank you.
Speaker 3: We stopped in the light and Karen extended her arm,
Speaker 3: But I didn't.
Speaker 1: Touch you because poison ivy or oak?
Speaker 3: Why do you have poison oak ivy?
Speaker 2: Because my g d dog, Frank ran up into the
Speaker 2: hills at the dog park and then two days later
Speaker 2: I had to pick him up.
Speaker 1: Frank, I'm not going to tell dog stories.
Speaker 2: That's the that's the step toward pathos and total pathetic
Speaker 2: living that I can't take of me honestly wanting to
Speaker 2: tell you the story about what my dog did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but if it turns into a story with human hijinks, no,
Speaker 3: it says, keep going straight, okay, then we'll turn right.
Speaker 1: Oh good, okay.
Speaker 2: Uh, it's just a dog story of he ran up
Speaker 2: into the hills, yes, and he gave me because the
Speaker 2: oil from the leaves is what makes you react, right,
Speaker 2: So he doesn't react because it all stays on his
Speaker 2: little otter fur and only just goes on to me.
Speaker 3: Right, did people react like I do? Visualizing you running
Speaker 3: into the bushes to grab a dog and then going
Speaker 3: oh no, poison ivy. It seems fun. I'm sorry that
Speaker 3: it's funny, you're still.
Speaker 1: No, it's okay.
Speaker 3: Irritated.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a general irritation around me. But uh I
Speaker 2: didn't run into the bushes. He just got it on him.
Speaker 2: I picked him up like to put him in the car,
Speaker 2: and then I got it like two days later.
Speaker 3: So if you do your human seat belt maneuver on
Speaker 3: me and your arm rubbed on my arm, would I.
Speaker 2: Get I don't think so, because if you see, it's
Speaker 2: all like dried up lizard skin.
Speaker 1: Right now, it.
Speaker 3: Looks like it's painful and irritated.
Speaker 2: It's just very itchy, but it used to be like
Speaker 2: tons of tiny blisters on.
Speaker 1: Both It's like two strips of blisters.
Speaker 3: You have calam That's what it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, And so it looks all crazy dry because
Speaker 2: it just like draws out all that stuff.
Speaker 3: Yeah. No, Calamine lotion is one of nature's secrets. I
Speaker 3: don't think it's a secret. I think everyone knows about it.
Speaker 2: It's I love it, but I was trying to tuck
Speaker 2: it out. Nature doesn't know what science has wrought. But
Speaker 2: uh I tried to tough it out the first couple
Speaker 2: of days because I was in denial, because he just
Speaker 2: gave me poison oak like six months ago or something,
Speaker 2: and uh, who cares?
Speaker 3: That's so I now, I'm entertained by the fact that
Speaker 3: this has happened before.
Speaker 2: And I'm sorry, you know what, there's I paint a
Speaker 2: picture of my life that is just filth.
Speaker 3: Yes, and I'm kind of clown like.
Speaker 2: It's disgusting and it's totally I'm like at the mercy
Speaker 2: of these filthy dogs that make me feelthy.
Speaker 3: So, according to anyone you're just listening right now, you're
Speaker 3: just always in the bush is covered in blisters, yep,
Speaker 3: looking for a dog with like leaves in your hair.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And like usually if I'm at the dog park,
Speaker 2: I almost make a point to look disgusting at the
Speaker 2: dog park because I hate those people so much, like
Speaker 2: and I don't care. So I'll roll out wearing exactly
Speaker 2: what I wore to bed, and hair exactly the way
Speaker 2: it was when I will come and like mascara under
Speaker 2: my eyes because I just it's like, I don't care.
Speaker 2: I want to make sure you people understand that I
Speaker 2: do not care about you.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I would question and judge someone that was dressed
Speaker 3: in the nines at the dog park.
Speaker 1: I think, And there are plenty.
Speaker 2: There are people there that are socializing, and oh they
Speaker 2: meet as a group and talk, stand in a circle
Speaker 2: in the center, and they all call their dogs and
Speaker 2: it's really embarrassing and I don't want to. I just
Speaker 2: I just am an outsider in this particular situation, and
Speaker 2: that usually the way I handle an outsiders, just loathing
Speaker 2: the strangers that around.
Speaker 3: That's okay, it's.
Speaker 1: Healthy, it's what. It's just my process is what I
Speaker 1: like to do.
Speaker 3: I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: Thanks.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, I don't. I don't have a dog. I'm
Speaker 3: allergic to dogs, as you know. I actually I would
Speaker 3: get that without leaping into a bush. I assume you leaped.
Speaker 1: I didn't go into the bushes.
Speaker 3: You jumped in. You rolled around, where's my dog? And
Speaker 3: the dog just watched you from a safe pathway.
Speaker 2: He was up on a little, uh built out hill.
Speaker 2: He was in his area. It was all cement. It
Speaker 2: was like a scapeable.
Speaker 3: Can he be holding binoculars?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yay, here's the lifeguard of the dog.
Speaker 3: Bark you guys, no smelling buttholes?
Speaker 1: Yeah, say yaya give the ball back? Give that ball back? Uh,
Speaker 1: no cutoffs.
Speaker 3: I'm very excited for what will maybe be just twenty
Speaker 3: minutes with Jordan Morris, but he knows how to pack
Speaker 3: it in.
Speaker 1: What street am I looking for?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Can we not say?
Speaker 3: We? Uh, it's gonna be a left coming up in
Speaker 3: four blocks.
Speaker 1: Okay, sorry, I doubt I just I'm afraid.
Speaker 3: And uh it's I don't like to say street names
Speaker 3: out loud, but this sounds like a pirate name. Okay,
Speaker 3: you'll know it when you see it.
Speaker 1: Pirate Jerry.
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, that's more of a sailor. But that's right
Speaker 3: right talking again, Rum damn it. Okay, we're gonna take
Speaker 3: a left right here behind this, uh Mercedes.
Speaker 2: If I did go off the off the wagon again,
Speaker 2: which I think about and.
Speaker 1: Passionately and constantly, really, I think, well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just because it's such a it's just so easy,
Speaker 2: like one beer makes such a difference, because I'm so
Speaker 2: I'm just such a I'm.
Speaker 1: Just a lot to deal with for myself. So can
Speaker 1: you if you can cut that back a little bit
Speaker 1: with beer or what? It's nice? It works out good?
Speaker 1: Is that Mark Bruffalo?
Speaker 3: Of course it's Mark. It is God. He looks good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just jogging around.
Speaker 3: Here taking the rough out of Ruffalo.
Speaker 2: But I think if I did a second phase drunk,
Speaker 2: I would do all Long Island iced teas.
Speaker 1: We're not being insane.
Speaker 3: We're gonna pick him up on the left. Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3: What did you say about what would be.
Speaker 1: Insane to trying to talk to you about my alcoholic breakdown?
Speaker 3: I'm sorry? And then I and I and then I
Speaker 3: get to talking about traffic, you.
Speaker 1: Get then you get to talk about picking up.
Speaker 3: I sent the word gear instead of here, but I
Speaker 3: think he'll know it's us that and not Richard Gear.
Speaker 1: Richard Gear Club is here.
Speaker 3: Oh, I am a fan. There was a lot of
Speaker 3: controversy with him back in the eighties about sticking a
Speaker 3: defenseless animal and it's sphincter.
Speaker 1: And I think people were jealous.
Speaker 3: I think that they're jealous because not a lot of
Speaker 3: mostly men are jealous because they don't get to a
Speaker 3: I think it's experiencing birth gerbiling. That's the reason for
Speaker 3: doing it, right.
Speaker 1: I couldn't say I don't think people actually do it.
Speaker 2: I think that's like something to seventh grade boys made
Speaker 2: up and it just lived.
Speaker 3: I think I thought so too, even though I was
Speaker 3: a seventh or sixth grade I don't remember I was
Speaker 3: a boy. But I remember we went rafting. My sister's friend,
Speaker 3: Joy had had some sort of a relative and she
Speaker 3: was somehow a godson of Richard Gere. And she confirmed
Speaker 3: she was a goddaughter. She whatever she said. Yes, he
Speaker 3: did stick him. Whatever he's partying.
Speaker 1: Maybe he's into the saying goddaughter turned him in, not to.
Speaker 3: The authorities, but certainly to us on a rafting trip.
Speaker 1: How do you know for a fact it was the goddaughter.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's good.
Speaker 1: Down, I'm sorry, it's okay.
Speaker 3: That's that we did this. I did this in the
Speaker 3: you did this in the Uh oh, this person is
Speaker 3: going so slow?
Speaker 1: There, how's your fiot? Full o?
Speaker 2: God?
Speaker 3: Old lady with a bowl cut The beetles are over.
Speaker 1: She was a bit old.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well I do like that matched her car.
Speaker 1: I didn't even see that. Oh there he is.
Speaker 3: Oh, here we go. This is gonna work out great
Speaker 3: coming out. Oh there we go. He did get my gear.
Speaker 2: Man, we stopped. We'd stopped too soon. Back there, Jordan, Hi,
Speaker 2: check it out. Oh wait, Chris, you might want a
Speaker 2: will too. I've cut holes, so now you can have
Speaker 2: the sheet and wear a seatbelt at.
Speaker 1: The same time.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Or have sex with a Mormon.
Speaker 1: Whatever you want me to.
Speaker 6: Jews that have sheet sex, Oh really.
Speaker 3: See, I don't see race or color Jordans. Maybe you
Speaker 3: memorize all their idiots and Chrissy's Oh I do.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: When we have the meetings with the grand Dragon, he
Speaker 6: wants to hear about who has sex in a sheet?
Speaker 3: Oh, he is the grandest.
Speaker 2: I feel like we've had the conversation about this sheet sex.
Speaker 2: Oh with Jake Johansson. We talked about that. We made
Speaker 2: the exact same mistake.
Speaker 1: Oh really, I made it that time. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh that's funny. And then I learned it from listening
Speaker 3: to you.
Speaker 1: You learned it from watching me, Dad, I'm doing good.
Speaker 6: I've I've been on on break all this week from
Speaker 6: for your job, from my job.
Speaker 1: How many bad movies have you seen?
Speaker 6: It?
Speaker 1: The Arc Light?
Speaker 6: Oh, let's see. I saw Fast seven last night. Excuse me,
Speaker 6: Furious seven?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: Is that what you have to call it?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just I mean, I just want to get
Speaker 4: it right.
Speaker 6: I mean, the naming conventions of those movies is so
Speaker 6: it's so complicated.
Speaker 1: It's a long, unstoried process.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I wouldn't want you to think I saw a different
Speaker 6: Vin Diesel muscle car movie. Right, I guess things would
Speaker 6: just get confusing. I mean, you saw how bonkers things
Speaker 6: got when Chris suggested that Mormons fucked their sheets.
Speaker 1: Yes, no, no one even knew where they were for
Speaker 1: a while.
Speaker 3: Well, it was a haze. I tried not to think
Speaker 3: of that time.
Speaker 1: It was scary.
Speaker 3: Two minutes ago, it was scary. Can you tell when
Speaker 3: Paul Walker, I mean not to jump right, No.
Speaker 4: No, please, let's let's let's get into it.
Speaker 1: Boiler alert, spoiler.
Speaker 4: Spoiler alert for life, the actor Paul Walker died.
Speaker 6: And everybody, if you've been waiting to catch up on
Speaker 6: April snews.
Speaker 1: This is probably the leading news.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I like to binge watch the news.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for a whole year.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, no, you know yeah. The the the Paul
Speaker 6: Walker listeness of some of the movie is pretty seamless.
Speaker 6: There's a a very there's an appropriately sappy tribute at
Speaker 6: the end, of course that clearly has some some c
Speaker 6: g I ing involved. It looks a little bit creepy.
Speaker 6: There's a little bit of video game cut scene to it,
Speaker 6: but but in general, the whole thing is pretty tasteful. Wow,
Speaker 6: which is not something people usually say about Vin Diesel movies.
Speaker 6: Very tasteful and classy.
Speaker 1: Remember when he was.
Speaker 3: In watch that movie with one pinky.
Speaker 1: He was he was in U that movie where he
Speaker 1: played the famous lawyer.
Speaker 4: Oh sure, find me guilty, Yes.
Speaker 1: Find me guilty. And do you remember the director was
Speaker 1: Alan J.
Speaker 3: Pack.
Speaker 4: I think it's Cindy Sidney Lament.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, he I saw him.
Speaker 2: I saw Vin die loill get interviewed about that movie
Speaker 2: in that role, a leading role in a Sydney huma movie.
Speaker 1: And he kept going.
Speaker 2: He kept referring to the movie as the picture picture,
Speaker 2: and Cindy told me if I was in this picture,
Speaker 2: and I was just like, someone has taken you to
Speaker 2: cinema school very quickly, and now you're doing things like this,
Speaker 2: like you think this is making it look like you're
Speaker 2: this amazing actor.
Speaker 3: That's I don't know, he's the equivalent actor wise. If
Speaker 3: there is like a dog that was for fighting, you know,
Speaker 3: pitbull fights, and then all of a sudden he's in
Speaker 3: fancy dog shows when there's dew clawlish.
Speaker 6: She's like, you know this, this is the first picture
Speaker 6: where my shirts have had sleeves on.
Speaker 1: What a picture like? What?
Speaker 3: When I first started studying vin Vin your you have
Speaker 3: food in your mouth.
Speaker 6: Oh sorry, carbo loading.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's important carbo.
Speaker 6: Loading for the David Lynch movie. I'm doing gonna be
Speaker 6: juiced for that.
Speaker 1: I actually have seen all of the Fast and Furious movies.
Speaker 4: Really, yeah, so have I.
Speaker 3: You're you're a fan of them, right, They're good movies,
Speaker 3: I've heard.
Speaker 6: Let's see, let's see we can harmonize on that.
Speaker 4: I have a certain charm.
Speaker 6: I think I think they they started out as kind
Speaker 6: of these you know, goofy racing movies, and then I
Speaker 6: think they hit a point of self awareness where they're
Speaker 6: they all got together. I don't know the I don't
Speaker 6: know Vinn was involved in these talks. They went down
Speaker 6: to Giovanni split a by uh, and they just said,
Speaker 6: let's make these crazy. So then they went from these
Speaker 6: kind of you know, goofy you know, tn T Afternoon
Speaker 6: curiosities to these kind of not they're not like parodies,
Speaker 6: but they're just balls to the wall, fucking nuts action
Speaker 6: movies where the cars, you know, parachute out of planes
Speaker 6: and drive from out of one building and into another building.
Speaker 2: So things that are that are actually uh impossible. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's physically and I was thinking trying to think of
Speaker 2: the word for like physics wise or whatever, aerodynamically maybe
Speaker 2: like there's they drove through a moving train.
Speaker 4: It's just there's one thing that Diesel hates more than sleeves.
Speaker 6: It's physics.
Speaker 2: Everything he does flies in the face of Isaac Newton
Speaker 2: and all the great scientists.
Speaker 3: Actually, physics is the reason he doesn't like slaves is
Speaker 3: because every time he put on a shirt, they would
Speaker 3: just tear because he puts it up. He puts his
Speaker 3: shirt on what such.
Speaker 4: He he leaps through through a flamey coop into shirts shirts.
Speaker 2: Also, there's in like in the first one is there
Speaker 2: was almost this sincere there was this real sincerity to
Speaker 2: you or like.
Speaker 1: Kids trying to come up this is just what we know.
Speaker 2: But there was that, and then by like the third one,
Speaker 2: literally it was like the start of a scene would
Speaker 2: be up a girl's asshole and then come out like
Speaker 2: fly out and then to the front of the car.
Speaker 1: It was just like so clear what everyone was there.
Speaker 1: Starts on the butt, it starts deep inside the.
Speaker 6: Mason sin if you will, is the anus of a
Speaker 6: hot rod model.
Speaker 2: It was like the first shot. The first time it
Speaker 2: was like that, I can't remember which which one. It
Speaker 2: truly was like up a girl's short skirt. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: then I was like, oh this, I'm this isn't for
Speaker 2: me even supposed to be here.
Speaker 6: But then you get but you still continue to watch.
Speaker 6: Hell yeah, maybe just maybe it's as a kind of like, oh,
Speaker 6: fuck you, this is for me. Well you can try
Speaker 6: and repel me at every turn, but I'm going to
Speaker 6: hang in there. Yeah it was fitspiration, you know, sure,
Speaker 6: but yeah, no there I would say, you know, if
Speaker 6: you want to get the complicated continuity down, I would
Speaker 6: they watch all of them.
Speaker 3: But if I but I think, should I do it all?
Speaker 3: I'm un sitting like I did with Game of Thrones.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I know you will go and say.
Speaker 3: I'll wait until I'm sick with a fever and I'll
Speaker 3: watch all the fast it will give you.
Speaker 4: I think if you watch.
Speaker 6: Them all at the end, you were your head would
Speaker 6: be bald, you'd be wearing like a linen suit with
Speaker 6: a tank top.
Speaker 4: You just look like pitbull.
Speaker 2: And because we live in the magic City of Los Angeles,
Speaker 2: we are now directly under a fast.
Speaker 1: And furious billboard. Oh there they all are. The brilliant
Speaker 1: move to add the Rock.
Speaker 2: Somehow The Rock, an ex professional wrestler, gives that movie credits.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I just realized The Rock and Vin
Speaker 3: Diezel are two different people. You never see him together one.
Speaker 6: I think, here's the here's a fun way to tell
Speaker 6: them apart. The Rock is a triangle man, whereas Vin
Speaker 6: Diesel is a pillow case filled with sausage. And that's
Speaker 6: how you tell them apart.
Speaker 3: I always when, I always when the wind sock filled
Speaker 3: with pudding.
Speaker 6: But no, no, it's a it's a slight difference.
Speaker 3: Right, he goes to the gym. We know if you
Speaker 3: heard me call him a pudding many twist my hand,
Speaker 3: doesn't twist your head off like soft bread.
Speaker 1: Is a triangle, it's.
Speaker 6: Like a peer an upside down pyramid with a little
Speaker 6: head on top. We had a great right and and
Speaker 6: with a real self awareness of what his deal.
Speaker 3: Is and a great sidekick for SpongeBob. Yes, have Jordan
Speaker 3: and I worked in the action sports industry. Sure for
Speaker 3: a while, trade shows, interviews, we did a lot of
Speaker 3: press events. But have you then seen Jordan the ven
Speaker 3: Triple X where he's snowboarding and skydiving And.
Speaker 6: No, you know, yeah, that's that's a there's a there's
Speaker 6: a gap in my Vin Diesel filmography, and it's the
Speaker 6: Triple X movie.
Speaker 3: Because he's like kind of the kind of make him
Speaker 3: punk rock. He he quotes a Vandal's song, Oh cool. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he's like he does sings the lyrics during a conversation
Speaker 3: with this other guy that would have never listened to
Speaker 3: anything but but maybe b sides of a bon Jovi
Speaker 3: album when he is a kid and they start saying,
Speaker 3: if you go into a deli and tell the cheese.
Speaker 6: Guy tol anarchyer yeah, anarchy burger, Okay.
Speaker 3: See yeah, Jordan is a dictionary for punk rock. So
Speaker 3: that lyric a lyric well.
Speaker 6: From nineteen ninety one to nineteen ninety seven.
Speaker 3: Sure, the Golden Year, Yeah, sure.
Speaker 6: I think we can all agree when punk rock was
Speaker 6: at its most vital.
Speaker 1: When it was at his hot, toppy topic. He yes,
Speaker 1: I wish I had said directly it.
Speaker 6: Was at its long, short, siest.
Speaker 4: Cool.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 4: I I bet I would love Triple X myself, and
Speaker 4: I've seen all the ritics.
Speaker 3: It is rotten. That's where he has a computer case.
Speaker 6: I will make a case for the most recent riddick
Speaker 6: being kind of a resurgence allah. The fifth Fast and
Speaker 6: Furious movie of a like, oh, we get it, here's
Speaker 6: what we do anyway.
Speaker 1: Was the fifth Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift.
Speaker 4: No, that's the third one.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I love I just love Lucas Black.
Speaker 1: I actually really loved Lucas Black.
Speaker 6: Where did you fall in love with Lucas Black?
Speaker 1: Well, of course in slang blade.
Speaker 6: Oh sure, But I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he did anything before that.
Speaker 2: But then I was so when he came on screen
Speaker 2: and in Fast and Furious three Tokyo Drift.
Speaker 1: Sure, I was so proud of him. Well I thought
Speaker 1: he had gone away or like did that movie, and
Speaker 1: then just was like I need to be a normal
Speaker 1: child now.
Speaker 2: So I just was so proud. I was like, look
Speaker 2: at my beautiful boy. He was probably around and like
Speaker 2: on some shitty show the whole Yeah.
Speaker 4: Probably a Law and Order or something like that.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Can I ask you because I've I've had some some
Speaker 4: some time off.
Speaker 6: I've had a week off. That's the first week off
Speaker 6: I've had in a while. And you know, it's been
Speaker 6: alternately fun but like reminding me of a time when
Speaker 6: I was like a jobless, depressed mess and and I
Speaker 6: have having flashbacks to when I'm when I was like
Speaker 6: my worst self.
Speaker 3: Are you about to ask me, Jordan? What's that like
Speaker 3: to be Chris Sherman like, no, no, no.
Speaker 6: I wanted to ask you, guys, how you deal with
Speaker 6: the downtime in this in this business of show of ours?
Speaker 4: What what? What do you resort to? I?
Speaker 3: I do a lot of pacing, and I honestly, there's
Speaker 3: no way around me worrying. I I do appreciate that
Speaker 3: I have free time and that I can you know, draw,
Speaker 3: you know, I like to do art. Sure if I
Speaker 3: do that a little bit, But for the most part,
Speaker 3: I kind of don't like downtime. There's not I don't
Speaker 3: know how to occupy it.
Speaker 2: Well, especially on a show that like you're on, because
Speaker 2: if people don't know, Jordan is a writer at midnight
Speaker 2: and it's a daily show and so there's you're in
Speaker 2: this weird schedule and pace.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, then when you have time off, it doesn't make sense.
Speaker 2: It's almost like it's almost like when slow motion. It's
Speaker 2: the reverse of this, but like when slow motion ends
Speaker 2: in a movie and they go right back and it's
Speaker 2: like that change where it's.
Speaker 6: That right before you're about to hit someone in a
Speaker 6: three hundred movie.
Speaker 3: Yes, something we can.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So it's just it's almost like the shock.
Speaker 2: You need a couple of days just for the shock
Speaker 2: to go away and then to feel slightly normal, and
Speaker 2: then it's over and you have to be back up,
Speaker 2: all paced up again.
Speaker 1: So the answer, my short answer, is just tons of drugs.
Speaker 4: Sure, yes, of course. For me, it's been lunchtime.
Speaker 1: Masturbation, just at any place you're eating lunch.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, maybe half a sandwich, super.
Speaker 2: Salad, soup, plantations like sir, please, I'm not gonna ask
Speaker 2: here again.
Speaker 6: Not what the soft serve bar is for?
Speaker 3: I love, because that's in that joke. You don't have
Speaker 3: a bonus, Oh yeah served, yeah serving up?
Speaker 6: Is there a rock hard bar anywhere around here?
Speaker 2: I do love going to If I can go to
Speaker 2: the movies and go to literally like three movies in
Speaker 2: one day. I find that to be like my favorite favorite,
Speaker 2: Like it's just it feels crazy and time wasty and
Speaker 2: really fun.
Speaker 3: There was a comedy club in San Antonio that I
Speaker 3: never had fun at. It was in a mall. I
Speaker 3: had really rough times every time I was there, but
Speaker 3: I went back as much as possible because across from
Speaker 3: the comedy Club there was a Sinny six where we
Speaker 3: could watch as many movies as we wanted. Because it
Speaker 3: was almost every day I watched a movie and it
Speaker 3: made that week terrific.
Speaker 6: Do you remember what movies you saw?
Speaker 3: It was long enough ago that I saw the very
Speaker 3: first Jackass movie and Doubt. I wouldn't have watched Doubt otherwise.
Speaker 1: But aren't you glad you did?
Speaker 3: I watched out with that.
Speaker 6: You know, just a funny fun fact that Jackass and
Speaker 6: Doubt take place in the same universe.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's a lot of people don't know subtle and
Speaker 3: you see some of the character overlaps in those movies.
Speaker 1: Like Steve O and the Molestee Priest were very similar.
Speaker 3: From the wheels car in their hands and uh no,
Speaker 3: it wasn't Steve.
Speaker 4: It's hard to say who's who's ass the car was.
Speaker 3: In I remember, you remember. We just don't want to
Speaker 3: talk about it. Yeah, one time Jordan and I were
Speaker 3: dressed like Hillbilly's interviewing Johnny Knoxville, and uh we were.
Speaker 3: We were committing to these characters. He was not enjoying it,
Speaker 3: but we're like, well, what'd you like for you to
Speaker 3: you ever played the washboard and whatever?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, and all in the bathtub.
Speaker 3: All of a sudden he brought up Ryan Dunn, who's
Speaker 3: one of the jackass guys that sadly passed away and
Speaker 3: it had just happened, and they said, no, yeah, actually
Speaker 3: we're just doing this benefit concert for my friend that
Speaker 3: that I lost. And Jordan and I were like, well.
Speaker 4: Well hacked, we lost the brother to a gator.
Speaker 3: Yeah, character, but oh that was one of the more
Speaker 3: that very.
Speaker 2: That's such bullshit because he did it purpose well yes,
Speaker 2: but also.
Speaker 4: He's like, I'm tired of this.
Speaker 6: How do I How do I get out of this interview? Possible?
Speaker 1: But also those.
Speaker 2: Guys are like they their bread and butter is disrespectfulness,
Speaker 2: so like suddenly, oh, your friend's dead, so suddenly everyone
Speaker 2: has to be quiet. I hate ship like that. That's like,
Speaker 2: to me, that's the essence of Twitter. Like everyone's on
Speaker 2: there telling terrible like molestation puns. And then it's like
Speaker 2: Paul Simon died and I liked him the best.
Speaker 1: And it's like fuck off.
Speaker 3: Everybody fuck up, and it's everyone's opportunity, uh, to tell
Speaker 3: their story about them and Paul Simon Paul Simon passed away.
Speaker 4: He loved my comedy. Al Simon loved my.
Speaker 1: Taking pictures of me.
Speaker 3: I never forget. I got off stage and I heard this, Uh.
Speaker 6: Someone's playing away. I heard the strains of Lady Smith
Speaker 6: Black Mambazo and it was Paul Simon.
Speaker 1: And that's when I knew he loves my comedy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was blown away.
Speaker 6: Oh that's a capella African singing chant my name during
Speaker 6: one of my shows and.
Speaker 1: They all took a group.
Speaker 3: Yeah, whoa. I'd like to join it, but all I'm
Speaker 3: gonna do is a wimber. I can't not do it.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's where wim Wave was from.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 2: I was truly just listening to that album a couple
Speaker 2: of days ago and had that exact thought of like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is the original like that, what's the right term?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: No, no, that group singing like that like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, quartet Barbershops.
Speaker 6: Sorry for overseas, yeah.
Speaker 1: It sorry.
Speaker 3: This is a part of the show we like to
Speaker 3: call unwanted Caller.
Speaker 6: We have Doug from Minnesota on the line, Doug, Doug, Doug,
Speaker 6: how would you.
Speaker 4: Burn Paul Simon were he to die?
Speaker 6: Yeah, Doug's your poison.
Speaker 4: I'm an am sports talk guy. Now.
Speaker 3: Anyway, we lost Doug dare. What do you think about
Speaker 3: the Wisconsin game today in Virginia? I'm actually right about that.
Speaker 6: What's your favorite song on the Rhythm to the Saints?
Speaker 1: You really think?
Speaker 4: Diamond?
Speaker 3: Back to this after this quick traffic report, we are
Speaker 3: on Brendo Street.
Speaker 6: Back to you, Karen.
Speaker 3: Wimb again, guys.
Speaker 2: Important footnote all Simon's life and well, yes, yes.
Speaker 3: We don't want anyone to think that.
Speaker 4: He making it.
Speaker 6: You'll be making a goofy cameo on the next SNL special.
Speaker 3: He certainly didn't.
Speaker 4: That other one. I don't know.
Speaker 6: I did not I did not make I I watched
Speaker 6: a lot of that and liked it a lot, But
Speaker 6: it was four hours.
Speaker 3: It was chevy Chase invited to that thing. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 3: And that would be the only reason I would think
Speaker 3: Paul Simon was there, because they were they were bros
Speaker 3: before they were bros, before they were hoes. I think so.
Speaker 3: I think they were pels, didn't. I mean, there was
Speaker 3: a window of time where Chevy Chase wasn't a despicable me.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 4: It's very cute, though, overalls on I.
Speaker 3: Love I love baby talk. I loved it when my
Speaker 3: dad's second wife did it for fifteen years. So when
Speaker 3: we oh, god, what if she's a listener. Sorry, sorry,
Speaker 3: sorry being her name is thank you for paying for
Speaker 3: some of my college. Uh yeah, I see her.
Speaker 1: You say that, She's like, finally snaps it off. That's
Speaker 1: all I wanted to hear. Thank you.
Speaker 6: Now I can go back to listening to Invisibilia.
Speaker 4: It's a PR podcast.
Speaker 6: About the unseen forces that shape our world.
Speaker 1: Oh like angels.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's an NPR podcast about ghosts and angels.
Speaker 3: They can't turn and then you got me. No, this
Speaker 3: is a different park I'm always making.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, yeah, it'll be it'll be on your right.
Speaker 6: Sorry you're doing.
Speaker 3: That's a skate park, though, the turn. That's one skate
Speaker 3: park where I feel like I might get mucked. Most
Speaker 3: of them I throw my weight around and they're like, hey,
Speaker 3: let's respect the forty year old. But at that one,
Speaker 3: I mean thirty.
Speaker 4: Five, you feel like kids don't respect them.
Speaker 3: That one. I feel like they're going to feed me
Speaker 3: the boots or maybe some knife sticking.
Speaker 2: Sure there, when I was I got lost in turned
Speaker 2: near there too, when I went to pick herse up
Speaker 2: and there was four little kids literally two probably two, four, five.
Speaker 3: And seven we say, stacked in a trench coat.
Speaker 2: They were crossing the street by themselves, not holding hands.
Speaker 2: And it was one of the most upsetting things I've
Speaker 2: seen no lately, because when's the lasson you've seen a
Speaker 2: little kid alone crossing a city street, just.
Speaker 3: Re enacting that perfect silhouetted sign that you see at
Speaker 3: the border.
Speaker 1: Yes, but they weren't that, they weren't Mexican.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry I mentioned the border, but you mentioned mex
Speaker 3: border up here, all right, the right, Yeah, sorry.
Speaker 2: I don't know why I feel like I don't know
Speaker 2: where I am when I've been here many times.
Speaker 3: And we are, well, we're right here at four fifteen,
Speaker 3: I think everything will.
Speaker 4: I think this is a great time to show up, Karen.
Speaker 3: This is where Jordan and I both just leave. Great
Speaker 3: you and I mean it's not great, it's terrible.
Speaker 1: Well, I'm very independent.
Speaker 3: We were just I mean, that was a short episode
Speaker 3: I can tell. I just want to say right now,
Speaker 3: I know it's not done yet. Now I want to
Speaker 3: drink it. But one of our best I think, I.
Speaker 4: Mean, yeah, we got in goofed.
Speaker 3: On Fast and Furious, which is all we needed to do.
Speaker 6: All Simon death hoaks and they were.
Speaker 1: Out what a song. We did coversation, several songs. This
Speaker 1: has been a giving and listening.
Speaker 4: Sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I heard that. I heard him and I had
Speaker 3: a comment afterwards and I knew you guys did here.
Speaker 4: I think this has been a lot of fun.
Speaker 3: Thank you. Jordan.
Speaker 6: Yeah, hey, we've got a podcast called Jordan jesse Go.
Speaker 6: It's at Maximum Fun dot org and at midnight is
Speaker 6: midnight's Monday through Thursday on Comedy Central.
Speaker 4: I write for it and it's a hoot.
Speaker 6: Yay, yay, yay.
Speaker 3: Jordan and I are going to go upstairs now and
Speaker 3: do an episode of Jordan jesse Go, which if you
Speaker 3: listen to them back to back you will see probably
Speaker 3: that they.
Speaker 6: Take place in the same universe, some sort of continuity.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, who is Doubt and who is.
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 4: This is a podcast?
Speaker 6: Is the Oscar nominated Doubt that our podcast is the
Speaker 6: Born Identity.
Speaker 4: We're going to do a third podcast where we just
Speaker 4: kick each other in the.
Speaker 1: Nuts altogether, the four of us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, perfect.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, just attached some nuts and then we'll kick them.
Speaker 1: I just need like eight months.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he'll be fine perfect.
Speaker 3: Oh that was Uh why did I say that? You've
Speaker 3: been listening to Do You Need a Ride? D y
Speaker 3: n A r