WEBVTT - Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:04.720 Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Okay, Catherine, what do we got today? 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:07.520 Well, today we have a fabulous returning guest, one of 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:08.160 our favorites. 0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:09.320 It's Monica Lewinsky. 0:00:10.560 --> 0:00:15.000 Okay, ladies, Hello, Hi Monica Lewinsky. Welcome back to the show. 0:00:15.280 --> 0:00:17.959 Chelsea. Thank you so happy to be here. 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:21.239 Always happy to see your smiling face. I was recently 0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:24.599 on your podcast, which is called Reclaiming Everyone, which is 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:28.680 a fabulous new podcast that Monica launched with Wondery, which, 0:00:28.680 --> 0:00:30.680 by the way, you have the nicest podcast studio that 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:31.360 I've ever been in. 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:32.360 Oh, thank you. 0:00:32.640 --> 0:00:37.320 It is actually the Amazon Music studio podcasty Things, So 0:00:37.880 --> 0:00:40.280 not my design yet, but one day I'll have a set. 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:43.560 So okay, well whatever they hooked you up. It was yes, 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:46.159 it was sweet. I was like, this is a nice setup. 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:48.199 Yeah, we call that the Good Room. I'm like, we 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:50.760 have to have the good Room for Chelsea. I loved 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:53.160 having you. Thank you so much for coming on. I've 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.720 heard from people friends of mine from around the world 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:59.440 how much they loved your conversation and are big fans 0:00:59.480 --> 0:00:59.880 of yours. 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:01.440 Oh well, thank you so much. 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:04.000 I mean, I'm really happy for you in this phase 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:06.440 of your life that you're in right now, because I 0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:09.280 think the podcast is so emblematic of who you are 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:12.800 from what I know of you, and you're having really meaningful, 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:18.240 cool conversations with people. And it is called reclaiming because why. 0:01:18.640 --> 0:01:21.320 So in many ways it's both personal to me and 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.160 I think the way that I see the world in 0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:27.080 this sense of like the kind of narrow definition of 0:01:27.120 --> 0:01:30.080 reclaiming is to get back something that was lost or 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:34.920 taken from you, and I've had that experience personally, Like 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:38.600 they're big reclaiming. So for me, my reclaiming my voice 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:42.679 and my narrative after having lost it twenty seven years 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:46.080 ago was a big thing. But there are so many 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:50.600 ways and so many elastic definition or I guess what's 0:01:50.600 --> 0:01:52.760 a better way to say it. It's like I like 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:56.480 to use an elastic definition in the show. So it's 0:01:56.560 --> 0:01:58.320 really I feel like I could sit down and have 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.040 a conversation with anybody and there will be a threat 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:04.160 of reclaiming in there, because they're big ones and little ones. 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:07.960 And I really see it in some ways as in 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:10.680 that wave that mindfulness came in and we all started 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:13.560 to sort of look at our world through a lens 0:02:13.560 --> 0:02:18.640 of mindfulness. I think reclaiming is like modern trauma. I 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:21.040 think reclaiming is sort of one of those things that 0:02:21.080 --> 0:02:24.160 we're going to be thinking about and seeing our world 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:26.800 through that lens a bit more of this idea of 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:29.680 what are the steps to try to pull something back in. 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:33.880 Whether it's big or for me, I don't know about 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:36.440 either of you. I have really bad road rage, so 0:02:36.919 --> 0:02:40.280 like it's a reclaiming for me when I call someone 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:42.440 a fuck face, but then I don't flip them off. 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:46.280 I'm like I told my combat I found my center again. 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:49.160 You know, especially La, you have to be careful now 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:51.440 like someone I think the other year someone had a 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:54.280 gun pulled on them on Sunset and Crescent Heights. 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:55.960 That's crazy. 0:02:56.160 --> 0:02:57.800 I have rage about temperature. 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:01.720 I have rage about it, like the temperatures of like 0:03:01.800 --> 0:03:03.520 refrigerated items. 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:04.920 When I get something out of. 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:07.200 A refrigerator that's not my own, because all of my 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:10.240 refrigerators are set to thirty four degrees fahrenheit. That is 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:12.200 as cold as you can pretty much make it, and 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:15.399 that's the temperature I like when I go into a refrigerator. 0:03:15.639 --> 0:03:18.960 I just did this here in this podcast studio. It 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:22.600 was a fucking medium warm, like a tiny bit cold 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:23.160 diet coke. 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.639 There's nothing grosser than that, you know what I mean. 0:03:26.160 --> 0:03:30.160 And if you don't have fully cold beverages, because obviously 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:33.120 you have to replenish them, they can't always be cold, 0:03:33.240 --> 0:03:35.960 then there has to be ice close by. I fucking 0:03:36.280 --> 0:03:41.040 hate I have temperature rage hate. I hate medium like 0:03:41.320 --> 0:03:44.920 cold drinks that aren't like cold, like I want condensation 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:46.920 on the outside of the glass, you know what I mean. 0:03:47.040 --> 0:03:49.920 I need to see I need to see the cold. 0:03:50.000 --> 0:03:52.880 I need to see the temperature before I have the drink. 0:03:52.880 --> 0:03:55.720 Even if someone's bringing me a cocktail in a restaurant, 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:58.520 if there's not the right amount of ice in the cocktail, 0:03:58.640 --> 0:03:59.480 I already know I'm. 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:00.440 Gonna have to send it back. 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:03.440 And I mean I have to be high maintenance in 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:06.200 that way because I just need to be pleased just 0:04:06.320 --> 0:04:09.600 that way. Temperature pleasing. Yes, yes, yes, it's same. When 0:04:09.600 --> 0:04:11.520 I sleep, it has to be at sixty eight degrees. 0:04:13.200 --> 0:04:16.280 Sixty eight. That's I'm sixty eight girl. 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:18.400 What do you what? What temperature do you sleep in? 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:18.920 Like? 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:21.600 Thirty is what I would like. Yeah, that's what I 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:24.200 would like, But I mean I can have it. I 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:27.880 like I like bundled old with blankets, lots of blankets. 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:28.239 Yeah. 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:31.200 When I'm in Whistler, sometimes I have I put like 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:33.359 even in the dead of winter, I will open the 0:04:33.400 --> 0:04:36.200 windows and part of the house so that I am 0:04:36.279 --> 0:04:38.080 for areezing. And then I wake up in the middle 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:39.279 of the night to pee and I'm in my broad 0:04:39.400 --> 0:04:42.200 underwear and I'm like yeah, and then I get back 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:44.840 into that cold you know, that little den, that snuggle den, 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:47.000 and I just love wrapping up myself up and lots 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:48.680 of lots of lots of blankets. 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:49.640 It's the best. 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:53.039 You know what sleeping game changer for me without batteries 0:04:53.200 --> 0:04:57.839 is a like a heating path has been a really 0:04:58.320 --> 0:05:01.920 big game changer. Just you know, they turn off after 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:04.800 two hours. But it's like a little cuddle. You know. 0:05:04.880 --> 0:05:06.640 You can put it on your tummy, put it on 0:05:06.680 --> 0:05:07.000 your head. 0:05:07.040 --> 0:05:08.640 It doesn't get you too warm, because if you like 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:10.359 to sleep in thirty degrees, I know that. 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:13.920 But I keep it on low and it just I 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:16.640 don't know the one I have. It just somehow feels 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.719 nurturing and it calms me down. 0:05:20.000 --> 0:05:22.480 Well. Heating pads tend to feel that way, that's true. 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:25.960 I got one of those air conditioning mattress pads where 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:28.279 basically you can adjust the temperature. 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:28.839 To heat or cool. 0:05:29.400 --> 0:05:29.839 Yeah. 0:05:30.160 --> 0:05:32.760 So because Doug, my dog won't sleep in bed with 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:34.279 me because he has so much furs, so he gets 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:35.920 so hot. So I was like, maybe if I put 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:38.919 this on full blast, he can sleep on the cold 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:41.240 next to me, because you can do it for either side. 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:42.680 So I'm going to try that when he comes back. 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:45.760 Right now, he's vacationing in Canada, so once I once 0:05:45.760 --> 0:05:46.280 I retrieve. 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:48.400 You know, Doug is a jet setter. 0:05:48.480 --> 0:05:51.280 He's trying to smooth things over with Canada while we WERENA. 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:53.480 Well, he did very well with the election, So. 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:56.960 Thank you, thanks so much, thank you, Doug. 0:05:57.440 --> 0:06:00.520 It's so funny you mentioned that though, because somebody I've 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:03.599 never heard of that air conditioning mattress thing, and someone 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:05.080 just mentioned it last night to me. 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:07.480 So I feel like the universe is telling me to 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:07.880 get one. 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:09.760 Well, they have those fans that like go right under 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:12.280 your covers and like blow right at you. I haven't 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:13.760 tried one of those, but I'm like, I think maybe 0:06:13.760 --> 0:06:14.440 I need one of those. 0:06:14.600 --> 0:06:16.279 Ye fan under your covers. 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:18.520 Yeah, it's like got a little nose that goes under 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:19.640 your covers and then. 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:22.440 Oh, I have a ceiling fan, so that helps me too. 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:24.880 I need a ceiling fan on I need multiple I 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:28.240 need rain machine, my sound machine on my phone. Then 0:06:28.240 --> 0:06:30.920 I need an overhead ceiling fan, and then I need 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:32.640 air conditioning or a window open. 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:35.120 Right, Yeah, that sounds pretty good. 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:37.159 What do you fall asleep to? Do you listen to 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:38.880 a noise machine at all? No? 0:06:39.000 --> 0:06:39.839 You know it's funny. 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:42.920 So my my niece and nephew have now started sleeping 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:45.960 over and they use a sound machine, and I can't 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:47.159 sleep with the sound machine. 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:49.159 I don't know what's walk with me. 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:52.400 So so what are you doing putting on beats headphones 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:53.200 when you go to sleep? 0:06:53.480 --> 0:06:56.359 No, I just I basically sleep for twenty minutes and 0:06:56.360 --> 0:06:59.120 then wake up panicked. Anyway, like, is everybody okay? So 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:01.120 everyone still sleeping? Are they so in bed? 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:01.560 You know? 0:07:01.920 --> 0:07:03.920 So I don't have a sound machine, but I do 0:07:04.000 --> 0:07:07.920 love Actually, my favorite, my probably best sleep is when 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:11.160 I'm at the ocean, so when I can hear the 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:12.880 waves crashing all night long. 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:16.320 Oh yeah, yeah, that's my sound machine for a while, 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:20.080 where waves crashing. And then I moved to rain, and 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.840 then I moved to thunder and actual thunderstorm. 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:24.040 I like it. 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:27.240 I'd like to be How have it be as disturbing 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:28.840 as possible while love saving? 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:31.680 Yeah, slightly afraid. So, Monica, what are some of the things. 0:07:31.680 --> 0:07:33.840 I mean, You've had some really interesting people on that 0:07:33.880 --> 0:07:37.240 you've interviewed on Reclaiming, your new podcast, So what are 0:07:37.240 --> 0:07:39.720 some of the things that you've learned that have been 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:42.400 inspiring to you from some of these guests? 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:46.600 Oh my gosh, every conversation, I think I have had 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:49.840 a moment where I've either set out loud or thought 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:54.160 inside wow, you know, whether it's a moment of someone 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:59.080 sharing a moment of vulnerability that I think I hadn't 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:02.720 expected to see or feel. I interviewed someone yesterday who 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:06.000 told me a story of how they had torn a 0:08:06.120 --> 0:08:09.760 muscle performing on stage, and there was an article the 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:12.480 next day saying they were drunk on stage, Oh my god, 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:17.400 instead of like even understanding that she was in pain front. 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:20.760 And so those kinds of stories that people have to 0:08:20.880 --> 0:08:24.120 even though that doesn't sound like a quote unquote reclaiming story, 0:08:24.200 --> 0:08:26.920 they're part of these, I think bigger narratives that we're 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.640 seeing of what people go through and how they just 0:08:29.680 --> 0:08:32.960 sort of get back up the next day. You know 0:08:33.200 --> 0:08:36.720 and move through something. So I'm not sure that I 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:38.080 haven't had enough coffee yet. 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:39.880 But no, no, no, no, no, no, I understand. 0:08:39.920 --> 0:08:41.600 I mean it's a large quote, it's a broad question, 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.040 and it's hard to always like pinpoint everything, but it 0:08:44.120 --> 0:08:47.200 is an interesting medium to kind of be in, right, 0:08:47.400 --> 0:08:51.560 like interviewing people, learning how to interview people learning, like 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:56.200 the conversations that you're having, and like the meaningfulness behind 0:08:56.440 --> 0:08:59.360 those conversations. You know what people are revealing, and I 0:08:59.400 --> 0:09:02.160 think like obviously podcasts right now are one of like 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:05.160 the biggest number one ways people are listening and getting 0:09:05.160 --> 0:09:07.960 their information, you know, especially if they want to like 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:09.240 bow out from the news. 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:11.760 So what are some of the podcasts that you listen to? 0:09:12.600 --> 0:09:14.520 Well, I love your podcast, but I want to go 0:09:14.600 --> 0:09:16.439 back to something for a second from when you were on, 0:09:16.480 --> 0:09:20.600 because I had a question for you. We had what 0:09:20.720 --> 0:09:27.760 felt like a really meaningful exchange around motherhood, not wanting motherhood. 0:09:27.960 --> 0:09:31.000 I was asking about if you thought from you were 0:09:31.000 --> 0:09:33.760 sharing about with your brother and stuff, And later on 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:37.440 I realized that was I doing to you the thing 0:09:37.520 --> 0:09:40.360 that just in a different version of trying to find 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.920 a way that yes, you actually maybe secretly did want kids, 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:46.480 but here was this reason, there was this reason why 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:47.880 you didn't did. 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:49.360 That feel that? Did it feel that way to you? 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:50.640 As not? Okay? 0:09:50.679 --> 0:09:52.000 So I don't know you an apology? 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:56.240 No, please? Are you kidding me? Not at all. I'm 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:58.600 not like that at all. Things go go in one 0:09:58.640 --> 0:09:59.319 ear and out the other. 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:01.800 And I take it a very little personal a even 0:10:01.880 --> 0:10:04.719 if it's personally directed on me, I still don't take 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:05.360 it personally. 0:10:05.800 --> 0:10:06.679 I'm pretty good at that. 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:09.080 Yeah, No, I mean I think we all have to 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:10.840 get a little bit better at that. It would be 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.480 a nice, much more sat a much more sane way 0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:15.280 to live. I know that I'm saying or when I 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:18.000 pay attention less to what people are saying, But I 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:20.480 think it's always very interesting, Like you know, it's it's 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:22.880 such a privilege right to be able to have these 0:10:23.000 --> 0:10:26.680 kinds of conversations, to be making a living and you know, 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:29.800 talking to people about things that are interesting to you. So, 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:32.240 I mean, what better platform to be able to get 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:34.520 up every day and bitch about the temperature of ice 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:37.400 or a bitch about the temperature of my diet coke. 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:39.520 You know that I shouldn't be drinking in the first place. 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.000 I was just thinking about the gym at my hotel 0:10:42.040 --> 0:10:43.760 that I stay in New York. Like I walked in 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:47.760 this morning and the lights were so bright, right, and 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:51.200 I was like, oh God, And so I texted my 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:53.199 contact at the hotel. I'm like, is there any way 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:55.360 we could just dim the lights in the gym? Like 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:58.200 it's part of a there's a there's a hotel part, 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:00.960 and then there's a residency part, okay, and they're like, 0:11:01.120 --> 0:11:03.440 so it's used for both, right, And I was like, 0:11:03.480 --> 0:11:06.720 it's just very fluorescent and very early. 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:11.000 It's like, I don't think anybody likes this, and there's 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:12.560 like fifteen people in the gym. 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:14.559 And then manager text me actually was actually, we've had 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:16.800 requests to turn the light up. And I'm like, well, 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:18.360 is there a time where I can go in where 0:11:18.360 --> 0:11:19.640 the fucking light is off? 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:20.120 Like? 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:22.560 The are the these are the things that I'm sitting here. 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:23.800 And I was like, I can't wait to get on. 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:25.520 A podcast today and bitch about all these things I 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:27.720 always forget and I want to know who's with me 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:30.280 and who's not with me. So I thank you for 0:11:30.320 --> 0:11:32.959 the audience today, Monica, because you get. 0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:34.720 To hear that I'm with you, girl, I am with you. 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:37.640 It's so funny because probably a big overshare, but I 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:40.680 don't know why I was randomly thinking about someone I 0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:43.720 had dated a long time ago. Then it was we 0:11:43.840 --> 0:11:47.959 reconnected after probably over like he'd been married and had 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:51.400 kids and everything in between. And it was great because 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:53.439 the tables had sort of turned where I was kind 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.480 of more into him before and now he was more 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:57.880 into me on this date and and we ended up, 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:02.600 you know, spending part of the night together. And when 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:04.319 he was leaving, I was like, oh, I'm going to 0:12:04.400 --> 0:12:06.920 do that confident girl thing where I'm going to like 0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:10.440 walk him to the door naked, and I totally forgot that. 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:14.000 The lighting in the entryway in this little studio I 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:18.359 was living in in New York at the time was terrible, horrendous, 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:22.360 and I literally saw the look on his face change 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:24.760 and the invitation for him to cook me dinner when 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:27.439 I got back from my trip like never material Oh no, 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:28.280 I mean it was. 0:12:28.360 --> 0:12:31.520 It was that bad where I could have an overhead 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:34.720 lighting overhead lighting, but it was also kind of fluorescent, 0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.960 and it was just it's the worst I've seen cellulate 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:43.040 on my forehead under overhead lighting. Literally, I've seen things 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:46.000 that I'm like that can't possibly true truly exist on 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:49.360 my body. There's no way that exists. I mean, whoever 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:52.400 came up with overhead lighting? I dated a hotel ya once, 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:55.960 Andre Blange, and he explained to me, who doesn't He 0:12:56.080 --> 0:12:57.079 explained to me the beat. 0:12:57.160 --> 0:13:00.400 I mean, he understood. He's a spretsatura it tastes maker. 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:02.679 He knows how to make every place really warm, and 0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:05.920 like he makes good hangs, you know, hangout spots. 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.440 But he explained to me why you never. 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.360 Have over ahead lighting in any house unless it's a chandelier, 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:14.560 you don't. Ever, you always have side lighting, always have sidelighting. 0:13:14.600 --> 0:13:17.600 So at my new house there is very little overhead lighting. 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:18.920 It's all on the side. 0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:19.920 Oh interesting. 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:23.360 Yeah, I was told if you have overhead lighting that 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.720 the light needs to go up, that there sort of 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.880 needs to this sconce needs to kind of hold the 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:29.000 bulb in a. 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:32.200 Way so that it doesn't it's not putting down like 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:35.200 a can light. It's or it's diffuse somehow. 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:37.840 That's a really disappointing story though, that you just shared 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:39.679 from someone. 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:44.240 I mean, that really sucks. Sorry, that's horror lighting. 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.640 Yeah, I've had way worse you know, but but it 0:13:47.679 --> 0:13:49.520 was one of those It's just so, I mean, it's 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:53.520 just random because I think that happened maybe ten years 0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:56.680 ago and I was just thinking about it this morning. 0:13:56.920 --> 0:14:00.600 So good haunts you, yeah, all the ways, and we try, 0:14:00.640 --> 0:14:03.920 I think, as women, to try to heal and grow 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:08.080 and maturity, evolve all those things. It's like, at least 0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:13.160 for me, I find I'm I try things on like, oh, okay, 0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:15.240 I read about this thing or so and so told 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.839 me this story, and so I'm going to see if 0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:20.000 that works for me. And it's like I'm going to 0:14:20.080 --> 0:14:22.880 be the confident girl who just you know, walks over 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:29.920 to the door naked, and it you know, didn't work. 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:34.560 It didn't quite ban out. Now that's okay. It's good 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:34.840 to know. 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:37.080 It's good to edit those people out of your life, 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:38.880 no matter how they get edited out, you know what 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:39.200 I mean. 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:40.200 That's okay. 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:41.960 What we did talk about when I was on your 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.800 podcast was it felt like you were really curious about 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:47.520 my relationship with my nieces and nephews and how to 0:14:47.600 --> 0:14:50.960 kind of not replicate that, but how to have that 0:14:51.080 --> 0:14:54.080 be more of I mean, it is a pretty big 0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:57.000 character in your life already, your niece and nephew, right, 0:14:57.240 --> 0:15:01.000 m hmm, yeah, yeah, but you and we discussed that 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:04.480 I'm someone who's never wanted children. You actually did want 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:07.880 children and you don't have children. But we were talking 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:10.560 about focusing and what it does, what it means to 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:14.360 be president and children's lives without being a mother. So 0:15:14.640 --> 0:15:16.800 how is that working for you with your niece and 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:19.560 your nephew. How do you see your role in their life? 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:24.800 They bring so much joy, so much joy to my world. 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:28.160 And I think it was I imagine you felt this way 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:32.720 most people do. It is a shock the moment they're born, 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:36.440 even though you haven't birthed them. It was, oh, I 0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:38.760 will get in front of a bus for this human 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:42.680 being like our four, you know, or our ten that 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.400 is already now an establishment. There is just this deep 0:15:46.040 --> 0:15:50.160 love and bond and I hope and I think I 0:15:50.200 --> 0:15:54.040 am a safe place for them to come and just 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:56.640 kind of get loved up. You know. I think that 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:59.880 that's but also, you know, set boundaries in different ways 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:06.960 encourage They're both so creative and really different and extraordinary children. 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:09.800 I just feel so I feel so lucky. 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:14.080 And probably the best thing I did as an auntie 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:19.560 is get car seats. So that allowed me to have 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:23.240 my own relationship with them, and you know, I get 0:16:23.280 --> 0:16:25.560 to help out a little. It makes it a little 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:28.240 easier in moments for my brother and sister in law. 0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:31.920 But more importantly for me is I think we just 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:36.400 developed our own routines. We develop our own experiences together 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:39.920 that I know I look forward to and they look 0:16:39.960 --> 0:16:43.400 forward to too. So it's very special. And now, as 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:45.560 I said, they you know, spend the night on occasion, 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.120 and like they each have their own little nest in 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:51.640 my bedroom, and you know, there's the routine of that, 0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:54.760 which which is great. And then you know, by eight 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:58.720 thirty the next morning, I'm like, okay, fine, you know 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:01.720 under paycakes, Bye bye me. 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:02.160 Yeah. 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:04.840 So I speak about these three girls in my book 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:07.080 that I call them Poopsiehoopsie and Oopsie in my book, 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:09.639 and I'm able to apply this more to them than 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.000 I am to my nieces and nephews. Although I do 0:17:12.160 --> 0:17:14.840 judge my nieces. I have more my nephews than my nieces. 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:17.280 I have a lot of more latitude for women, obviously, 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:21.359 but I really think like the lack of judgment, I 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:24.119 think is such an important thing to bring to the 0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:27.240 table with relationship to children so that they can come 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.440 to you with anything. And I know in my experience 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:31.119 with the three girls that are in my life that 0:17:31.200 --> 0:17:34.399 I talk about in my last book, they will and 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:36.520 have told me they feel, you know, like, they will 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:40.400 tell me anything, whether it's drug related, guy related, sex related. 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:42.600 They will come to me with anything, and I never 0:17:42.960 --> 0:17:46.439 and for some reason, I'm able to reserve judgment with 0:17:46.520 --> 0:17:49.080 regard to these three people in my life. And I 0:17:49.119 --> 0:17:53.120 feel like that is something as a child that every 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:55.480 child needs, right, They need someone that they can tell 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:58.760 anything too, that there are no repercussions and there's and 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:02.520 there's just no shame put on them because it's so 0:18:02.560 --> 0:18:05.880 important to be able to just share stuff without being judged. 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:08.320 And I'm a pretty judgmental person, like I have to 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:10.959 work very hard on my judgment. I judge people all 0:18:11.000 --> 0:18:13.480 the time, so when I can really like one of 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:15.400 them said to me, she wrote me this birthday thing 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:17.200 and said, oh, you know, it's so funny. 0:18:17.240 --> 0:18:18.240 I could tell you anything. 0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:19.960 I could tell my I know, I could say, she 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:21.840 calls me father, She goes, I know, I could tell 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.720