Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Okay, Catherine, what do we got today?
Speaker 2: Well, today we have a fabulous returning guest, one of
Speaker 2: our favorites.
Speaker 3: It's Monica Lewinsky.
Speaker 4: Okay, ladies, Hello, Hi Monica Lewinsky. Welcome back to the show.
Speaker 3: Chelsea. Thank you so happy to be here.
Speaker 1: Always happy to see your smiling face. I was recently
Speaker 1: on your podcast, which is called Reclaiming Everyone, which is
Speaker 1: a fabulous new podcast that Monica launched with Wondery, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, you have the nicest podcast studio that
Speaker 1: I've ever been in.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you.
Speaker 5: It is actually the Amazon Music studio podcasty Things, So
Speaker 5: not my design yet, but one day I'll have a set.
Speaker 1: So okay, well whatever they hooked you up. It was yes,
Speaker 1: it was sweet. I was like, this is a nice setup.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we call that the Good Room. I'm like, we
Speaker 5: have to have the good Room for Chelsea. I loved
Speaker 5: having you. Thank you so much for coming on. I've
Speaker 5: heard from people friends of mine from around the world
Speaker 5: how much they loved your conversation and are big fans
Speaker 5: of yours.
Speaker 4: Oh well, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm really happy for you in this phase
Speaker 1: of your life that you're in right now, because I
Speaker 1: think the podcast is so emblematic of who you are
Speaker 1: from what I know of you, and you're having really meaningful,
Speaker 1: cool conversations with people. And it is called reclaiming because why.
Speaker 5: So in many ways it's both personal to me and
Speaker 5: I think the way that I see the world in
Speaker 5: this sense of like the kind of narrow definition of
Speaker 5: reclaiming is to get back something that was lost or
Speaker 5: taken from you, and I've had that experience personally, Like
Speaker 5: they're big reclaiming. So for me, my reclaiming my voice
Speaker 5: and my narrative after having lost it twenty seven years
Speaker 5: ago was a big thing. But there are so many
Speaker 5: ways and so many elastic definition or I guess what's
Speaker 5: a better way to say it. It's like I like
Speaker 5: to use an elastic definition in the show. So it's
Speaker 5: really I feel like I could sit down and have
Speaker 5: a conversation with anybody and there will be a threat
Speaker 5: of reclaiming in there, because they're big ones and little ones.
Speaker 5: And I really see it in some ways as in
Speaker 5: that wave that mindfulness came in and we all started
Speaker 5: to sort of look at our world through a lens
Speaker 5: of mindfulness. I think reclaiming is like modern trauma. I
Speaker 5: think reclaiming is sort of one of those things that
Speaker 5: we're going to be thinking about and seeing our world
Speaker 5: through that lens a bit more of this idea of
Speaker 5: what are the steps to try to pull something back in.
Speaker 5: Whether it's big or for me, I don't know about
Speaker 5: either of you. I have really bad road rage, so
Speaker 5: like it's a reclaiming for me when I call someone
Speaker 5: a fuck face, but then I don't flip them off.
Speaker 5: I'm like I told my combat I found my center again.
Speaker 5: You know, especially La, you have to be careful now
Speaker 5: like someone I think the other year someone had a
Speaker 5: gun pulled on them on Sunset and Crescent Heights.
Speaker 3: That's crazy.
Speaker 4: I have rage about temperature.
Speaker 1: I have rage about it, like the temperatures of like
Speaker 1: refrigerated items.
Speaker 4: When I get something out of.
Speaker 1: A refrigerator that's not my own, because all of my
Speaker 1: refrigerators are set to thirty four degrees fahrenheit. That is
Speaker 1: as cold as you can pretty much make it, and
Speaker 1: that's the temperature I like when I go into a refrigerator.
Speaker 1: I just did this here in this podcast studio. It
Speaker 1: was a fucking medium warm, like a tiny bit cold
Speaker 1: diet coke.
Speaker 4: There's nothing grosser than that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: And if you don't have fully cold beverages, because obviously
Speaker 1: you have to replenish them, they can't always be cold,
Speaker 1: then there has to be ice close by. I fucking
Speaker 1: hate I have temperature rage hate. I hate medium like
Speaker 1: cold drinks that aren't like cold, like I want condensation
Speaker 1: on the outside of the glass, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I need to see I need to see the cold.
Speaker 1: I need to see the temperature before I have the drink.
Speaker 1: Even if someone's bringing me a cocktail in a restaurant,
Speaker 1: if there's not the right amount of ice in the cocktail,
Speaker 1: I already know I'm.
Speaker 4: Gonna have to send it back.
Speaker 1: And I mean I have to be high maintenance in
Speaker 1: that way because I just need to be pleased just
Speaker 1: that way. Temperature pleasing. Yes, yes, yes, it's same. When
Speaker 1: I sleep, it has to be at sixty eight degrees.
Speaker 3: Sixty eight. That's I'm sixty eight girl.
Speaker 4: What do you what? What temperature do you sleep in?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 3: Thirty is what I would like. Yeah, that's what I
Speaker 3: would like, But I mean I can have it. I
Speaker 3: like I like bundled old with blankets, lots of blankets.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: When I'm in Whistler, sometimes I have I put like
Speaker 1: even in the dead of winter, I will open the
Speaker 1: windows and part of the house so that I am
Speaker 1: for areezing. And then I wake up in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night to pee and I'm in my broad
Speaker 1: underwear and I'm like yeah, and then I get back
Speaker 1: into that cold you know, that little den, that snuggle den,
Speaker 1: and I just love wrapping up myself up and lots
Speaker 1: of lots of lots of blankets.
Speaker 4: It's the best.
Speaker 5: You know what sleeping game changer for me without batteries
Speaker 5: is a like a heating path has been a really
Speaker 5: big game changer. Just you know, they turn off after
Speaker 5: two hours. But it's like a little cuddle. You know.
Speaker 3: You can put it on your tummy, put it on
Speaker 3: your head.
Speaker 4: It doesn't get you too warm, because if you like
Speaker 4: to sleep in thirty degrees, I know that.
Speaker 5: But I keep it on low and it just I
Speaker 5: don't know the one I have. It just somehow feels
Speaker 5: nurturing and it calms me down.
Speaker 4: Well. Heating pads tend to feel that way, that's true.
Speaker 1: I got one of those air conditioning mattress pads where
Speaker 1: basically you can adjust the temperature.
Speaker 4: To heat or cool.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So because Doug, my dog won't sleep in bed with
Speaker 1: me because he has so much furs, so he gets
Speaker 1: so hot. So I was like, maybe if I put
Speaker 1: this on full blast, he can sleep on the cold
Speaker 1: next to me, because you can do it for either side.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to try that when he comes back.
Speaker 1: Right now, he's vacationing in Canada, so once I once
Speaker 1: I retrieve.
Speaker 4: You know, Doug is a jet setter.
Speaker 1: He's trying to smooth things over with Canada while we WERENA.
Speaker 3: Well, he did very well with the election, So.
Speaker 4: Thank you, thanks so much, thank you, Doug.
Speaker 5: It's so funny you mentioned that though, because somebody I've
Speaker 5: never heard of that air conditioning mattress thing, and someone
Speaker 5: just mentioned it last night to me.
Speaker 3: So I feel like the universe is telling me to
Speaker 3: get one.
Speaker 2: Well, they have those fans that like go right under
Speaker 2: your covers and like blow right at you. I haven't
Speaker 2: tried one of those, but I'm like, I think maybe
Speaker 2: I need one of those.
Speaker 4: Ye fan under your covers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like got a little nose that goes under
Speaker 2: your covers and then.
Speaker 1: Oh, I have a ceiling fan, so that helps me too.
Speaker 1: I need a ceiling fan on I need multiple I
Speaker 1: need rain machine, my sound machine on my phone. Then
Speaker 1: I need an overhead ceiling fan, and then I need
Speaker 1: air conditioning or a window open.
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, that sounds pretty good.
Speaker 4: What do you fall asleep to? Do you listen to
Speaker 4: a noise machine at all? No?
Speaker 3: You know it's funny.
Speaker 5: So my my niece and nephew have now started sleeping
Speaker 5: over and they use a sound machine, and I can't
Speaker 5: sleep with the sound machine.
Speaker 3: I don't know what's walk with me.
Speaker 4: So so what are you doing putting on beats headphones
Speaker 4: when you go to sleep?
Speaker 5: No, I just I basically sleep for twenty minutes and
Speaker 5: then wake up panicked. Anyway, like, is everybody okay? So
Speaker 5: everyone still sleeping? Are they so in bed?
Speaker 8: You know?
Speaker 5: So I don't have a sound machine, but I do
Speaker 5: love Actually, my favorite, my probably best sleep is when
Speaker 5: I'm at the ocean, so when I can hear the
Speaker 5: waves crashing all night long.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, that's my sound machine for a while,
Speaker 1: where waves crashing. And then I moved to rain, and
Speaker 1: then I moved to thunder and actual thunderstorm.
Speaker 4: I like it.
Speaker 1: I'd like to be How have it be as disturbing
Speaker 1: as possible while love saving?
Speaker 4: Yeah, slightly afraid. So, Monica, what are some of the things.
Speaker 1: I mean, You've had some really interesting people on that
Speaker 1: you've interviewed on Reclaiming, your new podcast, So what are
Speaker 1: some of the things that you've learned that have been
Speaker 1: inspiring to you from some of these guests?
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, every conversation, I think I have had
Speaker 5: a moment where I've either set out loud or thought
Speaker 5: inside wow, you know, whether it's a moment of someone
Speaker 5: sharing a moment of vulnerability that I think I hadn't
Speaker 5: expected to see or feel. I interviewed someone yesterday who
Speaker 5: told me a story of how they had torn a
Speaker 5: muscle performing on stage, and there was an article the
Speaker 5: next day saying they were drunk on stage, Oh my god,
Speaker 5: instead of like even understanding that she was in pain front.
Speaker 5: And so those kinds of stories that people have to
Speaker 5: even though that doesn't sound like a quote unquote reclaiming story,
Speaker 5: they're part of these, I think bigger narratives that we're
Speaker 5: seeing of what people go through and how they just
Speaker 5: sort of get back up the next day. You know
Speaker 5: and move through something. So I'm not sure that I
Speaker 5: haven't had enough coffee yet.
Speaker 4: But no, no, no, no, no, no, I understand.
Speaker 1: I mean it's a large quote, it's a broad question,
Speaker 1: and it's hard to always like pinpoint everything, but it
Speaker 1: is an interesting medium to kind of be in, right,
Speaker 1: like interviewing people, learning how to interview people learning, like
Speaker 1: the conversations that you're having, and like the meaningfulness behind
Speaker 1: those conversations. You know what people are revealing, and I
Speaker 1: think like obviously podcasts right now are one of like
Speaker 1: the biggest number one ways people are listening and getting
Speaker 1: their information, you know, especially if they want to like
Speaker 1: bow out from the news.
Speaker 4: So what are some of the podcasts that you listen to?
Speaker 5: Well, I love your podcast, but I want to go
Speaker 5: back to something for a second from when you were on,
Speaker 5: because I had a question for you. We had what
Speaker 5: felt like a really meaningful exchange around motherhood, not wanting motherhood.
Speaker 5: I was asking about if you thought from you were
Speaker 5: sharing about with your brother and stuff, And later on
Speaker 5: I realized that was I doing to you the thing
Speaker 5: that just in a different version of trying to find
Speaker 5: a way that yes, you actually maybe secretly did want kids,
Speaker 5: but here was this reason, there was this reason why
Speaker 5: you didn't did.
Speaker 3: That feel that? Did it feel that way to you?
Speaker 4: As not? Okay?
Speaker 3: So I don't know you an apology?
Speaker 4: No, please? Are you kidding me? Not at all. I'm
Speaker 4: not like that at all. Things go go in one
Speaker 4: ear and out the other.
Speaker 1: And I take it a very little personal a even
Speaker 1: if it's personally directed on me, I still don't take
Speaker 1: it personally.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty good at that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I mean I think we all have to
Speaker 1: get a little bit better at that. It would be
Speaker 1: a nice, much more sat a much more sane way
Speaker 1: to live. I know that I'm saying or when I
Speaker 1: pay attention less to what people are saying, But I
Speaker 1: think it's always very interesting, Like you know, it's it's
Speaker 1: such a privilege right to be able to have these
Speaker 1: kinds of conversations, to be making a living and you know,
Speaker 1: talking to people about things that are interesting to you. So,
Speaker 1: I mean, what better platform to be able to get
Speaker 1: up every day and bitch about the temperature of ice
Speaker 1: or a bitch about the temperature of my diet coke.
Speaker 1: You know that I shouldn't be drinking in the first place.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about the gym at my hotel
Speaker 1: that I stay in New York. Like I walked in
Speaker 1: this morning and the lights were so bright, right, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh God, And so I texted my
Speaker 1: contact at the hotel. I'm like, is there any way
Speaker 1: we could just dim the lights in the gym? Like
Speaker 1: it's part of a there's a there's a hotel part,
Speaker 1: and then there's a residency part, okay, and they're like,
Speaker 1: so it's used for both, right, And I was like,
Speaker 1: it's just very fluorescent and very early.
Speaker 4: It's like, I don't think anybody likes this, and there's
Speaker 4: like fifteen people in the gym.
Speaker 1: And then manager text me actually was actually, we've had
Speaker 1: requests to turn the light up. And I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: is there a time where I can go in where
Speaker 1: the fucking light is off?
Speaker 9: Like?
Speaker 1: The are the these are the things that I'm sitting here.
Speaker 4: And I was like, I can't wait to get on.
Speaker 1: A podcast today and bitch about all these things I
Speaker 1: always forget and I want to know who's with me
Speaker 1: and who's not with me. So I thank you for
Speaker 1: the audience today, Monica, because you get.
Speaker 3: To hear that I'm with you, girl, I am with you.
Speaker 5: It's so funny because probably a big overshare, but I
Speaker 5: don't know why I was randomly thinking about someone I
Speaker 5: had dated a long time ago. Then it was we
Speaker 5: reconnected after probably over like he'd been married and had
Speaker 5: kids and everything in between. And it was great because
Speaker 5: the tables had sort of turned where I was kind
Speaker 5: of more into him before and now he was more
Speaker 5: into me on this date and and we ended up,
Speaker 5: you know, spending part of the night together. And when
Speaker 5: he was leaving, I was like, oh, I'm going to
Speaker 5: do that confident girl thing where I'm going to like
Speaker 5: walk him to the door naked, and I totally forgot that.
Speaker 5: The lighting in the entryway in this little studio I
Speaker 5: was living in in New York at the time was terrible, horrendous,
Speaker 5: and I literally saw the look on his face change
Speaker 5: and the invitation for him to cook me dinner when
Speaker 5: I got back from my trip like never material Oh no,
Speaker 5: I mean it was.
Speaker 1: It was that bad where I could have an overhead
Speaker 1: lighting overhead lighting, but it was also kind of fluorescent,
Speaker 1: and it was just it's the worst I've seen cellulate
Speaker 1: on my forehead under overhead lighting. Literally, I've seen things
Speaker 1: that I'm like that can't possibly true truly exist on
Speaker 1: my body. There's no way that exists. I mean, whoever
Speaker 1: came up with overhead lighting? I dated a hotel ya once,
Speaker 1: Andre Blange, and he explained to me, who doesn't He
Speaker 1: explained to me the beat.
Speaker 4: I mean, he understood. He's a spretsatura it tastes maker.
Speaker 1: He knows how to make every place really warm, and
Speaker 1: like he makes good hangs, you know, hangout spots.
Speaker 4: But he explained to me why you never.
Speaker 1: Have over ahead lighting in any house unless it's a chandelier,
Speaker 1: you don't. Ever, you always have side lighting, always have sidelighting.
Speaker 1: So at my new house there is very little overhead lighting.
Speaker 1: It's all on the side.
Speaker 3: Oh interesting.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was told if you have overhead lighting that
Speaker 5: the light needs to go up, that there sort of
Speaker 5: needs to this sconce needs to kind of hold the
Speaker 5: bulb in a.
Speaker 3: Way so that it doesn't it's not putting down like
Speaker 3: a can light. It's or it's diffuse somehow.
Speaker 1: That's a really disappointing story though, that you just shared
Speaker 1: from someone.
Speaker 4: I mean, that really sucks. Sorry, that's horror lighting.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've had way worse you know, but but it
Speaker 5: was one of those It's just so, I mean, it's
Speaker 5: just random because I think that happened maybe ten years
Speaker 5: ago and I was just thinking about it this morning.
Speaker 5: So good haunts you, yeah, all the ways, and we try,
Speaker 5: I think, as women, to try to heal and grow
Speaker 5: and maturity, evolve all those things. It's like, at least
Speaker 5: for me, I find I'm I try things on like, oh, okay,
Speaker 5: I read about this thing or so and so told
Speaker 5: me this story, and so I'm going to see if
Speaker 5: that works for me. And it's like I'm going to
Speaker 5: be the confident girl who just you know, walks over
Speaker 5: to the door naked, and it you know, didn't work.
Speaker 4: It didn't quite ban out. Now that's okay. It's good
Speaker 4: to know.
Speaker 1: It's good to edit those people out of your life,
Speaker 1: no matter how they get edited out, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 4: That's okay.
Speaker 1: What we did talk about when I was on your
Speaker 1: podcast was it felt like you were really curious about
Speaker 1: my relationship with my nieces and nephews and how to
Speaker 1: kind of not replicate that, but how to have that
Speaker 1: be more of I mean, it is a pretty big
Speaker 1: character in your life already, your niece and nephew, right,
Speaker 1: m hmm, yeah, yeah, but you and we discussed that
Speaker 1: I'm someone who's never wanted children. You actually did want
Speaker 1: children and you don't have children. But we were talking
Speaker 1: about focusing and what it does, what it means to
Speaker 1: be president and children's lives without being a mother. So
Speaker 1: how is that working for you with your niece and
Speaker 1: your nephew. How do you see your role in their life?
Speaker 5: They bring so much joy, so much joy to my world.
Speaker 5: And I think it was I imagine you felt this way
Speaker 5: most people do. It is a shock the moment they're born,
Speaker 5: even though you haven't birthed them. It was, oh, I
Speaker 5: will get in front of a bus for this human
Speaker 5: being like our four, you know, or our ten that
Speaker 5: is already now an establishment. There is just this deep
Speaker 5: love and bond and I hope and I think I
Speaker 5: am a safe place for them to come and just
Speaker 5: kind of get loved up. You know. I think that
Speaker 5: that's but also, you know, set boundaries in different ways
Speaker 5: encourage They're both so creative and really different and extraordinary children.
Speaker 3: I just feel so I feel so lucky.
Speaker 5: And probably the best thing I did as an auntie
Speaker 5: is get car seats. So that allowed me to have
Speaker 5: my own relationship with them, and you know, I get
Speaker 5: to help out a little. It makes it a little
Speaker 5: easier in moments for my brother and sister in law.
Speaker 5: But more importantly for me is I think we just
Speaker 5: developed our own routines. We develop our own experiences together
Speaker 5: that I know I look forward to and they look
Speaker 5: forward to too. So it's very special. And now, as
Speaker 5: I said, they you know, spend the night on occasion,
Speaker 5: and like they each have their own little nest in
Speaker 5: my bedroom, and you know, there's the routine of that,
Speaker 5: which which is great. And then you know, by eight
Speaker 5: thirty the next morning, I'm like, okay, fine, you know
Speaker 5: under paycakes, Bye bye me.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I speak about these three girls in my book
Speaker 1: that I call them Poopsiehoopsie and Oopsie in my book,
Speaker 1: and I'm able to apply this more to them than
Speaker 1: I am to my nieces and nephews. Although I do
Speaker 1: judge my nieces. I have more my nephews than my nieces.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of more latitude for women, obviously,
Speaker 1: but I really think like the lack of judgment, I
Speaker 1: think is such an important thing to bring to the
Speaker 1: table with relationship to children so that they can come
Speaker 1: to you with anything. And I know in my experience
Speaker 1: with the three girls that are in my life that
Speaker 1: I talk about in my last book, they will and
Speaker 1: have told me they feel, you know, like, they will
Speaker 1: tell me anything, whether it's drug related, guy related, sex related.
Speaker 1: They will come to me with anything, and I never
Speaker 1: and for some reason, I'm able to reserve judgment with
Speaker 1: regard to these three people in my life. And I
Speaker 1: feel like that is something as a child that every
Speaker 1: child needs, right, They need someone that they can tell
Speaker 1: anything too, that there are no repercussions and there's and
Speaker 1: there's just no shame put on them because it's so
Speaker 1: important to be able to just share stuff without being judged.
Speaker 1: And I'm a pretty judgmental person, like I have to
Speaker 1: work very hard on my judgment. I judge people all
Speaker 1: the time, so when I can really like one of
Speaker 1: them said to me, she wrote me this birthday thing
Speaker 1: and said, oh, you know, it's so funny.
Speaker 4: I could tell you anything.
Speaker 1: I could tell my I know, I could say, she
Speaker 1: calls me father, She goes, I know, I could tell
Speaker 1: my father anything. I always tell you, you know, there's
Speaker 1: no judgment blah, blah, and it just made me feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: that is okay, that's something to focus on, you know,
Speaker 1: something that's been pointed out, and I want to get
Speaker 1: better at that. With all of my relationships children and adults.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, I have a very I've always had
Speaker 5: a very close relationship with one of my aunts, my
Speaker 5: mom's sister, my aunt Debbie, and I back when I
Speaker 5: was in my early twenties and was getting going to
Speaker 5: or needed to get a termination procedure and an abortion Harvey
Speaker 5: when I call it, I told her before I told
Speaker 5: my mom. You know, I didn't tell my mom until
Speaker 5: the night before, but my aunt felt like that safe
Speaker 5: space between a sister and a mom. And I have
Speaker 5: had different relationships. I have two other aunts, one of
Speaker 5: whom passed away, but that I've had, you know, different
Speaker 5: relationships with and more feel connected to both of them
Speaker 5: through aspects of myself that I see in myself. The
Speaker 5: artistic one is an artist and the one who passed
Speaker 5: me jewelry, and so I think that I see parts
Speaker 5: of them in me from that and so and in
Speaker 5: my formative memories from my formative years too.
Speaker 3: Did you have aunts growing up?
Speaker 4: Yes, I have an aunt that I'm pretty close to.
Speaker 4: She lives in California.
Speaker 1: I have a whole set of cousins that live in
Speaker 1: La So I'm very close with that side of my family.
Speaker 4: And my aunt is my.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's who I lived with when I moved out
Speaker 1: here when I was nineteen years old, and told me
Speaker 1: that I would have to lose weight if I ever
Speaker 1: wanted to become famous. And she then she denied that
Speaker 1: she ever said those words, and then we found it
Speaker 1: on in an act. She I would say a year
Speaker 1: after year after your after I became successful, I'd be like, see,
Speaker 1: you told me that I had to lose weight if
Speaker 1: I ever wanted to become famous. She was I never
Speaker 1: said that. I never said that. And then we found
Speaker 1: the actual footage on video of her saying it to me,
Speaker 1: and my co Molly put it together and send it
Speaker 1: on our family thread and was like, yeah, here, Mom,
Speaker 1: this is exactly what you said to Chelsea. By the way,
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly.
Speaker 4: Oh. I was like, yes, you fucking said it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just but I think there is something too
Speaker 5: about the way ants. Like I think about when I
Speaker 5: was in tenth grade and I wanted Duck Martins and
Speaker 5: people weren't really wearing Duck Martins very much yet, and
Speaker 5: I wanted to wear them with dresses, and people weren't
Speaker 5: really doing that yet. And even my mom was like,
Speaker 5: there's no way I'm buying you those shoes. And my aunt,
Speaker 5: you know, took me and bought me the shoes on Melrose,
Speaker 5: you know, I remember.
Speaker 3: And so it was. She just had a way of
Speaker 3: and has a way. Still. We're still really close.
Speaker 5: I stay with her often when I'm in New York,
Speaker 5: and you know, it's fun, it's great, but you know,
Speaker 5: I think just the different ways that I think she
Speaker 5: would see me, you know, and and also stretch those
Speaker 5: boundaries a bit.
Speaker 3: I saw my first R rated film with her, you know.
Speaker 1: So Texas is the special relationship I remember growing I
Speaker 1: had also I had one uncle.
Speaker 4: I had a couple of great uncles too, actually, but.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is a very special relationship because I think
Speaker 1: about my nieces and nephews and they all have two aunts.
Speaker 1: Between my sisters, the three of us there, and we're
Speaker 1: all so different, you know, we all provide something completely different.
Speaker 1: And on that note, we're going to take a break
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back with Monica Lewinsky and we're back.
Speaker 1: We're back with Monica Lewinsky. We're going to take some
Speaker 1: emails or callers. Catherine, what do we have?
Speaker 2: We actually have three callers, so we're going to try
Speaker 2: and get through, get to all three of them today,
Speaker 2: and then if we have two extra minutes, I have
Speaker 2: a quickie at the end, just an email. So our
Speaker 2: first caller is Jewels and she is in DC. She says,
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, thank you for all you do, your advocacy
Speaker 2: and your light. Seeing you at the Kennedy Center will
Speaker 2: always be one of my highlights. I'm a federal government
Speaker 2: employee and it's really tough right now. I have lots
Speaker 2: of anger, uncertainty, and resentment toward the current administration, my
Speaker 2: agency's leadership, Americans who voted for what's happening right now,
Speaker 2: and those who are misinformed about how awful it really is.
Speaker 2: I literally cannot escape the news cycle. As I live
Speaker 2: in DC, I work for the government, and since my
Speaker 2: agency leadership has been silent, the news and Reddit are
Speaker 2: the only ways to learn what's happening in my future.
Speaker 2: I'm tired all the time for my new commute thanks
Speaker 2: to the return to office mandate. I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: bleeding money because of all these extra costs I didn't expect, gas, lunches, dogwalker,
Speaker 2: And on top of it all, we've been told that
Speaker 2: quote no one is safe from a reduction in force.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend says, I'm getting irritable, which I am.
Speaker 3: Who wouldn't.
Speaker 2: I'm on a contract where I can't quit the federal
Speaker 2: government for another eight months without buying myself out, so
Speaker 2: I know I'll be here until I'm fired or things settle.
Speaker 2: The way things look, suppose my contract will terminate in January.
Speaker 2: Do you have any advice on how to cope with
Speaker 2: all this uncertainty and find joy in this chaos?
Speaker 3: Thanks for being such a light in these wild times.
Speaker 4: Jules Hi, Jules, Hi?
Speaker 7: How are you?
Speaker 4: This is our special guest Monica Lewinsky today.
Speaker 6: Hi. Hello, how are you doing well? Thank you?
Speaker 1: How are your other colleagues dealing with this? Do you
Speaker 1: work closely with a lot of other people?
Speaker 6: Like?
Speaker 4: Are there other people who are feeling the same the
Speaker 4: same way that you're feeling?
Speaker 6: Yes, for sure, I think a lot of us, No
Speaker 6: matter what like organization you're in, it's kind of the
Speaker 6: same vibe.
Speaker 7: People are pretty down.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I understand. I feel you.
Speaker 1: I feel like you know, we can all relate to
Speaker 1: feeling pretty down, especially now, regardless of what I mean.
Speaker 1: Obviously you're in a different situation with a government job.
Speaker 1: But I think the best way to so that all
Speaker 1: of the stuff that you're putting into your brain is
Speaker 1: not all related to what's happening with this administration is
Speaker 1: is kind of a goal, you know, Like I start
Speaker 1: my day either meditating or working out, without before I
Speaker 1: listen to any.
Speaker 4: Podcast or the Daily or read my Politico.
Speaker 1: Like, I just get up and I'm like, Okay, this
Speaker 1: is going to be a good day for me.
Speaker 4: So whatever it takes to get you there.
Speaker 1: I mean, if you have to get up and read
Speaker 1: a book for an hour to just put you in
Speaker 1: a different place, I would suggest trying to like create
Speaker 1: some different habits so that when you go into because
Speaker 1: work is going to be work, and that there's going
Speaker 1: to be people around you with that energy and everyone's
Speaker 1: going to kind of be commiserating and that's fine while
Speaker 1: you're there, but it shouldn't take over you. Like I
Speaker 1: always think about negativity as a component of your life,
Speaker 1: but don't let the negativity run you. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean, so, what are some things that you can
Speaker 1: do that will make you happier as a person. What
Speaker 1: are some things that you know make you happier as
Speaker 1: a person.
Speaker 6: I definitely try to make a separation when I get home,
Speaker 6: And honestly, one of the sliber lightnings is this is
Speaker 6: because we can't telework anymore. There now is like a
Speaker 6: distinction of like working home. So when I do get home,
Speaker 6: since I can't work, I do a workout, try to
Speaker 6: get my mind off things to like have a reset,
Speaker 6: do like walks things like that. So I do appreciate that.
Speaker 6: I feel like I wasn't just like a slump, especially
Speaker 6: for the first.
Speaker 7: You know months where I was just.
Speaker 6: Like kind of in my own like little cave. So
Speaker 6: I'm emerging now to like do things that bring me
Speaker 6: more joy, like seeing friends being more active. It's spring now,
Speaker 6: so like just yeah saying hell sun is that?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Totally no.
Speaker 1: I mean the season alone is a reason to be happier.
Speaker 1: It's like it's more upbeat. Everything you're saying is great.
Speaker 1: I think you should really like do that for yourself
Speaker 1: as an assignment. You know, when there when an hour
Speaker 1: or two goes by, when I don't think about the
Speaker 1: administration or the government.
Speaker 4: That's a home run.
Speaker 1: Like if I can get through an hour or two
Speaker 1: and go to a dinner and it doesn't come up
Speaker 1: and I'm not thinking about it, I'm like, Okay, mission accomplished.
Speaker 1: It doesn't need to be ten hours of the day
Speaker 1: that you're not thinking about it. You just need a
Speaker 1: break from the constant.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, that's that's really a point.
Speaker 7: Thank you.
Speaker 1: And also really try and find some books that you
Speaker 1: can escape to. Like books to me are myself always Monica.
Speaker 4: Do you feel that.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think we've spoken about that, right, Yes,
Speaker 1: how important it is to have. Like this is a
Speaker 1: new book that I want to recommend. Also, it's called
Speaker 1: The Mirror and the Palette. My friend gave it to me,
Speaker 1: and it's fucking amazing. It's about female history and it's
Speaker 1: all about like it's just such an inspiring Like every
Speaker 1: time I read that, I choose to read that rather
Speaker 1: than to watch the news or read the news. I
Speaker 1: give myself an hour a day to read a book.
Speaker 1: And since since this administration began, when I started to
Speaker 1: get really.
Speaker 4: Just immersed, immerse immersed immersed in.
Speaker 1: It, I was like, Okay, you have to do something differently,
Speaker 1: and that's why I decided to do that.
Speaker 4: Every day.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have to read for one hour every day.
Speaker 1: I'm not on my phone. I want to think about
Speaker 1: something else. I want to have my brain stimulated in
Speaker 1: a different way. So I think you just have to
Speaker 1: really figure out what those things are. If you're not
Speaker 1: a reader, force yourself to fucking read, like you will
Speaker 1: get into it. Just find a book that's great and
Speaker 1: you will get into it. Start with this book. It's
Speaker 1: gonna be fascinating to any woman. So it's called The
Speaker 1: Mirror in the Palette. But just really make sure you're
Speaker 1: getting outside, you're getting in fresh air, you're doing you're exercising,
Speaker 1: doing all the things, meditate, write down things that you're
Speaker 1: grateful for. You know, there's a million things you can
Speaker 1: do to lift your spirits, and those are all moodlifters. Monica,
Speaker 1: do you have anything that you do to lift your spirits?
Speaker 4: I do.
Speaker 5: I don't know if this would resonate with you at all,
Speaker 5: but I'm very impacted by the aesthetic of my environment
Speaker 5: or pretty pretty things or cute things, just things that
Speaker 5: make me smile, And so I will go out and
Speaker 5: I'll get some new mugs. I know it sounds so dumb,
Speaker 5: but it's like one of the things you're doing in
Speaker 5: the morning is I'm making my coffee when I open
Speaker 5: the cabinet and there's this, you know, a mug that
Speaker 5: makes me laugh. I have one from La La what's
Speaker 5: it called Laalas, and it's the Yellow Coffee place, and
Speaker 5: they have this mug and it says, don't be a dick,
Speaker 5: and so, you know, it's like it makes me laugh
Speaker 5: and I think, just even it's such a tiny thing,
Speaker 5: but after in particular or sparking joy, as they would
Speaker 5: say of you know, I was at Disneyland recently and
Speaker 5: I got a great mug from there to remind me.
Speaker 4: You know, so I just got a set of mugs.
Speaker 1: Someone sent me a set of coffee mugs of me
Speaker 1: skiing and my bikini with my dog on my back,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my.
Speaker 4: God, what a great gift. So cute. You know.
Speaker 1: Also, writing, if you're a writer spending an hour a
Speaker 1: day writing, I would just seriously carve out an hour
Speaker 1: of your day that's not socializing, that's not with anyone else,
Speaker 1: that's doing something like specifically that feeds your soul and
Speaker 1: it should be something whether it's like I mean, for
Speaker 1: me it's a reading a book, but for whatever that
Speaker 1: means for you to just really be diligent about that,
Speaker 1: especially now when when when so much of our time
Speaker 1: is taken up and attention is taken up with you
Speaker 1: know what, I'd.
Speaker 3: Also, do you have a bathtub?
Speaker 8: I do?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would you know something that's maybe a little
Speaker 5: less having to do because I might. I'm listening to
Speaker 5: Chelsea and I'm like, Wow, you're so disciplined, Chelsea.
Speaker 3: So I'm so impressed by you.
Speaker 5: And I'm like, I'm lazy compared to that, or I
Speaker 5: would figure out a way to not do that. But
Speaker 5: I take baths a lot as a way to and
Speaker 5: I make a ritual of it, and that sometimes can
Speaker 5: can help to I mean, your mind can wander to
Speaker 5: the dark places.
Speaker 1: But and just the idea of in saying to yourself,
Speaker 1: repeating to yourself that you want to be positive, that
Speaker 1: you want to be optimistic, you know, finding optimism in
Speaker 1: the dark is a skill set like that we have
Speaker 1: to we have to work on.
Speaker 4: And and fine tune.
Speaker 1: But it is an important quality and it's also contagious,
Speaker 1: you know, when you can really find optimism within dark times,
Speaker 1: you can also help other people feel better. So that's
Speaker 1: something to think about as well.
Speaker 6: Thank you that that makes a lot of sense. I
Speaker 6: didn't think of it in that light. So that's that's
Speaker 6: a really good perspective. So yeah, I appreciate it.
Speaker 4: Okay, cool, Thank you so much for calling in.
Speaker 1: And stay strong, stay strong during this fucking fiasco we're
Speaker 1: living through.
Speaker 7: Well, thank you. Thank you for your time and the advice.
Speaker 7: I really appreciate it.
Speaker 1: And if you want to cheer yourself up, you know,
Speaker 1: all these judges are ruling against Trump every left right,
Speaker 1: So there's that's joyful. George Santos is going to prison
Speaker 1: for six years.
Speaker 4: That's fun. Yes, you know what I mean, there's some
Speaker 4: good news happening.
Speaker 3: I didn't hear that news. When did that come out?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it came out the other day.
Speaker 1: He's got it sentenced to seven seven six or seven
Speaker 1: years in prison.
Speaker 4: Yes.
Speaker 1: I did a little PSA about it because I was
Speaker 1: so excited about the good news. I was like I
Speaker 1: could use some So, I mean, sure, Trump will probably
Speaker 1: end a partying camp, but who gives a shit, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean?
Speaker 4: At this time there.
Speaker 2: There is a gal who's on TikTok. It's Amanda's Mild Takes,
Speaker 2: which I think is a hilarious name on TikTok. But
Speaker 2: she talks about like all the things that are actually
Speaker 2: going right, So like take a look there. She she's
Speaker 2: got some good stuff to say. Yeah, Amanda's mild Takes great.
Speaker 2: All right, thank you so much, Jules, thank you, Hi, Jules.
Speaker 7: Bye.
Speaker 2: It's also a good reminder to sort of like leave
Speaker 2: work at work, Like these are the sorts of things
Speaker 2: I think that probably are or keeping her up at night,
Speaker 2: and she's roiling about them. But you know, something that
Speaker 2: helps me sometimes if there's like something stressful or I'm
Speaker 2: like worried about something is saying like, oh, I'm off
Speaker 2: the clock for that right now, whether it's like a
Speaker 2: work thing, a family thing, whatever.
Speaker 3: Like I actually don't need to be thinking about that
Speaker 3: right now. I'm off the clock. I'm like it in
Speaker 3: bett it's four in the morning.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there is something nice to be like said about
Speaker 1: being so divorced from your work like that you really
Speaker 1: just don't care anymore about your job.
Speaker 4: It's just a paycheck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what I mean, it's better than having to bring
Speaker 1: your work home with you, you know, because at this
Speaker 1: point that's what it is, is a paycheck. How can
Speaker 1: she be passionate about something that's being threatened, you know,
Speaker 1: right right?
Speaker 4: Well, hopefully we were some help to her. I don't know.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I think that was very helpful.
Speaker 4: Okay, all right.
Speaker 2: Well our next caller is Jeremy. He says, Dear Chelsea,
Speaker 2: he's having a really tough time. I'm a forty three
Speaker 2: year old gay man, and I've recently had the hardest
Speaker 2: year of my life. A year ago, I lost my
Speaker 2: dog of sixteen years. Two months ago I lost my mother,
Speaker 2: who was my best friend, and three weeks later, my
Speaker 2: partner of three years left me. I feel like I've
Speaker 2: lost everything this year, no kids and no parents.
Speaker 3: How do I keep going? What's the fucking point? Jeremy?
Speaker 5: Hi?
Speaker 7: Hi, Jammy, Hey, not too bad? How are you?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: Hi?
Speaker 1: This is our special guest Monica Lewinski's here with us today.
Speaker 4: Hi, Hi, Hi.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry to hear about all of the things
Speaker 1: that you've lost.
Speaker 7: Thank you.
Speaker 1: While you want to honor obviously losing your mother, losing
Speaker 1: your dog, losing your relationship, but I would say a
Speaker 1: you got a good run out of that dog for
Speaker 1: sixteen years.
Speaker 4: That's that's pretty incredible.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And how old was your mom when she passed away?
Speaker 7: She was only sixty five.
Speaker 3: Oh, so she was on the.
Speaker 1: Younger side yea. And were you able to be with
Speaker 1: her when she died?
Speaker 6: No?
Speaker 8: And I think that's the hardest thing for me. Uh huh,
Speaker 8: not being able to say goodbye.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, Well, on that front, everything you're describing with
Speaker 1: what's happening, I know you probably feel. I know how
Speaker 1: you feel because you just in your letter, But I
Speaker 1: want you to think about this as like a rebirth, you.
Speaker 4: Know what I mean. Monica has a podcast called Reclaiming.
Speaker 1: We've been talking a little bit about Reclaiming before we
Speaker 1: got on the phone with you. And anytime something like
Speaker 1: this happens, where there's a run of events in your
Speaker 1: life that leave you feeling more and more alone, I
Speaker 1: truly believe it is a sign for you to wake
Speaker 1: up and have a rebirth and reclaiming your life. And
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like that you want to do that
Speaker 1: right now, But that's what this opportunity is. You're at,
Speaker 1: not your rock bottom, because I don't really like that term,
Speaker 1: but I know that's how you probably feel.
Speaker 4: Is that an accurate assessment.
Speaker 7: It's pretty accurate.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And I want to tell you this is not like
Speaker 1: this is a This is a huge opportunity for you
Speaker 1: to grow and for you to heal and for you
Speaker 1: to grieve and all of those things can happen at.
Speaker 4: The same time.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 4: And so what are you doing to.
Speaker 1: Take care of yourself during the situation, during this time,
Speaker 1: and and like how are you getting through? Do you
Speaker 1: have a therapist? Like what's your what's your process?
Speaker 7: Okay, yeah, I've been I'm even being with my therapist.
Speaker 8: I've been connecting with the nature as much as possible,
Speaker 8: which is which seems to be helping.
Speaker 7: I'm going to Greece in a week for two weeks.
Speaker 4: Great, that's really awesome.
Speaker 7: I'm trying.
Speaker 8: It's just you have these moments where you just feel
Speaker 8: so lost and empty, you know, without my mom.
Speaker 7: That's the hardest part.
Speaker 1: Well, I also want you to look at your mother
Speaker 1: in a different way, like your mother's energy is not gone.
Speaker 1: Your mother's energy is around you you. You feel free
Speaker 1: to speak to her, feel free to talk to her,
Speaker 1: feel free to know that she's coming to Greece with you,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, engage with her like she's
Speaker 1: around you, because she is. I firmly believe that I
Speaker 1: didn't feel my mother's presence. I felt my mother's presence
Speaker 1: more after she died than I did when she was alive,
Speaker 1: when we were separated, like when I was living in law,
Speaker 1: New Jersey, Like I cultivated a relationship with her when
Speaker 1: she died.
Speaker 4: That has been so meaningful to me. And you can
Speaker 4: do the same exact thing.
Speaker 7: Yeah, Yeah, I'm really trying.
Speaker 1: To allow yourself to grief. It's okay, It's absolutely okay.
Speaker 1: You've lost three really important people in your life. That
Speaker 1: is massive, but it's also it's also an opportunity for
Speaker 1: you to like look ahead and see how you want
Speaker 1: to go through this grief and what you want to
Speaker 1: do on the other side of it. What do you
Speaker 1: want to accomplish? What do you want your life to
Speaker 1: look like? Can you answer a couple of those questions?
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean, I I want to be in a
Speaker 8: loving relationship.
Speaker 7: I want to travel more.
Speaker 4: You're already doing that by going to Greece for two weeks.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 8: You know, one of the things I didn't tell you too, is,
Speaker 8: you know, my mom had had a couple of strokes
Speaker 8: that left are paralyzed for the past eight years, and
Speaker 8: I was also her caretaker, which I think was also
Speaker 8: hard for me because you know, I don't have children,
Speaker 8: and I don't want children, and it was like the
Speaker 8: universe gave me a child taking care of my mom.
Speaker 8: And I'm so grateful I had that time with her
Speaker 8: for the past eight years. But yeah, that was hard too,
Speaker 8: is you know, that's also a huge loss, you know,
Speaker 8: taking care of somebody for that long, and now I
Speaker 8: don't have that either.
Speaker 1: Right, So, but these are all things that you did
Speaker 1: that you were wonderful to do. Being able to take
Speaker 1: care of your mother is like, that's a privilege and
Speaker 1: you were able to experience that. So instead of focusing
Speaker 1: on the fact that you weren't there when she actually died,
Speaker 1: focus on the fact that you were there so many
Speaker 1: times before that. And saying goodbye doesn't mean anything because
Speaker 1: you necessarily don't need to say You don't necessarily need
Speaker 1: to say goodbye if you subscribe to the theory that
Speaker 1: she's around you.
Speaker 4: And she's with you, you know what I.
Speaker 1: Mean, say hello and bring her with you, talk to
Speaker 1: her all day long, you know, especially during this breakup
Speaker 1: that you're experiencing, Like you can talk to your mother
Speaker 1: about this, and I assume that she's listening, because I
Speaker 1: really believe she is. And know that this is a
Speaker 1: period of time in your life and this is not permanent.
Speaker 7: Yeah right, You're absolutely right.
Speaker 1: This is a transition, and so just honor the transition
Speaker 1: you're going through. But keep your eyes up towards the sky.
Speaker 1: Don't be a victim, Like, don't lay down and go
Speaker 1: I can't take any more.
Speaker 4: You can.
Speaker 1: You've taken all of this on and now it's time
Speaker 1: to move through it and kind of lift yourself up
Speaker 1: out of it. And I think this vacation degrease for
Speaker 1: two weeks is going to be exactly what you need,
Speaker 1: you know. I think that's going to be like use
Speaker 1: that as a starting point, Like, Okay, this trip is
Speaker 1: the beginning of the rest of my life. So how
Speaker 1: do I want to live the rest of my life
Speaker 1: and write down all the things that you want out
Speaker 1: of life? Write them down, read them. Every single day
Speaker 1: makes shit, you know, makes make this stuff happen. But
Speaker 1: you know, you just want to change the channel and
Speaker 1: you want to pick up the vibe a little bit
Speaker 1: and that's going to happen on this vacation.
Speaker 4: I know what's going to happen for you.
Speaker 7: I really hope so Yeah.
Speaker 2: To use another tool from Chelsea's toolbox. Maybe you don't
Speaker 2: call it a gratitude journal, but like writing down one thing,
Speaker 2: even if it's only one thing every day that brings
Speaker 2: you a small amount of joy, can help you remember that,
Speaker 2: Like in every day there is even if it's like
Speaker 2: this cup of coffee is so good, you know, as
Speaker 2: many things as you come to throughout the day, writing
Speaker 2: those down so that you have that to look back
Speaker 2: on and have that present in your mind, like here
Speaker 2: are things that bring me joy on a daily basis.
Speaker 1: Another fun another is not fun, sorry, wrong word, but
Speaker 1: another nice thing to do about someone when they've passed
Speaker 1: away is to take time each day to honor that
Speaker 1: person and to think of write down one of your
Speaker 1: favorite memories or what your most meaningful interactions with your mom,
Speaker 1: What either when she was dying or when you were young,
Speaker 1: or something that happened growing up, whatever is meaningful, Like
Speaker 1: if you take that time in the morning and do
Speaker 1: that to honor her, and it's kind of a nice
Speaker 1: way to help you get through losing someone you know
Speaker 1: and re establishing what they meant to you and why
Speaker 1: your relationship was so powerful and meaningful, you know. And
Speaker 1: I think that's a great way to honor someone, and
Speaker 1: that way you're kind of taking care of that first
Speaker 1: thing in the morning, you know, or whatever time of
Speaker 1: day you want to do it. You don't have to
Speaker 1: spend your whole day grieving if you can really properly
Speaker 1: grieve for like ten or fifteen minutes a day, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean?
Speaker 7: Yeah, I totally agree with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, me, is there a reason.
Speaker 5: Is Greece significant for you or did you have this
Speaker 5: trip planned for a long time.
Speaker 8: I've been wanting to go, and me and my partner
Speaker 8: are going to go, And when the deaf day after
Speaker 8: we broke up, I was like, you know, fuck it,
Speaker 8: I am going to Greece. The next morning, I was like,
Speaker 8: I booked the trip. I planned everything out. It was
Speaker 8: a good distraction for me for a week just planning
Speaker 8: all the details. I also, I direct high school theater too,
Speaker 8: and I we did Mam and Mia this year and
Speaker 8: Greece was you know, mom.
Speaker 7: And me, it takes place in Greece. Yeah, yeah, so
Speaker 7: we Uh, I was like, why not go to Greece?
Speaker 4: Fun? Where are you going to Greece?
Speaker 7: I fly to Athens and then I'm going to make
Speaker 7: no st two nights, Perils for two nights, and then
Speaker 7: Creep for six nights.
Speaker 1: Oh fun, I'm going to all those places too.
Speaker 7: Really at the stage.
Speaker 4: For me, will you?
Speaker 7: I definitely will for sure.
Speaker 4: Set the stage for my arrival.
Speaker 1: But I'm glad you're taking this trip and I can
Speaker 1: hear the sadness in your voice, and I just remember,
Speaker 1: this is not a permanent situation. This is a moment
Speaker 1: in time in your life and you're handling it well.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you called in and I have very high
Speaker 1: hopes for your future as as you should too.
Speaker 7: Thanks, Chelsea, I really appreciate it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome.
Speaker 1: Have the best trip, Thank you, and go hook up
Speaker 1: with some random guys.
Speaker 7: Okay, yeah that sounds good.
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, all right, thanks again, bye, Okay, take bear
Speaker 2: bye bye bye.
Speaker 1: There's no better answer to when you're with someone and
Speaker 1: they break up you with you or your relationship ends
Speaker 1: and you take the trip anyway, That's always the answer
Speaker 1: is to go on the trip anyway.
Speaker 3: Well, let's take a break and we'll come back with Home.
Speaker 4: Okay, great, Well we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: And we're back with Monica Lewinsky, who is the host
Speaker 1: of her new podcast called Claiming.
Speaker 2: So Jen is writing in the subject of her email
Speaker 2: as ghosted for being pregnant, Dear Chelsea. I worked with
Speaker 2: a woman for nearly seven years in a very grueling
Speaker 2: and demanding workplace. Over the years, we became best friends.
Speaker 2: She hung out with me and my husband, became an
Speaker 2: aunt to our puppies, and was one of my closest confidants.
Speaker 2: Once I left that workplace and she moved to another state,
Speaker 2: we remained close friends. Instead of daily interactions, we had
Speaker 2: monthly face times and visits every few months where we
Speaker 2: talked for hours and catch up on life. I always
Speaker 2: felt a bit like I was the one instigating the communication.
Speaker 4: At the time.
Speaker 2: She had a much larger circle of friends than I did,
Speaker 2: so her time was definitely in high demand, but we
Speaker 2: maintained a close friendship. Then last year I got pregnant.
Speaker 2: She was so happy for me and even said she'd
Speaker 2: be an aunt to my child. We had two planned
Speaker 2: visits early that year that I had to cancel due
Speaker 2: to a first bout of COVID and then in an
Speaker 2: emergency VET stay for my pup. She said she understood,
Speaker 2: and we continued our face times. I sent her an
Speaker 2: invite to my baby shower and she replied that she
Speaker 2: didn't make it but would be sending something.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 3: Nothing ever came, and I never heard from her again.
Speaker 2: I also didn't reach out because I was late in
Speaker 2: my second trimester and had a scary car accident that
Speaker 2: complicated my pregnancy. I was pretty hurt that she stopped
Speaker 2: talking to me, especially knowing I was pregnant and dealing
Speaker 2: with a lot. Now over a year has passed and
Speaker 2: I have a beautiful baby girl. I still think about
Speaker 2: this friend and wonder why she stopped talking to me.
Speaker 2: I'm tempted to reach out sometimes to express my hurt
Speaker 2: and seek an explanation, but then I think that a
Speaker 2: friend who would ghost me during my pregnancy isn't a
Speaker 2: friend worth having. I have since created a close knit
Speaker 2: circle of friends locally that were so supportive during my pregnancy,
Speaker 2: and now my life is a new mom But my
Speaker 2: mind does come back to this friend frequently. Should I
Speaker 2: reach out at least for closure or just move on completely?
Speaker 2: And leave this former friend in the past. Sincerely, Jen,
Speaker 2: Hi Jen, How are you?
Speaker 5: Hi?
Speaker 6: Hi?
Speaker 7: Good?
Speaker 4: How are you guys?
Speaker 1: That's our special guest Monica Lewinsky's with us today.
Speaker 3: Yeah, nice to meet you, Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: I would let it go. I would let the friendship go.
Speaker 1: I would say, you kind of have your answer. You know,
Speaker 1: some people don't really realy does this woman have any children?
Speaker 4: Sounds like she's single and child free, right single.
Speaker 1: Yeah, some people just don't respond or react well when
Speaker 1: their friends get pregnant, Like they don't want to be
Speaker 1: in that scene. Like I've seen it happen, you know,
Speaker 1: and I've seen it happen to friends and stuff.
Speaker 4: Like, some people just don't want to be involved in that.
Speaker 1: And if she really did care or was interested, you
Speaker 1: would have heard from her at this point. Also, because
Speaker 1: you said you have a nice circle of friends. I
Speaker 1: would focus on that. I always like to focus where
Speaker 1: the light is not. You know, you're not going to
Speaker 1: get the answer that you're looking for. You know, no
Speaker 1: one's going to say I didn't want to be friends
Speaker 1: with you because you were pregnant, if that's even the reason,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, No one's gonna say that,
Speaker 1: so you're kind of asking for something that you're not
Speaker 1: going to get and you're just going to further your disappointment.
Speaker 1: I would really just focus on your friends that you
Speaker 1: have and just move on and if you ever hear
Speaker 1: from her, great, But it's also not like worth a confrontation.
Speaker 4: That's what I think, Monica, what do you think?
Speaker 3: Well?
Speaker 5: I agree with you is on the focusing on your
Speaker 5: circle of friends that you have now, which is great
Speaker 5: because friends are so important, and I think as we
Speaker 5: get older it can be harder and harder to cultivate
Speaker 5: new friends, so you know, that's an important place to
Speaker 5: put your focus. I think what came up for me
Speaker 5: were my own experiences of difficulty when I some of
Speaker 5: my closest friends got pregnant, and not that I necessarily disappeared,
Speaker 5: but what it meant to be confronted with watching someone
Speaker 5: I cared about get something that I didn't have and
Speaker 5: that I really wanted, and that watching someone's life move forward.
Speaker 3: And so I just what I.
Speaker 5: Kind of wanted to interject into this is is maybe
Speaker 5: holding some space for what she might be experiencing because
Speaker 5: it may have and I know you're hurt. I hear
Speaker 5: that's what you're saying. You clearly really care still about
Speaker 5: this person, because you took the time to write this note,
Speaker 5: and so I just I wonder what happens if you
Speaker 5: just sort of open it up about not to dismiss
Speaker 5: your feelings of having been hurt by what happened, but
Speaker 5: by opening the perspective of if you try to step
Speaker 5: into maybe a little bit of compassion for her. And
Speaker 5: maybe I don't I don't know this person. Maybe she's
Speaker 5: not very self aware, maybe she isn't in therapy. I
Speaker 5: don't know, so I don't know how much she might
Speaker 5: be able to see her own behavior as connected to that.
Speaker 4: Good point, Monica, very good point.
Speaker 3: I forget that, you know.
Speaker 5: So it just it just cause I've been I've been
Speaker 5: that person. I don't know that I ghosted someone per se,
Speaker 5: but I certainly pulled back, and sometimes it even felt embarrassing,
Speaker 5: like I couldn't even say to that person, well, I'm jealous,
Speaker 5: you know, that's all.
Speaker 3: I'm happy for you, but I'm jealous.
Speaker 2: And so I also feel like it could just be,
Speaker 2: you know, with a couple of canceled visits, maybe she
Speaker 2: felt like, oh, maybe Jenn doesn't have enough time for
Speaker 2: me at this point in her life. I almost feel like,
Speaker 2: like you said, maybe she's not super self aware. I
Speaker 2: could see myself in this position just not having reached
Speaker 2: out and like not realizing the hurt that I had caused, you.
Speaker 3: Know, so maybe there. I mean, if you do reach out, I.
Speaker 2: Wouldn't necessarily assume that she's upset with you or doesn't
Speaker 2: want to talk to you ever. Again, I mean, if
Speaker 2: you do feel like you need to reach out, I
Speaker 2: would just kind of be cheerful and say hey, and
Speaker 2: how are you?
Speaker 1: Maybe for her birthday without saying where you know, like
Speaker 1: where have you've been from something?
Speaker 4: Right, yeah, a year ago?
Speaker 1: Just reach out in a general friendly way, like, hey,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about you, how are you?
Speaker 4: What's going on? That's kind of more, you know, I.
Speaker 5: Don't know about everyone else here, but I have And
Speaker 5: I don't know how old you are. You look quite young,
Speaker 5: so but I'm fifty one and at this point in
Speaker 5: my life, I've now had friendships that ebb and flow,
Speaker 5: and I've had every everything across the spectrum from you
Speaker 5: sort of have to have the conversation in order to
Speaker 5: move forward. And also one of my closest friends right
Speaker 5: now we had a year or two where we didn't talk,
Speaker 5: and my perspective of whatever it was, her perspective, we've
Speaker 5: never really even had a long conversation about it, Like
Speaker 5: we just re met each other in new spaces as
Speaker 5: evolved people. And you know, so I think all those
Speaker 5: things are possible. The older you get, you just realize
Speaker 5: these things ebb and flow and yeah.
Speaker 9: Yeah, no, that's helpful, I think, I you know, I
Speaker 9: am curious. And also at the time it was such
Speaker 9: a meaningful friendship. Now that I have so much, my
Speaker 9: life is so full, it's just overflowing with good things.
Speaker 9: I don't necessarily feel like it has to be that
Speaker 9: same thing if we were to reconnect, It doesn't need
Speaker 9: to be this huge, tremendous, meaningful friendship. But there is
Speaker 9: still value and care there for me clearly that the
Speaker 9: hurt is still showing up. So yeah, that's that's helpful
Speaker 9: to just reach out and do it friendly. And then
Speaker 9: I guess also I worry if if she responds in
Speaker 9: a way of yeah, let's pick things back up. I
Speaker 9: think I'm a little more guarded now, you know, not
Speaker 9: kind of jumping in feet first and throwing myself fully
Speaker 9: back into a friendship.
Speaker 2: You also don't need as much from her at this point,
Speaker 2: you know, right, Well, do you feel like you have
Speaker 2: a path forward?
Speaker 3: John, Yeah, I think that's helpful.
Speaker 7: Thank you guys.
Speaker 4: Oh, thanks Jen, thanks for calling in.
Speaker 7: Yeah, thanks for having me. Thanks, take care.
Speaker 4: Okay, girls, we did it again.
Speaker 1: Another episode of Dear Chelsea wrapped up problem solve, left, right,
Speaker 1: and center. Some serious phone calls today. I think we
Speaker 1: handled it well girls. Monica, thank you. Everyone can tune
Speaker 1: into Monica's podcast Reclaiming anywhere you listen to your podcast.
Speaker 4: It's a wondery podcast, though. I do want to shout
Speaker 4: out wondery.
Speaker 3: And it's on YouTube too, right, it's on YouTube exactly.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Yes, yes, yes, nice lighting on that podcast.
Speaker 1: I have to say that, very nice lighting. I saw myself.
Speaker 1: I was like, ooh, how do.
Speaker 3: We Yeah, it looked gorgeous, Darling.
Speaker 1: Well, thanks for coming into studio even though I wasn't here.
Speaker 3: I know you owe me girl. Next year, Chelsea, you'll
Speaker 3: be somewhere else, we'll be here. Well all we're pink
Speaker 3: and perfect. Much love to you, love you, love you,
Speaker 3: take care bye.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 1: My remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for
Speaker 1: this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in
Speaker 1: Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August thirtieth,
Speaker 1: and then November one and twenty ninth. November one and
Speaker 1: November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at
Speaker 1: the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
Speaker 4: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
Speaker 4: thank you.
Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?
Speaker 2: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
Speaker 2: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure
Speaker 2: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com