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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. Okay, Catherine, what do we got today?

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Speaker 2: Well, today we have a fabulous returning guest, one of

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Speaker 2: our favorites.

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Speaker 3: It's Monica Lewinsky.

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Speaker 4: Okay, ladies, Hello, Hi Monica Lewinsky. Welcome back to the show.

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Speaker 3: Chelsea. Thank you so happy to be here.

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Speaker 1: Always happy to see your smiling face. I was recently

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Speaker 1: on your podcast, which is called Reclaiming Everyone, which is

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Speaker 1: a fabulous new podcast that Monica launched with Wondery, which,

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Speaker 1: by the way, you have the nicest podcast studio that

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Speaker 1: I've ever been in.

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Speaker 3: Oh, thank you.

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Speaker 5: It is actually the Amazon Music studio podcasty Things, So

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Speaker 5: not my design yet, but one day I'll have a set.

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Speaker 1: So okay, well whatever they hooked you up. It was yes,

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Speaker 1: it was sweet. I was like, this is a nice setup.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, we call that the Good Room. I'm like, we

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Speaker 5: have to have the good Room for Chelsea. I loved

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Speaker 5: having you. Thank you so much for coming on. I've

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Speaker 5: heard from people friends of mine from around the world

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Speaker 5: how much they loved your conversation and are big fans

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Speaker 5: of yours.

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Speaker 4: Oh well, thank you so much.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm really happy for you in this phase

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Speaker 1: of your life that you're in right now, because I

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Speaker 1: think the podcast is so emblematic of who you are

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Speaker 1: from what I know of you, and you're having really meaningful,

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Speaker 1: cool conversations with people. And it is called reclaiming because why.

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Speaker 5: So in many ways it's both personal to me and

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Speaker 5: I think the way that I see the world in

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Speaker 5: this sense of like the kind of narrow definition of

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Speaker 5: reclaiming is to get back something that was lost or

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Speaker 5: taken from you, and I've had that experience personally, Like

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Speaker 5: they're big reclaiming. So for me, my reclaiming my voice

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Speaker 5: and my narrative after having lost it twenty seven years

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Speaker 5: ago was a big thing. But there are so many

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Speaker 5: ways and so many elastic definition or I guess what's

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Speaker 5: a better way to say it. It's like I like

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Speaker 5: to use an elastic definition in the show. So it's

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Speaker 5: really I feel like I could sit down and have

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Speaker 5: a conversation with anybody and there will be a threat

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Speaker 5: of reclaiming in there, because they're big ones and little ones.

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Speaker 5: And I really see it in some ways as in

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Speaker 5: that wave that mindfulness came in and we all started

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Speaker 5: to sort of look at our world through a lens

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Speaker 5: of mindfulness. I think reclaiming is like modern trauma. I

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Speaker 5: think reclaiming is sort of one of those things that

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Speaker 5: we're going to be thinking about and seeing our world

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Speaker 5: through that lens a bit more of this idea of

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Speaker 5: what are the steps to try to pull something back in.

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Speaker 5: Whether it's big or for me, I don't know about

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Speaker 5: either of you. I have really bad road rage, so

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Speaker 5: like it's a reclaiming for me when I call someone

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Speaker 5: a fuck face, but then I don't flip them off.

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Speaker 5: I'm like I told my combat I found my center again.

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Speaker 5: You know, especially La, you have to be careful now

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Speaker 5: like someone I think the other year someone had a

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Speaker 5: gun pulled on them on Sunset and Crescent Heights.

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Speaker 3: That's crazy.

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Speaker 4: I have rage about temperature.

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Speaker 1: I have rage about it, like the temperatures of like

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Speaker 1: refrigerated items.

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Speaker 4: When I get something out of.

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Speaker 1: A refrigerator that's not my own, because all of my

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Speaker 1: refrigerators are set to thirty four degrees fahrenheit. That is

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Speaker 1: as cold as you can pretty much make it, and

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Speaker 1: that's the temperature I like when I go into a refrigerator.

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Speaker 1: I just did this here in this podcast studio. It

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Speaker 1: was a fucking medium warm, like a tiny bit cold

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Speaker 1: diet coke.

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Speaker 4: There's nothing grosser than that, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And if you don't have fully cold beverages, because obviously

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Speaker 1: you have to replenish them, they can't always be cold,

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Speaker 1: then there has to be ice close by. I fucking

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Speaker 1: hate I have temperature rage hate. I hate medium like

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Speaker 1: cold drinks that aren't like cold, like I want condensation

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Speaker 1: on the outside of the glass, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I need to see I need to see the cold.

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Speaker 1: I need to see the temperature before I have the drink.

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Speaker 1: Even if someone's bringing me a cocktail in a restaurant,

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Speaker 1: if there's not the right amount of ice in the cocktail,

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Speaker 1: I already know I'm.

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Speaker 4: Gonna have to send it back.

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Speaker 1: And I mean I have to be high maintenance in

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Speaker 1: that way because I just need to be pleased just

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Speaker 1: that way. Temperature pleasing. Yes, yes, yes, it's same. When

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Speaker 1: I sleep, it has to be at sixty eight degrees.

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Speaker 3: Sixty eight. That's I'm sixty eight girl.

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Speaker 4: What do you what? What temperature do you sleep in?

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Speaker 6: Like?

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Speaker 3: Thirty is what I would like. Yeah, that's what I

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Speaker 3: would like, But I mean I can have it. I

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Speaker 3: like I like bundled old with blankets, lots of blankets.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: When I'm in Whistler, sometimes I have I put like

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Speaker 1: even in the dead of winter, I will open the

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Speaker 1: windows and part of the house so that I am

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Speaker 1: for areezing. And then I wake up in the middle

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Speaker 1: of the night to pee and I'm in my broad

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Speaker 1: underwear and I'm like yeah, and then I get back

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Speaker 1: into that cold you know, that little den, that snuggle den,

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Speaker 1: and I just love wrapping up myself up and lots

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Speaker 1: of lots of lots of blankets.

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Speaker 4: It's the best.

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Speaker 5: You know what sleeping game changer for me without batteries

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Speaker 5: is a like a heating path has been a really

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Speaker 5: big game changer. Just you know, they turn off after

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Speaker 5: two hours. But it's like a little cuddle. You know.

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Speaker 3: You can put it on your tummy, put it on

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Speaker 3: your head.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't get you too warm, because if you like

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Speaker 4: to sleep in thirty degrees, I know that.

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Speaker 5: But I keep it on low and it just I

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Speaker 5: don't know the one I have. It just somehow feels

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Speaker 5: nurturing and it calms me down.

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Speaker 4: Well. Heating pads tend to feel that way, that's true.

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Speaker 1: I got one of those air conditioning mattress pads where

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Speaker 1: basically you can adjust the temperature.

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Speaker 4: To heat or cool.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So because Doug, my dog won't sleep in bed with

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Speaker 1: me because he has so much furs, so he gets

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Speaker 1: so hot. So I was like, maybe if I put

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Speaker 1: this on full blast, he can sleep on the cold

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Speaker 1: next to me, because you can do it for either side.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to try that when he comes back.

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Speaker 1: Right now, he's vacationing in Canada, so once I once

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Speaker 1: I retrieve.

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Speaker 4: You know, Doug is a jet setter.

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Speaker 1: He's trying to smooth things over with Canada while we WERENA.

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Speaker 3: Well, he did very well with the election, So.

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Speaker 4: Thank you, thanks so much, thank you, Doug.

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Speaker 5: It's so funny you mentioned that though, because somebody I've

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Speaker 5: never heard of that air conditioning mattress thing, and someone

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Speaker 5: just mentioned it last night to me.

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Speaker 3: So I feel like the universe is telling me to

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Speaker 3: get one.

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Speaker 2: Well, they have those fans that like go right under

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Speaker 2: your covers and like blow right at you. I haven't

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Speaker 2: tried one of those, but I'm like, I think maybe

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Speaker 2: I need one of those.

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Speaker 4: Ye fan under your covers.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like got a little nose that goes under

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Speaker 2: your covers and then.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I have a ceiling fan, so that helps me too.

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Speaker 1: I need a ceiling fan on I need multiple I

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Speaker 1: need rain machine, my sound machine on my phone. Then

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Speaker 1: I need an overhead ceiling fan, and then I need

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Speaker 1: air conditioning or a window open.

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Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, that sounds pretty good.

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Speaker 4: What do you fall asleep to? Do you listen to

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Speaker 4: a noise machine at all? No?

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Speaker 3: You know it's funny.

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Speaker 5: So my my niece and nephew have now started sleeping

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Speaker 5: over and they use a sound machine, and I can't

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Speaker 5: sleep with the sound machine.

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Speaker 3: I don't know what's walk with me.

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Speaker 4: So so what are you doing putting on beats headphones

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Speaker 4: when you go to sleep?

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Speaker 5: No, I just I basically sleep for twenty minutes and

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Speaker 5: then wake up panicked. Anyway, like, is everybody okay? So

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Speaker 5: everyone still sleeping? Are they so in bed?

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Speaker 8: You know?

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Speaker 5: So I don't have a sound machine, but I do

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Speaker 5: love Actually, my favorite, my probably best sleep is when

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Speaker 5: I'm at the ocean, so when I can hear the

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Speaker 5: waves crashing all night long.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, that's my sound machine for a while,

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Speaker 1: where waves crashing. And then I moved to rain, and

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Speaker 1: then I moved to thunder and actual thunderstorm.

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Speaker 4: I like it.

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Speaker 1: I'd like to be How have it be as disturbing

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Speaker 1: as possible while love saving?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, slightly afraid. So, Monica, what are some of the things.

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Speaker 1: I mean, You've had some really interesting people on that

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Speaker 1: you've interviewed on Reclaiming, your new podcast, So what are

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Speaker 1: some of the things that you've learned that have been

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Speaker 1: inspiring to you from some of these guests?

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Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, every conversation, I think I have had

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Speaker 5: a moment where I've either set out loud or thought

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Speaker 5: inside wow, you know, whether it's a moment of someone

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Speaker 5: sharing a moment of vulnerability that I think I hadn't

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Speaker 5: expected to see or feel. I interviewed someone yesterday who

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Speaker 5: told me a story of how they had torn a

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Speaker 5: muscle performing on stage, and there was an article the

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Speaker 5: next day saying they were drunk on stage, Oh my god,

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Speaker 5: instead of like even understanding that she was in pain front.

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Speaker 5: And so those kinds of stories that people have to

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Speaker 5: even though that doesn't sound like a quote unquote reclaiming story,

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Speaker 5: they're part of these, I think bigger narratives that we're

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Speaker 5: seeing of what people go through and how they just

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Speaker 5: sort of get back up the next day. You know

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Speaker 5: and move through something. So I'm not sure that I

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Speaker 5: haven't had enough coffee yet.

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Speaker 4: But no, no, no, no, no, no, I understand.

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Speaker 1: I mean it's a large quote, it's a broad question,

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Speaker 1: and it's hard to always like pinpoint everything, but it

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Speaker 1: is an interesting medium to kind of be in, right,

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Speaker 1: like interviewing people, learning how to interview people learning, like

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Speaker 1: the conversations that you're having, and like the meaningfulness behind

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Speaker 1: those conversations. You know what people are revealing, and I

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Speaker 1: think like obviously podcasts right now are one of like

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Speaker 1: the biggest number one ways people are listening and getting

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Speaker 1: their information, you know, especially if they want to like

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Speaker 1: bow out from the news.

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Speaker 4: So what are some of the podcasts that you listen to?

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Speaker 5: Well, I love your podcast, but I want to go

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Speaker 5: back to something for a second from when you were on,

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Speaker 5: because I had a question for you. We had what

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Speaker 5: felt like a really meaningful exchange around motherhood, not wanting motherhood.

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Speaker 5: I was asking about if you thought from you were

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Speaker 5: sharing about with your brother and stuff, And later on

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Speaker 5: I realized that was I doing to you the thing

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Speaker 5: that just in a different version of trying to find

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Speaker 5: a way that yes, you actually maybe secretly did want kids,

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Speaker 5: but here was this reason, there was this reason why

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Speaker 5: you didn't did.

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Speaker 3: That feel that? Did it feel that way to you?

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Speaker 4: As not? Okay?

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Speaker 3: So I don't know you an apology?

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Speaker 4: No, please? Are you kidding me? Not at all. I'm

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Speaker 4: not like that at all. Things go go in one

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Speaker 4: ear and out the other.

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Speaker 1: And I take it a very little personal a even

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Speaker 1: if it's personally directed on me, I still don't take

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Speaker 1: it personally.

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Speaker 4: I'm pretty good at that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I mean I think we all have to

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Speaker 1: get a little bit better at that. It would be

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Speaker 1: a nice, much more sat a much more sane way

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Speaker 1: to live. I know that I'm saying or when I

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Speaker 1: pay attention less to what people are saying, But I

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Speaker 1: think it's always very interesting, Like you know, it's it's

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Speaker 1: such a privilege right to be able to have these

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Speaker 1: kinds of conversations, to be making a living and you know,

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Speaker 1: talking to people about things that are interesting to you. So,

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Speaker 1: I mean, what better platform to be able to get

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Speaker 1: up every day and bitch about the temperature of ice

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Speaker 1: or a bitch about the temperature of my diet coke.

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Speaker 1: You know that I shouldn't be drinking in the first place.

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Speaker 1: I was just thinking about the gym at my hotel

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Speaker 1: that I stay in New York. Like I walked in

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Speaker 1: this morning and the lights were so bright, right, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh God, And so I texted my

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Speaker 1: contact at the hotel. I'm like, is there any way

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Speaker 1: we could just dim the lights in the gym? Like

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Speaker 1: it's part of a there's a there's a hotel part,

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Speaker 1: and then there's a residency part, okay, and they're like,

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Speaker 1: so it's used for both, right, And I was like,

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Speaker 1: it's just very fluorescent and very early.

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Speaker 4: It's like, I don't think anybody likes this, and there's

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Speaker 4: like fifteen people in the gym.

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Speaker 1: And then manager text me actually was actually, we've had

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Speaker 1: requests to turn the light up. And I'm like, well,

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Speaker 1: is there a time where I can go in where

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Speaker 1: the fucking light is off?

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Speaker 9: Like?

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Speaker 1: The are the these are the things that I'm sitting here.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, I can't wait to get on.

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Speaker 1: A podcast today and bitch about all these things I

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Speaker 1: always forget and I want to know who's with me

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Speaker 1: and who's not with me. So I thank you for

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Speaker 1: the audience today, Monica, because you get.

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Speaker 3: To hear that I'm with you, girl, I am with you.

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Speaker 5: It's so funny because probably a big overshare, but I

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Speaker 5: don't know why I was randomly thinking about someone I

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Speaker 5: had dated a long time ago. Then it was we

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Speaker 5: reconnected after probably over like he'd been married and had

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Speaker 5: kids and everything in between. And it was great because

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Speaker 5: the tables had sort of turned where I was kind

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Speaker 5: of more into him before and now he was more

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Speaker 5: into me on this date and and we ended up,

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Speaker 5: you know, spending part of the night together. And when

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Speaker 5: he was leaving, I was like, oh, I'm going to

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Speaker 5: do that confident girl thing where I'm going to like

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Speaker 5: walk him to the door naked, and I totally forgot that.

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Speaker 5: The lighting in the entryway in this little studio I

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Speaker 5: was living in in New York at the time was terrible, horrendous,

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Speaker 5: and I literally saw the look on his face change

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Speaker 5: and the invitation for him to cook me dinner when

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Speaker 5: I got back from my trip like never material Oh no,

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Speaker 5: I mean it was.

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Speaker 1: It was that bad where I could have an overhead

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Speaker 1: lighting overhead lighting, but it was also kind of fluorescent,

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Speaker 1: and it was just it's the worst I've seen cellulate

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Speaker 1: on my forehead under overhead lighting. Literally, I've seen things

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Speaker 1: that I'm like that can't possibly true truly exist on

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Speaker 1: my body. There's no way that exists. I mean, whoever

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Speaker 1: came up with overhead lighting? I dated a hotel ya once,

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Speaker 1: Andre Blange, and he explained to me, who doesn't He

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Speaker 1: explained to me the beat.

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Speaker 4: I mean, he understood. He's a spretsatura it tastes maker.

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Speaker 1: He knows how to make every place really warm, and

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Speaker 1: like he makes good hangs, you know, hangout spots.

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Speaker 4: But he explained to me why you never.

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Speaker 1: Have over ahead lighting in any house unless it's a chandelier,

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Speaker 1: you don't. Ever, you always have side lighting, always have sidelighting.

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Speaker 1: So at my new house there is very little overhead lighting.

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Speaker 1: It's all on the side.

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Speaker 3: Oh interesting.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I was told if you have overhead lighting that

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Speaker 5: the light needs to go up, that there sort of

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Speaker 5: needs to this sconce needs to kind of hold the

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Speaker 5: bulb in a.

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Speaker 3: Way so that it doesn't it's not putting down like

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Speaker 3: a can light. It's or it's diffuse somehow.

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Speaker 1: That's a really disappointing story though, that you just shared

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Speaker 1: from someone.

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Speaker 4: I mean, that really sucks. Sorry, that's horror lighting.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I've had way worse you know, but but it

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Speaker 5: was one of those It's just so, I mean, it's

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Speaker 5: just random because I think that happened maybe ten years

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Speaker 5: ago and I was just thinking about it this morning.

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Speaker 5: So good haunts you, yeah, all the ways, and we try,

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Speaker 5: I think, as women, to try to heal and grow

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Speaker 5: and maturity, evolve all those things. It's like, at least

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Speaker 5: for me, I find I'm I try things on like, oh, okay,

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Speaker 5: I read about this thing or so and so told

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Speaker 5: me this story, and so I'm going to see if

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Speaker 5: that works for me. And it's like I'm going to

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Speaker 5: be the confident girl who just you know, walks over

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Speaker 5: to the door naked, and it you know, didn't work.

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Speaker 4: It didn't quite ban out. Now that's okay. It's good

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Speaker 4: to know.

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Speaker 1: It's good to edit those people out of your life,

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Speaker 1: no matter how they get edited out, you know what

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Speaker 1: I mean.

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Speaker 4: That's okay.

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Speaker 1: What we did talk about when I was on your

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Speaker 1: podcast was it felt like you were really curious about

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Speaker 1: my relationship with my nieces and nephews and how to

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Speaker 1: kind of not replicate that, but how to have that

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Speaker 1: be more of I mean, it is a pretty big

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Speaker 1: character in your life already, your niece and nephew, right,

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Speaker 1: m hmm, yeah, yeah, but you and we discussed that

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Speaker 1: I'm someone who's never wanted children. You actually did want

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Speaker 1: children and you don't have children. But we were talking

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Speaker 1: about focusing and what it does, what it means to

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Speaker 1: be president and children's lives without being a mother. So

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Speaker 1: how is that working for you with your niece and

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Speaker 1: your nephew. How do you see your role in their life?

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Speaker 5: They bring so much joy, so much joy to my world.

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Speaker 5: And I think it was I imagine you felt this way

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Speaker 5: most people do. It is a shock the moment they're born,

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Speaker 5: even though you haven't birthed them. It was, oh, I

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Speaker 5: will get in front of a bus for this human

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Speaker 5: being like our four, you know, or our ten that

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Speaker 5: is already now an establishment. There is just this deep

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Speaker 5: love and bond and I hope and I think I

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Speaker 5: am a safe place for them to come and just

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Speaker 5: kind of get loved up. You know. I think that

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Speaker 5: that's but also, you know, set boundaries in different ways

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Speaker 5: encourage They're both so creative and really different and extraordinary children.

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Speaker 3: I just feel so I feel so lucky.

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Speaker 5: And probably the best thing I did as an auntie

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Speaker 5: is get car seats. So that allowed me to have

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Speaker 5: my own relationship with them, and you know, I get

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Speaker 5: to help out a little. It makes it a little

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Speaker 5: easier in moments for my brother and sister in law.

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Speaker 5: But more importantly for me is I think we just

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Speaker 5: developed our own routines. We develop our own experiences together

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Speaker 5: that I know I look forward to and they look

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Speaker 5: forward to too. So it's very special. And now, as

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Speaker 5: I said, they you know, spend the night on occasion,

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Speaker 5: and like they each have their own little nest in

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Speaker 5: my bedroom, and you know, there's the routine of that,

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Speaker 5: which which is great. And then you know, by eight

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Speaker 5: thirty the next morning, I'm like, okay, fine, you know

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Speaker 5: under paycakes, Bye bye me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So I speak about these three girls in my book

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Speaker 1: that I call them Poopsiehoopsie and Oopsie in my book,

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Speaker 1: and I'm able to apply this more to them than

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Speaker 1: I am to my nieces and nephews. Although I do

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Speaker 1: judge my nieces. I have more my nephews than my nieces.

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Speaker 1: I have a lot of more latitude for women, obviously,

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Speaker 1: but I really think like the lack of judgment, I

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Speaker 1: think is such an important thing to bring to the

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Speaker 1: table with relationship to children so that they can come

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Speaker 1: to you with anything. And I know in my experience

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Speaker 1: with the three girls that are in my life that

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Speaker 1: I talk about in my last book, they will and

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Speaker 1: have told me they feel, you know, like, they will

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Speaker 1: tell me anything, whether it's drug related, guy related, sex related.

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Speaker 1: They will come to me with anything, and I never

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Speaker 1: and for some reason, I'm able to reserve judgment with

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Speaker 1: regard to these three people in my life. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like that is something as a child that every

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Speaker 1: child needs, right, They need someone that they can tell

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Speaker 1: anything too, that there are no repercussions and there's and

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Speaker 1: there's just no shame put on them because it's so

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Speaker 1: important to be able to just share stuff without being judged.

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Speaker 1: And I'm a pretty judgmental person, like I have to

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Speaker 1: work very hard on my judgment. I judge people all

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Speaker 1: the time, so when I can really like one of

396
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Speaker 1: them said to me, she wrote me this birthday thing

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Speaker 1: and said, oh, you know, it's so funny.

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Speaker 4: I could tell you anything.

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Speaker 1: I could tell my I know, I could say, she

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Speaker 1: calls me father, She goes, I know, I could tell

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Speaker 1: my father anything. I always tell you, you know, there's

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Speaker 1: no judgment blah, blah, and it just made me feel like, oh,

403
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Speaker 1: that is okay, that's something to focus on, you know,

404
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Speaker 1: something that's been pointed out, and I want to get

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Speaker 1: better at that. With all of my relationships children and adults.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, I have a very I've always had

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Speaker 5: a very close relationship with one of my aunts, my

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Speaker 5: mom's sister, my aunt Debbie, and I back when I

409
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Speaker 5: was in my early twenties and was getting going to

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Speaker 5: or needed to get a termination procedure and an abortion Harvey

411
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Speaker 5: when I call it, I told her before I told

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Speaker 5: my mom. You know, I didn't tell my mom until

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Speaker 5: the night before, but my aunt felt like that safe

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Speaker 5: space between a sister and a mom. And I have

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Speaker 5: had different relationships. I have two other aunts, one of

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Speaker 5: whom passed away, but that I've had, you know, different

417
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Speaker 5: relationships with and more feel connected to both of them

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Speaker 5: through aspects of myself that I see in myself. The

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Speaker 5: artistic one is an artist and the one who passed

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Speaker 5: me jewelry, and so I think that I see parts

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Speaker 5: of them in me from that and so and in

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Speaker 5: my formative memories from my formative years too.

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Speaker 3: Did you have aunts growing up?

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Speaker 4: Yes, I have an aunt that I'm pretty close to.

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Speaker 4: She lives in California.

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Speaker 1: I have a whole set of cousins that live in

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Speaker 1: La So I'm very close with that side of my family.

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Speaker 4: And my aunt is my.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, she's who I lived with when I moved out

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Speaker 1: here when I was nineteen years old, and told me

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Speaker 1: that I would have to lose weight if I ever

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Speaker 1: wanted to become famous. And she then she denied that

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Speaker 1: she ever said those words, and then we found it

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Speaker 1: on in an act. She I would say a year

435
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Speaker 1: after year after your after I became successful, I'd be like, see,

436
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Speaker 1: you told me that I had to lose weight if

437
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 1: I ever wanted to become famous. She was I never

438
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Speaker 1: said that. I never said that. And then we found

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Speaker 1: the actual footage on video of her saying it to me,

440
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,119
Speaker 1: and my co Molly put it together and send it

441
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 1: on our family thread and was like, yeah, here, Mom,

442
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 1: this is exactly what you said to Chelsea. By the way,

443
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly.

444
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,959
Speaker 4: Oh. I was like, yes, you fucking said it.

445
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's just but I think there is something too

446
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,679
Speaker 5: about the way ants. Like I think about when I

447
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 5: was in tenth grade and I wanted Duck Martins and

448
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 5: people weren't really wearing Duck Martins very much yet, and

449
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,080
Speaker 5: I wanted to wear them with dresses, and people weren't

450
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 5: really doing that yet. And even my mom was like,

451
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,359
Speaker 5: there's no way I'm buying you those shoes. And my aunt,

452
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:50,320
Speaker 5: you know, took me and bought me the shoes on Melrose,

453
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:51,880
Speaker 5: you know, I remember.

454
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 3: And so it was. She just had a way of

455
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,560
Speaker 3: and has a way. Still. We're still really close.

456
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,560
Speaker 5: I stay with her often when I'm in New York,

457
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,359
Speaker 5: and you know, it's fun, it's great, but you know,

458
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,480
Speaker 5: I think just the different ways that I think she

459
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 5: would see me, you know, and and also stretch those

460
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 5: boundaries a bit.

461
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,439
Speaker 3: I saw my first R rated film with her, you know.

462
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:18,800
Speaker 1: So Texas is the special relationship I remember growing I

463
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 1: had also I had one uncle.

464
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,840
Speaker 4: I had a couple of great uncles too, actually, but.

465
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is a very special relationship because I think

466
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 1: about my nieces and nephews and they all have two aunts.

467
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,680
Speaker 1: Between my sisters, the three of us there, and we're

468
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 1: all so different, you know, we all provide something completely different.

469
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 1: And on that note, we're going to take a break

470
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back with Monica Lewinsky and we're back.

471
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 1: We're back with Monica Lewinsky. We're going to take some

472
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 1: emails or callers. Catherine, what do we have?

473
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 2: We actually have three callers, so we're going to try

474
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,919
Speaker 2: and get through, get to all three of them today,

475
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:53,879
Speaker 2: and then if we have two extra minutes, I have

476
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 2: a quickie at the end, just an email. So our

477
00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:01,960
Speaker 2: first caller is Jewels and she is in DC. She says,

478
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 2: Dear Chelsea, thank you for all you do, your advocacy

479
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,160
Speaker 2: and your light. Seeing you at the Kennedy Center will

480
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 2: always be one of my highlights. I'm a federal government

481
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 2: employee and it's really tough right now. I have lots

482
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 2: of anger, uncertainty, and resentment toward the current administration, my

483
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 2: agency's leadership, Americans who voted for what's happening right now,

484
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 2: and those who are misinformed about how awful it really is.

485
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 2: I literally cannot escape the news cycle. As I live

486
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,760
Speaker 2: in DC, I work for the government, and since my

487
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,919
Speaker 2: agency leadership has been silent, the news and Reddit are

488
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,080
Speaker 2: the only ways to learn what's happening in my future.

489
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 2: I'm tired all the time for my new commute thanks

490
00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,360
Speaker 2: to the return to office mandate. I feel like I'm

491
00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:42,480
Speaker 2: bleeding money because of all these extra costs I didn't expect, gas, lunches, dogwalker,

492
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:44,199
Speaker 2: And on top of it all, we've been told that

493
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 2: quote no one is safe from a reduction in force.

494
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 2: My boyfriend says, I'm getting irritable, which I am.

495
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 3: Who wouldn't.

496
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 2: I'm on a contract where I can't quit the federal

497
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,920
Speaker 2: government for another eight months without buying myself out, so

498
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 2: I know I'll be here until I'm fired or things settle.

499
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 2: The way things look, suppose my contract will terminate in January.

500
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,760
Speaker 2: Do you have any advice on how to cope with

501
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 2: all this uncertainty and find joy in this chaos?

502
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,200
Speaker 3: Thanks for being such a light in these wild times.

503
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,360
Speaker 4: Jules Hi, Jules, Hi?

504
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:13,919
Speaker 7: How are you?

505
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 4: This is our special guest Monica Lewinsky today.

506
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:21,240
Speaker 6: Hi. Hello, how are you doing well? Thank you?

507
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 1: How are your other colleagues dealing with this? Do you

508
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,159
Speaker 1: work closely with a lot of other people?

509
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 6: Like?

510
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,439
Speaker 4: Are there other people who are feeling the same the

511
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:29,640
Speaker 4: same way that you're feeling?

512
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 6: Yes, for sure, I think a lot of us, No

513
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 6: matter what like organization you're in, it's kind of the

514
00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:37,280
Speaker 6: same vibe.

515
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:38,320
Speaker 7: People are pretty down.

516
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I understand. I feel you.

517
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 1: I feel like you know, we can all relate to

518
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,440
Speaker 1: feeling pretty down, especially now, regardless of what I mean.

519
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: Obviously you're in a different situation with a government job.

520
00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:52,040
Speaker 1: But I think the best way to so that all

521
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:54,520
Speaker 1: of the stuff that you're putting into your brain is

522
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:58,680
Speaker 1: not all related to what's happening with this administration is

523
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: is kind of a goal, you know, Like I start

524
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:05,359
Speaker 1: my day either meditating or working out, without before I

525
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 1: listen to any.

526
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 4: Podcast or the Daily or read my Politico.

527
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 1: Like, I just get up and I'm like, Okay, this

528
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,119
Speaker 1: is going to be a good day for me.

529
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 4: So whatever it takes to get you there.

530
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 1: I mean, if you have to get up and read

531
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:20,480
Speaker 1: a book for an hour to just put you in

532
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 1: a different place, I would suggest trying to like create

533
00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,400
Speaker 1: some different habits so that when you go into because

534
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:27,919
Speaker 1: work is going to be work, and that there's going

535
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,080
Speaker 1: to be people around you with that energy and everyone's

536
00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 1: going to kind of be commiserating and that's fine while

537
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:35,719
Speaker 1: you're there, but it shouldn't take over you. Like I

538
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 1: always think about negativity as a component of your life,

539
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:41,840
Speaker 1: but don't let the negativity run you. You know what

540
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 1: I mean, so, what are some things that you can

541
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,679
Speaker 1: do that will make you happier as a person. What

542
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:49,639
Speaker 1: are some things that you know make you happier as

543
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:50,080
Speaker 1: a person.

544
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:53,679
Speaker 6: I definitely try to make a separation when I get home,

545
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 6: And honestly, one of the sliber lightnings is this is

546
00:24:57,640 --> 00:25:01,440
Speaker 6: because we can't telework anymore. There now is like a

547
00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,240
Speaker 6: distinction of like working home. So when I do get home,

548
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,639
Speaker 6: since I can't work, I do a workout, try to

549
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 6: get my mind off things to like have a reset,

550
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 6: do like walks things like that. So I do appreciate that.

551
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,240
Speaker 6: I feel like I wasn't just like a slump, especially

552
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 6: for the first.

553
00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 7: You know months where I was just.

554
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 6: Like kind of in my own like little cave. So

555
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,679
Speaker 6: I'm emerging now to like do things that bring me

556
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 6: more joy, like seeing friends being more active. It's spring now,

557
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,719
Speaker 6: so like just yeah saying hell sun is that?

558
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 7: Yeah?

559
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:34,000
Speaker 4: Totally no.

560
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:36,680
Speaker 1: I mean the season alone is a reason to be happier.

561
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: It's like it's more upbeat. Everything you're saying is great.

562
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 1: I think you should really like do that for yourself

563
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,880
Speaker 1: as an assignment. You know, when there when an hour

564
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 1: or two goes by, when I don't think about the

565
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,400
Speaker 1: administration or the government.

566
00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 4: That's a home run.

567
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 1: Like if I can get through an hour or two

568
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:52,919
Speaker 1: and go to a dinner and it doesn't come up

569
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: and I'm not thinking about it, I'm like, Okay, mission accomplished.

570
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:57,640
Speaker 1: It doesn't need to be ten hours of the day

571
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,639
Speaker 1: that you're not thinking about it. You just need a

572
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: break from the constant.

573
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, that's that's really a point.

574
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:03,239
Speaker 7: Thank you.

575
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,199
Speaker 1: And also really try and find some books that you

576
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 1: can escape to. Like books to me are myself always Monica.

577
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 4: Do you feel that.

578
00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 1: I mean, I think we've spoken about that, right, Yes,

579
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,199
Speaker 1: how important it is to have. Like this is a

580
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:17,000
Speaker 1: new book that I want to recommend. Also, it's called

581
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,240
Speaker 1: The Mirror and the Palette. My friend gave it to me,

582
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,440
Speaker 1: and it's fucking amazing. It's about female history and it's

583
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:26,240
Speaker 1: all about like it's just such an inspiring Like every

584
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,560
Speaker 1: time I read that, I choose to read that rather

585
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 1: than to watch the news or read the news. I

586
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,479
Speaker 1: give myself an hour a day to read a book.

587
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:37,639
Speaker 1: And since since this administration began, when I started to

588
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 1: get really.

589
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,400
Speaker 4: Just immersed, immerse immersed immersed in.

590
00:26:40,359 --> 00:26:42,800
Speaker 1: It, I was like, Okay, you have to do something differently,

591
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: and that's why I decided to do that.

592
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:45,160
Speaker 4: Every day.

593
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, I have to read for one hour every day.

594
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 1: I'm not on my phone. I want to think about

595
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,199
Speaker 1: something else. I want to have my brain stimulated in

596
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: a different way. So I think you just have to

597
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: really figure out what those things are. If you're not

598
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: a reader, force yourself to fucking read, like you will

599
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: get into it. Just find a book that's great and

600
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:02,080
Speaker 1: you will get into it. Start with this book. It's

601
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 1: gonna be fascinating to any woman. So it's called The

602
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:07,360
Speaker 1: Mirror in the Palette. But just really make sure you're

603
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:11,120
Speaker 1: getting outside, you're getting in fresh air, you're doing you're exercising,

604
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: doing all the things, meditate, write down things that you're

605
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: grateful for. You know, there's a million things you can

606
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:19,399
Speaker 1: do to lift your spirits, and those are all moodlifters. Monica,

607
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,680
Speaker 1: do you have anything that you do to lift your spirits?

608
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 4: I do.

609
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 5: I don't know if this would resonate with you at all,

610
00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 5: but I'm very impacted by the aesthetic of my environment

611
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,639
Speaker 5: or pretty pretty things or cute things, just things that

612
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,719
Speaker 5: make me smile, And so I will go out and

613
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 5: I'll get some new mugs. I know it sounds so dumb,

614
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 5: but it's like one of the things you're doing in

615
00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:43,680
Speaker 5: the morning is I'm making my coffee when I open

616
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,119
Speaker 5: the cabinet and there's this, you know, a mug that

617
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 5: makes me laugh. I have one from La La what's

618
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:52,439
Speaker 5: it called Laalas, and it's the Yellow Coffee place, and

619
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,200
Speaker 5: they have this mug and it says, don't be a dick,

620
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 5: and so, you know, it's like it makes me laugh

621
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 5: and I think, just even it's such a tiny thing,

622
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,920
Speaker 5: but after in particular or sparking joy, as they would

623
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 5: say of you know, I was at Disneyland recently and

624
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 5: I got a great mug from there to remind me.

625
00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,320
Speaker 4: You know, so I just got a set of mugs.

626
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:15,040
Speaker 1: Someone sent me a set of coffee mugs of me

627
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:17,119
Speaker 1: skiing and my bikini with my dog on my back,

628
00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my.

629
00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:21,679
Speaker 4: God, what a great gift. So cute. You know.

630
00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:24,280
Speaker 1: Also, writing, if you're a writer spending an hour a

631
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 1: day writing, I would just seriously carve out an hour

632
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,359
Speaker 1: of your day that's not socializing, that's not with anyone else,

633
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 1: that's doing something like specifically that feeds your soul and

634
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:36,639
Speaker 1: it should be something whether it's like I mean, for

635
00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 1: me it's a reading a book, but for whatever that

636
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 1: means for you to just really be diligent about that,

637
00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: especially now when when when so much of our time

638
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: is taken up and attention is taken up with you

639
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: know what, I'd.

640
00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 3: Also, do you have a bathtub?

641
00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 8: I do?

642
00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:55,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would you know something that's maybe a little

643
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,840
Speaker 5: less having to do because I might. I'm listening to

644
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,480
Speaker 5: Chelsea and I'm like, Wow, you're so disciplined, Chelsea.

645
00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 3: So I'm so impressed by you.

646
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 5: And I'm like, I'm lazy compared to that, or I

647
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 5: would figure out a way to not do that. But

648
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:11,560
Speaker 5: I take baths a lot as a way to and

649
00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,600
Speaker 5: I make a ritual of it, and that sometimes can

650
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 5: can help to I mean, your mind can wander to

651
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 5: the dark places.

652
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: But and just the idea of in saying to yourself,

653
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 1: repeating to yourself that you want to be positive, that

654
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: you want to be optimistic, you know, finding optimism in

655
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:29,840
Speaker 1: the dark is a skill set like that we have

656
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 1: to we have to work on.

657
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,040
Speaker 4: And and fine tune.

658
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: But it is an important quality and it's also contagious,

659
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,520
Speaker 1: you know, when you can really find optimism within dark times,

660
00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:42,280
Speaker 1: you can also help other people feel better. So that's

661
00:29:42,280 --> 00:29:43,560
Speaker 1: something to think about as well.

662
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:45,720
Speaker 6: Thank you that that makes a lot of sense. I

663
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 6: didn't think of it in that light. So that's that's

664
00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 6: a really good perspective. So yeah, I appreciate it.

665
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 4: Okay, cool, Thank you so much for calling in.

666
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:59,480
Speaker 1: And stay strong, stay strong during this fucking fiasco we're

667
00:29:59,480 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 1: living through.

668
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 7: Well, thank you. Thank you for your time and the advice.

669
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 7: I really appreciate it.

670
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 1: And if you want to cheer yourself up, you know,

671
00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 1: all these judges are ruling against Trump every left right,

672
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: So there's that's joyful. George Santos is going to prison

673
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:12,960
Speaker 1: for six years.

674
00:30:13,080 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 4: That's fun. Yes, you know what I mean, there's some

675
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 4: good news happening.

676
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 3: I didn't hear that news. When did that come out?

677
00:30:18,720 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, it came out the other day.

678
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: He's got it sentenced to seven seven six or seven

679
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:23,000
Speaker 1: years in prison.

680
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 4: Yes.

681
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:25,360
Speaker 1: I did a little PSA about it because I was

682
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 1: so excited about the good news. I was like I

683
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: could use some So, I mean, sure, Trump will probably

684
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:32,640
Speaker 1: end a partying camp, but who gives a shit, you

685
00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: know what I mean?

686
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 4: At this time there.

687
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 2: There is a gal who's on TikTok. It's Amanda's Mild Takes,

688
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 2: which I think is a hilarious name on TikTok. But

689
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 2: she talks about like all the things that are actually

690
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,120
Speaker 2: going right, So like take a look there. She she's

691
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 2: got some good stuff to say. Yeah, Amanda's mild Takes great.

692
00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 2: All right, thank you so much, Jules, thank you, Hi, Jules.

693
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 7: Bye.

694
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 2: It's also a good reminder to sort of like leave

695
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 2: work at work, Like these are the sorts of things

696
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 2: I think that probably are or keeping her up at night,

697
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 2: and she's roiling about them. But you know, something that

698
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 2: helps me sometimes if there's like something stressful or I'm

699
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,000
Speaker 2: like worried about something is saying like, oh, I'm off

700
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 2: the clock for that right now, whether it's like a

701
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:12,480
Speaker 2: work thing, a family thing, whatever.

702
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 3: Like I actually don't need to be thinking about that

703
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 3: right now. I'm off the clock. I'm like it in

704
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 3: bett it's four in the morning.

705
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, there is something nice to be like said about

706
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: being so divorced from your work like that you really

707
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:23,120
Speaker 1: just don't care anymore about your job.

708
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 4: It's just a paycheck.

709
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, what I mean, it's better than having to bring

710
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: your work home with you, you know, because at this

711
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 1: point that's what it is, is a paycheck. How can

712
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 1: she be passionate about something that's being threatened, you know,

713
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: right right?

714
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 4: Well, hopefully we were some help to her. I don't know.

715
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:38,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I think that was very helpful.

716
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 4: Okay, all right.

717
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 2: Well our next caller is Jeremy. He says, Dear Chelsea,

718
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 2: he's having a really tough time. I'm a forty three

719
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:47,760
Speaker 2: year old gay man, and I've recently had the hardest

720
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 2: year of my life. A year ago, I lost my

721
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,920
Speaker 2: dog of sixteen years. Two months ago I lost my mother,

722
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 2: who was my best friend, and three weeks later, my

723
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 2: partner of three years left me. I feel like I've

724
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 2: lost everything this year, no kids and no parents.

725
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 3: How do I keep going? What's the fucking point? Jeremy?

726
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 5: Hi?

727
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 7: Hi, Jammy, Hey, not too bad? How are you?

728
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 2: Oh?

729
00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:10,000
Speaker 4: Hi?

730
00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:12,880
Speaker 1: This is our special guest Monica Lewinski's here with us today.

731
00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 4: Hi, Hi, Hi.

732
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:18,800
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry to hear about all of the things

733
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:19,719
Speaker 1: that you've lost.

734
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:20,959
Speaker 7: Thank you.

735
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:24,800
Speaker 1: While you want to honor obviously losing your mother, losing

736
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 1: your dog, losing your relationship, but I would say a

737
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 1: you got a good run out of that dog for

738
00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: sixteen years.

739
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,400
Speaker 4: That's that's pretty incredible.

740
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 7: Yeah.

741
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 4: And how old was your mom when she passed away?

742
00:32:38,240 --> 00:32:40,520
Speaker 7: She was only sixty five.

743
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:41,920
Speaker 3: Oh, so she was on the.

744
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 1: Younger side yea. And were you able to be with

745
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: her when she died?

746
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:46,080
Speaker 6: No?

747
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 8: And I think that's the hardest thing for me. Uh huh,

748
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 8: not being able to say goodbye.

749
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:56,320
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, Well, on that front, everything you're describing with

750
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 1: what's happening, I know you probably feel. I know how

751
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 1: you feel because you just in your letter, But I

752
00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:06,760
Speaker 1: want you to think about this as like a rebirth, you.

753
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 4: Know what I mean. Monica has a podcast called Reclaiming.

754
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 1: We've been talking a little bit about Reclaiming before we

755
00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:16,440
Speaker 1: got on the phone with you. And anytime something like

756
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 1: this happens, where there's a run of events in your

757
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,600
Speaker 1: life that leave you feeling more and more alone, I

758
00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 1: truly believe it is a sign for you to wake

759
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:29,960
Speaker 1: up and have a rebirth and reclaiming your life. And

760
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like that you want to do that

761
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: right now, But that's what this opportunity is. You're at,

762
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,200
Speaker 1: not your rock bottom, because I don't really like that term,

763
00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 1: but I know that's how you probably feel.

764
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,440
Speaker 4: Is that an accurate assessment.

765
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 7: It's pretty accurate.

766
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 4: Yeah.

767
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 1: And I want to tell you this is not like

768
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,680
Speaker 1: this is a This is a huge opportunity for you

769
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 1: to grow and for you to heal and for you

770
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,320
Speaker 1: to grieve and all of those things can happen at.

771
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:56,920
Speaker 4: The same time.

772
00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:58,920
Speaker 6: Yeah.

773
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 4: And so what are you doing to.

774
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 1: Take care of yourself during the situation, during this time,

775
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: and and like how are you getting through? Do you

776
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:07,920
Speaker 1: have a therapist? Like what's your what's your process?

777
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 7: Okay, yeah, I've been I'm even being with my therapist.

778
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 8: I've been connecting with the nature as much as possible,

779
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 8: which is which seems to be helping.

780
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 7: I'm going to Greece in a week for two weeks.

781
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 4: Great, that's really awesome.

782
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:21,760
Speaker 7: I'm trying.

783
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 8: It's just you have these moments where you just feel

784
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:30,000
Speaker 8: so lost and empty, you know, without my mom.

785
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:31,400
Speaker 7: That's the hardest part.

786
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:33,520
Speaker 1: Well, I also want you to look at your mother

787
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,479
Speaker 1: in a different way, like your mother's energy is not gone.

788
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,479
Speaker 1: Your mother's energy is around you you. You feel free

789
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,399
Speaker 1: to speak to her, feel free to talk to her,

790
00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:44,080
Speaker 1: feel free to know that she's coming to Greece with you,

791
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,120
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, engage with her like she's

792
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 1: around you, because she is. I firmly believe that I

793
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,280
Speaker 1: didn't feel my mother's presence. I felt my mother's presence

794
00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 1: more after she died than I did when she was alive,

795
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 1: when we were separated, like when I was living in law,

796
00:34:56,680 --> 00:34:59,759
Speaker 1: New Jersey, Like I cultivated a relationship with her when

797
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:00,359
Speaker 1: she died.

798
00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,640
Speaker 4: That has been so meaningful to me. And you can

799
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 4: do the same exact thing.

800
00:35:04,160 --> 00:35:06,239
Speaker 7: Yeah, Yeah, I'm really trying.

801
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 1: To allow yourself to grief. It's okay, It's absolutely okay.

802
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:12,520
Speaker 1: You've lost three really important people in your life. That

803
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:16,279
Speaker 1: is massive, but it's also it's also an opportunity for

804
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,799
Speaker 1: you to like look ahead and see how you want

805
00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 1: to go through this grief and what you want to

806
00:35:20,920 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 1: do on the other side of it. What do you

807
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:24,279
Speaker 1: want to accomplish? What do you want your life to

808
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 1: look like? Can you answer a couple of those questions?

809
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean, I I want to be in a

810
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 8: loving relationship.

811
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 7: I want to travel more.

812
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 4: You're already doing that by going to Greece for two weeks.

813
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:38,720
Speaker 7: Yeah.

814
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 8: You know, one of the things I didn't tell you too, is,

815
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,120
Speaker 8: you know, my mom had had a couple of strokes

816
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 8: that left are paralyzed for the past eight years, and

817
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 8: I was also her caretaker, which I think was also

818
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 8: hard for me because you know, I don't have children,

819
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:55,480
Speaker 8: and I don't want children, and it was like the

820
00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:59,240
Speaker 8: universe gave me a child taking care of my mom.

821
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:01,959
Speaker 8: And I'm so grateful I had that time with her

822
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:04,600
Speaker 8: for the past eight years. But yeah, that was hard too,

823
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:06,759
Speaker 8: is you know, that's also a huge loss, you know,

824
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 8: taking care of somebody for that long, and now I

825
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:11,279
Speaker 8: don't have that either.

826
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 1: Right, So, but these are all things that you did

827
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 1: that you were wonderful to do. Being able to take

828
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 1: care of your mother is like, that's a privilege and

829
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 1: you were able to experience that. So instead of focusing

830
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,040
Speaker 1: on the fact that you weren't there when she actually died,

831
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,879
Speaker 1: focus on the fact that you were there so many

832
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 1: times before that. And saying goodbye doesn't mean anything because

833
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: you necessarily don't need to say You don't necessarily need

834
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 1: to say goodbye if you subscribe to the theory that

835
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 1: she's around you.

836
00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 4: And she's with you, you know what I.

837
00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 1: Mean, say hello and bring her with you, talk to

838
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 1: her all day long, you know, especially during this breakup

839
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: that you're experiencing, Like you can talk to your mother

840
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,640
Speaker 1: about this, and I assume that she's listening, because I

841
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:53,279
Speaker 1: really believe she is. And know that this is a

842
00:36:53,320 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 1: period of time in your life and this is not permanent.

843
00:36:56,640 --> 00:36:58,480
Speaker 7: Yeah right, You're absolutely right.

844
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:01,920
Speaker 1: This is a transition, and so just honor the transition

845
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: you're going through. But keep your eyes up towards the sky.

846
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:08,319
Speaker 1: Don't be a victim, Like, don't lay down and go

847
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:09,359
Speaker 1: I can't take any more.

848
00:37:09,600 --> 00:37:10,040
Speaker 4: You can.

849
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 1: You've taken all of this on and now it's time

850
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 1: to move through it and kind of lift yourself up

851
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,480
Speaker 1: out of it. And I think this vacation degrease for

852
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 1: two weeks is going to be exactly what you need,

853
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 1: you know. I think that's going to be like use

854
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,719
Speaker 1: that as a starting point, Like, Okay, this trip is

855
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,160
Speaker 1: the beginning of the rest of my life. So how

856
00:37:29,160 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 1: do I want to live the rest of my life

857
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 1: and write down all the things that you want out

858
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 1: of life? Write them down, read them. Every single day

859
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 1: makes shit, you know, makes make this stuff happen. But

860
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:40,960
Speaker 1: you know, you just want to change the channel and

861
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: you want to pick up the vibe a little bit

862
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: and that's going to happen on this vacation.

863
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:45,279
Speaker 4: I know what's going to happen for you.

864
00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:46,879
Speaker 7: I really hope so Yeah.

865
00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 2: To use another tool from Chelsea's toolbox. Maybe you don't

866
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 2: call it a gratitude journal, but like writing down one thing,

867
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,560
Speaker 2: even if it's only one thing every day that brings

868
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 2: you a small amount of joy, can help you remember that,

869
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,080
Speaker 2: Like in every day there is even if it's like

870
00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:03,200
Speaker 2: this cup of coffee is so good, you know, as

871
00:38:03,239 --> 00:38:06,000
Speaker 2: many things as you come to throughout the day, writing

872
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 2: those down so that you have that to look back

873
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 2: on and have that present in your mind, like here

874
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 2: are things that bring me joy on a daily basis.

875
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 1: Another fun another is not fun, sorry, wrong word, but

876
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: another nice thing to do about someone when they've passed

877
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 1: away is to take time each day to honor that

878
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 1: person and to think of write down one of your

879
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 1: favorite memories or what your most meaningful interactions with your mom,

880
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,479
Speaker 1: What either when she was dying or when you were young,

881
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:35,640
Speaker 1: or something that happened growing up, whatever is meaningful, Like

882
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: if you take that time in the morning and do

883
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,959
Speaker 1: that to honor her, and it's kind of a nice

884
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 1: way to help you get through losing someone you know

885
00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,479
Speaker 1: and re establishing what they meant to you and why

886
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: your relationship was so powerful and meaningful, you know. And

887
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,120
Speaker 1: I think that's a great way to honor someone, and

888
00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: that way you're kind of taking care of that first

889
00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: thing in the morning, you know, or whatever time of

890
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 1: day you want to do it. You don't have to

891
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,840
Speaker 1: spend your whole day grieving if you can really properly

892
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: grieve for like ten or fifteen minutes a day, do

893
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:06,239
Speaker 1: you know what I mean?

894
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 7: Yeah, I totally agree with that.

895
00:39:08,040 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, me, is there a reason.

896
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,319
Speaker 5: Is Greece significant for you or did you have this

897
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:13,720
Speaker 5: trip planned for a long time.

898
00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 8: I've been wanting to go, and me and my partner

899
00:39:16,719 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 8: are going to go, And when the deaf day after

900
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 8: we broke up, I was like, you know, fuck it,

901
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,960
Speaker 8: I am going to Greece. The next morning, I was like,

902
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 8: I booked the trip. I planned everything out. It was

903
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 8: a good distraction for me for a week just planning

904
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:34,399
Speaker 8: all the details. I also, I direct high school theater too,

905
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,680
Speaker 8: and I we did Mam and Mia this year and

906
00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 8: Greece was you know, mom.

907
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,799
Speaker 7: And me, it takes place in Greece. Yeah, yeah, so

908
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 7: we Uh, I was like, why not go to Greece?

909
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 4: Fun? Where are you going to Greece?

910
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,399
Speaker 7: I fly to Athens and then I'm going to make

911
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 7: no st two nights, Perils for two nights, and then

912
00:39:52,000 --> 00:39:53,240
Speaker 7: Creep for six nights.

913
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,000
Speaker 1: Oh fun, I'm going to all those places too.

914
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 7: Really at the stage.

915
00:39:57,719 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 4: For me, will you?

916
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 7: I definitely will for sure.

917
00:40:00,560 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 4: Set the stage for my arrival.

918
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 1: But I'm glad you're taking this trip and I can

919
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,160
Speaker 1: hear the sadness in your voice, and I just remember,

920
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 1: this is not a permanent situation. This is a moment

921
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: in time in your life and you're handling it well.

922
00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: I'm glad you called in and I have very high

923
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:19,279
Speaker 1: hopes for your future as as you should too.

924
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,680
Speaker 7: Thanks, Chelsea, I really appreciate it.

925
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're welcome. You're welcome.

926
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 1: Have the best trip, Thank you, and go hook up

927
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:27,320
Speaker 1: with some random guys.

928
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 7: Okay, yeah that sounds good.

929
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, all right, thanks again, bye, Okay, take bear

930
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,000
Speaker 2: bye bye bye.

931
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 1: There's no better answer to when you're with someone and

932
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:41,120
Speaker 1: they break up you with you or your relationship ends

933
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 1: and you take the trip anyway, That's always the answer

934
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: is to go on the trip anyway.

935
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:48,200
Speaker 3: Well, let's take a break and we'll come back with Home.

936
00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 4: Okay, great, Well we'll be right back.

937
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:58,240
Speaker 1: And we're back with Monica Lewinsky, who is the host

938
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,680
Speaker 1: of her new podcast called Claiming.

939
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,640
Speaker 2: So Jen is writing in the subject of her email

940
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,799
Speaker 2: as ghosted for being pregnant, Dear Chelsea. I worked with

941
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 2: a woman for nearly seven years in a very grueling

942
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:14,720
Speaker 2: and demanding workplace. Over the years, we became best friends.

943
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,040
Speaker 2: She hung out with me and my husband, became an

944
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 2: aunt to our puppies, and was one of my closest confidants.

945
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 2: Once I left that workplace and she moved to another state,

946
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 2: we remained close friends. Instead of daily interactions, we had

947
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,800
Speaker 2: monthly face times and visits every few months where we

948
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 2: talked for hours and catch up on life. I always

949
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:34,839
Speaker 2: felt a bit like I was the one instigating the communication.

950
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:34,959
Speaker 4: At the time.

951
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,080
Speaker 2: She had a much larger circle of friends than I did,

952
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 2: so her time was definitely in high demand, but we

953
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 2: maintained a close friendship. Then last year I got pregnant.

954
00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:45,319
Speaker 2: She was so happy for me and even said she'd

955
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 2: be an aunt to my child. We had two planned

956
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,279
Speaker 2: visits early that year that I had to cancel due

957
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 2: to a first bout of COVID and then in an

958
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 2: emergency VET stay for my pup. She said she understood,

959
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:58,160
Speaker 2: and we continued our face times. I sent her an

960
00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,840
Speaker 2: invite to my baby shower and she replied that she

961
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:01,760
Speaker 2: didn't make it but would be sending something.

962
00:42:02,280 --> 00:42:02,560
Speaker 4: Well.

963
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,800
Speaker 3: Nothing ever came, and I never heard from her again.

964
00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:07,120
Speaker 2: I also didn't reach out because I was late in

965
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 2: my second trimester and had a scary car accident that

966
00:42:09,560 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 2: complicated my pregnancy. I was pretty hurt that she stopped

967
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:14,719
Speaker 2: talking to me, especially knowing I was pregnant and dealing

968
00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 2: with a lot. Now over a year has passed and

969
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,439
Speaker 2: I have a beautiful baby girl. I still think about

970
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:21,480
Speaker 2: this friend and wonder why she stopped talking to me.

971
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,279
Speaker 2: I'm tempted to reach out sometimes to express my hurt

972
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:26,840
Speaker 2: and seek an explanation, but then I think that a

973
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 2: friend who would ghost me during my pregnancy isn't a

974
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,879
Speaker 2: friend worth having. I have since created a close knit

975
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,840
Speaker 2: circle of friends locally that were so supportive during my pregnancy,

976
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:36,880
Speaker 2: and now my life is a new mom But my

977
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 2: mind does come back to this friend frequently. Should I

978
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 2: reach out at least for closure or just move on completely?

979
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,560
Speaker 2: And leave this former friend in the past. Sincerely, Jen,

980
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:46,200
Speaker 2: Hi Jen, How are you?

981
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 5: Hi?

982
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:46,880
Speaker 6: Hi?

983
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 7: Good?

984
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 4: How are you guys?

985
00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: That's our special guest Monica Lewinsky's with us today.

986
00:42:51,480 --> 00:42:53,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, nice to meet you, Nice to meet you.

987
00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:56,560
Speaker 1: I would let it go. I would let the friendship go.

988
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 1: I would say, you kind of have your answer. You know,

989
00:43:00,120 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 1: some people don't really realy does this woman have any children?

990
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,240
Speaker 4: Sounds like she's single and child free, right single.

991
00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:08,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, some people just don't respond or react well when

992
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 1: their friends get pregnant, Like they don't want to be

993
00:43:10,480 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 1: in that scene. Like I've seen it happen, you know,

994
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 1: and I've seen it happen to friends and stuff.

995
00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:19,799
Speaker 4: Like, some people just don't want to be involved in that.

996
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:23,840
Speaker 1: And if she really did care or was interested, you

997
00:43:23,840 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 1: would have heard from her at this point. Also, because

998
00:43:27,040 --> 00:43:28,800
Speaker 1: you said you have a nice circle of friends. I

999
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:32,160
Speaker 1: would focus on that. I always like to focus where

1000
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: the light is not. You know, you're not going to

1001
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:37,279
Speaker 1: get the answer that you're looking for. You know, no

1002
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: one's going to say I didn't want to be friends

1003
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,280
Speaker 1: with you because you were pregnant, if that's even the reason,

1004
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,239
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, No one's gonna say that,

1005
00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:45,360
Speaker 1: so you're kind of asking for something that you're not

1006
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,839
Speaker 1: going to get and you're just going to further your disappointment.

1007
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:50,600
Speaker 1: I would really just focus on your friends that you

1008
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,839
Speaker 1: have and just move on and if you ever hear

1009
00:43:52,880 --> 00:43:56,120
Speaker 1: from her, great, But it's also not like worth a confrontation.

1010
00:43:56,760 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 4: That's what I think, Monica, what do you think?

1011
00:43:58,920 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 3: Well?

1012
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:03,759
Speaker 5: I agree with you is on the focusing on your

1013
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 5: circle of friends that you have now, which is great

1014
00:44:06,239 --> 00:44:08,960
Speaker 5: because friends are so important, and I think as we

1015
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 5: get older it can be harder and harder to cultivate

1016
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:15,239
Speaker 5: new friends, so you know, that's an important place to

1017
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:18,239
Speaker 5: put your focus. I think what came up for me

1018
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 5: were my own experiences of difficulty when I some of

1019
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 5: my closest friends got pregnant, and not that I necessarily disappeared,

1020
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 5: but what it meant to be confronted with watching someone

1021
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 5: I cared about get something that I didn't have and

1022
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 5: that I really wanted, and that watching someone's life move forward.

1023
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 3: And so I just what I.

1024
00:44:42,719 --> 00:44:46,400
Speaker 5: Kind of wanted to interject into this is is maybe

1025
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 5: holding some space for what she might be experiencing because

1026
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 5: it may have and I know you're hurt. I hear

1027
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:56,800
Speaker 5: that's what you're saying. You clearly really care still about

1028
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,879
Speaker 5: this person, because you took the time to write this note,

1029
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:03,320
Speaker 5: and so I just I wonder what happens if you

1030
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 5: just sort of open it up about not to dismiss

1031
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 5: your feelings of having been hurt by what happened, but

1032
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 5: by opening the perspective of if you try to step

1033
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:16,080
Speaker 5: into maybe a little bit of compassion for her. And

1034
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:18,439
Speaker 5: maybe I don't I don't know this person. Maybe she's

1035
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 5: not very self aware, maybe she isn't in therapy. I

1036
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,919
Speaker 5: don't know, so I don't know how much she might

1037
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:28,120
Speaker 5: be able to see her own behavior as connected to that.

1038
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:31,280
Speaker 4: Good point, Monica, very good point.

1039
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 3: I forget that, you know.

1040
00:45:32,880 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 5: So it just it just cause I've been I've been

1041
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:38,239
Speaker 5: that person. I don't know that I ghosted someone per se,

1042
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:42,799
Speaker 5: but I certainly pulled back, and sometimes it even felt embarrassing,

1043
00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 5: like I couldn't even say to that person, well, I'm jealous,

1044
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 5: you know, that's all.

1045
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,240
Speaker 3: I'm happy for you, but I'm jealous.

1046
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 2: And so I also feel like it could just be,

1047
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:55,719
Speaker 2: you know, with a couple of canceled visits, maybe she

1048
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 2: felt like, oh, maybe Jenn doesn't have enough time for

1049
00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 2: me at this point in her life. I almost feel like,

1050
00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 2: like you said, maybe she's not super self aware. I

1051
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:08,520
Speaker 2: could see myself in this position just not having reached

1052
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:12,399
Speaker 2: out and like not realizing the hurt that I had caused, you.

1053
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 3: Know, so maybe there. I mean, if you do reach out, I.

1054
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:18,160
Speaker 2: Wouldn't necessarily assume that she's upset with you or doesn't

1055
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 2: want to talk to you ever. Again, I mean, if

1056
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:22,080
Speaker 2: you do feel like you need to reach out, I

1057
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,560
Speaker 2: would just kind of be cheerful and say hey, and

1058
00:46:24,680 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 2: how are you?

1059
00:46:25,360 --> 00:46:29,440
Speaker 1: Maybe for her birthday without saying where you know, like

1060
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:30,720
Speaker 1: where have you've been from something?

1061
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:32,279
Speaker 4: Right, yeah, a year ago?

1062
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 1: Just reach out in a general friendly way, like, hey,

1063
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:36,440
Speaker 1: I was thinking about you, how are you?

1064
00:46:36,480 --> 00:46:39,839
Speaker 4: What's going on? That's kind of more, you know, I.

1065
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:43,040
Speaker 5: Don't know about everyone else here, but I have And

1066
00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:44,879
Speaker 5: I don't know how old you are. You look quite young,

1067
00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 5: so but I'm fifty one and at this point in

1068
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:51,240
Speaker 5: my life, I've now had friendships that ebb and flow,

1069
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:56,360
Speaker 5: and I've had every everything across the spectrum from you

1070
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:58,759
Speaker 5: sort of have to have the conversation in order to

1071
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,200
Speaker 5: move forward. And also one of my closest friends right

1072
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:04,640
Speaker 5: now we had a year or two where we didn't talk,

1073
00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 5: and my perspective of whatever it was, her perspective, we've

1074
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,719
Speaker 5: never really even had a long conversation about it, Like

1075
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:15,759
Speaker 5: we just re met each other in new spaces as

1076
00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 5: evolved people. And you know, so I think all those

1077
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:23,400
Speaker 5: things are possible. The older you get, you just realize

1078
00:47:23,440 --> 00:47:26,239
Speaker 5: these things ebb and flow and yeah.

1079
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:28,319
Speaker 9: Yeah, no, that's helpful, I think, I you know, I

1080
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,440
Speaker 9: am curious. And also at the time it was such

1081
00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,840
Speaker 9: a meaningful friendship. Now that I have so much, my

1082
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 9: life is so full, it's just overflowing with good things.

1083
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 9: I don't necessarily feel like it has to be that

1084
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,319
Speaker 9: same thing if we were to reconnect, It doesn't need

1085
00:47:41,360 --> 00:47:45,080
Speaker 9: to be this huge, tremendous, meaningful friendship. But there is

1086
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 9: still value and care there for me clearly that the

1087
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:51,280
Speaker 9: hurt is still showing up. So yeah, that's that's helpful

1088
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:52,960
Speaker 9: to just reach out and do it friendly. And then

1089
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,400
Speaker 9: I guess also I worry if if she responds in

1090
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 9: a way of yeah, let's pick things back up. I

1091
00:47:57,600 --> 00:48:00,799
Speaker 9: think I'm a little more guarded now, you know, not

1092
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 9: kind of jumping in feet first and throwing myself fully

1093
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:04,920
Speaker 9: back into a friendship.

1094
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,000
Speaker 2: You also don't need as much from her at this point,

1095
00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,919
Speaker 2: you know, right, Well, do you feel like you have

1096
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:10,880
Speaker 2: a path forward?

1097
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 3: John, Yeah, I think that's helpful.

1098
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:13,800
Speaker 7: Thank you guys.

1099
00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:16,120
Speaker 4: Oh, thanks Jen, thanks for calling in.

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00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, thanks for having me. Thanks, take care.

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00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:22,320
Speaker 4: Okay, girls, we did it again.

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00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:25,680
Speaker 1: Another episode of Dear Chelsea wrapped up problem solve, left, right,

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00:48:25,719 --> 00:48:28,400
Speaker 1: and center. Some serious phone calls today. I think we

1104
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 1: handled it well girls. Monica, thank you. Everyone can tune

1105
00:48:32,040 --> 00:48:35,360
Speaker 1: into Monica's podcast Reclaiming anywhere you listen to your podcast.

1106
00:48:35,440 --> 00:48:37,439
Speaker 4: It's a wondery podcast, though. I do want to shout

1107
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 4: out wondery.

1108
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 3: And it's on YouTube too, right, it's on YouTube exactly.

1109
00:48:41,040 --> 00:48:43,800
Speaker 1: Thank you, Yes, yes, yes, nice lighting on that podcast.

1110
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:46,760
Speaker 1: I have to say that, very nice lighting. I saw myself.

1111
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 1: I was like, ooh, how do.

1112
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:50,120
Speaker 3: We Yeah, it looked gorgeous, Darling.

1113
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:53,240
Speaker 1: Well, thanks for coming into studio even though I wasn't here.

1114
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 3: I know you owe me girl. Next year, Chelsea, you'll

1115
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:00,480
Speaker 3: be somewhere else, we'll be here. Well all we're pink

1116
00:49:00,080 --> 00:49:04,360
Speaker 3: and perfect. Much love to you, love you, love you,

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00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 3: take care bye.

1118
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 4: Okay.

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00:49:07,239 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 1: My remaining dates for Vegas. There are remaining dates for

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00:49:10,080 --> 00:49:16,120
Speaker 1: this year. Summertime is coming and I will be in

1121
00:49:16,239 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 1: Vegas at the Cosmo doing my residency on August thirtieth,

1122
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:25,480
Speaker 1: and then November one and twenty ninth. November one and

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00:49:25,520 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: November twenty ninth, I will be in Las Vegas at

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00:49:29,040 --> 00:49:32,240
Speaker 1: the Cosmo performing Inside Myself at the Chelsea.

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00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:35,400
Speaker 4: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,

1126
00:49:35,840 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 4: thank you.

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00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

1128
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 2: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

1129
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:45,360
Speaker 2: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

1130
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:49,239
Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

1131
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure

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00:49:53,000 --> 00:49:59,240
Speaker 2: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com