WEBVTT - Ep 96: Matt Docchio 0:00:03.800 --> 0:00:07.600 When you humanize yourself and you humanize me. Now, I'm 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:10.000 not just a tool or number to you, were something 0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:13.680 you're using to achieve a goal. Right now, you humanized 0:00:13.720 --> 0:00:16.800 me and made sure that I understand that I am 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:20.000 more important than whatever we're doing here. I think anybody 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:22.720 would take that from a leader or a boss and 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:23.360 run with it. 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:29.600 This is the Reform Sports Project, a podcast about restoring 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:32.839 healthy balance and perspective in all areas of sports through 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:36.760 education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick Bonacor from the 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:40.720 Reform Sports Podcast. Today, I'm speaking with retired Sergeant first 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:45.080 Class Matthew Docchio, a highly respected military veteran and longtime friend. 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:48.760 Sergeant first Class Dochio spent his entire military career in 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:52.360 the Army Special Forces Green Beret, earning a number of awards, 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:55.440 including a Bronze Star and Purple Heart, before retiring in 0:00:55.440 --> 0:00:59.200 twenty eighteen due to injury, sustain and combat. After discovering 0:00:59.200 --> 0:01:02.200 a passion for war working in retirement, Matt founded hard 0:01:02.240 --> 0:01:05.920 Af Designs, a small veteran own business that creates unique, 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:08.959 hindcrafted home to core pieces. Matt and I discussed why 0:01:09.000 --> 0:01:11.840 some of the best leaders express vulnerability and empathy, the 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:15.600 importance of teaching children accountability, and why he's decided to 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.119 write a book to help those struggling with mental health, 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:21.280 self worth, and identity. Man, I'm gonna try not to 0:01:21.319 --> 0:01:24.840 cry on this one. Dude an old friend from my childhood. 0:01:25.120 --> 0:01:27.360 We've kept in touch some over the years. But I mean, 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:29.959 this man is a He's a freaking hero to all 0:01:30.000 --> 0:01:32.760 of us here in the United States. I'm super pumped 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:34.440 to have him, super pumped to call him a friend. 0:01:34.840 --> 0:01:39.360 Special Forces Green Beret retired Matt Docchio, Matthew Dochio, doc 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:41.160 what's up Man? Thanks for hopping on, Bro. 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:43.400 What's up? Nick? Thanks for having me Man, It's an honor. 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:45.160 Well, it's an honor to have you. 0:01:45.240 --> 0:01:45.399 Bro. 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:48.240 And I just got done listening to the podcast Team 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:50.400 trek Man. You guys spent a lot of time really 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.200 digging in on some really important topics in your history. Man, 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:55.000 I thought you guys did an awesome job. Anyone who's 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:57.040 gonna listen to this needs to go check that out. 0:01:57.040 --> 0:01:58.800 But what was it like, Man, getting on the mic 0:01:58.880 --> 0:01:59.880 and open up about a lot of. 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:03.240 It was different. It was different. It definitely was a 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:06.960 new experience for me. Uh, you know, I've opened up 0:02:07.000 --> 0:02:10.960 before and in a very different settings in group sessions 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:12.520 and stuff like that, but to put it all out 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:14.920 there like that on the mic was Uh. It was 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:18.200 an experience, but a good one. A good one definitely 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:21.720 some growth and positive all positive coming from it. 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:23.680 Well, man, I'm glad that you did it, and I've 0:02:23.680 --> 0:02:25.600 been meaning to have yon. I'm glad we were able 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:27.079 to connect that kind of put the pedal to the 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:28.840 metal right there. I wanted to have you on because 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:32.360 you know, you have such an unbelievable esteem career in 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:35.320 the US. You know, military, You've been in so many 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.240 leadership positions, but also you know, you were one hell 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:40.520 of an athlete back in your day, and and you 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:42.600 know a lot of you know, sports parents, a lot 0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:44.640 of kids, a lot of coaches and such will listen 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:46.760 to this a little bit of history about Matt and I. 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:49.359 You know, we played every sport we can possibly imagine 0:02:49.400 --> 0:02:51.280 against each other with each other back in the day 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:53.960 when we were kids. Our brothers played high school football together. 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:57.079 He and I played football together against each other in 0:02:57.160 --> 0:02:59.720 high school. And then I guess, Matt, you know we're 0:02:59.720 --> 0:03:02.440 such a good athlete, you go into the military, what 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:04.480 are you you're nineteen twenty years old when. 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:06.440 You go into the army twenty twenty. 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:09.480 I went twenty years old, and immediately you just jump 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:12.639 into I'm going into Special Force astraight, Like, how did 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:16.040 your athletic career help you become? I guess from what 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:18.720 I read, forty five people tried out for that eighteen 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:21.960 month grueling session of the of the training, and only 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:24.280 three were standing at the end. You were one of them. Like, 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.239 what did you do in athletics that allowed you, I 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:29.440 guess to have not only the physical but the mental 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:31.000 wherewithal to be able to get through that. 0:03:31.480 --> 0:03:34.480 Oh that's it paved the way. It gave me the 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:36.520 keys to the kingdom, I guess you could say, really, 0:03:37.000 --> 0:03:39.600 because all the qualities and all the skills that I 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:43.240 needed to be successful in that type of environment were 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:47.640 learned and polished through all those years with you playing 0:03:47.720 --> 0:03:51.720 sports in high school and the competitiveness and the camaraderie 0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:55.160 and learning how to be a good leader from you know, 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:56.720 the captain of the football team when I was a 0:03:56.760 --> 0:04:00.600 sophomore to you know, coach Telegrio, and you know, all 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:03.400 the mentors that I had and then bad leaders, you know, 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:06.240 being able to identify them and what I take away 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:08.520 from from this guy and that guy. So when I 0:04:08.520 --> 0:04:11.040 got the Special Forces, it almost felt like at home. 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:13.560 It felt like a football team to me, it really was. 0:04:13.400 --> 0:04:16.520 It was it was the same type of mentality, a 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:19.520 bunch of guys working towards the same goal, working together. 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:21.560 To be honest, it was almost I'm not going to 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:24.320 say easy, because physically it was challenging, but it was 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:26.640 easier for me than I think other guys that were 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:29.240 left in the right of being because I already had 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:33.039 those key qualities that you learned playing sports, how to 0:04:33.080 --> 0:04:35.200 be a member of the team, how to follow, then 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:38.000 how to lead, And I think that's what made me successful. 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:41.200 One of the big things that often comes up, you know, 0:04:41.640 --> 0:04:44.760 particularly today, is you know, as a parent. I know 0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:47.600 you're a parent as well. You know, it's challenging at 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:50.479 times to you know, some people don't really like seeing 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:53.520 their kids struggle. But I mean, here you are, twenty 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:55.839 twenty one years old. You're going through some of the 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:59.360 most intense training and learning. You know, in the battlefield, 0:04:59.480 --> 0:05:02.560 right like there had to be adversity constantly. Was there 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:05.080 anything that like you pulled out of your childhood or 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:08.560 any struggles that maybe you know, you could look back on, 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:11.080 maybe from your athletic background to be like, man, I've 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:11.839 been here before. 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:16.240 Yeah, yeah, I think it would be more with the 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:19.600 interaction with teammates. You know, I did pull Like I 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:22.560 remember when it was Thanksgiving weekend the Holy Cross and 0:05:22.600 --> 0:05:25.120 they would let the freshmen practice that week with the varsity, 0:05:25.400 --> 0:05:28.360 and uh, you know, you got some senior They pick 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:30.800 on the freshmen. They bully the freshman, you know, and 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:32.440 they make life hard for him. You know. So when 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.080 you get to a special courts team, it's very similar. 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:37.719 It's like I'm that freshman again with these older guys 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:40.400 and you have to put your pride aside to follow 0:05:40.640 --> 0:05:42.560 and listen. And I just said to my son the 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:44.479 other day, because you just started playing football, the same 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:46.679 advice I gave him would be advice that I learned 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:49.360 growing up playing football and I used throughout my whole career. 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:51.880 Sometimes don't listen to how the coach is saying it 0:05:51.960 --> 0:05:54.240 to you, listen to what he's saying to you. You know, 0:05:54.240 --> 0:05:56.400 guys are gonna scream, they're gonna yell at you. Filter 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.640 that out. And just received the message do not miss 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.120 the mess is because he's yelling at you, you know, 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:04.880 And that was a big takeaway for me. That's something 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:06.640 I've always I've always held tied to. 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:09.760 And it seems like you've always been in leadership positions man, 0:06:09.880 --> 0:06:12.280 like you know, you talk about being a younger, you know, 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:14.800 a young man and you probably had guys that were wailed. 0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:17.800 Did you morph into a leader in the military, Like, 0:06:17.839 --> 0:06:22.040 how did you become someone who is so revered and 0:06:22.120 --> 0:06:25.600 followed by, you know, your teammates in the military. Did 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.240 it come naturally to you or is that something you 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:28.240 had to learn from experience. 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:31.920 This is a long debate that I think my whole 0:06:31.920 --> 0:06:35.000 time in the military, we debate this topic. Can you 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:36.200 teach leadership? 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:37.360 Can you teach. 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:39.320 Someone how to be a leader? The military thinks that 0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:41.560 they can't. You know, they send you to leadership schools, 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:43.719 they e spent you to come back a leader. This 0:06:43.800 --> 0:06:46.240 is mat Docu's personal opinion. I don't think you can 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:49.040 teach leadership. I don't think you can take someone and 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:51.200 teach him to be a good leader. Now you can 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:53.680 provide him with the qualities and the characteristics of what 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.480 a good leader looks like and maybe help him act 0:06:56.520 --> 0:06:59.039 like a good leader. But from what I see and 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:02.480 what I've seen through my it's the guys that played 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:05.159 some type of sports, the guys that were always involved 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:08.839 in that team setting. I believe good leaders are made 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:12.960 through experiences growing up, you know, as they go through life. 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.720 They are the experiences that they are a part of 0:07:16.200 --> 0:07:18.440 morph them either into a good leader or a bad leader, 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:21.600 or doesn't understand what leadership is, or just doesn't have 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:23.600 that quality in them. Some people are I don't think 0:07:23.600 --> 0:07:25.400 are made to be leaders, and there's nothing wrong with that. 0:07:26.520 --> 0:07:30.119 But I do believe that it's I became the leader 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:33.920 that I became because of coach Trull, like Holy Cross, 0:07:33.960 --> 0:07:37.240 because of you know, my coach in college, because of 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.120 the mentors I had when I was when I was 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:42.040 young in Special Forces and some great leaders that pulled 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:43.640 me in and mentored me, and I was able to 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:46.040 pull those key things that I see in them as leaders. 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:47.960 And then the bad leaders. I've had a lot of 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:50.480 bad leaders in my career as well. I remember like 0:07:50.560 --> 0:07:52.920 things that they did that I in my mind, I'm 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:54.600 not going to do that. That's not the leader I 0:07:54.640 --> 0:07:56.400 want to be. So when I get into that position, 0:07:57.160 --> 0:07:59.240 or when I did get to that position of leadership 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:01.640 in my raign, I knew, I knew the type of 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:03.760 leader I wanted to be. I knew the mistakes that 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.960 I've seen leaders make, and I remember the impacts that 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:10.680 those mistakes would have on our team and on individuals, 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:14.679 And I just made a kindness effort to be that leader. 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.120 So at the end of the day, like and listening 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:19.400 to the podcast you did with Team Trek, you kept 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:22.200 bringing up the word being vulnerable, you know, you kept 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:25.800 saying how getting vulnerable, having empathy. In fact, you talked 0:08:25.840 --> 0:08:29.440 in great detail about some trauma that you experienced, and 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:32.560 you know, one incident in particular kind of shaped you know, 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:36.640 your life really and caused you to maybe later on, like, 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:39.360 you know, have instances come up where you may have 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:41.600 had a shorter fuse, maybe not have shown some empathy 0:08:41.600 --> 0:08:43.280 because I heard, you know, during the podcast and we 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:45.840 talked a little bit beforehand, you know how if you 0:08:45.840 --> 0:08:48.319 can go back, maybe you would. And I asked you 0:08:48.400 --> 0:08:51.040 before we started recording, like do you think that there's 0:08:51.040 --> 0:08:53.800 strength and empathy, Like do you think that you know, 0:08:53.880 --> 0:08:56.800 showing empathy maybe taking time to talk to someone, Because 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:58.840 when you're in the military and you're you're you're in 0:08:58.880 --> 0:09:01.400 Afghanistan and you're in the desert, you're in a combat. 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:03.400 I mean, you're dealing with life and death. So my 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:06.480 question to you was having that few minutes of counsel 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:10.360 with someone to maybe help them through, would that maybe 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:13.880 slow them down? And your response actually called me and 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:15.640 I would love for you to kind of talk about 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:17.640 how empathy might be an advantage. 0:09:18.160 --> 0:09:20.840 You know, if you asked me that question at twenty 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:24.000 six years old, I probably would answer it much definitely now, 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:26.680 because I wasn't at that point of understanding what a 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:28.720 good leader is, you know, I would think that would 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:30.720 show weakness, like there's no, we don't have time for 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:32.920 that to we're on a mission or or you know, 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:34.199 we have a goal that we have to get you 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:37.280 no matter what. And that's the wrong answer in my opinion, 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:41.000 that's the wrong answer. I think vulnerability empathy that doesn't 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:43.240 show a weakness, that shows the strength of the leader, 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:46.840 That shows the leader's ability to take off that shield 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:51.600 and show genuine concern for a player, for a soldier, 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:56.960 for you know, a coworker. I think that it's unmeasurable 0:09:57.320 --> 0:09:59.600 the benefits that that's going to do for him, as 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:02.400 a leader. That's what that's what it would do for 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:05.640 the team. I've had leaders that have done that with me, 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:09.320 and twenty years later, I'll still follow them anywhere. They 0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:12.120 have my loyalty, they have my work. I will work 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:14.319 my ass off of these guys. And it's because of that. 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:16.800 It's because that they showed me that vulnerability, they showed 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:20.440 me that genuine care for my well being above just 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:23.840 being a number, above just being a tool for the 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:28.160 military to use. And it's priceless, I think right there. 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:31.000 When you do that with one of your guys, you 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:35.199 solidify a relationship not just professional, but also personal. It's 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:38.760 a bond that's it's unbreakable, definitely signed us strengths. 0:10:39.240 --> 0:10:43.000 So that bond, that relationship that you're talking about becomes 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:46.480 it like blooms when you get real with somebody, like hey, 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:48.920 you take that guard down, you show your guard and 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:51.320 you let that human know like it's not about just 0:10:51.360 --> 0:10:53.480 we go get this w It's not about just you know, 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:55.360 we got to go finish this mission. It's not about 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:57.760 we just got to go, you know, hit this quota 0:10:57.800 --> 0:10:59.840 for the month. It's about I care about you as 0:10:59.880 --> 0:11:02.160 a person, and that in and of itself will make 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:03.720 you run through a brick wall for somebody. 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:06.680 Oh yeah, when you when you when you humanize yourself 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:09.960 and you humanize me. Now I'm not just a tool 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:12.760 or number to you or something you're using to achieve 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:17.680 a goal. Right now, you humanized me and made sure 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:21.120 that I understand that I am more important than whatever 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:24.320 we're doing here. I think anybody would take that from 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:26.559 a leader or a boss and run with it and 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:29.199 you know, do the right thing and follow them absolutely. 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:32.520 When you're you talk about teamwork and being a great teammate, 0:11:32.520 --> 0:11:34.800 which is something that I talk about a lot. You know, 0:11:34.880 --> 0:11:37.160 we talk about a lot and I personally and I 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:39.280 would love to hear your thought on this because I 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:42.200 try my best with my own kids and when I'm 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:45.600 coaching teams, particularly a young age. Is like I think 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:47.960 you can teach somebody. I think learning to be a 0:11:47.960 --> 0:11:50.520 great teammate is. I think that's a learned skill. I 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:53.640 think it's it's it's teaching kids like it's not all 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:55.320 about you, And I think a lot of that starts 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.200 at home. As a parent, I think that I have 0:11:57.280 --> 0:11:58.880 to do that as a parent, I have to do 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:01.280 that as a coach. But what are your thoughts on 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.839 you know, can you teach kids to be great teammates? 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.120 Can you teach people to be a great teammate? And 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:10.360 if so? Or if not? But if so, like, what 0:12:10.480 --> 0:12:13.480 are ways in which that you believe could help people 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:15.480 learn to become a great team and not be selfish. 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:18.240 I think one of the number one qualities of being 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:21.199 a leader is leading by example. I think that's that 0:12:21.280 --> 0:12:25.319 right there. Teaching kids or green berets, you're you're talking 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:27.120 about seven year old or you're talking about thirty year 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:30.840 old you know, are chargers. It's the same thing, leading 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:33.400 by example, showing that you're putting the team first. You're 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:36.440 putting this guy first, you know, developing these guys, doing 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:38.160 whatever we need to do to make each of them 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:40.880 better and making each other better because you get that 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:44.240 understanding of we're on a team. So if you're great 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:47.199 and all of us are mediocre, well the team's mediocre. 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:49.800 But if everyone on a team is great, how much 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:51.400 better are we going to be as a unit? You know? 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:53.160 And once you get everyone to buy off on that 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:55.959 and to drink that kool aid, you know, there's no 0:12:55.960 --> 0:12:58.720 stopping you. So I think leading by example and you 0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:01.000 do that by You know, when I was a charge 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:03.440 of by team, that was all about getting you the 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:06.280 schools that you want, getting you more training, making you 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:08.720 a better soldier. I'm not trying to keep you down 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.360 so I can keep my position. I'm trying to make 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:12.840 all of you better so we can be better as 0:13:12.840 --> 0:13:15.960 a team. And you see when guys see that, they 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:18.000 start doing that with each other. You know, they become 0:13:18.000 --> 0:13:20.520 better teammates. They start putting their teammate first. It's all 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.280 instead of I, it's all about us. And I think 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:25.320 it's as by example. 0:13:26.080 --> 0:13:29.200 So you really, I mean when you talk about you know, 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:30.800 you were out and I mean, what do you have? 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:32.920 You have two purple hearts, you have a bronze what 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:35.920 is it? A bronze star? Yeah, so I mean you're 0:13:36.000 --> 0:13:38.480 highly decorated. You have been in the thick of it. 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:42.920 How many tours have you done Afganistan for and then 0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:44.360 a bunch to wear South America? 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:49.080 South America? Yeah, pretty much every country minus Venezuela and Nicaragua. 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:52.240 So you've been in the belly of the beast. At 0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:55.120 the end of the day, the same type of things 0:13:55.160 --> 0:13:57.480 you learn playing sports, being a part of a team 0:13:57.600 --> 0:14:01.199 really translate into that real world life and death situation 0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:04.160 like it is. It's really that much of a mirror 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:06.920 situation from a camaraderie, from a team building aspect and 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:07.880 leadership aspect. 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:10.800 You know, I always speak for you know, Special Forces, 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:13.000 Like my whole career is a Special Forces. So we're 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:15.400 on a twelve man team. If we're lucky, nine, ten, eleven, 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:19.040 twelve guys dependent, but those are that's your team. That's 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:23.040 your team for years. It mirrors. It mirrors my high 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:27.200 school football team. It mirrors my college. It mirrors sports 0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:30.560 to the tea. It really does. From the coach down. 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:32.720 You know, we have a team sergeant instead of a coach. 0:14:33.240 --> 0:14:37.560 And every issue or every challenge that I had on 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:40.280 any team playing sports are very similar challenges I have 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:43.840 on a Special Force to team, you know, minus obviously 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:47.120 the mission and stuff like that. But you're still working 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:50.120 towards a goal, unified as a team. In order for 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:51.960 us to win or in order for us to have 0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:54.760 a successful mission, we have to work as a team. 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:58.280 You have to do your responsibilities, and you will succeed. 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.080 I mean, that's that's really a matter. Playing seventh grade 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:03.320 te ball, if we work as a team and do 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:05.800 what we've learned, and you know, take care of what 0:15:05.840 --> 0:15:10.120 your specific responsibility is. The team does well, and it's 0:15:10.160 --> 0:15:13.160 the same thing. It's across the board from what I've seen, 0:15:13.800 --> 0:15:14.000 you know. 0:15:14.040 --> 0:15:17.119 It's it's fascinating to me how we take these lessons 0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:19.720 and incorporate them because I can speak for myself and 0:15:19.560 --> 0:15:22.400 my business experience and everything I've ever done it and 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:24.560 it all translates, It all correlates, which is why I'm 0:15:24.600 --> 0:15:27.840 such a big proponent on kids, you know, being well rounded, 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:31.360 playing different sports, but also having different experiences and more 0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:33.560 important than like allowing your kids to fail. 0:15:33.840 --> 0:15:34.000 You know. 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:37.200 I interviewed Tim KORbin, head baseball coach at Vanderbilt, and 0:15:37.240 --> 0:15:39.360 he's like, when your kids are out there, he kind 0:15:39.360 --> 0:15:41.720 of gave an analogy of throughout their swimming in the 0:15:41.760 --> 0:15:44.160 water and there and they're struggling a little bit, don't 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:46.040 be so quick to throw them the life jacket, you know, 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:48.440 don't be so quick like allow them the opportunity to 0:15:48.480 --> 0:15:51.200 work through it. It's so quick nowadays. If things aren't 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.360 going right, we're gonna bounce to another team. We're gonna 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:55.440 go here, we're gonna quit, we're gonna go there. And 0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:58.400 as a parent. Listen, are there times in which a 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:02.880 situation is better some or else? Sure, but there's definitely value, 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:05.920 especially particularly at young ages, and you have to learn 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.360 it early. Man, Like these kids got to learn how 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.720 to get uncomfortable. So, as a parent, is that something 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:13.320 that you're going to try to do with your kids 0:16:13.400 --> 0:16:15.360 is like allow them to out? But how do you 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:18.560 balance that, right? Because do you revert back to stick 0:16:18.600 --> 0:16:20.360 your chest out, don't talk about it, or do you 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:24.280 show that same empathy and encouragement and help guide them 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:26.680 through it while still allow them to feel that struggle. 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:29.440 Let me tell you that is that just happens to 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:32.680 me with my son Joshua right eighth grade. Down here, 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:35.360 they have the actual football at the school in seventh 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:37.520 and eighth grade. They don't have it up nors. So 0:16:37.600 --> 0:16:39.960 he's playing in football for the first time in his life. Right, 0:16:40.000 --> 0:16:43.720 he always played soccer, plays football. Kids a great athlete. 0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:46.640 My son's a great athlete. He probably saw one minute 0:16:46.720 --> 0:16:51.240 of playtime the whole season, one minute of playtime ten 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:54.120 games eighth grade. Dude, I think the coach was a 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:56.480 good coach. No, I don't. I think the coaches were 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:58.640 horrible coaches. Did I ever say that to my son. 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:01.400 Absolutely not right. I'm not gonna get I'm not gonna 0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:05.000 give him that blame or that ability to blame the 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:09.480 coach or whatever. No, you work hard and whatever happens 0:17:09.520 --> 0:17:11.320 happens as long as you know you worked hard as 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:14.880 you could and he did. So now what do we do? Okay, 0:17:14.880 --> 0:17:16.880 I switch them to Destin high school where he'll get 0:17:16.880 --> 0:17:19.240 more playing time. Do I switch on the Choctaw where 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.280 they have a weak team so it gets more playing time. No, 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:25.320 I'm not gonna do that. You need to make a decision. 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:27.879 So I told you go to crossroads. You take that 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:32.000 and turn it into fuel and work hard to get 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:34.760 your playing time this next year. Or do you use 0:17:34.800 --> 0:17:37.240 it as if as an excuse of failure I hate 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.840 the coach about No, you take countability for your actions. 0:17:41.040 --> 0:17:42.399 Work your ass off, and that's why I told me. 0:17:42.440 --> 0:17:44.040 I said, if you work your ass off, put the 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:47.240 time in, and then let's see what happens. But we 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.639 need to know did you try your best. If you 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.240 tried your best and you're not gonna play well, then 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:55.760 you know we could talk other options. And that's what 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:58.080 he did. I'd be honest with you. I can't believe 0:17:58.080 --> 0:18:02.160 how hard he worked and he's getting his rewards. Now 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:04.240 you know he's starting this year, he's you know, he's 0:18:04.240 --> 0:18:06.479 doing he's doing very well. So I think that's an 0:18:06.520 --> 0:18:09.480 example of because I think a lot of parents immediately 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:12.000 with the coaches, don't know what they're doing the right 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:14.720 They get the kid and out and you can't blame 0:18:14.800 --> 0:18:17.119 the coaches, you know, as easy as that is, it's 0:18:17.119 --> 0:18:19.520 always a coach is fault. You got to I'm trying 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:23.640 to teach him like accountability. That's that's where I think 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:25.600 is big with teams is you have to be able 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.840 to be self aware and take accountability. Because he didn't, 0:18:28.880 --> 0:18:30.879 he didn't train hard for this football season. I know 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:34.919