1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,120 Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose. Thank you for 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:05,920 Speaker 1: being on my channel. It means the world to me. 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode. 4 00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 1: I want to start with a question that might feel uncomfortable. 5 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:21,080 Speaker 1: Not dramatic, not motivational, just honest. What if the biggest 6 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 1: risk in your life isn't failure, it isn't rejection, It 7 00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 1: isn't being judged, but slowly wasting your life without ever 8 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 1: realizing it, not all at once, not in a tragic way, 9 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:41,160 Speaker 1: but quietly, comfortably. Most people don't waste their life doing 10 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:45,919 Speaker 1: the wrong things. They waste it doing fine things for 11 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 1: far too long. And today I want to talk about 12 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 1: what it actually means to waste your life according to psychology, neuroscience, 13 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 1: and philosophy, and how to stop doing it without burning 14 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: everything down. Here's the reality. I don't want us to 15 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: take our preconceived notions of what wasting our life looks 16 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:10,320 Speaker 1: like into this conversation. And I'm definitely not telling you 17 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 1: that you've ruined everything, that you've lost everything. I want 18 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:18,680 Speaker 1: you to listen very carefully. If you've ever felt busy 19 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:24,360 Speaker 1: but empty, successful but restless, or like time is moving 20 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: faster than you are stay with me, because that's what 21 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:32,479 Speaker 1: we're really talking about. So here's the truth that most 22 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: people miss. You don't waste your life by making one 23 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:40,399 Speaker 1: bad decision. That's the common mistake we think. We think, 24 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, if I made this one bad decision, 25 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,840 Speaker 1: my life is over. Oh if I take this direction 26 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: and it doesn't work out, I messed up. Or because 27 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 1: I went to university or college and it didn't pan out, 28 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: that was a bad idea. Oh you know what, because 29 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: I didn't make it through to this round, that makes 30 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: it not worth it. We think we waste our life 31 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 1: because of one bad decision, one bad moment. But here's 32 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: the reality. Most of us actually waste it by defaulting. 33 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: Psychologists call this the status quote bias, our tendency to 34 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 1: stick with what's familiar even when it no longer serves us. 35 00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: Think about how many times you've stayed in a relationship 36 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: even though it's no longer respectful to you. How long 37 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,240 Speaker 1: have you stayed in a job that devalues you. How 38 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 1: long have you tried to make something work when that 39 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: other person disrespects you. All of us stay in places 40 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,919 Speaker 1: that no longer serve us, and that's how we start 41 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: to waste life and time. Now, I want to be 42 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,680 Speaker 1: really honest about this. You're not really wasting time because 43 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 1: you could be getting the energy to move. But I 44 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 1: want you to be aware of this idea of defaulting. 45 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: I want you to be conscious of the belief that 46 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 1: you can move. There's a famous quote that says, if 47 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:59,200 Speaker 1: you don't like where you're standing, move You're not a tree. 48 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 1: I love that quote because often we feel like trees 49 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 1: in situations in our lives. The reason why I'm telling 50 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 1: you that is I don't want you to feel like 51 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,120 Speaker 1: you can't move. I don't want you to believe that 52 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 1: there isn't more out there. Research shows humans will tolerate 53 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 1: dissatisfaction far longer than uncertainty. So we stay in jobs 54 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: that drain us. We stay in relationships that shrink us. 55 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 1: We stay in routines that numb us, not because they're good, 56 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:31,000 Speaker 1: but because they're known. Think about that. Tik nat Hahn 57 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 1: famously said, we'd rather stay in familiar pain than unfamiliar pain. 58 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: The unfamiliarity of uncertainty of changing a job and changing 59 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 1: our relationship scares us so much that we stay stuck 60 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,320 Speaker 1: in situations that are not good for us. Anymore. We 61 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:55,840 Speaker 1: allow time to pass by even though we're not happy, content, 62 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: excited about where we are, and sometimes that time is processing. 63 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: But sometimes you and I know that time is being wasted. 64 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:08,640 Speaker 1: We're not really living. We're waiting, hoping, wishing, wanting, or 65 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: maybe even worse numbing. Was just like, Okay, I'm just 66 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: going to accept I don't deserve better. And I think 67 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: that that is where so many things change in our life. 68 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,599 Speaker 1: You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be cared for. 69 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: You deserve to love, and you deserve to care for others. 70 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 1: We all deserve that. And when we settle and say 71 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:33,000 Speaker 1: to ourselves, I'm willing to settle for less than I deserve, 72 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 1: I'm willing to tolerate disrespect, I'm willing to be taken 73 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 1: for granted, that's when we've really lose. And here's the 74 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: most dangerous part. A wasted life doesn't look wasted from 75 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 1: the outside. It looks stable, it looks busy, it might 76 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: even look impressive until one day it feels heavy. Right. 77 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: Sometimes you're looking at someone and you're thinking your life 78 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: looks amazing, You've nailed it, But what they're experience on 79 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,760 Speaker 1: the inside is very different. And people might even say 80 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: that to you. They might even say, well, you make 81 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 1: it look easy. Well, your life looks great, everything looks wonderful, 82 00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:13,159 Speaker 1: And inside you're thinking, yeah, but I know I'm meant 83 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,440 Speaker 1: for more. I know I'm meant for more now. By 84 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,359 Speaker 1: the way, if you already are happy in that stability, 85 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,359 Speaker 1: there is nothing wrong with that. Only you can answer this. 86 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:25,600 Speaker 1: I can't answer this question for you, and I can't 87 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,520 Speaker 1: tell you it. But it's your personal evaluation to say, 88 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,159 Speaker 1: I'm meant for more. I think I can do more, 89 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 1: I think I can be more, I think I want more, 90 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:38,839 Speaker 1: whatever that may be. I was actually happy in my steadiness. 91 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,520 Speaker 1: But there was something inside of me just saying I'm 92 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,479 Speaker 1: meant to serve others, I'm meant to make a difference, 93 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,840 Speaker 1: I'm meant to try. And that's what brought me to here. 94 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: That's what brought me in front of you all right now. 95 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: And so I don't want you to accept something just 96 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: because it's what you've got used to. Here's the first 97 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,159 Speaker 1: thing I want to talk about. Time is not what 98 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:04,440 Speaker 1: you think. Most people think time is unlimited. Psychologists call 99 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:08,120 Speaker 1: this time optimism, the belief that would always have more 100 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: time later, but studies show that once people past their 101 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: mid thirties, time has experienced exponentially faster, not because clocks change, 102 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:23,719 Speaker 1: but because novelty disappears. When days look the same, the 103 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:29,279 Speaker 1: brain compresses memory. That's why childhood felt endless and the 104 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: last five years feel like a blur. I think about 105 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 1: it all the time. I find that being so true 106 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 1: that as I get older, time moves faster. Time feels 107 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:41,559 Speaker 1: like it's speeding away. Every year feels faster. I can't 108 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,280 Speaker 1: believe her. In twenty twenty six the pandemic feels like yesterday, 109 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: twenty sixteen, when we've been posting everything that we were 110 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: all doing ten years ago. It feels like yesterday in 111 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: one sense, but time has moved so much faster. When 112 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:02,280 Speaker 1: asked what surprised him most about humanity, Tea the Buddha responded, 113 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:06,560 Speaker 1: we think we have time now. I don't want to 114 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,800 Speaker 1: be morbid. I don't want to be really realistic about this. 115 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 1: The belief that we have time is healthy when it 116 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: makes us use it wisely. The belief we have time 117 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: is dangerous when it makes us lazier. I'm not asking 118 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 1: you to hustle, I'm not asking you to stress yourself. Out. 119 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,560 Speaker 1: I'm not asking you to burn out. I'm trying to 120 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: encourage you to make sure that your time is accounted for. 121 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: The way we use time, the way we use money, 122 00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:35,280 Speaker 1: the way we use our energy is powerful. It can 123 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: make a huge impact, It can change things, and a 124 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 1: lot of us waste both time and money. We don't 125 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:42,880 Speaker 1: count our money, we don't count our time. We don't 126 00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: really think about how we spend our money. We don't 127 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,600 Speaker 1: really think about how we spend our time. So here's 128 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 1: what I want you to remember. A life without novelty 129 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:56,600 Speaker 1: feels short, even if it's long. Wasting your life isn't 130 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 1: about dying early. It's about living on all pilot. When 131 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: asked what's the biggest mistake we make in life, the 132 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 1: Buddha replied, you think you have time, so you wait 133 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 1: to start, You wait to change, You wait to say 134 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: what matters. You wait to live fully. Don't waste your 135 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,600 Speaker 1: time waiting. The second thing I wanted to talk to 136 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 1: you about is comfort is the most expensive drug. I 137 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,080 Speaker 1: want you to think about that for a second. Comfort 138 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: is the most expensive drug. Now, let's be honest. Comfort 139 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:39,960 Speaker 1: is an evil, but it is addictive. Neuroscience shows the 140 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: brain prioritizes energy efficiency, It loves predictability, It avoids discomfort. 141 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 1: So once you find a routine that works, your brain says, 142 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: stay here. But psychology shows something else too. Long term 143 00:08:54,400 --> 00:09:00,000 Speaker 1: fulfillment comes from meaning, not pleasure. Studies from positive psychology 144 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:07,600 Speaker 1: consistently show pleasure spikes quickly, meaning compounds slowly. Pleasure asks 145 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 1: does this feel good now? Meaning asks is this really 146 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 1: worth it? A wasted life is often a comfortable one 147 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 1: with no clear reason behind it. Don't choose comfort in 148 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: the short term over the life you'll wish you had later. 149 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:28,520 Speaker 1: Don't choose comfort in the short term over the courage 150 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 1: your future self will need. Don't choose comfort in the 151 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 1: short term over the growth that only discomfort can give you. 152 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:40,320 Speaker 1: Think about all the great things that your life is 153 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 1: full of. It's all because of some discomfort. It could 154 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: be the discomfort of your immigrant parents. It could be 155 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 1: the discomfort that your family went through to raise you. 156 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:53,280 Speaker 1: It could be the discomfort of your childhood that's made 157 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: you more compassionate and empathetic. It could be the discomfort 158 00:09:56,840 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 1: of the tiring training you did as a teenager that 159 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 1: has made you discipline today. Think about the discomfort that 160 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 1: you went through when you went through your first breakup, 161 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,960 Speaker 1: a traumatic experience, you had a rejection, you had a failure. 162 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 1: You had that has made you stronger and more resilient today. 163 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 1: There's a famous quote that says, I've never seen a 164 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:22,679 Speaker 1: strong person with an easy past, because a strong person 165 00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:27,920 Speaker 1: has fought battles you didn't see. They've lived days that 166 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,599 Speaker 1: you never noticed, and they've worked really hard on themselves 167 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 1: when everyone else thought they had it easy. You are 168 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 1: one of those people. You've already done uncomfortable things, and 169 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 1: I get it. You want to rest, I get it. 170 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 1: You want to stop. I get it. You want to pause. 171 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaker 1: And it's good to have that time. It's good to 172 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: have that energy. But as humans, we constantly find that 173 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 1: seeking the right discomfort can propel us forward in a 174 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: way that comfort never can think about the idea of 175 00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:02,480 Speaker 1: comfort food. Comfort food it makes you unhealthier. Comfort food 176 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 1: makes you lazier. Comfort food takes away energy. Healthy food 177 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,080 Speaker 1: may not taste it good. It doesn't make you feel 178 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 1: comfortable in a minute. Going to the gym doesn't make 179 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,559 Speaker 1: you feel comfortable right now, but it gives you energy. 180 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:19,600 Speaker 1: It builds muscle, it builds discipline. The question you have 181 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 1: to ask yourself, is what am I building by choosing it? 182 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 1: The third message is you become what you repeat. Here's 183 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:52,199 Speaker 1: something sobering. Your life is not shaped by your goals. 184 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,559 Speaker 1: It's shaped by your habits. It's shaped by the thoughts 185 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:01,199 Speaker 1: you repeat daily, the words you say regularly, and the 186 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:06,679 Speaker 1: actions you actually implement. That is what our life is 187 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 1: actually shaped by. I used to have a mentor who'd 188 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 1: always say to me, you become what you think about. 189 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,880 Speaker 1: And he would catch me randomly and say, what are 190 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 1: you thinking about right now? And I'd say, oh, I'm 191 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: not thinking about anything. I'm thinking about nothing. And he'd say, oh, well, 192 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 1: are you going to become nothing? What are you thinking about? 193 00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:24,920 Speaker 1: What are you dreaming about? What are you planning for? 194 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:29,520 Speaker 1: What are you building? That? Repetition is what creates action. 195 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,439 Speaker 1: Right if you think about any action you took first, 196 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: you thought about it. I feel hungry, I think I'm hungry. 197 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,559 Speaker 1: I believe I'm hungry, so let me go and get food. 198 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 1: It comes from our thoughts. So we have to realize 199 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 1: that our life is not defined by our goals and 200 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 1: where we want to be. It's defined by what we repeat. 201 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:49,600 Speaker 1: Up Here. Research shows that up to forty five percent 202 00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: of daily behavior is automatic, which means you don't become 203 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: your intention, you become your pattern. Let me say that again. 204 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: You don't become your intention, you become your pattern. If 205 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 1: you repeat distraction, you build a distracted life. If you 206 00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 1: repeat avoidance, you build a small life. And here's the 207 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:17,040 Speaker 1: quiet danger. You can waste your life doing things you 208 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:21,439 Speaker 1: never consciously chose. The question is in what do you want? 209 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,280 Speaker 1: It's what are you practicing? I want you to really 210 00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,559 Speaker 1: think about that. I think often when we're listening to 211 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: motivational talks or whatever it may be, people are like, 212 00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:31,120 Speaker 1: what do you want? What are you chasing? What do 213 00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 1: you want to go after? My question is what are 214 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 1: you practicing? What do you do every day? Because that 215 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: becomes your week? What do you do every week because 216 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,440 Speaker 1: that becomes your month? What do you do every month 217 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,880 Speaker 1: because that becomes your year? What do you do every 218 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 1: year because that becomes your decade? That famous wisdom is true. 219 00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:53,480 Speaker 1: We are what we repeatedly do. What are you practicing? 220 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,800 Speaker 1: What are you building? Every day? When you think about it, 221 00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:00,360 Speaker 1: If you've ever seen a construction site, yes had to 222 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,920 Speaker 1: have a vision, Yes, someone had to have a plan. 223 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: But bricks had to be laid day by day. If 224 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 1: you walked past a building every day and it wasn't 225 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:13,800 Speaker 1: complete yet, it's because someone wasn't practicing their vision. What 226 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 1: are you practicing? What are you building? Use the vision 227 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,040 Speaker 1: of what you want to create as motivation to get 228 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 1: up in the morning and actually laid that brick. Point 229 00:14:21,840 --> 00:14:26,200 Speaker 1: number four is the illusion of later. One of the 230 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:31,480 Speaker 1: most common phrases people use to waste their life is later, Later, 231 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,840 Speaker 1: when I have more time, Later when I'm more confident, 232 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,760 Speaker 1: Later when things slow down. How many times have you 233 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:42,400 Speaker 1: put up something till later to never actually get to it. 234 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: We keep putting off the things that mean so much 235 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,400 Speaker 1: to us. We keep putting off the things that are 236 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 1: important to us that actually bring us joy. Later is 237 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 1: a concept that rarely pays off. Psychologists call this future discounting. 238 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,479 Speaker 1: If you in future versions of us will be better equipped, 239 00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 1: but research shows the opposite future you is just you 240 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: with more habits. If you don't choose now, later won't 241 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 1: choose for you. Because here's the hard truth. Later is 242 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:20,760 Speaker 1: not a time, it's a story. There's no such thing 243 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:25,120 Speaker 1: as later. There's only now, and the choices you keep 244 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 1: postponing when we keep pushing things far away, When we 245 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:34,240 Speaker 1: keep pushing things down the road, what we're saying is 246 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 1: I'll get there, so you make yourself feel better. But 247 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 1: we all know we don't get this. So what how 248 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: do we do this without guilt? I don't want you 249 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: to feel guilt or shame by make yourself feel bad 250 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 1: about what you haven't done. What I want you to 251 00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:53,600 Speaker 1: recognize is that you can shift your entire life right now. 252 00:15:54,640 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 1: One thought, one act, one choice can change the true 253 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 1: trajectory of your life. And you can start that thought, 254 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 1: that choice today. There's today and what you decide to 255 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:11,240 Speaker 1: do with it. Don't worry about the days that have 256 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 1: gone past. Don't worry about the years that you should 257 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:16,200 Speaker 1: have done this, could have done that, would have done that. 258 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 1: Here you are right now. There's no such thing as later. 259 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,720 Speaker 1: There's the moment you're in and whether you choose it. 260 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 1: There's no such thing as later. There's only now and 261 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 1: the choices you keep putting off. There's no such thing 262 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 1: as later. There's today and what you decide to do 263 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 1: with it. There's no such thing as later. There's the 264 00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 1: moment you're in and whether you choose it. Part five 265 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: is that fear often dresses up as logic. Most people 266 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 1: don't say I'm afraid to change my life. They say 267 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,520 Speaker 1: it's not practical, it's not the right time, it wouldn't 268 00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 1: make sense right. That's what we say. Psychologists call this 269 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:06,280 Speaker 1: post hoc rationalization, using logic to justify fear after the fact. 270 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:10,639 Speaker 1: See what's fascinating is fear doesn't announce itself honestly. It 271 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:16,200 Speaker 1: disguises itself as responsibility. And here's the insight. If your 272 00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: reasons keep you safe but miserable, they're not wisdom, they're fear. 273 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:27,280 Speaker 1: A life wasted slowly is usually a life protected carefully. 274 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,560 Speaker 1: There's a bit of humility in being able to say, 275 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:35,320 Speaker 1: I know it may not work right now, but I'm 276 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 1: going to try anyway. I'm going to start anyway. I 277 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,880 Speaker 1: don't want you to quit your job. I don't want 278 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,639 Speaker 1: you to break up with someone. I want you to 279 00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: start making the small shifts in how you use your time, 280 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 1: where you spend your energy, who you give yourself to, 281 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,040 Speaker 1: because that's what defines your life. But if we just 282 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,120 Speaker 1: keep thinking that it's not the right time now, it's 283 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:02,919 Speaker 1: not the right moment I'm waiting around, time will just 284 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 1: fly I'm thinking about moments in my life. Do I 285 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,640 Speaker 1: wish I started creating content earlier? There were times when 286 00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 1: I did, only then when I realized that everything had 287 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 1: matched up. And that's what's amazing about this session. Even 288 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,440 Speaker 1: though I'm telling you to stop wasting your life, I 289 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,920 Speaker 1: don't think anything is a waste of life. I think 290 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,119 Speaker 1: the best way to stop wasting your life is to 291 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:31,560 Speaker 1: stop thinking you are wasting your life and learn from 292 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,639 Speaker 1: every experience you've had. Maybe you have a job right 293 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 1: now that you think you hate. Extract the skills from 294 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,680 Speaker 1: it that you feel will be useful for the future. 295 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,399 Speaker 1: Maybe you're in a relationship right now that isn't the 296 00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:46,360 Speaker 1: one you want. Remember these lessons for later. You are 297 00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:49,479 Speaker 1: never wasting life if you choose to learn from it, 298 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 1: you choose to grow from it, you choose to value it. 299 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,919 Speaker 1: That's what I want you to really do. You've not 300 00:18:56,040 --> 00:19:00,399 Speaker 1: wasted any time or any energy in one sense, because 301 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,200 Speaker 1: all of it has brought you to this point where 302 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,080 Speaker 1: you're reflecting deeply on where you are. Because here's what 303 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:08,440 Speaker 1: I want to leave you with. A meaningful life isn't dramatic, 304 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 1: it's intentional. Research shows people who feel fulfilled do the 305 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 1: following things. They act in alignment with their values. Write 306 00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:20,880 Speaker 1: down your values and live by them every day. Try 307 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 1: and ask yourself, did I live by this value? One 308 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,720 Speaker 1: thing I used to do which I loved growing up, 309 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,320 Speaker 1: is I used to choose one value to practice per month. 310 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:32,640 Speaker 1: It could be kindness, could be humility, could be assertiveness. 311 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,520 Speaker 1: Choose one value and practice it for thirty days, every conversation, 312 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 1: every meeting, every email, try and live by it. The 313 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 1: next is take responsibility for their attention. Where are you 314 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:48,000 Speaker 1: placing your attention? What are you choosing to do on 315 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:49,439 Speaker 1: your way from work, on the way back? Are you 316 00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast? Are you reading? Are you listening 317 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:57,200 Speaker 1: to an audiobook? You're taking responsibility for your attention. Third, 318 00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:00,480 Speaker 1: you choose growth over approval. You're not doing doing things 319 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 1: because you want people to like you. You're doing things 320 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: because you like them. That makes such a difference. You 321 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 1: don't do everything. You do the right few things consistently. 322 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:16,479 Speaker 1: A non wasted life asks what matters now? Right? It's 323 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,120 Speaker 1: all about now, It's not about five ten years ago. 324 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: I should have done this. What matters now? What deserves 325 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: my energy? Not where did I waste my energy? Not where? 326 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:29,119 Speaker 1: Did I lose energy? What deserves my energy? What am 327 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:33,800 Speaker 1: I saying yes to by saying no? Right now? Meaning 328 00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: doesn't come from just doing more. It comes from doing 329 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:43,040 Speaker 1: things on purpose. Let me leave you with this. You 330 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,080 Speaker 1: don't need to change everything. You just need to stop 331 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 1: living by default, because one day you'll look back and 332 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 1: the question won't be did I succeed? It will be 333 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,560 Speaker 1: did I choose my life? Or did I just react 334 00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: to it? Don't waste your life weighing for clarity. Clarity 335 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:04,560 Speaker 1: comes from movement. Choose what matters, repeat it, protect it. 336 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:09,439 Speaker 1: That's how lives are created and built. As the famous 337 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,719 Speaker 1: saying goes, the hardest thing is not failing after trying, 338 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,240 Speaker 1: it's never trying in the first place. Thank you for 339 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 1: listening to this episode. I hope you'll pass it on 340 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: to a friend, and remember I'm forever in your corner 341 00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:26,119 Speaker 1: and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this episode, 342 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:29,800 Speaker 1: you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to 343 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 1: be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose. Our children 344 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 1: have become less imaginative about how to problem solve imparents 345 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 1: and coaches have become more directive and trying to tell 346 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,879 Speaker 1: them how to behave versus teaching them how to behave.