Speaker 1: Barbie Adler, So I wanted to talk to you about
Speaker 1: like male types, like archetypes, let's just say, and I
Speaker 1: want you to tell me what you think of this
Speaker 1: approach or these approach is and like red flags and
Speaker 1: things that I might be doing or maybe give me
Speaker 1: an a on.
Speaker 2: My test for what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: So because I think many women can relate to a
Speaker 1: lot of the things that I've been experiencing and doing
Speaker 1: first and foremost, which you would definitely say, and you
Speaker 1: did say in the beginning of being on this podcast
Speaker 1: that like, for example, I had a guy that I
Speaker 1: was supposed to go out with in New York. Now
Speaker 1: I wasn't a nervous wreck like I am right now,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't a great day, Like I just wasn't
Speaker 1: feeling right. And I canceled on him and I said,
Speaker 1: I'm not present right now, like I'm just I'm not present.
Speaker 2: And he had come into town to take me to dinner.
Speaker 1: And I felt a little bit badly, but it was
Speaker 1: like I think that had I gone, it would have
Speaker 1: been a bad scene anyway. I mean, even energetically, even
Speaker 1: if you act great, you look gorgeous, and you're still engaging.
Speaker 1: I feel like there is an energy to things, and
Speaker 1: I just and you had talked in the beginning, not
Speaker 1: about that, like on the micro meaning an individual date,
Speaker 1: but overall that people should be working on themselves and
Speaker 1: like do your own therapy before you start dating. So
Speaker 1: I think on a that's a macro, but on a micro,
Speaker 1: I think that makes sense. On an individual date, you
Speaker 1: want to do it, you want it to save you,
Speaker 1: and you want to fall in love on a Tuesday.
Speaker 2: But if you are a mess, you should not be
Speaker 2: going out with anybody. Yeah, I completely agree.
Speaker 3: I think that sometimes people think like, oh, I feel
Speaker 3: bad he flew off his way or had the reservation.
Speaker 2: But if you show up and it's just like a job.
Speaker 3: Interview, you show up and you're not an ace it
Speaker 3: and you're not yourself, you're gonna flunk it and you might.
Speaker 3: It's like so now you're just lost out. There's no
Speaker 3: second chances. It's just not as dress rehearsal. So plus
Speaker 3: they're not gonna get to know the real you. So
Speaker 3: the best thing to do is what you did, whether
Speaker 3: you say you're not present or say I'm so sorry
Speaker 3: my schedule totally shifted. I am so bummed because you
Speaker 3: want to make sure that they know that it's not
Speaker 3: them and you're not blowing them off, that you really
Speaker 3: do feel bad.
Speaker 2: But I think the sooner you could do it.
Speaker 1: So for example, today I probably shouldn't be like doing
Speaker 1: a podcast because I am a little bit of a mess.
Speaker 1: That being said, I said to myself, and I used
Speaker 1: to say this sound reality TV like an actor say it.
Speaker 1: Use it like meaning I just launched into like talking
Speaker 1: to you about it, versus like getting putting a bunch
Speaker 1: of makeup on. I have black circles. I was up
Speaker 1: all night like I'm leaning into like this is what
Speaker 1: I really am. So let's just say that it's something
Speaker 1: where you actually think you've maybe you canceled on the
Speaker 1: guy before, like something you actually think that you probably
Speaker 1: won't be able to go out this again if you do,
Speaker 1: that would what I would do, but it has to land.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be drinking five drinks and being a train wreck.
Speaker 1: What I would do if it were that situation, I
Speaker 1: would say, Hi, I totally understand if you want to cancel.
Speaker 1: I want to let you know that this move is
Speaker 1: overwhelming me in a way that I didn't expect. So
Speaker 1: I'm not going to really be totally myself tonight. I'll
Speaker 1: share a little bit of it with you, but I
Speaker 1: don't want to put that on you. And we can
Speaker 1: talk like basically, let them be a little vulnerable with
Speaker 1: the other person so they know that you're going through
Speaker 1: something that's extenuating.
Speaker 2: What do you think about that? I just this is
Speaker 2: the thing.
Speaker 3: Some people could switch gears and go from an intense
Speaker 3: business situation, switch gears and be lovely as adults. We
Speaker 3: have to do that with our kids. We would do
Speaker 3: that with work with others. You don't go well round
Speaker 3: and be unfiltered and share every emotion. If you could
Speaker 3: switch gears and have a great time and just put
Speaker 3: it on a shelf, whatever issues you're going through go
Speaker 3: on the date. You actually might be in a better
Speaker 3: place if you actually can escape your issues and go
Speaker 3: on the date.
Speaker 2: But if you go on the date.
Speaker 3: And it's a fair session or you are in such
Speaker 3: a funk that they're gonna be like, WHOA, They're gonna
Speaker 3: think you can't regulate your emotions, and they'll be like,
Speaker 3: this is the person I know, and they won't be
Speaker 3: able to un hear unsee what happens that way, and
Speaker 3: then and then, like you said, if you use alcohol
Speaker 3: as a crush or you didn't eat, and they could
Speaker 3: be just a downwards train wreck. So I think you
Speaker 3: leveraging this for a podcast is good because people know
Speaker 3: you and then you're being vulnerable and being like, I'm
Speaker 3: not perfect and having a really shitty day and that's real,
Speaker 3: but on a first impressions date where they're gonna be like, WHOA,
Speaker 3: totally got a lot going on or she can't handle
Speaker 3: her stuff, but it sounds like she's got a lot
Speaker 3: of baggage.
Speaker 1: And I've had men who are going through a divorce
Speaker 1: that like, even though they know and they might say
Speaker 1: I'm not going to talk about it, and it's not
Speaker 1: they can't help themselves. They have to tell you. And
Speaker 1: then they get into intimate details and you're just like,
Speaker 1: I don't fucking want to hear about your vote.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then it's too much and then it's like WHOA,
Speaker 3: that person's like not available or the judgment call, Like
Speaker 3: I had someone that we fixed up and he got
Speaker 3: really bad news about his son and he went on
Speaker 3: the date and he shared really deep stuff and the
Speaker 3: woman was like and then it's yeah, you.
Speaker 2: Should be with your son right now, like you shouldn't
Speaker 2: be on this date.
Speaker 3: Yes, and then it could be a judgment call or
Speaker 3: he didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but now he's sharing
Speaker 3: and then she's like, what what kind of person is this?
Speaker 3: So and he didn't do anything wrong except for he
Speaker 3: just he shouldn't have gone. And no one wants to
Speaker 3: be canceled last minute, especially a girl being canceled on,
Speaker 3: because the time involved to get ready is different than
Speaker 3: a guy taking his usual shower.
Speaker 2: To get ready.
Speaker 3: But still as long as you make that person feel
Speaker 3: like you don't usually do this. Something came up and
Speaker 3: I don't even think I have to share what it is,
Speaker 3: because if you don't know the person, you don't owe
Speaker 3: them this and it could be overshare, but it's like
Speaker 3: something came up.
Speaker 2: I'm so bummed. I hope we could reschedule.
Speaker 3: I was really looking forward to tonight and then you know,
Speaker 3: you just make sure it's warmth. It's like not ghosting
Speaker 3: and you're not playing games, but the sooner is yeah.
Speaker 1: Even like and if that guy's not gonna go out
Speaker 1: you again exactly.
Speaker 3: Even My daughter called me this morning and goes, I
Speaker 3: feel horrible. Should I cancel my date, and I said,
Speaker 3: sometimes in the morning you feel the worst and then
Speaker 3: you feel better. But by noon, if you feel horrible,
Speaker 3: canceled because you can never get that back. And what
Speaker 3: are you gonna be like sneezing and coughing and miserable
Speaker 3: and you can't like enjoy their date. It's a one shot.
Speaker 3: So she cancels, and I was like, good for you,
Speaker 3: because like he's gonna have to understand. And on that
Speaker 3: flip side, whoever cancels, you can't pout and take all
Speaker 3: anyone that's canceled on you, and any abandonment issue.
Speaker 2: Is on that person.
Speaker 3: You have to give a hall pass and say totally
Speaker 3: get it, hope things are better, look forward to rescheduling,
Speaker 3: even if you're so bummed about it.
Speaker 2: I agree, you can't give them grief in return.
Speaker 3: You have to take the high road and be like,
Speaker 3: it's not that person that rejected you before.
Speaker 2: It's not that person that didn't like you.
Speaker 3: Something came up and we all have curveballs in life,
Speaker 3: and you have to be understanding and you'll get more
Speaker 3: points if you handle it with class and understand versus
Speaker 3: being like really, I just got my hair blown out,
Speaker 3: or like really I just got a babysitter. It happens,
Speaker 3: and you're gonna want grace on the flip side when
Speaker 3: it happens to you.
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's go off on that road because I
Speaker 1: have two and three more scenarios for you. But I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to go off on that road because I
Speaker 1: know that you.
Speaker 2: It's not a philosophy.
Speaker 1: Your mo is like, let's say that someone likes you
Speaker 1: and you're texting and they don't text you for two
Speaker 1: days or something. You're a big give a benefit of
Speaker 1: the doubter. I have not really seen a lot of
Speaker 1: evidence of someone that doesn't text normally really liking someone.
Speaker 2: I haven't seen it.
Speaker 1: But I do agree with the fact that we get
Speaker 1: in our own heads and try to assign and determine
Speaker 1: what's going on. I don't know. You say, you never
Speaker 1: know what's going on, so I'm gonna how busy they are.
Speaker 1: I don't understand that, Like, I don't actually understand that
Speaker 1: because I'm an extraordinarily responsive person and the successful people
Speaker 1: that I know are extraordinarily responsive, So I don't actually
Speaker 1: understand it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree, because you could look at it both
Speaker 3: ways and it doesn't feel good when you're on the
Speaker 3: receiving end and someone is not showing you through their
Speaker 3: actions or words that they're showing you that you're special
Speaker 3: and that they're thinking of you. But I will say
Speaker 3: it depends on what you do also during the day,
Speaker 3: because there's some careers where the market's open, they're busy,
Speaker 3: there's like NonStop action going on, and they're just someone
Speaker 3: doesn't communicate during the day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's figuring out.
Speaker 3: Or sometimes people will go on a vacation with family
Speaker 3: and they're they have people all around, there's ears on
Speaker 3: them and there's no privacy where they're like, yes, you
Speaker 3: could text at night or something like that. But if
Speaker 3: you've got kids and there's so much going on, they
Speaker 3: might be like, I'm in Europe with my family vacation.
Speaker 3: I choose to plug into what I'm doing with my
Speaker 3: family and choose to wait to focus on dating after.
Speaker 2: But it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 3: And I always do preach that if you're into someone,
Speaker 3: let them know and make sure you communicate. But occasionally
Speaker 3: there are curve balls where business deals happening, they're in
Speaker 3: the middle of an ipo like whatever it might be,
Speaker 3: or they're sick, or they don't want to overshare what's
Speaker 3: happening with their kid, and they just are like, let
Speaker 3: me deal with what's going on, or they're just bad texts.
Speaker 3: There's a lot of people that are not good at texts.
Speaker 3: They don't like it, they don't like the back and forth,
Speaker 3: they don't like the this is what I ate today,
Speaker 3: the sun rise?
Speaker 2: You know nothing. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: If you meet someone they really like you, and they
Speaker 1: say like, i'd like to see you again, or when
Speaker 1: we see each other, going I can't wait to explain
Speaker 1: this to you whatever, I can't wait to see you again,
Speaker 1: or something like that.
Speaker 2: What is the rule for you?
Speaker 1: When should somebody be putting something on the board, even
Speaker 1: if they're on Mars but they know they're back in
Speaker 1: a month. When what is the window for when they
Speaker 1: should be putting something next actually tangibly on the board.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it really depends on how much history you have beforehand.
Speaker 3: And I think you have to do what feels good
Speaker 3: to you, Like if you feel like you're being walked
Speaker 3: on or someone's not respecting your time or like your boundaries,
Speaker 3: that you have to say something. But I'm a big
Speaker 3: believer in those kind of conversations are better received with
Speaker 3: context in person at the next date, versus just sending
Speaker 3: a doozy like a bomb of a text that's going
Speaker 3: to end things like again, remember you can't take back
Speaker 3: whatever you text, right, so you want to make sure
Speaker 3: that you're not being reactive, you're not being overly emotional,
Speaker 3: or you're not taking like your past history and then
Speaker 3: completely throwing it down someone else's face because they're not
Speaker 3: that person. So you have to make sure that whatever
Speaker 3: you're doing is not going to kill the deal. But
Speaker 3: the question is is like you could send a florry
Speaker 3: text like haven't heard you from you in a while,
Speaker 3: hope you're okay if you are, or like you know,
Speaker 3: it's just something like like thought of you yesterday? Did
Speaker 3: it you wake them back up? And if they are
Speaker 3: too chill about it? That might be your answer that
Speaker 3: the first year you said that, you said I can't
Speaker 3: wait to tell you over dinner or something's going on,
Speaker 3: then I would give more of space like Okay, obviously
Speaker 3: something's going on. I'm gonna wait. Doesn't mean that I
Speaker 3: can't date other people or do other things. In fact,
Speaker 3: the best time to meet someone else is when you
Speaker 3: like someone but you don't owe that person someone to
Speaker 3: be exclusive, because you know that feeling of like, oh
Speaker 3: I like someone, he likes me, but now I'm gonna
Speaker 3: explore their things because I know my worst and you're
Speaker 3: not doing anything wrong. But if it's just like he
Speaker 3: was like all into and then stop communications, there's nothing
Speaker 3: wrong with it being like, hey, I really am a
Speaker 3: good place in life where I want to meet someone.
Speaker 2: I just want to are we Are we going out again?
Speaker 3: If not, just like let me know, kind of a
Speaker 3: thing Like I don't think there's anything wrong with being
Speaker 3: addressing it. I just think of the big conversation about
Speaker 3: wanting to change Shoman's behavior, like, hey, I really do
Speaker 3: like hearing from someone during the day or anything you
Speaker 3: want to modify behavior.
Speaker 2: Men are not mind. They don't know.
Speaker 3: They're actually simple, I don't mean simple creatures, but they
Speaker 3: really want to please. They like to be the hero,
Speaker 3: not the zero. If they do like you, they're the hunters.
Speaker 3: They will pursue you. But if there's a there's a
Speaker 3: there's a curve ball in their life. They're not good multitaskers.
Speaker 3: Women are awesome at being able to do everything, and
Speaker 3: we're like super heroes and everything.
Speaker 2: Guys sometimes that they have, they could go inwards, they retreat,
Speaker 2: They have.
Speaker 3: Different operating systems of how they're handling things, so it
Speaker 3: might not be personal, which is why if you want
Speaker 3: a different reaction from them, I always think in person
Speaker 3: is better because you could be context with it being
Speaker 3: like I agree really into you, but like I'm feeling
Speaker 3: like you're not good with the phone, but like I
Speaker 3: need a little organication and if you like me, I
Speaker 3: need that from you.
Speaker 1: I think that the biggest, the smartest thing in personal
Speaker 1: and in business, in my life, in the texting world
Speaker 1: is do nothing. Meaning there's no upside if you like
Speaker 1: someone at all to saying something negative at all. So
Speaker 1: even if I don't even if I think that they're
Speaker 1: not participating and I don't love it, but I still
Speaker 1: sort of.
Speaker 2: Am intrigued by them.
Speaker 1: I And you know when your sense, like let's say
Speaker 1: someone sends you somebody like, hey, how's it going, and
Speaker 1: you're like, what the f you want to say to
Speaker 1: your friends?
Speaker 2: What the fuck is this guy showed? What am I
Speaker 2: your pen pal?
Speaker 1: And then but the way I that's what I say
Speaker 1: to my friends, what I say to that person is
Speaker 1: a little drop, a little cold, like not fully warm me.
Speaker 1: I'll be like, good, had a big this, did that,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, hope you're having a nice time. I
Speaker 1: frosted it just so I don't seem like A'm icy
Speaker 1: to do something to make it like I care what
Speaker 1: they're doing. But I don't really care what they're doing.
Speaker 1: I just want to wrap it in a bow. So
Speaker 1: I don't blow it up because I want to blow
Speaker 1: it up, but I just blow it up with my friends.
Speaker 2: I don't blow it up with them. I want to
Speaker 2: blow it up.
Speaker 1: I want to say, yeah, I'm not big on being
Speaker 1: a pempal, like that's what I want to say, but
Speaker 1: I won't say that. Yeah, just like you wouldn't do
Speaker 1: that with a job interview and be like, well you
Speaker 1: didn't call me back, so I guess I don't want
Speaker 1: this job anyway.
Speaker 2: You would never do that, because then soone right.
Speaker 3: Unfortunately, then he could say to someone like she was
Speaker 3: a real bitch and she was like angry and I
Speaker 3: was dealing with my dad had cancer and I was
Speaker 3: in you know, he just got to hospice and I
Speaker 3: didn't I thought I just met her. I didn't want
Speaker 3: to share that, and like she just totally overreacted and
Speaker 3: now you're the emotional crazy.
Speaker 1: Person, yes, or the friend or you may what if
Speaker 1: you ever wanted to do business them or be friends
Speaker 1: with them, it's a exactly exactly and.
Speaker 2: So like it's not it's not worth it.
Speaker 3: But I do think having like that, that release to
Speaker 3: your friends, of like the comical value of being like
Speaker 3: what the fuck?
Speaker 2: Like what the actual fuck? Like?
Speaker 3: He does not deserve me, like go away is healthy.
Speaker 3: But you never know what they're dealing with. But I'm
Speaker 3: not saying be treated like poorly that stuff. We're not
Speaker 3: talking about that, correct, I'm not talking about that at all.
Speaker 3: That's that's fuck off and never speak to them again.
Speaker 3: There's no being treated poorly. That doesn't exist. That's not it.
Speaker 1: You're not a doormat I'm talking about someone doesn't know
Speaker 1: you anything, but they're not like, they're not really pursuing you,
Speaker 1: and it's bothering you a little. I think you have
Speaker 1: to be quiet, yeah, rapid and frosting. And this, ladies
Speaker 1: and gentlemen, is why we have to try to not
Speaker 1: sleep with someone before you are one hundred percent positive
Speaker 1: they will be calling your texting you the next morning,
Speaker 1: because you'll go so low. That's the reason. It's not
Speaker 1: because there's something wrong with it. It's not because it's because
Speaker 1: of the oxytocin. It's because the way we feel. And
Speaker 1: I just think I had this other like dating coach
Speaker 1: on here or she was like a psychologist. She was like,
Speaker 1: just say, I don't sleep with anyone unless I'm going
Speaker 1: to commit a relationship. And may that may not be
Speaker 1: entirely true, but just if you protect yourself, protect your peace.
Speaker 2: Right, you have to always protect yourself.
Speaker 3: Now on the flim side, if you're like I don't
Speaker 3: care if her calls or not, like you're not, don't
Speaker 3: make a habit of this.
Speaker 2: But if it's liberating.
Speaker 3: To you, Oh that's different, and you feel like you
Speaker 3: can handle it and you don't need the call the
Speaker 3: next day, then do what makes you happy.
Speaker 2: I think most can't.
Speaker 1: Even if someone doesn't like someone that much, I still
Speaker 1: and then they sleep with them. I still think it's
Speaker 1: gonna bother them. They don't get the I think we
Speaker 1: don't know ourselves as creatures as much as we think.
Speaker 2: Most women.
Speaker 3: Absolutely you want to be respected and called, and I
Speaker 3: still think you could have fun and play, But do
Speaker 3: the level of fun without hurting yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay the next day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so scenario number two, which I actually, like you
Speaker 1: would maybe advise against, but it just happened naturally. I
Speaker 1: was out with my girlfriend. There had been a man
Speaker 1: who had been pursuing me to go to dinner, and
Speaker 1: he kept talking about this one specific place that he
Speaker 1: wanted to take me to that I had already been to,
Speaker 1: but it seemed like he was super excited about that place,
Speaker 1: and it was on like a you know, like let's
Speaker 1: say it's like a weekend night or something. It's more
Speaker 1: of like a high pressure dating night, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean, Like you might see people out, you know,
Speaker 1: you're getting dressed up, et cetera. I'm one of these
Speaker 1: people that feels like it's another thing to protect your
Speaker 1: piece to not go if you're not really excited, because
Speaker 1: it's almost like when you go to a buffet and
Speaker 1: like you put the wrong things on your plate, you
Speaker 1: get a little.
Speaker 2: Sick and you don't want to go back.
Speaker 1: I think you have to set yourself up for positivity
Speaker 1: because you could be discouraged from dating. You could be
Speaker 1: bummed you put on an outfit. You're like, oh, why
Speaker 1: is this person droning on for me. So this I
Speaker 1: didn't want to go on this date. I was going
Speaker 1: off my girlfriend to a day club like six to
Speaker 1: eight to some DJ. It sounds insane, but it was fun,
Speaker 1: and so I text this guy he had texted me,
Speaker 1: and I made it super casual. I said, well, we
Speaker 1: happened to be finishing this thing at eight o'clock. If
Speaker 1: you want to meet us, I'll be with my friend,
Speaker 1: but we happen to be going here if you want
Speaker 1: to meet us at this place to grab a drink.
Speaker 1: Super casual, and he said yeah, so he came to
Speaker 1: meet us. It ended up being a very nice experience
Speaker 1: with a nice man. It was actually happy that it
Speaker 1: was an hour with a nice person that I could
Speaker 1: text and would set him up with someone and now
Speaker 1: know him and was totally nice to him and thanked
Speaker 1: him afterwards for dinner because I felt guilty that he
Speaker 1: picked up dinner when we'd only been there an hour,
Speaker 1: like I felt like, I don't know, it's back to
Speaker 1: my twenties when like you're out there, like I was like,
Speaker 1: I hope the guy isn't thick, Like we wanted a
Speaker 1: free meal.
Speaker 2: I can afford a meal, but anyway.
Speaker 1: So that's how that went, and for me, that was
Speaker 1: a no harm, no foul. I was in bed at
Speaker 1: ten o'clock. I was happy with that whole program, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to know your opinion on that decision.
Speaker 3: No, I actually I think that was a smart move
Speaker 3: for someone like you who's busy. I do agree that
Speaker 3: you always hear the stories like I wasn't going to
Speaker 3: go out and didn't feel good or whatever, and then
Speaker 3: he went out. You met the man of your dream.
Speaker 3: So I think the fact that you went for it
Speaker 3: was good. I liked that it sounds like your wing
Speaker 3: woman was someone that was like pro you and because
Speaker 3: it would backfire whoever you were with. The third was
Speaker 3: not fun and into it engaging and didn't have your back,
Speaker 3: and it wasn't competitive where it sounds like that that
Speaker 3: first was going to try to get him versus you.
Speaker 2: So it sounds like you really have like a good friend.
Speaker 3: So if you have a girlfriend that's also single, I'm
Speaker 3: not saying it's a different scenario. Think through because you
Speaker 3: need it for yourself and not that you don't want
Speaker 3: to be a good girlfriend, but like you just you know,
Speaker 3: can't date both of you. So if you're worried about that,
Speaker 3: then I would say, don't do that, but it sounded
Speaker 3: like you were on the fence.
Speaker 2: You weren't sure he was all for it.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's good if someone asks you out
Speaker 3: to then say I have a friend.
Speaker 2: But it happened casually. It wasn't connected.
Speaker 1: We had not had plans on Saturday because of them,
Speaker 1: I think going on and then it was just hey,
Speaker 1: this is odd, but we're going there if you want
Speaker 1: to meet us, like super casual.
Speaker 3: So that I love that, and I think it's good
Speaker 3: because I also think it's good for you to see
Speaker 3: how that person reacts, like right away with someone that
Speaker 3: you like, trust that person can see you in more
Speaker 3: of a social fun way. I think it takes away
Speaker 3: less pressure, and I think it's brilliant because now you've
Speaker 3: got to water a girlfriend and meet a guy and
Speaker 3: then deciding to like him and a little bit. It's
Speaker 3: like a drive by but a little bit more elegance
Speaker 3: in a little more time. And I like that you
Speaker 3: probably thanked him afterwards.
Speaker 1: Well, I think with anything, it has to land because
Speaker 1: you're gonna think I'm nuts, but like I'm moving and
Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of a lot of stuff going on,
Speaker 1: and so I've been spending time with my friends and
Speaker 1: like immersing into Florida. My two best friends live there,
Speaker 1: so that was my one best friend. These are both
Speaker 1: from high school. So the next day it's great. There
Speaker 1: had been another guy that I had blown off right,
Speaker 1: so now he kept reaching out to me.
Speaker 2: So I just did a throwaway. I'm like, well, I'm
Speaker 2: with my friend. I'll let you know.
Speaker 1: I think we're gonna go here if you want to
Speaker 1: meet us. So it's crazy, and I am fresh out
Speaker 1: of the ocean.
Speaker 2: I go.
Speaker 1: I am ocean to table, Like know what you're walking into.
Speaker 1: We've been at the beach all day, just had a margaret,
Speaker 1: like a drink. We're ocean to table. And thank god,
Speaker 1: this guy had seen me looking good at another thing,
Speaker 1: which is when we first met. So he showed up
Speaker 1: and walked in and had an energy and a charisma
Speaker 1: and was dressed well and brought me and amazing.
Speaker 2: He brought me like.
Speaker 1: Crabs and a pie for my daughter and brought a crazy, elaborate,
Speaker 1: very expensive gift for me, said was a housewarming gift.
Speaker 1: And my friend was like, what the fuck? This guy's
Speaker 1: amazing and so is our partner, like what? And then
Speaker 1: we had a really nice and it was only like
Speaker 1: an hour long. Then I was ready and I was like,
Speaker 1: I do want to go out with this guy? And
Speaker 1: then we went out a couple of days later. So
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I guess what I'm saying is like
Speaker 1: there can be like hybrid models of dating that are
Speaker 1: not really discussed and low lift, and I just tried them.
Speaker 2: But you it has to land. You can't be like
Speaker 2: I have my mind. You made that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you made that guy feel special, because like it's
Speaker 3: one thing if you have a guy and then you're
Speaker 3: too busy talking to your friend, but it's making sure
Speaker 3: he's inclusive, including the conversation and it's plugged in versus
Speaker 3: like he doesn't feel awkward. So yeah, it sounds like
Speaker 3: you did a really good job of incorporating him where
Speaker 3: he was also part of the focus. And again with
Speaker 3: a girlfriend with the best friend knows you, loves you,
Speaker 3: has your back, wants the best for you, not like
Speaker 3: telling like things about you you wouldn't. Yeah, just things
Speaker 3: like that, like you have to be careful who you're
Speaker 3: around to pull that off and for it to land.
Speaker 2: But it sounds like you did that brilliantly.
Speaker 3: I also think it doesn't have to be Sometimes people
Speaker 3: get offended if it's not just a dinner date. Like
Speaker 3: it could be a brunch, it could be a walk
Speaker 3: on the beach. It does not need to be just
Speaker 3: a dinner date.
Speaker 1: By the way, I'm big by the way, I love
Speaker 1: that you said that because the guy the night before.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. My gut was I did not
Speaker 1: want to. It's not like my saturdays are coveted. I'd
Speaker 1: be home meeting pop tarts. It's that I just did
Speaker 1: not want to put on the dress, blow dry the hair,
Speaker 1: sprits perfume, go out to a nice restaurant, walk in,
Speaker 1: and be like, fuck, this is not going to be it.
Speaker 1: So I agree with you, go invite someone on a
Speaker 1: walk on the beach because you're getting exercise and you're
Speaker 1: walking and talking.
Speaker 2: It's another human being. You're getting your steps in your walk.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's actually so fun and it could be super romantic,
Speaker 3: and there's always could be another date loocause sometimes you
Speaker 3: will get bombed out like oh, this person can only
Speaker 3: do this, and it's like we have just this high
Speaker 3: success rate of people meeting for a brunch, breakfast lunch,
Speaker 3: like it doesn't have to be that.
Speaker 1: Or like it hasn't been set yet as a major thing,
Speaker 1: and to be like, I know this is crazy, but
Speaker 1: I'm with my friends. We're getting marguerite. To your point, again,
Speaker 1: no one's going to screw you over and whatever. You
Speaker 1: have to take that chance. But yeah, to your I'm
Speaker 1: with my friends on the beach, or she's your husband
Speaker 1: if you want to stop by sack guy like, I
Speaker 1: think that's very open and also shows that you have
Speaker 1: a social life.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, but again, make sure you're not overserved so by
Speaker 3: the time they get there.
Speaker 2: That you're like plaid. That's a great note.
Speaker 3: Make sure you don't ignore them, and then make sure
Speaker 3: you're not flirting with other guys right you're there there,
Speaker 3: right now, so they feel like, whoa, this girl's like
Speaker 3: a party girl, like I want something serious.
Speaker 2: These are great now, you play it right to do that.
Speaker 2: These are great.
Speaker 3: If you can, then you could pull it off and
Speaker 3: you could win that way. Great people always realize, like,
Speaker 3: don't pout. There could always be another date. But if
Speaker 3: you're pouting and already seem disappointed on this date, you're
Speaker 3: not going to get the next date. So play it right.
Speaker 2: On this date and it will lead to another date.
Speaker 2: That's fair.
Speaker 1: Okay, great, all right, I guess let's call this like
Speaker 1: not tradition. Let's call this episode like non traditional dating,
Speaker 1: Like this is like a non traditional model, And I
Speaker 1: think that that is smart because not everything. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: do like that. I like to take a walk. I like, yes,
Speaker 1: the brain because someone might not want to hike. Someone
Speaker 1: might want want to tell you that I want to
Speaker 1: go like water, what is it called wakeboarding?
Speaker 3: The other thing you have to be careful about is
Speaker 3: if you're going to do something active, you still have
Speaker 3: to look cute. You can't just put no effort into
Speaker 3: looking cute to go on after date. I've gotten so
Speaker 3: many complaints when people are like she like we could
Speaker 3: go on and walk, but like she looked like she
Speaker 3: was like a hot mess.
Speaker 2: Like still look cute.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying you have to be full glam, but
Speaker 3: put on something that you feel good and that you
Speaker 3: look cute.
Speaker 2: It it's your cute workout outfit.
Speaker 1: It's your little outfit that's intentional for getting coffee.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is actually better than anything.
Speaker 1: It's your cute getting coffee outfit. Yes, I get exactly
Speaker 1: what you're talking about.
Speaker 3: You got to put some effort into it, but then
Speaker 3: it it actually works your favor and because it's so
Speaker 3: unexp back to have fun, it's like clean, squeaky clean fun.
Speaker 2: It could totally work to your favorite.
Speaker 3: Plus with the endorphins of working out and getting your steps,
Speaker 3: and people are in such good moods.
Speaker 2: I like it. I like it a lot. I like
Speaker 2: it a lot. I love you, thank you so much.