1 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:17,079 Speaker 1: Barbie Adler, So I wanted to talk to you about 2 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: like male types, like archetypes, let's just say, and I 3 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,600 Speaker 1: want you to tell me what you think of this 4 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:29,640 Speaker 1: approach or these approach is and like red flags and 5 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: things that I might be doing or maybe give me 6 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:35,200 Speaker 1: an a on. 7 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 2: My test for what I'm doing. 8 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 1: So because I think many women can relate to a 9 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: lot of the things that I've been experiencing and doing 10 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: first and foremost, which you would definitely say, and you 11 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: did say in the beginning of being on this podcast 12 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,760 Speaker 1: that like, for example, I had a guy that I 13 00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: was supposed to go out with in New York. Now 14 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: I wasn't a nervous wreck like I am right now, 15 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 1: but it wasn't a great day, Like I just wasn't 16 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:07,199 Speaker 1: feeling right. And I canceled on him and I said, 17 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,120 Speaker 1: I'm not present right now, like I'm just I'm not present. 18 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 2: And he had come into town to take me to dinner. 19 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: And I felt a little bit badly, but it was 20 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: like I think that had I gone, it would have 21 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,840 Speaker 1: been a bad scene anyway. I mean, even energetically, even 22 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 1: if you act great, you look gorgeous, and you're still engaging. 23 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:29,200 Speaker 1: I feel like there is an energy to things, and 24 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: I just and you had talked in the beginning, not 25 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,480 Speaker 1: about that, like on the micro meaning an individual date, 26 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 1: but overall that people should be working on themselves and 27 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,920 Speaker 1: like do your own therapy before you start dating. So 28 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: I think on a that's a macro, but on a micro, 29 00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 1: I think that makes sense. On an individual date, you 30 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: want to do it, you want it to save you, 31 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 1: and you want to fall in love on a Tuesday. 32 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 2: But if you are a mess, you should not be 33 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,680 Speaker 2: going out with anybody. Yeah, I completely agree. 34 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,200 Speaker 3: I think that sometimes people think like, oh, I feel 35 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 3: bad he flew off his way or had the reservation. 36 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,840 Speaker 2: But if you show up and it's just like a job. 37 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,560 Speaker 3: Interview, you show up and you're not an ace it 38 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 3: and you're not yourself, you're gonna flunk it and you might. 39 00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 3: It's like so now you're just lost out. There's no 40 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,760 Speaker 3: second chances. It's just not as dress rehearsal. So plus 41 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 3: they're not gonna get to know the real you. So 42 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 3: the best thing to do is what you did, whether 43 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,560 Speaker 3: you say you're not present or say I'm so sorry 44 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 3: my schedule totally shifted. I am so bummed because you 45 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,160 Speaker 3: want to make sure that they know that it's not 46 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 3: them and you're not blowing them off, that you really 47 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:29,160 Speaker 3: do feel bad. 48 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 2: But I think the sooner you could do it. 49 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,359 Speaker 1: So for example, today I probably shouldn't be like doing 50 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:37,120 Speaker 1: a podcast because I am a little bit of a mess. 51 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,200 Speaker 1: That being said, I said to myself, and I used 52 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 1: to say this sound reality TV like an actor say it. 53 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:45,600 Speaker 1: Use it like meaning I just launched into like talking 54 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,799 Speaker 1: to you about it, versus like getting putting a bunch 55 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:49,640 Speaker 1: of makeup on. I have black circles. I was up 56 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 1: all night like I'm leaning into like this is what 57 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 1: I really am. So let's just say that it's something 58 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: where you actually think you've maybe you canceled on the 59 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: guy before, like something you actually think that you probably 60 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,840 Speaker 1: won't be able to go out this again if you do, 61 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:04,120 Speaker 1: that would what I would do, but it has to land. 62 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be drinking five drinks and being a train wreck. 63 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,160 Speaker 1: What I would do if it were that situation, I 64 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: would say, Hi, I totally understand if you want to cancel. 65 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 1: I want to let you know that this move is 66 00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: overwhelming me in a way that I didn't expect. So 67 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: I'm not going to really be totally myself tonight. I'll 68 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 1: share a little bit of it with you, but I 69 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,560 Speaker 1: don't want to put that on you. And we can 70 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 1: talk like basically, let them be a little vulnerable with 71 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 1: the other person so they know that you're going through 72 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: something that's extenuating. 73 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,799 Speaker 2: What do you think about that? I just this is 74 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:33,200 Speaker 2: the thing. 75 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 3: Some people could switch gears and go from an intense 76 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 3: business situation, switch gears and be lovely as adults. We 77 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 3: have to do that with our kids. We would do 78 00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 3: that with work with others. You don't go well round 79 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,840 Speaker 3: and be unfiltered and share every emotion. If you could 80 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,040 Speaker 3: switch gears and have a great time and just put 81 00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,800 Speaker 3: it on a shelf, whatever issues you're going through go 82 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 3: on the date. You actually might be in a better 83 00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 3: place if you actually can escape your issues and go 84 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:57,920 Speaker 3: on the date. 85 00:03:58,160 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 2: But if you go on the date. 86 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 3: And it's a fair session or you are in such 87 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:05,320 Speaker 3: a funk that they're gonna be like, WHOA, They're gonna 88 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 3: think you can't regulate your emotions, and they'll be like, 89 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,000 Speaker 3: this is the person I know, and they won't be 90 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 3: able to un hear unsee what happens that way, and 91 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 3: then and then, like you said, if you use alcohol 92 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 3: as a crush or you didn't eat, and they could 93 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 3: be just a downwards train wreck. So I think you 94 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 3: leveraging this for a podcast is good because people know 95 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 3: you and then you're being vulnerable and being like, I'm 96 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 3: not perfect and having a really shitty day and that's real, 97 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:33,160 Speaker 3: but on a first impressions date where they're gonna be like, WHOA, 98 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,440 Speaker 3: totally got a lot going on or she can't handle 99 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 3: her stuff, but it sounds like she's got a lot 100 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:37,719 Speaker 3: of baggage. 101 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,080 Speaker 1: And I've had men who are going through a divorce 102 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 1: that like, even though they know and they might say 103 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: I'm not going to talk about it, and it's not 104 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,719 Speaker 1: they can't help themselves. They have to tell you. And 105 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: then they get into intimate details and you're just like, 106 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,080 Speaker 1: I don't fucking want to hear about your vote. 107 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, and then it's too much and then it's like WHOA, 108 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 3: that person's like not available or the judgment call, Like 109 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 3: I had someone that we fixed up and he got 110 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,279 Speaker 3: really bad news about his son and he went on 111 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,599 Speaker 3: the date and he shared really deep stuff and the 112 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 3: woman was like and then it's yeah, you. 113 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,320 Speaker 2: Should be with your son right now, like you shouldn't 114 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 2: be on this date. 115 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 3: Yes, and then it could be a judgment call or 116 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,960 Speaker 3: he didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but now he's sharing 117 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,520 Speaker 3: and then she's like, what what kind of person is this? 118 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 3: So and he didn't do anything wrong except for he 119 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,280 Speaker 3: just he shouldn't have gone. And no one wants to 120 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,039 Speaker 3: be canceled last minute, especially a girl being canceled on, 121 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,560 Speaker 3: because the time involved to get ready is different than 122 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 3: a guy taking his usual shower. 123 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 2: To get ready. 124 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 3: But still as long as you make that person feel 125 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 3: like you don't usually do this. Something came up and 126 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,040 Speaker 3: I don't even think I have to share what it is, 127 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 3: because if you don't know the person, you don't owe 128 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:42,760 Speaker 3: them this and it could be overshare, but it's like 129 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:43,480 Speaker 3: something came up. 130 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,800 Speaker 2: I'm so bummed. I hope we could reschedule. 131 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 3: I was really looking forward to tonight and then you know, 132 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,360 Speaker 3: you just make sure it's warmth. It's like not ghosting 133 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 3: and you're not playing games, but the sooner is yeah. 134 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 1: Even like and if that guy's not gonna go out 135 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 1: you again exactly. 136 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 3: Even My daughter called me this morning and goes, I 137 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,160 Speaker 3: feel horrible. Should I cancel my date, and I said, 138 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 3: sometimes in the morning you feel the worst and then 139 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 3: you feel better. But by noon, if you feel horrible, 140 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,720 Speaker 3: canceled because you can never get that back. And what 141 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 3: are you gonna be like sneezing and coughing and miserable 142 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 3: and you can't like enjoy their date. It's a one shot. 143 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 3: So she cancels, and I was like, good for you, 144 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 3: because like he's gonna have to understand. And on that 145 00:06:22,520 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 3: flip side, whoever cancels, you can't pout and take all 146 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,080 Speaker 3: anyone that's canceled on you, and any abandonment issue. 147 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:30,520 Speaker 2: Is on that person. 148 00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 3: You have to give a hall pass and say totally 149 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,279 Speaker 3: get it, hope things are better, look forward to rescheduling, 150 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,280 Speaker 3: even if you're so bummed about it. 151 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,840 Speaker 2: I agree, you can't give them grief in return. 152 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,680 Speaker 3: You have to take the high road and be like, 153 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 3: it's not that person that rejected you before. 154 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:47,800 Speaker 2: It's not that person that didn't like you. 155 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,240 Speaker 3: Something came up and we all have curveballs in life, 156 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 3: and you have to be understanding and you'll get more 157 00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,480 Speaker 3: points if you handle it with class and understand versus 158 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,360 Speaker 3: being like really, I just got my hair blown out, 159 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:02,040 Speaker 3: or like really I just got a babysitter. It happens, 160 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 3: and you're gonna want grace on the flip side when 161 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:04,760 Speaker 3: it happens to you. 162 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: Okay, so let's go off on that road because I 163 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:21,640 Speaker 1: have two and three more scenarios for you. But I 164 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:24,080 Speaker 1: wouldn't want to go off on that road because I 165 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 1: know that you. 166 00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:27,240 Speaker 2: It's not a philosophy. 167 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 1: Your mo is like, let's say that someone likes you 168 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: and you're texting and they don't text you for two 169 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 1: days or something. You're a big give a benefit of 170 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,080 Speaker 1: the doubter. I have not really seen a lot of 171 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:46,480 Speaker 1: evidence of someone that doesn't text normally really liking someone. 172 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 2: I haven't seen it. 173 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: But I do agree with the fact that we get 174 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: in our own heads and try to assign and determine 175 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,360 Speaker 1: what's going on. I don't know. You say, you never 176 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 1: know what's going on, so I'm gonna how busy they are. 177 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: I don't understand that, Like, I don't actually understand that 178 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 1: because I'm an extraordinarily responsive person and the successful people 179 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: that I know are extraordinarily responsive, So I don't actually 180 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 1: understand it. 181 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree, because you could look at it both 182 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 3: ways and it doesn't feel good when you're on the 183 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,000 Speaker 3: receiving end and someone is not showing you through their 184 00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 3: actions or words that they're showing you that you're special 185 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 3: and that they're thinking of you. But I will say 186 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,240 Speaker 3: it depends on what you do also during the day, 187 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:29,920 Speaker 3: because there's some careers where the market's open, they're busy, 188 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 3: there's like NonStop action going on, and they're just someone 189 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,840 Speaker 3: doesn't communicate during the day. 190 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's figuring out. 191 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:40,200 Speaker 3: Or sometimes people will go on a vacation with family 192 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 3: and they're they have people all around, there's ears on 193 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 3: them and there's no privacy where they're like, yes, you 194 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 3: could text at night or something like that. But if 195 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 3: you've got kids and there's so much going on, they 196 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 3: might be like, I'm in Europe with my family vacation. 197 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 3: I choose to plug into what I'm doing with my 198 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 3: family and choose to wait to focus on dating after. 199 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 2: But it doesn't feel good. 200 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,080 Speaker 3: And I always do preach that if you're into someone, 201 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 3: let them know and make sure you communicate. But occasionally 202 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 3: there are curve balls where business deals happening, they're in 203 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 3: the middle of an ipo like whatever it might be, 204 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,960 Speaker 3: or they're sick, or they don't want to overshare what's 205 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 3: happening with their kid, and they just are like, let 206 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,679 Speaker 3: me deal with what's going on, or they're just bad texts. 207 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,720 Speaker 3: There's a lot of people that are not good at texts. 208 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 3: They don't like it, they don't like the back and forth, 209 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 3: they don't like the this is what I ate today, 210 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,120 Speaker 3: the sun rise? 211 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,320 Speaker 2: You know nothing. Here's the thing. 212 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 1: If you meet someone they really like you, and they 213 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,960 Speaker 1: say like, i'd like to see you again, or when 214 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,840 Speaker 1: we see each other, going I can't wait to explain 215 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,640 Speaker 1: this to you whatever, I can't wait to see you again, 216 00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:44,440 Speaker 1: or something like that. 217 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 2: What is the rule for you? 218 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: When should somebody be putting something on the board, even 219 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: if they're on Mars but they know they're back in 220 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 1: a month. When what is the window for when they 221 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: should be putting something next actually tangibly on the board. 222 00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:08,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, it really depends on how much history you have beforehand. 223 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,719 Speaker 3: And I think you have to do what feels good 224 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,560 Speaker 3: to you, Like if you feel like you're being walked 225 00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 3: on or someone's not respecting your time or like your boundaries, 226 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 3: that you have to say something. But I'm a big 227 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 3: believer in those kind of conversations are better received with 228 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 3: context in person at the next date, versus just sending 229 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,920 Speaker 3: a doozy like a bomb of a text that's going 230 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,160 Speaker 3: to end things like again, remember you can't take back 231 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 3: whatever you text, right, so you want to make sure 232 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:39,080 Speaker 3: that you're not being reactive, you're not being overly emotional, 233 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,960 Speaker 3: or you're not taking like your past history and then 234 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 3: completely throwing it down someone else's face because they're not 235 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 3: that person. So you have to make sure that whatever 236 00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,840 Speaker 3: you're doing is not going to kill the deal. But 237 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,800 Speaker 3: the question is is like you could send a florry 238 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,960 Speaker 3: text like haven't heard you from you in a while, 239 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,920 Speaker 3: hope you're okay if you are, or like you know, 240 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 3: it's just something like like thought of you yesterday? Did 241 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,839 Speaker 3: it you wake them back up? And if they are 242 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 3: too chill about it? That might be your answer that 243 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 3: the first year you said that, you said I can't 244 00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 3: wait to tell you over dinner or something's going on, 245 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 3: then I would give more of space like Okay, obviously 246 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 3: something's going on. I'm gonna wait. Doesn't mean that I 247 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 3: can't date other people or do other things. In fact, 248 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 3: the best time to meet someone else is when you 249 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 3: like someone but you don't owe that person someone to 250 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 3: be exclusive, because you know that feeling of like, oh 251 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 3: I like someone, he likes me, but now I'm gonna 252 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 3: explore their things because I know my worst and you're 253 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,640 Speaker 3: not doing anything wrong. But if it's just like he 254 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 3: was like all into and then stop communications, there's nothing 255 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,600 Speaker 3: wrong with it being like, hey, I really am a 256 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 3: good place in life where I want to meet someone. 257 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,960 Speaker 2: I just want to are we Are we going out again? 258 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 3: If not, just like let me know, kind of a 259 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 3: thing Like I don't think there's anything wrong with being 260 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 3: addressing it. I just think of the big conversation about 261 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:54,839 Speaker 3: wanting to change Shoman's behavior, like, hey, I really do 262 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 3: like hearing from someone during the day or anything you 263 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 3: want to modify behavior. 264 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,880 Speaker 2: Men are not mind. They don't know. 265 00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 3: They're actually simple, I don't mean simple creatures, but they 266 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,199 Speaker 3: really want to please. They like to be the hero, 267 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 3: not the zero. If they do like you, they're the hunters. 268 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 3: They will pursue you. But if there's a there's a 269 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,679 Speaker 3: there's a curve ball in their life. They're not good multitaskers. 270 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:19,079 Speaker 3: Women are awesome at being able to do everything, and 271 00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,800 Speaker 3: we're like super heroes and everything. 272 00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 2: Guys sometimes that they have, they could go inwards, they retreat, 273 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 2: They have. 274 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,320 Speaker 3: Different operating systems of how they're handling things, so it 275 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 3: might not be personal, which is why if you want 276 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,760 Speaker 3: a different reaction from them, I always think in person 277 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 3: is better because you could be context with it being 278 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 3: like I agree really into you, but like I'm feeling 279 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,120 Speaker 3: like you're not good with the phone, but like I 280 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 3: need a little organication and if you like me, I 281 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:45,600 Speaker 3: need that from you. 282 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 1: I think that the biggest, the smartest thing in personal 283 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 1: and in business, in my life, in the texting world 284 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 1: is do nothing. Meaning there's no upside if you like 285 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: someone at all to saying something negative at all. So 286 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 1: even if I don't even if I think that they're 287 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 1: not participating and I don't love it, but I still 288 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: sort of. 289 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,719 Speaker 2: Am intrigued by them. 290 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: I And you know when your sense, like let's say 291 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,600 Speaker 1: someone sends you somebody like, hey, how's it going, and 292 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 1: you're like, what the f you want to say to 293 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: your friends? 294 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,559 Speaker 2: What the fuck is this guy showed? What am I 295 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 2: your pen pal? 296 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,439 Speaker 1: And then but the way I that's what I say 297 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: to my friends, what I say to that person is 298 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 1: a little drop, a little cold, like not fully warm me. 299 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,199 Speaker 1: I'll be like, good, had a big this, did that, 300 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,760 Speaker 1: and I'm like, hope you're having a nice time. I 301 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:32,920 Speaker 1: frosted it just so I don't seem like A'm icy 302 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: to do something to make it like I care what 303 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,720 Speaker 1: they're doing. But I don't really care what they're doing. 304 00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: I just want to wrap it in a bow. So 305 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,600 Speaker 1: I don't blow it up because I want to blow 306 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,319 Speaker 1: it up, but I just blow it up with my friends. 307 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 2: I don't blow it up with them. I want to 308 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 2: blow it up. 309 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 1: I want to say, yeah, I'm not big on being 310 00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,320 Speaker 1: a pempal, like that's what I want to say, but 311 00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,559 Speaker 1: I won't say that. Yeah, just like you wouldn't do 312 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,400 Speaker 1: that with a job interview and be like, well you 313 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:56,839 Speaker 1: didn't call me back, so I guess I don't want 314 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 1: this job anyway. 315 00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,679 Speaker 2: You would never do that, because then soone right. 316 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 3: Unfortunately, then he could say to someone like she was 317 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 3: a real bitch and she was like angry and I 318 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,280 Speaker 3: was dealing with my dad had cancer and I was 319 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 3: in you know, he just got to hospice and I 320 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 3: didn't I thought I just met her. I didn't want 321 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,720 Speaker 3: to share that, and like she just totally overreacted and 322 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,319 Speaker 3: now you're the emotional crazy. 323 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,080 Speaker 1: Person, yes, or the friend or you may what if 324 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 1: you ever wanted to do business them or be friends 325 00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 1: with them, it's a exactly exactly and. 326 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:25,960 Speaker 2: So like it's not it's not worth it. 327 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 3: But I do think having like that, that release to 328 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,720 Speaker 3: your friends, of like the comical value of being like 329 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:32,600 Speaker 3: what the fuck? 330 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 2: Like what the actual fuck? Like? 331 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:37,760 Speaker 3: He does not deserve me, like go away is healthy. 332 00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 3: But you never know what they're dealing with. But I'm 333 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,640 Speaker 3: not saying be treated like poorly that stuff. We're not 334 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 3: talking about that, correct, I'm not talking about that at all. 335 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,920 Speaker 3: That's that's fuck off and never speak to them again. 336 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,640 Speaker 3: There's no being treated poorly. That doesn't exist. That's not it. 337 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 1: You're not a doormat I'm talking about someone doesn't know 338 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 1: you anything, but they're not like, they're not really pursuing you, 339 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: and it's bothering you a little. I think you have 340 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: to be quiet, yeah, rapid and frosting. And this, ladies 341 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: and gentlemen, is why we have to try to not 342 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: sleep with someone before you are one hundred percent positive 343 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 1: they will be calling your texting you the next morning, 344 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: because you'll go so low. That's the reason. It's not 345 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 1: because there's something wrong with it. It's not because it's because 346 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 1: of the oxytocin. It's because the way we feel. And 347 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,360 Speaker 1: I just think I had this other like dating coach 348 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,480 Speaker 1: on here or she was like a psychologist. She was like, 349 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: just say, I don't sleep with anyone unless I'm going 350 00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 1: to commit a relationship. And may that may not be 351 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 1: entirely true, but just if you protect yourself, protect your peace. 352 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 2: Right, you have to always protect yourself. 353 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,080 Speaker 3: Now on the flim side, if you're like I don't 354 00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 3: care if her calls or not, like you're not, don't 355 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 3: make a habit of this. 356 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 2: But if it's liberating. 357 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 3: To you, Oh that's different, and you feel like you 358 00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,000 Speaker 3: can handle it and you don't need the call the 359 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,880 Speaker 3: next day, then do what makes you happy. 360 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,080 Speaker 2: I think most can't. 361 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: Even if someone doesn't like someone that much, I still 362 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,840 Speaker 1: and then they sleep with them. I still think it's 363 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,560 Speaker 1: gonna bother them. They don't get the I think we 364 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,840 Speaker 1: don't know ourselves as creatures as much as we think. 365 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 2: Most women. 366 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,400 Speaker 3: Absolutely you want to be respected and called, and I 367 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,760 Speaker 3: still think you could have fun and play, But do 368 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 3: the level of fun without hurting yourself. 369 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay the next day. 370 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, so scenario number two, which I actually, like you 371 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: would maybe advise against, but it just happened naturally. I 372 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 1: was out with my girlfriend. There had been a man 373 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 1: who had been pursuing me to go to dinner, and 374 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:44,720 Speaker 1: he kept talking about this one specific place that he 375 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: wanted to take me to that I had already been to, 376 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 1: but it seemed like he was super excited about that place, 377 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 1: and it was on like a you know, like let's 378 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: say it's like a weekend night or something. It's more 379 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: of like a high pressure dating night, you know what 380 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 1: I mean, Like you might see people out, you know, 381 00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,680 Speaker 1: you're getting dressed up, et cetera. I'm one of these 382 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,800 Speaker 1: people that feels like it's another thing to protect your 383 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 1: piece to not go if you're not really excited, because 384 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: it's almost like when you go to a buffet and 385 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:11,920 Speaker 1: like you put the wrong things on your plate, you 386 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: get a little. 387 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,439 Speaker 2: Sick and you don't want to go back. 388 00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 1: I think you have to set yourself up for positivity 389 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 1: because you could be discouraged from dating. You could be 390 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,520 Speaker 1: bummed you put on an outfit. You're like, oh, why 391 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:28,399 Speaker 1: is this person droning on for me. So this I 392 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,880 Speaker 1: didn't want to go on this date. I was going 393 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:34,679 Speaker 1: off my girlfriend to a day club like six to 394 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 1: eight to some DJ. It sounds insane, but it was fun, 395 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:41,359 Speaker 1: and so I text this guy he had texted me, 396 00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:44,679 Speaker 1: and I made it super casual. I said, well, we 397 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 1: happened to be finishing this thing at eight o'clock. If 398 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 1: you want to meet us, I'll be with my friend, 399 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,359 Speaker 1: but we happen to be going here if you want 400 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,920 Speaker 1: to meet us at this place to grab a drink. 401 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,520 Speaker 1: Super casual, and he said yeah, so he came to 402 00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:58,800 Speaker 1: meet us. It ended up being a very nice experience 403 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 1: with a nice man. It was actually happy that it 404 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,080 Speaker 1: was an hour with a nice person that I could 405 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,360 Speaker 1: text and would set him up with someone and now 406 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,560 Speaker 1: know him and was totally nice to him and thanked 407 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 1: him afterwards for dinner because I felt guilty that he 408 00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:14,120 Speaker 1: picked up dinner when we'd only been there an hour, 409 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,000 Speaker 1: like I felt like, I don't know, it's back to 410 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,080 Speaker 1: my twenties when like you're out there, like I was like, 411 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 1: I hope the guy isn't thick, Like we wanted a 412 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:19,959 Speaker 1: free meal. 413 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 2: I can afford a meal, but anyway. 414 00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,879 Speaker 1: So that's how that went, and for me, that was 415 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,800 Speaker 1: a no harm, no foul. I was in bed at 416 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,159 Speaker 1: ten o'clock. I was happy with that whole program, and 417 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,040 Speaker 1: I wanted to know your opinion on that decision. 418 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,440 Speaker 3: No, I actually I think that was a smart move 419 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,879 Speaker 3: for someone like you who's busy. I do agree that 420 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:39,159 Speaker 3: you always hear the stories like I wasn't going to 421 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:40,879 Speaker 3: go out and didn't feel good or whatever, and then 422 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,400 Speaker 3: he went out. You met the man of your dream. 423 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,680 Speaker 3: So I think the fact that you went for it 424 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 3: was good. I liked that it sounds like your wing 425 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,440 Speaker 3: woman was someone that was like pro you and because 426 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,879 Speaker 3: it would backfire whoever you were with. The third was 427 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,600 Speaker 3: not fun and into it engaging and didn't have your back, 428 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,520 Speaker 3: and it wasn't competitive where it sounds like that that 429 00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,960 Speaker 3: first was going to try to get him versus you. 430 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 2: So it sounds like you really have like a good friend. 431 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:08,640 Speaker 3: So if you have a girlfriend that's also single, I'm 432 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:12,640 Speaker 3: not saying it's a different scenario. Think through because you 433 00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,920 Speaker 3: need it for yourself and not that you don't want 434 00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,800 Speaker 3: to be a good girlfriend, but like you just you know, 435 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,560 Speaker 3: can't date both of you. So if you're worried about that, 436 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 3: then I would say, don't do that, but it sounded 437 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 3: like you were on the fence. 438 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 2: You weren't sure he was all for it. 439 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 3: I don't think it's good if someone asks you out 440 00:19:27,359 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 3: to then say I have a friend. 441 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 2: But it happened casually. It wasn't connected. 442 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:34,160 Speaker 1: We had not had plans on Saturday because of them, 443 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,640 Speaker 1: I think going on and then it was just hey, 444 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,120 Speaker 1: this is odd, but we're going there if you want 445 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:38,879 Speaker 1: to meet us, like super casual. 446 00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 3: So that I love that, and I think it's good 447 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,720 Speaker 3: because I also think it's good for you to see 448 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 3: how that person reacts, like right away with someone that 449 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 3: you like, trust that person can see you in more 450 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 3: of a social fun way. I think it takes away 451 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,639 Speaker 3: less pressure, and I think it's brilliant because now you've 452 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 3: got to water a girlfriend and meet a guy and 453 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 3: then deciding to like him and a little bit. It's 454 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:00,640 Speaker 3: like a drive by but a little bit more elegance 455 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,520 Speaker 3: in a little more time. And I like that you 456 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 3: probably thanked him afterwards. 457 00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,760 Speaker 1: Well, I think with anything, it has to land because 458 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:08,919 Speaker 1: you're gonna think I'm nuts, but like I'm moving and 459 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,399 Speaker 1: I'm in the middle of a lot of stuff going on, 460 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 1: and so I've been spending time with my friends and 461 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: like immersing into Florida. My two best friends live there, 462 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,360 Speaker 1: so that was my one best friend. These are both 463 00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:21,680 Speaker 1: from high school. So the next day it's great. There 464 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,440 Speaker 1: had been another guy that I had blown off right, 465 00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:27,159 Speaker 1: so now he kept reaching out to me. 466 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,680 Speaker 2: So I just did a throwaway. I'm like, well, I'm 467 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 2: with my friend. I'll let you know. 468 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,679 Speaker 1: I think we're gonna go here if you want to 469 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 1: meet us. So it's crazy, and I am fresh out 470 00:20:35,040 --> 00:20:35,840 Speaker 1: of the ocean. 471 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:36,119 Speaker 2: I go. 472 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:39,000 Speaker 1: I am ocean to table, Like know what you're walking into. 473 00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,119 Speaker 1: We've been at the beach all day, just had a margaret, 474 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:45,200 Speaker 1: like a drink. We're ocean to table. And thank god, 475 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:47,199 Speaker 1: this guy had seen me looking good at another thing, 476 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:49,920 Speaker 1: which is when we first met. So he showed up 477 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:54,240 Speaker 1: and walked in and had an energy and a charisma 478 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,800 Speaker 1: and was dressed well and brought me and amazing. 479 00:20:57,800 --> 00:20:58,480 Speaker 2: He brought me like. 480 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:04,320 Speaker 1: Crabs and a pie for my daughter and brought a crazy, elaborate, 481 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,360 Speaker 1: very expensive gift for me, said was a housewarming gift. 482 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,639 Speaker 1: And my friend was like, what the fuck? This guy's 483 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 1: amazing and so is our partner, like what? And then 484 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,199 Speaker 1: we had a really nice and it was only like 485 00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,679 Speaker 1: an hour long. Then I was ready and I was like, 486 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: I do want to go out with this guy? And 487 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:20,359 Speaker 1: then we went out a couple of days later. So 488 00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,159 Speaker 1: I'm just saying, I guess what I'm saying is like 489 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,600 Speaker 1: there can be like hybrid models of dating that are 490 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: not really discussed and low lift, and I just tried them. 491 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,280 Speaker 2: But you it has to land. You can't be like 492 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,520 Speaker 2: I have my mind. You made that. 493 00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, you made that guy feel special, because like it's 494 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 3: one thing if you have a guy and then you're 495 00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:39,720 Speaker 3: too busy talking to your friend, but it's making sure 496 00:21:39,760 --> 00:21:43,880 Speaker 3: he's inclusive, including the conversation and it's plugged in versus 497 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,800 Speaker 3: like he doesn't feel awkward. So yeah, it sounds like 498 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,960 Speaker 3: you did a really good job of incorporating him where 499 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,239 Speaker 3: he was also part of the focus. And again with 500 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,199 Speaker 3: a girlfriend with the best friend knows you, loves you, 501 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,639 Speaker 3: has your back, wants the best for you, not like 502 00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 3: telling like things about you you wouldn't. Yeah, just things 503 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:02,920 Speaker 3: like that, like you have to be careful who you're 504 00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 3: around to pull that off and for it to land. 505 00:22:05,119 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 2: But it sounds like you did that brilliantly. 506 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,800 Speaker 3: I also think it doesn't have to be Sometimes people 507 00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 3: get offended if it's not just a dinner date. Like 508 00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 3: it could be a brunch, it could be a walk 509 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,960 Speaker 3: on the beach. It does not need to be just 510 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:16,560 Speaker 3: a dinner date. 511 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 1: By the way, I'm big by the way, I love 512 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,399 Speaker 1: that you said that because the guy the night before. 513 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: I don't know why. My gut was I did not 514 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,719 Speaker 1: want to. It's not like my saturdays are coveted. I'd 515 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 1: be home meeting pop tarts. It's that I just did 516 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,200 Speaker 1: not want to put on the dress, blow dry the hair, 517 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 1: sprits perfume, go out to a nice restaurant, walk in, 518 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:34,560 Speaker 1: and be like, fuck, this is not going to be it. 519 00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,359 Speaker 1: So I agree with you, go invite someone on a 520 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:40,040 Speaker 1: walk on the beach because you're getting exercise and you're 521 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 1: walking and talking. 522 00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:43,640 Speaker 2: It's another human being. You're getting your steps in your walk. 523 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:47,640 Speaker 3: Yes, it's actually so fun and it could be super romantic, 524 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:50,200 Speaker 3: and there's always could be another date loocause sometimes you 525 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,879 Speaker 3: will get bombed out like oh, this person can only 526 00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,720 Speaker 3: do this, and it's like we have just this high 527 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:58,840 Speaker 3: success rate of people meeting for a brunch, breakfast lunch, 528 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,600 Speaker 3: like it doesn't have to be that. 529 00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:04,360 Speaker 1: Or like it hasn't been set yet as a major thing, 530 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 1: and to be like, I know this is crazy, but 531 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,960 Speaker 1: I'm with my friends. We're getting marguerite. To your point, again, 532 00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,159 Speaker 1: no one's going to screw you over and whatever. You 533 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 1: have to take that chance. But yeah, to your I'm 534 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,080 Speaker 1: with my friends on the beach, or she's your husband 535 00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,960 Speaker 1: if you want to stop by sack guy like, I 536 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,359 Speaker 1: think that's very open and also shows that you have 537 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:21,200 Speaker 1: a social life. 538 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,600 Speaker 3: Absolutely, but again, make sure you're not overserved so by 539 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 3: the time they get there. 540 00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:26,320 Speaker 2: That you're like plaid. That's a great note. 541 00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,080 Speaker 3: Make sure you don't ignore them, and then make sure 542 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 3: you're not flirting with other guys right you're there there, 543 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:34,040 Speaker 3: right now, so they feel like, whoa, this girl's like 544 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 3: a party girl, like I want something serious. 545 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,679 Speaker 2: These are great now, you play it right to do that. 546 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:39,320 Speaker 2: These are great. 547 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,479 Speaker 3: If you can, then you could pull it off and 548 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:46,280 Speaker 3: you could win that way. Great people always realize, like, 549 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,879 Speaker 3: don't pout. There could always be another date. But if 550 00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,120 Speaker 3: you're pouting and already seem disappointed on this date, you're 551 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:54,800 Speaker 3: not going to get the next date. So play it right. 552 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,800 Speaker 2: On this date and it will lead to another date. 553 00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 2: That's fair. 554 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,679 Speaker 1: Okay, great, all right, I guess let's call this like 555 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:03,359 Speaker 1: not tradition. Let's call this episode like non traditional dating, 556 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,639 Speaker 1: Like this is like a non traditional model, And I 557 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:10,879 Speaker 1: think that that is smart because not everything. Yeah, I 558 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: do like that. I like to take a walk. I like, yes, 559 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: the brain because someone might not want to hike. Someone 560 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,359 Speaker 1: might want want to tell you that I want to 561 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:21,679 Speaker 1: go like water, what is it called wakeboarding? 562 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 3: The other thing you have to be careful about is 563 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:26,359 Speaker 3: if you're going to do something active, you still have 564 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:30,040 Speaker 3: to look cute. You can't just put no effort into 565 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:33,280 Speaker 3: looking cute to go on after date. I've gotten so 566 00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,880 Speaker 3: many complaints when people are like she like we could 567 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 3: go on and walk, but like she looked like she 568 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:39,000 Speaker 3: was like a hot mess. 569 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,400 Speaker 2: Like still look cute. 570 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,439 Speaker 3: I'm not saying you have to be full glam, but 571 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,199 Speaker 3: put on something that you feel good and that you 572 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 3: look cute. 573 00:24:44,600 --> 00:24:46,040 Speaker 2: It it's your cute workout outfit. 574 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,960 Speaker 1: It's your little outfit that's intentional for getting coffee. 575 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, which is actually better than anything. 576 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 1: It's your cute getting coffee outfit. Yes, I get exactly 577 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 1: what you're talking about. 578 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:56,840 Speaker 3: You got to put some effort into it, but then 579 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 3: it it actually works your favor and because it's so 580 00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:02,760 Speaker 3: unexp back to have fun, it's like clean, squeaky clean fun. 581 00:25:03,359 --> 00:25:05,280 Speaker 2: It could totally work to your favorite. 582 00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 3: Plus with the endorphins of working out and getting your steps, 583 00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,639 Speaker 3: and people are in such good moods. 584 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 2: I like it. I like it a lot. I like 585 00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,359 Speaker 2: it a lot. I love you, thank you so much.