Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, come in. Hey, um, I think we have
Speaker 1: what's the schedule. I'm sorry, my assistants out sick. Oh.
Speaker 1: I think we're supposed to meet with Will and he's
Speaker 1: got you guys already start. I just you just walked in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you're not late because I had five five past
Speaker 1: two we were starting. Do you mind if we It's fine.
Speaker 1: I was I was gonna like need one second to
Speaker 1: just kind of quickly line let me no no no, no no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no. Step It's not a big deal. Guys,
Speaker 1: this is too much. I already I already I already
Speaker 1: popped open the sugar free Red Bulls so that we
Speaker 1: could all sort of get started here. Do you want one? Well,
Speaker 1: I would love one, Thank you. Here you go. So
Speaker 1: this is our big new endeavor. How boys, this is
Speaker 1: exciting at least I'm excited. Well I think I'm speaking.
Speaker 1: I can only speak for myself, and I'm excited too.
Speaker 1: I'm so excited mostly to kind of hear from you Will,
Speaker 1: like what what these people are doing in the in
Speaker 1: this podcasting space there there are so many, so many
Speaker 1: new people here that I'm I'm thrilled to play down
Speaker 1: in front of you. Yeah, well, you seemed really excited
Speaker 1: all week, and we've been really looking forward to the meeting,
Speaker 1: and I just want to make sure that it's not
Speaker 1: to be waste of our time. You guys let me
Speaker 1: in the door, because I know your time is important
Speaker 1: to you and super valuable. So I don't want to
Speaker 1: I don't want to waste it. Well, why you don't
Speaker 1: have to get on the actual floor. You're supine on
Speaker 1: the floor right now. I think some people think better
Speaker 1: by walking around the room. I think I get more calm,
Speaker 1: and I think better by lying down then, because you know,
Speaker 1: you know who recorded her hub like that, Alicia Keys?
Speaker 1: Is that real? Alright? So what what kind of what
Speaker 1: kind of I guess what is this a podcast? You
Speaker 1: want us to produce? This is going to be what
Speaker 1: I want you guys to produce. Are multiple podcasts. It's one.
Speaker 1: It's a podcast called clown Parade, a anthological character piece
Speaker 1: carefully rated by culturistics, right like a series. And it's
Speaker 1: a series. And we have a number of very talented
Speaker 1: individuals who take it over and do there. It's there.
Speaker 1: It's their time to shine. I see. I like that
Speaker 1: for this amazing audience we have out there, Let'm intrigued
Speaker 1: so far. Yeah, I'm intrigued so far. So you sort
Speaker 1: of want to use our celebrity yep, it's a skyrocket
Speaker 1: these well, and I know that that's what you guys
Speaker 1: want to do as well, our celebrity, right, pay it
Speaker 1: forward exactly as they said in the movie, pay it
Speaker 1: for starring the incredible Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osmond
Speaker 1: and don't forget, don't forget. Hey, I see him on
Speaker 1: the list. We gotta take him on. I don't want
Speaker 1: to produce this podcast. I didn't you know what that was?
Speaker 1: Just that was just a spitball. Okay, idea, what is this?
Speaker 1: And you know what, let's take that off. Kevin's basically
Speaker 1: master class. No, don't don't read. Don't read you further.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, you're already fluffing up. Okay, So, who's
Speaker 1: the first person who's gonna take over this clown parne
Speaker 1: an anthological character piece carefully curated by Cultures Desk. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a very talented young woman, okay, Greta, Yes, oh
Speaker 1: Greta's title. Yes, yes, of course she's actually gt actually
Speaker 1: is a very close friend of ours. So excited to
Speaker 1: hear what she's cooking up. It's called step Mom Presents.
Speaker 1: The Husband Hunt is a step by step guide to
Speaker 1: getting the life of your dreams the way step Mom
Speaker 1: wants you to do it, as the saying goes, work
Speaker 1: is for people who don't know how to fish. Jesus
Speaker 1: said that. That was Jesus Christ, and I believe to
Speaker 1: B C to B before Christ. And you guys know
Speaker 1: that that. Greta is a comedian, actress, writer. She's living
Speaker 1: in Los Angeles. O love that, so, which was such
Speaker 1: as cool to get someone from l A. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: she she already probably knows a lot about about the biz.
Speaker 1: And you don't have enough people in podcasting who live
Speaker 1: in l A. You really don't. There's a huge deficit. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: it's mostly from Des Moines, Clearwater, Florida, Near Water, Florida,
Speaker 1: huge podcasting, Tulsa. Yeah, like I said, and omaha, thank
Speaker 1: you welcome. I think it says okay in your notes.
Speaker 1: You can currently watch Greta on the HBO series Lois's
Speaker 1: Spookies as US Ambassador Melanie Gibbons and what else, Matt,
Speaker 1: I'm reading her. She was in Search Party and you know,
Speaker 1: Greta's comedy can be seen on Comedy Central, Vice and
Speaker 1: of course Instagram, of course course, but now clown Parade,
Speaker 1: an anthological character piece carefully curated cultures. I'm excited about this,
Speaker 1: this husband Hunt. Is it going to be graphically violent?
Speaker 1: That's what that what I've been told. Good, it's gonna
Speaker 1: it's gonna mostly feature graphic violence. I love that, which
Speaker 1: very in you know, on an auditory level, is chilling.
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, yeah, I love it. The sounds of ripping flesh, screams,
Speaker 1: bashing teeth, yes, broken tibulus and fibulous, A lot of
Speaker 1: teeth extraction. Yes, no, this is before I get to
Speaker 1: gus on the extraction. You normally have it. No gas needed. No,
Speaker 1: we'll get up off the floor. Let's listen to that.
Speaker 1: I think, Hey, everyone, let's listen to this. This is
Speaker 1: step Mom Presents by Title Man. Is that robbing cabbage?
Speaker 1: I smell? Oh no, it's you, my little twats and tweakers,
Speaker 1: joining me, your stepmother, for the very first episode of
Speaker 1: Stepmother Presents the Husband Toime. That's right, me, your gorgeous
Speaker 1: stepmother found a warm spot in her incredibly generous heart
Speaker 1: to gift you, my fellow listeners, a guide to finding
Speaker 1: the husband that houses the keys to your dreams. The bag,
Speaker 1: the money, the loot, the grub, the grime, the gems,
Speaker 1: the gold, all of the gush in the world is
Speaker 1: waiting for you. And it's it's simply not that hard, dear,
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm here to present to you a
Speaker 1: step by step guide to getting the life of your dreams.
Speaker 1: After all, the saying goes work is for people who
Speaker 1: don't know how to fish. And darling, we are in
Speaker 1: the deep sea. Now. If this is your first time
Speaker 1: ever being introduced to me, step mom, I'll tell you
Speaker 1: a little bit about me. I am the one who
Speaker 1: haunts your dreams. I am the one you never want
Speaker 1: to come into your life. Why because I will take
Speaker 1: everything from you and not bat a lash. I will
Speaker 1: come in meet your father, snatch him right up in
Speaker 1: my very palm. And next thing you know, why, your inheritance,
Speaker 1: that car you love driving to work every day, Your
Speaker 1: sweet sweet childhood room suddenly cleared out and now it's
Speaker 1: my aerobics room. And oh yes, I'm going to be
Speaker 1: taking all of everything your dreams ever rested on. But
Speaker 1: don't worry, dearest, If you listen to this podcast, I'll
Speaker 1: teach you how to ensure the brightest, most bountiful future
Speaker 1: for yourself. And you might be thinking, why, Stepmom, this
Speaker 1: seems awfully philanthropic of you to be doing something as
Speaker 1: kind as teaching your sinister ways, teaching the tricks of
Speaker 1: the trade to all of the trollops on the town.
Speaker 1: And I guess you could say, I did feel a
Speaker 1: little like giving. You know, all of the greats always do,
Speaker 1: and I not mean now here. I do believe in karma,
Speaker 1: even though she is a bit. Now, let me tell
Speaker 1: you a little story from my past, a time long ago,
Speaker 1: when I too was like you, an absolute nitwit stomping
Speaker 1: around an American apparel, when I was living my life
Speaker 1: off of the rack and nothing custom, when I was
Speaker 1: being lord nose embarrassing taking the subway and not a
Speaker 1: car service. It was back back in the day when
Speaker 1: I thought I had it all by having a threesome
Speaker 1: with a skater and an artist, two of the biggest
Speaker 1: offenses you can do. While we were out one night dancing,
Speaker 1: having fun, partaking in a little m d m A,
Speaker 1: one might say, sipping on some vodka sodas from you
Speaker 1: can only imagine the well the next thing. You know,
Speaker 1: we decided to experiment because we're living in our youth bohemia,
Speaker 1: minded by the fact that it was a dead end.
Speaker 1: One thing leads to another. We have a threesome on
Speaker 1: a mattress on a floor Jersey Knitch sheets. It's hot, sticky, stinky,
Speaker 1: and smelly. The sheets were brown. Who sleeps on brown sheets?
Speaker 1: You ask why? The kind of person who doesn't have
Speaker 1: access to frette. So once we're done rolling around, I
Speaker 1: obviously didn't come. I say good night and wake up
Speaker 1: three days later with a bleeding snatch. That's right, A
Speaker 1: bleeding snatch that smells like rotted soufur. A bleeding snatch
Speaker 1: that is saying to me, stepmother, this is not the
Speaker 1: life of your dreams, stepmother. Something is wrong. And what
Speaker 1: was wrong? I got the clap that's right, chlamydia. She
Speaker 1: attacked me because I was making foolish mistakes, trolloping my
Speaker 1: little twat all around the square, saying, Oh, it's no
Speaker 1: big deal, I'll just sleep with this. Want to be
Speaker 1: bosk yacht. Oh it's no big deal, I'll just sleep
Speaker 1: with this. Wanna be tony hawk weill. It turns out
Speaker 1: neither of them had any money, so there was no
Speaker 1: collateral to be collected. If you're going to be messing
Speaker 1: with someone that can give you such a thing, at
Speaker 1: least get money for a dear. And that's when I
Speaker 1: swore to myself. I swore there was a bigger and
Speaker 1: brighter future out there for me, even if it involved
Speaker 1: me riding someone so hard I could hear their arthritic
Speaker 1: bones snap underneath me. It was a price I was
Speaker 1: willing to pay to never get plowed by a hot
Speaker 1: young thing with the clap Ever again, knowing full well
Speaker 1: that one day, with the amount of money I will
Speaker 1: collect from riding someone until they die, but I could
Speaker 1: just pay my future skater boyfriend to clean himself up.
Speaker 1: So take it from me. Everyone in your life, as
Speaker 1: you know it has got to go chow, sayonara, goodbye.
Speaker 1: It's time to move on. And if they get mad
Speaker 1: at you, if they get sad that you're leaving them, well,
Speaker 1: will most certainly be happy in ten years from now.
Speaker 1: They can leach off of you at your compound in Malibu.
Speaker 1: This very first episode, as we are Tigers in the Jungle,
Speaker 1: is about seeking. It's about finding our prized, prized prey,
Speaker 1: finding the prey that will soon become ours to keep
Speaker 1: forever and all of their bank accounts to. So let's
Speaker 1: start with what not to do. As I know all
Speaker 1: of you are out there living absolutely pathetic little waste
Speaker 1: of life, wasting your time working jobs, dating people that
Speaker 1: probably smell like PATROLI. So I am here to lay
Speaker 1: it out for you, stupid, stupid, stupid people as easily
Speaker 1: as I can. Now. To start, you need to start
Speaker 1: up sleeping with people your own age. That's right. Chances
Speaker 1: are they make just as much money as you do,
Speaker 1: and chances are they're just as lost and confused as
Speaker 1: you are. Chances are they probably think the future holds
Speaker 1: something big and bright for that, when in fact it doesn't.
Speaker 1: So you need to start getting your life together and
Speaker 1: wrapping your head around the fact that you are going
Speaker 1: to be staring at a pair of old dangling papaya
Speaker 1: balls until the day he croaks, which is hopefully sooner
Speaker 1: than later. You also need to stop splitting the bill now.
Speaker 1: Nothing irks me more than when I see young hot
Speaker 1: foxes out on dates with prized packages saying, oh, let's
Speaker 1: split it. No, you will not be spending any of
Speaker 1: your coin in this seek my dear, you must stop
Speaker 1: going to the wrong environment. That is our biggest lesson
Speaker 1: number one when seeking. We would never hunt a tiger
Speaker 1: in the ocean, now, would we. Nay nay. So all
Speaker 1: of those little, cool, little kid hangouts you've so enjoyed
Speaker 1: going to in your post grad years from n y
Speaker 1: U you can stop attending now. No need to go
Speaker 1: to Sophie's Bar on the Lower east Side, No need
Speaker 1: to be going any place offering you a shot n
Speaker 1: abir combo. From now on, everything will be fifty plus.
Speaker 1: That is the crowd that we can get into. That
Speaker 1: is the crowd that we can manipulate. That, my dear
Speaker 1: sweet listeners, is where we are going to seek. No
Speaker 1: more getting dickmatized by some Pete Davidson want to be
Speaker 1: because you want to know why they're not Pete Davidson,
Speaker 1: darling dearest, And even though they're covered head to toe
Speaker 1: and absolutely disturbed Calvin and Hobbes tattoos or whatever the
Speaker 1: fuck it, maybe chances are the only way they're getting
Speaker 1: around town is on two wheels not connected to a
Speaker 1: luxury vehicle. Now, you need to stop letting these lanky
Speaker 1: little skater fox wheel their way into your heart. I
Speaker 1: don't care if he's won twe me with a dick
Speaker 1: that's nineteen thousand inches long. The only thing that will
Speaker 1: make me care about that if he was one hundred
Speaker 1: and twenty years old. Now. The only acceptable member of
Speaker 1: a band moving forward is Mick Jagger. None of this. Oh,
Speaker 1: he's in the second coming of the Strokes, nonsense, any musician.
Speaker 1: We all know. It's just a life of a tour bus. Dear. Now,
Speaker 1: do you think that tour bus is going to pay
Speaker 1: for your shopping spree at show pard? I think not.
Speaker 1: That gets me to artists generally speaking, they've all got
Speaker 1: to go stop trying to live your god forsaken Patti
Speaker 1: Smith fantasy. It is not nineteen sixty. You are not
Speaker 1: Andy Warhol, You are not amused. You are living in
Speaker 1: one fucking some guy whereing god knows what, from who
Speaker 1: knows where. That is not what we want for our futures. Vegans,
Speaker 1: they are absolutely the worst. Now you're thinking, oh, stepmother's
Speaker 1: because they don't eat meat, that they're not carnivorous little
Speaker 1: whors like yourself. No, frankly, I don't give a fuck
Speaker 1: who eats what as long as they're eating my ass.
Speaker 1: But I will say vegans always tend to have morals
Speaker 1: and lean socialists, so you must know that your future
Speaker 1: will not be bright in bubbling coin. Now, A big
Speaker 1: excuse that I hear from time to time is oh,
Speaker 1: but they've got potential. Oh, this skater that I've met
Speaker 1: in Tompkins Squift Park as potential. Oh, this artist in
Speaker 1: oh Ma as potential. Oh my boyfriend working a mediocre
Speaker 1: job at H and R Block has potential. Well, you
Speaker 1: know what I don't like potential. The only potential I
Speaker 1: want is a potential that you're going to die after
Speaker 1: we have signed the marriage papers, Darling. The only kind
Speaker 1: of potential is the potential for me to absolutely gain
Speaker 1: every single ounce of your net worth after you have
Speaker 1: officially croaked at the table. I know that you're thinking, Wow,
Speaker 1: this is awfully harsh. I don't think I can get
Speaker 1: comfortable with the fact that money and this stunning future
Speaker 1: of my dreams is evil. Well, welcome to wearing your
Speaker 1: big girl pants. These decisions are hard, but if you
Speaker 1: want to have a life that isn't hard, you can
Speaker 1: start by toning down your morality. Now you're wondering, well, stepmother,
Speaker 1: this sounds so hard. I'm so overwhelmed. You want me
Speaker 1: to leave my community, leave my friends, try and force
Speaker 1: myself to be attracted to these old, archaic pieces of meat.
Speaker 1: How do I do that? Where do I start? If
Speaker 1: I'm not hanging out at my dive bars, if I'm
Speaker 1: not going to the house parties, if I'm not sleeping
Speaker 1: with someone who has four roommates step mother, where do
Speaker 1: I go? Well? That brings us to what to do,
Speaker 1: Where to go, where to seek the prey we want
Speaker 1: to catch. Now that we've broken those nasty little habits,
Speaker 1: we need to cultivate and create new ones that are
Speaker 1: going to lead to good gains and potential suitors. So
Speaker 1: the first and foremost step is making sure we are
Speaker 1: in the right place at the right time. You need
Speaker 1: to be going to correct events and venues. As this
Speaker 1: is crucial. You also must learn how to spot the
Speaker 1: man that is loaded, hopefully more than just his bank account,
Speaker 1: and what to wear while doing it. We can start
Speaker 1: easy a NASCAR events, say, or if you're lucky and
Speaker 1: you're listening to this in Europe, the Monaco Grand Prix.
Speaker 1: These events are great for meeting oil tycoons or CEOs
Speaker 1: of another evil company and I know that. You say, well,
Speaker 1: I don't want them to be evil. All money is evil,
Speaker 1: day or get over it. The good thing about NASCAR
Speaker 1: and the Monaco Grand Prix is that people go there
Speaker 1: to flaunt, so it's very easy to spy with your
Speaker 1: little lie a gold Rolex Daytona or a vintage Brightling
Speaker 1: or oh is that a Maserati? I spy. Men like
Speaker 1: to be flashy there, and you need to be a
Speaker 1: complete dodo. Heead to not be able to clock them.
Speaker 1: Why they're everywhere? Oh? What is that? You see a
Speaker 1: Gucci loafer and a man with a cane, you better
Speaker 1: pounce on that, like Tony the Tiger in the goddamn morning.
Speaker 1: But I don't want to pay for tickets to go
Speaker 1: to a NASCAR race. I don't want to pay to
Speaker 1: go to the Monaco Grand Prix. Fine, there are always
Speaker 1: events we can go to for free and not attend ourselves.
Speaker 1: Such has been not limited to a plastic surgery convention.
Speaker 1: Why these events happen in gorgeous towns such as Scottsdale, Arizona,
Speaker 1: La Joya, San Diego, California. Even my Shining Star lost
Speaker 1: fucking Vegas. You don't need to attend to the convention,
Speaker 1: while you can simply find out what hotels are housing them. Oh,
Speaker 1: is the Aria in Vegas housing a brand new plastic
Speaker 1: surgery convention for a whole new type of breast augmentation?
Speaker 1: Do you happen to be there for one night only
Speaker 1: alone looking for someone to split a gorgeous steak with?
Speaker 1: The plastic surgery conventions are harder to spot a real
Speaker 1: richie rich, but know that for the most part, if
Speaker 1: they looked taut and tweaked themselves, they probably want to
Speaker 1: taut and tweak you, and they probably have the money
Speaker 1: to spend to do it. It's important to remember that
Speaker 1: warm weather destinations is also ample time for you to
Speaker 1: show your natural beauty, show that body, show that ass,
Speaker 1: show them what they're missing, launched in front of their
Speaker 1: face so they are drooling on their little feet and
Speaker 1: come begging for it. Oh, you're too scared to approach someone,
Speaker 1: bump into them. You see an old old man alone
Speaker 1: on an elevator carrying a briefcase with a stethoscope around
Speaker 1: his neck. Just tell them you feel faint and you
Speaker 1: need them to check you out. It's a perfect intro.
Speaker 1: Doctors are always good to tell as old as time really,
Speaker 1: and chances are a doctor at a plastic surgery convention
Speaker 1: is in it to make money. Dear, they're not saving
Speaker 1: the kids. Oh, Gallas, another excellent event, always where rich
Speaker 1: people go with guilts when they want to feel philanthropic themselves.
Speaker 1: An event to attend to flaunt thirty forty fifty a
Speaker 1: hundred K towards some god awful donation. Oh, save the elephants,
Speaker 1: Save the sharks. The earth is on fire. A perfect
Speaker 1: place to find a man with completely liquid income to
Speaker 1: flaunt about. Find the highest bidder and you've found your
Speaker 1: guy there there with a date, truck them alone, right
Speaker 1: down their name and next thing you know, Oh, is
Speaker 1: that you I see at the golf club? Is that
Speaker 1: you I'm running into at the deli? Why? I had
Speaker 1: no idea you'd be here? Pro tip always make sure
Speaker 1: you do your due diligence on all of these catches.
Speaker 1: You never want to write down a name that potentially
Speaker 1: is getting indicted. You never want to write down a
Speaker 1: name that is potentially in debt. You never want to
Speaker 1: write down a name of someone who has filed for bankruptcy.
Speaker 1: You only wanted to be clean, a clean catch is
Speaker 1: what we're after. You also want to make sure that
Speaker 1: they potentially have a few offshore accounts, and it's important
Speaker 1: you get access to those, but that is something we'll
Speaker 1: cover in the future. Now that we've discussed in full
Speaker 1: where to seek, where to hunt, where to find your prey,
Speaker 1: it's time that I take some of your questions that
Speaker 1: I know you've been dying to ask. Dear old step
Speaker 1: mommy from Germany since the pandemic, I'm having a really
Speaker 1: hard time committing to anything. I don't want to buy
Speaker 1: a friend, or a steady job, or even a doc
Speaker 1: term apartment, anything that ties me down. Fear it's wrong.
Speaker 1: And now I'm wondering if I'm just valuing my freedom
Speaker 1: the lot after being locked in for SONA, or whether
Speaker 1: I'm just scared of commitment. Ah, But maybe my question
Speaker 1: is how do I get everything I want without committing
Speaker 1: to anything that makes sense? Well? Hello, a vitsn from Germany.
Speaker 1: How do I get everything while committing to nothing? Well,
Speaker 1: aren't you just aging after my own heart? The only
Speaker 1: thing you need to be committing yourself to is securing
Speaker 1: the bag. You need to commit to yourself that the
Speaker 1: only job you're going to have is spending every waking
Speaker 1: moment of every waking day finding someone that you can
Speaker 1: take complete advantage of. That way, guess what, You'll never
Speaker 1: have to commit to a nine to five in your life.
Speaker 1: You'll have all the freedom in the world, not paying
Speaker 1: for any of it yourself. You'll be able to jet
Speaker 1: off to Abiza, hop on the boat to the say Chells.
Speaker 1: You'll be able to take a romp in New York City,
Speaker 1: a ski and Aspen, a trip to Why. You'll be
Speaker 1: able to go to Iceland and visit York. If you
Speaker 1: find someone rich enough, just commit to yourself the life
Speaker 1: that you deserve, a life filled with never ending fountains
Speaker 1: of funds. And I know you can do it, darling.
Speaker 1: Dear Why, there are a lot of richie riches out
Speaker 1: in Germany, and if you just get to trotting along,
Speaker 1: I'm sure you can find one who will only make
Speaker 1: you commit to them for a short time, that is,
Speaker 1: until you take everything from them. God speed, dear, and
Speaker 1: listen to step mommy step mom, my best friend and
Speaker 1: irable about to turn thirty. We love your advice, dudes,
Speaker 1: and don't life lessons. We're here for all. Please advise
Speaker 1: and thank you well. First and foremost, never tell anyone
Speaker 1: you're about to turn thirty. Jesus Christ, it's like I
Speaker 1: need to start at the very first lesson with you people.
Speaker 1: As far as you're concerned, you will be forever and
Speaker 1: always twenty seven years old. I don't care if you're
Speaker 1: fifty five and your marinette lines are cracking off of
Speaker 1: your god first taken face. You will always be seven.
Speaker 1: You will always be just out of college adjusting to
Speaker 1: your adult life. You will always be young and care free.
Speaker 1: And if anybody asks, quite frankly, dear, it's none of
Speaker 1: their business. So for starters, you and your friends aren't
Speaker 1: turning thirty. You and your friend are turning again. Now.
Speaker 1: What you and your friends must do is kiss goodbye
Speaker 1: that old, trollopy life you were living before. Now you're
Speaker 1: entering a new time, a new era, a new phase.
Speaker 1: You deserve nothing but the best the world has to offer.
Speaker 1: You deserve that two hundred and eighty dollar tea bone
Speaker 1: steak drenched in gold. You deserve that pair of Minola's
Speaker 1: you've been dying for ever since you watch Sex in
Speaker 1: the City for the first time. You deserve whatever god awful,
Speaker 1: opulent thing your heart desires, and the only way that
Speaker 1: you're going to get that is by meeting someone that
Speaker 1: can offer to you. But I would suggests going through
Speaker 1: your rolodex of high school friends, finding someone who you
Speaker 1: know is richie rich and hopefully their father is still around,
Speaker 1: and marrying them. Why it's not that hard, dear. A
Speaker 1: few years back at home, rekindling old romance with high
Speaker 1: school friends, Daddy isn't the worst it could be. It's
Speaker 1: always a good place to start, especially now that we're aging. Now,
Speaker 1: if that seems a bit too uncomfortable, I would advise
Speaker 1: you to start wearing more sunscreen. God, I mean, those
Speaker 1: melasma marks are just getting out of control. And oh, please,
Speaker 1: please please, that shirt is just when is that from
Speaker 1: two thousand six? You need to revamp your wardrobe, darling,
Speaker 1: and please stop eating so much pork. You're starting to
Speaker 1: smell like brine. Does be really clear you out? Here's
Speaker 1: a little secret from step Mom. You want to really
Speaker 1: get cleared out for a night of a proper bucket.
Speaker 1: Wake up in the morning and don't even think about
Speaker 1: touching a glass of water. You pound a black coffee,
Speaker 1: and then you pound a V eight. You strap on
Speaker 1: your little chinelle running shoes and you take yourself for
Speaker 1: a sprint around the block. That's right, full speed sprint.
Speaker 1: If you don't come back and spray like a fucking geyser.
Speaker 1: And I don't know what will help, but I promise you,
Speaker 1: I promise you. That is the step mom, douche, Hey,
Speaker 1: step mom. I'm just wondering if you have any tips
Speaker 1: on looking your best when you have a little seven
Speaker 1: month funding around. Oh, a gorgeous mother. You have to
Speaker 1: love a breeder from time to time, now, don't you
Speaker 1: now one thing that I was always envious of of
Speaker 1: my breeder friends, where they're gorgeous, milking luscious breasts. I
Speaker 1: would suggest squshing those things together in a stunning laperl
Speaker 1: lebra and trotting them around town for everyone to see. Remember,
Speaker 1: you have gorgeous, gorgeous jugs simply dangling off your body,
Speaker 1: waiting to become your chest butt. Now, dear, if you're
Speaker 1: feeling insecure about your body, please don't I want you
Speaker 1: to roll in the sheets with yourself. Remember what makes
Speaker 1: you tick. Remember that the whole world wants to be
Speaker 1: fucking you, but only you are going to be fucking
Speaker 1: yourself tonight. So when you put that little baby down
Speaker 1: for an app time, or when you do what my
Speaker 1: mother did, sit me in front of the television in
Speaker 1: front of a Jane Fondo workout tape. Take some time
Speaker 1: to make yourself moan that's right. Take some time to
Speaker 1: get back in touch with your vagina. Dear. Remember it
Speaker 1: doesn't just have to crack open for the child. It
Speaker 1: can also split open for the gods of club. So
Speaker 1: I will remind you that you're absolutely stunning and the
Speaker 1: whole world can't wait for you to remember that. Hey girl,
Speaker 1: how do I choose between either dating a attorney or
Speaker 1: pretty put together kind of legal drug dealer? M hm?
Speaker 1: A classic conundrum. Really, now, I want you to do
Speaker 1: something that not all of us do and actually take
Speaker 1: a moment to consider the assets here. What are they
Speaker 1: each making annually? A semi legal drug dealer could be
Speaker 1: racking in a lot, but I would suggest you to
Speaker 1: run for the hills if it is not an organic
Speaker 1: drug such as marijuana or potentially psilocybin mushrooms. Anything else
Speaker 1: will simply implicate you and potentially send you to jail
Speaker 1: for a long time, and well, we don't want that.
Speaker 1: So I need you to consider how legal. It is
Speaker 1: exactly now. Both have the opportunity for a lot of
Speaker 1: financial gain, and in some ways drugs have more of
Speaker 1: that than being an attorney. What kind of attorney is he?
Speaker 1: If he's doing something so stupid as representing I don't know,
Speaker 1: the public, then maybe the drug dealer is better. But
Speaker 1: if he is smart and representing of course completely corrupt
Speaker 1: companies and people, then you have a shot of living
Speaker 1: the life of luxury. I know it is you're seeking. Now,
Speaker 1: please be cautious in this drug dealer world. I would
Speaker 1: hate to see you get swept up on a stunning
Speaker 1: sailboat trafficking some gorgeous, gorgeous drugs from how do to't
Speaker 1: know Portugal to same parts. That would be a true shame. Oh.
Speaker 1: I do applaud you though on your taste in men.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you really know what you're doing and
Speaker 1: not fucking around. Well, what a gorgeous episode of step
Speaker 1: Mom it was today. I hope you enjoyed episode one
Speaker 1: of the husband hunt. I hope that you'll remember that
Speaker 1: now is the time we start to seek. Now is
Speaker 1: the time we go out into the wild and try
Speaker 1: and find our precious prey. Now is the time we
Speaker 1: break those nasty old habits, such as sleeping around with
Speaker 1: you know who and you know where. Now is the
Speaker 1: time we say goodbye to all of that shitty fabric
Speaker 1: and all of those stinky apartments, and hello to places
Speaker 1: like the carlysle and the Upper east Side. Now is
Speaker 1: the time you get comfortable with the fact that maybe
Speaker 1: your future isn't in Greenwich Village, but in Greenwich, Connecticut.
Speaker 1: Maybe now is the time we go out of our
Speaker 1: comfort zones and start attending events for big people adults.
Speaker 1: When we seek, when we go out into the field,
Speaker 1: when we go hunt ing, we must be prepared to
Speaker 1: turn into a kind of animal we are not comfortable with. Yet,
Speaker 1: I promise you, DearS, it's worth it. Once you adjust,
Speaker 1: once you see, you'll see all of the wealth round you.
Speaker 1: It's just waiting for you to come in and grab
Speaker 1: It's right there in front of you. Dear, don't be
Speaker 1: a fool until next time. It's me, your stepmother. And
Speaker 1: this has been the husband who