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Speaker 1: Welcome to j dot im a production of I Heart Radio. Hey, everybody,

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Speaker 1: welcome to Jave dot Eller podcast. And yet we started

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Speaker 1: off with a belch um, it needed to be done.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I'm sitting here with my friends,

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Speaker 1: my sister friends, Liah st claud That was Jill, not

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Speaker 1: Liam that that was me and Adrian Creet dancler My

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Speaker 1: gas comes out another way. So we're just we are here.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's does it does everybody's guess the tendency for me

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Speaker 1: is what I'm saying. Well, I think that's how it goes. Man,

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Speaker 1: are you a putter? I'm a bit of a putter.

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Speaker 1: I think that's what happens. You know it's okay, Well,

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Speaker 1: you know I'm rocking with seconds into the show is

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Speaker 1: at I'm trying to kill, don't she says she and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, it's probably too much. She sipped, we

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Speaker 1: try didn't see this. She sipped some tea after she

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Speaker 1: said she knew it was shade within herself body expressed

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Speaker 1: the even realized I was doing honey, listen, baby, is

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Speaker 1: that what is that? I don't know. She's gonna school

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Speaker 1: you today. You're gonna get scooped. It's really I'll take

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Speaker 1: it as love. I'm gonna stop you, you know it is.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take the half and half out of my coffee, babe, Okay,

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Speaker 1: just a girl. I'm telling you. I'm so proud. That's good.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry. It's it's the oat milk for me. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it know. I call it oak milk. But see that's

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Speaker 1: the actual dairy that I that I engage in because

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Speaker 1: I just like my cream in my coffee. The oat

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Speaker 1: milk virgin has nice flavors. They have hazel nuts and

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Speaker 1: some caramel. It's very nice. And I have to say

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Speaker 1: I've noticed that the gashou is mature of myself declined. Yes, hunting, Yes, everybody.

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Speaker 1: Everybody farts everybody. I used to think when I was

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Speaker 1: when I was like a young Joan, and I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I didn't fart, you know what I mean? I could

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Speaker 1: I could not fart around people for days, holding in

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Speaker 1: like when you have a boyfriend, like you did not

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Speaker 1: pass an, I didn't. I don't know about Adeline. I wasn't.

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Speaker 1: Is important to understand that it does not involve gas either,

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Speaker 1: but if it happens, we don't worry shoulder. We don't

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Speaker 1: worry about here. I don't want wow to to be

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Speaker 1: that confident. Okay, yes, it means that confident with with

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Speaker 1: gas and a shoulder ship me. This is the goal

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Speaker 1: in life, is it not? This is the goal at

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Speaker 1: at least, like I wait, my body seems to know

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Speaker 1: when I get home as soon as I get in

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Speaker 1: the door. Damns like cheese. I guess the trumpets, sir,

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Speaker 1: he's right here, she's comfy. Hey man, yeo yo, y're

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Speaker 1: far unber. But I know Asian man fartner under the

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Speaker 1: sheets for decades. But like you fartn under the sheets.

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Speaker 1: Now that's when next level relationship ship and I'm here,

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Speaker 1: I'm a I'm all the way in. This is what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. Congratulations because that's important, Yes, very important. This,

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Speaker 1: This is this is really friends relief. The next thing

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Speaker 1: when you can you're considerate and you lift up the

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Speaker 1: sheet because you know what's coming you. No, no, you

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Speaker 1: know that's that's tortured. That's not loving, that's not love.

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Speaker 1: What that sounds like? I have I have named Pam

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Speaker 1: because she's a very high voice. It's the cutest thing

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Speaker 1: I've ever seen or heard in my life. And she

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Speaker 1: says things like that's not love, that's hate, an agent,

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Speaker 1: that's not live, silence for a seen And all these

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Speaker 1: years friend shop to actually do sleep in a spoon.

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Speaker 1: I know most couples don't because they're be getting hot,

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Speaker 1: but we are actually sleeping this phone. And I'm telling

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Speaker 1: you if when if he lets one go in the

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Speaker 1: middle of the night, I'm talking the sheet because I

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Speaker 1: don't want that thing to seep out, and I smell

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Speaker 1: it interesting. I don't know how you know, And it

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Speaker 1: doesn't really matter if you're vegan or if you know,

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Speaker 1: if you're a carnivore and you're out here eating all

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Speaker 1: the meat. Um, either way, you know a vegan part.

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Speaker 1: I have my lord been subject to a vegan part

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Speaker 1: and been like in its potent that a reckon no

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Speaker 1: garlic business, alternative protein funds. Yeah, I love y'all. What

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Speaker 1: are y'all crazy? But I didn't mean to start off

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Speaker 1: the show with arts, you know, or belches, But that's

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Speaker 1: what happens. You know. There's a kid's book called Everybody Poops.

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Speaker 1: They should have one called Everybody Farts. Yeah, because it

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Speaker 1: happens in class. It's the most you'll remember when you

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Speaker 1: farted in class and everybody heard it. No, babe, that

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Speaker 1: didn't happen. Actually no, no, I thought you've always been

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Speaker 1: free with yours. You mean by accident and don't. I'm

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Speaker 1: all right. So yeah, what we're talking about I was

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Speaker 1: talking about. I thought I was relating. Sorry, it's some

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Speaker 1: time for a masterfoom, a master whole. Jill turned Come on,

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I don't even know where to start.

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Speaker 1: How do I go? Where do I go from here?

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Speaker 1: We gotta sing a song. We can go with our assignment.

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Speaker 1: We had an assignment. We yes. Listen, if you've ever

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Speaker 1: had a moment where you let it go okay, where

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Speaker 1: you've been in class, or you've been at work, or

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Speaker 1: you've you know, been around some some hoity toity people family,

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Speaker 1: and one slid out so many times? Okay, sorry, I

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Speaker 1: can't be alone with help. She's gonna come with me.

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Speaker 1: She's gonna come with me. Even though you might have

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Speaker 1: had that moment where where the john just slid out

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Speaker 1: and permeated the space, it did not take away your

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Speaker 1: lid d or you're worth as a human being at all.

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Speaker 1: It just happens. Is it just happens. I'm gonna go

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Speaker 1: with us? Is life okay? Far dogs farts, okay, fish fart.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, I just fit fart. This is like

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Speaker 1: we end up having these moments in life. Stuff happens,

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Speaker 1: Life happens, and we lose ourselves because something occurred. Um,

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Speaker 1: it could be a major, big deal. I mean, can

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Speaker 1: you imagine? Can you imagine passing gas? You go to

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Speaker 1: the Oprah show and you're sitting there talking to Oprah

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Speaker 1: and you let one loose and she smelled it. I've

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Speaker 1: never had no I'm just saying, but you know, Oprah

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Speaker 1: farts too. I think we should probably look this up.

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Speaker 1: Then if you don't pass gash, you'll probably die, right yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're gonna come bust because it's a bunch of gas inside. Well,

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Speaker 1: if you don't make mistakes, and if you don't falter

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Speaker 1: um sometimes even on your best intentions, sometimes um you

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Speaker 1: don't grow period. You gotta make mistakes. You gotta let

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Speaker 1: yourself be um human because you really don't have an option.

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Speaker 1: The idea of this crazy perfection. Trying to be perfect

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Speaker 1: all the time is exhausting, and it's exhausting and it's

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Speaker 1: unfair to your humanity. I know, we talked about humanity

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Speaker 1: all the time, but I mean, this is what it

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Speaker 1: is where we're not amphibi, and you know, we we

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Speaker 1: can't swim underwater forever, you know, coming up, we can't.

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Speaker 1: We got to come out. We gotta come up for air,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes we gotta lets mair out. This is not

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Speaker 1: a podcast for you to be like, Okay, fart everywhere

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Speaker 1: you go, but you know, sometimes you might had to

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Speaker 1: take a couple of steps away and let that gas out.

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Speaker 1: You know. I don't want to bring up an outdated reference,

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Speaker 1: but you know, as I've gotten older, I've more identified

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Speaker 1: with that whole concept of waiting to exhale. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like at the time that that movie came out,

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Speaker 1: I was so young, I didn't understand, like I didn't

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Speaker 1: really understand the reference. But it's like that feeling of

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Speaker 1: when you you really do. It's like you're out, you're out,

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Speaker 1: you're having a good outfit, you know, and then suddenly

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Speaker 1: you get home and you realize that I've been holding

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Speaker 1: my breath the whole time I was out or just eating.

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Speaker 1: Even in life in different ways that you're interacting with

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Speaker 1: other people, it's like you're you're consistently tense, you're pulled in,

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Speaker 1: your hyper aware, you're always trying to be present in

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Speaker 1: a particular kind of way, and if you're not, then

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Speaker 1: suddenly it's like you you, you somehow committed this horrible

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Speaker 1: offense by just being a dog on human being. I

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Speaker 1: will say this, as a young woman, there were times

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Speaker 1: when I don't think I ever really experienced being in

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Speaker 1: front of people with my stomach poked out at its

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Speaker 1: at its at the height of its comfort. I realized, like, dad,

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Speaker 1: like that is how my stomach is supposed to look.

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Speaker 1: But everywhere I went, I was always like holding that

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Speaker 1: joker in, always hold my stomach and always holding my

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Speaker 1: stomach in. And it's just like, you know, I thank

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Speaker 1: God for my forties because now it's like, no matter

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Speaker 1: how much I'll just joking, and it's like you're still

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Speaker 1: you know, it's still a pudge there. And I here,

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Speaker 1: I appreciate a forty three year old body, this particular one. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: lots of forty three old women out there with flast stomach,

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Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is that this particular one I

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Speaker 1: appreciate with for that particular lesson. It's like, baby, that

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Speaker 1: body is that body that person is that person, and

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Speaker 1: you got to stop thinking that there is something that

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Speaker 1: you can do to hide who you are from everybody else.

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Speaker 1: You have to just be comfortable and allow that time

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Speaker 1: you can do what that time he does. They had

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Speaker 1: a personality to do what that personality does, and that

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Speaker 1: spirit to do what that spirit does. And it's like

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Speaker 1: you just cannot present or or invest in presenting something

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Speaker 1: that is not fully you. It's exhausting. It's exhausting, and

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Speaker 1: it really it's not really doing it, Babe, You're not

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Speaker 1: really you're not really doing it. You're not You're just

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Speaker 1: you're not. You're not. So I think I think for

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Speaker 1: me that that second album of mine, um beautifully human.

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Speaker 1: That's what I was trying to, like, listen, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know you guys are thinking, but um, you know,

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Speaker 1: I got to ship with me and I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: figure it out. And uh, you know, I've got my

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Speaker 1: moments like everybody else, Like everybody else, these are the

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Speaker 1: parts that are the most interesting to me. You guys know,

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Speaker 1: I love idiosyncrasies about people, you know, I love I

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Speaker 1: love the cleft chin and the double chin and the

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Speaker 1: dag on dimples and the uh freckles and the moles

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Speaker 1: and all of that stuff. That's that's like the best

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Speaker 1: parts of of you know, being a voyeur, you know,

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Speaker 1: being a people watcher. Like I love that all those

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Speaker 1: those quote unquote, you know flaws. We'll be back after

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Speaker 1: the break. I think it's fascinating, right, Like, we all

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Speaker 1: go through these stages in life where we're like, we

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Speaker 1: don't know how dope we are, and then hopefully by

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Speaker 1: the time we get to thirties maybe forties, we're figuring

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Speaker 1: out some things about ourselves. This is what it's. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if it's supposed to because what is supposed to,

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Speaker 1: but this just feels like the natural flow of things,

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Speaker 1: you know, and then you know, but also understanding that

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Speaker 1: everybody doesn't come into that natural flow of stuff too well,

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Speaker 1: there's so much and it's so much in their way

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Speaker 1: from doing that. I had a conversation with my cousin

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Speaker 1: last night and I said, it's amazing how something that

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Speaker 1: I've come to understand or notice about people is that

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Speaker 1: we believe that most of what we hold dear, like

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Speaker 1: most of the values that we have, most of the

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Speaker 1: things that we believe are things that we developed on

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Speaker 1: our own. That's something through life experience and whatever we

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Speaker 1: went through that those are things that we came up

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Speaker 1: with on our own. And what I'm coming to understand

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Speaker 1: a little bit more or is that much more of

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Speaker 1: what we believe in value is actually we're indoctrinated to

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Speaker 1: believe it. Most of it is not actually us. Very

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Speaker 1: little of what we believe and what we value is

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Speaker 1: really developed based on what we actually know about ourselves.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like the evidence is clear even in

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Speaker 1: the conversation about aging, because get into this age, this

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Speaker 1: big age and still discovering and really discovering who you are.

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Speaker 1: Lets you know how you've lived a good chunk of

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Speaker 1: your life without this knowledge. So where did all of

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Speaker 1: your beliefs come from? Where did all the things you

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Speaker 1: thought were important come from? That's why this is such

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Speaker 1: a significant time if you think about it, right because

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Speaker 1: as you say that, and as we say that, and

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Speaker 1: we're in this this part of the aging process and

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Speaker 1: realizing these things about ourselves. The things that accompanied our

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Speaker 1: evolution in the first forty years are different than was

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Speaker 1: accompanying the next young woman who was born forty years

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Speaker 1: later in her evolution. Right, Like, even when you're talking

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Speaker 1: about like images and what we were told about ourselves.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's an awakening right now in a

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Speaker 1: way for black women, you know. And even if we're

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Speaker 1: just talking about black women, even I mean, I'm always

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Speaker 1: I'm like Asian, I'm always thinking about black women first.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is our baseline on the show exactly.

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Speaker 1: So I'm comeing out here for that baseline. Sorry, And

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Speaker 1: for some reason, I feel like, for some reason right now,

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Speaker 1: it's it's kind of it's a little cooler to be

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Speaker 1: black women, maybe a little little, you know, and maybe

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Speaker 1: it would have been, uh when we were growing up

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Speaker 1: as young girls. I don't know, but I'm just saying

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Speaker 1: all of these things and so images aligned with that,

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Speaker 1: advertising aligns with that, and all these things lead you

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Speaker 1: to that. And that's not the one thing, but I

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Speaker 1: think that is one factor that the leads to all

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Speaker 1: of our worthiness. Yeah, like I see her. I mean,

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Speaker 1: we got a black Supreme Court justice like things just

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Speaker 1: seeing I mean the girls, the girlies, the young girls,

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Speaker 1: the young young black girlies, like I mean, like in

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Speaker 1: the early twenties. Yeah, and I want to insert right here,

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Speaker 1: can we please just stop like gang calling everybody a millennial? Well,

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Speaker 1: I just we don't have to go off on that.

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Speaker 1: But I'm just when they stopped that millennials are like,

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Speaker 1: are like forty years old there, Okay, let's cut it.

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Speaker 1: So but what I'm saying is, um, yeah, for the

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Speaker 1: young girl, he's like, I do think that they definitely

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Speaker 1: have an advantage in terms of what or how they

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Speaker 1: what they see as worthy to be, you know, present

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Speaker 1: in any space. Because even down to like the Crown Act,

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Speaker 1: where it's like when you go into a work environment,

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Speaker 1: like who's worthy of respect, who's worthy of this? They

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Speaker 1: don't have to as much I suppose as we did

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Speaker 1: because some things were just a baseline. It's like you

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Speaker 1: straighten that hair, right, news anchors are not. Ye, that

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Speaker 1: is something that there's a special occasion, right, it's a

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Speaker 1: special occasion that parents getting rusty. Okay. So it's like

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Speaker 1: the if you if you have a certain kind of job. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So these are things that we don't really deal with.

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Speaker 1: But there's a very kind of deep underbelly of of

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Speaker 1: of of worthiness issues around worthiness that I think really

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Speaker 1: impacts young black women, and it still does. It's still there. Yeah. Look,

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Speaker 1: I just had a moment I was borrowing jewelry from

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Speaker 1: a jewelry store. Now, UM, first let me let you know.

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Speaker 1: When you're going to to something that you borrow jewelry

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Speaker 1: from from a jewelry store, typically what happens is they

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Speaker 1: will send somebody with you and as soon as they

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Speaker 1: say cut, thank you very much, the security guard is

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Speaker 1: coming to take that from you immediate. Okay, while you're

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Speaker 1: still there, while you still got to dress on, while

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Speaker 1: it's over, give me my stuff, all the all the

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Speaker 1: bells and whistles that you have on right now that

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Speaker 1: you're sporting, They're coming to get that from you right now. Okay. So, UM,

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to do that. I found another way

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Speaker 1: to go around it, and UM contacted the story store

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Speaker 1: that I that I rocked. I rocked up with am.

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Speaker 1: I going there typically to my gifts for people and

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Speaker 1: sometimes a little something for myself and y'all know me.

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Speaker 1: I like to put things on lay away. UM, so

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Speaker 1: they had to have that kind of we had that

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Speaker 1: kind of relationship. So anything. Yeah, so that's what they

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Speaker 1: call it. Yeah, okay, all right after pay So I, UM,

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Speaker 1: I go up in there and every day that I

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Speaker 1: had been, I had been, Um, every day that I've

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Speaker 1: gone up in there. I had never really been dressed

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Speaker 1: up or anything to be in there, but this day

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Speaker 1: I was a little I felt different. I had my

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Speaker 1: hair braided, I wore my my bangs down. Um, I

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Speaker 1: had been natural every day that I've gone in there,

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Speaker 1: whether I had had my hair out and I've been

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Speaker 1: doing a mohawk or maybe about a week or so.

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Speaker 1: So every time they tell me I had like mohawk.

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Speaker 1: And the the woman that worked in the store when

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Speaker 1: I walked and she says, oh, oh, hi, I didn't

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Speaker 1: even recognize you now right now, friends, I have uh

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Speaker 1: some bullocks and there's Kyle Richell's in my hair current

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Speaker 1: And she was like, I didn't recognize you. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, you know, every day every time I

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Speaker 1: come in there late I won't say every day, but

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Speaker 1: every time I come in there, she's pretty friendly, and

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Speaker 1: they're all friendly, you know, it's that kind of environment.

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Speaker 1: She's like, well, oh yeah, I, um, I like I

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Speaker 1: like the other hair's talking to I'll related I like

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Speaker 1: the other hair much better. And what are you wearing?

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Speaker 1: Like normally you're like no, it was not. She was like,

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Speaker 1: normally you're you're like, you know, fierce and today. I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't think I like this demure look you is

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Speaker 1: your face stuck? Is anybody else? Are you listening to

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Speaker 1: this with your my mouth was? I'm so how are

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Speaker 1: you so bad? You laughing at like my eyes are watering? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a situation where I probably wouldn't even be able

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Speaker 1: to pull up the highest level of shade that I

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Speaker 1: could come up with because I was still being shocked.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't shocked, And and my son Jet and Je

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Speaker 1: sitting Jet was across the room, so he didn't hear

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Speaker 1: the foolishness. I typically I have a African American man

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Speaker 1: that I worked with, but he wasn't there, and I

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Speaker 1: had already made the arrangements to pick up the jewelry

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Speaker 1: for the thing that I was going to my whole

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Speaker 1: My whole ship changed never no longer do I want

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Speaker 1: anything from your establishment? Now? Now I gotta pull it

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Speaker 1: together so I don't black out match, I understand talk

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Speaker 1: about a blackout? Why talk about a black out lately? Damn?

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Speaker 1: This is christ How she why she her comfort level

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Speaker 1: was amazing? I have no idea why all that I

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Speaker 1: have to say a certain type of white women will

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Speaker 1: get comfortable real quick, like snuggle lights into the comfort zone.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna pull the blankets out, bitch and take them.

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Speaker 1: Now do you think you know me? When did you? When?

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Speaker 1: Did you know me? When did you know me? You

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Speaker 1: don't know me? Girl? Really? How about even if you

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Speaker 1: did know me? First of all, I'm a client, right,

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Speaker 1: I'm a I'm a customer, uh huh, whether I'm purchasing

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Speaker 1: or borrowing, nonetheless, I'm a customer. Did you really just

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Speaker 1: fix your mouth to talk about my my hair, my clothes,

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Speaker 1: my whole zin moment that I was having literally wear

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Speaker 1: a black, white, navy blue, army green, pale yellow and rose.

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Speaker 1: Okay those are your colors, ma'am? So yeah, baby, you

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Speaker 1: don't even own anything high pink. Had I not, I

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Speaker 1: got myself together and I left, I didn't take anything

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Speaker 1: at all, um, and I was all my way. The

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Speaker 1: next day, I was leaving for an award show with

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Speaker 1: this hair, with this vibe, you know, And had I

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Speaker 1: not had myself together, that woman probably would have shook

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Speaker 1: my ship, you know what I mean? Like, you're you're

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Speaker 1: you're prepared to go somewhere. You've got a new hairstyle,

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Speaker 1: you know, you you're you're chilling in your moment, and

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Speaker 1: to have someone to try to you know, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what she was trying to do. I'm not sure,

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Speaker 1: but clearly you you will never see this company, will

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Speaker 1: never see a dime of my money, and you don't

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Speaker 1: have to worry about me borrowing ship from you because

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Speaker 1: there's other places that I could go. And I just

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Speaker 1: was like, Wow, had I not been myself or comfortable

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Speaker 1: in myself, she could have rocked my world with with

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Speaker 1: with all of that, I think sometimes what I've what

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Speaker 1: I've realized is that people will have like a singular

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Speaker 1: experience and a few of them, but really a singular

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Speaker 1: experience will stand out and the really are to define

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Speaker 1: who they believe themselves to be or how others, how

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Speaker 1: others perceive them, or what they're worthy of, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. And I've heard this a bunch of times.

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Speaker 1: Like you ever have a conversation with somebody over over

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Speaker 1: a period of time and they tell the same story

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Speaker 1: a couple of times and you're like, so that def

365
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Speaker 1: really no, no, no, but not I I do it too.

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Speaker 1: But then like and you'd be like, oh, that experienced,

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Speaker 1: that experience has shaped you and and you know, and

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Speaker 1: you're and it gives you some insight as to how

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Speaker 1: they really see themselves. They see themselves to the lens

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Speaker 1: of that experience, but you know, on a personal level. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: But then there's also this like much larger, bigger, ominous

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Speaker 1: thing that happens around worthies, particularly with women, because you know, who,

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Speaker 1: how how are we? And we've talked about this on

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Speaker 1: this show as we talked about multiple issues like getting married,

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Speaker 1: like having children, all the different things aside, he says

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Speaker 1: makes you worthy as a person, as a person to

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Speaker 1: show up as a human being, to be respected as

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00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: a human being, and and we carry these things around

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Speaker 1: with us so much. And and to me, I see

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Speaker 1: it because I've got these four little girls, and I've

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Speaker 1: watched this happened in real time, Like, Okay, I love you,

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Speaker 1: You're getting loved. You gotta father, You've got a father,

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Speaker 1: because I get so tired of that trope like, oh,

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Speaker 1: if you ain't got no dad, you just don't feel

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Speaker 1: good about yourself. My kids, my girls have a father

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Speaker 1: who loves them deeply. But here's the thing. They have

387
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Speaker 1: struggled with self esteem and things, just like every other woman.

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Speaker 1: Because they're living in the world as black girls in

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Speaker 1: the world. There in the world, it's like this. It's

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Speaker 1: of course it's high school middle show. One of my daughters,

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Speaker 1: who I'm not even gonna put a business out there,

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Speaker 1: has a story, a story that that is recurring, that

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00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:09,400
Speaker 1: happened to her when she was seven seven and it's

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00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 1: a specific story about being feminine and how someone perceived

395
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Speaker 1: her femininity. This was a not a family member, this

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00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,600
Speaker 1: was not a teacher, this was not a pastor. This

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Speaker 1: was a person in a restaurant. M Okay. So I'm

398
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 1: just trying to tell y'all, like the way that we

399
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 1: view like even something like film, what is feminine? A

400
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,760
Speaker 1: lot of times we hear this thing all feminine energy,

401
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,920
Speaker 1: the divine feminine. I think that's beautiful. I'm into it.

402
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 1: But I'm saying we have to be really clear on

403
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Speaker 1: making sure that our definition of something like that, right,

404
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: So this this conversation isn't just about that, but using

405
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Speaker 1: that as an example, we have to really be careful

406
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Speaker 1: how we actually define what that is because what happens

407
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 1: is that we all have a little gumbo of things

408
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: that we believe it to be, mixed in with what

409
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Speaker 1: it really is, and mixed in with what we're indoctrinated

410
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Speaker 1: to believe it is. That's a hard thing, the fine,

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Speaker 1: especially in anyway that's it sounds simple, But I'm like

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00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:19,880
Speaker 1: defining femininity in two. My mother in the eighties were

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Speaker 1: her hair short and had men tell her that she

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Speaker 1: looked masculine. Right, that's just because of the length of

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Speaker 1: her hair. Remember that's what I'm saying. Remember bull dagger,

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Speaker 1: Remember that. Remember that because my mother had a short

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Speaker 1: hairstyle too, and she was six one. Okay, my mother

418
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:46,680
Speaker 1: was whipping fashion, but she was unlike she was unlike

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Speaker 1: any other mother that I knew in North Philly. You know,

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Speaker 1: she put her pieces together and you know, going to

421
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,480
Speaker 1: the great thrift stores and was wearing this stuff off

422
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:58,360
Speaker 1: the rack and she was super thin and she was

423
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 1: super long, and she knew it to go. So she

424
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: would rock stuff. And my mother would blow my mind

425
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: with her fashion when I was a child, like, Wow,

426
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 1: she was amazing. But even though there's always going to

427
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 1: be somebody who has something to say there for you

428
00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: have to you must, you must, And I'm I'm I

429
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:26,040
Speaker 1: have to do it every year, every year to define

430
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: myself for myself because people are gonna come at me,

431
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: at agea at layah at you listener, male female, whatever

432
00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: you decide you are today, baby, somebody's gonna come for

433
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:43,320
Speaker 1: you and play something in your psyche that you have

434
00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:47,320
Speaker 1: to um. You gotta wash that that thing clean, gotta

435
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,000
Speaker 1: get that out your hair, get it out of your

436
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 1: mind because you can't let it stay. Who are they? Well,

437
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:59,320
Speaker 1: they're not wearing that. Who are they? They don't like that?

438
00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:03,160
Speaker 1: Who are they? I don't know who they are? You

439
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,480
Speaker 1: don't know who they are? So how is it that

440
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 1: you let them decide for you who you are? How

441
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,240
Speaker 1: free you want to be, how how feminine you want

442
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 1: to be, how how sexy you want to be, how whatever?

443
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:21,280
Speaker 1: If you're comfortable with yourself and you're succeeding and in

444
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:24,000
Speaker 1: any way that that means to you, what's what succeeding

445
00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: is you feel like you're winning? Mhm, listen, m did

446
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 1: you get the whole sound that's from blue? That's my grandmother.

447
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:41,000
Speaker 1: We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be

448
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 1: right back. This show, in this life. It isn't like

449
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 1: that's about to say. It's a constant piece of work

450
00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 1: and deep programming, programming. It's the show work because the

451
00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 1: because the growth process is just onging. But you know,

452
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,960
Speaker 1: like I said, you know, I want to circle back

453
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:14,959
Speaker 1: to my girls, to my babies. And I've seen this thing.

454
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:16,320
Speaker 1: I think I sent it to you guys, but I've

455
00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 1: seen this thing, and I'm gonna try to be to

456
00:31:19,280 --> 00:31:22,120
Speaker 1: not like actually hone in on what it actually is.

457
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,600
Speaker 1: But I've been seeing a lot of of of energy

458
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 1: around what makes people like wife material or what makes

459
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 1: people i mean girls, you know, um this thing around

460
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:40,000
Speaker 1: young women where we put a lot of energy on

461
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: trying to make and mold them into something that we

462
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 1: that's you know, that's using a lot of hell of

463
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 1: respectability and it's just like it's a lot of pressure. Well,

464
00:31:50,680 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: I saw this ad for and it was circulating on Twitter,

465
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:59,000
Speaker 1: um some conference for young women that said something along

466
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 1: the lines of like some then about keep your legs

467
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: goes or something like that. Oh yeah you said that

468
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:08,880
Speaker 1: to us, I think, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, And I

469
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: want to talk about that. I want to talk about

470
00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 1: the whole you're not worthy of partnership and marriage and

471
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,520
Speaker 1: love if for some reason someone has a perception of

472
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:32,480
Speaker 1: what you did with your vagina and you mean my vagina,

473
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 1: you mean the one, the one you wash, the one

474
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: you you know so that it's interesting. And you mentioned

475
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,040
Speaker 1: earlier that times had changed, and I thought to myself, yes,

476
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 1: and some of them, some of them, Yeah, it ain't

477
00:32:55,080 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 1: nothing but but but but but but but From the

478
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 1: moment that a little girl is old enough to understand,

479
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: I feel like we are constantly telling her, no matter

480
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 1: what you do, baby, don't be no hope. It's like

481
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 1: your little girl could be a whole liar. Ye, she

482
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: could be lazy, she could be mean. Ah, but don't

483
00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 1: the obsession with girls and they're freaking badge. It's really

484
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: starting to I mean, make Mike, but it. I'm getting

485
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 1: so irritated by it. And I know, and let me

486
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: start by saying this. I have been guilty. I was

487
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: programmed like everybody else. But I remember we had a

488
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:54,960
Speaker 1: conversation before about how we present the vagina two little girls.

489
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 1: We're constantly telling them it's the most valuable thing on

490
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: their body. You don't let nobody everything about it as

491
00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: a flower or a diamond or it's so and it's

492
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,440
Speaker 1: it's like all of this language like it's the most

493
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:10,959
Speaker 1: important thing in the whole wide world and the only

494
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 1: you cannot allow anyone to partake of it because it's

495
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:23,759
Speaker 1: that precious, right, And I understand, understand, I understand why

496
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 1: we do this. Sometimes it's protection. Sometimes it's to say, okay,

497
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 1: we don't we don't want nobody to molest your touch you,

498
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 1: So we want to make sure that you understand, like,

499
00:34:32,480 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 1: that's not a place that people get to partake in, right.

500
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:39,200
Speaker 1: So I get that, and I also get the idea

501
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:42,760
Speaker 1: of making people understand the energy that happens with something

502
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 1: like sex. So I get. I get all of the stuff.

503
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,640
Speaker 1: But I'm starting to feel a little bit disturbed on

504
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,839
Speaker 1: the inside about the way we present this because if

505
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:56,360
Speaker 1: in fact, that doesn't happen for that young lady, and

506
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:59,000
Speaker 1: let's be real about how many young ladies this is

507
00:34:59,040 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 1: not the case for for a multitude of reasons, and

508
00:35:05,719 --> 00:35:11,839
Speaker 1: how they will carry that sense of worthlessness throughout their

509
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:17,880
Speaker 1: entire lives to the detriment of everything from relationships to work,

510
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 1: to creativity, to mental wellness to physical wellness. I mean,

511
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 1: everything you can think of will get affected by this

512
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:30,319
Speaker 1: one thing that we are so hyper focused on. You

513
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: don't tell a go to preserve her brain. You don't

514
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 1: tell a girl to preserve her health. You don't tell

515
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,799
Speaker 1: her go to preserve anything. All you're asking her to

516
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:42,600
Speaker 1: be is not is to be a freaking virgin. And

517
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:45,919
Speaker 1: then once she gets of a certain age, she has

518
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 1: to go from being a completely untouched to being an

519
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 1: expert in her body, this body that you told her

520
00:35:53,280 --> 00:36:00,479
Speaker 1: should never be touched. Mh. But religious route, that's that's, that's,

521
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,440
Speaker 1: that's that's Once you put in religion with it, it's

522
00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 1: a whole different thing than once you realize men are

523
00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 1: all behind it and they still stay and trying to

524
00:36:07,680 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 1: control our bodies. I still normalize one thing right right

525
00:36:12,719 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 1: this moment, because I have a son, and I have

526
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,400
Speaker 1: a nephew, and I have I have nephews as a

527
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: matter of fact, and I have young young boys that

528
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 1: are in my life that i'm auntie too, that I love,

529
00:36:24,480 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 1: and I want to normalize this one phrase. I care

530
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:35,399
Speaker 1: about my penis en fair enough, um, and I want

531
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,680
Speaker 1: you to. I want to also say to the young

532
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:41,759
Speaker 1: women I care about my vagina. I'm not trying to

533
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:46,800
Speaker 1: normalize or or or uh compartmentalize how you use your vagina.

534
00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 1: I really don't think that that's fair at all, because

535
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 1: you're a human being and you you're going to live

536
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,080
Speaker 1: your life. I want you to. I want you to

537
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 1: live free and full and what I want you to

538
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: live smart. I want you to live intelligently. You know,

539
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:01,120
Speaker 1: we always talk about, you know, paying attention to to

540
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 1: who you're dealing with on every possible level, if you can.

541
00:37:04,719 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 1: How's their psyche, how's their spirituality, how's their physicality? Are

542
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,280
Speaker 1: they dirty people? Are they clean people? All of the things.

543
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:15,080
Speaker 1: But you have to I'm gonna go with this. I

544
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:18,799
Speaker 1: care about my penis just as much as young girls

545
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:21,480
Speaker 1: are supposed to or women in general are supposed to

546
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 1: be so tight lipped. If you will, um, I've done.

547
00:37:32,280 --> 00:37:36,440
Speaker 1: If they're supposed to be so tight lipped, if you will, um,

548
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:42,000
Speaker 1: the same kinds of of venereal diseases that young women

549
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,839
Speaker 1: get quote unquote loose young women. So do men, So

550
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: do boys, young men, they get it too, Okay, if

551
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:55,320
Speaker 1: we're gonna if we're going to fairy conversation is different

552
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:59,919
Speaker 1: from conversation around worthiness, though I just wanted to throw

553
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 1: in health ship is absolutely appropriate, Like you're like, I

554
00:38:06,080 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 1: care about my knee caps to you know what I'm saying,

555
00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 1: which is why when I'm out skating, I put on,

556
00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 1: I put on my pads a little behind in that.

557
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 1: Then we are though, that's interesting, but I'm sorry, didn't

558
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,319
Speaker 1: mean going. And they're supposed to be out here using

559
00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:25,240
Speaker 1: their penis wildly. You know. They get celebrated for being promiscuous,

560
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,279
Speaker 1: if you will, that's a fair enough word. But if

561
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 1: a woman, you know, decides to do whatever she wants

562
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:32,799
Speaker 1: to do with her body, you know, they get that

563
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:35,200
Speaker 1: the whole thing thrown on them and there we go

564
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,280
Speaker 1: with the worthiness. Yeah, but men, men get it too

565
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 1: in the sense of that, like and having had a

566
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: teenage son, it's like that whole thing where it's like

567
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,040
Speaker 1: I gotta appear as if I have had a lot

568
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:48,799
Speaker 1: of sex blah blah bla blah blah, or else I'm

569
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:51,160
Speaker 1: not masculine, or else I'm not a man, or I'm

570
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,439
Speaker 1: not X Y and Z. And it's like a lot

571
00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 1: of these things we carry into many different aspects of

572
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: our lives. It seems like something that's that's very much

573
00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:03,919
Speaker 1: about when we're young, but it's not. It carries over.

574
00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:10,759
Speaker 1: It carries over in so many ways. Yeah, but this

575
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 1: is boys. And we talked about this with men, like

576
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 1: when they when they can't provide financially, What that does,

577
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:20,399
Speaker 1: what that does to their psyche when they can't. They're

578
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:23,120
Speaker 1: supposed to be the caregivers that and we just let

579
00:39:23,120 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 1: that just kind of casually come out like, yeah, he

580
00:39:25,239 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 1: supposed to be Take that now. That is interesting in

581
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,560
Speaker 1: that way because men forever, forever, and that has not

582
00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:32,279
Speaker 1: changed at all or budget And I don't even That's

583
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 1: why I said I think men are a little behind

584
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: in these conversation because that's y'all were talking. I was like,

585
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:38,479
Speaker 1: I was thinking, on the kind of a bright side,

586
00:39:38,520 --> 00:39:41,399
Speaker 1: I was like, you know, we are having these conversations, though,

587
00:39:41,400 --> 00:39:44,640
Speaker 1: I think that there are conversations being had, especially amongst women.

588
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:48,280
Speaker 1: We've done a topic or two about the how women's

589
00:39:48,280 --> 00:39:51,480
Speaker 1: conversations about their bodies and their worthiness has been more

590
00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:55,240
Speaker 1: parent than ever before. Even I thought about Chanelle from NBC,

591
00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:57,680
Speaker 1: who did the special on MSNBC about fertility and your

592
00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 1: worthiness and and and I was thinking as y'all were talking,

593
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 1: and I was like, Yeo, I really think in a

594
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,279
Speaker 1: sense of black male and black women that we are

595
00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,360
Speaker 1: a little ahead in these conversations. Black men, Uh, there's

596
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:17,040
Speaker 1: I'm I'm just gonna again give you this card, young men.

597
00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,640
Speaker 1: If you're in a position where you you've got uh,

598
00:40:20,719 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 1: your your friends, and they're trying to minimize you based

599
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: on the fact that that you haven't had sex, or

600
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 1: you haven't had a lot of sex, or whatever the

601
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:32,919
Speaker 1: case may be. You're you're and and for young women

602
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:36,360
Speaker 1: to your get out free card, is I care about

603
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: my penis? That puts everything in perspective for you and

604
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 1: for whomever is talking to you. Uh man, you corny,

605
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 1: I care about my penis. I don't know, I don't

606
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,480
Speaker 1: even know. I just feel like that just releases a

607
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,439
Speaker 1: lot of things, Like the person who's bragging about having

608
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,880
Speaker 1: all of this sex kind of feels like a little like,

609
00:40:56,880 --> 00:40:59,839
Speaker 1: let me not bragging about it. They're just having it.

610
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 1: So I don't know if I wouldn't necessarily because really

611
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,919
Speaker 1: a dog was yeah, yeah, I mean I'm some yeah

612
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 1: they do, but I'm sure it may Dog was a

613
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: little bit to the two things, like I care about myself,

614
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:12,840
Speaker 1: but you don't. If you have a lot of sex,

615
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:16,479
Speaker 1: then that means you don't care about It's it could

616
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,400
Speaker 1: it could it could be perceived in that way, you

617
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 1: know what. I'm so shall it be? Because but y'all

618
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,239
Speaker 1: talking about two different genders in a way to Jill,

619
00:41:24,239 --> 00:41:25,719
Speaker 1: because I feel like in the back of your mind

620
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 1: you're thinking about boys. Now I feel like Asian the

621
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 1: back of her mind is thinking about girls. That's promised

622
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:35,200
Speaker 1: with So it's kind of like, yes, different messages, different situations.

623
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:41,320
Speaker 1: Fair enough, there's the overall issue, right, the overall overall issue.

624
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:44,880
Speaker 1: The overall problem and issue is that both sexes, both people,

625
00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:47,960
Speaker 1: both groups and everything in between are getting a lot

626
00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: of really yankee messaging around what it means and to

627
00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,920
Speaker 1: identify themselves, who they are, what they believe in, what

628
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 1: their values are around those things. That is the the

629
00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 1: overall kind of problem is that how are we defining

630
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 1: what at you worthy of love? What makes you worthy

631
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:04,760
Speaker 1: of success? What makes you worthy of just being present

632
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 1: in the room, what makes you worthy of humanity? All

633
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,839
Speaker 1: of these things are questions that I'm hoping that we

634
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 1: begin to kind of ask ourselves and separate the things

635
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,320
Speaker 1: that we've just been kind of told are those things,

636
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,400
Speaker 1: because and here's a here's a rule of thumb, asking yourself,

637
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 1: why do I think that? From I believe this? Someone say,

638
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,879
Speaker 1: oh I believe X, Y and Z and you, Well,

639
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 1: why do I think that? Where did that actually come from.

640
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 1: And let me just speak to the situation you're talking

641
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 1: about with with men. I do see a little bit

642
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:42,000
Speaker 1: of an increase with black men, in particular black HEADO

643
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:45,839
Speaker 1: men talking about beginning to talk about these these kind

644
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: of uh weird standards of being worthy, and they've been

645
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 1: talking about it. One of the things I'm hoping will

646
00:42:53,440 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 1: will stop happening is I feel, and this has happened

647
00:42:57,600 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: on both sides of things, I feel they're starting to

648
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 1: get instead of blaming white supremacy for it, it starts

649
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:08,000
Speaker 1: to feel like they're shifting some of this blame on

650
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:12,400
Speaker 1: on black women. And oh, I think I'm supposed to

651
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: be the provider because y'all, all y'all want is a

652
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,600
Speaker 1: man with money, or all y'all want is a man

653
00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:19,440
Speaker 1: who's this, that and the other, or a man who's

654
00:43:19,480 --> 00:43:22,000
Speaker 1: who has who's good and bad, or a man that

655
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: such as who should not be named and that what

656
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 1: he used to say all the time, that's not with

657
00:43:26,960 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: us any longer than I listen. I don't know. I'm

658
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 1: not gonna get into that one. I'll say I've noticed

659
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:36,359
Speaker 1: this conversation increasing amongst a certain group of black men,

660
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 1: and I want to kind of make sure that what

661
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: we're doing is always identifying the real enemy and that

662
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 1: the enemy really, ultimately is never gonna be each other.

663
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:48,439
Speaker 1: The enemy, at the end of the day is white

664
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:54,799
Speaker 1: supremacist ideas, white supremacist values, ideas, and delusions. Okay, all

665
00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 1: of those things are setting the precedent for the things

666
00:43:58,239 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 1: that we are continuing and boot to believe and pass

667
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 1: along to our children. There's no way that your actual

668
00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:14,600
Speaker 1: self worth should come from any of this, however of

669
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:18,719
Speaker 1: it does, and to dismantle them is the kind of

670
00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:22,359
Speaker 1: work that I'm interested in. I'm interested in that because

671
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 1: there's no one and you mentioned katanji, there's no amount

672
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 1: of representation, laws or anything that's ever gonna change that

673
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 1: without that inner work, without that ability to say, why

674
00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:37,319
Speaker 1: do I think that even down to a person even

675
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:39,919
Speaker 1: having a katanji at the fact that black even black

676
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:43,400
Speaker 1: girl magic is looked at as this thing that's specifically

677
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:47,479
Speaker 1: for black women who are successful educated. Boom boom boom,

678
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:49,919
Speaker 1: boom boom. They gotta look like Michelle Obama, they gotta

679
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 1: look like Oprah. They got these things in different way.

680
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 1: When the girl graduates from hair school, we ain't hype

681
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:02,239
Speaker 1: like it is when she gets to Yale. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, No,

682
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 1: it's a matter. But the woman who graduates from Yale,

683
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:06,600
Speaker 1: guess what. She can't get a hair done on Yale's campus.

684
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:12,000
Speaker 1: Guess where she gotta go? M hm m hmm. School.

685
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 1: It ain't it? And I love it. I love it

686
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 1: for us. I hope that your ears are buzzing. I

687
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:25,759
Speaker 1: really hope that you're listening to this podcast and and

688
00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:34,400
Speaker 1: um considering that. Damn who this worthiness business? Where? Where? Did?

689
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,280
Speaker 1: Where does it all come from? Like A just said,

690
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 1: who whose ideas are these? And what do you want

691
00:45:41,719 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: for yourself? I don't take this thing lightly. What do

692
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:51,720
Speaker 1: you want? How do you feel? What? What gives you joy?

693
00:45:52,840 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 1: What makes gives you peace of mind? What satisfies you? What? What? What?

694
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 1: What excels you? It is not about this life is

695
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 1: not about what people are saying. And I know it's hard,

696
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: Oh my god, it's so hard. It's hard for me.

697
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:18,279
Speaker 1: I think it's hard for everybody to just pay attention

698
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 1: to who you are and what you want and how

699
00:46:23,760 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 1: you feel. Shout out to all the quirky people who

700
00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:32,719
Speaker 1: are quirky despite whatever community, neighborhood, and I use that

701
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:36,080
Speaker 1: word is as as beautifully as I possibly can. Its

702
00:46:36,239 --> 00:46:41,799
Speaker 1: quirky different, not that the ones that don't necessarily fit in.

703
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:49,240
Speaker 1: You know, you're you're on the right path. You're weirdo wonderful, weirdo.

704
00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:51,239
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I tell people that all the time,

705
00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 1: like normal people, average, average, average, like everybody else. Just

706
00:46:57,719 --> 00:47:03,800
Speaker 1: allowing yourself to be all of yourself. It's so fucking fire. Uh.

707
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:06,480
Speaker 1: And and know that it is worth. I mean, it

708
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:15,880
Speaker 1: is work worthy. Worth is inner work. Come on, Yeah,

709
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 1: you will be given to you by the neighbor you

710
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,319
Speaker 1: know that you live next to, or the person you

711
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:26,600
Speaker 1: work with, or or even the person that's in your bed. H.

712
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:32,359
Speaker 1: It's up to you. It's it's up to you people

713
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 1: to work. Child, That's what it is. I just wanna

714
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,800
Speaker 1: tell y'all, I just got I'm saying as a listener.

715
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a co host, but I'll be listening and

716
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 1: applying this ship to my life. And I just want

717
00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,680
Speaker 1: to tell y'all, y'all keep us working. I mean, we

718
00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 1: keep us working around here. And I appreciate it's good.

719
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 1: It's good. It's good. Go ahead of asia more real

720
00:47:53,120 --> 00:48:04,960
Speaker 1: talk after the break. But I want to ask you

721
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 1: all this question because I want to purge, show the

722
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,959
Speaker 1: people how to purge. Right, let's live in our own

723
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: advice a man's I want to ask you a question.

724
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 1: The question is I would like to know something or

725
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:23,319
Speaker 1: a moment that was really significant for you where you

726
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 1: did not feel worthy of something because of whatever, but

727
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 1: that you walked into a moment and you literally did

728
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 1: not feel worthy of it, Or that there's something that

729
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:37,479
Speaker 1: you desired that you were afraid to go forward because

730
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: you didn't think you were worthy of it. Just any

731
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:42,120
Speaker 1: moment where you did that and you overcame that feeling.

732
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:44,279
Speaker 1: I would just love us to share and share that

733
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 1: a bit with our listeners because I think sometimes we

734
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:50,040
Speaker 1: can talk in overarching kind of themes and people just

735
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:53,759
Speaker 1: don't see the humanity in that, or everybody experiences this

736
00:48:53,920 --> 00:48:58,799
Speaker 1: for a myriad of different reasons. M H. Would y'all

737
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 1: like me to go first? Yeah? Right, because there's so

738
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 1: many rights like this is this is a thing. This

739
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 1: is a heavy thing that we carry. It's heavy. Okay,

740
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:15,359
Speaker 1: so well, you know I talked about this on the show.

741
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:16,920
Speaker 1: But I just want to be really like, I want

742
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:21,799
Speaker 1: to I want to give this my My journey in

743
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 1: in education has been like a really deep thing for me,

744
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:30,080
Speaker 1: and I definitely dealt with a lot of feelings of worthlessness.

745
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:32,719
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna say worthlessness because I want to name

746
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 1: it for what it actually felt like. Okay, and no,

747
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:38,600
Speaker 1: I want everyone to understand, So don't hit me up

748
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:43,920
Speaker 1: on Instagram like I don't feel worthless Okay as a person? Okay,

749
00:49:44,160 --> 00:49:48,440
Speaker 1: I don't. But feelings of worthlessness have happened to me

750
00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:51,320
Speaker 1: in my life. And one of those things was when

751
00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:53,359
Speaker 1: I got out of high school. I left high school

752
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: and didn't graduate. I talked about this on the podcast

753
00:49:55,920 --> 00:50:01,600
Speaker 1: I got my g D. But um, I always felt

754
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 1: as if that that was something that made me less

755
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 1: worthy than other people. I always I carried that sense

756
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,839
Speaker 1: of worthlessness with me for a very long time as

757
00:50:10,840 --> 00:50:13,719
Speaker 1: I watched people that I knew go to college and

758
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 1: get into different things that they were doing, and when

759
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:20,120
Speaker 1: people started talking about black women that they admire and

760
00:50:20,280 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: get got awards and things of that nature. Nobody was

761
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:27,160
Speaker 1: given anyone an award for you know, raising kids and

762
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 1: singing songs. You know what I'm saying, Well, singing songs, yes,

763
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:33,479
Speaker 1: But the point is that I always had this sense

764
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:37,720
Speaker 1: of that I just wasn't really belonging in the rooms

765
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 1: where I was. I never felt that way. I didn't

766
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:43,680
Speaker 1: feel that way for a very very long time and

767
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:45,879
Speaker 1: faked it till I made it for real, for real.

768
00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:49,480
Speaker 1: And but one of the really significant times was how

769
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:55,040
Speaker 1: somebody once told me that they were surprised how smart

770
00:50:55,080 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 1: I was, and I was like, and it was supposed

771
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 1: to be like a compliment, right, but they made mention

772
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:07,840
Speaker 1: of all the kids that I had had, and at

773
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:10,719
Speaker 1: that time I didn't even have six, only had four.

774
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:15,040
Speaker 1: I only had five. I was like, And so I

775
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:17,839
Speaker 1: was thinking to myself, like, wow, this person thought they

776
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 1: were really really digging me up in that moment, and

777
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:23,800
Speaker 1: I just felt like, shit, you know what I'm saying.

778
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:26,520
Speaker 1: And and it was actually after I had done a

779
00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:30,560
Speaker 1: lot of work on myself around this issue, but it

780
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:35,960
Speaker 1: plummeted me back and when it was time for me

781
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:39,120
Speaker 1: to do And in the last couple of years, I've

782
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:43,960
Speaker 1: gotten so much encouragement around UM doing UM doing things

783
00:51:44,000 --> 00:51:46,920
Speaker 1: that really utilized that part of my personality me you know,

784
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:49,520
Speaker 1: my I guess my intelligence for that matter outside and

785
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: music takes a high level of intelligence. So I want

786
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 1: to make sure that I make that distinction, so that

787
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,600
Speaker 1: I've utilized my intelligence in the in the ways that

788
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:00,879
Speaker 1: people think people should utilize intelligence, will put it that way,

789
00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:04,920
Speaker 1: and that I've gotten a lot of encouragement around that

790
00:52:05,480 --> 00:52:08,799
Speaker 1: here recently in the last couple of years, and it

791
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 1: has done wonders for me. But that moment has set

792
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:16,040
Speaker 1: with me, and that little quiet voice in my ear

793
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 1: has been with me as I've gone on to do

794
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:21,759
Speaker 1: other things like yeah, that's cute, but they don't know,

795
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:25,000
Speaker 1: you're really not that smart, or you know, yeah that's

796
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 1: cute or whatever, but there's so many more qualified people

797
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 1: to do that, or so and so and so. And

798
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,800
Speaker 1: I have had that to fight that voice many many,

799
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 1: many many times. Even now, Like I said after, I

800
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 1: believe I've done a lot of self work. But I'm

801
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:42,880
Speaker 1: telling you, even today, even today, even in these in

802
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:45,680
Speaker 1: this time period of my life, I have had to

803
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 1: remind myself who the funk I am? And that is

804
00:52:49,400 --> 00:53:03,560
Speaker 1: hard mm hmmm on that mm hmmm, hm hmm. I

805
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 1: think that my moments of feeling unworthy, it's such a

806
00:53:17,160 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: double edged sword because I really like the majority of myself,

807
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:32,520
Speaker 1: like I funk with me. So when I get the pushback,

808
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:39,680
Speaker 1: or it's not even pushback, when I get um like

809
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: what I'm what I'm trying to say is that I

810
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 1: enjoy all every part of my myself. I like writing

811
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:51,319
Speaker 1: um and sharing stories about living and loving and uh,

812
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:56,279
Speaker 1: some of it is most of the most of it

813
00:53:56,320 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 1: is bits and pieces of my life with the delicious pen. Yeah,

814
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 1: I'm saying, so I'll paint the colors the way that

815
00:54:05,239 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 1: I feel them. What makes me cringe is when I

816
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:29,280
Speaker 1: don't care for the the hyper sexual response. That doesn't

817
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 1: That doesn't make me feel good. That doesn't. And I'm

818
00:54:35,600 --> 00:54:40,040
Speaker 1: sure there's plenty of arguments here, but I think when

819
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:43,560
Speaker 1: I write things, I feel like my pen is just

820
00:54:45,719 --> 00:54:49,440
Speaker 1: my My pen is the pen And yeah, it's the

821
00:54:49,520 --> 00:54:52,520
Speaker 1: content too, but it's the painting of pictures that excites me.

822
00:54:52,920 --> 00:54:55,040
Speaker 1: I feel like that's my job. My job is to

823
00:54:55,080 --> 00:55:00,360
Speaker 1: tell stories. That's why I'm here for to me. But

824
00:55:00,480 --> 00:55:07,839
Speaker 1: when it's taken apart and looked at as I'm some

825
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 1: kind of I don't even know what to call it.

826
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:18,880
Speaker 1: I don't know got has got is make slave stuff

827
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:21,560
Speaker 1: in that nature, it just doesn't make me feel good

828
00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:25,920
Speaker 1: because and then I feel myself go into a shell

829
00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:32,239
Speaker 1: and I feel tight, intense, and then I walk in

830
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,640
Speaker 1: the room and I wonder what men are thinking. And

831
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:38,920
Speaker 1: then I watched their eyes and I just I feel

832
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 1: like I'm in a in a fish tank, and I

833
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:49,840
Speaker 1: hate that. I hate that, And I'm sure the argument is,

834
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 1: don't write like that, but I have to. I have to.

835
00:55:54,800 --> 00:55:57,560
Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell you. There's there's more

836
00:55:57,560 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 1: pictures to paint in this existence, and that's my that's

837
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:06,880
Speaker 1: my gig. So it doesn't make me feel as powerful

838
00:56:07,800 --> 00:56:16,080
Speaker 1: as uh as people perceive it too. It kind of

839
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:20,920
Speaker 1: I feel diminished, but I also feel like I have to.

840
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:24,839
Speaker 1: So those are moments when I walk into a room

841
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:27,360
Speaker 1: and I think people are thinking, you know, damn, what

842
00:56:27,440 --> 00:56:31,040
Speaker 1: that head do? What that couch you do? And the

843
00:56:31,360 --> 00:56:36,320
Speaker 1: and the reality is, um, I don't know about the

844
00:56:36,400 --> 00:56:37,840
Speaker 1: rest of the world, but this is the way I

845
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 1: see it. For the lovers that I've had in this lifetime,

846
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 1: I have never given I've never given different men um

847
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:56,440
Speaker 1: the same loving experience or sexual experience ever, ever, different

848
00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:01,239
Speaker 1: every time. And I'm to say that I'm mad you

849
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:04,399
Speaker 1: even felt like you had to say that. I don't

850
00:57:04,480 --> 00:57:07,560
Speaker 1: like that part. I'm really I'm actually glad that people

851
00:57:07,560 --> 00:57:17,960
Speaker 1: are hearing this. Hen got thrown out the window and

852
00:57:18,000 --> 00:57:21,720
Speaker 1: all of a sudden and I'm just this, you know,

853
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:27,040
Speaker 1: my angeloud right wrote you know sexual poems and other

854
00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 1: people write things, and all of a sudden, you know

855
00:57:30,000 --> 00:57:33,919
Speaker 1: it doesn't I really work hard at this pen thing,

856
00:57:34,880 --> 00:57:38,600
Speaker 1: you know that part. That part makes me feel less

857
00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:41,479
Speaker 1: than worthy and I have to I have to work

858
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:45,760
Speaker 1: so hard to hold my head up because I know

859
00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:51,960
Speaker 1: my intentions and I know you know the reality is

860
00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:56,680
Speaker 1: that you can experience this pen but you won't. You

861
00:57:56,720 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 1: won't experience me. You won't, you know. So mhm, I

862
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:08,040
Speaker 1: love you, Jill, thank you for sharing that for real, Like,

863
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:09,920
Speaker 1: I just want to put that out there. Yeah, we are.

864
00:58:10,080 --> 00:58:13,120
Speaker 1: We are the vulnerable, ain't we? Like damn we usually

865
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:19,560
Speaker 1: putting it all out there? When have we felt unworthy? Okay,

866
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 1: I that's an odd question for myself because I frequently

867
00:58:23,680 --> 00:58:25,880
Speaker 1: don't feel worthy of a mentia thing. So I was

868
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:29,480
Speaker 1: trying to narrow it down in my head in the categories. Right,

869
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:32,480
Speaker 1: It's like love, like, you know, being in the forties

870
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:35,080
Speaker 1: and you know, I'm not gonna beat the dead horse

871
00:58:35,120 --> 00:58:39,200
Speaker 1: about being in your forties and y'all know the love part,

872
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:44,560
Speaker 1: so uh, but I was also thinking just on a

873
00:58:44,560 --> 00:58:47,520
Speaker 1: a life thing and a work thing. When it comes

874
00:58:47,560 --> 00:58:51,080
Speaker 1: to feeling worthy, I don't know at this stage in

875
00:58:51,120 --> 00:58:53,840
Speaker 1: my life, Like I uh, I don't know. I think

876
00:58:53,840 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 1: about how when I was living in Philly and I

877
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:58,680
Speaker 1: was doing um like radio and Philly and stuff and

878
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:00,920
Speaker 1: doing all these morning show I was produced and all

879
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:05,040
Speaker 1: this stuff, I felt really worthy because I had worked

880
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:08,439
Speaker 1: really hard to to It's not easy to gain love

881
00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:12,320
Speaker 1: of a city like Philly, and I love gaining it

882
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:15,560
Speaker 1: and working for and I felt in my element. And

883
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:18,320
Speaker 1: I will say, at this point in my life, it's

884
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 1: very interesting because I'm doing a lot of different dope things,

885
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 1: especially like perception wise, it's always more perception wise when

886
00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:32,920
Speaker 1: it comes to my life. Um but as far as

887
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:36,200
Speaker 1: me feel like confident in what I do, that has

888
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:42,919
Speaker 1: lowered a lot due to ship. We were talking about

889
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:48,000
Speaker 1: people's comments, people saying things from people you work closely with,

890
00:59:48,920 --> 00:59:53,280
Speaker 1: from not being seen to being seen in a very

891
00:59:53,320 --> 01:00:00,440
Speaker 1: compartmentalized way. And so sometimes between all these these gigs

892
01:00:00,520 --> 01:00:05,120
Speaker 1: and the extra because I overthink everything and overthinking of

893
01:00:05,320 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 1: going through these experiences also prevents you from feeling worthy,

894
01:00:09,120 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 1: that there's there's more to life, and like it's weird.

895
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:14,920
Speaker 1: It's hard to explain. It's like knowing that you're worthy

896
01:00:14,960 --> 01:00:17,880
Speaker 1: to explore your own that you your own talents in

897
01:00:17,960 --> 01:00:21,120
Speaker 1: life and not really have to lean on some other things.

898
01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:24,400
Speaker 1: It's just, um, it's hard to I want to verbalize it,

899
01:00:24,440 --> 01:00:28,240
Speaker 1: like like y'all did. And I was sitting here double

900
01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 1: duty and trying to listen make sure I'm listening to

901
01:00:30,440 --> 01:00:33,560
Speaker 1: my girls in their pain as I'm trying to think

902
01:00:33,560 --> 01:00:36,560
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna say to make this make sense without

903
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 1: saying specific things. Yeah, I hear you so, but I'm

904
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:45,400
Speaker 1: like I've also been saying throughout this whole episode, is

905
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:50,040
Speaker 1: that I listen to this show as a listener and

906
01:00:48,760 --> 01:00:51,480
Speaker 1: a and a and a host, and so I'm using

907
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:54,680
Speaker 1: my tools to fight those feelings that tell you you're

908
01:00:54,720 --> 01:01:02,360
Speaker 1: not worthy because of this incident or this person, and

909
01:01:02,400 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 1: stop letting that hinder you from going your next level.

910
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:09,120
Speaker 1: Because I hear y'all too, And so you don't also

911
01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:12,800
Speaker 1: want to because the people who know and love you

912
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 1: tell you what what what you're worth is and what

913
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:19,160
Speaker 1: you're worthy of, and so you also don't want to

914
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:21,200
Speaker 1: make them have to do to continue work of telling

915
01:01:21,240 --> 01:01:26,080
Speaker 1: you how worthy you are because I said, oh, that's

916
01:01:26,120 --> 01:01:29,040
Speaker 1: the overthinking that I do. I'm like, I don't want

917
01:01:29,520 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 1: Jill and agent to continue that to say girl, you

918
01:01:32,800 --> 01:01:36,920
Speaker 1: are this, and girl and you and you want your

919
01:01:37,000 --> 01:01:39,640
Speaker 1: you want the people around you to let to know

920
01:01:39,880 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 1: that you hear them, and you are trying to apply

921
01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:46,600
Speaker 1: these things. So it's a combination. I'm sorry people if

922
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:48,640
Speaker 1: nothing that I said made sense, I hope that some

923
01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:51,280
Speaker 1: of it made sense. But it's a combination of all

924
01:01:51,400 --> 01:01:55,080
Speaker 1: these things. They can drive you the funk crazy and

925
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:56,680
Speaker 1: then you don't even know when you're worthy of a

926
01:01:56,680 --> 01:01:59,120
Speaker 1: break to just stop thinking about it. So it's just

927
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:02,920
Speaker 1: a I think, I think what I think really at

928
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:06,520
Speaker 1: the end of the day, it's no no, no, no, no,

929
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:08,080
Speaker 1: no no no. I just I think you did a

930
01:02:08,080 --> 01:02:10,440
Speaker 1: beautiful job. But I think I think, at the end

931
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:14,040
Speaker 1: of the day, allowing yourself the freedom to not be

932
01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:17,240
Speaker 1: defined by these moments is I don't want to say

933
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:19,360
Speaker 1: the word work, but that is that. But it is

934
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:21,040
Speaker 1: kind of the work. The work is just kind of

935
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:24,960
Speaker 1: claiming your freedom from it and releasing yourself from it.

936
01:02:25,320 --> 01:02:30,080
Speaker 1: And Jill said this, something similar about being in practice

937
01:02:30,320 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 1: and certain things being in practice yearly. These are things

938
01:02:33,880 --> 01:02:37,840
Speaker 1: that we probably should be in practicing daily, just reminding ourselves,

939
01:02:37,920 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 1: like to free yourself from that. I just want to

940
01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:42,880
Speaker 1: free myself from that, you know, you know, your own

941
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:47,360
Speaker 1: self guided meditation, you know. I just today, I just

942
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:52,600
Speaker 1: want to be free from whatever I felt defined me

943
01:02:52,720 --> 01:02:56,360
Speaker 1: that is not me. I want to be free from

944
01:02:56,400 --> 01:02:59,040
Speaker 1: whatever it is is in my mind. It's telling me

945
01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:02,520
Speaker 1: that I'm not worth or worthy of all the greatness

946
01:03:02,560 --> 01:03:06,480
Speaker 1: that I have inside, that I'm not that that who

947
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 1: I choose to be is inherently wrong or subject to

948
01:03:13,440 --> 01:03:18,400
Speaker 1: someone else's opinion or subject to some standard that I

949
01:03:18,440 --> 01:03:23,479
Speaker 1: did not create. No, and that that's to me. That's

950
01:03:23,480 --> 01:03:27,600
Speaker 1: the freedom I'm praying for for myself and for everybody

951
01:03:27,640 --> 01:03:32,720
Speaker 1: who's listening to kind of release yourself from that, because

952
01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 1: even if at the end of it you don't even

953
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:40,080
Speaker 1: like what's there, at least you know what's there. At

954
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:43,880
Speaker 1: least that is an actual representation of what you think,

955
01:03:44,440 --> 01:03:47,480
Speaker 1: regardless of anybody else, And then if you want to

956
01:03:47,560 --> 01:03:51,880
Speaker 1: change it, you can. People are always gonna think something, Yeah,

957
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:56,360
Speaker 1: you don't know what, I wonder what, but they are

958
01:03:57,600 --> 01:04:05,720
Speaker 1: and that's really not your business or your problem. But nonetheless,

959
01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:08,680
Speaker 1: we're still people and we feel shaped right right. We

960
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:11,439
Speaker 1: know better, but we it's just and they're always easy

961
01:04:11,480 --> 01:04:14,640
Speaker 1: to we know better. Yeah, I want MC of a

962
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:19,200
Speaker 1: year that I want, That's what I'm saying. I want.

963
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 1: I want somebody to recognize that this pen is not

964
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:27,920
Speaker 1: a game sword. Whether it's being gentle and teasing, whether

965
01:04:28,040 --> 01:04:32,840
Speaker 1: it's being vicious and angry, whether it's whatever it's being,

966
01:04:34,000 --> 01:04:38,600
Speaker 1: it is a gift. And I recognize that, and I'm

967
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:41,080
Speaker 1: going to continue to fight for all of it, all

968
01:04:41,120 --> 01:04:43,520
Speaker 1: of me. And either you love it or you don't,

969
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:48,880
Speaker 1: but I'm here. Yeah. I found a poem by this lady.

970
01:04:49,080 --> 01:04:52,200
Speaker 1: Her name is Morgan Harper Nichols. I don't know her,

971
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:55,680
Speaker 1: but I like what she had to say. And she said,

972
01:04:56,880 --> 01:05:00,320
Speaker 1: guard your heart from those that only love you in

973
01:05:00,360 --> 01:05:03,560
Speaker 1: the shallow end, when you're all made up and not

974
01:05:03,760 --> 01:05:07,400
Speaker 1: with your friends. You were made for more than satisfying

975
01:05:07,480 --> 01:05:12,600
Speaker 1: the eyes and momentary affections of those passing by. Your

976
01:05:12,760 --> 01:05:19,520
Speaker 1: maker has set a glorious depth in you, filled with purpose, intention, grace,

977
01:05:19,760 --> 01:05:23,840
Speaker 1: and truth. And to love you, they must love him

978
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 1: far beyond the shallow thank you so much for listening

979
01:05:28,200 --> 01:05:34,040
Speaker 1: to Jay dot Ill the podcast. Always it would always

980
01:05:35,360 --> 01:05:46,680
Speaker 1: a pleasure. How do you eat an elephant? One? By?

981
01:05:46,760 --> 01:05:51,440
Speaker 1: It time? Hey listeners, it's Amber, the producer of J

982
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:55,120
Speaker 1: dot L. Today, the ladies talked about really knowing who

983
01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:58,760
Speaker 1: you are and grounding yourself in that it can be

984
01:05:58,840 --> 01:06:00,640
Speaker 1: hard to know where to start to look for the

985
01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 1: tools to help you with really grounding and gaining confidence

986
01:06:04,200 --> 01:06:06,840
Speaker 1: in who you are to help you get started. I

987
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:10,000
Speaker 1: wanted to share a meditation from Debbie Brown. She is

988
01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:14,000
Speaker 1: a master well Being educator. She is a Master well

989
01:06:14,040 --> 01:06:20,040
Speaker 1: Being Educator, a certified multimodality healer, and entrepreneur. She shared

990
01:06:20,160 --> 01:06:23,920
Speaker 1: this quick meditation on the Therapy for Black Girl's podcast,

991
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:27,439
Speaker 1: which I also highly recommend. I'll share that episode as

992
01:06:27,480 --> 01:06:29,880
Speaker 1: well as a link for this specific meditation and the

993
01:06:29,920 --> 01:06:45,520
Speaker 1: show notes. Hi. If you have comments on something you

994
01:06:45,640 --> 01:06:49,520
Speaker 1: said in this episode called eight six six, Hey Jill,

995
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:52,760
Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight

996
01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:56,479
Speaker 1: six six four three nine five four five five. Don't

997
01:06:56,480 --> 01:06:58,800
Speaker 1: forget to tell us your name and the episode you're

998
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:03,200
Speaker 1: referring to might just hear your message on a future episode.

999
01:07:04,040 --> 01:07:07,680
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Jill Scott presents Jay dot Ill.

1000
01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:13,960
Speaker 1: The podcast JA dot Ill is a production of I

1001
01:07:14,280 --> 01:07:18,400
Speaker 1: heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit

1002
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 1: the i heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you

1003
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:24,360
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.