WEBVTT - More With Cheryl Burke 0:00:02.279 --> 0:00:03.160 Hey there, everybody. 0:00:03.240 --> 0:00:06.720 Welcome to Amy and TJ, and we are continuing our 0:00:07.280 --> 0:00:10.120 very interesting conversation with the one and only Cheryl Burke. 0:00:10.720 --> 0:00:12.880 I'm curious you said you went through two divorces in 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:16.520 twenty twenty two, Dancing with the Stars and your now 0:00:16.560 --> 0:00:17.239 ex husband. 0:00:17.400 --> 0:00:21.280 Which one was harder dancing with the Stars? Bye? I mean, 0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:25.560 hands down, you can't compare. Wow. 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:29.160 That's not to suggest that your divorce from your husband 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:29.680 was easy. 0:00:30.200 --> 0:00:30.840 Absolutely not. 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:33.720 It wasn't. That's not an easy thing. Yeah, help us 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:37.040 with context there. We think about a marriage and then 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:43.239 some career change, right, So why was that experience with 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:46.760 Dancing with the Stars so much more difficult painful to 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:47.240 go through? 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:50.159 It was my I defined that was my identity, like 0:00:50.240 --> 0:00:52.919 I think it was they actually, you know as well, 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:55.840 I credit them for giving me a voice in general, 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:58.080 like if I don't know if you if you' you 0:00:58.160 --> 0:01:00.560 see my social but like I post did my very 0:01:00.560 --> 0:01:03.400 first audition and I didn't have like I literally didn't 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:06.320 have a voice, like I had an English accent with 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:09.880 like who is this girl? And but like I never 0:01:09.920 --> 0:01:14.560 thought I could ever be my own independent woman back then. 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:19.880 Ballroom is very much it's a partnership, and it's always 0:01:19.920 --> 0:01:23.319 the men that are in control. Still, Like I know 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:25.800 it sounds so old school, but like, but that's also 0:01:25.840 --> 0:01:28.560 the beauty of ballroom, Like the man leads, the one follows, 0:01:28.560 --> 0:01:32.080 and then you've produced such beautiful art and then that 0:01:32.240 --> 0:01:34.160 just I'm not saying it happens with everyone, but like 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:36.319 for me, it was very much like that. And so 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:39.840 I think coming into my own and being able to 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:41.720 stay on my own two feet, I credit Dancing with 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:43.679 the Stars for that, and I think because they've seen 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:47.160 me through it all, like it all like I've grown 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:52.720 up in front. It's like, yeah, it's hard, it's hard. 0:01:52.880 --> 0:01:55.800 You were twenty one when you started, and I started 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:58.520 out clubbing and then I was like, oh my god, 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:04.920 party girl by night, ballroom dancer by day. Were like, 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:10.959 you're about to turn for it, like in a matter 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:14.639 of days. Days. Yeah, I'm excited. What does that mean 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:18.400 to you? I feel like I'm a cat. I've lived 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:25.800 nine lives, But it means that it's time to move forward, 0:02:26.000 --> 0:02:29.280 like really evolve and just continue on this path of 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:33.240 the unknown, which is scarish, but it is what we 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:36.040 all go through regardless. We're on that path to let 0:02:36.120 --> 0:02:38.320 us know if you figure it out. Never I mean, 0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:40.839 I would be writing a handbook if I could write, 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:42.480 like I'd make a lot of money doing that if 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:45.080 there was Oh my gosh. But at least you have 0:02:45.120 --> 0:02:45.880 each other, right. 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.720 Yeah, I mean, I will say this, It's not that 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:52.880 you wish anyone to go through tough times, but when 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:55.760 people do it publicly and you've been in that situation, 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:59.280 there is comfort that you give people who have been 0:02:59.320 --> 0:03:01.760 fans of yours forever or even the two of us, 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:04.120 when you see someone else struggling or going through a 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:06.959 journey where they're really trying to figure things out, where 0:03:06.960 --> 0:03:10.600 they have their whole world's implode, and they and they 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:13.680 still get up each morning and they still keep trying, 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:15.440 and they still keep trying to. 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:16.400 Do better and learn. 0:03:16.840 --> 0:03:19.040 That's inspiring in and of itself. I think that's the 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:21.919 hardest thing you've probably ever done. It's the hardest thing 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:24.120 I've ever done. It's to start over. 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:26.639 Yeah, no, it is. And then to be able to 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.360 voice it because some people may not ever be able to. 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:33.000 And I think that is what is incouraged. Like when 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:37.480 when times are tough and you feel like you don't 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:39.320 want to get out of bed, or you just want 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:41.920 to give up, Like I definitely think about that, and 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:45.080 thank you both for being so vulnerable, like it helps 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:46.720 so much, you. 0:03:46.760 --> 0:03:48.840 Know, it's some of that. Don't give us too much credit. Man, 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:53.200 We didn't have a choice but to be at a choice. 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:55.440 But it's taken us a little while, but we have 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.360 come around and to be around people. 0:03:58.600 --> 0:03:58.720 Right. 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:00.360 I don't know how you felt about it, but we 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:01.400 walked around for so long. 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:02.200 It's important. 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:08.000 We walked around with our heads down in shamee bow 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:13.200 thinking everybody thought a certain way about us, and we 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:17.359 now and I'm curious now how they're such rabbit fans 0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:20.080 of Dancing with the Stars and people are fans of 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:23.360 the show just become naturally fans of people who are 0:04:23.400 --> 0:04:27.000 on the show. But then when people there's a divorce, 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.080 like you said, Cheryl goes this way, Dance with the 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:31.400 Stars goes this way, and it doesn't necessarily seem like 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:35.200 everybody's hunky dory. People have a tendency to take picksides. 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:36.840 I'm going to be on the side of Dancing with 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:38.400 the Stars of the show. I can either be a 0:04:38.400 --> 0:04:39.920 fan of the show. I can be a fan of Cheryl. 0:04:39.960 --> 0:04:42.040 We have people shout this on the streets to us 0:04:42.040 --> 0:04:45.200 all the time. I'm watching that show anymore? You will? 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:46.840 Do you think you have it all the time. 0:04:47.040 --> 0:04:48.320 I mean, I don't think a day goes by where 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:50.040 people don't say, I don't watch anymore. 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:55.479 Y'all keep doing you and people are New York and 0:04:55.520 --> 0:04:56.840 do we even have a New York accent? When we 0:04:56.880 --> 0:04:59.320 did that, I love it, though that's a lot of 0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:02.560 fans say to you, I'm sure you get the New 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:06.120 York act. Now I need to move back there. Maybe no, 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:08.560 but like I do, like, Okay, for example, I was 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:11.159 just messing around, but I was dancing. I'm like a 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.680 segment host for the Jennifer Hudson Show, and I ran 0:05:13.720 --> 0:05:16.520 into I don't know if you know him, but Marcelle. 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:18.400 He's like a very very famous he was friends with 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:21.280 the Demilios, are still still friends. But we were dancing 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:24.480 and messing around. I was like contest season thirty three, 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:27.160 here we come. And people were like, so people think 0:05:27.160 --> 0:05:30.320 I'm coming back, right, So I just like, and I 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:32.039 just don't know how to address this because I was like, 0:05:32.040 --> 0:05:35.000 I don't want to like, I was clearly just choking. 0:05:35.120 --> 0:05:35.920 Yeah big time. 0:05:36.240 --> 0:05:37.720 You're like, oh, my god, I can't wait. I'm gonna 0:05:37.800 --> 0:05:39.640 I'm gonna start watching the show again. And I'm like, 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:42.640 oh god, I don't know what to say, so I 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:45.039 just haven't. I've ghosted everyone, I guess. But now that 0:05:45.040 --> 0:05:47.080 I'm talking about it, I'm like, I should probably uh 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:50.080 set the record, Sta, Yeah, yeah you're not. But I 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:51.080 was just literally joking. 0:05:51.320 --> 0:05:54.320 Obviously, Counsel those fans for a second, because they do 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:57.840 people getting I know you don't. You would never tell 0:05:57.880 --> 0:05:59.960 somebody don't be a fan of dancing with a stif 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:03.520 you would never do that. But but help them resolve 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.479 their loyalty to you and their face. 0:06:06.880 --> 0:06:08.880 And I heard it when someone's like, I don't watch 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:11.120 the show anymore like I would. I don't think that's 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:11.560 a good thing. 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:14.839 But help them resolve that conflict they have being loyal 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:16.159 to you and being loyal to the show. 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:18.640 It's just the show is just a beautiful show, like 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:21.840 with me or without me, right, But mind you, I 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:25.800 can't stop talking about it obviously, Like I'm just like, wait, 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:27.840 is this yeah, it's my therapist. I'm like, is this good? 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:30.119 She goes you know what, Cheryl? It is good because 0:06:30.160 --> 0:06:32.279 normally you'd run away from it, like I would have 0:06:32.440 --> 0:06:36.000 run the opposite way, and I would have probably numbed 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:38.159 this part of my life, not wanting to have to 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:42.279 feel or deal or face the pain because it's painful. 0:06:42.440 --> 0:06:46.040 And I'm a professional number, and I don't necessarily always 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:48.040 go through you know, I don't choose that. 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:51.000 Get you six years sober, that's incredible. You're You're not 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:53.839 a professional number in that. No, No, and I'm sure 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:56.720 you've been tested like you couldn't have imagined this past year. 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:59.159 I would have loved a vodka soda at one point, 0:06:59.200 --> 0:07:03.240 but yeah, no, it's one second at a time sometimes, 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:05.200 like actually sometimes most of the time lately. 0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:08.200 We just had this conversation recently with one of your former. 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:11.000 Day that episode. I love him. 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:13.400 He talked to us about that. I'm sure you Roll's 0:07:13.440 --> 0:07:16.640 experience at least sharing that experience together. 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:19.000 Yeah, And it was it was towards the beginning of 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:21.000 my journey, and that was when we did our first 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:25.160 podcast together. And yeah, it was so special. I mean, 0:07:25.200 --> 0:07:26.640 like this is what I mean, Like we were able 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:29.640 to do a dance dedicated to our sobriety. Like and 0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:33.240 then I remember one of the lighting guys like this big, 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:36.200 hefty man like came out to his end, was in tears, 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:39.960 and it's like, this is why I just freaking love 0:07:40.000 --> 0:07:42.760 the show. Like I just love it. I love every 0:07:42.800 --> 0:07:48.040 single freaking inch of it. But I also know that 0:07:48.960 --> 0:07:51.400 we could be hurt, we could be disappointed, but we 0:07:51.400 --> 0:07:53.480 could still love, like we bring that back. 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:53.760 You know. 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:57.240 It all comes down to that, Like life's so freaking short. 0:07:57.680 --> 0:08:00.800 Everybody's sobriety journey is similar in some ways but also 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:03.880 very different. Yours. You said sometimes it's I remember AJ 0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:05.520 pointed out to us, he said, Hey, I woke up 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:08.280 sober today. I don't know what's going to happen, no idea, 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:11.560 But you just said, second to second, what is especially 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:15.360 going through the difficulties you've had recent years, how it 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:17.840 does it get harder? You said, I love a vodka soda. 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:23.440 Yeah, and then like my stepsister just passed away. Yeah, 0:08:23.480 --> 0:08:30.440 And yes, life tests me and everyone constantly, and I 0:08:30.520 --> 0:08:35.199 have to be super uh present to not pick up 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:35.640 a drink. 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:36.200 Wow. 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:40.040 Because also when people ask me, like what has been 0:08:40.080 --> 0:08:43.080 your rock bottom? My rock bottom was my success was 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:47.079 when I was drinking, Because when I was actually successful, 0:08:47.080 --> 0:08:49.280 Like if you're going to look meaning like successful from 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:51.480 the outside the mirror balls. Okay, so it was like 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.560 the first two seasons back in two thousand and six, 0:08:54.120 --> 0:08:56.680 that's when I was really drinking, Like that's when I 0:08:56.800 --> 0:08:59.840 wasn't Maybe then I can relate to the drinking as Okay, well, 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:03.000 now maybe I drink because like the voices in my head, 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:06.400 I was overthinking, I'm overthinking, I'm overanalyzing, and I'm like, 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:09.040 oh my god, stop, like get out of your head. 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:12.120 You know, like all of it, like the perfectionism there's 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:14.600 no such thing, and never good enough, like being judged 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:16.720 my whole life from like you know, all of it, 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.520 and I'm not complaining about it. It is the path 0:09:19.559 --> 0:09:24.199 I've chose, and I've chosen, but the drinking and the 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:27.240 height of my success are parallel. So then sometimes I 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:29.560 think to myself, maybe I should just do that again. 0:09:30.000 --> 0:09:33.960 Shit, because then you know, look, she knows why I 0:09:34.000 --> 0:09:38.480 said that, because it damn Cheryl, good lord, you're talking 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:41.800 to me now, because the the the lowest I've ever 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:43.360 been in my life is when I was the highest 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:47.839 in my career. God, absolutely, I feel you're a hundred person. 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:48.720 Is that crazy? 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:52.000 Is the case? She was sitting there and watching it 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:54.320 all unfold the lowest I've ever. 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:56.839 Been because he's a perfectionist and an overthinker. And when 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:59.360 you start to get success, you don't want to lose it. 0:09:59.360 --> 0:10:01.280 You want to keep it going. And you wanted totter 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:03.480 and be better. And when you're trying to do that, 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:06.600 you can't quiet your thoughts. And yeah, I watched it 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:11.079 when you said that, I oh, wow, you were speaking 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:11.600 his language. 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:13.200 I think that's why. I mean, like, look, it's not 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:17.360 one reason, but like I I mean, like for example, 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:19.680 like I don't sleep a lot, and I was never 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:30.000 like that, but everyone's like, oh my dad. I mean 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:35.280 I do I know that perfect? I've got brother everywhere. Anyway, 0:10:35.559 --> 0:10:43.880 that's another pot more interesting. Yeah, it's confusing, but yeah, 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:47.760 like I just I mean, you should see my home. 0:10:48.160 --> 0:10:50.679 Like it's like I always joke like the O C D. 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:56.400 And but it's not a joke like the freaking but 0:10:56.520 --> 0:10:58.560 like and then I asked, I literally do I try so? 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:01.640 I meditate? I do translit on a meditation. Has it helped? Yes? 0:11:02.240 --> 0:11:04.360 But man, when I've like and I've gone, and I'm 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:05.680 not going to say I do it every day, like 0:11:05.720 --> 0:11:08.400 I'm not, No, I don't should I Yes? But then 0:11:08.480 --> 0:11:10.920 like the self hate, how dare you don't do this? 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:13.200 And then like I start to like hate myself and 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:17.240 I am very present. I'm like starting to really try 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:19.960 and stay more observed, like what the like what that 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:23.560 voice is instead of like define myself because of it, 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:26.240 Like because it's just like it's thoughts, like and feelings. 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:28.600 It's just like the waves of the ocean. It just goes. 0:11:28.760 --> 0:11:30.320 It's in and out, in and out, and it's not 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.280 it's not the reality good, but like I need to 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:34.920 live it now instead of just preach it. 0:11:34.960 --> 0:11:36.880 Well, it's the it's the more you preach it, it's 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:38.439 the roommate you never wanted. 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:39.160 And it never goes away. 0:11:39.240 --> 0:11:42.080 I hate I remember it was like if you don't 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:44.960 think that, you don't self hate, and that voice in 0:11:44.960 --> 0:11:46.600 your head doesn't sabotage you every moment. 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:49.200 Just the next time when you're in the shower, just 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:52.000 observe your thoughts. Just observe your thoughts. And you're like, 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:54.000 oh my god, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:57.400 know it's crazy. It's Michael Singer. Yep, oh yes, I 0:11:57.400 --> 0:11:59.199 love him. That's all my bucket list. I want to 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:02.360 go to his place and flo me and my stepdad. 0:12:02.400 --> 0:12:02.840 We want to go. 0:12:02.880 --> 0:12:05.320 So I will say this to you Cheryl and to 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:07.920 you TJ. Is that that perfectionism and that OCD. I 0:12:07.920 --> 0:12:09.480 mean I have a smidge of it. I don't have 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:11.520 it to the extent that either one of you do. 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:14.160 But the point is it's part of why you are 0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:15.480 as great as you are at. 0:12:15.400 --> 0:12:18.679 What you do, both of you, because you know it's true. 0:12:18.720 --> 0:12:20.320 So it's like it's like it's a it's a double 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:23.200 edged sword. Yeah, but there's also but like I for me, 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:25.280 at least, I know I'm living up to something that 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:28.839 like I'll never be happy, Like it's not it's not enough, right, 0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:31.240 Like it's not even if I'm like, oh, if I 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:33.240 get this or maybe if i'm this, or if I 0:12:33.280 --> 0:12:36.160 get like all the money, is like no, like it's 0:12:36.200 --> 0:12:39.040 not that is not it. It's not it. And I 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:41.319 know it sounds so cliche and for me it sounds 0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:43.960 so like not my life at this moment, but I'm 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:46.080 trying to get there. It's like it all comes in, 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.000 it's all within, and that's the thing why I have 0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:51.400 to be alone right now. And that's why because like 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:53.760 if I don't like what I see, I'm just gonna 0:12:54.000 --> 0:12:55.720 literally life is gonna go by, and I would have 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:58.120 done the same. It's the freaking hamstery. I'm trying to 0:12:58.120 --> 0:12:58.800 get off of it. 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:02.520 You say you have to be alone right now, but you. 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:04.400 Have to I mean, I'm not alone. I'm not lonely though. 0:13:05.600 --> 0:13:08.440 That was my question there. I guess where is your. 0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:09.240 Me and my friends? 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:10.360 You are killing it France. 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:15.120 Yes, Frenchie, she got the dog and the divorce. Not 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:20.120 like a friend, Chie, like a toy boy. Yeah, no, 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:21.280 forget to love that girl. 0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:24.720 You talk about the family you lost was Dancy with 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:26.800 the stars, but I know you had friends outside of that. 0:13:26.880 --> 0:13:29.360 But what is your support group look like these days? 0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:33.800 It's small and I know this is good. But I 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:37.320 have a lot of paid friends and I love them, Yeah, 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:41.719 regardless of the intention, I just know that first of all, 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:44.760 I trust them all, even though I can count on 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:49.560 one hand. But I also have realized, like I can't 0:13:49.559 --> 0:13:51.880 give more than that, Like I can only do so 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:54.600 much before I then start to be a people pleaser 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:57.960 because like I'm also a victim of that. But like 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:03.360 I also know that me leaving La was a really 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:05.400 and me going through all of this. You know, your 0:14:05.559 --> 0:14:08.880 freaking friends are man at the height of your success 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:11.520 and when you decide to do something that may not 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:16.000 be of society like the norm, right, like or god forbid, 0:14:16.000 --> 0:14:17.640 I have an opinion, like do you know me? Do 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:19.600 you not know me? Like like this is not the 0:14:19.680 --> 0:14:22.920 you know, I feel like I've always been one to 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:30.760 have an opinion regardless. It's just so life is just 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:34.400 so short and for me, it's like maybe I have 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:37.160 trust issues or I do have trust issues. I know that, 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:39.920 but I don't want to live life jaded. 0:14:49.040 --> 0:14:51.920 Are you surprised by the number of people you've lost 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.320 as far as friends in the past two years? That 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:56.320 friends circle? You said, you know who your friends are? 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:58.960 Well, what's interesting is that, Like I think what people 0:14:59.040 --> 0:15:01.080 may think is that, like all of us pro dancers 0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:03.840 are friends. Like but just because we're on a show together, 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:08.280 that doesn't mean that we're like besties. We know, you know, 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:14.240 I know. But the rest of the people listening to this, 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:19.880 lots of people but like you know, uh yeah, I 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:20.920 think I'll just leave it at that. 0:15:21.080 --> 0:15:25.920 Like you even outside of that, but I'm have but. 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:27.520 I guess I didn't have a lot of friends really 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:29.960 like not not like well, I've been burned a lot, 0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:35.440 But who hasn't I don't. I would say I'm socially awkward, 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:38.960 like I don't necessarily love going out in public and 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:41.360 meeting people like I mean, that's a whole nother conversation, 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:43.200 but like that has to do with I mean, I 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:45.720 just honestly, like, say some more things about yourself that 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:48.040 are exactly like don't leave for work, like I only 0:15:48.040 --> 0:15:50.800 get in my car, like this past weekend, I literally 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:54.640 did arts and crafts while researching Gille Marini, my next 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.600 guest on the podcast, and walking and feeding my dog 0:15:57.720 --> 0:16:02.920 and like tending to hurt act like I don't go anywhere. 0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:06.920 It's nice though, right, you're in a good place. You're 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:09.480 in a good place to do that death definitely, But 0:16:09.520 --> 0:16:11.760 I'm also like I'm never ever gonna meet anyone behind 0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:15.880 my closet door number one, like come on down, unfortunately, 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:21.520 like unfortunately, But dating sounds like I would rather do 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:25.560 anything I think than date, because TJ says this to me, 0:16:25.560 --> 0:16:27.280 It's like, can't you give me on a date? Are 0:16:27.280 --> 0:16:29.440 you missing out on getting that opportunity to date? 0:16:29.520 --> 0:16:33.600 I was like, getting the opportunity to date, ew, that 0:16:33.720 --> 0:16:36.000 is the last thing I want to do. 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:39.560 Awkward first dates. Really, I refuse to do dating. I 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:41.240 don't even know what a dating. I don't even know 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:42.960 how to work a dating. I've never done one either. 0:16:43.000 --> 0:16:44.880 And then like what like you know, like, oh, you're 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:46.800 just swipe? What a douche? Like I can't do this? 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:50.240 Do she think these are the conversations we have? Yes, 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:52.320 her boyfriend says to her, don't want to date? 0:16:52.880 --> 0:16:57.360 I'm like also like maybe why are you asking my 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:00.320 wet tissue? At you free? 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:02.359 You're you have, you have an opportunity? 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:05.840 Now, why are you don't do that? 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:06.119 Right? 0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.280 Don't stop it? 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:11.800 Just st up your marriage counselor life coach. I'm not certified. 0:17:13.880 --> 0:17:14.679 Who's counseling you? 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:17.399 A lot of counseling, That's what I mean. Paid friends? 0:17:17.480 --> 0:17:21.680 I mean I've got a circle and boy is that expensive? No, 0:17:21.760 --> 0:17:24.159 it's not a write off. I tried that podcast. You 0:17:24.200 --> 0:17:25.760 know that's paying the bills, right, you. 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:28.040 Don't have to name them. But is there somebody you're 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:32.840 still surprised that is out of your life now after 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.639 all you've gone through, Like you're still just surprised, like wow, 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:39.400 how close we were that you've just lost? 0:17:39.440 --> 0:17:43.600 It's not and it's and it's yes, yes, yes, And 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:46.080 it's sometimes it's too almost too much to face at 0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:49.600 the moment at this moment, like I have to face 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.440 it at some point. But I've got lots to face 0:17:52.480 --> 0:17:54.399 because I, like I said, you know, there was a 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:57.320 lot of and even before Dancing on the Stars, there's 0:17:57.359 --> 0:17:58.600 a lot of stuff I haven't faced. 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:01.840 Yeah, what's left? 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:03.280 Face? How long do you got? 0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:05.000 Hey? We got all kinds of time. We're good, right, 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:06.480 audio guys, as. 0:18:06.320 --> 0:18:08.600 We're I think I'm going through like the forgiving of 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:10.800 like I got molested when I was a little girl. 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:14.920 So you've talked about that, yes, yeah. 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:16.960 Yeah, I have talked about it quite a lot, and 0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:21.399 I think it's really living the Can I say that 0:18:21.440 --> 0:18:25.000 I have a that I've forgiven? Yes? But am I do? 0:18:25.080 --> 0:18:29.639 I really like I'm really dissecting it all as we 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:32.600 do over thinkers, but like I really want to make 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:35.480 sure that I'm healing, because like, without me healing my past, 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:39.320 how the hell am I gonna heal what's happening now 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:42.200 or what has happened in the past couple of years. It's 0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:44.040 just so much. And I believe that we hold on 0:18:44.080 --> 0:18:47.119 to trauma like our body does. Keep the score. M 0:18:48.480 --> 0:18:51.120 oh yeah, And I've seen too many people and within 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:54.359 my family just go too soon, Like it's just too soon. Yeah, 0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:55.160 because it's true. 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:56.919 I do believe that's who You hold it in and 0:18:56.960 --> 0:18:59.040 your body reacts and it's not good. 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:03.280 Have you ever done a puncture? I'm not religiously, I've 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:06.399 done it, and you can't believe. Like I started sobbing 0:19:06.400 --> 0:19:08.639 and like what's happening. But it's like all that pain, 0:19:09.119 --> 0:19:11.960 all that emotion you've been holding in just gets released. 0:19:12.160 --> 0:19:14.600 It's bizarre. So I do energy work like I have 0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:17.719 this right, I have this energy healer that I know 0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:21.200 about acupuncture. However, I hear it's amazing, Like I hear 0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:22.320 it's such a release. 0:19:22.560 --> 0:19:25.160 It's crazy. And if you don't believe that your body 0:19:25.200 --> 0:19:28.160 doesn't hold onto emotion, do it one time and you will. 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:31.160