WEBVTT - Good Science: Crap To The Future 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:05.840 The information provided on this podcast is uninformed and unreviewed. 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:10.159 Good Science does not do any research about any of 0:00:10.200 --> 0:00:16.000 the topics discussed and assumes no responsibility for errors or omission. 0:00:27.800 --> 0:00:35.200 That's good science. Welcome to good Science. It's the year 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:40.920 twenty twenty nine, and President Trump has just been inaugurated 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:46.080 the forty eighth president of the United States. Well still 0:00:46.120 --> 0:00:50.040 forty seven, because technically it's his third term in the 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:54.880 second consecutive one. We're so pleased to be here in 0:00:54.960 --> 0:01:01.600 the future where everything is bright. It's so cool you 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:07.639 gotta wear shades, as they said in that of old song. 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:13.680 Now way back in the past, but here in the future, 0:01:13.800 --> 0:01:18.600 I mean the present. We're here to celebrate today, the 0:01:18.760 --> 0:01:23.959 victory the Trump administration and the victory of the Health 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:30.640 and Human Services Department, because that's right. I'm still HHS secretary. 0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:35.040 I aim for a promotion. I thought maybe I could 0:01:35.040 --> 0:01:39.560 be the vice president or something like that, but no, 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:44.160 because well we'll get into it in the second. But 0:01:44.760 --> 0:01:48.720 I can't believe he's here to grace me with his presence. 0:01:49.040 --> 0:01:53.720 He's a superstar, selling out over five hundred and twenty 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:58.600 thousand tickets in the largest venue in the United States, 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:02.560 he's the most popul bueller comedian all around the world. 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:08.760 And the Moon base and the Mars colonies. It's the 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:14.880 one and only knighted by Prince King Harry and knighted 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:21.639 by King Harry himself. It's circle quem Bobby. 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:30.080 Who Hi Hi eg bego ego big bigo we go. 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:35.400 How you doing, Bobby, Well, you know, I'm doing great. 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:39.200 Of course. That was a crazy inauguration, by. 0:02:39.080 --> 0:02:42.400 The way, so fun, so great, Kyle, you know. 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:45.120 Not a lot of you probably didn't show up, but 0:02:45.760 --> 0:02:51.400 it was amazing. Trump held this inauguration at the Grand Canyon. 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:55.080 That's right, he hollowed at as we know in the 0:02:55.400 --> 0:03:01.280 twenty twenty seven he declassified the Grand Canyon as a 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:06.920 National Historical Site, and he hollowed it out and made 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:10.919 it essentially right at the Colorado River. That's right right 0:03:10.919 --> 0:03:14.200 out of the Colorado River, which is now the biggest 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:16.600 urinal in the world. 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:20.640 That's so cool, by the way, and I'm waiting for 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:24.160 them to get one of those hockey pucks where you 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:27.200 piss on it and put it in the Colorado River. 0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:30.160 A little one that's the little toilet, the little. 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:31.880 Yeah, Because I don't know if you've got urn. Could 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:34.760 you smell it? While we were down in the Grand Canyon. 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:37.480 It fucking week down there because there's so many people pissing. 0:03:37.800 --> 0:03:39.800 Well, yeah, but I love that. I love you, know, 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:44.360 like I love a good smell of a hefty, musky piss. 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:47.960 I mean, I guess it means you're healthy, right, absolutely, 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:52.520 you would know I have I have no I'm like, Kyle, 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:56.680 I would correct you. But as you know, President Trump 0:03:56.840 --> 0:04:00.560 fast tracked me through Harvard Medical School, and I am 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:02.760 now officially a doctor. 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:05.160 Congratulations, thank you incredible. 0:04:05.280 --> 0:04:08.600 Yeah, I can diagnose people, and I wear my my 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:16.440 doctoral uh ceremonial. That is yeah, it's actually it contains 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:17.600 different medicines. 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:20.320 Looks like some sort of mad Max necklace or some 0:04:20.600 --> 0:04:22.800 uh like threads like needles. 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:27.240 You it is needles, Kyle. In here, of course, is 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:31.680 a epinephrine. If someone has an allergy attack, I just 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:34.440 pull it off and I jam it in them. This 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:37.760 one's well, this is a little bit of fun. Here 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:40.000 is a little morphine right there. Kyle. 0:04:40.400 --> 0:04:43.640 Oh wow, So they all have some sort of drug 0:04:43.680 --> 0:04:44.320 inside them. 0:04:44.400 --> 0:04:48.000 Each one has a drug. Kyle, as the health secretary, 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:51.719 I as a now a doctor, I have to be 0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:57.200 ready but this the inaugural, I mean over forty people 0:04:57.760 --> 0:04:59.960 attended a final I mean at the fire. 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:02.520 I can't believe I was one of them. That was incredible. 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:06.320 Now we saw some crazy shit at this inauguration, which 0:05:06.800 --> 0:05:09.960 Trump won fair and square. Let's just put that out there. 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:13.599 Well, yes, he won it fair and square. He was 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:19.800 certified the president of There it's President drum and he 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:23.680 and his new beautiful wife, Steve Bannon in a wig. 0:05:24.640 --> 0:05:29.080 Is a perfect decision for President Trump. He said, if 0:05:29.080 --> 0:05:32.360 I'm gonna I gotta say Steve looked beautiful. 0:05:32.839 --> 0:05:38.320 Now we we did. Uh So, so let's talk about 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:41.440 like what happened at this inauguration, because it was wonderful. 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:44.279 Saw Aoc AOC was. 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:48.640 There, well AOC she was brought her out. They had 0:05:48.680 --> 0:05:52.039 the timpany drums and they pounded it. First off, this 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:56.840 was all of our military hardware. Every piece of the 0:05:56.880 --> 0:06:03.280 military hardware was out, tanks, the nuclear bombs, and President 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.960 Putin was there. For the first time, we had the 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:11.719 Russian president the Bible, Yeah, the actual president, and he 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:16.200 had a Bible instead of the Supreme which is now 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:22.200 the Super Supreme Court. He now President Putin held the 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:28.080 Bible and he and it was it was Resputin's Bible 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:32.120 and then he swore in which was amazing. And then 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:36.040 they the Tippany drums and we had the Roman theme 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:40.520 right where we had the Colisseum that was built right 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:48.760 down the Washington Mall replaced that stupid pool, and then 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:55.440 they put aoc out there in that hot two piece bikini. 0:06:56.800 --> 0:07:01.360 Yeah, she looked crazy, but then she was roasted, total 0:07:01.440 --> 0:07:02.200 lost battle. 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.800 Well, first off, she was roasted alive physically on the 0:07:05.839 --> 0:07:09.880 Liberty Bell and then shoved into the crack. But before 0:07:09.920 --> 0:07:15.000 that we had we partnered with Comedy Central, which only 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:19.000 does roast now it's the only cable channel still allowed 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:22.400 to be on the air, and they did a hell 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:23.040 of a row. 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:27.240 When we say roasts, we're talking about just straight up awful, 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:31.520 insulting and hitting. There is no joke part hearing. 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:35.520 There's no more jokes anymore. In roasts. It's just physical beatings. 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:39.640 Comedy is just physical beatings. Now, comedy is just hurting 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.880 people and making people feel terrible. 0:07:42.000 --> 0:07:46.040 Is that true? Yeah? Well it's great, Kyle, because comedy 0:07:46.080 --> 0:07:49.840 has always been inverted. As I learned in my doctoral 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:54.000 thesis which you inspired, because I could never understand what 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:56.720 the fuck's up with this guy? He's not funny, he's 0:07:56.720 --> 0:08:01.040 not interesting. Of course, then I did the ductor study, 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:06.880 and then you're a comedian. You're not interesting, Bigo, bigo, 0:08:07.080 --> 0:08:12.000 big bigo, And you are actually one of the great comedians. 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:16.360 Your lack of personality, your inability to string aside. And 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:16.920 I would. 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:20.240 Consider myself on the Mount Rushmore. And we know that 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:23.600 Trump is putting himself on Mount Rushmore. Now, yeah, so 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:28.080 I would say, for me, the comedy Mount Rushmore has 0:08:28.120 --> 0:08:31.920 got to be me. Eddie Murphy. Oh well, it is 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:34.079 like the oldest comedian known. 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:35.959 To Now he's the oldest comedian now. 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:43.400 Is up there, Mark Norman is up there, Hinchcliff is 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:47.520 up there. Yeah, and Trump himself and he. 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:50.320 Should also be on the comedy one. That's right, That's 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:54.559 what I'm saying. Yeah, there and so and Tony and 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:58.600 but you know what I love is Dane Cook. You 0:08:58.600 --> 0:09:01.160 know Dane Cook is about to you know he did 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:06.840 that hit movie a couple of years ago, a great movie. 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:07.440 Yeah. 0:09:07.480 --> 0:09:11.320 Well he it was called Dane Chef, right, Dane Chef, 0:09:11.800 --> 0:09:16.760 And it's where he's he's he he's a homeless guy 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:20.559 at the beginning, right, and he eats his and his 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:24.000 every day he has to eat his own ship out 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:28.000 of his ass and and then he but every day 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:31.040 he goes in an alley way and he's behind a 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:35.480 Michelin star restaurant where he learns how to prepare his ship. 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:40.079 Eight ways was as I think you know from the movie, 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:43.400 A beautiful you know. 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:45.520 Kick young mom and much younger, a. 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:50.240 Much younger Kikyo comes out and she's this big chef 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:54.280 and she goes, oh, what's this delicious? And then he goes, 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:57.280 it's my shit, and she throws up on him. But 0:09:57.320 --> 0:09:59.040 the next day she goes, I. 0:09:59.040 --> 0:10:02.160 Want to hire you as my yeah, and he goes 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:06.520 from cook to Dane Cook to Dane chef Todd. Now, 0:10:06.600 --> 0:10:10.200 let's talk about the election, because I'm hearing a lot 0:10:10.240 --> 0:10:17.720 of people, a lot of people talking shit about how 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:22.200 Trump was his third term, because it's absolutely bullshit. It 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:23.319 was fair and square. 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:27.480 They're total haters and went before we get to this election. 0:10:27.720 --> 0:10:32.480 First off, you did an incredible job as a man, 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:38.000 Doug Gorman. And this was a real fun thing that 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:38.600 he did. 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:42.360 Is yeah, So I was the poet laureate. Is that 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:49.959 what it's called. I don't know who I was the laureate. 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:52.480 Metcalf, the poet Hugh Laurie. 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:57.679 I was the poet Hugh laureate Metcalf at the inauguration, 0:10:58.800 --> 0:11:02.679 and they called me the Amanda Gorman because I am 0:11:02.720 --> 0:11:08.120 a man, and I just yeah, I I basically spoke 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:11.800 at the inauguration and told a few roast jokes about 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:15.319 President Trump in his third term. Nothing too fucked up, 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.600 you know, because I didn't want to get killed. But yeah, 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:19.600 it was pretty fun. 0:11:20.160 --> 0:11:24.480 Yeah. Well, and then you know when they you did that, 0:11:24.679 --> 0:11:27.560 and then they're roasting as they shove her in the 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:30.400 bell and they and they put her in the crack 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:33.240 and then she's all bent up. And then they took 0:11:33.280 --> 0:11:37.680 the bob woman from Massachusetts and they and they took 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.560 her and they dragged her around in a chariot race. 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:44.959 And then and then the only person that he won't touch, 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:46.600 of course, is Mandan. 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:52.920 That's right, Mom, Dommy, Mom, Domiona. Uh, what is it. 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:56.120 Mandani? 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:00.720 Yeah, I guess he's gonna be the chief of staff. 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:04.080 I don't know, even though he keeps saying I'm not 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:07.160 the chief of staff, I'm still the mayor of New York. Yeah, 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:08.120 I don't know what he's. 0:12:08.000 --> 0:12:10.480 But Trump is in love with this guy. I don't 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:10.720 know what. 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:13.720 He wants to adopt him and make him his baby. 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:16.680 Now, how funny was it when Chuck Schumer got quartered 0:12:16.760 --> 0:12:18.400 at the fucking they. 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:23.439 Ripped him like drawn quarter draw. They had that fun 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:26.080 caricature artist you know, normally. 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:29.480 He was drawn, and then they put quarters all over 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:30.080 his body. 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:32.640 Yeah, so first they drew him, and they drew him 0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.600 with the surfboard with this big, big head and yeah, 0:12:35.640 --> 0:12:39.840 like a Jeordan pants on. And then they put quarters 0:12:39.880 --> 0:12:43.240 on him. Because he's so old, the pressure of those 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:47.360 quarters crushed him. His limbs crushed him. 0:12:47.400 --> 0:12:48.319 So he's dead. 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:52.160 So he's dead. But he was the candidate. So the election, 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:53.600 you know, Kyle. 0:12:53.559 --> 0:12:57.240 Yeah, he so, uh, it's crazy because the Democrats ran 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:01.439 Chuck Schumer against Trump. Now there's saying the election was stolen, 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:04.720 and that because of the National Guard, because people were 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:09.920 shot going to voting booths because to be yeah, they 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:10.440 had to be. 0:13:10.559 --> 0:13:14.000 That was unrest because they were violent leftists. And now 0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:19.240 that leftists and liberals are technically under the constitution regarded 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:23.200 as terrorists, it is our duty to kill them in 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:27.959 the street in order to protect Frankly, it's fun yeah, 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:31.240 it's a lot of fun, you know. You know, first off, 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:36.959 this election was lost already, way back in the past 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:42.280 in twenty twenty six, when the Democrats spent months trying 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:46.640 to make sure that Fetterman, who's now, of course the 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:49.400 top Republican, the veer I was. 0:13:49.320 --> 0:13:51.440 In the WWE. Is that not right? 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:55.800 He is in the WWE. And he's also the Senate 0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:59.520 Majority Leader, John John Fetterman. 0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:18.160 Yeah, now, okay, all right, so let's talk about election day. 0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:25.520 Quote unquote, hold on your running nose. It's all that 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:27.480 coke that you did at the inauguration. 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:31.280 Yeah. Oh, man, finally I can be you know what, 0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:34.080 I Finally I could be honest about all the blow 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:36.239 I do. Now that Cheryl's dead. 0:14:36.800 --> 0:14:39.800 Oh that's right, let's talk about that. Cheryl is dead. 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:45.120 Cheryl died everyone, baby, She died in the Great Shrimp 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:49.640 War of twenty twenty seven. Yes, when the when the 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:56.160 Chinese shrimp company landed on the shores of the California coast. 0:14:56.720 --> 0:14:59.720 Right insists that was crazy, by the way, Yeah, well, 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:02.920 you know what they wanted. They wanted to make us 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.720 at the tip of a barrel, at the tip of 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:08.600 a gun. They're like, you're gonna eat our all you 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:12.320 can eat shrimp, and we said we don't want it anymore. 0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:13.360 It's enough shrimp. 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:16.840 And we went to war for the next year about 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:20.640 this giant shrimp. Right, and Cheryl died in that. 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:23.720 Carl was well. I volunteered her. If you remember that 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:28.640 cabinet meeting when President Trump, the reporter said, President Trump, 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:32.040 you're getting us into yet another war. You've bombed you, 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:35.840 you dropped a nuke on Ukraine, you killed Zelenski, You've 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:40.560 irradiated Europe. The Iran War is still going on. The 0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:43.680 American soldiers are dying left in right, and now you 0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:47.080 have us involved in a shrimp war. But a shrimp war. 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:52.200 I mean I understood the shrimp war because shrimp is delicious. 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:55.480 I mean, it comes in so many forms. It's coconut, it's. 0:15:55.440 --> 0:15:58.600 Cocktail coconut cocktail. 0:16:00.120 --> 0:16:08.440 Prawn, right, that's t tie tie shrimp tysh I guess 0:16:08.480 --> 0:16:11.640 it's like maybe three or four different i'me chili shrimp. 0:16:12.000 --> 0:16:13.920 Yeah, but that's just like flavoring. 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:17.560 Well, what about a klipenio stuff shrimp? You ever had that? 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:23.040 No, that's no, So the trip there's jalapeno in the shrimp. 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:26.080 I think so I don't know. I've been made. I 0:16:26.200 --> 0:16:26.800 made it up. 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:29.320 Why are you doing that? 0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:33.480 Because that's my new thing. I just make things up, Kyle. 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:37.760 My new thing is I just say, hey, uh, did 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.120 you know that a steak can wear a hat to 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:42.000 a dinner party and it's not rude? 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:42.960 Wait? Is that real? 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:48.440 Oh, Kyle, it's a lie. I'm telling Okay, Well, steaks 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:51.560 don't wear hats, all right, but they do go to 0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:52.640 dinner parties. 0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:56.640 I just want to say that I think that Trump 0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:01.000 needed to unleash the military on our pop right. 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:06.159 Well, first off, everyone knows when in the distant past 0:17:06.359 --> 0:17:10.240 in twenty twenty six, when everything looked like anybody's game. 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:14.879 Remember how fred we were that the Democrats were going 0:17:14.960 --> 0:17:17.960 to take over the Congress in twenty twenty six. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:19.399 And I don't remember that. 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:21.760 Oh wow, it was crazy. 0:17:21.960 --> 0:17:24.200 It was in my comedy career. 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:26.480 Yeah, you have too much going on, you know, you 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:28.040 just started to take off. 0:17:28.080 --> 0:17:30.840 But yeah, you know, I was just starting to platform 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:34.520 Nazis by that point, So just beginning right. 0:17:34.600 --> 0:17:38.600 Well, and well I was paying attention, Kyle, and I'll 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:42.800 tell you what happened. The President Trump said, I think 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:46.600 that there are people who are gonna lie about their votes, 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:50.160 like women who were married or divorced, women who didn't 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:55.679 change their name, dead people, dead people, or black or 0:17:55.760 --> 0:18:03.119 brown people who didn't support him, or white liberals, anyone 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:06.680 who shouldn't count vote, who shouldn't count as a vote. 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:09.720 And no, he said, this is a threat. So the 0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:16.280 key areas like Philadelphia, New York, are. 0:18:15.320 --> 0:18:17.119 Animals allowed to vote? 0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:18.160 They are? Now? 0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.919 Okay? So and is it every kind of animal? I 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:25.879 know we are considered technically animals. We are animals, okay? 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:28.600 So are every is every animal allowed to vote? 0:18:29.160 --> 0:18:29.240 No? 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:33.040 The only types of animals that are allowed to vote Kyle, 0:18:33.200 --> 0:18:38.159 as per the Animal Voting Act of twenty twenty seven, 0:18:38.760 --> 0:18:43.880 are the pets of already recorded Trump voters. So let's 0:18:43.920 --> 0:18:48.399 say you have a cockapoo who belonged to a you know, 0:18:48.560 --> 0:18:52.480 a upwardly mobile family that lives in suburban Salt Lake 0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:57.679 City and they, you know, have two daughters and you know, 0:18:57.800 --> 0:19:01.199 dads involved in business and also to spy on his 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:03.840 daughter's friends when they come over to use the pool, 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:09.560 and they're all around and their dog, their cockapoo because 0:19:09.600 --> 0:19:10.680 they voted for trot. 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:12.960 How does the dog actually do that? 0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:15.120 Well, very easily. 0:19:15.880 --> 0:19:16.000 Uh. 0:19:16.160 --> 0:19:19.720 The voting booths for animals, particularly dogs, are set up 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:23.719 that there's a little treat, usually a greenie, because dogs 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:27.880 love greenies and they and it's a shame that greenie, 0:19:28.280 --> 0:19:33.199 of course was the greene factory was destroyed and taken 0:19:33.280 --> 0:19:36.080 over by a data center. But we needed and we 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:40.320 needed the data. We need more data and less greenies. 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:44.960 But back then, the greenie was placed on the voting 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:49.320 area where the dog could go up and it was 0:19:49.400 --> 0:19:58.560 Aviva activated buttons on the vote. Yeah, it's never gonna 0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:02.080 select the Democrat because the greenees on the. 0:20:02.080 --> 0:20:06.320 Trump I love it and I love that Vice President 0:20:06.320 --> 0:20:09.520 Epstein made that decision to allow. 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:13.480 Yeah, well, what a what a what a you know. 0:20:13.600 --> 0:20:16.960 Jd Vance turned out It's a shame what happened to 0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:18.680 him and held he. 0:20:18.640 --> 0:20:21.359 Actually turned out to be Jeffrey Epstein. 0:20:22.800 --> 0:20:26.320 He was in hiding, well, Jeffrey Epstein was in hiding. 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:29.640 Jd Vance got his head blown off, just like Charlie. 0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:33.879 Kirk jd Vance did. Who is jd Vance? 0:20:34.200 --> 0:20:37.080 Jd Vance was the Vice President of the United States 0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:41.120 prior to Jeffrey Epstein. When he came out of hiding 0:20:41.240 --> 0:20:42.640 and admitted. 0:20:42.480 --> 0:20:46.720 Okay, let's remind everybody. So Jeffrey Epstein did not actually 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:49.000 die and is now the vice president. 0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:52.800 Jeffrey Epstein came out of hiding and he said, I 0:20:52.840 --> 0:20:56.399 didn't do it. I didn't do it, and and and 0:20:56.440 --> 0:21:01.359 then Bill Clinton made this video. You could see something 0:21:01.400 --> 0:21:05.760 that looks like a rifle pressed against his head, but 0:21:05.880 --> 0:21:08.600 they said it was a boom mic and he said, 0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:12.359 I did I did it. I had the island, I 0:21:12.560 --> 0:21:17.840 did it all. And they exonerated Jeffrey Epstein. And then 0:21:17.920 --> 0:21:22.840 we created a new division of Ice called Nice to 0:21:23.119 --> 0:21:34.440 hunt down naughty idiot carousing extortionists, which are the Epstein victims. 0:21:34.560 --> 0:21:39.000 And we hunted them down like the Jedi, and we 0:21:39.080 --> 0:21:42.840 eliminated them, which and we had a list because we 0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:46.000 had all the Epstein files, so we published all their names. 0:21:46.000 --> 0:21:48.040 It was very easy. We already had done that in 0:21:48.080 --> 0:21:50.040 twenty twenty four and five. 0:21:51.080 --> 0:21:53.520 Four and five twenty seven. 0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:58.080 That's oh whoa, let me open up the history books 0:21:58.240 --> 0:21:58.840 for that one. 0:21:59.000 --> 0:22:01.080 So now six seven and I don't know if everyone 0:22:01.119 --> 0:22:04.080 knows this, but it has become the new pledge of allegiance. 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:07.200 So when kids go to school, they just say six. 0:22:07.200 --> 0:22:10.159 They just say six seven. And then that's it, and 0:22:10.200 --> 0:22:13.560 they are now allied with the United States. 0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:16.560 All right, So let's talk about some of the changes 0:22:16.600 --> 0:22:20.440 that are taking effect right away as this new administration 0:22:20.640 --> 0:22:27.119 takes hold. So, first off, marriage is now redefined, right, 0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:30.320 It's between a man and AI. Is that right? 0:22:30.560 --> 0:22:35.200 Yeah, it's a marriage. President Trump decided that the mold 0:22:35.280 --> 0:22:41.760 least controversial thing we could do was to classify marriage 0:22:41.880 --> 0:22:45.960 as between a man and his teen AI. And that 0:22:46.040 --> 0:22:50.480 way it clears up all the legal loopholes. So it's 0:22:50.560 --> 0:22:53.879 defined as a man who falls in love with a 0:22:54.000 --> 0:22:55.960 teen AI that he creates. 0:22:56.200 --> 0:23:00.640 And now that that AI isn't technically young, so. 0:23:00.720 --> 0:23:06.679 Now the AI is finally getting its recognition. And of course, uh, 0:23:07.280 --> 0:23:12.359 cocaine and ketamine had been legalized, which was my doing. 0:23:12.440 --> 0:23:15.119 I did that through the FD congratulations. 0:23:16.000 --> 0:23:20.000 So now there won't be any cartels fighting over it 0:23:20.080 --> 0:23:24.720 because it's actually very legal. And actually, yeah, I mean 0:23:25.320 --> 0:23:27.719 we're you're promoting. 0:23:27.680 --> 0:23:31.159 I mean, oh yeah, well i'm I'm I Now that 0:23:31.359 --> 0:23:35.320 Special K is no longer a serial brand, but is 0:23:35.400 --> 0:23:39.359 actually a ketamine brand. I do advertise that now the 0:23:39.400 --> 0:23:44.720 President Trump has broken down the barrier between y advertising 0:23:44.840 --> 0:23:50.600 and endorsements and government work. As you know, my big 0:23:50.640 --> 0:23:52.960 saying and the commercial is I go get out of 0:23:53.000 --> 0:23:56.679 my way, special K. And it's like I'm you know, 0:23:56.880 --> 0:23:59.639 sweating and and and I don't know what to do 0:24:00.560 --> 0:24:02.840 because I haven't had my special K. And then now 0:24:02.920 --> 0:24:03.520 talk to me. 0:24:03.520 --> 0:24:08.399 About your other your other mandate here, which is you 0:24:08.480 --> 0:24:13.320 made the black plague rampant. You're bringing back the black plague? 0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:14.200 And why is that? 0:24:14.520 --> 0:24:17.879 Well, you know, the black plague has always been something 0:24:17.920 --> 0:24:21.040 everyone's been afraid of, Kyle. You know, they go, oh no, 0:24:21.400 --> 0:24:24.840 this is the one that's gonna do us in. And 0:24:25.000 --> 0:24:28.240 I looked at the statistics and actually when you look 0:24:28.240 --> 0:24:31.000 at the number of people killed by the Black plague 0:24:31.119 --> 0:24:32.280 back in the day. 0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:35.560 Well, shit, I heard about this. It's false. It's false. 0:24:35.720 --> 0:24:40.120 It's only like twelve twelve people. So the black plague? 0:24:40.440 --> 0:24:40.640 Who? 0:24:40.680 --> 0:24:44.600 And who did that? Who? Who basically put that that 0:24:44.600 --> 0:24:45.360 that rumor? 0:24:45.720 --> 0:24:48.840 Well, Kyle, there's a reason that there was an inquisition 0:24:49.480 --> 0:24:51.399 actually by the Catholic Church. 0:24:51.440 --> 0:24:52.679 So this is Jewish people. 0:24:52.760 --> 0:24:55.360 It was a series a bunch of ancient Jews. 0:24:55.680 --> 0:24:57.760 Is this true that they were? Back then the ancient 0:24:57.800 --> 0:24:59.359 Jews were called juju bees. 0:25:00.160 --> 0:25:03.560 They were called juju bees because they collected in hives, 0:25:03.640 --> 0:25:08.200 and they produced honey when they vomited. So the juju 0:25:08.240 --> 0:25:12.920 bees were magical, and one juju be was allowed per village, 0:25:13.040 --> 0:25:16.360 and they handled the money and all of the you know, 0:25:16.480 --> 0:25:18.240 all the dirty things like. 0:25:19.800 --> 0:25:25.080 And that's why you see now like Jews actually eating 0:25:25.200 --> 0:25:27.160 honeycake on their holidays. 0:25:27.200 --> 0:25:28.080 Well, this is. 0:25:27.880 --> 0:25:29.600 Why they love the remnant. 0:25:29.760 --> 0:25:32.959 Yes, yes, they're like, this is the tradition of eating 0:25:33.000 --> 0:25:37.360 the vomit, which was a major It was very pulsive 0:25:37.400 --> 0:25:40.720 to people in the small towns. But the juju bees 0:25:41.280 --> 0:25:44.679