Speaker 1: Are you leaving? I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there, doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 1: you claim and give us time and a Turmanol and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome
Speaker 1: you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared?
Speaker 1: Or was it fine? Malborn? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Ride with Karen and Chris. You're listening to Do you
Speaker 2: need a ride? This is Chris.
Speaker 1: Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgarreff.
Speaker 2: We're leaving Karen's house in a brand new Lexus of
Speaker 2: some kind. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I mean, I couldn't be more excited to have a car.
Speaker 2: I think already listeners are enjoying the sound.
Speaker 1: Well, because it's a hybrid, so you don't have all
Speaker 1: that pesky engine noise. It's quiet like a Prius, but
Speaker 1: it's classy like a Lexus.
Speaker 2: So you're saying, my.
Speaker 1: Escort, escort, escort.
Speaker 2: No, that's a Ford, am I I think I'm having
Speaker 2: memories of my old car. That would have been really
Speaker 2: terrible for podcasting. My Ford escort wagon LX. It's a
Speaker 2: on a chord. It's pesky with the sounds, a lot of.
Speaker 1: Real tinny sound. Is it like being in a bit
Speaker 1: of a metal box.
Speaker 2: There's some whizzing, there's some lunging, there's Yeah, there's a
Speaker 2: lot of sounds that we want to hear.
Speaker 1: A lunge sound. Was that going and stopping?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just there's a heaving. There's a lot of
Speaker 2: My car just makes my car sounds like an orgy.
Speaker 1: Well, well, aren't you lucky.
Speaker 2: There's a lunging and heaving. Yeah, but I'm not involved.
Speaker 2: It's like my driving around in a car at an orgy.
Speaker 2: I'm not invited.
Speaker 1: Oh you're like the Orgies chauffeur.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm the guy that has to clean up after.
Speaker 1: I would just like to say that, oh oh that
Speaker 1: was a Porsche. Yeah, mine eleven.
Speaker 2: Driven uncharacteristically by an asshole.
Speaker 1: That was one of the rare Porsche owners that doesn't
Speaker 1: respect the rules.
Speaker 2: Of the road. Yeah. Usually the people. Most Porsches I
Speaker 2: see have green peace stickers.
Speaker 1: And they use their arms to signal blinker and arm signals,
Speaker 1: which I really appreciate.
Speaker 2: You can never be too safe. Most Porsche owners will
Speaker 2: tell you.
Speaker 1: The last episode we did, I sounded like I was
Speaker 1: on white drugs really to myself when I listened to
Speaker 1: the beginning of it, and I turned it off because
Speaker 1: I was beginning to truly despise myself. It was just
Speaker 1: I think I'd had a lot of coffee.
Speaker 2: Oh, and you sounded like you were riding the white pony.
Speaker 1: A little bit. I was a little bit excited.
Speaker 2: Oh that's funny. I didn't. I thought we were great.
Speaker 1: I did too, But I feel like what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is maybe I need to get back on speed.
Speaker 2: Right. No, that's I like the episodes where it sounds
Speaker 2: like I'm on I'm doing white drugs.
Speaker 1: Right, and it's like, I mean, let's be our best selves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you never know. Like at the beginning of this,
Speaker 2: it's like, well, I sound sedated and I called a
Speaker 2: Honda Cord a Ford escort. So either I'm having a
Speaker 2: stroke or this is already bad podcast for me.
Speaker 1: I would like to say to our listeners in case
Speaker 1: this isn't their experience. Right now, we're in the San
Speaker 1: Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, and it is easily in
Speaker 1: the mid nineties, if not, maybe one hundred degrees. Do
Speaker 1: you think it's one hundred degrees outside?
Speaker 2: I wouldn't. It's so hard for me to know. I
Speaker 2: know it's twenty degrees hotter than where I live by
Speaker 2: the beach. I mean yesterday it.
Speaker 1: Was sixty nine degrees nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's commonly twenty degrees cooler where I live. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and not granted it takes me two hours to get anywhere.
Speaker 2: But it's so hot over here I can't deal. But
Speaker 2: in your fancy new car, which probably tests your body's
Speaker 2: temperature and adjusts accordingly with robot.
Speaker 1: Ability, it gives me shots of B twelve.
Speaker 2: How does your car unlock itself knowing you're in the.
Speaker 1: Area, because it's so crazy, it's all computers. Now, Oh
Speaker 1: look it says it's a hundred and ten.
Speaker 2: There's no way look at that.
Speaker 1: How is it one hundred and ten from the weather
Speaker 1: channel as of five minutes ago, Bourbon, California. One hundred
Speaker 1: and ten.
Speaker 2: That says one two there that says feels like, oh,
Speaker 2: my good lord, because there's some wind.
Speaker 1: I guess, because there's wind westwardly wind at fourteen miles
Speaker 1: per hour. This guy's this is all being information being
Speaker 1: provided to us by my car.
Speaker 2: There's a tiny hologram up a meteorologist saying that the
Speaker 2: wind is our only hope. Do you guys like Star
Speaker 2: Wars jokes? I don't usually, But that's about it. That's
Speaker 2: its deep cut as I'll get.
Speaker 1: Some good shit.
Speaker 2: Thanks. Thanks, I'm so upset about the current. Oh I can't.
Speaker 2: I can't even pretend from this point. Ron Howard, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's that's there's a reference. That's a reference. Ron Howard's
Speaker 2: doing the new one. That's right, your car, But how
Speaker 2: does it know it? So it knows your key is
Speaker 2: in your pocket?
Speaker 1: Oh yes, right, So it's all computers now, like cars
Speaker 1: are all computer right, computer, So yes, it's when I
Speaker 1: walk up to my car, the keys obviously are in
Speaker 1: my purse. So when it senses that the key is
Speaker 1: near the door, it unlocks the driver's side door.
Speaker 2: That's absolutely amazing.
Speaker 1: It's the best because then when you have a bunch
Speaker 1: of shit in your hands, you don't have to be
Speaker 1: doing anything because it just does it for you.
Speaker 2: I always have shit in my hand.
Speaker 1: I do too.
Speaker 2: Whoever gets in their car like I'm just going to
Speaker 2: drive nothing to bring anywhere, no belongings on me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, never, I'm just.
Speaker 2: Going or drive and my leather.
Speaker 1: Gloves and my mirrored aviat or something just marae, my
Speaker 1: my wayfarers and my isotoners. Wait, I have to tell you.
Speaker 1: I had I think it was a burrito delivered to
Speaker 1: my door the other day. And when I open the door,
Speaker 1: you know, usually when you get something delivered to your house,
Speaker 1: the delivery guy stands back like two three feet maybe
Speaker 1: two feet from the door when you open it, so
Speaker 1: he's like, hey, delivery or whatever. I opened my door
Speaker 1: and the guy was standing like like his nose was
Speaker 1: practically touching the screen door, and he was wearing mirrored
Speaker 1: aviator sunglasses and then and like a hat and a
Speaker 1: army jacket that was like buttoned up, and it was
Speaker 1: so hilarious, like and he wasn't like presenting the bag
Speaker 1: as if to say, here's why I'm at your door.
Speaker 1: It was just him standing really close to my door.
Speaker 1: And I burst out laughing because I think it was
Speaker 1: just ludicrous. If he was bigger or like, I would
Speaker 1: have been more scared or something, but it was it
Speaker 1: was like a polypy major was trying to be threatening.
Speaker 2: Was he was he mad? Did he have to drive
Speaker 2: too far or something.
Speaker 1: Well, no, because maybe he was mad that I didn't
Speaker 1: go get it because it was kind of close to
Speaker 1: my house. I just didn't feel like having to get
Speaker 1: ready to leave. But he uh, I mean, it's his job. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure, but it was. Or maybe he just
Speaker 1: started and he doesn't realize the kind of like the
Speaker 1: subtleties of don't look like you're about to go in
Speaker 1: the door when you're bringing someone a breathe.
Speaker 2: I find most door to door sales and or drop
Speaker 2: off of product industry jobs, you try to not look
Speaker 2: like an angry murderer. That's just one of the first things.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 1: It's key. And when they opened Also when I opened
Speaker 1: the door, he didn't say anything. He was just standing there.
Speaker 1: It was really hilarious, like in a god, you're bad
Speaker 1: at this job kind of way.
Speaker 2: Sometimes those apps, unlike Huber, won't immediately it'll just be
Speaker 2: set to your address. And someone was at my house
Speaker 2: and ordered some taco bell or something to my house,
Speaker 2: but it ended up going to her house, which is
Speaker 2: one hundred miles worth or it loves feel it's had
Speaker 2: to be. So this guy went to the house, called
Speaker 2: her phone and both were like, oh, so sorry, can
Speaker 2: you just cancel it? He said no, I'm coming, like
Speaker 2: he was angry already hung up on it, and then
Speaker 2: drove across town with taco bell. It took him over
Speaker 2: an hour and all the day, and he showed up
Speaker 2: the same thing, face pressed against the door, angry, but
Speaker 2: he had a Freddy Krueger hat and he was a
Speaker 2: big intimidating angry guy and he was so mad. He
Speaker 2: just forced the bag in my face and like I
Speaker 2: grabbed it and he just let go of it and
Speaker 2: he actualed and like left, and I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: not actually not okay with how angry that guy is.
Speaker 2: Who just saw where I lived? And so I went
Speaker 2: outside and he was peeing on the side of my house.
Speaker 2: What because of the long drive, he had to go
Speaker 2: to the bathroom. Sure he wasn't out, and he kind
Speaker 2: of hid in the bushes. So then when he came
Speaker 2: out from peeing, I was like, hey, but and then
Speaker 2: I scared him, So then he is angry and it
Speaker 2: startled him, and I just gave him a handful of
Speaker 2: money so he wouldn't kill me later. Good.
Speaker 1: Although see that's the thing is everybody, everybody goes Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: this is so amazing. You can postmates anything anywhere. Well,
Speaker 1: yeah you can. But you're basically inviting a stranger to
Speaker 1: come and bring you something that you that you're They
Speaker 1: know now that you have the kind of money where
Speaker 1: you can pay to have them bring you taco bell, right,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. There's like a you're just
Speaker 1: inviting anyone to come over to.
Speaker 2: Your house, and they know all that about you. They
Speaker 2: know your dress, they know that you have expendable income, extendable, expendable, expendable,
Speaker 2: and all we know about them is they dress like
Speaker 2: Freddy Krueger and they probably are a big enough fan
Speaker 2: of where that will kill you like him?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, over talk about Also, I don't know why
Speaker 1: he would just not because if it was your guy's fault,
Speaker 1: it's not like it's going to weigh against him.
Speaker 2: Really gave him an opportunity multiple times to not have
Speaker 2: to deliver this food. Right, It's like there's a mistake,
Speaker 2: the sorry, you went in the wrong direction. It's our fault. Sorry, Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm coming. Oh come so angry, so angry, so I'll
Speaker 2: never forget. That's the angriest someone's been at me all year.
Speaker 1: I think it's so crazy. Well, I that's not true.
Speaker 1: I'm very angry at you right now.
Speaker 2: Oh well, good, good, good. That makes me feel better
Speaker 2: about that interact. Oh we're doing Yeah, we orted.
Speaker 1: To get out of my brand new car.
Speaker 2: So tell if you had to sell someone on your car,
Speaker 2: what do you know about it? What's it do? It's
Speaker 2: a high.
Speaker 1: It's it's a hybrid. So I just filled it up
Speaker 1: with gas today. It was totally on empty twenty eight
Speaker 1: bucks and it was empty from my drive back down
Speaker 1: from Pedaluma. I only filled it up one time on
Speaker 1: that drive, and normally it's like two or three on
Speaker 1: the San Francisco to La drive.
Speaker 2: Wow, and Pedaluma is how far north of San Francis?
Speaker 1: Like, let's see, Pedaluma is like thirty miles north of
Speaker 1: San Francisco and San Francisco is about three hundred and
Speaker 1: thirty miles north of l A, so almost four it was.
Speaker 1: It was mind blowing.
Speaker 2: So when is your car that wind? Does it use gas?
Speaker 1: It decides? So here's the thing here, So see this
Speaker 1: here so you can go.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm adjusting your mike thing.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, let's order starbu.
Speaker 2: Yes, indeed, guys, proud sponsor.
Speaker 1: If you want anything, let us know.
Speaker 2: I didn't know lady.
Speaker 1: First, Let's see, can I get a Vente mango iced tea? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'll just have a.
Speaker 1: Sorry, well I can't hear you. I no just uh
Speaker 1: can it be just tea?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yes, all the medium iced coffee.
Speaker 1: And also a Grande iced coffee sweeter and sweet, oh, unsweetened, unsweetened.
Speaker 3: Please, that's gonna be all, thank you.
Speaker 2: Well, I was complaining about my mic, but she's kind
Speaker 2: of much worse. She's as dependent on a good quality
Speaker 2: much more so. And it sounded like we were talking
Speaker 2: to a character from the SpongeBob square Pants. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: that lives under the sea.
Speaker 1: That lives under the sea and is trying to stab
Speaker 1: our ears with a knife.
Speaker 2: Yeah. She had a high pitched, but drowning in water voice.
Speaker 2: She was a combination of two different characters on SpongeBob.
Speaker 2: That's right.
Speaker 1: One a character on SpongeBob who can't swim. That's so sad.
Speaker 2: Well, there was an I'm not a big SpongeBob head,
Speaker 2: but I really liked the Southern.
Speaker 1: Texas squirrel Sandy.
Speaker 2: It's the best cartoon character ever.
Speaker 1: Well, do you want to hear an interesting piece of information.
Speaker 2: I would like to know about Sandy the Squirrel.
Speaker 1: Well, Sandy the Squirrel used to be my neighbor.
Speaker 2: What.
Speaker 1: Yes, her name is Carolyn, Carolyn Lawrence, and she is
Speaker 1: basically she looks exactly like you would think a lady
Speaker 1: that does squirrel character voices on a cartoon would look.
Speaker 1: She's like very petite and has a little blonde bob
Speaker 1: and she's actually also she's a voice actress. She's done
Speaker 1: a lot of work on a lot of things. But
Speaker 1: she's also a really badass real estate agent.
Speaker 2: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: So she helped me when I was in like really
Speaker 1: bad place with my house and like didn't know what
Speaker 1: to do and maybe I should sell it and all
Speaker 1: this stuff. She came over after just she and I
Speaker 1: like passing on the street and having little neighbor chats.
Speaker 1: She came over to my house one day and helped
Speaker 1: me open old scary male.
Speaker 2: Oh I remember when she did that.
Speaker 1: That was Sandy the squirrel that did that with men.
Speaker 2: You told me that story and I didn't realize. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's so great.
Speaker 1: Yeah it was pretty awesome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well didn't know she is like a real I
Speaker 2: thought you had like a tax friend do that like
Speaker 2: it was just a person not scared of male like you.
Speaker 1: It was it was a lady. And she has a
Speaker 1: really good idea where she's like, so many people get
Speaker 1: into these positions, oftentimes after divorce. Right, She's like, she's like,
Speaker 1: we I want to start a show where you just
Speaker 1: go and help people like find their way out of
Speaker 1: those financial situations, right, because there are ways out and
Speaker 1: certain people know them, but the kind of people that
Speaker 1: get themselves into those problems don't know how to contact those.
Speaker 2: I'm so bad. And now had I had my surgery
Speaker 2: last time we podcasted, has it been?
Speaker 1: I think, no, no, no, you know what you were.
Speaker 1: You would watch those fucking YouTube videos and you were
Speaker 1: you were nervous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I was, and it was so I did
Speaker 2: it and it was actually, of course I shouldn't have
Speaker 2: watched those videos because I wasn't around for the surgery.
Speaker 2: I just woke up from it. They had me walking
Speaker 2: right away. I'm repaired and there's no pain in my joint.
Speaker 2: There's still pain from the surgery, yeah, and a little infection,
Speaker 2: but I won't get into that. That's gross. Everyone loves that.
Speaker 2: Who wants to talk about us?
Speaker 1: But that's all treated.
Speaker 2: That is getting treated, ka. But the relief I'm feeling
Speaker 2: in my joint is well worth it. But I'm getting
Speaker 2: these bills and I'm scared to open them because I'm
Speaker 2: just waiting to make sure they go through insurance first.
Speaker 2: But I am so scared of bills. My mom was
Speaker 2: that way too. I remember in kindergarten cops came to
Speaker 2: my house. It's one of my earliest memories. Police came
Speaker 2: to my house and arrested my mom. No, because she
Speaker 2: had ignored collection notices.
Speaker 1: Fucking way, are you serious?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's unbelievable, and they were embarrassed. I remember the
Speaker 2: cops looking at me and like, oh god, this is ridiculous,
Speaker 2: and my dad's like kind of reprimanding them, like why
Speaker 2: are you doing this in front of the kids, And
Speaker 2: they rested my mom.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. That's that was my fear.
Speaker 2: Some credit card bill that she kept coming and she
Speaker 2: ignored it and didn't tell my dad and that was
Speaker 2: But that sounds like I'm making that up. It's unbelievable
Speaker 2: that they arrested her. But at the time, rather than
Speaker 2: fuck with your credit, I guess you put put in
Speaker 2: the pokey. Yeah, No, it was the seventies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe they didn't have the system yet where they're like,
Speaker 1: this will be a point against your consid Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, this was early eighties. I don't know why, but anyway,
Speaker 2: the point is she was always willing to ignore bills.
Speaker 1: As I as am. I Yeah, and it's something that
Speaker 1: you obviously you can do, and it's in the short term,
Speaker 1: feels good and feels like an actual solution. Oftentimes I
Speaker 1: would combine ignoring bills with smoking. It just an egregious
Speaker 1: amount of pot. Those things up very well together, but
Speaker 1: then they're still there.
Speaker 2: Hi, do you need some help?
Speaker 1: Nope, you can make coffee. Thank you, Thank you. Starbucks
Speaker 1: your best friend on a summer day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it used to be our fun joke to say
Speaker 2: it's a proud spot. But I don't want I don't.
Speaker 1: Want to pretend.
Speaker 2: That we're sponsored by Starbucks. I even am embarrassed, like
Speaker 2: there's all these you know, you're supposed to go to
Speaker 2: these mom and pop coffee places, but I'm sorry, Starbucks
Speaker 2: gives me the right level of jitters.
Speaker 1: But yes, I well, I want to get I want
Speaker 1: something familiar, and I want to know that I'm gonna
Speaker 1: know what it tastes like that it's gonna be the
Speaker 1: thing I want, and I don't get that. When I
Speaker 1: go to mom Paw coffee houses, they usually have the
Speaker 1: gourmet coffee that tastes like hot orange juice mixed with
Speaker 1: black tea kind there's something very citrusy and gross about it.
Speaker 2: There's coffee now mixed with butter. No, yeah, oh a bullet.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, no, no, I've actually tried that because
Speaker 1: that's some kind of like paleo thing. Yeah, there is.
Speaker 2: So that is what Josh Brolin. It's so funny that
Speaker 2: because he lives in my area, I always see him
Speaker 2: walking around and I've said hi forgetting that he's an actor.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, hey, oh, I just waved at you
Speaker 2: because you were in the Thrash. In the movie he
Speaker 2: was Corey Webster and Thrash and he's done other things
Speaker 2: since then. Yeah. But he on his Instagram, you know,
Speaker 2: he's fifty's in his early fifties. He is super ripped,
Speaker 2: and there was like videos of him lifting veiny little
Speaker 2: muscleman and because he is not a big person, he's
Speaker 2: kind of a little bit oh is he Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 2: It's so funny these actors they're all they're all five eight.
Speaker 1: I totally pictured him as a guy.
Speaker 2: All he yeah, me too, all he he said, fish
Speaker 2: and rice and a morning bullet. Yes, butter coffee. I'm like,
Speaker 2: but it's working for that guy.
Speaker 1: Well, And I have to say this, there's something the
Speaker 1: first time I tried bullet coffee. But they say, now,
Speaker 1: you're not supposed to ingest coconut oil the way coconut
Speaker 1: oil has been sold as this, like carol is not true.
Speaker 2: That's what I read recently too. But it does. It's
Speaker 2: bad for your body cholesterol and stuff, but it's good still,
Speaker 2: I believe for your or your alkaloid triads the brain thing,
Speaker 2: which it's the reason I got into it, and it's
Speaker 2: still like Alzheimer's treatment thing. It helps those that whatever.
Speaker 2: I think it's an alkalide triad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's fats in your brain that you need, yeah,
Speaker 1: to make.
Speaker 2: Sure you have. So maybe it's bad for your They're like,
Speaker 2: don't it gives you heart attacks?
Speaker 1: That's fine, Sorry, Will you look at what's happening over
Speaker 1: here against.
Speaker 2: The those boys. I'll dress the same texting as if
Speaker 2: for a I I it's and there was a dad in.
Speaker 1: There oh was there, because there it was like five
Speaker 1: boys against the.
Speaker 2: Wall texting, I think six or seven total that look weird,
Speaker 2: all with their back against the wall, with their one
Speaker 2: leg cowboyed up against the wall.
Speaker 1: That looked. That looks like some kind of porn.
Speaker 2: Thing to me, it did. That was like one of
Speaker 2: those tickle fight clubs. That's what they were about to
Speaker 2: go in, have some weird guy film them tickle each other.
Speaker 2: It's on Netflix right now, Tickled is on. But when
Speaker 2: I saw it, it was the guy that Nathan for you.
Speaker 2: Guy was doing a Q and A afterwards. It was a
Speaker 2: screening at that Silent Movie theater. Yeah, and the filmmaker
Speaker 2: was there and it was really interesting, he said. The
Speaker 2: guy in the end of who ends up being the
Speaker 2: villain that is kind of organizing this whole weird tickle
Speaker 2: underground tickle video.
Speaker 1: Ring as a woman, he's posing as a woman.
Speaker 2: As posing as different women, and then as this guy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: as many people. He's real a creepy rich kid, like
Speaker 2: a Trump type family, was wealthy from Manhattan in a
Speaker 2: building near the Trump Building. Like he is one of
Speaker 2: these rich his whole life and he just was hiding
Speaker 2: in some apartment and doing these or tickle videos. And
Speaker 2: the guy, I think that movie started out as just
Speaker 2: a project, a short film project, and then it started folding,
Speaker 2: it unfolding as documentaries do and turning into this other.
Speaker 1: Story because the filmmaker was started getting threatened by this
Speaker 1: woman saying not to cease and desist. You know, this
Speaker 1: is not like stay away and real threats. And so
Speaker 1: then of course he was like, well, now, as a
Speaker 1: documentary filmmaker, I have to like, it's my job to
Speaker 1: look into this. And it got weirder and crazy. If
Speaker 1: you haven't seen this documentary, it's called Tickled, and you
Speaker 1: have to see it as funnyblit.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I gave away a little bit of spoilers, but
Speaker 2: it is absolutely and to meet that guy and see
Speaker 2: that he's just a sweet, normal, kind of passive person,
Speaker 2: but that lunatic shows up at his screenings, yeah, and
Speaker 2: even has asked some decent questions like I like the film,
Speaker 2: it's well edited. Why why are you following me?
Speaker 1: Like is that true? Yeah, that's hilarious.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. The guy has come to several screenings in
Speaker 2: different cities because he's rich, he's not expendable, if not
Speaker 2: extendable income expandable, it's growing.
Speaker 1: It's an expensive income.
Speaker 2: It's like money that's a tiny pill that you're throwing
Speaker 2: water and turns to a sponge of a dinosaur.
Speaker 1: It's expungeable income.
Speaker 2: He also, I can say the dumbest ship dumbest and
Speaker 2: you you you're good. Yes, Andre, God, we should have
Speaker 2: done improv.
Speaker 1: I hate improv.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're you're very good at I've oftentimes I
Speaker 2: don't make sense. I'm not enunciated, I'm speaking to and
Speaker 2: you're just like yep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we're we know what we're talking about. Impactical.
Speaker 1: That's what to me, the creepiest part of that movie
Speaker 1: was how it shows that when rich people that the
Speaker 1: problem with rich people who don't have any sense of
Speaker 1: humanity that are sociopaths or psychopaths or whatever their thing is.
Speaker 1: They can use money to control people and they don't
Speaker 1: care what the effects of it are because they're just
Speaker 1: getting they don't care, they're getting what they want, you know.
Speaker 1: And that's it's that thing of like this, it's the
Speaker 1: it's so it's so heavy and philosophical. It's like this
Speaker 1: like you know the weight of capitalism, where it's like, well,
Speaker 1: you can make all this money, but then at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, are you the kind of person
Speaker 1: that's going to do good with it or you going
Speaker 1: to oppress people with it? And that's what this like,
Speaker 1: all those kids that were in like Flint, Michigan making
Speaker 1: the videos because they had to, and then the boy
Speaker 1: that was getting to make them because he would make
Speaker 1: more money than making the video.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I turned into this amway of the sales triangle
Speaker 2: so heavy. Yeah, it's really it was. It was some
Speaker 2: bad people. It makes there's a lot of I have
Speaker 2: a lot of negative feelings towards money, and that was
Speaker 2: another movie where it's.
Speaker 1: Like it proved your point.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's why I don't pay bills.
Speaker 2: That's why I don't make money, because I don't want
Speaker 2: to become a jerk. Stay poor, stay sweet.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's the only way to do it.
Speaker 2: No, I'm doing fine. Got myself a fancy robot, leg
Speaker 2: didn't I?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you sure did it.
Speaker 2: Yeah I figured that out.
Speaker 1: You'd thank god you did it before they were entirely
Speaker 1: repealed all healthcare in this country.
Speaker 2: I am so scared I'm gonna do because I've always
Speaker 2: looked like Paul Ryan and yes, at the forefront of
Speaker 2: making sure that no more babies are born through Medicaid.
Speaker 2: It's how many what there's a percentage, oh staggering percentage
Speaker 2: of babies that are born through Medicaid that no longer
Speaker 2: will be able to What does that even mean? Like,
Speaker 2: we don't even know what that means. Little kids that
Speaker 2: have special treatments that no longer will be Every day
Speaker 2: I see a new story about it. Some kid that
Speaker 2: has really specific tubes in his nose and you won't
Speaker 2: be able to afford it, afford it anymore.
Speaker 1: But it doesn't make sense because have you seen there's
Speaker 1: an infographic that's unbelievable. It shows how much like the
Speaker 1: top six insurance CEOs make. There's some of them that
Speaker 1: make like eight hundred thousand dollars a day. Their yearly
Speaker 1: income is like two hundred and sixty million dollars or
Speaker 1: something insane like that, where it's like and the and
Speaker 1: this is they're making sure that these people. It's just
Speaker 1: so it's like that concept of no such thing as
Speaker 1: a free lunch, but it's but these motherfuckers absolutely get
Speaker 1: free lunch every single day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they literally go places and they're like, are you fancy?
Speaker 2: We're going to lunch it on us fancy insurance man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's created very upsetting.
Speaker 2: It is upsetting.
Speaker 1: Oh, this is a comedy podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we do make jokes, but.
Speaker 1: We aren't going to right now. No, because that's my
Speaker 1: that's where I work. Oh wow in the Sunkiss building.
Speaker 2: Wow, that Sunkiss soda.
Speaker 1: Uh. Yes, they all left and now there's TV production
Speaker 1: offices in there.
Speaker 2: That. Wow, that's a convenient location for you.
Speaker 1: I like it. It's fun.
Speaker 2: That's fun. I'm gonna have a job one day, Yeah
Speaker 2: you will. Yeah, I don't. I don't want one right now.
Speaker 2: I like. I like my freelance lifestyle.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're a big freelancer.
Speaker 2: Yeah. You know what I'm doing lately? What designing emojis? What? Well,
Speaker 2: it's little skateboarding emojis.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, that's rad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean they're they're going to be in a
Speaker 2: magazine first. I don't know if they're gonna, but I
Speaker 2: think that they should. I'm gonna figure out how we
Speaker 2: can actually use them.
Speaker 1: That's very cool phone.
Speaker 2: Because I'm putting too much time into them looking like emojis.
Speaker 2: They're just emojis off little poorly made skateboard ramps and
Speaker 2: skateboarder heads and ankle bruises, really specific skateboard emojis.
Speaker 1: Yes, I love it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I've been doing lately.
Speaker 1: I mean, look, I love the emojis that come with
Speaker 1: the phone, me too. But I don't need seven different
Speaker 1: kinds of sushi to express myself to my friends.
Speaker 2: I need dicks. Where are the little wicks?
Speaker 1: Are the dicks?
Speaker 2: And but I'm tired of using these peaches and egg plants.
Speaker 2: That diagonal egg plant can't be a boner anymore.
Speaker 1: It can't. It's just no one's boner is purple.
Speaker 2: I really have went to I'm such a child adult emojis.
Speaker 2: Like I was hoping you could get a little package
Speaker 2: so I can have more than just a coiled up poo.
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, I think you can buy more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, can't I hope. So I don't know, you never,
Speaker 2: I never. I have yet to get any you know,
Speaker 2: some boobs or wieners.
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, I bet you have to wonder if they
Speaker 1: like allow that, or if there's some kind of a
Speaker 1: rule against it.
Speaker 2: Maybe there isn't. Yeah, they are little cartoons.
Speaker 1: Though, No, that's true. I do like it'd be.
Speaker 2: Funny of any kind of porn. It is rampant on
Speaker 2: the Internet and any child can see fingers and urethras.
Speaker 2: But they they keep the cartoon emojis from being too explicit.
Speaker 1: They're like, don't be filthy. Yeah, sorry, Well, what I
Speaker 1: think it's funny is that people will always find a way.
Speaker 1: So it's like there are no there are no body
Speaker 1: part emojis. But it is now internationally known that the
Speaker 1: eggplant is a dick and the peach is a butt.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's just how it is.
Speaker 2: People. Because of the emojis, people are starting to bring
Speaker 2: these fruits and vegetables into the bedroom.
Speaker 1: Now have you, folks, have you heard about.
Speaker 2: This the folks listen, not folks. People are bringing in
Speaker 2: these fruits and vegetables.
Speaker 1: Now, I'm telling you, egg plant doesn't taste good with
Speaker 1: a peach.
Speaker 2: Ask for suggestion of the emoji. Carrots are going in.
Speaker 1: The Hooters in the right The carrots are going into
Speaker 1: the Hooters.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's just they're walking in with a bunch
Speaker 2: of baseball dads and kind of being inappropriate with some
Speaker 2: girls that are trying to pay for college through waititressing.
Speaker 1: Carrots at Hooters.
Speaker 2: Yeah, usually it's on the side of some wings. It's
Speaker 2: really just something to occupy ranch, carrots and you know celery. Uh,
Speaker 2: it's they're just thinly veiled ranch vehicles for your mouth.
Speaker 1: That's I agree.
Speaker 2: That's all they are. If it weren't for carrots and celery,
Speaker 2: we would all just be drinking little things of ranch.
Speaker 2: Oh that's kind of gross.
Speaker 1: I don't like that, doing like ranch shots.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't like the idea of it being a beverage.
Speaker 2: I'd like to take.
Speaker 1: That back, Okay, especially on this I'll edit it. On
Speaker 1: this hot, hot day.
Speaker 2: You know what I want? It's a sip of your mango.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I actually meant to offer because it's
Speaker 1: so good, and then I didn't.
Speaker 2: Oh it's sweet and delicious?
Speaker 1: Is it? Is it too tard?
Speaker 2: Oh? God, I really like it.
Speaker 1: Should we go to a different Starbucks and getting.
Speaker 2: What is that mango?
Speaker 1: Yes, it tastes like a real mango.
Speaker 2: You know, people are getting mangos into the bedroom.
Speaker 1: They're squeezing them, they're putting them into their start right there?
Speaker 1: Who has Okay, it is here in the valley. We're
Speaker 1: just driving randomly around the valley. I saw a very
Speaker 1: large man getting off a bike just now.
Speaker 2: Just now to your left. I didn't see what he
Speaker 2: is doing.
Speaker 1: Well, he was very I mean, like, God bless he's
Speaker 1: trying to get out there and move around.
Speaker 2: Lord bless him.
Speaker 1: Lord on High, bless this man. But not when it's
Speaker 1: one hundred and ten. This is the one day you
Speaker 1: had the perfect excuse to take off. It's one hundred
Speaker 1: and ten.
Speaker 2: You have you been watching? I don't know. I'm not
Speaker 2: laughing because it's bummed me out. And I've been I
Speaker 2: watched The Keepers and now I'm on a Handmaiden's Tale.
Speaker 2: Oh yea yeah, I'm a feminist and I've been it
Speaker 2: the but the the things they say when they greet
Speaker 2: each other, I can't living in it, living in his grace.
Speaker 2: The gifts are in our eyes, the sun is a
Speaker 2: bounty or would they just say these it's it's I
Speaker 2: want to start using those.
Speaker 1: I haven't watched the New Handmaid's Tale because it's too real.
Speaker 2: It it is it really. I know they were working
Speaker 2: on it, probably prior to the current climate, but it really, really,
Speaker 2: really is scary. It's all of them parallels that are
Speaker 2: in it that I know they weren't thinking that up
Speaker 2: in the last one hundred and fifty days or whatever.
Speaker 2: I think they we're still in pre production or whatever.
Speaker 1: Well, and that book, Margaret Atwood wrote the book.
Speaker 2: Right, and there's a movie, wasn't there a movie with
Speaker 2: a yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was good. Actually it was real good Robert Duval,
Speaker 1: but also creepy. I mean, the whole idea of it, though,
Speaker 1: is just here's the thing. I feel like I've said
Speaker 1: this before, but this is my thing. I'm holding onto
Speaker 1: a tight that this is the the purging of the
Speaker 1: purging and the awareness, the awakening. Good people are awakening
Speaker 1: to the fact that they can't stay neutral anymore about
Speaker 1: other people's oppression.
Speaker 2: So that whole thing of that's why all these lip
Speaker 2: tarts are going from snowflake to to cockland to cockling violence,
Speaker 2: because we're getting we're not gonna take it anymore.
Speaker 1: Well, but they it's like liptarts.
Speaker 2: It fun to say.
Speaker 1: You can't you can't pretend anymore that it's not a
Speaker 1: big deal.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: That used to be everybody was kind of like, it,
Speaker 1: don't make such a big deal about the problem. Well,
Speaker 1: it's a huge fucking problem, right, And when I say it,
Speaker 1: I mean ninety five different fucking things that happen every
Speaker 1: single day.
Speaker 2: Crazy and in this though, with a lot of these
Speaker 2: sci fi or dystopian future movies, it's about not being
Speaker 2: able to know what can make babies. Babies have all
Speaker 2: of a sudden become this commodity or currency, which I
Speaker 2: don't like that that's is that happening. Is everyone starting
Speaker 2: to shoot blinks?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean more than it used to be, although
Speaker 1: we're so overpopulated.
Speaker 2: The world is a populated but exactly, it's like when
Speaker 2: that's not going to be a problem for even our kids,
Speaker 2: you know, people quit making people.
Speaker 1: But I think it's the thing of chemicals when you
Speaker 1: you know, when you take all the restrictions off of
Speaker 1: chemical corporations.
Speaker 2: And all the shit, which of course is happening right now, which.
Speaker 1: Is happening, then everything becomes poison pretty soon. Yeah, everyone's
Speaker 1: sterile because everybody's Look, we're now we've gone into we.
Speaker 2: Are in an interesting I think we're about to hear
Speaker 2: some gunfire.
Speaker 1: This is Sunland if I've ever seen it.
Speaker 2: We've been in this area though, I think we have. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we've driven along this railroad up ahead.
Speaker 1: This is just the area where people who can't afford
Speaker 1: to pay three thousand dollars a month for rent live,
Speaker 1: which is a lot of people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, these are people that are able to pay like
Speaker 2: seven fifty or eight.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great, which was the normal amount when I
Speaker 1: was a child.
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe I'll move over here. That's ooh, that's nice.
Speaker 2: That one with the bullet holes, it's nice. Ooh ooh.
Speaker 2: I like that graffiti.
Speaker 1: I bet there's fun parties out here. Yeah, I've lot
Speaker 1: of parties and whatnot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I bet they just blok off the street here
Speaker 2: a lot and a crack open a fire hydrant. Yes,
Speaker 2: I've always wanted to do that. I've never been able
Speaker 2: to play in a fire hydrant.
Speaker 1: The road literally ends.
Speaker 2: In about a thousand feet.
Speaker 1: Well, well, I have never played an open fire hydrant either.
Speaker 2: I'm waning. Maybe I only want to, like in a city.
Speaker 1: Right, it would only be fun in the Bronx.
Speaker 2: That would be really fun. There's so many things that
Speaker 2: are just iconic memories from my childhood. And then I realized, oh,
Speaker 2: that's a movie. I've never I've never jumped around and
Speaker 2: played in a fire hydrant.
Speaker 1: I've never.
Speaker 2: I was going to have a second example, and I
Speaker 2: left you out. I know, I hung out to dry.
Speaker 1: Do you have what?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm still just fire hydrant. That's the
Speaker 2: only thing I haven't done in my life that Other
Speaker 2: than that, I'm fulfilled. Apparently I can't be.
Speaker 1: Let's get you a fire hyder.
Speaker 2: I think of one life regret other than jumping in
Speaker 2: fire hydrant water.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, I've never played under a parachute,
Speaker 1: which is they always use very cinematically in films. I
Speaker 1: have because I went to Montessori Grammar School. You do
Speaker 1: that shit all the time.
Speaker 2: And Montessori Grammar school is like where you can talk
Speaker 2: however you want, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can really bring that lip right over to
Speaker 1: the teacher. It's like grade yourself and go at your
Speaker 1: own pace, and everybody smart in their own way. It's
Speaker 1: all that shit.
Speaker 2: You are your own professors. Yeah, yeah, just it's good
Speaker 2: preparation for how the real world is.
Speaker 1: Yes, you know, like when you get something done, you
Speaker 1: get a dot on a card, just like the real world.
Speaker 1: You get a green dot for math and a red
Speaker 1: dot for English.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We always had to play in parachutes when I
Speaker 2: was young.
Speaker 1: They make you do that whole lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't what what do you think that it's
Speaker 2: it's a group activity, it's something to make kids do.
Speaker 2: I guess you're sort of being active. Those are reasons,
Speaker 2: but really, why why why the parachute.
Speaker 1: I think it's you know, maybe they had them around
Speaker 1: and they realized it's a fun like I That is
Speaker 1: actually one of my favorite memories from being a child
Speaker 1: is it was very magical, like you throw the parachute up.
Speaker 1: It's it's team building type of bullshit where everybody throws
Speaker 1: the parachute up at one time, and then it becomes
Speaker 1: this like mushroom shape. Sure, and you can do the
Speaker 1: thing where you then get down in it, right, you
Speaker 1: pulled your side down and you can be inside and
Speaker 1: it stays up for a while and then it falls
Speaker 1: down on you. Then you do it again, that kind
Speaker 1: of stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and you see the other kids and then bye,
Speaker 2: you're by yourself. It teaches you about loneliness.
Speaker 1: That's right, and that that is going definitely going to
Speaker 1: be a part of your life in the future. And
Speaker 1: then what you need to do if you're lonel is
Speaker 1: just throw that parachute up again.
Speaker 2: I just think it's funny that all schools have parachutes.
Speaker 2: Does that mean that they're not using the elementary school
Speaker 2: airplane and then the parachutes to jump in. We could
Speaker 2: be in an airplane this whole time. Yeah, no one's
Speaker 2: using these parachutes. We should just take them to the gymnasium.
Speaker 2: I want to be reflying in this airplane. You're hiding
Speaker 2: from me at packs in elementary I'm a panther.
Speaker 1: I didn't know packs and had their own pilot. And
Speaker 1: he's unsafe. He's now unsafe.
Speaker 2: Because he flies with He insists somewhere in the mascot
Speaker 2: outfit while he's flying. You can't fly a plane while
Speaker 2: wearing a giant foam.
Speaker 1: Panther head Yours was a panther.
Speaker 2: Yeah, packs and panthers.
Speaker 1: Ours was the Wilson School Warriors, and it had I
Speaker 1: think we've talked about this, but we had the best
Speaker 1: shirts because it just said Wilson School and then this
Speaker 1: huge picture of a really cool looking Indian Native American
Speaker 1: and they they changed it to Uh.
Speaker 2: I wonder if mind shag it because I was a
Speaker 2: Washington Warrior. Oh, and it was. It was a Native
Speaker 2: American like featherhead dress. Yes, and I bet I wonder
Speaker 2: they should have changed it, and I bet they did
Speaker 2: in Missoula, Montana. That is the one that's the liberal
Speaker 2: nucleus of Montana. And there's plenty of people in surrounding
Speaker 2: towns and reservations that would be offended for it. So
Speaker 2: I bet they don't. I bet it's just but we
Speaker 2: have no graphics this year. We just have warriors.
Speaker 1: How about you pick a nice panther or a puma
Speaker 1: and that you could be at now, yes, said, because
Speaker 1: that doesn't offend anybody.
Speaker 2: Well, we were the packs and black panthers, which is
Speaker 2: weird because it wasn't mostly white school.
Speaker 1: Oh these children with their fists in the air.
Speaker 2: Fight. We were fighting the capitalists with the raised fish. Hell.
Speaker 1: Yes, as we should to to this very day. I
Speaker 1: kind of like this area that we just drove by,
Speaker 1: a strip mall I've.
Speaker 2: Never seen before in Glendale.
Speaker 1: No, no, we are this is Recita, I think, Oh.
Speaker 2: No, we're here. We're in Lavenderrea.
Speaker 1: Wait no, no, no, we're in boost Mobile Lavend area.
Speaker 2: Boy, they were really that does mean a laundromat? Correct,
Speaker 2: that's correct? Yes, I know. I took a little Spanish
Speaker 2: in Esquela. Oh yes, un paquito.
Speaker 1: Look at the knob hill. Oh wow, I feel like
Speaker 1: that used to be very fancy.
Speaker 2: Do you remember that One time we drove by a
Speaker 2: building that looked like that and it was this weird
Speaker 2: like uh uh trap for children. It was like magic
Speaker 2: fun bounty ball castle. Oh yeah. And then but it
Speaker 2: was is that a weird feel about it?
Speaker 1: There was no like windows type of weirdness.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's just kids in they're trapped.
Speaker 1: Oh and then now we're coming up on a Walmart Walmart,
Speaker 1: which means you know that we're kind of outside of
Speaker 1: the bounds of normal.
Speaker 2: La Walmart's that's where people on the outskirts go to
Speaker 2: get everything, yes, to take back to their compound so
Speaker 2: you can peel their fingers off their gun from the
Speaker 2: cold hand.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: They designed their own flag. I'm assuming everyone, everyone in
Speaker 2: the outside of a city or in a small town
Speaker 2: has designed their own flag and they want to be
Speaker 2: their own sovereign nation.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: They have bunkers, yes, and a lot of can goods.
Speaker 1: The bunker based society.
Speaker 2: Yeah. My grandparents had a cellar with uh they were
Speaker 2: preparing for something. Oh yeah, yeah, it was It was
Speaker 2: a dirt cellar. It was like dirt and there was
Speaker 2: food down there and water and we were told to
Speaker 2: go down there if shit hit the fan. No, but
Speaker 2: I didn't know what that meant.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, what do you think they meant? Specifically?
Speaker 2: I think that my grandpa was always scared of Adam Baumb's.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2: You know he was in the WW two. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: it could happen at any moment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's very true.
Speaker 2: We go to the basement. I would have had to
Speaker 2: drive across town to get to the basement, or.
Speaker 1: Ride your bike if for some reason you couldn't get
Speaker 1: to a car.
Speaker 2: And then just eat soup for years? Is that what
Speaker 2: we're supposed to do?
Speaker 1: Cold soup out of a can. I'd rather not live.
Speaker 2: That's also just kind of uncomfortable to be around. My
Speaker 2: grandparents that ball.
Speaker 1: So much scrabble, Well we'd even talk about I mean, just.
Speaker 2: Years of scrabble and soup and no eye contact.
Speaker 1: If you still had electricity, you could finally teach how
Speaker 1: to use a computer correctly. You'd have enough time.
Speaker 2: Oh they're all dead now, aren't they?
Speaker 1: Jesus? Aren't they? God? Damn?
Speaker 2: What do we what do we? Yeah? Every once in
Speaker 2: a while, Yeah, for once in a while, we just
Speaker 2: cover everything and we're that's we're lost for. We really
Speaker 2: covered everything. It really there's nothing left.
Speaker 1: I'm going to discoose this with you. We went to
Speaker 1: the Dave Holmes show the Friday forty, which is.
Speaker 2: Not at It was not at Nerdiced, it was at
Speaker 2: this place you were describing.
Speaker 1: Called It's Star It's called Starburns Castle and it's Dan
Speaker 1: Harmon's company. Starburns Now has a performance space in Burbank
Speaker 1: and it's awesome and you can kind they can set
Speaker 1: up anything. It's just a big, huge square room where
Speaker 1: they have all the kind of equipment and technology to
Speaker 1: set up a stage in any So, when I was
Speaker 1: there to see Dave's Holmes show, the stage was very
Speaker 1: high and the seats was folding seats and it was
Speaker 1: like two big rectangular blocks of folding seats. Then when
Speaker 1: I went last night to do Super Tight the show
Speaker 1: at the same space, the stage was low and wide
Speaker 1: because they had a band setup on it, and they
Speaker 1: had a video screened down because of Hamed Weinberg and
Speaker 1: Steve Stephen Fine Arts showed a video that they made
Speaker 1: cool and they had bleachers in the back, so they
Speaker 1: had the folding chairs and bleachers. Anyhow, it's a super
Speaker 1: cool setup. But at the Friday forty and if you
Speaker 1: have never gone to that and you live in LA
Speaker 1: I highly recommend it because it's a panel of three
Speaker 1: comics who have to drink a forty ounce of beer
Speaker 1: while they while they play a trivia game.
Speaker 2: But the trivia game, every time I've done it, it's
Speaker 2: with a sober competitor and I'm the only one drinking.
Speaker 1: Really, yeah, I did that. The one time I played,
Speaker 1: someone had.
Speaker 2: To drink for me. Yeah, in the audience, sadly.
Speaker 1: But they have these people who are from some sketch group.
Speaker 1: I don't know where Dave gets them. They're so fucking funny.
Speaker 1: And on this one, this guy came out as mister Poppers,
Speaker 1: who was this summer school teacher, the summer school geometry
Speaker 1: teacher that was basically telling everybody it's your own fault
Speaker 1: you're in summer school. It was so funny, and he
Speaker 1: was telling these stories while he was setting up the
Speaker 1: trivia questions. He was also being very rude and condescending
Speaker 1: to all the kids who were in summer quote unquote
Speaker 1: summer school. It was can you hear that?
Speaker 2: Not yet?
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm so hot?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds okay right now, Okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So anyway, it was just incredibly enjoyable and one
Speaker 1: of those things where when it was over, I was like,
Speaker 1: I just this is why I do comedy. This is
Speaker 1: why I love my life, because my job and I'm
Speaker 1: supposed to be doing is just always going to shows
Speaker 1: like this, is making sure I know about things like this,
Speaker 1: which is the best.
Speaker 2: And I also read from Dave Holmes's post is the
Speaker 2: Hamilton musical guy with Lynn.
Speaker 1: What's his name, Lynn Manuel Miranda?
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was there.
Speaker 1: He was in the audience.
Speaker 2: Yeah, holy shit. And he said everyone performing was very
Speaker 2: conscious of him being there, whether or not. He was
Speaker 2: laughing the whole time. Wow, isn't that kind of cool.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, that's very cool. I didn't see him, but
Speaker 1: it was me and Julian mccula standing in the back
Speaker 1: just talking to other comics in the back.
Speaker 2: Wait, this was yeah, what's this this past Friday? Right,
Speaker 2: and I'm yeah, he texted me said he was with
Speaker 2: you and I was at meltdown and then but I
Speaker 2: was heading home.
Speaker 1: That's right because we were So I met him for
Speaker 1: dinner because I hadn't seen him in a long time.
Speaker 1: And then we were like, let's go do something fun
Speaker 1: and let's go let's go be among our.
Speaker 2: People, and so he instinctively texted me, so let's do
Speaker 2: something fun and you both said fair Banks got to
Speaker 2: and I'm laying in bed taking oicon.
Speaker 1: He is fun. But you the show that you had
Speaker 1: been on that night, or maybe you were supposed to
Speaker 1: be on unfortunately was at seven o'clock. But the lineup
Speaker 1: was so perfect. It was you. It was Andy Killer
Speaker 1: like everybody he read. I was like, we're there right now,
Speaker 1: and then he goes, oh seven o'clock. Damn it was over.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it was very very fun.
Speaker 1: Who else did that show?
Speaker 2: Who else was on it? Who else was on it?
Speaker 2: I'm the old bad I'm a jerk that just showed
Speaker 2: up late. And I was like, am I up?
Speaker 1: And oh yeah, well you are recovering and in recovery, so.
Speaker 2: Don't worry about I did, and then I had to
Speaker 2: rush back home because I needed my antibiotics and my
Speaker 2: pain pills. Yeah, I'm still recovering from this.
Speaker 1: You know we're gonna get you what, We're gonna get
Speaker 1: your little pill holder.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that says Monday.
Speaker 1: Because I always I have to have my epilepsy medicine
Speaker 1: on me at all times, or I probably don't have to,
Speaker 1: but I mentally need it.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, when's the last time that happened an epileptic seizure? Oh,
Speaker 2: it's been years.
Speaker 1: It's been it's probably six or seven years. The only
Speaker 1: time I have them is if I've completely missed my medication,
Speaker 1: taking my medication, And did.
Speaker 2: I make this up? Or what a strobe light set
Speaker 2: it off?
Speaker 1: It can't. But I'm never around like we look at this.
Speaker 2: Every time I see a strobe light, I'm like thinking.
Speaker 1: Look at his cowboy's bow legs he rides.
Speaker 2: There's a man that rides so many horses it has
Speaker 2: affected his skeleton.
Speaker 1: Holy shit. You never see things like that in Mela.
Speaker 2: He's he is a hardcore cowboy.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's dressed like a cowboy.
Speaker 2: His legs look like parentheses.
Speaker 1: Just that's exactly what it looked like.
Speaker 2: I feel like, do you think that he became a
Speaker 2: cowboy because he's like, well, what am I gonna do
Speaker 2: with this stance that I've had since I was a kid?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, Because that was to his legs. In between
Speaker 2: his legs was the shape of a horse. The for
Speaker 2: real cross section of a head on horse.
Speaker 1: The inside of his thighs were in mourning because there
Speaker 1: was no horse touching them.
Speaker 2: You know what in a cartoon when a horse is
Speaker 2: like I'm getting out of here, and he smashes through
Speaker 2: a wall, and there's that horse shape. That was the
Speaker 2: silhouette between that guy's thighs. That was his thigh gap.
Speaker 2: Was a horse. Mother of God, let's go back. We
Speaker 2: got to go talk to him.
Speaker 1: Hong Kong, sir, I have four questions.
Speaker 2: Bolow tie, where'd you get it built?
Speaker 1: Buckle? How is it that big three?
Speaker 2: Did men break your legs? Or did horses do that?
Speaker 1: Were you? I mean, it was like he's alway, he's
Speaker 1: been on a horse and just now got off it.
Speaker 1: That's what it honestly looked like.
Speaker 2: My dad's second wife had the family was cattle ranch
Speaker 2: people in Montana, and her brothers and her dad all
Speaker 2: had those parenthasy legs. Really yeah, they they they all
Speaker 2: rode so many horses and even had fallen over on
Speaker 2: horses and had the horses break their legs, which you
Speaker 2: don't think about. But of course, if you fall over
Speaker 2: on a horse and the horse lines on your leg,
Speaker 2: you're done for really bad for your leg? Are we
Speaker 2: near Jackie Cass? I really don't know this city.
Speaker 1: We're way past. There's nowhere near her, are we Well no,
Speaker 1: actually we kind of are, but it's it's further that way.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well you got the right friend of the show,
Speaker 2: friend of my person for a friend of your internal
Speaker 2: friend of my organs.
Speaker 1: Uh, yeah, I'm I'm I'm jealous of a nice bow
Speaker 1: legged I mean'st all my lifelong dream is and not have.
Speaker 2: They used to be in my family? Then?
Speaker 1: You know you brought it out?
Speaker 2: Well did she's met? You know, marriages like most of
Speaker 2: them just didn't last.
Speaker 1: And oh she married in though way.
Speaker 2: She married out. She married then she married out, she turned. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you can marry in, you can marry out, you can
Speaker 2: marry sideways. You can never marry over across. Oh, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I'm thinking about the chess. I don't know how to play.
Speaker 2: I don't know how to play marriage cheers. Man.
Speaker 1: Marriage chess would be a great game.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really would be a great combination. Husbands and
Speaker 2: wives competing a live show and you watch them silently
Speaker 2: play chess while they're mad at each other.
Speaker 1: For just for years, just years and years of chess
Speaker 1: play king me.
Speaker 2: Oh, it is all about you.
Speaker 1: Someone's always drunk stupid pieces.
Speaker 2: There is nothing more fun than drunk voices, drunks.
Speaker 1: Was. I feel like I need to work it into
Speaker 1: my act more. I have one drunk voice joke.
Speaker 2: It's really good. You did it. You just did a
Speaker 2: perfect drunk mom a bitch.
Speaker 1: So that's also I lived it. So there's part of
Speaker 1: it that's really not a character at all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's why it makes me laugh is because you're
Speaker 2: just triggering. It's like those kids in the fire hydrant.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh at home, and I'm laughing. I don't
Speaker 2: know what else to do. You sound like my mom
Speaker 2: in that blue robe without her headphones plugged in, just
Speaker 2: listening to Don't Worry Be Happy, booming through the house
Speaker 2: because the headphones are just dangling. The chord is not
Speaker 2: plugged in. We are all listening to don't Worry, Be Happy,
Speaker 2: and it's not working for any of it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work. That's the one song that you It
Speaker 1: makes sense that you would choose it as some kind
Speaker 1: of influencing number, but it doesn't work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And of course you're gonna worry if somebody came
Speaker 2: and took your bed. It means they might come back.
Speaker 2: They might come back.
Speaker 1: There and take other ship as well.
Speaker 2: I hate it when that happens.
Speaker 1: Someone crashed right into the front of the house.
Speaker 2: You really got to go to the bathroom. Yeah, I'm progressive.
Speaker 1: Don't worry about that household. They got their ship together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like solar panels means somebody's paying attention.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not the Yeah, they just don't pay attention while
Speaker 2: they're driving because they had run through the gate. Have
Speaker 2: you ever, speaking of drunk voices, seen that. It was
Speaker 2: the first, Back before videos were viral, you would just
Speaker 2: get a cassette tape and someone would say, here, watch this,
Speaker 2: and usually it's something close up and sectually explicit, but
Speaker 2: sometimes a VHS tape. Key Berta Kelly Loan made this
Speaker 2: VHS tape and uh, it was someone had recorded their
Speaker 2: neighbors drunk and then just dated up puppet like had
Speaker 2: puppets puppet show. So this recording that they so you
Speaker 2: could tell it was muffled and it was two drunk
Speaker 2: men that maybe were an old couple that lived together,
Speaker 2: the old roommate. It is the best.
Speaker 1: There's a documentary about it.
Speaker 2: I don't even remember anything what it's called. I just
Speaker 2: remember laughing so hard and it's like, how does the
Speaker 2: world see this? How do I see more of this?
Speaker 2: It's uh and who knows what those people went on
Speaker 2: to do. It's probably wonder shows and people or something.
Speaker 1: It's the thing was called. It wasn't it like something
Speaker 1: like fuck you Little Man or yeah something. There's a
Speaker 1: documentary about that. You can see of the guys that
Speaker 1: made the tape and how famous they got because of
Speaker 1: the tape and how wow. Basically it was one of
Speaker 1: the first viral videos and all that stuff. It's amazing
Speaker 1: and I'd never heard it before I saw the documentary,
Speaker 1: but everyone I.
Speaker 2: Know had see I didn't even know about this documentary,
Speaker 2: and I just basically pitched the documentary. Everything happens before
Speaker 2: I think of it.
Speaker 1: That's right, you need to catch up to Uh. Well,
Speaker 1: I used to love those things though. I remember a
Speaker 1: videotape we went and we were at Maryland Race Cub's
Speaker 1: house when she looked through John Brian and we I
Speaker 1: think it was Paton brought over a VHS tape and
Speaker 1: it had all of the fucking grit. It was like
Speaker 1: CNN anchors doing bloopers. It was it was the farting Preacher.
Speaker 1: It was you know, the farting Preacher, right, Yes, the
Speaker 1: best thing of all the time. But then it was
Speaker 1: also like kind of like horrible things. So it'd be
Speaker 1: like there was there's one time there was a full
Speaker 1: orchestra where the stage collapsed underneath them as they were playing.
Speaker 2: I've seen that.
Speaker 1: So that was on there. It was just kind of
Speaker 1: every video that was like you have to see this
Speaker 1: on one tape and it got passed around by all
Speaker 1: the comics.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there was. There was always those tapes too. Yeah,
Speaker 2: farting preacher, someone fallen down and then all of a
Speaker 2: sudden a bicyclist's getting hit by a speeding train. Yes,
Speaker 2: well I didn't need to see, Yes, one needs to
Speaker 2: did need to see the farting Preacher.
Speaker 1: However, like the lady, the lady who's stomping the grapes, No.
Speaker 2: No, no.
Speaker 1: But the best part about that is this thing makes
Speaker 1: me laugh more than it's the best. She was being
Speaker 1: such an asshole by going okay, go and on that,
Speaker 1: like she was trying to beat, just trying to cheat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's the best part.
Speaker 2: Of that whole thing dope. Oh, that's the funnest.
Speaker 1: It's so funny.
Speaker 2: You haven't seen Great Lady Falltown. Just google Great Lady
Speaker 2: falls Down, News News Blooper, Great Lady Faulltown.
Speaker 1: I feel like everyone that was Actually they did it
Speaker 1: on Family Guy. It was so well known. Yeah, you've
Speaker 1: done it everywhere.
Speaker 2: And the first viral thing I remember saying is the
Speaker 2: on et Bomb's World, which they even jokingly if you
Speaker 2: go to their Instagram, they're like, Yep, we're still around,
Speaker 2: like they make fun about they kind of started everything.
Speaker 2: But the G I Joe re dubbed cartoon, like they
Speaker 2: took excerpts from G I Joe cartoons that I grew
Speaker 2: up watching and just put ridiculous dubbing dubbed ridiculous things.
Speaker 2: And it's so funny that it's always because there's always
Speaker 2: like a message today we learned in this cartoon. And
Speaker 2: there'll be a bunch of kids on bikes and they
Speaker 2: just run into one of the GI Joe guys. So
Speaker 2: it's usually little kids on bikes dealing with some guy
Speaker 2: that's half snake, you know, some cobra con guy. And
Speaker 2: then they're like, never play with matches when you're but
Speaker 2: they just added, like, uh, which one of you kids
Speaker 2: wants a body massage or whatever. It's just like ridiculous,
Speaker 2: And I laughed so hard at it, and it was
Speaker 2: I remember on dial up in someone's college dorm room
Speaker 2: watching it on a computer back when I had to
Speaker 2: finish my papers in the library because I didn't even
Speaker 2: know people owned computers. But I remember seeing it on
Speaker 2: dial up. Someone watched It's so.
Speaker 1: Old have you seen? And I've just seen this for
Speaker 1: the first time, but someone told me it's very old.
Speaker 1: Have you seen the one that is, uh, your business
Speaker 1: card is crap? Okay, just watch it. I won't describe it. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's kind of self explanatory, but it's just one of
Speaker 1: those things where like it. As I watch it, I
Speaker 1: just it's there are people who make videos and they
Speaker 1: think a lot of us do this. We think we're
Speaker 1: presenting ourselves in one way. Right here, I'm gonna act
Speaker 1: like this and I'm gonna have this like stance, in
Speaker 1: this attitude, and people will interpret me in this way
Speaker 1: that I think they're gonna interpret me, and they're so
Speaker 1: fucking wrong, Like they're so incorrect about like if I
Speaker 1: talk like this, I'm gonna seem like a tough know
Speaker 1: what all guy, whereas like this guy that does the
Speaker 1: video is such a knob. It's hilarious.
Speaker 2: And what is he He's just talking about business cards.
Speaker 1: He's talking about what a bad business card is and
Speaker 1: this is like it's it's and then he shows his
Speaker 1: own business card and about how like this this how
Speaker 1: important business cards are. But he's had it's got a
Speaker 1: touch of Tony Robbins. But like if Tony Robbins was
Speaker 1: on crystal meth, is kind of the feeling it had.
Speaker 2: Well, there's also the that's the comic relief from American Psycho,
Speaker 2: that movie where the you know, they all are jealous
Speaker 2: and envious of their what kind of paper and fawn Yes,
Speaker 2: it's like, oh that's bone and copperplate. Yeah, they're all
Speaker 2: like home, I can't believe he has a better card
Speaker 2: than mine. I have to maintain my composure. Maybe I'll
Speaker 2: kill somebody later.
Speaker 1: That part of that movie made me feel sick because
Speaker 1: it there were things that I would see that would
Speaker 1: come up in the world that would make me feel
Speaker 1: like I'll never be able to everyone will always know
Speaker 1: that I'm from a farm. Like in a thing like
Speaker 1: that where I'm like, I don't know anybody that acts
Speaker 1: like this, like that feeling of like I don't know
Speaker 1: anyone who's ever had a business card, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean.
Speaker 2: It's funny because those people in real life, they're the ones.
Speaker 2: They're all everyone's from a farm. Yeah, everyone's pretending to
Speaker 2: not be a farm. We're all farmers, We're all onlyfarmers
Speaker 2: dot com. And everyone's pretending to be a big city.
Speaker 2: That's what I realized them with this famous thing with
Speaker 2: people pretending to and it works to pretend to be
Speaker 2: successful or pretend to be sophisticated or any It worked
Speaker 2: on me when I first came here, and I'm like, God,
Speaker 2: I'm not. But now I'm realizing everyone's just pretending.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's very true, and you can only pretend for
Speaker 1: so long and then the mask is going to come
Speaker 1: off and then you're screwed. So you guys will just
Speaker 1: actually work on your authentic self.
Speaker 2: Or by just buying nicer quality masks.
Speaker 1: Made of high quality paper that doesn't bend in the hand. Yes,
Speaker 1: I have. In driving around this area, I'm now obsessed
Speaker 1: with the idea of buying a donut. There's so many
Speaker 1: donut places. I mean, I'm not really like I do,
Speaker 1: but I want to get out of the car because
Speaker 1: it's going to be like an oven. Yeah, but you know,
Speaker 1: like you don't see so many donut places as you
Speaker 1: do out here.
Speaker 2: When I I don't think about donuts that much. I'm
Speaker 2: not bragging, but I don't have much of a sweet.
Speaker 1: It feels like you are to me.
Speaker 2: It hurts me cause you know, I have never had
Speaker 2: a cavity in my life.
Speaker 1: Are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 2: Never in my life? Yeah. However, almost on an abuse level,
Speaker 2: I would brush my teeth after each piece of candy
Speaker 2: I had on Halloween because I was petrified that tiny
Speaker 2: monsters were indeed digging putting holes in my teeth. No,
Speaker 2: I thought cavity creeps were tiny little lamouicell like monsters
Speaker 2: that lived in your mouth and they were going to
Speaker 2: eat at my teeth.
Speaker 1: Whoa God, no wonder you don't sweet tooth.
Speaker 2: I was instilled with fear. I was not allowed sugar cereals,
Speaker 2: I was not allowed chocolate. We ate something called carib
Speaker 2: the worst and every packson panther I know was in
Speaker 2: the Swiss Swash program, which is one fluoride once a month.
Speaker 2: You would put this in your mouth, accidentally swallow a little,
Speaker 2: and then vomit all day. It was. It would make
Speaker 2: me so nauseous. The Swish Swash program, it was experimental.
Speaker 2: Not a lot of schools were doing it. If I
Speaker 2: ever see an adult now and I'm like and being
Speaker 2: a packs and panther comes up, I'm like, have you
Speaker 2: ever had a cavity? And they're like no, wow. And
Speaker 2: if someone doesn't have a cavity and I just meet them,
Speaker 2: I'm in New York City, I'm like, you're a packsan
Speaker 2: panther and they're like, what, how did you know what
Speaker 2: town I'm from? That one? I'm kidding that one. That'd
Speaker 2: be crazy that has happened that way.
Speaker 1: I mean the Swiss Swash program it was.
Speaker 2: It was these guys and lab coats. They didn't work.
Speaker 2: The people came and they gave us fluoride.
Speaker 1: Now did you And.
Speaker 2: There was fluoride in my drinking water in my town? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think everybody had that.
Speaker 2: I know a lot of people without cavities, but but
Speaker 2: probably cancer, that's right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But did you ever have the thing? This is
Speaker 1: what we had and it was much more fun and
Speaker 1: like there's nothing scary about it. But they would every
Speaker 1: like once a year whatever they would a dentists would
Speaker 1: come to our school and give us kind of a demonstration.
Speaker 1: And what they would do is they would have you
Speaker 1: chew up a red pill and it would show all
Speaker 1: the places you missed when you brushed that morning, if
Speaker 1: you even brushed at all.
Speaker 2: That well, I did that at my orthodontis the archaic
Speaker 2: man that put rubber bands and a cage in my
Speaker 2: roof of my mouth to poke my tongue to teach
Speaker 2: me to not listen anymore. Guess what it worked?
Speaker 1: Did it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean I don't talk. I used to talk
Speaker 2: like Charles Nelson Riley and now I'm you know, or
Speaker 2: just kind of savable type I used to well, I
Speaker 2: guess more of a Wallace John anyway. But h they
Speaker 2: I remember, I'm giving those pink pills and it shows
Speaker 2: plaque or tartar.
Speaker 1: Yes, and it's very embarrassing black and were tartar and tartar.
Speaker 2: I went to that show Girls Venus Fair once. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we there there's Susannah, Susannah Lucky Deluxe. She's a comic
Speaker 2: that moved away. But she did something called peep Show
Speaker 2: there where she would ask you questions about taboo issues
Speaker 2: while during a strip tease. Jimmy Pardo did it. A
Speaker 2: bunch of comics did it, and it was very uncomfortable
Speaker 2: to have a naked person doing a strip tease while
Speaker 2: interviewing you.
Speaker 1: What was the idea?
Speaker 2: Very funny to watch, okay, because.
Speaker 1: It would be funny because people were uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Just the reaction and some people would a kind of like,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, like where this is going? And I was
Speaker 2: just like, ah, I don't. There's a phone in there too,
Speaker 2: that so you could talk. It's like an old timey
Speaker 2: thing where you put in quarters. There's a phone and glass.
Speaker 2: It's like visiting someone in prison, except there naked.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: So you talked to him on the phone and it's
Speaker 2: a booth and I swear I went there for work.
Speaker 2: It's a small paycheck, but wow. Yeah, And it was there.
Speaker 1: It was at that place.
Speaker 2: It was at that place. We're in Victory and Lancersham.
Speaker 1: Oh that's nuts. Yeah, there's there was. There was a
Speaker 1: show in New York Comics doing stand up naked. Do
Speaker 1: you ever hear about that?
Speaker 2: No? Real or I mean comics that just did that
Speaker 2: show and got naked.
Speaker 1: I mean I feel like, yes, I feel like you'd
Speaker 1: have to be a real comic to even be able
Speaker 1: to focus on your material while being naked while on stage.
Speaker 1: I do know. I think Zach Scherwhin talked about it
Speaker 1: on a podcast one time. Oh Wow, which is very
Speaker 1: He's you know, he's kind of a hippie, that's his thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he said he's got a loose hippie lifestyle.
Speaker 1: He's loosey, goosey.
Speaker 2: I really like that day.
Speaker 1: I do too.
Speaker 2: He's always puts me in a good moment.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's so nice and calming and like and he
Speaker 1: gets it. He's one of those people that always understands
Speaker 1: what you're talking about, right.
Speaker 2: He's just one of those guys where I talked to him,
Speaker 2: I'm like, Wow, you put me at ease. I hope.
Speaker 2: I hope I do that for someone somebody sometime. Probably
Speaker 2: not right now, though, later I gotta go be stressed out.
Speaker 1: Now that your hip is better, I bet you're going
Speaker 1: to be able to do that much more.
Speaker 2: I really think so. I didn't realize how constant the
Speaker 2: pain was until all of a sudden, there's metal in
Speaker 2: there and my bones aren't rubbing together. Yes, it's full
Speaker 2: relief in my joint. And all the yelling I did
Speaker 2: in traffic, all the snapping at people, well, yeah, I
Speaker 2: hope that that's cut down. Although I've been doing that
Speaker 2: since my youth.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, look me too, it's a habit. But
Speaker 1: also oftentimes there's a reason. Yeah, there's a reason everybody
Speaker 1: does everything. But being in constant chronic pain and then
Speaker 1: getting you it's so long you have it that you
Speaker 1: get used to it is a bad Yeah. Then you're
Speaker 1: kind of almost feeling negative because it's like, well this
Speaker 1: will this is just my life, like this will never end.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm really excited for my physical future, which I've
Speaker 2: never felt I haven't for a long time.
Speaker 1: That's great.
Speaker 2: I feel like in the future I'm going to be
Speaker 2: an in shape, pain free person.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're going to develop into a
Speaker 1: real sextra one eventually?
Speaker 2: I really hope. So I hope that that outlook. I
Speaker 2: hope that I can just and I want to be
Speaker 2: a better.
Speaker 1: Rapper and taller.
Speaker 2: Wish there was a baller.
Speaker 1: I just talking about him reminded me that Mike Kaplin
Speaker 1: came and did a drop and set at the last
Speaker 1: business class that you were on hard. He was so
Speaker 1: funny that night, and that bit he did that wasn't
Speaker 1: I think he said on stage that it was either
Speaker 1: new or he was working on or whatever. But he
Speaker 1: was trying to do a bit about how the most
Speaker 1: powerful thing is not using your power, and it was
Speaker 1: so interesting and I can't stop thinking about it because
Speaker 1: he was basically making the point that like a lot
Speaker 1: of people are like, use your power for good, or
Speaker 1: use your power to do this or that, or to
Speaker 1: fight this. Yeah yeah, and instead he was like, but
Speaker 1: wouldn't really the most powerful thing to do with your
Speaker 1: power is to not use your power against people, right,
Speaker 1: which is just yeah, just to be able, like how
Speaker 1: powerful you would be to be able to restrain yourself
Speaker 1: from lording your power over anyone.
Speaker 2: What were his examples, because I don't remember, like if
Speaker 2: you were able to fly.
Speaker 1: He don't go invisible if you can go invisible, right.
Speaker 1: He was working it out and kind of talking through
Speaker 1: it and then often said it was a new bit
Speaker 1: or something, yeah, yeah, but just the concept of it
Speaker 1: is so interesting. I like that he's so philosophical in
Speaker 1: his comedy. Yes, it makes it fun.
Speaker 2: I want to be that way. I want to be like.
Speaker 1: Other people I want to be. However I'm not. And
Speaker 1: I also want new material, but I don't want to
Speaker 1: have to write it me too. That's my thing.
Speaker 2: In a panic that night, Actually, I remember trying new
Speaker 2: stuff because I had just recorded these hour long sets
Speaker 2: to compile and give to hopefully a guy that's going
Speaker 2: to produce a special for me, and I like, after
Speaker 2: doing all my jokes, I'm like, oh, I really am
Speaker 2: tired of some of these things. I really must replace them, yes,
Speaker 2: with new ideas that are not about balls.
Speaker 1: Your joke's are about balls, some of them. Some of
Speaker 1: them are I notice in doing because I just don't
Speaker 1: do enough comedy and I often flake on shows, and
Speaker 1: I I don't take it seriously because I have other
Speaker 1: I have other jobs and stuff, so it's not my
Speaker 1: main thing. But I love it and I want to
Speaker 1: do it, but I also don't. I'm it's very easy
Speaker 1: for me to be like, I'm not going to show
Speaker 1: up and you can't threaten me with anything because I'm
Speaker 1: on because I'm I'm beyond all caring, right, which is
Speaker 1: bad forcame.
Speaker 2: I'm like, not doing the other things that you are doing.
Speaker 2: All I am doing is showing up all the time.
Speaker 2: That's where I'm like, well, as long as I just
Speaker 2: keep doing these shows, but I'm not doing the other work,
Speaker 2: Like you got to do it all? Yes, how do
Speaker 2: you do it all?
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 2: How do you do it all? Sexual?
Speaker 1: So good? Well, but also I think my thing is
Speaker 1: because I'm so insanely prideful that I get in my
Speaker 1: own way so badly of like, I have that leftover
Speaker 1: nineties obsession with I want to beat everyone. I want
Speaker 1: to be the best one. I want to you know
Speaker 1: what I mean. I don't want to just do a set.
Speaker 1: I want to destroy. It's that thing that I started
Speaker 1: out with that maybe I could kind of reach that
Speaker 1: level every once in a while. Well now I never
Speaker 1: do because I don't do comedy enough. So then I
Speaker 1: have so much shame about sets that are fine, right,
Speaker 1: because I don't want to just have a fine set right,
Speaker 1: Like I want people to be like this is the
Speaker 1: you changed my life or whatever.
Speaker 2: And that's why people are ys like, you're really hard
Speaker 2: on yourself. Why aren't you happy with that? I'm like,
Speaker 2: because it wasn't great and I can do great, yes,
Speaker 2: so when it's just good, I'm pissed like it was.
Speaker 1: Bad, right exactly.
Speaker 2: In the nineties, the older comics were mean, and everything
Speaker 2: was about this upcoming contest, yes, and whoever went it
Speaker 2: wanted got a golden ticket to Los Angeles. And that's
Speaker 2: what I was raised. And I think it was the era,
Speaker 2: not even so much. It was because I was dealing
Speaker 2: with that on a smaller level. You know, in Austin,
Speaker 2: well it was well, you were dealing with it.
Speaker 1: Nobody was nice, so the only way you could ever
Speaker 1: get any footing was to be a be known as
Speaker 1: being a really good comic. That's the only way people
Speaker 1: would even kind of acknowledge you. So then I had
Speaker 1: this real duke's up kind of mentality about comedy, and
Speaker 1: I also which made me, of course hate comedy because
Speaker 1: how exhausting is that? And not fun? That's why like
Speaker 1: the first time I saw Rory Scovel on stage and
Speaker 1: he was just doing that bit about being in the
Speaker 1: grocery store, and it was like so benign, you know,
Speaker 1: like it wasn't some groundbreaking concept, but his full person
Speaker 1: was having the best time talking about a kind of
Speaker 1: dumb things. He's so great. I haven't seen it.
Speaker 2: I'm like, God, damn it, because I like how his
Speaker 2: brain works and I can relate to how his brain works.
Speaker 2: It's amazing and he's really good at it. And the
Speaker 2: opening sketch he's just this this like Chris angel eyeliner,
Speaker 2: like assphole comedian character in the opening.
Speaker 1: Yes, I have to.
Speaker 2: Say it's so great.
Speaker 1: I mean, I love watching him. I will absolutely watch that.
Speaker 2: He's one of my favorite. There's a lot of specials.
Speaker 2: I don't get excited, you know, but when it's someone well.
Speaker 1: When it's someone that you also it's hard to watch
Speaker 1: comedy when you do comedy, because then you either like
Speaker 1: you're either there's not a lot of pluses. It's like
Speaker 1: you're either jealous it makes you feel bad, or you're
Speaker 1: you're critical whatever.
Speaker 2: I was jealous watching him, but it made me feel good.
Speaker 1: But it's also like I feel.
Speaker 2: Like I can do that too, make.
Speaker 1: Sure well, it's about kind of having a good time
Speaker 1: and loosening up around it as opposed to tightening and
Speaker 1: being competitive. It's he feels to me like Will Ferrell,
Speaker 1: where just his talking is funny. So everything's fine. You
Speaker 1: just watch him and go, everything's good. Yeah, it's all good.
Speaker 2: Everyone's at ease. Yeah, and even when a joke didn't
Speaker 2: work and I was reassured he had some diarrhea and
Speaker 2: Paul's jokes too.
Speaker 1: Sure, it's okay, Yes, it's beloved, of course, it's okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I text. I had to like, I had
Speaker 2: to tell him that was really great, and then he's like,
Speaker 2: thank you. And then later I'm like, really, I very
Speaker 2: much liked it. I had to like, he's like, all right,
Speaker 2: all right, take it easy. I got a baby and
Speaker 2: a wife and stuff, and I really like your comedy.
Speaker 1: You're like, well, normally I say this to people and
Speaker 1: I do not mean it, but I need you to understand.
Speaker 2: I'm not exactly. That's why I had to reinforce ith. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also, it's you know, when you're on stage, Like it's
Speaker 1: the thing of when I'm on stage, we.
Speaker 2: Can go home. When I we've been going a while,
Speaker 2: Oh okay, good, just a little post that's a little
Speaker 2: behind the scenes.
Speaker 1: That's good to know because I'm so hot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, we can finish your thought that I
Speaker 2: didn't mean to interview.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I kind of can't. I was saying the
Speaker 1: same thing in a just a kind of a third angle,
Speaker 1: but It's exactly the same idea, which is just comedy
Speaker 1: is only fun if you're having fun right the end.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's true, and I need to always. It's something
Speaker 2: I even tell myself. It's so dumb, but I do
Speaker 2: tell myself that before. I like remind myself to have fun,
Speaker 2: or at least pretend I'm having fun at least, because
Speaker 2: then you can, all of a sudden you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's working. It's like when you stare in the mirror
Speaker 2: and you smile. It's like, I'm happy now, even though
Speaker 2: I was looking like a murderer at myself in the mirror,
Speaker 2: smiling yeah, and holding you know, I have to hold
Speaker 2: a knife.
Speaker 1: Sometimes just simply to look at yourself.
Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah, I finally watched that scary thing that you
Speaker 2: mentioned two years ago and sent you a picture of it.
Speaker 2: But the lady with the voodoo doll on the knife
Speaker 2: and then her teeth turned into it really was scary.
Speaker 1: Okay, it was a YouTube.
Speaker 2: Horribly not a very good quality.
Speaker 1: What was it? A trilogy of terror trilogy? So scary.
Speaker 1: But here's now you sent me that picture on Twitter.
Speaker 2: You're right, it's so well. This necklace isn't supposed to
Speaker 2: fall off. I hope it doesn't. She sets it down,
Speaker 2: it falls off, and then all hell breaks loose.
Speaker 1: I better go take a bath in the my most
Speaker 1: vulnerable position in the bathtub and hope this necklace doesn't
Speaker 1: fall off. But her teeth, because she then becomes the monster,
Speaker 1: which I forgot until you sent me that picture. The
Speaker 1: way her teeth are all individual things look looking like
Speaker 1: they got shaved down. That I forgot that part. And
Speaker 1: I had a dream when I was like in my
Speaker 1: mid twenties, very disturbing, where they found a serial killer
Speaker 1: outside my parents' house and when and it was almost
Speaker 1: like I was a documentary filmmaker. So we walked up
Speaker 1: onto this hill where they had pinned him down and
Speaker 1: they were arresting him, and when he turned around he
Speaker 1: had those teeth. And when I woke up, I was
Speaker 1: like shaken to my core. I was just like this
Speaker 1: we fucked. No, this was in my twenties and think
Speaker 1: it was like after I stopped drinking. No, well whatever,
Speaker 1: But when you sent me that picture, I was like,
Speaker 1: that's where that fucking came from. Because part of this
Speaker 1: being afraid of that dream was like how did I
Speaker 1: come up with that that's so creepy. Well, yeah, it
Speaker 1: was like a buried memory.
Speaker 2: Be nice to have a dream deciphering person, because I
Speaker 2: use my reoccurring dream that I in my dreams, I've
Speaker 2: killed people when I was younger and I've forgotten about it.
Speaker 2: But I'm one day I'm going to get in trouble
Speaker 2: for all the murders I've committed. That's the dream. Yeah,
Speaker 2: in my dream, and I can't and then i wake
Speaker 2: up and I'm like, oh, thank god, I haven't killed Nae,
Speaker 2: Like what a weird suppressed Like.
Speaker 3: Well, you feel guilty, You've guilt, Yeah, but it could
Speaker 3: be guilt about anything, Okay, it's just that that feeling
Speaker 3: of like you have done, you are responsible, you are guilty.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Sometimes it's more straightforward where I've actually had dreams
Speaker 2: where I'm sitting on a chair like a lazy boy chair,
Speaker 2: and it's reclined and it's floating on water, and my
Speaker 2: sister's trapped under it.
Speaker 1: Ooh, I'm relaxing.
Speaker 2: She's like I can't. I'm like, well, I don't want
Speaker 2: to drown, but I can't. I'm too like, oh that
Speaker 2: I haven't had that for a long time.
Speaker 1: But water is emotions.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you know this stuff.
Speaker 1: I know a little bit because I can remember my
Speaker 1: dreams very clearly.
Speaker 2: I can't anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I look things up after I see them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, these are old dreams that were just greatest hit
Speaker 2: like reoccurring. The other one, of course, ambient, just people
Speaker 2: laughing and scratching and cackling and double noises as I'm
Speaker 2: in a giant crib closing in on me. It starts
Speaker 2: as a hallway and I'm running and then I'm trapped
Speaker 2: in a cage. What. Yeah, And there's voices and they
Speaker 2: used to happen during the day, and so what do
Speaker 2: you mean voices in my head where a background noise
Speaker 2: amplified other kids pencils scratching started to sound. It amplified,
Speaker 2: got louder and started to sound like ed like devil voices.
Speaker 2: And I'd just be sitting there in class going, well,
Speaker 2: I'm possessed and I'm in fifth grade, and h it
Speaker 2: kind of gradually went away. But I saw ba child psychologists,
Speaker 2: one of them named Richard Come. I've mentioned Richard Come before.
Speaker 1: Richard com Kumm, Okay, that's more like a radio station.
Speaker 1: I feel like that was not the best name. He
Speaker 1: should have. Maybe he could have added any number of
Speaker 1: things to.
Speaker 2: Be dealing with kids. Hi, how are you? I've never
Speaker 2: seen such a long shopping car.
Speaker 1: Incredibly long.
Speaker 2: We are. It's like we're waiting for a train. But
Speaker 2: uh oh he gave us a thing.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: He's that sweet of him. He said we could park
Speaker 2: in that cage. He just pointed and said you could
Speaker 2: park in there.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Can we like a horse corral? No, there's no way.
Speaker 1: No. And also we're not going to We're not going here.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we're just uh, we're just using it to get
Speaker 1: out of the area.
Speaker 2: We've filled very welcomed here at this Costco though. Everyone
Speaker 2: it's like, hey, you want to park? What they're waving
Speaker 2: at us, We're very popular.
Speaker 1: Come yeah, They're like, come, be a part of our community.
Speaker 2: No, thanks, you know what, They just recognize it, so
Speaker 2: they're dying our heads. Is there any do you have
Speaker 2: anything coming up that you want to plug? Before we
Speaker 2: park and going to Costco here? I am a member
Speaker 2: and we can get a giant sized bottle at tequila.
Speaker 1: We can get dollar hot dogs and a bottle of tequila.
Speaker 2: Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Let's see what do I have coming up? I don't
Speaker 1: think I do. Maybe I have. I think I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do Josh and Josh next Thursday, which is at Barlou
Speaker 1: Bitch Thursday, this July sixth.
Speaker 2: Fun show.
Speaker 1: That's my main one, and I'm you know, hopefully have
Speaker 1: I'll have a little bit of new material for that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: only my goal drunk voice.
Speaker 2: I got shows?
Speaker 1: What do you got?
Speaker 2: Oh? I don't know, it's on. I'll tweet about it.
Speaker 2: I'm working on a very fun thing with my cup Church,
Speaker 2: so that I'm very excited about.
Speaker 1: Oh, your new jam, A new jam.
Speaker 2: Yeah, already we're combining two old movies. One of them
Speaker 2: is this office computer movie and then the other one's
Speaker 2: a Hell's Angel movie. So it's basically the guy quits
Speaker 2: his computer job and joines joins the head of Hell's
Speaker 2: Angels in one day, and there's a lot of fights
Speaker 2: and I have to get in better shape just to
Speaker 2: do these fight scenes. But it's so funny and they're
Speaker 2: just gonna composite me over Jack Nicholson and oh that's great,
Speaker 2: and it's we've kind of figured out the rights thing
Speaker 2: and absolutely is gonna help us and it's real exciting.
Speaker 1: Oh that's great.
Speaker 2: We want to. I'm very very excited about that. So
Speaker 2: I'm gonna make that video and I'm talking about it early. Yes,
Speaker 2: I always do that. Here's the thing that's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: That's good though.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a few months cool. So that's all I gotta
Speaker 2: say about that. It's good to see you again, friend.
Speaker 1: It's good to see you too.
Speaker 2: I'm excited about your fancy new computer car.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love this fucking car. When you
Speaker 1: don't have a car for like five months and you're
Speaker 1: you rely on uber and shit like just like your
Speaker 1: hip pain, I was just adjusting to that life where
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, if I do want to go anywhere,
Speaker 1: I have to smell some dudes cologne the whole time, right,
Speaker 1: and it's going to take twenty minutes from to pick
Speaker 1: me up and drop me off like such a pain.
Speaker 1: And now I can go wherever I want in.
Speaker 2: Total luxury, and I yeah, I don't. I'm I'm also
Speaker 2: excited about my computerized leg. We both have computers.
Speaker 1: Are the future computer computer access leg And.
Speaker 2: It's good to see your friend.
Speaker 1: Good to see you too.
Speaker 2: You've been listening to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: D y n A R ooh I leave, then I
Speaker 4: you wanta way back?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim to give us.
Speaker 2: Time and a turman.
Speaker 1: Al and gay. We want to send you off in style.
Speaker 2: We want to.
Speaker 1: Welcome you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared?
Speaker 1: He was it fine? Melbourne? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: To ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need.
Speaker 2: With Karen and Chris four